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Sephiroth: Yeah yeah…..whatever….
Cloud: And take that stupid Meteor with you also!!
Sephiroth: Meto---wha??
Cloud: Meteor!!! That stupid red planet thing up there!!
Sephiroth: What the $%^*@$&$ are you talking abo—oh Dammit! How that get there????
Cloud: Don’t play dumb! You summoned it remember?? You said “bring Me a Meteor on the double!!”
Sephiroth: Meteor??? I didn’t say------ I knew this would happen!!
Cloud: ???????
Sephiroth: You know that store where they sell potions & food?? Uh… Zor’s palace??
Cloud: Yeah that place in Gold Saucer. Really expensive!!
Sephiroth: Yeah I bought their so-called extra yummy “Meaty-Zors”
Cloud: And they thought it was Meteor….right??
Sephiroth: Guess so…no-wonder the bill was so expensive!
Cloud: ……. Oh… so then I don’t have to kill you…
Sephiroth: Guess not.. well if you kill me you would be killing yourself also…..
Cloud: Wha?????
Sephiroth: Yeah you’re a failed experiment of ME remember????
Cloud: Oh yeah… that sucks…….
Sephiroth: Sucks???? You should be PROUD to be wonderful me!!
Cloud: …… ~Tries not to laugh~
Sephiroth: Anyway lemme fix stuff up here ~Picks up cell calls Zor’s Palace~
Sephiroth: Yeah I want one of your Meaty-Zor’s
Chef: Ahhh! Anotha Meteor eh?? O-kaiy! 5 muns!!
Seph: No!!! Dammit! Get me someone who can speak English!!!
English Guy: Uh-huh! A MEATY-ZOR eh??? Okay it’ll be ready in 5 mins!
Sephiroth: Since it’s too big for one person I’ll share it with you!
Cloud: WOW!! Really?? Thanks Sephy!
Seph: Don’t call me that!!!!!!!!
Cloud: sorry!!
Zor-Guy: Here you too go! Enjoy it ~together~
Cloud+Seph: Hey!! Were NOT gay!!!
~Seph pulls out his mesamure kills Zor-Guy~
Cloud: Did you have to kill him???
Seph: No…. But it fun!!
Cloud: Ok-ay then
~both munching away~
Cloud: So Seph.. Why are you so evil??
Seph: I dunno….. My physiologist said because of my “inner-feelings” But its probably because in high-school I was always being teased about my sword and my long hair…
Cloud: yeah I know what you mean I was always teased about my name And my hair……
Seph: So Cloud….Who do you like?? Aeris or Tifa??
Cloud: I…er…uhhh…mmm….don’t know..
Seph: Sure, sure…
Cloud: Hey Seph…
Seph: Mmm??
Cloud: Why did you kill Aeris???
Seph: Oh her… she had a sign on her back saying “KILL ME!”
Cloud: Oh! For a second there I thought this was something serious!!
Cloud: Oh yeah! What about that Meteor???
Seph: Oh right I’ll fix that!
~Picks up cell and calls Planet~
Seph: Yo planet!! Its me! Sephiroth!! Sorry about the Meteor! Can you get Rid of it now??????
Planet: Yeah sure!! HEY HOLY!!! WE NEED YOU TO DESTROY METEOR!! YEAH YOU CAN BRING THE LIFESTREAM ALSO!!!
Seph: Thanks
Planet: No problem!
~Tifa climbs up to where Seph + Cloud are~
~Seph stares at Tifa climbing up~
Cloud: what are you looking at Seph??hmmmm??
Seph: Huh?? Nothing! Nothing at all! hehe!
Tifa: Hey guys!! Ooooo! Meaty-Zor!! Oh poo! You ate it all!!
Barret: ya foo! Ya’ll ate da Meaty-Zor wif-out me!!
Vincent: huh?? Meaty-Zor?? Where???
Yuffie: MEATY-ZOR!!! Kick-ass!!! …..WHA??? none left!!
Cid, Cait, Red,: We want meaty-Zor’s!!!!
Tifa: Yeah Cloud why don’t you buy me a Meaty-Zor huh??
Red: Yeah!! Meeee tooo!
Cloud: Now wait a minute!! I cant go and buy everyone a Meaty-Zor!!!
Vincent: What?? You bought Costa de Sol!!! And you cant spare a few bucks for your friends??? Cheap-ass!
Cloud: Few bucks??? Each cost $10,000 gil!!!!!!
Everyone: COSTA DE SOL WAS $300,000 GIL!!!!!
Cloud: geeeeeee!!! Okay okay!!! Meaty-Zors for everyone!!
Seph: Weee-llll I gotta go now… Why don’t we meet at Gold Saucer??
Cloud: Yeah okay!
Vincent: fine by me!
Tifa: Sure!
Cid: Why the !#^&$@*( not??
Barret: Coo! I is in!
Yuffie: Sure..
Red: Sure!!!
Cait: Oh sorry Red we have a “No animals! Exception Chocobos” policy.
Red: &*@$^&$@(*&%(@ policy??? DAMMIT!!!!!!
Cloud: c-ya Sephy!
Seph: I said not to call me that!!
~Thursday morning~ Cloud: Look! Ruby!!
Ruby: Awww! Common lemmie in!!!
Man: Sorry Ruby! there's a "No Ancient Weapons" policy here!
Ruby: I’ll cast whirlsand on you!!!
Man: Read the sign.Ruby: What?? No magic casting??? DAMMIT!! Ill be back!!!
Cloud: Heres our ticket!
Man: Thanks enjoy your stay!!!
Seph: So! What will we do first???
Yuffie: WONDER SQUARE!!!!
Tifa: Sounds fun lets go!!!
Cait: I’ll be talking with my friends upstairs. Have fun you guys!
~Everyone runs to the wonder square~
Vincent: Whoa!!! SuperMegaStreetFighterTurboExChampionshipAlphaPlus3!!!
Cid: What???
Barret: Ha! You’ll never beat me!!
~Vincent & Barret keep fighting~ Barret: Yo dude!! Whats dis shit??
Vincent: HAHA! Take this!! “Ultra Combo Dragon Nova Slash”!
Barret: Wha??$#&*@*@*(@&$*@($&^*@!!
Cid: Hey! That’s my line!!!!!!
Tifa: Shhhhhh! There’s children around!!
Cloud: Say Sephiroth…
Seph: Mmmm???
Cloud: tell me why you REALLY killed Aeris…
Seph: Cause Im EVIL! MUHAHAHAHA!!!! I just made that story up… Guess Im just Really evil… Killing an Innocent girl….
