Happiness Is

By: Dolphin Princess

Prologue

She sat there staring out the window of the tour bus, wondering where they would end up next. She couldn't keep track of the cities, towns, and states, let alone when their next rest stop was going to be. This spring tour was the longest that her and the girls had been on but touring with NSYNC was going to bring them into the big time she knew. This was their chance… if only she could be excited about it.

Someone rapped on the curtain. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah," she called. "Just thinking."

"Okay, dearest, just don't think too hard. We're going to be stopping at the hotel in about thirty minutes, just to let you know."

"Thanks."

She heard footsteps walk down the aisle toward the back of the bus. She knew her groupmate was heading straight toward the playstation to get in a few good rounds before her and Justin's next match later that night. She swore up and down that she could beat the boy but she hadn't yet.

Her journal laid on her lap, that morning's entry waiting to be finished.

This is supposed to be the greatest time of my life. I'm 20 years old, full of life, on the road seeing parts of the world that I had only dreamed about, hanging out with two of my best friends, spending every hour of the day with five of the hottest guys on the planet, and the only thing I can think of is trying to get through the next day. I went and saw Sandy again. She told me that maybe I need to start writing all of my feelings down. What good does that do? All it does is put in writing how much I'm screwed up. I miss laughing, I miss being carefree, I miss being myself most of all. I'm sick of being unhappy but it feels like that’s all I ever am anymore. To the world, I'm the newest teen sensation to hit the charts, a fun loving girl, but when I'm alone all I want to do is sleep, sleep forever and never wake-up. I don't understand why I feel so alone and tired. I have everything that I could want and nothing makes me happy.

"We're here!"

"Gotcha, thanks!"

"No problem, get your butt in gear though cause we've got sound check in a little bit."

"Right."

She slammed the book closed, shoved it between the crack in the wall and her bunk and climbed out to go in.

The minute she got off the bus, fans started screaming for Dolphin's Cry and NSYNC. Every ounce of sadness was wiped from her face and a smile replaced it as she waved to the crowd and ran into the hotel to unpack, shower and change before heading directly to the venue.

After the concert that night, she was back in her bunk staring at the journal entry yet again, trying to think how to put what she was feeling down on paper.

Sandy recommended picking someone and writing letters. For some reason that technique seems to work for people who can't seem to get what they're feeling out in a verbal sense. I can't believe I'm actually considering doing it but I'll try anything just to be happy and like myself again. I feel like I'm walking this fine line and any moment I could topple over and break. I'm so scared of breaking because who knows what I'll do to myself I do. I dream about death. I dream about killing myself and finding relief from all this pain, but I don't have the guts, yet. Well tomorrow is going to come soon. Better try and get some sleep…

She shut the book and put it in its spot. She reached up and shut the light off as they traveled to the next town. She pulled back the curtain and watched the stars as they drove down the dark highway. What could writing someone hurt? I’ll try anything once. Stars what do you have in store for me…Life, death, I wish I knew so that I could find some kind of direction and become whole again.

She shut the curtain and rolled over, trying to keep the tears at bay that threatened every night and had for the past several months.

***********************************

(A week later)

"Mail call!"

Mike walked onto the guys' bus with an armload of letters, packages, and stuffed animals from the concert the night before.

Joey jumped up from his and Chris' card game and started pawing through the stuff and came up with a few letters and a package. He shook his head. "Nothing for you, old man."

Chris leaned back in the bench seat at the table. "That's alright. The only love I need is in this room."

Justin looked up from whatever letter he had grabbed first. "So, you don't need any love at all?"

Chris grabbed a stuffed animal and threw it at him. Justin ducked and it hit JC smack dab in the back of the head.

"HEY!" He turned around and glared.

Chris smiled sheepishly and pointed at Justin. "He started it."

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"Children!" Lance called from the back of the bus. "I'm trying to sleep."

"Sorry, dad. Hey wait, wasn't that JC's line?"

"Yeah, but he just beat me to it."

"Oh, no problem."

Justin grabbed a few letters. "Hey, Lance! Mail!"

"Just bring them on back and I'll read them later."

"Okay." Justin dropped them on floor outside his bunk and went back to his mail.

JC picked up a letter addressed to the group and began to read it:

Dear NSYNC-

Hello. How are you? I hope you don't mind me writing to you, it's just that with everything I feel like you're all I have left. I want to say up front that this isn't a "Please Marry Me" or a gushy you mean everything to me type letter. I'm not even sure if I'll send this but I have to do this.

I'm a 20 year old female struggling with life. That's the only way I can think to describe what I'm feeling. I'm tired all the time, I hate getting up in the morning, all I want to be is left alone and nothing I do seems to change my feelings. During the day, I always paste a smile on my smile for everyone that’s around but the minute I'm alone the mask drops. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I've been feeling low for months now. At first the lows weren't as frequent but they are growing more constant as the days go by and I think my roommates are starting to question me, although they haven't said a thing. I've been seeing a psychiatrist named Sandy, and she told me what I've been doing is bottling my feelings up inside and for me to get them out. Since I can't tell anyone that I know what's going on, she told me to pick someone who I'm not close to at all and write it down. So that's why I'm doing this.

I dream of death every night. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only solution and the only constant in my life. I have it all planned out but I can never seem to go through with it due to the fact that I couldn't do that to the person who would find me. I've tried… I've come so close to holding a knife to my wrist and just letting it cut through my skin but I only get as far as one wrist. I'm so tired and all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up.

I'm trying to become a normal person. This is my first step I hope. I'm trying to be happy but so far nothing is working. Maybe this will… Right now I'm just trying to get through each day. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one morning and kill myself. It's weird. I dream of dying but deep inside I don't want to. I feel broken. All I want is to be normal and I'm not sure if I'll ever feel like that but I'm hoping.

Thank you for listening to my random writings. I don't know if this will help but I'm going to keep writing and getting things out. You guys are my inspiration. Thank you.

Sincerely,

A broken doll

As JC read the last line, he just stood there in shock, unable to move from the emotions that permeated from the pages. Justin looked at Chris and nodded his head toward JC. Chris shrugged cause he didn't know what was up.

"Hey JC! What's going on?"

JC shook his head, trying to clear away the cobwebs, and handed over the letter. "Sorry, this just really touched me. It broke my heart to know that there's someone out there hurting this much."

Chris read the letter with Justin overlooking his shoulder and both grew silent as they finished.

"Do you think she'll write again?" Justin asked, looking at Chris.

Chris nodded. "I'm pretty sure of it. This is her outlet. When someone gets that depressed, they have to find an outlet otherwise their darkest fears will come true and they'll kill themselves to stop the pain."

Joey came into the room from the back. "What's wrong? What brought everyone down?"

Chris handed over the letter and Joey sat down as he began to read. When he was finished, he looked over at everyone in the room. "Is there anything we can do?"

JC shook his head. "There's no return address or name. I guess all we can do is listen."

Chris nodded in agreement. "Guess so."

Justin picked the letter up to take it back to Lance. "I think he should read this too. It's addressed to him just as much as it is to the rest of us."

JC nodded. "Maybe it'll get him to open up some. He hasn't been feeling that social either."

Justin set the letter down next to the ones that were sitting there un-opened and rapped on the wall.

"Yes?" He heard from within.

"Another letter, Lance. You really should read this one."

"Okay. Thanks."

Justin walked back to the front of the bus and sat down.

"Still no response?" Joey asked.

Justin shook his head. "Nope. He's still holeing up back there. I hope he'll be okay."

"He's probably just tired. He always bounces back."

Justin looked toward the bunks. "I sure hope so."

Chapter 1

"Can you hurry up?" Joe Fatone asked the cab driver, while hitting the seat in front of him, before leaning back and running a hand through his short red hair.

"We'll be there soon sonny, hold your horses."

Joe leaned back in his seat and sighed, causing the young man beside him to laugh. "Don't worry, we’ll be back to the venue in plenty of time. They probably won't have even missed us." Justin Timberlake smiled, pleased with the way the plan was going.

Joe turned and glared at his for all his brown eyes were worth. "J, if we're dead, it's all your fault."

Justin shrugged. "No worries."

"I can't believe we snuck out of the venue to go and buy a magazine."

Justin sat up straight, causing his curly dirty blonde hair to bounce and his blue eyes to widen in shock. "It's not JUST a magazine. It happens to have the love of my life on the cover this month."

Joe rolled his eyes. "Yeah, the love of your life that doesn't even knows that she is. Not to mention, has a boyfriend…"

Justin rolled his eyes. "Technicalities. Just wait, my friend. By the end of this tour, she'll be eating out of the palm of my hand."

Joe shook his head with a wry smile. "Right and my name is Pooh Bear."

Justin smiled. "Okay, pooh bear."

Joe shot him a dirty look. "I am going to beat you down so hard if you keep calling me that."

Justin laughed and jumped out of the cab, just as the driver stopped at the magazine stand and Joe lunged for him. "Don't worry, pooh bear, I'll let everyone know your new nickname."

Joe just grumbled as the two walked up to the stand. "So which magazine did they say they were going to be on?"

"Rolling Stone." Justin said, scanning the racks, his eyes lighting up when he found it. "Five copies please."

"Five?"

"Yeah, one for each of us and then we'll get them to sign them when we surprise them tomorrow at the studio." Justin said, walking back to the cab.

"Surprise them?"

"Yup." Justin pointed to his head. "I've got a plan."

"Why am I even more frightened?"

"I don't know why are you?"

"Just give me one of those." Joe flipped to the cover article and smiled when the three women that they had been traveling with for the past month graced the first page. Dolphin's Cry was the opening act for NSYNC's new summer tour, No Strings Attached. NSYNC consisted of Joe, Justin and three other guys, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass.

Justin began to read the article. "Hey, did you know they've only been together for a year?"

Joe smiled. "Yeah, but technically, longer. They've only been signed a year."

"Oh…"

Joe focused more closely on the girls and shook his head. What a mixed up bunch, they were. Dolphin's Cry was an all girl's band with three members. Katherine "Kat" Stephenson was their lead singer and lead guitar player. The girl had a set of lungs on her that definitely matched her extreme personality. She even gave himself a run for his money where flirting was concerned. She was also, Justin's new crush even though she was older by two years and had a boyfriend that she dated on and off. She had long red hair, brown eyes, and a body to die for. She was tall, able to look most of his group in the eyes, and knew that she looked good. Out of the entire group, she was the one that would probably go solo when their gig was up.

Next in the group was Danielle "Dani" Zatylny. She was the complete opposite of Kat. Where Kat was tall, Dani was short. Where Kat had long, straight red hair, Dani had brown curly hair. Kat had brown eyes, Dani had green. Kat was outspoken, Dani was quiet and withdrawn, although Joe was fortunate enough to hear her actually giving Kat a bad time once, so he knew she could be spunky when she was comfortable around the person. The girls called her elf and it definitely fit. Dani was the bass player of the group and sang back up on most of their songs. She was Justin's age but the two, he didn't think had even spoken one word to the other.

Last, but certainly not least, was the engima of the group, as they referred to her. Taylor Richards. Taylor was gorgeous in Joe's opinion, but she didn't talk to any of them. She was tall, blonde, blue eyed and never seemed to have a problem with anyone. She was the peacemaker between Kat and anyone, having gone to high school with her. No one knew much about her and rarely ever saw her, but when they did, she always treated them as she would a good friend, even if it was always small talk. She was the key person in the band, playing drums, back up sometimes and keeping everyone on track. Also, he noticed as he read the article, she was one of the key songwriters for the group.

Dolphin's Cry was the one band, that the guys hadn't seem to be able to become friends with out of all the opening acts that they'd had in recent past. The three tended to stick to themselves and were rarely seen out of their hotel rooms, unless they were allowed to go places that the guys weren't able, which was very unlikely due to their recent success on the charts. Their debut album had only been out in stores for six months but even after a month, they had climbed to number one and were still battling for that position, now that No Strings Attached was out in stores. Because of that, the guys had picked them to tour with them, they couldn't let the competition out of their sights, so why not bring them along.

Joe smiled remembering their first meeting. JC had wanted to ask them in person, so he, Justin and Joe had drawn the straws to go to their concert and talk to them. Dani and Taylor had sat back and listened to the guy's spiel while Kat had asked, question after question, from hotels, to free time, to what security was like, to would there be guys at the concerts. They had left with the agreement for three months and if the girls were enjoying themselves, they'd stay on for the rest of the tour. Justin had gone back to the hotel, practically bouncing in his seat after getting a close up look at Kat. For two months non stop, she was all the guys heard about… Kat this…Kat that…what they were going to do on their first date…blah blah blah…the kid still hadn't scored on that one and if he didn't get her on a date soon, he was going to owe Chris some big money.

"We're here, boys."

Justin tipped the cab driver and the two ran quickly back into the venue, hoping that Mike or Lonny hadn't noticed them skipping out before soundcheck.

*******************************************

Taylor came running on stage, having just woken up from a nap on the bus and was late for soundcheck to boot. "Sorry…" She called out.

Kat looked at her half closed eyes, bed head and rumpled clothing. "Planning on wearing that to the concert tonight?"

Taylor skidded behind the set and sat down, running a hand through her hair. "No, are you?"

Kat looked down at her outfit. "What's wrong with this?"

"Nothing." Taylor said smiling, while picking up her sticks and twirling them.

Kat looked to Dani. "Hey, don't look at me. If you choose to wear leopard print with a purple shirt, don't let me stop you?" She giggled.

Kat glared at her groupmates before laughing. "You two…when I get my hands on you…"

"What, Kat? You'll want us to dress you respectably?" Taylor called out while warming up.

Kat turned and stuck her tongue out at Taylor before turning back to their manager and nodding. "We're ready."

"Why don't you run through 'I Want You' and then 'Cruel to be Kind'…" Rich, their manager called out.

Kat nodded before turning to look at Taylor. "Uh 1…2….Uh 1..2..3..4.." Taylor called out while counting off on her sticks.

Their opening song for their set was the cover of "I Want You To Want Me" that became popular after the band Letters To Cleo made it big. It was a great song that all the girls enjoyed playing, and plus it was a kick to open the evening with as most of the crowd knew it and sang along.

The song began with a drum solo for three measures before the other two girls came in to start the song.

"I Want You to Want Me

I Need You to Need You

Id Love You to Love Me

I'm Begging You to Beg Me…"

Kat crooned into the mic. Taylor watched her sway with the music before motioning the sound technician to turn up her mic. Taylor adjusted her seat and moved the top hat over a little. The technicians who brought their equipment on stage, always managed to set the drum set up wrong, but Taylor noticed they did a pretty good job this time.

"I Want…You…To Want Me

I Want….You…To Want Me…"

"Cut." Kat called out, as the last note rang in the auditorium.

Dani and Taylor stopped playing. "What's wrong?" Taylor called out.

"I broke a string. Damn."

"No problem." Dani called. "See if you can use Chris' guitar until we can re-string it tonight."

Kat looked between the two girls before hurrying backstage. Dani laughed. "She's too serious about the music."

Taylor smiled. "She's always been driven. You should know that by now…"

Dani chuckled. "I know, but I would've thought by now that she would've loosened up."

Taylor shook her head. "No a chance. She's been that way since we were kids."

"You mean…." Dani clutched her chest. "We're going to have deal with her majesty like she is forever?"

Taylor cracked up and ended up falling off her stool just as Kat came back on stage. "I found my spare in the..."

She looked to Taylor who was wiping off her eyes to Dani who was smiling innocently. "Elf…" She pointed. "Don't make me take you down."

"Who me?" Dani winked.

Kat laughed. "Yeah you…what'd you say now?"

"Absolutely….positively….nothing."

"Right…Tay?"

Taylor giggled. "She didn't say anything, Kat, we just had a bet about whether you'd get your other guitar or borrow one of the guys and looks like I won. Pay up Elf."

Dani looked back at her with a dumbfounded expression. "Huh? What? Why, you little sneaky…."

Taylor held out her hand. "I was saving to buy this new shirt but looks like I won't have to now."

Dani stomped over and stuck the only bill she had in her pocket in Taylor's hand. "I want that back when we get back to the bus." She whispered.

"No chance. I saved your butt, again. You owe me."

"Fine." She stomped back to her mic before turning to Kat. "Wanna run through it again or move on…"

"How's it sounds down there?" The sound technician called down from the booth.

Taylor gave him a thumbs up then checked her watch. "Almost time for the guys….you gals ready to split?"

Kat nodded. "I still don't understand why you don't want to get to know them…"

Dani nodded. "I mean…they are so adorable…if I could get my hands on that one curly haired, blue eyed babe…"

Kat turned to Dani and shook her head. "And to think people actually believe that you're the quiet one."

Dani laughed so hard, tears came to her eyes. "I know, isn't it great? And then when I do speak, the shock value is priceless."

Taylor shook her head. "Sometimes, I think you're worse than Kat."

"Worse than Kat?" Dani's mouth dropped open. "I'm not even close." Her mouth turned into a mischievous grin. "Speaking of the boy wonder… has he asked you out yet?"

Kat's smile turned into a frown. "No. But the way he stares at me…and follows me around…it's like having a puppy dog around."

Taylor and Dani both laughed as they gathered up their gear. "And now you know why I don't want to be around five hormonal guys."

"But if you did hang around us, you'd find out that there were only two." A new voice rang out through the auditorium causing the girls to jump.

Kat looked to find who it was and smiled. "Kirkpatrick… you just about gave me a heart attack. How are you?"

Chris waked out, running a hand through his short brown hair. Brown eyes twinkled at the girls as he walked over to where the three were standing. "Kat…can you hunch down a little please, you make me feel short."

"You are short." She laughed, grabbing her guitar and sending a look toward Taylor who was fidgeting with her sticks.

"Hey! So now….back to what we were discussing…."

Dani smiled shyly up at him. "You weren't discussing anything…we were…so have a good soundcheck."

She turned her back and headed off stage, away from the group carrying her bass.

Chris' mouth dropped open in shock. "The girl has claws."

Kat nodded. "That she does, so if you'll excuse us?"

Taylor and Kat both turned and walked off, to head to their dressing room to get ready for that evening's performance, leaving Chris in shock yet again.

"Hey old man! You'll catch flies like that, if you leave your mouth open that way." Justin called out, grabbing a mic as he walked on stage.

Chris shook his head. "Those girls…"

Justin's head swiveled around, taking in the entire arena. "Where?"

"They already left, youngen."

Justin sighed. "I always miss them."

"They plan it, you know."

"Huh?" Justin looked at him puzzled.

"I overheard them talking and spooked them. I think they're a lot different than what we assumed they were like."

Justin waved a hand. "Nah…Kat wants me."

"Okay, youngen…if that's really what you think, don't let me pop your imaginary bubble."

"Chris…quit teasing the boy and let him live in his little imaginary world." JC called out as he came on stage. His blue eyes laughing as they focused on the other two men on stage.

Joe came running and jumped on JC's back and the two tumbled to the ground in a big heap. The two sat up and brushed themselves off. Joe smirked as he caught JC trying to fix his short brown hair. "I happen to like it when he teases the boy."

Justin groaned. "Do you guys EVER give up?"

The other three thought about and frowned before looking at one another. "No, I don't believe we do…do you?" Chris asked turning to JC and Joe who were standing up.

They shook their heads. "Nope." JC grinned.

Justin sighed. "I need a back up here. Where's Lance when I need him?"

"Right here." His deep voce rang out through the auditorium.

Justin smiled and opened his arms wide in welcome. "I'm so glad you're here."

Lance smirked at him, his green eyes dull but for the small twinkle of amusement. "Save it, fro boy. You won't get any help from me."

Justin sighed. "I get no love…"

"OH!" Chris called out. "If that's what you wanted…"

The four of them dived onto him, burying him in a mountain of limbs and bodies.

"Ooooof! Guys…I'm done now." Justin called out wearily.

"Guys…time to warm up!" The sound technician called out.

They all sprang to their feet and grabbed their mics and immediately broke into 'No Strings Attached'.

********************************************

After that evening's concert, she sat in her bunk and stared at the wall. Pictures of her and her groupmates adorned the ceiling above her but even the pictures couldn't bring a smile to her face this time.

She rolled over and grabbed her cell phone and dialed the number that was as familiar to her as her own parent's. "Hello?" A voice answered sleepily.

"Hey, Sandy. It's me."

"Oh honey…what's wrong now?"

"Just…thinking again."

"About what?"

"Life."

"You know if you want to get better, you have to help me by talking."

"I know…it's just hard to get out."

"I understand. So tell me about your day?"

"Well…it started out with…" She talked until she could tell Sandy was getting tired and was yawning a lot.

"I'm sorry."

"No dear. Don't be. Sounds like you're opening up more at least."

"I'm trying…that's all I can do, right?"

"Exactly. How's the writing coming?"

"I sent my first letter last week."

"You actually mailed it? I'm impressed. I figured you'd write it, then tuck it away in a box."

"No, I actually took a deep breath and dropped it in the slot."

"I'm so proud of you. I know that was a big step for you. Keep writing. I think it'll be good for you."

"Thanks for putting up with me, Sandy."

"You make it sound like a chore, which it's not. So don't say that. Good night."

"Night and thanks again."

"Your welcome."

She hung up the phone and smiled. Sandy always was able to make her feel better, even if it was for a short time. She rolled over and grabbed her journal, stationary and pens. She knew that using her stationary could cause problems down the road, but it was the only thing she had. They didn't know her so she didn't think there was a threat by using the dolphin stationary but…there was always a chance. A chance of getting caught. Maybe she wanted to? By them? She couldn't even talk to them. She knew their reputation of becoming friends with people and being able to read them without anyone saying a word. She couldn't handle that. She was too private.

She stuck the end of the pen in her mouth as she thought of what to write this time. Her brow knit into a frown and she rubbed her forehead as she felt another headache coming on. She lay back down, trying to will it away but she knew it wasn't going to. They never did anymore, the only relief was when she was asleep. But, sleep would have to wait until she was done. She was going to get better if it was the last thing she did…and it might just be.

Chapter 2

Lance sat down on the edge of his bunk and picked up the pile of letters that had been collecting over the course of the past few weeks. It was the first time he had actually wanted to look at them but now he as he held them in his hands, he'd wait for another day off before picking them up again. He sighed. "More 'I love you' letters are all they are anyway." He muttered before tossing the pile into his bunk. He got up to leave but heard a crinkle under his foot. He looked down and saw an opened letter on the floor. He picked it up and sat back down and began to read. "Dear NSYNC…"

When he finished reading, he just sat there staring at it. He looked around the bus but no one was around for him to ask who had sent this. He re-read it and was lost in thought when Justin climbed on and walked toward him to grab his favorite sweatshirt from his bunk.

Justin watched his friend's mouth move as he read the letter for the millionth time it looked like from the creases apparent in the paper. "Lance…"

Lance's head shot up and his eyes widened at being caught reading the letter. "Hey J! What's up?" He forced a smile.

Justin sat down across from him on JC's bunk. "We need to talk."

"About what?" Lance said, not making eye contact.

"About the fact that you don't talk to us unless we force conversation, you're always laying down in your bunk either plugged into your computer or into your head phones, you're quiet and withdrawn…we're worried."

Lance sighed. "I'm just… I don't know. There's just a lot on my mind right now."

"Talk to me. Unload some of it."

"J… I don't know where to start."

"Start with how that letter made you feel." Justin said pointing to the paper in his hand.

Lance shrugged. "It's sad that she feels like this and no one is there to help her."

"What if she's not letting anyone?"

"Then she needs to reach out to people."

"Uh huh and…"

"And…" Lance's eyes widened when he finally figured out what Justin was doing. "J… I'm…I'm upset but not…" He pointed to the letter. "Not to this point."

Justin let out a huge sigh of relief. "I know, but…it's nice to hear. We're all worried, Lance."

"I'm trying. I'm just homesick and… I miss my cat." Lance gave him a small smile.

"Your cat, dude? Why didn't you bring her along?"

Lance shrugged. "The bus isn't a good place to keep her cooped up and… she doesn't like Busta much."

Justin snorted. "I don't like Busta much."

Lance laughed. "No, you don't like the presents he leaves you."

Justin frowned. "Those too."

Lance sighed. "The tour has been only going on for a month and… and I just feel overwhelmed and I'm tired. I miss my apartment, my bed, my TV for god's sake… We only had a month off before we were in Europe and then the tour started right away… I just need some down time."

Justin leaned back against the wall. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Who knows…. Sorry I've been such a loser lately."

Justin shook his head. "It's cool, man, just don't lose it. Talk to us first. We all go through periods like this."

"Where you just want to give it all up, just so you can go back home and sleep."

Justin laughed. "Everyday."

"How do we do this?"

"By remembering why we did it in the first place…. the music."

Lance nodded. He looked down at the letter again, memorizing the writing, the dolphin stationary and blue envelope. "Do you know who wrote this?"

Justin shook his head. "Nope. Curious? We all are."

Lance looked at the letter and felt himself drawn to the writer. "Yeah. I… I want to help her."

"We all do. There isn't a return address though. We're hoping she'll write again."

"Yeah… you mind if I keep this?"

"No, go ahead." Justin looked at him puzzled.

"I just relate to a lot of what she's feeling. Maybe by reading this and knowing someone is worse off, it'll kick my butt into gear not to get this bad."

"Whatever works. We're here for you."

"I know. Thanks for asking."

"Got sick of seeing you mope around here, wanna play some ball?"

Lance thought about declining but changed his mind. "Yeah, I'm sick of my bunk. I think it's my turn to win anyway."

Justin grabbed the ball from his bunk. "Like you ever do…"

Lance grabbed the ball. "I've been practicing. I'm going to take you down, for boy."

"Big words coming from the albino." Justin shot back, grinning, glad his friend was trying to get back to being normal.

***************************************************

"What are you doing?"

Taylor looked up to find Kat standing in the doorway of the lounge, with her hands on her hips.

"I'm writing. Why?"

"Just curious." She came in and flopped onto the couch of the studio.

Taylor focused back on the piece of paper before her, but glared at Kat, who was trying to inconspicuously look at what she was writing. "What?"

Kat leaned forward, eagerly. "Is that a new song?"

Taylor sighed. "Yes it is and no you can't see it. You know that, not until I'm finished and got it all down on paper."

Kat sighed. "I know but…you've been writing so frequently lately, I thought that, maybe…"

"Nope." She shook her head. "Not till its finished."

"Fine. Where's Dani?"

Taylor shrugged. "Dunno. I've been here since we stopped."

Kat stood up and stretched. "Studio time in fifteen you know."

Taylor nodded but she was focused back on the words that were flowing through her head. She didn't notice Dani stick her head through the doorway or the grin that Kat and Dani shot each other before sneaking out of the room.

She began to hum the tune, trying to get the words to match up with the line.

"Gonna Be By Your Side

I'm Gonna Be Loving You Forever

And Everyday of My life…"

She smiled to herself as the bridge came together. "That's When I'll Stop Loving You…."

"Oh sorry. Didn't know anyone was in here." A voice broke her concentration.

She looked up and found JC in the doorway. "No problem. I was on my way out anyway." She grabbed her papers and got up to leave, but in her hurry, she dropped the pile.

He bent down to help her pick up the sheets and glanced at the neat writing. "You're writing a song?"

She recoiled visibly. "I write all our music, except the cover songs we do."

He began to hum the tune and his eyes widened at the tone. "This is good. Where are the lyrics?"

She shrugged. "They aren't hammered out yet but…" She shoved a couple pieces at him.

He began to sing and his eyes widened even more. "You're going to use this aren't you… I mean if you aren't… I'd love to…"

She grabbed the music back. "I use everything. Plus, it's private. I've got to go record."

JC watched her walk off, back ramrod straight. "Good one, Chasez. I think you struck a sore spot."

Taylor slammed into the recording booth and dropped her portfolio off. How Dare He! If I wasn't going to use the music! What was I just going to give it to him?! I don't think so!

"Taylor! Nice of you to join us."

"Sorry, Dave. I was writing and…"

"No worries. Can you lay down the drum part and then we'll move to the background vocals."

She nodded and moved into the booth. That's my music, MY MUSIC.

*******************************************************

"Hey Lance, what time is it?" Justin called out, wiping his face off with a towel. He had beaten Lance two out of the three games that they'd played. Lance making a lucky shot to win the last game.

Lance looked down at his watch. "Four. Why?"

He watched Justin's eyes widen and take off for the buses. "What's going on?"

"Dolphin's Cry is in the studio and I want to see Kat."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Of course. Want me to come with you so you don't make a fool out of yourself?"

Justin yelled back. "Please!"

Lance laughed and grabbed his stuff and headed for the bus after Justin.

They got cleaned up and convinced Lonny to take them over there and found JC in one of the mixing rooms, working on Wild Orchid's new song. "Hey Jace, seen any good looking red heads around?" Justin asked, poking his head into the room.

He pointed down the hall without looking up and Justin laughed and headed down the hall with Lance in tow, both carrying the magazines. "I can't believe Joey is missing out on this." Justin muttered.

"He's smart." Lance said.

Justin eyed him. "I'm about ready to tell you that I liked you better when you were quit…" His eyes widened as they rounded the corner.

Lance smacked him. "She's a person, J. Not an object to be put up on a pedestal. You should know that."

"I know…" He finally breathed out.

Kat and Dani were standing outside the booth, watching Taylor nail her solo on the first try. Kat saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and saw the boys standing there. She nudged Dani before turning to face them.

"If it isn't the dynamic duo… what brings you to our neck of the woods?" She leaned against the glass, her arms crossed on her chest.

Justin stared at the two women and was at a loss of words at what to say.

Lance shook his head at his friend and nudged him before turning to the girls. "We bought a few magazines with your cover story and was wondering if you'd autograph them for us."

Dani and Kat looked at each other and cracked up. "YOU…. want US…. to autograph something. That's funny."

"Why?" Lance asked.

"Because…you're NSYNC." Dani managed to get out.

Justin shrugged. "And your point would be…."

Dani stopped laughing. "I…no point I guess."

Kat eyed the young men. "If you guys are serious about this, we'd be…"

Joey came sprinting around the corner. "Did I miss them, J? Did you get to talk to Kat yet?"

He skidded to a halt when he saw the four people standing there. Two with shocked expressions and two with "You're going to die' expressions.

"Whoops…."

"JOEY!" Justin yelled at him.

"Justin! Grow up. I'm not interested." Kat yelled and stomped off.

Dani smiled and hurried after Kat, while Lance looked between his groupmates and started to laugh.

Justin and Joey both stared at him like he had lost his mind. Justin grabbed the magazines and left with Joey trailing after him, trying to apologize. Lance leaned against the wall and shook his head, staring up at the ceiling. "Who would've thought that Justin of all people would get star struck and try anything and everything to be with that person? It's comical considering how much he complains about his fans who do the same thing?"

"Who are you talking to?" A voice from down the hall asked him.

He looked up and saw Taylor standing there, having just walked out of the booth.

"Myself. I do that sometimes."

She nodded, effectively ending all communication, till she turned back to him. "Where did Kat and Dani go? They're needed in here."

"Justin scared Kat off and Dani went after her."

"Oh." She smiled. "Will that boy ever get over her?"

Lance's eyes widened at the picture that she made when she smiled. She's gorgeous. He shook his head. "Probably not."

"Well at least it makes life interesting. Which way did they go?"

He pointed down the hall. She started to walk in the direction that he pointed when his voice stopped her. "What do you have against us?"

She stopped and turned to look at him. "Why do you automatically assume that we have something against you because we don't fawn all over you guys and want to become immediate friends?"

Lance's jaw dropped in shock at the statement. "I…"

She nodded. "Exactly. We have nothing against you guys. We just don't choose to be around you. Later."

"Why?" He managed to get out.

She sighed. "Why?" She shrugged. "No real reason. Just…"

"There has to be a reason."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're pushy. I don't like that."

"Too bad." Lance stated, actually starting to enjoy the rapport between them. "Why?"

"What is it with you guys?" Taylor said, beginning to lose her temper. "Can't you get a clue? We want nothing to do with you, yet you still push. JC wants my music, you want me to talk, Chris wants someone to joke with, Joey want anything female, and Justin wants Kat. We're not going to accommodate you so get over yourselves."

She whirled around and practically ran down the hall, looking for Kat and Dani.

Lance shook his head and smiled. She dodged that question well. Wonder what she's hiding? That'll give me something to do this tour…something to keep my mind off of things and something to look forward to.

****************************************

"Chris get off of me!" Justin cried out from beneath the older man.

"Teach you to accuse me of cheating." Chris laughed from his perch on Justin's back.

"Guys… I'm trying to work here." JC called out from his spot on the couch as he fine- tuned some last minute changes to the song he was working on.

"JC, when you get your stick out of your ass….call me." Chris told him before turning back to Justin.

JC's head shot up. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"No, I don't think I heard you right."

Joey stuck his head in the lounge. "He said… "When you get your stick out of…"

JC rolled his eyes. "I heard him Joe, but thanks for the repeat insult."

"No prob, man. Where we headed now?"

Lance pushed Joey out of the way and walked to the couch and plopped down. "I think it's Indiana… but could be Tennessee. I'm not sure."

Chris fell of Justin in shock. "He speaks!"

Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah, thanks for the update, Einstein."

"Aren't we all a bunch of happy campers tonight." Joe said and sat on the floor, picking up the controller that Justin had dropped.

JC looked up from his piece of paper. "I think we're just tired, its been a long day, what with the concert last night and then studio time all day today."

Lance rolled his head around until he felt his neck pop and sighed. "Yeah…"

"You okay, little buddy." Chris asked, sitting next to him.

"I'm doing better. Thanks for asking, Chris."

"That's what friends are for."

Joey laughed and began to sing. "That's What Friends Are for… the good times…the bad times… I'll…"

SMACK

Four pillows simultaneously hit him at once. "What'd I do?"

Lance looked around the room and smiled. He'd definitely missed this when he's been holed up in his bunk. His thoughts returned to the letter and he couldn't resist asking.

"Has anyone received anymore letters from that one girl?"

The entire room grew silent. JC shook his head. "Not to my knowledge. But then again, we haven't checked our mail for about a week either."

Justin sighed and ran a hand through his curls. "Yeah… how long ago did we receive that?"

"A couple weeks." Chris said.

"Think she's…" Joey asked.

Lance leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. "I don't think so. I think she's hurting but she's all right for now."

Chris looked over at him. "I was just going to say that."

"Sorry." Lance grinned ruefully.

Justin looked at his hands, before looking back at the guys. "I hope we hear from her soon. I'd like to know that she's fine, hopefully even better."

They all nodded before growing silent, then returning to what they were doing before, not wanting to really think about what the girl could've done or was thinking of doing at that exact moment.

***********************************************

She sat in the back of their bus and sighed. Today had been one of the worst days for her and she couldn't figure out why. She had come so close to collapsing under the pressure, but she had smiled and held herself up. No one had asked about her sudden mood swings, which she was thankful for. She just wanted to go and crawl into a hole and sleep for a week, but she knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon. The tour was really kicking off now and as Dolphin's Cry grew in popularity, the less sleep and time to herself she was going to get. She just hoped she'd be able to bear up under the pressure, otherwise she'd break.

"You okay, doll?"

She looked up at her groupmate and smiled. "I'm good to go."

"We're almost at the next town. Won't it be nice to sleep in an actual bed?"

She nodded. "Definitely."

The other girl turned and stared at her. "Are you sure, that you’re okay?"

She knew her eyes had clouded over in pain, but she smiled anyway. "I'm just tired. Just need a good sleep."

"You'd come to me and talk if you weren't, wouldn't you?"

She turned her face away and stared at the paper in front of her. "If something was wrong, you know I'd come to you in a heartbeat."

"I hope so, doll. I'm going to go and call my mom and let her know it went in the studio today."

She nodded and focused on the words in front of her, no longer listening to her speak.

Grinning hurts my face more and more. Looking people in the eyes hurts because I'm always afraid that they'll see the pain and pity me. I'm not an object to be pitied. I'm just... I'm in pain. I know I am, but it hurts even more when I see that look on people's faces when I say I'm feeling depressed. It's hard to describe, but its always that Oh I'm so sorry expression that makes you want to go and crawl into your hole even more. I feel so alone, like no one can understand what is on my mind or could even begin to grasp the thoughts that run rampant through my head. The girls are there for me. I know in my heart that they are, but then my mind changes things to fit the pain and I end up pushing them away because I don't think they would understand or be able to comprehend what I'm going through. I hurt so much, every time I look at someone smiling, a couple holding hands, or a mother kissing her child, my heart and head hurts and I have to get away. I don't feel a part of this world anymore…. I feel like I'm on another plane of existence and I don't know how to return to the land of the living. I fake every smile, laugh, and movement now and… When I saw Lance today, I thought for sure he was going to call me on it. He just seemed to look into my soul and it scared me so I ran. I ran just like I always do…

She stuck the piece of paper into her notebook and headed to her bunk to grab her stuff as she felt the bus stop at the hotel. Tomorrow was another day, maybe it would be the day when she could look at the sun and see happiness instead of wishing that it would go away so that the moon would come out and match her mood.

Chapter 4

"Thanks for the ride, Randel." Kat called out as they exited the limo.

The three girls all walked to the opening of The Planet. One walking slowly, one bouncing in excitement, and one slinking to the entrance of the club, winking at every available male in the vicinity.

"Kat, your hormones are raging again." Taylor said softly as she watched Kat wink, then lick her lips at some guy for the fifth time.

Kat flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled at Taylor. "I just can't help myself."

Taylor rolled her eyes and scanned the crowd, looking for any familiar face; but then again any unfamiliar face would do as well.

"Well, try and control yourself please so that I'll at least get one." Dani said sarcastically, while perusing the line out the door.

"Why would you have trouble finding someone, Dani?" Kat asked, looking down at the girl.

Dani rolled her eyes. "Because most men want some tall beautiful woman instead of some short, curvy female."

"No, all males like curves and yours are in all the right places. They always drool over you."

"Not true."

The two began to bicker about male preferences as they headed inside, the bouncer allowing them to enter without standing in line.

********************************************

"I can't believe they didn't believe that I was 21." Justin grumbled as they walked into the club.

Lance laughed. "I didn't have any problems and I'm not 21."

As the five walked deeper into the club, they had to talk louder as the music began to blare in their ears.

Justin turned and glared at his friend. "Someone is feeling particularly full of themselves this evening."

JC laughed and threw his arms around the duo. "Boys, we got in without any REAL problems, let's enjoy ourselves."

Justin lifted one corner of his mouth in what resembled a small smile, then broke out into a full laugh. "Sounds like a plan." He rubbed his hands together. "Lead me to the women."

Joey's head came up. "Hey! That's my line!"

Chris smacked him upside the head before heading toward the bar. "You guys want anything?"

Justin's eyes lit up. "Yeah, I'll have a…" His eyes met JC's before he finished. "…a coke."

JC grinned as the rest of them began to laugh. Chris nodded and walked off.

Joey spotted a tall redhead wearing a tight red tanktop and immediately wandered after her without saying a word.

Lance shook his head and muttered. "Then there were three." His eyes wandered around the club and all of a sudden he saw her. She was sitting at a table, sipping on a drink, watching all of the dancers out on the floor. She's beautiful. Her hair was pulled up into a topknot so that a few tendrils came down to frame her face, she had on a red tank top and her boot clad legs were crossed as one tapped along with the beat.

Justin looked over when he noticed that Lance had stopped paying attention. He smirked when he saw the glazed over look in his eyes and followed his gaze, trying to catch a glimpse of the woman who had caught his attention. His eyes widened when he saw that it was Taylor.

Justin leaned over and smacked JC, behind Lance's back, who was watching the dance floor, while figuring out whom to dance with.

JC glared at Justin for smacking him but when Justin nodded his head in Taylor's direction, he began to smile. "Looks like this evening could get interesting."

Justin laughed but then stopped, as another thought popped into his head. "Do you think…"

JC coughed trying to cover up the laugh that had almost burst out. "She's on the dance floor, dude."

Justin's eyes widened and he began searching for her. JC just shook his head and began to steer Lance toward Taylor's table, leaving Justin drooling over Kat. Lance quickly shook his head no, but they had already reached the table.

"May we sit down?" JC asked.

Taylor looked up and found Lance and JC looking down at her, one with a shocked expression and one with a huge smile. She shrugged. "It's a public place. I can't stop you."

JC grabbed a chair and sat down, his eyes immediately lighting onto the dancers. "Well, you could stop us, but you're nice and won't make us go and bug some other poor helpless female."

She turned so that her attention was on the young men sitting with her. "I'm not helpless."

JC leaned back in his seat. "I know. I just wanted to get a reaction."

She scowled but didn't say anything else.

"How are you?" Lance asked quietly.

She looked over at him. "What? I can't hear you over the music."

"I said… How are you?"

"Oh good. Thanks."

Lance looked back at the table and began to trace the designs that people had etched into the top. Good one slick. Couldn't come up with anything more creative?

"How’s your music coming along?"

Taylor sighed. "JC, can’t you think of anything else? This is my night out. I’m not thinking of music and I’m certainly not even going to discuss handing my music over to you."

JC held up his hands in surrender. "I was just making conversation."

Taylor rolled her eyes. "Sure you were." She turned back to the dancers and hummed along with the music.

Lance sat there stunned not knowing what they were talking about or what even to say. It always seemed like every time he was around her, sparks would fly but he didn’t know what to do or how to go about initiating anything without his tongue getting all tied up.

He locked his jaw, contemplating what to say and finally took a deep breath. "Taylor, would you…"

"Hey guys!" Joey said, bounding over with the redhead on his arm.

Lance and Taylor both glared at him for different reasons, while JC leaned back enjoying the show. "Hey Joe. What’s up?"

Joey pulled a few chairs out and joined the table. "Not much, this is…" He turned to the redhead but she had disappeared on another guy’s arm to dance. Joey shrugged. "Oh well, I didn’t know her name anyway."

JC and Lance both laughed, because it was a typical Joey thing to do. Taylor growled but didn’t say anything.

"Hey Taylor, want to dance?" Joey asked turning to her when he heard the noise.

Taylor shook her head. "Not with you."

"Oh come on."

"Not in this lifetime."

"Please."

"No, but at least you know my name."

"Come on, what harm would there be."

"You’d give me a headache. Go away flea."

Joey just shook his head and through his hands up into the air. "Well, you can’t say that I didn't try." He told the table, then leaned back in the chair.

Taylor grimaced as she realized that none of them would be leaving soon, so she turned back to the dancers, trying to tune them out and ignore them.

Joey leaned over to JC and whispered in his ear. "What does she have against us?"

JC shrugged. "Nothing that I know of…she’s just not much of a talker."

"I always thought she was so nice and polite but she’s really just a b….."

Taylor turned and focused on Joe. "If that’s how you feel, feel free to find another table."

"I…"

She rolled her eyes and faced away from them again.

JC and Lance both reached out and slapped Joe before turning to Taylor. "Hey Tay, he didn’t mean it." Lance said, placing a hand on her arm.

Taylor jumped a foot in the air and almost bolted at the touch. "Don’t touch me. I know he didn’t mean it but he should learn to watch his mouth and maybe learn some tact as well."

Lance met her eyes and almost fell out of his chair at the amount of pain that was apparent in her eyes. But the pain could only be seen for a split second, before it was pulled back in and her eyes returned to normal again.

Taylor turned away quickly from Lance, stunned that he had seen right through her. Lance turned to the guys, wondering if they had seen what he had but they were talking about some chick on the dance floor and weren’t paying attention too much.

"So where are the other two clowns?" Taylor asked.

Lance looked over in astonishment to find that she had initiated a conversation. "Chris is at the bar and Justin went… somewhere."

"You mean he went looking for Kat."

Lance’s lips twitched. "Yeah."

"That boy… "

"You gotta give him credit for being stubborn."

"True." She sighed.

Lance leaned over. "Are you okay, Tay?" He asked.

He quickly leaned back as she whirled around to face him. "I’m fine. Why does everyone and their dog have to ask me that?"

"I.. Uh…"

"Cause they care." JC broke in knowing how much Lance couldn't stand confrontations.

"Well, they can take their concern and shove it. I’m sick of it. Excuse me." She grabbed her purse and stood up, heading toward the bar to get another drink.

"Is she 21?" Joey asked.

Lance shook his head. "Nope."

Joe grinned. "My kind of woman."

Lance eyed him but didn’t say a word.

JC smirked at Lance’s sullen expression. "Nah, Joe. I think someone has the hots for her and you should leave her alone. Plus… she wasn’t interested dude."

"Can’t sue me for wanting a piece of that."

"I can’t believe her!" Justin said, interrupting, pulling up the chair Taylor had just vacated.

"Huh?"

"KAT!"

JC sighed. "What now?"

Justin got comfortable before starting on his story. "After you guys left, I decided to meander out onto the dance floor and maybe work my way over to where her and Dani were and see if I could weasel in and steal a dance… just as I was about to make my move…"

"I told the little boy to scram because I don't dance with babies." Kat finished for him as she and Dani pulled up a chair, both sweaty from dancing, wearing similar outfits to the one Taylor had on, both dressed in skirts, tanktops and boots.

Justin grimaced at her before turning to Dani, pointedly ignoring Kat, who just rolled her eyes at his behavior. "So, having a good time tonight?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's been awhile since we were all out together so it's nice. Although, now that I think about it… Tay hasn't been out dancing and… " She looked around. "Where is she?"

Lance sighed. "She headed toward the bar."

Kat looked over at him and winked. "She's a big girl."

Lance raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm well aware of that."

She shrugged. "You were just looking a little concerned there for a minute."

Lance just shook his head and stared off into space.

Kat shook her head and arched an eyebrow at the guys. "So…"

Joey leaned forward. "So…"

Kat rolled her eyes and pushed him away. "Down boy."

JC slung an arm behind his seat. "So, you're finally being social, what gives?"

Kat and Dani looked at each other and shrugged. "Change of heart?" Dani smiled.

Joey smirked. "I don't buy it."

Dani wiggled her eyebrows at him, giving him a start. "You don't have to buy anything Joe."

Justin's eyes widened at the new Dani. Lance rolled his eyes and looked for Taylor. He was beginning to get a little worried since she hadn't come back yet, but then again…

****************************************

"I'll have another rum and coke, please."

"Shame shame, we don't let the youngen drink, maybe we shouldn't let you either."

Taylor turned and found Chris standing by her side, drinking a whiskey and coke. "Maybe you should mind your own business."

"And maybe someone needs to remove that chip on your shoulder, it’s getting to be a little heavy even for you."

"I can handle it." She paid the bartender and reached for the drink, only to find it missing. Chris had taken it.

"I don't think you need this right now."

"And I think you need to stop taking JC's role and stop trying to be my father." She signaled the bartender again and ordered a shot. He set it in front of her and she downed it before Chris could take that one away from her.

