Author: Jvantheterrible AND amokeh!

Date: February 2^nd - March 9^th, 2001

Rating: NC-17, eventually

Category: Sk/M, from Skinner's POV

Disclaimer: CC, 1013/InFront Productions and Fox own these guys. No money being made here. Trust me…that is THE Truth.

Author's Notes: I've been thinking about this story for awhile now, and lo and behold, amokeh had some suggestions…and VOILA!! This is going to be our second collaboration! Don't know about you all, but I am personally hating this season…can't believe what CC and Co. are doing to Skinner and Mulder. What a fucking bummer. Oh well..luckily, I have all the GOOD epis taped!

*************************************

"Sir, there's something out there," Scully tells me when I get back into our rented Ford Explorer, handing her a massive bottle of water as I try to follow her gaze out into the desert. She takes the offering without even looking at me, her eyes still scoping out the endless mass of dirt and cactus and mountains that stretch out to infinity and beyond. It's goddamned hot here in the Arizona desert, and I'm pretty sure that Scully might just be having a pregnancy-related hot flash or something, because all I can see for the life of me is just more heat rising up from the ground in what appears to be waves. It shimmers, just like it does coming up off the pavement of the road, looking for all the world like water until you get right up on it, and realize it's just more goddamn HEAT. Maybe I shouldn't have left her in the car while I filled it up, I ponder silently, and then she speaks again.

"Really, sir, don't you see it?" She is insisting that something is indeed out there, and my patience is already worn thin from our impromptu flight from DC to Tucson, Arizona, which is as close as we could get by commercial airliner to where the Lone Gunmen insisted that Mulder's UFO was located.

"No, Agent Scully, I do not see it," I snap at her, feeling instantly like an asshole for losing my temper; everything out there looks the same to me. Dry, brown, and fucking HOT. I twist the cap off my own bottle of water and take a long drag, closing my eyes as the frigid liquid travels down my throat and cools me from the inside out. I'm pissed, I'm tired, and I'm fucking frustrated; how in the hell is it that I am out here with a pregnant agent (albeit one of my favorite two) in the field, looking for a teenage boy that is supposedly the link to finding Agent Mulder? Scully should be back in DC tending to her files and resting, and I should be…well, goddammit, I just don't know anymore WHERE I should be. Alvin Kersh has been appointed Deputy Director, and needless to say it was a kick in the ass for both Scully and I that neither of us expected. Like it wasn't bad enough that Mulder was taken in the first place. Like it isn't bad enough that we have no idea whether or not Scully is going to give birth to a human child or something that oozes that green shit that she and Mulder have encountered before. All these things rush around in my head and nearly make me dizzy; before I know it, I've drained my entire bottle of water, and I really don't feel all that much better. Shit.

"Sir, honestly…don't you see it? It's higher in the air than all the other hot spots. It's like it's just…I don't know…hovering or something." She ignored my nasty reply, and for that I'm thankful. I wish that I could see what she's seeing. It would be a really great thing to be able to see what she's seeing, find out that it's the UFO that took Mulder, rescue him, go and get Gibson Praise, and go the hell home and end ALL of this bullshit. I don't know how much more of all of this I can take. Early retirement sounds better with each day that passes; but I know as well as anyone that there is no way in HELL that I will be able to do that until we at LEAST get Mulder back. I owe Scully that much, if not more…no, I'm not going there right now. No, probably not EVER going there.

I miss Fox Mulder. I was devastated that night in Oregon; Mulder was out there with his goddamned red laser lights and some kind of tracking device, excited beyond belief by whatever the little box was telling him. I had to go with him because Scully had had some sort of episode and ended up in the hospital for the night; she collapsed earlier in the day while trudging through the woods with Mulder, and lo and behold, I ended up assisting him in his little experiment. It hurts my heart even now when I think about it; I didn't believe him. I didn't believe that what he was doing was valid. I didn't have the slightest bit of faith in him until I saw the goddamn lights in the sky; the ones that made me see black spots for two whole days whenever I blinked or closed my eyes because they were so bright. The lights that took him away from me; one minute he was there, babbling on and on about the readings he was getting, and I turned my back for a second, and when I turned back he was gone. Gone into the light, and then it just lifted up and disappeared.

