In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning

By: Lara

When the sun is high in the afternoon sky/you can always find something to do/but from disk til dawn, as the clock ticks on/something happens to you…

“No! Toby…Mommy said NO!” Melissa barked at her son as he reached up to her vanity table. She was a split second too late, and she couldn’t help but laugh as she watched her favorite red lipstick smear all over her son’s chubby face.

“Clown, Mommy! Clown!” Toby announced.

“Yes, my love. You definitely are a clown,” Melissa sighed, grabbing a washcloth.

As they were about to walk out the door twenty minutes later, the phone rang. “Phone, Mommy!” Toby said helpfully.

“Yes, sweetie…phone. You stay right here.” She plopped the eighteen-month-old down by the door, giving him his favorite stuffed dinosaur to keep his attention. “Hello?”

“Hey, Lis, what’s up?”

“Hey, Rebekah,” Melissa replied, sighing as she heard her best friend’s voice. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much…I just wanted to see how you were.”

“We’re fine…and we’re on our way to the park. Can I call you back?”

“Sure. Talk to you later.”

Melissa smiled as she carried Toby out to the car and buckled him into his carseat. Rebekah wasn’t just calling to see how they were…she was calling to check up on them. Rebekah had called every day for the past two years, checking to see if Melissa was surviving. It didn’t matter if Rebekah was in Europe or right across town, she always called. That was a true friend. “Okay, buddy. Off we go!” Melissa said as she climbed in behind the wheel.

Melissa stared off into space as she pushed Toby on the swings. This was the perfect way to spend a spring Saturday afternoon: playing with her son at the park. She was so busy with her job it seemed that she never got to play with him. Another great thing about spending the afternoon at the park was that it kept her from thinking…kept her from wondering what was going on with her life. She sighed as she gave the swing another shove. Money was no issue; she had finally gotten them into a sound financial situation. Her personal situation was not as sound. Rebekah was constantly trying to get her to go out and date, and always had the name of some great single guy that Melissa would not be able to resist. Melissa always turned them down, saying that she did not want a man in her life. The truth was, she only wanted ONE man in her life: Toby’s father.

Melissa smiled as she thought of Brian. Toby had inherited Brian’s blue eyes, sandy hair and sunny disposition. She was even beginning to think that Toby had Brian’s love for music as well, because he would always dance along to any upbeat song that came on the radio. She knew that Brian would just fall in love with Toby…if he ever met him, that is. She frowned as she once again thought of the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life: turning Brian away. She loved him with all her heart, and she knew he loved her. They had been together over a year when she got pregnant, and he immediately proposed. Melissa felt that he was trying to do “the right thing”, and she didn’t want a marriage based on that kind of relationship. She turned him down, and they fought. Brian was adamant; he didn’t want her to do this on her own, and he felt that is exactly what she would be doing unless she married him. Even if they stayed together, it would still be like she was raising the baby on her own. So Melissa finally drove him away. If he couldn’t have it his way, she reasoned, it would be best for him to have it no way at all.

“Mommy…sandbox!” Toby begged. Melissa snapped out of her dreams and unhooked Toby from the swing. She helped him toddle over to the sandbox, and she kept a close eye on him as he played in the dirt and sand. He was such a good baby…he hardly ever cried. When she had first laid eyes on him in the delivery room with Rebekah by her side, she felt the strongest surge of love she had ever experienced. He was the sun in her sky, and she would do anything for him. “Mommy…why?” Toby asked, wiping a dusty hand over her cheek. Melissa reached up, feeling the tear streaking down her skin.

“Nothing, baby. Mommy’s just thinking too much,” she told him. He looked up at her curiously, then clapped his dirty hands together, making them both cough.

