Secrets

By: Kasey

It was the day she thought she would always cherish, the day when her world finally became complete. Instead it became the day she hated, the day she wanted to take back but couldn't, no matter what she did. It was her wedding day. The day she had been looking forward to more than anything in the world. Here she was, sitting in her bedroom of the house she had shared with her best friend Suz for almost a year and half now, trying to work out what had happened, where things had gone wrong. Suz had tried to tell her what had been happening but being a woman in love, she had ignored all her best friends warnings...so here she was, sitting in a wedding dress that wasn't going to be used, crying her eyes out, wondering why he had chosen today, of all days to tell her. There had been plenty of time before the wedding, plenty of time to let her know that he was no longer in love with her. But no. He had chosen today deliberately, knowing just how many people there would be here. He had chosen to tell her as soon as she had made that long walk up the aisle. In front of the 200 hundred strong congregation. And just announced in front of everyone that he was leaving her and going away with her friend, someone she thought she could trust. His announcement had left her feeling stunned and hurt. How could she have not seen this? Had he been so careful not to let his actions be seen by anyone?

Kasey removed her veil and threw it onto the bed just as a soft knock came on the door.

" Come in," she called out softly, thinking it was Suz. But when the door opened to reveal the man standing there, her heart beat accelerated.

" Can I come in Kase?" he asked and she nodded, stunned that he was here. Sure, they had been friends since she and Suz had moved to Boston but once she had started dating Anthony, he had made his anger and disappointment in her evident, telling her that if she chose to continue seeing someone he knew would hurt her, then he wasn't going to be around to pick up the pieces. And yet, here he was, in her bedroom, a soft, tender loving expression on his face, the face she had learned not to lust after when she had found out he was involved.

" Not if you're here to say I told you so Jordan," Kasey said a little bitterly. Jordan was silent as he shut the door and walked over to stand behind her as she sat on her dressing table chair. He placed his hands on her shoulders and started massaging them, feeling the tension but saying nothing as he stared at her in the mirror. Kasey and Suz often marveled at how fortunate they were that they had met and become friends with their two favourite men. Suz and Donnie had been dating for several weeks now and things looked serious for them. Jordan had broke up with his girlfriend Leesa a little over six months ago, still dating casually but never looking like he was going to settle down.

" I'm not here for that Kase. I know how much you must be hurting right now. Donnie and Suz are in the kitchen, worried out of their minds about you. I asked if I could come up and talk to you," Jordan said," Do you want to tell me what happened?"

" I wish I could! But I don't even know myself! I thought everything was fine between us! We were in love, or at least he told me he loved me! I didn't even know he was cheating on me with Sydney. How she could do something like this to me, I'll never know!"

" What about Anthony, Kasey? It takes two to cheat. He was as responsible for this as much as Sydney was," Jordan pointed out and smiled when Kasey glared at him," Hey, if a friend cant tell you the truth, then who can huh?"

" I thought you said you wouldn't be here to pick up the pieces Jordan," Kasey said quietly, not looking at him.

" I figured you'd need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want me to go and beat him up?" Jordan asked, his lips curled into a little snarl and Kasey managed a choked laugh.

" That would only make matters worse. I can't believe I let myself be hurt like this! I always said that I wouldn't let any man hurt me again! And what do I do? Get involved with someone who cheats on me with someone I considered a friend!" Kasey said angrily, reaching around, trying to unbutton the wedding dress she was desperate to get off.

" Let me help you with that," Jordan said and Kasey let her hand drop away as Jordan's hands went to work on the tiny pearl buttons. Kasey could feel tears starting to well up. This was supposed to be Anthony undoing these buttons! Not Jordan! Her husband was the one who was supposed to be undressing her! The sobs and tears she could no longer suppress burst forth and her shoulders started shaking as she tried to take a deep breath. Jordan's hands stopped undoing the buttons and moved around her body, drawing her into a soft hug, holding her close to him in a comforting gesture as she cried all her pain and frustrations out.

*****

" Do you think she's all right up there?" Suz asked Donnie as they sat at the kitchen table, drinking cups of coffee.

" I think Jordan is just what she needs right now Suz. She'll send for you if she wants you. Kasey's strong hun. She'll pull through this okay," Donnie said as he covered on of her hands with one of his. Suz threw him a weak smile and thanked God for sending her this wonderful man.

" I just keep seeing that look on her face when Anthony and Syndey walked out of the church together. I could kill him you know. And her. How could they do this to Kasey? What could she have ever done that would deserve this kind of treatment from the man she loved with all her heart?" Suz asked, clenching her fist in anger.

