©
2000 Chaotic Bliss Fan Fiction
Looking back I should have seen the way my life was going to end
up. I only hope that by telling my
story I help someone else realize that life doesn't have to be lived in
constant fear and regret.
*****
Marysa was a bright young girl, inquisitive and friendly by nature. She was truly genuine in everything that she
did and tried to see the good in everything and everybody.
After high school graduation she chose to attend a college out of state
rather than attend one of the many in nearby Boston. Marysa grew up with her family in a suburb of Boston and wanted
to attend school in a large town.
She applied to many colleges and was accepted to all of them. She had her choice of towns: Los Angeles,
Chicago, Miami, and New York. She
fretted for quite a while, trying to decide the perfect school. The one thing she was sure of was her
major. Since a young age, she loved
expressing her thoughts and feelings through words. She'd wanted to be a writer for as long as she could remember and
spent her high school career working on both the yearbook and newspaper. She also had the privilege of writing a
weekly column in her local paper.
After a great deal of consideration she picked Ball State University in
the small town of Muncie, Indiana.
She'd heard about the school from a co-worker at the paper and had heard
of its reputation as a strong Journalism school. Her hopes of big city life were put on hold in lieu of a good
college education.
The summer after graduation she spent with her childhood friend and
first love, Jon. He was a bit younger
than her and a member of a music group trying to make it big.
They spent the summer doing normal teenage things, swimming in her
backyard, watching movies, whatever they wanted to do as long as they were
together. One week in particular, Jon
seemed a bit different to Marysa. He
was more distant and she wondered what was wrong with him. They were alone at her house when she
finally got enough nerve to ask him what was wrong.
"Jon," she began, "is there something wrong that I should
know about?" She held her breath
hoping that nothing was wrong and it was just her imagination.
Jon gave her a look that had her realizing differently. He hit the mute button on the television and
turned towards her on the couch.
"I have some very good news," he paused. "We've been asked to tour with
someone."
Marysa jumped into his arms and gave him a kiss. "That's fabulous news."
Jon's face got really long again.
"That's not all." He
waited a minute before he finished.
"We're leaving in two weeks."
Marysa scooted back on the couch.
"Oh, that's really soon," she said disappointedly.
"I know, but we can call each other all the time and I'll be home
to visit often."
Marysa grabbed a hold of Jon's hands.
"I'm happy for you. This is
what you and the guys have worked so hard for all these years. I know you are going to be just great. Anyway, I'm leaving for college in a little
more than a month."
"I know, I just didn't want to miss a moment with you before you
left." Jon looked extremely sad.
"Jon, it'll be okay," Marysa said as she embraced him. She knew deep in her heart that she'd always
love him, but had doubts about a long distance relationship.
The weeks following seemed to fly by.
Marysa was all packed for college and Jon for his upcoming tour. Jon spent almost every available moment in
rehearsals. The last week before Jon
left he called Marysa daily. Two nights
before he was to leave he decided that she was more important and planned a
special evening for just the two of them.
"Jon, where are you taking me?" Marysa asked half scared. He had her blindfolded and she was severely
scared of darkness and confinement the sash around her eyes produced.
"Calm down, we're almost there," Jon said, grabbing her hand
as he drove to the most romantic location he could find. He just hoped that all the work he'd put
into tonight would impress her.
As he stopped the car, he leaned over and gave her a light kiss. "Don't move, I'll come around and let
you out." He exited the car and
walked around to Marysa's side. He
opened her door and grabbed a hold of her hand.
"Jon, where are we?" She could smell the salt water in the
air, so she knew she was near the ocean.
She could even hear the pounding of the surf.
"We're almost there, be patient," he almost laughed. She was one of the most impatient people
he'd ever met. He continued to lead her
down the stone path. Once he reached
the entrance he saw that Jordan had been there to put the finishing touches on
his surprise.
"Are we there?" she asked after they stopped. She was anxious to know where they were.
