Junemoon

By: Stef

Letting out a sigh, Stef got out of the car and threw a glance across the street. Only people who work for the company, sure, she thought, locking her car. There were a ton of people standing around outside the small venue where the party she had to attend tonight was being held, and she knew none of them. So something was seriously not going the way it had been planned here. Fumbling her invitation out of her purse, she walked up to the guy at the door. Well, at least she’d seen him before when they needed extra security at the studio. He smiled, and put a stamp on the back of her hand. I don’t wanna be here, Stef thought, walking into the dark venue. The record label she worked for was throwing a big party tonight because the owner, Toni, had won an award for producer of the year. Stef was friends with many of the people she worked with, so she couldn’t really tell why she hated being there so much. But if it had been up to her, she would’ve spent this Saturday night at home in front of the TV, not in a dark and hot concert venue.

Waving over at Ines, one of the secretaries, who was standing by the bar, she sighed again. How the hell was she supposed to find anyone? Inside the venue it was too dark, and outside, where the barbecue was, it was too crowded.

“Stef!” she heard someone call, and she looked up. A smile lit up her face as she saw her friend Nadine come walking towards her. The women hugged, and Nadine asked “Are you coming outside with me? I need a smoke.” Looking around again, Stef nodded and followed her friend outside. They sat down on the steps a bit away from the entrance. It was only now that Stef realized you could overlook the entire backyard from there, and she shook her head.

“That wasn’t the best idea now, was it?” she asked. “I wouldn’t be surprised if fans showed up soon.”

“Yeah, well, wasn’t my idea. Go complain to Toni.” Looking at each other, the women laughed. Toni was nice and all, but he did things his way. No little audio engineer could tell him what to do. Hearing someone call her name again, Stef looked up to see her friends Silvana and Claudia standing in line to get some food. They waved wildly, and motioned that they’d come out in a minute. Stef nodded, and turned back to Nadine.

“So how’s the party going?” she asked, and Nadine shrugged.

“Toni and his asskissers are celebrating. Us common people are just hanging around.” Chuckling, Stef shook her head. This was exactly what she’d expected. They bitched and laughed about some of the people going in until Silvana and Claudia got there.

Silvana sat down next to Stef, and gave her a strange look.

“What?” Stef asked, touching her nose, something she did when people stared at her. She always thought she had something in her face.

“Kevin’s here.” Gasping, Stef stared at her friend in shock. Kevin Richardson? What the hell was he doing there? She should’ve followed her feelings and stayed home, there was no way she could face him. This was the first time she’d see him somewhere outside a Backstreet Boys concert in two years. Exactly two years, she thought, shaking her head. Two years ago in June, she’d been heartbroken because of him.

“I didn’t even know he’s in Europe,” Stef stammered, knowing all her friends were looking at her. They all knew there had been something with Stef and Kevin, but none of them knew the complete story since none of them had worked at the studio back then.

“He’s the only Backstreet Boy who’s here. But there’s more,” Silvana said softly, touching Stef’s arm. “He’s here with his girlfriend, and... She’s pregnant.”

“Fuck!” Stef exclaimed, getting a few strange looks from people walking by. “I ain’t goin’ in there,” she then said. The others knew how she felt just by the way she talked now, and gave her sympathetic looks. Claudia and Nadine got up, asking “Come on, don’t you wanna get it over with?”

“Oh hell no! I am not going back in there!” Shaking her head, Silvana said “Go on you two, Stef and I will follow soon.” Once the others were gone, Stef shook her head wildly.

“I’m not going in there, Vani.”

“Come on, Stef. It can’t be that bad.” Stef let out a bitter laugh. It WAS that bad! She couldn’t face him, not after he’d hurt her the way he did.

“What happened back then?” Silvana asked, but Stef shook her head.

“There’s too many people around here. Let’s go somewhere else.” Silvana got up and followed Stef to the other venue, only about a hundred yeards down the street. Nothing was going on there tonight, so they could sit out in front of it without being bothered.

“So?” Silvana urged softly. Taking a deep breath, Stef started talking.

“Alright... When the Boys first came to Europe as little nobodies, they worked with Toni. I was an intern back then, but I always got to sit in the studio during their sessions. And well, I fell for Kevin.”

