Take A Bow

By: Stef

Take a bow, the night is over. This masquerade is getting older. Lights are low, the curtain’s down. There's no one here... there's no one in the crowd.

Slowly drifting out of that place right in between sleep and consciousness, Kevin rolled over on his side and reached out to pull Stef into his arms. His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he yawned big as he sat up to look around the room. The heavy curtains were closed, the only light in the room came from a small lamp in the corner, just the way he liked it in the morning. When Stef was nowhere to be seen, he figured she’d left already and buried his face in the pillows again. Just when he was about to drift back off to sleep, he heard the shower start in the bathroom, and after stretching and yawning again, he rolled out of bed to join her.

Stef let the hot water hit her back and closed her eyes. Once again, she never got through to the real Kevin last night. It was getting very frustrating and unnerving to constantly have to wonder if this was Kevin speaking, or Kevin Backstreet. She’d never thought it’d be this hard when they first started dating eight months ago. Sure, he’d just gotten out of a marriage, and his solo career was starting to take off. But did that have to mean he couldn’t even be himself anymore when no one was there to judge him?

She heard the shower curtain rustle, and smiled when she saw him step into shower with her. She loved how he looked in the morning. His hair not perfectly styled for once, his face wrinkled from the pillow, and he was always so warm and soft... She leaned back into him with a sigh, a sigh that turned into a soft moan when his hands started lathering her up slowly, and his lips and teeth started their sweet assault on her neck. They made love right there in the shower, getting lost in their own little universe once more before they had to face the real world again.

In the real world, Stef was not Kevin’s girlfriend. In the real world, she was a journalist who worked for one of the biggest music magazines in the country, and was only one of many journalists who were following Kevin Richardson, formerly Kevin Richardson-Backstreet, around the country to report on his very first solo promotion tour. And in the real world, she had to get to a press conference Kevin was holding right now.

Say your lines, but do you feel them? Do you mean what you say when there's no one around? Watching you, watching me. One lonely star... One lonely star you don't know who you are.

“Why of course I am single,” Kevin answered the question the guy sitting next to Stef had just asked, and gave the journalists in the room his famous smile. After a moment, the smile turned into a small frown though. “After what I’ve been through, I think it will be very hard for me to get involved with another woman. I’m not sure if I can ever trust, or love, again. But, I mean, if I find that special someone, maybe she could find her way into my heart.” The big smile was back with that last line.

“So what you’re saying is that you haven’t even had a small affair since you got divorced?”

“Exactly. I’m not one for one night stands, and if I did start a new relationship, I’d always be truthful.”

Stef almost let out a disapproving grunt, but managed to hold it back in the last second. He was feeding everyone those lines, including her when they were alone. I don’t know if I can trust again, I’m not sure if I’m ready for us to go public and take our relationship to the next level, everything has been so hard since the divorce, but of course I would never cheat on you, yadda yadda. Stef never knew if she should believe him, she didn’t even know if he meant what he said, or if it was just something he said for his image. Sometimes, when she walked into the room and he hadn’t noticed her yet, he looked so lost and lonely. As soon as he saw her though, he was all smiles again.

His eyes kept wandering over to Stef, and he could tell she was watching him, too. Sure, everyone in this room was watching him, but Stef was different. There was something in her eyes... Something that drew him to her immidiately when they first met nine months ago. She’d walked into the room of the hotel suite where he was holding interviews, and all he had to do was look into her eyes to know how she felt for him. She’d tried to hide it, but after a month of continuous calls and flower bouquets delivered to her office every day, she had finally agreed to go on a date with him. Since then, they were more or less an item. More because they shared the bed almost every night, less because nobody knew about them. And even less because Kevin shared his bed with other women when Stef wasn’t with him.

Make them laugh, it comes so easy, when you get to the part where you're breaking my heart. Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown. Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown.

“Would you ever date a fan?” Stef heard the question from behind her, and wanted to shoot the girl who’d asked it. The girl was a fan who’d won a pass to this conference at a radio station.