Cloud: …..And I miss her too… I remember when I took her on a date here..
Yuffie: Now you did it dumb-ass
Tifa: WHAT????? DATE?? WHEN?? WHY?? HOW COME YOU NEVER TOOK ME ON A DATE?!?!?!?!?! CLOUD STRIFE???
Seph: You’re a dead man Cloud….
Cloud: Uhhhhhhh….. You never asked??? A heh heh heh…
~Tifa freaks out and screams and gives Cloud a low-blow~ POW
Cloud: Oooooowwwwwwww!!! My nuts!!!!!Cid: Haha!!! Tifa whooped Yo #^%$^ ass!
Tifa: Want me to give you one also??
Cid: N-no thanks Tif. I had trouble pissing because of last time…..
Cloud: Owww… anyway Seph also why did you burn-down Niblehiem? And Slash Tifa…..
Tifa: Oh yeah Seph take this!
POW!!
Seph: ooooowwwwwwww! My nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dammit Tifa I should of killed you also!
Cloud: anyway kill my family, brainwash me, kill Mr. ShinRa and made that stupid Rufus be pres., and kill a Midgar Zolom, and Kill Tseng, and kill all those Clones of youself, uhhhhh.. what else did you kill???
Seph: Cause Its FUN!!DAMMIT! FUN! Oh yes how silly of me I forgot! You’re just a Jenova-Filled Puppet! A FAILED experiment! Not even given a Number! That’s how Pathetic you are! You have no heart and cannot feel any pain Muahahaha!!!
Cloud: ~sob~ Shut-up Seph! Your so cruel! ~sob~
Seph: Such a shame I cant revive Aeris huh???
Vincent: Hey! I know who might be able to revive her!
Cloud: WHO WHO??????
Vincent: Ever heard of the “Fiery-Angel”??
Cloud: The who??
Vincent: Fiery-Angel!! Hes a monster from Doom!
Tifa: So what your point???
Vincent: Well he can resurrect things and set them on fire.
Cloud: Oh!!! I get it he’s gonna Revive Aeris and set her on fire!!
Vincent: No!! He CAN set thing on fire but he doesn’t have to.
Cloud: So he COULD resurrect her?
Vincent: Yes.
Cloud: and he can set her on fire
Vincent: Yes. And resurrect her.
Cloud: But He CAN set Aeris on fire right??
Vincent: (becoming annoyed) Yes.
Cloud: Sure??
Vincent: Positive.
Cloud: set HER on fire??????
Vincent: YES! SHUT-UP!!!
Cid: Now! here lemmie explain!….. blah…blah..blah…..
~2 hours past they Finally understand (I think)~
Cloud: Soooooo This angel dude will set Aeris on fire then Resurrect her! Okay! I got it!
Vincent&Cid: I give up!!!
Tifa: So where is this “Fiery-Angel?”
Vincent: Its not 1 thing but a species. They live in Hell.
Cloud: Hey! That’s next door from my house!!!
Everyone: HUH???
Tifa: You Idiot! That’s Holl!! Hell is a fiery place!!
Cloud: Oh yeah! So how do we get there?????
Seph: You have to do something really bad and die and you’ll go to hell!
Cloud: So we all have to do something REALLY bad and die… Cool!
Seph: Uh..yeah! well Im Covered I killed Aeris
Everyone split up! Do something Really bad and die!
Everyone goes they’re separate ways…
Cloud returns to Midgar.. He walks up to the ShinRa building and slices a guard in half in front of the public.. another guard run to the scene..
Guard: Hey!!! What are you doing???
Cloud: Nothing just killing!
Guard: Him??? Your gonna die for this!!!
Cloud: (yeeesssss!)
Guard: Wait! I that Big Jack?? Yes it is you Killed Big Jack!!
Cloud: That’s bad right??
Guard: No! Its terrific!!!
Cloud: Wha??? Killings good now???
Guard: No! Big Jack disguises himself as a ShinRa Solder and Steals stuff! Im glad someone caught him! Midgar’s Gonna LOVE you for this!!
Cloud: Whaaaaaa????
Meanwhile Cloud gets another idea..
Cloud: There it is! The Sister Ray!!
Man: hey you! Get off the Cannon!
Cloud: No!!! Get lost!
Cloud pushes a bunch of buttons firing to every target imaginable…Cloud Laughs at the man
Cloud: HAHAHAHA! How do you like that?????
Man: Hey!
Cloud: HAHAHA!
Man: You got the canon to work!!!! WOW it hasn’t been fired since we killed “DIAMOND WEAPON”
Man: WOW! Your one lucky man Midgar’s gonna Phrase you for this!!
Cloud: huh??? What??? DOH!!!
Frustrated Cloud leaves.. He walks up to Cosmo Canyon. Then Runs up to the Cosmo Candle.
Cloud: Yo everyone!! Look! Im gonna put out this stupid fire!!!!
BugenHagenSneigerFlitcherGeisenHagisSchneil: Ho Ho Hoooooaaa??
Cloud: Yeah! This stupid fires going bye bye!!
Cloud throws a wet blanket over the fire and smoldering it. Everyone comes out in sees…
“Thank god!” Cries a women
Cloud: What??
“You don’t know how many children got burnt by it!” says another women
“That fire was really hurting my eyes” says a man
BugenHagen: Your gonna pay for this! Your going to---- Hey! My gold watch! That where Nanaki hid it! Thanks a bundle Cloud!
Cloud: YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Being really pissed off Cloud walks home to his Villa in Costa De Sol Being the owner here he makes a giant change…
Cloud( this should count as a really bad thing!) He runs up to the beach and yells
Cloud: Hey everyone! This beach is permanently closed! Im making a Toxic Waste dump!!!
Everyone: Aweeee! This sucks! Cloud you Suck!!!!
Happy Cloud walks away but a priest stops him.
Priest: my son I wish to thank you!!
Cloud: What??
Priest: That beach only promotes laziness.
Cloud: but-but-but!……
Priest: Now the people will find true happines
Instead of lying around all day! Its takes a strong man to do this! Thank you Cloud!
Cloud: But..I mean..he..no..me…well I..
Priest: I know what you are trying to say. I’m sure you’ll NEVER go to hell!
Cloud:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO GO TO HELL! HELLLLLLLLL! DO YOU HEAR ME?? HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
Cloud yells to the point where he collapses and dies he winds up on a long line finally its his turn to go in..
Angel: Cloud…Cloud Strife…ahh! Here we are! Hey! You ran over a cat when you were 14!
Cloud: you…you saw that??
