Again

By: Foxy Lady

JC sat on the back deck of his house. He looked over at the phone lying on the table, and wished he hadn't of answered it that day when it rang. The morning had actually been a good one. He had written some ideas down for a song, and played around with music in his studio. Then he had decided to break for lunch. When the phone rang as he was eating, he should have let it go. Let the machine get it, but he had seen Britney's number and answered it.

They had always been close through the years, even when the group had broken up. She had always looked up to him as a big brother. So yes he answered it. What a mistake answering the phone had been. As soon as she had mentioned his name, all the goodness of the day had left. He actually hadn't thought of Justin once that day which was a very rare event.

Britney went on and on about how her and Justin had went to lunch the day before, about how good he had looked, about how much he had asked about him. He didn't want to hear any of that cause even though the time had passed, it still hurt to think of the love he had lost. Now as he leaned against the deck wall, his food forgotten on the patio table, the memories of a better time in his life flooded back to him. A time of love and happiness.

JC remembered when he and Justin had picked out this house in LA. He remembered how he would spend his mornings on the deck drinking his coffee while Justin ate his cereal at the table, coming up behind him when he was done to wrap his arms around his waist.

It seemed like almost yesterday. The summer they had taken off after the Celebrity tour. Just the two of them together in their house sleeping in, and then getting up to do whatever they had wanted to do. He had never wanted those days to end, They were so perfect, but nothing perfect lasts forever.

Through out the day, JC's thoughts kept returning to his conversation with Britney. He kept wondering how Justin was doing. If he had moved on from him, and found someone new to love. It had been him that had ended their relationship knowing that as long as he and Justin were together, Justin would never willingly move on from the group and go on by himself. Justin deserved the chance to share his music by himself with the world. He asked himself day after day why he had let Justin go. He loved him with all his heart. Still did. If Justin was too mysteriously appear at his doorstep, he didn't think he could let him go again.

He hadn't want to let him go that last night either. That night all Justin would have to have done is stayed, and JC's resolve to let Justin go would have crumbled. He would have kept them together, but Justin had been hurt and angry. Leaving JC behind with a slam of the door.

JC remembered how it had all started. It had been he that Justin had come to when he and Britney had broken up two years into their relationship. It had been JC that Justin had first told the reason why he and Britney had broken up. At first he didn't believe his friend he had told him he was gay. Justin Timberlake, gay? The guy that millions of girls all over the world lusted after was gay. The guy that had one of the world's pop princesses at his side was gay. The man he had loved since the moment they had met on the MMC was gay. It was too good to be true.

JC had hid the fact that he was also gay from Justin at first. He hadn't wanted Justin to latch onto him just because they were both gay. He had wanted Justin to go out and find someone to love, and to just not settle for him cause he was there, and they were best friends and both gay. He had fallen more in love with Justin with each day that had passed. He almost wanted to come out and just say, 'Justin I'm gay too, and I'm in love with you.'

It was Justin that had surprised him again though. Justin had been the first to come out again. He remembered the night when Justin had told him he loved him for the first time. Justin had been all worried cause he had thought JC was straight, and would hate him if he told him how he felt, but he had just had to tell him. He had laid his heart at JC's feet that night, and JC had stopped fighting how he felt for Justin and confessed to him that he felt the same way. That night their relationship had changed.

How JC wished they could return to that time. Things had been so good when they had started. It was like together they completed each other. Now that they were apart all those memories did was bring tears to his eyes. Whenever he thought of Justin and their time together, he wanted to cry. He missed Justin so much. He didn't know it would hurt so much to let him go. Maybe he had made a mistake. Maybe he and Justin needed to be together. Justin was gone now, though. Probably moved onto someone new. Maybe even went back to Britney.

JC shook his head. He should never have let Britney tell him Justin was in LA. Now that he knew Justin was so close, his mind would keep thinking about him. Remembering how he had felt in his arms. He looked over at the phone. It would be so easy to call him. Just pick up the phone and dial Justin's cell. He probably had the same number.

JC found himself walking over to the phone. As he picked it up in his hand, he let out a sigh. With a shaking finger, he dialed the number, stopping at the last digit. He started to hang up the phone, but instead dialed the last number. He put the phone up to his ear, and listened to it as it began to ring. As the third ring rang through his ear, he sighed, and began to lower the phone, but there was noise on the other end of the line, and he stopped himself.

"Josh, is that you?"

JC let himself slump down on the couch. He ran his hand through his hair, but didn't answer Justin.

"Josh, baby, talk to me. I know it's you. Your number showed up."

"I can't."

"Josh..."

"I shouldn't have called. I don't know why I did."

"Josh, I'm coming over."

JC sat up. "No, Justin, don't." When he heard the dial tone, he realized Justin was already on his way. He threw the phone down on the couch next to him. He shouldn't have called. When Justin showed up, he didn't know what he was going to do. What he wanted to do was pull him into his arms, and never let him go. That is what he wanted to do, but not what he should do.

He moved to lay on the couch. He wondered how long it would take Justin to get the house. Maybe when he arrived, he shouldn't answer the door. Just let him knock. He would go away again eventually. JC let his eyes flutter shut with a sigh. He shouldn't have called.

JC opened his eyes slowly. He must have fallen asleep. He looked down and noticed he was covered with a blanket. He removed it with a confused look on his face. He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked around the room, but nothing else was out of place. He got up, and began to make his way towards the kitchen when he noticed the deck door open. He shook his head as he walked over to it. He began to close it, but stopped himself when he saw someone leaning against the deck. "Justin," he whispered. He watched as Justin turned towards him. "How'd you get in here?"

"The spare key. You left it in the same spot, so I let myself in."

JC took a step closer to Justin. He began to reach out his hand, but he stopped himself. Instead reaching up and running his fingers through his hair. "Justin, I can't do this. You shouldn't have come."

"Why'd you call, Josh?"

"I don't even know why."

Justin took a step closer to JC, but didn't touch him. "Yes, you do. There had to be a reason why Josh."

JC sighed. "I missed you. I missed us."

"Me, too. I've been in town a week, and I drove by the house once or twice. I wanted to see you, but I wanted you to want it too." Justin reached up and touched JC's cheek. "Why did we end?"

"Cause we had too. You had to do other things with your life. I was only holding you back. Without me..."

"Without you, all those things I had to do in my life have no meaning, Josh. I do them, but I don't enjoy them. I go through the motions. Loving you made it good."

JC turned away from Justin. He couldn't look at him. Hearing those words from his lips almost made him lose it. He couldn't go back. He felt Justin's hand fall on his shoulder, and he lowered his head. "Justin, I don't know if I can do this again. When you left I died inside. I couldn't take it again."

Justin turned JC around, and pulled him close. "I wouldn't leave again. I don't even know why I left this time."

JC raised his head. "I pushed you. I made it so you had to leave. If you had stayed I wouldn't have stopped you."

Justin smiled. "Then next time you push me away, I won't leave. I'm staying right here with you." He reached his hand around JC's neck, and pulled him closer. He kissed him softly. "I missed this so much."

"Me too, but you're here now, and I'm never letting you go again."

"I won't let you. We're too good together, baby. I love you, Josh."

"I love you, too, Justin," he whispered, as he wrapped his arms around Justin's waist tight. He was never letting his boy go.

The End

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