Nobody Leaves

By:  Stephanie Woodworth

© 1990 – 1999 Chaotic Bliss Fan Fiction

 

                My life changed drastically the summer after my senior year of high school.  I had decided to go to the University of Notre Dame for college.  This meant that I had to move away from home for the first time.  As luck would have it I didn't have to move into the dorms like most freshman, my grandparents had just moved to Florida and were going to let me live in their house, which was really convenient for me because they lived only three blocks from Notre Dame.  I was born in South Bend and moved to a small town outside of Fort Wayne before high school.  We moved because my parents purchased a small company there, so I would say we were a normal middle class family.

                I had convinced my best friend, Stephanie Butcher, to move to South Bend with me.  Steph was two years older than I was and we thought we were on top of the world.  During the summer months our younger sisters, Jaide and Catrina decided to stay with us.  We were sure it was going to be the best time of our lives.

                After about a month of paying bills, buying groceries, and fixing up the house and yard, I wasn't sure this was going to be all that fun.  The four of us decided one day that we were going to spend the day by the pool and playing volleyball.  We were listening to our favorite group, New Kids on the Block, while playing volleyball.  We had just bought tickets for their concert at Notre Dame later in the week.  The game was tied and Steph and I had the serve.

                "Whoever losses has to do the dishes for the next week."  Catrina suggested before the serve.

                "You’re on!" I replied.

                "Ten serving ten."  Steph yelled and then served the tie breaking point.

                "That was out!"  Jaide yelled.  "You guys aren't playing very fair."

                "Life isn't always fair, Jaide."  Steph told her sister. 

                The game ended and we won.  On the way into the house Catrina said, "Look, someone is using the house next door.  It usually only gets used during football season.  Someone must have rented it for a couple of days."  We all looked over at the house and pondered who would want to rent it in the middle of summer.

                "I wonder if it is someone famous.  I thought I saw a limo last night, but I just thought I was seeing things."  I told them.

                Now we were all curious about our temporary neighbors.  "Your extremely friendly Catrina, go over and introduce yourself to them."  Jaide suggested.

                "You go if you want to know so bad."  Catrina retorted.  "I don't think they want visitors.  They have all the blinds pulled shut."

                Steph and I looked at each other.  We had this unusual bond and could almost read each other’s minds.  "We'll go."  We said in unison.  We started to walk across the lawn to the front porch when the front door opened.  A man walked out and asked, "What do you think you are doing?"

                "We live next door and just wanted to introduce ourselves."  I managed to spit out.  "We noticed that someone was living here and just thought we would be neighborly."   Steph added.

                "It would be best if you returned to your house and forget that you tried to come over here."  The man barked. 

                Steph and I quickly turned around and headed for home.  Jaide and Catrina quizzed us on what had happened.  We all cleaned up the back yard and went in the house for the night.  Catrina and I made dinner, while Jaide and Steph went to the video store to rent a movie.  After dinner dishes were put away, we all sat down to watch the movie.  They had rented the newest released horror flick.  We all agreed that scary movies were our favorites.  Half way through the movie the doorbell rang and scared us all to death.  I got up to answer the door.  I slowly turned the knob and opened the door.  I was instantly awe struck, for there standing on my front porch was Donnie Wahlberg from NKOTB.  I motioned for the others to come to the door.  As soon as Jaide got there she let out this awful squeal, because Donnie was her favorite in the group.  "What are you doing here?"  Jaide asked.

                "We are renting the house next door while we are in town for our concerts.  I just stopped by to apologize for our bodyguard who you met earlier."  Donnie said.

                "No problem.  He wasn't a real bo . . ."  Before Steph could finish her sentence Catrina interrupted.  "Is Joe here with you?"

                "Yeah, he's here with the rest of the group.  They are all next door."  Donnie informed us.  "Did you want to be introduced to them?"  He asked.  We all shook our heads.  "I'll be right back.  Don't go anywhere."  Donnie added.

                As he walked back to get the others, we all jumped and screamed.  Catrina ran upstairs to freshen up her makeup.  Jaide went to change her shirt.  Steph stopped the movie and I tried to straighten up the room.  Before long there was a light rap on the door, Catrina and Jaide both came bounding down the stairs and almost knocked me over as they raced for the door.  As Jaide swung open the door, Catrina went flying out into Joe's arms.  Catrina just laughed and apologized.  I went to the door and invited them in.  I still couldn't believe they were standing in my front room.  Jordan, my favorite out of the group wasn't there and neither was Jordan.  I wondered to myself where they were.  Just then, Steph asked, "Where are Danny and Jordan?"

                Jon answered, "Danny is next door with his girlfriend and Jordan was right behind us."  Just then, the door opened and the man of my dreams walked in.  I then realized what people meant when they said love at first sight.  I was truly, madly, deeply head over heals in love with him.  I walked right up to him and said, "Hi, my name is Stef and I've got to be your biggest fan."  After I said it I wanted to take it back, my comment sounded like something a teenager would say.

                "It's nice to meet you."  Jordan said.  He kept smiling at me.  I began to feel a little bit self-conscious.  Soon everyone was more relaxed with each other.  We began to joke around and somehow a wrestling match was taking place between Jaide and Donnie.  I could tell that Jaide really like Donnie.  I don't think Donnie really like her in the same way.  He was treating her more like a younger sister.  There was quite an age difference between the two of them, but I was amazed at how much alike they were.  The two people that really surprised me were Jon and Steph.  They had disappeared about a half an hour ago and I still wasn't sure where they had gone.  I guess they are both adults and can take care of them.  Joe and Catrina had started watching the movie again.  She was sitting right next to him on the couch and kept hiding her eyes behind his arm.  I couldn't believe she was doing this.  Catrina loved horror movies and never got scared while watching them.  I think this was all for Joe's benefit.  Jordan was sitting across the room watching the movie, but every once in awhile I noticed him starring at me.  I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be nearer to him.  I was in the middle of a daydream about him coming up and wrapping his big strong arms around me and I didn't even notice that Jordan had gotten up and sat down next to me.  I jumped when I finally realized he was there.

                "Where were you just now?"  He asked.

                "I guess I must have drifted off somewhere."  I replied.  I then realized that everyone else was gone.  "Where did everyone go?"  I asked.

                "Jaide, Donnie, Catrina and Joe all went swimming.  They asked you if you wanted to go and you told them no.  Steph and Jon went on a walk a long time ago and aren't back yet."  He informed me.  "Are you alright?"

                "Yeah, I'm fine.  I was just thinking."  I responded.  "It has been a long day and I'm tired."   Jordan stood up and walked around to the back of my chair.  He started to massage my shoulders.  If I wasn't all that tired before, I was beginning to relax under the pressure of his strong hands.

                "Is this helping?"  He asked.

                "It feels wonderful."  I moaned.  Jordan backed away and sat back down next to me.  All I could think was that I scared him by getting so comfortable.  Steph and Jon returned from their walk just then.  "You have been gone for quite a long time.  Did you get lost?"  I asked.

                "We walked down to the park and sat and talked.  I guess I didn't realize we have been gone that long."  Steph said.

                "Don't let it happen again."  I teased.

                "Jordan, Jon was just telling me about your outing for tomorrow.  It sounds like a lot of fun."  Steph said.

                "What outing?"  I asked.

                "We have rented an amusement park for the day."  Jordan informed me.  "Do you guys have plans for tomorrow?"  He asked.

                "Nothing we can't get out of.  Right Stef."  Steph said.

                "I don't have anything important planned tomorrow."  I replied.  Just then Jaide, Catrina, Donnie and Joe came in the back door.

                "Guess what we are doing tomorrow."  Catrina yelled.

                "Going with all of us to an amusement park."  I replied.

                "Yeah, doesn't that sound like fun!"  Jaide boasted.

                "I'm sure it will be."  Steph said.

                "Maybe we should get some sleep."  Jon said.   "It is going to be a long day tomorrow."

                "That's a good idea.  Why don't we call it a night."  Joe said.

                The next morning we all awoke bright and early to get ready to go to the amusement park with the guys.  We had been up most of the night trying to decide what to wear and take with us on our trip.  We were unsure how we were going to get to the park.  As we exited the house the next morning we were shocked to see the huge bus sitting in front of our house. 

                As we boarded the bus we were in awe at the stuff inside.  It was as though we entered another world.  The trip to the park was fun.  We sang, played games and watched movies.  The long trip gave me time to make my move on Jordan.  I tried being casual about the whole bus and everything, but I think he could tell this was all new to me.  We were sitting watching Jaide and Catrina singing a song, when Jordan turned and said, "I think you should sing next." 

