Jeanie
settled back into her seat on Swissair Flight 8600. It was a little after seven
in the morning. The sun was just coming up. The tarmac was bathed in pinks and
yellows hungrily gobbling up the lonely grays of twilight. The plane rocked slightly
as cargo handlers slung baggage into the belly.
She
wasn't looking forward to the flight home. The Milan to Zurich flight wasn't
bad, just over an hour. It was the fact that she was flying in such a small
plane. She was scheduled to change planes in Zurich taking Delta to Atlanta,
Georgia then changing from the international Delta flight to a domestic Delta
flight that would deliver her back to DFW International Airport.
The
Boys' next stop was Austria, then after that Germany. It always amazed her that
they could function with their schedule. Nick seemed to suffer the most...he
was always fighting a cold.
She
wished she could have stayed with Kevin a little longer, at least through the
July 4th holiday. She couldn't quite put her finger on what was bothering her.
She knew the persistent rumors about Kevin were playing heavy on her mind. It
was something else...Kevin himself. Sure, he'd been happy to see her, but he
was TOO happy. He laughed TOO much and said, I love you TOO much. He wasn't
excited, he was TOO excited. Their lovemaking, usually easy and comfortable,
had been frenzied and almost desperate.
She
shut her eyes as the small plane sped down the runway, feeling every bump and
dip in the macadam as the plane neared lift-off. Sliding her hand into the
pocket of her lightweight jacket, she felt a piece of folded paper. She removed
it and smoothed out the creases. It was the messages Kevin had left at the
hotel desk. "I love you," and "I still love you." She took
a pen from her purse. Turning the hotel stationary over, she scribbled,
"living on the edges of your heart."
Jeanie
paused momentarily and looked out the tiny window. The plane was airborne,
gradually climbing, leaving behind Milan...and Kevin. Tears inched their way
down her cheeks as she angrily scratched through the line she'd just written.
She started to return the pen and paper to her purse when it hit
her..."living" was wrong. She quickly penned:
Waiting
on the edge of your heart
Why
did we hesitate?
Did
we fall in love too soon
Or
fall too late
Memories
and stolen kisses
Won't
take us very far
So
I wait...and watch...and love you
From
the edges of your heart***
Lyrics born from
the agonizing, gut-wrenching pain felt deep within her fragile heart. A fragile
heart that she'd gingerly placed in Kevin's hands, praying he wouldn't let it
fall and shatter. The lonely realization that it was the beginning of the end.
Perhaps,
it was her fault. Kevin tried for so long to find her, but she deliberately
postponed their meeting because she had to be perfect. Maybe it was too
soon...The Boys had gone from being popular to being a phenomenon. Now his life
was so full. She replayed hundreds of stolen kisses behind darkly tinted
windows in the back of vans or limousines, in mirrored elevators between
floors...backstage as dressers frantically rushed to help him change costumes.
Stolen kisses and bittersweet memories. She and Kevin had enough to last a
lifetime.
Other
passengers sitting across the tiny aisle were staring at her. Embarrassed, she
wiped her tears and smiled bravely. "Allergies!" she giggled. She had
no earthly idea if they even understood English.
She
looked again at the chorus she'd just written. This was Kevin's song,
"Edges of Your Heart."*** It was her tribute to the love of her life.
It
would also be the song that catapulted Lindsay Connings into stardom.
**********************
Jeanie
and Mike paced nervously. Lindsay, headphones on, sat alone on a stool in the
booth. The music had been recorded earlier. She's already laid the vocals down
three or four times, but Dek still wasn't happy. Megan quietly opened the door
to the control room and signaled Jeanie to come out.
"How's
she doing?" Meg said quietly. She had no idea why she was whispering,
other than it was the middle of the night. Dek thought that perhaps Lindsay
would feel more comfortable if there weren't quite so many people milling
around the Los Angeles studio. She was used to the studio in Dallas.
Mike
and Jeanie pitched the "Edges" demo to a friend, an A&R rep at
RCA, shortly after her return from Milan. He jumped on it. Unfortunately, time
was not in their favor. He wanted the song recorded and out NOW. He didn't want
to wait a year for a Grammy nomination. The cut-off date for submission was
September 30th. He was that certain "Edges" would be a smash hit.
