Hoppy Birthday

By: Lara

“This is crazy,” I complained as I stood in the dressing area, fixing my ears.

“You say that every night,” Stacey observed, straightening a bent ear for me.

“But it IS,” I insisted.

“You needed the extra money. I TOLD you what it was like.” She tied a knot in her short yellow blouse and frowned at me. “You could quit.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said, smiling at her. “I’m sorry. I needed the money and you were an angel to get me this gig.” I kissed her cheek.

“Hi, guys. Dammit, I’m late.” Shelley breezed in and began to change before she had stopped in front of her locker. “I hate traffic.”

“If you’d move in with us like we asked, you wouldn’t have this problem,” Stacey pointed out. “We’re so much closer to work then you are.”

“And live with you slobs? No thanks.” Shelley threw us a grin as she pulled her denim shorts on.

“We’re not slobs!” Stacey and I chorused.

“Lara…your tail.” Julie waltzed in and handed me the ball of fluff. I glared at her.

“Gee…thanks…Jules…” I said between clenched teeth.

“Turn around.” She attached the little ball to the back of the shorts I wore.

“I feel like an idiot. I have a college degree for God’s sake,” I snapped. Three angry pair of eyes glared at me. “Okay…we ALL have college degrees. But still.”

“Lara, if you don’t keep your mouth shut, I’m seating every group of drunken men in YOUR section,” Julie vowed. I sighed and shut my mouth. “Now get out there. The place is beginning to fill up.” She turned on a heel and left the dressing room.

“It’s not fair,” I moaned, looking at myself in the mirror. “She has room to be a bitch. She’s a hostess. They get to wear CLOTHES.” I hated the uniform I had to wear to waitress at this place. It was a mix of Playboy and Hooters and general bad taste…but the money was prime. White sneakers with white socks, short denim shorts, a knotted pastel shirt, and bunny ears and tails. The shirt dipped low and revealed a lot of stomach, and the pastel colors were supposed to make people think of Easter Eggs. I sighed again and grabbed my black apron. Time to make the doughnuts.

It was late in the shift and the customers were only getting worse. I had unfortunately been given the section with the enclosed back room, where small private parties were often reserved. So far I had waited on two bachelor parties, and the huge tips were the ONLY thing that had kept me from dumping pitchers of beer on men with wandering hands.

“You got another one,” Julie announced as she walked past me. “Only five this time.”

“Five. Brilliant. Five. Lovely.” I continued to grumble to myself as I grabbed five glasses of water. I watched her lead the five men to the back room when I almost dropped my tray.

“Are you okay? You’re absolutely pale,” Stacey commented.

“Stace…back…room…go…look…” I stuttered. She looked at me in confusion, but her section was empty so she went and looked. She came back as pale as I was.

“Guys, can you get me…what…what’s wrong?” Shelley stopped and looked at us.

“Back room…” Stacey and I whispered together. Shelley slowly walked over and peeked through the swinging doors. She came back and stood beside us.

“Lara, I will give you everything I own if you let me wait on them.”

“Hell, no! My room. My back room. My table of five,” I babbled, setting my tray down to smooth my hair back. “Would Julie kill me if I took off the ears and tail?”

“Yes, she will,” Julie announced, walking up behind me. “You okay?”

“Julie, that was…”

“Yes…I know…I almost tripped over my own feet when I led them back there. It’s someone’s birthday.”

“Lance,” Stacey, Shelley and I announced as one.

“Yeah…guess it is…hey…you know which one to send out to me,” Julie said before going back to her post at the front door.

I took a deep breath, picked up my tray, and headed for the back room.

I paused before the swinging doors, peeking inside. I couldn’t believe it. It was really NSYNC. There was Joey, smiling and laughing and showing pictures of his brand new baby. Chris was playing with the salt and pepper shakers, trying to make them balance on top of each other. JC still had the “dead animal on my head” hair, and was lounging arrogantly in his chair, tapping his fork on the table. Justin had FINALLY started to let his hair grow back, and he had a soft buzz cut going on his head. And then there was Lance. The birthday boy. He looked so handsome in a green tshirt and simple black jeans…it still took my breath away. I took a gulp of air and breezed through the doors.

