Promise Me Forever

By: Kasey

Copyright: 1999

" What are you doing out here?" Kasey turned around in surprise when she heard his voice.

" Damn it, you scared me! Can you maybe let me know when you wanna sneak up on me?" she asked him in an aggravated tone. He laughed huskily as he slid his arms around her waist and rested his hands on her stomach, resting his head on her shoulder.

" It takes all the fun out of it if I let you know before scaring you," he said, his voice soft in her ear. She shivered as his breath caressed her lobe.

" You love scaring me huh?" she asked and he laughed, bringing her closer to his body.

" You're an easy target. Why are you out here?" he asked and Kasey sighed. Damn it, when he wanted an answer he went after it with a single minded dedication.

" A little too crowded inside for me," she said shortly.

" Kase, you gotta face it one day. Those people in there are your friends. They only want to help you get through this," he said and Kasey nodded, biting her lip as tears filled her eyes. She raised her head up to look at the stars, breathing in deep to help control her emotions.

" I know. And if it weren't for all of you, I would have given up a long time ago. But it's still a little early for me to be over it."

" I'm not asking you to get over what happened, just to face it. Sweetie, you cant hide your feelings forever," he said gently.

" I know, buts it's hard. I keep asking myself why." Kasey said.

" I keep on asking the same thing. He was my friend and what happened should never have happened. But it did. And you have to realize that and move on. Don't hide what you're feeling. Don't hide from your friends. If you feel down, call me, call Suz, call Chrissy. Just call someone. Don't cry by yourself. I worry about you so often," he said and Kasey smiled slightly.

" You do?" she asked.

" Of course I do! You're my friend. I hate to see you so down all the time. You're young. You should be having fun not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. Don't let what happened take away what makes you the person we all know and love," he said.

" When did you become so wise?" she asked teasingly.

" Me? Wise?" he asked and laughed to show her he was teasing himself," Will you come back inside?"

" I'd like to stay out here for a little while yet okay?" she asked him.

" Kasey, please don't sit out here and cry. It's a party. You should be in there trying to at least have some fun," he said.

" Yeah I know. But this is the first party since..well. You know. Its just hard to be in there and see everyone happy and in love," Kasey said and he laughed.

" Hey, I'm not in love! So you aren't alone in that department," he said.

" Yeah but you're here with someone. I'm not. I'm the only single person here," she said and he turned her around to face him. Kasey looked up into his chocolate brown eyes, so full of concern and tenderness.

" Hon, it's hard, I realize that. But don't think of yourself as single. Think of yourself as a part of a very loving group of friends," he said and she smiled weakly.

" I was a part of a intimate loving couple for so long. It's hard getting used to being without him now."

" Hey, you think I don't miss him as well? He was my friend. But as much as I miss him, do you think he would want us to not move on?" he asked and Kasey lowered her head, tears falling from her eyes.

" I just miss him so bad it hurts," she whispered and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her head to his chest so she could cry.

" I know hon, I know," he soothed her, rubbing his hands over her back gently, holding her close to him. How log had it been since she had been able to do this? How long had it been since she had been held in a man's arms? He felt for her, he really did. He was hurting too but certainly not as much as she was. Her tears were finished after a little while and she moved away from him, throwing him a grateful smile. That small little smile caused a twist in his gut that he wasn't surprised at.

" Thanks Jordan," she said and he nodded, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. She looked up at him with those clear green eyes of hers and he saw grief and loss in them.

" Feeling better?" he asked and she nodded.

" Yeah I am."

" Come inside with me?" he asked, holding out a hand.

" In a little while Jordan. I just need to be alone for a little while okay?" she asked and with a heavy heart, he nodded. He ran his hand down her face and smiled.

" Okay. But if you aren't in there soon, I'll come out looking for you okay?" he said and she laughed softly.

" Okay," she agreed and he turned away from her.

" Thank you Jordan. I really needed to be held like that," he soft voice stopped him briefly. He nodded, his back still to her so she wouldn't see his expression and continued walking towards the door. He looked back at her once, before entering the house. She was sitting on the steps now, looking down at what she held between her fingers. And he knew what they were, and wondered if she would ever be able to get rid of them. He sighed and entered the house, shaking his head at what was happening to him.

*****

Kasey was oblivious to Jordan's turmoil. She was too busy looking at the items in her hand. One was her engagement ring. The other her wedding ring. Both which she still wore as if he was still around. She couldn't help it. They had been so in love, so full of hope for the future. And she had always been one hundred percent faithful to him as he had been to her. She just couldn't remove the rings yet. It had only been six months since he had left. Six months since the car accident that had ripped him from her so suddenly, so unexpectedly. They had never even said goodbye. It had all happened so quickly. One minute they had been driving along, laughing and joking and happy about the baby they had just found out they were having, the next thing Kasey knew, she had woken up in hospital to be told that not only was her baby dead, but her husband had died as well. She had wanted to die then. But Jordan had been there, her rock and support through everything that happened after the accident. The funeral, the police enquiry, the court case against the driver who had caused the accident and the death of her life...and the last few months. He had been there for her when nothing else seemed certain. She honestly didn't know where she would be without him. She knew that he missed his friend as much as she did, but not once had he expressed how he felt. He had let her cry on him, held her, soothed her...but never let her soothe of comfort him. He had done all his grieving alone, expect for that day she had woken up and saw him sitting by her bed, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He had cried then but that had been the last time she had seen him cry. Kasey slipped on her rings and stared up at the stars, sighing.

" Oh Miguel. Why did you have to leave us?" she asked the silent night.

*****

" Where is she?" the minute Jordan was back inside, Suz had him cornered.