Angel: No..I was guessing…
Cloud: uuuggghhh!
Angel: You ripped the tag off your mattress!
Cloud: huh???
Angel: Does your Bachelor party ring a bell??
Cloud: Wha….??
Angel: I’m not even gonna look at puberty!
The Angel sends Cloud falling into Hell…
Cloud: Yes!! I’m finally here!!!
Cloud runs to the Demon
Demon: What do you want???
Cloud: I want to see The “Fiery-Angel”
Demon: Oh okay Wait a minute.
Cloud: Finally Im gonna meet him!!
Cloud meets the Fiery-Angel
Cloud: Hello??
FA: What??
Cloud: I need you to revive Aeris!
FA: Who??
Cloud: A girl who died.
FA: She’s dead??
Cloud: yes
FA: So… whats your problem??
Cloud: I need you to revive her!
FA: Who?
Cloud: Aeris!!!
FA: Who’s that?
Cloud: The girl who’s dead!!
FA: Well if shes dead what are you complaining about??
Cloud: I don’t want her dead!
FA: Who don’t you want dead?
Cloud: Aeris!!!
FA: Who’s Aeris???
Cloud!! YYYEEAAARRGGGGHHH!!! Okay! I want you to revive Aeris!!
FA: Hey your jumping off the topic!
Cloud: Alright. The girls name is Aeris. Shes Dead. Cloud that’s me. Does not want her dead.
FA: so your Aeris!
Cloud: NO! what are you talking about??
FA: You said “The girls name is Aeris……that’s me”
Cloud: Noo! Lets start over!
FA: Ooooo! Your making this so complicating!
Cloud: Okay, repeat after me!
FA: okay
Cloud: I
FA: I
Cloud: want
FA: want
Cloud: to
FA: to
Cloud: revive
FA: revive
Cloud: Aeris
FA: Aeris
The Fiery-Angel thinks for a moment….
FA: HEY! I DON’T WANT TO REVIVE AERIS! YOU DO!
Cloud: Yes!
FA: So why did you say I wanted to revive Aeris when you wanted to?
Cloud: No…Wait I…ARGGGGGGG!
FA: Your making no sense!
Cloud: Okay. I, Cloud Strife, want you to revive Aeris, because Aeris is dead, and Cloud does not want Aeris dead.
FA: Got it. So you want two small cokes, an order of fries, two double- cheeseburgers and a milkshake?
Cloud: Noooo! Argggg!
FA: Your pretty stupid mister! You cant even say a simple sentence!
Cloud: You!……
FA: You cant even ask me to revive Aeris!
Cloud: Yes!! Do that!
FA: Do what??
Cloud: Revive Aeris!!!!
FA: whos Aeris??? Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~sob~
FA: Hey whats wrong mister??
Cloud: Why why why??
FA: Hey! You okay?
Cloud: NO!
FA: Why not???
Cloud: Cause you wont revive Aeris!
FA: Aeris? That dead girl? The flower-lady? The one that Sephiroth killed?
Cloud: Yes!! Yes!! Can you resurrect her??
FA: Who?
Cloud: Aeris!
FA: Whos that?
Cloud! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Look can you get me another Fiery- Angel??
FA: sure!!!
Cloud meets up with another Fiery-Angel
Cloud: Okay mister I want you to Revive Aeris!
FA2: Strrreeemmmhhh ohhhhbaaaa? Pppainnfsdd ooommmooo!
Cloud: Uhhh...I'll find another one
Cloud searches and searches finally he finds a good “Fiery-Angel”
Cloud: HI!!!
Fiery-Angel3: what do you want little man??
Cloud: I want you to resurrect Aeris!
FA3: Who’s Aeris??
Cloud: Aeris the dead girl
FA3: Oh she’s dead what are you complaining about??
Cloud: No! I want her alive!
FA3: Okay You sure you want her alive??
Cloud: Yes!
FA3: I think I better ask her myself.
Cloud: But shes dead!!!!
FA3: Then what‘s the problem??
Cloud: I want you to resurrect Aeris because I want her alive!!
FA3: Demands, demands! Everyone wants me to do something for them! Ang, Do this! Ang, Do that! Ang. Fix that. Well I’m not gonna take it anymore!
Cloud: Oh common!!! Please!!!?
FA3: No! screw you revive her yourself!!!
After Cloud finally convinced FA to resurrect her….
FA3: That one???
Cloud: Yeah the Dead one
FA3: So what’s your problem?? She’s dead!
Cloud: REVIVE HER DAMMIT!!!!!!
FA3: okay okay!!!
Cloud takes Aeris to the surface Ang revives her…
Aeris: Huh?? Whaaaaaaa?????
Cloud: Aeris!!! Aeris: Whhhaaaaaaa??? SEPHY GONNA KILL US ALL!!!
Seph: I said not to call me that!!!
Cloud: Don’t worry it’s all settled!
FA3: Well.. I’ll be going now bye!
Cloud: What no! Resurrect me!
FA3 okay then
Cloud was resurrected
Cloud: Aeris your finally alive!!
Aeris: Hey you took my white materia!!!
Cloud: nope it fell into the water!
Aeris Oh…. Okay!
They meet up with everyone else
Cloud: Look! Look whos back!!!
Tifa: HI!!!!
Barret: Yo I thought she be dead!
Cid: Oh its her
Red: Who gave you permission to die???
Sephiroth: I’m…er…..uh… whats that word where you apologize to someome!
Yuffie: Its called “sorry” stupid!
Seph: Oh yeah! Sorry Aeris! Ill make up for it!
Aeris: You better you bastard!!
Cloud: Soooooo everything better now eh???
Seph: no not quite…theres still..
Cloud: Yes?
Seph: the scarest…
Cloud: Yes??
Seph: the darkest!…..
Cloud: Yes???
Seph: The most evilest….
Cloud: Will you shut-up and get to the point already???
Seph: Oh sorry! What im saying that hes still alive!
Barret: Who you?? Yeah you should have been killed by now! HAHA
Seph: Humph! I should have added Marlene to my list!
Barret: $%&$&^$^& touch her and I’ll $^$^&$^$% you!!!
Vincent: You mean HIM who did that place whenever?
Seph: Yeah HIM!
Cloud: You mean THAT guy???
Tifa: Your not talking about THAT guy are you?
Vincent: He's not that guy who kept doing that thing at the place sometime, is he?
Seph: Fraid’ so!
Cloud: Sooooo whats he gonna do to us??
Seph: Well HES gonna close down Gold Saucer and put up a new …
Cloud: yes???
