Author: Jvantheterrible

Date: May 12th - 14th, 2001

Disclaimer: The characters of Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg belong to Petfly Productions, Paramount, and Bilson/DeMeo. No copyright infringement intended...just want the boys to have a little fun is all...

Archive: Only at 852 Prospect, please and thank you.

Pairing: J/B, and from Blair's POV.

Author's Notes: I've only ever written XF fanfic...totally Sk/Sc AND Sk/M. Now, it's Jim and Blair's turn. This is my first SenFic (I'm only just NOW catching The Sentinel on reruns on the SciFi Channel), and I have a longer one in progress at the moment. Sorry if my writing isn't your cup o' tea...I do ONLY slash (m/m) now, and this story WILL end up being NC-17. My website is: www.angelfire.com/oh3/SkinnerSanctum, and I WILL be adding a SenFic page VERY soon. XF is becoming WAY tiresome w/ Doggett and WHATEVER female they're pairing him with THIS week. Sorry, but after 37 videotapes full of the ENTIRE series, I needed a change. Hence, the SciFi channel...thanks to Alyjude, Francesca, Silk, Tangent, Grey, and ALL the SenFic authors that have inspired me, including Wounded Heroes...haven't written ANY of you to tell you how much you all ROCK my world. Hope you like MY story.

Feedback: welcomed and always responded to at jvadesignage@aol.com. Flames? Well, I DO live in the AZ desert, and it's quite toasty here already...LOL...thanks, and take care.

I couldn't do anything but watch while Jim ran to Lila, cradling her black leather-clad body in his arms, sobbing into her too-red hair. The rest of the cops closed in around him, as well as the Coroner waiting to take her away - but he still refused to let her go.

He cried into her hair and begged to know why; why did she have to be involved in what she was, why did she walk away from him all those years ago. I knew from the first moment that he bumped into her that something big was going on; his senses were going haywire from the get-go. I had even asked him if he thought he was wigging out because he was in love...his only response was to roll his eyes at me and insist that I was way off track. Maybe I wasn't so wrong, I thought as I watched him rock her lifeless body in his strong arms, murmuring nonsense into her now-unhearing ears. My heart broke as I watched him grieve for her, wishing that he felt half of that...for me.

Half an hour later, when the cops had been able to successfully pry her body from his arms and stand him up, I was called in by Simon to take him home, ordered to make him relax. Yeah, like THAT was going to be an easy task. Christ, they might as well have just asked me to pull a rabbit out of my ass. Still, I felt obligated to take care of my roommate, my best friend, my Sentinel - as I had always felt obligated, and most likely always would. Truth be told, I love the big lug, and if he knew that, he would most CERTAINLY kick my ass...but I digress. Jim was in pain, and it was my job to take care of him. So far as the majority of Major Crimes knew, I was simply his partner. Simon knew a little more; that I was Guide to his Sentinel. What none of them realized was that this little geeky, Anthropologist-Jewish-hippie-boy...was in love with his Blessed Protector. And I would be damned if I'd let ANY of them in on my little secret. And that included one James Ellison. 

"C'mon, big guy, let's get you home," I murmured in his ear as I helped him to his feet, his gaze following the Coroner as Lila's body was zipped up in the unassuming black bag. He closed his eyes and sagged against me bodily, using me as a crutch to get him back to the truck. I supported him all the way there, allowing him his grief as I ushered him into the passenger side of the old Ford, taking the keys from his pocket and running around to get in on the driver's side.

Once in and belted up, keys in the ignition, I took a moment to make sure he was alright; he was most definitely NOT alright. His chin rested on his chest, and I could hear him murmuring her name through his lips, his large form shaking and his eyes leaking tears that he didn't seem to notice. He was in shock, and I revved up the engine as quickly as I could and started back to the loft.

I spoke softly to him the entire way, whispering words of comfort in my best Guide voice, hoping to bring him out of his stupor by the time we reached home...to no avail. He was still out of it when I parked the truck next to my little Volvo and hurried out after switching off the ignition to help him out of the truck.

