All I Have To Give

By: Jenna

Nick stormed out the front door. He was upset with the way things had been going that afternoon. Jess seemed to have been asking way too much of him lately, or so he thought. All he wanted to do was get into his car and drive far and fast to escape all of the madness that had been going on in his life.

The group had gotten popular so fast. It seemed like only yesterday Nick could go where he wanted, do what he wanted without having to worry about getting mobbed. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the fans, but sometimes it was a little overwhelming and scary. He was beginning to unwind and relax after being gone for over three months when Jess approached him wanting a favor. She thought it would be good for him to come to a party and entertain some of her old classmates from school.

"Entertain, it would be so nice of you to do that for me,” Nick sneered as he climbed into the car. How could she even think of asking me to do something like this after I have been away for so long? It was the straw that blew him up. He just wanted to be left alone until his thoughts cleared.

Nick roared out of the driveway. He loved the feel of his corvette as it sped up the hill. He didn’t care how fast he was going. He didn’t realize how fast he was going until he saw a flash of a blue truck pull out in front of him. Nick stomped on the brakes hoping to avoid a certain collision. There was an awful sound of metal and glass and tires screeching. Then it was quiet.

“Someone call 911. Someone, please call 911.”

Time seemed to stand still. A shiny red corvette was barely recognizable in the twisted wreckage. It was tangled up in with the blue pickup truck. A crowd had started to gather.

The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive to the accident. Once it was on the scene, the paramedics worked quickly to ascertain the number of victims and extent of injuries.

Jess knew that sometimes Nick needed to be alone and cool down. She wasn’t concerned when he left, but began to get worried when she heard sirens in the distance. She decided to go and see what was going on just for a piece of mind.

As she got closer to the accident scene she could feel a knot tightening in her stomach. Something was not feeling right and every inch seemed to take forever to travel. Jess thought she saw a shiny red object in the wreckage.

“What am I thinking? I have got myself convinced that something terrible has happened and I am not even close enough to see,” Jess thought to herself.

She stopped the car and ran towards where the crowd had gathered on the side of the street. She looked towards the wreckage in time to see the paramedics pull a man’s limp body free. She felt her knees buckle. Jess strained to look closer at the person. It didn’t really look like Nick, but she couldn’t tell. Then she noticed an ID bracelet on the left wrist. It was the bracelet she had given Nick just a few weeks ago---

“Oh my god, no,” Jessica screamed. “It can’t be!”

Jess felt like she was running in slow motion, she couldn’t get to Nick fast enough. She was stopped from coming closer by a policeman.

“Hold it there, miss, I can’t let you go over there,” the heavyset officer held her back.

“But I need to go there, I’m his girlfriend, please you have to let me,” Jessica tearfully pleaded to the policeman, but it was in vain.

If you are his friend, you would help him much better by staying out of the way. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt by being in the way. Just stay back here.”

Jessica resigned herself to be a spectator rather than being where she felt she was needed. She watched as the paramedics worked quickly on Nick. They were giving him an IV and were checking his injuries. It just didn’t look like Nick - all of the blood and his face was so swollen. He was unconscious, which Jessica decided was much better to be at this point rather than to be in incredible pain.

As Nick was put into the ambulance, Jess asked the officer where they were taking him.

“Tampa Bay Hospital,” he replied curtly.

She wasted no time getting back to her car. Her hands were shaking so much she was barely able to put the keys in the ignition. After she took a few deep breaths, Jess started the car. She tried to focus on what she was doing. The drive to the hospital for her would take at least 30 minutes. Nick would arrive there much sooner.

“I’m trying to find out where my boyfriend is, could you help me?”

The nurse in the emergency room walked briskly past Jess. “Try asking the girl up at the front desk, she can help you.”

“I am looking to find out where they took my boyfriend and that nurse told me to ask you,” Jess was hoping that someone would help her.

“Calm down, miss. Why was your boyfriend here?”

“He was in a car accident and the police officer told me he was being taken to Tampa Bay Hospital.”

“Okay, what is his name?”

“It’s uh, Nick, Nick Carter.” Jess looked at the receptionist anxiously, hoping that she could direct her quickly so she could be at his side.

“Carter.......oh, okay, he’s in Trauma Room 3, but you can’t go in there, only immediate family, sorry.”

“But I am family, I’m his girlfriend. Please you have to let me go in there,” Jessica pleaded. “I need to be there, I won’t get in the way, I promise, please! He would want me there.”

“I know his parents have been contacted, let me check with the trauma nurse and see what she thinks, please just wait over there.”