“Good evening, guys!” I said cheerfully, plunking down glasses of water. “My name’s Lara, and I’ll be taking care of you this evening.”

“Hi, Lara,” Chris said, smiling up at me. “It’s his birthday today.” He pointed to Lance, who groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Well, happy birthday, Lance,” I said, smiling at him. “How many?”

“Twenty-two,” he informed me.

“Ah…old enough to drink. And speaking of which…” I looked around the table.

“Pitchers of beer…start with like four or something,” JC told me. “One of whatever you have on tap.” I rattled off the six kinds we had on tap and he nodded. “Sounds good. Make it six, then.”

“Do I need to ask for ID?” I said.

“Of COURSE not,” Justin said quickly. I looked at him carefully and heard Joey groan.

“Great, bigmouth.”

“Is this your baby?” I asked Joey, picking up one of the pictures. His bright smile filled the room.

“Yeah…isn’t she gorgeous?”

“Definitely,” I agreed. I handed him back the picture and turned to Justin with my hand out.

“I don’t have pictures. Or a baby.”

“You know what I want. License.”

“C’mon…” he whined, reaching for his wallet. “Don’t you know who we are?”

“Five good looking young men who have enough money to rent out this room and hopefully tip me well?” I suggested. Chris and Lance laughed.

“He’s not twenty-one. Give him a Coke,” Chris said and Justin shot him a dirty look.

“I WILL bring you a Coke. I’ll also bring six pitchers of beer and five glasses.” I kept my eyes on Justin. “I don’t want to SEE you drinking beer, understand?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said obediently.

“And don’t call me ma’am,” I snapped, going back out the door.

“Well?” Stacey and Shelley pounced on me as soon as I was at the bar.

“Beautiful. The man is beautiful,” I sighed, grabbing five glasses from the cooler.

“Which one?” Stacey asked.

“Lance, of course,” I said with another sigh.

“Dammit. Shoulda known you’d want him,” Shelley mumbled. “Could I bribe you?”

“No. Julie’s lucky I’m sending Chris her way.” I carefully balanced the pitchers of beer on a large tray and hefted it up to my shoulder. “Move it or I’ll dump this on you.”

“Selfish,” Stacey snapped.

“Bitch,” Shelley added. I gave them a sweet smile and headed back to my wonderful back room.

“Okay…what are we having?” I asked, leaning my tray against the wall. Chris was doing the honor of pouring everyone’s beer. He made a point of leaving one glass empty.

“I want steak. Well done. Baked potato. Butter and sour cream. Salad. Ranch dressing.” JC handed me his menu with a flourish.

“You always get what you want?” I taunted, slightly annoyed by his snotty attitude. He looked me over from my pastel blue shirt to my dirty white sneakers.

“Most of the time.”

“And the rest of the time he’s asleep,” Chris informed me with a grin. “I’ll take the same as him, except medium well, fries, and French dressing.”

“Crab cakes…with the petite filet mignon…fries…Italian dressing.” Joey handed me his menu with a friendly smile.

“Double it for me,” Justin said, toying with his straw. I looked at Lance and ordered my knees to hold me up. The voice. He was going to direct THE VOICE at me.

“I want this shrimp thing here.” He pointed to the menu and I debated asking him to repeat it, just so he’d keep talking. “And soup…no…chili…this comes with rice?”

“What? Um…yes…rice…” I made myself look down at my notebook. “Anything else?”

“No. Thank you very much,” Lance said politely, handing me his menu. I practically ran out of the room and looked for a hole to hide in.

“Are you okay?” Julie asked.

“I was such an idiot. He thinks I’m an idiot. Please shoot me…hit me…stab me with a steak knife.”

“You’ll be fine. I’m sure they’re used to it. How does Chris look?”

“Who? Oh…Chris. Good. Wearing purple. Looks good in purple.” I quickly rang the order into the computer and went to make the salads. Julie followed me.

“Is he seeing anyone yet?”

I looked at her. “Julie, how the HELL would I know? I’m the waitress.”