I opened his door and undid his seatbelt, only slightly pleased when he happened to lean in my direction enough that I was able to grab him and hoist him out of the big vehicle. I put one of his arms around my shoulders so I could take us both up to the loft, grunting against his weight the entire time. Thankfully the elevator was in service, making the trek that much easier on both of us. Once the doors swished open and deposited us on our floor, I managed to finagle us to the front door, only grappling with my keys for a few minutes before being able to open the front door and guide us both inside.

Grunting, I kicked the door closed behind me as I managed to get both of us inside, Jim leaning on me heavily, still murmuring Lila's name under his breath. I wished that I couldn't hear him, but despite NOT being a Sentinel, it was all too obvious how he felt about her. He'd felt that way a long time, and far be it from me to try and intrude on his memories, no matter how much I wished I could. I swallowed deeply, attempting to rid myself of my own grief at having lost his complete attention to this stranger - according to me, anyway - and focused on just helping him through this ordeal.

Sitting him down on the sofa, I plopped down next to him and undid the top couple of buttons on his shirt, ignoring his use of her name as I continued to try and make him comfortable. He grasped my hands in his own large ones momentarily, speaking to me as though I were HER, begging me not to leave him. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I fought not to give in to my own feelings, instead focusing on his rantings to a now-dead woman, begging me to stay with him, not to leave him.

If only I could tell him that I would never DREAM of leaving him, not now and not ever. It was hard for me to leave him there, revelling in his own lost memories of times past...but I had to do it. Jim had to realize that she wasn't coming back. Not now, not ever...not that he had ever expected to find her again, according to what he'd said in the midst of his delirium.

"Lila," I heard him moan as I stepped out of the shower, shivering in the cold air of the loft before I could wrap a towel around myself. I wondered if I was a complete and total bastard for wishing that it were MY name he was uttering. Knowing how ridiculous that thought was, I resigned myself to concentrating on Jim and his pain, forgetting all about the fact that I was needy myself.

"Hey Jim," I started, exiting the bathroom clad only in a towel wrapped around my slim hips, "Do you want some water or something? Are you hungry, big guy?" I was distressed at his response.

"Lila...so sorry...you should never have done that, babe...wish you would never have left me..." I shuddered at my partner's words, surprised when the self-contained conversation took on a whole new direction...

"Sandburg and I...we've become so close over the years...but I missed you so much...but he was here, and..." Jim's voice trailed off, and I noticed the shift of his body on the sofa where he was now lying down, still oblivious to the presence of me, his Guide.

"I love him, Lila," Jim continued on in his zoned-out shock, "I love Blair, much as I wanted you in my dreams over these last few years...he's been here for me," Jim finished as my jaw rested on my chest at my Sentinel's confession.

SHIT! He wants me? I thought he wanted...but, I thought he...oh GOD! "Jim," I whispered, not able to find my voice, "Oh God Jim, I love you so much," I gasped, surprised when his eyes opened and met my own, indigo versus indigo, no more secrets or barriers enclosed within.

"Chief," Jim sputtered, "Blair...so sorry...missed you," he attempted a slight grin up at me as I hovered over his prone form on the couch. "She's gone, Darwin...she's gone," he said, tears forming in his too-blue eyes, making the lump in my throat grow even larger. "She's all I had, Blair...the only other thing I ever wanted...needed...was you," he whispered to me.

"Sssshh," I told him as I sat down in my damp towel and enfolded him in my arms, letting him cry on my bare shoulder as I'd imagined him doing all too many times in my dreams when his stubborn dam finally broke. "It's okay, Jim, let it out, man," I whispered in his ear, overwhelmed with emotion myself as he clutched at me for what seemed like dear life. I kissed the side of his head as he continued to hold me close to him, rubbing small circles on his back as he sobbed against me, shaking as years and years of feelings poured out. In the back of my mind, I was unable to let go of the feeling of pride I felt that I was the one he cried to; after all this time, four years of being partners and roommates, finally, he'd come to me. I was not about to let that go.