" Outside," he said.

" And you left her out there? Alone?" Suz couldn't believe he would do that so she started to head towards the door.

" Suz, wait," Jordan grabbed her arm and stopped her before she could intrude on Kasey's time alone.

" What? She needs someone out there with her."

" She wants to be alone Suz. Leave her alone okay? Just for a little while. She'll come in when she's ready," Jordan said. Suz stared at him for a long time before nodding slightly.

" Alright. I trust you about this," she said. He smiled his thanks and started to turn away but her next words stopped him cold," Have you told her yet?"

" Have I told her yet? Suz! How can you ask me that? This is a woman who lost her husband and baby in one day! I cannot just waltz up to her and tell her that...that I..." Jordan shrugged his shoulders and Suz felt some pity for him. This man must be going through hell right now.

" Why cant you just waltz up to her and tell her? She's a mature woman. I very much doubt she'd laugh in your face you know," she said and Jordan shook his head, smiling sadly.

" I cant Suz. It will never happen. She's my friend. She needs me to continue being her friend. She's not even over losing Miguel yet," Jordan said.

" So you can be there for her, help her get over him. He was a wonderful husband to her but he is gone. Kasey is starting to move on..."

" No, she's not. She still misses him, still cries over him, still wants him around, still wears her rings! In her heart, Kasey is still married to Miguel and if I told her what I feel for her..." Jordan let the words trail off but Suz knew what he was trying to say. He would feel like the other man in a marriage.

" So she'll get over him," Suz said. Jordan started shaking his head vigorously," Damn, you're just as stubborn as Kasey is! She will get over her grief Jordan. Miguel wouldn't want her to stay alone for the rest of her life. He would want her to find love again. And who better than..."

" No. Miguel was my friend! The day he told me he was in love with Kasey was the day I started seeing her as nothing more than the woman my friend was going to spend the rest of his life with. Whatever I felt towards her before that disappeared. I can't just take his place!" Jordan said stubbornly and stalked away. Suz watched him go, frustrated all to hell. Donnie came over to her and wrapped his arms around her.

" He'll be fine hun," he said softly and she nodded.

" I know he will. But will he ever tell Kasey that he's in love with her? I hate to see him so miserable all the time. I hate seeing Kasey so miserable. Here are two people so right for each other, but are so blind to each other," Suz said. Donnie sensed her tenseness so he moved his hands up to her shoulders and started massaging them gently.

" They need time. Kasey needs time. It's only been six months. They'll find each other Suz. You just have to give them some time," he said, kissing her softly. She sighed as he reduced her to a wobbly mass of jelly.

" I hope so Donnie. If they don't, they are going to be two very lonely, very miserable people," she said.

*****

Kasey opened the door softly, hoping that no one would notice she was coming back in. She stepped inside and shut the door and groaned when a hand came down on her shoulder.

" I'm glad you decided to come inside," Jordan's soft voice tickled her ear and she giggled softly.

" You threatened me. What else could I do?" she said lightly, turning around to face him. He looked good in the moonlight, but he looked even better in light. Tonight he was wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a silk green shirt. He was smiling slightly at her and his eyes were sparkling with unsuppressed laughter. She noticed that this was a common expression on his face when he was around her.

" I learned from the best you know? Suz taught all of us well," he said and Kasey laughed.

" Oh I have no doubt that she did. Why aren't you entertaining Keri?" she asked and instantly his expression changed.

" Keri," he said her name with bitterness," Found someone much more entertaining." Kasey glanced at him sympathetically. She wondered if this woman was more than just another woman he dated, and became surprised at the tiny twinge of jealousy she felt at the thought of Jordan with another woman. It must be the time they were spending together, and the thought that maybe one woman would be able to change that.

" Was there something more to your relationship with her than you were telling me?" she asked lightly, hooking her arm through his and looking up at him with a smile on her face.

" Hell no! Keri was just someone I was dating. Nothing serious. Certainly nothing permanent! Why do you ask?" He asked, smiling down at her with curiosity.

" No reason," she said and dragged him to the area that had been cleared for dancing," Dance with me."

" You want to dance? Miguel said you hated to dance," Jordan said in surprise and watched her in delight as she laughed.

" Yeah but I thought I'd make an exception in your case, considering you like to dance so much," she drawled, her Australian accent broad and clear. Jordan laughed and placed his hands on her hips. He pulled her closer and started moving. Kasey tried to follow his moves but ended up doubling over in laughter when she moved to her left and he moved to his right. Jordan moved his arms all the way around her waist and lifted her up off the ground," Hey! What are you doing?"

" Trying to get you to move properly!" he said and carried her off the floor and into a separate room, dropping her on the lounge chair. She turned around and lay down on her back as she stared up at him, her eyes wide as she tried to catch her breath.

" I didn't know you could carry me that far," she said breathlessly as she tried to sit up. Jordan stopped her by kneeling next to her and running a hand down her face. She stared at him in surprise. What was he doing?

" I can carry you as far as I need to," he said huskily, running his thumb over her bottom lip. She couldn't stop the tiny moan that escaped from her lips as the feelings ran through her.

" Jordan..." she started but was stopped when he bent down and touched his lips to hers. It was just a light tender kiss at first but when she felt his tongue running along the closed seam of her mouth, she opened her mouth and allowed his tongue access. He explored her mouth very thoroughly, wringing another moan out of her. How could this be happening? How could this man be evoking such emotions from her. Kasey closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his body down on hers. Her thighs parted to allow him to settle in between them and the heat and hardness she felt pressing against hers was intense. It had been so long since she had been kissed, been made to feel like this. Jordan ran his hand down to her breasts, stroking a nipple through the material of her shirt.