"Yeah, we're here. Give me
just one minute to finish things," he left her standing in the entrance to
the boathouse. He walked in and hit the
play button on the tape player, allowing the eloquent strains of Puccini sift
through the air. He hurried back to Marysa's
side. "Everything is perfect
now," Jon said as he took off her blindfold.
"Oh!" Marysa gasped as she saw the wonder that was in front of
her. "Jon, how did you do all of
this without me knowing it?"
Jon smiled as he thought of how sneaky he was to set all this up in her
backyard. "I had great
helpers."
"I've never seen the boat house look so elegant." She stepped into the boathouse and looked
around. Jon had really outdone
himself. He had fresh flowers
everywhere and candles illuminated the room.
The music was perfect and silver and crystal adorned the gorgeous table.
"Is this a silly place to do this?" Jon asked slightly unsure
of his choice.
Marysa reached over and grabbed a hold of Jon. "This is the most romantic thing I've ever seen." She kissed him. "I love it and you."
Marysa kissed him more deeply this time. They may never have come up for air if someone hadn't cleared
their throat behind them.
"I hate to interrupt you two love birds, but dinner is here,"
Jordan informed them.
"Oh," Jon motioned for Marysa to take a seat in the linen
covered chair he held out for her.
After she did he pushed it in and took his seat next to her.
"Your dinner, Mademoiselle," Jordan teased.
"Thank you, Jordan for all your help," Marysa said with a
smile.
"I'm sorry Miss, you must have me confused with this gorgeous
creature, Jordan," he said placing a towel over his arm. "Is there anything else I can get for
the two of you?" Jordan said with a silly grin on his face.
"No, that's all," Jon said.
"Fine, have a great evening," Jordan turned to leave, then
quickly threw over his shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
Jon turned bright red and Marysa thought it was sweet. She reached across the table and covered his
hand with hers. "Did I say thank
you yet?"
"No need to thank me, it's my pleasure to spoil you." He took her hand in his and brought it to
his lips for a kiss.
"We'd better eat before everything gets cold."
They ate in silence with only longing looks between the two of
them. When dinner was over Marysa
finally asked, "Is Jordan coming back to clean up?"
"He'd better not if he knows what's good for him." Jon grinned.
Once again Marysa felt the need to tell Jon how wonderful a surprise
this was. "I can't believe you set
this whole thing up in my backyard without me knowing it."
"So you really were surprised?
"Truly!"
The music on the tape player changed from the classical music that was
first playing to more modern love songs.
"Would you like to dance?" Jon asked in almost a whisper.
Marysa nodded and Jon helped her up and to the dock overlooking the
ocean. She still couldn't believe he'd
done all this for her. They'd been
friends for years and as their romance began she saw a whole different side to
Jonathan Knight.
They danced to the soothing love song that floated through the air. She could have spent all night wrapped in
his arms. "I love you," she
whispered. When he didn't reply right
away she wondered if he'd heard her.
She looked up and saw tears in his eyes.
When Jon realized that they'd stopped dancing he stared down at
her. "I love you, too." He captured her mouth with his in a very
passionate kiss. He felt things stir in
him and wondered if she felt the same way.
"Marysa, I want to make love to you."
Marysa looked up at Jon and saw the love in his eyes. She really wanted to make love to him, but
didn't think she was emotionally ready for that. "Jon, I'm sorry, I can't."
Jon understood to a point.
They'd talked briefly about it once, but not in quite a while. He understood her need for a serious
commitment before giving that much of herself away. He kissed her forehead.
"I understand and love you more because of it."
"Thank you for understanding," Marysa turned and walked
towards the water. Jon followed her
wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her head. He felt her shake from her sobs and assumed
that she was crying. He turned her to
face him.
"Marysa, everything is going to be fine. If we were meant to be together we will be."
"Jon, you are leaving tomorrow, I may never see you again."