                Panic stricken, I replied,  "I can't sing."  I repeated it several times, but Jordan kept shaking his head and telling me that I could and should.  I finally decided that I wasn't going to win and decided I would sing, but only if he sang with me.  He agreed.  "What do you want to sing?"  I asked.

                "What is your favorite song?"  Jordan asked.

                Oh, boy!  I didn't want to tell him what my favorite song was.  I was so embarrassed.  Steph just smiled at me and said, "Come on Stef, tell Jordan what your favorite song is." 

                My heart sank.  I gave Steph a really big smile and blurted out, "It is ‘Dizzy' by Tommy Roe."  I started to laugh.  Jordan just looked at me.  I began to laugh even harder to hide my embarrassment.

                Jordan finally turned to me, but before he could say anything I said, "Why don't we just sing one of your song.  We both know the words."  I prayed he would agree with me.

                "That's fine, which one?"  Jordan asked.

                "Anything is fine with me."  I replied.  I was glad when the bus came to a stop and the driver informed us we were at the park.  I was saved from being embarrassed in front of everyone.       We all exited the bus and ran for the entrance to the park.  There really wasn't a person at the park other that employees.  The day was one of the best in my life.  We ran from roller coaster to roller coaster all day long.  I think we rode ever ride at least three times and by the end of the day I was exhausted.  We made it back to the bus and were headed for home.

                I found a seat on of the couches and thought about falling asleep.  Soon, Jordan was sitting right next to me.  "How did you like the park today, Stef?"

                "I had so much fun.  I think it was one of the best days of my life."  I replied.  I then leaned over to him and gave him a big hug.  I was so shocked when he hugged me back.  I sat down on the couch and tapped the seat next to me to signal to Jordan to sit there.  After he did I curled up next to him and placed my head on his shoulder.  I was becoming very tired and thought I would fall asleep.  Jordan kept turning and staring at me.  Finally I asked him, "Do you mind if I fall asleep?"

                "Go right ahead.  I'll wake you when we get home."  I cuddled closer and closed my eyes.  The last thing I remember he was covering me up and wrapping his big strong arm around me.  I woke up again when I felt Jordan pick me up when we arrived home.  I couldn't believe he was carrying me inside the house.  I thought it would be best if I remained "asleep", so that he would keep carrying me.  I wrapped my arms around his neck in order to hold on to him.  He walked up the stairs and opened my bedroom door.  I thought that now would be the best time to "wake up".  I began to stir slightly and opened my eyes.   I couldn't believe the smile on his face when he noticed I was awake.

                "I'm sorry I woke you up."  He said placing me on my bed.

                "Don't be sorry, I asked you to.  I wouldn't have wanted you to just leave without being able to thank you again for today."

                "No need to thank me again.  It was my pleasure.  I guess I'll be going."  Jordan said as he turned to leave.

                "Don't go!"  I found myself pleading.

                Jordan turned back around and just smiled at me.  "What?"  He asked.

                I repeated more calmly, "I don't want you to leave just yet."

                "What do you want to do?"  He asked.

                "Can you stay with me for awhile longer?"

                "I suppose I could stay for a little bit."  Jordan said.  I walked over to the stereo and put a tape in the cassette player.  It was all my favorite songs.  I turned back towards Jordan and asked.  "Would you dance with me?"

                "I'd love to."  Jordan replied.  He walked over to me and swept me up in his big strong arms.  We swayed to the music and I found myself running my hands through Jordan's hair.  I couldn't keep my eyes or hands off of him.  He lifted me slightly and pressed his lips to mine.  I wrapped my legs around his waist while our kiss deepened.  I could feel his manhood swelling beneath his jeans.  He set me back on my feet and we continued dancing to the music.  When the tape stopped I tried to change it, but Jordan held me tight.

                "The music stopped."  I said.

                "I know."  Jordan replied.  "Just stay here, I don't want to let you go."

                "I'm not going anywhere."  I assured him. 

                He kissed me again lightly on the forehead and told me.  "I've never met anyone like you before.  I could spend the rest of my life with you in this room."

                "As much as that idea excites me I think we would be missed."

                "I don't want to scare you away Stef, but I think I'm falling in love with you."

                I smiled at the look on his face.  I wish I had a camera to capture it for later.  I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him passionately.  When we finally stopped I said.  "I love you too, Jordan.  You could never scare me away." 

                We continued to sway, even though there wasn't music playing.  "Jordan, let me change the tape." 

                "No, I want to sing you a song that I've been working on."  Jordan said.  He began to sing me one of the most beautiful songs I'd ever heard.

                "That was beautiful."  I told him when he was through.  "Did you write it?"  I asked.

                "Yes.  I've been working on it for quite some time, but I was able to finish it on the bus ride home tonight."  Jordan said.                  I didn't want this night to end.  I wanted him to stay here with me until he had to leave.  I wanted to ask him to stay, but I didn't want to be too forward.  I finally got up the nerve when he announced that he should be returning home.

                I became slightly panicked and blurted out.  "Jordan, don't go.  I want you."  Jordan's jaw dropped.  Oh, I couldn't believe I just said that.  What I really meant to say didn't come out much better.  "I mean I want you to sleep with me, here tonight."  Wow, that's even worse.  "I . . I mean spend the night."

                "Stef, calm down.  I understand what you are telling me."  Jordan reassured me.  "I would never do anything that you didn't want me to."

                That was my problem I wanted him.  I just didn't want to sound too forward.  "That's fine Jordan."

                "What's wrong?"  Jordan asked.

                I turned and walked toward the sliding glass doors.  I stared out into the darkness trying to gather my thoughts, when Jordan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.  We stood there for what seemed like hours, but was mere minutes.  When he turned me toward him he could see that I'd been crying.

                "What's wrong?"  He asked again.

                "I love you more than I have ever loved another.  I don't want you to leave tonight."  I was bearing my soul.  I might as well let him know everything I was thinking.  "I want you to make love to me."  By the expression on his face I could tell that he was slightly shocked at my confession.

                Jordan pulled me into his big strong arms not saying a word; slowly our bodies danced together swaying to the music.  We moved towards the bed and as the music on the stereo stopped we began to dance in unison to the music in our hearts.  Dancing the way people had done since the beginning of time.

                When I woke up, I rolled over to look at the clock.  It was already noon.  I rolled back over to kiss Jordan and noticed that he was gone.  I couldn't remember him leaving, so I got up and grabbed my robe.  I searched the house, but only found the girls asleep in their respective rooms.  I opened the front door and ran next door.  I knocked on the door several times, but the house looked empty.  I began to wonder if I was dreaming and they really hadn't been there.  I ran back to the house to ask Steph.  I shook Steph.  When she finally woke up I asked her.  "Were the New Kids really here?"

                "What?"  Steph asked still half asleep.

                "Did we really meet New Kids on the Block?"  I asked.

                "Why are you asking me this?"

                "Stop answering my questions with a question!"  I yelled.

                "Calm down Stef.  What's wrong with you?"

                "I can't find Jordan."  I told her.

                "They had to go to practice for tonight.  Jon told me they'd see us later at the show."

                "OK, so I wasn't dreaming and last night really did happen."  I said beaming.

                "What really happened last night?"  Steph asked.

                "Jordan spent the night here."  I replied coyly.

                "I know he did, but what really happened?"  I began to smile real big.  "Come on Stef, spill your guts."  Steph prodded.

                "Steph, Jordan is so wonderful.  I really like him."

                "I think I already figured that out."  Steph knew that her friend was not that advanced when it came to relationships.  She began to hope that Stef wasn't going to get her heart broken.  "Now are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"  Steph asked again.

                "We made love.  It was fabulous.  I love him so much, and I think he loves me too."  I gushed.

                "You didn't!  Are you sure he feels the same way you do?"

                "I think so.  He never really came out and said it, but boy did he show it."  I said.  "I remember falling asleep in his strong arms, but when I woke up he was gone.  I thought the whole thing was a dream."

                "It wasn't a dream.  He really was here."  Steph reassured me.  She could tell I was unsure, so she grabbed an envelope from the table next to her bed.  "Here open this."  She added handing me the envelope.

                I opened the envelope to find four backstage passes for tonight's concert.  "How did you get these?"  I asked.

                "Jon gave them to us.  Does that help you realize that they were really here?"

                Biting on my lower lip I began to wonder why Jordan would leave without telling me goodbye.  I hoped something wasn't wrong.  I came back to reality when Steph tapped my arm.

                "Where were you just now?"  Steph asked.

