By My Side

By: Kasey

" Tonight I saw a glimpse of your smile that fit my own reflection...oh you looked so beautiful...a tear ran down my face and all my memories erased...oh why'd you have to leave my side..."

She was here. He couldn't believe his eyes, couldn't trust that what he was seeing was real and not a hallucination. Six months they hadn't seen each other. Six long, lonely months. And now, just when he actually thought that the pain was getting easier, that he was coping, she shows up tonight, of all nights. This was the very last place he thought she would be. If they had have still been dating, sure she would have been here, by his side, holding onto his arm the same way she was holding on to that other mans. His gut tightened at the sight of her delicate hand resting on the man's jacket. And not just any man. It was the one man who he thought he could trust! For them to show up tonight, together...well, that was almost more than he could bear. Damn it! This was his night! It was his album, his ambition! And for them to be here...

He snapped out of his reverie and watched her. He eyed her critically, noting that she had lost weight - and it was weight she hadn't been able to afford in the first place. She also looked pale and lost - but she still looked stunning. Even after the heartbreak of their relationship and the six months apart, she still looked damn stunning to him. Her once blonde hair was now dyed a deep red, which still suited her. It was twisted up into an elegant hairstyle and exposed the delicate gracefulness of her neck. She was sheathed in a red dress, cut low at the back to show skin, and he saw with some fury, that his hand was resting lightly on that bare skin. And, he knew, that her green eyes, the same eyes he had stared deep into so many times, would be bright and intelligent.

His gut tightened when she shook her head and smiled - a slow sad smile so like his own of late. It wrenched at his heart and tore at his conscience. He had put that smile there. Callous words and indifference had been the reason she had walked out on him. It had been the reason why their one-year relationship had ended with so much heartbreak and so much pain. He would never be able to forgive himself for hurting her like he had. He had used her...maybe not in the exact way she had accused him of...but hell, he had used her. As much as he hated to admit it, he was the low down son of a bitch she had called him that last time. He bit his lip as he watched the man she was with...his friend...leave her side and walk into the other room. He debated what he should do...should he follow his friend and confront him...or should he walk over to her and apologize for treating her so badly. For the first time in his life, Joe McIntyre was stuck for a decision.

" Oh why do all the rivers flow into the ocean...and why does all the love in the world...come straight from the heart...and why does all the pain I feel...come from deep inside...oh all these questions I could have answered...if you were by my side..."

He chose his head over his heart. He glanced one more at her before following his 'friend' into the other room. He was talking to his manager when Joe walked into the room. But when he saw Joe he grinned - that heart melting grin Joe knew had broken a million girls' hearts before. But the grin disappeared as soon as Joe's fist connected with his nose. Blood poured out of his nose and Joe felt an intense satisfaction as he reared back for another hit but he was stopped by Miguel.

" Damn it Joe! What the hell was that for?" Jordan asked, holding his hand up against his nose.

" Why are you here with her?" Joe asked, trying to break free from Miguel's grip.

" Why do you care? You broke up with her. She wanted to come, so I brought her. You did invite me, remember?" Jordan asked, a tinge of sarcasm in his voice as someone handed him a hankie to stop the blood.

" But not here. So why did you bring her tonight? You know what happened between us! Of all the women you could have brought, you had to bring her!" Joe yelled at him. Jordan frowned and then smiled a little and Joe got the feeling that he had been set up.

" Joe, you aren't with her anymore. You know that I was interested. So, I thought I'd take my chance and..." Jordan was stopped when Joe hit him again," Damn it Joe! Stop hitting me!"

" Not until you take her home and leave her alone!"

" Hell Joe, you don't want her. Why should she sit at home all by herself when I'm quite willing to take your place?" Jordan said, his voice maddeningly teasing.

" You planned this didn't you? You knew how I still felt about her. You wanted me to embarrass myself in front of all these people on the one night I wanted to make an impression. You're an even bigger bastard than I thought you were," Joe spat at him and Jordan's relaxed expression eased into anger.

" That one is free Joseph. Another crack like that and you'll end up on your ass. Alison is a beautiful woman. I wanted to date her. You threw her to the side once you'd had your fill. I plan on treating her like the woman she is. If you don't like that, ask me politely to leave. She is no longer your woman Joe. If you can't accept that, then maybe you should know that she all ready has," Jordan said and stalked out of the room. Joe rubbed his fist and glanced around at the small crowd who had been watching. Then he turned to a grinning Miguel.