We sat together on the couch for what felt like hours, and had been by the time I finally looked up and found the kitchen clock; we'd gotten home almost three and a half hours ago. I guess that's what happens when someone's repressed years and years of feelings for someone...or in this case, TWO someones. While dealing with the loss of Lila, Jim had discovered - and voiced, much to BOTH of our surprise - his feelings for me.

His breaths were coming much easier now, and I found myself reluctant to pull away, to lose the close connection we'd formed these last several hours. I wanted to hold James Ellison in my arms forever. I wanted to be surrounded by his warmth and his scent and...this must be what it was like for him on sensory overload, I thought to myself grimly, dreading the moment when he'd realize what he'd been doing all this time and pull away from me for good.

"Jim, are you okay big guy," I asked him quietly, stroking his hair one final time, my hands aching to touch him all over, but resigned to providing the comfort that he had come to me for.

"Yeah Chief," he murmured into my hair, not pulling away as I had feared, "Thank you, Junior. I needed that," he said, his arms closing even more tightly around me, pulling me that much closer to him. God forbid he would notice the effect his touch was having on me; my towel had dried and become uncomfortable hours ago, but at this point, it was pure pain. Hard as a rock and nowhere to hide the tent pitching in my lap, I had no choice but to shift slightly within his crushing embrace, desperate to give myself some breathing room while frightened that he would discover my discomfort and act repulsed.

As it turned out, I didn't give him enough credit; my seemingly 'straighter-than-straight' roommate was still twitching in my arms - but now, it almost felt like he was...like he was...trying to rub against me. Like he was TRYING to feel me, trying to get closer to me...and despite the fact that he was mourning the loss of Lila, it felt a whole hell of a lot to me like he was trying to celebrate the gaining of...me!

I suppose I should have seen it coming, what with his zoning on losing HER, and recognizing that I was there for him practically at one and the same time. It still blindsided me completely when he reached for the towel covering my now-totally-erect cock and freed it from the tent it had been pitching. He pulled away from me only enough to meet my eyes, and then his lips met mine, and it was all over for me. Blair Jacob Sandburg was lost, completely and totally, in his Sentinel.

"Blair," he whispered through my hair, managing to penetrate my barely-conscious state, "God, Chief, I've wanted this for so long...so sorry that it took THIS to get me here," he apologized, and I reached up and placed my fingers over his lips, effectively shushing his intended continuation of an apology.

"Don't," I told him firmly, ignoring his protests as I pushed him inches away from me so that I could meet his gaze solemnly, releasing my hold on his beautiful face, "Don't EVER apologize to me for this, Jim. I don't care what it took. All that matters is that we're here, okay?" I watched his face, took in the azure gaze that met mine, realizing that he'd well and truly heard me, and just from his eyes I knew that he understood exactly what I was saying.

His reply was to reach for me, wrapping both of his hands in my hair and pulling me close to him once again, this time pressing his lips against mine. I could have come just from the feel of his silky flesh against my own, but I held back; I wanted, no, needed MORE of him. I wanted ALL of him, and would not be complete without it. My Blessed Protector was here, with me, in every sense of all the words, and I wanted nothing less than to experience every fucking implication that that held - never mind the pun.

It took us some time to get him undressed, and a lot less time for me to shed my now-bone-dry towel. We were finally flesh on flesh, his hot naked body covering my chilled one, and suddenly, goosebumps were the LAST thing on my mind. We lay naked in our living room, on our couch, his body covering mine, our arms wrapped around one another as our hands searched out and found all of one another's secret spots, stroking and kissing and licking wherever we could reach.

He nuzzled against my hair, his large hands stroking through my ample chest hair to find the nipples hiding there, caressing them to harsh points with his sensitive fingertips. He moaned in his endeavours, the sensory input almost too much when my own fingertips found the crease between his ass-cheeks and stroked him there, first gently, then increasing their intensity until I'd managed to enter him with two fingers.

He suckled at my neck like a fucking vampire while I worked his body looser still, his tongue flicking out every few seconds to taste the salt of my sweat and the firmness of my flesh. We groaned against each other, our names lost in moans and cries of pleasure, mixed in with equal parts of obscenities when each of us discovered a new 'spot'.