The receptionist motioned over to a bright waiting room. Jessica reluctantly walked over to a chair but did not sit in it. She was keeping her eye on the receptionist making sure she would be holding up her end of the deal to see if she could go in.

After about 10 minutes, the receptionist motioned to Jessica.

“The trauma nurse said it would be okay for you to go in, but you could only stay for 10 minutes, and you would have to leave before that time if they needed you to go.”

“Thank you.”

A nurse escorted Jessica down the corridor to the trauma room. She swallowed hard before she entered the room. She scanned the surroundings afraid to look at Nick. It was hard for her to keep her composure when she finally looked at him. There were so many tubes and machines surrounding him. His face was so swollen and scraped. There were tubes going into his mouth and the sound of a machine that kept reminding you of every breath he was taking, rather every breath that the machine was taking for him.

She looked at Nick wishing he would open his eyes. Jess kept thinking that this was going to be another one of his stupid practical jokes that he liked to play. She wanted to touch his hand, the only one that didn’t have anything attached to it, but hesitated.

“It’s okay, you can touch his hand,” the dark haired nurse told Jess.

As Jessica touched his hand, she was surprised at how cold it felt. “Is....is, what, um how is he, will he be alright?” Jess asked the nurse.

“The doctor would be better able to answer that question. He’s as comfortable as he can be right now. I know that doesn’t answer your question very well-----”

“How long until he wakes up?”

“We will have to wait and see, right now he is in a coma--”

“Oh my god, oh my god---” Jessica kept whispering.

“Why don’t I take you back out to the waiting room, I think it would be best for Nick. His parents were contacted and should be coming soon,” the nurse told Jess as she was trying to get her to leave.

“Okay.” Jess slowly bent over to kiss Nick’s face. She was afraid to touch him too hard. His face looked so hurt.

Jessica walked with the trauma nurse back to the lobby. The nurse told her that once Nick’s parents arrived, the doctor would be contacted and they would meet with him regarding Nick’s condition. All she could do was wait. If there were anything more that they would need, they would come and get her.

Jess sat down in a hard chair that was in a ocation where she could see the hallway and the front entrance. She looked around the room that was filled with people, wondering if they too were awaiting news about a loved one. She glanced down at the end table. It was littered with an assortment of magazines. The one that caught her eye had a photo of The Backstreet Boys on the cover.

She picked it up as she started thinking about how long it would take before the accident was on the news. Looking at Nick’s face in the article, she could feel the hot tears streaming down her face. Why did this have to happen? He is so good to people and so talented. She shook the thoughts from her head.

“Jess, oh god,” Jane Carter grabbed Jessica and gave her an overwhelming hug. Her face was drawn and pale. Nick’s father even looked older to her at that moment. “How did this happen?”

Jessica sighed, “I dunno. Me and Nicky were talking this afternoon and having a nice Saturday and I asked him about meeting some of my friends from school. He got upset and stormed out the door. I knew he just needed to be alone for a while, you know how much he wants to be by himself for a little bit after he’s been gone. Anyway, he took off in the car, squealing his tires and the whole bit and the next thing I heard were sirens. I was curious and so I got in my car to see if I could tell what was wrong and then I saw him...”

Jessica couldn’t finish. She was upset thinking about seeing Nick being taken from his car. Jane just held her as they both cried.

“How is he, have you seen him?”

“A nurse took me to see him, oh it is, I don’t know how he is, he was sleeping.” Jess did not have the heart to tell them that their son was in a coma. She coated the description of Nick and didn’t let on how badly he looked to her.

“Have you talked to his doctor yet?”

“No, they said that he would talk to you once you arrived. I guess we should tell the receptionist that you are here and want to see Nick.”

They walked over to the receptionist desk and told them who they were and that they wanted to see their son. The receptionist told them to wait in a conference room off to the right of the lobby and wait. She told them that the physician would be notified they were there.

All the three of them could do was sit in the tiny room with the bright white walls with a few unread magazines sitting on the tables glaring at them. On one of the magazines was a picture of Nick. Jess couldn’t believe the irony of how often his face kept jumping out at her, that beautiful face.

It seemed to take forever before Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was a young doctor, about to be in his thirties. He sat in a chair that faced them. He shook Bob’s hand and nodded at Jess and Jane.

"I’m Dr. Gaynor, chief of staff of the trauma unit. Nick is still down here in the trauma ward, we should be transferring him shortly to the intensive care unit. I am waiting for the results of a few more tests before we move him. Nick is hurt very badly, but so far his body seems to be fighting. He has several injuries. I guess there really isn’t an easy way to start this. Nick was in a very bad car accident. His seatbelt probably protected him from further injuries, however, the ones he received are life-threatening.”