" Advise your client, Miguel, that he is no longer welcome here. Ask him to take his date and leave. Now," Joe said and followed the same path Jordan had only minutes before. He was stopped in his tracks when he saw Alison run her hand over Jordan's face, an expression of horror on her pretty face. Oh hell! Now he had really screwed it. She wouldn't want him back after this. No, she'd stay with Jordan. After all, he had been defending her! Joe swore under his breath and walked over to the bar.

" Joe, what'll it be?" the bartender asked.

" Whisky. Straight. And keep 'em coming," he said and the bartender, after a slight hesitation, nodded and poured him the first of what Joe hoped would be many drinks.

*******************

" Jordan, what happened?" Alison asked him. He shrugged and winced as she ran a soft hand over his cheek. Damn Joe could hit!

" Joe and I had a little...altercation," he said and she sighed.

" I told you that this was a bad idea. Joe and I parted on somewhat bitter terms. He didn't need this, I didn't need this," she said and he smiled a little.

" But..."

" Jordan, I know what you want from me. But I can't do it. I still love him. Even after what happened between us...I still love him," Alison admitted and Jordan looked at her.

" Alison, maybe it will take some time. I'm willing to wait..."

" Please, Jordan. This is hard enough without me having to hurt you. I love you, as a friend yes, but never anything more. I've needed your support as a friend lately and I thank you. But there will never be anything stronger between us that two very good friends," Ali said and Jordan nodded.

" At least you're honest with me. But are you sure about Joe? I mean, he did hurt you. How could you still love him after what happened?"

" He's Joe. Plain and simple, he's Joe," Ali said and

Jordan nodded again, knowing exactly what she was saying.

" Then you need to go over there and talk to him." The flare of panic in Ali's eyes made Jordan sigh," Okay. Not tonight. What would you like to do instead?"

" Have you met my friend Jordan?" Ali's green eyes sparkled and Jordan groaned. Great. This woman had just turned him down and now she was trying to dump him on one of her friends?

" I don't think I have Alison," he said sternly, trying to discourage her. But she was to be discouraged. Alison Thompson was a born matchmaker. Even if she couldn't get her own love life in order, she was a whiz at getting her friends together. And she knew the perfect person for Jordan.

" Something made me look at you...something made me do what I had to do girl...something made me talk to you...something made me do what I should have...I want you by my side..."

" Jordan, you really have to meet her," Ali said and Jordan grimaced. Ali hit him lightly and he laughed.

" I don't really want to meet any of your friends Ali. I think it may be best if I go home now," he said. He could feel Joe's eyes on them, watching them. It made him uneasy. Hell the last thing he wanted to do was upset and hurt his friend!

" I think you'll like her Jordan. She's a nice person. Really friendly. Please, just meet her this one time. That's all I ask," Ali said, begging him with her green eyes. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He saw Miguel grinning at him from one side of the room as he talked to a brunette but he ignored him.

" Okay. Just this once. This is the last time Alison Thompson. Believe me, if this doesn't work out you will owe me big time," he said and she giggled as she led him over to where Miguel was standing. Jordan's eyes flashed over the woman he was talking to and he felt a tiny spark of interest but he buried it. He wasn't interested in any one but Ali. And he never would be.

" Jordan this is my best friend Kasey. Kasey, you know Jordan Knight," Ali said as she introduced them. She watched as Jordan and Kasey shook hands. Was that interest in Jordan's eyes?

" Hello Jordan. Are you all right?" Kasey asked, her eyes searching his face with a hint of worry in them. Jordan felt his gut tighten at that worry. How long had it been since a woman had shown any emotions for him?

******************

Why was he sitting here at the bar when he could be over there, with her, talking to her? Drinking wasn't helping him get over her. Maybe he should just get up and walk over there. Maybe...hell, sitting here wasn't helping. Joe stood up and started walking over towards the foursome in the corner. Miguel was the first one to see him. He straightened and flashed Jordan a look that Joe could only interpret as a warning. Jordan swung around defensively and Ali, damn her, stood by him as if she was trying to protect him.

