Aight peeps, it's time for a little beddy bye story. And this one is starring the Brothers Phat...Pepe (Joey) and Teve (Stevie). Anyhow, the two girls in the story..the maidens are Jolly (me) and Mippy (Mo..the BRILLIANT author of this story!!). The story takes place in the forest..obviously..and involves the Brothers Phat, who are fairies with pretty wings, and Teve is the fairy KING..so he gets a crown, and we aren't talking on his teeth. Lol. Anyhow, enjoy! :)
Pepe fluttered happily around the stump his brother sat on.
"Oh man Teve, she is h-o-t-t, hot. What are you doing just sitting on your ass?" Teve just glared at him.
"Pepe, I am the fairy king damn it, I think I know when it's time to spread our Phat lovin to the sleeping young maidens in this forest." Teve grabbed Pepe by his tiny pointed shoes and pulled him down. "You will respect my athori-ta!" Pepe just whimpered and flicked Teve off when he'd turned his back.
"I wanna be the fairy king." He whined.
"No way dude, you got to have the cool job last time. Mr. I'm a Big Skanky Pop Star."
"So? I let you run all the cameras and stuff."
"Oh, yeah, thanks a whole hell of a lot. You got your damn ex-girlfriend in a singing group, but your own brother gets to run the cameras. Real generous Pepe."
Just then they heard a rustling in the bushes near them.
"Girl, I swear, you smack me in the ass one more time and I'll...." They heard a slapping sound followed by a laugh that quickly turned into a shriek.
"Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg! Jolly, I...I can't...breathe."
"How do you like me now?!" The two stepped into the clearing, Jolly had Mippy in a headlock.
"Let me go wench!"
"Just try to free yourself from my vice-like grip!" Mippy slapped unsuccessfully at Jolly. "Do you give up? Say 'Jolly rocks the universe' and I'll let you go."
"Never."
"Say it."
"Die!"
"Say it."
"You suck Jolly."
"Say it!"
"Jolly rocks the universe."
"What was that? I didn't quite hear you."
"JOLLY ROCKS THE UNIVERSE!" Mippy screamed. Jolly released her and rubbed her ears.
"Sheesh, for not being able to breathe you sure are loud."
"Thank you. I wasn't hog calling champ two years runnin for nothing."
"Speaking of hogs, what's that smell? Mippy, did you bathe today?" Mippy blushed and looked down, rubbing the toe of her shoe in the dirt.
"No. But I swear it isn't me."
Teve pushed Pepe off the stump.
"It's you isn't it? God Pepe! Do you always have to stink? It drives the young maidens away."
"Sorry. But it's the squirrels fault man, he keeps pushing me into the piles of boar dung."
"Then use your wings dumbass. Or better yet." Teve smacked Pepe. "Don't hang out with the squirrel."
"Oh sure, 'Don't hang out with the squirrel Pepe, don't get pushed in crap Pepe, stop licking the ground Pepe', real easy for you to say."
Teve just glared at him.
"You're a moron."
"You're a moron." Jolly said loudly.
"I am not." Mippy replied, still rubbing her shoe in the dirt.
"Yes you are. It was your responsibility to bring the map. How can we get to Grandmother's..um, the fair? Without a map?"
"I don't know. Besides, if you're so smart, then how come you didn't know that I wouldn't forget the map huh?" Mippy put her hands on her hips and smirked with self-satisfaction. Jolly belted her across the face.
"See what you made me do?"
"Hit me?" Mippy whimpered from her newfound seat on the ground.
"No retard, you deserved to get hit. I'm talking about the fact that I can't tell which way we came from now."
"What does that matter?" Jolly glared at Mippy. "Ooohhhh, I get it, like, we can't go home or something."
"You amaze me Mippy, you really amaze me."
"Thanks!"
"That Mippy girl is smart. I like her." Pepe said as he twirled, trying to make himself dizzy.
"You would." Teve said, tripping his brother and making him fall."I want Jolly, I like my young maidens tough."
"Ouch!" Pepe finally said.
"Delayed reaction Little Phat?" Teve asked.
"Huh?"
"Never mind."
"Ok." Pepe smiled. "When do we get to spread our love Teve? When Teve, when?" Pepe began to hop excitedly around Teve.
"When they go to sleep. Haven't you been paying attention, oh, I don't know...EVER?"
"Huh?"