Jesus Christ, it makes me shudder even now when I think about it, remembering the tears that formed in my eyes as I watched the…the…WHATEVER it was…carry Mulder away from me…away from me and Scully, too. I've never felt so helpless, so lost. And then going to the hospital the next morning to see Scully, and she cried and told me that she was pregnant when she was never supposed to be able to bear children for the same reason that Mulder was now missing. I left with a lump in my throat the size of Texas and went to the chapel to talk to someONE or someTHING that I wasn't even certain existed; crying and begging some force to just please bring Mulder back, please make things right, please let Scully have a normal child…

I shake my head back and forth to force myself out of my reverie, and start up the car. I ignore Scully's protests that there is indeed 'something out there', and say simply, "The school is about twenty minutes from here, according to the attendant. I need you to check the map, Agent Scully," I growl, my teeth clenched in standard AD mode. I wish I weren't such a surly bastard sometimes…I don't mean to come off sounding so harsh to her…I'm just tired, and I want my agent back, and I want us all to go home. Together.

"Yes sir," she sighs, opening up the map as I peel out of the gas station and head for the deaf school in the middle of the desert where Gibson Praise is supposedly shacked up. I have no idea where this might take us; I only hope that it will bring Mulder back to me…and Scully. I have been wondering all this time if he is indeed the father of her child, and I don't think I'll ever get the guts to ask her OR him, if we DO find him here. I know that Dana realized my feelings for Mulder were more than just a casual concern that day in the hospital, and I didn't really want to admit it to myself. But I have admitted it, and even if I am a selfish bastard for hoping against hope that he's NOT the father of her child, I don't care. I love both Scully and Mulder. And I'll use my life to get Fox back, if that's what it takes. Besides; if he IS the father of Scully's baby, I suppose I'll be better off dead when (and if) we find him anyway…there's no way I'd ever be able to tell him how I feel, how this entire situation has affected me. It's bad enough I have feelings that exceed those of a 'concerned superior' for both of my agents; Scully drags me out of my thoughts as she points to the turnoff to the school, and I nod at her in response. Here goes nothing.

*****************************************

Twenty hours. It took us twenty goddamn hours to finish up the investigation at the school. We actually beat Doggett and his team there, but after that, chaos ensued. Someone believed to be Mulder dragged Gibson Praise off into the desert, and that SOB Doggett arrived just in time to go to the rescue; goddamn Kersh's golden boy, that's what he is. Mulder supposedly threw himself off a cliff and ran away once he hit the ground below. Yeah, okay, THAT makes sense.

There were also two Scullys in the school for an undetermined amount of time, and the interloper finally made off without a scratch. According to Scully, it was some sort of shape-shifting alien entity, and of course all the men on Doggett's team laughed her right out of the building. Bastards. If they'd seen what I'd seen, and what Scully has undoubtedly seen several times in her investigations, they'd be laughing out the other sides of their faces…and nearly were until Scully dragged me away and forced me to drive her to our hotel. Doggett and his team took the Praise boy back to DC, supposedly to put him in protective custody until some kind of answers could be found as to his situation. I had no idea how to help him, but I had a feeling that if we found Mulder, he would know what to say AND what to do for the boy. Lost in my thoughts once again, I barely hear Scully speak as I head up the road towards 'home' for the night.

"Brawn isn't going to help us find Mulder," she scolds me as I drive many miles over the speed limit back to the only place we were able to find accommodations in the middle of this godforsaken place. Suitable doesn't even enter into the equation, but it's room and board, and it's enough. It only takes me fifteen minutes to get back to the hotel, Scully white-knuckling the armrest the entire time. It just makes me feel worse and angrier that I'm stressing her out in her condition, and if I could scream out in frustration at the moment I would, but I doubt it would instill any kind of confidence in my remaining agent.

