If only……
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, but hey, I wish I did.
~Here's my tragedy (a little late), right in the middle of me writing Volume
Two of my regular story. A little morbid, but aren't most tragedies?
As always, let me know what you think…..send flames, suggestions, comments,
etc. to Deinoria@aol.com
By jenny
James was asleep. Asleep in a big, comfortable bed. It was down and so soft.
He yawned, smiling, rolled over, and awoke with a start. He sat up quickly
and looked around. A feeling of disgust overcame him and he sighed to
himself. 'What the hell am I doing?' He sighed again and looked at Meowth,
who was curled tightly near the dead campfire. 'Christ, I am wasting my life
doing this day after day.' He stretched, cracking his back, which was stiff
from sleeping on the ground again. He looked over at Jesse's sleeping bag and
found it empty. 'Damn overbearing bitch, I can't take this anymore.' He
climbed to his feet, the feeling of anxiety and disgust building heavier over
him. The dawn was shedding a dim light through the trees now. He took a
couple of steps and kicked her sleeping bag. Meowth stirred and looked up at
him. "James, it's early. Why don't you go back to sleep." He turned and
stared down at Meowth. Meowth cringed at the look he gave him. "Shut up,
cat." James walked away into the woods.
Jesse stared at her reflection in the water of the lake and closed her eyes.
She ran a hand over her eyes and sat back on her heels. She was lonely and
sighed. She shivered at the cool morning and continued to dry her hair. She
woke each day hating herself more. She realized only too fully the image she
presented of the haughty beauty queen who only cared about herself, and
looked down on everyone. The truth was that deep down she was afraid. She was
afraid to be herself. She wanted something more. She wanted a home, a family,
something nice to look forward to each day. Instead, she slept on the ground
more often than not working a job she had begun to hate. She wanted nice
things out of life, and not in the greedy way that she presented. She wanted
a garden that she could sit in and enjoy. She just wanted to like life again;
and most of all, she wanted James to know how she felt. She loved him. Plain
and simple. She loved him a lot, and each day, she made everything worse by
berating him and pushing him around. She began to cry, putting her head in
her hands. She needed to get out of this. She needed to stop being afraid and
tell him. She shakily pulled herself to her feet and started back to where
they had made camp.
James nearly slammed into her. He turned the corner of the dense path and
came within centimeters of her. She smiled at him. Pure anger flooded his
mind and he reached out, shoving her back. She stumbled back, falling to the
ground. She looked up from the ground, the wind knocked out of her. "James…."
He took a step toward her and she could barely see his eyes in the dim light,
but she could tell he was enraged. "Listen to me, you overbearing witch. I
quit. Period. End of sentence. I am quitting because I am tired of doing this
crap day after day and getting no where. We continuously fail, I have to put
up with a contemptuous cat and a whining bitch who never seems to miss any
opportunity to berate, shove, hit, yell at, or laugh at me. Screw you. Find
someone else to be the damned lackey." The light had begun to break through
the trees and he took one last look at her and turned, stalking away.
Jesse stumbled to her feet, running after him. He did not increase or
decrease his pace. He simply kept going. "James, please…." She caught up to
him but did not touch him. "Please, James, don't leave….let me say
something….please STOP!" He stopped then, and when he turned, his hand came
forward hard across her cheek. She spun on her heel, falling against a tree,
turning her head back toward him, desparation spreading through her as her
eyes filled with tears. "How does it feel, Jesse? How does it feel to have it
done to you?" Her lip quivered and she choked back a sob. "But I love you."
In his rage, he laughed at her. "I wasn't even aware you could love anything
other than yourself……and you choose now to tell me of course. Good bye,
Jesse….enjoy your world." He turned and as he started away he heard her
voice, small like a child's. "But I was too afraid to tell you…."
James continued for maybe fifteen minutes before he stopped. The anger had
worn itself out and he felt weary, even so early in the morning. He began to
run over the last events, from when he had looked at her on the ground after
shoving her. She hadn't said anything, something so unusual for her. She
hadn't had that glare in her eyes that she always had. He looked around. It
was cool out, and the sun was beginning to stream brightly through the trees.
He put a hand to his mouth. "Oh my god." He realized then that she had meant
what she said to him. He had never seen her cry except the laughable cry that
she faked when her hair hadn't looked good or whatnot. She had honestly been
crying. "Oh god, she meant it." He had hit her, and he shut his eyes tight.
He turned and ran back along the path he had come.
He was out of breath when he came to the clearing. The sleeping bags were
still there, but no one else was. He looked around quickly, and started
toward the lake.
He slid to a halt and could only stare. Jesse was on her side, soaked, with
Meowth next to her, shaking her. Meowth looked up. "Come here and help me!"
James fell to his knees, turning her onto her back and pushed on her chest.
There was no indication of life. After futile minutes of performing CPR and
trying to breath life into her, he finally slumped forward, his eyes closed.
Meowth sat down on the ground. There was silence. James sat up and pulled her
body so he could hold her. Meowth simply watched. "I thought she could swim."
James shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes at his own stupidity and
her own insecurity. "She could." Meowth stood up and walked over. "Then how
could she have drowned? She couldn't have killed herself. Right? What would
she have to kill herself over?" James shook his head again, laying a soft
kiss against Jesse's still moist lips. "…..over me." Meowth moved away after
that sunk in, letting James have a few last precious moments with her.
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