" Miguel..." Kasey moaned. Instantly the heat and hardness between her legs was gone, Jordan's mouth was gone from hers and his hand was also gone. She opened her eyes and focused passion filled eyes on a very hurt and furious Jordan. It took awhile for her to realize what she had done but when she did, her hand covered her mouth in horror," Oh god."

" This was a mistake," Jordan said shortly.

" Jordan...oh god. I'm...I'm sorry. It's just been so long and I thought..."

" You thought I was Miguel. Damn it. I knew this was wrong," he said and turned away from her.

" I'm sorry! You just...I just...why did you kiss me?"

" I wanted to. But I think that I had better go now," he said and left the room, leaving Kasey lying on the lounge, her eyes filling with tears and her body crying out for satisfaction.

*****

Her touch was soft, fleeting, running across his chest, making him moan restlessly. Her touch moved down to his stomach and beyond. Her hands stroked his hardness and it wrung another moan out of him. Her breath was hot against him and when her tongue started to lick him, he...

Jordan sat straight up in bed, breathing hard, his dream still fresh in his mind. Damn it. Now he was starting to dream about her as well? He threw back the covers and walked over to the window, not caring that he was naked. Who the hell was going to see him anyway? He stared out the back yard, his poll shimmering in the moonlight. Maybe he should go for a swim. It might just stop the dreams he was having. So he went out his back door and out to his pool, not bothering with the lights, just diving straight in and swimming several laps, trying to push Kasey from his mind.

" Kissing her had been a mistake. Letting himself forget where he was and who he was with had been a mistake. But he hadn't been able to control himself. She had looked so good lying there on the lounge, her green eyes wide and laughing. And when she had wrapped her hands around him, he had thought...just for a moment he had thought that there was the smallest possibility that she knew who she was kissing. But then she had called out Miguel's name and everything had changed. He had remembered exactly who he had been kissing. This was his best friend's wife for god's sake! How could he have even thought about it? And when she had looked at him, regret in her eyes, he couldn't handle it. He had to get out of there and fast. So he hadn't even stayed to talk to her, just left her, crying. Now not only did he feel guilty, he also felt like a heel now. She had called three times since then, each time he ignored her, letting his machine take the calls. And each time she had sounded more and more upset than the last. The third time she had called she had been in tears. He had been so close to picking up the phone when she had hung up and hadn't called back since. Now not only was he feeling guilty, feeling like a heel but he was also worried that she would do something less than smart. He stopped swimming and floated on his back, staring up at the stars as he wondered what he should do. It was late, almost two in the morning, so he really couldn't go over to her place...but the thoughts in his mind weren't the greatest and he knew that unless he knew that she was all right, he wouldn't sleep.

Having made his decision he swam to the side of the pool and lifted himself out, grabbing a towel that was on one of the deck chairs and dried himself as he went back inside. As he passed the living room, he saw the photo of him, Miguel and Kasey that he been taken only two weeks before Miguel's death. Kasey was looking at Miguel with so much love in her eyes. But it was his favoruite photo of Kasey because she looked so happy, so radiant, so in love. Maybe one day she would look at him like that.

*****

She felt like her head was going to explode. Someone was pounding against the door, making one hell of a racket and she was trying desperately to ignore them. She groaned as she moved her head. Damn it why did she have to drink so much? Alcohol usually hit her so hard so she stayed away from it, knowing that the side effects would be severe. She was going to kill whoever that was at the door, if she ever dragged her self away from the lounge chair where she had collapsed after drinking too much of Miguel's stock of whiskey. Kasey held onto the back of the lounge as she made her way, slowly to the front door. Just as she was about to open it when the doorbell let out a sharp peal.

" Damn it Kasey! Open this god damn door!" she winced when she heard Jordan's loud voice coming through the closed door, She fumbled at the doorknob and finally opened the door to find a very worried and angry Jordan on her doorstep.

" Do you have to be so loud?" she asked him huskily. He grabbed hold of her before she fell forward and ushered her inside.

" Yes I do. Damn it, you're drunk!" he said.

" Really? I wouldn't have thought so," she said sarcastically.

" You rarely drink. And never whiskey,' Jordan said as he picked up the bottle of Miguel's finest whiskey. Just the sight if the bottle brought back memories of nights past, of after dinner drinks with Miguel right here in this room, Kasey by his side, laughing at everything they said.

" I felt like having a drink," she said and sat down on the lounge. Well, it was more like collapse but he kept his mouth shut.

" Kasey, why?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

" I needed to forget," she whispered.

" Forget what?"

" Miguel. You. Everything. For a little while, I just needed to forget that these things have happened to me. But it's not working. I can still see his smile, I can still hear his voice, I can still feel his touch. Why can't I forget him?" she asked and he felt like his heart was being torn out.

" Kasey..."

" Help me forget him Jordan. Please? Help me forget what Miguel feels like," Kasey looked at him with begging eyes.

" I cant Kasey. I'd be taken advantage of you," he said. God this woman was tying him up in knots.

" No you wouldn't! Please Jordan. Do this for me please!" she begged.

" Kasey, you're going through a very difficult stage right now. I understand how much you're missing Miguel but you can't use me as a substitute for him. It wouldn't be right and it would ruin what we have," he said.

" Then why did you kiss me? You wanted me, I felt that. Don't tell me that you didn't either because I know when a man wants me. Why did you do that to me if you have no intention on carrying through with your actions," she said hotly.

" It was a mistake, I told you that! I shouldn't have done it. You're still missing Miguel and I just made that worse," he said and she glared at him.