Seph: A…….
Everyone: WHAT????
Seph: School……
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vincent: what?? Lets get him!!!
Yuffie: Whos HIM?????? Tell me!!!
( Hi reader! I guess you want to know who “HE” is eh? Well too bad for you! You’ll just have to continue!)
The Party is resting in Sephy’s Hotel….
Seph: I said don’t call me that!!!RH: Well too bad for you Sephy! MY story if you dont like it I'll put in someone else!!
Seph: %$^&$$%*^$^$^& Shut-up!!!!
RH: =Þ
Cloud: So who’s HE???
Seph: HIM?
Cloud: Yes him!
Seph: That’s Tifa Tifa’s a She!
Cloud: No! not her! HIM!
Seph: oh Barret Duh!!
Cloud: Dammit! The guy whos gonna close Gold Saucer!!!!!!
Seph: Oh HIM!!
Seph: Hes……
(tension high)
Cloud: Yes??
Cid: %*&%*^??
Barret: Yo??
Yuffie: Hello???
Red: yes?
Cait: so whos HE?
Tifa: Dammit! Sephiroth! Say his name or I’ll punch you again!!!!
Seph: No don’t! HIS name is……
Seph: Bob.
Cloud: What? Bob? Him again?? Noooooo!
Cid: Lets get the !@#$%^*&^#$!!!
Seph: We cant……
Barret: Wha?? What ‘da $%^& ‘yo ‘talkin ‘bout ‘foo??
Seph: Bob’s got bodyguards
Cloud: So I’ll slice em in half!
Seph: Do you have any idea who they are??
Cloud: No who cares!!
Seph: They are…
Cloud: yes??
Seph:…..the…
Cloud: Will you stop doing this??? Its pissing me off!
Seph: Silence!! The Men in Blue!
Tifa: The Turks???
Seph: Whoops! No its Black!
Yuffie: Damn! I don’t want to be flashy-thinged!
Cloud: Well lets go!!
The party runs to Gold Saucer….
Cloud: (huff puff) How…much farther??
Red: Try Further
Cloud: Shut-up!!
Cid: Why don’t we take the Highwind??
Cloud slaps his forehead…
Cid: #^%$&^&* You mean we could of taken the $^&&**## Airship??
Barret: Yo! It be only 50 miles more!
Cloud: Good!
Party walks further……
Cloud: Say wasn’t it nice of the game designers to make us about 5,000 time large than normal??
Seph: Yeah I really helps getting around!
Vincent: Look! Im taller than the Rocket!
Cloud: Oh yeah Im taller than The ShinRa HQ building!!
Seph: Oh yeah well Im taller than…
~looks around~
Seph: Dammit!! Im just Taller than!!!!!
Yuffie: Look! Lookie!! Gold Saucer!!!!!!!!
Vincent: Yes it is Yuffie just under this tunnel.
Then a stoneface appears and blocks their way….
stoneface: You may not proceed.Cloud: Huh? Why not?
Stoneface: Cause you need a key that’s why!
Cloud: Well I have the Midgar key! How’s that??
SF: NO! a different key!
Tifa: So where’s this key? SF: I cannot tell you but my father can.. he lives on the west mountain..
The party walks to the West mountain……..
Cid: See! I told you to take the #%&*$*( Highwind!!!
Cloud: Shut-up Cid!
StoneFacesDad: Who is it??
Cloud: We come to ask for the key…
SFD: You may all ask me 3 questions each.
Cloud: Perfect! Now what should I ask first?
SFD: How about where the key is. That’s 1!
Cloud: WHAT?
SFD: I said asking where the key is. That 2!
Cloud: Dammit! Why do you have to be so confusing?
SFD: Cause its my job. That’s 3 NEXT!!
Yuffie: I wanna try Move Cloud!
SFD: you may ask me 3 questions.
Yuffie: Okay where’s the…um…..Damn, Whats that thing called again?
SFD: ~whispers~ a key. That’s 1!
Yuffie: I couldn't hear you! What did you say??
SFD: The KEY!! That’s 2 Yuffie: Damn! Only 3..2….uh…Damn what comes before 2??
SFD: 1 thank you! NEXT!!!
Yuffie: Thanks Stony.. 1 left…no wait… DAMMIT!!
Cid: lemmie try!
SFD: 3 question that’s all.
Cid: okay Give me the $%&(*#% Key!!!!!!
SFD: you must ASK for it. That’s 1!
Cid: May I have the key?
SFD: yes
Cid: Good. Give it to me.
SFD: no.
Cid: What the $%^&*^ do you mean??
SFD: I simply said you CAN have it, I didn’t say I’d give it to you, But you are capable of having it.
Cid: YOU#%&&*%&%*^% DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM GONNA $^&%$^&#$&$* DO TO YOUR $^&%((*%(%????????????
SFD: You are gonna try to hit me but fail.
Cid: Dammit! So where’s the Key??
SFD: That was 3 come again!! NEXT!!!
Tifa: Oh let me handle this!
SFD: You may ask me 3 questions.
Tifa: WOW! what should I ask first??
SFD: How about where the key is. That’s 1
Tifa: No! Wait can I start over?
SFD: Nope!
Tifa: Why cant I start over??
SFD: You only get one chance in your lifetime.
Tifa: Fine where’s the Key?
SFD: So sorry that was 3 NEXT!!!
Tifa: DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
Barret: Yo man I be next!
SFD: You may ask me 3 questions.
Barret: Yo what you be ‘rappin ‘bout?
SFD: You may ask me 3 questions. That’s 1!
Barret: Yo! Gimme da @$^*$^ Key!
SFD: You must speak English!
Barret: DAMMIT! Where be da….no..wait….Where da… No! Dammit!..ra, sha, da ma, ka..I cant do this!
SFD: Try!
Barret: Okay
Cloud: Ask him where the key is!
Barret: Yo! Why you be ‘takin my turn?
SFD: cause he wants to help. That’s 2!
Barret: Hey Yo! You be staying out of this!
SFD: You have 1 question left.
Barret: shit. What am I supposed to do?
SFD: Ask me where the key is. That 3 NEXT
Barret: DAMMIT! $^&%&(*^*(%!!!
Aeris: My turn!
SFD: You may ask me 3 questions
Aeris: Okay, Now what were we looking for again?? SFD: YYYEEAAARRGGHH!!! Damn you people! The ‘Freakin key is in that coloured rock over there!!! Wont you humans EVER learn???
Sephiroth: hahaha!!!! Lucky I’m not fully human!
Red: Shut-up! Sephiroth! wait neither am I!
