Which One of Them

By: Kasey

{{' The girl at the bar she bought me a beer...and she'd like to know if I'm new around here...and the gal that I danced with says she's all alone...her friends have all left and she needs a ride home...'}}

" Jordan, you have an admirer," the bartender told the somber looking man sitting at the bar. Jordan looked up at him and the bartender wondered what had happened to put such desolation in the his eyes.

" I do?" he sounded surprised.

" The lady at the end of the bar wants to buy you a drink. Actually, she's already bought it for you," the bartender placed a bottle of beer in front of him and pointed to the attractive blonde at the end of the bar. Jordan supposed she was attractive. She was blonde but in the dim lighting he couldn't really tell whether or not she was a real blonde. Not that he cared. He hadn't cared about anything since his one true love had walked out on him.

" Tell her thanks, but no thanks," Jordan said, pushing the bottle away from him. The bartender pushed it back.

" She was adamant. Said that if you refused, you should come over and talk to her, get to know her a little," the bartender said and Jordan sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

" I don't want to accept it," he said tersely but the bartender was gone. So he had no excuse not to accept it. He picked it up and nodded his thanks to the woman. She smiled but he had already turned away. For two weeks he had been coming here and every night some woman, or women, had asked him to dance, wanted to buy him drinks. Sometimes he even accepted. There had been one woman, one very bold woman who had suggested that he give her a lift home because her friends had left without her. He had politely refused her invitation. It wouldn't solve anything. Certainly not the pain in his heart. Certainly not the fact that the one woman he thought he would be with forever had left. It was easier to sit here and drink. He could forget more easily with alcohol in him.

{{' Oh and there have been others who gave me the eye...but if they only knew they were wasting their time...'cause there's only one lover i can give my heart to...but you didn't want it and you broke it in two...'}}

Oh he knew that other women were watching him, debating what their chances would be with him. A smile, a bought drink, some casual talk...maybe that would lead to something more. A dance, a touch, a sigh...something lasting. But if only they knew how little he had left to give. His heart, his soul, his will...everything was gone. It was hard to think of being with another woman when he had been so hurt by one. Oh, not that she had meant to hurt him. Oh no. She said it had been an accident, falling in love with his best friend. An accident! How do you fall in love by accident? And with his best friend, the one person he trusted above everyone else! The two of them deserved to be hurt, and hurt bad, for what they did to him. And the funny thing had been he hadn't even suspected, hadn't even begun to suspect that they were seeing each other. It was hard for him to admit he had been blind and stupid. Blind in not seeing the situation beforehand and stupid for believing that she loved him enough to work it out. Maybe she had loved him, at least a little in the beginning. At least she had said she did. But he had learned not to believe everything that come out of her mouth. So when they had told him about their relationship, and the fact that they were expecting a baby - a baby of all things - he had withdrawn from everyone and everything. Kasey had left, taking everything she owned with her, moving in with Miguel. He had heard that they had married only three days ago. If that was true, he wished them well. It wouldn't do any of them any good for him to hold onto his hate. Just like it wouldn't do any of them any good, most especially him, to keep holding onto the love he felt for her. But the thing was, he couldn't seem to let go of it. No matter what his head told his heart, his heart was still in love with Kasey, and deeply bruised over her leaving.

{{' (So tell me) which one of them will be you tonight...oh which one will hold me in your arms so tight...I've forgotten what's wrong, given up on what's right... (Tell me) which one of them will be you tonight...'}}

Some nights he wanted to be alone. But there were others when all he wanted to do was find the nearest woman and pretend, for just a few hours, that it was Kasey. It never worked. But yet he continued trying.

Caresses, whispered words, moans...none of them meant anything to him. If he closed his eyes and let himself be taken over with passion, he could see Kasey in front of him, no matter what woman he was with. He had long ago given up on right and wrong, good and bad, smart and stupid. He needed to forget for a little while all the pain he had endured. The pain Kasey had inflicted.

He knew that he should feel guilty for using the women he did, in the way he did. But he wanted nothing to do with serious relationships, nothing to do with getting so deeply involved with one woman so quickly again. He had learned a very painful lesson and he was staying well away from women and relationships. One night stands were okay. They involved nothing but his sexual involvement, which he could easily fulfill by just closing his eyes and thinking of Kasey. But an actual relationship meant getting involved, letting his heart become involved.

{{' So I'll just smile and pretend and she'll never know...who she's up against when she's holdin me close...you're all that i want, girl, you're all that i need... and when i close my eyes, honey, you're all i see...'}}

He glanced around the bar. Tonight was one of those nights when he needed some companionship. Another night, another faceless woman, who's name he would forget. If only she knew...

His eyes rested on the blonde who had bought him the drink. She was attractive. Enough to make him think that maybe she would be the much needed substitute for tonight. So he left the stool he had been sitting on since arriving at the bar and walked over to the woman. She looked at him as he neared and smiled. He smiled back, pretending an interest in her he knew wasn't real. But she would never know. He would never tell her, and she would never ask, why he kept thinking of a woman, with an accent and flashing green eyes who had left him with his heart broken in two.

*****

The End

Please tell Kasey what you thought of this story!