Pilgrimage in pink...ahhh, Rachel and I, on the night before my 19th birthday..ventured into Barbie Land...aka Britney Spears concert. We thought about preparing for the venture by busting out our tube tops and booty shorts, but since Britney had used up all the plastic pink fabric within a 100 mile radius, we had a bit of a problem. Anyhow, we left for Omaha with plenty of time to get there...and picket her arrival into the city. Jk.
We arrive in Omaha at like 7:00, and we are waiting in a huge ass traffic jam at this light. I mean, I didn't realize that all of Omaha was going to see Britney, but whatever. This truck behind us is like bassing out, and so I looked in my side mirror to see if the driver was cute. Since my car is sorta low to the ground (I have a convertible)..and the truck was higher up, I had to like low ride in my chair to see, and of course, he could see me trying to sneak a glimpse. So a few minutes later, we hear someone yelling. Curious, we turn down Jordan Knight, and I sneak another look in the mirror. My face turned like 8 shades of red as I looked in it cuz the hot blonde guy in the truck waved at me (that gay ass Justin wave too..like a little kid)...lol...cuz he could see me looking at him in the mirror. I felt cool..but ya know, that's ok cuz I was going to the Britney concert, which is like the epitomy of coolness. *gag*
Anyhow, we arrive at the venue, and we see Mama Buffy (right Val?) running to get inside. Agh, now THAT's a scary thought. For all you people in the dark, Mama Buffy is a fat, balding lady that grunts as she sits in the student center at my school watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. ANYWAYS...on with it..
I have figured out two things while attending this lip sync fest called a Britney concert. Number one: It attracts all prepubescent, extremely geeky guys within a ten mile radius. As well as little girls in pink, and 40 year old pedophiles. Number two: Britney must go on a desperate search to find opening acts with LESS talent than her...in order to make herself look that much better.
The opening acts started out with these four girls that called themselves PYT. I have no idea what that stands for...I am assuming something gay ass like 'pretty young teens'. The four girls were obviously lip synching, with the exception of the times that they growled into their microphones. The short, skinny one with the bad hair had pained facial expressions and even worse dance moves. They weren't together, and when one was growling, the other three were trying to be all sexy doing body rolls. They needed to just get off the stage...and finally...they did. THANK the Lord.
The next opening act was Michael Fredo. It started out with these two girls doing a dance to 'No Scrubs'...basically consisting of them shaking their asses and spanking them. Cute. *barf* Then, I was impressed with his two male dancers who came out and did a dance to Will Smith's 'Wild Wild West'. I was really impressed with that...until Michael came out onstage. Ok, first off, if Tommy Jeans is sponsoring you...why the HELL are you wearing a ripped white Hanes tshirt? Secondly, he reminded me of a young Tom Cruise...kinda 'Risky Business'-esque. Anyhow, he squealed around for awhile, and I really don't remember anything about his songs...but he wasn't HALF bad I guess.
FINALLY! The moment I had been waiting for...C NOTE! I must say, I was VERY impressed by them. (In fact, BOTH times I have seen them, they performed like old pros. I really enjoy watching them, I just wish they were more well known.) Their opening was really really creative, and cute. I liked the songs they sang, and although Dru gives me the creeps in a Joey sort of way, I really don't HATE any of them. One comment I must make is that C Note does NOT have a 'weak dancer'. They all flow really well, and are equally talented in their dancing. I don't know much about them, but I assume they were put together, however you cannot tell because they are really 'in sync' with their dancing and singing. In my personal opinion, they should make Britney open for THEM.
The final opening act was the death of me..I was sooo ready to leave and miss my chance to poke fun at the hoochie mama! It was Steps..who I had only heard described as 'line dancing androids'...which I think was put gently. They were basically a bunch of pop psychos from Europe, which to me just restates the fact that Europe accepts ANYONE. And to THAT, I just say, 'Goddammit, just ship Britney over there. Then I won't have to look at her or her nappy ass overprocessed hair.'
Ahh, the moment we've all been waiting for...Britney. The opening scared me, because TJ (TJ alone is enough to scare you!) and crew popped out of some lockers. Then Britney appears on the stairs, dressed in a plastic straight jacket and painted on pants. In white and pink too..are there any other colors? *Why in God's name must that girl always wear white? It does nothing for her* She rips off her straight jacket..*the wonders of velcro...* to reveal her plastic pink tube top. What an a-DORABLE outfit...*gag barf*. She proceeds to sing...well...lip synch a little bit of Drive Me Crazy while she practiced her aerobic skillz, and made use out of the ingenious stage set up. *suuuure* (Which consisted of a staircase and two round platforms on the sides of the stage that looked like she stole them from our high school's production of 42nd St. Sooooo professional looking.) Anyhow, then she did some other songs, yada yada yada.
I just loved the moment when she came out and asked...'Omaha, are you still with me?' Hmmmm...call me crazy, but hasn't...JUSTIN used that line before? That's what I thought...
Then we have her talking..no..more like huffing and puffing into her mic between songs. And her lovely outfit change into Tommy overalls and a white tube top...with no shoes or socks. I'm sorry, but she has a huge big toe, and I was praying to God that she would stub it on one of the platforms or SOMETHING! But...alas, I was disappointed. I really did think that the overalls were a nice, "hi I just came from the trailer park" look for her...it's like old home week. Lol.
Hm...what else. Oh yeahhhh...we have the little Madonna, Janet Jackson thing. First off, no, she wasn't wearing the nasty wig. I think she heard I was coming, and is sick of the fake hair remarks. Who knows. ANYWAYS, she had on some cuuuute black combat boots that were a little below her knees. During the Madonna part, with that dress on, she kinda reminded me of a bad Cher outfit in Clueless. Then, when she ripped off the pink dress to reveal the tight ass black thing that probably took her 30 minutes to squeeze into, she resembled a dominatrix gone wrong.
Finally, the last outfit change were these really cute baby blue pants...and all of her dancers wore them too. They looked pretty comfy, and I wouldn't mind having a pair myself...but anyhow...
During Open Arms, she did that little drawn out ending that...take a guess...you got it! JUSTIN does during GMHS, although she didn't tease the audience like he does. It was...interesting. I especially loved her speeches that she gave while all winded from the strenous dance move that she does. Ya know, the one where she kicks her feet out in a slow Joey fashion, and touches her stomach like every three seconds? Just knocks the wind right out of her moving around so much like that. Lol...good one. One other comment...she WAS lip synching. I mean...when her microphone is practically at chest level when she is singing, but when she's talking she pretends like it's Justin's...well...you get the idea, then it's pretty obvious that she's lippin her songs.
All in all, the Britney concert made me sick...all that pink..ugh! TJ was flamingly gay as usual...and amazingly everyone RAN out before she could sing her big HIT..Baby One More Time. Sooo sad. Lol. My advice...don't waste your time or money on that talentless hoe.
Oh yeah, and by the way, I told my 9 year old cousin who loves Britney that I hit her with my car. Lol...she almost started crying as I told her I had pink smears on my bumper now. So mean of me you say? I am just saving her from Barbie World...it's my duty as a responsible adult. Lol.