Cloud: Alright!
SFD: Now go away you stupid people! Go take this to the other Stone face!
Seph: Heres your key!!
SF: Okay you may pass!
Tifa: Your dad said your grounded for sending us to him!
SF: HUH?? I have a party to go to!
Cloud: Lets go everyone!!!
The party finally arrives at Gold Saucer and finds Bob.
Cloud: Hey you Bob!
Bob: Who me?
Cloud: yeah You
Bob: How do you know me??
Cloud: Sephy….er..Seph told us!
Bob: But how did he tell you what I look like?
Cloud: Yes Seph What does Bob look like?
Tifa: Hey Cloud… Your talking to Bob the guy in front of you!
Cloud: Shhhhhhhh… Tifa later! I’m trying to find out what Bob looks like!!
Aeris: ~whispers~ …… stupid….
Seph: He looks like a human or if you want a polygon type figure…
Cloud: Can you narrow it down a little?
Seph: Okay. Hes a human between the age 0 to 100. He breaths oxygen, he either has hair or doesn’t, has eyes of same color, and has skin.
Cloud: Waitaminute! Vincent! Your Bob aren’t you??
Vincent: ZZZzzzZz… huh? Me??
Cloud: yeah you fit the description PERFECTILY!
Vincent: So do you…
Cloud: I…Well I’ll be dammed your right!
Barret: Yo you be da Bob eh?
Vincent: me??
Barret: No! HIM!
Bob: Me?
Barret: Yeah you
Bob: yes I’m Bob..(hehehe! I spelt my name backwards! They think I’m Bob when I’m really Bob! Hahahahaha!!!! DOH!)
Cloud: So you ARE bob…
Bob…No I’m Bob!
Cloud: Oh a spelling error so what?
Bob: Tommy! Will! Get over here!
MIB music plays while Tommy & Will walk through the Door…
Cloud: Time to die!
Vincent: Uh… aren’t we supposed to have a party of 3??
Cloud: Oh.. right! Uh… Cid, Vincent come with me!
Barret: Yo!
Cid Shut-up! he called me!!!!
Will: Well well well… what do we have here????
Tommy: Polygons… HAHA!
Cloud attemps to strike Will but he Flashy-Things him…
Cloud stands there frozen
Tommy: You have heard the others insulting you about your hair..
Cloud: WHAT???? DAMN YOU GUYS!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Cid holds him down…
MIB pull out those funky little guns..
Cid: SHIIIIITTTTT!!!
Vincent: Duck!
Cloud: No this is Gold Saucer..not a Chinese restaurant. They don’t serve Duck here maybe Chocobos though… But no Duck…
Vincent: No you moron! Duck!!!
Will: Damn missed!
MIB load up again..
Tommy: Wha?? Darn my batteries are dead!
The MIB back away Cloud, Vincent, Cid attack like crazy….
Cloud: We did it!
Seph: But Bob’s still here!
Cloud: Who?
Seph: BOB!!!
Tifa: I know!!!
Cloud: You know what?
Tifa: I know this…er..wait I have this computer where you can locate anyone anywhere
Aeris: Really??? Where???
Tifa: There!
Red: I thought that was a Pinball Machine…..
Tifa: Who cares!
Cloud looks at the monitor. "World's Most user-friendly Computer"
Cloud sits down a types..
Cloud: C:/ hello
Bad command or file name
Cloud: C:/what?
Bad command or file name
Tifa: Moron! Type WIN!!!
Cloud: Okay okay!!
Cloud: C:/ win
Cant
Cloud: C:/ why?
Not enough memory
Cloud: C:/ Then free up some memory!!!!
Ask nicely
Cloud: C:/ Can you please free up some memory?
Didn’t sound like you meant it
Cloud: C:/ WHAT?? This is a Freakin KEYBOARD!!!!!!!!
Don’t be so angry
Cloud: C:/ Where’s Bob?
On this planet
Cloud: C:/ Where on the Planet?
On the troposphere
Cloud: Where on the troposphere?
On solid land
Cloud: C:/ WHERE on solid land?
In a town
Cloud: C:/ What town?
A town is a small of houses placed in a common area. And stop speaking like a Cave Man!
Cloud: C:/ What’s the name of the town?
Villa Town
Cloud: C:/ Where’s Villa town?
On the surface.
Cloud: Awe screw this lets go!
Suddenly the phone rings…
Seph: Hello?
guy: Hi is Cloud there? someone would like to speak to him.
Seph: Yeah Wait a minute
Cloud: Hellooo???
Mysterious Voice: Hello Cloud?
Cloud: The one and Only!
Seph: Your a clone of ME dammit! Not one and only! Clone of ME!!! great Sephiroth!!! Cloud: Will you shut-up about that? Voice: Do you know what I just did??
Cloud: No.
Voice: I just called you collect.. without dialing 1-800-COLLECT
Cloud: What?? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Damn you! Damn you to Hell!!!
Voice: Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud slams the phone down…
Cloud: DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
Tifa: Whats wrong Cloud?
Cloud: Some guy called me Collect But he didn’t dial 1-800-COLLECT!!
Tifa: OH MY GOD!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Cloud: Say Seph?
Seph: Hmmm?
Cloud: That was you wasn’t it?
Seph: Huh?? I was here all along!!
Cloud: Yeah but you have a cell phone…And he laughs like you!
Seph: What??? Like me? MY laugh? The Muhahahahahahaha! Laugh?
Cloud: Yeah! Why?
Seph: Cause I have a trademark on that!
Cloud: Lets go get him!
Seph: Yeah!!!
Aeris&Tifa: Oh brother…
At Gold Saucer….
Cloud: Do you have any idea where Bob is??
guy: N-no….
Seph: He’s lying!!! Kill HIM!!!
Zor: ahhhhhhhh!!! No don’t! Hes in Midgar!!
Seph: Thanks!
Sephiroth Kills him anyway….
Cid: did you have to kill him?
Seph: No but—
Cloud: We know, we know…Its fun…
And so the party walks on……
Cloud: Damn! I forgot how to get to Midgar from here!
Vincent: See! We needed the Highwind!
Cloud: Shut-up about that!
Aeris: Say Cid you know your way around right?
Cid: Yeah??
Cloud: Well lead on Mr. Leader!
Cid: Cool! IM the $&^%&*% leader!
Cid stops and thinks…
Cloud: Uh…. Cid?
Cid: Which town was Midgar? The one with the Beach?
Cloud: No that’s my house!! It’s the one with the Big Cannon on it!
Cid: Oh THAT’S Midgar!!