In the wee small hours of the morning/while the whole wide world is fast asleep/you lie awake and dream about the boy/and never ever think of counting sheep…

At two in the morning, Melissa made her way down to the kitchen for a drink of water. Toby had experienced an awful nightmare, and it had taken her thirty-five minutes to get him back to sleep. It actually didn’t bother her too much; she hadn’t slept a wink all night anyway. She had been really good lately, actually sleeping through the night without wondering about Brian. Tonight, however, the same old thoughts ran through her brain time and time again as she tossed and turned. Why hadn’t he ever insisted on remaining a part of her life, even as she tried to push him away? He had never even called, never asked if it was a boy or a girl, never offered to help out financially. She would close her eyes, burying her face in the pillow and trying to erase Brian’s handsome face from her memory. It never worked.

Melissa poured herself a glass of ice water and sat at the dining room table. Something in the bookcase caught her eye and she got up again. She pulled down the dark green photo album, smiling as she saw how worn the spine was. Toby loved pictures and would sit for hours flipping through this particular album. As Melissa slowly turned the pages, her fingers unconsciously traced every picture of Brian. He always goofed off when cameras were around, and she had to laugh at some of his crazy antics. This album was from the summer before she found out she was pregnant. She, Brian, Rebekah and Nick Carter had spent almost every day together. Rebekah and Nick had had a short-lived romance, but had parted amicably. They had fun together, but just hadn’t clicked the way Brian and Melissa had.

Melissa’s eyes filled with tears as she looked at the last picture in the album. She and Brian were sitting on a park bench, sharing an ice cream cone. They were giggling at something, but the love in their eyes as they looked at one another was so obvious. Why had things turned out this way? She had thought Brian was the one…but now she was alone. She’d give anything to have him back in her life…to hear him say he forgave her.

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson/you’d be his, if only he’d call/in the wee small hours of the morning/that’s the time you miss him most of all.

“Nicky! Hey!” Rebekah said in surprise when she picked up the phone. “How the hell are you? How did you get my new number here?” She sat down at her kitchen table. She was glad she was sitting when she heard his next words. “Here? When? NOW? You are kidding me. Who? Brian? Oh my God. No…Nick…I’d love to see you, but I don’t think…I don’t know…maybe it’s not a good idea.” Rebekah played with the phone cord. “Nicky, don’t. Don’t use that tone…don’t call me that…you know what it does to me…oh damn. I haven’t been with a man in months now…that’s not fair…I…you…okay…okay…if you PROMISE to do that, I will set it up. Okay. Fine. Tomorrow.” Rebekah hung up, damning her hormones. “He always knows what buttons to push,” she muttered. She began to dial Melissa’s number.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this, Beka,” Melissa said as soon as Rebekah opened her door. “You know what I think about blind dates.”

“Yeah, well, this one will be different,” Rebekah said nervously, kissing Toby’s cheek. “Besides, he insisted you bring Toby along. He loves kids. They should be here any minute.”

“Nick, I SO don’t want to do this,” Brian growled as they drove up Rebekah’s street. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

“You’re doing me a favor, Frick. I feel so weird going back to Rebekah’s house.”

“Rebekah? Wait a minute…you never said we were going to Rebekah’s,” Brian said angrily.

“Oh, I didn’t? It must have slipped my mind,” Nick said innocently.

“Take me back. Take me back to the hotel NOW!” Brian ordered.

“Rok, grow up. It won’t kill you to come in and say hi. If you feel weird, I’ll take you back,” Nick said as they pulled into Rebekah’s driveway

The doorbell rang and Rebekah jumped up. “That must be them!” She ran into the foyer and threw the door open. “Nicky!” She shrieked, throwing herself into his arms.

“Hey, baby.” He gave her a huge hug. “You remember Brian.”

“Of course. Hi, Brian.” She gave him a hug as well.

“Hi, Rebekah.” Brian gave her a bashful smile.

“Beka, are you just gonna let them…” Melissa’s voice trailed off as she walked into the hallway, carrying Toby. She saw Nick and froze. She saw Brian and turned white.

“Well, we have an appointment at a hotel room. Talk to you two later.” Nick grabbed Rebekah by the hand and pulled her out the door, shoving Brian inside at the same time. Nick slammed the door behind them and took off for his car.