" You're a tease Jordan. You kiss me, make me feel things I haven't felt in months and then you sit here and tell me it was a mistake!"

" It was a mistake. I should never have kissed you. I wasn't thinking. And when you called out Miguel's name, I finally remembered. I can't forget that you are my best friends wife!" Jordan said as he stood and started pacing in front of her.

" Leave me alone."

" Kasey, please understand this. I am sorry that I led you on but you're not yourself anymore. You're still in mourning. Sleeping with you would be taking advantage of you."

" Get out. You embarrassed me, you used me for whatever reason and now you're telling me that what you started would be taking advantage of me. Just leave me alone."

" I'm sorry Kasey. You don't need this at the moment. I'll leave you and I'll come back in the morning and we can talk..."

" No. I don't want to see you. Just leave me alone. Please, just leave me alone," Kasey said quietly. Jordan stared at her, unsure what he should do.

" I don't want to leave you alone like this."

" Why not? I was in a worse shape earlier when you left me alone," she said sharply and he sucked in a breath.

" I don't want to leave you alone like this," he repeated, knowing that she was only saying what she felt.

" Why the hell not? I'm alone every night anyway, what's another one to add to the list?" she asked. He didn't want to leave her. He had never left her alone when she needed him before, he just couldn't start now, not when she was at her most vulnerable. But she didn't want him here, so what was he going to do?

*****

" Jordan, just go home. I will be fine. It's not like I won't survive a night alone. I've been surviving for the past six months. One more night wont make a difference," Kasey said when Jordan hesitated.

" Kasey, please."

" Jordan! Why can't you just do this one thing for me? I'm not asking much honestly! I just need to be left alone," Kasey said, not meeting his eyes. Jordan sighed and walked over to her, rubbing her upper arms up and down in an intimate gesture. When she tried to pull away, he gripped a little tighter and she cried out.

" Kasey, I am not leaving you alone. I will sleep out here on the lounge. I have never left you alone before, why would I start now?" he asked as he steered her towards the bedroom she had moved into after Miguel's death. The room lacked the warmth of a living person. It had a bed and a wardrobe in it, nothing else. No photos, no knick knacks...nothing to remind her of Miguel. She had locked the door to the bedroom she had shared with Miguel the day after his funeral and hadn't gone back inside since.

" Jordan..." Kasey protested but became quiet when he shot a glare at her. She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip and shot him a mutinous glare as they entered the room. He removed his arms and she stood there, watching him with hurt eyes as she rubbed the spots where his thumbs had pressed into her flesh.

" I'll be right out in the living room if you need me," he said as he started backing out of the room.

" Go home Jordan! I don't want you here!" she called out to him but he ignored her as he shut the door behind him and headed back into the living room. He glanced at the lounge and winced in memory. Miguel had said this lounge chair was particularly uncomfortable. It was only one night. And if he couldn't sleep on it, he'd crash on the floor. He shrugged out of his jacket and threw it over the armchair. Just as his hands reached down to unsnap his jeans, his gaze fell on the pile of photo albums on the bookcase. He hesitated several moments before going over to them. It had been a long time since he had looked at them. Two weeks before Miguel's death to be exact. It had been the last time he had been over here for dinner. Miguel had just gotten some new photos developed and he and Kasey wanted to put them into the albums, so they had dragged him into it. But he hadn't minded. Spending time with his friends was better than being alone. And the more time he had spent with Kasey, the more he realized he would never ever get a chance with her. And that was good. It was very realistic. He pulled the four albums off the bookcase and sat down on the floor, leaning up against the lounge chair as he put three to one side and opened the first one. Kasey was so meticulous about her photo albums, dating each photo as well as writing who was in it, where it was taken and who had taken it. The first photo had been taken on the day Kasey and Miguel had met. And their entire relationship was in these photo albums, right from day one, up until the last photo taken. That had been two days before Miguel's death. That photo wasn't in the album, like normal. It was just sitting loose in the front of it, no date, nothing written on the back of it. It was just the photo of Miguel and Kasey, by Jordan's pool, both of them smiling at the camera, Miguel's arms around Kasey's waist. Jordan wondered what would have been happened if they had've known what was going to happen two days later. Would they have done anything different?

*****

Kasey couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, punched her pillow...everything she could think of but she still couldn't sleep. This wasn't the first night Jordan had slept in the house. But it was the first time he had done it since he had kissed her. How was she going to handle their friendship now? Everything had changed with that kiss. The man she thought was her friend had kissed her, while she was still missing her husband. And she didn't know exactly how she felt about that. She still loved Miguel. He had been her life. They hadn't ever expected to have their life together cut so short but it had. No matter what she said or did, Miguel could not be brought back. She had to put Miguel in her past, where he belonged. She would always love him, never forget him. But he wouldn't want her to live the rest of her life so alone and without finding love again. But how would he feel if she found love again...with his best friend?

*****

Kasey woke up the next morning to the smell of burning bacon and cursing from the kitchen. She rushed out of bed, grabbing a robe and belting it around her waist before heading into the kitchen, where she found Jordan, in nothing but a pair of jeans, throwing a frypan into the sink and turning the cold water tap on.

" Are you trying to burn my house down Knight?" she asked him and he spun around in surprise, his forefinger in his mouth, a frown on his face. But the frown disappeared when he saw her and his face broke out in a smile.

" Good morning."

" It is? I see a frypan with something burned to a cinder in it, sitting in my sink. That tells me you were planning on doing one of two things," she said teasingly.

" And what would they be?" he asked, slowly heading towards her.