"Don't be silly, we'll see each other all the time. We'll call each other every Sunday
afternoon. How does that sound?"
Marysa had her doubts, but smiled up at Jon. "I love you. I'm
sure you are right, we'll be just fine.
I'll expect a call from you Sunday."
They sat staring at the water for hours just holding each other. Around midnight Jon broke the silence. "I should be going, we're leaving in a
few hours." He stood and helped
her up. "Let me walk you up to the
house."
"What about the mess?"
"Your parents said not to worry about it."
They walked up to the main house hand in hand. Jon stopped outside the back door. "I love you."
He felt like he couldn't say it enough.
"Me too." They kissed
goodnight and Jon left her standing there.
she's in love . . .she's got that fire in her eyes . . .she's in love .
. .how her smile lights up the sky . . .it's like she's walking on air . .
.she's been set free . . .still i can't believe . . .she's in love . .
.strolling down a one-way street . . .she's in love . . .you'd swear her heart
has wings . . .she's in love
Marysa arrived three days before her first class. She loved the little college she'd chosen to
attend. She met her roommate, Connie
and they became fast friends. They
spent every moment possible together.
Jon’s Sunday calls were really regular.
They discussed everything that was happening to them and the changes in
their lives. The phone calls always
ended in ‘I Love You”, that was until right after Christmas. Jon missed one week, then two and before Marysa
knew it the Sunday calls ended.
The dorm they were in was co-ed and they lived on a great floor. Their RA was cool and let some of the rules
slide. One night in particular, she
overlooked the fact that Connie and Marysa missed curfew. The girls had gone to a party at a house off
campus. The crowd was mostly upper
class men, but Connie's brother, Mark, lived there so she was invited. Mark had six roommates and they were all
there with friends. Connie and Marysa
had tried to stay together, but somehow Marysa found herself sitting alone in
the living room.
She had a beer in her hand that had turned warm long ago. She hated the taste of beer, but wanted to
fit in with the college crowd. She sat
and watched as a couple made out in the corner. The guy whispered something in the girl’s ear causing her to
giggle. They soon headed for the stairs
and what Marysa could only assume were the bedrooms.
She turned her attention to two other guys playing darts. The one was tall and for a minute she
thought of Jon and how much she missed him.
She must have dazed off because the next thing she knew he was sitting
on the coffee table in front of her.
"Did you ask me something?"
"I asked if you were having fun?" he asked again with a smile
on her face.
"Yeah, I'm having a great time," Marysa nervously fiddled with
the tab on the can of beer she was gripping for life.
"Can I get you another beer?"
"No, this one is fine."
They sat and talked for over an hour before Marysa asked, "By the
way, what's your name?"
"Kevin, what's yours?"
He was a sophomore political science major.
"Marysa, it's nice to meet you Kevin." About that time Connie came up to them.
"Hey roomie, what's up?"
"I'm just sitting here chatting with Kevin."
"Well, hello there Kevin."
"Hello, aren't you Mark's little sister?"
"I sure am, have you seen him lately?"
"I think he went upstairs a little bit ago. Why?"
"He was supposed to run us back to our dorm."
"Don't worry, I'll take you."
That's how it all began. Kevin
started calling Marysa daily. At first
she tried to convince him that she was in a relationship and couldn't date
him. He was more persistent and as
Jon's Sunday calls began to dwindle Marysa started seeing Kevin more and more.
They officially started dating right before she went home for spring
break. She convinced her parents during
that time to allow her to take summer classes so that she could be closer to
Kevin, who lived in a small town near Ball State. The night before she returned to school her mother stopped her in
the hall. "Marysa, are you sure
you want to date this Kevin? What about
Jon?"
"Don't be silly mom, Kevin is great, of course I want to date
him." She stomped off to her room
and that was the end of that subject for that visit.
