You Were Mine

By: Kasey

‘ I cant find a reason to let go...even though you've found a new love...and she's what your dreams are made of...I can find a reason to hang on...what went wrong can be forgiven...without you it ain't worth livin'...alone’

She pressed the play button on the answering machine and placed the suitcase she was carrying on the floor. As the messages started playing, she slumped to the ground and wrapped her arms around her knees, hugging them to her chest, trying to stem the hurt.

" Kase? Hun, its Chrissy. I thought I'd call to see how you were." there was a pause then," Well, call me okay? Bye." The tears started at that. BEEP

" Kasey, this is Dan. I received the papers earlier. You got everything you asked for, he didn't even fight it. All you need to do is come in and sign them. Then we'll go to court and it will be all over. I know that this has been tough on you but it's nearly over. Call me." It had happened that quickly? Kasey felt as though her chest was going to collapse. BEEP

" Kase honey, its Marlene. I'd like for you to come and visit soon. I don't know why that son of mine did what he did, but you know you're always welcome here in my home. Please call me." Marlene. She had come to mean much more to Kasey than just her mother-in-law. A friend, a surrogate mother...everything Kasey had ever needed. BEEP

" Kasey its Suz. I think you need to get out of the house. Why don't we get together with Chrissy and Suzy and have a nice quiet dinner. We can talk, drink...whatever. Call me okay?" Kasey's tears ran down her face faster than she could wipe them away. Four calls, one she hadn't ever expected to hear. Three from friends she had come to cherish and love over the years. How could this have happened to her? So many people knew. She was embarrassed and ashamed. Her husband had walked out on her, and their five-year marriage for some...floozy he had met while in New York almost a year ago. When he had told her, she had felt her heart being ripped out. But she had been willing to give it a chance. She loved him enough for two. He would come to love her again. It was going to be all right. But he had said no. This woman he was in love with now was what he had wanted all along. Someone beautiful and ambitious. She understood his dreams. So he wanted a divorce. That had been three months ago. He had packed a few things and moved in with the other woman. And had filed for divorce that same day. She had been desperate, asking for an outrageous settlement, hoping he'd at least fight, prolonging the marriage so she would have a chance to talk to him. But he had given her everything she had asked for, everything she didn't want. Who needed the money, the house or the car if he wasn't here with her? Living without him was hard, a lot harder than she had expected.

The phone rang and, as per her usual behaviour, she let the machine pick it up. She had always screened her calls, even before she had married him but lately it had become a necessity. Once the press had gotten word that one of the biggest producers in Boston had filed for divorce, they had immediately started to call the house and her friends. So she had put the machine on and let it deal with all the calls. The message she and Jordan had recorded four months ago started playing. She should've changed it the minute he had walked out but she hadn't been able to. She desperately wanted their marriage to work and by holding onto the tenuous lines of things like the answering machine message she had kept the hope alive.

" Kasey? Are you home?" her heart leapt when she heard Jordan's voice through the machine. She jumped up and picked up the phone, holding it away from her ear when the line screamed in protest. She hit the stop button on the machine and whispered a hello.

" Jordan?" she asked and there was silence.

" Are you all right?" he asked hesitantly.

" Just dandy," she choked out and pressed her hands to her mouth to stop the sobs from escaping.

" You sound like you've been crying." What did he care anyway? He had made her cry.

" I'm just fine Jordan. What do you want?" she asked, strengthening her resolve.

" Did you call your lawyer yet?"

" I know the papers are in Jordan. Anything else?"

" Damn it Kasey! I'm sorry this happened but this is the best way. Annabel understands what I need and..."

" I don't. Is that it Jordan? I'm awfully busy right now," she knew she was being a bitch but this was the only way she could cope with his betrayal.

" Fine. You want to play it this way then I'll go along with it. I'll be around tomorrow to pick up the rest of my things. Can you pack them up for me?" he asked, his voice cold and hard.

" I'm in the process of doing just that. What time will you be around?" she asked him and she heard him sigh.

