A Brick No More

By: Amanda Di

    Brandi sat there were her head in her hands. Her long hair covered her arms and her soft cry filled the room. She rocked herself back and forth on the couch. She almost hoped that the rocking would make the pain go away. Make that one night a month ago, just go away. She couldn’t believe what she had gotten herself into.
    After moments filled with only the sound of her weeping, a knock on the door caused her to jolt. Slowly she wiped her eyes and with her arms holding her body, she found her way to the door. The door opened slowly and there he was; the love of her life. Brandi was so happy to see him, and yet she only wished that he would go away. Go away for now, forever, for an instant even.
    He saw the look that covered her whole body. The look of complete fear. The look of pain and sorrow. He had only received the phone call from her a few hours prior. She didn’t tell him what it was that she needed, she just stated that he needed to come over. So, he finished up his meeting and then got in the car and headed straight for her apartment.
    A frightened blonde, only eighteen years of age, wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. She didn’t know how to tell him. She didn’t know how he would take it. The fear of his reaction is what was overwhelming to her. This was a subject in which she knew he wouldn’t take lightly. It was something that she knew he disagreed on. But it was a thing that Brandi felt the need to do.
    “Justin, we need to talk,” she softly said.
    “Sweetie what’s wrong?”
    “I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.
    Justin pulled away from her. “You’re what?”
    Another tear fell from her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
    Justin didn’t know what to do. He was only nineteen. His career was on the rise. He promised to be chaste until marriage. What had he done? “I... I...” he had no words.
    “Justin I can’t have this child.”
    “Yes you can,” he said plain and simple. “I don’t know how we are going to deal with this, but we are.”
    “Justin I can’t,” she whimpered.
    “Brandi this is as much my child as yours and you know that I can’t let you do that.”
    “Justin this will ruin your career. It will shove mine in a hole as well.” Brandi had just signed a modeling contract and knew that she couldn’t get pregnant and expect them to just be okay with it.
    “I can deal with it. We don’t have to go public.”
    “Justin, this is my choice.”
    “But it is my child too.”
    “I’m sorry.” Her deep blue eyes showed nothing pain.
    “How did I let this happen?” Justin cried.

6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb

    Justin once again showed up at his girlfriend’s apartment. His last week of life had been absorbed with nothing but pain. This was something that he had never planned in his life. This was something that went against all of his beliefs. He loved Brandi and knew that somewhere in her heart and mind, she was right. They couldn’t carry on as if nothing had happened. Having a child in their life would be a lot to deal with. While Justin knew that it could be worked out, he felt that he had to respect her wishes.

Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch

    Brandi’s shirt was stained with tears and her heart was broken. She wasn’t sure that she would ever be able to forgive herself, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t do it. The press would go crazy, they would find out. Nothing in the ‘star’ life could be withheld.
    She was glad for the fact that her parents were out of town and she didn’t have to explain this to them. She didn’t think that she could ever bear telling her parents that she had disappointed them. That alone would ruin her life.

Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out

    “Justin you can’t tell anyone about this. I couldn’t deal with the ‘how could you’s’.”
    “But Brandi,” he began.
    “For me?” she pleaded.
    Justin held his head in shame and agreed. His stomach was tossing and he felt sick to his stomach. The life that he dreamed of was being ruined by one night. One night when neither of them was sober enough to differentiate between right and wrong. One night when they weren’t safe. That one night alone could cause the two of them pain for the rest of their lives.
    Justin basically had everything that he wanted. He had a job that he loved, and a family that he cared for with all of his heart. He had friends that were there for him whenever he needed them. All Justin had wanted was a girl that could be there for him. A girl that he could give love to. Someone so that he didn’t have to be all alone emotionally. This is what he had found in Brandi. Before this that is.

And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before

    It was now that he felt alone. He felt like all that he had worked for in the relationship was falling to pieces. He was alone deep down, even thought she was right there with him. His high spirits were being pulled down. His smile wasn’t bright like it used to be. And his eyes didn’t sparkle like the did before.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

    The two of them pulled up to the clinic and hour later. They went out to a smaller family clinic. A clinic that Justin researched well before bringing Brandi there. As it was, this was something that he didn’t want to have done, so if it were to be done, it wouldn’t be in some little shack. They had to choose a smaller place though because of the mass amount of people that would see them if they were at a real hospital.

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot

    Justin couldn’t stay there. He had to walk.

Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got

    Justin shuffled down the street to a little flower shop. He got Brandi a single pink rose. Her favorite. And also a little bouquet of daises. He held them close as he walked down the small un-crowded street. The town had a lot of cute shops. Justin found his way into a little jewelry shop. He thought for a moment before doing something that made him sick to his stomach.
    He walked up to the counter and asked the man if he would be willing to buy a ring off of him. The man asked what kind of ring. Justin then took off the silver band on his finger. The silver chastity band that was given to him. He couldn’t wear it any longer. Not after doing what he had done. Not after experiencing the shame that he was going through every day. Justin sold it to the guy for a very small price. It wasn’t as if he needed to sell it to get money. He needed to get ride of a reminder of the horrible thing that he had done.
    Justin then walked back up the street and was slowly approaching the clinic when he fell to the ground. His knees hit first and Justin rolled himself into a ball. He wept for the first time. A tear had slipped before, but now, he wept for the pain he was going through. For the pain he was causing. For the life he was letting be taken away.

Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for

    If Justin could change anything. He would. He wouldn’t have let Brandi win. He wouldn’t have let his child... this wouldn’t have ended this way. Justin prayed to the highest of Heaven and asked for forgiveness. He asked to be understood and to loose the feeling of hate. He hated Brandi for this. He hated himself for this. He didn’t want that at all.
    Justin knew that things would never be the same. Brandi was his source of comfort and his self being. He needed her to not feel alone. Well, Brandi needed him as well. And though she didn’t know it before, she needed that child as well.

Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

    As they got in the car, things already felt different. Justin couldn’t look at her the same way. He didn’t see in her what he did before. Brandi looked at Justin... she didn’t see his natural glow. She had ruined him.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

    Even though the pain was unbearable, Justin couldn’t justify leaving her. She had been through a lot as well. The two of them made their mistake together and he didn’t want to leave her now. He didn’t want to be looked at as the bad guy in the situation.
    “We need to see someone about this,” he said one day.
    “I, Justin we can’t,” she said back.
    “We have to. This is tearing us both up inside. I don’t care who we talk to, we need to talk to someone.”
    Justin’s point was made clear. The two of them had kept their secret from everyone, but now they needed to tell it to someone. They went to a counselor. One for the more famous people. One that wouldn’t allow anything to be release into the public.

As weeks went by,br> It showed that she was not fine
They told me son, it's time to tell the truth
She broke down, and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

    After three weeks the counselor told them that they need to tell someone in their family. They weren’t progressing at all. The pain was too deep and the root of their problem was that they were afraid to face their friends and family. Until that was done, nothing would get better.
    After a lot of consideration and mere arguments, they decided it was what they would have to do. The walked out of the room together, and yet they weren’t together at all. Their hearts weren’t feeding from the same source anymore. The love that was there, just wasn’t strong enough to go through what they had been forced to go through.

Driving home to her apartment
For a moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it

    “Goodbye Justin,” she said and then kissed him on the cheek and shut the door. Justin walked back to his car knowing what had just happened. He had just lost her. They weren’t ready to go through any of that. Their relationship wasn’t strong enough yet. In a matter of one night, Justin managed to loose a girlfriend and a child he’d never meet. He lost his pride and trust in himself as well.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

The End

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