" Anthony is a selfish bastard Suz. He always has been. He knew that there was someone else who had their eye on Kasey so as revenge he went after her. He didn't ever love her. Never wanted the chance to love her. He only asked her to marry him because this other guy wanted to go after Kasey. Anthony is cold hearted. He never gave a damn who he was hurting," Donnie said and Suz stared at him in surprised curiosity.

" Who wanted Kasey?" she asked.

" No way hun. That's a secret. If he wants people to know, he'll make his intentions clear. But for now, he just wants to work his way into her heart. And from the damage Anthony inflicted, that may be a very, very long time," Donnie said and stared Suz down with a stare until she gave up her questioning - for now.

*****

" I could kill him," Jordan thought angrily as Kasey cried in his arms. When Kasey loved, she gave her all. She loved with all of her heart and all of her soul and Anthony hadn't even cared about that when he had asked her out for revenge. That's all Anthony had even wanted Kasey for. Revenge. Pure cold hearted revenge. Jordan had seen this, known it and had tried to warn Kasey but by then it had been too late. She had been in love with him and very willing to accept the wedding proposal. So Jordan had done the one thing he had thought would make Kasey think again, make her change her mind about marrying Anthony. But she had surprised him by choosing Anthony over their friendship. He had seen the hurt in her eyes when she had done that but he hadn't taken his decision back. He had hoped that at some point she would realize what Anthony was after and dump him. But she hadn't. The wedding preparations had gone ahead and Anthony had bragged about how he had the woman Jordan wanted. For once, Jordan had missed out and Anthony had won. Oh, he had won all right. He had left Kasey heartbroken and unlikely to trust any man again all because of a stupid need for revenge. Jordan sighed and Kasey's tears eased somewhat. She lifted her head and gave a him a watery smile.

" Thank you Jordan," she said huskily and he nodded as she moved away from him. The wedding dress was only half unbuttoned so she looked at him and asked him, with her eyes, to finish the job. Just the sight of her soft, smooth white back was enough to make him hate Anthony even more. This woman could have been his by now, if Anthony hadn't seen the interest. This day would have been theirs. And he would have had the right to undo all these buttons, then lower her down onto the bed, kiss her, touch her, hear her sighs...Jordan shook his head as he reached the last button. Kasey turned around to face him, a hand holding the front bodice against her breasts.

" Do you want me to go?" Jordan asked and nearly sighed in relief when she shook her head. As much as he didn't want to be here, seeing the woman he wanted so desperately, in nothing but her wedding lingerie, he wanted to be here for her much more as a friend, as someone who would be handy if she wanted to cry again.

" I never understood why you gave me that ultimatum Jordan," Kasey's muffled voice came from behind the t-shirt she was pulling on over her pale blue lingerie.

" I thought I was doing something to stop you from getting hurt," he said and she looked at him in surprise once she had the t-shirt on.

" I knew that. But why didn't you tell me Anthony was cheating on me then?"

" Would you have listened?"

" Probably not," Kasey answered ruefully as she slipped into a pair of jeans.

" So what happens now Kase?" Jordan asked, watching her as she sat down at her dressing table and started removing her makeup. She stopped in mid-wipe and stared at him through the mirror.

" I start again."

" How? Does that mean you're moving?" Jordan asked, becoming panicked at the thought. Of she left now he'd never have a chance to prove his love to her.

" Hell no! Anthony is not going to be the reason I leave Boston. I have a life here, I have friends...I have you," Kasey admitted and Jordan smiled a little," I mean, I'll start a new life without Anthony. I'll look for a new job. Anthony didn't want me working after we married but that's changed now."

" I'm glad you still think of me as a friend, even after what I did to you," he said quietly and Kasey laughed softly.

" You were always my big brother Jordan. I realized then that you were only being protective of me. And that you wouldn't have done it if you didn't care about me," Kasey said and she finished wiping the foundation off her face.

" Brother?" Jordan asked in surprise. She thought of him as a brother? Hell, that really threw a curve into his plans.

" Well, yeah! I never had a big brother but I always wanted one. And you seem to be the perfect big brother. Isn't that the way you see me? As a sister?" Kasey asked curiously. Jordan got to his feet and walked over to the door, trying not to let his annoyance show.

" Yep, that's exactly how I see you. As a little sister. Who, if she doesn't get her butt downstairs in time, wont be coming out to dinner with us all," Jordan teased and left the room, leaving Kasey to stare after him in surprise. He stalked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Suz and Donnie looked up as soon as he entered.

" How is she Jordan?" Suz asked, getting to her feet.

" Coping well for someone who was just dumped," Jordan said wryly and Suz left the kitchen and hurried upstairs. Jordan poured himself a cup of coffee and sat in the seat vacated by Suz.

" What happened Jordan?" Donnie asked after several strained seconds.

" She thinks of me as a big brother!"

" Hell you never knew that?"

" No! I didn't!"