                "I was wondering why Jordan wouldn't have woke me to tell me goodbye."

                "He probably didn't want to wake you because you were up so late."  Steph said.  "Anyway, he probably thought he'd see you tonight at the concert."  She added.

                "I guess you're right."  I said.  "I still wish he would have woke me."

                "What are you wearing tonight?"  Steph asked trying to change the subject.

                "I have no clue.  Do you want to go shopping?"  I asked.

                "That's a silly question.  Should we want to wake Jaide and Catrina?"

                "No.  Let them sleep."  I said.

                Steph and I went shopping later that afternoon to find new outfits.  I also bought a little something for after the concert.  I hoped Jordan would come over afterward.

                We were so excited when we got to the concert.  After the opening act finished and the guys began, we couldn't believe that we actually knew them and spent the last couple days with them.  The concert was over before we knew it and we headed backstage.

                The place was packed with fans.  I saw the bodyguard from the other day and went to ask him if we could go see the guys.  He told us we had to stand in line like everyone else.  We went to stand in the long line.  As we stood there for what seemed like forever, Catrina suggested, "Why don't we just go home.  The guys can come over after they are done here."

                "How would they know to come over?"  Jaide asked.

                "We can give a note to the bodyguard to pass along to the guys."  Steph suggested.  We wrote a note to the guys, gave it to the bodyguard and told him to make sure the guys get it.  Looking back one last time before exiting the area, I saw Jordan and he waved to me.  I blew him a kiss and left the area.

                We drove home quickly to fix up the house.  I ran to my room to get my new outfit on and light a few candles.  I put on the radio and climbed into bed.  I sat and listened to music until I fell asleep.

                When I awoke the next morning, I realized that Jordan never stopped by.  I grabbed my robe again and ran downstairs to Steph's room.  She seemed to have all the answers yesterday so hopefully she could help me now. 

                "Steph, Jordan never came over last night."  I told her.

                "Are you going to wake me up every morning like this?"  Steph complained.  "Did you go next door and check if they are there?"

                "No!"  I stated.

                "Why don't you do that and then come see me if they aren't there."  Steph suggested.  "You know, they might have been tired last night and went right to bed."

                "OK, I'll go check."  I said as I ran out the door.  I ran all the way next door, but when I got there the house looked just as empty as it had the morning before.  I really had to face it they were gone.

                Our lives went on as usual after the guys left.  Catrina and Jaide moved back home for the school year, while I returned to school and my normal schedule here.  I tried to get the whole incident out on my mind.  Steph tried to convince me that the guys had to leave and it probably was not their choice.  I just could not believe Jordan left without saying goodbye.

                As the weeks went by, I tried numerous times to reach Jordan by phone.  Every time I got the same answer.  He doesn’t know who you are, and refuses to take your call.

                After two months I got a letter from Jordan in the mail, but I tore it up and throw it away before reading it.  I refused to have anything to do with him.  My heart was breaking and I wanted to forget all about my stupidity.  I knew in my head that I was being unreasonable, but my heart could not handle the let down.  Steph was still communicating with Jon on a weekly basis and one day I caught her on the phone with him.

                "Jon, I have to go Stef just got home."  I heard her whisper.  "Goodbye."

                "No need to whisper in front of me."  I told Steph.  "I don't mind if you talk to him.  I just don't want to know what you say.  Also, I would appreciate it if you don't mention me to him."

                "That seems to be a bit unreasonable."  She said.  "All of the guys are worried about you, even  . . "

                "Don't you ever mention his name in my presence!"  I yelled.  "I don't care how worried everyone is.  I don't want to hear his name."  I told her.  "I did a very stupid thing and now I have to pay for my mistake.”

                "You didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done in your place.  I'm just sorry that it didn't work out differently."  Steph said trying to comfort me.  I still loved him madly, but it was time to let my heart heal.

                During dinner one night I suspected that Steph was keeping a secret from me.  Little did I know her secret was ticket for two upcoming concerts that the guys had sent for us.  The first concert was in the beginning of June in Fort Wayne and the second was in late December in Chicago.  Steph had already called Jaide and Catrina to let them know that we were going to be home in June for a visit.  They in turn told our parents about the upcoming visit.  I was not thrilled about this.  I didn't want to go to the concert and at that moment I wasn't getting along with my parents.  Steph and I fought and argued for days before I finally gave in and said I'd go to the concerts.

                A few weeks before the concert I was doing the weekly grocery shopping when I saw a tabloid article announcing the engagement and upcoming marriage of Jordan.  I was shocked.  Now I really didn't want to go to the Fort Wayne concert.  I bought the tabloid and took it home to show Steph.

                "Look what I found at the grocery store today!"  I barked.

                Steph took the magazine from me and scanned the story. Steph tried to convince me.  "You know these stories are usually just rumors." 

                "Steph, I have a gut feeling that this isn't a rumor."  Something in Steph's face confirmed my theory.  I could tell that she had known about this for quite some time.

                Against my wishes we headed for Fort Wayne.  I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy this vacation.  I was being forced into a situation I didn't want to be in.  I was spending the next couple of days at my parent’s house.  My parents and I weren't getting along right now and I really didn't want to go see the concert.  I came up with the idea to throw a party to brighten my spirits.  It didn't really help.  All I could think about was the concert and seeing Jordan on stage tomorrow.

                Before I knew it, tomorrow was here and the concert was starting.  Our seats were down front and we could see the guys up close.  The others thought this was great, but I was wishing our seats were in the last row.  If the front row seats weren't bad enough, Jon was kind enough to give us backstage passes, too.  I'm glad Steph decided to wait until that night to tell me about them.  I was hoping that Danny was single, so I could at least flirt with him.  All night I kept wondering if Jordan's fiancée was at the concert and what she looked like.  Well, I found out the answer to both of my questions in a very embarrassing way.  During one of the songs, Jordan came to the front of the stage and blew a kiss in my direction.  I thought it was for me, so I blew one back at him.  The girl sitting next to me did the same thing.  I looked at her, she leered at me, and Jordan just smiled at both of us.  I leaned over and introduce myself.  "Hi, I'm Stef, you must be Jordan's fiancée."  I muttered.

                "Hi. I'm Laura."  She replied in the most sickening southern drawl.  "I've heard so much about you.  It's great to finally met you."  She plastered a huge smile on her face.  I wondered if she was always this happy or if she was just faking it.

                My heart sank.  I didn't know what to say or do.  I just wanted to crawl under my seat.  The concert was finally over and I was just about to suggest that I get a ride home, when Laura asked,  "Are y’all ready to going backstage?" 

                I felt for the tag hanging around my neck and said,  "Oh, I forgot about this.  I guess we are."

                "Why don't we walk back together."  Laura suggested.

                Steph joined into the conversation and added, "Sure we would love to go with you."

                As we passed through the security checkpoint, Jordan came running up to us.  He came right up to me and said,  " I see you and Laura have met."

                With a fake smile plastered on my face I sarcastically replied, "Yes, we have been the best of friends."  I reached out to hug him.  "It’s great to see you again."  Slowly, I was dying inside.  I couldn't stand to be this close to him.  I pulled back fast and mumbled some excuse.  I walked as quick as I could to where Steph was standing, by the time I got there I was really panicking.

                "Steph, I have to get out of here right now."  Steph tried to calm me down.  Jon finally suggested having one of their limos take me to a hotel.  The last thing I remember is Jon picking me up and carrying me out to the limo.  I either blacked out or dazed, because I couldn't remember how we got to the hotel.  The guys had a floor of rooms reserved, so Jon put me in one of them. 

Steph got me all tucked into bed and said,  "Jon and I are going back to the concert, if you need me for anything just beep me."  I nodded and drifted back into a deep sleep.

                The next thing I remember was a knock on the door.  My mind raced, I couldn't remember where I was.  On the second knock I remembered being brought here by Steph and Jon.  By the third knock I was out of bed on my way to open the door.  I thought it was probably Steph or Jon coming to check on me.  I swung the door open and there was Jordan standing before me.  I was frozen.  Questions kept racing through my head.  What was I supposed to do?  Had Steph and Jon told Jordan what had happened to me? 

                Jordan finally said, "I was worried about you.  Jon told me something was wrong and that he brought you here.  Are you alright?"

                Fumbling to find the right words, I finally said,  "I missed you, and couldn't stand to be so close to you at the concert."

                "Do you think I could come in for awhile?"  Jordan asked.  "I won't stay too long."  He quickly added.

                "I'm sorry.  Of course you can come in."  I said while moving to one side.  I realized then that all I had on was one of Jon's t-shirts and I grabbed my blue jeans and pulled them on.