Yuffie: Well I gotta go.. I have an Exam to do..c-ya!
Everyone: bye!
Cid leads the Party onwards…Finally they arrive
Red Hey this doesn’t look like Midgar!Tifa: You moron! This is JUNON!!!
Cid: But-but.. You said Big Cannon and all..er…wait they Moved it..Now I remebmber!!
Vincent: Idiot! Now we gotta go back!!
Cid takes then to Midgar…
Cait: Hey its Bob!
Bob: No! not you again!
Cloud: Were gonna fight you for this!
Bob: But I’ve never been in a fight..!
Aeris: That’s okay!
Bob: But That spikey headed guys Sword can cut me in half!
Cloud: So?
Bob: And I don’t even wanna talk about that guy with the Long silver hair's sword!
Seph: Yes I know mine is better than His!!
Cloud: Is not!
Seph: Is so!
Cloud: Is not!
Seph: Is so!
Tifa: shut-up! Everyone knows my fists are the strongest!
Cloud&Seph: Y-Yes Tifa!! Please no examples!!
Bob: But I’m scared!
Red: No need to worry!
Bob: why that Dog talking?
Red: HEY!
Cloud: Don't worry! This is a Final Fantasy 7 battle! You can be hit by missiles, lasers, skulls, set on fire, frozen, electrocuted, poisoned and slashed, and still be in perfect health!
Bob: But—but….
Battle music starts…
Bob: Hey where’d that music came from?
Vincent: Comes whenever you start a battle!
Bob: Hey! Everything’s going Twirly!!
Bob looks down at his status screen…
Bob: Hmmm… numbers.. Whats that? And why’s there a stupid little white hand pointing at me?
He reads the sign that just appeared to the top of the screen..
Bob: Hmmmm… Nights of the Round..Whats that?
Knights rush in and Slash him…
Bob: Hey!! Owww! Stop no fair!!
Knights disappear…
Cloud: Pssst! Bob your turn!
Bob: What do I do?
Seph: Cast a spell!
Bob: Okay…
Bob casts Toad on himself…
Cloud: NO! Cast magic on us!
Bob: ~Ribbit~ Okay!
Bob casts Fullcure on the good guys…
Vincent: No you moron!!!
Seph: This is harder than teach you about the Fiery-Angel!
Cloud: Shut-up! Anyway Bob…..
Cloud: Okay there are 2 types of spells got me?
Bob: Yes.
Cloud: There are curative and attack spells. Attack spells you use on the enemy, got me?
Bob: Yep
Cloud: Then there are curative spells, you cast them on yourself. Curative spells will heal you.
Bob: I don’t get it
Cloud: okay Ill cast magic on you and you do the same thing okay?
Bob: Okay
Cloud casts Fire3 on Bob
Bob casts Fire3 on himself
Seph: What the hell you do that for?Bob: You said to do exactly what you did!!
Vincent: Nono! He uses Fire3 on you, You use Fire3 on him!
Bob: Oh! Lemmie try again!
Bob casts Fire3 on Cloud
Bob: Hey! That didn’t do any damage!Cloud: That’s cause I’m wearing a fire ring!
Bob: Owww! This is too confusing!
Cloud: Look lets try this another time okay? Besides your already dead
Bob looks at his status bar
Cloud: see
Bob: Damn, Well Ill be back!
Cloud: Don’t worry We’ll fight again once you learn
Music stops everything’s back to normal
Bob: Oh, don't worry about me! I have some friends who can fight you themselves!
Cid: Who are your #$&&^*^(^$#!! Friends?
Bob: I summon the WEAPONS!!!!!
Cloud: Uh.. Bob you need to put Materia into your weapon or Armor
Bob: Oh…right.. I knew that!
Cid: God…
Bob: I summon the WEAPONS!!!!!
The once defeated WEAPONS arise again…
Ultimate WEAPON: Kill Kill Kill!!!!Diamond WEAPON: Yeah! Destroy EVERYTHING!
All the WEAPONS start to run around and Destroy everything Emerald stops everything….
Emerald: Wait guys! Arnt we supposed to be protecting the planet?
Ultimate: Uh?? I never thought of that!
Ruby: From what??
Diamond: From Ultimate over there!!
Ultimate: What? Ruby does more damage than me!!!
Ruby: I do not! I just sun bathe in the Sand!!
Diamond: Yeah and kill Thousands of people!!!
Ruby: What? When people get near me I feel threatened! So I gotta fight em!
Ultimate: Shut-up all of you! We all know that Emerald WEAPON is killing everything!
Diamond: Lets get him!!!
Emerald: What? I’ve been in the Water all my life!
Ultimate: Excuses Excuses!
Emerald: Shut-up!
Emerald: Besides I haven’t killed anyone!
Ruby: ‘Yo Mama!
Emerald: My mothers the Planet, you bastard!
Diamond: Yeah so?
Emerald: We’re all born from the planet!!!!
Ultimate: Dammit!
Ruby: Then…then… T-that means……
Emerald: Yeah…man…shit!
Diamond: Were….
Ultimate: …..brothers????
WEAPONS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Emerald: That’s it, we wouldn’t have been created if it wasn’t for Cloud!
Ruby: Lets get em!
Diamond: Uh… where’d they go?
Cloud, already into Midgar. The HQ of Gold Saucer
Cloud: This way!
Cid: Okay!
Cloud gets to the door. A Lady stops him.
Lady: Do you have an appointment?
Cloud: No! But this company is in great danger!
Lady: Sorry, you need an appointment.
Cloud: But this company is in extreme peril! Gold Saucer will perish and die if you don't let us in!
Lady: Sorry, you need an appointment.
Cloud: But Bob's gonna close down Gold Saucer, and has summoned the Weapons, and they will destroy the planet, and everything will crumble and die and the entire universe will collapse on itself and all matter will explode and all the dimensions will overlap and twist and time will reverse and everything will explode!!!!
Lady: Sorry, you need an appointment.Suddenly the president of GS comes down.
President: What's all this commotion about?
Lady: These guys here want to get in without an appointment!
President: Get off my property!
Sephiroth: Mr. President, you must listen to us! Bob wants to close down Gold Saucer!!
President: Bah! Do you expect me to believe that?
Cloud: Well, we kinda were.
President: Well, I don't! Hahaha!
Cloud: But Mr. President...
the President slams the door. Content, the President walks up to his office on the top floor. But when he gets there, someone is in his seat.
President: Who's there?
Bob: Its me, Bob.
Presidents: Bob who?
Bob: Sorry, I don't do knock-knock jokes.