When she returned to school, they dated for the next three years
straight and Marysa ended up making it through college in just four years. She only took one week off every summer to
spend at home with her parents. Every
time that she went home her mother seemed to nag her about Jon, or tell her
what Jon was doing. Marysa seemed not
to hear her mother's concerns.
The Christmas before they were going to graduate Kevin flew to Boston to
spend the holidays with Marysa's family.
The morning of Christmas Kevin sneaked into Marysa's room before dawn.
He crawled into bed with her and kissed the back of her neck. When she woke up she rolled over and
reciprocated his kisses. They ended up
making love in silence. It was one of
the most precious moments of Marysa's life.
It was only made better when Kevin picked up a velvet box of the floor
next to her bed.
He flipped open the lid and asked, "Marysa, would you make me the
happiest man on the planet and marry me?"
She gasped for air and when she finally found her tongue again said,
"yes".
Kevin slid the ring on her finger before returning to his own room. When he awoke later that morning he joined
Marysa and her parents in the dining room for breakfast.
Marysa could hardly wait for her parents to notice the new ring on her
finger. She went out of her way to
flash it every chance she could. When
her mother finally noticed it, Marysa didn't get the response she quite hoped
for.
After pulling Marysa into her father's study, Carolyn began yelling at
her only daughter. "I can't
believe after all I've said to you that you are going to marry that . .
that . . " She couldn't find a
word to describe the person sitting at her dining room table with her
husband. She nervously paced around the
typical male haven. The fire burnt
warmly in the fireplace. "Marysa,
he is not good for you, trust me on this.
You cannot marry him!" she yelled.
"How can you tell me that I can't marry him, I love him!" Marysa yelled back.
"He's not the right man for you.
How can you know what love is at such a young age?"
"I'm almost twenty-two years old.
I've spent the last three years in love with him! I will always love him and you can't change
that!" Marysa turned and left the
study. She returned to the dining room
where Kevin and her father were having their own little argument. She looked back at the mother and said,
"You know it didn't have to be this way!"
"Marysa, rethink this," Carolyn pleaded.
"No Mom, you left me no choice!
Come on Kevin, we're leaving!"
Marysa grabbed a hold of Kevin's hand as they left the dining room to
gather their things.
They stayed at the airport until they could get the next flight to
Indiana. Marysa cried the entire
time. Kevin grabbed Marysa's hand. "It's going to be all right. I'll be your family now." She nodded her head. "I have a crazy idea, Marysa, why don't
we go get married now. We're going to
do it in a couple of months anyway."
Marysa couldn't believe that he wanted to marry her today. "Sure," she said. "Here we'll use my credit card to pay
for everything," Marysa grinned at the thought. "It's my parent's account and they gave me my own card. The least they can do is pay for their only
daughter's wedding."
Kevin and Marysa took the next available flight to Las Vegas. They booked a room at The Mandalay Bay and
spent the last five days of their winter break in the warmth of the desert
sun. They rarely left the confines of
their hotel room.
Returning to school after their make do honeymoon they moved into
Kevin’s room. Life seemed to return to
normal except for the fact that Marysa now had no family to speak of.
She's In Love lyrics written by Keith
Stegall & Dan Hill
you know it's really not that bad . . . no matter how bad it might feel
. . . cause there ain't nothing time won't fix . . . this ain't nothing that a
little time won't heal . . . so maybe i've been walking a little wounded . . .i
move a little bit slower now but, that's ok . . .cause . . .i'm alright . . .
shot down But I'm still standing
i'm alright . . .a little banged up from the fall . . .i'm alright . .
.still shakey from the landing . . .i'm all right, after all
After graduation Kevin was accepted to Harvard to attend law
school. Marysa tried numerous times to
change his mind, but they ended up moving to Boston in June.
Marysa found a job working for a small magazine working as a copy
editor, not exactly the job she'd hoped for, but none-the-less a job to support
Kevin and herself.
She worked hard all day long and would come home to an empty house. Kevin spent all day long in classes and then
most of the night at the library studying.
