Billboards 1999--Hell Just Froze Over

Oh lord...somebody help me. I'm feeling slightly faint, and it's not because Joey and Steve farted simultaneously at a dangerously close range of approximately 99999.99 miles away. (Disgusting thought though eh? Lol.) I feel so weak because the whoremonger herself, Miss Britney Spears, won herself Billboard's Female Artist of the Year. (Not to mention three other equally undeserved awards..) After seeing her ...*ahem* whoreific performance, *wtf was that by the way??* not to mention her cute outfit... (Nice neck thing sweetie, as well as the beautiful skirt she bought off the showgirls at the Mirage. Lol.) I just ask myself the question, WHO the HELL did she sleep with to get those freaking awards...as I repeatedly bang my head against my desk. Whatta lovely thought.

Anyhow, although N Sync only PRESENTED...I thought that since it was one of the few N Sync related tv appearances that I have seen since like...oh...TRL I should watch it. So I sat anxiously awaiting N Sync to appear in their unevitably freakish ensembles...and let me say I was not disappointed. WTF were those boys wearing? They looked like horrid recycled Larger than Life costumes (been digging thru the Boys' dumpster again or what?) as well as interestingly adapted plastic versions of Star Wars thingys. (I am not a Star Wars fan...so maybe I'm thinking Star Trek. Who the hell knows, or cares anyhow. Lol.) Then I just love Justin, with his afro puff (which I want to chase him across the stage with a weedwacker, but hey ya gotta control the urges sometimes I guess.)..and nice tinted shades that matched the pleather belt on his Jedi suit or whatever. And who can forget the new line...'As you all know, we love women.' Can I please go barf now? In all complete honesty, they probably get off knowing that they give 12 year old girls their first sexual thoughts. Disgusting perverts. Lol. ANYWAYS...then they jabber on about how they get to keep the name N Sync...if I remember correctly. Or maybe I just recall that cuz they won't shut up about this stupid lawsuit. Yeah that's cool that they aren't gonna have to change their name, but guess what...it's old news. I personally was surprised they didn't talk about the amount of money that they have...cuz ya know in Vegas it was 'dead broke' the first night...and the second night they were just 'poor'. So I wonder if it's a gradual thing and by selling off their pawn shop jewelry, auctioning off a few groupies here and there, getting rid of Justin's colored sunglasses and his Benz if they've gained a little extra cash. Just curious.

Then out of all people to win an award that N Sync presents, it has to be Britney Spears. What is this world coming to anyways? Did you see Justin looking down at her big ghetto bootay when she was crossing her eyes and saying "oh you are all so sweet. thank you"? I honestly was shocked at the fact that she DIDN'T use a teleprompter for her acceptance speech. I guess they figured that since she can barely read anyways, it might be better to just let her yammer on about how sweet everyone is. *Gag* I also was very curious as to why JC was talking to Justin and then started laughing as Justin nodded...still looking down. I wonder what he said..."Hey J...you gonna get crunk on that ghetto bootay tonight yo? Since she's legal and all.." *laughing* as Justy nods thinking 'shoot you know it'. Lol. Well that's when I decided that I might barf cuz of Spears overexposure...so I turned off the tv. And THAT is the end of this beautiful review. Aren't you glad? I thought so.

Thrust Me Home!