" In the morning. Before noon. That's the only time I can say right now. I have a meeting at nine that may run long. Just have the stuff ready okay?" he asked.

" Fine. Is that everything now Jordan?"

" I'll see you in the morning," he said and hung up. Kasey hung up slowly and stared at her reflection in the mirror that hung above the phone. She would never be able to compete with the beautiful Annabel. She was record company executive. Young and pretty. Only twenty-five and already at the top of her field. Kasey laughed bitterly. She had a feeling she knew exactly how that marriage-wrecking whore had gotten to the top of her field. The same way she had broken up this marriage, that was how. Kasey sighed and headed back into the bedroom, where she was packing Jordan's clothes and other personal items. His books, CDs, videos...five years of marriage, two years of dating...all gone because he wanted to move on, start a new life with a new woman. He didn't want his old life anymore. So as much as Kasey hopes held out, the more they were shattered by every passing day.

*****

‘ Took out all the pictures of our wedding day...it was a time of a love and laughter...happy ever after...but even those old pictures have begun to fade...please tell me she's not real...and that you're really coming home to stay...’

The next morning Kasey was out of bed earlier than usual. She hadn't finished packing last night so she was determined to do that this morning. She went into the living room and started packing the things of Jordan's in there. She was searching through that bookcase for some of his books when her hand rested on their wedding album. She hovered over it for several seconds, not knowing what to do with it. Should she look at it and then pack it for him, or should she look at it and then pack it away on the basement? She snatched it up and sat down on the floor, holding the white silk covered photo album. The photos were burned into her memory. She and Jordan had spent many a night sitting right here, looking through the album. She opened it to the first page and ran her fingers over the photo of her and Jordan. It was her favourite one, the one they had enlarged and hung on their wall. They both looked so happy and in love. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo, so dignified and sophisticated. He had been thirty-one when they had married, she had been twenty-four. And he had already been settled in his career as a producer, having set up his own studio not long before they had met. For the seven years they had known each other, he had become even more well known than he had been as a singer.

She turned to the next page and stared at the photo of the two of them with the bridal party. There was Suz, Chrissy and Suzy on her side, Joe, Jon and Donnie on Jordan's side. They all looked like a really cozy, friendly group. That day had been full of nothing but laughter and love, with a cake fight ending the reception. The memories came flooding back as she turned each page, smoothing her hand over the pages reverently. Some of the photos had started to fade and curl but they were faded and curled with love. She was so engrossed in looking at the photos that she never heard Jordan sneak up behind her. She didn't even know that he was there until his hand moved in front of her to prevent her turning the page again. She looked up at him in surprise.

" Jordan. You're early," she said and he nodded, his eyes glued on the photo in front of them.

" You looked so beautiful here," he said, his finger resting on the photo she hated the most. It was taken when she had been looking at him, but he had been looking elsewhere. The love for him was shining out of her eyes and it had been so obvious then that maybe his feelings hadn't run as deep as hers.

" I don't like this one," she said stubbornly and he sighed.

" You're determined to be a bitch about this aren't you? I said that I was sorry. I can't help what happened. I gave you everything you asked for. What more do you want?" he asked.

" You! I want you, back here at home with me! You are my husband. You belong here, with me, not with her! What the hell can she give you that I already haven't?" she asked him. He wasn't looking at her.

" Annabel and I are good together. I love her and she loves me. What more can there be? I don't love you anymore. Please accept that!" Jordan said and Kasey bowed her head, trying to hide the tears she knew were coming.

" I cant! I wont! You promised me on our wedding day to love me until death us do part. Now you're telling me that this woman you met a year ago, this...child, is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

" Annabel is not a child! She's a grown woman. And she's not as bitchy as you are. Where the hell are my things?" he asked, turning away from her abruptly.

" In the bedroom. If you want anything else, pack it yourself. I am no longer your slave," she said coldly. Just the she heard a sound she had been dreading.