" Jordan I want to apologize for before. I never should have hit you," Joe said stiltedly. For a minute he thought that Jordan wasn't going to accept his apology but then he nodded stiffly and Joe started breathing easier. He turned to Miguel," And I'm sorry for involving you Miguel. It never should have happened."

" Thetas okay Joe. Things like that happen ya know?" he asked and Joe nodded. He then turned to Ali. She watched him with wary green eyes.

" I need to talk to you Ali," he said. She hesitated and a woman behind her come into view.

" You be nice to her Joe," she said.

" Who are you?"

" Ali's best friend. You hurt her again, Mr., and I'll do some serious damage. That's not a threat, its plain cold fact," she said and Joe nodded slightly. He saw Jordan cast an admiring glance at her and wondered at the meaning behind it.

" Will you talk to me Ali. Please?" he asked. Ali looked at him and he looked back, not sure what else to say," Do you want me to beg?"

" Fine. Where?" she asked and he sighed.

" Anywhere you feel comfortable," he said and she nodded. She turned to Jordan, Miguel and her friend.

" I'll be back soon. Keep an eye on Jordan, Kasey. And Miguel, keep an eye on Jordan," Ali said teasingly and he smiled. Jordan and Kasey were all ready deep in conversation so they didn't hear Ali's warning. Joe held out his hand and after a brief hesitation, Ali placed her hand in his and let him lead her away.

*************

" Joe, what is it that you want to talk about?" Ali asked once they were outside in the coolish air. She shivered. She still wasn't used to the Boston weather. Joe took off his jacket and placed it around his shoulders. She breathed in deeply and almost cried at the familiar scent of Paco Raban. Ever since they had split up, she had been unable to smell that scent without thinking of Joe and their time together.

" That last night we were together. The night we broke up," he said and Ali shivered not from the cold this time, but the memories.

" I'd rather not, ya know?" she said tightly. Joe glanced at her, his blue eyes full of pain and hurt. But they were also full of determination and Ali sighed. They were going to talk about that night whether she wanted to or not.

" I think we better. There were a lot of things said that night that weren't meant. And there were a lot of things that we both should have said to each other but didn't," Joe said huskily.

" Then I think that they better say unsaid. I don't want to go over that night again Joe. It was hard once...doing it again will not be good for either of us," Ali said and Joe sighed, reaching out to run his hand down her face slowly. Ali closed her eyes as she let his familiar touch wash over her.

" I need to tell you everything Ali. I don't want you hating me for the rest of your life because of something I didn't say or didn't do," Joe said and Ali sighed. Why were they doing this? Their relationship was over and nothing, not even this conversation, would change the fact that it was over.

"You know every bit of pain I feel...slowly fades away...and all the memories of you and me...are always here to stay...oh what I'm asking girl is one more chance...to let me in your life...oh girl if you give me one more chance...then I can be right by your side..."

" Joe I really don't think we need to get into this. I don't hate you. I never will. You meant everything to me and you gave me so much. I could never hate you for that," Ali said and Joe looked at her.

" Ali, I hurt you. I know I did. I never meant to. But it just happened like that and I hate myself for what I did to you. I made you cry. I was the reason why you walked out on me. I never treated you right," Joe said and Ali stared at him. Six months ago he wouldn't even admit that it had been his fault. He had just ignored her pleas for him to talk to her. To sit down and work out what was happening between them. This man standing before her tonight was different. He wasn't that proud stubborn man she had walked out on.

" You should have said this six months ago Joe. Six months ago I would have listened to you. Now..." Ali shrugged. How badly did she want to say yes, to hear him out? To let him back in her life. But he hadn't asked. He just wanted to make sure his conscience was clear before he moved on, became a big star again.

" Now...? Is it too late Ali? I need you back in my life. I need you to give me a chance to be back in your life again. Please," Joe asked, his crystal blue eyes begging her. Ali was trapped. How could she turn this man away? Her mind drifted, back to that last night, that night that her life had changed...

**********

" Joe we need to talk," Ali said as soon as he got off the phone. He looked at her, his blue eyes unreadable. God she hated that look. He looked so emotionless. So cold, so untouchable, as though he wanted nothing to do with her.

" Now?" he asked, impatience defiantly in his voice.