"I'm sorry, Scully," I tell her as we pull into the parking lot of the Super Six Motel, stopping the SUV so she can get out and retire to her room. "I didn't mean to frighten you with my driving." I suddenly want to just take her in my arms and tell her it'll be all right, that we'll find Mulder. The urge to simply hold her is quickly replaced by a more basic instinct; to feel her REALLY against me and before all the blood heads south I mentally kick myself. Where the hell did THAT come from? She doesn't appear to notice the flush that feels like it's burning my face into cinders, thank God.

"It's alright, sir. We're both a bit on edge. I don't blame you one bit. Doggett is such an asshole," she exclaims, making my teeth unclench and nearly forcing a smile to cross my lips. "I'm just tired, sir. Are you going to turn in?" She asks me, her blue eyes catching my gaze for a second before I turn away from her, shaking my head.

"No, Scully. I can't sleep. I just…I need to do some thinking. I think if I go for a drive it'll help to clear my head." She nods at me and opens her door, pausing before she steps out.

"If you want…I mean, if you want to talk or something, I could go with you," she says, and I shake my head at her and meet her gaze, wondering how in the hell I've been so lucky to get to know her AND Mulder. I tell her, "No, Scully. Go on ahead and get some rest. I'll be back soon. Thanks anyway," I finish, smiling grimly at her as she exits the vehicle and produces her room key. I watch to make sure that she gets into her room okay, and then I peel out of the parking lot as loudly as I can. I have to get out of here; I need to clear my head, need to figure out just what in the fuck is going on with me. Why do I feel like I am losing it, when I've always known just who I was and what I wanted? For God's sake, I am an Assistant Director of the FBI. I have two intensely brilliant agents under my command. Well, just one at the moment, and the other one is undoubtedly somewhere nearby…that gas station is just ten or so miles away, isn't it? I could go and see if maybe there WAS really something there…

****************************************

Speeding along the highway, I have all sorts of memories playing back in my mind like some kind of fucking documentary on my past. Mulder in South America, going against my orders and staying in that godforsaken weather station to go over tapes that supposedly contained evidence of alien abduction. Mulder lost and dejected because Scully had been abducted, and then his joy at finding her, once again renewing his interest in his quest. Mulder coming at me and punching me because he was under the influence of some kind of drug in his water supply at home. Mulder needing to be restrained because of some unseen monster in fluorescent lighting. Mulder fighting me because of his search for the truth, a search I could no more believe in than I could believe in Santa Claus until I saw it for my goddamned self…Jesus Christ, I miss him. I miss everything about him. His passion, his flair for life, his neverending belief that something BIG was going on behind ALL our backs, and finally, in the culminating event that took him from Scully and me. I miss HIM. The only things that have made my entire career at the JEH worthwhile are Mulder and Scully. I never had the chance to tell him that, and it just never occurred to me to tell Dana. But I will. Someday soon, I will.

*****************************************

There are no lights along the highway here in the desert; something about excess light being forbidden because of scientific studies in the area. Can't have a lot of extra light when those huge ass telescopes are pointed to the heavens, looking for signs of extraterrestrial life or weather balloons or satellites or whatever ELSE they want to call it to unsuspecting civilians. My jaw is clenched tighter than ever as I prepare myself for my destination. It's the gas station from earlier, where Scully swore she saw something out in the desert. I'd be a fool to ignore her insistence. She is linked to Mulder more surely than any other person in this universe or any other - if she thinks she saw something, she most likely did. I was an asshole to ignore her like I did, but I couldn't put her in any danger. Not in her condition. I won't let her be at any risk of any kind. Not now, not ever; even if Mulder is the father. I put that thought out of my head as I pull into the gas station, now dark and empty as the desert itself, and shut off the Explorer's engine. Reaching into the glovebox, I retrieve the one item that I am certain will enlighten me as to Fox's whereabouts, if he is indeed truly here. It's a single laser pointer. The red light switches on when I press the power button, and I quickly turn it off. I remember one thing about that night in Oregon when Fox disappeared; the red light somehow wasn't able to permeate the force field of the ship. It's how he knew where to go, where to find the light that took him. God as my witness, if there really IS a God to speak of, I will find him tonight. If Scully saw what she truly believed she did, I'm going to bring Mulder home.