" That you were either burning my kitchen down, or attempting to cook breakfast. Which one was it Jordan?" she asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. Jordan stood in front of her, resting his hands on either side of her, leaning in towards her.

" I was attempting to cook breakfast for you, as an apology for last night. But I guess I got distracted," he said, indicating the paper on the table. She glanced over at it and made a move to get it but he stopped her. She looked at him, and saw that he was no longer smiling.

" What is it Jordan?" she asked. He sighed and lowered his eyes, running a hand over his face.

" There's something in the paper I know that you wont like."

" What is it?"

" The driver that caused the accident?"

" Yeah?" Kasey asked, watching his warily. That driver had been put into jail for almost ten years. While it wasn't what he deserved, she had been grateful he had got at least that.

" He was released from jail," she stared at him, unblinking, unmoving.

" Released from jail? What? How...he was sentenced to ten years! It hasn't even been anywhere near that yet! How could that..." she shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts that had rushed there at Jordan's words. He moved away from her and picked up the paper. The headlines stated what he had just told her, 'Convicted Man Released Due to Jury Scandal'. Kasey had to grip harder onto the counter as Jordan neared her, the headlines mocking her. This man, the man who had killed the most important person in her life, had been released because of what jury scandal?

" The foreman of the jury accepted a bribe from someone to convict the driver. The judge found out and had to release him. I'm sorry Kasey," Jordan said softly as she stared at him, unwilling to accept what he was saying as the truth.

" No. It's not possible. Damn it, no! He killed Miguel! He cannot just be let free because of this!" she said, wrenching the paper from his hands and staring at the print. It started to swim before her eyes and soon there were teardrops falling on the paper. She dropped the newspaper and slumped to the floor, resting her head in her hands. Jordan followed her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him. He was silent as she cried, all her pain and fear coming out at the same time. He cursed the foreman who had taken the bribe. All because of him, this man was free, free to drink and drive and kill someone else again. It was more than he could bear and he knew that Kasey was feeling the same way. Six months this had taken to come out in the open and during those six months it had seemed as though Kasey was starting to forget what had happened that night but for this to happen now...it seemed almost too cruel to handle.

" This should never have happened," he whispered softly in her ear. She just cried even harder, her whole body shaking at the effort. He ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her, trying to comfort her in some way but she wouldn't be comforted. He was worried about her. She had never cried this much before. Not even at Miguel's funeral. But maybe she needed this. Maybe all her fears and frustrations had been held inside for too long.

" He doesn't deserve to be out of jail! He killed my husband and he walks free because of some greedy man? That is not right!" Kasey sobbed and he sighed, moving around so his back was against the counter. He gathered Kasey into his lap and rested her head against his chest as her sobs started to quieten. He cupped her face in his hands and lifted it gently so their eyes met. Hers full of tears, his full of pain and sorrow.

" No, it's not right. It was never right in the first place that Miguel had to die. But don't let this set you back," Jordan said softly. He moved a thumb across her bottom lip, feeling its softness. She moaned quietly, closing her eyes at the intense rush of pleasure from just that one caress. Jordan looked at her in surprise. One touch and she was like putty in his hands. But he should have realized that from the other night. He desperately needed to kiss her again, but felt strange sitting here, on the kitchen floor, the newspaper on one side of him, wanting to touch this woman he had wanted so desperately for so many years. He moved his thumb from her lips and replaced it with his own lips, gently placing a soft kiss on her mouth, waiting to see what her reaction would be. When she wound her arms around him and moved her head closer, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along the seam of her lips, asking for access to her depths. She allowed his tongue inside, and moaned when their tongues met. She tasted faintly of sweetness and mint, arousing him a little more than he knew he should be. But this woman, this sweet willing woman who was pressing up against his body was making him forget all the rules. He ran a hand through her hair, letting the silky strands slide through his fingers, breathing in the faint lemon scent of the shampoo she used. His lips moved from hers to her neck, placing little kisses along her windpipe, making her hands grip in his hair tighter as her breathing became irregular.

" Oh god Jordan...you make me feel..." Kasey's voice came out cracked and he registered that she had gotten his name right this time, as he laid her down on the floor and undone the tie to her robe, letting the silk fall to the sides, allowing him easier access to her silk covered body. He ran a hand up her sides, pausing to cup her breasts and running a finger over a nipple, making her body shudder as the exquisite sensations surged through her. One of his hands moved down her side to the hem of her nightgown as his hand inched its way up her thigh, making contact with bare skin, he slowly removed the silk covering, inch by inch, baring her body to him. He knew that this was somehow not the right time, but both of them seemed to far gone to even notice that now. As her creamy white skin was revealed to him, her stomach, her breasts, he held his breath, greedily taking in the site before his eyes. Her nipples, already erect and aching, her breasts straining and soft. He threw the nightgown to one side, as his hands and tongue began their assault on her body. He ran his tongue around one nipple, not touching the stiff little bud, causing her to arch her back and attempt to bring his head closer to her body. He calmed her down, by placing a kiss on her nipple, tonguing it and raking his teeth over it gently, causing her to whimper softly.

" You like that?" he asked her huskily.

" You know I do," she said and he chuckled throatily. He bent his head over her breast again and took the nipple inside his mouth, suckling on it as though he were a baby," Make love to me," Kasey whispered. He doesn't hesitate. He leans down and kisses her nipples so softly that she can barely feel it. But she knows he's doing it because his warm breath is heating her body up just as much as his touch is. He licks and sucks on her nipples, making them stand firm and proud. He rakes his teeth over her nipples and she groaned as the pleasure hit her. Kasey arched her back, trying to tell him how she was feeling, what she wanted him to do but he soothed her with whispered words of passion. He gives each nipple one last kiss and then moved his way down to her stomach, gently kissing the skin around her navel. She called out his name when his tongue entered her navel and swirls it around erotically. He leaves her navel kisses his way down her stomach, until his mouth is resting just above her panties.