" Well, like it or not J, you are her big brother at the moment. That's why convincing her that the love between you two is more than that is going to be tough," Donnie said and Jordan laughed dryly.

" Don't I know it!"

*****

" Come in Suz," Kasey called out as soon as she heard the knock on the door.

" How did you know it was me?" Suz asked as she stepped inside.

" I was expecting you. Actually, I was expecting you up here long before now. What did Jordan do, tie you down and gag you?" Kasey teased her friend and Suz laughed.

" Hey AussieGirl, don't be mean," Suz said.

" Hey Texas, I'm telling the truth! I'm surprised Jordan didn't have to drug you to keep you away while he talked to me," Kasey said, laughing but Suz could see the pain and hurt in her eyes.

" Oh chica. It hurts hey?" Suz asked softly and Kasey nodded, biting her lip.

" It feels like my heart has been ripped out and all that's left is this big, empty hole. How could he do this? And Sydney! I mean, I trusted both of them! Why didn't he tell me before today? I think I could have handled it if he had've told me before today. But in front of all those people..."

" He's a bastard. Just like Donnie said. He can't love anyone but himself."

" You and Jordan tried to warn me. Tried to tell me he was no good. But I didn't listen. And now look at me. Jilted on my wedding day," Kasey said as she savagely brushed her hair. Anthony had liked it long so she had kept it long for him. Now she was more inclined to cut it.

" You were in love," Suz said and Kasey glared at her.

" So much for being in love. I was blind. Stupid. I was being used for some purpose other than love and I just didn't let myself see it, despite the warnings, despite Jordan ending his friendship. I should have paid attention to Jordan when he gave me the choice between him and Anthony," Kasey said and Suz stared at her friend, hurting because she was hurting," Ah to hell with Anthony and Sydney. Starting right now I am making a fresh start. I'm cutting my hair, getting a new job...starting a new life."

" Why cut your hair?"

" Anthony wanted it long. I grew it for him. Cutting it will get rid of something he wanted," Kasey said and stood up, plaiting her hair into a fat plait as she did so.

" All right. But let your anger settle. Don't do anything you may regret later on," Suz said and Kasey shrugged her shoulders as she left her bedroom and headed downstairs. She entered the kitchen and from the guilty looks on both Jordan and Donnie's faces, she deduced that she had been the topic of their conversation. She stood at the doorway, hands on her hips as she glared at them.

" Am I the reason you two suddenly stopped talking?" she asked snappishly and Jordan raised an eyebrow at her.

" What's your problem?"

" Oh I don't know! Why don't you tell me?" Kasey asked angrily and headed outside. Suz, Donnie and Jordan shared a bemused look until Jordan sighed and followed her outside.

*****

" You wanna tell me why you snapped at us in there?" Jordan asked, leaning against the side of the house, arms folded across his chest as he watched Kasey.

" I'm sick of being the topic of conversation."

" You are going to be a topic of conversation for a very long time Kasey. What happened to you just wont be ignored, as much as you might want it to be," he said quietly and she sighed.

" I realize that. I just wish this whole thing would go away. I wish it had never happened. I want to go back to that day you told me it was Anthony or you and choose you," Kasey said, surprising him.

" Why didn't you choose our friendship over your relationship with Anthony?"

" Because I was in love. Well, at least I think it was love. I know it was never anything but fun and games for Anthony. For me it was the real thing. And I couldn't believe it when you said that I either had to give up my future with Anthony for a friendship with you. I was so hurt and so betrayed. Up until then, I was beginning to think that maybe..." Kasey fell silent. Jordan stared at her, deceptively casual on the outside but his heart was beating fast inside his chest.

" That maybe what Kasey?" he asked.

" Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter now anyway. It's in the past," Kasey said quietly and started walking down the stairs.

" Where are you going?"

" For a walk."

" Can I come with you?" damn, he didn't want to sound like an over eager school boy here.

" If you don't mind no conversation," she said and he nodded, walking down to meet her.

" So where were you thinking of heading?" he asked and she shrugged.

" Anywhere. Wherever I felt like going," she said. They were silent as they walked along the sidewalk, Kasey not looking at anything but the pavement underneath her feet, Jordan watching her every now and then. He still felt anger at what Anthony had done to her but now all he wanted was to take her in his arms and kiss away all her troubles. But she was still hurting, would be hurting for a long time yet. He wanted to tell her how he was feeling but knew that she wasn't ready for that.

" Jordan, can I ask you something?" the silence was broken by Kasey's soft voice.

" What happened to no conversation?" he asked and laughed when she glared at him," Sorry. What would you like to ask?"

" What would have happened, if, when we first met, you hadn't been involved with Katey?"

" What would have happened...what do you mean?"