Bob turns around to face the President.
President: What are you doing here?Bob: In a few days, I will own this company! President: What?
Bob: I’m sueing you!
Prez. For what?
Bob: I've proven that your food cause death!
President: Let me see some proof!
Bob hands the president some papers. The president puts on his reading glasses.
President(reading aloud): Hmmmm. 100% of all subjects were found to be dead one hour after eating a pizza from Gold Saucer
Bob: See? All the proof is in there! President: Who did you test?
Bob: The names of everyone I tested are on page 3.
President: Okay. Hmmm. Joe Marron, Susan Nescalus, Dyne, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie....
Bob: See?
President: Wait a minute... these guys all died a long time ago!
Bob: But were they not dead after they ate Gold Saucer food?
President: They were dead BEFORE they ate GS's food!
Bob: But the judge won't know that, and the trials tommorow!
President: I'll tell the jury this!
Bob: But you can't! President: Why?
Bob: Will Smith! Tommy Lee Jones! Get over here!
The Men in Black music plays, and the two agents walk in.
Bob: Dispose of this man.
Will Smith: Yes, sir!
The Men in Black pummel the president to death.
Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next day, the party unexpectedly sees the trial on television.
Cloud: Hey, look! Its Bob!
Tifa: Quiet, we have to watch this!
Judge: Okay, what is your story, Mr. Bob?
Bob: Okay. I have performed several tests which indicate that GS's food causes death.
Gold’s Lawyer: I object! We, sir, honestly don't believe that GS's food causes death!
Bob: Yes, but 100% of the people I tested were found to be dead one hour after eating Gold Saucer bread!
The judge looks at the records. Judge: I see. Gold Saucer, what is your defense?
Gold’s Lawyer: We don't believe that GS's food causes death!
Judge: Do you have proof?
Gold's Lawyer: Uh... not yet...
Judge: Jury, have you reached a verdict?
Jury Person: So far, 8 for Bob and 0 for Zor's, but some people haven't voted yet.
Judge: Okay. This session is closed. This case will resume in one week. Dismissed.
Sad music plays. The court case makes GS food a national target for prejudice. The surgeon general is forced to put signs on the pizza boxes like: Warning: Eating GS’s food can cause severe stomach disorders! , or Warning: Eating Gold Saucer Food is hazardous to your health. This several hurts Gold’s food, and even their mascot, Joe Cammal, is hated by the people.
"Joe Cammal is getting our teenagers to start eating at a young age!" desperate parents say. On the MTV music video awards, the new president announces that when he was a kid, he ate a Gold Saucer Pizza, but didn't swallow.
Cloud: No! What's gonna happen?
The MIB rush into the room.
Cloud: Hey, let us go!
Aeris: Get away from me!
Cid: What the @#$#@$@???
Barret: Yo' man, you steppin?
The Men in Black capture the party and put everyone in chains.
Tommy: You'll rot in prison!
Cloud: We'll get you for this!
The party is thrown into a big cell with Big Jack
Big Jack: Hey it’s you who sliced me in half!
Cloud: uh-oh…
Big Jack: Luckily ShinRa sew me up together
Cloud: Uh...hehe! So...uhh....
Big Jack: NOw im gonna pound ya fur this!!
It has been a week since Gold Saucer became doomed. The trial was nearly
over and things didn't look good. Cloud and the others are still in jail.
Red: Man, I could really go for a pizza right now.
Cloud: If we want pizza, we must stop Bob.
Sephiroth: But he has the Weapons, and the Men in Black!
Vincent: Oh, man! All we have are a bunch of guys with really powerful weapons
that can do 9999 points of damage!
Cloud: And I have this black eye from Big Jack!
Big Jack: Hey, yo! You better stop talkin'!
Cloud: Sorry.
Big Jack: You want me to come over there?
Cloud: No! Stop!
Big Jack: Come on'!
Cloud: Officer! Get him away from here!
Officer(glances up from newspaper): That's nice.
Cloud: Guys, help!
Everyone backs away.
Cloud: Come on guys! We can handle him!
Sephiroth: Uh, I....lost all my energy summoning the Meteor!
Red: I, uhh...don't want to ruin my coat of fur.
Barret: I...be pullin' a muscle!
Cloud: Uh...oh.
Big Jack beats on Cloud. After a short while, Cloud gets his limit break
guage filled.
Cloud: Oh, man! I don't have a sword!
Big Jack: Yo! I don't need a sword to beat you!
Cloud uses Omnislash on Big Joe, without his sword.
Cloud: OWWW! My hands! There's burning! OOOOWWWWW!!!!!
Officer: Hey, what did I tell you about using Omnislash in my prison?
Cloud: Sorry!
Big Jack: You better have somethin' to say, REAL quick, you @$@#!
Cloud: Well....uh...I...hehe.....
Big Jack: I'm gonna crush yo' head in!
Cloud: Man, what I'd give for something to break up this moment....
there is a long pause. Suddenly, Yuffie comes running in, singing and twirling
around.
Yuffie: I PASSED! I PASSED! I PASSED MY TESTS!!!!!!YAAAAAAA!!!!!I PASSED!!!!
Cloud(from under his breath): Yuffie!
Yuffie: I PASSED! I PASSED!!!!!!!!!
Cloud(a bit louder): Yuffie!
Yuffie: HAAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!I PASSED MY TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAYYY!!!!!!!
Cloud(much louder): YUFFIE!!!!
Yuffie: Oh, sorry.
Cloud: Thank you.
Yuffie: Did you hear? I passed the tests!
Cloud: No....I didn't hear you screaming just a second ago.... Now get us
out of here!
Yuffie: How?
Cloud: Kill the guard!
Yuffie: He's dead.
Cloud: What?
Yuffie looks at the dead officer.
Yuffie: He had a really strong hearing aid on.
Cloud: Good! Now unlock the bars!
Yuffie: I don't know how!
Cloud: Well, find out!
Yuffie: Uh-oh! It's gotta be one of these levers here.
Cloud: Be careful!
Yuffie pulls all the levers several times. Every single jail cell in the
prison opens up. Thousands of homicidal, criminal maniacs rush out!
Crowd of Maniacs: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!WE MUST KILL!!!!!
The crowd reaches the end of a corrider, then run back.
Yuffie: Oh, its down to the left.
Crowd of Maniacs: Okay, thanks! Oh, and thanks for letting us out!
Yuffie: No problem!
Crowd of Maniacs: Okay, bye!
Yuffie: Bye!
Cloud: Well, at least we're free.