Chris sat down on the stool next to her. "Problems?"

"You're my problem."

"You're sure in a snit tonight."

"Yeah, well that's what happens when you get guilted into going out and then nothing seems to go right, cause the people you least want to see happen to show up at the same place you're at."

"Guilted? You didn't have to come."

"Yeah well, what Dani and Kat want they get."

"Were you having an okay time before we arrived and bothered you, your highness?"

"Actually, yes."

"Well, then. I'll bid you good night."

Chris got up and left, leaving her at the bar by herself. She shook her head, willing away the hurt at the absence of his presence. She signaled the bartender, paying for another shot before turning to the dance floor. A young good-looking man wandered up behind her. "Would you care to dance?" He asked.

Taylor looked up at him carefully then smiled. "I'd love to."

*****************************************

Chris handed Justin his coke and sat down. "It's a regular party here."

Justin rolled his eyes and took a swig. "Hey, there's nothing in here."

"I know."

"Well, this night just keeps getting better and better." He muttered, glancing over at Kat who was deep in conversation with Lance and JC.

Joey, who had been talking to Dani, looked over. "Having problems little buddy?"

He shook his head. "Nothing I can't handle."

"Someone fall off her pedestal?" Dani asked.

Justin's eyes widened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Dani smirked. "Sure ya do, just like we all know how you feel about Miss Beautiful over there."

"I…"

"She's not perfect, nor will she ever be. Don't make her into something she's not."

"I'm…"

Chris and Joey both nodded in agreement. "Yes you are."

Justin sighed. "I…just…"

"You like her and want to be with her." Dani said softly, so soft, that he barely heard her.

Justin nodded slowly.

"Ask her to dance… nicely." Dani grinned sadly, before turning back to Joe.

He looked to Joe and Chris before taking a deep breath. "Hey Kat…"

She rolled her eyes to Lance and JC before turning to face him. "What now, youngen?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to dance?"

Her eyes narrowed and studied his face. "No funny business?"

"None." He held up his hands in defeat and smiled.

"One dance and that's it."

"Got it." Justin jumped up and grabbed both of her hands to help her up and lead her out to the floor.

Joey watched the kid practically bounce to the floor before turning to Dani. "Want to take their lead?"

"I'd love to."

The two wandered out and began dancing, leaving Chris, Lance and JC by themselves.

"Did you see Taylor?" Lance asked.

Chris sighed. "Yeah, drinking it up at the bar."

"Something's wrong with her." JC said, watching their friends dance.

"You're not a kidding. She told me to leave her alone and to quit playing daddy."

Lance zoned out, looking around the club. His eyes widened as they found her stumbling out to the dance floor with another guy. "Uh guys…" he said.

They all looked to where he was pointing. JC cursed and stood up. "I'll go get her."

Lance shook his head. "No, let me."

JC opened his mouth to argue but Chris placed a hand on his arm to stop him and motioned for Lance to go. JC sat back down and sighed. "I've talked to her more."

"Yeah, but Lance has always been better with people."

"True."

Lance weaved his way through the crowd and came to the couple, one leading, and one stumbling. "Hey Tay… why don't you come back to the table?" Lance asked gently.

Taylor looked over. "Why don't you go f--- yourself?"

Lance stepped back in shock, then took a deep breath and turned to the guy. "She's a friend of mine. Let me take care of her.."

"Dude, I asked her to dance and we're dancing."

Lance shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so."

"Well, I do." The guy grabbed her arm and tried to walk off, but Lance laid a hand on his arm.

"She's coming with me. That's final."

Taylor's head rolled back. "I don't feel so good."

The guy grimaced. "Don't want to deal with that. Here you go." He deposited her into Lance's arms.

Her head sank down on his shoulder and Lance breathed deep her vanilla perfume. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Just… need…"

"To sit down, got it." He led her back to the table and sat her down next to JC, so that she was in between them.

"Looked like you were going to punch the guy out there for a second." Chris laughed.

"I wouldn't have…"

JC laughed then and put out a hand to steady Taylor. "Sure looked like it to me…you were scowling something fierce at that guy."

Lance just shook his head and turned to Taylor. "How are you feeling?"

She glared up at him. "Fine, thanks for your concern."

Chris shook his head. "You’re not a very nice drunk. Show some appreciation for the man."

She rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands. "Why won’t you guys just leave me, us, alone." She muttered.

JC rubbed her back. "Cause for some reason, we like you. Don’t know how that happened, but we do."

She groaned. "Well… I… don’t… like… you…"

JC smiled. "Sure ya do."

"No, not really."

"I think you do." He put his face down beside hers then crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her.

She pushed his face away. "Why would I like men who never act their age all the time?"

Lance shrugged. "Cause we make you laugh."

"You don’t."

"Sure we do." Chris said, leaning back. "Give it up, girl. You like us and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re group mates have stopped fighting it and look, they’re having a good time."

Taylor glared at him and glanced out at the dance floor and found Kat and Dani. Her eyes widened. What are they doing?

Lance watched her expression with interest. He watched all the anger fade away and stark terror and pain replaced it. It’s a cover up… all that anger covers up all the pain.

Taylor stood up. "I have to get out of here."

"Do you want me to see you home?" Lance stood with her.

She turned and looked at him, then shook her head. "No. I’ll be fine."

"You’re not going alone." He said firmly, grabbing his coat.

"I won’t. Randel will see me back to the hotel."

"I’m going with you and that’s that." He said. He pulled on his coat and nodded at the guys before placing a hand on her lower back to guide her out.

She pulled away from his hand. "I have to tell Kat and Dani where I’m going."

"Okay, I’ll wait for you here."

"Fine." She tossed back before striding onto the dance floor out of sight.

He sat back down and turned to the guys. "Oh boy…"

Chris laughed. "That one is a handful."

JC grinned. "You’re telling me. A regular spitfire." He shook his head. "And we all thought they were nice girls."

Lance shook his head. "Girls with problems."

Chris turned and looked where Kat and Taylor were talking animatedly. "She reminds me a little of the girl in the letter."

"Huh?" JC and lance both said at the same time.

"Taylor. She’s covering up a lot of pain."

JC shook his head. "Too much anger."

Lance agreed. "The girl who’s writing isn’t angry but extremely upset."

"Upset can be both anger and sadness, sometimes they’re one and the same."

Lance shook his head. "I still don’t think it’s her. I mean why would any of Dolphin’s Cry write us when they weren’t even talking to us until recently."

JC nodded. "I’ve got to agree with the albino. It’s probably some unknown person who we’ll never meet, or even be able to help through this."

Chris eyed the girls again and shrugged. "I don’t know. I just have this feeling that not everything is right with them, like we’re not getting the entire story."

"We haven’t gotten their story from day one. They’re like a big mystery." JC said.

"One I’d like to crack though." Lance said turning back to see if Taylor was coming yet.

JC patted his arm. "You like her a lot, don’t you?"

Lance shook his head. "I’m not sure, how I feel. She interests me; I find her fascinating. The way one minute she’s so angry, the next pain radiates from her, and then she’s indifferent, all in a matter of minutes. I’d like to be able to understand her."

JC and Chris’ eyes widened. "You’ve been watching her for awhile haven’t you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I don’t remember when… but I remember just stopping to watch her one day and ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop."

His eyes widened as he looked back out on the dance floor and she wasn’t there. Kat and Dani were dancing together while Joe and Justin stood back and watched. Bad Touch by the Bloodhound gang had come on and the girls were having a good time watching the guys out of the corner of their eyes as their tongues began to roll.

Lance jumped and strode out, grabbing Justin by the arm. "Where did she go?

He shrugged. "Who?"

"Taylor."

"I don’t know. She took off out that door." He pointed to the side exit.

Lance groaned and tried to catch Kat’s eye. She smiled, shrugged and mouthed. "Not feeling good. Hotel."

Lance gritted his teeth in frustration and ran his hands through his hair, before heading back to the table. "I’m leaving. She took off."

JC stood and shrugged into his coat. "I’ll go with you."

He nodded and the two left.

Chris shook his head and finished his drink. "I don’t think they’ll find her." He muttered to himself before getting up to go and dance.

************************************

The two arrived back at the hotel and walked up to her room and knocked on the door. Neither was surprised when there wasn’t an answer and walked back to JC’s hotel room to call the front desk.

"Hi, my name is Taylor and I’m in room…"

Lance mouthed. "Room 1432."

"1432. I seemed to have locked myself out of my hotel room and was hoping I could get an extra key."

"Great, my friend Lance, will be down to get it." JC hung up and looked at Lance. "Go get it."

Lance hurried back and the two knocked again and opened her room to find no one there.

"Where could she have gone?" He said, turning and looking around.

JC shrugged. "The bus?"

"That doesn’t seem right. The girl is drunk."

JC pulled his lower lip under his teeth as he thought. "What if she wasn’t really?"

Lance turned and looked at him in shock. "Dude, you saw her."

JC nodded. "But we all know that playing drunk isn’t that hard to do."

Lance’s eyes widened. "You mean, to get away from us?"

"Maybe to get away from it all. She obviously wasn’t happy when we got there and I don’t think it was just with us. She was walking fine after she saw Kat and Dani on the dance floor and… it was almost like she panicked."

"Kat and Dani… you don’t think something happened before we got there, do you?"

JC nodded.

Lance thought about it before concurring. "I talked a bit with Kat today and they’re having problems. I wonder what happened."

JC motioned for them to get out, and as they left, Lance shut the door behind them, locking it. Neither of them noticed the blue stationary on the dresser.

Chapter 5

"Damn it all to hell, Tay." Kat yelled, stalking onto the bus.

Taylor rolled over from her position on the couch and looked down the hall at her, rubbing her eyes. "Now what?" She sighed.

"You sure caused a stir last night, Lance and JC were looking all over for you. Where did you go?" She stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

"I took a walk, needed to clear my head. Is that all right with you, your highness."

"Don’t get snippy with me. You had everyone worried."

Taylor rolled her eyes. "Except you and Dani… you two know I'd never do anything to jeopardize myself."

"Do we? Do we really?" She sneered.

Taylor sat up and rubbed a hand over her face. "You know what… I'm getting bored of this conversation. We have it every day and I always answer the same way. This is my official answer, I'm fine, I'm not going to do anything and I don't know why you keep bringing it up."

Kat closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Well, I’m getting really sick and tired of that answer when I know it’s not true. You don’t talk anymore and I want to know why."

"Excuse me. I thought that was what I was doing right now." Taylor said, rolling her eyes.

Kat's eyes narrowed. Taylor leaned back, waiting for the explosion. "I have known you since we were nine years old. I don't know where you get off thinking that you can just brush me off, but I'm getting sick of it missy. I want to know what is going on in that little mind of yours and I want to know now."

"Kat, get off your damn high horse and leave me alone. I don't talk to you anymore because this is how we always talk to each other it seems. We can’t have a civilized conversation anymore so why try." Taylor said standing.

Kat walked over and looked her straight in the eye. "And it's all your fault."

Taylor flinched. "What's that supposed to mean? It's my fault none of us can have a decent conversation without yelling or sniping at one another? I don't see it. Find another poor soul to blame."

"You're tearing this group apart and I won't have it." Kat told her and walked off.

Taylor blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears. What had happened to the two of them? They had used to be so close the best of friends. The two had grown up together in New York City, both going to the same elementary school and on through high school. She sat down and put her head in her hands and cried, remembering.

Kat and Taylor had met in their fourth grade elementary class when both had been paired up on a writing assignment. The two had become immediate best friends; they had the loud outgoing one and the shy but mischievous one. The day they had met, the two had walked home together only to find out that they lived in the same apartment building and that sealed it, the two became inseparable.

As the years went by, the two knew the other inside and out. Kat lived with her mom in a single bedroom apartment. Her mother had conceived her while still in high school and had dropped out to raise her without any support from the father, leaving Kat with no memory of who her father was, nor did she want to know. Kat prided herself on telling everyone that she was glad that it was just her and her mother, but late one night, she had cried, spilling her darkest secret to Taylor about how much she wished that she had a daddy like every other kid in their school and that he’d take them away from all of this.

Taylor had confided her secret that night as well, that she was adopted. Seemed that no one wanted her. She had been transferred from foster family to foster family, only to finally end up with this lady who didn't even know how to take care of her cat. She had spent years in the system, hoping to be loved and wanted but it seemed that no one wanted a shy quiet little girl, who always seemed to attract trouble like it was second nature. She always managed to find the wrong crowd, and even though she was never actually a part of any of it, she still had the records for being an accomplice. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time. After their talk, Kat made her start hanging out at her place more and Taylor was adopted into the family unofficially. To this day she still didn’t think the lady had even noticed that she had moved out and taken the cat with her.

Their senior year of high school, Taylor remembered falling asleep on the couch when all of a sudden, Kat came running into the apartment carrying a flyer. They had been so different back then.

~Flashback~

"TAYLOR! Get up!"

Taylor rolled over and grimaced when she saw a smiling Kat hanging over her. "What?" She groaned.

Kat sat down beside her on the couch and held up a flyer. "I found our ticket out of here."

"Our ticket?"

Kat frowned. "Come on, keep up with me here. I’m talking about leaving New York forever."

"I like New York." Taylor said, struggling to sit up and concentrate on what Kat was saying.

Kat rolled her eyes. "I mean get out of these slums." She scowled at the peeling wallpaper and shook her head then pointed back to the flyer. "Read."

Taylor took it from her and looked at it. On the cover was a picture of a drum set with a guitar and bass leaning up against it. In bold words at the top was Battle of the Bands, at the bottom were details about a band competition next week and how the winner would get the chance to audition for a record company and a possible contract. "Kat, we don’t have a band."

"Yet."

"Huh?"

"Look, I found this yesterday and have been thinking about it ever since. Then today when I was walking home from choir… it came to me. We could do this."

Taylor shook her head. "With two of us…"

Kat jumped up and began to pace the room. "No, we’d hold auditions. We’d have to be unique… maybe do an all girl band. Maybe with a punk flavor or something and we’d have…"

Taylor’s eyes widened as she began to fully wake up and comprehend what she was saying. "You’re serious."

Kat threw her hands into the air. "YES!"

"Okay… let’s think this through… you don’t know how to play an instrument."

"I can sing… and I sing well. Instruments I can learn. You can teach me, you play just about everything."

Taylor rubbed her eyes. "I can’t teach you enough for you to be good by next week."

Kat ran over and sat down beside her. "They hold this every year… we can practice… get a good group… play some bars or clubs if the bar won’t let us in… come on Tay, I can’t do this without you, but… this is my chance, our chance to get out of here and do something with our lives instead of being stuck here forever."

"Okay… we’ll try, are you sure?" She sighed.

"Have I ever been wrong about my gut feeling before?"

Taylor shook her head and smiled reluctantly in agreement of the plan, causing Kat to squeal and envelop her into a huge hug and from there Dolphin’s Cry had been born.

~End Flashback~

Taylor wiped her eyes and stood up. Hard to believe that was less than three years ago.

She started for the front of the bus, but the sound of voices from outside stopped her. Dani and Kat were yelling about something and since already being confronted by Kat once, she didn’t want to get involved. She seemed to be on a rampage today for some reason.

She walked over to the refrigerator and opened it to grab a juice when she heard the voiced getting louder and her name mentioned. She walked over to the window and peered down to where Kat and Dani were standing at the side of the bus. It looked like Dani had run into Kat as soon as she had left her in the back lounge.

"Just leave her alone, Kat. If she wants to be a selfish little mamas girl, why don't we let her?"

"Because she's our friend, my friend and I'm just a little concerned with how she's acting, something is wrong."

"The girl has turned into a total snob, that's what's wrong."

"Dani, the only one turning into a snob here is you." Kat sneered down at her.

Dani laughed. "Jealous that Justin kissed me last night and not you."

Kat rolled her eyes. "Right and I'm the Ice Princess."

"Wouldn't you know that's what they call you in magazines now…" Dani drawled.

"What do you mean that Justin kissed you last night?" Kat fired back.

"So you DO have feelings for the twerp!" Dani's face turned red with anger.

"What? He's a nice guy."

"You know that I like him."

"Then why did you tell him to ask me to dance?"

"Because I thought you'd say no and then he'd turn to me. Who would've known that little miss finicky there would change her mind."

"Oh Dani, give it up." Kat threw her arms into the air.

Dani walked up to Kat and looked her straight in the eye, the best that she could. "He's mine. I told you that in the beginning."

"And I told you I had no interest in him. He's a little boy, you're welcome to him."

Taylor saw the pain cross Kat's face when she said that last statement and wondered about it. To her knowledge, those words were truth, but she seemed to be lying about something and she wasn't sure what it was.

"Well, just so you don't forget, little Miss All I know How To Do Is Sing."

Kat's eyes narrowed. "That was uncalled for and untrue."

"Yeah well without Taylor where would you be?" Dani smirked, knowing that she'd hit a nerve.

"I'd still be here, but I certainly wouldn't be around an ungrateful nothing like you."

"Oooh harsh words, Kat."

"Elf, watch yourself. I'll tear you to shreds if you don't watch it."

"And I'm not scared of you Kat."

Kat sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "What are we doing? We never fight."

Dani reigned her temper in as well. "It's Taylor."

Kat's eyes widened. "I…"

"Come on Kat. You know it. She's turning into something that we don't want around and she's causing us to fight. I heard you in there with her and you know its true. I've talked to my mom about it and she said that Taylor is just going through a rough spot but come on… the girl is a hermit, all she does is write. She's tearing us apart like you said."

"What are we supposed to do, kick her out of the group?"

"Sure we could write and produce our stuff now. She never looks at what you or I do… it's always about her."

"She doesn't look at it cause we don't show it to her."

"We're peons to her highness. We don't need her, just like she thinks she doesn't need us."

"Yeah we do. I promised in the beginning that…"

"Oh right, now you're going to bring up the history you two have." Dani sneered.

"When did you become such a bitch?"

"Became one when I met you."

"Get out of my sight." Kat said turning around, her eyes widening then at the sight of Taylor standing at the top of the stairs.

"Gladly." Dani said, turning to leave, not noticing Kat's stillness.

Taylor walked down the stairs of the bus. "Wait. Let's talk this out."

Dani rolled her eyes. "Oh so now her highness is calling, so of course I'll wait."

"Grow up Dani." Taylor told her.

"I don't have to Mommy."

Kat shoved her into the bus. "I've had just about enough of your mouth."

"What are you going to do, Kat? Punch me."

Taylor grabbed Kat's arm just as she swung back. "Don't."

Kat whirled around and faced her. "Can you not see what's going on here? See! This is all because of you!" She yelled.

Taylor's face went white and she backed up a step, dropping Kat's arm. She looked at Kat who sneered at her like she was the dirt beneath her shoe then turned to look at Dani. Dani was leaning against the bus with a smirk on her face before turning and walking to the hotel.

"Kat…" Taylor beseeched, trying to reach out to her.

"Nice try Tay, but a couple months too late." Kat said flatly before turning and following Dani but at a safe distance.

Taylor slouched against the bus, all her energy drained. Could this day get any worse? Could her life get any worse?

**************************************************

Dani stalked into her hotel room and changed into some shorts and a tanktop and grabbed her basketball, practically running down to the gym. She opened the door and found it empty to her vast relief, took a deep breath and shot from mid-court to score a three-point. She made the rebound and shot the ball for a good half-hour, calming down and working up a good sweat. When she finished, she turned around and found Justin lounging on the bleachers with his own ball between his feet, watching her.

He stood up, walked over and grabbed the ball from her. "You're pretty good for a girl." He shot and made an easy nothing but net shot.

"Lots of practice." She told him.

"Yeah well, you couldn't beat me though. I'm King of the court." He laughed.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the ball back, ran and made a lay up before turning back to him with a mischievous grin. "Wanna take me on, pop star?"

Justin eyed her then smiled. "Sure, I'm up for a game."

Dani smiled in challenge and the two began to play a fast paced game of street ball. They had started out playing regulation one-on-one but because of Justin's height, which gave him the upper hand, Dani began to play dirty. Justin ended up winning by one point 21-20 and when they were done, they both collapsed on the floor.

"You're better than I thought." He said.

"You're pretty good yourself, play boy." She laughed.

"Thanks." He rolled over and smiled. "So what was so upsetting that you came storming in to play ball…"

She shrugged. "Nothing really… the girls and I just had an argument."

"Must have been a doozy." He sat up and looked at her closely, cocking his head to the side, inviting her to talk.

Dani didn't say anything. She stood up, brushed off her shorts and picked up her ball. "Thanks for the game. I had a good time."

Justin stood up as well, eyeing her closely. "Are you okay?"

She smiled shyly at him. "Yeah, thanks for asking." She turned and left, muttering, at least someone cares under her breath.

********************************************************

Kat walked into the hotel and violently punched the button for the floor to her hotel room. "Don't break it, it didn't do anything to you." A voice behind her said.

She turned and found Lance waiting for the elevators as well. "Hey."

He looked closely at the strain in her stance and the pain in her eyes. "You okay?"

She laughed bitterly. "Fine for feeling like my dream is dying, my band is breaking up, and I'm losing my best friend."

Lance's eyes widened. "Found Taylor?"

She nodded. "She was on the bus writing again."

"Oh, so JC was right… the one place we didn't check."

She shrugged. "Yeah well… be glad you didn't find her."

"Not exactly peachy keen?"

"That's an understatement. I can't believe her!"

The doors to the elevator opened and the two entered and pushed the button for the eleventh floor. "What happened?"

Kat told him about climbing on the bus and asking Taylor calmly if she was all right and how she got all defensive and didn't want to talk. "Sounds like something is bothering her." Lance said quietly.

"I know something is bothering her, but I don't know how to get her to open up. I want to help but… but I get so frustrated with her and then Dani…" She shook her head. "She's not helping the entire situation either and I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers and I don't know how to get everything sane."

Kat leaned against the elevator wall and placed her head in her hands, crying silently.

Lance looked at his hands, not knowing what to do. He finally gave up arguing with himself and pulled her into his embrace, where she began to weep against his shirt.

The elevator doors dinged as they opened and the two exited, one leading the other to her hotel room.

**********************************************

Taylor shoved off the bus and boarded to grab her guitar. She slung it over her shoulder and grabbed a bottle of water before heading toward the hotel herself. She wandered around the lobby until she found an empty room and plopped herself down on one of the couches in the lounge. She took a drink of water then opened up her guitar case and pulled out a stack of paper and the guitar itself.

She propped the guitar up and strummed a few chords, tuning the instrument as she went. She stared off into space for awhile before shaking her head and the tears that had gathered away. Taylor dug through the stack until she came across one of the songs that she was working on. She read the lyrics in her mind, then strummed the opening chord to get the beginning note in her head.

She began to softly sing the lyrics, getting a feel for how the music should accompany it.

Leaves are falling, and something's calling me here

The state of depression that I'm walking in,

Got the impression that I won't stay here long.

I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.

She stopped and hummed a few notes, before grabbing a sheet and writing some measures out, going back and forth between strumming and writing. She played the verse over and over until she had a rough sketch of how she wanted it to go.

Taylor reached over and grabbed her water bottle and realized it was empty. Glancing at her watch and seeing that it was almost noon, 3 hours before soundcheck, she got up to go to the coffee shop just outside the lounge she was in to get another water. She grabbed her purse and stood up, not seeing the person standing in the doorway or realizing that she had tears still trickling down her face.

"Taylor, what's wrong?" JC asked, waking over to her quickly.

Her head jerked up in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard someone playing and stopped to listen. Didn't realize it was you at first… but you're avoiding the question. What's wrong?"

She swiped at her cheeks, just then realizing what she must look like. "Nothing… It's just been a long day already."

"Look if you need to talk…"

She shook her head. "Just leave me alone." She pushed by him to go get her water, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, not when you obviously are upset and have been for awhile. Did you know that we looked everywhere for you last night? People do care even if you keep pushing everyone away, they will still care."

Her eyes flashed in annoyance. "What do you know about this? You don't know anything about what's going on with me or with everyone around me!"

His eyes softened. "Tell me then so I can understand."

She shook her head. "No. No one can help me but me." She pulled her arm out of his grasp and walked away.

When she came back, she found him sitting down on the opposite couch, reading the song that she had just been singing. He looked up when he heard her footsteps. "Did you write this?"

She nodded and sat down, picking up the guitar and the music. She looked down at the sheet and ran through the measures again, effectively ignoring him and making sure that it still sounded like how it went in her head.

"Change that second to the note to an E."

She looked over at him and glared, but ran through it again, changing the note. It did sound better. "Thanks."

JC smiled. "No problem. It's always nice to have someone hear what you're doing with an unbiased ear. Helps things along sometimes."

She sighed. "You're not going to leave are you?"

He leaned back into the couch. "Nope. Not until I know you'll be okay."

"I'll never be okay, but I live with it." She said quietly.

He waited to see if she'd say anything else, but she just stared at the music. He opened up his mouth to say something but she looked at him finally, shutting him up. "Do you want to hear it?"

His eyes widened in disbelief. He knew she never let anyone hear the songs before she was finished and didn't know what to say, so he just nodded.

She reached into the stack and pulled out a few more sheets and set them in front of her. "I have it almost done but the opening is still giving me problems…." She shrugged. "This is it so far…" She hummed a few notes, warming up her voice, before strumming the opening chord.

Leaves are falling, and something's calling me here.
The state of depression that I'm walking in,
Got the impression that I won't stay here long.
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.

The sky is darkening, I can feel it in the air.
My heart is sinking, I know winter's on its way.
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.
I know I am like this. Oh sister, show me what to do.

I know there's a way to get this another day.
When will I know if there's a way for me?
I want to lie in the sand and have the sun shine on me.
Is that way too much to ask?

~I Won't Stay Long, Sixpence None The Richer~

Reading the lyrics and hearing them were two totally different things; JC realized especially when he heard the true pain that shone through when Taylor sang. "How long have you been feeling like this?" He asked quietly, a couple minutes after the last chord died away.

She shrugged, reaching over and grabbing her music to put away. "Depends…"

"On what?"

"On what goes on in my life."

His brow furrowed in puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

She took a deep breath, then resumed putting everything away before continuing. "What I mean is… Some days are great, the sun is shining, the music is playing itself and everyone is smiling but then there are days where its dark, nothing goes right and everyone is snippy. The music describes what I feel like on those other days."

JC rested his head on his clasped hands and studied her. Pain radiated from her in folds, but there was also a strength underneath that kept her from reaching out or letting the pain fully overtake her. The strength is what kept her folding under the pressure.

She slung the case onto her shoulder. "I'll see you tonight at the concert, Jace. Thanks for your help." She walked to the door, but faltered at his next comment.

"I can see through you, Tay… you can't keep it all bottled up forever, you'll burst. Let us help."

She shook her head and kept walking, not looking back once.

*************************************************

The crowd was screaming for more as the girls closed their set. No one picked up on the vibes that each was sending the other.

Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify, and I wanna know why
I pick myself up off the ground
And have you knock me back down
Again and again

And when I ask you to explain
You say you gotta be
Cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you
Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind

~Excerpt from Cruel to Be Kind, Letters To Cleo~

Kat finished the song, wiping off her forehead then sending a glance back at Dani and Taylor before her gaze slid back to the audience. "I hope you enjoyed our show tonight. Thanks again for all your support. See ya next time."

They all waved and headed backstage, allowing the tech crew to change the stage around for NSYNC's extravaganza.

Neither one said a word to the other as they headed off to their dressing room. Kat finally couldn't stand the silence any longer. "Good set tonight."

Taylor nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying again. Seemed like that was the only thing she had been doing all day long.

Dani shrugged. "I thought Taylor was off almost all night, but we did all right covering for her." Dani said, blatantly ignoring Tay and turning to look at Kat.

Taylor rolled her eyes and walked into the dressing room, slamming the door in the other girl's faces.

Kat slammed Dani into the wall and strode into the dressing room, with Dani rubbing her side as she followed into the room. They all dressed in silence, not waiting to start up another argument as they seemed to be doing any time any of them opened their mouths.

"Time to head to the bus and get on the road girls." Their manager said through the door, knocking on it.

"We'll be right out." Dani called, as they grabbed their stuff and walked out in silence.

**********************************************

She huddled in bunk, rolled into a little ball, willing the pain away. She clutched at her stomach as the tears rolled down her face silently, her whole body wracked with sobs. She just couldn't stop crying. What had forced them to grow so apart?

She knew she hadn't been the easiest person to live with lately but that still didn't mean… she shook her head. She was trying… she was trying so hard to find that happiness. That one happiness that would turn this all around, that on thing that would allow her to enjoy life again, instead of to walk around in it like an empty shell. All she wanted was to be happy that kept bouncing just out of reach for her, forcing her farther into this pit that she called home.

She didn't even know how to reach out anymore or even to act socially. She knew she pushed people away but she was scared. Scared that this was contagious and that anyone around her would catch it and they would turn into the same monster that she had become.

She wiped her eyes but more tears just poured down her cheeks. She grabbed her fleece blanket and wrapped it around herself as the familiar shakes began to happen. She always shook when the stress and sadness became too much for her.

A bump outside her bunk let her know that one of her groupmates was up and moving toward the lounge, either to practice or watch TV, something to distract themselves from life as well. They had all gone their separate ways and the road back was killing them.

She shook her head again, willing every thought to go away so she could just be numb and maybe find some solace in sleep. She looked at where her cell phone sat in a little compartment for her little things, but she didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone Sandy. What good had she done? She wasn't healing, she was getting worse. She couldn't remember the last time she had smiled a true smile or laughed a true laugh. Everything was forced.

She sniffed, trying to stop the tears finally but they still trickled, although slower now. She saw the notebook and stationary at the bottom of her bunk and reached for it but at the last moment drew back her hand. She didn't even know if they were receiving them. Fan clubs tend to censure letters from celebrities to leave them in their little glass houses so that they wouldn't be upset. She didn't know about NSYNC's but she was pretty sure it was the same with them.

Nothing seemed worth it anymore; maybe she should just give up. Give in to the pain. She stared at the ceiling of her bunk, looked at each picture that she had taped there. She pulled down one that had been taken when Dolphin's Cry had first started. Taylor was on the left, Dani was in the middle and Kat was on the right. She took the picture and ripped it into three pieces and put it back up. So much for friends forever. She looked back up and at the three pieces. She had ripped the picture, separating each member and had placed her in different corners.

She rolled over and punched the pillow. I just want to be happy…

~I'd like to thank KR for her IMMENSE help with this chapter. I'd still be stuck if she hadn't thrown out so many ideas. Thanks, Meow Mix. *S*~

Chapter 6

"6:00?" Chris called out.

Lance nodded as he unlocked the door to his hotel room. "Sounds good, I’ll let J know whenever he shows up."

"See ya then."

Lance closed the door behind him and walked over to his duffel bag and pulled out a pair of clean pants and turned towards the bathroom at the same instant that he heard the shower come on. He sighed and threw the pants back on top of his bag. He walked over to the TV and turned it on then jumped on the bed and leaned back, his hands folded behind his head.

He could hear Justin singing in the shower but couldn’t hear the words clearly and turned up the TV to drown him out. Lance flipped the channels until finally settling on Total Request Live on MTV. The video for Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang was on. He chuckled at the lyrics and video and waited for Justin to get out of the shower so that he too could get ready.

He leaned forward as Dolphin’s Cry video for I Want You came on next on the countdown. He watched the girls laugh and joke all the way through the video and shook his head. Hard to believe those are the same girls on this tour…

The past few days since the girls had begun to fight had been awful for everyone. Taylor and Dani were at each other’s throats every minute of every day it seemed. In fact, just before he and Chris had come upstairs to get ready for dinner, they had witnessed Kat attacking Dani about something. The two were quickly becoming more vocal and violent in their arguments and he was afraid that they were going to have to start playing referee and end up having to separate them. Now that would be good for publicity and public relations. Dolphin’s Cry guitarist kills bassist. Guitarist convicted of murder. Drummer looking for new group members.

Lance leaned back against the headboard, zoning out as his thoughts drifted to the girls. He was really concerned about Kat. They had been talking a lot more lately ever since the initial fight and he could literally see her deteriorating. Every time they talked, she always seemed on edge and was more catty toward everyone. Nothing seemed to please her and any mention of Dani or Taylor sent her into gripe session. The only time she seemed to relax was with him, during their random chats. She always sought him out at the oddest times to just talk about nothing. They’d talk about the weather, the tour, fans, anything but Taylor or Dani, but sometimes she’d slip and talk a little bit about how she was feeling but nothing too deep.

Dani, on the other hand, he noticed seemed to be doing fine. In fact, sometimes even better than fine. She almost seemed to be opening up now that Kat and Taylor were no longer the poster children of the group. She was coming out of her "shell" almost as if to replace Kat. She was more flirty with the guys, always open for chats, and willing to do whatever it to hang out with them. She was getting on all of their nerves because it wasn’t that she wanted to get to know them so much as she wanted to get into one of the pants and didn’t really care who it was so long as it was one of them, although he did think she her initial preference was for Justin. He, however, was running the other way. They had talked one night and Justin had confided that, sure he liked Dani, but not in that way. He was still head over heels for Kat but that was diminishing, due to the fact that every time he talked to Kat she bit his head off about something.

All of a sudden a pair of lonely green eyes and blonde hair came into his mind, causing him to sigh. He was really worried about Taylor. No one had seen her outside of their shows and interviews for days. If she was spotted, she almost shrunk into herself and would only speak if spoken too and only then in one-word answers. Lance folded his hands behind his head and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. He wished he could figure out what it was that drew him to this complicated girl. For all intents and purposes, he should ask Kat out. They were getting closer and he couldn’t say that she wasn’t attractive but the spark wasn’t there. He didn’t feel like all the breath in his lungs left him whenever he was near her, like he did with Taylor. He didn’t feel a compulsive need to protect her and make everything rosy for her.

He shook his head and sat up. It wasn’t going to happen between them though. Taylor didn’t even know that he existed except as a nuisance. He glanced at the bathroom and heard the water still running and gritted his teeth. Forget the shower… He walked back to his duffel bag and grabbed his pants and a new shirt and changed. He’d shower later.

Just as he finished, he heard a knock on the door. He opened and let Chris in. "The boy ready yet?"

Lance shook his head. "Are you kidding, he’s been in the shower singing for as long as I’ve been here."

"HEY!"

Lance grabbed the door right before it shut in Joey’s face. "Sorry."

"No problem."

He stepped into the room and immediately sat in front of the TV and became absorbed in the show. "Backstreet’s on?"

Lance shrugged. "I guess. I haven’t really been watching, it’s been more for noise than anything else."

"You okay?" Chris asked.

Lance nodded. "Yeah, just thinking."

"Did we get a new letter?" Chris asked quickly.

"Nope. Haven’t heard from her in awhile. I was thinking about the girls."

Chris sat on Justin’s bed. "Yeah, it’s a waste to see them like this."

"I know. I just wish I could help. Especially for Taylor and Kat since they’ve always been close."

"Scoop, they’ll work through it. They’re just going through a rough patch. We’re been through it. Every group does." Chris said.

"Our wasn’t this bad."

Joey looked up. "Wanna bet… remember the fight you and J had in Europe where you threw all his clothes out in the hallway and wanted to pack it up and go home?"

Lance flushed. "Oh yeah and yours and JC’s screaming match at that one club in Germany…"

Joey turned back to the TV, blushing himself. "We all had out moments."

"True, and look at us now…we’re…" Chris stopped in mid-sentence and turned toward the bathroom door. "What is he singing?"

Lance shrugged. "I don’t know. I turned the TV up."

Chris got a mischievous grin on his face and motioned for Joe to turn the TV down so that he could hear. All of a sudden the words became clear and all three people in the room looked at one another and began to roll with laughter.

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model, you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk,

yeah I do my little turn on the catwalk

Joe looked up from the floor. "Please tell me, he’s not singing what I think he’s singing."

"Sorry, buddy, no can do." Chris laughed, wiping his eyes. "It’s I’m too Sexy."

Lance and Joe groaned, then looked at each other and cracked up again.

I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car

Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat Too sexy for my hat,

what d'you think about that

I'm a model, you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk,

yeah I shake my little touche on the catwalk

Chris rubbed his hands together. "Oh this is good. He’s not living this one down."

Lance shook his head and opened his mouth to answer, but another knock on the door cut him off. He let JC in, who didn’t look pleased. "Do you know what time it is? Our reservations are in fifteen minutes!"

Lance rolled his eyes. "Tell fro-boy then to hurry it up. Were waiting on him."

JC sighed and walked over to the bed to sit when he looked at Chris and Joe who were still laughing. "What’s with you guys?"

Chris held up a hand, waving a hand, cause he couldn’t speak cause he was laughing so hard then pointed to the bathroom.

I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my

'Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk,

yeah I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat

Poor pussy, poor pussy cat

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

JC’s lips twitched before he fell backwards on the bed, joining in the laughter.

He finally managed to choke out his thoughts on the subject. "Is he on crack?"

Lance, Joe, and Chris all stopped and stared at JC.

"What?"

They just shook their heads and snickered. They turned to the door just as they heard the lock click. "And I’m too sexy for this group…" He sang, embellishing the end as he walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel. He stopped as he noticed that he wasn’t alone in the room.

Justin flushed, holding his towel tightly. "Uh, Hi guys… what’s up?"

"Did you forget tonight was our date, J?" JC laughed.

"Oh right… whoops. Is it Tuesday already?"

They all nodded, their mouths twitching in amusement as he slowly made his way over to his bag to get some clothing.

The guys had made a pact with each other during their first tour to always try and do something with each other once a week, if they were able to and nothing conflicted. Because of all their hectic schedules, they liked to do something that reminded themselves that they were still normal human beings like being able to go out for dinner or go to a movie… doing something that normal guys did all the time. This helped them stay rooted, plus it also gave them a time to play catch up with each other because since they were always moving, they didn't always know what was going on with each other. They always referred to this time as their "dates".

"Hurry up! I'm starving!" Chris whined.

"I'm hurrying!" Justin grumbled, walking back to the bathroom.

"Oh and J…" Joey called out sweetly.

Justin turned around slowly. "Yes…"

Joey launched himself on him and started rubbing his head with his knuckles. "That’s for thinking you're too sexy for this group," he said laughing.

"Not the hair!!!!" Justin cried out.

Everyone laughed as Joey stood and shook his hand. "How much goop did you put on? Did you leave any in the bottle?"

Justin glared at him and slammed the bathroom door shut behind him, causing everyone to laugh again.

************************************

"Did you see that chick?" Joey asked, turning around the blonde in question as she walked out of the hotel.

They had just arrived back from dinner and were going back up to their hotel rooms.

"Yes, Joey." JC sighed, "But unlike you we didn't feel the urge to ogle her and drool."

Joey grinned. "It's my way of complimenting the fairer sex."

Chris rolled his eyes. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend."

"HEY! That's not the…"

"Guys…" Justin sighed as he punched the button to the elevator. "Lay off, I've got a headache."

"Oh does the po wittle guy have a headache… want me to rub it and make it feel better." Chris asked, looking up at Justin with puppy dog eyes.

Justin rolled his eyes and waited for the elevator to arrive.

"Anyone want to go out tonight?" Joey asked eagerly.

"Sure I'm up for it." Chris told him, practically bouncing.

"I'm beat." JC said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Plus we have a full day tomorrow, interviews and then the concert, they won't let us out of their sights."

"Oh come on daddio… what they don't know, won’t hurt them." Joey whined

"If you want to go out, go out. We won't stop you." Lance said.

"Come on Scoop, come out with us." Chris said.

"Nope, I'm with Justin and JC. Bed sounds mighty good."

"Fine." Chris pouted.

JC sighed. "We don't know anything… not where you are, where you went, nothing… go have fun."

Chris and Joey exchanged a look, then bolted for the door, before anyone could stop them. "See ya tomorrow." They both yelled back as they exited the hotel.

JC shook his head then walked into the elevator when the door opened. "They are so weird."

"Yeah," Lance commented absently as he saw a tall blonde walk around the corner.

"You there, Lance?" Justin asked as they both walked onto the elevator.

"Yeah." He shook his head as if coming out of a fog then hurried back off before the doors could close. "I'll meet you guys upstairs." He said then took off after the blonde.

He wandered down the hall looking for Taylor but she had disappeared. He peeked into a few rooms but couldn't find her. Lance finally decided to just head back up to his hotel room when all of a sudden he could hear a piano playing from the music lounge. He retraced his steps to the first room on the left and opened the door and found her bent over the piano, enthralled with the music. She hadn't even heard the door open. He leaned against the wall and just listened to her play the haunting melody.

Taylor was bent over the keyboard, her blonde hair spilling over her shoulder into her face as she played and quietly sang Angel by Sarah Maclachlan. She swiped at her face every now and then but Lance wasn't sure if it was because of tears or just to get the hair out of her face. She finished, the melody lingering in the air and just as he was about to start clapping, she started in on another song. One of their own, he was surprised to hear… she began to play Promises with the same haunting sound that she had applied to the first song.

He felt bad not letting her know he was in the room and realized that she had just given him the perfect opportunity. He listened to her husky voice as she raised Justin and JC's part a whole step to fit her vocal range, easily changing the key of the song to fit as well. He waited until the chorus then came in as her accompaniment.

And I will take

You in my arms

And hold you right where you belong

Till the day my life is through

This I promise you

This I promise you

Just close your eyes

Each loving day

And I know this feeling won't go away

Till the day my life is through

This I promise you

Taylor swung around, eyes wide at the new voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Heard you playing and thought I'd come see how you were doing."

"Remind me to stop practicing in the hotels." She told him before turning back to the piano and rummaging her music into one pile.

Lance sat down in the nearest chair to the piano. "You weren't practicing, plus I like to hear you play."

"So does the rest of your group, it seems." She stood and made her way towards the door. "If you'll excuse me…"

He leaned back in the chair and watched her walk away, admiring the view. "What's your hurry?"

She sighed. "I just don't feel like talking right now."

"You can't run from us forever. Holding everything in will only make it worse." He said softly.

She turned around and once again the pain that was evident in her eyes washed over him. "I'm not running away from anything… just you."

He sat forward, his hands cradling his face as he leaned his elbows on his knees. "You're a horrible liar."

She took a step back, all the while watching him. "That's not true. You can't see a thing."

He took a deep breath before continuing, stating the truth as he saw it. "I see you Taylor. I see your pain, I see your hurt, I see your frustration, and I see your sadness. I see you. I only wish I could take it all away for you."

She shook her head. "No one sees me. I'm all alone. You're wrong."

"All one has to do is to look at you, Tay, really look and its apparent. Talk to me."

"NO… You don't understand." She dropped her music in an attempt to shut out his words, her hands covering her face. "I'm dealing with it. I've accepted that no one cares and that I'm to live alone without anyone seeing me, who I am inside." Her voice breaking as she tried to stop the flood of tears.

He stood up and started towards her. "Tay, let me help."

"No. No, just…. Leave me alone." She fled out the door, leaving Lance alone in the lounge with her music.

He sighed and picked it up and headed back up to his room. Lance walked down the hallway and opened the door to his room. All the lights were out, so he figured Justin was already in bed. He placed the music gently on the nightstand before slipping out of his shirt and pants and crawling into his own bed.

"Is she all right?" Justin asked out of the darkness.

Lance sighed. "I… No. Not at all. She's falling apart. I'm really worried."

"She's strong."

"I don't think so anymore… She used to be but…"

They were both quiet for a long time before Justin spoke again. "She's gotten to you hasn't she?" He said softly.

Lance stared up at the ceiling. "Yeah. I admire her so much. She's talented, beautiful, modest, reserved but funny, but underneath it all, she's innocent, fragile, but not breakable. I could always see the strength underneath all the sadness. I don't see it anymore, J. All I want to do is hold her and tell her everything is going to be all right. Tell her that she will be happy again. I want to make her happy."

Justin rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow so that he could see Lance. "Then make her happy."

"I don't know how."

"You will."

**************************************************

"Justin, you’re behind by one count. Try this." JC showed him the move, exaggerating on the part where he thought Justin was messing up.

After there radio and Teen Beat interviews that morning, they were rehearsing at the venue right before sound check so fix some of the things that they had been messing up regularly at concerts.

"It’s not me." Justin cried out, tired after being up late the night before talking to Lance.

"Quit whining, J, and try it." JC told him.

Justin rolled his eyes. "Get off my back, Jace. The move is fine."

"Look Mr. Hot Shot, if we don’t get it down, we’re going to look sloppy."

"Sloppy’s fine with me." Justin muttered.

"What was that?" JC asked him.

"Nothing, daddy."

JC gritted his teeth and looked at the other guys who were standing there watching the show. "Could someone please talk him out of his snit!"

Chris yawned. "I’m too tired."

Lance chuckled. "That’s what you get for being out so late last night." All of a sudden, he yawned. "Chris! Stop that!"

Chris yawned again. "Sorry."

Joey looked over at Chris at that moment then yawned himself. "Ugh. Why is yawning so contagious?"

Lance yawned again. "I don’t know but it’s annoying. Its making me tired."

JC threw his hands into the air. "Can we please stay on track."

"I’m not messing up!" Justin yelled. "Did you ever think that you might be the one behind?"

JC stalked over to him. "Get off your high horse, Curly, and just fix it."

"Why don’t you?"

JC shook his head. "I’m not going to argue with you. Why don’t we all run through it again and see what exactly is off then if it’s not you, your majesty."

Justin glared at him. "Fine with me." He cued the band and they took their places and ran through the choreography for ‘No Strings Attached’.

""You’re off still." JC cried.

"You are." Justin told him.

Chris walked over and grabbed his bottle of water and sat down on the steps to watch the two perfectionists argue. Lance and Joey just shook their heads and sat down as well.

The door to the auditorium opened, but no one paid attention because of the drama that was unfolding on stage. Mike, one of their bodyguards, walked down the aisle and laughed as JC and Justin were nose to nose both arguing the same points but blaming the other person.

He walked up to the stage and whistled, grabbing Lance and Joe’s attention. The two walked over and sat down on the edge of the stage. "What’s up?" Joe asked, swinging his feet.

He held up the two blue envelopes. "Got some news." He looked over to the other guys. "Should we tell them too?"

Lance looked over at them and shook his head. "I don’t think they’re paying attention right now."

"Look fro boy…."

"JC, you’re on crack!"

Chris sat and watched as the entire thing unfolded, and occasionally egged them on if the argument began to wane.

Joe looked over and shook his head. "Yeah, better just tell us."

Mike shrugged. "Well, you wanted me to go to the Post Office and see what I could find out right?"

They nodded.

"Well, what I found out is that you can’t send any mail through the post system without a return address."

"Then how did they get mixed in with our mail, if they weren’t delivered by the post office?" Lance asked.