" Between us. If we had of met, and you hadn't been involved," her question surprised him.

" I don't know. I never thought about it."

" Really?"

" Well...I don't know to be honest. I suppose I thought about it in passing but I was seeing Katey at the time. And by the time we broke up, you and Anthony had started dating. So there's never been that time when one of us hasn't been with someone else," he said.

" Oh," her quiet voice confused him. Had she felt something more for him than friendship at some point?

" Why do you ask?"

" Oh, no reason, Just curious I guess," she said. But he didn't believe her. Kasey never brought up subjects she was just curious about.

" Curious? I don't think so. Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

" Not really. I just thought...I don't know. Sometimes, when I was dating Anthony, I had the feeling that your interest about my relationship with him was more than friendly," she said and he stopped, looking at her. She had seen that? How? He thought he had kept the real reason behind his unhappiness a secret from her.

" Uh...I guess...what can I say?"

" How about telling me whether or not I was imagining things," she said, looking up at him, curiosity in his eyes. What could he tell her now?

*****

" Yes it was more than friendly."

" How?" Kasey asked, after a long silent moment.

" I just didn't want to see you end up hurt because he was after revenge. That's all."

" That's not what I mean Jordan," Kasey said and Jordan sighed.

" Then what exactly do you mean?" Kasey stared at him for such a long time that he started feeling uncomfortable. In the end she just sighed, shrugged her shoulders and started walking back towards the house.

" No matter. Its not important," she said and Jordan had to hurry after her.

" You were going to say something. What was it?" he asked.

" And I said it wasn't important," she said.

" You obviously thought it was important enough to bring it up in the first place. Why don't you just stop walking as though you were in a race and tell me what's on your mind?" he asked, placing a hand on her arm, trying to get her to face him. But she just shook it off and continued walking towards the house. He was hurt by her blatant attempt to ignore him. She had never done that before.

" Look, it's not something I want to continue talking about okay? If this conversation were meant to happen, you would know what I mean by friendly," Kasey said.

" So I was playing dumb okay? I know what you mean. Or at least, I think I know what you mean. But do you think this is the sort of conversation we should be getting into now? I mean, right at this very moment, you were meant to be on your way to your honeymoon. With your husband who was not meant to be me. So how can you be asking me what my feelings towards you were?"

" Well damn Jordan. Why don't you just mention him jilting me at the altar while you're at it?" Kasey asked angrily and ran ahead of him. By the time he realized what he had said, she was already at the house and racing up the stairs. He groaned as he thought of the reception he would get from Donnie and Suz when he got there. He walked slowly towards the house and stood at the bottom of the stairs, debating whether or not he had the courage to go in. He sighed and dragged his feet as he walked up the stairs, hesitating briefly before opening the front door and walking in. He was almost expecting to duck from a flying object or head back out the door but no one greeted him when he entered nor did anyone yell at him from another room. He entered the kitchen and found it empty. He stood very still and listened for any sound, and, when he didn't hear any, headed up the stairs to Kasey's room. Her door was open a crack so he pushed it slowly open and almost groaned when he saw Kasey curled up in a little ball on her bed, obviously crying. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him, standing there just looking at her and debating what he should do. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to her form, brushing strands of hair away from her tear soaked cheeks.

" I hate it when you see me cry," she whispered huskily.

" Why hun?" he asked softly as she sat up and wiped her eyes.

" It makes me feel weak and stupid," she muttered.

" You are anything but weak and stupid. And you have reason to cry. So don’t ever feel ashamed to cry in front of me," he said, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her towards him.

" This is twice already today. How many more times are you going to see me at my worst?" Kasey asked, trying to make her voice light and teasing but failing miserably.

" Did you ever let Anthony see you cry?"

" Never. He hated women crying. Said it was a weakness he couldn't stand. So I never cried around him, never dared to. I left my crying for the shower or the nights when he wouldn't be here," she said softly.

" Then he was a fool. Women, and men, need to cry at times. And you, my dear, need to do it today more than anyone. Hell, after what Anthony did to you I'm surprised all you haven't been doing is crying. Instead you've been incredibly strong, a lot stronger than I suspect most women in your situation would be and you've even had an argument with me. Not bad for someone who was just told by her fiancé that he wasn't planning on marrying her," Jordan said and managed to get a small smile out of Kasey.

" I just feel like such a fool."

" That will pass. Anthony is going to feel like an even bigger fool when he realizes what he's done."

" You think?"

" I know. He may have started to date you out of some need for revenge but one day he will wake up and realize what a stupid mistake he made by walking out on you."

" You sound so certain he's going to regret it."