" God you are exquisite," he whispered. He runs his tongue along the line of her panties and she feels his fingers move under her panties and between her legs. She moans and opens her legs for him, allowing him greater access. He removes her panties and holds himself up by his elbow as his thumb circles her clit then moves down and he enters one finger into her slowly. He rubs her, alternating between fast and slow until she buckles and cries out his name as her orgasm hits her. He doesn't even let Kasey get her breath back before he replaces his fingers with his mouth. She screams his name as she feels his tongue enter her, licking, sucking, nibbling on her tender flesh. He runs his tongue up and circles her clit, biting gently on it, making her tighten her hands in his hair and throw her leg up around his shoulder. He pulls her up closer to his mouth and drinks from her, holding himself very still as she stiffens and her orgasm explodes, shattering her senses into a million pieces. He places her gently back on the floor and kisses his way back up her body, kissing her on the mouth as deeply and intimately as he had just done. She could taste her own passion on his lips and she kissed him, greedy for more. As she makes a move to push him onto his back, Jordan grasps her face in his hands and looks directly in her eyes.

" No. This is not about me. This is about you," he whispers and Kasey sighs as she feels his hardness resting against her entrance.

" It seems so unfair," she starts to say but gasps in pleasure when he drives deeply into her. He runs his hands down to her thighs and wraps her legs around his waist, holding her there, holding himself very still as he kisses her very thoroughly.

" This isn't about being fair," he says, thrusting slightly forward. Her eyes do not leave his as he stays very still inside her. She could feel him inside her, hot, hard and aching. This...this was what she had been missing. The feel of a man inside her, the feel of a man on top of her, the smell of a man, the smell of pure sex. She arches her back, taking him deeper inside her, smiling slightly when she hears his moan of pleasure. Jordan's hands move from her thighs and up to her aching, heavy breasts, cupping them and running his thumbs over her straining nipples as he started to move in and out of her, slowly, inch by torturous inch. His hands leave her breasts and he places one arm underneath her back, raising her breasts slightly, enough so he could attack them with his mouth. His teeth caught hold of one nipple as his thrusts start coming faster and faster, harder and harder, until their bodies are covered in sweat and their breathing is coming in nothing but shallow, short pants. Kasey felt the pleasure start at the very point where Jordan was inside her and radiate outwards, moving up to her stomach, her breasts, until it seemed her whole body was afire, and that she was headed for a cataclysmic release. Somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, she realized that she had never experienced this kind of thing with Miguel but there was no time to dwell on that as her release came and she cried out Jordan's name. He joined her not too long after, reciting her name over and over again, as he poured his seed deep into her. And as he lay in top of her, his head pillowed on her breasts, they realized what had just happened. Somewhere, Jordan's innocent comforting had turned into a session of lovemaking neither of them were bound to forget any time soon.

*****

" This should never have happened," the words jolted Jordan out of his pleasurable haze. He lifted his head from her breast and stared at her in surprise. The minute their eyes met, he saw the regret and the sorrow in hers and knew, that no amount of talking would change her mind. He had slept with her...his best friend's wife and even though his friend had not been alive for six months, she still felt guilty at cheating on him.

" I agree. But it was something that had to happen," he said softly and she closed her eyes and bit her lip, nodding in the process. She gasped slightly when he withdrew from her but other than that, as he covered her body with the discarded robe, he never touched her again.

" So where do we go from here?" she asked as she stood up. She couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, not knowing what she would see in there. Disgust? Pain? Shame? She felt them. But she knew that if she saw the same feelings in his eyes, she wouldn't be able to handle it. So instead of facing him, she picked up the paper and threw it into the trash. The last thing she needed was to see the headlines that had started this.

" I think we can remain friends," something was very definitely wrong here. This was not how he had seen their first time together. Or how he had seen how they would act after their first time. It was the complete opposite from what he had wanted. He wanted to hold her in his arms until she fell asleep. He wanted to wake up with her in the morning, every morning and see her eyes looking up at him with love shining from them. He wanted his ring to be on her finger, his baby inside her..." Are you using birth control?" God, why hadn't the thought occurred to him earlier. That may just have been what he had needed to stop. Her eyes widened and his heart sank, knowing the answer before it even left her lips.

" No, I haven't since...well since Miguel and I decided we wanted children. I..I don't think I could be at risk but..." she was nervous, counting back the days in her head. And the minute she realized that it was possible, very possible that she could be pregnant, both hope and terror flared inside her.

" You will let me know. I want to know if you are pregnant Kasey," he said, coming towards her. She shrank back against the counter and he sighed, letting his hand drop, turning away from her," I'll leave now. I'm sorry that it got this far. If you need me, call okay?"

" Okay," she whispered softly and followed him into the living room where he gathered his clothes and keys. At the front door he stopped and turned to her.

" Don't try and deal with this on your own. Call me. Don't say okay if you don't mean it," he said gently and left, leaving Kasey standing in the hall, the robe wrapped tightly around her body in an attempt to shield herself.