“Well…I thought maybe you overheard something…” Julie blushed.

“Why don’t I give them REALLY bad service so they call you in to complain?” I suggested.

“Don’t you dare!” Julie glared at me and went back to her podium by the door.

I managed to serve their chili and salads without dumping any of it. They kept me running for rolls but for the most part they were easy to wait on. I found excuses to return to the room often…refilling pitchers of beer, Justin’s Coke (I saw a beer glass in front of him but he drank the soda as well), getting more napkins because Joey spilled his beer onto his lap. I noticed Shelley and Stacey lurking outside the door and I finally told them they could help carry the dinners in.

“If you do this, will you go away?” I griped as I trayed up Lance’s meal. No one else was serving him but ME.

“Yes…we promise,” Shelley said, throwing butter, sour cream, steak sauce and cocktail sauce onto a separate tray. They sedately followed me into the room and carefully set the trays down.

“THANK YOU, Shelley and Stacey,” I said pointedly. They sighed, quickly drank in everything they could, then slowly left the room.

“This looks great,” Chris said, grabbing a steak knife enthusiastically.

“Anything else I can get you?” I asked, ready to give Lance a kidney if he wanted one.

“We get the dance, right?” Joey asked, and my heart sank. I saw Lance blush.

“No…Joey…don’t…” he said weakly.

“What dance?” Justin looked around the room in confusion.

“Well…” I hedged.

“It’s his birthday. Whenever there’s a birthday, you guys do the dance, right?” Joey asked, his dark eyes turned on me.

“I thought you did the dance every weekend night anyway…am I right?” Chris asked innocently. I straightened my ears and sighed.

“Yeah…you’re right.”

Chris and Joey whooped as one. JC grinned lazily, and Justin still looked confused. Lance looked like he wanted to hide under his rice. “What dance?” Justin asked again.

“They do the CUTEST little bunny dance thing on top of the bar…kinda like in Coyote Ugly,” Joey told him. By this point I was as red as Lance.

“I’m gonna go back out front…I’ll check on you in a bit.” I darted through the doors and grabbed Shelley and Stacey as I brushed by them. I dragged them into the kitchen.

“What?” Shelley asked, still holding a bottle of ketchup she had been emptying.

“The dance. They want the dance. I can’t do the dance in front of Lance. No way.”

“Hey, you made a rhyme!” Stacey pointed out, and I slapped her. “No, really…you sounded like Dr. Seuss.”

“I hate you!” I snapped at her. “I can’t do this. I can NOT dance on a bar in front of Lance.”

“We’ll move it to the dance floor,” Shelley suggested, mentioning the tiny dance floor in the corner of the dining room. “Would that be okay?”

“I can’t do this,” I said again.

“Look, Lara, Melanie and Wendy already left for the night…so it’s just the three of us. We can do it. When else are we gonna get the chance to dance for NSYNC?” Stacey pointed out.

“In my nightmares?” I suggested morosely.

“We can do it and we will. Go out there and get your work done…and we’ll do it when they’re done eating.” Shelley shoved me back out to the dining room.

I cleared away their dinner dishes and gave thanks for the fact that it was getting late and the restaurant was emptying. We wouldn’t have to dance for many people. I normally didn’t even really MIND doing what we called the Bunny Dance, but doing it in front of Lance was just embarrassing. I was also thankful that we had decided not to do it on the bar; knowing my luck I would have fallen off right on my ass.

Justin and JC had arranged for a birthday cake to be delivered to the restaurant earlier that day, and I carefully placed a few candles in the white and green icing. “Happy Birthday, Lance,” Shelley read over my shoulder. “THAT’S creative.”

“Don’t you have sidework to do?” I snapped at her. “God…you and Stacey are like dryer lint. You cling and cling and won’t go away.”

“Sorry…God, you’re selfish,” she teased cheerfully. “You think all five of those guys are yours or something?”

“No. Not all five. Joey has a girlfriend and a baby. JC does nothing for me. Chris belongs to Julie.” I carefully sat the cake on a tray.