"Hand delivered." Mike told them.

"But that would mean…" Joey began.

Mike nodded. "Either the girl is on tour with us or she’s following us and giving them to us when we collect stuff at the end of every concert, but I don’t think that’s too likely because one of us would have remembered getting a blue envelope after a concert and everyone I’ve talked to says they don’t ring a bell."

Lance shook his head. "On our tour…."

"Fine Justin! You’re perfect! You don’t have to change a thing! We’ll change to ACCOMMODATE you!" JC yelled. "Guys, let’s start from the beginning. Lance, Joe…come on."

Mike laughed. "The master beckons."

Joe jumped up and rolled his eyes. "Wonderful Mr. Cranky, beckons."

Lance started off into space. "That would mean we know her."

Joe nudged him with a foot. "Come on, Lance."

Lance looked at Mike. "How would we be able to find her?" He asked, still thinking about the girl.

Mike shrugged. "I don’t know… you could always question everyone."

Lance rolled his eyes. "I don’t think that would work." He shrugged. "At least we know she’s close though…"

"LANCE… JOE…"

Mike laughed again at JC’s disgruntled expression. "Go, we’ll talk later."

They nodded and hustled back to the middle of the stage. Chris stood up and stretched. "What’d Mike want?"

Joe kneeled down to tie his shoe. "Oh, he just wanted to let us know that he’d talked with the Post Office."

JC and Justin’s heads jerked around to them. "What?"

Lance shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, apparently she’s on tour with us. You guys ready?" He cued the band.

JC cut the band off. "Explain that comment."

Joe and lance told them about the lack of return address and how the Post Office won’t send them, so Mike figured she was hand delivering them and was traveling with them.

"But that would mean we know her…" Justin started.

Lance nodded.

Justin sat down. "Who…Oh man."

JC placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. "At least we know she’s still alive then… no one on our tour has disappeared and we can keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary."

He looked up at JC. "Yeah, we can take care of all the females on our crew."

Joe’s eyes lit up and he stuck his hand in the air. "I volunteer for the position."

Chris rolled his eyes and slapped him upside the head. "No, Joe, you’ll drive them insane… better let JC do it, he just bores everyone to death."

"HEY!" JC glared over at Chris, who looked over innocently.

"What?"

"Guys…" Lance laughed, "We’ve got sound check in a few minutes, let’s get this nailed down and do our jobs. We can talk about what to do later."

JC nodded. "Finally someone who understands that we’re slacking…"

"No, I’m hungry. The sooner we get done, the sooner we get food."

JC grumbled as everyone laughed and moved into position. All through the song, Lance’s thoughts kept drifting back to the letters and the girl…. He knew that he knew her but he didn’t want to think about the complications of it being who he thought it was.

Chapter 7

"Taylor…You in there?" Dani said, waving her hand in front of her face.

Taylor looked up blankly. "Yeah… did you need something?" She asked, quietly, but pointedly. She had been staring at the same page of writing for the past half hour, just staring off into space, the end of the pencil resting in her mouth as whatever was on her mind took over her entire body.

Dani's eyes narrowed and she tossed her hair over her shoulder in contempt. "No, was just wondering what so fascinating on that page." She smirked as if she found her comment amusing when it truly wasn't. She flopped onto the opposite couch and stared at the blonde girl.

Taylor sighed and set her notebook down. "What, Dani…" She turned to the other girl and raised an eyebrow.

"Actually there is something…" She leaned back and stretched.

"Knew it." Taylor muttered before focusing on Dani again.

"Could I borrow some of you Dolphin Cry stationary. I ran out of mine." She leaned forward her, elbows resting on her knees as she looked at Taylor intently.

"Yeah." She opened her notebook and pulled out three sheets of powder blue stationary with a small dolphin up in the right hand corner, before closing it again. They had all splurged in the beginning and bought the stationary especially for the three of them for when writing fans back, but as time went on, they had all begun to use it for personal correspondence without thinking.

"Thanks, Tay, you're such a peach." Dani said, snidely, jumping up from the couch to head back to her bunk.

Taylor sighed, watching her walk down the aisle of the bus. "Hey Dani!" Taylor yelled suddenly.

She whirled around with a big smile on her face. "What's that, Tay?"

"How does it feel to be the resident bitch on the bus?" Taylor looked straight into her eyes to let her know she was dead serious.

Dani's eyes widened then narrowed in anger. "How does it feel to be the most pitied and pathetic person in the world?"

Taylor sucked in a deep breath before shaking her head. "Go away, Dani."

"You started it, Tay. What can't take the heat?" She walked back into the room and stood in the doorway. "Let me tell you something… I won't hide the truth from you unlike Kat."

Tay looked up at her tiredly. "What's this all important secret that you all are hiding from me?"

"That no one likes you, no one cares." She sneered. "You walk around here like you're Miss High and Mighty but you're nothing and for that everyone pities you. You live in your own little world, not even realizing what's going on around you."

Taylor shook her head and opened up her notebook again. "I'm not going to discuss this. Just go do…whatever it is you do nowadays." She pulled the pencil out from behind her ears and began to write down her thoughts.

"You're not ignoring me this time." Dani demanded grabbing Tay's notebook and tossing it to the other couch. "We're having a discussion and we're going to finish it."

Tay sighed. "This isn't a discussion, this is a crucification." She leaned back. "If you've got a problem, Dani, just say it."

"Yeah, I've got a problem…" Dani began, but she was suddenly pulled from the doorway, effectively shutting her up.

"Now is not the time or the place, Elf." Kat said, stepping into the lounge. "Go cool your heels elsewhere. I don't want you in the same room with me and I'm planning on watching TV." She flopped onto the other couch, crushing Tay's notebook underneath her as she grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

Taylor stared at Kat's butt on her notebook and felt the tears begin to form again. All her words crushed. She took a deep breath before standing up to leave. "Where you going, Tay?" Kat asked, snidely, not even looking up at her.

"Away from both of you. Neither of you cares about what's going on around you, except to nurse this anger that's inside of you. I'm leaving before it smothers me." She shook her head and walked to her bunk to climb in and take a nap.

"Well you know what… I didn't want to be around you either and if you wanted your god damn notebook, you should've said something!" Kat yelled, tossing the book into the hallway, papers flying everywhere.

Taylor felt a tear slide down her cheek as she jumped into the hallway from her bunk, grabbing her notebook and all the loose paper before anyone could pick them up and read all the stuff that she had written down in concrete thoughts. She clutched them to her chest just as Dani came out of the back lounge, looking extremely angry. "Go hide in your corner. We'll finish what we were talking about later." She swept past Taylor and climbed into her bunk, pulling her headphones on, cutting off all communication.

Kat's head fell back against the arm of the couch. Her hand came up and pinched the bridge of her nose as she sighed. She didn't know what to do anymore; her dreams were falling apart as her biggest nightmare was beginning to come true. She shook her head fighting her demons and reached for the remote. A loud rustling sound came from beneath her as she moved and she reached beneath her and pulled out a blue piece of paper with writing on it.

*****************************************************************

They arrived at the venue and both groups were hustled in for soundcheck since they were running about two hours behind schedule. "Dolphin’s Cry, you’re up."

Kat stalked up on stage and ripped her guitar out of its stand. "You know, why are we still doing this?" She asked everyone into the mic.

"What?" The sound technician who was fine-tuning the amps asked.

She looked at him, scathingly. "I wasn’t talking to you." She turned to look at Tay and Dani who were getting their own instruments tuned and set up. "Why?"

Dani rolled her eyes. "Being melodramatic again, are we?" She smirked at the guys who were sitting in the front row, waiting for their own chance to be on stage.

"No, actually I’m dead serious. Why are we together when we can’t stand to be near each other? I would rather be anywhere but up here with you Dani."

"Then leave, we don’t need you. I can sing all your parts just fine, with Tay on back up and we’ll find a guitar ringer." She looked out at the audience. "Justin plays guitar… want to play for Kat tonight?" She smiled sweetly.

"Justin is not playing for me, Dani, if I don’t go on none of you do." Kat told her quietly.

"Wanna bet, Kat, you are not holding me back. I could go solo just fine if I wanted to. I don’t need any of you."

"Is that what this is really about?" Kat asked her, staring at her as if for the first time. "You think you’re too good for us and want to quit and go solo?"

"No, it’s that I can’t take all of this internal bullshit anymore." Dani yelled at her.

"If you’d get off your high horse and come back down to our level, maybe there wouldn’t be any fighting!" Kat yelled back.

"Sure, we can all go back to being hunky dory while Miss Prick over there behind the drums continues on as if this wasn’t all her fault." Dani yelled, pointing over at Taylor.

"Don’t drag her into this. This is between you and me." Kat pointed at her, dropping her guitar on stage to stomp over to where Dani was standing.

"No this is between all of us and every time we try to talk, she pulls her disappearing act and clams up. I’m sick of it. She treats us as if she’s better than us and I’m not going to stand for it."

"No, she doesn't… "

Taylor listened to them bicker, feeling sicker and sicker to her stomach. Dani and Kat didn’t relent, yelling at each other, making everything worse, while blaming all of their troubles on her. It’s true though… it is all my fault…

NSYNC sat out in the audience stunned. Their fights had always been kept behind closed doors and what they had seen so far, they had thought Dolphin’s Cry was doing a pretty good job of doing that as well. "This is getting ugly." Justin leaned over, whispering to Lance.

"Yeah, think we should do something?" He whispered back.

"I don’t know, but reporters are everywhere. I’d hate for this to get in the tabloids."

"Yeah… what do we do?"

"I…" Justin stopped as JC stood up, his expression closed against any emotion.

"Girls!" He yelled.

They turned to look at him, shocked to find other people in the stadium.

"This is all very interesting and all, but none of us want to hear about your dirty laundry, air it elsewhere and do your job." He made eye contact with Kat and didn't flinch at the raw hatred that was coming from her eyes. He knew it wasn't for him specifically but for Dani but it did take him aback some. He broke the stare and sat back down, folding his hands behind his head. Justin watched his older friend look back at the stage after looking up at the ceiling and could tell that he was pissed because he kept working his jaw and gritting his teeth.

"Right." Kat nodded, tossing aside any animosity she felt on stage and once again becoming the professional they all knew her to be. "Cue up ‘I Want You’" She told the sound technician, signaling for lights and sound.

"Don’t you want to wait for Taylor to come back or do you want us to use the DAT for her?" The techie’s voice came down from the booth over the speakers.

Dani and Kat both whirled around to find Taylor gone from the stage. The guys stood up as well with shocked expressions, not having seen her leave. "I don’t see her." Chris said, his eyes scanning the stadium.

"Think she ran backstage?" Justin asked, grabbing his coat to go and look for her.

"Maybe. What about the bus?" JC asked, grabbing his as well to go and help.

"Doubt it. I’d check corners." Lance said quietly before walking off.

Joey turned to Chris. "What does that mean? Does he know something we don’t?"

Chris shrugged. "I don’t know anything about that boy anymore but let’s do what he says, he knows more about what’s going on here than anyone."

Joe nodded. "True. You take the left and I’ll go right. Justin come with me and Jace can go with Chris." They all nodded and split up in search of the missing band member.

Justin turned to Joey as they made their way out of the stadium. "Do you think she’s all right?" His eyes sad with worry and regret.

Joe sighed. "I hope so. I sincerely hope so. She’s been living with some real cats for the past few weeks, she’s probably pretty tired and worn out from it all."

Justin nodded. "Yeah, I just hope that, that’s it."

********************************************************

Dani set her bass on its stand and sat on the stairs of the stage. She gritted her teeth and tried to stop the flow of tears that she could feel coming from behind her eyes. She put her head on her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs and rocked herself, trying to calm down, stop the flood of tears and her temper from over pouring again.

Kat stared at the empty drumset and pulled out a folded up piece of paper from her back pocket and slowly opened it up.

I don't know how much longer I can stand watching Dani and Kat fight. So much anger and misunderstood tensions. I know I can't help them work it out, but it's tearing their friendship apart and I'd hate to see that happen. What happened to us? We all used to be so close and now… and now we can't even stand to be in close proximity. I'm too sensitive… all of this is ripping me into pieces and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold out…

Kat folded it back up, having re-read it so many times, she almost had it memorized. She rubbed her forehead before turning to watch Dani, sitting down. Gritting her teeth and putting her hands in her pocket, she walked over and sat down next to her. "Taylor's fine."

"That's not what's on my mind."

"What is?"

"What happened to us?"

"I couldn't tell you. We stopped talking, we stopped communicating, we became three separate people living in one small bus, three different people who've changed."

"Yeah…"

They both stared out at the empty stadium seats. "I'm sorry." Kat told her, turning to look at the younger girl. "I'm sorry for not telling you how I felt about Justin, for not talking to you in general, for being snippy, for being…for being a total bitch."

Dani looked at her out of the corner of her eye and sighed. "You're forgiven."

Kat's eyes widened in disbelief. "I'm not the only one here that needs to apologize though." She shook her head and stood up to leave. "Dani… you're one of a kind." She bit out before turning to leave.

"What do you want me to say, Kat? I'm not sorry for anything I've said about you, or Taylor. You both have changed and it's not for the better."

"Go to hell, Dani. We're not the ones that have changed… you have." She told her before grabbing her guitar and leaving.

*********************************************

Taylor opened the door to the bathroom and slipped inside, wiping the tears from her eyes. She walked over to the mirror and stared at herself. Mascara was running down her cheeks, dark rings encircled her eyes and her clothes were beginning to bag on her body from lack of nutrition. She tried to smile at the ludicrous picture that she portrayed in the mirror but the minute her lips tried to form a smile, more tears would slide down.

She furiously swiped at the nuisances before grabbing a paper towel and wiping off her face.

"TAYLOR!" She heard yelled in the hallway.

Lance. She turned to the deep voice almost instinctively but simultaneously shrank back against the sink. She didn't have the strength to deal with him right now. She didn't understand why they wouldn't leave her and Dolphin's Cry alone. Backing away from everyone during her childhood had always worked before. When she'd get lonesome, all she'd have to do was shut down and everyone around her would give her a weird look but figure that she just wanted some time alone and leave. Sometimes, it'd get so bad that they'd want to get away from her and send her back to Child Services until another family would try to take care of her.

No one ever understood her, not until Kat. Kat stuck to her like glue until she worked her way into her heart and forced her to change. Taylor turned back to the mirror, remembering the last time she had fully shut down.

~Flashback~

16 year old, Taylor ran into her room and slammed the door, not bothering to turn any lights on when she'd entered. Nothing seemed to be going right and having any kind of light on would only remind her of what a failure she truly was.

She shrank down against the side of her twin bed, pulling her knees up to her chest, her head bent down against them, as she began to cry silently. She rocked back and forth, trying to banish the demons, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Taylor? Don't forget to feed the cat."

"Yes, Mrs. Wilkinson." Taylor said loudly enough for her to hear, trying to keep the trembling out of her voice.

"Okay, thanks dear." She told her outside her door as she walked back into the living room to watch TV.

Tay shook her head. "Only when the cat needs feeding does she remember that I even live here."

She thought back to her day at school and tried to stop her chin from trembling. Nothing had gone right that day. First, she'd been late for school because Kat had decided that her chest wasn't big enough and wanted to try stuffing, then when they had arrived one became lop-sided and she had dragged Taylor into the bathroom with her to fix them. She'd missed biology that morning only to run into her teacher an hour later in the hallway who had demanded to know why she had skipped class. Taylor hadn't been able to think of a good enough excuse and had been assigned detention, which meant missing band practice after school. The only thing worthwhile to her in her very existence.

After telling her band director that she wouldn't be able to make percussion ensemble, she had found her boyfriend of a week, Tommy, making out in the corner of the hallway with Brianne, a senior cheerleader. That had been the icing of the cake, without saying a word to him, she had turned around and left school, skipping detention to run home and lock her self in her room. Lock herself where she knew there were remedies to the pain, remedies to the ache, remedies to all the tension and screaming thoughts running rampant through her head.

She looked to her bedside table's drawer and pulled out the razor blade that she kept hidden there. The blade that had traveled from house to house with her and was always the option if things got to be too much, cause she didn't really have anyone who would care if she was gone.

"Taylor?" A knock on the door stopped her from going any further than holding it above her wrist.

"What do you want, Kat?"

"Can I come in?"

Taylor sighed, returning the blade to its spot in the drawer before closing it and wiping her face. "Yeah."

The door slowly opened and Kat walked in and sat down on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry."

Taylor turned her tear stained face to her best friend. "For what?"

"For everything. Not telling you about Tommy, for making you late, for not being here enough for you, for not being a good friend, for not noticing how close to the brink you are." She looked directly into Taylor's shocked eyes on the last statement.

Taylor looked to the floor, trying to stop any more tears from falling. "You don't have anything to apologize for, you've been a good friend to me." She said softly, picking at the carpet.

"Taylor, if I had been a good friend, I would have seen what's been going on in that mind of yours." She picked up Taylor's left wrist. "And I would have seen these." She pointed to the faint criss cross lines adorning her wrist."

Taylor jerked her arm back. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You, Taylor. That's what I'm talking about." Kat sighed, wrapping her own arms around her legs. "I kept thinking it'd go away, that you'd get better, that it was a phase, but it's not is it. Is it?" Kat turned to her quickly, grabbing her shoulders so the younger girl would look at her.

"I don't know."

"You do."

"I DON'T. Some days I'm fine, some days are okay, and then some days I want to crawl into a hole and never come back. Is that what you want to hear? Then there are other days… days that you DON'T want to hear about… days that I want to die!" Taylor stood up and walked to the other side of the room, arms wrapped around her torso, trying to comfort herself.

Kat sat back stunned. She hadn't known that it had gotten to that point, she had wondered, but hadn't known. "Tay…"

"What, Kat?"

"Have you thought about… you know getting help?"

"Can't afford it."

"Would you if you could…if I could…"

Taylor turned around and Kat almost cried herself at the naked anguish that was revealed in her eyes. "I just want to be happy."

~End Flashback~

Taylor shook her head to clear the memory. That was a different time and place. They'd all changed and Kat wasn't her strength anymore. Kat hadn't even realized that she'd gone past her breaking point again.

She slid down the wall of the bathroom, huddled in the corner and rocked herself until she felt calm again, until the numbness returned and the pain slid away to the recesses of her mind again.

Taylor took a deep breath and went to stand when all of a sudden a shrill ring sounded in the bathroom causing her to jump. She looked at the phone, attached to her belt, wondering if she should answer it. She didn't want to talk to whoever was on the other end but when the ringing kept happening, she grabbed it and hit talk. "Hello?" She answered shakily.

"Where are you?" Kat asked.

"Somewhere."

"What's going on Taylor?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't pull this shit on me!" Kat yelled into the phone. "I found a page from your diary."

Taylor sat down hard, her mouth wide open in shock. "You read my diary? How could you!"

"No. I found a page in the couch when I sat down on your notebook. What's going on Tay? Talk to me."

"No."

"Don't do this to me, Tay, I need you."

"You don't need me, Kat. No one does."

She could hear Kat begin to cry over the phone. "It's happening again, isn't it?"

"Goodbye Kat. I'll see you onstage in a few minutes."

"Don't hang up on me!"

"Kat…"

"Taylor, please."

"A few minutes…" Click

Kat stared at the phone she was holding. "I have this feeling that I won't though…"

Taylor turned back to the mirror, wiping her eyes one last time, before opening the door and walking into the hallway. Her thoughts weren't on performing, walking, and singing, anything but how she was feeling. She was in her own little world and so when she ended up flat on her back from running into something, it didn't really phase her except to disorient her a little.

"Taylor! Are you okay?"

She shook her head, trying to clear out the clouds and cobwebs from her brain and looked up to find Lance, hunched down beside her, an incredibly worried expression on his face.

She nodded. "I'm fine. I have soundcheck."

He looked at her pale face, the dead eyes, and the remnants of tears on her cheeks and shook his head. "No, you're not performing." He grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet, where she swayed.

"I have a job to do." She turned to look at him, no emotion showing on her face.

He trembled slightly, having never seen a person that closed off to their surroundings and anyone in them. "I'm sorry, but you're not. You're not well, your groupmates aren't talking and we all thought you needed some time off. You're not performing and that's final."

She relaxed visibly and almost sank into him, when he placed an arm around her shoulders to guide her out to the buses in the back. "Thank you." She whispered before shocking him by falling into a dead faint at his feet.

Lance grabbed her underneath her shoulders before she hit the floor and lowered her carefully down. "Help me!" He yelled down the hallway.

JC and Chris came running down the hallway and skidded to a halt in shock when they saw the two of them. JC ran over with Chris on his heels, and bent down beside them. "What happened?" JC asked.

"She literally ran into me when I was walking around the corner. She was heading back onstage, but… she was dead inside. She had closed off everything. I told he she wasn't performing and she resisted but then… I don't think her body could take it anymore and she slid into a faint. I grabbed right before she hit the floor." Lance explained, hurriedly, all the while, gently rubbing her fore head with the back of his hand.

JC looked down at the fragile face before turning to Chris. "Go get Mike and call an ambulance."

Chris nodded and ran to the dressing rooms where Mike and Lonny were playing poker.

JC turned to Lance. "Go get Kat. She'll want to be here."

Lance pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before standing. "Take care of her."

"I will."

Lance headed to ward the arena quickly, hoping Kat hadn't moved from where he had left her.

JC turned his attention back to the girl, lying on the floor and gently shifted an arm under her knees and under her shoulder before lifting her to his body. He pulled her close, placing her in his lap, so that she could feel his warmth and strength as they waited for the paramedics.

He looked down into her face and sighed. "Girlie, what's going on in that mind of yours? What is so bad that you aren't taking care of yourself?"

Chapter 8

Taylor woke up and looked around the unfamiliar room. The white walls, the sterile smell, and the beeping of the monitors gave away the fact that she was in a hospital but as to why she was there, she didn’t know. She looked around and found a few flower arrangements decorating the windowsill but nothing too out of the ordinary. She blinked her eyes a few times as her body began to wake fully, but she couldn’t stop the yawn. Her arm raised to cover it but she felt the tug from the IV. "What happened?" She asked out-loud, looking around curiously.

Just then, the door opened as the dayshift nurse came bouncing in to check her vitals and IV bag. "You’re awake!" She chattered away. "I’m so happy, we were a little worried there for a bit but you seem to be doing much better."

"What happened?" Taylor asked confused.

"What? You don’t know?" The nurse turned and asked.

Taylor shook her head slowly, smiling slightly.

The nurse patted her hand as she changed the bag. "You fainted out at the stadium from lack of sleep and malnutrition. You, my dear, weren’t taking care of yourself."

Taylor had the grace to blush slightly before looking at the IV and bag. "What’s this?"

"Just our way of getting the nutrients you need into your body. You should be feeling better within a few days."

"Thanks." Taylor sighed, settling back into her pillows.

The nurse patted her hand again. "You're welcome. You just get some much needed rest and feel better."

After a few minutes, Taylor struggled to keep her eyes open before giving up and sliding back into a deep sleep. The nurse must have slipped me something was her last coherent thought before the darkness overcame her again.

****************************************

Lance opened the door to Taylor’s hospital room, clutching a fist full of daisies nervously. The doctor and nurse both had told him that she was awake but as he glanced in, it seemed she had fallen back asleep.

He closed the door softly behind him then walked over to bed and pulled up a chair beside it. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear but then remembered that he was still holding the flowers. Looking around, he noticed a small vase and quickly jumped up to grab it and walked into the bathroom to fill it up.

Lance sat back down and placed the vase next to the lamp before turning back to Taylor’s sleeping form. He breathed with her as she inhaled and exhaled, afraid to do anything else for fear that she would break. He couldn’t seem to get the image of her collapsing beside him out of his head. He was glad JC had taken control of the situation and given him something to do, otherwise he didn’t think he would have been able to handle sitting there with her, unconscious, while they waited for the ambulance. Going and talking to Kat, reassuring her that Tay would be fine, had allowed him not worry and feel useful.

He reached out and gently took her hand that was curled up next to her into his grasp and gently traced the veins, glad that they were still flowing. He took a shakily inhaled deep breath before shaking his head and letting her hand drop back to the bed gently. At least I know she’s all right…

He decided to let her sleep and stood, grabbing his coat, then arranged the flowers on the nightstand so that she would see them when she awoke. He took one last look then turned to leave. Before he could change his mind though, he walked back to the bed and gently kissed her on the forehead, his lips lingering while brushing her hair out of her face. Lance drew back quickly when he heard her breathing change, grabbing his coat where he'd dropped it off the chair, he hurried out of the room, not wanting her to know that he had kissed her, even if it was just on the forehead.

Taylor sighed with a smile, her subconscious registering the warmth and security she felt as she snuggled deep into the covers, sound asleep.

***********************************************************

 "Think she's faking?"

"No, Chris, I think she's really asleep and that we should leave."

"You aren't any fun, Jace, just think if she woke up now."

"You'd probably scare her into a coma, Chris."

"Shut up, youngen."

"You usually scare me in the morning."

"I don't want to hear another peep out of you, Superfreak."

"Chris, leave her alone."

"I'm just checking to make sure she's breathing."

"The monitor says she is, now get away."

"It might lie, lets do the mirror test."

"Chris!!"

Taylor could hear voices but not words. Her face scrunched in annoyance at being woken up and as she came to, she became aware of people around her and that they were arguing.

"She's alive!" Chris said loudly, his arms flown wide to his sides as he watched Taylor's eyes flicker.

JC sat in the chair on the other side of the room and rolled his eyes. "Chris… I'm warning you." He leaned back in the chair, his body joking, but his tone, promising revenge.

Chris looked over at his groupmates and smiled evilly. As she began to awaken, he leaned close to her face, his arms resting on the bed and smiled, waiting for her blue eyes to open.

Taylor stretched before opening her eyes. Her eyes opened unfocused, while she yawned but when she blinked, she found a face peering into hers, a mischievous grin covering it. "ACK!" Taylor screamed, her body leaping from the bed in an effort to get away. She sat up, scooting back as far as she could to get away from the person before she was truly aware of who it was. "CHRIS!"

JC shook his head as Justin, Chris and Joey laughed at her expression. She looked around the room wide-eyed, just then realizing that she had visitors. Joey was sitting in the windowsill, while Justin and JC occupied the two chairs in the room. Chris was leaning again the wall, pointing and snickering at her.

"You should have seen your face."

She glared over at him. "No thanks, seeing yours was enough."

JC snickered. "I tried to get him away but its like taking a two year old with you everywhere, he doesn't listen."

"I take offense to that. I like to think that I'm at least at a five year old's maturity." Chris sniffed, before sticking his tongue out at Justin.

Justin laughed. "That's giving yourself way too much credit."

"Watch it fro-boy." Chris glared at him, raising his fists threateningly and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

Justin raised his eyebrows at the older man. "Is that a challenge?" He got up from his chair halfway, staring at Chris, his hands resting lightly on the arm rests.

"Could be." Chris acknowledged, nodding towards the door, still bouncing.

"Guys… if you're going to fight, take it outside." Lance said, stepping into the room, shutting the door slowly behind him, before turning around to face them. He had run downstairs to the cafeteria to get some coffee after being up all night out in the hallway to make sure that if Taylor needed anything, he was there. He looked at the bed and saw Taylor, sitting up, still wide-eyed in shock at the amount of people in her room. "You're awake." He moved the bag he was holding into his other hand, half hiding it behind his back so that she wouldn't see it.

"Yeah… How long was I out?" She asked, licking her lips nervously as she tried unsuccessfully not to make eye contact with anyone as she picked at the imaginary lint on the bed. She was starting to feel shy about having all of them in her room at once. Their personalities tended to overwhelm a person.

Lance crossed the room as JC moved to let him sit in the chair and moved to the windowsill next to Joey. "A day and a half. You've been in and out though." Joey told her, while looking out the window as a group of nurses walked by.

"Have you guys been here the entire time?" She asked shocked, her eyes raising to meet Lance's as he stared at her, drinking in the fact that the color was beginning to return to her cheeks and that there was a slight sparkle in her eyes.

He diverted his eyes quickly. "No, we just got here a little bit ago. Came to see if you were okay or not." He looked around the room and noticed that the entire room was looking at him, four pairs of eyes questioning why he lied and one pair asking he didn't know what.

"Actually, Lance has…" Justin started but stopped when he met Lance's angry gaze.

Taylor's quickly look over at Justin. "What?"

Justin shrugged, looking over at Lance as if to say "what now?" Lance sighed. "What Justin was going to tell you was that I got here an hour before they did to talk to the doctor." Which was almost the truth…

Justin glared at him, his eyes challenging Lance to tell her the truth that he hadn't left the hospital or her side since she had arrived in the ambulance.

Taylor took a deep breath, gulping audibly. "What…" She swallowed again. "What did the doctor have to say?" She asked, nonchalantly, although inside she was quaking with fear.

Lance met Taylor's questioning gaze, then looked around the room, catching everyone else's. His eyes sought hers again and he could see the fear and need for silence that she was projecting if the doctor had told him what she thought they had. He nodded slightly at her to let her know that he would keep it to himself. "She wouldn't tell me anything, stating simply that she would talk first to the patient when she woke up."

Taylor smiled weakly in astonishment and thankfulness. She knew it had cost him a part of himself to lie to his friends but for that she was very thankful. "Did she say when she would be in?"

"Soon."

She nodded and leaned back into the pillows. "Do you need anything, Tay?" Justin asked, concerned by the lack of energy that she had and the circles underlying her eyes.

"No, but thanks for asking. I think I just need more sleep. I wasn't getting much and I think my body just gave up."

Justin nodded, turning to look at the other guys, motioning towards the door that they should get out of the room and leave her be.

JC stood up, pushing Joey away from the window. "We'll come back later and see how you're doing, Taylor. Don't worry about the tour or anything. Everything is taken care of."

"Thanks." She whispered before rolling over onto her side and closing her eyes, shutting them out.

Lance sat there, watching as her face relaxed. "Taylor?" He said softly after arguing with himself for almost a minute, before deciding to disturb her now rather than later.

She opened an eye, looking over at him. "Yes?" She replied weakly.

He reached down for the bag that he had set beside the chair. "I saw this in the window down in the gift shop, when I bought coffee and thought you'd like it." He pulled out a stuffed bear, yellow in color with the lettering POOH written on its stomach. "They didn't have much but…"

She smiled. One of the first real smiles that she had smiled in a very long time as she sat back up. "OH, how did you know that Winnie The Pooh is my favorite Disney character? Thank you so much." She reached out for it just as he walked over to the bed and set it in her arms.

"Your welcome." He said, speechless as the realization washed over him that this was the one of the few times that he had seen her actually happy about something.

Justin saw the teddy bear then grinned evilly over at Joey. "If you like Pooh so much, you must love Joey." He said, already moving slowly towards the door.

Taylor, Lance and everyone in the room looked over at him curiously while Joey groaned and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Why do you say that, J?" JC asked.

"Because, his new nickname is Pooh." Justin said, already opening the door just as Joey lunged for him.

"I'm gonna kill you, bury you, dig you up then kill you again, pipsqueak."

"I'm no pipsqueak, superfreak." Justin called out, just as he slipped out the door. He jetted down the hallway, half slipping and half sliding as he tried to make it to the elevator before Joey could grab him.

"You will be after I hack you off at the knees." They heard yelled down the hallway.

Chris poked his head out the door, watching them sprint down the hall. "Justin's almost to the elevator, oh… wait, he just ran into a nurse. Ouch, wouldn't want to be him right now, she has a hell of a right hook. Joey's almost caught up to him… man is he slow, whoops, Joey slipped and fell, giving Justin the chance to get around the nurse and get back in the lead. Joey's up and moving, chasing after J still…"

JC pushed Chris out the door cutting him off before turning back to Taylor. "We better go and make sure they don't kill one another. Feel better."

"Thanks, JC. Your concern is appreciated." She smiled weakly, before closing her eyes and rolling back over.

He nodded and herded everyone from the room, as Taylor snuggled back under the blankets, clutching her only remembered childhood friend to her chest, her chin tucked above it.

Lance peeked into the room through the window and smiled sadly at the picture that she made with her new toy, even though she wasn't a child, she looked like a lost, fragile one all tucked into her bed, clutching the doll.

JC tapped him on the back and the two strolled down the hall, Chris ahead of them aways, hurrying after Joey and Justin. They were almost to the elevators, laughing and tossing insults at each other as patients, nurses and doctors all began to file into the hallway to figure out what the commotion was all about.

************************************************

Taylor pushed the jellied gravy around her plate, while contemplating whether or not to eat what she thought was turkey and stuffing. The turkey however looked like bologna and the stuffing like orange and green bread while the thick gravy like substance covered the entire confection. She shook her head and shoved the plate away just as the door opened.

She looked up as a tall, older woman walked in, marking on a clipboard. Taylor assumed she was the doctor, from the official white coat that covered the dark blue pantsuit that matched her blue eyes when she finally looked up and smiled at the woman who lied in the bed.

"Hi, Taylor. My name is Doctor Carter." She walked over to the bed and held out her hand.

Taylor reached out shook the lady’s hand, recognizing a firm grip when she felt one. "Hello."

"Mind if I sit down?" Dr. Carter asked, motioning to the chair beside the bed.

Taylor shook her head. "No, go ahead."

The doctor pulled the chair out and sat down, bringing it as close to the bed as she could. Taylor sat up, adjusting the pillows behind her to support her back so she could listen better without having to look over at her from lying down.

"Well, Taylor… let’s start from the beginning. Do you remember what happened?"

Taylor nodded. "The nurse filled me in on some gaps but for the most part, yes. It had been a really stressful and emotional day so I had gone to be by myself for awhile. On my way back to the stage from the bathroom, I ran into Lance and apparently collapsed."

The doctor nodded and made a note on her clipboard. "That reaction tends to happen when someone hasn’t been eating or taking care of themselves. How much weight would you say you’ve lost in the past month?"

Taylor looked down at the blanket. "I couldn’t tell you."

The doctor looked up at her from the clipboard. "Estimate."

"Probably around 30 lbs." Taylor mumbled.

The doctor again nodded. "What about sleeping? How many hours a night would you say you get?"

"Two…maybe three." Taylor spoke up a little louder.

"Uh huh. Eating habits?"

"Not much of a habit, only when I have to."

The doctor again nodded and made a few more notes on the clipboard before putting the pen down and folding her hands over her crossed knees. "Can I be frank with you?" She asked, leaning slightly forward.

Taylor nodded. "Please do."

"I’m worried. I don’t know what exactly is causing you to shut down internally but that’s what you’re doing. By not eating, not sleeping, basically just getting by on the minimum that your body needs, you’re slowly killing yourself. I don’t know if that’s your intention or what you are thinking by doing this but I can certainly tell that something is wrong in your life." She reached out and picked up one of Tay’s hands, flipping it over to the underside of her wrist. "I also don’t know how fresh or old these are." She fingered the light, white lines of faded cuts. "But this is also another major concern of mine."

Taylor continued to pick at the blanket and didn’t say anything, didn’t know what TO say.

"Are you talking to anyone?"

Taylor looked up confused. "I don’t understand."

"Are you talking to a professional?"

Taylor shook her head. "Not in an official capacity."

"If I had to diagnose you on what I see on this chart and just by looking at you, I’d say you were depressed. I would seriously consider going in and talking to someone. I had some tests run on the blood sample that we took and nothing abnormal came up so you don’t have any chemical imbalances that would need treatment."

"That’s a relief to hear." Kat said softly, closing the door behind her as she stepped into the room.

Taylor’s eyes widened in shock as the other woman walked toward the bed. "Kat…"

The doctor stood, moving the clipboard under her arm. "We want to keep you for one more night of observation and you should be able to leave tomorrow morning. Take it easy though and seriously consider my suggestion, please. I’d hate to see you back in here." She smiled before turning and leaving the room.

Kat sank down into the chair that the doctor had just vacated and stared at Taylor, trying to figure out what to say to the best friend that had always been there for her, but lately had seemed more of an acquaintance then a confidant. She took in the slight color above the paleness and the darkness behind her eyes. "Hi."

Taylor nodded. "Hey." She breathed out, tilting her head as she looked at the girl not knowing what to say.

"Dani says Hi."

"I’m sure." Taylor snorted, rolling her eyes.

Kat laughed. "Okay, so she didn’t actually say anything. Management took us off the tour for a week to let you recover so I haven’t seen her. She flew home to spend some time with her mom the day after they announced it."

Taylor smiled slightly, a mix between hurt and anger coursing through her. "That’s cool, I guess. How is Sandy?"

"Doing well apparently. Haven’t talked to her in awhile."

"Yeah me either. She’s kinda been like the mother to all of us through this wild ride, just wish she was around more visiting."

"Yeah." Kat took a deep breath. "How are you?" She asked cautiously.

"Been better." Taylor told her. "So, uh…"

"Yeah…." Kat commented, her voice drifting off because she didn’t know what to say. The two used to be able to talk for hours about nothing, but now there were only awkward silences.

Taylor picked up Pooh and ran her the tip of her finger along the bear’s face and nose, smiling as she remembered her first doll and one of her few good childhood memories. "Kat?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember when your mom took us to Disney Land?"

Kat laughed. "Oh man… we were what? Nine? Ten? You chased the guy in the Pooh suit all over the park wanting a hug and a picture taken of you with him. I think you scared whoever was in the suit to an early retirement."

Taylor smiled. "Probably. You just chased all the princes around the castle."

"I was Sleeping Beauty. I wanted my Prince." Kat laughed again. "Mom finally broke down and bought you a Pooh bear and me a crown."

"Yeah. I still have that doll." Tay sighed in reminiscence.

"I still have my crown." Kat said just as softly. "I miss her."

"I miss her too."

Taylor sighed. "Where ya been, Kat?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… why did I wake up to find the guys here and not you, my best friend?"

"I've been busy."

"If our show's been canceled, you don't have much to do. The guys have shows and they made it here, even if I didn't want to be around them, they still made the effort."

"I should probably let you sleep so we can get you out of here." Kat said awkwardly, not knowing what else to say as she stood to leave.

"What happened, Kat?"

"I've got to go."

"You don’t have to." Taylor said quietly, hurt that she wouldn't talk to her.

"No, I… I’ve got stuff to do. I'm glad you're doing better. I'll…. I'll pick you up tomorrow."

"Okay." Taylor stared down at the bear as she heard Kat walk across the floor to the door.

"Tay?"

Taylor looked up and saw Kat looking back at her with the door open. "Yeah?"

"I’m sorry for whatever it’s worth." She said, trying to make amends.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Taylor said softly. "Things change. We’ve changed." Her voice gained a bitter edge to it.

"I have a lot to be sorry for. But, I’m the most sorry for driving my friend away. I miss her. Don’t leave me, Tay. "

Taylor didn’t say anything, just shook her head sadly, as Kat smiled bitterly and walked out the door, leaving her to think about what she had said. Taylor slid back down into the bed, her arms wrapped around the bear as she nuzzled her face into the soft fur. Her eyes began to well with tears as everything that had happened that day from waking up to Chris, to the talk with her doctor, then her encounter with Kat washed over her. She sniffed and then began to cry openly as everything she was feeling came to the surface. Her arms tightened around the bear. "My only friend…" She whispered brokenly as she kissed the top of its head and continued to cry.

********************************************************

Lance and JC jumped out of the van after they parked in the hospital parking lot. "Does she know that we're coming?" JC asked as they made their way into the lobby.

Lance shook his head. "Nope. It's a surprise. Hopefully a well liked one."

JC slung an arm around his shoulder. "She's coming around. She didn't kick us out of the room yesterday."

"She didn't have the strength to."

JC sighed. "She looked so small in that bed…"

Lance looked over at his friend. "You like her don't you?"

JC's eyes widened at the tinge of jealousy that he heard in Lance's voice. "Not like that! I admire her. She's extremely talented and I would love to work with her sometime on a song. She's got this one that I…"

Lance laughed as they walked down the hall to her room. "Is that all you think about? Music?"

JC flushed guiltily. "Pretty much."

They arrived at her room and knocked before entering. "Hey, Tay!" JC called out, walking in before Lance behind her as she finished zipping up her coat.

She turned around at the sound of his voice with a confused look on her face. "What are you two doing here?"

"We came to take you back to the hotel and sign you out." Lance told her, walking over to the bed to grab her stuff for her.

She grabbed the bear before he could and held it close. "I thought Kat was coming to get me. That's what she said yesterday."

JC and Lance looked at one another. "She didn't say anything about it this morning when we saw her. Her and J were off to play a game of basketball when we ran into them on our way out the door." JC told her gently.

Taylor sank down onto the edge of the bed. "Oh. Okay. I guess."

Lance sat down beside her. "But we're here…"

She looked up at him and was jolted at the tenderness she saw in his eyes. "The only ones…" She whispered, loud enough so that only Lance heard.

He looked over at JC then turned back to her and ever so gently placed his hand on hers. "The ones that count."

JC reached over and grabbed her stuff from Lance and he helped to her feet, keeping an arm around her shoulders as they moved out the door. "We're here if you need us." Lance told her as they moved into the hallway.

She shook her head and moved away from him. "I don't need anyone…no one needs me it seems." She moved down the hallway ahead of them towards the counter to check herself out.

Lance looked over at JC shocked before rushing to catch up to her and yanked her around to face him. "That's not true."

"What?" Her eyes widened as she looked at him then down at her arm where his hand gripped it.

"I… We need you. We like having you around."

"Why?" She asked softly, looking up at him then behind to JC, who had stopped to give them some space.

"You're special, Tay. Even if you can't see it or feel it, we do." Lance told her softly.

Her eyes began to tear up. "How…"

Lance's eyes flickered back and forth as he drank in her face. "How do I know you so well? I can't explain it. I just do." He tapped her nose with his index finger softly. "Anyone can read what you're feeling just by looking at you, really looking. I guess I just took the time to read you."

"No one…"

"I know, Tay. You don't have to say it. I know."

A few tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at the one person who could actually read her and see exactly what she was feeling. She didn't even have to explain, he just KNEW. "I…"

Lance pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Time seemed to stop as she melted into him seeking relief from the world. He blinked to hold back his own tears and tightened his hold around her. He didn't see JC walk past them to the nurse's station to sign her release papers nor did he hear the bustle of nurses and doctors as they went by, doing their daily jobs. All he could see was the fragile blonde girl that he held in his arms that had come to him to seek his comfort.

Taylor sighed as she pressed her wet cheek against Lance's chest. For the first time in months she felt safe and happy, but who knew for how long this feeling would last. A day, a week… a minute?

Chapter 9

JC turned the corner into the parking lot and saw the crew working hard to pack the buses up. "Looks like we made it back in time." He said nonchalantly, even though inside he was seething that they were to be on the road minutes after picking up Taylor.

Lance looked over at JC and they both rolled their eyes over the situation but there wasn't anything they could do. Taylor wasn't paying any attention, she was too busy staring off into space, still hurt that Kat hadn't come to get her or at least have come along. They pulled up next to the buses and Lance jumped out of the van to open the side door for Taylor. JC climbed out of the driver's side, grabbing her bag on his way out. Lance held out his hand and she took it cautiously. "Watch your step" He told her.

"I'm not broken, Lance." She said softly, stepping into the sunlight out of the dark vehicle.

"I know." He said just as softly, although his eyes contradicted his words.

She looked around the parking lot and finally took notice that all the buses were being loaded up. "Time to move on already?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her tone calm, even though inside her insides were churning.

He nodded. "They gave us as much time as they could but apparently we've got a schedule to keep." He shrugged, trying to play it off. He watched her, hoping her face would change to reveal any emotion, but it remained neutral.

She shrugged. "It's a job, guess we have to keep the fans happy, right, no matter the cost?"

He chucked her under the chin, staring directly into her eyes, trying to calm the storm that he knew was going on inside her head. "No worries. Got it."

Her eyes widened in shock at the ease with which he had done that. No one touched her and he seemed to be doing it more frequently and it unnerved her. It wasn't anything overwhelming so much as little gestures, a squeeze of her hand, a quick hug, a chuck under the chin. All within the last few days since she had been admitted into the hospital. She nodded, unable to speak before turning towards her bus, him trailing after her trying to figure out what he had done to silence her so quickly.

"Taylor, wait up." He called out, just as she was about to board her bus.

She turned around to face him, her blonde hair framing her face, her green eyes showing nothing except for a faint glimmer of fear. "What?"

"Are you sure about the sleeping arrangements… if you don't feel comfortable…we have an extra bunk on our…"

She smiled softly, before interrupting him. "I'll be fine, but thanks. Thanks for asking." She walked on board and disappeared down the hall, leaving Lance with the picture of her small smile in his head. He kept staring at the doorway of the bus and didn't realize that someone had walked up behind him until he saw a hand waving in front of his face. He turned and saw Kat smiling at him, one hand clutching the basketball under her arm, the other waving in his face.

"You okay? You looked a little lost there." She said, swiping at her sweaty hair that was falling into her face.

He shook his head to clear away the fragile image of Taylor. "Fine. I'm fine." He turned to walk away but stopped and turned back to the girl. "So why didn’t you pick up Taylor from the hospital? She said, you told her you would." He tried to get the question to come out as if he didn't really care one way or another but it came out biting instead, his wanting to protect Taylor from harm surfacing.

Kat took a step backwards away from the attack. "She's back?"

Lance sneered at her. "Yeah, where else did you think JC and I were heading out earlier? For lunch?"

"I… I was going to…. But… "

"Time got away from you?"

"I guess you could say that. I was honestly going to go after J and I were done…" She trailed off, not able to meet his eyes.

"Right and I'm the Pope. Why did you tell her you would if you had no intentions of going?"

"Where do you get off attacking me like it's any of your business?" She jerked her head up to glare at him.

"It's my business when I end up picking up the pieces of your mess."

"Don't play Mr. Self Righteous with me, buddy…" She pointed a finger into his chest. "You don't have a clue as to what's going on around here."

"Then why don't you "clue" me in, then." He asked her.

"I don't have time."

She turned to leave and board the bus, but Lance grabbed her arm, staying her. "You have plenty of time to go and play basketball with a nineteen year old boy but not enough to sit and talk to me. I don't get you, Kat. Is it the boys' looks? You're tossing aside your friendship with Tay for Justin? What?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"NO, but you have to explain to the blonde that's probably all curled up in her bunk right now why her best friend was out playing BASKETBALL when she was supposed to be picking her up from the hospital!"

Kat shook her head. "We're through here Lance. Let go of me."

"Fine answer me one thing…"

She jerked her arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. "What?"

"What is life like on that bus for her?" He asked softly.

Lance saw what Taylor went through in the few seconds Kat couldn't mask the hurt in her eyes before she closed off. "It's hard. No one talks unless they have to and Dani is always making some snide comment. That one chatters non-stop but Tay and I, we keep to our corners and keep the peace that way."