Jane gasped when Dr. Gaynor spoke those words. Bob put his arm around her tighter as if to shield her from the bad news.

“Nick suffered a tremendous blow to the head, cat scans show that his brain was bruised as a result of the hit. He is in a coma right now, that is basically his body’s way of protecting itself and trying to rewire his connections, so to speak. It’s too early to access whether there will be any permanent damage.”

“Oh, god, you mean brain damage?” Jessica beside herself. She couldn’t think past those words.

“Possibly, there is always that chance, but like I said, it is too early to tell. He also suffered a whiplash type of an injury to his back and the MRI shows that there is significant swelling to the spinal cord. Hopefully with the IV steroids he will be getting this may help to reduce the swelling before there is damage. It is too early to say whether anything permanent has happened there. He is on a respirator to help him breathe. He fractured his ribs on the left side and one of the ribs punctured the lung and it collapsed. We had to do surgery to open the lung back up and had to insert a catheter to help keep it open and drain the fluids to prevent pneumonia. I will be monitoring Nick very closely. The next few days will be very critical. Until he comes out of the coma his condition will be critical. Do you have any questions?”

Jess and Nick’s parents sat there, just numb. They were unable to get past the first part of the doctor’s comments of brain damage and spinal injury. Finally Jess summoned up the courage to thank the doctor and asked if they could see Nick.

"Certianly. I do want to remind you that when a person is in a coma, we feel that although they are not physically responding to you, they can hear your voice and feel your touch. It is very important that you talk to him and touch him. I will have the nurse come in to take you to him.”

The trauma nurse allowed Nick’s parents and Jessica to go in together. Jane wanted Jessica to be with them, it would be hard to face Nick and felt that since she had already seen him, that it would make it easier for them.

This time when Jess walked into the room, she was aware of more of the equipment that was connected to Nick. The respirator was still making a hissing noise everytime it filled his lungs with oxygen, but she also heard the sound of a machine that was keeping track of his heart beats. It was earie listening to the pinging noise. She did notice that when Jane cried out his name it appeared that the beats increased. Maybe she was just reading into it more than what it appeared to be.

"Jess, I didn’t realize that he would look like this. Oh, my baby,” Jane sobbed as she looked at Nick. She reached up and smoothed back his blonde hair that was still stained with blood.

“I’m just so afraid to touch him, he looks like he would be hurting everywhere. I don’t want to make him feel worse.”

“Remember what Dr. Gaynor said about Nick possibly hearing and feeling us. I noticed that the heart monitor went faster when we talk.” Jessica tried to reassure them that Nick was hearing them. She hoped that Nick was hearing them.

Jessica was startled by the noise of the ambulance as it pulled into the bay. She had fallen asleep in the lobby sometime during the night. The trauma nurse told them that they should just go home and that they would call if anything happened, but Jess insisted that she would stay at the hospital. Nick’s father convinced his mother that she should go home and get some rest and that they would come in the morning and would maybe know something more by then.

A television set was on in the corner of the lobby. The morning news was on. As Jess had suspected, the media had already found out about the accident. She strained to hear what the reporter had to say:

“Nick Carter of the group The Backstreet Boys was involved in a fatal collision yesterday afternoon near his hometown of Ruskin, Florida. Details are sketchy at this time, we will be keeping you posted as information develops.”

Great, Jess thought to herself, they have him dead. Oh no, I didn’t think about the rest of the guys, if they see this they’ll think he is dead too. I don’t have anyone’s phone numbers, but I know that Nick kept them in his wallet. I wonder if the trauma nurse has his personal affects. She got up and walked down the hall towards Nick’s room. It looked like they were preparing to move him to a new room. She stopped one of the technicians and asked if she knew where the stuff that he had on were.

“Let me get the bag for you, it should be under the gurney.” The tech bent over and grabbed a large plastic bag with the words “Tampa Bay Hospital” on the front. “Here you go, I take it that you are family?”

“Yes, thank you.” Jess took the bag. It did not contain any of his clothes, which led her to believe that nothing was left of his clothes after the accident. His wallet was at the bottom of the bag along with his id bracelet. His name was simply engraved on the front of the bracelet with Jessica’s initials engraved on the back. She picked up the wallet and got the phone number to his agent.

“Is there a phone I could use rather than the one out in the lobby? I need to let someone know that Nick is okay. The news has this stuff all screwed up.”

The technician pointed to a phone on the wall.

“Just press the first button and dial 8 to get an outside line honey.”

