Okay, kids...You know we went and got on the hoe-train down in good ol Omaha last Saturday. We left in the afternoon and I as passenger/map reader got us to the interstate taking all backroads to get there faster. I am the master...lol!! We are on the interstate and all of a sudden, we see these 2 Walker, Ford Rangers having sex right by Exit 69...isn't it Ironic?! Doncha think?! lol, I think they were male and headed out to buy some Backdoor Boys tickets or something...maybe that was the excuse they gave to get out of work, so that little fling on the Interstate shoulder could happen, who the hell knows or cares for that matter. **Just for the record---I have nothing against gays, I own the Ricky Martin cd, don't I?! hehe, j/k, I really don't esp. gay cars!**
Anyways, Jen told you all about the hotties behind us that caught us peeking at them in the side mirrors, lol, but who the hell cares, they were hot! lol..since she told y'all about that, I'll spare you a little reading, aren't you feeling special?! lol
So we go right by the stupid venue and keep going, looking for the street to go into the parking lot. Finally, Jen pulls into this Texaco, and is like, I have to go pee, you can ask for directions. So I take the piece of paper we printed off with directions to it in with me, and this HUGE fat guy comes over to me at the counter. I mean, he was HUGE, his belly hung over the friggin counter, I was scared...that he might have a heartattack...lol, but I was like, "Do you know where this is?" and hand him the paper. He was all, "No, sorry, I don't...nahh, just kiddin, you are just gonna feel really dumb though." I get all defensive, cuz as a blond, I have been told I feel dumb on a daily basis, so I go, "Well we went by it, we just don't know what street to take to get in it." And he goes, "Oh, sure, okay, go out of my lot on the left, take a left at the light, blah, blah, take another left at this blah street, blah, blah, blah, ooh SNICKERS, blah, take a right at this light on this street, blah, blah, got it?" I say thanks, and we leave.
We get there and see these nerdy guys walking the parking lot, as we drive by them, I am all like "Hey junior, I don't think you got your pants high enough there!" But he didn't hear me, darn it! So we park, and start walking and all of a sudden they are right next to us. One of them is a redhead with big beasty red burns, and he is wearing an orange Old Navy Tech Vest. I say quietly to Jen, "It's Hip to Zip!" But I think he heard my cuz he looked over...whoops, my bad, haha!! The door we go to is locked, so the nerd guys open the door for us, lol, the high-waisted one did, just incase you thought it was the vesty-dude! I was like, "umm, thanks." but the funniest thing about those guys was, as we stood in line with them behind us, I heard them talking and they were all talking like Beavis and Butthead. And one goes, "I wonder if Brit will be giving out lap dances tonight, hehe" HAHAHAHA, He had buck teeth too! I can see the headlines now, Bucky Gets Lucky!!!
So we get to our seats with no excitement and they are pretty decent seats. With our perfect timing, they show is just gonna start, so we relax for pure entertainment. First up is a group called PYT. They are about the funniest thing I've seen/heard all year. PYT consists of 4 girls, dressed in tight white pants and less than half a shirt...cuz it was cropped in front and had no back, don't ask, it was ugly! They tried to do dances together, but the little blond kept doing these cheerleader kicks, the curly brunette kept pacing the stage, the straight haired brunette kept doing body rolls and pointing at nothing, and the scary greasy redhead kept standing there doing nothing but eating her mike. I don't know where they came from, but they need to go back...and SOON. You could obviously tell they were lipping it, cuz it would get deafingly loud when the greasy one would actually sing/growl.
Next up, Michael Friedo. I had seen a Tommy ad in my mag recently, but didn't think anything of this scrawny, brace-faced pip-squeak. He was a cute one...riiiight! His guy dancers were good, I watched them the whole time...lol, one kept doing the splits and spinning in circles (I think he was, shhh...GAY!!) but ooh, the other...he had this cool hat on, and was skintimate smooth. I couldn't take my eyes off him! Ahh, then good ol beefy Mike, throws down his stool which he had been sitting on in a angry rage. He strips down to nothing but his ribs. haha, he was wearing this expensive looking plain white tee, with the sleeves ripped off...I think it is in Tommy's new collection or something, but man, I need to buy one of those...at Walmart..lol!