*******************************************

I get out of the Explorer, breathing deeply to try and calm myself. I am more nervous than a pimply-faced kid on prom night, and that thought makes me snicker to myself. I am no pimply-faced kid, and Mulder is most certainly no prom date…and what in the hell am I doing having these outrageous thoughts, anyway? He's probably impregnated Scully somehow, and will just thank me briefly for finding him and run to the comfort of Scully's arms, blissfully touching her belly and praising to all that is holy or whatEVER how happy he is to be back. I find my jaw clenching spasmodically and curse myself aloud, "Goddammit Walter, get a fucking grip." I want to chastise myself, but find that I am unable to forget him calling me by my first name the last time we were in his office, telling me to, "Come in and sit a spell, Walter, it's the last time we might meet in here." He called me by my first name. My shock surely registered on my face, but he ignored it, as he ignored so many other clues and hints that I gave about my true feelings towards him. All the times I had to restrain him, to reel him in, the times that I had to physically subdue him; they must have all been lost on him. I wish that I could forget them as easily as he had. But I couldn't. And I still can't.

These things run rampant in my mind as I walk blindly into the desert, nothing for protection but my Sig and one measly red laser light, certain that if Scully truly DID see something earlier, that I will be able to find it and…and what? I have no fucking idea, I tell myself as I head into the now black desert landscape. Christ, it really IS dark out here, I think to myself as I pull the laser light out of my pocket and use it to attempt to light my way among the saguaros and desert brush. The bright red light does little to quash my fears about roaming in the desert alone at night; I can hardly see anything, and what little there is to see is quite prickly and uninviting.

"Goddammit," I mutter aloud, "I can't fucking believe I'm out here doing this," I say, stopping suddenly in my tracks. There's something here. I can feel it. I can SENSE it. It's like that feeling you get when you think that there's someone watching you, but you can't see whatever it is. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end, and I know that I've most definitely found SOMEthing. Bless you, Scully, you lovely woman.

"Christ," I murmur, pulling out the laser light and pointing it upwards. Which works quite nicely, I think to myself smugly, and then the smirk melts off my face as I realize that the fucking beam is cut off just a few feet over my head. The beam just…stops. Like it would if I were pointing it at a brick wall…but there's no brick wall just over my head here; nothing apparent at all, yet the beam insists that something is preventing it from reaching to the sky. I can still see the stars and the moon overhead, but the beam is stopping several feet over my head. It's that moment that the light comes on, swallowing up the meager red light and all of me, and I'm suddenly lost, unsure of anything but that prickly feeling that I'm being watched, and then there's nothing but blackness.

******************************************

I wake up disoriented, no fucking clue where I am. I remember instantly what happened, that bright light once again causing me to see black spots every time I blink, and I know nothing else except that I'm instantly afraid, because I'm no longer in the desert. There is chrome or some sort of metal underneath my body, and when I sit up, I realize that I am surrounded by the same material; the walls, ceiling, and floor are all the same. On the walls, lights blink in what appear to be set patterns, lights that are set into the chrome - or whatever metal it is - mesmerizing me with their brilliance. I can't pull my gaze away from them, and they appear to KNOW that I am looking at them, fading into nothing but darkness as I regain more of my senses. This can't be…am I on the goddamned ship?

"Mulder," I whisper, and the lights in all the walls burn brilliantly in response, blues and reds and all sorts of hues assaulting my senses, rendering me blind temporarily. I close my eyes against the assault and attempt to gather my senses. Mulder IS here. He has to be. There is no other reason that I could possibly be here BUT to find him, and I struggle to my feet against the virtual onslaught, desperate to understand just where it is that I have ended up. I am more desperate to find Mulder, and it's almost as if…as if he's just as intent on finding me. The lights speak to me in such a way that they could be his essence, begging me to keep looking just that much further, begging me to find him, to rescue him…

"MULDER," I scream at the top of my lungs, not caring if there are little gray men or little green men waiting for me just around the corner; all I want is to find Mulder. And I'm about to do so, in no uncertain terms, although I wish it were under better circumstances. In my mind, I see myself finding him in some kind of pod, just like he wrote in his report after coming home from Antarctica with Scully. Unfortunately, the reality is much more disturbing and unsettling; if only he were in a pod. If only I had found him, after stumbling through hallway after hallway with nothing but my desire to find him in one piece, resting in a pod of some kind. If only…if, if, if.