Even though she grew up in the area, Marysa never tried to contact old
school mates or friends. She thought of
Jon every now and then and even knew he was living in the area again. She wondered if he ever thought of her.
Kevin's first year of law school went well and he took a job in the
county court as a clerk for the summer.
Their second anniversary rolled around and Kevin began to feel very
inferior to Marysa. She'd been promoted
and had her own column in the magazine.
It wasn't that big of a column, but it was all she ever wanted to
do. She knew people were reading her
work every month and loved getting feedback from them. The more she loved her job the more Kevin
despised her. He thought that she
should stay home and be his wife, but realized they needed her income to
survive.
As graduation approached Kevin was offered jobs at many prestigious law
firms, but picked one in Boston to work for.
As time progressed Kevin began to belittle Marysa and kept telling her
that she was an awful writer. He
finally blew up at her one evening.
Marysa was just finishing the dinner dishes when Kevin sneaked up behind
her. The marriage had definitely cooled
off over the last year. He wrapped his
arms around her and kissed her neck.
"What a nice surprise," Marysa smiled.
"I think we need to spend more time together." Kevin continued to kiss and nibble on her
neck and ear lobe.
"That would be wonderful."
Marysa wanted to tell him that she thought that she might be pregnant,
but decided to wait until she was sure.
"Why don't you quit your job?" Kevin suggested.
Marysa turned in his arms and gave him a look of disapproval.
"Kevin, I love my job. I
can't quit."
Kevin turned and paced to the other side of the kitchen. He turned and walked back towards her in two
quick strides. He grabbed the back of
her neck and pulled her face towards his.
"You will quit or I'll call and do it for you!" Kevin ordered.
Marysa shook slightly.
"Kevin, I don't want to quit."
“No Marysa, you don’t understand you are quitting whether you want to or
not!” Kevin yelled. “Tomorrow you will quit!” He let go of her.
Marysa shook her head. “Please
don’t make me. I love my job.” She begged.
Kevin quickly spun around and backhanded her across the face. “Don’t ever mention it again!” Kevin screamed. “You are quitting and you will obey me!” Kevin released her again, but soon turned on
her. He continued to kick and hit her
until she was unable to stand and hardly recognizable.
The blood pouring out of her nose didn’t phase Kevin at all. He kicked her one last time before leaving
her. “Clean yourself up Marysa. Now you won’t be able to go to work
tomorrow. You can just explain to them
that you won’t be back when you call.”
She tried to pull herself up off the floor but found that she
couldn’t. She didn’t want to beg Kevin
for help but seemed to have no choice.
“Help.” It came out in barely a
whisper. She tried to stand again, but
before she could stand, fell back to the hard kitchen floor.
She ended up sleeping there all night.
The pain was almost unbearable. Before dawn Kevin entered the kitchen
and she was scared that he’d hit her again for not cleaning up the mess yet. She whimpered. This time though Kevin was completely different. He was calm and caring. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry, but next time you
have to listen to me.” He picked her up
and cradled her in his arms. “Let’s get
you cleaned up.
I'm Alright lyrics written by: Kim Richey, Angelo,
and Larry Gottlieb
another bruise to try and hide . . . another alibi to write . . .
another lonely highway in the dark of night . . . but there’s hope in the
darkness . . . you know you’re going to make it
That’s how it continued for the next two years. I never mentioned the child I’d lost that
night, but think often about it. What
if I hadn’t fought with him that night?
Would I have a child to fill my now empty existence?
*~*~*~*~*
Marysa transformed herself into the perfect wife. She sat on boards for different charity
functions, ran the house with ease, and performed when requested.
Kevin and Marysa were the perfect couple in public, but still had the
same problems at home. Marysa was quick
with an excuse about a bruise and learned the art of covering the marks that
Kevin left on her body.
Even though they lived in the separate bedrooms a miracle occurred and
Marysa found herself pregnant again.