*****

Jordan didn't drive directly home. He didn't want to go home with memories of his morning with Kasey still fresh in his mind. He could just hit himself for rushing her, for touching her. He knew she had been shocked at the newspaper. God, he had been when he had read it. And that shock had been the start of their lovemaking. An innocent attempt at comforting her had turned into something he hadn't wanted to end. If only he could have contained himself, controlled himself and let it happen naturally, instead of forcing the issue. If he had of done that, he would not be driving around the streets of Boston aimlessly. He would be in bed with her, her in his arms. Instead here he was, driving towards the cemetery...

He jerked the car to the side with a savage curse and turned the ignition off, resting his head on the steering wheel. Where had that thought come from? He hadn't been to the cemetery since Miguel's funeral. Kasey went out there every week, he knew that, taking flowers and spending a small amount of time in the peaceful quietness. But he hadn't been able to go back there, go back to his friend's graveside, knowing how he felt about his wife. So why had he thought of the cemetery now? Jordan lifted his head and saw the sign to the place and sighed. He was here, he may as well make the drive worth it so he started the car and parked it in a better place. After locking the doors and standing outside the gates for a good ten minutes, he finally retained the courage to walk up the path. Even though he hadn't been here in six months, he still knew exactly where his friend was buried and would have been able to get there blindfolded. There were fresh flowers on the grave, no more than two days old so he knew Kasey had been out here recently. He wondered what she did out here. Did she cry? Talk to him? What did she do? He felt at a loss here, standing next to the grave, his hands buried deeply into the pockets of his jacket. He stared at the headstone and winced. God almighty why did he have to die? If anyone had had to die, why not him? Why take Miguel, someone who had been married and in love, someone who had so much to live for? The days and weeks after the accident and funeral had been so much of a blur. The moment the police had come to his house and informed him that Miguel and Kasey had been involved in an accident, he had been operating on automatic pilot. He had driven to the hospital in a daze, praying to a God he had almost forgotten, to save the two most important people in his life. Arriving at the hospital and being told Miguel was dead and Kasey had lost a baby and was in a coma. A baby. His friends had been driving home from a doctor's appointment when they had been hit, head on by a drunk driver. At 2pm in the afternoon. He had spent three days by Kasey's bedside, praying, hoping, crying...he hadn't left except to go home to shower. He had slept in a chair by the bed, refusing to listen to anyone, even doctors and nurses. He had wanted to tell Kasey that her husband and baby were dead. He hadn't wanted some strange doing it. He had been in the middle of crying when she had woken up, calling out Miguel's name. And from that moment on, he had not let her see him cry or grieve in anyway. He had needed to be there for her, knew that Miguel would have wanted him to be. So he had told her what had happened and he would never forget the look in her eyes when she heard. Heart tearing grief had ripped through her and she had cried. And at the funeral three days later she had cried again. He had driven her home, to the house she had lived in with Miguel, and watched as she had removed all the photos of Miguel from the mantelpiece and coffee table and locked them into the bedroom she had shared with him. Then she had given him the key and asked him to throw it away. She would never want to set foot in there again. But he hadn't thrown it away, instead keeping it, knowing that one day Kasey would want to go back in there. And all during the police investigation and the court case, he had been at her side, day after day in the courtroom. He had been there when the driver had been sentence to ten years. And in the months since then, he had been there for her at every turn, every tear, every memory. And he had fallen even more in love with her than he had thought possible. And he had also realized that it would be almost impossible for him to ever let her know what he was feeling.

Jordan sighed and shifted his feet impatiently. All he was doing was daydreaming out here, thinking back over the past few months. He missed Miguel. Normally if something had been bothering him he had been able to pick up the phone and talk to him. But he hadn't been able to talk like that to anyone since Miguel's death.

" I'm in love with her Miguel," the words were blurted out and Jordan stood there shocked. Where had they come from? One minute he had been thinking how much he missed talking to him, the next he was talking to him...well his grave anyway. Jordan ran a hand over his face and sighed, " Hell, I have a feeling you knew that. From the minute you met Kasey you were gone. And you made it clear that you wanted her. But you never made it all that obvious you were with her. Never talked about your life together unless I asked, never bragged, never made me feel lousy because you happened to be the one she fell in love with. Now that I think about it, I know you knew I had feelings for her. Why didn't you ever ask me about them? Why didn't you ever tell me to lay off? Why didn't you act like an obnoxious jerk?" Jordan knew why. Miguel didn't have a bad bone in his body. Kasey had often called him an angel in disguise. Said he made her feel like the most beautiful, most special woman on earth, just by looking at her," Hell, it may have been easier for me if you had've acted like an obnoxious, jealous jerk. I spent so much time with you and Kasey and you never complained. You knew, didn't you. You knew what I was feeling, how lonely I was. I wanted what you and Kasey had. That closeness, that bond. It was as though you had known each other for your whole lives. And yet, you both made me feel welcome in your home. Made me feel as though I wasn't alone. They were special times. Great memories. The past. Miguel, I don't want you to hate me. I loved you like a brother and when you were with Kasey, I loved her like a sister. But now, you aren't here. I love her. I want her. I want to wake up with her every morning. I want her to look at me the same way she looked at you. I want to have children with her. But I don't want you to hate me for feeling this way." Jordan bowed his head and sighed. What else was there to say?

*****

Six weeks. Six long weeks had passed since that morning on the kitchen floor. Six weeks since she and Jordan had made love. And, as a result, just as she expected, she was six weeks pregnant. The doctor had just confirmed it for her.

But she wasn't sure how she was going to tell Jordan. Sure, they were still friends. He still showed up at all hours, they still had that friendship that they always had, but there was something else, something neither of them ever mentioned. It was as though...as though the closeness that they now experienced was better and more intimate than ever before.