Cid: @#$$@#!!! They're getting away! We have to stop them!
Vincent: I know! I can lock the door if I can just get through the crowd.
Cloud: How are you gonna do that?
Vincent: I'll just blend in with the crowd!
Vincent uses his level 3 limit break and changes into the Jason monster.
He then rushes through the crow.
Vincent: Scuse me, comin through....outta my way....lets move it....
Vincent reaches the front of the line.
Vincent: Stop!
People in the Crowd of Maniacs: Let us through!
Vincent: You can't pass!
People in the Crowd of Maniacs: We'll beat you up!
Other People in the Crowd of Maniacs: Quiet! Would a face like that ever
lie to you? And look, he's carrying a gun AND a chainsaw!
Vincent: Listen people! You must return to your cells. There is an....uh....exit!,
yeah...that's it...in the brick on the left corner! If you exit this way,
there will be great..uh..danger! No, wait...let me think of something...uh..there
will be cops waiting at this door!
There’s a long pause…
Crowd of Maniacs: You sound like a smart man! Let's go everybody!
All the maniacs get back in jail. Vincent turns back to human form.
Cloud: We need to get out of here!
Vincent: Where do we go next?
Cloud: We must get to the court room before the jury makes a decision! I
have a plan!
Cloud and the others reach the door of the court room. All of a sudden,
someone stops them.
Bob: Go no further!
Cloud: Outta my way!
Bob: Oh, you think you're good? Well, I learned how to make a good battle!
The screen twists around and the battle screen appears. Except the status
bar is sideways and in German, the characters are all angles in weird ways
and the wrong weapon is with the wrong character, and the battle arena is
upside down, and the Chocobo music is playing, and the little white hand
points to absolutely nothing.
Cloud: I, uh..summon the Knights of the Round!
The Knights rush in. But when they attack, they do AAAAA points of damage
each.
Knight #1: What the hell is going on here?
Knight #2: It's these new video games. Too many glitches. Give me the good
old days when we defended castles for King Arthur!
Knight #3: Now that you mention it, King Arthur was kind of a dweeb.
Knight #2: Silence! How dare you say that about the great King!
Knight #3: The King's been dead for years!
Knight #2: Oh! In that case: KING ARTHUR IS A @$#@$@#!!!!!!!
Knight #1: Right on!
Knight #2: I just had to get that off my chest.
The Knights leave.
Cloud: Uh...Bob?
Bob: Yeah?
Cloud: Get it right next time.
The battle ends.
Bob: Oh, man! I'll never be good at battles!
Cloud: You're right! Now, let us in the court-room!
Bob: Not so fast! Will Smith! Tommy Lee Jones!
The Men in Black music plays and the MIB come through the door, equipped
with sunglasses.
Bob: There's no way you can defeat these guys! Well, its back to the court-room
for me! See ya later!
Cloud: Come back here, you wussy little scrawny @$#$@!!!!
Tommy: Let's get 'em!
Vincent: What can we do?
Sephiroth: They are too powerful! We can't possible stop them!
The MIB charge up their laser guns.
Cloud: I need a plan, quick!
Cid: I got an idea!
Cloud: What?
Cid: Hey, guys!
Tommy: Yeah?
Will Smith: What?
Cid: Some guys are paying you TWICE as much to star in THEIR movie!
Will: Ooo! Where? Where is the money??
Tommy: Money? Where?
The Men in Black rush off, never to be seen again. Cloud breaks open the
courtroom door.
Judge: Who are you?
Cloud: Stop this trial right away! I can PROVE that Gold Saucer is innocent!
Judge: Oh, yeah? Prove it!
Cloud hands a piece of paper to the Gold's Lawyer . The lawyer reads aloud.
Lawyer: Ahem....GS’s food doesn't kill people, people kill people!!!
Jury Member 1: Oh!
Member 2: I never thought of that!
Member 3: Well, now that you mention it...
Member 4: That makes things much clearer to me!
Member 5: GS’s is innocent!
Member 6: Yeah!
Member 7: Right on!
Bob: People! Look at these tests! Come on! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!
The date of the verdict arrives. Cloud and the others are sitting in the
courtroom.
Juror: On this day, X month, X date, we, the jury find that the...
Judge: Get to the point! What is the verdict?
Juror: Bears-16 Chiefs-18
Judge: Not the score! The verdict!
Juror: Oh yeah. Okay. We of the jury find GS to be.........innocent!
Cloud: Really?
Juror: No, but they make damn good pizza & its fun there.
Cloud: So you find them guilty?
Juror: Hey, I'll risk my life for a Meaty Zor's Pizza!
Cloud: Me too! Let's all go over and eat, everyone!
Red: Finally! My pizza!
At the Gold Saucer Pizza_place:
Cloud: Man, pizza tastes even better when its legal!
Vincent: Yeah!
Red: This is good!
Sephiroth: What do we do about the Weapons?
Cloud: Oh, don't worry about them.
Yuffie: Say, Cloud, I'll trade you my slice of pizza for that Knights of
the Round materia over there?
Cloud: Deal!
Sephiroth: Be careful with that!
Yuffie accidentally casts KOTR on a waiter.
Cloud: Yuffie!
Yuffie: Sorry....
Cloud: No, this slice of pizza you gave me has no pepperoni!
Yuffie: Tough!
Cloud: Yeargh!!!!
Sephiroth: But really, we need to stop the weapons!
Cloud: I'm sure they're fine.
Sephiroth: But what about Ruby, and Emerald, and Diamond, and Ultimate
and...
Sephiroth: Oh, sorry.
The Weapons continue to eat their pizza.
Cloud: What about Bob?
Vincent: Oh, they got something real special for him.
Back at the Gold Saucer
Kids: Hey, its one of those guys in a suit!
Bob (inside a chocobo suit): Oh, no!
Kids: Mommy! Look at this!
Bob: Ahhhhhhh!!!
Kids: I want a Chocobo!
Mother: Kids, you'll get a Chocobo someday.
Kids: Mommy! We want to play with the big Chocobo!
Bob: Oh GOD!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: So, I guess everything's settled then?
Vincent: I guess.
Yuffie: Sure.
Tifa: Yes.
Cid: Yep.
Red: Correct.
Barret: Yeah.
Cait Sith: Yep, and we have a good future, too!
Sephiroth: Well, there is ONE problem....
Cloud: What?
Sephiroth: There's only one slice left.
Everyone pauses. The tension grows. Their eyes get narrow. They look back
and forth at each other with rage in their eyes.
Everyone turns to look.
Cloud (eating the pizza): Hehehe!