She planned a special evening to tell Kevin.
The candles on the dining room table were light and dinner was waiting
as Kevin entered the house that evening.
He’d been busy at the firm and lost track of time. He looked around the house for Marysa and
finally found her curled up in his bed.
“Marysa, get up.” He shook her
slightly. “Marysa time to go to your
own room.” He was trying a huge case
for the firm and needed to get his sleep.
He shook her again. “Marysa get
up!”
She stirred and finally sat up.
“I’d planned a special dinner.
Where have you been?”
“I was earning a living so you can live in the life you’ve been
accustomed to.” He started to get ready
for bed. “Now go clean up the table and
go to your own room.”
Marysa couldn’t believe she was going to have a child with this
monster. “But I have something
important to tell you.” Kevin grabbed
her hand and pulled her off his bed.
“Go to your own room! You can
tell me in the morning.”
Marysa slowly headed for the door to his room. “You’re such a dick sometimes!”
That got his attention. Kevin was
at her side before she knew it. He’d
grabbed her arm and spun around. “Go
right ahead Kevin, hit me, but remember that I have to go with you to that
party this weekend. Did you really want
me to wear that little black number or a long sleeve blouse and a skirt to my
ankles.”
Kevin released her. “You don’t
have to taunt me! You know I can’t
touch you.”
“Yeah well maybe you shouldn’t have touched me two months ago. Then the poor child I’m carrying wouldn’t
have you as a father.” Marysa yanked
free and turned to leave, but Kevin grabbed her again.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m pregnant!”
With that all things changed, Kevin was caring and loving towards
Marysa. The beatings and belittling
stopped and for once she saw the man she fell in love with all those years
ago. Unfortunately this side of him
didn’t last long.
As Marysa approached the forth month of her pregnancy she became very
weak and ill. She made an appointment
to she her doctor. He promptly ordered
an ultrasound and soon found out that the baby she loved and needed was brain
dead. The doctor reassured her that
there was nothing different she could do to change the outcome. The baby had died for a reason and the reason
was out of her control. Nothing the
doctor told her made her feel better and she knew that Kevin would never
understand. She had no one to turn to
for support.
An operation was scheduled and her pregnancy was ended. Kevin did finally arrive at the hospital
after the whole thing was over and didn’t really show much love or compassion
for his wife. After she woke up from
the surgery he was waiting in her hospital room.
“I told you that you were worthless.
You can’t even have a baby like a normal woman.” Marysa wanted to laugh at the fact that he
was probably the cause of this. She’d
never informed her doctor that until she was two months pregnant Kevin beat
her.
Marysa laid there and took the abuse.
She said nothing and refused to allow him to she her cry. She wanted to call her parents for the first
time in years but didn’t want to let them know how right they were about Kevin.
After being dismissed from the hospital the beatings and verbal abuse
continued and Marysa had nowhere to turn for help or guidance. She decided to finally begin attending
church again.
Two Beds and A Coffee Machine lyrics written by:
Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones
Through the choir and church I found a new meaning for life. I offered my life up to God and every
beating or awful things that Kevin said to me I tried to pray to God for an
answer as to what to do.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One Sunday, while singing in church Marysa noticed someone familiar in
the second pew, and she couldn’t help but stare at the man that was once her
one true love. The rest of the service
she fought with herself. She wanted to
run to him and beg him to help her, but instead ran from the church.
The following Sunday he was there again and this time he caught her
before she could escape. “Marysa, it’s
been forever.” Jon reached out to hug
her, but she backed away. Kevin had
left huge bruises and welts on her back and she knew that if he touched her
she’d flinch from the pain.
“How have you been?”
“Great and yourself?” What was
she supposed to say? My husband beats
me whenever he gets a chance. I lead an
empty existence only made good by coming to church on Sunday and helping with
some of the charities I deal with.