" Yes, now," she said and he sighed, as though this was nothing but trouble. Ali bit her lip and watched him as he sat down on the lounge chair. He spread his legs out, making it impossible for her to sit next to him. She knew that this was done on purpose. Usually he pulled her down in to his lap...she shook her head. It would do neither of them any good if she stood here daydreaming when she should be talking. So she sat down on the chair opposite the lounge and faced him. He wasn't looking at her, instead flicking through a magazine, trying to look disinterested.

" So, you wanted to talk. Lets talk," he said flatly.

" Joe, please look at me. I can't talk to you if you won't look at me," she said and he lifted his eyes towards her. But he wouldn't meet her eyes fully and that worried her," I think we have a problem."

" Problem? How could we be having a problem? We're together aren't we? That's what you wanted isn't it?" Joe asked.

" I thought it was what you wanted as well! You said that when I moved in..."

" Yeah well that was six months ago. Its different now." Ali was stunned. She had noticed the change in Joe lately but had ignored it, putting it down to pressure to find someone to release his album the way he wanted it. But to actually hear that he wasn't happy with this arrangement...

" You never told me that before."

" You never asked. And you were never home enough for me to talk to you," Joe said coldly.

" Well I'm asking now. What is it that you want from this relationship Joe? Is it permanence? Is it marriage? Babies? Or do you just want someone for sex. Someone to warm your bed, someone to cook your meals and clean your house," Ali asked. She was getting mad now. He wasn't even looking at her now. Just staring at a point somewhere behind her.

" None of those things anymore Alison." That was never a good sign. Whenever he called her Alison it meant he wasn't happy with her.

" Well what do you want? I love you Joe. I want to know what you feel for me, what you want from me," she said and Joe glanced at her briefly, his eyes surprised.

" You love me? How can you say that? We've known each other less than a year. You can't tell me that you know what you want from this relationship after that little time," Joe said and Ali shrugged.

" I know what my heart is telling me Joe. And I know that I love you. I thought it was the same for you," she asked quietly, placing a hand over her stomach. How could she tell him now?

" It's not Ali. I thought you knew that. I don't want marriage yet. Nor do I want babies. I didn't think you wanted those things either. I thought we were just in this relationship for fun. Thetas all I wanted," Joe said and Ali stared at him, hurt and stunned. Fun? He was out for nothing but fun?

" So thetas all I was to you? A plaything. Someone who was in your bed for a little while. But now that you're tired of me, you feel you can throw me aside like a piece of trash? Is that what you want?"

" I don't want to get involved seriously. This was just...an affair."

" An affair. You were using me."

" No, I wasn't using you. It was a misunderstanding. I thought..." Joe was sitting up straight now, watching her with narrowed eyes.

" Yes. You used me! You wanted sex without complications. Instead of paying for it, you used me. It was so easy, wasn't it Joe? Innocent little Australian. Doesn't know what you're really like so you just use me and then decide to get rid of me that easily," Ali said angrily and although Joe went to defend himself, he said nothing. If that was what she wanted to think, fine.

" Who said I never paid for it?" he asked quietly and instantly regretted it when Ali stared at him, hurt and pain evident in her eyes. She looked away and bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She was supposed to tell her child that its father thought she was a whore? What the hell was she supposed to do now?

***********

Joe watched Ali with worried eyes. She looked so far away. Was she thinking of that last night? He knew that his last comment had hurt her. He shouldn't have said it, he knew that. But she never gave him the chance to take it back. She had packed her things and walked out of his life that night. Now, six months later, he wanted her back and he wasn't sure how he was going to do it.

************

" Ali...hey, sweetie? Are you there?" Joe asked teasingly, waving his hand in front of her face. She glared at him and he laughed," I knew that would get your attention."

" Joe, what is it that you want from me?" Ali said and Joe sighed.

" I want you back." Ali stared at him. Had she heard right? He wanted her back?

" Excuse me? Why would you want me back now? You never tried to stop me from leaving six months ago. What's changed Joe?" she asked and he shrugged his shoulders.

" I love you Ali. I know that I never told you that enough when we were together. But I do love you and I'm damn sorry about what happened. I didn't want you to walk away from me. I never wanted you to think that I hated you," Joe said and Ali stared at him, unsure whether to believe him or not.