Kasey stood in front of the mirror, her hands covering her stomach, a small smile on her face as she thought of the tiny life inside her. She hadn't been this happy in...well, since Miguel and the before the accident. And it wasn't only the fact she was pregnant. No. It was more, much, much more. And she knew what, or, to be more precise, who was the reason behind her happiness. Jordan. Her friend, one time lover and now, father of her baby. Their baby. A beautiful son or daughter. Conceived because of shock, but a baby who would be nurtured and raised with all the love she had inside her.

Kasey thought back over the last six weeks and tried to work out just when her thoughts towards Jordan had changed. Had it been that morning after they made love? Or had it been a gradual process, taking the whole six weeks. Well, however and whenever it had happened, it had occurred and she could now put a name to the feelings she was experiencing in Jordan's presence. Love. She was in love, for the second time in her life. And as she thought about that, as she thought about being in love with Jordan, she didn't feel as guilty as she had expected, didn't feel as though she would burn in hell for falling in love with her husbands best friend. Now all she had to do was tell Jordan that he was going to be a father...

*****

" You really think that you should put that much vanilla in the mixture?" Jordan asked, re-reading the recipe for what must have been the fifth time in as many minutes. Kasey watched him, her gaze hooded, her secret still just that. He was in such a good mood today. He had shown up only half an hour ago, a brown paper bag full of ingredients and announced that he thought it was time that she learnt to make his favourite sweet. Brownies.

" Yes I think that I should put this much vanilla into this recipe," she said when he looked at her strangely after receiving no response to his question.

" But it only says a teaspoon. Not a tablespoon. Isn't vanilla awfully strong?" he asked and Kasey shrugged as she added the vanilla.

" I don't know. Never made something like this before," she said and he laughed.

" So why did you agree to this?"

" Because I needed to talk to you and this seemed to be the easiest way to approach you," she said seriously and he glanced at her warily before taking the wooden spoon out of her hand and stirring the mixture slowly.

" What do you need to talk about?" he asked. She sighed and moved away from him, her back to him as she stared at the calendar on the kitchen wall.

" This past six weeks something has changed Jordan," she said.

" What?"

" Me. I've changed."

" How?"

" Miguel was an important part of my life. For a long time he was my life. When he died, along with our baby, it was as though my reason for living had gone. Those few days after the funeral, I wanted to die. So many times I thought of committing suicide so I could be with Miguel. But something stopped me. I don't know what, or who, it was exactly but I was stopped. And now, I know why. And now I know who," she said, turning to face Jordan. He had placed the bowl on the counter and was watching her intently, a strange, unknown emotion in his eyes.

" Why and who was it?" he asked.

" Why? Because I wasn't meant to die. If I had've, I would have died in the car crash. Along with Miguel. But I was meant to live, meant to move on. And who? Miguel. It was Miguel. Don't ask me how I know that now, but I just know that he was looking after me. Still is. And right now, he has a smile on his face. I can see it, so clearly, as if he were standing right in front of me. As if he were still alive. But he's not. And I am. So I had to make a decision. Get busy living, or get busy dying. You've helped in making that decision Jordan," she said and he looked at her in surprise.

" Me? How?"

" By being here. Being my friend. You have been my constant rock, my support...everything I need. And when that paper report came out six weeks ago, you were there for me as well," she said.

" Yeah but not in the way I should have been," he muttered and she glared mockingly at him.

" I'm baring my soul to you Knight, the least you could do is listen!" she said teasingly and he laughed, holding up his hands in surrender," The morning we made love, happened for a reason. At the time I didn't think so. But over the past few weeks, I've come to realize that...well, Jordan, I love you."

" I love you too Kasey. But..." Jordan started to say, puzzled at her words.

" No, you aren't listening to me properly. I love you. Not as a friend, nor as a sister, but as a lover, as a woman...I love you in a way that I never loved Miguel, and yet, the love I have for you is just as intense as it was for Miguel. I will always love him, always hold a special place in my heart for him, but its you that I am in love with," Kasey said and watched him, nervously, as this information hit him.

" You...you love me?" he asked hesitantly.

" Very much. It took me a long time to see that, to realize that but I do. I love you with all my heart."

" Do you know how long I've loved you?" he asked quietly.

" How long?"

" Since the day we met. That very first day we met, I fell in love with you. And I thought that we would start something, become involved...and then Miguel walked in. The minute he saw you, and the minute you saw him, I knew then that would never be possible. And I just backed away, letting Miguel be happy. I've watched you and loved you from a distance since then, never even expecting that this would ever happen," Jordan said, walking over to Kasey and taking her hands in his.

" You're a great man Jordan," she said.

" I'm hoping that I'll make a great husband as well," he said, looking into her eyes and she nodded.

" In that I have no doubt. There's also one other thing I know you'll be great at," she said as he started placing soft little kisses along her jaw.

" What?"

" Being a father," she said and he stopped still, lifting his head to look at her in stunned surprise.

" I'm going to be a father?" he asked quietly and she nodded, biting her lip as she waited for his full reaction. What he did surprised her so much she was nearly brought to her knees. He fell to his knees and rested his forehead against her stomach, breathing in deep," This baby, inside you, is mine. I'm going to be a father."

" You don't mind?"

" Mind? Why would I mind? We're going to be parents Kasey. You and me. Me, a father. Who would have ever thought?" he asked, covering her stomach with his hands. She ran her hands through his hair and closed her eyes as the surge of love she felt for this man welled up inside her.

" I love you Jordan," she said and he got to his feet, holding her close to him.

" And I love you," he whispered before kissing her softly.

" Promise me something Jordan," she asked as they broke apart.

" Anything."

" Promise me forever."

*****

The End.

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