" Hell I'm a man aren't I? He'll come back, crawling on hands and knees if he knows what's good for him and beg for your forgiveness. And the question is, will you forgive him and go back to him?" Jordan asked, watching Kasey carefully as he waited for her reaction. She looked thoughtful, almost hopeful. Damn. Why did he have to bring it up? Now she was getting all hopeful that he would come back. Did she really love him enough to take him back, even after what he had done to her?

" You think he'll do that someday?" Kasey asked.

" I think if the man has any sense he will," Jordan answered flatly and his heart sank when a small smile appeared on Kasey's face. Shit. He should have known better.

" Good. Because if he does, I will take great pleasure in turning him away and embarrassing him in the same way he embarrasses me today," Kasey said firmly and Jordan stared at her before breaking out into laughter.

" That's the fighter I know," he said. And love, a little voice whispered but he pushed that aside.

" Hell, I don't care what he does, I will not let myself be charmed again by that snake. Once with him was enough. He may have done me the best favour of my life by walking out on this marriage. I don't know if I could have stood being married to him. Now that I think about it, I see all the little bad habits he tried keeping a secret from me. The way he would pick at his teeth after dinner, the way he would call me those annoying names, the way he would pat me on the ass and call me the little woman...it all annoyed me but because I loved him, I thought I could put up with it," Kasey said and Jordan laughed.

" You let a man call you the little woman? Hell, you won't even let me get away with calling you woman. I can't believe you let him call you that without socking him," he said teasingly and laughed again when she glared at him," Just telling the truth there."

" But your truth is always so brutal Jordan," Kasey said teasingly.

" Hey, if your best friend cant be brutal to you, who can huh?" he asked and she laughed.

" True, very, very true. And as for why I let him call me those derogatory nicknames? I was in love, or so it seemed. Maybe I was never really in love with him. Maybe it was just me being in love with being in love and the whole wedding hoopla. Being married and being a wife never really struck me I guess," Kasey said thoughtfully.

" You admit that?"

" Well...I don't know what I admit or believe right now. I'm still too mad and confused to think properly. On one hand I want to beat the living hell out of Anthony for what he did to me, and on another hand, I want to cry into my pillow for the rest of the year and then decide what I want to do with my life. And since I can't do either, I just don't know what to do. Life was never this complicated when I stayed away from relationships completely," Kasey said.

" Yeah but life has never been this fun either," Jordan said and Kasey grimaced.

" Fun? My fiancé left me at the altar and ran away with my bridesmaid, and you call that fun? You have a warped sense of humour Mr. Knight," she said, jabbing him in the ribs with a couple of fingers. He yelped and rubbed the spot where she had attacked him, all the while throwing threatening glares at her.

" That hurt."

" It was meant to."

" You like to see me in pain?"

" Oh yeah it just turns me on sooo much," she said, emphasizing the o's.

" Oh so we're being cheeky now are we?" he asked mockingly and she grinned at him.

" When am I not cheeky huh?"

" Oh I don't know, how about when you're being held down like this?" Jordan said and moved so quickly that Kasey didn't even have time to realize what he was planning on doing until he grabbed her wrists and pushed her back onto the bed, as he straddled her hips.

" Hey this is unfair! You're not only taller than me, you're stronger as well!" Kasey protested.

" That's life babe," he said cockily and Kasey wriggled experimentally. He had placed his knees on either side of her legs and pinned her in place, not allowing her very much freedom. She couldn't even bring a leg up to hit him because he was holding them in place so tightly. He had her arms stretched above her head so that her shirt was riding up her stomach, exposing white skin and she felt oddly vulnerable. They had had fights like this before, where Jordan would hold her down and tickle her until she begged for mercy, but somehow, this time, this position felt different from the other times...and she wasn't quite sure why.

" Ah Jordan..." Kasey started to say but stopped when she felt an unfamiliar hardness against her thigh. Well, it wasn't unfamiliar in the sense that she didn't know what it was, it was just unfamiliar in the sense that she had never felt it before with Jordan. She bit her lip and avoided his eyes and she moved a little more, which only seemed to inflame him more. When she finally looked up at him, the teasing battle light was gone from his eyes and it had been replaced by a strange need and desire. Emotions she had never seen in any mans eyes before, not even Anthony's," Jordan..."

" Kasey, if you don't stop wiggling around like that, you're going to be party to something we're not ready for," Jordan managed to say through gritted teeth, his eyes closing. Kasey stopped moving and bit her lip harder, watching his face as he tried to get his body under his control again. It seemed like hours but in reality it must have been only minutes before Jordan finally moved from his position. Kasey sat up and drew her knees up against her chest in an attempt to shield herself...from what she didn't know, but it was an automatic reaction to the emotions coursing through her.

" What..."

" Not now," he snapped and Kasey blinked back the sudden tears that formed in her eyes.

" Jordan..."