I don't know whether or not I want to go back Joe. You hurt me. You told me that you didn't feel the same way as I did. I can't risk loving you that much again and then having you turn me away. It would ruin me. It tore my heart apart last time. I don't want it to happen again," Ali said quietly and Joe nodded.

" I know that Ali. It's not something I want to happen again. That's why this time I'm asking you to marry me." Oh god. Had he really said that? Was this really what he wanted? Ali rubbed her hand over her eyes and she tried to work out whether he was telling the truth or whether he just wanted her back in his bed for one night. Marriage?

" You said that you didn't want marriage. What made you change you mind?"

" I love you. Isn't that enough?" Joe asked, a little bit of annoyance creeping into his voice.

" No, it's not Joe. I need more than just 'I love you' after what happened last time," she said and started to walk away from him. She was stopped when Joe grabbed her arm.

" Wait! Ali please don't walk away from me again! I won't be able to handle it! Please don't walk away," Joe asked his voice pleading. Ali sighed and gently removed Joe's hand from her arm. She held onto it for several seconds, relishing the feel of him again.

" I have to Joe. This is the best way, believe me. I don't want to end up being hurt again and I don't think that's what you want either. We walk away from each other tonight, we know that neither of us hates each other and we can get on with our lives. Believe me Joe, this is the best thing to do," she said and let go of his hand, walking away from him, back into the party. Joe watched her go, wondering if he had really lost her this time. Then he smiled. He knew exactly how to get her back. All he needed to do was talk to that woman she was with and talk to Jordan as well. Hopefully they would both help him get her back.

Joe headed towards the party, purposefully not thinking of what would happen is she didn't take him back. That would come later. Right now he needed to focus on getting her in his arms and to be his wife.

*****

Fifteen minutes later Joe was sitting at a piano, talking quietly with Jordan. He had approached both Jordan and the woman he was talking with and asked them to help him. Jordan had stared him down but had finally relented. He had then introduced him to Ali's friend Kasey. Joe sensed some real interest between the pair so he could rest easy where Jordan's interest lay. Between the three of them they had come up with a plan that would hopefully get Ali back. Joe hoped it would. He didn't know what he would do if she didn't accept him.

" She's here Joe," Kasey said quietly. Joe glanced over at Ali, who was standing nervously at the bar. His heart turned over when he saw her apprehension. Please God, let this work, he prayed.

" Thanks Kase. I owe you for this," he said. Kasey smiled and slipped her hand into Jordan's.

" Invite us to the wedding," she said and Joe laughed.

" Deal. Is she willing to listen though?" Joe asked, his voice full of worry.

" Well..." Kasey looked uncomfortable and Joe nodded," You hurt her. She's trying to get over you. But she's willing to stay for five minutes. That's all. Then she plans on leaving."

" Well then I better get started, hadn't I?" Joe said teasingly but his gut was tightening with worry. God he hoped this work. This was the last chance he had.

" Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming here tonight. This is a very special evening for me and I am appreciative that you could all join me to celebrate the official release of my first solo CD, 'Stay the Same'. I'm going to sing some songs from that album, but first, I'm dedicating a song to the most beautiful woman in the room, in the world and in my life, Alison Thompson. Ali, sweetheart. I love you and I'm sorry. I'm asking you to marry me and be my wife and the mother of my children. Sweetheart, this is for you," Joe said and started playing the notes to 'I Cried'.

*****

Ali watched as Joe sang his very heart and soul out, singing what was her favourite song on the album. He sounded so beautiful and so...words couldn't express her emotions when she saw Joe look at her while singing the chorus. Her heart expanded with love and as the notes of the song faded into the awestruck silence of the room, she wiped away her tears and started moving towards the front. Joe stood up from the piano seat and moved towards her as well. The crowd parted and she stood about five meters from him, just watching him, watching as his eyes shone with love.

" Ali, please. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like I did. Please forgive me," Joe said and Ali nodded," What? What does that mean?"

" I love you Joe. And I will marry you. For better or for worse. I'm yours. Forever," she said and Joe almost ran towards her and wrapped his arms around her. He held her close, kissing her hair, running his hand down her back, just breathing in her very life essence.

" Thank you Ali. I'll never leave you again. I'm yours. I love you," Joe breathed quietly and she smiled. This was how she had wanted her life to turn out. And for once, she was getting her wish.

The End.

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