“Sure, are you asking me on a date?” Kevin asked back, and everyone laughed. Stef didn’t. She stared at her notepad. She didn’t want to see that smile on Kevin’s face right now, that smile he gave everybody. He had a secret smile, one he had given her very few times before. That was the smile she wanted to see, not this fake one. But of course, Kevin had to be the funny guy. Haha, we all laughed, and now, we’ll go home and write about how wonderful his new album is, and that everyone should buy it. She agreed that everyone should buy it, but not because he was so funny, no, because he was such a gifted musician. Every now and then, she woke up in the middle of the night and heard him play the piano in his downstairs living room. She’d find her way down there in the darkness, sit next to him, and just listen to him play. He often said she inspired him, and that he should dedicate the song he was working on to her, and she felt so special everytime she heard it. He made her laugh a lot too, but then, he was really funny, his private jokes were never as cheesy as those he told when he was in public.

All the world is a stage, and everyone has their part. But how was I to know which way the story'd go? How was I to know you'd break my heart?

Two hours later, Stef was finally back in her hotel room and let herself fall down on the bed as the tears started falling. She didn’t know when it had started, but her heart was breaking. Everytime she heard Kevin say he was single, and probably would be for a long time, it broke a little more. Glaring at the phone when it started ringing, she contemplated not even picking it up. It was probably him, asking if she wanted to have lunch with him. After lunch, she’d have to sneak out of his suite so the people who had interview appointments with him for the afternoon wouldn’t see her. Then she’d have the whole afternoon to herself, and at night, he’d call again and ask her to come back. Then they’d make love, fall asleep, and everything would start all over in the morning. She was sick of it. Grabbing her purse, she ignored the phone and left her room. Today, he could take her part and be the one wondering what the other was doing.

When no one picked up at Stef’s room, Kevin called the desk and asked them to put him through to her room since he thought he had the wrong number. But again, the phone rang and rang, and nobody answered. He called the desk again to leave a message on her voice mail, and then stepped out onto the balcony. His suite was on the top floor, and he had a beautiful of the city. He didn’t even know what city they were in right now... Not that it mattered. Touring sure had been more fun with the other four. Someone was always there, and even if that got too much sometimes, he usually loved having someone to talk to whenever he needed to talk. Stef had become that somebody ever since this promo tour started. She was there when he needed her, even if it was the middle of the night. She’d never said the words, but he knew that she loved him with all she had inside. He often felt guilty about that because he knew he couldn’t love her back the way she deserved. Maybe that was because he hadn’t even tried to love her... He was scared to. Scared to get hurt again, scared of what people would say when they found out he was dating a journalist. It just wasn’t appropriate for a pop star to date a reporter, or at least it wasn’t in his eyes. What made it even worse was the fact they’d started dating only six months after his divorce. What would people say about that? Everyone thought he was suffering so terribly, that he was still heartbroken, he couldn’t destroy that image.

While Kevin was doing his afternoon interviews, Stef was wandering around Dallas. She’d been there before, years ago. Years before she even knew who Kevin Richardson was, years before he’d taken her out on their first date. She didn’t see any of the sights the girl at the hotel had told her to go see though, she was too deep in thought. Their first date had been so wonderful, he’d seemed so happy that she’d finally agreed to go out with him. Back then, she’d thought that maybe this could be the start of something wonderful. The love she’d been waiting for. If she had known then how he could hurt her with just one word he said, one fake smile he smiled, or one quick hug he gave her just like the other female journalists traveling with him, she would never have agreed to go on that date with him. Or maybe she would have... She didn’t know anything anymore, except for one thing. If she didn’t talk to him soon, got some things cleared up, she would die inside.

Wish you well, I cannot stay. You deserve an award for the role that you played. No more masquerade. You're one lonely star... One lonely star and you don't know who you are.

Later that night, Stef decided she would have to talk to him tonight. When he wasn’t in his suite, but his bodyguards were still pacing his floor, she knew he was probably downstairs in the bar. The suite he had in this hotel didn’t have a piano, and he often went to the bar to play there if that happened. Walking into the bar moments later, Stef froze when he saw the girl from the press conference sitting next to Kevin on the piano bench. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and still managed to play two-handed. The girl’s giggles made tears shoot up in Stef’s eyes. No, the giggles weren’t really the reason. It was the fact Kevin did the same thing with her. Stepping closer, she prayed he didn’t notice her. What she heard when she was close enough to hear what was being said between the two sitting at the piano, her heart stopped beating for a moment.

“You inspire me so much, it’s unbelievable,” Kevin gushed, and the girl sitting next to him blushed a deep shade of red. “You know, if I ever release this song I’m working on, I should really dedicate it to you.”

Kevin’s head snapped around when he heard something drop behind him. All color left his face when he saw Stef standing behind him. It was her purse that had dropped, and now, she was staring at him, her eyes wide.