*******************************************

It was no pod. Mulder was laid out, practically spread-eagled, on some sort of metal table, his legs dangling over the lower two corners. All I could see at first was his body, prone and unable to move, naked and apparently suffering. Worse than 'Nam, I thought, worse than anything I could ever remember from the tortures of the Viet Cong. Sure, my buddies collected ears and other mementos, but this…this was the man that I was certain that I loved. This was Fox William Mulder, abducted nearly six weeks ago from the comfort of his beloved X-Files and his adoring partner, a partner that now carried a child that may or may not be his own. I hurriedly shook that thought off as I approached the table where he lay, the gorge rising in my throat as I got closer.

Tears pricked the backs of my eyelids as I took in his condition; there were tiny metal rods penetrating the flesh of his wrists and ankles, neverMIND the large metal block that covered his genitals, surely hiding another horrid surprise. His feet rested on large metal blocks, allowing his body to remain in somewhat of a trance-like state; to the best of my abilities, all I could do was look at him helplessly for several moments, unable to assess his supposed injuries OR his feelings. His face was another nightmare all its own; three metal spikes burrowed into his flesh on either side of his beautiful head, stretching his flesh out into an impossible mask. It was as though a large six-legged arachnid had nestled beneath the back of his neck, its digits claiming Mulder's face and pulling it into the most startling pose it could, stretching his flesh out into an impossible shape that made me want to scream. And I did. I fucking roared, a sound that started as a growl in my belly and worked its way up and out through my lips in a terrible angry cry of "NOOOOOO". I couldn't help it. And then, once I regained my senses and realized that Mulder was still there in front of me, that he wasn't some oasis that was going to disappear in front of my eyes, I somehow managed to pull myself together.

I gazed down at him with tears in my eyes, his tortured body all too real in the light of the ship. I attempted to touch the metal slab covering his crotch, my hands shaking and unsure as it systematically released its grip on him, opening up to reveal his cock, erect and weeping, with the same tiny metal implants in it as his wrists and ankles. I cried out to him then, "Fox…Mulder, listen to me…I'm here for you, Fox, I won't leave you, I promise, I'm taking you home to Scully," I swore to him, hoping that he could hear me and wasn't as lost as his eyes and expression were insinuating. Was he even still sane?

His lips were moving, but there was no sound escaping. "Fox," I whispered to him, his eyes lost on some point over my head, focussing on nothing more than the ceiling above us, "Fox, please, listen to me. I'm here to take you home, okay? Scully is waiting for you. I've been waiting for you…we've been looking for you for weeks," I told him, hoping beyond hope that he would hear me and respond in SOME manner; anything other than that blank point he'd been focussing on ever since I got here. No luck yet, just the continued soundless movement of his lips that unsettled me more than anything I'd seen so far.

I touched his forehead, his flesh burning my fingers, and I hissed at the sensation, his eyes fluttering as he heard the sound I made. "Fox," I said quietly, bending over him and trying to touch the metal implants, trying to figure out how in the hell to release him from their grasp. "Mulder, come on, you have to come with me," I begged, not even noticing that the needles in the sides of his face had retracted enough so that they no longer pulled his skin tortuously away from his bones. They were pulling out, removing themselves from the skin in his face, and I instantly began to try and touch the needles planted in his wrists and ankles, freeing them in the same manner. It was almost as though my very presence was setting him loose, each touch that I bestowed upon the needles making them recoil from me. I winced as I reached for the last of the metal pins, the one piercing his penis, and found that I didn't even have to touch it; it was already slowly retracting from him, and within seconds Fox was free.