Jessica called Nick’s agent to let him know that Nick was not dead, it was probably the person in the other vehicle. She didn’t elaborate on his condition but requested that he pass the word onto the guys so that if they heard the television they wouldn’t be thinking the worst. She also asked them to pray for Nick.

Jess finished the phone call in time to go with Nick to his room in the intensive care unit. She looked at his face while the gurney was going down the hallway hoping to see something that would acknowledge that Nick was still here. Although the swelling in his face was going down, scrapes and cuts on his face still made Nick look like anyone but Nick. Jess ignored the mindless banter of the hospital attendants as they were in the elevator. “How could they be so cold and uncaring, joking around like that?” she thought to herself. Jess found it hard to believe how she herself could go on with the way things were right now.

After they got all the equipment hooked back up and Nick settled into his room, a resident physician came in to check Nick’s vital signs. Jess hesitated but then decided to ask what that doctor knew about how Nick was doing.

“Well, he seemed to have a relatively stable night last night, nothing popped up which is good. We will still have to keep a close watch on him for the next couple of days. Hopefully he will awake from his coma. I would like to see some other signs so that we can remove him from the respirator. The longer he needs one, we would have to change the set up,” the young resident sighed.

“What do you mean by changing the set up?

“We would do it only as a last resort, as long as Nick couldn’t breathe on his own, we would have to hook the tubes up to his throat which would require a tracheomontry. With Nick’s career being a singer, there is too much risk involved with messing with his throat and when you have to cut the throat, there is always that risk that his voice would never be the same, let alone that he could wind up never singing again. But try not to think about that, we have to think positively and believe that he will pull through this and be on his way to better things and bigger concerts. Dr. Gaynor will be in shortly to check Nick out and he will have a more clearer picture than what I would have. You may want to ask him when he comes in.”

And with that, the resident continued his meticulous job of going over every square inch of Nick making sure the equipment was hooked up right and that there were no more signs of injuries that were missed.

Jessica took a hard chair that was in the corner and sat down, staying out of the way. She waited until the doctor left and then she moved the chair closer to the bed. She touched Nick’s hand gently, noticing that his skin was still quite cold to the touch. She reached up and smoothed back his hair. Jess remembered what Dr. Gaynor had told them yesterday about people still being able to hear and feel while they were in a coma. She felt kind of silly but decided to lean closer to Nick and whisper into his ear hoping that it would stimulate some type of reaction from him.

“Hi honey, I just wanted to let you know I’m here,” Jess whispered into his ear. “Your mom and dad said that they would be coming back in this morning to see you.”

Jess noticed that the pinging noise of the heart monitor seemed to have increased in it’s rhythm. She watched the monitor as she talked to Nick again.

“I called your manager to let the guys know about you being in the hospital.”

This time she knew for sure. She saw the rate go from 76 beats per minute up to 83. She couldn’t be mistaken - he did hear her!

“Oh, Nick, I wished you would wake up,” Jess sighed as her eyes filled with tears.

Just as she finished speaking, Dr. Gaynor entered the room with Nick’s chart in his hand. He immediately went over to the bed and listened to Nick’s chest with the stethoscope. He then lifted one of Nick’s swollen eyelids and shined a penlight into the eye. Nick’s eyes were not focused and it looked scary to see him look past the light. During the night they had kept close watch on Nick doing bloodwork and checking his vitals all through the night. As Dr. Gaynor flipped to the chart, he came across something that he evidently did not like. He closed the chart, excused himself and left the room abruptly. Within minutes he reappeared with the resident and a nurse.

“I told you how important it was for you to call me if there were any changes in his condition, any. His first blood draw was 11.3, which remained stable until the last draw which showed it a 8.5, which is a significant change. I want the lab in here to do another draw stat.” Dr. Gaynor barked his orders which made the resident and the nurse scatter from the room. It did not take long before a lab tech was by Nick’s bedside preparing to take a blood sample from his arm.

Jessica watched the technician put the rubber strip to cuff off the blood flow to Nick’s arm. Just as the technician was preparing to insert the needle, Jess looked at Nick’s face. It looked to her as if he frowned with the pain. No noise was made by Nick, only the hissing of the respirator.

Dr. Gaynor reappeared in the room. He apologized for his abruptness with the staff earlier. “I always insist that they give me updates on my critical patients. I’m sorry that you had to see this scene.”

“I couldn’t help but overhear when you were talking about 11. 3 and 8.5, what does that indicate?” Jess was curious.