" I said not now Kasey!" he almost yelled at her and she flinched, moving back against the headboard of her bed in fear. He had never spoken to her like this before, never looked this mad either. Not even when she had told him she was marrying Anthony. He had just stayed calm then. No emotion in his eyes or on his face. God, she had thought she had hated that look about him. But this...this side of him was not pretty. He looked angry. Very angry and she wondered who he was more angry at - her...or himself.

" I'd like you to leave now," she said quietly and flinched again when Jordan swore.

" I think we need to talk about what happened," he said.

" Not now Jordan," she mocked, throwing his words back in his face.

" Damn it. I'm sorry I snapped at you. But this has never happened before and..."

" You're embarrassed that it happened with me. Well that's fine Jordan. You can leave now," she said. Jordan stared at her and almost yelled out loud at the frustration that was eating away at him.

" I don't want to leave," he said stubbornly and she laughed, bitterly, dryly.

" But I want you to leave. See the dilemma? Wait. No. We don't have a dilemma. This is my room, my house. I want you out of here, now, or I will call the police."

" You don't mean that!"

" I don't? Just push me that little bit Jordan and you'll see exactly how much I mean what I say," she said tensely and Jordan stared at her, unsure," Just get the hell out! Don't make me call the police Jordan. Please."

" Fine. I'll leave. But I'll be back later so we can talk about this and what happened between us," he warned and she only nodded weakly, turning her back on him even before he had left the room.

*****

" You can't ignore him forever," Donnie said and Kasey sighed, peeling leaves of lettuce off the bunch and placing them on the cutting board.

" I can try," she said and Donnie sighed.

" You're being predictably stubborn here."

" He yelled at me Donnie. Yelled. Not talking just a raised voice, I'm talking full blown yell. Its not like its my fault that what happened. There were two of us in that room. Two adults," Kasey muttered, more to herself than Donnie but his ears pricked up at her ramblings.

" What happened?" he asked and she looked at him, startled.

" What? What happened when?" she asked, bemused at having been brought out of her daydream world.

" You were saying that it wasn't just your fault that what happened and that there were two of you in the room. What happened that has gotten Jordan all tied up in knots and you rambling and mumbling to yourself like some kind of nutcase? Donnie asked and laughed when he received a glare for his trouble.

" I am not a nutcase!" she said defensively," A freak maybe but not a nutcase!"

" A freak is just as good. What happened? And don't try and change the subject again. I'll sit here all night if I have to, until you tell me exactly what happened."

" You are being nosy."

" Caring."

" Bossy."

" Protective."

" A pain in the ass!"

" A friend. So spill it woman," Donnie said and Kasey sighed.

" Well if you don't plan on leaving until I tell you...fine. We had an argument of sorts and we ended up back in my room. We started having one of those mock wrestle fights we do? And all of a sudden...well...something...Jordan..." Kasey blushed, unsure of what to tell Donnie but he had a good idea at what had happened.

" What next?" he prodded gently, letting her know she wouldn't have to tell him the details. She smiled gratefully at him and continued.

" When I tried to ask him about it, he snapped at me then yelled. So of course, I reacted and snapped at him. Then I told him to get out. Haven't heard from him since," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

" Four days is an awful long time to not hear from him," Donnie said, a frown marring his face.

" It was a lot longer than that when I was engaged to Anthony," Kasey said quietly.

" But that was a different matter. This...well, this is something that the stubborn ass should want to sit down and work out before it goes too far. Have you tried to call him at all?"

" Me? Why should I make the first move?" Kasey looked shocked at the thought.

" C'mon Kasey, this isn't grade school. It's the big bad world. Reality. Time to pull up your socks and start acting all grown up, supposedly. Not acting like some boy in the schoolyard hurt your feelings and you wont forgive him until he comes up to you with a wet kiss and a wilted flower. There's some real adult emotions running through you and him that need to be talked out," Donnie said and Kasey sighed, stopping in her process of cutting the lettuce.

" Damn it Donnie."

" What?"

" Why must you always be so damn right?"

" Its a gift baby," he said and smiled when Kasey mock groaned.

*****

" So you're just going to ignore her and pretend this never happened?" Donnie asked Jordan later on that day. He had left Kasey's house and driven directly here, knowing that if he was going to get the two of them together, he'd have to do some fast talking to Jordan.

" Yes."

" Immature."

" So?"

" Oh man I just had this same line of conversation with Kasey! Do you two regress to being children when you're together?"

" No."

" Then why do it around me?"

" I don't know," Donnie sighed. Jordan really was acting like a two-year-old here, talking in short little sentences. It was beginning to annoy the hell out of him. At least Kasey had spoken to him.

" Jordan, would you like to die a lonely, bitter man?"

" What?" Jordan asked, startled. Donnie smiled. Good. That had got his attention.