“Melissa…oh my God…” Brian said, his mouth falling open as he looked from Melissa to Toby and back again. “I didn’t know…Nick didn’t say…I didn’t…”

“I didn’t either,” she said in a tiny voice. “She said she was setting me up on a blind date.” They stared at each other for a long moment. “You might as well come in and sit down.” She hurried back into the living room. Brian followed her. She set Toby down on the floor, surrounding him with his favorite toys. Toby ignored them and looked up at Brian.

“Hi!” He said brightly, his blue eyes staring at Brian.

“Hi there, little man,” Brian replied softly.

“Who are you?” Toby asked. Brian looked at Melissa in amazement.

“He’s quite the talker…he’s really smart,” she said nervously.

“I’m Brian. What’s your name?” Brian asked, staring into a face that mirrored his own at the same age.

“Toby,” he answered, then began to push his toy cars around on the floor. He soon crawled over and was pushing them around Brian’s feet.

“Toby, come play over here,” Melissa said. “Sorry,” she said to Brian.

“I don’t mind.” He watched his son with fascination. “He’s beautiful.”

“Yes, he is,” Melissa said softly.

“Just like his mother,” Brian said, looking at her with his piercing blue eyes.

“Brian, don’t.” Melissa stood and began to pace.

“What? It’s what I think. You are still as beautiful as the last time I saw you.” Brian stood also, but didn’t try to move towards her.

“I’m a different person now. I’m a mother. I have responsibilities,” Melissa said, wondering why she was babbling.

“I’ve missed you so much, Lis,” Brian said, his voice thick with emotion.

“Really? Then why haven’t I heard from you? Why haven’t you ever tried to contact me?” Melissa snapped, taking a step towards him. She accidentally stepped on Toby’s finger, and he began to cry. She made a move towards him, but Brian had already swept him up into his arms.

“Shhh…shh…Toby, it’s okay. Let Daddy see.” He took the little hand in his and studied it. “Which finger is it?”

“This one.” Toby thrust a finger in Brian’s face.

“Let Daddy kiss it.” Brian gave the hand large smacking smooches until Toby giggled. “That’s better. See? It’s okay.” He continued to rock Toby back and forth in his arms until Toby snuggled against his shoulder, sucking his thumb contentedly. Melissa stared at them open-mouthed. Brian realized what he had said and blushed a furious red. “I’m sorry…I…it just came out.”

“It’s okay,” Melissa whispered, tears streaming from her eyes. “Why didn’t you come back, Brian?”

“You made it pretty obvious that you wanted nothing to do with me if I insisted on marrying you, so I made myself scarce. Some touring things came up, and I figured it was best to get away for a while.” Brian’s blue eyes were miserable. “You hurt me pretty bad, Lis, but I couldn’t come crawling back. I couldn’t let you hurt me again. I used to dream about you at night…wondering what you looked like pregnant…wondering what our son or daughter looked like.”

“He looks and acts just like you,” Melissa answered softly. “I think about you a lot at night, too. It keeps me up sometimes.” She looked at her feet, then looked up at him. “Brian, I was scared and shocked, wondering how in the world I could handle being a mother. I didn’t want to tie you down. I wanted you to marry me because you loved me, not because I was pregnant with your child.”

Brian stared at her. “Melissa, I did love you. I still do love you. I would never have offered if I didn’t love you. I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart because they were founded for all the wrong reasons. You wouldn’t have tied me down.”

“Oh, Brian,” Melissa began to sob. “I’m so sorry. I was so wrong. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Don’t cry, Mommy!” Toby said, his own eyes filling with tears. He hated to see his mommy cry.

“Yes, Mommy, don’t cry,” Brian said, moving so he and Toby were right next to her. Toby put one arm around his shoulders and one arm around Melissa, pulling them all together into a close embrace. “Don’t cry.” He placed his forehead against Melissa’s, kissing her nose as their son brought them together once more.

…you’d be his if only he’d call…in the wee small hours of the morning…that’s the time you miss him most of all…

“In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning”-words by Bob Hillard/music by David Mann

The End

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