                Jordan sat down on the bed and just stared at me.  I started to feel a bit self-conscious, then all the anger that I had been storing for months surfaced.  I walked over to him and tried to slap him, but he caught my hand and pulled me to him.  I stumbled into him.

                "Let me go!"  I screamed.

                "Do you want to wake up the whole floor?"  Jordan teased.

                "Where did you fiancée go?  Won't she miss you soon?"  I hissed with a fake southern drawl.

                Jordan smiled and said, "Boy, you really are jealous aren't you?"

                "I'm not jealous of her.  I'm just mad at you."

                "Did you know you are so cute when you are mad?"

                "Don't try to flirt with me, Jordan.  I'm not up to playing games with you."

                "I really didn't come here to play games with you either.  I just wanted to make sure you were alright."  He replied.

                "I'm so glad that you care now, but where were you when I needed you after the concert in South Bend?  Why did you leave with out saying goodbye?"  I asked.  I began to cry.  I was showing my vulnerable side and I really didn't want to.  Jordan finally stood up and let go of my wrists.  I suddenly became really angry.  I began pounding my fists against his chest and yelling.  "Why didn't you call me?  Why didn't you come back to me?  Why?  Why?  Why?"   I screamed and continued to hit him. 

                When I stopped, he just stood there in silence for a moment; he sat down on the bed and then stood up again.  I thought he was going to leave, so I screamed, "Fine leave again, see if I care."  Jordan walked back across the room and grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.  I was beginning to get scared.

                He put me down and said,  "I wrote you a letter the next day to explain why I had to leave.  I had one of the managers mail it for me.  Didn't you get it?"  He asked.

                "Yeah, I got it about two months after you left.  By then I no longer wanted to hear what you had to say, so I tore it up before I read it."  I told him.

                "You shouldn't have done that.  I told you that I loved you and always would in that letter, but since I never got a response from you I thought you didn't feel the same way about me." Jordan was terribly upset by now and he began to get a bit angry.  His voice began to rise as he said, "I kept asking the guys about you, but they couldn't get any information for the girls.  Or if they did, they wouldn't tell me.  I had no option but to get on with my life."

                “How do you think I felt?  I tried to call you and every time someone would tell me that you didn’t know who I was and refused to take my call.”

                By now I was crying hysterically, all I could do was turn away from him.  I began to chew on my lower lip.  I realized how much I had messed things up between us.  I guess there wasn't an ‘us' anymore, and there most likely never would be again.  I turned toward Jordan and just as I was about to tell him he should leave, he grabbed me.  My first instinct was that he was going to throw me out, but instead he just held me.  I had forgotten what it felt like to be held in his arms.  I never wanted the moment to end.  I began to push away when he put his hands on my face and lowered his mouth to mine.  The first kiss was really light and innocent.  He began to trace my lips with his tongue asking for entrance.  I parted my lips unconsciously still not completely aware of what was happening.  Our kiss deepened and Jordan slid his hands up my shirt.  He began to caress my breast with his hands at first then replaced his hands with his mouth.  He began to run his tongue over my nipples through my shirt.  I was brought back to reality when I heard myself moan.  Jordan backed away slightly.

                "What was that for?"  I asked.  "Are you trying to confuse me?"

                "I'm just as confused as you are."  Jordan replied.  "I still love you, but now I'm engaged to Laura." 

                I tried to push away again, but he just held me tighter.  "I'm not going to let you slip away that easy again."  Jordan said.  "I don't want you to leave.  I think we should work this out once and for all."

                "What do you want me to say?  What do you want me to do?"  I asked.

                "Tell me to go to hell!  Tell me to leave!  Tell me to stay!  Just tell me what you want!"  Jordan yelled.  He finally put me down.  I crossed the room and sat down in a chair.

                I didn't know what I wanted.  I guess that was the whole problem.  Finally I looked at him and said, "I want you, but I can't have you."  He just stood there staring at me.  "What do you want?"  I asked.

                All he had to say was that he wanted me too and I would do anything he wanted.  All he had to do was ask.  "You" was all he said.  I stood up from the chair I was sitting in and ran to him.  He took me in his arms and pulled me to him.  I forgot how our bodies fitted together perfectly.  We began to kiss, slowly at first and then more passionately.  He swept me up in his big, strong arms and carried me towards the bed.  He gently placed me back down on my feet and began to undress me.  I grabbed his belt buckle and pulled him closer.  I couldn't believe this night was actually happening.

                Jordan suddenly stopped and asked, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

                "I want you more than I've ever wanted anything before."  I replied.

                Jordan pulled the t-shirt I was wearing over my head.  By now I knew there was no turning back, I just wasn't sure what was going to happen afterward.  I tore viciously at Jordan clothes.  We couldn't get to each other fast enough.  We started kissing again as we rid each other of our remaining clothes.  I began a trail of kisses down his muscular chest to his stomach.  He began to moan ever so slightly as I ran my tongue along his stomach to his manhood.  He grabbed hold of me and pulled my mouth to his.  After a long kiss, he released me and I screamed, "I want you inside of me now!"  Then I climbed on top of him and took him deep inside of me.   We started rocking in unison.  We were both on the brink of explosion.  I moaned ever so slightly as our rhythm increased.  Just then we both escaped into orgasmic pleasure.  I collapsed on top of him and we both laid there exhausted. 

                After our bodies calmed down I rolled over onto the other side of the bed and the guilt of our actions sunk in.  This experience was very different from the first time we were together.  The first had been so innocent and loving and this was more of an animal need for each other.  I had just done the most immoral thing I had ever done in my life.  I had made love to another woman's man.  It wasn't even making love.  It was pure sex.  All I wanted to do was grab my clothes and get the heck out of there.  Jordan rolled over and kissed me on the forehead.  "I love you so much."  He whispered.

                "I love you, too."  I mimicked.  I wondered to myself how I was going to get out of here.  I couldn't believe Jordan didn't feel guilty at all.  I guess I just got carried away in the moment.  My anger was beginning to surface.  I calmed myself back down and said, "goodnight Jordan, I'll see you in the morning."  I rolled over and attempted to fall asleep.  After about an hour, I checked to see if Jordan was sleeping.  He was.  I decided that it would be best for me to sneak out now.  I got up and got dressed.  I sat down at the desk and took out a piece of hotel stationary.  I began to write the hardest letter I've ever had to write.

Jordan-

I now know that tonight might have been the worst mistake of our lives.  You are engaged to another woman.  Even if I do love you, I had no right to make love to you.  I guess this is my way of paying you back for leaving me in the middle of the night.  I don't think it would be a good idea for you to call me.  I think we should end it here.  I will always love you.

                                                                                                                                                                                Stef

                I put the letter on the table next to the bed and left the hotel.  I drove back to my parents in complete silence, while contemplating the ramifications of tonight's actions.  I wondered if Jordan was going to tell Laura of his night of infidelity with me, or if this would always be our secret.  As I pulled into the driveway, I saw that the lights in the family room were on.  I wondered who was awake at this hour.  The sun was just beginning to rise and I could tell it was going to be a gorgeous day.  The proverbial first day of the rest of my life, I turned my car off and sat there for a moment.  When I entered the house I saw Steph and Jaide's stuff was already packed and they were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee.  I forgot that Jaide and Catrina were moving in with Steph and I again, this time for good.

                "Are you alright?"  Steph asked.  "I tried to call the hotel room a couple of hours ago, but the phone was busy."  I tried to remember if Jordan took the phone off the hook or not, but I couldn't remember.

                Coming back to the conversation I said, "I must have bumped the phone and not realized it.  What's up with the two of you?  What are you doing here?"

                "We are just ready to go home.  It has been a fun weekend, but we are tired of our parents."  Jaide said.

                "Do you think Catrina is ready to go?"  Steph asked.

                "I know that I am.  I'll go wake Catrina and tell her it’s time to go."  I replied.

                "Jaide and I will get the cars packed."  Steph said.  Within an hour we were on our way home.  The drive was extremely quiet.  I don't think any of us uttered more than a dozen words.  I can't stand it when it's that quiet.  It leaves me too much time to think.  I kept remembering what it was like to be in Jordan's arms the night before.  I would defiantly say that last night was not about love at all.  It was pure animal magnetism.  I had never had a sexual experience like that before.  Everyone that I had ever slept with I really thought I loved and they loved me.  I thought they were the people I would spend the rest of my life with.  Last night was not like that, because I knew going into it that I could never have Jordan for my own. 