“Prefect.” She smiled up at him
trying to camouflage the pain. They
tried to catch up on all that had happened in the last eight years, but somehow
Marysa made her life seem like a fairytale and Jon made touring sound like
visiting Walt Disney World. Both got
the impression the other wasn’t being truthful, but didn’t call them on it.
“I’ve heard differently.” Jon
knew that Marysa’s life was not as perfect as she’d just described. He knew the stories of the miscarriages and
the rumors of the abuse. He wanted to
sweep in and be her savior, but knew that the choice for help was up to Marysa
and only she knew when that would be.
“Are you sure everything is fine?
Is there anything I can do for you?”
Jon knew he was pushing his luck but really didn’t like the hurt and
loneliness he saw in her eyes.
Marysa was outraged that Jon thought he had the right to question her
like this. And just who in the hell had
he been talking to? She thought she’d
done a good job covering the pain and anguish.
“I’m fine Jon. Really I couldn’t
be happier. I’ve got a big gorgeous
house, lots of friends, everything I’ve ever wanted in life.” She smiled and thought about her dreams as a
young girl. She imagined her life
differently than it had turned out. She
did want the big house, friends, good job, loving husband, and a family. She knew deep down that she would never have
most of those now and it hurt. Kevin
had taken extra precautions so she’d never become pregnant again. The biggest was that he no longer had sex
with her. She knew that he’d been
sleeping with every secretary in his office for quite some time. This didn’t bother her as much anymore, but
it still hurt. “I’d better get
going.” She looked down at her watch
and realized that Kevin would be expecting her home soon. She didn’t want to upset him or she never
knew what might happen. She hoped and
prayed that one day while he was beating her he’d go too far and end her
misery.
“You know that if you ever need any help you can always turn to
me.” Jon kissed her forehead before
turning and walking away.
Great leave me again. Jon come
back! Her heart screamed. She wanted nothing more than to have Jon
rescue her, but she was more scared as to what Kevin would do to her or Jon.
She picked up her stuff and headed for her car. She started the car and sat there
crying. She knew that there was no hope
left in her life. She’d contemplated turning
to her parents, but if had been almost five years since she’d spoke to either
of them. She wanted nothing more than
to put the car in drive and drive directly to their house. She hated the fact that she had to return to
the life she’d created for herself.
Kevin had drilled it into her head that he was the only one that would
love her and take care of her.
She put the car in drive and turned on the radio. The sad song playing there made her stop and
think.
There’s a river of tears I need to cry
Been holding them back for years
There’s a mountain so high I need to climb
To wipe away the fears
Solitude and loneliness have been a friend of mine
As I’m turning my back on emptiness
I leave them all behind
Who knows just where I’m going
Does tomorrow belong to me
Walk away this time
With my head up high
Just me and myself
Nothing left to hide
But it just feels right
To be one and just walk away
I could never forget how hard I tried
When we were oh so young
Just one tender moment I cannot find
Well maybe I had none
Strength will be by my side
Although I feel afraid
But it’s too late for this goodbye
There’s nothing left to say
Who knows just where I’m going
Does tomorrow belong to me
One day you’ll realize
That the tears you saw in my eyes
Will be there forever
She knew that her pain would never end, but she also came to realize in
that short time spent listening to the song that maybe she could regain her
life, her existence. She knew that Jon
said he’d help her, but the very first step was something that she had to do on
her own. She needed to just walk away
from the hurt and emptiness.
She did just that. She returned
home that afternoon only to find Kevin waiting for her. He was pacing the floor. “Do you know who called here today looking for
you?” He had a hold of her by the back
of her neck before she knew what was happening. “Who have you been talking to?
What have you told people about me?
Haven’t you learned from anything I’ve told you over the years? I’m the only one that loves you Marysa! You need to remember that!” His voice kept getting louder and
louder. Marysa knew better than to
actually answer any of the questions he asked.