"Kat, you know her better than anyone… this collapse… could it happen again?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Tay's gone through a lot over the years. She's a strong individual. I don't think it will…"

"But…"

"But, I don't know Tay anymore. I don't know what's going on inside her head, I don't know her like I used to. I wish to God I did, so I could tell you what you want to hear but I can't. I just can't read her anymore."

"Should she be on that bus, is what I'm asking?"

Kat didn't say anything, she shook her head and climbed on board. "Kat!" He called out.

When she reached the top, she turned to face him. "No, she shouldn't be. I think Dani and I are killing her to be very honest. I think she's dying inside and I can't stop it." Kat whirled around and walked quickly out of his sight as she went farther into the bus, leaving Lance to contemplate what she had said.

JC walked up behind him, not knowing if he should interrupt the younger man's thoughts. After debating, he walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. "You okay?"

Lance turned and sighed. "Yeah… I…"

"Don't sweat the hard stuff. You can't fix everything." JC told him.

"I know, but with her…"

"You want to fix everything. You can't, Lance, you're just one individual. What she's going through… if she wants help, she'll ask, you can't force it."

"I know." Lance sighed again before turning to walk away from the bus.

"But…" JC grinned and held out Taylor's bag. "You can go and give this to her."

Lance shook his head with a small grin. "I can't believe you're giving me an excuse to board the girl's bus…"

"I can't believe you need one." JC returned the grin.

Lance grabbed the bag and turned back to the girl's bus. "Thanks JC."

"No problem. I don't want that girl hurt anymore than you do."

Lance walked up the steps of the bus and looked down the hallway. The bus looked just like theirs but with different colors. He could hear a the music from a video game coming from the back but the silence besides that was deafening. You could literally cut the tension in the air with a knife. "Taylor?" He called out from the front of the bus.

Taylor sat in her bunk, writing in her journal about the past few days when she heard someone call her name. She sighed and rolled over, opening the curtain. "In here." She said softly.

Lance walked down the hall toward the bunks, hunching down next to hers when he got to the open curtain. "Nice place you got here." He smiled at her.

She looked at him incredulously. "Is that why you came over here, to tell me I've got a nice bunk?"

"No, thought you might want your stuff." He said, holding up her bag.

She laughed quietly. "Yeah, having my hair brush and make-up might help things along in the morning, thanks." She reached out to take the overnight bag but stopped when he held it out of reach.

"We don't have a concert tonight and we'll be stopping at a hotel. Why don't you come and hang put with us till we get to the next hotel."

She shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm just going to stay here and be quiet. Catch up on some reading." She reached over and held up the paperback book that was stuck in the crevice between the mattress and the wall.

He set the bag down and grabbed her hands pulling her to a sitting position and half out the bunk. "I'm not going to take NO as an answer. Come on the guys want to make sure for themselves that you're all right. You gave Joey quite the scare, he couldn't sleep last night in fear that you wouldn't come back."

"Now you're trying for the guilt trip." She eyed him carefully.

He looked at her tongue in cheek. "Is it working?"

She sighed. "Lance… I've got a lot of stuff to do…"

"Nothing that can't be brought to our bus and done there. JC, could help you with your music, I listen real well and don't yell. You can play video games with Justin and Joey and Chris are always good for a laugh."

"I don't know…"

He stuck his bottom lip out and pouted, giving her the puppy dog look. "Please…."

She gritted her teeth and glared at him. "That's not going to work."

He stuck his face up into hers. "PLEASE!"

She laughed and shoved him away. "Why do I have this feeling that if I don't say yes, all five of you will bombard OUR bus?" She folded her arms over her chest as she watched him.

"Now there's an idea… hadn't thought of that one. Let me go tell all of them that we'll be traveling over here tonight." He stood up to leave but got dragged down when she grabbed his arm.

"No, you weren't supposed to take… oh never mind. I'll go. Let me get my stuff." She crawled out of the bunk and turned to grab a few things to put in the bag that was already out for her.

Lance looked up when he saw Kat standing in the doorway. He couldn't read her expression, but she flashed him a thumbs up before turning to head back into the lounge.

"I'm ready." She told him, standing up, as she zipped the bag closed.

"Good." He placed his hand on her back and led her to the front of the bus, only to stop cold when someone climbed on.

"Hey Lance, how ya been?" Dani smiled up at him. She looked over his shoulder and saw Taylor, who had frozen in place the minute she had realized who was speaking.

"Fine, Dani. How was your 'vacation'?" He asked her.

"It was Great! Went home and saw Sandy, spent some time lying on the beach, only one fan attack. Overall a nice relaxing trip."

"Good glad you got some down time. Tay, ready?" He turned and held his hand out to her, pleading with his eyes for her to take it and accept some of his strength.

"Taylor, how are you?" Dani gushed, pushing Lance out of the way, before Tay could take his hand.

"Fine. Thanks for asking. How's Sandy?"

"She's good. Asked about you and Kat of course. I told her you were both doing really well and missed her."

"Lying to your own Mom now." Tay asked her quietly. "No wonder she didn't call, did you event ell her where I was?"

"Actually no, I just told her we were on a break and that's why I came home." Dani smirked at her.

"I…" Taylor just shook her head and pushed past her.

"You can't have her Taylor. She's my mother." Dani told her softly.

Taylor turned around to face the other girl. "I don't want her Dani. But it is nice to have someone to talk to every now and then. And for the record, she's not even really your mother you know, she's your step-mother."

"I know that!" Dani spat.

"Just reminding you." Taylor said sweetly before turning and leaving the bus.

Lance just shook his head and turned to follow Taylor, but Dani stopped him. "Where are you two going?"

Lance turned and looked at her disgustedly. "Anywhere that you're not." He climbed off the bus and hurried to catch up with Taylor who was already halfway to his bus.

Taylor climbed the steps hurriedly, boarding the other bus as she tried to fight off the tears that were building up behind her eyes. "Taylor!" She could hear Lance yelling her name behind her as he tried to catch up after being ambushed by Dani but she didn't care. She just wanted a hole to crawl into.

"Taylor?" She looked up and found JC standing there with an apple halfway up to his mouth. "Are you okay? You do realize that you're on the wrong bus?"

She took a deep breath. "Lance invited me over." She didn't say anything else, just walked over and plopped down at the table, putting her head down on her crossed arms.

Lance climbed the stairs as quickly as he could and stopped cold at the scene before him. JC was sitting down at the kitchen table with Taylor, munching on an apple, while telling a funny story from the look on Taylor's face, because she was smiling so wide that the pureness of it wiped the breath from Lance's lungs.

"So…" crunch crunch "This girl gets past security and wanders down the hall, clutching the polaroid camera, unbeknown to any of us right. Our rooms are always at the end of the hall and because we rent the entire floor, we don't usually have to worry about strangers coming into our rooms. Justin and Lance were rooming together, Joey and I shared a room and it was Chris' turn to be by himself."

Lance came out of his stupor just in time to hear what JC was saying. "Oh don't tell her that one." He groaned, slipping in beside Taylor at the table.

"No, continue, please." She asked quickly. "If this is about Lance…" She looked over impishly. "I've got to hear it."

Lance groaned again, then took off where JC left off. "Okay so like JC said, sometimes we leave the doors open, well this time was one of them. I was in the shower and Justin must've left the room for something and left the door open. This girl comes into the room looking for souveneirs. She dug through my and J's bags, taking photos and rummaging through for a souveneir I guess. She finally grabbed a pair of J's boxers and we think was about to leave when I came out of the shower. Both of us stopped dead in our tracks, I was so shocked to see this teenage girl in our room that I lost my hold on the towel. I tried to grab it but not before she got ahold of herself and snapped a picture."

Taylor took one look at his red face and started to laugh. She couldn't stop. She looked over at JC who grinned back at her and before she knew it, he was laughing with her. Lance just shook his head and finished the story. "Security came running when they heard my shout and confiscated everything that she had taken and her camera and film, but the humiliation…." He shook his head again. "Gave that girl a free show I did."

JC looked over at him tongue in cheek. "She's probably a Lance fan for life after that."

Lance grabbed an apple off the counter and threw it at him. "You just wait your turn. It'll happen to you. Or better yet, you just end up flashing the entire audience all the time. I think our wardrobe ladies break your zipper on purpose."

JC smiled. "They probably do, cause they know I'm the better looking out of all of us."

"I don't think so, C." A new voice spoke out. "Everyone knows I'm the best." Justin pushed JC out of the way and slid in beside him.

JC glared at him before sliding over completely. "Make yourself comfortable why don't you?"

Justin laughed. "Don't mind if I do." He turned and looked at everyone seated at the table and his eyes widened slightly when Taylor's presence registered. "Hey chicky boo, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

She shrugged. "Thought I'd come say HI."

"You with us till we reach the next town?" The bus decided to start up at that point and pull out of the parking lot.

"Guess so." She smiled shyly at him before turning to JC who was still eating his apple. "Know anymore good stories?"

Crunch crunch "Give me a minute…" He told her finishing off his apple in two large bites before tossing the core into the sink for the garbage disposal.

Justin turned and looked at Lance before letting the grin he was holding back surface. "I could tell you some good ones…" he started before Lance cut him off.

"I don't think she needs to hear those, J." Lance told him, giving him a look to silence him.

Justin leaned back in the booth. "Oh, is there something you're holding back Jimmy?" Justin smiled sweetly at him, wiggling his eyebrows up and down to goad him.

"No."

Taylor watched the interplay between the two as if she was watching a tennis match. "You guys are too much. Why haven't you killed each other yet?"

Justin grinned evilly at Lance before turning to Taylor. "To be honest… I don't know. We're like brothers, I guess. Know too much about the other but love the company… and the violence that comes with it, right Lance?" Justin smiled quickly over at him.

"Oh definitely. Wait till I get my hands on you later."

Justin laughed. "Oooh Kinky. Not in front of the lady."

Lance groaned. "Tay, ignore the kid."

Taylor just continued to listen to them in complete fascination. The girls never interacted like this on her bus. Not even when they were getting along. They all had their own choices and paths, sure they would talk and catch up, play the friend parts, but it was almost as if they had never been truly friends in the first place. They reminded her of Kat and her before they had started Dolphin's Cry. Before all the pressure and the glamour had hit their world.

JC watched her as she watched them and was fascinated because he could actually see her mind working. The only other one that he could do that with was Lance. They both, when their walls were down, were completely open with the world, but when the walls were up, completely emotionless it seemed. "Hey Tay…"

She looked up, not wanting to stop watching the two friends bicker back and forth in jest. "Yes…"

"Did you ever finish that one song?" He placed his head in his folded hands and turned his blue eyes on her full force.

She groaned. "What is with you guys and the puppy dog look?"

"We just know that no red-blooded female can resist." Lance told her, placing his head on her shoulder.

She looked down at him shocked and scooted away from his so that his head came off her shoulder before turning back to JC. "What song would that be? I'm working on several."

"The one I want to get my hands on, you know the one."

She sighed before reaching down into her bag and digging around for her music folder. She pulled out the blue folder and placed it on the table. After flipping through a few pieces of paper, she pulled out two sheets and waved it under his nose. "You mean this one?" She smiled at him.

JC caught a few lines of the song while she was waving it around and smiled. "That's it." He reached out to grab it but she put it back in the folder and closed it.

"Nope. No one sees my work till its finished." She smirked at him, before leaning back in the booth.

Justin laughed at the smug look on her face and the shocked look on JC's. "THAT was priceless. Oh man…you're face, C…" Justin laughed so hard that JC finally shoved him out of the booth, where he landed on the floor with a hard thud. That didn't phase Justin any, he just looked up at the people staring down at him, and started laughing again.

Lance rolled his eyes. "He hasn't taken his medication yet today."

Justin stopped laughing long enough to kick Lance. "That's Chris, get it right."

Taylor looked down at Justin's pouting face and laughed along with the rest of the guys. "You guys…" She shook her head. "and on that note, I think I'm going to get some work done." She looked around. "I'm sure one of you has a guitar… could I borrow one that is preferably tuned?"

Lance laughed as JC and Justin both turned to her, looking offended. "Ours are ALWAYS tuned."

She leaned back with a smirk. "Well can I borrow one?"

Justin jumped up. "You can use mine. It's sounds better than C's."

JC glared at him. "Now that's a matter of opinion."

Justin stuck his tongue out before bouncing back to his bunk to get his guitar.

Lance chuckled to himself. "I think this is going to be an interesting few hours."

JC and Taylor turned and looked at him curiously. "Why do you say that?" Taylor asked.

"Cause now Justin can pick on you and leave me alone and I can sit back and watch the show."

Taylor's mouth dropped open in shock as JC coughed, covering his mouth to cover his grin. "Excuse me?" She stuttered.

Lance turned and grinned at her, smiling the one that sends millions of teenage girls into a frenzy. "You heard me."

Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds, before beginning to beat in double time as the full impact of that cocky smile hit her. She shook her head then picked her jaw up and pushed him out of the booth, sending him flying just as Justin bounded back in. "Good thing she wasn't holding the guitar just then I take it." He smiled cheekily.

JC laughed. "She's feeling frisky, J. I'd watch it if I were you." He secretly agreed with Lance though about this trip, but not about Justin and Taylor but the interplay that was going to happen between Taylor and Lance. She wasn't as immune to him as they had all thought in the first place.

Taylor grabbed the guitar from Justin's outstretched hands and walked towards the back lounge.

"Uh, Taylor…I wouldn't…" Justin began before shrugging and sitting down at the table, letting her wander back. "She'll figure out soon enough that back there is NOT the best place to go to play."

Usually the lounge in her bus was always empty so she immediately headed back to the guys', not thinking that there were two more people on this bus. She opened the door and was confronted with two males jumping on the couches screaming at the TV. "POUND HIM!"

"GET HIM!"

"What kind of hold was THAT?"

"WUSS!"

All of a sudden both males groaned and collapsed on the couches. "I can't believe him." Chris stated.

"The Rock totally had that guy, I can't believe he gave up at the end." Joe groaned, rolling onto his stomach, still watching the TV.

Taylor stood wide-eyed in the doorway. The television was blaring as men dressed in spandex suits paraded around a ring before slamming each other into the mat. She couldn't believe they were back here watching wrestling. She hadn't even heard them while she was up front.

Chris looked up right then and caught her standing there. "TAYLOR!" He jumped up, grabbing her in a huge bear hug.

"Uh, Hi Chris." She said, holding the guitar to the side so that it wouldn't get crushed.

"I didn't know you were here. How are you feeling? Any better? Do you need anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine but thanks for asking. Lance invited me over so I took him up on it."

Chris eyed her closely before nodding. "Probably a good idea." He pulled her over to the couch and made her sit. "So whatcha doing?"

Joe laughed as he noticed the guitar dangling loosely from her fingertips. "Hey Tay. Looks like she wanted to play, Chris."

Chris began to bounce up and down. "Play for us. I haven't heard you play or sing. Would you?"

She looked around nervously before shrugging. "Why not… you can hear the new song I just finished and give me your opinion on it"

Chris and Joe looked at each other in shock, before leaning back to listen. Taylor strummed a few chords, warming up the guitar while humming a few notes before she began to sing.

You know it only breaks my heart

To see you standing in the dark alone

Waiting there for me to come back

I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you

Like it's coming over me

I'm crashing like a tidal wave

That drags me out to sea

And I wanna be with you

And you wanna be with me

I'm crashing like a tidal wave

And I don't wanna be

Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded

I can only take so much

These tears are turning me to rust

I know you're waiting there for me

To come back

I'm too afraid to show

Chorus

I miss you, I need you

Without you, I'm stranded

I love you, so come back

I'm not afraid to show

Chorus

~Stranded by Plum~

Taylor let the last chord ring through the small room before looking up at her audience. She hadn't noticed Justin, Lance and JC enter the room while she had been playing so she jerked in shock to find five people in the room instead of two. "Oh, Hi." She said, startled.

"Thought you were working, not performing." Justin told her.

She glared at him. "Well someone forgot to tell me the back was occupied."

He smiled and shrugged. "Someone forgot to ask."

"Told you she was feeling punchy." JC spoke up, from where he was slouching in the doorway.

Taylor rolled her eyes. "I'm feeling cranky is what I'm feeling."

All the guys leaned away from her. "Is that like you trying to tell us that you're PMSing?" Chris asked.

Taylor groaned. "That was such a male comment right there that I'm not even going to deem it with an answer."

Lance sat down on the couch and just watched her. He loved to sit and watch her talk and sing, she always got a bit of color in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled with life whenever music was involved. It was a refreshing change after seeing her so lifeless on the floor of the venue hallways when she collapsed and then hooked up to tubes in the hospital.

"Lance?"

He jerked out of the daze to find everyone in the room staring at him. "What?" he asked, blushing, at being caught staring at Tay.

"Just making sure you were home. You were seriously zoning there bud." Joe told him, before turning and flipping the TV on.

Taylor groaned. "So much for practicing." She looked around the room before zeroing in on JC. "You must be able to work in this madness, where do you go?"

He chuckled. "The front. It's the quietest place here."

She nodded and stood. She stretched, straightening her back out from being hunched over then walked back to the kitchen area.

Everyone in the room turned to look at Lance who was still staring at the spot where she had stood. Justin laughed and slapped Lance upside the head. "Dude, you've got it bad."

Lance came back from dreamland and shook his head. "Sorry. But just…look at her."

They all nodded, some rolling their eyes, some yawning to cover up the grins. He could deny it all he wanted, but they all knew that his attraction to the blonde girl went past her looks and centered more around his need to protect and nurture her.

Taylor sighed as she sat down on one of the couches in front, silence except for the quiet music that the driver was listening to. "Finally….peace and quiet." She said to herself as she grabbed her folder and opened it up to the song JC was dying to get his hands on. "Why does he like this drivel so much?" She cringed as she strummed a few bars and tuned the guitar up a step. She had been working on this song since she was a senior in high school and had first met Tommy, who she had thought was the love of her life before the whole Brianne incident. It was going to be their song, she had told him, but when they broke up, she stopped working on it, picking it up every now and then to change a bar or add a line. She just didn't have the same drive to write a love song as when she first started to work on it.

She strummed the opening and began to sing quietly. She didn't know why she had a yearning desire to finish it lately, all she knew was she dreamed about being loved and comforted every night and those feelings lingered during the day, making her want to finish the song. To have someone who felt like this for her… and her for him, was her dream, the one she knew would never be fulfilled.

JC stood in the doorway and listened to her sing. He knew a hit when he heard one but he couldn't figure out what kept her from finishing the song. Maybe if offered his help… they could finish it together. "That would be a great duet." He spoke up, watching her head raise, her eyes meeting his.

She shrugged. "It's not finished and I doubt it ever will be." She put the music away, pulling out the one she had meant to start work on.

"Why do you say that?" He asked, sitting down at the table across from her.

"All my songs are from my heart… I… I started this one awhile ago and… I just don't have the passion behind it as much as I used to."

"Don't have the inspiration?" He asked softly.

She nodded. "Exactly."

JC laughed. "You don't have to be in love to write a love song, look at some of our stuff, written on a flight to San Francisco or on the bus while we were all fighting or other odd incidents where love didn't factor in at all."

She didn't laugh with him, but just stared at him. "I don't want it to be a lie though. I started it with the best of intentions and I want to finish it with them."

JC sobered up enough to be able to tell that she was serious. "I admire you, you know." He told her.

"What?"

"I admire you. You're dedication and drive to music. I wish I had the same passion to make the words real as you do." He stood up to leave her alone.

"Thank you." She said softly, shocked by the compliment.

He shrugged. "No problem. I mean it." He left the room, leaving her sitting there stunned and thinking about what he had said.

She picked up the guitar and plucked out a few notes but her heart just wasn't in the music anymore. She set the guitar down and rifled through her music till she came across the song again. Re-reading the first stanza and chorus made her smile to herself and remember what it was like to feel the way that was written on the paper. She closed her eyes but instead of seeing Tommy's eyes, a pair of green ones worked their way into her mind's eye. She curled up on the couch, papers scattered around her as she fell asleep, dreaming about her song and the color green.

Chapter 10

JC walked back to the lounge after talking with Taylor and claimed the first seat that he could find. They were all crowded around the television watching "Friday" for the millionth time that tour. "Is this all we watch anymore?" He asked.

"Pretty much, unless you want to splurge and buy another movie." Justin told him, laughing at all the humorous parts.

JC rolled his eyes. "It's not like we don't have any other movies, J."

Justin shrugged, ignoring him as his eyes remained fixed on the TV. JC slumped back on the couch, not really wanting to sit and veg so much as talk. He drummed his fingers against the armrest, then shifted, trying to get comfortable. He watched the movie for a little bit before beginning to move around restlessly again. He finally started tapping his foot to the rhythm that was going on inside his head until he pretty much had the entire room glaring at him. He looked around innocently as they all stared at him.

"What is your problem, man?" Joey asked him.

JC smiled, grabbing the remote and shutting the TV off as they all groaned in unison at the loss of their toy. "I wanted to talk to you guys about Taylor."

Lance swallowed before asking the question on all their minds. "What about Taylor?"

JC looked over at him. "Don't you of all people pull that, we all know how you feel about her."

Lance eyes widened as he quickly looked out the door to se if she was standing there. "I don't know what you mean."

Chris laughed then twisted his face into a pucker as he began to make kissy faces at him. Lance glared at him. "Do I have to teach you a lesson…"

Chris smirked. "I'd like to see you try."

"Guys!" JC said. "We're getting off track here. I'm really worried about that girl out there."

"I thought that was Lance's line, Jace." Joey leaned back against the couch, his arms along the back of it.

"Funny, Joey." Lance's head jerked over to look at his friend. "What is this 'everyone voice Lance's inner thoughts' day?"

"I could voice a few." Justin spoke up from his spot on the floor. "He talks in his sleep. You should've heard him the other night…"

Lance shot him a dirty look. "That wasn't an open invite, J. Shut it."

That caused everyone to crack up, before JC sobered up and got serious again. "From what I've noticed, she's all right when you get her away from the other two girls. They tend to drag her down."

Joey nodded. "They treat her like crap."

"Very deep, Joe. Want to get more involved there…" Chris looked over at Joe like he was crazy. "Anything else to add…"

Joe thought about it for a minute before answering. "No, I think that about sums it up."

Justin shook his head. "I don't know, they're all great girls. I've been hanging out a lot with Kat and Dani individually and… it’s weird, you get them alone and the tension and cattiness isn't there, but get them together and it's like mixing oil and water."

JC looked down at his hands that were still drumming. "That's what I'm talking about. I don't think Taylor should be around them."

Lance squirmed in his seat not knowing how to contribute to the conversation. He just didn't feel right talking about her when she was in the other room. "Guys, I don't think it's our decision to make, plus maybe we should hold off on this till later. She is in the other room if you hadn't noticed."

"She's asleep, Lance. She can't hear us." Justin said, looking down the hallway at the sleeping figure on the couch that was a few feet away from their driver.

Lance shook his head. "I still don't feel comfortable." He stood up and left the room, walking over to his bunk and climbed in.

************************************

Taylor rolled over on the couch, knocking the guitar to the floor with a crash, although she wasn't aware of what was happening as she was still asleep. The dream gripped her subconscious and she was unable to come out of it.

"Don't run." The voice told her urgently.

Taylor whirled around. She was standing on a cliff, the wind whipping her hair and body as she moved toward the voice instinctively even though she couldn't see the mystery person. "I'm not."

"Yes you are. Please don't leave me."

She turned to the left but the person wasn't there. "I can't see you. Who are you?"

"Don't leave me." The voice said again.

She turned to the right but again she couldn't see the person. "Where are you?"

"With you always." The voice came in on the wind.

By then she was standing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the waves crashing against the rocks down below. She stared down at the white water, rolling in against the cliff then moving back out to sea. The sun was setting, coloring the water a bright red and yellow as it slowly faded into a gentle rose. The wind calmed as a moment of serenity finally came over her. She didn't feel the pain, she didn't feel numb; she finally felt at peace. It was almost as if the water was calling out to her.

"Don't."

She whirled around and found a man shadowed against the setting sun standing behind her. "Don't what?"

"Don't leave me."

Her eyes widened. "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. You keep saying that but I'm not going anywhere."

"You'll try. Just listen to your heart this time and don't try to leave. I couldn't stand it if you left me."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Taylor's eyes widened. "I… I don't understand. How can you love me when I don't even know you." She took a step back toward the cliff's edge.

The man held up a hand, trying to stop her. "Don't run away. I don't mean to confuse you."

She shook her head, the calm leaving her body. "Don't come near me. Who are you?"

She asked, another step closer to the edge.

"Be careful." He said urgently, taking a step towards her, trying to stop her from moving.

"No." Taylor almost yelled, panic setting in as she took another step, then another, her foot hitting the gravel on the cliff's edge, sending her slipping over the edge.

*****************************************

Lance tossed and turned restlessly in his bunk. "No, Taylor…" He mumbled, in his sleep. "Don't…"

Lance wandered along a path in the woods. A woman strode along the path in front of him, the wind whipping her hair violently as she walked. He couldn't tell who it was at first, but then she turned around and his eyes met hers, although no recognition was seen in her eyes.

"Taylor!" He yelled out, but the wind carried his words away from her.

He tried to catch up with her but she kept moving farther away from him and he had no chance of catching up. "Don't leave me." He yelled out. "Don't leave me alone."

He hurried along the path yelling at her to stop. "Don't run."

He finally found himself at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean. She was standing at the edge, a serene look upon her face, just staring as the sun set and the waves crashed loudly. She looked like she wanted to jump into the water and be carried out to sea with it. His heart began to beat faster and the only thing he could of was to stop her.

"Don't leave me." He said again, this time she heard him and turned around.

Once again, she didn't recognize him. "Who are you?" She asked.

He didn't know how to answer that. His heart leapt into his throat, choking him. "I love you."

She shook her head. "I don't know who are. Please go away." She took a step back toward the gravel along the edge.

He held out a hand. "Be careful. The rocks are loose."

She shook her head, the wind picking up again, whipping her hair around her face. "I don't understand. Leave me alone. You don't love me, no one does."

"I do." Lance told her, moving forward quickly as her steps backward picked up.

"No one does." Her voice came to him on the wind just as her foot hit the rocks, sending her careening over the edge.

"No!" Lance screamed out, running, trying to grab her hand before she fell to the rocks and her death.

**************************************

Taylor's arm wrenched as the mystery person grabbed her wrist, stopping her fall to the water. The feeling of peace settled around her again. "Let me go." She said softly, looking up at him.

"I won't let you go." He told her, placing his other hand around her wrist.

"You have to." She said. "Please."

Her face went pale as his face finally came into focus. Those green eyes. She knew those eyes. "I won't… I love you."

She shook her head. "No, you don't. I'm all alone but I'm finally going to a place where I can be happy."

"No." He said, urgently. "You can't leave me. I won't let you."

She struggled to reach her hand up from where she was dangling, but she managed and patted his cheek. "I love you too, you know. I always will, but I can't exist like this."

She watched his eyes fill with tears. "I can make you happy. My love will get us through this." He whispered, his voice floating down to her on the wind.

The wind picked up, whipping their arms, causing him to lose his grasp on her wrist. She could tell that he was struggling. "Just let go. I'll be with you always."

"No…"

He struggled to pull her up but the sky opened up and it began to pour. The rain made her skin slick and his grip loosened up and he could feel her arm slipping through his fingers. She looked deeply into his eyes. "Please."

*******************************************

Lance caught her just as she fell off the edge. "Hang on. I won't let go."

She looked up at him, her eyes calm. She wasn't scared at all. "Let me go." She told him.

"I can't. I love you." He managed to get out over the lump of panic that was rising up his chest. "Let me pull you up."

The wind picked up, making his grip loosen. He reached down, his body lying on the ground as he moved his other hand to lock on her wrist. "Hang on."

She shook her head. "Please let me go." She whispered, her gaze watching the water below her.

"I can't. You're too important to me. Why can't you understand that I love you and need you with me always?"

She looked up at him for the first time and he could feel the wind shake their bodies. He saw the spark of recognition as their eyes met for the first time. "I do love you…but… I can't do this anymore, love. Let me go so that I can be happy." She reached up and cupped his cheek.

"No, I'm not letting go. Come on, help me get you up." He said, struggling against the weight of her.

"Let me go, Lance. I can't exist like this."

The wind whipped violently against their bodies as the rain began to pour. "I have to pull you up, don't let go, please. I can do this. Don't leave me."

The rain soaked their bodies and made their skin slick, causing his grip to loosen and slide up her hand. He tried to grab a hold of her again but she slipped through his fingers. She looked up at him expectantly. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. I love you… " Then he watched her fall and listened to her scream.

**********************************************

Lance sat up with a start, his breathing ragged, his face pale. He lifted a shaking hand to his forehead and wiped the sweat that was soaking his body and dripping down his face. He laid a hand against his chest to try and calm his breathing and heart rate. The dream had been so real, he couldn't get it out of his head; he could still hear the shrillness of her scream as she fell to the waves.

His eyes widened and he jumped out of his bunk when another scream tore through the bus. He hurried down the hall and knelt beside her, gathering her into his arms as she continued to scream as she dreamed. "Taylor." He patted her back. "Wake up. It's just a dream."

He could feel her shaking as her arms crept up his back to encircle his neck. "Shhh." He murmured.

Her hold tightened as she awoke with the dream still fresh in her mind. "Don't let go." She whispered.

He jumped in shock at her words because they were the same ones that he had been saying over and over in his dream. He tightened his arms around her, nuzzling his face down into her shoulder as he held her close.

Joe and JC stood in the doorway, with Chris and Justin behind them, watching the two hold onto each other for dear life, neither looking like they wanted to let go. When they had heard the initial scream they had all jumped up and hurried out but Lance had gotten to her first. JC noted that Lance looked like he had been woken out of a deep sleep, his hair matted with sweat, his shirt soaked also but he didn't care. He just sat there with his arms around Tay, his eyes closed as he held her.

Joe motioned them towards the back to give them some privacy and they headed back to the lounge to watch the end of the movie. "What do you think happened?" Justin whispered.

Chris shrugged. "Nightmare probably."

"Think she's okay?" Justin asked, looking back to where Lance was swaying slightly trying to comfort her as the tears began to fall.

Chris sighed. "I hope so. That was a nasty scream. She sounded absolutely terrified."

Justin shuddered. "Sent chills down my spine."

Chris nodded in agreement. "I thought she was dying. To be honest." He sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote, unpausing the movie.

"As did we all." JC said, sighing as he looked back down the hall.

Taylor leaned back and rubbed her eyes, "Sorry."

Lance leaned back on his heels. "No problem. Not the first time, my shirt's been soaked with a girl's tears. You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah…"

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing her. "Wanna talk about whatever it was?"

She stared off into space. The dream still clouding her vision. She shook her head. "No. I'll be okay."

Lance sighed. "Okay, I won't press but whatever it was…"

She nodded, staring at the wall. "Not pretty."

He leaned over and took her hand in his. "I'm here if you need me."

"He let go." She whispered, not paying attention, still remembering.

Lance's eyes widened. "What?" He asked, remembering the dream that had awoken him.

She shook her head to clear it. "Nothing. It was nothing."

Lance didn't think it was nothing. "What happened in your dream? Someone let go?"

She sighed. "It wasn't anything. I was standing on a cliff and I fell. This guy caught me but he couldn't hold me and I fell to the rocks below."

Lance went pale as her words washed over him. "The… guy…dropped you?"

She nodded. "I screamed as I fell." She shrugged. "Kinda morbid huh…" Her lips twisted in a semi smile.

He nodded absently.

She raised an eyebrow at him and snapped her finger in front of his glazed over eyes. "Now who's the one who's spacing?"

He shook his head. "Sorry. Weird dream."

She sighed. "Yeah, I've been having a lot of weird ones lately but once I crash in a real bed, I'll be able to sleep well."

He absently caressed the hand that he still held as his thoughts drifted back to the implication that they had dreamt the same thing. Too weird… probably wasn't the same one but still…

"Lance?"

He looked up, green eyes meeting blue ones. "Yes?"

"Thanks. For being here to… for saving me from myself."

He didn't know what to say. "You're welcome. I guess. It was…"

"Something and very appreciated." She smiled then leaned over and ever so carefully kissed his cheek. The minute her lips grazed his cheek, his eyes closed, savoring the feeling. They felt like silk and fire all at once.

She leaned back, eyes wide, her lips still tingling from the contact with his skin. She looked up and met his own startled gaze before hers dropped to his lips. She subconsciously began to lean in, her gaze switching between his eyes and his lips. She could see his start in surprise then darken with emotion, as he too began to lean in. Just as both pairs of eyes began to close, a jolt shot through the bus as it came to a sudden halt in front of the hotel. The sudden stop sent Taylor careening off the couch into Lance as they both tumbled to the floor.

"We're here." The late night driver called out. "Let's get you guys inside so that you can get some rest."

Chris and Justin came bounding from the back and found Lance and Taylor still crumpled on the floor where they had landed. She was lying half on and half off of Lance, both wearing identical expressions of shock. Justin held out a hand and helped Taylor up. "Didn't see the stop coming I take it?"

She turned stunned eyes on Justin the glanced down at Lance who Chris was helping to a standing position. "You could say that." When her and Lance's gazes collided, she blushed then headed to the back to grab her stuff.

Chris looked between the two and whistled. "Holy Cow." He began and started to fan himself. "Did we interrupt something?"

Lance looked down at the floor and picked up the guitar and music that had fallen during Tay's restless sleep. "No."

"Sure enough heat in here to generate a fire." Chris continued.

Lance shot a dark look at Chris. "Nothing. Got it."

Chris took a step back. "If you say so…" He held his hands up to ward off any sudden attacks.

Lance rolled his eyes, walked back to his bunk, grabbed his bag and walked off the bus. He started to the hotel, oblivious to the screams from the fans until someone jerked him back by his collar. He looked up stunned to find Mike smiling down at him. "Forget something?"

Lance gritted his teeth and sighed. "Yeah… can I go in now?"

Mike shrugged. "If you want… not going to wait for the others?"

Lance shook his head no. "I'm really tired and just want to hit the hay." Mike nodded and motioned Lonny over to walk in with Lance. "Thanks Mike."

The two headed towards the door when out of the corner of his eye, he saw a little girl trying to push her way through the crowd. She looked to be about five or six, her long blonde hair pulled high into pig tails, blue overalls covering her small frame. The only reason why she had caught his eye was because she was yelling his name, practically near tears as she tried to see her idol. He placed a hand on Lonny's arm and turned toward the little girl.

He smiled, waving her over. "Come here."

Her eyes widened in extreme shock as she stopped and stared at him, her little hand clenching and unclenching along the picture that she was holding.

Lance laughed. "Hey, could you guys move and let the little girl through." He called out, motioning her to move forward again.

She slowly made her way up to him, eyes as big as saucers as she found herself standing in front of him. Lance smiled and bent down in front of her. "Hey Sweetie. Did you want me to sign that for you?"

She nodded and ever so carefully held out the picture. He took it and laughed inwardly at the picture that she held. One from when they had first started out and he wished would drop off the face of the earth. "What’s your name?" He looked at her and winked.

"Ellie." She said softly.

"Ellie. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl." He told her as he signed the picture and handed it back to her. "You should probably get back to your mom now." He went to stand up but her little hand on his arm stopped him.

"Could I have a hug?" She asked tentatively.

He smiled broadly down at her. "Of course." He said, sweeping her small frame into his arms.

****************************************

Taylor stood on the bus, watching JC, Chris and Justin fight about who had to clean up the mess in back while Joey watched from his bunk. "Hey guys, we should probably head into the hotel?" He called out.

"Chris, pick up that mess. I don’t want to see it when we climb back on tomorrow morning." JC told him.

Chris snorted. "It’s not mine. Justin left that crap back there."

Justin’s head flew back and forth between the two. "Don’t involve me. I didn’t do it. You did, Chris."

JC sighed. "Chris just clean it up."

"I didn’t do it."

"Well I didn’t either." Justin called out.

Taylor sighed and shouldered her bag, making her way to the front. "I’m tired and want to sleep. I’ll see you guys later." She told them, but she doubted that they heard her over their yelling.

"Tay, wait up!" She heard called from behind just as she went to step off the bus. She turned and found Joey smiling at her. "I’ll go with you."

She shrugged and allowed him to go first, then followed him down the steps into the roar from the crowd. She looked around at the sea of faces, girls all trying to catch a glimpse of their favorite NSYNCer, even though it was past midnight and they should all be in bed. She noticed a bunch of people up front taking pictures of something and tried to see over heads for who it was.

When the crowd parted to let her and Joe through, she stopped cold at the picture before her. Her heart lodged in her throat. Lance was bent down hugging a small, blonde girl with the sweetest smile on his face. She watched him lean back on his heels and smile at the girl who launched herself at him again, to kiss him on the cheek before running back into the crowd to go and brag about her meeting Lance Bass, member of NSYNC.

He looked at Lonny, while brushing off his pants and said something that made them both laugh as they turned to enter the hotel. Taylor had to clear her head from the mental image, but she found that she couldn’t. The image of Lance hugging a little girl, blonde, was too much for her and her feelings that were slowly going out of control. What was that on the bus? Are you insane? Why don’t you just launch yourself at him like the little girl? He doesn’t feel the same way about you. Why would he feel tat way about someone as stupid, lonely…

"Taylor?"

She glanced up and found Joey waving a hand in front of her face. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Fine. Just spacing out there for a second."

Joey smiled. "You need to get some sleep."

"Don’t we all."

"That’s the truth. After you madam."

"Thanks." Taylor walked in front of Joey to enter the hotel, while Joey watched her, wondering why her face had turned so pale after watching Lance interact with a fan.

*****************************************

Taylor leaned against the wall of the elevator as she waited for it to arrive on the rented floor that the tour had. She put her head back and stared at the numbers as she shifted the bag back onto her shoulder. "12…13…14…" She counted the numbers outloud.

~Flasback~

"No." He said, urgently. "You can't leave me. I won't let you."

She struggled to reach her hand up from where she was dangling, but she managed and patted his cheek. "I love you too, you know. I always will, but I can't exist like this."

She watched his eyes fill with tears. "I can make you happy. My love will get us through this." He whispered, his voice floating down to her on the wind.

The wind picked up, whipping their arms, causing him to lose his grasp on her wrist. She could tell that he was struggling. "Just let go. I'll be with you always."

"No…"

He struggled to pull her up but the sky opened up and it began to pour. The rain made her skin slick and his grip loosened up and he could feel her arm slipping through his fingers. She looked deeply into his eyes. "Please."

~End Flashback~

She closed her eyes trying to banish the dream from her thoughts. "Gotta stop eating before I nap." She mumbled as the doors dinged as she stepped out of the elevator onto the floor. She smiled as one of the crew members walked up to her.

"Hey Taylor." The young man smiled at her.

"Hey Tony. Where am I at tonight?"

He pointed down the hall towards the end as he consulted the clipboard that listed all the room assignments. "The hotel overbooked again so looks like you’re rooming with Dani tonight." He looked up, eyebrows raised. "That okay?" He asked, handing over the key to the room.

Taylor carefully composed her face so as not to allow any emotion to crack her façade. "Of course."

"Good to have you back, Tay." He told her before he walked off.

"Glad to be back." She mumbled, walking towards her room.

The door was slightly open when she arrived and she knocked softly before peeking into the room. Dani was sitting on one bed, the phone attached to her ear. She looked up and motioned Taylor in before turning back to the phone.

"Uh huh."

"Right."

"I promise. If I need to talk, I’ll call."

"Sure."

"Love you too."

"Huh?" Dani glanced over at Taylor. "No I’m sorry, she hasn’t arrived yet. I’ll let her know you say Hi though, Sandy. Bye, love you."

Taylor rolled her eyes as she set her bag down on the counter. "Real mature, Dani."

Dani laid back on the bed, propping her feet up. She settled her hands behind her head before focusing on Taylor. "Yeah, it was wasn’t it. Oh well… How was your trip?"

"Fine."

"Did you get some?"

Taylor zipped her bag open forcefully, grabbing her shampoo and conditioner, before turning to face Dani. "What?"

Dani smiled brightly. "Just curious why you rode on over with NSYNC when Kat and I both know you can’t stand them. So the only logical reason was that you had an itch and needed it scratched. How were they?"

"I’m taking a shower. I’ll talk to you later."

"You didn’t think they actually wanted to be friends with you, did they?"

Taylor’s hand stopped on the door handle. "What?"

Dani smirked. "If you didn’t get any, what did they get from you?"

Taylor head slowly turned and she met Dani’s gaze. "What are you talking about?"

"Have you given JC your song yet?" Dani asked, eyebrows raised.

"No."

Dani frowned. "Oh, guess I lost that bet then. He swore if he got you alone for a few hours he could work his magic on you."

"You’re lying."

"Am I?" Dani smirked. "How do you know?"

Taylor’s body sagged. "I just know. JC wouldn’t do that."

"Once again, How do you know? You don’t know them at all."

"They’re good guys, unlike you."

"They do put on a good front, don’t they?"

"Dani shut up." Taylor jerked on the bathroom handle and pulled the door open. "I don’t want to hear anymore lies from you."

"But you do want to hear about Lance…"

Taylor whirled around. "What about Lance?"

Dani’s eyes widened then narrowed as she finally found Taylor’s weakness. "About him and Kat…"

Taylor could feel a knife plunge directly into her heart. "Wha… What about Lance and Kat?"

Dani waved a hand airily in the air. "Oh, it’s probably nothing. They were spending a lot of time together before your collapse. I think they’re seeing each other." Dani started to pick at her nails, a smirk aligning itself along her features, waiting for the reaction.

"Oh…."

"It’s not serious, but I think they make a cute couple. Don’t you?"

"Uh…"

Dani’s eyes widened as she looked back at Taylor. "Oh… I didn’t know… you actually LIKE lance, don’t you? I’m sorry honey. He’s taken. And why would he want a scrawny, sick, do nothing like yourself anyway, when he can have Kat." Dani was smiling broadly by the time she finished talking.

Taylor’s mouth opened and closed several times before she turned and slammed the bathroom door behind her. She slid down the wall, her fists clenched as she tried to stop the flood of tears that were coming forth. She slammed her head back against the door, trying to will the pain away. Dani always knows the right buttons to push… but what if… its true they… JC just wants my music, why else would he talk to me?… Joey… probably thinks I’m an easy lay… Chris just needs someone to make fun of… Justin…by buttering me up, he gets close to Kat but… but Lance…Taylor sniffed, rubbing her fist across her nose. Lance and Kat… what was I thinking? He’d never fall for someone like me…no one would…

*****************************************

Lance sat out on the balcony, watching the stars, thinking about Taylor. His feelings were all twisted into knots after the dream and then… I almost kissed her. Stupid…almost kissed her. But, she felt the same way. I know she did. I could see it in her eyes… oh if only the bus hadn’t stopped, but then what? I’d know what it feels like instead of dreaming about it every night… that dream… what does it mean? We’re not meant to be? I knew that. Why would a girl like her like a guy like me? I wish I could figure out a way to make the shadows disappear from her eyes… and what did she mean by the guy let her go in her dream? Were we dreaming the same thing? And if so, what does THAT mean? Lance, buddy, stop analyzing it…

Justin stood in the doorway and watched lance as millions of emotions flew across his face as he stared at the sky, leaning back in the chair, looking like he had a million things on his mind. "You okay?" he asked casually, leaning against the door frame.

Lance nodded. "Yeah… just…

"Taylor."

Lance nodded again. "I don’t know what’s happening."

Justin walked out onto the balcony and sat down in the chair beside him. "What do want to happen?"

Lance sighed, pressing his knuckles into his eyes. "I don’t know. I…"

"Need to figure out how you feel about her and then tell her."

Lance’s hands came down from his face as he turned and stared at Justin. "I know how I feel. What I don’t know is what I should do about it?"

"How do you feel?" Justin asked, leaning forward intrigued by his friend’s easy answer.

"I love her."

Justin’s eyes widened. "I… I knew you liked her but…"

Lance shrugged. "I don’t know when it happened. She’s always intrigued me but… I was sitting and watching her while she was asleep in the hospital and this sudden tightening in my chest made me sit up and take notice of what I was feeling. I mean… "

Lance tried to put how he was feeling into words. "I knew… in that moment that I couldn’t lose her. I needed her in my life. I wanted to watch her wake up, see her smile when she realized who it was, I want to put that smile permanently on her face and take away all her pain."

"You’ve said that before… what pain?"

"The pain I see in her eyes. The pain that passes over her face when she doesn’t think anyone is looking."

Justin nodded. "I’ve see that."

"She keeps it so well hidden but all one has to do is look for it and its there on the surface."

"Do you think you can help?"

Lance sighed, his body sagging back into the chair as he stared at the sky again. "I don’t know."

"Have you given her any inkling of how you feel?"

Lance shook his head. "No. Although…"

Justin leaned forward. "What?"

"We almost kissed on the bus but we lost out balance when the bus stopped."

Justin’s eyes widened in shock. "Wow. Smooth move."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Right…. Anyway…"

"I think you should tell her."

"I don’t know…"

Justin laughed. "Sounds like you don’t know a hell of a lot. But I think you do down deep. Think about it and figure out what you want to do. I’m behind you one hundred percent on whatever you decide." He stood up and stretched as a yawn suddenly overcame him. "I’m heading to bed. You going to be out here long?"

Lance shrugged. "I’m not really tired, but I’ll be in soon."

Justin nodded and shut the door behind him, leaving Lance alone with the night sky and his thoughts.

"I love you." Lance heard the whispered phrase as he woke up with a sharp pain in his neck. He twisted in the chair and found himself right where he had been the entire night. "Must have fallen asleep out here…" He muttered, standing up and stretching.

"I love you." His eyes flew open as he heard it again. He looked around the balcony but didn’t see anyone around, he looked inside and saw Justin bundled under the covers of the bed sound asleep. He could feel a light breeze and chocked it up to the wind passing through the trees and his over active imagination.

Glancing at his watch, he grimaced and headed in to shower since they had to be ready to go and packed in an hour. Opening the door, he yelled at Justin to get his lazy butt out of bed while he grabbed his bathroom items before locking the door behind him.

He stood under the spray, contemplating what Justin had said the night before and his feelings that he had sorted through after Justin had left. "What do I do?" He muttered to himself. "Should I tell her…"

******************************************

"Man, she sleeps like the dead."

Taylor rolled over and groaned. She had been up all night thinking about what Dani had said and trying to sort through her confused emotions about Lance and the rest of the guys. Just when she had finally begun to think that they were all right, Dani had to make her start to doubt again.