“Yeah, well, the eyes...” Silvana threw in. The eyes. That was exactly what had gotten her. As she told her friend the very short version of what had happened back then, everything seemed to go by her like a movie.

All the times he’d caught her staring at him. And the many times she’d caught HIM staring at HER. Something was there, and everyone knew it. Some kind of chemistry between them. But Stef had always been shy around men, and he was the star though he really wasn’t a star yet back then. Still, she just couldn’t bring up the courage to just talk to him. Working at the studio got her inside info of course, so after she found out what hotel the guys were staying at, she sent him some song lyrics she’d written the day she realized she’d fallen for him. There was no name on the card he got, yet he still seemed to know who’d sent it. She found him staring at her more often, especially when he thought she didn’t know he was in the room. It became obvious, obvious enough for others to notice. Soon, AJ would watch her, and then turn to Kevin who acted as if she wasn’t there. It didn’t take long before all the Backstreet Boys were doing that, and Stef got scared of even going to work. Luckily, they went on tour as an opening act for a very popular European boyband then, and she didn’t have to see them every day anymore. But she missed him, as much as she hated to admit it. Everytime the phone rang and she had to answer, she hoped it was their manager telling her they were going to be at the studio again soon.

They did come back, and weren’t nobodies anymore. They started appearing on more and more teeny bopper magazine covers, and more and more girls started waiting outside the studio to see them. Stef wasn’t just an intern anymore, and actually had to remix some of their songs with them sitting right behind her. Working with them was actually fun though. All the guys were incredibly nice to her all of a sudden, well, all but Kevin. He continued his little game of not speaking to her, and watching her constantly. One day, while she was sitting in the cafeteria during a break, Brian came up to her, asking if she’d seen Kevin.

“No,” she’d answered. “Why should I know where he is?”

“Haven’t you noticed that he’s always where you are?” Brian had answered, with that mysterious smile on his face. Needless to say, Stef was even more confused after that. Shortly after, it happened. The Boys had their first top ten hit, suddenly, they were famous all over Europe. Stef hardly saw him anymore. One time when she did see him, he was with his new girlfriend. It broke her heart to see them together. Even worse was when Kevin leaned over to his girlfriend, whispered something to her, and then they both turned to Stef and laughed out loud. That most certainly was one of the most humiliating moments in her life. Then, the Boys had their first hit single in the States. It was then that Stef completely broke down. Okay, it wasn’t like she ever talked to Kevin anyway, but at least she got to see him a lot. Now, she knew it could be a year before she would see him again.

That night when she came home, she sat down and wrote a four page letter to him. A letter she never planned on sending, but it helped her deal with her feelings. Her best friend cried when she read it, and decided Kevin had to get it. They Boys were still in town then, and Joanna brought it to their hotel and made sure Kevin would get it. Stef wasn’t really sure wether she was happy about that or not, but what could she do? She couldn’t turn back time and tell Joanna not to do it. In the two years that followed, Stef saw him exactly four times, backstage at concerts each time. And each time, Kevin looked right through her. While the other guys said hi and asked how she’d been doing, Kevin would act like she wasn’t even there when she was standing right in front of him. Stef started questioning what she’d ever seen in him. Yet she knew she wasn’t over him by far. It was so strange, she’d never felt like that before. He treated her like shit, but she couldn’t hate him. Even now that she was sitting here, afraid to go back to the party because he was there, she was unsure of how she felt for him. She’d finally taken his picture off the wall a couple of weeks ago, and finally felt as if she was falling in love again, but what if seeing him would break up old wounds? She was done telling Silvana the whole story, and sighed.

“I still say we should go in there,” Silvana told her. “He’s an asshole, Stef. You’re way too good for him.”

“Oh tell him that, not me,” Stef answered, letting out a bitter chuckle.

“Hey girls, what are you doing out here?” someone called, and they looked up to see Toni walk by. He’d gotten something from his car and was on his way back to the party now.

“It’s too crowded in there,” Stef called back, and he laughed.

“Come on, if I don’t see you in there for my speech, I’ll be hurt.”