“Stef, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day!” Kevin said, trying to sound cheerful. Everyone in the bar was watching, he was very aware of that.

“Oh, and since I wasn’t available, you had to find your inspiration somewhere else?”

Stef’s voice and eyes were ice. Shivers ran down Kevin’s spine; He had never heard her talk like this, and she had never looked at him like this, either.

“It’s not what you think, let’s...” His voice trailed off when she took a step back as he tried to touch her. Was that... Disgust in her eyes?

“Let’s nothing,” Stef answered, her voice still cold. “I should’ve known it was all an act from the start. You know what?” She actually sounded a little sad when she finished. “If you ever give up music, you’d make a great actor.”

She walked out of the bar after that, her head high, her back straight, not letting anyone see that she was falling apart.

I've always been in love with you, guess you've always known. You took my love for granted, why oh why? The show is over say good-bye... Say good-bye.

A soft knock came on the door, and even though Stef knew it was him, she called, “It’s open!“

Kevin gasped when he saw that she was almost done packing. Why was she overreacting like this? Nothing had happened between him and that girl, he’d only been nice to her! It wasn’t like she’d caught him in the act or something.

“Stef, what the hell are you doing?“ he asked, and caught an icy glare from her.

“What does it look like I’m doing? You didn’t really think I’d stay, did you?“

“But what did I do?!“ Kevin shouted in frustration. “I was only playing the piano for her!“

“Kevin...“ Stef sighed and shook her head. “Is this just another act, or are you really this stupid?“

“I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about,“ he snapped, and Stef shook her head again as she shut her suitcase.

“Kev, we’ve talked about this before. I can’t take those games anymore.“

“What games?“

“Well, for example, you telling the whole world how heart broken and single, and how very much looking for the woman who could heal your heart you are!“

“I’m doing this for my CAREER! I told you that before, too!“

“Fuck, Kevin!“ Stef let her suitcase drop to the floor, not caring about the loud crash that probably scared the shit out of the people in the room under hers. “You got fucking married and it didn’t hurt your career! So how could you starting to date again hurt it? You are 34 years old, you don’t seriously think people believe that you live like a monk, do you?“

“But I just got a divorce, what are people supposed to think?“

Letting out a bitter chuckle, Stef turned away from him and went into the bathroom to pack her things up in there.

“You didn’t JUST get a divorce,“ she said when she saw that he followed her. “You got a divorce more than a year ago. And you know, if you felt anything for me, you wouldn’t give a shit about what people think!“

“Stef, you know how I feel about you.“

Turning to face him, she stopped what she was doing and crossed her arms over her chest.

“How do you feel about me?“ she asked, and shook her head when he had to think about his answer. That alone was answer enough for her.

“I’m trying to love you, I really am,“ he finally said, and Stef felt like his words were tearing her heart out.

“I don’t want someone who has to try to love me. I want someone who just loves me.“

She pushed past him, and was just slipping into her coat when he called, “Stef, wait!“ Looking at him, she waited for him to speak.

“Please, baby... I need you here. I don’t know what to do without you.“

If Kevin had thought those words would make her stay, he now had to find out just how wrong he’d been.

“You will get up in the morning, do your interviews, pick up some chick, play the piano for her, tell her all those right things you told me, you’ll know that she would do anything for you because she’ll love you with all her heart, call her at three in the morning because you know you can, tell her about all your problems, and you will break her heart the way you broke mine.“

She picked up her suitcase and was almost out the door when Kevin held her arm.

“Please stay. I... I love you, Stef.“

Looking at him with tears in her eyes, she shook her head.

“No you don’t, and we both know it. No need to feed me more of your lines, Kev. The show’s over, and I’m going home.“

She was gone before he could think of anything he could say to make her stay.

“Yes, I am single,“ Stef heard Kevin say, and shook her head at the TV. He gave the reporter interviewing him his famous smile, but after a moment, the smile turned into a small frown. “I got my heart broken very badly, and I still need time to get over that. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to love again.”

Turning the TV off, Stef got up off the couch and went over to her living room window to stare outside. It had been five weeks since she saw him last, but she was still hurting. And Kevin was still feeding everyone his lines. Deep down, she knew that leaving had been the right thing to do. But sometimes, doing the right thing hurt more than anything. She knew she’d get over him someday; she just didn’t know when.

The End

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