Is There Life Out There?

By: Tracy H.

~She married when she was 20/she thought she was ready/now she's not so sure/she thought she'd done some living/now she's just wondering what she's living for/now she's feeling that there's something more~

Tracy collapsed into her oversized chair and glanced around her. The living room looked like a tornado had been through it. Toys and books and clothes were everywhere. She sighed and averted her gaze to the window. She lost herself in the activity of the traffic and passersby. "Why can't that be me? Why can't I be out DOING something, going somewhere?" She brushed away a stray tear and shrugged her shoulders. "Because you have things to do here, Tracy," she told herself. "You have kids to raise and a house to clean and a husband to take care of, that's why."

She knew she shouldn't be feeling like this. This is what she had wanted for as long as she could remember. A family. Kids. A husband who loves her. But still, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was MORE out there. That life was passing her by. "Get over yourself, Tracy," she mumbled. Dragging herself to her feet, she began straightening the room once again.

"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Tracy glanced up and smiled. Leisa was leaning against the corner of the wall, holding her little sister's hand. Tracy's heart swelled with love at the sight.

"When he's done working, honey. Soon, I promise." She held her arms out to her children and pulled them tightly against her when they raced into them. "I love you guys, you know that?"

"We know Mommy. We love you too." Leisa and Courtney kissed her cheeks before detaching themselves from Tracy. "I just miss Daddy. He's been gone forever."

"Not forever, baby. One week. He'll be back tomorrow." Tracy missed him too. He was always away on business trips lately and she couldn't help but feel a twing of jealousy. He got to go places and meet people while she stayed home with the girls. She shook off the feeling and stood. "Wanna help Mommy clean up?" Leisa and Courtney both said yes and began picking up toys and putting them away.

~Is there life out there/so much she hasn't done/is there life beyond her family and her home/she's done what she should/should she do what she dares/she's just wondering is there life out there~

"Again? You just got home." Tracy was mad. Her husband had told her that he had another trip he was leaving for the next day. She stared at him with teary eyes. "I hate this! You get to go out and have all the fun while I'm stuck here with nothing to do but cook, clean, and take care of the girls!"

"I'm sorry, honey, but it's my job. There's nothing I can do about it." He pleaded with her, trying to make her understand.

"Fine. Do what you have to do. I'm done arguing." Tracy turned her back on him and slowly walked out of the room. He didn't follow.

"You will be staying with Grandma for a few days, okay?" Tracy hated saying goodbye to her daughters. But she knew she HAD to do this. "I'll miss you." She kissed them both and gave them big hugs before slowly backing out the door. "I love you," she called before pulling the door shut. She felt guilty for leaving them like this, but if she didn't, her life would never change.

Slipping behind the wheel of her car, she took a deep breath and started the engine. As she pulled out of the driveway and headed for the airport, tears fell. "Goodbye babies."

~She's always lived for tomorrow/she's never learned how to live for today/oh she's dying to try something foolish/do something crazy/or just get away/oh, something for herself for a change~

Parking her car at the club, Tracy's hands trembled as she clutched her ticket. "I can't believe I'm actually here," she breathed. Stepping out of the car, she smoothed her skirt and began walking to the entrance.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the one, the only -- Jordan Knight!" The crowd went wild as the lights dimmed and a single spotlight illuminated the figure on stage. Tracy's heart leapt into her throat as the man of her dreams began singing.

~You are the kind of woman/Only found in dreams/He is the kind of man/Who leaves your heart to bleed/Let me wipe your tears/Protect your fears/And make you feel like you can love again/Baby I'm here waiting for you to call me in~

Tracy recognized the song. "Can I Come Over Tonight?" was one of her favorite songs off his solo album. She was entranced by the vision before her. The way his short brownish black hair was brushed off his forehead. The way his brown eyes sought out as many people as they could. The way he cupped the microphone and poured his heart out to those who had come to hear him tonight. Not to mention the way he was dressed! Well-fitting black slacks covered his muscular thighs and a red silk button-down caressed every inch of his masculine shoulders and down to his lean hips where he had tucked it in to his waistband. He wasn't clean shaven, which was fine with Tracy. She loved his scruffy look.

Tracy hadn't realized that she was moving till she stood right before the stage, staring up at him in awe. She gasped as he looked down and caught her eye. He was singing the song directly to her.

~Let me take care of you/And do all the things/Don't let him break you down/You're better than him anyway/He don't deserve to stay/You need somebody else/I can come over tonight~

When the show was over, Tracy decided to stay around, see if she could maybe talk to him. "Fat chance," she told herself as she leaned against the wall opposite the back door of the club. She jumped as the door swung open and out walked Jordan.