" You will die a lonely, bitter man because you're acting like a spoilt child. Acting like Xavier when he cant get his own way."

" So I'm six now?"

" Yes."

" Damn it Donnie. She wouldn't talk about what happened! Told me to get the hell out or she'd call the police. Threatened it in fact. What else could I do but oblige? She won't talk to me, not the other way round," he said.

" So how did it get so out of hand?"

" Hell if I know."

" You have to know Jordan! Things like that just don't happen without some kind of warning, especially at your age."

" Well I don't! One minute we were wrestling around on the bed and then I had her pinned down and all of a sudden it was like I couldn't control anything. My whole body went on red alert and just barged on ahead, not registering the fact that it was Kasey under me. And when I tried to get back in control, she started moving around and it made the situation worse. And when I tried to talk to her, it came out sounding wrong and then she got mad and...well it just snowballed from there," Jordan said.

" So why haven't you called her to talk it out?"

" And say what exactly? Gee Kasey I'm sorry that I lost control but when I'm around you, its something I cant help!"

" Bingo!" Donnie said and Jordan stared at him as if he had lost his mind," Hey you have to start somewhere!"

" Perfect place to start Wahlberg. Barge straight into the sexual attraction, bypassing important things like friendship, love, honesty, trust...shit she'd never believe me when I tell her. She would think I was making fun of her. Think I was trying to hurt her and trying to make her feel even worse over what's-his-name leaving," Jordan said," I think not. I'm quite happy being friends with her. That will have to do. It's all we can ever be."

" Then you're letting someone special slip through your fingers because of some stupid, childish fear. The day Kasey marries some slob who treats her bad and keeps her pregnant, is the day you'll regret being this damn stubborn Jordan. And I hope to God that you wake up before that happens because I don't want Kasey in that kind of life," Donnie said angrily and left, leaving Jordan very stunned and surprised.

*****

It was a week after the wedding. The day she was supposed to be getting back from her honeymoon and starting anew life with her husband. Instead, she woke up, alone, to a rainy and cold day, her mood already dampened, even before she realized what day it was. She lay back in bed, staring up at the ceiling and sighed. If she was talking to Jordan, she could call him and ask him to come over, to keep her company. But she wasn't and he wouldn't. Donnie and Suz were gone for the weekend, the trip they were on already planned weeks ago. Donnie had wanted to not go but she had insisted that he take Suz away so he had, reluctantly of course. So here she was, all alone, with nothing but memories to keep her company for the weekend.

Kasey threw the covers back and headed into the bathroom, quickly showering and dressing in warm clothes against the cold and rain. She headed towards the kitchen and put on the coffee maker, and while she waited for the coffee to brew, she went outside to get the paper.

" Kasey." She gasped and a hand flew to her chest, covering her racing heart as she faced the owner of the voice.

" Jordan! My god! How many times have I told you before not to scare me like that?" she asked, eyeing him warily.

" I'm sorry, I never meant to scare you."

" What are you doing here?"

" I'm here because I know what today is. I know how hard its going to be for you. I wondered if you would want some company."

" So that's why phones were invented, so you can call ahead so that I don't lose ten years of my life every time you reappear unexpectedly," she said and he smiled slightly.

" I'm sorry, but I was worried you would hang up on me and I didn't want that. I needed to see you and I couldn't risk you turning my request down," he said softly, sitting down on the porch swing. Kasey stood over near the railings, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched him defensively.

" You acted like a jerk, so how else am I going to react Jordan? Forgive you and forget that it ever happened?"

" No, of course not. But I would have liked the chance to explain, to apologize..."

" You had that chance. You've had all week to call me, to see me. And you wait until today, hoping to catch me at my most vulnerable?"

" No, that's not it."

" Then what is it Jordan?"

" Because damn it, I thought that you might need a friend! I know that Donnie and Suz are away for the weekend, I know you hate to be left alone at the best of times but today its going to be a little bit worse than normal because of what happened last week and..."

" You're talking but still not really making much sense. Why did you choose today of all days to come and see me?"

" You are one of the best friends I have ever had Kasey. You realize that, don't you?"

" At one stage I did. But now..."

" You still are. I've missed you this week, but I've also taken time to think about us and where we're going."

" And what conclusion have you come to?"

" Can I just tell you some things first, before you jump right into what I concluded?" he asked and she nodded," As one of my friends, you know a lot about me, probably a hell of a lot more than I know about myself sometimes. And you've been a constant source of friendship since we met. Last week, when Anthony walked out on you at the wedding, I was happy. Not for what had happened to you, but I was happy that you were finally free. Anthony would not have been good for you, marrying him would have been a mistake."

" I know that now, but..."

