Jen: Hello and welcome to the second episode of the all new Jen Green show. I am Jen Green, and this is Rachel. We are here once again to play with those mindless, little twits that make up the pop group N Sync. Just kidding people, I don't think they are mindless twits...they are good guys. But on with the show. Rachel, why don't you lead us into our first clip?
Rachel: Ok...speaking of mindless twits, minus the little part, that reminds me of the clip involving Joey Fatone. Well, our friend Val planted a briefcase in Joey's house. We of course, were there visiting. When Val left, she *accidentally left the briefcase*...let's check it out.
*Clip begins with Jen, Rachel, and Val in Joey's living room. Val has a briefcase sitting by her feet. She gets up, and says to Joey that she has to get going. He walks her to the door, thanks her for coming. However, Val so conveniently *forgot* her briefcase by the couch.*
Joey: Hey, what is that funny noise?
Jen: Oh shit, Val left her briefcase here. That sucks...wait a second...her briefcase is making weird noises. That is what you heard I think. Maybe you should investigate, by opening it up. *laughs to self*
Joey: *being the evervescent moron that he is...opens up the briefcase to find several different sized vibrators...all turned on.* What the heck are these things? *looks confused*
Rachel: Umm...I don't know Joey. They are making sort of a buzzing noise. Maybe they are egg beaters? Let's beat some eggs and see if that works.
Joey: Ok! Let's go into the kitchen and see if that's it.
*All three proceed into the kitchen, where Joey puts two eggs into a bowl, and tries his hardest to make the vibrator beat the eggs. He gets frustrated easily, and gives up.*
Joey: I don't think that it's an egg beater, it's not working very well. What else could it be though?
Jen: Well, it's kind of long and it's round, so maybe it's a rolling pin. Like for bread or cookies. Something like that. Maybe it's a MASSAGING rolling pin. Massages your palms while you roll, know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah! Ok, I get what you are saying...sorta. We can try it though...I might have some refridgerator cookie dough that we can try to roll out. That is if I didn't eat it when I was sleepwalking last night. *Looks inside fridge, rummages around for a few minutes...then emerges successfully.*
Jen: Ok, let's get rolling here Joey, I don't have all damn day.
Joey: *Begins rolling the cookie dough...and finds out quickly that it is NOT a rolling pin.* Oh man! This sucks! I don't know what this could be...it's not a egg beater, OR a rolling thingy.
Rachel: Rolling PIN you mean? (mutters under breath)...kinda like your PINhead. Whatta moron.
Jen: I KNOW! *startling Joey..loud noises tend to do that* It's one of those FUN DIP sticks!
Joey: *looking doubtful* I thought those came with the fun dip...are you sure?
Rachel: *smacking Joey upside the head* Well, if Jen says it's a fun dip stick, then it is dammit. Like you would know anyways, you have the brain of a small turtle. *Hands Joey a package of Fun Dip that she so conveniently found in her backpack.*
Joey proceeds to lick the vibrator and roll it in the flavored sugar. Smiling to himself, he failed to hide his *ahem* enjoyment as the vibrating 'dipstick' massaged his tongue.
Jen: OK...that's QUITE enough of that. You really really don't want to see what happened after that little incident.
Audience member: Actually Jen..I really do wanna know!
Jen: *laughing* Ok, ok fine...well basically Joey got...well...hornier than a rhino. He took off chasing Rachel through the house...and we eventually had to drug him. Then, well, we handcuffed him to the fridge and left. Of course, we made sure we called his brother to rescue him before he ended up tipping the fridge over on top of himself. So, no need to worry, Joey's back to his normal self...
Rachel: Soo...enough about that Superfreak. Let's go to one last clip before we have to go.
Jen: Right, right..ok. This is us when we were down harassing N Sync while they were on Spring Break for MTV. See...Rachel got a little, well..preoccupied with JC having massive amounts of chest hair-itis...so we attacked him and told him that the ape look was OUT, and the smooth, hair free chest look was in. He agreed to let us slather him down with some whipped cream...ahem...I mean shave gel, and get down to business.
*Clip shows JC, Rachel, and Jen walking into the lounge where all the food is for the celebrities. Jen is weilding a can of whipped cream...errr..shave gel, and Rachel is carrying a package of razors. JC is shirtless, and after Rachel's instructions, he lays down on a table near the food.*
Jen: Scalpel... *laughing as Rachel starts to hand her a razor*
Rachel: *slathering whipped cream..um...dammit, I mean shave gel on Jc's hairy ass chest* Ohhh, you're gonna look oh so suave after this buddy...just stop wearing that damn Leo medallion, cuz I think that's the problem. That stupid ass thing stimulates hair growth.
*JC just nods as the girls proceed to shave his chest. Finally, after a tedious hour spent shaving away, the girls are done.*
Rachel: *Picking up a bowl full of whipped cream and chest hair remains.* Dude, what the hell are we gonna do with all this crap?
Jen: Hmmmm... *thinking deeply for a moment* I know! Let's make chest hair sandwiches!
*The two girls get busy slathering the remains of their project onto slices of bread. Finally, they finished, and arranged the ten sandwiches on a plate. Walking out into the main room, they run into Joey.*
Joey: I'm so hungry...is there anything good back in there to eat?
Jen: No, not really Joey..but here's some REALLY good sandwiches we made. Try one!
Rachel: *Gagging to herself* Sure Joey, they're the best...chest hair...errr...fluffernutter sandwiches ever!
Joey: Oh..ok! I love Marshmallow fluff!
*Clip ends as Joey takes a big ass bite out of his sandwich*
*Back in the studios*
Jen: Ok, that was beyond nasty. I can't believe he ate that whole sandwich. Grossness. But ya know, I guess he's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box. So anyhow, I hope that doesn't give you people nightmares...and that's all for our show tonight!