“It would be Nick’s hemoglobin level. A normal healthy man’s range is roughly thirteen to fourteen. An eleven point three is not unusual for someone that has sustained a traumatic injury. When the level drops to a seven or below, we have to start thinking about a possibility of internal bleeding. Depending on what the test results show, we may have to give him a transfusion to see if that will pick the numbers up.”

“I spoke with the resident earlier and I had asked him about the respirator and he told me he didn’t know how long Nick would have to be on it but then he also said that the longer he was on it that changes would have to be made, is this right?” Jessica was hoping that the resident was wrong.

“Well, yes it does make a difference how long a patient is on a respirator because we would have to go into the throat, which in Nick’s case would be very risky because of the vocal cords being right there. It would be very easy to nick a cord and hurt his voice. I would have went through the throat when he was in the trauma room, but decided against it. I’m planning on weaning him off the respirator today to see how he does. If he is still having trouble, we may have to go into the throat.”

Jessica wiped the tears from her cheeks. This was not fair, this should not have happened to Nick. She heard slow even footsteps and looked into the doorway to see Brian standing there, his face looked pale and his mouth was open as if in shock. Jess stood up and motioned for Brian to come into the room by her. Dr. Gaynor brushed past Brian on his was out the door.

Brian went up to Jess and held her in a tight hug that seemed to last for an eternity. As they pulled away, Jess looked at his face and saw tears brimming in his eyes.

Brian looked over to the bed at his best friend. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Only a few days ago Nick was over to his house playing basketball, laughing and teasing him.

“How is he? I came as soon as I heard.” Brian talked softly as if he would wake Nick up.

“Oh Brian, Nick is hurt really bad.”

“How?”

“We got into a fight and Nick left my house and drove off kinda fast. A little bit later I heard sirens and found the accident. A truck had pulled out in front of him and Nick was going too fast to stop in time. The driver of the truck was killed.” Jess cried as she told the story again.

“Oh my god, is Nick gonna be okay, what’s wrong with him?” Brian could see the obvious and it hurt to look at his friend this way.

“Nick is in a coma right now, I don’t know when or if he will come out of it. The doctor said it could be hours, days, weeks, months or never. His brain was bruised in the accident. He fractured all of his ribs on his left side which in turn punctured his left lung. His back suffered a whiplash trauma and there is swelling in the spinal cord. They weren’t sure if Nick would be paralyzed from the accident, they would know better once he came out of the coma to access his injuries. Right now they are waiting the results of a blood draw to see how his hemoglobin is. It dropped down low last night. The doctor said that if it goes to a seven or below that would mean that he could have some possible internal injuries. If the tests come back low, the doctor wants to do a transfusion. I don’t know....” Jessica’s voice trailed off as she looked at Nick again.

Brian held Jessica close. He kept looking at Nick’s face and couldn’t believe that this was his friend who was like a baby brother to him laying there helpless. Memories of the times that they have shared together went through his mind.

“Brian, the doctor said it was good to touch and talk to Nick. He said that people that are in a coma can hear and feel. Let Nick know you’re here for him.”

Brian took a deep breath. He was trying to find the right words to say to Nick. He put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and rubbed it.

“Hey buddy, I came as soon as I got the call. You sure do things the hard way you stupid----” Brian couldn’t keep his composure. Jessica pulled Brian towards her and they held each other. After a few minutes Brian wiped his eyes and looked back at Nick. He looked at the tubes going into his mouth to help him breathe.

“Oh god, Jess, I’m sorry, so sorry. This shouldn’t be the way. This isn’t fair.” Brian looked hurt and upset.

A nurse entered the room with a unit of blood. Jess knew that this wasn’t good news, that this meant that his hemoglobin was lower.

“Do you know what the results were on the test?” Jessica asked the nurse.

“Yes, it was eight point three. Doctor ordered the transfusion to see how the level goes.”

Jessica and Brian looked at each other. They both knew what they were thinking and yet would not allow themselves to think the worst. After the nurse got the IV started, Nick’s parents arrived. They hugged Jessica and Brian.

“Any news?” Jane asked anxiously.

“They said that Nick had a pretty stable night except that his hemoglobin dropped sometime during the night and that is why Dr. Gaynor ordered a transfusion.” Jessica thought about telling them what she had heard regarding the respirator but decided against giving them more bad news.

“Why did his hemoglobin level drop so?” Jane asked.

“The doctor was not sure, he said that they are watching the levels closely and that right now it is at eight point three. When Nick came in he was at eleven point five. The doctor would be very concerned if his levels went down to seven or below, then he said that there could be a possibility of internal injuries.”

“Oh dear lord,” Jane put her hand to her mouth.

