Chapter 3
The house was quiet. Madi had
finally crawled herself into infant exhaustion. Thankfully, when she did sleep
she usually slept straight through until morning. Jess was in her room, no
doubt on the phone.
Jeanie tried to call Kevin before
going to sleep, maybe he could tell her what was going on. Unfortunately, he
didn’t answer either of his phones. After a hot shower, she went straight to
bed and was almost asleep when Lindsay knocked on her bedroom door.
“Hey…this sounds stupid, but can I
sleep in here with you tonight?” She sat down on the end of the bed, her long
dark hair falling down over one shoulder.
“You know you can,” Jeanie pulled
the covers back and Lindsay gratefully climbed in. After she’d settled in,
Jeanie got her courage up. “Babe, you want to tell me what’s wrong? I can’t
imagine A.J. doing anything this bad. Not really…” she rolled onto her side to
face her friend. “Not unless he was with another woman…”
Lindsay remained silent.
“Oh, no Lindsay…he didn’t?” Jeanie
whispered and reigned Lindsay into her loving arms. “Oh, baby…”
When Lindsay finally broke down
and cried, she cried for hours. All Jeanie knew to do was hold her and stroke
her hair as Lindsay came to terms with her pain. Eventually, she cried herself
to sleep in Jeanie's embrace.
***************
Lindsay never had to break the
news to Jeanie about Kevin. By noon on Monday, her phone was ringing nonstop.
Mac called. Megan, her publicist, called. Mike called. Reporters called,
friends called. The story was spreading like wildfire. Apparently, some of the
boys’ guests were angry when they were asked to leave after the incident with
Lindsay. They were selling their story to anyone and everyone. Jeanie could
only imagine the damage control going on.
Megan was running interference for
Jeanie as much as possible. To everyone’s shock, Jeanie kept smiling. She
seemed tired and a little reserved. She never mentioned Kevin and acted like
nothing had happened.
Lindsay refused to talk to him,
but A.J. did call over and over. Kevin did not call.
The nanny was there to help with
the baby. Jess was a perfect child…she knew better than act up right now.
Jeanie kept smiling. Everyone was
worried about her. While Linds had spent all day in bed crying, Jeanie worked
quietly in her office. She answered fan mail. Paid bills. Worked on a new song.
Lupe cooked enough food for an
army. It was the only way she knew to make things better. She made every single
thing she knew the girls liked, including chocolate chip cookies and chewy
brownies.
After dinner, Jeanie quietly
retreated back to the sanctuary of her office and shut the door. She looked
around the softly lit, comfortable room. Her safe room. No children
allowed...ever. Awards and plaques were grouped together and hung on the wall
behind her credenza. Trade magazines were stacked near the sofa.
Pictures...lots of pictures to document her career, her life and her family.
Wedding pictures, baby pictures.
She had to stay calm for the kids’
sake, but she didn’t how much longer she could keep it up.
Because she knew Kevin would be
here any minute. This time, he would come…
**************
A little after nine o’clock there
was tap on her office door and Kevin opened it a few inches. She felt as if her
heart was going to explode.
The first thing she noticed was
how tired he looked. He sat down on the sofa. She could feel his stare on her
back as she worked. She liked this new song. It was good…she felt good about
it. She was anxious to talk to Mike.
“Jeanie…look at me.” Kevin could
speak annoyingly slow when he was trying to make a point. His accent thickened
as his cadence slowed. His voice was soft and barely audible. He ached to hold
her. To pick her up and carry her to their bed and make love to her. To prove
to her that he was sorry and that he loved her. If he could just touch her,
she'd know...
Instead, she ignored him.
“Baby, please say something. Yell,
something, but don’t shut me out…” Kevin walked to her and lay his hand on her
shoulder. She pulled away from him. In desperation, he grabbed both of her
shoulders, forcing her to look at him.
“Let go," she quietly
demanded. He would not release his grip.
“Not until you talk to me."
He was almost begging now.
“What am I supposed to say?” It
felt as if every single syllable had to be forced from her very soul. She was
choking on rancid, bittersweet memories and from pain she felt so deeply that
she could barely speak.
“Tell me I don’t deserve you. Tell
me to go to hell. Just please don’t do this…this isn’t you, Jeanie. You don’t
hide behind walls.” Tears welled in his green eyes.
Jeanie closed her eyes and tried
to get control. “I have never loved a man the way...I...loved...you..."
Her chin quivered. "But right now...I hate you. I hate that you thought so
little of my love and our life that you...” Jeanie couldn't even say the words.
Kevin released his grip.
She leveled her green eyes at him.
Her voice was restrained and choppy as she delivered a blow to Kevin he would
never forget.“What about our precious little baby…how do I explain this to her?
Because someday…” Jeanie shook uncontrollably now. The small, restrained
trickle of pain had turned into a raging river of rampant emotions. There would
be no stopping this flood of heartache.
“Someday she’s going to want to
know why she doesn’t have a Daddy…why her famous Daddy isn’t here. Shall I tell
her the truth? What shall I tell her, Kevin?”
“I made a mistake, but I would
never leave. I love you, both. You know that Jeanie. I love Madi...I love
you...” Tears broke free and inched down his cheeks.
“I don’t know anything about you,
Kevin. I don't know you at all.”
“Jeanie, I love you…I’m sorry…” he
begged. “I’ll be always be here for Madi and for you…”
“No you won’t.” She turned her
back on him. “Get out, Kevin.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Get out. Get the fuck out of my
house. Get the fuck out of my life and out of Madi’s life. You get your shit
together, then you call my attorney and she’ll work out visitation.”
“Baby, don’t…you don’t mean this…”
“Do you remember me telling you in
New Orleans to never mistake my kindness or my love for stupidity? I was
serious then and I’m serious now...get out, Kevin.”
When he'd left the room, Jeanie
sank to the floor, holding both hands tightly over her mouth to stifle her
screams. She wanted to run after him and tell him that she loved him...she
didn't mean it...beg him to stay, but she wouldn't.
Broken promises
and lies this time will finally set you free
Broken promises were all you gave to me...
********************
Kevin stood in the nursery. He
loved this room, especially at night. He closed the door and walked to Madi's
crib. She was still awake. Her gently lifted her up. “Shhhh…” Kevin kissed her
on the top of her sweet-smelling head.
Sitting down in the rocking chair,
he slowly rocked her back and forth. A revolving lantern-type lamp with star
cutouts on the sides slowly turned on the dresser giving off the images of a
hundred twinkling stars on the dark ceiling.
Madi watched his every move,
occasionally kicking and holding her feet…anything to stave off the sandman.
The gentle motion of the rocker and her Daddy's soft voice eventually lulled
her into angelic slumbar still holding fast to her Daddy’s hand. Kevin tried
desperately to fill his senses with the beauty of this child. She had Daddy’s
dark hair and Mommy’s tiny little rosebud mouth. He kissed her little hand as
she maintained her grip on his finger.
As Madi slept, he softly serenaded
her. “It’s not that I can’t live without you, it’s just that I don’t even
want to try…” Those lyrics had never been more true than tonight.
“Madi, I love your mom,” he cried.
"I can't lose you, I can't lose Mommy."