He didn’t want answers he wanted her to fear him. Today for the first time she didn’t fear him
as bad as in the past. She knew that
she was going to get out of this place.
As she hurried around the house packing her things
she failed to hear the car pull into the garage or Kevin return to the
house. She was heading out the kitchen
to the garage herself when Kevin confronted her. He looked down at the suitcase that she was carrying and asked,
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Marysa stared at him, too scared to talk. What was she going to tell him? “I’m leaving you.” She said deciding to be brave and face the consequences.
Kevin laughed at her. “Just where do you think you are going? You have no money. You
have no car. All you have is me.”
“Your wrong!” she shouted. “I don’t have you and I don’t ever want you again!” She moved to leave, but Kevin grabbed hold
of her arm. “Stop it, you’re hurting
me!” She tried to squirm away, but
Kevin held her tight. She tried to swing
at him with the suitcase she was carrying, but he grabbed hold of it with his
free hand. He squeezed her arm until she
let go of the suitcase. He quickly
kicked it away and pulled her to him.
“You will never leave me,” he shook her. “Do you hear me, Marysa? You will never leave me!”
Marysa was still very scared, but knew that she had
to get away from him today, or die trying!
“Yes I am leaving!” she screamed.
“Well, then here let me help you.” Kevin flung her towards the back door and
before Marysa realized it she was breaking through the glass and tumbling down
the back steps.
When she landed at the bottom she thought about
staying there hoping that maybe he’d finish the job this time, but instead she
pulled herself up noticing the blood the dripped from her bare arms and
face. She thought that maybe her arm
was broken, but decided to worry about that later. She took off running down the street never looking back as she
heard Kevin yelling for her to come back.
Walk Away lyrics by: Halliwell/Watkins/Wilson/Ackerman
She
gasped at the vision before her. It
couldn’t be, but it was. It was her
daughter home finally where she belonged.
“Oh god what happened to you.”
Was all she could get out.
Marysa crumbled into her mother’s arms.
“Samuel, hurry! We need your
help,” Carolyn yelled for her husband.
As Samuel approached he could hardly believe his eye his little girl had
returned home.
A
week went by and Marysa began to heal.
The broken arm would take longer than the cuts and bruises on her arms
and face, but the emotion damage done by Kevin, the stuff no one could see
would take the longest to heal.
Marysa found that the love and understanding of her
parents took away some of the pain and disgust she felt for herself.
She began to write again, mostly about her life the
last few years. She hoped that someday
her story would help those in need.
She took long walks around the estate and spent
many hours sitting out by the ocean and just enjoying the peacefulness of
it. She was there one afternoon when
Jon finally decided to pay her a visit.
She was standing on the very dock where years
before they had shared the most romantic evening of their lives. She was daydreaming when he walked up behind
her and snaked his arms around her waist.
Still a bit scared that Kevin would come after her Marysa jumped.
“Oh god Marysa, I’m sorry that I scared you,” Jon
said. She turned to face him as she
recognized the familiar voice. Jon
gasped at the sight of her.
“That bad?”
Marysa smiled hoping it would camouflage some of the pain.
“I didn’t mean to gasp like that. Your mother informed me that you had some
bruises I just never imagined them to be that bad.” He looked down at the cast on her arm. “Did he do that too?”
Marysa shook her head. “Marysa,
why didn’t you get help earlier? He
could have killed you.”
“He tried.
I just finally had a stronger will to live. Thanks to you.”
“Me, what did I have to do about it?” Jon couldn’t think of one thing he did to
ever help her.
“That day after church was the day I decided to
leave him. It was because of you and
your loving word for me that day.”
So here I sit a few days short of my 29th birthday, extremely pregnant
and never happier, as the snow flutters through the trees on Jon and my second
anniversary. I’ve completely put Kevin
and that part of my life away and moved on with my life. Regret is still inevitable, but I’ve learned
to see my time as a learning experience.
I hope my story will help just one person.
The End
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