ã copyright 1997 by Tommy Van Stitzel
PERE GORIOT is a full length, dark comedy play adapted from the novel by Honore de Balzac, which takes place in Paris, France in 1830. At the center of this "human comedy" (as Balzac called it) is Eugene de Rastignac, a young Frenchman from the South of France. He has come to Paris to make his fortune and save his impoverished, titled family from their struggles to survive. During his journey into Parisian life, he encounters a variety of characters from the lowliest of society to the "cream of the crop", from the purest of souls to the most selfish. "To Succeed"! That is his motto. But at what price? (11 actors perform in the roles of 21 character.)
The following is an excerpt:
(Later
that afternoon. M. Poiret and Mlle.
Michonneau are sitting on a bench in a small park near the Maison Vauquer. M.
Poiret is reading a newspaper. Eugene
and Mlle. Victorine stroll into the park hand in hand and settle on another
bench nearby. They are so absorbed in
their affections that they never notice M. Poiret and Mlle. Michonneau.)
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
So
little Mlle. Victorine has learned how to coo, has she? I knew how it would end.
M. POIRET
So
she was charged?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
She’s
practically throwing herself at him.
M. POIRET
And
she was found guilty? Then she should
be hanged!
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Who?
M. POIRET
Mme.
Morin.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
I
am talking about that little tramp, Mlle. Victorine, and you answer, Mme.
Morin. Who is Mme. Morin?
M. POIRET
But
what can Mlle. Victorine be guilty of?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Pay
attention! She’s guilty of convincing
M. de Rastignac that he is in love with her.
She does exactly as she likes and is getting away with it, the whore!
(They
are approached by Detective Gondureau.)
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Ah,
bon jour, dear people.
M. POIRET
Oh,
bon jour! Bon jour, Monsieur!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Lovely
day for sunning in the park, is it not?
M. POIRET
Oh,
indeed! Lovelee! Love-l'arama!
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Poiret! It is not respectable to talk to complete
strangers without an introduction
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
I
mean no disrespect, Mademoiselle. Quite
the contrary! One can see immediately,
in you, the whole of the word respectable.
Please allow me to introduce myself.
I am M. Gondureau.
M. POIRET
Oh,
Gondureau! Now that's quite a
respectable name, Mlle. Michonneau, is it not?
I am M. Poiret and this lady is Mlle. Michonneau.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Poiret,
really!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
I
have noticed you both here in the park before.
You live at the Maison Vauquer, do you not?
M. POIRET
Oh,
yes, indeedy! That’s home to us.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
That's
quite enough information, Poiret.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
I
understand your reluctance to be forthcoming with a stranger, Mlle., and I
respect you all the more for it. Allow
me to be more forthright, then. As I
said, I am M. Gondureau, Detective Gondureau from the Rue de Jerusalem. In fact, I am speaking to you on direct
orders from his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE.
M. POIRET
Oh,
see, Mlle, this is most proper then.
Why, his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Yes,
his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE is taking a personal interest in a
matter that I want to bring up to you both, if I may?
M. POIRET
If
his Excellency himself, his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE, ah, that is the
thing then, isn't it, Mlle. Michonneau?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Well,
if it is his Excellency, the Minister?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Rest
assured, Mlle., I speak for his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Very
well then, you may speak to us.
M. POIRET
Oh,
goody!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
You
are very wise as well as respectable, Mlle. Michonneau. What I have to say is this. His Excellency….
M. POIRET
THE
MINISTER OF POLICE.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
As
I have said. Anyway, his Excellency is
quite sure that there is a lodger at the Maison Vauquer who is a convict who
escaped from the prison at Toulon where he is known by his nickname Trompe la
Mort.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Trompe
la Mort!
M. POIRET
Dear
me, he must be a very lucky fellow to deserve that nickname!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
He
has been very lucky for he has been involved in very risky, death defying
schemes and has survived each and every time!
He is very dangerous and possesses qualities that not only have made him
very successful at crime but, also, have earned him complete loyalty from other
criminals.
M. POIRET
Honor
among thieves?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Such
is the case. He is in the confidence of
every convict. He is their man of
business and their banker.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
But
who is this man?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
His
name is Jacques Collin and he does a good business managing the affairs of
convicts and criminals. He receives
money belonging to the convicts, invests it for them and safeguards the profits
for them until they escape, or otherwise direct him to give it to their
mistresses.
M. POIRET
Their
mistresses? Don't you mean their wives?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
No,
Monsieur, I don’t! These men are the
type who do not honor their women enough to marry them.
M. POIRET
And
then they live in a state of adultery?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Yes,
Monsieur, exactly.
M. POIRET
But
that should not be tolerated! You
really should speak to his Excellency about this immoral conduct. Why, these people are setting a disgraceful
example for the rest of society!
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Poiret! Would you listen to yourself? No one, least of all the government, holds
these men up as models of virtue! Now
let the detective finish what he has to say.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Thank
you, Mlle. Michonneau. Your little
friend here does go on. As I was
saying, Trompe la Mort not only has in his possession extremely large sums for
these criminals but, also, he manages even larger funds which are given to his
care by the Society of Ten Thousand!
M. POIRET
Ten
thousand thieves?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
No,
Monsieur! It is an association of
businessmen who conduct shady deals on a very large scale. They won't get involved with any scheme that
earns them less than ten thousand francs!
And they don't dare touch these dealings with their own hands. They know the law too well to risk their own
necks. Trompe la Mort is their agent
and advisor and he is the best. He is
so good, so cunning that we have been unable to locate these funds or truly
know his identity.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
But
you know that he is Jacques Collin.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
We
know his name but not his face. He is,
among other despicable descriptions, a man of disguises.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
But
you suspect someone lodging at the Maison Vauquer?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Yes. It is M. Vautrin that we suspect.