She felt someone shake her shoulder and she opened one eye slowly and found Kat grinning down at her. "Wake up, sleepyhead. Time to load up."

Taylor mumbled something unintelligible, which caused Kat to chuckle. "Sorry, not anatomically possible." She laughed again and pulled the covers off her. "Come on. Get ready, we’ve got to go."

Taylor pictured Lance and Kat kissing, holding each other and fought back the sudden urge to launch herself at Kat and hit her. "I’m moving, I’m moving… go away."

"Okay, we’ll be downstairs."

"Great… bye…"

Taylor rolled over, her feet hanging over the edge as she sat there, her head in her hands and groaned. The doubts were eating her up inside and she didn't know what to do to alleviate them. Her finger dug into her scalp as she tried to get her feelings under control. Help me… I think I love you…

After breakfast, they were all rounded up and placed on their respective buses. The guys all sat quietly, either watching TV or checking their e-mail on their laptops. Justin started laughing as he opened up an e-mail from a fan. "Hey Jace, want to do a double wedding with this 13 year-olds nine year old sister that's in love with you?"

"Uh…" JC looked over at him and frowned. "Not that it's a tempting offer but I think I'm going to have to pass."

Justin grinned at him. "I'll let her know that it's all your fault that we can't plan this."

JC rolled his eyes. "You do that." He looked over at Lance who was spacing out while sitting on the couch. JC followed his line of eye sight and found him staring at a blank space on the wall. "Is the wall that interesting?"

"Mmmhmmm. Don't ask." Lance sighed, running a hand through his hair.

JC shrugged. "All right, but if you need to talk…"

"I know who to ask." Lance told him quietly, before standing up and going back to bunk to hibernate.

JC watched him walk away before turning to everyone who was in the room. Joey and Chris were battling it out on Mario Kart while Justin finished checking his e-mail. "Hey guys…"

"Hmmmm?" Justin asked.

"I'm worried about Lance again."

"What for? JOEY!" Chris asked, while Joey beat him again on the rainbow road track.

"He's clamming up again."

Justin looked up. "NO, not really. He's just got a lot on his mind that he needs to figure out."

"He talked to you?"

"Yup, this morning. I just hope he takes my advice."

"Which is?" JC asked. "Although, I'm not sure that I want to know."

Justin smirked at him. "HA HA…funny… no just that he really needs to talk to Taylor and open up. Keeping his feelings for her inside of him is eating him up."

"Yeah, the boy, bottles everything up. He needs to let go…relax. Take chances." Chris commented. His forehead creased in determination.

Joey smirked as he won another race. "Ah leave him alone… he's a big boy. He'll figure things out."

JC frowned. "Hopefully before it consumes him."

Justin looked up, meeting JC's eyes and nodded. The beginning of the tour had been rough on Lance, he'd been homesick and depressed, they didn't know what he'd been thinking but then when he had gotten involved with the Taylor situation, he had begun to open up again. He hoped, they all hoped, he wouldn't fall into that pit again.

*******************************************

"You guys hungry?" Their driver called out.

"When aren't we?" Joey laughed. He was sitting up front, reading a magazine, while everyone else was conked out in their bunks napping.

"Okay, we'll pull over." He got on the CB and let the other drivers know that they'd be stopping and pulled off the nearest exit.

The minute the bus stopped, curtains began to twitch and Justin and Chris came running. "We eating?" Justin asked as he climbed off.

"That's usually why we stop around six, J." Chris told him, grabbing his coat and following.

"Bite me, Chris." Justin said good naturedly.

JC followed out, slowly, rubbing his eyes as he and Joe followed the other two. They passed Mike who was walking toward their bus with a bag. "Mail call?" Joey asked.

Mike nodded. "Yup. I'm just gonna put this on the bus, then you guys can look through it later when you want."

"Sounds good." Chris called out, pushing Justin ahead of him when the boy made a comment about the choice of restaurants.

Mike climbed on board and set the bag down on the couch as a rumpled and half awake Lance emerged from the back, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Hey Mike." He called out.

"Hey Kid. You look dead."

Lance shrugged. "Yeah well… haven't been sleeping well."

"Take a nap."

Lance laughed. "Just did and I'm feeling a thousand times better."

"That's good. Well, foods on and I'm starved. See ya inside." Mike said as he climbed back down the stairs, towards McDonalds.

Lance nodded, his attention focused on the bag in front of him. You don't think…He walked over to the bag slowly and pulled it open. Inside were stuffed animals from various concerts over the past few weeks, millions of letters, and wrapped gifts for each member. He dumped the contents out and began to search for anything blue. He didn't know what was driving him to search for it now, but the speed with which his heart was beating, made him know that he had to find that letter, that it was important in some way.

His hand began to shake as it finally emerged from underneath a pile of plain white envelopes. The outside was addressed to NSYNC, no address this time, no nothing. Just their name.

He sat down on the floor of the bus, split the seal and pulled out the stationary and began to read and get more insight into the person than he had ever thought that she would write. Dear NSYNC…

Chapter 11

"Hello?"

"Hi." Her soft voice came over the phone line. She ran her fingers through her hair, sighing as the other voice calmed her.

"Wha? How? But?"

"Shhh, Sandy. It’s okay. I’m okay."

"Are you sure, doll? I haven’t heard from you in weeks."

"Things got… a little weird. Plus…"

"I know. She’s being very protective of me right now."

"That’s one way of putting it."

"What would be another way?"

She raised her eyes to the top of her bunk, thinking about the past few days with the girls. They had all been tossed back into the routine of tour life and she hadn’t had any contact with the outside world except for a few crewmembers and the rest of her band. "I can’t do this anymore." She said softly, raking her hand through her hair violently, getting to the point.

"Yes, you can." Sandy said, sternly. "You have come too far to fall back to what you were."

"I don’t feel any different."

"Oh, hon, you are so much stronger. I can hear it in your voice and you’re not calling me anymore is a huge step in the right direction as well. You use to call every night and now I’m lucky to hear from you once a week if not every other week."

She sighed. "I know. I keep meaning to but the guys…"

Sandy eyebrows raised. "What guys? This is new."

"The guys we’re touring with, Lance, Justin, JC, Chris and Joe."

"Ahhh… I was wondering when they would break down the barrier."

"They didn’t break anything. They just… it just became easier to talk to them than ignore them anymore."

"Anyone in particular?"

"I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"I thought I heard a smile in your voice when you mentioned one."

"You’re imagining things again."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

Sandy smiled. "Right. Keep telling yourself that."

She laughed softly. "You know me too well. Okay there might be one that I like more than the others but… I just don’t want to get attached. I never have."

"I know, dear. You don’t want them to leave like everyone else has."

Sandy could hear her sniffle over the phone. "What else is going on?"

"I’m so alone. There isn’t anyone to talk to. No one to listen. I don’t think Dolphin’s Cry is going to last, Sandy. I can see us breaking up so easily. We shouldn’t have jumped into this with both feet like we did. We weren’t ready and now I’ve lost everything, my music, my best friends, my life."

"Stop that talk. You haven’t lost anything."

"Yes I have."

"No you haven’t, and if you keep talking like that, I might just have to fly out there and personally change your mind for you."

"Sorry… it’s how I feel."

"I know it is, but… we’ll get through this. We all will."

"I know." She whispered. "I keep hoping…"

"Stay strong, like I know you can."

"I don’t feel it."

"Believe in yourself, if not for you, for me. Just till its over and you can come home."

"A few weeks." She told her.

"Is that it? I thought you had a few more months?"

"We signed on for the first leg remember and if everything went smoothly, we were going to stay on but… I don’t think that will be happening and all I really want to do is sleep in my own bed. I can't do this anymore."

"It’s made up for you… waiting. Like I am with open arms, just… don't let them get to you."

"Thanks. I miss you so much."

"Everyone here misses you too."

She didn’t want to say goodbye but she knew that she must. "I’ll talk to you soon. When people aren’t monopolizing the phone."

"Lean on the people there, they can’t be all that bad. You’ll find someone who listens."

No one does. "I’ll try. Bye, Sandy."

"Bye, doll." Please don’t break.

She hung up and stared up at the top of her bunk at the pictures. She went one by one until she found the one that she wanted and pulled it down. It was a picture of the three girls, standing with an older woman. Sandy. She was in the middle of them all with her arms surrounding them, comforting them. All had on a big smile. It was taken the summer before Dolphin’s Cry had hit it big. They’d been playing clubs here and there but nothing big yet. They were all packed into Sandy’s small house, only known as a female garage band. She sighed. They looked so happy. She put the picture back into its spot before looking at the picture she had ripped up. All of them had grown so far apart, would they ever be able to work it out?

************************************************************************

"Lance, dude, come on." Joey coaxed. He was crouched down in front of the younger man, who sitting on the couch in the hotel room, flipping channels.

"I don’t feel like going out, tonight, Joe." Lance stated simply, ending the conversation.

"Why not? We haven't been out in ages."

Lance sighed. "I know, but… I… just drop it, Joe, I'm not going out."

Joe remained quiet for a few moments while he came to a decision then finally stood up, grabbing Lance's arms on his way and drawing him to his feet. "Not taking no for an answer, get your albino butt off the couch, go into your room and get dressed." Joe pointed him to the connecting room's door and gently shoved him in the direction. "I'm sick of you moping around this place. We're ALL going out tonight and that means you're coming with us."

Lance's eyes widened as he skipped a step from Joey's shove. "What happened to you?"

Joey shrugged, waving a finger still at the other room. "Nothing. Just got sick of the look on your pathetic face. MOVE!"

Lance hurried into the other room before Joey could shove him again. The thing with him was, he was a really laid back guy who couldn't care less what he was doing as long as he enjoyed himself but when he got stubborn, you couldn't budge him an inch and for some reason Joey had gotten it into his head that everyone was going out tonight and everyone was going to have a good time, which meant that Lance had to go as well.

Justin came out of the bathroom, towel drying his hair as Lance began to dig through his bag. "Changed your mind?"

"Guess you could say that…" Lance told him quietly, before grabbing his pants and shirt and heading into the bathroom.

Justin smiled and walked to the connecting door. "Hey Joe! What'd ya say, man?"

Joey smiled from the couch, where he sat, waiting for everyone to finish getting dressed. "Not much. Just told him that he was going and there was nothing he could about it."

Justin nodded before turning around to dig into his own duffel. The past two days, Lance had reverted back into the silent, uncommunicative person that he had been at the very beginning of the tour. They were all worried about him but there was nothing they could really do until he started talking again.

Justin knew that Taylor was the major reason why his friend was being extremely quiet because he was trying to work through his feelings but normally that wouldn't cut off all communication, Lance just would've been quiet but still his usual happy go lucky self. Something else had to have happened, but what?

He looked around the room for his shoes and saw one by the window and one by the door. Justin laughed to himself, trying to figure out how they had gotten there before remembering that the night before he and Joey had gotten into a wrestling match when they had arrived back from the concert. He walked over to get the one by the window and didn't see the handle from Lance's bag hanging off and tripped over it, landing flat on his face and dumping the bag on his head.

Justin groaned and rolled over, shoving all of Lance's clothes off of him. Joey came running into the room, shortly after Justin had landed, having heard him fall. "You okay?"

Justin nodded, sitting up. "Yeah, just Mr. Grace here having problems walking again."

Joe laughed. "What's new?'

Justin shook his head as he tried to put Lance's stuff back in neatly. "Not much apparently."

Joe walked over to help, bending down and picking up socks and shirts, while handing them to Justin. "Thanks, Joe." Justin said, putting the last of it in.

"No problem." Joey grinned before grabbing the last shirt. As he picked it up, a handful of blue letters fell out where Lance had wrapped the shirt around them. "What's this?" He asked puzzled.

Justin dismissed them. "Looks like the two letters Lance wanted to keep from that one girl who was writing us. Speaking of which…" Justin looked over. "We haven't heard from her in awhile, she must be doing better don't ya think? At least I hope so cause I'd really hate to think that anyone on our tour is feeling as bad as…"

Joey counted the letters in his hand. "Ummm, J, there's like five letters here, not two." He said, interrupting Justin.

"What?"

Joey opened them up, glancing at the dates. "Yeah, looks like Lance has been intercepting them and keeping them to himself. The last one is dated a few days ago."

Justin sat on the edge of the bed and frowned. "Why would he be doing that?'

"Who knows, why don't we ask him?"

"Ask who what?" Lance asked as he walked out of the bathroom, running a hand through his freshly washed hair.

Joey held up the letters. "Ask you about these."

************************************************************************

I watched you sit alone

I watched you cry your eyes out

Now tell me what you've done

Kat sat staring out the window of the bus as they drove along the highway to the next venue. The radio was playing in the background and the words kept penetrating her pain filled mind. She could hear Dani in the back, chattering away on the phone to who knows who and Taylor was somewhere in the bus, most likely her bunk as she never left it.

Is it so bad that

I would shut you out

And leave you here alone

She shook her head against the many invading thoughts, ones of guilt, ones of pain, ones of anger, ones of pity and ones of sadness. Kat wished she could go crawl into Taylor's bunk and put her head on her shoulder and cry. Cry for the loss of everything, but the chasm between the two friends was ever widening. She couldn't lean on her; she couldn't lean on anyone but herself.

Yes, I saw what you did

I was right there with you

I won't let you sink

No, I forgive you

She heard movement beside her and her eyes widened as Taylor made her way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Kat noticed the sluggishness of her friend's movements, the paleness of her face, the way the bones stood out from her loss of weight, and most f all the dark circles under her eyes and the hollowness of her gaze. Taylor was fading away, trying to vanish into the background. Kat turned away so that her friend couldn't see her eyes begin to well with tears. She didn't know what to do how to help. Before, anger always seemed to draw her out when she got down, but now, it just made her crawl even farther into herself.

"Hey, Taylor." She called out softly.

Taylor smiled, bring the glass up to her mouth for a drink. "Hey, what's up?"

"Not much."

"Just sitting?"

"Yeah, thinking."

"Bout what?" Another drink.

"Nothing specific, just got things on my mind."

"Don't we all." Taylor turned to make her way back into the bus.

"What have you been thinking about?" The words made Taylor stop in her tracks.

"Nothing that you need to concern yourself with."

"What if I wanted to?"

"I wouldn't let you."

Kat sucked in a breath, as the barb pierced her. "Why?" She whispered.

Taylor turned around at Kat. "Because I don't need you anymore. You're a selfish, inconsiderate, bitch, who only cares about herself."

"What?" Kat's eyes widened as she sat back in shock.

Taylor shook her head. "Don't…I'm sorry, I'm not the best person to talk to right now. I… there's a lot going through my mind right now and I just need to be alone."

"Don't let Dani get to you."

"It's not just her."

"Who else? I'll talk to them, I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

"Then stop yourself. Stay away from me Kat." Taylor turned and walked back to her bunk.

I have watched you grow

And I've stood in your shadow

I've never walked away

Kat wrapped her arms around herself as she nodded. "I deserve that and more, Tay." She whispered before turning back to look out the window. "Good for you, standing up for yourself."

You can be healed

You can be free

You can know peace

Never be afraid again

Never be afraid

Never be afraid

~Excerpts from Phobic, by Plumb

***********************************************************************

Lance sat in the corner of the lounge in the back of the bus, staring at the wall as the rest of his group, sat there watching him, reading the letters. He would glance around the room every now and then and meet one of their gazes, but quickly divert his, as their disappointment would make itself apparent.

JC finished reading the latest letter and shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us? Keep this from us?"

Lance shrugged. "I didn't know what to say…"

"I still don't get why you didn't show these to us."

Lance shrugged again, this time not trying to say anything.

Chris watched Lance as he shifted uncomfortably as the rest of the group let him know how unhappy they were with him. He watched, trying to read his friend's behavior, not understanding why he would keep something this important from the rest of them. Lance wasn't one to hide something important from his friends, especially when it was the difference between helping someone in need out and letting them continue to hurt. Lance looked over at him and met his eyes, allowing him to see the guilt, pain, and the need to protect in his eyes. Protect?

Chris' eyes widened in understanding. "You know who it is." He said matter of factly.

Lance jumped as Chris' soft words penetrated. "I don't know what you mean.

Chris reached over and grabbed the letters and waved them in Lance's face. "You know who wrote these. Tell us. This girl needs help."

Lance averted his face as the letters almost smacked him in the face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Chris stood up, slamming Lance against the wall as he lifted him to his feet. "You don't understand what this girl is going through. I've seen it. We need to know who it is."

JC placed a hand on the older man's back, letting him know to release Lance. "Put him down."

Chris let him slide to the floor. "Why are you protecting her?" JC asked him.

Lance didn’t answer as he met every one of his group's expressions. "Because she needs someone to. She has no one." He finally said quietly.

"But by keeping this a secret, she's not getting better, she's still hurting."

"She'll tell us when she's ready, forcing her now could send her over the edge." Lance said frankly.

"She's not getting better, Lance. Read those letters. She's already near the edge."

He shook his head. "Not yet. She's still strong."

"How do you know?" Justin asked, speaking up for the first time, catching Lance's eyes.

"I just do. I know her. I know everything about her." Lance stated bluntly, but quietly.

Chris sat back on his heels. "I don't understand."

"Don't pressure him. He feels connected with her." Justin told them, still holding Lance's gaze.

Lance broke it, wondering how Justin could possibly understand how he felt, before grabbing the letters from Chris and holding them close to his body.

Justin nodded over at him before rising to his feet. "I'm hungry and this is going no where. They'll tell us in time." He left the room.

Lance let out the deep breath that he'd been holding. He knew that Justin knew but he had his word not to tell anyone.

Joey turned the TV on, still having not said a word through the entire discussion. His silence spoke volumes about how upset he was with the situation and how he couldn't put into words without hitting something about his frustration.

JC flopped onto the couch and stared at the TV, not really comprehending what was on as his mind floated elsewhere. Chris glares at Lance before settling in to watch the TV as well.

Lance sighed, looking down at the letters then back to his friends. "Guys…"

JC held up a hand. "I don't want to hear it. If you can't trust us to help, then don't even try to explain."

"But…"

Chris shook his head. "A month, Lance. You kept these from us for a month."

"I'm sorry."

Joe looked over at him then turned away.

"She's… she's… she needs a listening board, not someone who would confront her and make her face her pain."

"It's okay, Lance, you don't need to explain."

"I understand her."

"Lance…"

"She's so fragile. No one is there for her except…"

JC's eyes bored into him. "Except you?"

Lance nodded, before diverting his eyes elsewhere. "I know you guys would be there for her as well, but I…" He shook his head before standing and moved to leave the room.

"You're the only one who can relate." Joey told him quietly.

Lance nodded, grateful that someone finally understood where he was coming from. "She doesn't have friends like you, like I do. She needs time to know that in reality she does have us all." He said, before walking to the front to get something to eat.

*********************************************************************

The buses pulled into the next venue and stopped. Crewmembers hustled to unpack the equipment and the artists were moved into their dressing rooms to get ready for sound check and that evening's performance. By the time concert time arrived, everyone was on edge with adrenaline and performance jitters.

Taylor flipped absently through the rack of costumes, trying to figure out what to wear that night. The red pantsuit with black shirt, her favorite outfit, was dirty and being laundered so she grabbed the green shirt just as Dani grabbed a hold of it from the other side. "Excuse me?" Dani raised her eyebrows as she gave it another forceful tug.

Taylor let it go, dismissing it, and glanced through for the blue one.

"What do you think trying to wear my outfit?" Dani asked her.

Taylor made a face and still didn't comment. She was really sick of Dani trying to pick a fight with her and she just wasn't in the mood.

Kat watched from the other side of the room as she stepped into her leopard pants and black tanktop. "Dani, lay off."

Dani turned around and rolled her eyes. "Stay out of this, Kat. It doesn't concern you."

Kat shook her head. "Why is it that nothing seem to concern me anymore?"

"Because you made is clear that you wanted nothing to do with us anymore and your only priority was Justin." Taylor muttered, flipping through the rack more forcefully and finally settling on blue reptilian skin jeans and a navy blue t-shirt.

Kat looked her dead in the eye. "That's not true. It's just that certain members in this group seem to make a habit of reminding me that I'm not useful so I go where I'm needed."

"Whatever." Taylor scoffed, walking to the dressing screen to change.

"Where's the attitude coming from, Tay?" Dani asked her. "Starting to get a backbone after all?"

Kat watched Taylor's back stiffen in offense, but figured that Taylor would just ignore it as always and move on. Except Taylor surprised her again, as she had on the bus when she had called her a bitch.

Taylor whipped around, grabbing Dani by the shirtfront and slammed her up against the rack of clothing, sending everything flying as the younger was pushed against the cold steel rack. "I have had enough of your mouth. Either stay out of my way and don't speak or learn to be civil."

Dani's eyes threatened retribution as she struggled to get out of Taylor's grip. "What is this? Miss Prick actually has a temper and actual emotions?"

Kat sucked in a breath and hoped Taylor would reign in the fire that she saw in her eyes. She knew from experience that Taylor could take a lot but when she finally lost her temper the world could explode. Before they had become friends, Taylor had used to fight anyone and everything that got in her way. Moving from foster home to foster home had given her quite the attitude but she had thought that Taylor was long gone.

"Don't push me." Taylor shoed her face into Dani's. "I will only put up with you for so long before I do something about it."

"You don't have the guts." Dani sneered.

Taylor threw her into the rack and bent down over the fallen girl. "I have a lot more than you give me credit for. Just because I don't go around offering myself to anything in pants and acting like the almighty star that I am doesn't mean that I'm less or better than you. There's a lot about me that you don't know and that you'll never know. Don't push me." She stood up and walked over to where she had dropped her costume and bent down to pick it up, leaving her back turned as Dani stood up.

Kat opened her mouth to warn the blonde girl but Dani threw herself on her before she could get a word out.

Taylor fell to the floor; her breath leaving her lungs as the other girl hurled a fist into her side. She tried to roll over but the younger, smaller girl was a lot tougher than any of them had given her credit for, plus she had the advantage of being on top.

She threw her arm back, catching Dani off guard and tossing her to the floor so that she could roll over. She took one look at Dani's face and knew that the taunting would never stop. Dani was too consumed with jealousy and anger to ever let what she felt go for Taylor. She went to stand up, but Dani grabbed her legs pulling her back down.

Kat watched the two girls scrap for leverage, several punches thrown. She watched Taylor's eyes narrow as Dani smacked her in the face and finally let her own hurt and anger go as she drew back a fist and hit Dani straight in the face. "Taylor! Dani! Come on. Stop this!" She yelled, not knowing what to do.

Someone outside must have heard the commotion and she saw the door flung wide-open and Mike, one of the NSYNC bodyguards make his way into the room and grab the girls easily, one in each hand to separate them. "What in the hell is going on in here?" He asked incredulously.

"Just working out some differences." Taylor told him calmly as she held a hand to her bleeding lip.

Dani held a hand to her eye and glowered. "Couldn't agree on who was to wear green tonight, Mike."

"I don't want to have to separate you again. I just came in to say you guys are on in five. Better let the make-up technicians have a go at you two to hide the effects of your "differences"."

Taylor and Dani both nodded as Mike set them down. Dani straightened her clothes and with one long glare at Taylor and Kat, left the room, with Mike on her heels to make sure she didn't come back.

Taylor bent down and picked up her clothes again, grimacing as what she knew were going to be bruises in the morning pained her.

"You okay?"

"Fine." Taylor snapped, hurrying to change.

"What was that about?"

"Just snapped I guess."

"What's going on around here?"

"Maybe if you stayed around long enough to notice instead of just being concerned with yourself, you'd notice that we're degenerating and I'll be the first one to say that I can't wait to get out of here in two weeks."

"Two weeks?"

Taylor turned around and smiled at Kat's dumbfounded expression. "I'm not re-signing the contract for the second leg of the tour. Dolphin's Cry is done in two weeks as NSYNC's opening act and as a group. I'm officially quitting in two weeks time."

***********************************************************************

Lance walked down the hallway of the venue, dressed in patchwork black pants and suit-jacket, warming up his voice as he waited for when the technicians would cue him for his turn.

He wandered to the side of the stage to watch Dolphin's Cry. He looked first at Kat who was up front, and watched as she played the crowd, the ever-present performer. Next he narrowed his eyes as they lit on Dani. Her head was down as she ripped through the bass rifts but now and again she would lift her head to smile at the crowd and come in on harmony. He cocked his head to the side as he noticed the bruises on her face and frowned. How had those got there? His heart began to hammer as he looked to Kat and didn't notice anything, before finally turning to Taylor.

From where he stood, he had the best view of her. The make-up didn't cover up the fact that her and Dani had been fighting and it made him curious as to what had happened. He continued to watch her as her arms flew along the drumheads as she filled in the gap between the guitar and bass. He was so lost in thought that when he finally saw Taylor look over and smile, he jumped a foot in shock.

He recognized their closing song and moved from the wings, his face still burning from having been found staring at her, the girl that consumed his every fiber and thought process.

"Lance, you're on in five." Mike told him, as he came looking for the much younger man that he was supposed to protect.

"Thanks, Mike." He said absentmindedly, making his way across the backstage.

"Did you hear about the girls?" He asked, falling into step beside Lance. He knew the performer was friends with the girls and wanted to make sure he knew what was happening.

Lance glanced at the bodyguard, curiously. "Are you talking about the damage they did to each other's faces?"

Mike nodded. "That would be it."

He shook his head. "Nope, but I saw them just now. Marie did a good job with their make-up, only noticeable when you look closely."

"As I'm sure you did." Mike told him tongue in cheek.

"Anyway… what happened?"

"I broke up Taylor and Dani fighting in their dressing room. I was walking by to check on you guys and heard them."

Lance stopped in shock. "Taylor was fighting?"

Mike laughed. "And winning."

Lance shook his head. "I can't see it. What…"

Mike pushed him down the hall. "Don't worry your head about it. She's a big girl and took care of herself."

"I know but she's…"

Mike looked up and saw the rest of the guys, pacing as they were supposed to be up in the rigging already to get hooked up for the first song of the night. "Go. You can talk to her later."

Lance opened his mouth to say something else, but the much bigger man shoved him down the hall toward his groupmates who all practically grabbed his arm and pulled him up into the stage.

************************************************************************

Lance paced the hotel floor, waiting for a member of Dolphin's Cry to appear, any of them would do.

He heard a door creak and whirled around. JC came out of his room with an ice bucket and gave Lance a quizzical look. "You okay, buddy?"

Lance nodded and resumed his pacing, not wanting to talk to anyone but the girls. He needed to hear the full story so that his imagination would stop running wild.

He heard another door opened and stared, hoping that it would be female but once again he was disappointed as Justin came out into the hall. He looked up and found Lance staring at him with a disgruntled expression and shot Lance a weird look. "You okay?"

Lance threw his hands up into the air and resumed his pacing. "Fine, great, couldn't be better."

Justin caught up to him and walked along beside him. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

Justin grabbed him by the arm and pulled him around to face him. "What happened? You've been sulking since we got back to the hotel."

Lance stared at the ground, not knowing how to explain it.

"I can't help you until you talk to me."

Lance looked up. "You hang out with Kat a lot, don't you…"

Justin raised an eyebrow at him, trying to figure out where this was going. "Sometimes but we don't talk about anything big. Just how the tour is going, small talk."

"Not about the groups?"

"We talk about us and how we get along and things like that, but she never brings up the girls and if they do, she clams up."

Lance nodded. "Sounds about right. Do you… Do you still like Kat?"

Justin leaned against the wall and thought about it. "I'm not sure. She's a great person, don't get me wrong, but… I just don't feel the chemistry. I guess I'm looking for sparks."

Lance leaned against the other wall. "Sparks…"

Justin cocked his head to the side and looked at his friend. "Like what you and Taylor have…"

Lance's eyes widened. "Its… We… I…"

"You do. Tell her how you feel."

Lance shook his head. "I can't."

"Why are you standing out here in the hallway then if you aren't trying to tell her how you feel?"

"Taylor and Dani got into a fight tonight at the venue." He said softly.

"What?"

Lance nodded. "Yeah, and I want to make sure they're okay and see what happened. Apparently Mike had to break it up."

"I…Wow…"

Lance heard a door open and looked to see a blonde head of hair take off down the opposite way of where the two of them were standing. He looked at Justin then turned and sprinted after her. "Taylor!"

She turned around to see who was yelling her name then he saw her face grimace and she took off running, taking off into the stairwell and away from Lance.

Justin watched Taylor go through the door, then Lance follow almost right on her heels and shook his head. "Now this should be interesting." He muttered before making his way to Joey and JC's room where he had been headed in the first place.

*********************************************************************

Lance threw open the door and heard running footsteps heading down. He took two and three steps at a time, trying to catch up with the head start that she had. He made it down to the fifth floor and stopped, not being able to hear her steps anymore. He looked up and down, trying to figure out if she left the stairwell or not, then finally threw his hands into the air and groaned. "Where did she go?"

He mumbled an expletive and headed back upstairs just as the door beside him opened and Taylor walked through it. They both stopped dead in their tracks and stared at each other.

"Are you…"

"Why are…"

They both spoke at the same time and Lance shook his head indicating for her to speak first.

"Why are you following me?" Taylor asked him.

"I was… I wanted to make sure you were okay." Lance walked down the few steps that he had started to climb and made his way over to her. "Mike told me what happened, kinda, and I…"

"Why do you care?" She narrowed her eyes at him, backing up a step.

Lance stopped and looked at her. Her lip was split and bruised from where a punch had connected, her eye was half swollen shut, and he noticed that her knuckles were broken open and bruised as well. He could feel the anger radiating off her in waves as well as the hurt. This was a different Taylor from the one he had talked to on the bus and a very different one from the vulnerable one that had played Sarah Maclachlan in a hotel lobby in Kentucky.

He took another step toward her, slowly, as to not scare her away. "I don't know." He said, honestly. "But I do."

He lifted a hand up to her cheek and with the pad of his thumb, wiped the smear of blood away at the corner of her mouth. She jerked her head away and glared angrily at him. "No one cares. Not you, not my friends, not your friends. No one. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"I can't." He whispered. His eyes were drawn to her mouth, his hand having cupped her cheek again after her movement. "I don't know what it is about you, but I…" He shook his head, not able to complete the thought. His lifted his eyes to meet hers and his breath caught in his throat.

"You what?" She whispered, mesmerized by the look in his eyes, her anger starting to dissipate while her heart sped up.

He took another step closer, their eyes connecting and setting off a series of sparks inside each other. "I can't get you out of my mind." He said softly. "and I don't know if I want to."

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it as he face leaned in closer to hers. "Why can't you get me out of your mind?" She whispered.

"You're in my blood, underneath my skin. You crawled inside me and I can't get you out. You've become a part of me." He told her softly then leaned in and gently claimed her mouth.

She rose up on her tiptoes to get closer, increasing the pressure of their mouths. Lance pulled back to see into her eyes before leaning in and kissing her again, only harder as he saw everything that he was feeling reflected back to him. Her arms crawled around his neck as his slid around her waist. The kept kissing lips slanting one way then another as if they couldn't get enough of each other.

They finally broke apart; breathing heavy as they just watched the other, waiting for a reaction. Lance swallowed, drinking in her features, her now swollen lips, stormy green eyes. He took a deep breath. "Tay, I'm…"

She violently shook her head. "Don't say you're sorry. Don't."

He reached out to grab her hand but she pulled away from him. "That's not…"

"I knew no one cared."

"Wait. No. You're misconstruing…"

She whirled around; yanking on the door handle, trying to get away from the heat that connected them.

Lance reached out and grabbed her arm, staying her before she could leave just as she got the door open. "No, wait. You have to listen…"

"You're right, that was a mistake."

"NO."

She ducked under his arm and ran up the stairs. "I'm sorry…." Her voice floated down to him as she ran away from him yet again.

He stared up the stairwell, eyes wide in shock, his body still humming from her sudden nearness. "I just wanted to say that I've wanted to do that since I first saw you." He whispered to himself before walking out the door to find an elevator, his legs dragging from his confusion and heavy thoughts.

*********************************************************************

Taylor sprinted up the stairs, one hand flying wildly beside her as one touched her lips gently where his had been only moments before. Tears began to cloud her vision the more she ran and she finally sank down onto the cool stairs and placed her head between her knees as she began to openly cry.

She didn't hear the door open or feel the person beside her as they sank down next to her.

"Taylor?"

She jerked her head up, eyes dripping with tears as she met the concerned gaze of JC. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Who made you cry? I'll go talk to them."

She shook her head wildly this time. "No, it was no one. I'm just…" She continued to cry, fully breaking down and JC was at a loss as to what to do. He had been on his way down to the lobby, not wanting to take the elevator in case fans were around. He held out his arms and she slid effortlessly into them.

"Shhhh." He told her softly as she cried into his shirt. "It can't be that bad."

"I messed up. He's all I could ever want and I just keep shoving everyone away. I don't know what to do or what I want and I'm so confused." She mumbled into his shirt.

JC rubbed her back, confused about who she was pushing away before Lance's face jumped into his mind. "Did you talk to Lance?"

She nodded and began to cry even harder if it was possible. "I messed up."

"It can't be that bad."

"It cant not be that bad either."

"What happened? You have to talk to someone." He told her gently, pushing her away so that he could see her face. "Talk to me."

"He kissed me." She told him, awestruck, eyes wide as if the occurrence was rare.

JC sat back against the wall in shock, disbelief all over his face. He couldn't believe that Lance had finally gotten the nerve to do it.

She shook her head. "And I blew it."

She began to cry again and leaned into JC again as JC's mind wandered to his goupmate, wondering if Taylor was having this much of a problem with the kiss, what was going through Lance's mind?

Chapter 12

Lance stared at himself in the mirror, trying to figure out if the spike up front should bend to the right or the left. He moved it one way, then shrugged before bending it the other way.

Justin watched him from the couch on the other side of the room and laughed. "Lance, its gonna fall over by the end of the night anyway."

"I know but…" He continued to fuss with it until Chris walked by and pushed them all down.

"You're worse than a girl, Lancesten." He told him, before grabbing his patchwork coat off the rack.

Lance glared at him before turning back to the mirror and starting over. He looked into his own eyes in the mirror and blushed as the image of the kiss and Taylor came unbidden into his mind again, the millionth time that day since they had kissed a few days ago.

He shook his head, beginning to play with his hair again, trying to get the look of shock and horror that had been all over her face out of his mind.

WHAP

His head jerked forward from the force of the impact and he whirled around to find the culprit. "Who threw the hackey sack at me?" He asked.

Justin and Chris were sitting on the couch, while Joey and JC finished dressing in the other room. Chris whistled softly. "Wasn't me?"

Justin grinned, then began to examine his fingernails. "Not me."

Lance rolled his eyes and turned back to the mirror but didn't get a chance to fix his hair as the next interruption happened with a knock on the door.

Johnny stuck his head through. "Everyone decent?"

"Sure, Johnny, what do ya need?" Chris asked, standing up to shake the older man's hand.

"Just needed to talk to you guys real quick about the show next week."

"What about it?" Lance asked, grabbing a stool to sit on.

"Well with Dolphin's Cry not renewing their contract for the second leg of the tour, we need to find a replacement. I was thinking maybe…"

Three heads jerked up to stare at him. "What? Who's not renewing what?"

Johnny smiled softly. "I was afraid of that. Taylor and Kat both talked to their agent a few days ago who got into contact with me to say that they weren't happy with the way the tour was going and wanted to leave. Personally, I think it's for personal reasons and if that group stays together for much longer, I'll be surprised. But anyway…" He pulled out a handful of folded papers from his coat. "What do you guys think about Destiny's Child opening? They're currently recording right now, but their manager seemed interested."

"Destiny's Child? For what Johnny?" JC asked as he and Joey came out of the back dressing room.

"Dolphin's Cry is leaving the tour." Lance told him bluntly.

"Oh…" The men breathed out, sitting down to join the already assembled group to discuss the outcome of the tour now that an integral part was leaving.

"Pink is another option…" Johnny continued on as the men sitting around all looked up attentively.

************************************************************************

After the last autograph and picture was taken after the show, the guys were hustled onto their bus so that they could immediately get on the road toward the next venue. Lance jumped up the few steps of the bus and landed with a thud by the bus driver, his duffel over one shoulder and a determined look on his face.

Justin looked up from where he was playing cards with JC and grimaced. "That is not a happy, Lance."

JC looked over his shoulder and made a face as well. "You're right, J. What on earth could have put a look like that on Lance's face?"

Lance slammed his bag down on the couch and glared at the two men at the table. "Shut it."

Justin raised his eyebrows. "What was that, PooFoo?"

Lance opened his mouth to tell Justin exactly what he thought of him, but Mike interrupted by stepping onto the bus. "Everyone here?"

JC nodded. "Yup, Lance was the last one on, and Joe and Chris are already in the back battling it out on MarioKart."

"Okay. See you guys in the morning." He said as he jumped back off, signaling to the driver and other crewmembers that NSYNC was on the bus and they were taking off.

Lance flopped onto the couch, tossing his bag onto the floor. "This isn't your room, take your bag to your bunk if you're going to make a mess." JC told him, while shuffling cards.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dad."

"What's your problem?" Justin asked him pointedly.

"Taylor's leaving."

"Uh huh and…" Justin asked, drawing a card. He tugged on his hair in thought then laid down four fours.

Lance threw his hands into the air, then kicked his bag. "That's everything. I was finally starting to get somewhere with her and now…now she's gone."

"She's not gone yet." JC told him.

"You didn't see her face the last time we talked."

"Is that what you're calling it nowadays…" Justin grinned, laying down his hand. "Gin."

"What?" JC cried, slamming his hand down on the table, as he glared across at Justin. He grabbed the stack of cards disgustedly and began to shuffle the deck again for another game.

Lance shook his head. "She hates me."

"No, she doesn't. She's just confused." JC told him, drawing a card from the deck and laying down a three.

"How do you know?"

"I talked to her. More than you did, apparently." Justin began to snicker at JC's comment, then wrapped his arms around himself, turning his back and began to imitate someone kissing.

Lance reached across the small hallway and slapped him upside the head, causing Justin to turn around and receive the glare that Lance was shooting his way. "What did she say?" Lance asked quietly, turning back as he sat down again.

"Just that she messed up. It was a knee jerk reaction type thing and she's sorry for it, she really likes you for some odd reason."

"Really?" Lance's eyes got wide in shock.

"Yup, don't ask me why though."

"But…"

"She's leaving. Better do something about it."

"Gin." Justin said, smirking as he laid down his hand.

JC slammed his cards down on the table, looking at the younger man across the table in exasperation. "How in the hell did you do that twice in a row?"

Justin folded his hands behind his head. "I'm good. What can I say?"

"You cheated." JC accused him.

"How can you cheat at Gin Rummy?" Justin asked him, leaning forward, his hands widespread on the table as he looked at JC in shock.

"You did. I don't know how but you did."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"Didn't!"

"You did. I bet there's a card up your sleeve or something."

Lance looked between the two men as their voices began to rise, the longer the argument went on.

Justin stood up and shook his sleeves. "Happy Einstein. I did not cheat."

JC leaned back and sulked. "You did, there's no way…"

Justin sighed. "Whatever man… I'm going in the back." He turned and walked down the hall toward the sounds of Mario and Toad squealing as they raced around the rainbow road.

JC turned around, throwing an arm along the back of the seat as he faced Lance and smiled broadly. "Now that we got the youngen to leave, wanna play some cards and maybe talk a little?"

Lance groaned, putting his head in his hands, before getting up and walking over to the table. "I don't know what to do, JC."

JC shuffled and began to deal seven cards out to each of them. "Okay, this is what you're going to do…."

************************************************************************

Taylor pulled at the hem of her shirt nervously as she waited to be cued. John Norris would be interviewing Dolphin's Cry in just a few minutes for MTV News brief and would be asking why Dolphin's Cry was leaving the NSYNC tour and what was behind it.

Do I tell the truth? That the tour was emotionally draining, that they couldn't get along without fighting and their wasn't even a shred of friendship left between any of them… too personal. Go with personal differences, decided that they had toured too early in their career and they were going to take a sabbatical from each other and see if this was really what they wanted. Public Relations would be proud of that statement. I'd really like to just tell the world where Dani and Kat could stick it but…

Her phone began to ring, interrupting her thoughts. She grabbed the phone out of the pouch and held it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Tay?"

"Who else would it be answering her phone?"

The other person laughed. "Just making sure. It's JC."

Taylor smiled softly and leaned back against the wall. "What's up?"

"Just calling to see how you were. They keep advertising you guys on MTV but there's no time for when it'll air."

"Few minutes till we film. Kat and Dani are still in make-up. Guess we're gonna run on tonight's show though."

"Nervous?"

Taylor shook her head, then remembered that he couldn't see her. "Nope. I'm actually pretty calm. Just anxious to get this over with."

"Are you happy with your decision?" He asked her softly.

"To quit?"

"Yeah."

"Yes and No. I can't say that I'll miss this group any or the business aspects of it, but I will miss the music and I'll miss the closeness that the girls and I had before… but I've got other friends and relatives."

"Relatives?"

"Sandy. Dani's stepmom. She's always been there for me and she told me that I've got a bed to sleep on if I want it. Which I do."

"Is that wise… I mean with everything that’s happened…"

"Dani doesn't live with her. She has her own apartment. I'll be fine. Thanks for worrying."

"It's what friends are for. And if you ever miss the music… give me a call and I'll make you a star, baby." He chuckled into the phone.

"JC… you're a rogue. I know and thanks. I may take you up on that in a few years after I get over being jaded from this experience."

She looked up and saw the soundman waving, signaling everyone to their places. "JC, listen. I've got to run. They're cueing us, but thanks for the phone call. Any other reason you called, while I've still got you real quick?"

JC opened his mouth to ask her about Lance, but shut it instead. "Nope. Just wanted to make sure you were okay…. Oh and to tell you that Chris and Joey are planning on taking you girls out on your last night. ALL of you…"

Taylor grimaced. "And Joey and Chris always get what they wish for. Ay ay Captain, I'll be there with bells on. And JC… thanks, this was really appreciated, everything you've done has been."

He smiled softly into the phone. "Like I said, girl, we're friends. Friends do things like this. Remember that when you're off in nowhereville and give a friend a call to let him know you're okay."

"Got it. Now I've really got to run. See ya in a few." She hung up the phone, putting it back onto her belt and hustled over to where the other members of Dolphin's Cry stood silently, waiting for John Norris to finish filming the opening of MTV News.

*********************************************************************

"What time is it on?" Chris asked for the third time as he settled down on the couch.

"7" Justin told him, grabbing a pillow, then flopping onto his stomach on the floor in front of the hotel television.

Joey glared at the kid on the floor. "Justin, your hair is in the way."

Justin turned around and smiled. "Well, what do you want me to do about it? I can't exactly move just the hair."

"You could cut it."

"Nah, that'd be too easy, plus it's only in the way right now so why cut it for only an hour."

Joey growled. "Just move."

Justin shook his head before turning back to the TV. "Deal with it, Joe."

Joey shook his head in frustration then reached out and kicked him.

"Ouch. What was that for?"

"Move."

"No."

"Yes."

"Why should I?"

"Because I asked you to!"

"Oh, like that's gonna convince me to do anything…"

"Well maybe this will convince you!" Joe shouted at him.

Lance and JC walked into the room after coming up from the lobby with snacks to find Justin and Joey wrestling on the floor, with Chris switching channels. JC cleared his throat. "Uh guys?"

Joey and Justin looked up, then looked at each other. Joey had Justin in a choke-hold and he was trying to get out. "Just keeping busy." The two smiled before releasing each other and heading back to their previous spots.

"It's on." Chris called out causing the room to go silent except for the sound of scrambling bodies as they tried to find a spot to watch the screen.

"This is MTV News 1515 and I'm John Norris. Welcome to tonight's show. We'll be discussing the summer tours and one in particular. Our special guests tonight are opening for the hottest summer tour of the millenium, NSYNC's No String's Attached 2000 tour, but not for much longer. Dolphin's Cry, one of the fastest rising chart toppers that we’ve seen in years is on the show to talk about why they won't be continuing on with the tour. When we return... Kat, Taylor, and Dani will be here."

Chris sighed and placed a hand over his heart. "The hottest tour of the millenium, doesn't that just touch you right here."

Lance reached over and slapped Chris upside the head. "Don't let it go to your head Chris…"

"I'm trying but…" He sighed dreamily. "We're loved, what can I say…"

JC ignored them and watched the commercials, lost in thought. "Do you think they'll tell the truth or…"

Lance shrugged. "Depends on what they agreed to do. If they didn't agree at all… they could fry each other on national television or…. Leave with egos and feelings in tact. I haven't heard a word either way about how it went… I just hope…"

JC looked up. "Me too."

"Shhh. It's on." Justin told them, as he settled back down on the pillow, munching on a red vine.

They watched as the camera focused in on John Norris when they came back from commercial break. "Welcome back. If you're just joining us, in the studio today, we have one of the hottest rising stars to hit the charts since… well we don't really know. They released their single "I Want You" in January and have been number one on the billboard charts ever since except for one brief stint at number two and that was only when NSYNC's No String's Attached album and single Bye Bye Bye was released. They are now opening for the No Strings Attached album but only until next week it seems. Dolphin's Cry is here in the studio to talk about why they won't be continuing on with the tour. Let's welcome Kat, Dani, and Taylor of Dolphin's Cry."

The guys watched as the three girls walked onto the stage smiling and laughing, shake John's hand before settling down on the couch with their attention on him. Dani was waving and blowing kisses at the crowd before jumping in shock as Kat elbowed her not so subtly and Taylor glared at both of them, before turning back to John and smiled.

"Glad you girls could make it." John told them as he leaned back against his chair.

"We're glad to be here, John." Kat told him with her stage smile. "We know there's been a lot of rumours flying around especially with our recent statement about leaving the tour, and we just wanted to clear a few things up."

Dani leaned forward, eager to get a word in. "Definitely, we owe it to the fans to tell them the truth about what's been going down."

All the guys groaned. "Why do I have a feeling this interview didn't go well." Chris asked the group.

"Probably because of that one girl…" Justin pointed to the screen at Dani.

"So… you girls are leaving the NSYNC tour…" John started.

Taylor nodded. "When we first joined, we were given the option of signing a contract for the entire tour or for only the first leg. Since we had never been on tour before, we decided to go with option B. We wanted to try it out, see if this was something we really wanted to do right now in our careers and if it was, we'd stay on with the rest of the tour."

"But this wasn't something you ended up wanting to do it seems…" He continued as Taylor's voice drifted off.

She shook her head. "Things got to be too much for us. We're tired and drained, mentally and physically. We're used to our own schedules, not the ones set by management. We're used to recording for an hour then taking a much needed break to the beach, or jamming in the garage then grabbing a bite to eat that’s not catered by a venue. We just want ourselves back."