"Well hello there. Did you enjoy the show?" His voice sent chills down her spine, as it always had. He stepped closer, placing a hand on her waist as he gazed into her hazel eyes.

"Of course I did. I almost forgot what a great singer you were." She blushed at her admission.

"Honesty, I like it." Jordan chuckled and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. "Would you like to get a bite to eat with me?" Tracy nodded and followed him to his limo.

I can't believe I'm doing this, she thought as she settled into the seat across from him. She stared out the window, excitement, nervousness and guilt flooding her senses.

"Something wrong," he asked, causing her to jump. She hadn't noticed that he had changed seats and was now sitting right beside her.

"No, not really. I've just never been to Seattle before. It's beautiful." Tracy stifled a gasp as his hand brushed her arm. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, her face inches from his.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, placing a finger under her chin and tilting her mouth up to meet his. His tongue lightly traced her lips, urging them apart. She welcomed his deepened kiss and melted against him. His hands gently caressed her arms and back, sending electric currents throughout her body. When one of his hands slipped under her shirt, she welcomed his touch. Her nipples hardened as his thumb brushed the silk over top of them. Her back arched as he released the clasp of her bra. Their lips parted as he raised her shirt over her head.

Tracy pulled slightly away from him so she could see his face as she ran her hand down his chest to the zipper on his slacks. Oh he wanted her, she could feel it, and the lust in his eyes was plain as day. She smiled slyly as she stroked him through his pants. He groaned and laid her down across the seat.

His hand slid up her leg, pushing her skirt up as it went. He skillfully relieved her of her panties quickly and began kissing her neck, her throat, and lower. To her breasts, teasing one nipple, then the other, and continuing his teasing decent. As his mouth found the heat it sought, Tracy gasped and tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him even closer to her. His fingers eased inside her, rubbing and stroking in time with his tongue. Her hips rocked as he brought her to the edge, then nothing. Jordan had pulled away and was just staring down at her.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked, searching her face for the answer.

"More than anything, Jordan," Tracy moaned, her hands working on his shirt buttons. He helped her out of her skirt and finished undressing before once again settling himself between her thighs. His hardness pressed against her, as if waiting for her permission to enter. Tracy grabbed his hips and pulled him down, at the same time thrusting her hips against him, enveloping his erection in her wetness. She sighed as they fell into a compatible rhythym.

His lips found hers once again, and their tongues danced in time with their bodies. Tracy dug her nails into his back as she once again neared the edge. Jordan groaned and plunged deeper into her, his muscles tightening as he exploded inside of her. Tracy cried out as her own orgasm ripped through her, sending waves of pleasure washing over every inch of her body. Their pace slowed as they both came back to reality.

"Thank you," Tracy whispered, gently kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids and finally his mouth. "But I have to go."

"Why?" Jordan sat up as she began dressing again. "I thought we were going to get some food."

"I'm not hungry anymore," Tracy grinned as she straightened her shirt. "Just let me out here and I'll get a cab back to the club." She patted her hair into place as Jordan quickly pulled on his pants and knocked on the partition for the driver. She let her gaze wander the length of his bare torso, to his slim hips and an evil gleam twinkled in her eyes as she continued her examination of his body, as if searing the moment into her memory.

"We'll be there soon," Jordan mumbled, glancing at her quickly before turning his attention out the other window.

~There's a place in the sun/that she's never been/where life is fair/and time is her friend/would she do it the same as she did back then/oh she looks out her window and she wonders again~

Tracy hummed to herself as she finished up the last of the dishes. The girls were playing quietly for once in the living room and she was just getting ready to start dinner. A car engine outside caught her attention and she glanced out the window. "Daddy's home!" She called to the girls as she dried her hands on a dishtowel and rushed to the front door.

"Daddy! Daddy!" The girls attacked him the moment he walked through the door. "We missed you so much! We're glad you're home now. And Mommy too!"

Tracy blushed and glanced at the floor before meeting her husband's eyes. "I missed you too, honey." She stepped forward and welcomed his hug.

"It's good to be home, Tracy." He whispered into her hair, flinching slightly as her hands caressed his back. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jordan." She whispered, winking at her husband as she headed back into the kitchen to put dinner on.

~Is there life out there/so much she hasn't done/is there life beyond her family and her home/she's done what she should/should she do what she dares/she's just wondering is there life out there~

The End

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