" Kasey..." he warned and she shrugged but closed her mouth and let him continue," Anthony and I, we were friends once, not close friends but we were friends, Until you came into our lives. Anthony had always blamed me for his girlfriend leaving, not that it was my fault, but he still blamed me. When he found out that I had an interest in you, he immediately went after you. He had no real interest in you, never did that I know of. It was all revenge on his part. I know that you might never believe that, but for Anthony to love a woman, she would have to be exactly like him. Sydney, although your friend, was so alike Anthony personality wise. That's why they got along so well. You, you are nothing like Anthony in anyway. Revenge is not your thing. It never has been. That's why he used you the way he did. And he never cared he was going to hurt you. He never cared about anyone but himself, and who he could hurt."

" I realize that. I've spent the last week thinking about nothing but Anthony and why he did what he did. And it's not my fault that he left, it's not my fault he was lacking in everything that made him a human. But it is my fault for believing he was the man I wanted to marry."

" I'm glad you realize that it wasn't your fault he did what he did, but you can't blame yourself for wanting to marry him. He can be very charming when he wants to be."

" Yes, but I fell for the act."

" So did many other women. All left behind a lot worse than you were. So count yourself lucky that you aren't pregnant, or left with hundreds of dollars worth of debts. Anthony left behind women like that, never caring a bit about them, or the child."

" I wish that I would have listened to you before all of this happened. I wish that things could have been different. I would do a lot of things different, for starters, not going out with Anthony and believing you."

" We all have to make mistakes to learn Kase. Unfortunately you were just too in love to see what Anthony was like. Maybe not in love with him, but certainly in love with the whole wedding/marriage thing."

" Is this the conclusion that you come to?" Kasey asked him.

" Of course it wasn't. Donnie and I were talking, I told him about what happened in your room last week. He wasn't surprised that it had happened..."

" Of course he wasn't. He was here the other day talking to me and...did he go to your place from here?"

" I guess he did. Anyway...hell, I told him I couldn't just say what I was thinking, what I was feeling, but I think that it might be better if I do. What happened last week, it was inevitable. What I've been feeling for you, I've never had the courage to tell you before, but after last week I think its time I told you, that we talked about it," he said.

" Jordan, if we're going to have a long conversation, I suggest we go inside, where its warm and where I can get a cup of coffee," she told him, heading inside. He followed her, shutting the door behind him and following her inside to the kitchen," Do you want a cup?"

" Please," he said and she poured him a cup, placing the mug in front of him as he sat down at the kitchen table. He took a sip and smiled slightly," You still make this too weak."

" I can't stand overly strong coffee. If you don't like it, make one yourself," she said lightly and he smiled again.

" No, this will be fine. So how much longer do you think you and Suz will be sharing this place?" he asked.

" I have a feeling this weekend is the time Donnie will propose to her. They'll move in as soon as they can. But knowing them, they'll wait for a couple of months because they'll be too worried about me," she said, sounding a little disgusted.

" They're you're friends, of course they're going to worry about you."

" I know but I am an adult and I can take care of myself, despite what people think. What did you want to talk to me about?" Jordan looked surprised at her straightforward approach," What? You think that I'm going to wait for you to bring it up?"

" Fine. What happened last weekend, it wasn't supposed to happen so soon. I was going to wait until you were fully over Anthony before even bringing this up. But last week...hell, it wasn't the greatest timing but I'm glad that it happened. I'm sorry that we didn't talk about it that day and that we left it go for so long."

" What do you mean, it wasn't supposed to happen to soon?"

" Kasey, my feelings towards you haven't been friendly, for a very long time. I've wanted us to become something more, but Anthony came along and I knew then that I'd lost. So I pushed what I felt for you deep down and got on with my life."

" You mean...why didn't you tell me this before Anthony?"

" Because I was afraid you would reject me, that you wouldn't believe that I loved you. I didn't want to hurt you. I regretted not telling you when I had the chance. Things could have been so different between us," he said.

" Jordan...I would never have rejected you."

" I didn't know if you would or not."

" Well I wouldn't have. Because my feelings for you, they've never been friendly. I've always wanted more with you," Kasey admitted softly.

" You never told me."

" You never told me!"

" Why didn't you mention this before? Why didn't you say anything?"

" I was afraid of being rejected, just like you were. And when we first met, you were dating someone. Then along came Anthony, and you started dating Leesa. The chance to tell you never came up," she said.

" We've wasted so much time," he said, reaching over the table to take her hands in his.

" Because we're both stubborn people," she said and he laughed.

" I think being with you, in a relationship, is going to be a very interesting ride," he murmured.

" I hope so! Do you expect me to be one of those biddable little women who agrees with everything you say?"

" Hell no!"

" Then we're going to be good together," she said, just before he leaned over the table and kissed her lips very softly.

*****

The End

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