*****

‘ I can give you two good reasons...to show you loves not blind...he's 2 and she's 4...and you know they adore you...so how can I tell them...you changed your mind...’

" Daddy! You're home! Nathan, daddy's home!" four year old Carissima Marlene came barreling into the living room and threw herself at her fathers legs. Two year old Nathaniel Jordan came in a little slower, yet no less enthusiastically. Jordan crouched down and unwound Cari's arms from his legs and lifted her up. She burrowed her face into his chest and Kasey's heart broke again. They loved their father. How was she going to explain that he no longer wanted a life with them?

" I'm only here for a little while Cari baby," Jordan said and put Cari down onto the floor and picked up his son.

" But Daddy! Why can't you stay here? Mummy cries every night without you. I want you to stay!" Cari's lower lip jutted out in her trademark pout and Kasey could see a temper tantrum coming on so she hurried over to the little girl and gathered her in her arms.

" You remember that talk we had baby? How daddy lives with his friend? Well, daddy has to go back to his friend. Its not that he doesn't love you, its just that mummy and daddy no longer..." Kasey stopped. Cari and Nathan were looking at her, tears in their eyes. How was she going to tell them again? Damn it, it just wasn't fair! Jordan was the one who had decided to leave. He should be the one to tell them.

" I'll tell them Kasey. Just let me tell them alone," he said quietly and she nodded, putting Cari on the floor and walking out of the room. She could hear Jordan's low murmurs in the other room and then...

" Mummy! Daddy's leaving! Don't let him go! Please, don't let him go!" Cari came running into the kitchen, tears streaming down her face. Kasey bent down and picked up her daughter and held her shaking body against her own. She walked into the living room and found Nathan sitting on the lounge, watching his father with curiosity. He was too young too understand what exactly was happening. But Cari was. She knew her daddy was leaving and not going to be living with them anymore. Kasey hated Jordan right at that moment. How could he do this to their children?

" Jordan, what did you tell them?" she asked him after placing a sobbing Cari onto the lounge next to her brother. Cari was very protective of her younger brother so the instant Kasey let go of Cari, she wrapped her tiny arms around Nathan.

" That I would see them every weekend. Cari will get over it. Nathan’s too young. You understand why I can't have them stay with me?" he asked.

" Annabel doesn't like kids. Yes, you already told me that. Why do this Jordan? Even if you no longer love me, what about your children? You are hurting them! They may be young now but what are they going to think when they understand why you left us alone? I don't want to tell them that you left them so you could further your career!" Kasey said, watching as Jordan loaded the boxes and suitcases into the boot of his car.

" I'll tell them," Kasey snorted, " I will! Believe me, those children are the most important thing in my life and I will not abandon them like my father did..."

" You are doing exactly what your father did! You won't have time to see them! It will take Nathan until he's thirty to confront you. Cari...how can you do this to your daughter?"

" I have to do it. Please don't make this any harder that it already is," Jordan said as he got into his car. He started it up and rolled down his window, " I'll be around on the weekend to take the kids out."

" Daddy! Please don't go!" Kasey jerked her head around when she heard Cari's voice from behind her. She was running down the driveway and just before she reached the car, Kasey scooped her up and held her to her body. Cari pounded her little fists against her as Jordan reached out to her, " I want you to stay Daddy!"

" I can't baby. But Mummy will be here for you. I'll be here on the weekend for you and Nathan. I promise!" Jordan said but Cari wouldn't listen.

" Go."

" Kasey..."

" Get the hell out of here. Just go before you hurt her anymore than you already have. Just leave us alone," Kasey said and Jordan sighed. With one last final look at the house, Jordan drove away. Cari screamed out her father's name as he did so and Kasey's tears began again. It was going to be a very rough time now. And she hated him more than she ever thought she would. Her children had been hurt. She would never forgive him for that. No matter how much she still loved him, she hated him for hurting the children.

‘ Sometimes I wake up crying at night...and sometimes I scream out your name...what right does she have to take your heart away...when for so long you were mine...I remember when you were mine...’

 The End

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