"She's
okay...I think," Jeanie mumbled. "She's not used to working with a
new producer." She and Megan walked slowly down the hall toward a break
room filled with vending machines.
"You
want anything?" Megan fished change from her purse. Jeanie vehemently
shook her head. "Still having morning sickness?" She watched as
Jeanie lay back on the vinyl couch and pulled her feet up under her. She seemed
to have lost another ten pounds, weight she didn't need to lose. She'd been so
sick for the last month. Her doctor finally had to give her medication to help
with the nausea. She had to eat. She and the baby were both going to suffer.
"It's
better. I'm just really tired," she smiled as Megan forced her to accept a
cheese and peanut butter cracker.
"You
ever tell Boy Wonder he's got a kid coming?" Megan was furious with Kevin.
She didn't care who the hell he was or THOUGHT he was. Jeanie was her best
friend and she loved her. Megan was well aware of Kevin and the "tall
blonde." She'd personally seen him with her backstage at a concert in Los
Angeles. She was a dancer. It took everything Megan had to keep from
confronting him right then and there.
"Not
yet. He called and asked if I was going to be at VMAs in New York in
September," she almost choked trying to force the dry cracker down. She
gratefully accepted a sip of Megan's Pepsi. "That's still a few weeks
off...I'm not sure what's going on yet."
"Does
anyone know that the bastard knocked you up in Italy?" Megan's eyes blazed
with anger. She was fiercely protective of Jeanie.
"Megan..."
Jeanie sighed. "Don't get so worked up. And please, don't blame Kevin.
It's more my fault than his fault. To answer your question, yes. You know, the
regulars like Mac and Mike. Jess doesn't know yet, she thinks I've had the
flu."
"What
about Linds?"
"I
think she suspects something's up. She's been keeping pretty close tabs on
Kevin. A.J. tells her everything. She just won't tell me everything he
says..." her voice trailed off, her words beginning to break apart.
"Shhh..." Jeanie held her fingers to her lips. She could hear the
echoes of Lindsay's boots on the tiled hallway coming toward the break room.
"UGH!"
Lindsay plopped down beside Jeanie. "No offense, but I'm sick of this song
already!" She started laughing. "I've sung fast, I've sung slow. I'm
surprised he hasn't asked me to try and sing like Alvin the Chipmunk!"
Megan
and Jeanie started laughing. "Hang in there, kid," Megan walked to
the door. "I'm leaving you two alone. Lindsay, there's something important
Jeanie needs to tell you."
Jeanie
was shocked. She'd kill Megan for doing this. She'd planned on telling Lindsay
sometime soon, but not now!
Lindsay
looked terrified. "Oh, God! I was just kidding about the song! Hell, I'll
sing it a zillion times for Dek...I'm sorry!"
Jeanie
took Lindsay's hands in hers. "No," she chuckled. "No, that's
not it. Not it at all." Jeanie looked at her young friend. How could she
tell her and not cry? "Linds...I've been sick for the last month or so for
a good reason." She began slowly. "I'm going to have a baby."
Tears
filled Lindsay's dark eyes. She should be happy, but she wasn't. She knew too
much. A.J. told her too much. "Kevin?"
Jeanie
silently nodded.
"Milan?"
Lindsay's voice was barely above a whisper. She knew Milan was the last time
they'd been together.
"Yes,"
Jeanie wiped a tiny tear from Lindsay's cheek. Her soft hand lingered,
"It's going to be okay, baby. I'm okay..."
Lindsay
nodded in silent agreement and walked from the room. She went straight into the
soundproofed booth. Tears streaming down her face, she sung from her heart and
from her gut. Dek worked frantically at the boards to capture what was
unfolding.
The
final version was laid down in that one, single take. Lindsay was too young to
know what a shattered heart really, truly felt like until tonight...when she
looked into Jeanie's eyes.
It
was August 30, 1999...2:35 a.m. ... Lindsay Connings had just recorded her
first gold record.
~~~ "Believe when I say ~ I want it that
way..."~~~