by Trish Bennett

The Stardate Before Christmas aboard the great ship,
The Captain and Bones were enjoying a nip.

The Jeffries Tube served as the chimney this year,
Where the crew had hung stockings in drunken good cheer.

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of engine specs danced in Scott's head.

Kirk in his room with a blonde from Deck Four
Had just settled down for...(well, you know the score...)

When out on the hull there arose such a clatter,
He sprang over the babe to see what was the matter.

And there by the window he stood like a rock.
"Get on the comm link," he said. "Call Mr. Spock."

The Vulcan responded without a delay.
"What was that?" Kirk asked him. "Find out right away."

When what to his wondering eyes did appear?
"A sleigh," he said quickly. "And what's that? Reindeer?"

"Captain," Spock said, "are you sure you're all right?
You drank quite a lot of that brandy tonight."

More rapid than eagles Kirk's temper did flare.
"I'm not drunk, Mr. Spock! I did see them out there!"

He thought for a moment, then said, "Wake the crew.
Have them meet me down here, and that goes for you, too.

Call Chekov and Sulu, Uhura and Scott,
And get Doctor McCoy down here, like it or not!"

"Yes, Captain," Spock said, then his voice became curt.
"There's been a hull breach! Sound Intruder Alert!"

The sirens were wailing as soon they all met,
And Chekov asked softly, "Is Santa here yet?"

"We shall see in a moment," came Spock's calm reaction.
"The Jeffries Tube seems at the heart of the action."

As they ran for the Tube, McCoy's voice could be heard.
"Abe Lincoln is one thing, but this is absurd!"

As they reached the hall corner and started around,
Down the Jeffries Tube Santa Claus came with a bound.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
And Kirk turned to Spock. "Man, I'd swear that was Harry!"

"Illogical, Captain," Spock said with a sneer.
"We marooned Mr. Mudd with those androids last year."

Santa ignored them and reached for his sack,
Where a gift for each one of the crew he did pack.

Uhura accepted the gift meant for her,
And it turned out to be a handful of brown fur.

"Not a tribble!" Kirk said. "That's the last thing we need!"
"Don't worry," said Santa. "This tribble can't breed!."

He gave Chekov a book which contained in its pages
The history of Russia passed down through the ages.

Then for Sulu, a plant and a look of regard.
"A friend," Santa said, "for your dear Beaureguard."

"And for Scotty," said Santa, "fine scotch by the case,
For your next drinking bout with some alien race."

Then he turned to McCoy with a smile sweet and true,
And presented him with a concoction of blue.

"And for you, my dear Doctor, some Romulan Ale.
But take care, for possession could land you in jail."

Santa said, "Mr. Spock..." as he moved past McCoy.
"What gift could I give you that you would enjoy?

A fine chess set? Some harp strings? A new robe of black?"
But Spock shook his head. "There is nothing I lack."

"Is that up for debate?" McCoy said with a sneer.
"Seems to me you could use a large dose of good cheer."

"That's it!" Santa said. "That is just what I'll do!
The true Christmas Spirit is my gift to you."

When Spock shook his head, Santa said, "It's okay...
It's just for tomorrow, Spock, just for one day."

Then without one more word, he went straight to his work.
He filled all the stockings, then turned back to Kirk.

"And for you," Santa said, "that blonde girl in your quarters
Is one of my elves. She'll obey all your orders."

Kirk stared at the fat man, his look most sublime.
Then a grin lit his face. "Gee, look at the time...

It's been a great treat, but I really must go.
A Captain's work's never quite done, don't you know."

As he scurried away, Santa signaled his deer.
"Make a note," Santa said. "A brunette for next year."

Then laying a finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the Jeffries he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a warp-powered missile.

But they heard him exclaim as he drove through the skies,
"Merry Christmas to all on the old Enterprise!"