"That seems understandable."

Kat nodded. "We figured we could go back on tour in a few years after we let our debut album sit the shelves for awhile. We're going to work on a new album in a few weeks, do a couple of compilations that we've been asked to do, and perform small clubs again… do what we want to do and not let it get so big."

Taylor and Dani both turned to Kat when she said this and glared. That statement hadn't been planned.

JC's eyed widened. "Ooops. Kat's mouth got away from her and John picked up on it."

"Now, Kat, your groupmates don't see real happy with that. But, its time for commercial. When we get back, we'll keep talking with Dolphin's Cry about the trials of being on tour and what their plans are after this."

Lance watched as Taylor's face faded away and sighed. "I wish I could've been there."

JC leaned over and patted him on the back. "It's okay. She knows we're thinking of her."

"It's not the same, JC."

"Then why weren't you there?" Justin asked him, rolling over on his back.

"Because… She looked at me like I was pond scum the last time we were together. I can take a hint."

"Lance…" Joey sighed. "You attacked her in a stairwell. Even if she does feel something, which she does, we can all see it, but anyway… I mean…"

Chris looked over at Joey and shook his head. "What the idiot over there is trying to say is that you knocked her off balance and she freaked. Once she has time to think about it, she'll come around but you have to be there so that she can tell you."

Lance groaned then reached over and grabbed a pillow, burying his face in it. "I just don't know what to do anymore… she's all I think about, all I want, and…"

"And they're back on." Justin told them, facing the TV again.

"We're back with Dolphin's Cry. So, Kat… you're talking about all this stuff that you have planned but Taylor and Dani here… they don't seem so thrilled about it. Is there any truth to the rumours that are flying about?"

They all saw Taylor's, Dani's and Kat's faces go blank. "Rumours?"

"Yeah, the rumour mill has been flying about that you three are not only leaving the tour, but splitting up as well. That's why it was really nice to hear that you girls were going to be recording again and performing in small venues. Truth be told, we heard that you three can't even stand each other anymore."

All the guys leaned forward as the girls looked to one another before turning their attention back to John. Taylor took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak, but Kat beat her to the punch. "We've been having a lot of creative differences lately but that doesn't mean that we are calling it quits. We've all been stressed with choices that we’ve been making and also with family problems at home. Dolphin's Cry will still be around long after this tour is over with."

"Well that's good to hear. We have to go to another commerical break, but when we get back, we'll talk a little bit more with Dolphin's Cry and their plans for their next album."

Lance shook his head. "Why hasn't she called?"

"Calm down boy." Justin laughed. "Maybe they want us to watch before talking to us. Or maybe…" He turned over and grinned slyly. "Maybe they killed each other on air and that's why we haven't heard anything."

Joey snickered. "Sorry to burst your bubble little man, but they perform tomorrow night with us in Washington. Management would have told us if our opening act was dead."

"True." Justin sighed. "Maybe there was a huge cat fight though and…"

"Justin…" JC sighed. "This isn't Jerry Springer."

"Damn. Can we change the channel to it, I must be in withdrawals for a good cat fight."

"J…" Lance warned.

Justin rolled his eyes. "I'm just kidding. Yeesh, calm yourself."

Lance shook his head. "Something's wrong. I can feel it."

"Nothing's wrong." Chris told him, while fiddling with the remote.

Lance shook his head again but didn't say anything else. He knew something was wrong by the look on Taylor's face before the screen faded. Something was going to happen between those girls be it on screen or behind the scenes and he was nervous because they weren't there to play referee.

The last commercial faded away as MTV News 1515 came back from their break. "Thanks for joining us. We're talking with Dolphin's Cry about their recent decision to break away from the NYSNC tour. So girls…"

"So John…" Dani smiled up at him.

"You haven't been saying much, Dani, girl. What are your feelings about this decision?"

Justin saw the gleam in her eye begin to glow and sat up quickly, muttering. "Don’t do it… it's not worth it."

All the guys looked at him but stopped when she began to speak. "Well, John. My opinion doesn't really count. We sat down to talk about the tour and decide if we wanted to renew the contract when I told them that I wanted to stay and that it would probably be detrimental to our career in the long run because of the exposure that we're getting now, they laughed at me and told me not to be foolish. We could move on to bigger and better things without the NSYNC boys."

John, Taylor, and Kat all sat there stunned as she leaned back against the couch. "Well, ummm…" John began.

Kat turned to her and glared. "What was that?"

"The truth."

"In what world? Your little delusional one?"

"Kat… Dani…" Taylor hissed. "Keep it together."

John's head went back and forth between them as they all began to argue on national television before quickly cutting back to commercials.

Chris groaned. "Someone needs to tape that girls mouth SHUT."

They all agreed. "How could she do that? She knew that would goad Kat and they'd lose it. The interview was going so smoothly." Joey shook his head in confusion.

Justin grimaced. "Because it was going too smoothly. She loves to rock the boat to see what will happen. Kat's too predictable and too volatile."

"But what was the point on TV, couldn't she wait for afterwards?" JC asked in disgust. He always hated it when celebrities aired their personal laundry on television because it wasn't the public's business. Professional and private lives should be kept separate.

"So that she could hurt them…" Justin said softly. "She feels like she's been hurt plenty by them and is just trying to get them back."

"That still doesn't account for her actions." Chris stated bluntly. He was sick of the younger girl getting her rocks off by hurting his friends, especially Taylor.

"Taylor hasn't done anything to Dani to deserve this." Lance told Justin. "Dani is being a bitch plain and simple and needs to grow up."

Justin rolled over with a red vine in his mouth, holding his hands up in surrender. "I wasn't defending her just stating her reasons for what she's doing."

Lance nodded but kept the displeased look on his face. "I know…I just…"

"You can't fight the world for her, Lance." Joey said softly, before turning back to the TV.

"We're back with Dolphin's Cry." They all turned back the minute they heard his voice. "We had some technical problems, but they seem to have been fixed. We were talking with the girls about their problems with the tour and each other. Hopefully things have been cleared up and…"

Kat glared openly at John. "The problems haven't been cleared up, nor will they ever be."

"KAT." Taylor hissed again.

Kat whirled on her. "What? I'm sick of this public relations crap. They want to know what our status is…fine we're going to tell them."

John leaned closer as the girls began to talk openly without sounding like their public relations director.

"What do you want to say, Kat?" Taylor asked her, secretly pleased that it was finally coming out and it would soon all be over.

"We're through." Kat told her.

Dani shook her head. "No, we're not. What are you two talking about?"

Taylor looked over and smiled, just as she stood up. "Yes we are, Dani. I told Megs that I was quitting two weeks ago, not just the tour but this group. She wanted us to keep it under wraps till I was sure, but I'm sure. I told Kat as soon as I told her."

Dani stood up and glared at Tay. "You can't do that."

"Watch me." She sneered and walked off stage, leaving the two girls and John.

Lance's mouth had dropped open as well as the other guys. They couldn't believe laid back Taylor had taken a stand.

Kat and Dani looked at each other in shock as John shook his head then turned back to the camera. "That's this evening's edition of MTV News 1515. Thanks for joining us, till next time, this is John Norris."

"Well, that went well…." Chris shook his head as he turned the TV off.

Justin snorted as he sat up. "It's a good thing that group is breaking up. They'll kill each other before much longer."

Lance reached over to grab his phone but stopped. "Where do you think…"

JC stood up and stretched. "I talked to her earlier. They're flying in tonight to play tomorrow and then they're off the tour. If you want to talk to her…"

"I've got to do it soon." Lance muttered to himself.

"Exactly." JC smiled.

"Do you think…" Lance looked up expectantly.

"I can't tell you if she’ll stay. You have to ask."

Lance looked around the room as the guys all began to file out except Justin as he shared this one with Lance. "We aren't asking her, Lance." Chris told him. "You gotta do it."

"I know but…" He looked over at Justin.

"No way man… you have to tell her how you feel and that's that. We're sick of you moping. Get with the program."

"Great…" Lance sighed as he crawled into bed. "What am I going to say to her? I can't even get all my thoughts focused together when its just me listening to myself!"

He began to drift off to sleep, thinking of the next day. How do I tell her? I don't even know if I can.

************************************************************************

Taylor leaned her head back against the airplane seat and sighed. Well that sure went well. She shook her head disgustedly, fidgeting as she tried to find a more comfortable position.

She took her headphones off as the stewardess walked up to ask if she needed any refreshments. She asked for a glass of water then settled back as she walked off.

She could hear Dani and Kat bickering up ahead of her. She sighed, trying to block them out, but it didn't work. She could still hear them, accusing each other about the way the interview.

Taylor smiled as she thought about going home. Going back to Sandy and away from everything… she could hide away from the world and try to heal, to get better.

Her thoughts switched over to a pair of green eyes, making her sit up straight. She was leaving him. Leaving the one thing that made her happy... could she do it? She could if she had to, but did she want to?

Chapter 13

Taylor leaned her head wearily against the window of the van as they pulled up to the Hilton hotel in Tacoma, Washington. Dani was sound asleep up front and Kat was sacked out on the middle bench seat, listening to her headphones while trying to read.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she waited for their bodyguards to jump out first and check them in, plus their baggage had to be loaded onto a cart and taken to their room as well, all before they could move a muscle.

"Everything's taken care of." Mac, her bodyguard, stuck his head in with a small smile.

"Thanks." She whispered, so as not to wake or disturb anyone and grabbed her shoulder bag and climbed over Kat's legs to get out. "Where is everyone?"

"NSYNC is in the next building over while everyone is in this one. They're trying to keep people separated as much as they can to fool the fans."

She nodded sleepily. "So we’re with the crew again… great. All the roadie's snore. I don't want to have to listen to that." She smiled to let him know that she was joking then held out her hand for the key to her room, before slinging the bag up and heading to the elevator. "Plus, I don't even see any fans."

"They're around. Hey, Tay?"

She turned around. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say that it's been a pleasure and that we’re all going to miss you girls. Despite everything, you've been a great addition to the tour and we're all disappointed to see you go."

She walked over and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm going to miss you too, Mac. Who else could've kept all those hormonal, teenaged boys away from me? No one but you that's for sure. Thanks."

He smiled shyly with a light blush then motioned for her to get going to her room. "It's room 418."

She waved before heading to the door. She was so lost in thought that she almost tripped over the girls that were sitting by the door, quiet as small mice. "Oh hello?" Taylor stopped as she got a good look at them, all were dressed in camouflage with dark green pants and coats, two wearing hats that almost covered their faces and one held a video camera.

The one on the end smiled broadly and held up a box. "Want a twinkie?"

Taylor took a step back in shock then began to laugh. "A twinkie?"

The other two began to laugh. "Yeah, it's kind of a gift for Joe, but we can't find him or the rest of the guys so we're sharing with anyone that comes by."

"Oh." Taylor said, not being able to think of anything else to say.

"It's all right if you don't want one." One of them said. "All you have to do is say so."

Taylor shook her head. "I'd love one. Mind if I sit?"

They shook their heads no. "Go right ahead." The girl in the middle held out her hand. "I'm Amanda."

Taylor smiled. "Nice to meet you, My name is Tay."

One of the other girl's jaws dropped. "You're…"

Taylor nodded. "Drummer for Dolphin's Cry."

"Oh Wow… that means that…"

"They're around somewhere but I couldn't begin to let you know where. I haven't a clue."

"That's all right, at least we know we have the right hotel. We were beginning to think we had been wasting out time. I'm Brande by the way."

"Nice to meet you as well."

"I'm Kathy." The third girl spoke up from where she was sitting, munching on pixie sticks.

Taylor laughed. "Those any good?"

She nodded, then began to laugh as well. "Yeah, they're okay, but this is what happens when you're jet lagged and living on about three hours of sleep. Want one?"

Taylor held out her hand. "Join the club, I just flew transcontinental and haven't slept in about three days, I need a sugar rush as much as the next person."

Brande laughed and motioned for her to eat up. "Then by god, you're going to get one. Eat up, we have plenty."

"Thanks." Taylor and the girls began to munch and chat about anything and everything, but then another thought crossed her mind. "Do your parents know where you are?"

They looked at each other then began to snicker. "Ummm, they do but they don't care. We don't have to answer to them anymore."

"How old are you?" Taylor asked puzzled. She had guessed them to be about fifteen or sixteen.

Amanda raised her hand. "21."

Brande sighed. "19"

Kathy snickered. "21"

Taylor looked around at them. "You're my age?"

They nodded and began to laugh openly again. "Yeah, we all met on the Internet. Amanda here is from Washington, Kathy is from Indiana, hence the jet lag, and I'm from California." Brande told her.

"Are you all going to the concert?"

"Just Brande and Amanda." Kathy told her. "I have to fly back for my sister's graduation but we all wanted to meet and hang out so here we are, getting to know each other in person and trying to catch a glimpse of the guys that brought us together."

Taylor nodded, before asking another question. "What's the camo about?"

Amanda began to laugh. "Well… we kinda have a running joke about the "Spice Boys" and our search for them." She held up the dog tags that were lying on her chest. "We all have nicknames, I'm Agent Redriddle, Brande is Agent Keebler, and Kathy is Agent Meow Mix." She then held up the video camera. "And this is the documentary about our search for the "Spice Boys"."

Taylor started laughing so hard that she fell backwards onto the ground. "I need a twinkie."

Kathy handed one over without pausing in the explanation. "We even have bait for them."

Taylor sat up. "Oh really… "

"Yup. We have the "key" to Justin's Benz, a razor for JC, a box of twinkie's for Joey, pixie sticks for Chris and a feather boa for Lance."

Taylor shook her head and clutched at her sides from laughter. "Oh man, you girls are too much… and what may I ask did you want to do with them when you caught them?"

They looked at each other in puzzlement and shrugged. "We didn't really plan that far ahead." Brande said. "But we did want them to sit and get their picture taken on Amanda's car." She pointed to the white vehicle that was covered in paint and pictures.

Taylor looked over and her eyes widened in shock. The car had different photographs taped to the sides, trunk and hood of the guys, every window was chalked with different sayings, while the back was decorated with their autographs, and finally the front window had each of their names written in order of the name NSYNC as a border. "That's yours?"

Amanda nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Brande kinda got a hold of it the night that she got here, wouldn't let me see it till it was finished and then it was done and there wasn't anything I could do."

Taylor shook her head again. "Listen… I'm really tired and it's… " She checked her watch. "Two a.m." She stood up and stretched. "Why don't you look for me at the concert tomorrow, I mean tonight, probably at soundcheck, and I'll give you girls backstage passes to meet the "Spice Boys". Sound good?"

They all got wide-eyed and speechless. "You'd… you'd do that for us?" Brande asked.

Taylor shrugged. "Why not? Oh and don't forget to wear your hats and dog tags. The guys will get a kick out of it. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it."

She reached down and hugged the girls, before turning and walking into the hotel. She turned around last minute and waved. "Don't forget…soundcheck. Oh and bring the bait… they'll enjoy that as well."

"We won't." Amanda yelled, before the three turned to each other and squealed in delight.

Taylor smiled to herself as she made it to the elevator and pressed the up button. It always made her day to help out fans, she remembered what it was like to try and get near Joey Joe of New Kids on the Block. Plus, anyone that creative deserved a gift. She thought back to their bait and began to laugh so hard that she leaned against the elevator wall. "A feather boa? I can actually see it." Taylor clamped a hand over her mouth as the elevator door opened and an elderly couple stepped on, giving her a weird look that only made her laugh harder.

The doors opened on her floor and she walked down them with a lighter step and she even waved at the different roadies that were lining the hall, either waiting for pizza delivery or a trip down to the local strip joints.

***********************************************************************

"We'd like to thank everyone for coming tonight." Lance spoke into his headset at the end of the show. "Thanks Tacoma for putting up with us. We'll see ya again soon." He waved then stepped back into line.

JC stepped forward. "Tacoma! We had a wonderful time." He waved and stepped back.

Justin smiled as he heard the screams increase a hundred fold when he stepped forward to say his thank yous. He shook his head when they didn't stop and waited. When they finally began to subside, he finally began to speak. "Thanks Tacoma. We'll catch ya the next time we're in town. Also, if you could put your hands and voices together for one last time for our number one opening act, Dolphin's Cry." He cupped his hand to his ear and laughed when the screams increased again. "We're certainly going to miss them around here."

Justin looked to the side and smiled at Kat who was standing in the winds watching them. She shook her head before turning around and walking away, causing Justin to frown.

The guys bowed and waved one final time before running off stage through the curtain under the walkway.

JC leaned against the wall and sighed, while wiping his forehead. "Man… that crowd was insane."

Joey walked up behind him and pushed him, to get him moving again. "They were just reacting to you sprinting across the stage one way then back again. How do you do it man when you sleep all day long?"

JC smiled. "I save my energy up for the night shows unlike some people who go clubbing all day and night."

Joey shook his head. "Dude… you're going to be tired tomorrow then. Cause you are so coming out with us."

"I know… "JC ran a hand through his hair. "I know. I'll pull it together for the girls, even if I am beat."

"We're all beat, but… who knows when we'll see them again."

JC shrugged as the two walked to their dressing rooms to shower. Hopefully soon.

********************************************************************

Taylor groaned as she packed up the last of her stuff. Their flight was supposed to leave early in the morning from SeaTac International airport to take them back to New York. Two transcontinental flights in two days. She groaned at the thought and flopped onto the bed. The guys were supposed to have a night off tonight but a last minute schedule change in Vancouver put them having three shows in a row. That wasn't going to stop them though, they still wanted to spend their last night with Dolphin's Cry in Seattle before they packed up and drove to Vancouver B. C. to catch up with their buses and crew, who were leaving as soon as the show was over so that they could make the next venue. She had to give those guys credit, they were going to be dead the next day, but it still meant a lot for them to be there to see them off that night.

Ring Ring

Taylor rolled over and grabbed the phone. "Yes?"

"Are you ready for a good time?"

She rolled her eyes. "JC… I'm always ready for a good time. The question is are you going to be able to stay awake enough to show me the good time I'm supposed to be having?"

"HEY!" He sounded outraged, although she knew he really wasn't. "I take offense to that. I can stay awake if I really want to."

"Uh huh, tell me another story…"

He growled something that she couldn't understand under his breath. "I just called to let you know that we were back finally and that we needed to shower."

"Good to know. I was wondering what that smell was."

JC laughed. "Someone is certainly in a good mood."

She shrugged even though she knew that he couldn't see it. "It feels like a ton of weight has been lifted from my shoulders."

He smiled into the phone. "That's good to hear. We'll be knocking in about a half hour, if that sounds good."

"Sure, but is that enough time for J?"

"We'll make sure it is."

"Okay, I'll see you soon then."

"Sounds good."

"Oh wait… did those girls make it backstage?"

JC rolled his eyes. "Umm, which ones? The ones in the halter shirts, the ones in platforms, the ones in the short skirts that don't cover their a…"

"The ones in the camouflage."

"OH, the interesting ones. Yeah, we met them. They were cool. How do you know them?"

"Met them outside your hotel. How many were there?"

"Three."

"Really? I thought one was supposed to be going home for something…"

"She missed her flight for some odd reason."

Taylor laughed. "The things girls do to see you guys in person, even missing a flight back to Indiana. Did you make it worth their while?"

"We showed them how to part NSYNC style, if that's what you’re asking?" JC smiled into the phone as he leaned back against the headboard of the hotel bed.

"Right, anyway…"

"Nah, we talked with them… they gave us a really weird gift, but hey… its always funny to see what the fans think up. Plus we told them to keep in touch and that they next time we were all in the same time to look us up, we'd hang out."

"You guys are too nice. Okay, just wanted to make sure that it worked out for them all right. They had me cracking up outside. Quite different from the usual fans."

"That's for sure. I gotta tell ya the story about them later though. I've really got to get going and shower. See ya in a few girlie."

"Bye."

She hung up then flopped back onto the bed with a smile. Who would've known that she'd become such good friend's with the enemy, but then again… she was leaving. I'm sure going to miss them.

She stood up and walked over to the chair where she had laid out the outfit that she wanted to wear that night and headed to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Her thoughts kept drifting to a blonde headed, green eyed, man that wouldn't leave her dreams alone.

Should I tell him tonight? Or just leave without saying a word?

************************************************************************

Justin leaned onto the counter of the bathroom and grinned at his reflection. "Check the mirror…lookin fly…" He sang, while running a hand through his hair one last time before turning to head out the bathroom.

Lance raised an eyebrow at him as he buckled his belt. "Singing to yourself again?"

Justin blushed. "UH, well.. ummmm…"

Lance began to laugh. "Well at least I'm too Sexy this time."

Justin grabbed his coat. "Shut up." He muttered, opening the door and walking through it before Lance could say anything else.

Lance followed him out the door, hopping on one foot as he tried to get his other shoe on. He finally gave up and ran down the hall after the rest of the guys who were heading down to the limo, holding one shoe in his hand. He knew he looked ridiculous holding his shoe and running down the hall with one shoe on and his other foot only in a white sock, but he didn't want to be late. This would be the first time he'd seen Taylor since the kiss and he wanted to make a good impression and not screw this one up. But then again…

Ooomph

He ran straight into the elevator door as they slid shut in front of him, the rest of his groupmates having shut the door in his face. Lance ran a hand down the front of his face and sighed. This night is already not going well…maybe I should just go back to bed. No, you have to see Taylor off… but… get a backbone. I have one… I just… Lance sighed and ran a hand through his hair and waited for the elevator to come back up. He had to tell her tonight how he felt or he'd never get another chance and the woman of his dreams would slip through his fingers.

************************************************************************

Chris held up a finger to the waitress at the bar, indicating that he wanted a rum and coke. He bobbed his head in time to the music as his eyes scanned the interior of the building. They had decided to head to Pioneer Square because it had ten different bars that they could go to for the cover price of one huge club. There were clubs, taverns, and bars with small dance floors, a taste for everyone, and this way, the girls could be separated without it looking like they had been.

He felt a tap on his back and turned around to find Lance glaring at him. "Glad you could make it kid." Chris laughed as he signaled the bartender to make it two.

"I can't believe you guys left me at the hotel." Lance practically spit out flames, he was so mad.

Chris smirked at him. "That's what happens when someone is slow. Drink up." He handed him the mixed drink.

"Where is everyone?"

Chris waved his hand around. "Around. I don't know, I lost track of everyone as soon as we got our hands stamped."

Lance sighed and sat down, sipping his drink. "Great. I'm not going to be able to find her for the rest of the evening and then she'll meet some other guy, fall in love, get married, have a few kids and get the white picket fence with the dog and cat, while I'm stuck singing in airport lounges as a lounge singer."

Chris raised an eyebrow at the younger man. "Someone is feeling sorry for themselves."

Lance slumped on the stool, finishing the drink in one long sip. "I'm just having a bad night, oh forget that, a bad week. Don't mind me." He held up the glass and got it refilled.

"Is that wise?"

"What?"

"Getting another?"

"OH who cares… like anything I do right now is going to matter."

"That’s it, we're moving."

"Not until I finish this." Lance told him, draining the glass as soon as it was set in front of him.

"That's not going to solve your problems."

"No, but if I do find her, it will sure bolster my courage."

"I don't see the problem." Chris told him as they left the bar and headed toward the club that Joey had dragged Dani and Kat too, with Justin trailing behind.

Lance shrugged. "I don't know how to tell her… plus now she's so attached to JC all I can see is green. And it's all my fault. I pushed her to him when she was upset and now…"

Chris groaned. "Get over it and talk to her."

"I want to…"

"Lance, I'm going to hit you if you don't stop being so wishy washy."

He took a deep breath. "Fine, Chris… tell me what to do and I'll do it."

Chris shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you a thing. You have to figure things out on your own."

Lance glared at him but immediately had to blink from the smoke, cigarette and otherwise, as they entered the club. "Is she in here?" He yelled over the music.

"I don't know." Chris yelled back. "Her and JC snuck off somewhere to talk, that was the last time I saw them."

Lance clenched his jaw, even though in his head, he knew nothing was going on, but his heart wouldn't let the green eyed monster go back beneath the exterior.

"LANCE!"

He turned as he heard the squeal of delight that was his name. "Dani…" He breathed out in disgust.

"I'm so glad you could make it. I wasn't sure." She wrapped her arms around him sloppily and the smell of alcohol drifted over him.

He peeled her arms from around his neck. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Sorry that you guys are leaving."

She waved a hand airily around. "Oh well… like I had a say in anything, but I'm going to go solo. It's for the best anyway…"

"I'm sure it is." He told her, already looking for an escape.

"Come dance with me."

He shook his head no, but found himself being pulled out onto the dance floor where Joey, Kat and Justin were all dancing.

"Hey man, glad you could make it." Justin grinned at him.

Lance rolled his eyes but good naturedly. "Yeah… well I had to find a cab, since my friends ditched me."

"Now, who would do that?" Joey laughed, clamping an arm around his shoulders.

"Oh I don't know…" Lance laughed, beginning to feel the effects of his two drinks and started to dance to the music.

Dani twined her arms around his neck and began to move with him. "Did you know that I've always had a crush on you." She breathed into his ear.

Lance tired to get out of her grasp, but couldn't, her arms felt like spaghetti. "No, you've always liked Justin. We've all known that."

She smiled saucily. "Maybe… maybe not…"

Lance started looking around for an escape but everyone seemed to have disappeared. "Look… I'm not interested… I like someone else."

"I know… everyone knows… but know what? She's not."

Lance took a deep breath. "I'm not listening to a word you're saying. You are a consummate liar and no one cares what you say anymore." He wriggled out of her grasp finally, but reached out against his better judgment to steady her. "Sleep it off. Have a good life." He turned to leave the floor and saw a head of blonde hair whirl around and make her way to the door. "Damn it." He breathed out as he tried to follow.

"Lance." JC grabbed him by the arm, smiling. "Didn't think you were going to make it."

Lance took a deep breath before saying anything. "Jace, not now."

"What?" He asked puzzled.

Lance threw his hand off his arm and practically ran for the door, but Taylor wasn't anywhere in sight. Aggggghhhh He mentally screamed before going back into the club, looking for anyone he knew. He scanned the area, but everyone had left to head onto the next place. He bit the inside of his mouth to keep from screaming. I knew I should have stayed at the hotel.

"Hey, handsome. Want something to drink?" A waitress walked up to where he was standing, holding a tray.

Lance nodded, handing over five dollars. She handed him one of the drinks on the tray before walking off. He eyed her backside as she walked off, mentally whistling before shaking his head, as the image of Taylor came unbidden to mind. He tossed back the drink, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand as a bit trickled down his chin. I've got to find her. She won't have anything to do with me. I can't know till I try, now can I? Maybe she didn't see me. No, she saw me.

He made his way out of the club and headed next door. He could see Justin's curly head bouncing around and followed the curls right up to the group. Taylor was sitting next to JC, laughing at whatever story Chris and Joey were acting out.

"We were standing there talking to a few fans, signing autographs, doing the usual meet and greet thing but after the show when these three girls walk up to us dressed head to tow in camouflage."

Joey shook his head. "They were carrying this box, covered in pictures and writing of us and handed it to us bold as can be. Made us open it then and there so that they could explain."

Lance saw Taylor's lips begin to twitch before she finally began to laugh and rested her head on JC's shoulder. His eyes narrowed on her happy face, knowing that she hadn't seen him yet.

"So, Chris, being the bold one, rips off the top and pulls out this feather boa with the name Lance taped to it." Joe continued.

Chris looked up. "Lance! Where's your boa?"

Lance rolled his eyes, before focusing back on Taylor who had stopped laughing as soon as she heard his name called. Her mouth hung slightly open in shock as her eyes met his.

"Anyway, next was a box of twinkies, a package of pixie sticks, a razor, and a key to the Mercedes, then at the bottom was a video tape."

"I was wondering if they would give all that stuff to you." Taylor told them.

"Really, you knew?" JC asked her.

"Of course, we were chowing on the twinkies all night before I had to head to bed." She winked at Joey. "They must have bought you more."

"None of us could believe the box. We haven't watch the tape yet but…" Chris told her.

"Watch it." Taylor laughed, her eyes finding Lance out of the corner of her eye. "I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

"I'm sure." Chris looked between the two, before nudging JC, whose eyes widened when he realized that they kept seeking each other out.

JC pushed Taylor over. "I'm going to go get something. Do you want anything?"

She shook her head no. "Nah, I'm already tired. Don't want to compound it by putting anything in my body."

"I'll get you some water."

"Sounds good."

Chris got up and followed and soon everyone was drifting off for something or another, leaving Taylor and Lance alone.

"Hey." He said, grabbing a chair, pulling it up to the table. He looked around nervously, at anything but her.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Do you…"

"How are…"

They both laughed as they began to talk at the same time. He motioned for her to go first. "You first."

"I was just going to ask how you were. Haven't seen you around."

"Been busy. Management of Meredith and Jack kinda called to me these past few days and then the concerts and… well you know…"

"Yeah…" She breathed out. "We kinda uh…"

"Started avoiding each other."

Taylor nodded. "Yeah… look, I'm really sorry."

"No, I am. I shouldn't have…"

"No!" She said quickly, looking him dead in the face. "I…"

"You what…"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just… don't be sorry."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Why?"

"Just…it's nothing. We just shouldn't be sorry for things that we don't regret." She stood up and walked away toward the bathroom.

Lance watched her walk away in complete confusion. "What did she mean by that?" He asked aloud.

"Sounds like she was trying to tell you something." Chris said as he and JC sat down.

"What… are you guys listening in on my private conversations now?"

"Nope. Just making sure you don't screw up again." JC told him before leaning back in his chair, the chair balancing on the back legs.

"I'm not."

"Sure about that Scoop… looks like you crashed and burned again." Chris said, then looked over at JC and smiled. He reached out and kicked the chair out from under him, causing him to fall to the floor.

"OUCH!" JC rubbed the back of his head and sat up with a disgruntled expression on his face. "That wasn't nice."

Chris shrugged, then turned back to Lance. "Go get her."

"She's the one that walked away."

"She put it in your court, what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Sure you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are…"

"Fine, Einstein…. What am I going to do?"

Chris looked around the room and found Taylor standing on the other side, smiling as she talked to some random person. He wiggled his eyebrows at Lance before pointing across the room.

"There you see her…

Sitting there across the way

She don't have a lot to say

But there's something about her

And you don't know why

But you're dying to try…

You want to

Kiss The Girl"

Lance groaned. "Chris…" He warned. "Leave it be."

Chris kept singing and before Lance could say anything else, JC had joined in.

"Shalalalalala Boy oh my

Look like the boy too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Shalalalalala ain't that sad

And a shade to bad

He's gonna miss the girl."

Excerpt from "Kiss The Girl", The Little Mermaid

"I get the hint." Lance ground out before stomping off, leaving JC and Chris giggling like little school girls as he walked off.

"I can do this." Lance muttered. "All I have to do is walk up to her and say, Taylor, I think I'm falling in love with you."

"What?"

He whirled around and found her directly behind him. "I…uh…oh wow…I mean…"

"Did you just say…"

"I didn't say anything…"

"But I could've sworn…."

He shook his head quickly. "Didn't say anything."

"Oh." Taylor breathed out. "Ummm, okay… well… I…"

"I've gotta go… and get…something….to drink."

"Okay." She said as she watched him flee across the room.

"Stupid, Lance. Stupid." He muttered as he headed to the bar. He weaved a little, the effects of the first few drinks catching up with him. "Just one more and then my tongue will be loose enough to talk to her."

"I think you're just about done, buddy, if you're already talking to yourself." Justin told him smiling.

"Just shut up, J."

"Nope…have you talked to her yet?"

"What do you think?"

"Nope."

"You just won a million dollars. Now go away." Lance drank down the drink then turned around. "Okay… I can do this."

"Go get her lover boy." Justin reached over and rubbed his shoulders before pushing him off the stool toward Taylor who was talking to a guy in the corner of the bar.

"Is he finally going to do it?" Joey asked, walking up.

"I think so." Justin told him as they watched.

Chris and JC were watching from the other side of the room. "He's going to do it."

"You sure?" JC asked.

"Looks at the determination on his face, of course he is."

"I sure hope so."

"Taylor?"

She turned around. "Yes, Lance?" She asked warily.

He blinked, trying to keep her in focus. "I… I just wanted to say… you…"

"Uh huh…"

"Ummm… I think I could fall madly in bed with you."

Taylor's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

Lance sighed. "That wasn't the reaction I'd been hoping for."

"What reaction were you hoping for? A quickie back at the hotel?" Taylor asked, her eyes narrowing as she cursed herself for being a fool to ever think that he would like her for anything else.

Justin watched the reaction. "I'm beginning to think that maybe Lance should have stuck with the pillow."

Joey looked over at him. "The pillow?"

"Yeah… Lance is always declaring his love to Taylor to his pillow. It's kinda cute in sad, pathetic kind of way…"

Joey shook his head.

"Chris?"

"Yeah, Jace…"

"Did Lance just say…"

Chris nodded. "Yup, I heard it too. Bet in his head he didn't say that."

JC groaned.

"I'm not going to bed with you." Taylor told him calmly before stomping off towards the bathroom, in anger, but as soon as she turned around, everything left her and the tears began to fill her eyes.

Lance blinked. What… Oh…ummm

"Lance… you stupid fool!" Chris practically shouted at him.

"What? I just told her that I was falling in love with her and she walked off."

"You told her you wanted to fall into BED with her."

Lance blinked up at JC. "What?"

Chris and JC groaned, which had Justin and Joey cracking up as they made their way through the crowd. "Bed? That’s what you said? Oh man… my pick up lines aren't even that bad, Lance." Joey laughed.

Lance slapped his forehead, which caused his head to roll. "Oh man… I think…"

"Too much."

Lance groaned. "I've got to find her."

"Bathroom." Kat told him as she walked up, having seen everything.

"Thanks."

He hurried through the crowd, towards the women's bathroom and swung the door open. "Taylor?"

He heard a woman scream, but he paid her no attention. "Taylor?"

"Lance!" He heard hissed from behind some big, lady in red.

"Could you all give us some privacy?" He asked the women.

They all glared at him as they filed out. He stuck his tongue out at them then locked the door behind them. "Finally." He said, turning back to the blonde that was sitting on the chair in the corner, glaring at him.

"Leave me alone. It's not every night that a girl gets propositioned so well."

"I'm sorry… I didn't realize that it came out like that… I've had a few and… I'm not quite myself."

"Then why are you here?"

"Look… there's something I need to tell you…"

"Answer the question! Why won't you leave me alone? You attack me in the stairwell and now you proposition me… Get away from me, Lance! I'm not interested in a fling got it!"

"Then what?"

"Nothing."

"You must be interested in something to phrase it like that!"

"No."

"Yes you are…" He said, his eyes widening as he finally could see her feelings beneath the surface.

"I don't know what you’re talking about." She said, turning away from him.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him. "Taylor… I…"

"What?"

"I…"

"Tell me Lance."

"I think I love you."

"You think?" She asked, her eyes widening. "You don't know?"

"I just told you I love you and that's all you can say."

Taylor's mind was running a million miles an hour. She didn't know what to say. This wasn't what she had expected to happen. "I…"

"Tell me Taylor." He said, softly, repeating her words from just before.

"I think I love you."

His heart feel into the pit of his stomach and his hands reached out of his own volition and drew her to him. His eyes flickered back and forth across her face, drinking in the wonder that they both were feeling after finally admitting their feelings. She reached a hand up to cup his cheek and he leaned into it, his face getting closer to hers until their lips were just about to touch.

"This is sweet and all, but can I wash my hands?" A voice asked from one of the stalls.

Lance and Taylor jumped away from each other and began to laugh as an elderly woman came out of the stall. "You youngens nowadays… I'll never understand you. In my day, it was done in a fine restaurant with wine and flowers and dancing afterwards… now its done without anything in a woman's bathroom. I just don't get it." She kept muttering even as she wiped her hands and walked out the door.

Lance and Taylor looked at each other before he held out his arms, waiting for her to slide into them, which she did without any hesitation. "I feel safe with you." She whispered.

"And I with you." He whispered back before leaning down and kissing her with everything that he was feeling. This time she didn't balk and run but leaned into it, finally comfortable and sure of what she was feeling.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Guys…the limo is leaving… we've got to drop the girls off at the airport then head on up to Vancouver." They heard Justin's voice drift through the door. "I'm not coming in to get you… so get your butts out here. Come on… I feel really stupid… people are looking at me….this one is going to be in the Enquirer, if you don't hurry… Pop Star yelling into women's bathroom… Lance…"

Lance opened the door and Justin practically fell in. "It's about time, you two… we need to go."

Lance looked over and smiled sadly at Taylor. Just when he had gotten her and she had to leave.

He reached out and grabbed her hand, which she squeezed back. "It'll be okay… I'll visit."

"You better." He whispered.

"Sooner than you think."

"You don't have to go."

She thought about Sandy. "Yes, I do… but I won't be gone long. I have a few things to take care of before I can come back to you."

"I'll be waiting…"

"I know." She smiled at him as the group made their way to the two limos. "I know."

Chapter 14

Taylor looked out the window of the airplane and sighed with a small smile on her face as her mind drifted back to just a few hours before.

He cupped her face with his hands and stared directly into her face, memorizing the color of her eyes, the way she squinted up as she smiled, and the small uplift in the corner of her mouth as one side raised high than the other. He memorized the small line of freckles on her nose and the one dimple on her left cheek. His thumb rubbed the corner of her mouth that uplifted causing her smile to deepen.

"I’ll be back."

"I know." He sighed, his thumb moving to trace along her bottom lip.

"Lance…" Her eyes darkened as she became aware of his thumb and the sensations that it was causing inside her.

"Don’t go."

"I have to."

"I just found you."

She shook her head with a small laugh. "That’s not true. We’ve always been connected. We’re just now speaking of it aloud."

His eyes widened with her words. It was true. "We’ll always be connected."

She reached up to cup his cheek. "I hope so. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you."

He leaned down until his forehead was touching hers. "I honestly think I’d die if I lost you."

"No, you wouldn’t." She told him softly. "You’re strong, so much stronger than I am, than any of us are. That’s why you’ve survived in this life for as long as you have."

"You’re strong too."

She shook her head, the movement dislodging his hands from her face, before they settled back along her cheeks. "I’m not. I’ve never been strong enough for this life. I just thought I was. But… I’ll be back."

"I know you will be. I’ll miss you."

"I’ll miss you too."

"Flight 338 boarding for New York City."

She turned her head toward the gate, before turning back to him. "I have to go."

She watched his eyes cloud over before the emotion was locked away to be dealt with later. "Don’t…"

"I must. Now kiss me and I’ll talk to you soon." She smiled up at him.

He shook his head sadly before leaning down and ever so carefully touched his lips with hers before drawing back. "I’ll wait for you."

"I know. Now go, JC, Justin and everyone is waiting for you."

"Don’t let them get to you on the flight."

Taylor laughed. "We’re sitting separately. They can’t hurt me anymore."

"I hope that’s true. Call me when you arrive."

She reached up on the tip of her toes and kissed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him, not wanting to let him go. She felt his arms encircle her waist, tightening at the last moment as if he had just then realized that she was leaving. "Thanks for being the first to admit… I never would have."

"My pleasure." He whispered. "I have everything I want or could ever want now."

"I almost do." She whispered before turning and leaving before he could ask as to what she could still need.

At the gate, she turned and found him still standing there. The rest of the guys standing not too far behind as they waved goodbye. She smiled sadly, before waving slowly, then whirled around and headed down the ramp towards the plane. Wanting to look back, but knowing that if she did, she’d run back to him and would never finish what she still had to do.

Taylor leaned her head up against the window and closed her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to leave, the desire to stay running through her body but her mind had fought and won against her heart, the knowledge that she needed to finish what she had started in the first place winning over her desire to stay and begin with Lance. She couldn’t be with him till this was done.

Her mind started to wander as she began to fall asleep, but the sound of her cell phone ringing woke her up. She sat up quickly, grabbing it. Everyone knew she was on the plane going home, so it had to be an emergency for someone to be calling.

"Hello?"

"Taylor?"

"Yes, this is she."

"I’m sorry to disturb you but…"

"Who is this?"

"I’m sorry. This is Dr. Cameron with the New York City hospital. I’m treating Sandy Puvogal right now and your number was the only one written down for emergencies."

Taylor sat up straight at the mention of Sandy. "What? What’s wrong?"

"Miss. If you could come to the hospital as soon as you’re able then we could talk. I don’t like to give out personal information over a cellular."

"I understand. But, if you could…"

"I’m sorry. As soon as you arrive, I’ll explain everything."

"I’ll get there as soon as the plane lands."

"Thank you. I’ll tell her just as soon we hang up that you’re on your way. Will you also be bringing her stepdaughter with you? I haven’t been able to reach her."

"Her cell is probably turned off but I’ll let her know."

"Thank you."

Taylor ran a hand through her hair. "I know you said no information but…"

The doctor cleared his throat and his voice was softer the next time he spoke. "The only thing I can tell you is that there was an accident at her office. One of her patients attacked her. She’s fine but there are injuries. Everything else will be explained as soon as you arrive. Goodbye."

"Thank you doctor. Bye."

Taylor leaned back in the seat and rubbed her hands across her face. How was she supposed to get to the hospital if Sandy had been planning on picking her up? She could rent a car… take a taxi… She has to be okay…she just has to, what would I do without her? I have to find Dani…

She looked up and around the seating area of the plane but didn’t see her. She might be asleep. The plane was at the highest elevation allowing people to move around. She stood up, hurriedly, disturbing the man beside her that was already giving her dirty looks since her cell phone first rang. She looked around, still not seeing the dark, curly hair of her band mate.

"Excuse me…" She muttered quietly as she made her way out of her seat into the aisle. She headed toward the back of the plane and sighed with relief when she heard the sound of faint female giggling. She must have found someone cute on the flight.

She made it to where the sound was coming from and stood directly by the seats, waiting for Dani to look away from the tall, blonde, California tanned stud that was seated beside her, holding her hand and looking at her like she God’s gift sent down from heaven just for him to consume.

Taylor cleared her throat and both looked up, one’s face changing to disgust as the other widened in delight at having found another of the band members. "Hi, My name is…"

Taylor tilted her head in acknowledgment, not even listening to the guy’s name. "Dani, there’s been a problem."

"Tay, whatever it is, can wait till we get to the airport." Dani told her, waving her away/

"No it can’t."

Dani sighed dramatically. "What is it? I’m sick of fighting."

"So am I. It’s Sandy."

Dani looked up and met her gaze, quickly. "What?" her face began to drain of all color, leaving her a deathly shade of white.

"There’s been an accident…"

***********************************************************************

Dani, Kat and Taylor all rushed into the hospital together. The taxi driver dropped them off out front, and the three ran directly to the nurse’s station. "Dr. Cameron?" Kat asked.

"Upstairs. Floor six. His office number is 646. Would you like me to page him?" She asked the girls.

"No. We’re expected." Taylor told her before rushing off to the elevator, Kat and Dani trailing behind.

The elevator was slow as the climbed to the six floor, but the doors dinged as it arrived and the girls scurried out and to the left, following the signs that indicated that office 646 was down the hall.

Taylor looked over at Dani and Kat and they all took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

"Come in."

Taylor opened the door and the three entered slowly into the office area. "Hi, We’re here to see Dr. Cameron."

The secretary smiled. "Have a seat. He’ll be right with you."

Kat smiled and motioned for the other two to sit as she leaned against the wall as there were only two chairs with a small end table between them holding a few magazines.

The office door for the doctor opened after a short waiting period and through it emerged a small man, dressed in a white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck. His red hair was thinning on top, but the smile that crossed his face drew people’s attention away from his hairline to his blue eyes that sparkled with the smile. Taylor couldn’t help smiling back because he reminded her of a leprechaun.

"You must be Sandy Puvogal’s girls?" Dr. Cameron asked. "I’m Dr. Cameron."

Kat stepped forward. "Nice to meet you. I’m Kat and this is Dani and Taylor."

"Nice to meet you all, if you could…" He motioned for them to follow him into hisoffice and sit.

He sat down behind his oak desk and folded his hands over it as he peered down at a chart. Presumably, Sandy’s. He reached over and grabbed a pair of glasses that he settled onto his nose and re-read the chart before glancing up at them, his mouth pursed.

"Well… I’m not really sure where to begin."

"If you could explain what happened…" Dani asked, her hands clenched tightly in her lap.

"Yes… let’s talk about that first. What we can assume from what her secretary has told us…"

Taylor eyes widened. "Excuse me? You haven’t discussed with Sandy yet?"

The doctor’s face softened as he glanced at her, despite the fact that she had just interrupted him. "I’m afraid she’s not awake yet to be asked any questions. Please let me finish before you ask anymore questions."

Kat paled at the doctor’s words and reached out and grabbed Taylor’s hand, gripping it tightly.

"Anyway, from what her secretary has told us. The patient she was seeing was a manic depressive that was suffering from problems with his medication. He wasn’t able to sleep for days at a time and was suffering from hallucinations because of his sleep deprivation. She had tried unsuccessfully to get him to come in and talk for weeks but he kept getting worse until finally, he made an appointment. He came in and began to cry because he wasn’t getting better and because he wasn’t happy, Sandy reached over to comfort him but he snapped. He started yelling, blaming her for his suffering because "he was fine until he started seeing her and being put on medications". She tried to explain that it was the medication and they would have to change it or reduce the dosage, that it was hard to find medications that worked the first time. He started throwing things, her lamp first, that struck her on the arm, and when he ran out of things to throw, he started on her."

Taylor swallowed hard. "Is she…"

"He tried to choke her to death, Miss. She was very lucky that the secretary heard everything and called 911 as soon as the first lamp was thrown, otherwise, she might not be here right now trying to get better."

"You said, she wasn’t speaking?" Dani asked quietly.

"I’m sorry, but when the paramedics arrived, she wasn’t conscious. She hasn’t been since she arrived here yesterday. I’m afraid she’s in a coma."

They all sat there, staring at the doctor, not wanting to comprehend what he had said. "But, she’ll come out of it, right?" Kat asked.

"There’s a chance. Right now were not sure how much time passed without her getting the required amount of oxygen to her brain and until we can get her in for a cat scan, we’re not sure if she has suffered any permanent amount of brain damage."

"Why haven’t you done a cat scan yet?" Dani asked shrilly.

"Because a signature from family is required." He slid a document across the desk towards them. "If you could sign right there at the bottom… and there…" He indicated the lines with X’s.

Dani slid forward and signed the lines. "What’s your opinion, doctor? Will she okay?"

"I can’t say for sure at this time, but her vital signs are good and she’s healthy. She should pull out of it but until…" He gestured toward the paper. "But until we get the scans back, I’m not certain."