                After leaving Jordan this time it was much easier to regain my life and resume my daily activities.  I returned to school and work the next morning with renewed faith in myself.  Classes went quickly and I was on my way to work when I had the strangest feeling.  It was almost as if I knew my life was going to change. 

                My night was pretty normal, the emergency room was quite busy, but it was all non-urgent patients.  The EMS called in and informed us of an accident patient that was coming in.  He was going to be my patient, so I listened real carefully.  He had minor cuts to his hands and a laceration to his forehead.  Bleeding was controlled and they had an estimated time of arrival of five minutes.  I ran to get the cart ready for sutures.  As they wheeled him in I could see that he was going to be fine.  The doctor began to order tests and told me to start cleaning his cuts.

                I walked up to the cart and introduced myself.  "Hi, my name is Stef, and I'll be your personal emergency room technical this evening."  I leaned over him slightly to look at the laceration above his eye.  Oh wow!  I thought to myself.  He has the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen.  "Try to stay calm, I'll try not to hurt you."  I assured him.

                "Hi Stef, my name is Doug."  He said.  "I know you won't hurt me.  I can see it in your eyes."

                I smiled at his comment and added, "Doug, just be patient and we'll get you taken care of soon."  I finished cleaning his cuts and they took him off to x-ray.  They cleared his c-spine and returned him to the emergency room for sutures.  The doctor began stitching up the laceration above his eye.  When he was done the doctor gave me Doug's dismissal forms and told me he was free to go.

                "OK Doug, the doctor said that you are free to go.  He wants you to take it easy tonight.  Is there anyone that can stay with you tonight?"  I asked.  I hope there isn't a girlfriend or wife, I thought to myself.

                "I'll be staying with my parents tonight.  They are waiting in the lobby for me."

                "All right, then here is a pamphlet on head injuries.  Any vomiting, dizziness or confusion, please come back here or see your family physician right away."  I told him.  "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

                Doug got a great big smile on his face and asked, "Would you like to go to dinner sometime?"

                I just stood staring at him for a minute.  I didn't know what to say.  I thought about Jordan briefly and finally said, "I'd love to.  Why don't you give me your phone number and I'll call you in a couple of days."  He gave me his number and I wheeled him to his parent’s car.  I couldn't believe I was actually contemplating going on a date with a complete stranger.

                When I got home that night I told Steph about Doug and told her about our date.  She couldn't believe I was ready to date this soon after Jordan.  I told her that Jordan and I had been over for quite some time and getting back into the dating pool was the best thing for me to do.

                Doug and I went out that Friday and ended up dating for a couple of months.  I thought the relationship was headed for the next stage and tried to bring up the subject with Doug.  He kept changing the subject, so one night I just asked,  "Why don't you want to talk to me about us?"

                Doug just stared at me.  I began to think that I had misread his feeling.  He smiled at me.  "Stef, I have to tell you something."  He began.  "I thought you knew this, but I guess you didn't."  Oh no, he's dating someone else, or worse, he's married.  I thought to myself.  "I'm gay."  He continued.

                I froze.  I didn't know what to say.  We hadn't been intimate together, but we'd held hands.  We even kissed one night.  "I didn't know that."

                "I kind of guessed that."

                “I’m sorry.  I don't know what to say."

                "Is this going to be a problem with you?"  Doug asked.

                "Not at all!  We were friends first."  I told him.  I began to laugh lightly.  "I guess that explains why you love to shop."

                "Can we still be friends?"  Doug asked.

                "Yes, silly.  We will always be friends."  I said and gave him a great big hug. 

                Looking back Doug was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time.  He helped me get over Jordan and get on with life.

                We continued spending time together and while we were out dancing one night, I passed out cold.  Doug panicked and took me to the hospital.  I was unsure why I wasn't feeling well.  After a bunch of test the verdict was in, I was pregnant.  I couldn't believe my luck.  Doug knew all about Jordan and on the way home he asked me,  "Are you going to tell the father?"

                "Doug, I don't know what I'm going to do.  I wasn't expecting this at all."  What was I going to do?  I didn't want to tell Jordan.  I didn't even know if I was ready to become a parent.  I had a lot to think about.

                After a long silence Doug said, "I'll help you with anything you need.  I'll even go to Lamaze classes with you."

                "I don't know what to say."

                "Take your time and think everything through, you'll find the right answer."  He reassured me.

                "I know I will.  Thank you for being such a good friend."  We pulled into my driveway and Doug walked me to the door.

                "Do you want me to come in for awhile?"  Doug asked.

                "I'd better go in by myself.  I need to talk to the others and tell them what is going on.  I'll give you a call in the morning and tell you what I've decided."  I gave him a hug, walked in the house and shut the door behind me.

                Steph and Catrina were sitting in the living room watching a movie.  I sat down on the couch and just sat there.  Catrina looked at me and asked.  "What happened tonight?  It looks like you lost your best friend.  Did you and Doug have a fight?"

                "I found out some big news tonight."  I began.  I continued to tell them the events of tonight and when I was done.  I could tell they were more shocked than I was.  I also realized that I had never told them about Jordan and I sleeping together in Fort Wayne.

                "What does Doug think of all of this?"  Steph asked.

                Before I could answer Catrina added.  "Is he ready to be a father?"

                "I guess I should start at the beginning."  I told them all about the night I spent with Jordan and how it had to be his child because he is the only person that I'd slept with lately. 

                They both looked at each other and Steph finally asked.  "What about you and Doug?  I know he has spent the night here, I just assumed that you were a couple."

                "Well I guess I should tell you everything while I'm spilling my guts.  Doug is gay.  We are just friends.  He even volunteered to help me with this baby."  I explained to them.  "He asked me if I was going to tell Jordan about the baby.  I don't know what to do."

                "Doug knew about you and Jordan, but you couldn't tell us!"  Steph yelled.

                "I'm sorry, I thought I could trust Doug not to be critical and tell me to give Jordan a second chance.  I didn't know what you would say to me.  I felt ashamed after it was all over."

                Catrina came over to me and gave me a hug.  "I'll help you too."  She said.  "Whatever you decided to do I'll stand by you."

                "I'll help you and so will Jaide."  Steph added.

                "I don't know what I'm going to do, but thanks for your support.  I think I should go to bed.  I have a lot to think about."  I told them.  I stood up to go upstairs and turned back towards them.  "By the way, I would hope that you wouldn't mention this to any of the guys.  I don't think they need to worry about this."  I added.

                Before they could answer, I went upstairs and got ready for bed.  I laid there for what seemed like hours and thought about what I was going to do.  I realized that I wasn't going to be able to sleep so I decided to get up and sit on the balcony.  I stood at the sliding doors and remembered what it was like the night Jordan and I stood there staring at the stars.  He would make such a wonderful father. 

                I couldn't call him and tell him about this though.  What would everyone think?  I couldn't terminate my pregnancy or give up my baby either.  I guess I'm going to keep this baby.  Everyone was being great already.  They all had volunteered to help.  I could do this.  I was a strong person and would be a great mother.

                The next morning before breakfast I called Doug and told him what I had decided.  "Good morning Doug."

                "Hey Stef, I didn't think that I'd hear from you so soon.  How are you this morning?"

                "I feel great.  I've decided to keep the baby and I hope you still want to help me with it."  I told him.

                "I haven't changed my mind.  I'll do anything that you need me to do."

                "Well, I'll let you go back to sleep.  I should probably go and tell the others what I've decided.  Are we still going to a movie later?"  I asked.

                "Sure, I'll come by and get you around noon.  Goodbye."

                "Bye."  I hung up the phone and went downstairs to find Steph.  She was still asleep, so I went into the kitchen and began to make breakfast.  I was just cleaning up my mess when Steph came up the stairs.

                "Good morning Stef.  How was your night?"

                "I didn't sleep, but I've decided to keep the baby.  I'm not going to tell Jordan about it either.  I don't want him to accuse me of trying to trap him for his money or something stupid like that."

                "I'm sure your doing what you think is right.  I'll support whatever you do."

                As the months went by Doug proved be a real friend.  He accompanied me to all of my doctor’s appointments and as he promised we began Lamaze classes together.  He even started getting turning the spare bedroom into a nursery.  Time went on as normal and as it did my stomach got bigger and bigger.  I loved being pregnant.

                One day while at a doctor's appointment my doctor told me I had to go for an ultrasound.  I was only four months pregnant and I knew it was too soon for an ultrasound.  I asked my doctor about it.  "Is something wrong?  Isn't it too soon for an ultrasound?"

                "Everything is fine Stef, but you are a little bit too big for your due date.  We just want to make sure that everything is all right."  I left his office and Doug drove me to the hospital for the ultrasound.