Jessica and Brian left the room to give Nick’s parents some time with him alone.

“Jess, did you want me to take you back home so that you can get refreshed? It would do you some good.” Brian offered.

“I don’t want to leave Nick.”

“I don’t think Nick will be going anywhere soon--”

“But I want to be here when he wakes up.”

“I can’t argue with you on that one, but really, you should go home and at least shower and change or you will scare him.” Brian teased. He was trying hard to make Jessica smile.

“Oh, thanks. Yes, I guess it would be better to go now, I don’t think he will be waking up within the next couple of hours.

Brian and Jessica went back into Nick’s room to tell Bob and Jane that he was taking Jessica home to shower and change. Jess leaned over the bed and touched Nick’s hair and then gently kissed his bruised cheek. She hugged the Carter’s goodbye and then left with Brian.

The Florida sun hit Jessica’s face as they walked out the front entrance. She squinted and was momentarily blinded by it’s brightness. Once her eyes adjusted, she glanced over at Brian and noticed that he had already had his sunglasses and ball cap on. It was a way of life for these guys lately to hide their faces. Nick didn’t have to worry too much about being seen, Jess guessed it was his mannerisms - he didn’t seem paranoid, but neither does Brian.

There was a small group of people on the front lawn that were standing and holding candles and pictures of Nick. Jess could hear Nick’s voice singing. It was strange.

“It’s funny how it never takes long for fans to find out where you guys are.”

“Yeah, sometimes it can be pretty annoying.” Brian was relieved to think that the group on the lawn didn’t recognize him. They seemed to be checking everyone that entered and left the hospital. It may be the way Jess and he were walking together, arms linked. No one would suspect him being there anyway.

“Could you have found a parking place further away?” Jessica teased Brian.

“Hey, it was the only one I could find and I sure as hell wasn’t going to use the valet - now there would be an instant clue as to Nick being here once someone found me out. I hate using valets anyway, you can’t imagine the stuff they could do in your car.” Brian looked at Jess and winked.

The ride home for Jess was long. She did not like being away from Nicky and was afraid that something would happen while she was gone. When Brian pulled up to her house, she literally jumped from the vehicle and yelled back, “Come on in and make yourself at home,” while she went through the front door. Brian shrugged his shoulders and got out of the car and followed her in.

Jess took the fastest shower in her life. She was going to dry her hair but decided that would take too long and opted for it to dry naturally on the way back. She pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans and a loose tee shirt. She knew that it was necessary for her to be comfortable and not fashionable so she didn’t really care how she looked. She brushed her hair out and applied her make up and grabbed some extra things and shoved them into a bag.

“Okay, I’m ready to go.” Jess announced when she entered the living room. Brian was sitting in the lazy boy watching MTV. “Wow, that was fast. Hey, they have an update on MTV news about Nick.” Brian turned up the volume.

“Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was involved in a serious car accident Saturday afternoon. One person was killed as a result of the accident. Carter was taken a Tampa area hospital were he is currently in critical condition. We will keep you updated as further information is released.”

“Oh, thank you for the privacy. This will be great now. Do you know how many people will be hanging out at the hospital?” Brian was disgusted with the report. It really was a violation of Nick’s privacy.

“We’ll just have to make the best of it. Come-on, let’s go.” Jess pulled on Brian’s arm. Jess asked Brian to drive down the street where the accident happened.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Brian looked at Jess worried.

“Yes, I need to . Are you okay with doing it?” she almost forgot that it could be difficult for Brian.

“Yeah, I can do it.”

Jessica and Brian were quiet all the way there listening to the radio. Brian had it on the oldies station and Jess closed her eyes while she was listening. Nick almost always had his stereo on the oldies.

As they approached the intersection, Jessica could see long screech marks where Nick had applied the brakes in vain. There were flowers on every corner, it looked like some kind of shrine. There were a few girls standing around and it looked as if they were crying. They had a few minutes to look at the intersection since they had to wait for a red light.

“I can’t figure out how that guy just pulled in front of Nick, it looks like he would have a clear view of the traffic from all sides.” Brian sighed.

“Brian, we will never know what that man saw, we can’t blame him for what happened, his family is grieving also, we just have to accept it and go on.”

Brian nodded slowly in agreement, thinking of what Jess had said while looking at the intersection. There were pictures of Nick and flowers on every corner. Some girls were standing off to one side crying.

“I called Leighanne this morning after I found out. She is out of the state visiting her family. I don’t expect her to be coming back here for another few days. She wanted me to tell you that she will be praying for you guys.” Brian was trying to think of something to lighten up the ride back to the hospital. He needed to talk or he was afraid he would lose his composure.