They stood and shook his hand. "Let us know as soon as you can."

"I will. I have your numbers."

**********************************************************************

Taylor took a cab back to Sandy’s house and unlocked the door with the key. Dani and Kat had both gone to their respective homes, Taylor opting not to go to her apartment that Kat and her shared.

Walking in, she didn’t realize how quiet it would be without Sandy bustling about in the kitchen, making Taylor’s favorite cookies or baking a cake in the oven in celebration of her return. She set her bags on the floor in the entryway and walked slowly into the kitchen. On the counter was a list, she bent over it and began to read the items off slowly. "Eggs, milk, cheese, baking soda, chocolate chips, Hershey’s cocoa, bread…" She clutched the paper tightly in her hand before finally letting it go and sitting down at the counter. "She was going to make me cookies." She breathed out before laying her head down on the counter and beginning to cry.

Ring Ring

Taylor sat up, rubbing her eyes. She looked around sleepily, her eyes hurting from her crying fit, her body aching from the position that she had slept in on the counter. The sound penetrated her sleep filled mind once more and she slowly made her way over to the phone to answer it where it sat on a small table near the refrigerator.

"Hello?" She asked softly.

"Taylor?"

She sank down to the floor when she recognized his voice. "Yeah?" She whispered brokenly.

"Are you okay?" Lance demanded. "I was worried when I didn’t get a phone call."

She checked her watch and noticed that it was close to 8. She had been asleep for hours on the counter. "Sorry." She said.

"What happened? You don’t sound good."

"Sandy’s… I…" She started, but unable to continue.

"What happened?" He asked again, softer and less aggressively.

"We got a call that Sandy was in the hospital." She said, her voice breaking on the word hospital. "She’s in a coma and…"

"I’m sorry baby." Lance told her over the phone. "Do you need…"

She shook her head but realized that he couldn’t see her. "No, you don’t need to come out. I’m fine. The girls are… well… I’m okay."

"You sure, you don’t sound good."

"There’s nothing you could do, anyway."

"I could hold you…" He whispered to her.

She smiled for the first time that day. "I’m okay. Remember you told me I’m tough."

"But everyone needs someone to lean on."

"I know. If I think of anything, I’ll call you."

"I love you."

"Oh Lance…" She said, her voice breaking again. "I… I love you too. I should…wait, can I talk to JC?"

Lance’s eyebrows raised up almost to his hairline. "You want to…"

"Is he around?"

"Yeah…" He said hesitantly, jealousy beginning to eat at him again. "Just a second…"

He looked around the bus, not knowing where his groupmate had gone. "JC…"

JC poked his head in to the back lounge. He had just been heading up front from his bunk. "Yeah…"

"Phone." Lance tossed him the phone without saying goodbye to Taylor.

JC looked at him questioningly before putting the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey you rogue." He heard a soft voice come over the line.

"Tay… What’s up?" he looked back over his shoulder to where Lance was sulking in the corner.

"Do you still want my song?"

JC’s eyes widened in shock. "What?"

"Do you want my song?" She repeated.

"Why, Taylor?"

"Just answer the question." She demanded.

"Of course. I stopped bugging you because I didn’t think… yeah, I’d love to see it finished."

"I didn’t ask if you wanted to see it. Do you want it?"

He looked around, not knowing what to say, hoping something would clue him in to the best response. "I…uh…"

"JC…"

"Yes, I want it. I’d love to sing it, but I’m only going to take it on one condition…" His mind began to scramble for some kind of foothold as he fell into a deep ravine of confusion.

"What?"

"Sing it with me as a duet."

"I…" She started, shocked.

"Please."

"I can’t promise you anything at this time. I just… it’s finished and… I don’t want it right now."

"Right now?"

"Take it, it’s yours. Just put my name on it as writer. Use it for the next album, it’s beautiful, JC. I didn’t think… it really is… it’s my heart."

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because you’re the only one that wanted it."

"Taylor…"

The phone clicked in his hand and he shook his head. He tossed Lance his phone back and sighed. "What happened?"

Lance shook his head. He didn’t want to talk right now. How could she dismiss him…

"It was music related, Lance."

"I know…" He said softly, having heard JC’s part of the conversation.

"She’s with you…"

"But for how long?"

"Till… how should I know? She doesn’t need this crap, Lance, she needs reassurance."

"You think I don’t know that?" He asked, rising to his feet. "She doesn’t know what she’s worth as a human being and the one person that could tell her is in the hospital. She’s all alone and I’m worried. What did she give you?"

"Her song." JC said quietly.

Lance face blanched. "I’m flying out there."

"Is that wise?"

"She needs someone there. She needs to be held and comforted and she won’t ask."

"No she won’t."

"I’m going."

"I’m not trying to stop you."

Lance eyed him. "I’m going alone."

JC held up his hands in surrender. "Did I ask to go?"

"No, but…" Lance shook his head. "I… she’ll be okay." He told himself, walking out of the lounge to his bunk to pack.

JC shook his head in wonder. "Those two… if they’d only keep their own heads on straight they’d see exactly what they had in each other and what they probably could have for life."

************************************************************************

Taylor leaned back against the wall as soon as she hung up and sighed. My song, my heart and soul… everything I ever wanted in someone, everything that I wanted in life, everything that I wanted promised to my heart and I just gave it away.

She stood up and headed to her bedroom. Why did I do that? Because I have the chance at it and I don’t want to ruin it with past dreams…but… Lance is my dream right now and if… I started writing that song long ago, when I first started dating… I don’t want the past to ruin my future and… this way, I’m beginning to trust again, by allowing JC to put my dream into reality with his voice, maybe my dream will become truth in my own life, instead of just an imaginary sensation.

She sank down on the bed, grabbing her old teddy bear and wrapping her arms around it, sinking into a deep restful sleep. One she hadn’t had in a very long time.

***********************************************************************

Chris walked into the back lounge where JC was sitting quietly, flipping channels. "Where'd Lance take off to in such a hurry?"

JC kept flipping absentmindedly. "He went to the airport to fly out and check on Taylor?"

"She just left yesterday…"

"Yeah, well apparently Sandy is in the hospital and Lance just wants to make sure that she's okay."

"Oh…" Chris sank down onto the couch. "I…uh… wanted to show him this."

JC sat up when the emotion in Chris' voice came through all the muddle that was his brain at the moment. "Show him what?"

"We got another letter." Chris said sadly, holding out the blue envelope. "She doesn't sound good at all. In fact, I'd say right near the edge about to jump. I thought… I wanted Lance's take on it."

"Yeah… he should read this. He's been really good about understanding her and knowing exactly what to do."

"What should we do?"

"I don't know. Here let me read it…"

JC read every painful word that was written on the paper and cringed. How could no one know that this person was dying inside? One would think that you could see it on their faces just by looking at them. He looked at the handwriting and the paper and something clicked. "Chris…"

"Yeah?"

"They're supposed to be on tour with us right?"

"Uh huh, but no one can figure out who she is. No one recognizes the paper or if they do, they aren't speaking, we’ve practically hinted to every female on this tour."

"Except the opening act."

"Huh?"

"Look." JC pointed to the insignia near the top. "Dolphins… and then if you look toward the bottom. Sony Records. How come we never noticed this before?"

"Cause we're blind, stupid, idiotic, moronic…"

"Thanks Chris." JC told him bitterly. "Anyway… "

"Yeah…" Chris breathed out, "But which one…"

"Lance knows." JC looked over at Chris, then reached for his cell phone.

*********************************************************************

Taylor walked into Sandy's room quietly and sat down beside her. She reached out and grabbed her hand, one cradling it as the other stroked it. "Hey Sandy…" She started out, not really knowing what to say. "Well we all made it back safely from the west coast, nothing happened, we're all still alive and kicking. No blood shed." She laughed softly, knowing Sandy would have laughed with her.

"Things are looking up since we last talked. I feel… I don't feel like I'm down at the bottom of the barrel anymore struggling to make it to the top to breathe. I feel like I can actually move on and become someone." She sighed, looking down at the hand that she held.

"You were right the last time we talked. I did like one of the guys… in fact, somewhere along the course of the tour, I fell in love with him. It was accident. I couldn't help it. The stinker was always underfoot, wanting to help, constantly making sure I was fine, he was never to busy to help, always there and… and I found myself needing to be with him, wanting to be around him, the urge to talk to him overwhelming and then… then we were leaving and… and I was leaving him." She swallowed hard, not knowing how to continue since this was the first time that she was voicing all of this out loud. "Last night… last night, he cornered me and told me he loved me too, Sandy, and all I wanted to do was break down and cry because… because no one but you has ever loved me before. Who would've ever wanted this waif, the girl that no one wanted? But you know what? He does and it scares me to death because I don't know what will happen to me if I lose it. I can't lose him, Sandy… and I can't lose you. You two are my everything now. I have no one else… plus, you have to wake up and tell me if I'm screwing up. I've never had anyone before and… Sandy…" Tears began to slide down her cheeks as she sat there pouring every thought and hope that sprang to mind as she babbled on about anything and everything. She felt a hand settle on her shoulder about mid-way through her ramble but didn’t look up until the words that were pouring out stopped.

Her tear-filled eyes focused on the hand before traveling up the arm to find the face of the person. "What are you doing here?"

Lance smiled as his hand rubbed her shoulder in comfort. "I'm being the "stinker that's always underfoot"."

Taylor smiled then stood, letting his arms settle around her as she sank into his warmth. "I told you not to come."

"But I did anyway… doesn't that give me some kind of extra credit or something?" he asked jokingly.

"Maybe later when I'm not so tired."

Lance reached up to cup the back of her head and guided it to his shoulder. He leaned his head down so that his whole body surrounded her and ever so gently kissed her temple. "She's going to be okay."

"I know… everything looks good, she just… just needs to rest and heal before she can wake up."

"Hi Lance." They heard a soft voice say from behind them.

They looked up and saw a different Dani standing before them. One wearing sweats and a t-shirt, no make-up and her hair was pulled haphazardly up in a pony-tail. They could see the circles under her eyes and the lines that crossed her face from lack of sleep.

"How are you holding up, Dani?" Taylor asked, disengaging herself from Lance's arms.

"Fine… would you mind…" She motioned for them to leave, so that she could spend some time with Sandy.

"Not at all." Lance said, wrapping his arm around Taylor's waist and guided her into the hall.

"Are you hungry?" He asked her as they walked to the elevator.

She shook her head. "I just want to rest."

"How did you get here?" He asked her.

"Drove. Need a ride?" She smiled up at him.

"Actually…yeah." He asked sheepishly.

They made their way down to the parking lot, neither saying a word as the image of the older woman laying in the hospital bed stayed with them. Taylor turned to Lance as she opened the passenger side door. "Lance?"

"Yes?" He asked her.

"Thanks for coming." She whispered before wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head into his chest as she began to weep, not knowing how to help her "family" that was falling apart at the seams.

"Your welcome." He whispered back just as softly as he held her, letting her cry it all out and knowing that this is where he belonged, not on his tour bus wishing he had taken the initiative.

***********************************************************************

She slipped quietly into the room and shut it behind her. Looking at the sleeping form on the bed, she almost crumpled but forced herself to the bed and sat down, taking the hand that had just been released moments before.

"You can leave me. I… You've helped me so much, you made me love you, see that there was something more to what had happened before. Why now… why did this happen now when everything was starting to come together yet fall apart at the same time."

She sniffled and ran a hand under her nose, wiping it. Her eyes filled with tears again, the millionth time that day. She shook her head to clear her vision and as they began to spill down her cheeks, she put her fists up to her eyes to stop the pain. She could feel a scream building up in her throat but she didn't know how to stop it. She just wanted stability and she didn't have it. She's never had, she'd just been fooled into thinking that she had.

"I can't…" She choked up, but forced the remainder of the words past her throat. "I can't lie without you." She stood up and began to pace around the room. "You're my everything, you know. My sound board. This sounds corny even to my own ears but it's true. Who else could have made me seek help and try… try to live a normal life again. When we first went to that clinic and I was diagnosed manic depressive… you were there for me every step of the way. I'm falling back, Sandy… I can't do this without you. The tour… it made everything come back. The loneliness, the sadness, the wanting to fail and die… the wanting to escape but not being able to. I'm here only because of you and if you leave me… I couldn't deal with it and I think I'd finally do what I've always secretly wished I could… to die."

She stopped pacing as she heard the door starting to open. She whirled around, wide-eyed, everything she'd been talking about and feeling, open in her eyes if you just looked. "What?"

"I'm sorry, I forgot my coat. Are you…"

"Fine. Just… just telling her she's loved and missed."

"Good, she needs it." Her bandmate eyed her reluctantly as if she didn't want to go, but wanted to stay and ask if she was all right, make sure nothing was wrong.

"Go… I need to be with her."

She nodded, grabbing the brown coat off the other chair before shutting the heavy white door behind her.

The young girl turned back to the bed and stopped cold as the regular beeping began to fade into nothing. She watched the line beep slowly before settling into a flat line. "No…." She whispered before the alarms began to wail and the doctors and nurses on the night shift hustled in, pushing her out the door and away from them working as they prepared to revive her. They labored over her, using CPR before finally using the paddles twice to no success.

She could hear the doctors murmuring in the room as she stood outside, feeling lost and alone, numb to everything around her.

"Note, time of death, 11:38 PM." The doctor said as they walked out of the door. "Miss…"

She looked up, tears shining in her eyes. "Dr. Cameron…"

"I'm sorry. There wasn't anything we could do… Is there anyone you want me to call or that you need to call? Do you want someone to come and get you?"

She shook her head. "No, there's no one…" She held herself up until the doctors and nurses walked away before she slid down the wall, her head cradled in her hands and she began to sob, her whole entire body wracked with grief.

***********************************************************************

Lance rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position on the couch, before finally giving up and headed into the kitchen to see if there was anything to munch on. He slowly cracked the refrigerator door open and peered in at the waist. "Apples… oranges… salad… come on there has to be something that's not healthy…" He mumbled.

"Now there's a position I don't see you in often." He heard from behind, causing him to jump and hit his head on one of the shelves.

"Ouch!" He yelled, whirling around to find Taylor standing in the doorway, her arms crossed against her chest, standing there in her bathrobe.

"Hungry?" She grinned, walking over to where he stood.

He rubbed his head, grimacing. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd eat something… maybe settle my nerves."

"Or you could sleep in the guest bedroom like I said you could and try to get a decent amount of sleep."

"I could but… it just didn't seem right."

"You and your southern morals." She mumbled to herself as she dug into the fridge, knowing what was hidden in the way back. She pulled out the half eaten pie and set it on the counter. She looked over and saw his eyes lit up.

"Apple's my favorite."

She laughed. "Mine too."

She cut two huge pieces and set one before him, watching as he dug into it before she began to eat hers. "Are you sure they know where you are?"

He nodded. "Yeah, JC basically pushed me into coming. He could tell something was wrong so… he just gave me the little added momentum to come out and be with you. You needed someone here and we have a few days off as it is, so…. Plus I have my cell if…" His eyes widened. "I forgot to turn it back on."

She laughed as he jumped off the couch and ran to his bag, digging out the little electronic device and pushing the slim button on the front that turned it on to check his messages. As soon as it was pushed, it began to ring.

"Hello?" Lance held the phone up to his ear, his eyes wide with shock.

"Where have you been? Why haven't you been answering your phone or returning messages? Do you KNOW how long we've been trying to get a hold of you?"

Taylor held a hand over her mouth to cover the giggles as she watched Lance hold the phone away from his ear with a grimace. He smiled and held up a hand, making the motion for "yak yak yak" as the other person kept talking. "Sorry JC, I forgot to turn it on when I got here and this was the first that I remembered…"

She laughed because he must have been cut off by JC.

"Uh huh… really…ummmm…"

She saw his face go pale and he swallowed audibly. "Really… another one… I…"

His eyes darted to hers before flickering away. "I can't…not now…"

Her brow furrowed in confusion as he watched him become more nervous the longer that he talked.

"I can't right now… later…no…I…"

She laid a hand on his arm, trying to calm his agitation but he jerked his arm away from her and began to pace. "Look JC, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Its almost two here. Tomorrow. Got it. Goodbye." Lance hung up before settling into a chair with his head on the table.

"You okay?" Taylor asked, sitting down beside him.

"Mmmmgghhhsss." He mumbled into the tabletop.

"What?" She giggled.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He answered her, sitting up. "But… I think we need to talk."

"What about?" She asked, her green eyes expressing the concern she was feeling.

"Well… it's about all the letters you've been writing us…."

Chapter 15

"Letters?" Taylor asked, puzzled. Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember if she had written anything over the tour besides songs. Her mind drew a blank and she shook her head. "I didn’t write anything."

Lance’s eyes softened as he looked over her face. He reached across the table and took her hand into his and rubbed the back of her palm with his thumb. "It’s okay, Taylor, I know. I knew it the first time that I looked into your eyes that you were the one writing. It had to be you because of the amount of pain that radiated through you."

She shook her head again, more forcefully. "No, you don’t understand. I didn’t write anyone. My outlet is my music. I don’t write letters. I have a journal but…"

Lance interrupted her. "Tay. I know."

"You don’t know a thing." She said bluntly before taking her hand out of his and standing to walk over to the counter, putting distance between them.

"Why can't you admit it?" Lance asked concerned. "Don't you trust me enough to understand?" His eyes watching her every move as she settled her hands onto the counter, her head bent down.

"If it was a trust issue, you wouldn't be here." Taylor told him softly, trying to reign her confusion in as it slowly turned to anger.

"Then why won't you talk to me?" He asked incredulously.

"Because I don't know what you're talking about!" Taylor whirled around to face him, throwing her hands into the air in frustration. "What letters?"

"The letters that you addressed to NSYNC talking about your depression." Lance told her patiently as if addressing a child who was about to throw a tantrum in the Toy Store.

She shook her head. "I didn't write anything." She looked him straight on. "And stop patronizing me…just start from the beginning."

Lance eyes widened in shock for an instant before continuing. "We've received a few letters addressed to us from a girl who's therapy was to write letters to someone, imaginary or real, and talk about her frustrations, depression, happiness, anything to get what it was that she was feeling out. Guess we were her outlet of choice. When we first started getting them… I found myself connecting with her because everything she was feeling, I was feeling…except I had a support group that I could turn to…" Lance grimaced jokingly. "Otherwise, they'd support me to the hospital."

"Lance…" Taylor tried to interrupt.

"I'm not finished. Anyway, we kept receiving more but I kept them hidden from everyone. I knew who it was and wanted to shelter them, obviously they didn't want to be found, why else would they not put their name or address on it, but we did find out that they were on tour with us and… and I kept getting closer with her until… until I had to help and stop her pain… but… I didn't know how to."

"Lance…" Taylor started again, more forcefully.

"Taylor…" He mocked, before continuing. "This girl is amazing… she's incredible, but there's so much pain inside her and…"

"And it's not me." Taylor told him, pulling the chair out beside him, reaching out to touch his arm. "I don't know why you would think that, but it's not."

Lance looked up shocked. "What?"

"It's not me." Taylor told him slowly, looking him straight in the eye this time.

"You're… you're…"

"Not lying."

Lance tried to read her expression and find the lie, but all he saw was complete honesty. "It's not you." He finally breathed out.

She shook her head. "Nope. I still don't know why you would think that but it's not. It's not my style. My music is…"

"But…" Lance shook his head, trying to clear it before getting up to wander into the next room where his bag was. He came back in carrying a handful of letters. "If this isn't you, I have no idea who it could be."

Taylor looked down at the stack of blue stationary. The band's insignia at the top, their record company's logo written on the bottom, and her friend's handwriting all over the paper. Her face blanched but she couldn't put the letters down, the need to understand and help was too overwhelming.

"Taylor…" Lance asked softly, after several moments passed where the only sound in the kitchen was paper moving.

She looked up from the paper, her eyes awashed with unshed tears. "How could she… I mean… I've always been there for her. Granted… I mean… things have been different lately but… I love her, Lance. I'd do anything to take the pain away. I know she's had problems because of everything but I didn't know to this extent and to think that she got after… her tirade before and…. " The tears began to slide down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do."

Lance reached out and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay. We'll both help her, but sweetheart… you have to tell me who it is so we can find her some help. She's not healthy and needs someone that can work through this professionally with her, especially now that Sandy is hurt and she's going to feel even more alone. That's one of the major reasons why I came out here… I didn't want you to feel alone."

"I know… but…" Taylor wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "I…"

Lance reached out and cupped her cheek. "Taylor… they got another letter. That's why JC called. This one is really bad, threats of suicide, details on how she'll do it, promises of death because she's all alone and unloved… you can't help her by yourself and…."

Ring Ring

Taylor looked over at Lance, both puzzled as to why the phone would be ringing in the middle of the night. She got up to answer it hesitantly. Late night phone calls always meant bad news.

"Hello?"

"Taylor, this is Dr. Cameron." The voice came over the line, soft but sad.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her eyes beginning to tear up again, already knowing but dreading the words.

"I'm sorry to say that Sandy passed away a few hours ago. There wasn't anything we could do. I'm sorry."

"Oh my god…" She breathed out, reaching a hand out to steady herself at the counter.

Lance jumped up, making his way over to her quickly to wrap his arms around her waist to lend her comfort.

"Will you need any help making funeral arrangements?" She heard Dr. Cameron ask as if from a distance.

She shook her head and handed the phone to Lance as she made her way to the table to sit down again. She had to sit down.

After hanging up, Lance made his way back to her. "Taylor…"

"I know." She whispered, staring at the tabletop before looking up.

"Taylor…" Lance bent his head to the side to see her face better. "Trust me to help you and her. When she finds out, she's going to be devastated and… who knows what she'll try. We have to help her. I know right now isn't the best time… but… I don't know what to do. I'm worried about you, but I know you'll be fine in time but her…"

She nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying but not wanting to believe it. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out at first. Lance reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. "I love you."

She nodded shakily. "It's…" She breathed out before wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head into his stomach as she cried for the one woman who had become the only mother that she had ever known and would ever know.

************************************************************************

She walked into her apartment slowly, dropping her coat onto the chair as she walked through the living room into her bedroom. After Sandy had flatlined, she had picked herself up off the floor, not speaking, not talking, as she walked the 5 miles home from the hospital. She hadn't motioned for a cab, hadn't dropped a dollar into the saxophone case owned by the street person who was playing on the corner, hadn't smiled at the couple who was kissing in the doorway of their apartment in the wee hours of the morning, just trudged home, thinking about nothing and everything all at the same time.

She made her way into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her as she climbed into bed, pulling the covers over her head, hiding out from the world. In her mind's eye, she kept seeing Sandy, lying there still as can be then the alarms going off as her body failed her. Sandy had failed her… just as she had failed the world. She couldn't go on this way… she didn't know how to. Not without Sandy to be there for her every baby step of the way.

She curled up into a ball in the middle of her bed, trying to understand the events that had just taken place. Her world as a musician was over with, that much was true. Without the girls, sure she could go solo, but… what if she failed? What if she couldn't make it and without support? Why try? She shook her head wildly… she had failed as a musician. Sandy would tell her that she hadn't failed but that circumstances beyond her control had forced this to happen and to give it time, things would work out as they were meant to. But that wasn't true… Taylor had forced them to quit and… she had failed to keep things together. She was supposed to be the glue between the three and… and now they were apart just as the picture on the tour bus had shown. FAILURE!

She kept screaming that word over and over in her mind. She was doomed to be a failure just as her father had screamed at her when she was five years old just before he had walked out the door, leaving her and her mom. Her mom. She smiled to herself when she thought of the irish woman. She was short, not even five foot tall but her temper matched the bright color of her hair. She had kept her tight, made her value things, learn how to live, trust, be a person…. But then she had left her when the accident happened. Left her to fend for herself… well her and Taylor. Her and Taylor were buds against the world, or so she had thought at one time. FAILURE!

Taylor had been the one true friend to her through everything. Both of them had seen the other through tragedy, through adopted parents, through depression and anxiety attacks. They had seen the other through boyfriends, through back stabbing friends, through sleepless nights when the couple upstairs would start fighting again and both just wanted to leave New York forever, when both just willed the pain away even though it never did.

She heard the phone ring in the other room but she ignored it. She didn't want to talk, didn't want to listen as someone spouted off more advice, more sympathy, more pity; pity for the girl who had everything then lost it. FAILURE!

She rolled over and winced as the sun began to come up through the blinds. She cringed at the sun's rays before ducking back under the covers, rolling into a ball. The pain. How she wished it would go away! Taylor and her had moved in with Sandy just at the beginning of their career. They thought they had finally found a home, somewhere to be loved. What the girls found was a place where they could be themselves and finally begin to heal. They had to some degree but leaving… leaving to go on tour had killed everything inside of them. The once happy girls had deteriorated to nothing… they didn't know how to survive in the world without feeling lonely and alone. But she found someone…someone who could change everything around…

The unbidden jealousy surfaced as she thought of Taylor and Lance. Happiness… Taylor had finally found what happiness was… being loved unconditionally without being asked for anything in return. She had found friendship…. Unconditional friendship in the other guys… while the lone girl had found nothing. She had strived for something …to understand just what happiness was but she couldn't reach it, it was always out of arms reach.

She thought Justin would be the one… but he hadn't been. He hadn't looked beneath the surface enough to fully see what she was, what she felt. He only saw what he wanted to see, although sometimes… she thought she saw pity and sadness when he looked at her…regret maybe? Who knows… even in relationships she had failed. FAILURE!

She had failed as a human being and all she wanted was to sleep… sleep forever. She could hear the phone ringing again. But once again she didn't jump up to answer it. "GO AWAY!" She screamed into the empty apartment, before rolling over as all the memories came flooding into her mind that she had tried to block as each day went by.

"Come on… you know you want it…" The boy cajoled her in the backseat of his brand new volkswagon.

"I'm not ready." She whispered against his lips, reaching for him, even as she said no.

"If you really loved me…" He smiled against her neck, his tongue lightly sweeping upwards towards her chin.

"I said no…" She whispered again.

"All you ever say is no…" He bit out, leaning back. "I don't think it's really what you mean." He pushed her back, as he began to work on the button of her pants.

"Jason!" She forced out, staring up at him shocked. She tried to bat away his hands but they kept working and eventually she was lying under him naked. She squirmed, tried to get away but in the end she didn't…

******

"Ready?"

She smiled over at her blonde friend. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Remember, even if we don't get this record deal, there will always be another."

"I know… but just think… we'll be rock stars." She laughed and swung around in a circle.

"Calm yourself, doll. We might not make it."

"We're going to make it, we have to."

"Girls?" The producer asked. "The executives will hear you now."

"Well…"

"I'm sorry… but you're just not what we're looking for right now. Two girls singing acoustic just doesn't sell."

"I see." She whispered. "Thanks for your time."

********

"Mom, I'm sorry…"

"Sorry, doesn't cut it young lady. I understand it's all about the music, but you still have to keep your grades up."

"I know, but…"

"You're grounded."

"Mom…"

"I have to go run some errands, I'll be back in a little while. Don't go anywhere otherwise, I'm taking your instruments away too."

"Yes, Ma'm."

Ring Ring

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Officer Larkin with the New York City Police."

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Are you the daughter of…"

"Yes…"

"I'm sorry to inform you that your mother was in a head on collision and died upon impact on the highway…"

***********

Sandy cradled her head in her lap. "It's going to be okay…"

"I don't understand what's wrong with me…"

"Its called manic depression, doll. That's the reason why you feel all over the place."

"I'm sick? Not delusional?"

"Yes, but you're going to get better. We're all going to help. You just have to want to try."

"I want to get better. I hate feeling like this."

"I know you do, doll."

"Why me?"

"I couldn't tell you why you're body decided to do this to you, but it is controllable. We're going to work through this together."

"I can't do this without you, Sandy. I don't know if even the two of us is enough."

"Keep your head high. Think positively. How was your day?"

"My day?"

She turned around and saw Sandy smiling. "Doll, the first step to healing is to speak… you can't keep everything bottled up."

She frowned. "I talk…I tell them about the music, about boys, about…"

"About everything but what's in here…" Sandy told her pointing to her chest. "You talk about the mundane things that you think they want to hear but not about the important stuff."

"Taylor doesn't want to hear…"

'I know Taylor has her own problems but she's dealing with them as best as she can. Do you hear her music at all?"

"Yeah…" She whispered.

"That's her outlet… what's yours?"

"I don't know. I guess I don't have one."

"You don't… you keep everything so tightly bound inside of you that you'll eventually burst. It's no wonder that the girls are afraid to talk to you right now for fear of either getting their heads chewed off or to see you bouncing off the walls. You can't keep your emotions in check cause you can't control them… everything is wound up too tightly."

"I just want to get better… I'm sick of failing…"

"You're not a failure… you've just had some rough spots…"

"I'm a failure…"

***********

"How could you, Tay?"

"I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"This was our chance…"

"It was our chance! I did this for you. Why can’t you understand that my dreams aren’t yours?"

"Because…" She began to panic. "Because we…" She stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"I haven’t done a thing." Taylor continued. "I try every day to fit in, to want this, and all it does is make me unhappy, why can’t you see past your selfishness?"

"I…" She tried to speak but the words lodged in the back of her throat.

"Get off my back. Whatever way this pans out, pans out…"

"You’re ruining everything." She finally spat out through the lump.

"Me?! How?"

"You are! This isn’t working… its all your fault."

"It’s yours…" Taylor told her softly as she walked off the tour bus.

"It’s mine…" She breathed out, watching her friend walk away.

*****************

"I don’t know what to do anymore…" She told him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He patted her back, awkwardly, not knowing what to say. "It’s all right. No worries. Just don’t let it get to you."

She turned her face up to his. "Justin… what would you be telling me right now if it was your group breaking up?"

"I’d… Look, my group wouldn’t be breaking up because we work together, not against each other. We’re a unit and we support each other, we don’t tear each other down to make one of us look better."

Her eyes widened. "I… We don’t do that."

"Yes you do. All of you do in one way or another. You’re three individuals trying to make it as a group… it doesn’t work that way."

She pulled back, her face contorted in pain. "Why aren’t you supporting me?"

"Because I don’t agree with you. I never have. You guys need to sit down and talk, not scream and yell at each other."

"But…" Her lower lip began to tremble.

He reached up and tried to stop it by gripping her chin. "Look, I do support you…"

She jerked out of his grip. "No, you don’t. Otherwise, why would you be telling me these things… you’re just like everyone else…"

He took a step back as she began to shake her head back and forth as if to shut him out. "I…"

"Just go… you don’t care about me, no one does."

He couldn’t say a word, just stood there, watching as she wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to comfort herself.

"I said… LEAVE! If you’re not with me, you’re against me…" She whispered the last before turning away from him.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I don’t know what to say to make you believe me."

"Justin…" Her voice broke. "There’s nothing you can say… just go."

She heard him sigh as he walked away and turned to watch him go. He looked defeated with his hands in his pockets, his head down, as he mumbled to himself, heading to his bus.

It was better this way, she knew. She had thought for awhile that it would work, but… keeping it quiet had been for the best because she had screwed up again. She always screwed things up and this way… no one had gotten too attached and getting over it would be easier. She hoped… at least for him it would be…

She rolled over, taking the covers with her. The memories surfacing as she tried to keep them at bay. Her hands curled into fists as she banged them against her head, as she told herself they were just memories, they couldn't hurt her anymore. She tried to think about what Sandy would say but that didn’t seem to help either.

The phone rang yet again and she finally climbed out of bed slowly and headed into the living room. She stared down at the offensive machine as it continued to ring and ring. She heard the answering machine pick up, but the person clicked off before the message was finished. She sighed and turned around to head to the bedroom but it rang again. She whirled around glared at it. "Don’t you understand that I don’t want to talk to anyone?" She picked it up, yanked the cord from the wall and threw it. It crashed into the far wall and splintered into three or four broken parts as little pieces flew everywhere as well.

"Finally, peace and quiet…" She sighed, heading back to her bedroom, rubbing her forehead as another headache came on. She stopped at the bathroom door, staring inside before wandering in. She opened up the cabinet door and took out the bottle of advil. She grabbed two and turned the faucet on to pour herself a glass of water. After swallowing the two pills, she sank down onto the toilet, holding her head in her hands.

"Sandy… I can’t take this anymore!" She practically yelled into her cell phone as the hyteria threatened to overtake her.

"Calm down…" Sandy informed her. "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing… everything…" She sighed, flopping down on the back bench in the bus.

"Are you taking your medication?" Sandy asked quietly.

"What’s the use… it doesn’t help…"

"You have to take them or you’ll get worse…"

She reached over and opened up the cabinet door, pulling out a prescription bottle with her name and the drug’s name, Lithium written clear as day on the label. She shook her head, willing the tears to go away. "If I had taken this… would I have gotten better?" She asked herself.

She shook her head. "I don’t know… Sandy was right about some things but she still…"

She opened up the bottle and dumped the contents onto the floor, watching as the pills spilled. "All over… you can’t help me now…"

The red pills began to blur as her eyes unfocused.

"I don’t need them."

"You do… doll, you won’t get better without them…"

"I feel like I’m not getting anywhere and they make feel weird."

"They make you feel balanced and you don’t know how to react to that."

"I don’t like it."

"Doll…"

She reached down and picked them up in one huge handful. "If one doesn’t help, maybe I just need more than one." She reached out and grabbed the glass of water and downed the entire bottle of pills. She sank down onto the floor, holding the glass and the empty bottle. "If this doesn’t help…I’ll never be happy…"

She sat there, letting her system take in the pills for how long she didn’t know, just staring at the wall. She began to feel tired and light headed, a dull ache behind her eyes growing. "My headache…" She mumbled. She opened the cabinet door shakily, grabbing the advil. "Just a few more then I’ll got take a nap and everything will be right with the world. It has to be… or I know things will…" Her eyes refused to focus on the walls of the bathroom. She dropped the advil pills and crawled back to her bedroom. "Sleep…. Sleep will make it all go away…"

"You have to take your pills, Kat. Otherwise you’ll never get better and then what would we do without you."

"I took them, Sandy… I finally took them."

She pulled herself up onto her comforter and crawled beneath the covers. Everything began to fade as her body finally began to give in to the sleep it was craving… she slowly sank into her subconscious just as her stomach began to knot and churn….

************************************************************************

"She won’t answer her phone." Taylor looked over at Lance worried.

"Do you think we should go over there?"

"I don’t know." She turned to him worried. "She’s always been the strong one for me… it’s hard… I just…"

"Shhhhhh." Lance wrapped his arms around her, taking the phone from her hand to set it down. "We’ll drive over there and…"

She looked, gripping the front of her shirt. "Something happened…she would’ve answered her phone."

"Maybe she’s not home." He told her, trying to be the rational one.

"Lance! It’s FIVE in the MORNING! Where would she be?"

"Taylor, calm down… maybe she asleep and couldn’t hear the phone."

"I’ve been calling for three hours…"

"Right…"

She reached over and grabbed the phone. "Dani?"

"Uh huh… sorry to call you…"

"I know it’s early…"

"Dani…"

"Yes, I heard. We’ll figure out something… no worries. I’ll be glad to help with the arrangements."

"Uh huh…"

"Okay…next week."

"Kat? No I was just about to ask you if you…"

"Nope."

"Could you…."

"Thanks."

She hung up the phone and turned back to Lance. "She hasn’t heard from her either and tried calling this morning when the hospital called. Apparently, she ran into her last night at the hospital when she forgot her coat. Kat was just sitting there staring at Sandy with this lost look in her eyes. She thinks she was there when it happened…"

"If she was there…"

Taylor’s head shot up from where she had been drawing designs on his shirt. "You…I…" Her mouth gaped open. "Dani was going to go over there later after she got up, they only live a few blocks away from each other. Maybe I should…"

Lance looked into her eyes and about died himself from the helplessness he saw. "Call the police, Taylor. At least if she’s there and fine, you can feel stupid but you’ll know…"

She picked up the phone and pushed the phone button, hearing the dial tone as it came through the receiver. "Do you think I’m overreacting?"

"You know her better than any of us, it’s your call."

Her eyes searched his face for reassurance before dialing 911. "Hello?"

"Yes, I’ve been trying to reach a friend and I’m concerned about her…" Taylor continued speaking, giving out the details where Kat lived, what she looked like, everything they asked.

Lance sat down at the table and drew her down with him so that she was sitting on his lap. He placed his forehead down against her back, just listening to her speak, hoping she was wrong but… just as before when he’d read the letters, remembering all his late night talks with Kat… he prayed that they just weren’t too late.

**********************************************************************

Lance sat on the couch in the living room, watching TV as Taylor finally slept, her head in his lap. He gently stroked her hair unconsciously, zoning out during the television program.

His pocket began to buzz and he grabbed his cell phone, having changed the ringing to vibrate when Taylor had fallen asleep. "Hello?"

"Hey Lance…"

"Justin, what’s up?"

"Have you… have you heard anything yet."

Lance looked down at the blonde head asleep on his lap, tear streaks still marking her face. "Nothing yet. The police haven’t told anything yet. They were supposed to arrive at her apartment about an hour ago… and… we’re all a little worried."

"Yeah… I can’t believe…"

"I know… I didn’t even think… I thought it was Taylor."

"No wonder you were so protective… How’s she holding up?"

Lance grimaced. "Not well."

"No, she wouldn’t. Taking it personally is she?"

"Like always… I wish she wouldn’t hold it in so much."

"It’s how she is, man."

"I know."

"You’ll…"

"I’ll let you know as soon as we hear."

"Thanks…"

"Hey, J?"

"Yeah?"

"You don’t still…"

"Lance… I’ll tell you later. Right now… until we hear… it’s not a good time."

"Understood."

"Bye."

Lance hung up the phone and looked down when he felt her stirring. "Was it?"

"No, it was Justin."

"Oh…" She sighed, settling back down on the couch. "They should have told us by now… something’s wrong."

"I know." Lance said quietly, pulling her up so that he could slide in behind her. "They’ll call…"

Lance jerked upright out of a sound sleep, his arm around Taylor as the sound of a ringing telephone filtered through his sleep filled mind. He shook Taylor’s shoulder gently, trying to awaken her. "Tay…" He said quietly.

"Mmmmmmmm?" She sat up slowly, blinking owlishly.

"Phone." At the word that he spoke, both awoke fully, not wanting to answer the phone but wanting to at the same time.

Taylor jumped up off the couch and ran into the kitchen. Lance stayed behind, picking at lint off his pants as he waited for the news. He knew it wasn’t going to be good because of the time that they had taken to get back to them but at least they would know for certain now.

He heard Taylor say goodbye and turned around to find her standing in the doorway, looking as if she had just seen a ghost. All of the color in her cheeks had been leeched out and he could tell that the only thing holding her up was the hand against the doorway.

"Tay?"

"She killed herself." She whispered.

"Honey…"

"Kat. Killed. Herself."

Lance jumped up off the couch and made it just in time to catch her as she fell to the ground, her knees and legs no longer able to support her. They sat on the floor, arms wrapped around each other as they both cried over the girl who had meant something to each of them.

***********************************************************************

Lance walked into the bedroom to check on Taylor and make sure that she was still asleep. He had given her a sedative so that she’d get some rest while he called the guys and Dani. Dani had already known and hadn’t been talkative, just quietly stating that the police had called her and that it would be nice if Taylor could make the arrangements since she was already trying to take of Sandy’s funeral, before hanging up. He didn’t want to make the call to the guys but he knew they’d want to know and plus they’d need to tell management to get time off and maybe to let someone start the spin before the media got ahold of it.

His hand shaking he dialed the familiar number that he knew by heart.

"Hello…" Justin asked, his voice flat without any emotion.

"Hey J." Lance said, his voice flat as well, as he sank down onto the couch.

"Lance…"

"That’s me…"

He could hear voices murmuring in the background and figured they must be on the bus. Everyone clustered around Justin’s phone, waiting for news.

"Well…" Justin asked quietly.

"They found her."

"And…" His voice began to shake a little.

"I’m sorry, J. She’s…she’s dead."

"I see. Thanks."

Lance heard the phone drop onto something before some shuffling cued him intosomeone picking up the phone.

"Lance, you still there?"

"Yeah, JC."

"How is she?"

"Asleep, right now. How’s J?"

"He’ll be fine. Just a shock."

"Shock to everyone."

"Yeah… what happened? Do you know?"

"No real specifics. Did you know she was manic depressive?"

"Nope, Taylor didn’t say anything."

"Yeah well… she was at the hospital apparently when Sandy died and… she must’ve lost it when she got home cause she downed an entire bottle of lithium. Her body couldn’t handle and went into convulsions after she passed out and…"

"No one could get to her in time?"

"Yeah…."

"When…"

"Probably next week. I… I don’t want to leave Taylor but we have that concert tomorrow night and…"

"Let me talk to management and make arrangements for all of us. I mean… it’s not just the girls… we were all their friends and close to them. They’ll understand if we take a week or so off."

"We can always re-schedule."

"Exactly. You just take care of that girl over there till I can see her."

Lance smiled. "I’ll still be taking care of her when you see her."

"I know… I just…"

"She’s special, isn’t she Jace… She’s going to be okay."

"I know. We’ll see you in a few days. Don’t worry about coming back. We’ll let you know when we’re coming."

"Thanks."

"No problem, Lance… it’s just… I’m glad we aren’t doing this for you, man."

Lance sighed. "Me too… I was… I was never this bad, but there were times…"

"We know, we could see."

"Yeah… thanks JC."

"Your welcome."

"Bye. Make sure J’s okay, will ya… he was really close… he cared and I don’t…"

"He’ll be okay, Chris is checking on him right now. See ya in a few days, Scoop." JC said, before clicking off Justin’s phone.

Lance leaned back against the couch with a sigh. "Why Kat? Why didn’t you just say something…. Why couldn’t we see…." He leaned forward putting his head in his hands as he began to grieve, before getting up and heading into Taylor’s room and climbing up next to her to hold her, comfort for him as much as it was for her.

Chapter 16

Taylor pursed her lips as she stared at the flower arrangement sitting in the middle of the table. "It just doesn’t look right." She said aloud, cocking her head to the right and then the left.

She shook her head, before grabbing the vase and sliding it down to the end of the table. "It looks good there." She stated before turning and entering the kitchen where platters of food sat.

She stared at the food, coffee pots set up for people to drink from, little cookies arranged politely on silver trays, napkins folded just so and the mugs and punch cups were overturned, all ready to be taken out into the living room after the funeral. "I can’t do this…" She said, her eyes beginning to well up again. She brushed them away furiously, not wanting to start another tear fest. Kat wouldn’t like that everyone was this upset.

"Taylor!" 10 year old Kat came running into her friend’s apartment without knocking.

"What?" Taylor asked, poking her head out of her bedroom door into the hallway.

"Brian has Lucy in a choke hold. I think he likes her." Kat grinned, poking her head into the hallway from the living room.

Taylor rolled her eyes. "You think everyone has a crush on someone."

"Well its better than thinking the alternative, isn’t it?" She laughed, walking towards Taylor and entering her room only to flop on the bed.

Taylor turned and looked at her. "Is that why you came over, to tell me that Brian is fighting again?"

Kat shook her head. "Nope… it was an excuse. I just wanted to see you."

"Oh yeah…" Taylor laughed.

Kat leaned up on an elbow to look over at her friend. "Yeah… you’ve been hiding out."

Taylor shrugged. "Sorry… been busy…"

"Doing what?"

Taylor looked down at the floor. "Nothing."

Kat sat all the way up, watching her friend draw patterns into the comforter. "What’d she do now?"

Taylor shook her head. "Nothing…"

"She did something!"

"Look… I appreciate your concern."

"Did she…"

Taylor shook her head. "No, the cat died."

Kat’s mouth dropped open. "What? Her lil precious…"

Taylor nodded. "Yeah… she doesn’t even notice me now…"

"She’ll get another one and then you’ll be back to the errand girl."

"Yeah…I wish I could go somewhere else though."

"You can come live with me."

"I could… doubt she’d even realize it."

"Yeah… Hey Tay?"

"Yeah…"

"Have you ever thought about, you know, what it’d be like to die…"

Taylor’s head shot up to look at Kat, her eyes wide. "Ye…yeah. I thought I was the only one."

"Do you think anyone would miss us?"

"I think people would miss you."

"I’d miss you."

"Same here."

"You’d miss yourself?" Kat grinned cheekily.

Taylor punched her lightly in the arm. "I mean you, nimrod."

"I know. Let’s make a pact."

"A pact?"

"Yeah… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and…"

"And what?"

"If one of us dies before the other…"

"Yeah…"

"That we’ll miss the other but in a good way."

"Is there a good way?"

Kat rolled over onto her stomach. "I think so. I mean you see on TV all these people almost dead in grief over people. I don’t want people like that with me… I want people to miss me but… to be happy that I’m not hurting…"

"Kat…" Taylor looked at her friend more closely.

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "You know… if I was sick or something or whatnot…"

Taylor held out her hand. "You’ve got a deal."

Taylor shook her head and sighed. "I promise, Kat."

"Taylor?"

Her head shot around to the living room where the voice was coming from. "Lance?"

He stopped in the doorway and stared at her. Her hair was all pulled up on top of her head, the black suit she was wearing fit her like a glove but the paleness in her cheeks, gave the pain she was feeling away. "Hey…" He said softly, opening his arms to her.

She got up and tried not to sprint across the floor but the last few steps, she hurried despite herself. She sank into his arms, leaning her cheek against his chest. "I missed you." She said against his coat.

"Sorry, we tried to get back yesterday but… you know management. They booked us up full since we were taking these few days off and then all last week." He shrugged.

"I know." She said, trying to keep the tears at bay. The guys had flown out for a week, rescheduling all their concerts so that they could be with her and start to grieve themselves while helping as much as they could with the funeral arrangements. They were supposed to have two full weeks off to help with everything, including attending Sandy’s funeral by her and Dani’s side, till Johnny had called saying that the New York concerts were too important to reschedule so they needed to get their hides to Madison Square, especially for the HBO concert. They had grumbled and told Taylor, only with her permission.

She smiled and said that she’d be fine and sent them on their merry way. All the while, inside, not knowing how she’s get through the next few days. But, she had and now they were back. Back just in time.

"Where is everyone?"

"Still at the hotel changing." Lance told her. The back of his knuckled grazing her cheek as she looked up at him.

"Did you guys just get here?"

He nodded before leaning down and kissing her forehead. "Yeah, about an hour ago. You know how Justin is."

"Yeah… how is he?"

Lance’s eyes dimmed. "Better. He was… well he was fine when everyone was here, but the minute he stepped out on the stage. You could tell…"

"Yeah, performing was their link. They both loved it."

"How are you holding up?" Lance asked, changing the subject.

She sighed. "I’m okay. I just want this…"

"Over with." He finished, reading her mind.