Once I had managed to release his body from its odd restraints, he pulled his legs up onto the metal table and curled himself into a fetal position. It was painfully clear to me at that moment that no matter what I'd done to rescue him, it would be a long time coming before he accepted what had happened, if he ever accepted it at all. He had seen and felt and experienced things that I had no hope of EVER understanding, and for that there were no words of comfort. There was no rescuing him from what had already happened here, and I felt more helpless than ever, despite my joy at finding him alive.

I took off my shirt and laid it over him; I couldn't understand how he was burning up when he was on a freezing cold metal table, but he was warm. I was afraid he might have a fever, and I kicked myself as I realized that that was most certainly the least of my worries - and his. Adjusting the cotton so that it covered his shoulders, I bent down and picked Mulder up, holding him in my arms like an overgrown child. He felt so light, looked so weak, and it tore my heart apart as I wondered if whom or WHATever was responsible for this travesty had fed him or bathed him or taken care of him at all. And then I realized just how stupid it was for me to be standing here with this man in my arms debating these things in my mind, so I started to walk. I had no idea how in the hell to get out of this place, but I knew that I was going to figure it out. Or die trying.

"Okay, Mulder," I whispered, "How in the hell do we get out of here?" There was no response forthcoming, and I hadn't really expected one, but it made me feel better to at least pretend that I was having a conversation with him. I walked back past the lights in the walls, all of them now glowing a strange fuschia-red color, almost as though they were…almost as though they were angry that I was taking Mulder away. "Too bad, you assholes," I said to them through my clenched jaw, "I'm taking him home. You've had him long enough, and you didn't play very nice." For some strange reason, I felt the urge to burst out laughing hysterically, and I bit my tongue to stifle it. All I had to do was look down at the bundle in my arms to remind myself that whether I was talking to lights or not, there was not one goddamn thing that was funny about all of this.

I looked down at his face as I wandered slowly along the hallway of the ship, not caring that he was starting to get a bit heavy. 'He ain't heavy, he's my aaaagent', I sang to myself in my head, suddenly wondering if perhaps I was losing my mind; this was no time to be making jokes, even in my inner monologue. Snap out of it, Walter. Get Mulder the fuck out of here, and you can be as hilarious as you want. I picked up the pace and started to walk faster, holding Fox closer to my chest as I practically ran through the corridor, no idea if this was the right way or not. He started to tremble as I neared what I thought was the port of entry, and there was no doubt in my mind that I was correct when the wall just slid open, revealing…the night sky. The desert. I never thought I'd be happy to see the desert, but at that moment it was the most blessed sight I'd ever seen in my life.

There was a platform leading down to the ground and I sprinted down it, afraid that it would close or swallow us up if I slowed down. When my feet hit the dirt, I didn't stop running until I reached the car, Mulder shaking violently in my arms. I knew that shock was going to set in at some point, and for all I knew, I was in it myself. He had started making some sort of noise, almost like a sobbing sound, deep in his throat. It was horribly pathetic, and I trembled myself as I opened the passsenger side door, thankful that I hadn't locked it. I set Fox in the seat and adjusted my shirt over him so that he was at least partially covered, then strapped him in nice and tight. I ran around the Explorer and got in, starting it up and driving away from the ship as fast as I could. I was afraid that they might come after us, even though I realized that throughout the entire rescue, I hadn't seen another soul. I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and dialed Scully's number, not surprised when she got it on the first ring. "I've got him, Scully. We should be arriving in about ten minutes." I hung up and tossed the phone to the back seat, placing my free hand on Mulder's shoulder, trying to ease his shaking. He was moaning now, his eyes closed and his head tossing back and forth, and I put the pedal to the floor. The sooner I got him to Scully, the better. "Hang on, Fox, just fucking well hang on. Just a few more minutes now," I told him. I don't know if I was trying to comfort him or myself, but it didn't seem to be working for either of us.

