Carson: Now, the 1999 swimsuit competition, to the music from the hottest group in the country...N SYNC!
*N Sync comes out, in their tech vests. Lol...or whatever the hell they are, and Lance in his white capri's. Whatever*
The delegates file in one at a time, blah blah blah, and finally Carson announces..
Carson: Miss Mississippi!
To the music of 'Giddy Up' (ok so we made a few MINOR musical adjustments..it fits so much better here. Trust us.), Rachel struts out in her swimwear of choice. (See, in THIS pageant, you can choose your own swimwear stuff...it's much more interesting that way). Wearing shiny gold metallic Madonna cones for a swimsuit top, a gold thong with flapper fringe with a sarong skirt over it, and a fancy Cher headress...Miss Mississippi resembles a Vegas showgirl gone terribly awry. Doing a belly dance, she shakes her ass in N Sync's faces before turning to the crowd and removing her sarong to reveal JC written on her ass. (A J for one cheek, a C for the other...ya know what we're sayin. Lol.) Joey's blood pressure rises as his hair turns a brilliant shade of red. Oh...nevermind, his hair was electric red BEFORE she did that...our bad.
*After JC about passes out from shock, and forgets the words to his solo...Rachel shimmy's off the stage. Carson, openmouthed..continues.*
Carson: Miss Tennessee!
Jen saunters out onto the large stage wearing a short yellow raincoat with booty shorts visible under it. Donning Aquasocks (orange ones), swimming goggles, and one of those umbrella hats with N Sync glowsticks dangling from it (remember Kristin?)...she prances around onstage briefly. Heading over to N Sync, she runs between them before quickly moving behind Justin as he's 'just riding it'. Doing obscene spanking motions, Jen grinds with him for awhile before moving onto Lance...whom she proceeds to depants. Pulling down his capri's, she reveals pink flowered bikini briefs. Embarassed, and deathly afraid that he will turn Joey on, Lance runs off stage crying. Meanwhile, Jen moves on to Joey. Turning her back to the crowd, she quickly flashes Joey and he passes out cold from excitement and shock. EMT's race up to the stage as Jen screams.."Hurry, help Ronald McDonald! He's having a Big Mac attack! Get this man a #3...Supersize!!"
*Security comes and removes a kicking and screaming Jen from the stage as N Sync continues performing, minus Lance and Joey. Carson is again standing openmouthed, not sure of what to think of the situation...*
Finally..it's the evening gown competition. Miss Tennessee (Jen) has been disqualified for depantsing Lance and almost causing rapid heart failure in Joey Fatone. So it's up to Rachel to finish the damage...or is it...
Carson: Miss Mississippi!
Rachel comes out ballet dancing, leaping across the stage in her suede vest (with sequins to 'dress it up a bit'), suede bra with fringe, and quilted knee length skirt (also with fringe). Her spike heeled clogs are a beautiful touch as she slides gracefully across the stage, ballroom dancing to IDMC.
Sitting on their stools, N Sync sings soulfully, the only worry on their mind is that JC might forget the 'no conducting' rule and take out a delegate. They can only hope that he happens to take out Miss Mississippi. Meanwhile...in the rafters, Jen awaits. After sneaking back into the auditorium, cleverly disguised as Britney Spears...(Hey all she needed was some plastic clothes, some fake hair, and a Wonderbra...it worked!)..she removed her disguise and positioned herself in the rafters in preparation for her 'Mission Impossible' style descent. Dressed in hot pink pleather, she begins lowering herself onto the stage as Rachel stalled for time by showing JC her gymnastic talents (which include somersaults and standing on her head..woo woo). Horribly enough, Jen is suspended above ole JuJu when the cable snaps! Oh no! Lol.
Basically, Jen falls on JuJu, practically killing the poor boy. But miraculously...he catches her. Aww..isn't that sweet. *gag*. Meanwhile..Rachel is wrapping herself around JC like a cobra, and in the process takes out Chris. Knocking the braided one off his stool, he falls to the ground, breaking his arthritic hip, and he 'can't get up'. Security has had enough of this N Sync torture, and they come and remove Rachel from around JC. As they drag her offstage, she hits her chest and screams 'Peace Out!' ala Cruel Intentions. True to form, and since she's seen that movie a million times, Jen obediently crawls out of JuJu's arms and says, 'Peace OUT? MORON' before stomping offstage after her sister.
Isn't that grand? We thought so..and hey, it's a hell of a lot more interesting than a two paragraph review on how N Sync needs some fashion sense, stat.
Just Thrust Me OUTTA This Scary Pageant Universe