She nodded. "Yeah… I get to cater to the entertainment business who will all come up and tell me how much they’ll miss her and how close they were to her. Never understanding how much pain they’re causing me."

"They were her friends too."

"I know…" She sighed, disentangling herself from him before walking over to rearrange the cookies. "But they don’t have the same memories that I do…"

Taylor watched the director cue the music and slammed the bass with her right foot for the first beat. She kept beat, listening as the saxophones, trombones, trumpets, guitar and bass all came in during the second measure. She winced along with the director when Brian flubbed his solo about halfway through the song.

"Brian… Play it again."

Taylor sat and listened as Brian replayed his solo by himself before the director held up his hands to start the song again, satisfied with the way Brian had played those few measures.

All her attention was focused on Brian that she didn’t see the head of red hair come sneaking in through the band room door.

She mumped about a foot in the air when all of a sudden she felt something jab into her back. "Feeling lucky, punk?" A raspy voice asked her.

"I’m always lucky."

She stopped playing and turned around to give Kat a hug. "What’s up chica?"

"Not much, just coming to see how you are. Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Redmond."

He laughed and waved her off, signaling the end of class. "No worries, Kathy. Class is over."

She laughed before settling down onto the stairs next to Taylor as she began to take down her set. "So…"

Taylor cocked an eyebrow at her. "Yes…"

"When are you going to teach me to play?"

Taylor ran through the list of things that she still had to do that day before heading home to study, but when her attention came back to Kat’s eager her face, she threw them all out the window. "How about now?"

Kat jumped up, grabbing her into a bear hug. "You mean it?"

"Yeah…" She wandered into the back room where she kept all her instruments, grabbing her guitar. "Here…" She sat down and handed the instrument over. "Lets begin with the way you hold it…"

"Taylor?" Lance asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

She smiled. "Sorry…"

He drew her back into his arms. "No worries. Today is going to be filled with memories, nothing to be sorry for."

"I know…it’s just…"

"Hello, Hello!"

Taylor laughed, breaking away from Lance to run and jump into JC’s arms. "You rogue… I missed you."

He tightened his arms around her, knowing how hard it was for her to keep the happy façade going. "Missed you too." He whispered into her ear, letting her knows he was there if she needed him. He looked up and met Lance’s gaze, drawing back a little. "Hey man…"

Lance nodded. "Where’s everyone else?"

"Ummmm, some could be behind you, some could not…" A voice cracked from behind Lance before grabbing him and swinging him around in a circle.

"JOE! Put me down." Lance called out, causing everyone to laugh. Joe had come in through the back way, hoping to surprise them while JC, Chris and Justin came in through the front.

Taylor laughed, watching their antics. Chris had jumped the fray now and was trying to give Lance a noogie while Joe held him, but he kept managing to squirm out of the way just in time. She smiled to herself, watching Lance’s face light up with laughter as his friends teased him.

Something kept niggling at her though and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Something was different…

"Lance, what did you do to your hair?" The question came shooting out of her mouth before she could stop it.

Everyone in the room stopped and looked at her, before one by one they began to laugh, except Lance who’s face began to slowly turn the color of his tie, red. "Well…uh… you see…"

Her mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed. Granted, she had been a little preoccupied but still. His hair was the color of his suit, black, with navy blue tips that only showed up when the light hit it just right. The color darkened up his eyes so that they were more of an emerald green and definitely brought more contrast to his face.

Joe began to take a few steps back out of the picture, but the movement caught Taylor’s eye. "What’d you do, Joe?"

His eyes widened like a deer caught in a beam from a vehicle’s headlights. "Well…"

JC walked up behind her and slung an arm around her shoulders. "What, don’t you think it makes him look distinguished?"

Her mouth curved into a grin. "I guess… but personally, I was in favor of the albino look."

Lance’s mouth dropped open. "Albino?"

Chris chuckled. "Man, she’s got your number nailed down…"

Justin walked over to Lance and ruffled his hair with his knuckles. "I’m gonna be crushed if you don’t like it, Tay. I did it myself."

She rolled her eyes. "I have you to thank for this…"

He smiled broadly. "Yup, well me and Joe…"

Joey began to back up even more. "Oh no… you are so not…"

Justin turned to him. "It was your idea, man."

Joey held up his hands, warding Justin off as he began to walk towards him. "Oh no, you aren’t pinning this one on me, just because the bet was my idea and…"

"I just dyed his hair. It was ALL you."

"No, you helped plan it."

"Guys…" Taylor started.

"Look, superfreak…"

"Listen, fro boy…"

"Guys…"

"Just fess up…"

"But I didn’t…"

"GUYS!" Taylor finally yelled out, gaining everyone’s attention.

Justin and Joe looked up. "What?"

"It’s not a big deal. I’m just teasing. It looks good." She smiled.

"Oh…" Joey began, beginning to smile mischieviously. "If that’s so… then… I take all the credit."

Justin looked at him askance. "No way…"

"Yes, way…"

They kept arguing as Taylor walked over to Lance. "So, what’d ya lose this time…"

He blushed and looked down. "Actually this was from awhile ago…"

"Really…"

"Yeah, they just now remembered and this was my payback."

"What was the bet?"

Lance looked up, meeting her eyes. What a way to go though… "You."

"Me?" She asked, puzzled.

"Yeah…" He breathed out, drinking in her face.

"What about exactly…"

Lance blushed again. "That I would fall for you."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "You didn’t think that you’d…"

He shrugged. "I played the odds. Honestly, I didn’t think you’d fall for me."

She smiled up at him, before stretching up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. "Why wouldn’t I? You are my everything." She whispered into his ear, before he grabbed her around the waist so that he could kiss her.

"Awwwwwwwww. How sweet." Chris said, glancing over from the arguing duo to see the kissing couple.

Lance reached up and shot him a rude gesture before ending the kiss. "Shut up, Chris."

JC looked at his watch. "Should we get going?"

Taylor looked over at him and nodded, her face paling slightly. "Yeah… it’s time."

Lance kept an arm around her as the six made their way to the limos. "It’s okay…" He whispered into her ear.

"I know."

"Man… if I had known she was going to like that, I would’ve done different colors."

"Shut up, Justin." Joey told him as they went through the front door.

"I can’t believe you tried…"

"Justin!"

"What?"

"She doesn’t need to know that part of it, I like me the way the I am."

Justin grinned slyly. "Oh Taylor….there’s something you need to…"

Joey’s arm jumped out, grabbing Justin, his hand sliding over to cover the younger man’s. "I said… she doesn’t need to know that."

Justin’s blue eyes sparkled. "MMmmmppjhh…."

Joey removed his hand. "What?"

Justin laughed before sprinting ahead of him before Joey could grab him again. "Taylor…."

Joey groaned, chasing after him. "Justin… when I get my hands on you…."

The limos pulled up in front of the church. Taylor looked out the window and blanched at the number of reporters that had already lined up for candid photos of every celebrity that would be attending that afternoon. Why can’t they just leave us alone this once…

They had managed to keep most of the details of Kat’s death out of the media, but a few facts and even falsehoods had trickled through, resulting in a close inspection of the group and what had happened on the NSYNC tour. Everyone was being really good about not saying anything, but that hadn’t stopped any reporter from trying. They wanted the story about the group that had quit a multi million dollar tour midway through on uncertain terms only to have one of the members end up dead in her apartment a few days later. Taylor sighed. The rumors were already outrageous, ranging from one of the girls killing her in her sleep to Kat killing herself over the loss of her career. At least that last one was closer to the truth.

They all reached into their pockets for their dark sunglasses, putting them on, just as the driver came around to open the doors for them. Cameras started flashing as soon as Chris and Joey stepped out of the limo, next was JC and Justin, hoping their popularity would stop some of the flood that was going to hit when Taylor stepped out.

Lance looked over at her as she just sat there staring out through the door. "Ready?" He hadn’t thought her face could get any more white than it already was, but it became close to the color of her blouse in that instant.

She nodded slowly. "Yes." She whispered, sliding over the seat to exit.

Lance watched her take a deep breath before stepping outside, he hurriedly exited with her, taking her arm to guide her in and lend her his support.

As soon as she stepped out of the limo, the reporters pushed forward. "Taylor! Is it true…"

"Taylor, How are you dealing with all of this…"

"Taylor…"

"Taylor…"

Lance gritted his teeth, refraining from comment. He could feel her begin to shake as they waked through the throng.

"Taylor… is there any truth to the rumor that you and Dani had something to do with Kat’s death?"

Lance tightened his grip on her arm, but she laid a hand over his, stopping him. His eyes widened as she turned around to address the reporter. "Excuse me, could you please repeat that?"

The reporter smiled, knowing that she had finally gotten to the young woman. "I asked if there was any truth in the rumor…"

"Ah yes…" Taylor said, interrupting the woman. "The rumor that Dani and I planned to kill Kat or the one where we drove her to kill herself?"

"Ummmm…"

"Lady…" Taylor continued. "Do you know where you are? Why we’re here? Or even just what this day signifies?"

"It’s…"

"Kat’s funeral. We are all here to mourn her. If you would like an interview or even a couple questions answered consult my agent. In the meantime, good day and please leave me to grieve my best friend in peace."

She grabbed Lance who was stunned all the way down to his toes and the two headed into the church where the rest of his group were standing, waiting for them.

"Taylor?"

She looked up. "Yes Justin?"

"I couldn’t have handled that they way you did."

She smiled and reached up to hug him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. "I know…"

"I’m glad that no one knew…"

"I know sweetie…" She whispered into his neck.

"Why?" He asked brokenly, tightening his grip around her waist.

"We’ll never know why, J. Never. All we can do is try and understand."

"I wish…" His voice shook, not being able to finish the statement.

"Me too… I wish I had one more day with her too." Taylor’s voice shook as she spoke as well.

"Guys…" Lance walked up, placing his hand on Taylor’s back. "We need to go inside."

Taylor and Justin broke apart, composing themselves as they walked into the closed service, invitation only. Every pew was filled with people, some from the complex that Kat and Taylor had grown up in, whom they had kept in touch with, most were singers/groups/actors and actresses that the girls had formed friendships and acquaintances with since the beginning of their career. Some were family and friends that the girls never saw, and a select few were there that actually claimed to be close to the girls. Dani was seated up front, waiting for her and the guys, along with her father, Kat’s grandparents and someone that Taylor didn’t recognize.

She heard the murmurs as they walked down the aisle. Most were commenting on how well she was holding up, while others were speculating on her death. She wished she could tune them out, but words kept finding their way through and she winced at every rumor that was backed up with more false tales.

"Don’t listen. We’ll get through this." Lance whispered.

"I know. It’s…"

"Shhhh." He squeezed her arm as they made it up front.

Chris and Joey squeezed in first, so as not to seat Dani and Taylor next to each other, JC went in next, followed by Taylor, Lance then Justin. Lance reached over, pulling her hand into both of his as soon as the minister walked up to the podium.

Taylor looked up as soon as the minister began to speak but nothing that he said registered after he began to speak about Kat. Her mind wandered away and again she got caught up in the past.

"I Want You to Want Me…" Kat sang dancing down the hallway.

Taylor shook her head. "Doll, get a grip."

Kat turned and bounced back to where Taylor was walking slowly behind, carrying one of the suitcases that held the high hats, her sticks, brushes, pads, and music.

"Come on Taylor! This is our time… I can feel it."

"You’ve felt it at every audition and we haven’t gotten a gig yet. What’s going to make this one any different?"

Kat grinned. "Her."

Taylor turned around and saw their new band member, Dani, walking slowly behind, her eyes wide as she took in all the platinum albums aligning the wall and the posters of all the performers that were already signed to the label.

"What makes you think that she’ll be our good luck piece?" Taylor grinned.

"I don’t know…" Kat thought about it, before whirling around in a circle then catching up to Taylor who was still walking down the hallway towards the conference area that they were supposed to perform in. "It’s just…"

Taylor looked at her out of the corner of her eye. "What makes her different than Brian?"

"It’s image." Kat said. "Before we were just a three person band… now… now we’re an all girl band. Easier to sell. Plus, our voices just… blend, you can hear it, I know you can."

Taylor laughed. "I can… but…I just don’t want my hopes to get crushed."

Kat sighed and stopped bouncing. "I know. We’re going to make it, we have to…"

Taylor felt someone jab her side and jerked her attention back to the service. She noticed the minister looking over at them and smiled shakily up at him. She looked to her right and saw Dani making her way to the front. It was her turn to speak.

Taylor watched her step up to the podium and look out at the sea of faces. Knowing this was her moment and if she messed up, it would cost her. She shook her head, wondering if Dani would milk it or actually allow her feelings to come through as she had at Sandy’s funeral. She had been impressed with the younger girl and the way that she had handled it. During her speech, she had actually broken down and her father, who had divorced Sandy several years ago, had to come up and help her back to her seat.

"I’ve known Kat for years… we first met back at the start of this wild ride that we called Dolphin’s Cry…"

"Kat, I need you to put a little more feeling into that last line. Dani, crank up the vocal girl, I know you can sing. Taylor… deepen it, you’re supposed to carry the bottom. Overall, sounds good, let’s run through it one more time."

"Stan, you’re a slave driver." Kat called into the mic, before putting her headphones back on, signaling that she was ready.

Taylor saw out of the corner of her eye, their agent making her way into the booth carrying a huge box. "Hey what’s she got there?"

Dani shrugged. "Dunno."

"Hey! Whatcha got there, girl!" Kat yelled.

She held up the box and smiled. "It’s your single, girls."

Stan was forgotten in a matter of minutes as the girls squealed and ran into the waiting area. "Lemme see." Kat said.

They broke open the box, pulling out CD after CD. "I Want You" was their first single released and they hadn’t even finished the album yet. It was set to release in a few months, but they wanted to see how the girls would be received by the public before the actual album debuted.

"I look fat." Dani laughed, staring at the cover.

"Whatever." Taylor told her, ruffling her curls.

"Wow… I can’t believe it." Kat said, sitting back on her heels. "We made it."

"Just hit you?" Dani asked.

"Yeah." Kat breathed out.

"Well, you won’t be a hit without an album." Stan told them, entering the room from the booth. "Let’s finish this track, this we can ogle you girls on the cover." He grinned, before heading back the way he had come.

"Back to work…" Kat rolled her eyes, causing the other two to break out into giggles before walking back into the recording studio, to get back to work.

"I never realized how much I looked up to her until we were already home from touring." Taylor came back to earth, realizing that Dani was still talking. "Towards the end…" She took a deep breath. "We weren’t that close anymore, but… through it all. I consider her one of my best friends and I’m going to miss her." She stopped talking and looked over at Taylor. "Tay…"

She met Dani’s eyes and both began to cry again. "I know we also haven’t been getting along. I… have no excuse for the way I acted to you and everyone else, but I am sorry. Things got way out of hand. I miss you Taylor. I know we’ll never be as close as we were… but I’d like to still call you my friend." She smiled wryly before walking off the podium to where her father was sitting.

Lance looked down at her to see how she taking it and reached over to wipe away the tears as they began to spill with his thumb. "Shhhhhh." He whispered, squeezing her hand again. "Your turn?"

She shook her head. No, not yet.

A tall man, with dark hair, his eyes covered in dark glasses made his way up to the front. He looked out at the crowd and drew out some note cards. "I doubt any of you know who I am… just like as I look out at most of you, I can only recognize most faces from television and the media, but I’m here for the same reason that you are. You all lost a friend…. But I lost a member of my family. Kat was my daughter…"

Taylor’s eyes widened in shock. She hadn’t known that he was still around and looked over at Kat’s grandparents, realizing that they must have invited him. Kat would have been furious knowing that he had come.

"Kat?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you ever wish your dad was still around?"

"No, why?"

"Well… I wish my parents were still around."

"Why, Taylor?"

"I don’t know. I mean…"

"They abandoned you, Tay. Why still love them?"

"Cause they… well they’re my parents."

"But, they abandoned you. I hate my father. He didn’t want anything to do with me and the feeling is mutual."

"But what if he came back?"

"He won’t."

"Are you sure? Don’t you wish you could see him one more time?"

Kat shook her head. "If he ever came around again… if that is… all I’d want to do is tell him to stay away from me… what he did… was unforgivable."

Taylor sighed as she looked back up, Kat’s dad having taken off his glasses. "She looks like him." Lance whispered to her.

"Yes she did." Taylor said.

"You okay…"

"Fine." She whispered back, still watching Kat’s dad closely.

"He can’t hurt her anymore, Tay."

"I know, I just don’t like him here."

"He has the right."

"He gave up all his rights."

"Does anyone else wish to speak?" The minister asked, stepping up.

Lance and JC both turned to her, but she shook her head. Not yet…

"I would." Justin said, standing up.

Everyone turned to look at him in shock, but he didn’t pay any of them any mind as he walked up the steps.

He turned to look at everyone, but couldn’t make eye contact. He flushed with embarrassment before finally focusing on Taylor as she smiled at him in encouragement. Taking a deep breath, then letting it out slowly, he started to speak. "Not everyone knew that Kat and I became close over the past few months. Before they even joined the tour, I had a humongous crush on her. She became to me what I myself am to a lot of young girls; an idol. She was my idol. But then we met and started to talk and I realized that… that she was human, with human flaws and tendencies."

He met Taylor’s gaze again before continuing. "I fell in love with her and never told her how I felt. She came to me one day after everything had blown up in her face. Her career was almost gone, her friends were turning away from her, she felt like she had nothing… and I turned away from her too. I didn’t give her the support that I should have and I regret that day every minute after I walked away from her. She asked for my help and I tossed out a bunch of nonsense, not listening to what she was really trying to tell me. I couldn’t see past the wall that she had erected around her."

Taylor watched him struggle to communicate everything that was inside and her heart broke for him. To be so young and have your heart ripped away…

"I wish I could go back in time and change that day, start it all over with the knowledge that I have now. If I could… I’d hold her and tell her that everything was going to be fine. That no matter what she had my support, but I can’t. There’s something I’d like to read… something that I feel really sums up everything that I’m feeling and I hope she’s watching from above so she can hear just how much I care about her and will miss her."

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small piece of wrinkled paper; that looked like he had scribbled on it last minute. Taking a deep breath, he began to read.

I'll see you again,

Whenever spring breaks through again.

Time may lie heavy between,

But what has been

Is past forgetting.

This sweet memory

Across the years will come to me;

Tho' my world may go awry,

In my heart will ever lie

Just the echo of a sigh,

Goodbye.

~I'll See You Again, Leo Reismen

When he finished, there was hardly a dry eye in the house, including his own. Wiping his eyes, he stepped down and Taylor stood, making her way to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, letting him know he wasn’t the only one with regrets and was hurting. "Justin…."

"Shh, Taylor…"

Her arms tightened, not wanting to let go, but his grip tightened as he set her away from him. "Go…"

She nodded, before biting her lip as she stared up at the minister who was speaking with the pianist. She walked up the steps, making her way over to take the mic from the minister who was holding it out to her. "Are you sure dear?" He asked gently.

Brushing a few strands of hair from her face that had escaped, she nodded. "It’s my gift, I have to." She said softly.

Someone turned the mic on and the pianist ran through a few bars quickly to warm up while Taylor composed herself.

"Good afternoon, everyone." She said evenly, even though inside she was dying. "I’m really happy to see so many familiar faces in the crowd. It means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to Kat. She didn’t she was loved but the turn out today shows her just how wrong she is and just how much we are going to miss her."

She looked down at the floor, not knowing how to start, but spoke anyway. "There aren’t enough words in the English vocabulary to express how much Kat meant to me. I sat up all night trying to write the perfect speech but everything that I wrote just got tossed in the garbage. So I’m going to do what I do best… music. Kat, this is for you."

She turned and cued the pianist and the opening bars began to filter through the church.

Oh we never know where life will take us

We know it's just a ride on the wheel

And we never know when death will shake us

And we wonder how it will feel

So goodbye my friend

I know I'll never see you again

But the time together through all the years

Will take away there tears

It's O.K. now

Goodbye my friend

I'd see a lot of things that made me crazy

And I guess I held on to you

You could've run away and left, well maybe

But it wasn't time and we both knew

So goodbye my friend

I know I'll never see you again

But the love you gave me through all the years

Will take away my tears I'm O.K. now

Good bye my friend

A life so fragile, a love so pure

We can't hold on but we try

We watch how quickly it disappears

And we'll never know why

But I'm O.K. now

Goodbye my friend

You can go now

Goodbye my friend

~Goodbye, My Friend, Karla Bonoff

Applause filled the church as the last note resounded throughout. She waited calmly for everyone to quiet down before beginning to speak again. "I can’t…" Taylor swallowed, trying to work past the lump in her throat. "I can’t begin to understand what is driving the rumors about us. Yes, we didn’t get along… yes, we were breaking up as a group, but that didn’t kill the friendship. It was still there, it just needed to have a chance to resurface when there wasn’t as much tension between us anymore. I wouldn’t have harmed a hair on that girl’s head. She was not only my best friend, but she was my only family. Kat… we promised to be there forever for each other." Taylor looked at Lance and he tried not to rush up and take her in his arms so that he could take the burden of her pain from her and shoulder it himself.

"Kat… you left me… how…" Taylor choked on her tears, not having realized that she was now crying openly. "I’ll miss you." She whispered, before turning and tripping on her heel as she made her way back down the stairs, Justin reached out and steadied her before she could fall, then helped her to sit down.

"If that’s it… I’d like everyone to open their hymnals and turn to…" The minister began as he proceeded with the closing of the service.

As the last of the guests left, Taylor looked at all the plates, napkins and cups that needed to be washed and thrown away.

"No work…" Lance told her, sitting next to her. The guys had long since left to go back to the hotel, tired after flying out that day after a concert. Lance had decided to stay and help clean up, although making sure Taylor was all right was his number one priority.

She sighed. "I know, but look at this mess."

He pulled her to his side, gently turning her body away from his, so that her back was to him. "I said… no work… no thoughts… nothing…just relax." His voice ended on a whisper as he brought his hands to her shoulders and lightly began to work the knots from her shoulders.

"Mmmmmmm." She sighed, her head rolling forward as her body against her will began to relax from his administrations.

"You okay?" He asked, his hands skimming down her arms and back up.

"Mmm hmmm…" She sighed, leaning back against him.

"I can’t work with you like that, you know." He laughed softly, his arms encircling her drawing her near.

"That’s okay, just hold me."

"Always."

They just laid there, his arms wrapped around her, with the remnants of the reception spilling around them.

"Lance?" Taylor said, turning around slightly so that she could see him.

"Yeah…" He said, sleepily, having just about dozed off.

"Thank you." She said seriously.

"For what?" He asked, cranking one eye open.

"For everything… for being here, for helping, for being my strength, for…"

He silenced her with a single finger across her lips. "And I’d do it again… happily. I wish it had been under different circumstances but it wasn’t. It happened and now we have to move on…. But we have each other, Taylor, and we will get by this. You will get by this."

"I know." She sighed, settling back into his arms. "It’s just going to be hard. I don’t know…" She stopped, not knowing how to tell him.

"Know what?"

"I don’t know if I can go back to music…" She said, faintly.

"You don’t have to…"

"But… what else would I do?"

"Then start over…"

"But…"

Lance sighed, opening both eyes to look at her. "Taylor, you just got out of a very stressful gig, you just lost practically your only family, and you’re just now starting to find out who you are. No one is going to look down at you if you take some time off. Understand?"

She smiled tenderly at him, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. "I still can’t get over the fact that you can read my mind so well and always know exactly what to say to make me feel better."

"It’s a gift." Lance said cockily, before closing his eyes and trying to go back to sleep.

Taylor glanced at him then poked him. "No sleeping. So you’re saying…"

Lance groaned. "What I’m saying is take some time off. Find what you want to do."

"And if that takes me away from you…" She whispered.

His eyes opened slowly to meet hers. "I’ll be here waiting for you." His eyes softened as they took in her filling eyes. "You do this too much lately…" His hand reached up to cup her cheek, his thumb wiping away the few tears that had escaped.

She smiled through her tears. "I know…"

"Tay…" He started.

"I love you." She whispered, leaning down and kissing him before he could continue.

"I love you too." He said, against her lips, pulling her tighter against him.

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes… take as much time as you need. I’ll be here and remember I’m only a phone call away, when you’re ready…"

"I’ll come running…" She whispered, leaning back against his shoulder, her eyes closing as her body gave into the much needed rest that she needed.

He brushed a strand of hair off her cheek, before sliding down, getting more comfortable while pulling her closer. "Just don’t take too long…" He whispered before falling asleep with her.

Epilogue

Six months later

She hesitated outside the door to Studio B. She hadn't sang, played, or recorded anything professionally in over six months. Being nervous was an understatement. But, she had promised and she always kept her promises. Plus… she really wanted to see him.

"Hello?" Taylor answered.

"Well, hello. It's about time you answered your phone, where have you been?"

Taylor smiled; fitting the phone between her chin and her shoulder as she opened up the mail that had piled up over the last few months. "I've been around. How ya doing, ya rogue?"

"Good, good. We're all doing well. Thanks for asking."

"JC… I was going to ask…"

"I know… it's just… jeez Tay, it's been six months. No one knew where you were, no one knew how to get ahold of you, I was worried, the guys were worried, and most of all… remember that guy you were dating? He's a good friend of mine… blonde… cute… sweet… Remember him?"

Taylor sighed. "YES… I do remember him. I had to get away… he told me to go."

"I highly doubt he said to leave for SIX MONTHS!"

"Calm down…"

"Girl…"

"JC…" She mocked, tossing a few letters to keep on the table, while trashing the rest that was junk mail.

"Okay… no lectures. You're coming to visit."

"No, not yet." She stated, walking into the living room. "I'm not ready for that scene yet."

"Not ready for the scene or to face your friends?"

Taylor took a deep breath before continuing. "JC, I'm really not in the mood for this conversation. If you have a point… get to it."

"Okay… fine… we're recording the new album, well starting to next week."

"Good. You guys need some new material."

"Your song is going to be on the album."

Taylor stopped breathing. "Maybe you should have told me to sit down first." She said, while her hand groped for the couch behind her so she could sit. "When was this decided?"

"About two months ago when we finalized the song list."

"Oh…"

"We tried to get ahold of you… but there wasn't a forwarding address."

"Sorry…"

"It's no big deal…but…"

"What?"

"Remember you promised to sing with me…"

Taylor reached out to grasp the doorknob but stopped herself. Two weeks ago, he had called, bringing back everything that had happened. Not that everything was bad… just…

The door swung wide almost catching her in the face, causing her to take a huge step back. "Oh, I'm sorry… I didn't know anyone was out here." The voice told her.

"It's all right… I…"

"Taylor?"

She looked up, smiling slightly. "Hey Chris. It's been awhile."

He reached out and grabbed her, drawing her into a huge bear hug. "Tay, we've missed you. Where have you been?"

She laughed. "Honestly, the better question is, where haven't I been?"

Chris eyed her. "Where haven't you been?"

She thought about it. "I didn’t go to Africa. But I did make it all the way over to Australia, that was fun." She laughed.

He shook his head. "We worried and you traveled. How come you didn't take your cell?"

"I wanted time to myself… I needed it."

"Well… it's good to see you, Taylor." He said, backing off, shaking his head before heading over to the cafeteria to get the drinks that he had initially come out for.

"Yeah… you too, Chris…" She said, cautiously, feeling him pulling away from her as he walked off. That was strange… better go inside.

She turned once again to the door and finally pulled it open. She walked down the maze of halls, following the signs that directed her to the exact room number that JC had given her. When she close enough, she could hear the familiar strains of music pouring through a door at the end of the hall. She stopped and listened, her eyes closing as the music and lyrics poured over her. That man has the voice of an angel and I knew it was perfect for him to sing…but why me…

She stopped in the doorway and glanced in, a little wary of the fact that she hadn't seen any of them for six months, but three out of four now, she wasn't worried about, it was the fifth member of NSYNC, that made her knees shake.

She couldn't see JC since he was in the booth, recording, but Joe and Justin were bent over the soundboard, sending the older man thumbs ups and changing the levels as he sang, trying to get the best sound that they could out of him in the sound booth. She looked slowly over to the wall where the couches were and breathed a sigh a relief when she didn't see Lance. She wasn't ready yet. She'd know when the time was…

"Aren't you going to go in?"

She gasped and whirled around, a hand clamped to her chest as she stared at Chris who was grinning at her, holding a can of pop.

"Scared ya, did I?"

"That's an understatement."

"So…" He motioned with a hand for her to enter. She followed him in and they both sat down on the couch, waiting for them to finish. "You must be the mysterious person that JC wouldn't tell us was working on the song with us."

She looked down at her clasped hands on her knees. "Yeah… I promised."

"Would you have come if you hadn't?" He asked curiously.

She looked up into his eyes, seeing the sparkling humor that always radiated at the surface but also the concern and protectiveness for his friends, one in particular, that one could only see if they looked hard enough.

She let out a deep breath. "I don't know."

"You don't…"

"TAYLOR!" Justin yelled, bouncing out of the booth. He made his way across the floor, picking her up off the couch to swing her around in a hug. "I've missed you."

"Hey kid…" She smiled up at him, once he set her on her feet. "How ya been?"

"Good. Really good. You?"

She nodded. "I'm…" She paused. "I'm doing well."

He cocked his head to the side, watching her face, reading her eyes. "Yeah… you look better. Where ya been?"

"Everywhere." She smiled.

He nodded. "Well…"

"Taylor?"

She turned and saw Joe standing in the doorway stunned. "Hey, Joe." She walked over to him, giving him a hug, before breaking away.

"Hi. Where ya been?"

She laughed. "I've been everywhere, guys. You could probably name a place and I was there. I had to get away. I'm sure you can all understand."

"Well…" They all looked at one another and shrugged. "We all understand but…"

"Taylor…" A new voice breathed into the room as he stopped in the doorway, just returning from talking to Johnny. His heart stopped as his eyes roamed over her, from the top of her head down to her feet, just drinking in the sight of her, wondering if this was a dream and that if it was, that someone would hit him hard so that he'd wake up.

She smiled shyly. "Hi Lance…"

He shook his head, clearing out all thoughts of her so that he could remain indifferent, although the sudden urge to grab her then kiss her was overwhelming. "It's been awhile." He said, his voice neutral as he walked into the room and sat in one of the chairs.

She nodded, watching him. "Yeah… it has."

The guys watched the two interact as they would if they had gone to a tennis match, heads looking at one before turning to look at the other. The tension in the room was thick, but they didn't know what to do to change it, didn't know if they wanted to. The first few weeks after the funeral, Lance and Taylor talked on the phone every night and he had been happy. But, one night, Taylor had called and told him that she was leaving. She had to get away for awhile, he'd understood, as they all had, that she needed time to heal but… she hadn't left a forwarding number, address, or anything. Just left. After the first few months, they had begun to give up on ever hearing from her again and Lance… well, Lance had clammed up, not even wanting to hear her name mentioned.

"Guys…I want to re-do line…Taylor!" JC grinned, unaware of the tension as he walked out of the recording booth. "I wasn't sure if you were going to come, but…" He looked around the room, eyes widening, as he became aware of what he had just walked into.

Taylor took one long look at Lance before turning to JC, who stood awkwardly in the doorway. "I told you I would."

"I know, sweetheart, but…" He held up his hands in question. "It's not like you haven't disappeared before without a trace." He watched her face turn to stone all emotion that it had revealed before, gone.

He wanted to kick himself for saying anything, but he looked over at Lance, whose face was the same, and didn't regret it. He'd do anything for his friends; but then again, she was his friend too.

"I keep my promises, JC." She said, walking towards him. "Let’s get my part laid down and then you can tweak, sing, tweak some more to your heart's content and I can leave. I can tell where I'm not wanted. But if I wasn't wanted, why in the hell did you want me to come?" She asked, walking straight up to look him almost eye to eye. The longer she was near him, the more agitated she became, torn between running to him and walking away for good.

"I…" He looked around wildly, not knowing the girl standing before him.

All the guys, eyes widened in shock, as they took another look at the girl who was glaring at JC. "Kitten got claws." Chris muttered to Justin.

"Yeah…" He breathed out.

"Taylor…" JC began, finally looking down into her face.

"Well…" She asked, placing her hands on her hips as she glared up at the older man.

"You're wanted…"

"What's with the crack then…"

JC took a step back then looked over at Lance. Taylor's eyes followed his and her eyes softened when they met his. She looked back at JC. "Understood. Are you ready?"

He stepped back into the booth and motioned her inside. "Yeah… this is what I was thinking…" He shut the door behind them as they began to talk about the song, leaving the rest of them stunned in the waiting room.

"What just happened?" Justin asked, sitting down. "That wasn't Taylor…It looked like Taylor, talked like Taylor, but that attitude wasn't Taylor…"

"Looks like she got a backbone…" Chris said turning and watching her and JC talk back and forth in the booth. He could see JC explaining parts of the song that they had come up with, then sing a little bit, Taylor nodding, then pointing to the music as she added a suggestion here and there.

"But…" Justin started, but stopped when Lance interrupted him.

"She found herself."

They all turned to look at him as he shook himself out of the trance he had gotten into the moment he entered the room. "What?"

"She told me she needed to find herself, be comfortable with herself again and heal. That was the night of the funeral…" He trailed off, remembering the night, they had fallen asleep in each other's arms on the couch.

Lance walked over to the glass and looked inside, watching her. "I told her I'd wait but… six months…" One hand reached up to the glass, a finger tracing her features through it before his hand fell back to his side.

Joe walked over and laid a hand on the younger man's back. "How come you never told us?"

"I didn't think it'd be an issue the first few weeks we were back but then…she left, without a word… and… then there just wasn't a good time to bring it up… then, I just wanted to forget."

"I don't think she's forgotten either." Chris said, quietly from the couch.

Lance turned around. "What do you mean…"

"I mean… look at her, watch her…she still cares… but I think, like you said… she didn't think she could be there for you, like you were for her until she was better, comfortable with who she was." Chris took a long swig off his pop before continuing. "But then again, what do I know?"

Justin laughed, flopping onto the couch next to him. "Not much, that's for sure."

Chris leaned over and ruffled Justin's curls. "Shut up, youngen, what do you know either?"

Justin leaned back into the couch, his hands folded behind his head. A wide cocky grin covering his face. "What do I know? Let me tell you… I can sing, dance, make the young girls scream… I can play gin, basketball with the best, dress better than any of you schmoes and…oooomph" Justin groaned as all the guys piled on him dragging him to the floor.

JC opened the door and looked out into the sea of bodies. "Guys… we're ready…."

A hand popped up from the middle. "Be with you in a sec, Jace… just curing the youngen of any ego that he might have gotten from the tour."

He stood in the doorway and laughed. "Okay, good. I'm gonna let Stan know we're ready as well."

"Sounds good." The bodies said as they wrestled around on the floor.

JC shook his head, stepping over the fray to the phone to call Stan, who would be helping them with the recording that day.

Taylor stood at the stand, reading the music one last time. She knew the song by heart, could sing it without looking at the music and had been able to since she had finished it. She couldn't believe that her song was finally going to be heard, couldn't believe that it was finished, all because of…

She looked over to try and catch a glimpse of him, but all she saw were feet and arms. She frowned in confusion and walked over to the door to get a better look at what was going on. She stepped into the doorway and stepped right onto someone.

"OUCH…"

She grimaced and looked down. "I'm sorry…"

Lance looked up. "No biggie… We're just…" His mouth went dry at the sight of her again. I really have to be able to control myself.

"Lance, buddy… we're not through with you yet." Chris called out, pulling him back in.

Lance smiled up at her before he was lost in the bodies grappling. She shook her head and looked up when JC stepped over them again. "Thanks, Taylor." He said, softly before pulling her into a hug.

She smiled and let herself be surrounded by him. "Jace, I'd do anything for you…. Music wise you know."

"I know. That's how I knew you'd come."

She pulled back and eyed him. "You used my music to get me to come back."

He shrugged. "If that's what it takes…"

She hit him lightly in the arm. "I should take you outside and beat you like the dog you are, Chasez."

He laughed. "You love me, you know you do…"

Her face softened. "I know. I love you all…" She trailed off.

JC bent down so that he was eye to eye with her. "Some more than others?"

She sighed. "I'm not getting into that with you right now…" She gestured to the men on the floor that weren't paying attention to them or so she thought.

"Taylor…"

"What, JC?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you call?"

"Because… because there were a lot of times you wouldn't have wanted to talk with me and a lot of times that I didn't want to talk with you. These past few months were really hard for me, JC. I went through a lot but… but now I'm happy. I finally figured out what happiness was and what it is to me."

"And what did you figure out…" He asked softly.

"Ready?" Stan asked, walking into the room.

"Great timing as always, Stan." JC muttered, turning away from Taylor to look at the older man. "Yup, I think so."

Stan's eyes focused on the young girl in front of him. "Taylor? How have you been? It's been ages!"

Taylor's eyes widened to the man that helped record the girl's first album. "Stan! Oh wow…" She crossed the room to give him a hug.

The two began to chat as the guys all looked on in disbelief yet again. Chris shook his head. "She knows everyone…"

"Pretty much." Joey said, looking on as the two conversed.

JC laughed. "Could we please get on with this… I do have a date tonight."

All eyes focused on him. "You… have a date…" Justin said, a grin spreading across his face.

"Yes…" JC said hesitantly.

"With who?"

"What's she like?"

"Where's she from?"

"When did you meet her?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Is she pretty?"

JC's eyes got huge. "One question at a time and after we're done recording."

"I think someone's stalling." Justin stage whispered to Joey.

Taylor patted him on the head as she headed into the booth. "Leave him alone, J. I'll get the information for you." She grinned mischievously.

"Thanks Tay… knew I could count on you."

"Taylor, I need you to deepen your voice on the last chorus." Stan said into the mic.

"How come you always tell me that?" She laughed.

"Well if you'd just do it…" Stan teased.

"Fine…got it." She looked over at JC and nodded. "Ready to try this again."

"I've been ready since I first saw the chorus to it."

"You just befriended me for my talent."

"Wouldn't you have?"

"JC…" She rolled her eyes.

"Take it from the top, you two." Stan cued the music through their headphones, both forgetting the teasing and the bantering as they focused on the song. They had planned it so that JC would sing the first verse, Taylor the second, then the third would come in together.

When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

That's when I'll stop loving you

That's when I'll stop loving you

I'm sure you've heard these words before

And I know it's hard for you

to trust them once more

You're afraid it all might end

And a broken heart

Is scared of breaking again

But you've gotta believe me

I'll never leave you

You'll never cry long as I am there

And I will always be there

You will never be without love

When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

When lies become the truth

Oh you know that Baby,

That's when I'll stop loving

that's when I'll stop loving you

Long as sunlight lights the sky

Light a love will be

Found in these eyes of mine

I will shine that light for you

You're the only one

I'll ever give this heart to

What I'm trying to say is

Nothing will change this

There will be no time

You wont find me there

Cause I will always be there

You will always have all my love

When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

When lies become the truth

Oh you know that Baby,

That's when I'll stop loving

that's when I'll stop loving you

That's when I'll stop loving you

When this world doesn't turn anymore

When the stars all decide to stop shining

'Til then I'm gonna be by your side

I'm gonna be loving you forever

Everyday of my life

Well you know that baby

That's when I'll stop loving

That's when I'll stop loving

That's when I'll stop loving you

When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

When lies become the truth

Well you know that Baby,

That's when I'll stop loving

that's when I'll stop loving you

When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

When lies become the truth

Well you know that Baby,

That's when I'll stop loving

that's when I'll stop loving you

Loving…you…

~That's When I'll Stop Loving You, NSYNC

"Good." Stan beamed from where he was sitting, as he moved a few bars up on the soundboard and tweaked the sound just a tad. "Very good. You guys really blend well. But… Taylor…"

She groaned. "Why is it always my fault we're here till all hours."

"Cause if you'd sing like I know you can we'd get it on the first shot."

"Stan, I'm a drummer, not a singer."

"Keep telling yourself that and we'll never get this."

She groaned again before nodding. "Where?"

"Second verse. Sing it again…"

She took a deep breath, eyes darting around the room as she listened to the music, waiting for the cue for her to come in. The music started and she closed her eyes, trying to feel the music. "Long as sunlight lights the sky, Light a love will be, Found in these eyes of mine, I will shine that light for you." She thought back to her trip in England. How she wished Lance had been there to see it with her. She thought back to Australia, imagining what it would have been like to trample the Outback with him by her side. Every place she had been, he had been right there with her, every step of the way giving her strength.

She opened her eyes, glancing over to the glass, green eyes meeting green eyes. " You're the only one, I'll ever give this heart to, What I'm trying to say is, Nothing will change this." She put everything she was feeling into the verse, all her regrets, all her dreams, she sang to him. Her tribute to what he had done for her. Without him, she wouldn't have been able to heal, to find who she was… she had done it for him, because he had become her happiness. She couldn't be happy without him in her life, because he was her life. He was…

"There will be no time, You wont find me there, Cause I will always be there, You will always have all my love." She trailed off. She loved him with her entire being. She could live without him, but she couldn't live without him.

The entire studio was silent as the music clicked off. Stan sat there quietly for a few minutes, not saying anything, not touching a single bar. She took the headphones off awkwardly, her cheeks a pale pink in embarrassment. "Ummm is that what you meant?" She laughed.

JC stared at her. "Yeah, I think it was…" He trailed off in disbelief.

Stan shook his head. "Taylor… that's a wrap. I have no criticism. Whatever you did, whatever you thought… think that everytime. You'll go places."

She flushed deeper before glancing over at the glass, Lance no longer standing there. "I… if we're done. I have to go." The urge to find him overwhelming.

"Go… be back in a bit for the harmonies, then we'll go run through it one last time."

She nodded, jumping off the stool, and ran for the door. She jerked it open and found Chris, Joe and Justin playing cards on the floor as they waited for their turn in the booth. Chris held up a hand, pointing to the door. "He went that way. Check the park behind the studio."

"Thanks Chris." She said, running down the hall before the words had even left her mouth.

"Ten bucks, they'll be together by the time they get back." Justin said, pulling out his wallet.

"No bet." Joey said. "It's no contest."

Chris laughed. "True… did you hear her sing? She was so singing directly to him."

"Yeah… man… if Lance doesn't want her…" Justin said, but didn't finish as Chris and Joe both smacked him upside the head.

JC poked his head out. "Your turn…Where's Lance?"

She slammed out of the studio, looking right then left. She couldn't see anyone, but a grassy knoll to the right, at least gave her some direction. She hurried in that direction, hoping to find him. She had to tell him…

"LANCE!" She yelled as soon as a person was defined in the distance.

He turned around and blanched at the sight of her. "What?" He asked, tiredly, not knowing what to say or do.

She ran faster when she saw him stop and practically ran into him in her haste to get there. "I…"

He held up a hand. "You don't have to apologize. I understand…" He turned and started to walk away.

She grabbed his arm. "That wasn't what I was going to say."

"Then what Taylor?" He asked, his green eyes shooting sparks from the hurt surrounding his heart.

"You said…"

"I said to go. I know. Heaven forbid I should send someone away to heal. But I also said, keep in touch, stay close, that I'd wait… I said a lot of things…" He turned to walk away again, but she stopped him the same way.

"Lance…"

He stopped and stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I…"

"Taylor, spit it out otherwise you're wasting my time."

"You said you'd wait, are you still?" She rushed out before she could stop herself, work up to her point.

"What?"

"Do you still want me?" She asked softly, staring directly into his eyes.

"What kind of question is that?" He asked disgustedly, turning away.

"An honest one. Answer it." She moved in front of him, trying to see what he was feeling.

His eyes drifted over her face, taking in every feature. He let out the breath that he had been holding. "The stupid moron that I am… yes." He said softly, barely audible, that she had to strain to even hear him.

Her eyes began to well up with tears as her heart began to fill with hope. "I couldn't come back to you broken, Lance."

His hand of its volition reached up to her face, but he stopped it, his hand dropping back to his side. "You were never broken, Taylor."

She nodded. "Yes I was. I couldn't be with you until… until I could figure out myself, be strong enough for you… but…"

"But what?"

"What I figured out was that… I could figure out myself, I could find me… but all along…" She trailed off, her eyes focusing on something in the distance over his shoulder.

"What Tay?" Lance asked, before he could stop himself.

"That you made me strong, you defined me… you made me think and challenge myself." She took a step towards him, focusing back on him. "Every place I went… I tried to forget but… all I wanted was you."

"Tay?" His eyes filled with tears as hers began to spill onto her cheeks.

"I love you, Lance." She stumbled towards him, until she felt his arms close around her bringing her to him. "I just wanted to be happy but in my search I overlooked you… you make me happy. How could I forget that?"

"I love you too, Taylor." He whispered.

"I'll never leave you again." She whispered, looking up into his face.

He smiled. "I'm never letting you go." His hand stroked over her hair as he drew her tightly to him. "I was lost without you…"

She smiled broadly. "Take me to heaven or lose me forever."

His brow furrowed in confusion and laughter. "You've been watching Top Gun again I see… and isn't the line Take me to bed or lose me forever, you big STUD." He grinned.

She shrugged. "Yeah but… one, that reminds me too much of the pick up line you blurted out at the club…"

Lance blushed, remembering when he got drunk and tried to make her stay the night she was leaving.

"And two… you're not a stud."

His eyes widened. "I'm not." He began to tickle her, his arms reaching for her sides. She laughed, before throwing her arms around his neck, lifting her face to his.

"I wrote that song for you."

"I know. When JC showed it to me… I knew, but…"

"But I wasn't here…"

"No, I couldn't find you and…"

"But I came back…and you were here, like you promised."

"I always keep my promises."

"Promise to love me forever?"

"I promise." He whispered. His lips met hers, his arms sliding around her waist so that she couldn't get away ever again. "As long as you promise to love me forever…" He whispered against her lips.

She pulled back and began to sing softly to him. "And I will always be there,

You will never be without love."

He laughed, pulling her back into his arms. "Speaking oh which… don't we have a song to finish recording?"

Her eyes got wide. "Umm yeah… I think you guys were next."

He tapped the end of her nose. "We'll talk afterwards…"

She wrapped her arm around his waist as they started for the studio. "Want to go to France… I saw this one garden that reminded me of your hair… all the flowers were blue and…" She looked up. "And of course now you had to go back to the bleached look just when I had gotten used to you having blue hair…"

He patted his head. "Hey… I happen to like this look."

"Haven't lost any bets lately, I take it…"

Lance thought then blanched. "Actually…"

"Oh no…"

"Yeah… thanks for coming back…"

She laughed. "Well this time go red…"

He grabbed her around the waist and drew her into his arms. "As you wish…" He breathed against her lips, just before he sealed his onto hers.

The End

Tell Dolphin Princess what you thought of this story!