Someway, Somehow

By: Kasey

© 1998

'For all of the days when the world seems crazy...all of the nights when you cry alone...for all of the times when your hearts in trouble...facing the storm and you're on your own...'

" He's here."

" Huh? Who?"

" Jordan, that's who!" that got my attention. I looked at Suz who was pointing at the man in question, a less than happy look on her face.

" Oh. So? It’s a free country," I said and Suz laughed bitterly.

" Oh that's right. Ignore it. The fact that he's here, at your book launch tells me one thing."

" And what's that chica?" I asked her calmly but inside I was confused. Why was he here?

" He's here to annoy you, make you uncomfortable I just know he is. That's all he's good for anymore!" Suz said and I laughed.

" You wouldn't happen to harbour some resentment there, would ya Texas?" I teased her and she smiled at me reluctantly, taking her eyes off Jordan at last.

" He hurt you. I don't like people who hurt my friends. Plain and simple, he may be gorgeous and talented but he's an ass. A lying, cheating ass," Suz pronounced and I bit my lip. What she was saying was true...in a sense.

" It was a long time ago Suz. I'm past that now," I said. But I didn't believe it. Seeing him here today brought all the old hurt to the surface again. Yes we had had something good when we were together but that was a longtime ago, like I had told Suz. We had broken up. I had moved on - or so I had thought. But seeing him here today confused me. He wouldn't have received an invite from anyone I knew because everyone I knew wasn't happy with him after what had happened. So how had he gotten invited? To relive my mind I decided to go over there and ask him myself.

" Suz, I'm going over there," I told her and she stared at me as though she thought I was going crazy. Her next words confirmed my thoughts.

" Are you crazy? He'll slide back in your life! He's a lousy snake that way! How many times did he do it before? Going over there could be fatal for your relationship!" Suz said but I waved away her concerns. This was MY night. Him being here was making me enjoying it less than I should. I had worked long and hard for this and I wasn't going to let some ex-boyfriend ruin it by showing up where he wasn't wanted. I left Suz standing near the wall and walked over to Jordan who was sitting down on a chair, head bowed, drink in hand. He was alone...where was his date? Or the person who had invited him here?

" Jordan," I said sharply and almost flinched at the sound of my voice. It wasn't like me to snap at people. He looked up at me and a wariness entered his eyes.

" Kasey," he said by way of greeting.

" Is that all you can say? Just 'Kasey'?"

" What would you like me to say?" he asked, getting to his feet so he wouldn't be at a disadvantage.

" How about telling me how the hell you got in here when I left express instructions not to let people without invitations in?" I asked him. Damn I knew I was being a bitch here but this was the man who had held my heart in his hands and then torn it in pieces.

" I have my ways," he said evasively and placed the drink on the table. He faced me, his hands in his pockets, that still wary look moving from his eyes to his face.

" Then you can just leave. I don't want you here. Please go," I said and started to turn away but was stopped when Jordan reached out and grabbed hold of my arm," Would you kindly let go of me?"

" Damn it stop being a bitch! I know that's not you talking. It's your hurt. Let me talk to you. Explain why I'm here. Let me..."

" You have nothing to say to me Jordan. You said everything a year ago. Everything, and more you told me. What else is there to say?" I asked him coldly and shook his hand away. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away from him. I was doing the right thing here...wasn't I?

'All of the times when its such a struggle...all of the heartache you've ever known...and when the tears seem to come so easy...there's just no joy that you can call your own...

I left the party and sat out on the balcony, making sure I closed the door behind me firmly. I needed to think. And I didn't want anyone interrupting me. Seeing Jordan here tonight had made the past come back to me. A past I had tried to forget by continuing on with my life, dating other men, writing my book...but somehow it all seemed to begin and end with Jordan. We had been through so much together so that breaking up over something as stupid as a simple ex-girlfriend seemed pointless, ridiculous somehow. I had been jealous at the thought of Jordan spending time with his ex. She was to be the model in his new video clip at the time, and idiot me had given Jordan an ultimatum. Her or me. But he had taken it as 'his career or me'. So we had fought, saying a lot of hateful things towards each other, never meaning any of them, but never taking any of them back. I now regretted what I did. Other people didn't see it the way it had actually been. Jordan hadn't cheated on me. He had slept with his ex, but only after we had broken up. But when he had told me, in an attempt to reconcile I had thrown him out and told him to leave me alone. Me and my Irish temper. I laughed bitterly at the thought of everything we had lost because of our miscommunication.

It had been hard for me at first to try to live without Jordan. But I had survived. The tears had come of course. A lot in those first few days. But Suz had been there to comfort me, to help me through it. I had not told her what had really happened. I felt too embarrassed over it. But even though the tears had stopped and I had moved on, life wasn't the same anymore. Sure I was dating but the guy was boring. Someone I only saw on occasion. My book...my dream come true held no joy because Jordan hadn't been there the day I signed the contract. Nothing had been the same after Jordan had left.

'When I need a beacon to guide the way...when I feel too weary to face the day...trying to make it through the darkest hour...you can turn to love and feel its power...'

" Kasey," Jordan's soft voice startled me. I spun around and faced him, my heart hammering. He looked as lost as I felt.

" I'm sorry about that Jordan. I was confused. I never meant what I said," I said and he shrugged, leaning his arms on the balcony.

" You only said what you felt. I can't hold that against you. You were never one to hold back what you were thinking," he said and smiled a little. I knew he was thinking back to the day we had met, at a party held by Donnie. He and Suz had just started dating so she had invited me along, Donnie inviting Jordan. We had been discussing the Clinton presidency when I had expressed my opinions on it. Jordan and I had then gotten into an argument over it...and had been with each other since.

" No I wasn't," I said and we were silent for several minutes until I broke it," Why did you come tonight Jordan?"

" Miguel said I should come," He said and I nodded slowly. I should have known. Miguel wasn't one to let his friends be lonely. He and I had become friends over the last year, whish was something I never knew whether I should be bless or curse because at every opportunity Miguel had informed me of Jordan's actions.

" Playing matchmaker again," I said lightly and Jordan laughed.

" Damn straight he was. And I don't plan on turning that down, not when it involves you," Jordan said baldly. I had to admit that didn’t surprise me.

" I didn't think you would. I can't say I condone what he did but I will thank him when I see him next time," I said and Jordan came over to me.

" Kasey, I'm sorry I ever mistook your words. I know now that you weren't giving me a choice between you and my career. I was just mad and hurt that you felt I was capable of cheating on you! I would never do that to you, I thought you already knew that!" Jordan said, rubbing his thumbs over my wrists softly. I sighed but didn't pull my hands away.

" And I'm sorry for being jealous. Lisa was your ex. I should have trusted you more. But I was just afraid that you'd find her more interesting than me. I was insecure and I never gave you a chance," I said.

" We've wasted a year Kasey. I don't want to lose any more time with you. Can we try again maybe?"

" Oh Jordan..."

" Please. I love you. I've never stopped loving you. I need you in my life, by my side. I'm not happy without you," he said and I stared deep in his eyes. He was telling the truth. What I saw there was not fake or phony, it was real.

" I've missed you Jordan. I never stopped loving you either. I've needed you so much this past year," I admitted and he breathed deeply, a smile of relief on his face.

" We'll work it out Kasey. I know we will. I don't plan on letting you go ever. You're mine now. And our love will see us through," Jordan said and I silently agreed as our lips met.

'Someway, somehow...even though I feel so helpless now...I know your love will see me through somehow...someway somehow...as you turn to me and say...somehow love will show us the way...I know love will see us through...someway somehow...'

The End

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