“We’ll be there!” Silvana told him, and he left after giving them another big smile. Seeing her friend Denise walk around the corner, Stef got up. Without even saying hi, she blurted out “Kevin’s here.” Denise’ face dropped. She’d been there through the whole thing with Stef, so she could imagine how her friend felt at the moment. “Did you see him yet?” Stef asked, and Denise shook her head.

“I wasn’t even inside yet, someone told me you were over here so I came to get you.” Silvana had gotten up as well, and with her friends by her side, Stef made her way back over to the party. Silvana left to find the others while Stef and Denise found seats at the bar.

They’d gotten back just in time for Toni’s speech, so they ordered drinks and just sat there to listen to him. Turning her head to say something to Denise, Stef froze. Kevin was just walking in, hand in hand with his girlfriend. Snapping out of it, she leaned closer to Denise, whispering “He’s here, don’t look now, he’s right behind you. When you do look, that’s not the girl he was with last year, is it?” Denise waited a moment, and laughed when she saw him.

“No it’s not, or she changed her hair and skin color.” Stef smiled, but she was too nervous to laugh. Kevin was standing right behind Denise, and everytime she wanted to look at her friend, she had to see him. And she knew that he was doing that on purpose since he kept looking over.

“Denise, can you move to the right a bit?” Stef asked, and Denise did, giving her a questioning look.

“Thanks. Now I don’t have to see him anymore.” Denise only laughed. Of course Stef couldn’t help but glance in his direction a couple of times anyway, and each time, he was looking at her. Same game, Stef thought, letting out a bitter chuckle. It really was all the same. Even the way he’d stare into another direction so hard it was obvious when he walked past her.

“This speech is boring, let’s get the hell out of here,” Stef said, hopping off her barstool. Once outside, Denise asked “Where are we going?”

“I need ice cream. Let’s go.”

They spent an hour at their favorite ice cream parlor. When they got back to the party, Kevin was nowhere to be seen, and Stef liked it that way. They danced for a while, but the party really was boring. Everyone seemed to be outside, sucking up to the celebrities who were there, and that most certainly wasn’t Stef’s style, or that of her friends.

“Let’s go!” Denise yelled over the music, and Stef nodded. Making their way to the exit, Stef felt her heartbeat quicken when she saw Kevin standing by the exit, talking to one of the security guys. Okay, she thought, this is it. Stand up straight, hold your chin up high, show him you don’t give a fuck. And she did. He stopped talking when she got near and once again stared in another direction, but Stef didn’t even care anymore. She walked past him, told some people she knew bye, and that was it. It didn’t hurt. Even when she had to push past him to get out since Mr. Superstar couldn’t move out of the way, she felt nothing. Back then, everytime his skin touched hers, she’d feel it tingle for hours. Now, there was nothing. Her heart was beating normally again, and she just didn’t care. Laughing out loud, she looked at Denise.

“Is he immature or what? I feel like High School all over,” she said, looking at her friend as she unlocked her car.

“I have been telling you that, but were you listening?”

“And to think he’s 28...” The women looked at each other again, and laughed. Getting in the car, Stef cursed.

“I gave Silvana my wallet earlier, she still has it. I’ll be right back.” Jogging across the street, Stef hoped Kevin wasn’t outside anymore. Even though it had been easy just now, she didn’t know if it would be again. Seeing two people walk towards her, she let out a low curse. It was dark, but she would’ve recognized Kevin’s frame anywhere. She’s at least 7 months pregnant, Stef thought when she saw his girlfriend. And they can’t have been together for more than a year. That thought made her want to laugh again, but she bit her lower lip to keep herself from really doing it. Kevin stopped talking when he caught sight of her once more, but that was all she noticed. She didn’t even look at him anymore. She didn’t turn around to see where he was going. She didn’t feel anything. Getting her wallet quickly, she just smiled at her friends and ran back to her car. When she pulled out of the parking lot, a song came on the radio. Stef only smiled, rolled her windows down, and turned the volume up as a sense of relief washed over her. When Denise asked if she was alright, she only nodded and started singing along.

I’m sitting up here on my cloud,

I see you coming, but you walk past me.

But it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Nah, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

And everything stays calm,

And no storm starts when I see you.

It’s over, bye bye, Junemoon.

It’s over, it’s over.

Bye bye.

The End

Tell Stef what you thought of this story!