                "Stef, don't worry if this kid is anything like it's mother it'll be just fine."

                "I'm not worried."  I tried to assure him. 

                Doug went back with me and held my hand as the technician performed the test.  "Have I told you how wonderful you've been?"  I asked him.  "I couldn't get through this without you."  I wondered what normal couple felt like during the pregnancy process.

                The technician was getting ready to show Doug and I the baby when she said.  "I think I found the problem.”

                I immediately thought the worst.  "What's wrong?"  I asked as tears began to sting my eyes.

                "There is nothing wrong with the babies."  The technician told me.

                "Babies!  What do you mean babies?"  I exclaimed.

                "Stef, it looks like you are going to have twins.  Would you like to see what they look like?"

                "Sure."  I told her.  As she turns the monitor for Doug and I to see, I was awe struck.  I could see both of the babies little hearts beating.  I looked up at Doug who was grinning from ear to ear.  I couldn't believe this was happening.

                Through the next couple of months the house became baby central.  We all worked on getting the nursery ready.  We bought two of everything.  We were all so busy that we almost for got about the tickets we had for the NKOTB concert in Chicago.  It was only two weeks away.  I really didn't want to go.  I was seven months pregnant and I was huge.  I suggested that the girls take Doug in my place, but he refused to go without me.  Then Jaide said that Doug could have her ticket.  She was dating this guy and wanted to spend time with him instead of going to the concert.

                We made plans to take the train from the airport in South Bend to Chicago, so none of us had to drive.  They also thought that I'd be more comfortable that way.  Steph had received backstage passes again from Jon and wanted to use them.  They were still talking on the phone every couple of days and I think they really loved each other.  I told her that I didn't care if Catrina and her used the passes, but I wasn't going backstage.

                We left early in the morning the day of the concert and arrived in Chicago around lunchtime.  We got a taxi and headed for downtown to see the Christmas decorations.  After spending the day shopping and looking at the store windows we headed for the concert.

                Once again the seats were really good, they were in the lower section of the arena.  I was glad that they weren't in the front row.  I wondered if Laura was there.  I knew I shouldn't dwell on them.  The concert began and I was glad that Steph and Catrina talked me into going.  I was having a great time.  Even after shopping all day I wasn't even tired.  The concert was awesome.  The guys looked better than ever.  They were promoting a new CD, so the show was different than the one in Fort Wayne.  The concert ended and Steph and Catrina headed backstage.  Doug and I told them that we were going to head back to the hotel and would see them there later.  As we waited outside for a taxi I began to have severe abdominal pain.  I was unsure what was wrong.  Just then, my water broke.  I was in labor and going to have my babies sooner than expected.

                "Doug, go get Steph and Catrina!"  I yelled.

                "Are you sure you want me to leave you here?"

                "YES! Just go!"  Doug ran off towards the arena entrance and disappeared inside.  About ten minutes later Doug reappeared with Catrina and Steph in tow.

                "Get a cab!"  Steph yelled to Doug as she came running to my side.  "Remember to breathe."  She told me.

                "I'm fine.  The contractions are far enough apart that I'll be just fine.  I'm sorry I had to pull you out of there.  How's Jon?"  I asked trying to get everyone's mind off of this.

                "He's fine.  He sends you his best, so do the rest of the guys."

                I began to worry that maybe she slipped and told Jordan about me.  "You didn't tell Jordan did you?"

                "No, I didn't.  He knows you're pregnant though thanks to Doug."

                "What!?"

                "Doug came running in and he just blurted out `Stef's in labor.  Hurry up!'."  Steph said.

                "OK the cab is here."  Doug said.

                We all got into the cab and headed for the hospital.  I couldn't believe that this was happening.  I wasn't due for another two months.

                The doctor in the emergency room checked me and said that I was defiantly going to have the babies.  They transferred me to the obstetrics floor and got me all settled in.  Doug was great.  He helped keep me on track and helped with anything I needed.  After about five hours of labor I was ready to give birth to the twins.  It was an amazing process.  I couldn't believe that women go through this all the time.

                In the end I gave birth to one girl and one boy.  They were beautiful.  I was amazed at how much they looked like their father.  I hoped that nobody else would notice.  All the nurses and doctors has assumed that Doug was the father.  I hoped that Jordan didn't show up at the hospital.

                The nurse got the babies all cleaned up and brought them back into me.  I was so tired.  Steph, Catrina and Doug were all in the room with me looking at the babies.

                "Stef, they are so cute!"  Catrina said.

                "You did real good."  Doug said.

                "What are you going to name them?"  Steph asked.

                "I'm not sure.  I didn't think of a girl and boy name that go together."

                "What about their last name?"  Doug asked the question on everyone's mind.

                "They will probably be given my name.  I don't think I'm going to list a father on the birth certificates."  I could tell that Steph didn't like this idea.  She got even more upset after Doug said, "Why don't you list me as the father.  I'll help you take care of them."

                I thought for a minute and then the nurse came in.

                "Stef, we're going to take the babies to the nursery so you can get some rest.  Is there anything else that I can get for you?"

                "I'm fine.  Thank you."

                She turned to Steph and Catrina and said.  "You might want to go and let your friend get some sleep."

                "That's a good idea, why don't you go back to the hotel.  You can come back up to see me in the morning."  Steph came up to me and hugged me goodnight.  She was going to spend the night with Jon.  I whispered in her ear.  "Please don't tell Jordan."

                "I won't if you don't put Doug's name on the birth certificates."  She whispered back.

                Catrina hugged me I told them, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

                After they left Doug asked me again.  "Would you give the twins my name?"

                "Doug, I'm not sure I know what I want to do.  Thank you so much for offering though."

                "I've really grown to love those babies as though they are my own.  I know that they aren't and I know I could never be a `real' husband to you, but I'd love to be their father."  Doug told me.

                Trying to change the subject, I asked him.  "Are you going to spend the night here with me?"

                "I'll stay in the chair over there."  He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead before going to sleep.

                When I awoke the next morning, Doug wasn't there.  I buzzed for the nurse and asked her to bring the babies into me.  Little did I know that I had another visitor that Doug was talking to in the hall. 

                When the nurse came in with the twins she asked,  "Did you want me to send in their father?"

                "Is he still here?"

                "He's in the hall talking to that one guy from that one music group."  She told me.

                I about fell out of bed.  Was Jordan really here?  Had he seen the babies?  Did he know that they are his?  What was Doug talking to him about?  All of these questions kept running through my head.  I finally told the nurse to send Doug back in, but that I didn't want any other visitors that weren't family.

                She left the room and sent Doug back in.  I could hear Jordan getting upset in the hall when the nurse told him that only family was allowed in.

                "He's not family!"  He yelled.

                Doug shut the door behind him.  "Stef, he has been here for almost an hour.  I think he knows about the babies."  Doug told me.

                "What did you tell him?"

                "That I was the father and that we are getting married.”  Doug hesitated then quickly added.  “Please don't be mad at me."

                "I'm not mad, just confused.  I didn't expect this to happen."  I stared down at the babies and wondered what I was going to do.  I could still hear Jordan in the hall.  "How did he know I was here?"

                "Steph told Jon who told him."

                "I told her not to tell him!"  I yelled.  Jordan was getting louder.  "You better go get him so he'll stop yelling at that poor nurse."  I told Doug.  He began for the door and I yelled.  "Wait!  Let's keep with your story.  We're engaged and the kids are yours."

                "All right."  Doug said before he opened the door.  "Jordan, calm down and Stef will let you come in."

                He didn't say anything; he just pushed his way past Doug.

                "Stef, what the hell is going on?"  Jordan asked.

                "I don't know what you are talking about."

                "Is what this guy said true?  Is he the father?  Are you going to marry him?"  I could see the hurt in his eyes.

                "I don't know what business it is of yours.  Why don't you just go back to you fiancée and leave me alone!"  I yelled.

                "I don't have a fiancée!  Laura left me.  It ended right after I told her that I didn't love her, that I loved you!"

                "I'm sorry she left. . ."  I began and then realized that he said he loved me.  "What did you just say?"

                "I love you!"  He yelled.

                I looked over at Doug who was just standing in the corner staring at us.  "Once again Jordan, your timing in off!  I'm in love with Doug."  I lied.  "We are getting married!  You have no place in my life.  Now please leave!"

                "You are lying."  He said.  I could tell that he was crying.  I'd never seen a man other than my family members cry before.  My heart began to break.  I think Doug could tell I was about to cave in.