“That leaves Justin and Lance,” Stacey said. I sighed.

“Justin’s too young for me, though damn sexy and adorable. And Lance…well…he’s Lance and would never give me the time of day.”

“So I can take a crack at him?” Shelley asked.

“And if she gets shot down, can I?” Stacey added. Shelley glared at her.

“I will NOT get shot down.”

“Bet you five bucks you will.”

“You’re on.” Shelley dug in her tip pocket for a five. Stacey pulled out her own and I grabbed them both.

“Shut the hell up, will you? No one is taking a crack at Lance but me.” I pocketed their money, picked up the cake, and headed for the back room.

They actually sang “Happy Birthday” in four-part harmony. I was so impressed that I almost dropped the cake in Lance’s lap. He blushed furiously at being the center of attention, but he was smiling his sweet smile. I tried to avoid watching his lips as he puckered them to blow out his candles, but of course that was a losing battle. He looked up at me and I blushed at being caught staring. I hurriedly moved the cake to a side table and began to cut it. It was a giant cake.

“Give pieces to people out there, too,” Lance said, waving in the general direction of the dining room.

“That’s nice. I will,” I said, smiling at him.

“Give Lance the piece with his name on it,” Chris told me.

“No.” Lance shook his head. “It doesn’t have enough icing on it. Gimme a piece with LOTS of icing,” he told me.

“Yuk. I don’t like icing.” I made a face.

“Then you can have me. I mean…the piece with my name on it.” Lance blushed adorably and I wanted to melt into the floor. I picked out the candles and gave him a corner piece with piles of icing on it. “Great. Thanks.”

I served the others and took the rest into the dining room. Joey followed me. “You guys ARE gonna dance, right?”

“Yes,” I said with a sigh. Joey placed two twenties on my tray.

“This is for you if you dance specifically for Lance. It’s his birthday, after all.”

I looked at the money. I sure could use it. Freelance writing hardly paid the rent. “I’m sorry, Joey. I can’t do that.” I handed him back the money. “I’m not an exotic dancer.”

Joey looked at me for a moment. “I didn’t mean it that way, but I can see your point.” He tucked the money into his jacket pocket. “If I think you danced good enough, can I give it to you later?”

“Of course,” I said automatically, and he laughed. “We’ll be dancing out here, by the way, on the dance floor. Come out after you have your cake.”

“Cool.” Joey dashed back into the back room.

“What did Joey Fatone just try to give you money for?” Julie demanded.

“God, Woman, do you see everything?” I joked. “It was payment for a blowjob under the table.” Julie’s mouth fell open and I howled. “NO, it wasn’t. He wanted to pay me extra to dance for Lance. And I told him I’m not that kind of dancer.”

“How much?”

“Forty.”

“Good girl. You don’t take less than a hundred for that.”

“Jules!” I slapped her arm.

About twenty minutes later the five guys from NSYNC filtered out into the dining room. Chris and Joey dragged five chairs close to the dance floor and sat Lance as close as they could. He got up immediately and wandered over to me. “You know, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, we do. House rules,” I said with a shrug.

“I mean…I know my friends. They probably asked you to do something that would embarrass the hell out of both of us.”

I nodded. “Yeah, but it IS your birthday.”

“Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, okay? Not for me.”

“I’m sure you’re worth it,” I said shyly, and he smiled.

“Thank you,” he said, and went back to his chair.

I went over and talked to the DJ. As soon as I finished, Shelley and Stacey pounced on me. “Please tell me you didn’t pick an NSYNC song,” Shelley begged. I glared at her.

“Duh. Give me credit. We’re gonna start with Britney and go into Mary.”

“Lucky?” Stacey asked, and I nodded. She smiled. “Sweet.”

“Look.” Shelley nudged us. Julie was deep in conversation with Chris at her podium. I figured they were settling the bill, but they were having a VERY good time doing it.

“Go, Jules!” I whispered. I took a deep breath and straightened Shelley’s ears. She straightened Stacey’s, and Stacey straightened mine. “Are we ready?”

“Did you write down your number?” Stacey asked me and I frowned.