“I’m glad you called her. I will be anxious to see her when she gets back. She is really a crazy person, isn’t she?” Brian smiled, “Yeah, she can be cute at times, but that’s why I love her so.”

As they pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, they noticed that the front lawn was filled with people. It was something they both knew would happen once the accident was out on the news. Brian seemed to be a little nervous when they parked the car. He put his baseball cap on the opposite way he usually wore it and put his sunglasses on. Jess knew that he was afraid he would be recognized and that all hell would break out.

“Just walk with me and stay close. Act like we’re in no hurry and pray like mad.” Brian told her before they got out. Jess nodded and took his arm.

They had to walk through a crowd that was gathering at the front entrance and Brian knew that all it would take is for one person to recognize them and it would start a panic. He looked down at the ground as he was walking. Jess felt a little nervous walking with Brian towards the crowd and held onto his arm a little tighter.

“Ohmygod, it’s Brian.”

Jessica’s heart skipped a beat. Brian did not waste a minute stepping up the pace and getting into the door. Once they were inside, they were safe because of the hospital security. They went to the elevator and waited so they could get on.

Once they got to the fourth floor they felt a little more secure. When they walked towards Nick’s room, a hospital security guard was standing outside of the doorway. He stopped Brian and Jess before they could enter the room. The door was closed so there was no way anyone would be able to walk by and look in. As usual, Nick’s fame was costing his privacy.

“I need to see some type of identification before I can let you in. You need to be approved.” The guard was very tall and muscular, looking as if he were a bouncer in a bar at night. Brian dug in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and handed the guard his driver’s license. Jess pulled her license out of her billfold. The guard looked at the licenses and then at Brian and Jess. He had a clipboard which had names. He verified that Jess and Brian were okay to go into the room. Jessica asked the guard if there was some type of pass she could wear since she would be in and out of the room during Nick’s stay at the hospital. The guard told her that he would check into it and get back with her.

As Brian and Jess opened the door, a nurse was trying to leave. Once inside, they saw Nick’s parents at his bedside, his mother was holding his hand. They looked over at the door when it opened.

Jess walked over to Jane and hugged her. She went to Nick and kissed his cheek.

“Any change?” Jess asked.

Jane shook her head. “The nurse told me that Dr. Gaynor would be coming in to see us in a few minutes. Maybe he has the results of the blood draw that they did on Nick while you were gone.”

Jane’s face was pale and drawn. It upset Jess to see her that way. She knew how close Nick was to his mother.

The hissing of the respirator seemed to mock the silence of the room. I hope Dr. Gaynor comes in to tell us that Nick can go off that thing. Jess thought to herself. Each hour that goes by with Nick on it was against him.

Brian went up to the foot of the bed and squeezed Nick’s foot. Everyone in the room silently knew that Brian was trying to get some type of reaction out of Nick.

“Hey buddy, wake up.” Brian shook Nick’s foot. “You’ve been sleeping long enough.”

Everyone looked at Nick while Brian tried in vain to wake him up. The only reaction they got from Nick was the heart monitor jumped it’s pace up a little. The respirator still kept the same sickening rhythm.

Just as Brian touched Nick’s foot again, Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was holding Nick’s chart and was thumbing through the papers. The chart was already thick from all the tests that Nick was having.

“We did another blood draw and have the results back from the lab. I wanted to wait for an hour before we did the draw to see how the transfusion would take on Nick. When we did the transfusion, the hemoglobin levels were at 8.5. The new levels are at 7.9 which is not good news. I’m afraid that we are going to have to take him to surgery. I suspect that there may be some internal bleeding that has to be stopped. We could keep giving him more units of blood, but if he is bleeding internally, it could cause more harm than good crowding his organs with blood. He will be going down to the O.R. in about an hour. Are there any questions?” Dr. Gaynor scanned the group surrounding Nick’s bed.

“Do you have any idea what or where the bleeding is?” Nick’s father spoke with his voice breaking.

“I wish I did. With Nick being unconscious, he is unable to tell us where it hurts and so that makes the puzzle a little more difficult to solve. Try not to worry, I wouldn’t make him go through this unless he absolutely needed it with him being in critical condition.”

Dr. Gaynor shook Bob Carter’s hand and nodded at Jane. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

Jane started crying. Brian and Bob had tears filling their eyes. Jess stared at Nick’s bed. No one wanted to say anything. They all silently prayed.