                "You heard her.  Leave now!"  Doug told him.  Jordan turned to leave, but before he did, he walked over to the bassinet and looked at the twins.

                "They are very cute kids.  I hope one day you realize the mistake you made here today."  Jordan turned and walked out of the room.

                I began to cry.  Doug walked over and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.  "Don't!"  I yelled.  "You started this!  Get out!"  Was all I could say.  I pushed him away and pointed towards the door.  Doug knew I was mad, so he left quickly.  I sat for hours wondering what I was going to do.  I'd really made a mess of my life.  Not only my life this time, but also these two innocent babies.  How was I going to get out of this?  I grabbed the phone and dialed my parents phone number.  They were my last hope, but I hadn’t talked to them since the concert in Fort Wayne.  I thought about hanging up, but just then my mom's voice came over the headset.

                "Hello?"

                "Um, Mom, its Stef."  I was still crying.

                "What's wrong?  Are you all right?"

                "I'm fine.  I'm in a hospital in Chicago."  Before I could finish she started asking questions.

                "Are you hurt?  Is Catrina hurt?  What are you doing in Chicago?"

                I interrupted her.  "Mom . . . Mom . . . Mom!"  I screamed.  "Listen to me!  I just gave birth to your grandchildren.  They are fine.  I need your help."

                "Anything, Stef, anything."  Was all that she said.  I continued to tell my mom about everything, Jordan, Doug, my pregnancy, going to the concert, going into labor and finally Jordan coming to the hospital.  "Mom, I want you to come and get me.  I need to get out of here and I want to come home."

                "I'll tell your father and we will be there in a couple of hours.  Is your doctor going to let you leave the hospital?"

                "I'll get that taken care of, just hurry and get here.  Oh Mom, don't tell anybody about this, not even Catrina and Steph!"

                I immediately called my doctor and had him arrange for the three of us to be discharged.  My parents arrived shortly after and we were on our way out of Chicago and away from my mistakes.  I did leave a note for everyone explaining that I was all right, but I needed to be alone right now.

                The nurses brought the dismissal forms and had me sign them.  I had to decide on the names, but still wasn’t sure what to name them.  I named them Kerrigan Elise and Kameron Elliot.  I left the father’s name blank and gave them my last name.

                My mother swept in and started playing grandma right away.  It really started to bother me.  On our arrival in Fort Wayne we had a doctor look the twins over before we headed for home.  I only wish I knew where home was.  I thought to myself.  I should have gone back to South Bend and faced the music, but I just didn’t want to yet.

                I allowed my parents to move the twins and me into one of the spare rooms in their house.  My mother went crazy buying baby stuff.  She built a whole nursery for them.

                I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stay here for very long.  My mother was driving me nuts and before long Catrina would call there looking for me.  My parents hadn’t told anyone that I was there and they wouldn’t allow me to leave the house.

                After the third week I was getting stir crazy and started to feel like a prisoner.  I needed to get out of the house.  I decided to leave the twins with mom and go for a walk.  I headed for the park.  The weather was brisk and it was snowing.  I loved the fresh snow scrunching under my feet and melting on my eyelashes.  I walked towards the swings and sat there watching the snowfall.  I must have really been daydreaming, because I didn’t hear anyone walk up behind me.

                “You’re a hard person to find.”  A familiar voice said.

                I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.  He began to push the swing.  “How did you find me?”  I asked.

                “I looked for awhile then I finally hired a private detective.”  He explained.  “I tried everything else first.  Catrina and Steph couldn’t help me.  The hospital wouldn’t tell me anything and your parents claimed that they hadn't talked to in months.”

                “Very good detecting, but you should have just left me alone.”

                “You know I could never do that.”

                “Why do you think that?”  I asked.

                “I love you, Stef.  I’m never going to let you go.”  He told me.

                I continued to let him push me in silence.  I wondered how much he really knew.   “I want you to leave and never try to see me again.”  I told him.

                “Are you sure that is really what you want?  You are making a huge mistake.”

                I began to get upset at his attitude.  “Stop pushing me!”  I screamed.  When he didn’t stop I jumped off the swing and began to walk out of the park.  Jordan came running after me and when he reached me he grabbed a hold of my arm and swung me around.

                “I’m not letting you leave me again.  Nobody leaves ever again!”  He yelled.

                “Jordan, let me go or I’ll scream.”

                “Scream all you want.  Nobody is here to help you.”

                “Jordan, let me go.”  I pleaded, but he pulled me closer to him.  “I said let me go NOW!”  I yelled.  He brought his lips to mine and kissed me.  It was one of those kisses that erased all thoughts from my mind.  I began to get weak in the knees.  Jordan let go of my arm and placed his hand on my back to support me.  He finally released me.

                “I love you, Stef.”  Jordan said.

                “Jordan . . .” I began.  Jordan placed a finger to my lips to quiet me.

                “Stef, wait.  Before you say anything I should tell you that Steph and Jon told me everything.”  I just stood there staring at him.  How could Steph betray me like this?  “Before you get mad at her I should tell you that I really had to beg her to tell me.  Even then she refused.  It wasn’t until I hired the detective and they traced your parent’s credit card purchases did she give in and tell me about everything.”  He paused.  “I know that Doug is gay and that you aren’t getting married.  I also know that the twins are mine.”

“I can’t believe . . .” I began again only to be silenced with a kiss.

When we stopped Jordan said, “I really do love you.  How many times do I have to tell you?”

“Jordan,” I began and paused waiting to see if he was going to let me finish.  “What do you think this is going to solve?”  I asked.

“I hope this will make you see that we belong together and that the last year has been hell for both of us.”

“J, I need time to think right now.”  I turned to leave then added.  “Just leave me alone for awhile.”

In two steps Jordan caught up with me and grabbed my arm again.  He swung me around to face him.  “I’m not letting you leave.”  He said.  “Do you think I’m going to let you leave and take my children with you?”

“Jordan, let go of me!”  I screamed.

“I’m not ever going to let you go!  Get used to it!”  He yelled back.  “I want to be in my children’s lives!”

I tried to pull away, but he just held me tighter.  He pulled me in for another kiss, but I put my hand up to stop him.  “Do you think this is going to solve all of our problems?”  I asked.

“No, but this will.”  He said.  He grabbed something out of his pocket and got down on one knee.

“Jordan, you’re going to get all wet.”

“Stef,” he began, “I want you to be my wife.  I want to be your husband and the father I know I can be.”  He paused and opened the small box in his hand.  My jaw dropped.  The diamond in the ring was gorgeous.  “Will you marry me?”  Jordan asked.

I didn’t know what to do.  I wanted to marry him and give my children their father.  “Jordan, I . . .”

“Wait, I don’t want you to answer just yet.”  He took the ring out and slipped it on my finger.  “I’m not taking no for an answer.  You are going to marry me.”  He just stood there with this huge childish grin on his face.  How was I supposed to say no to that smiled and those dimples?

“Yes Jordan, I’m going to marry you.”  He swept me off me feet and twirled me around.  “J put me down.”  I laughed.

“I told you, I’m never going to let you go.  Nobody leaves.”  He said.  “Promise me Stef, nobody leaves.”

“Nobody leaves.”  I promised and Jordan kissed me.  “Let’s go see our children.”

Jordan and I ran back to my parent’s house.  I took him into the nursery to show him his children.  My mother came in and I told here what happened and introduced her to her future son-in-law.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”  She asked me.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.  Thank you for helping me the last month.”

Jordan helped me get packed and ready to go back to South Bend.  “Let’s go home.”  He said.

“Home?!”  I thought you lived in Boston.”  I teased.

“Not anymore, I live wherever you and the twins are.”  Jordan kissed me and we headed home.

I had a lot of explaining to do when we got there.  I had to tell Doug about my decision and he wished us well.  He had met a new friend and was getting on with his life.  I made him an honoree uncle to the twins.  The next couple of months were hectic.  Steph, Catrina and Jaide helped with all of the wedding plans.  Jordan and I decided to get married on Valentine’s Day, which gave us only two months to get everything done.

One night Jordan surprised me by making me dinner and arranging for us to have the house to ourselves.

“Jordan what a wonder surprise.”

“With all of the wedding preparations and the twins, we never get to spend time together.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?”  I teased.

“Why don’t you show me.”  Jordan grabbed me and swept me into his arms.  He carried me upstairs to our bedroom.  Opening the door I could see all the work he’d done.  He had candles lit everywhere and rose petals on the bed.  He sat me down on the bed, kissed me lightly on the lips and said, “Don’t move.”  He walked to the stereo and pressed the play button.  He held his hand out to me and said.  “Dance with me.”