M. POIRET
What?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Aha! But why are you telling us this?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
We
need your assistance, Mlle. Michonneau.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Why? Why is it that you do not just come in and
arrest him?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Ah! Good question. Here is the problem. What
if this is a real M. Vautrin, a respectable businessman? If we were to persecute a man of legitimate
means of business; a man of good standing in the business community, then there
would be such an outcry from very influential men that his EXCELLENCY, THE
MINISTER OF POLICE would never recover.
M. POIRET
Oh,
my! We can’t have that, can we?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Such
an important man as his EXCELLENCY, THE MINISTER OF POLICE has his enemies.
M. POIRET
And
such a nice man, too!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
So
you see, first we must be absolutely certain that M. Vautrin is, in fact,
Jacques Collin before we can arrest him.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
What
is it that you want from us?
M. POIRET
Whatever! It
is our civic duty to aid in ridding society of the criminal element! Not to mention, to support his EXCELLENCY,
THE MINISTER OF POLICE!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
So
true! At last, you have something smart
to say. But in any case, we have a way
to identify this Jacques Collin. All I
ask of you, Mlle. Michonneau, is that you perform a very simple task.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Me? Why, what you want is a pretty, young woman.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Alas,
she would be of no help. Trompe la Mort
is not attracted to that type if you know what I mean.
M. POIRET
You
mean he likes his women old, like Mlle. Michonneau here?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Poiret!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
No,
you fool! He likes men!
M. POIRET
I like men.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Poiret!
M. POIRET
You
must do this, Mlle. Michonneau!
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
You
would volunteer me before you even know what it is I must do?
M. POIRET
It’s
your duty, is it not?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Typical
of a man who likes men.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Mlle.
Michonneau, what I ask of you is so simple that there is absolutely no risk to
you at all. I will give you a vile of a
potion, which you will pour into M. Vautrin's drink. It will not harm him in any way but will only create the symptoms
of coma. You will, then, undress him
for the purpose, you will say, of aiding his breathing. As soon as you have removed his shirt,
simply give his right shoulder a good slap and there on his shoulder should
appear the mark of Trompe la Mort.
M. POIRET
But
see! That is not so dangerous for you!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
What
do you say, Mlle. Michonneau? Will you
help us?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
I
don’t know.
M. POIRET
You
must do it!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Did
I mention that there's two thousand francs in it for you.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Oh! Well, that’s different! But what if no mark appears? Will I still receive two thousand francs?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
No,
only five hundred! But this is such a
simple task for you to accomplish.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Simple
or not, it weighs on the conscience just the same.
M. POIRET
Oh,
yes, her conscience! You see, Mlle.
Michonneau has a great conscience as well as being respectable, amiable, intelligent
and…..
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Shut
up! Here's what I propose. Let's make it three thousand francs if he is
Trompe la Mort and nothing at all if he is not.
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Done!
M. POIRET
Oh,
goody!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Here's
the vile with the potion. Just put it
into his coffee or wine. Then send your
man, Christophe, to my office immediately at the Rue de Jerusalem when you have
seen the mark.
M. POIRET
Then
you will come to arrest him!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Arrest
if he does not resist.
M. POIRET
And
if he resists?
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
We
will kill him. To tell you the truth,
we want him to resist. Then, with one
good thrust of the sword into Trompe la Mort's stomach, further scores of
crimes will be prevented. Not to
mention, the expense saved society. You
know, the trial and all costs a lot of money.
M. POIRET
A
service to society!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Quite
right! We will be doing a great service
to society by killing him. Well then,
it's all settled?
(Mlle.
Michonneau nods her head.)
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Good. I will be waiting to hear from you tomorrow.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Tomorrow? So soon?
M. POIRET
The
sooner the better!
DETECTIVE GONDUREAU
Quite! Tomorrow it is. Good day, good citizens!
(Detective
Gondureau exits.)
M. POIRET
Do
you hear that? Good citizens, he called
us. There are idiots who are scared
silly by the word police, but that is a very fine fellow and all he asks of us
is easy enough.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Of
us!
M. POIRET
Well,
you.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
We
shall see.
M. POIRET
What? Will you not do this?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
I
have to think about it.
M. POIRET
But
what do you mean?
(M.
Biachon has entered the park and passes within earshot of M. Poiret and Mlle.
Michonneau.)
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
Well,
suppose that he really is Trompe la Mort.
HORACE BIACHON
Trompe
la Mort? What a gruesome but
fascinating name! Who do you speak of?
M. POIRET
Oh,
bon jour, M. Biachon.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
It
is nothing, M. Biachon, only a frivolous pastime of ours. Off to supper, are you?
HORACE BIACHON
Indeed
and I must hurry. Are you coming?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
In
a moment, mon dieu. We mature people do
not hurry.
HORACE BIACHON
More
for me then! Adieu.
(M.
Biachon exits.)
M. POIRET
Do
you suppose he really will eat our portions?
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
As
I was saying, M. Poiret, if M. Vautrin is really Trompe la Mort, we might be
able to make a better deal with him. Certainly his life, to him, must be worth
much more than three thousand francs.
M. POIRET
Yes,
but if we did ask him for money, it might scare him off. He might run off to a new hiding place
without paying us. Once a thief, always
a thief. Or, suppose he got it into his
head to murder us. All of us in the
Maison Vauquer. Surely, we would be
guilty of accessory to murder and be the first victims at that!
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
You
have a point. Three thousand francs in
the hand might be smarter.
M. POIRET
In
the end, we don’t want to spoil everything for the police.
MLLE. MICHONNEAU
The
bottom line is that I despise that M. Vautrin.
(Lights fade to black.)
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