****************************************

Scully was in the parking lot of the motel when I pulled in, dressed and ready for action, the door to her room standing wide open in anticipation of our arrival. I felt bad about not keeping her on the phone while I was driving back, but it was all I could do to keep the goddamn car on the road, let alone sharing my attention with the shivering agent at my side. I pulled into the parking space directly in front of Scully's room and shut off the engine, hopping out of the car and running around to where Dana had already thrown the door open and stood checking Mulder's pulse. "Oh my God," she said, over and over again, like it was some sort of mantra, "Oh my God, sir, you found him. You brought him home. Oh my God." I let her finish her cursory exam on his vitals before I unbuckled his seat belt and carried him into her room, laying him down gently on the bed.

He was shaking even worse now, and visibly perspiring; he definitely had a fever. I stood back and watched Scully tend to her partner, tucking him in tightly with blankets even though he fought to curl back up into a fetal position. "Sir, could you please go in the bathroom and get me a warm damp cloth, and a glass of water with some ice in it?" I nodded at her before I walked to the tiny bathroom and followed the doctor's orders, returning to Mulder's bedside to find Scully with her medical bag opened up on the bed. She was preparing a hypodermic needle with some sort of fluid, and patted Mulder's arm to try and raise a vein.

"Do you think that's a good idea, Scully," I asked her concernedly, "I mean, we have no idea what he's been subjected to these last few weeks. What if they injected him with something?" She gave me a dirty look and shook her head as she reached for the wash cloth and glass of water, explaining that it was merely a local anasthetic to help him rest and ease the effects of his shock. I realized that she knew what she was doing, that she, moreso than anyone else in the world, was more attuned to Mulder and what he might have been through. I felt like an idiot instantly, and turned my back to the proceedings on the bed to look out the window, up to the sky, making sure that the ship hadn't followed us. Not like I would have seen it anyway, but I knew that I would be able to FEEL it if it were out there. There was nothing there except the stars, and the moon, and the glowing pink neon of the motel sign. Everything was as it should be. Out there, anyway.

**********************************

Scully spent what seemed like hours fussing over Mulder, and I actually felt a twinge of jealousy when I finally stopped staring out the window and turned back to watch Dr. Dana in action. She was so gentle with him; her tender caresses of his face and forehead, her whispered murmurings to him gave me a chill, and suddenly I felt like some kind of damned interloper. This was their moment, their time to be reunited, and I was intruding. I cleared my throat loudly and told Scully I was going to go get some coffee from the vending machine up the hall, asking her if she wanted anything. She shook her head without even looking at me, and I slipped out of the room like a dog with his tail between his legs.

I decided that decaf was in order, feeling like my nerves might snap at any moment anyway, and knowing that I probably wouldn't get any rest tonight - why press the point with caffeine? Big styrofoam cup in hand, I walked back towards our adjoining rooms with a deep sigh and got my room key out. What I really wanted to do was go back to Scully's room and just sit, where I could watch both of them, make sure they were BOTH alright. This entire experience had been so hard on Scully, and I felt like I should be there, but at the same time…she deserved to have Mulder to herself for awhile. The lump in my throat came back as I entered my room and sat in a chair by the window, sipping my coffee absent-mindedly, not bothering to turn any lights on.

Some time later, there was a knock at the door that joined our rooms. I set my coffee down on the table and walked to the door, opening it to find Scully standing there, ready to drop. Her eyes were glazed over, and she had obviously been crying. "Sir, I'm so sorry, but would you mind watching Mulder? If I don't get some sleep I'm going to collapse," she said tiredly.

"Sure, Dana. Here, you take my room, and then we won't have to move him, alright? If you need anything, just let me know." She nodded solemnly, and surprised the hell out of me by wrapping her arms around me and holding me tightly. "Thank you for bringing him back, sir. Thank you so much Walter," she sighed, and I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, closing my eyes and resting my chin gently on the top of her head. We stood like that for a long time, soaking up one another's strength, comforting each other silently, both of us relieved that this 'thing' was finally over. Little did we know, it was just the beginning of a whole NEW 'thing'.