Teve took hold of Pepe's shoulders to stop him from bouncing.
"We do the same thing every night Pepe. Haven't you noticed a slight pattern?"
"Like a floral pattern, or a nice lace perhaps?"
Teve sighed and buried his pointy shoe in Pepe's crotch. "It's for your own good kid."
Meanwhile, Jolly was searching the bushes for anything familiar while Mippy played with her hair and sang a little song.
"Open the soda pop, watch it fizz and pop. The clock is tickin and we can't stop."
"Would you please stop singing that inane song?"
"Insane?"
"No, inane. It means stupid. That's your word for the day Mippy. Use it in a sentence."
"Ok." There was a long pause. Jolly continued to look in the brush, but Mippy just sat very still with a look of heavy concentration on her face. "I don't remember what inane means!" She announced proudly. Jolly kicked her in the face.
"Good job."
"Sanks." Mippy said, putting her face back in order. Jolly suddenly screamed.
"I can't find my way out! Holy crap, I'm going to be stuck here the rest of my life, a maiden!" She glanced at Mippy who sat open mouthed, staring at her. "And I have to live with her!!!" Jolly sat down and cried.
"It's ok Jolly. We'll eat berries and stuff. I bet that if we can figure out which ones are poisonous and stuff we could not eat the other ones."
Jolly just cried even louder.
"Aww. That poor Jolly." Teve said sadly. He knew all too well what she was feeling.
"What does inane mean again?"
"Shut up."
"Really? I thought Jolly said something different." Pepe scratched his head and then began to sing. "Open the soda pop, watch it fizz and pop. The clock is tickin and it ca.." Pepe began to choke as Teve tightened his hold around his throat.
"I need to think Pepe, do you know what thinking is?" Pepe nodded.
"Are you sure now? Cuz most times thinking requires silence. Do you know what silence is?" Pepe nodded again, his face was turning blue. Teve released him. "Good."
"What does require mean?" Pepe asked. Teve dove for him but Pepe flew off, just out of reach.
"I'm sleepneepneepy Jolly."
"Then go to sleep."
"But I'm scared. What will happen when we go to sleep?"
"You'll dream and I'll get the hell out of here?" Jolly mumbled.
"What?"
"Uh, the fairy king will protect us."
"The fairy king?"
"Yeah. Haven't you heard about him? He and all his little fairy followers protect sleeping maidens at night."
"But what if we aren't maidens?" Mippy whispered.
"Mippy! You're not a maiden?"
"What's a maiden?"
"You retard. It's like a virgin, only old fashioned."
"Oh, then yeah, I'm one of those. Wait, does." She whispered in Jolly's ear. "Does that count?"
"It doesn't if you're the president. So I guess not."
"Woo hoo! I'm still a maiden!"
"Yeah, what do you want? A friggin prize or something?"
"No, I wanna meet the fairy king."
"Well here I am!" Teve said, fluttering up to the girls. They screamed and Jolly swatted him to the ground. Pepe laughed from him perch on a tree limb, but stopped when Teve looked up at him. Pepe pointed to the squirrel.
"What the hell was that?" Jolly cried.
"Oh sure, insult me for being stupid the whole damn story and then expect me to know what the talking bug was. Good one Jolly." Mippy quipped.
Jolly just stared at her. "What?"
"Uh, nothing." Mippy said.
"Listen, Mippy, do you want to just write the talking bug off as a hallucination and try to go to sleep?"
"What's a hallucination?"
"Wait, weren't you just smart?"
"Work with me here Jolly, let's keep the story movin."
"Oh. ok. Um, a hallucination is seeing, smelling, or hearing things that aren't really there."
"Oh. Ok then, let's go to sleep." Both girls lay down under a tree and fell into a deep and very unrealistic sleep.
"Now's our chance Pepe." Teve called to his brother.
"HOT DAMN! Do I get Mippy?"
"Well I sure as hell don't want her. She's creepy. One minute she's a big retard like you and then she's all sarcastic and smart. I think she's possessed."
"Woo hoo! If somebody else owns her then I won't have to marry her! Yippie!" Pepe danced happily. Teve just shook his head.
"Anyway, let us fly Pepe, and spread our Phat herpes to these unsuspecting young maidens."
"Ok."
And so they did, and that's the end, and if you don't like it, tough noogies, I don't really care. Lol.