“Hell, no. I never do that and you know it.”

“Aw, c’mon, Lara, this is LANCE we’re talking about here,” Shelley protested.

“NO,” I said firmly, and walked to the dance floor. A lot times when the waitresses danced, they would write their phone numbers on their tails and toss them to guys they were interested in. I had never stooped that low and never planned on doing it. I sighed as I saw Shelley and Stacey quickly scribble something on their tails. Lance was doomed. I tapped my foot impatiently and they finally hurried out to the dance floor with me. I heard a few yells and whistles which sounded suspiciously like JC, but I ignored them and ordered my face to stop being so damn red. I nodded to the DJ.

“She’s so lucky…she’s a star…” Britney began, then the music mixed into a loud beat, then it repeated. “She’s so lucky…she’s a star…” We grooved accordingly, then turned towards the audience as a light twang of piano started. I saw Justin and JC look at each other in confusion, and smiled as I saw a broad grin cross Lance’s face. I had picked a country song on purpose, figuring he would appreciate it.

“Well, I woke up this morning stumbled out of my rack…I opened up the paper to the page in the back…it only took a minute for my finger to find my daily dose of destiny under my sign…my eyes just about popped out of my head it said the stars are stacked against you, girl, get back in bed…”

I smiled at Lance. I couldn’t help it. I loved this song and he was singing along as JC and Justin continued to look confused. Even Chris stopped flirting with Julie long enough to watch, an amused smile on his face. Somehow I ended up in front of Lance, and I decided that as long as I was there, I might as well attempt to get that forty bucks. I couldn’t help but mouth the words along with Lance. “I feel lucky…I feel lucky, yeah…no Professor Doom is gonna stand in my way…mmmmm, I feel lucky today.”

One couldn’t help but feel lucky when the green eyes of Lance Bass were fixed on her…so I continued to enjoy the dance, deciding I could die of embarrassment later. I caught Joey’s eye, and he was casually waving the twenties in the air. I had to giggle.

“Well, I strolled down to the corner gave my numbers to the clerk…the pot’s eleven million so I called in sick to work…I bought a pack of Camels, a burrito and a Barq’s…crossed against the light and made a beeline for the park. The sky began to thunder, wind began to moan I heard a voice above me saying, girl, you’d better get back home…but I feel lucky…oh oh oh, I feel lucky…yeah…no tropical depression’s gonna steal my sun away…mmmm, I feel lucky today.”

I moved so Stacey and Shelley could take the Lance Limelight for a while, and I sashayed my way around the dance floor until I was in front of JC and Justin. “What’s the matter?” I asked during the instrumental interlude.

“What happened to the pop stuff?” Justin asked.

“You don’t like country?” He shook his head. “Well, Lance does, and it’s HIS birthday. Come back on YOUR birthday and we’ll dance to whatever you want,” I told him. He rolled his eyes.

“Now eleven million later I was sitting at the bar…I’d bought the house a double and the waitress a new car…Dwight Yoakum’s in the corner trying to catch my eye, Lyle Lovett’s right beside me with his hand upon my thigh…moral of the story, it’s simple but it’s true…the stars might lie but the numbers NEVER do…I feel lucky…oh oh oh…I feel lucky, yeah…hey Dwight…hey Lyle…boys, you don’t have to fight, hot dog I feel lucky tonight…” My smile faltered slightly as I saw Shelley and Stacey take off their tails. Guys started yelling and Lance simply blushed. “I think I’ll flip a coin, I’m a winner either way…mmmm I feel lucky today.” Their tails landed in Lance’s lap as the song ended. We bowed and went back to our work.

I was cleaning up the cake, boxing it for Lance to take home, when Joey came up to me. “Awesome, girl,” he said with a sunny smile. I smiled back. It was impossible not to return Joey’s smile. “And here you go. You totally deserved it.” He slapped the two twenties down. “And if you don’t think so, split it with your friends.”

“Hell, no! It’s mine!” I said, and he laughed.

“Thanks for everything. This was a good night.” He gave me another friendly smile and was gone.