I jumped off the bed and went to his arms.  We swayed to the music on the radio while Jordan sang along.  I’d never been more in love in my whole life than I was at the moment.  Jordan picked me up and carried me to the bed.  We made love that night all night long.  Just before dawn I fell asleep snuggled next to him knowing that I’d never have to worry about him not being there when I awoke.

The next morning I woke up and looked over at my future husband sleeping.  I kissed him lightly on the forehead.  His eyes fluttered open.  “Morning,” he said.  I grinned.

“Morning J, how did you sleep?”

“Wonderful, I dreamt about marrying this gorgeous woman.”

                The day I was married was a very special day, not only was the weather nice, but everything seemed to go accordingly well.  We were getting married in Mishawaka and had to have the area surrounding the church guarded so no unwanted people would show up.  All of Jordan's family had flown in and were staying at my relative's houses. 

                My house was packed with my parents, Steph, Jade, Catrina, and Jordan's three sisters all staying there.  My wedding morning was as normal as every other day in my life.  I awoke to my mother in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Steph, Jade, and Catrina fighting over the bathroom and Jordan's sisters laying out all my clothes.  Thank goodness Nick and his girlfriend, Sheila, decided to take the twins to my grandparent's house for the night.  It was really nice not having to worry about them this morning. 

                When I finally ran into Steph in the hall she told me.  "Jordan called for you earlier.  I told him that he wasn't allowed to talk to you, but he told me to tell you that he loved you and couldn't wait to be married to you.

                "How did he sound?"  I asked.

                "Very happy and excited."  Steph said. 

                "I can't believe today has finally arrived and all our hard work and planning was about to pay off."  I told Steph.

                "Everything is going to go great, Stef.  Calm down and go eat breakfast."  After I went down and ate my last breakfast of my single life, I began to get ready for my wedding.  The whole house was in an uproar and all I could think about was talking to Jordan.  I missed him so much and couldn't believe that we hadn't seen each other for almost twelve hours. 

                The phone rang and I grabbed it hoping it was Jordan.  It was Nick.  "Hello."

                "Good morning, Stef.  What are your plans today?"  Nick teased.

                "Nothing really, I just thought I'd goof around today."  I responded.

                "No really, how is everything going over there?"

                "Great.  Everyone is running around getting ready.  How about there?"

                "Fine, they guys just arrived to help Jordan get ready."  Nick said.

                "How are the kids?"  I asked.  I could hear them in the background laughing. 

                "They are fine, don't worry about them.  Jordan is playing with them right now."

                "I'm not worried.  I just miss them and Jordan."  I told Nick.  "You wouldn't let me talk to Jordan would you?"  I asked.

                "Not if you don't want Catrina, Jade and Steph to kill me.  I've been told not to let the two of you talk to each other."

                "Nick could you give him a message for me?"

                "I suppose that wouldn't hurt anything.  What do you want me to tell him?"  Nick asked.

                "Tell him that I love him and can't wait for 2:30.  Tell him that I'll be the one dressed in white with the huge smile on her face."

                "Ok I'll tell him.  Anything else?"

                "Just one more thing.  Give Jordan one more message.  Give him a great big hug and kiss from me."

                "I like Jordan, but I draw the line there.  Now hang up and go finish getting ready.  See you at the church."

                "See ya later."  I added and hung up.

                Oh what a glorious day this was going to be.  When Jordan and my relationship first started I would have never imagined our lives ending up here. 

                The time flew by, and before I knew it we were leaving for the church.  I wasn't really nervous until my parents called me to leave.  I suddenly got a ton of butterflies in my stomach and really didn't know if I was doing the right thing.  My mind was soon changed when Molly, Jordan's youngest sister, brought me a gorgeous necklace.  "This has been passed down from our great-grandmother to the first bride in the family."  Molly told me. "Since Jordan is the first to marry you get to wear the necklace."  She added.  "The necklace was a gift from our great-grandfather to our great-grandmother and she wore it on their wedding day." 

                My mom came up to me next.  She handed me a blue handkerchief. "This has been carried by the three other generations married at St. Joseph's Church and I thought you'd like to have it."  She told me.  By this time I had something old and something blue.  Now all I needed was something new and something borrowed. 

                As I arrived at the church it was so packed and surrounded by guards and screaming mobs of fans that I started to cry.  Steph asked.  "Why are you crying?"

                I told her.  "I'm just so happy.  These are just tears of joy."  The truth was that I was crying due to the mobs of fans and that guards were needed.  This was ruining what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.  I finally decided that I wasn't going to let the fans ruin my day.  I got out of the limo and everyone started screaming and snapping pictures.  I had four guards come out of nowhere to surround me and escort me to the church where my gown and attendants were awaiting me. 

                Catrina presented me with a little box containing diamond earrings that Joe had bought for her.  "Catrina, you love these earrings."  I said.

                "Yes, I do.  You can borrow them only!  I want them back."  She informed me.

                All that was left now was something new.  I suggested.  "My gown can be my something new." 

                Steph and Jade came forward and gave me another gift.  I opened the box and found a brilliant diamond tennis bracelet.  Jade said.  "This is your something new." 

                Everything was now covered.  All that was left to do was put on my gown and take that long walk down the isle.  My dress was absolutely beautiful.  It was pure white with an extremely long train and a long veil with an attached diamond tiara.  As Molly, Sarah, Tina, Jade, Catrina, and Steph walked down the isle before me, my father turned to me and said.  "I will always love you." 

I whispered to him.  "You will always be my first true love, Daddy."

                As the wedding march began and the doors to the church opened my heart began to race.  The walk down the isle was amazing.  All the pews in the church were full, I was in awe at the sight of all the smiling faces, and flashes from cameras.  With all these people here to celebrate our love I was extremely happy and I couldn't get down the isle fast enough.  When I finally saw Jordan standing there I was amazed how awe struck I was.  I was really marring this man and planned to spend the rest of my life with him. 

                The ceremony was perfect.  Neither Jordan nor I messed up on our vows.  Everyone attending the wedding thought it was gorgeous.  Not even the screaming fans outside could ruin my perfect day. 

                The reception was being held at the wedding hall I worked at as a young girl.  When we arrived it was decorated so beautifully and everyone there was already having a great time.  As we entered the hall the DJ announced.  "Here is the reason we are all here.  Mr. and Mrs. Jordan Knight."  Everyone clapped.  The DJ then introduced the rest of the bridal party and we all sat down to eat dinner.  Father Yast said the prayer and each of the guys gave a short speech.

                After dinner was served Jordan and I cut the cake.  Jordan grinned a devilish grin and I could tell that he was up to no good.

                "Jordan, be nice to me."  I told him.

                "I will if you will."  Jordan replied.

                I let Jordan feed me first and he was an extreme gentleman.  I was now my turn.  I wanted to return the favor and be nice to him, but the evil little girl in me wanted to smear the cake in his face.  In the end, the evil little girl won.  I smeared it in his beautiful face, but he loved it.  To get even with me he grabbed the back of my neck and gave me a huge kiss getting cake all over my face.  I began to laugh.  "Jordan . ."

                "Stef, you promised me too."  He said and laughed at me.  "I love you."

                The DJ interrupted.  "It's time for the first dance.  If the newlyweds would come to the dance floor, Jordan has a surprise for Stef."

                I turned to Jordan and asked.  "What have you done?"

                "I've got a surprise for you."  Jordan said.  He grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor.  The look on Stef's face let Jordan know that she was worried about this.  "Don't worry, you'll like it and smile it's your wedding day."  Jordan added. 

                "I know I will."  I said with a huge grin on her face.  We continued to the middle of the dance floor.  Jordan stopped and told me.  "Stay right here.  I'll be right back."  He walked to the stage and grabbed a microphone from the DJ and returned to my side.

                "What are you doing?"  I whispered.

                "Just listen and dance."  Jordan said.  "Good evening everyone.  Thank you for celebrating our wedding day with us.  I tried to find the perfect gift for Stef, but what do you get for a person who loves to shop like she does.  I finally decided to write her a song, so here it goes." 

                As Jordan began to sing we danced slowly together for the first time as husband and wife.  As the song progressed, I began to cry at its beautiful words and melody.  I love the fact that it was written just for me.  Jordan had this huge silly grin on his face.  I could tell that whatever had happened in the past was over and far from thought.  After he finished the song he leaned down, kissed me and whispered in my ear.  "I love you, Stef."

                "I love you too, Jordan.  You've made me the happiest woman in the world today."  Stef leaned over and gave her new husband a kiss.

The End

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