"God...dammit, Jim, I need you, babe," I finally murmured into his ear, rubbing against his stubble-coated cheek even as he ground against me with his hips, begging me silently to enter him as our cocks weeped pre-cum against the other.

"Yeah, oh yeah babe, do it do it do it...do ME," he groaned ecstatically, and I had no choice then but to dampen his entrance with my own leaking fluids and press my head into his entrance, spurred on by his moans of encouragement. "Yesss, ohhh yess, babe, do me," he sobbed into my hair, and I acquiesced enthusiastically.

I pressed into his body gingerly at first, making sure that he was ready for me - which he was, beyond a shadow of a doubt. His tight pucker gladly swallowed me in inch by inch until I rested against his body, his ankles resting on my shoulders, my cock buried in him until my balls rested against his tender ass.

"How's that, lover," I breathed into his ear, not surprised when a response was NOT forthcoming; he was zoning on the feel of me, and I nearly allowed him to do so, pulling him out at the last moment.

"No, Jim, you have to stay with me here, man," I told him quietly in his ear, smiling against his earlobe and taking the flesh between my teeth gingerly as I heard him whisper my name softly in reply. Staying inside of him, filling him completely, I continued a litany of endearments to him, ensuring that he was with me 100% before beginning to move inside of him.

"Fuck me," Jim gasped into my hair, and I was spurred into action by those two words, sliding slowly out of him nearly all the way, filling him once again and revelling in the sound of his gasps of pleasure. I caressed his smooth chest, toying with his nipples as I slid out and then back into him once again, adding a definite thrust to my inward slide. I couldn't hide my grin at his moaning my name as I filled him with my cock and pulled out to the tip of my head quickly, teasing him with everything I had to offer.

"FFFFffffuck yeahhh," he moaned, spurring me into action. I began to fuck him in earnest then, thrusting in and out of his tightness carefully but firmly, making sure that he cried my name out on every stroke, releasing his asscheeks to grip his ankles and hold them closer to my shoulders each time I buried myself inside of him.

"Chuh..chief," he groaned, "Oh God Blair, fuck...me harder," he practically begged me. Not being one to disappoint, I followed his orders, making sure that I glided against his prostate on every inward thrust. He bellowed my name (and more words that only came out as vowels and consonants lost to ecstasy) as he shot his semen up and over both of us - I had never even had the chance to handle his dick; I was too content to feel his ankles and his calves and his thighs within my firm grasp.

Knowing that just feeling me inside of him had made him climax, I followed him moments later, screaming his name as my oxygen supply waned, praying that I hadn't deafened him with my own release. Sweat dripped off of me and landed on his chest and belly below me, and when I finally came back to myself enough to meet his gaze once again, his blue eyes shimmered with new tears - tears that were not of grief, but of love. He was looking at ME, relishing ME at this moment, all thoughts of his long lost love apparently forgotten. At least, I figured it had been his long lost love, until he spoke, his voice still hoarse with pleasure.

"Blair...God, Blair. I love you...I've loved you for so long. I've wanted you for so long...just didn't know how to say it, how to ask you...thank you, Blair. I love you, Chief," he finished, looking a bit...shy?

Mustering up as much energy as I could at the moment, I gazed back at him and replied, "I love YOU, my Blessed Protector. My Sentinel. My Jim," I finished, my eyes damp with tears that I was afraid to allow to fall...until he reached up and captured one from the corner of my eye with a gentle fingertip, and then my own dam broke. Still buried inside of the man I loved, I lay down on top of him with my full weight and allowed my own tears to fall.

As I practically collapsed on top of him, Jim released my shoulders and wrapped his legs instead around my hips, pulling me as far into him as I could go, spent and limp from emotional and physical exhaustion. I spasmed several times inside of him before resting, flaccid and happy, weighing him down with my body and my heart and my soul. Despite the fact that he was underneath me, I felt him return every sentiment, and we drifted off into sleep together.

Hope my first attempt at SenFic didn't suck too badly. Let me know what you all think. Thanks!