“Here,” I said to Lance when he came back for his coat. “Breakfast tomorrow.” I handed him the box of cake. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you. Hey, I…”

“I’m SO damn full,” Justin groaned, rolling back into the room with Chris.

“Three pieces of cake will do that to you, Brillo Piggy,” Chris replied, earning a slap from Justin. “Hey, Lara, thanks. This was good.”

“You’re welcome.” I turned back to Lance, but he was fidgeting.

“Anyway, well, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Have a good night. Who’s driving?”

“Justin,” Chris announced. “He only had…I mean, he didn’t have beer.”

“Good boy,” I said approvingly. “Later, guys.”

“Bye!” They chorused as they left the room. I sighed as I looked at the table covered with dirty dishes and glasses.

It was almost two when I finished all my work and got everything cleaned up. Stacey and Shelley had been able to leave shortly after closing at midnight, but I hadn’t been able to do my sidework because of the big table. And it seemed like anything I attempted to do absolutely undid itself by the time I got back to it. Julie was in the back closing out the register drawer when I finally got to sweep the dance floor, my last chore of the night. I wasn’t too upset, though. Chris had left me a tip that was almost as much as their bill was, and just the thought of that kept me awake and happy.

“Of all places, I like thinking of you on that dance floor,” a voice said. I whirled around, ready to strike out with my broom if necessary. Lance Bass walked out of the shadows onto the dance floor and I gasped.

“What are you doing here?”

“The back door was left open.”

“It was? That was Shelley’s job to make sure that was closed,” I mused.

“Funny…she told me it would be open.” He held up a white ball of fluff.

“She wrote that on her tail?” I gaped.

“Yep. Wrote that she would make sure it was open…and this one said that you’d definitely be here late.” He held up another tail and I grabbed it. Stacey’s handwriting.

“That little wench. No WONDER my work never got done…she kept undoing it!” I grumbled. “I’m sorry…this is embarrassing.”

“No…I’m glad they did it,” he said shyly. “You didn’t hand out your number…and I couldn’t see me coming here for dinner every night until I got the nerve to ask for it.”

“You wanted my number?”

“Sure,” Lance said, like it was obvious. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m just a waitress…doing a stupid dance…” I mumbled.

“I liked that dance…and I loved that song.”

“I picked it just for you,” I said shyly. He smiled.

“Can you operate the music?”

“Um…I think so,” I said, looking at him in confusion.

“Can you find a slow song? It’s my birthday, and I want a dance.”

I almost RAN to the DJ box. I found a CD with an appropriate slow song and put it on. I slowly walked back to the dance floor and Lance put his arms around me. “Is this okay?”

“Perfect,” he said, settling my head on his shoulder. I sighed. Perfection.

We were chatting softly as we danced when a loud clatter startled us. Julie. “Oh my God!” I gasped, running to the back. Lance followed close behind me. We stopped short as we turned into the back hallway. Julie was on the floor madly giggling while Chris tried to help her up.

“What are you doing here?” Lance and Chris asked at the same time.

“Looks like Chris is trying to do the hostess,” I said, laughing. Julie tried to glare at me.

“We weren’t DOING anything…except kissing…and that some things fell,” she said, pointing to some pots that were hanging on the wall.

“SURE you weren’t,” I said, laughing harder. She gave me a true glare this time.

“My friends are so embarrassing,” Lance said with a sigh. He earned a glare from Chris. “Would you like to go get some breakfast?”

“How could you possibly be hungry?” I asked him.

“I don’t want you to go home yet,” he said softly, and I melted.

“Okay. Breakfast.”

“Please just get out of here,” Chris said, annoyed. “I was busy until you two interrupted.”

I looked at Julie, who blushed. “Bye, Jules.”

“Bye, Lara. Bye, Lance.”

“Bye,” Lance said, but he only had eyes for me. As we walked out, he gently removed the bunny ears from my head. I had forgotten they were even still on. “Can I keep these?”

“Um…sure…but why?”

“As a memento of an AWESOME birthday,” he said, bending his head to gently kiss me.

“I Feel Lucky” – sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter

The End

Tell Lara what you thought of this story!