I'm sitting here on my lastest regret.
My friends have turned away and a simple walk to a
Local bridge is my only place to let go of things.
I am fat.
I say to myself that you could fit two
K.M. thighs in mine and still have room.
I am weak.
Trying my best to act tough.
Sticking up for myself so bravely in sticky situations.
On the inside, however, I'm nothing of the sort.
I get ripped to shreds if someone says a hurtful word.
I have no friends.
The only guy friend I have is the one
Who would try his hardest to get anyone other than me
To go to an important dance with.
But my friends only see my outside.
I am so ugly.
My "happiness" that people see on the outside only covers up
All that is in the inside.
There is so much hate and jealousy and torment inside
That maybe I will take it out on the wrong person, like my friends.
I try.
I try to hide so much.
There are others just like me.
They have nowhere to turn.
They are killing themselves inside.
I know.
I am ugly.
18 May 1999