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I moved Scully's things into my room and took watch over Fox, sitting in a chair that Dana had moved next to the bed. What I really wanted to do was just crawl onto the bed and hold Mulder in my arms, some sort of silent promise that I would never let anything like this happen to him - or any of us - again. What I actually did was just sit in the chair and lean over the bedside, content to watch his chest rise and fall with the ease of sleeping breaths. Despite his atrocious injuries, relief washed over me as I took in his features; the pouty lips, the strong nose, the thick dark eyebrows, the strong arms resting on top of the covers.

"We missed you so much, Fox," I told him quietly, not wanting to wake him but wanting him to understand how much I cared, "We've been looking for you the whole time you've been gone. We tried everything we knew to find you, Mulder. I'm so happy to see you again, you know that? I'd give one hell of a lot of money to just see you open your eyes and look at me like you used to, with that sense of amusement that only your superior could incite," I continued, smiling grimly as he moved a little in his sleep.

Maybe he would be all right. Maybe they hadn't broken him as badly as he looked. Maybe…my thoughts were shot to hell when his eyes suddenly flew open, and his mouth opened in a gaping "O", but no sound came out. I shivered at the sight, pulling myself together quickly when I noticed that he was suddenly breathing like he'd just run a marathon. I had no idea what to do; I tried to take his hand in mine but he pulled it away from me as though I'd burned him. His head slowly turning towards me, his eyes open wide with fear and filled with horror, mouth still in that awful "O", his body trembling all over.

"Sssshhh, Fox, it's alright," I cooed to him, "We've got you, you're home now, everything is going to be okay," I promised him, visibly wincing when he shook his head violently back and forth, no sound coming from his gaping mouth. I stood up and moved closer to him, leaning over him so he could see me; his eyes followed me, still wide open, still full of terror. "Mulder, it's me, Walter Skinner…I'm not going to hurt you…can you hear me?" I asked him, only slightly relieved when he gave a sharp nod. "Scully is next door sleeping…do you want me to go get her?" I asked him, and he nodded once again, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. I tried to smile and told him to hold on, I'd get her.

I turned towards the door and found that Scully was already there, dressed in her pajama pants and shirt and her hair mussed. "I couldn't sleep," she said with a sheepish half-grin, and I could completely relate to her excitement, "I heard you talking to him, and I figured that he must be awake. Maybe we…sir, maybe we should lie down with him, you know? Make him feel safe?" Her blue eyes didn't waver a bit as she said it, and I pondered it for a moment…if he started to thrash around, I could hold onto him so he didn't inadvertently hurt Scully. If I had been through whatever he had, I'd want my closest friends there with me. I gave her a nod and kicked off my shoes while she went to the other side of the bed. Mulder watched her walk around the bed and his mouth closed, his eyes not so full of fear any longer; maybe this WAS what he needed. I know it made ME feel a hell of a lot better, anyway.

Scully lifted the covers and crawled in next to Mulder on his right side, and I lay down on top of the covers on his left side, carefully watching for any sign of discomfort or reluctance from Mulder. When none appeared to be evident, I took a deep breath and lay back on the pillows, watching Fox's gaze go first to Scully and then to me. He almost appeared to smile then, and I felt my heartbeat quicken as though it might beat out of my chest. He WANTED me here. He wanted US here, making him feel secure and safe. Scully turned over onto her belly and pulled her right arm up and out of the covers and rested it across Mulder's chest, and she motioned with her eyes for me to do the same. I swallowed harshly and turned onto my side, resting my left arm across his chest to rest against Scully's arm. I spared a glance at Mulder's face and he just looked at me with his hazel gaze; God, I had missed those eyes - that face - everyTHING and every nuance of his being I had missed for so long. And so had Scully. And now here we were, all three of us together again, bonded now by flesh and feelings so intense that NOTHING could separate us. And I intended to make sure, at that very moment, that nothing ever would, ever again. Scully closed her eyes, and then Mulder did, after checking once more to make sure that we were both there, both with him. Only when I was sure that my agents were both resting peacefully did I allow myself to finally close my eyes and welcome the sanctuary of sleep. The best dreams of my life had NOTHING on this moment in time. I drifted off with the knowledge that everything that meant the most to me in my life was curled up next to me in this dingy little motel room, safe and sound, just the way it should be.

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