Aight, since Vegas is ohsoclose...lol..only a mere 3 days away,
I decided to let you all in on our master plan while we take over the city...Just Thrust It Style.
Friday
I arrive in Vegas at approximately 4:40 pm and meet up with Val and whoever the hell she
decides is worthy enough to come with her to pick me up. (The selection is broad, but she must be choosy,
for the 'stang only holds 4 people you know. Lol.) Anyhow after they pick me up we head back to the Grand where
we will be residing (more like stalking the halls) for the next 2 nights.
After we get there, we start getting ready for our concert. Now, you all know what an N Sync concert is like for me.
Do a little dance, make a lot of fun (of the boys), get the hell out of there before the teenies run you over like a very hungry Joey chasing a McDonald's semi just because it has a big Mac painted on the side of it. (Whew.)
ANYWAYS...we hit the afterparty and decide that being jammed into a room the size of my walk-in closet at school (and yes I do have a walk in..it's not too shabby) wasn't our idea of a good time.
Especially because the closest N Sync related person is Fat Albert, Lonnie, and Fat Bastard (oh wait, that's Joey's nickname..my bad...lol.)...and we so conveniently cannot see the boys dancing like spastic drunken freaks because their big bald heads are in our way.
Niiiice huh? So I get pissed and we jet on outta there, and as we leave I snag Stevie and tell him that Operation Pimpin Planet just got Vegas-a-fied. (is that even a word? Oh well, it is now.) He just nods retardedly in his drunken haze, and says he'll meet me on the strip after the show tomorrow night.
I smack his ass and wink (like Howie on a massive crack attack) before walking away, smiling to myself as I contemplate my plan.
So, since the night is pretty much shot all to hell, I head back to the hotel and down a few Heiniken's as I rave to 'I Need Love' (alt. titled: I Need a Little Techno When I'm Wasted).
What fun. Then, I pass out on the floor after falling off the bed a couple times. The only thing I remember after that was Val coming back smelling of cheap cigars after beating down the ciggy girl that JC always checks out and stealing her outfit
in order to become one herself, and mumbling about how JC REALLY needs dental bonding done...it's even nastier thisclose..(ifyaknowwhatimsayin). Then I drift back off into nice passed out dream land, and visions of my rat bastard float through my head.
Saturday
After waking up and getting myself ready at the bright and early bird hour of ...3 o'clock in the afternoon (whoops)...I grab Val and the rest of the girls and head out to do some shopping.
See, when you are in Vegas, you must dress like the showgirls do. Duh, it's common knowledge that if you want to catch the boys, then you gotta show some skin. I, on the other hand, decide that as
a pimp, I must represent the 'Planet' in good taste. So I ended up buying a baby blue pleather jumpsuit (the kind that resembles the shorts and top outfit thing that Heather Graham wears in Austin Powers 2) with 'Pimpin Planet' written across the butt in rhinestones, white thigh length go-go boots, a ten gallon cowboy hat with rhinestones spelling out S & J on it, and a see through plastic belt that lights up to the tune of Wild Thing.
I call it...Rhinestone Cowboy...lol.
Then, after finding my outfit, I assist my new poster hoe. Val..lol. (See, the Planet was originally to pimp out the boyz...but since they are gonna be busy busy busy
with their 2 shows, I talked to my Stevie. Since he's such a business prodigy, he came up with the idea to pimp my lovely friends...and since I've known Val the longest, she is our poster hoe. Don't ask, I didn't. Lol.)
Anyhow, since she IS the poster hoe...I decided that orange would be JUST the color for our little Val.
Rummaging through rack upon rack of hooker/show girl ensembles, I come up with a cuuuuuute outfit that was guarenteed to make JC randy baby..yeah! So, I handed my
orange concoction to Val and pointed her toward the dressing room. When she came out I had to put on my Elvis sunglasses because it was so obnoxiously bright, but I figured that by
lighting up the strip we would be sure to catch SOMEONE's attention...lol. In a floor length orange zebra fur coat and a orange sequined tube dress with the words SEX MACHINE across the chest in neon lights, complimented by her orange spandex headband and hooker boots, Val was a vision in orange.
Finally after I got my eyesight back, I purchased our outfits and headed back to the Grand, where we proceeded to get ready
for our night of getting WILD on the Vegas Strip.
*Later that night after the concert..*
After calling in bomb threats to the Missing Link...(you know who you are)...Val and I were awfully tired of waiting
for the rat bastard. So, we dusted off a piece of concrete and sat our asses down on the strip in our pimp/hoe apparel
and had ourselves some tequila sunrise. And oh was it scrumptious. Lol. About three hours later, Val was getting jiggy with some
homeless guy and I was passed out under the glow of the 'Circus Circus' lights when Steve finally arrived.
Val, although wasted, noticed my rat bastard making his way down the strip, videocamera and entourage in tow...so she proceeded to wake me by
kicking my arm with her spiked hooker boots. (Which hurt, THANK YOU..lol.) Anyhow I woke up to the most frightening sight that I have ever seen...
And on that note...I digress, leaving you in suspense...and I shall finish this story when I am not beyond pissed about the most inconsiderate person that I know
backing out on our lovely Vegas vacation. (you know who you are..thanks a lot.)