Moving on to bigger and foreign things!! Brody and the rest of C Note...oh, and Dru! Our men appear. Raul has been working out, and is looking GOOD! He shows himself off by spanking his ass and other leud gestures with everyone enjoyed! You could tell that Brody has had one hand in the Cheetos every since Sweetstock, cuz that boy had gotten a tad bigger. He was belting out the tunes left and right, and I must say, he has the best voice!! David had the Michael Jackson gloved thing going on. He had these black leather gloves on, but his voice was soo deep I forgive him. Everytime he spoke everyone went nuts...kinda a lance MOMENT...but in a latin way, you know?! Then, Dru, oh, sad, sad Dru...first off, he has to speak. He is all like, "I'd like to personally thank Angela and Melinda. You 2 are awesome, and I promised I'd mention you, and the other guys say hi!" Ummm, not to make it obvious at all or anything Dru! What were you doing before you came onstage??? lol, but they sang 1, 2, and 3 off of the cd, which wasn't enough to fill my cravings, that and my CNOTE man Fernando was a no show...ughh, I hate it when he gets stage fright! lol
Then STEPS...oh, the horror!! They are scary, frightening, evil...stay far, far away from them...the farther the better....even the name STEPS, should scare you silly...you will have nightmares to no end!
Oh, and then Britney's part of the show starts. Darn it, I was soo looking forward to learning more of those great line dances that STEPS does!!
Her dancers come out and I spot TJ right away...see I have a special connection with him, first off, I like to part my hair down the middle, esp. when it is super greasy...lol, second he looks a lot like this guy in my class named Ryan. He is GAY I think...lol, cuz he wears tinted blue glasses all the time, and he always stares at the guys during gym in those tight little blue shorts...lol, nasty! So me and TJ go WAAAAAY back, understand?! They do a little dance and then roll call...while sitting in the school desks!! But...GASP...Britney is absent?!?!?! What?!?!?! Yeah, and then she's over here, then she's over there, and then she's RIGHT HERE!!!! Whoa, who was the bright one that thought up that opening? Genius, pure genius!!
Why are you so out of breath? lol?
She comes down the steps in this white plastic straight jacket. Fresh from the mental institution! She stops halfway down and is all wait-a-minute-not-enough-skin-showing and strips down to reveal a hot pink plastic tube top! Ooh-la-la! lol, Her pants look like garbage bags (HEFTY HEFTY wimpy wimpy) complete with hot pink knee spots, which make her look like an orange ninja turtle! She does a great lip-synching job for a few songs, including Sodapop, where all of a sudden her black male dancer disappears and a Jamican guy in Hawaiian print appears!!! Oooh, Britney is the next David Copperfield!! They do some more stupid songs and then comes the first outfit change.
She re-appears in another tube top...this time it is white and cotton though and some Tommy overalls. She prefers the trailer park trash look, going without shoes or socks. I can see her now in that outfit, toothless, chasing a raccoon down the trail throwing rocks at it, trying to kill supper. Can't you? Just close your eyes, and visualize!! She sits down to tell us a story about having her heart broken...sounds little too rehearsed, but who knows maybe she was talking about her leg being broken by her mom when she failed to get that raccoon...who knows?! All the time, her huger-than-her-ass big toe is wrapped around the stairway pole...lol, actually it was the stair itself, but it easily could have wrapped around the pole!
She babbles on for a while, and another costume change, that takes forever. She comes back out in this cheap baby pink dress that has black lace and all this crap, including a open square in the back for her little battery pack!! Ooh, I was impressed! She has this white fur rug on her shoulders and sings Vogue and Material Girl, by one of her idols, Madonna. She disappears for a second and comes back in this black leather bra-and-a-little more-shirt and a matching booty scort. Cuuuute! lol, she does a little rendition of Janet's Nasty, and Black Cat. Complete with "My name ain't baby, it's Britney, Spears if your nasty!" oooh, let me write that down...NOT!! Then her dancers find this nasty fat 17-year-old in the audience and bring him onstage. She comes over and is all, "Looks like my dancers have found a cutie in the audience!! What's your name?" He is all, "Andrew Something." And she goes, "Oh, his name's....ANDREW!!" And sticks her tongue out to the audience in that ewwww, how cute kinda way...lol, I am sure she liked him lots, haha!
The pain continues on and on and on, until when I thought I would passout, they did another outfit change...lol, but this time it was another white midriff and some cute baby blue cotton pants. I then noticed one of her dancers was quite cute and wasn't gay looking. I kept my eyes on him the rest of the time, and boy, he look thrilled to be there. I felt his pain.
Before we were killed by the rapid little boys behind us for laughing at her the whole time, we skipped out before Baby One More Time... darn it! lol
All in all, my advice is...Don't go to one if your life depends on it!!!