They waited in the surgical waiting room for three hours hoping for some type of news. Each time the volunteer at the reception desk picked up the phone they held their breath hoping that it would be their turn to be notified. Finally his name was spoken: “NICK CARTER’S FAMILY, NICK CARTER.”

Jessica winced at how loudly the woman said his name. She felt all the eyes in the room on them as they approached the desk.

“You can go to surgical consult room number 3 down the hall and to your left,” the receptionist cheerfully told them.

They crowded into the small waiting room. There were a couple of boxes of kleenex on the table and a few magazines. Again one of the magazines had a picture of Nick on the cover. Jessica was hoping that this would be a good sign, she was tired of having bad things happening to Nick.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room still in his surgical clothes. He looked tired.

“We found the bleeding, Nick had a couple of lacerations on his liver that needed to be repaired. We had to give him two more units of blood during the surgery and I irrigated and suctioned all of the blood that had filled his abdomen.” Dr. Gaynor talked fast.

“So how is he now?” Jane asked quietly.

“He’s in stable condition. He’ll stay in surgical recovery for about another half hour and then they will take him back to his room. We will keep checking his blood levels a few more times today and if everything looks alright, we will taper those tests down.”

Nick’s father stood up and shook the doctors hand as he was leaving. “Thank you, Dr. Gaynor.”

When the doctor left the room Nick’s dad suggested they go to the cafeteria and get something to eat.

“I’m not very hungry,” Jane stated.

Jess nodded in agreement but decided it would be good for them to at least get a cup of coffee and sit together. As they walked down the hall towards the cafeteria, Jessica noticed that some of the people that were walking by were pointing and whispering. She held Brian’s arm tighter and felt safer by doing that.

They sat at a booth in a darker corner away from people. No one got anything to eat but had decided to have coffee.

“I hate being away from Nick right now.” Jess sighed as she looked at her cup.

“I know Jess, but you shouldn’t let yourself worry so much. He will be okay, he’s got to be. This surgery is the thing that will make him better, it’s no wonder why he has been in a coma.” Brian tried to console her.

“I hope you’re right.” Jessica replied.

“As soon as Nick is back in his room, we’ll leave for awhile once we know he’s settled in.” Jane said. “Jess, you should try to go home and get some rest too.”

Jessica shook her head. “No, I couldn’t rest, I need to be here with Nick. I don’t think I would feel better anyplace else, besides, I wouldn’t want him to wake up alone and not know what was going on.”

Brian looked at his watch. “I think Nick should be back up right now. I plan on leaving with Bob and Jane, it’s better in a group, if you know what I mean.”

They went back up to the fourth floor. A security guard was keeping vigil outside of Nick’s door which was a good indicator that he was back in his room. As they approached the door, the guard stood up and again requested identification. They all complied.

“Did you find out about getting passes so we don’t have to go through this every time we go out, not that I don’t appreciate what you are doing,” Jess wondered.

“Yes I did ma’am.” The guard produced green badges with a chain that they could put around their necks. The tag was simple and said visitor clearance level 5. He handed one to Jessica and one each to Nick’s mother and father.

When they slowly walked into the room, they were all afraid of what they would be greeted with next. Jessica noticed right away that the sound of the hissing of the respirator was gone. She looked at Nick’s face and was shocked to see that the tubes that were going into his mouth to help him breathe were gone. The tubes were replaced with oxygen being supplied with tubing placed near his nose.

Jessica went to the bed and held Nick’s hand. The swelling seemed to have gone down quite significantly since the surgery. His face was still so bruised and his mouth looked sore from having the tubes in it.

Brian went up to the bed and gave Jess a hug. He then touched Nick’s shoulder. “Hey buddy, how ya doin’?” Brian wasn’t expecting Nick to answer him, but was hoping that he would respond.

Bob and Jane kissed Nick. “Jess said that she would be staying with you,” Jane spoke softly as she smoothed Nick’s hair from his forehead. “Your dad and I will be coming back again later. Love you.”

Jess hugged Nick’s parents goodbye. When Brian hugged her, he gave her a tight squeeze and whispered in her ear, “Call me if you need anything, even if you need to talk.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks.”

As they left, a nurse came into the room with new IV’s and other apparatus. Jess watched her change the IV bags and put medication into Nick’s IV line. The nurse looked at Nick’s face while she was administering the medication.

“Did you want to have the television on or music?” the nurse asked Jess. “The silence can be a little nerve-wracking and besides it’s good for the patient.”

“Either one is fine, I guess.” Jess didn’t care, she wouldn’t pay too much attention to either one, she was too preoccupied.

“I suppose if we put music on and got ‘N Sync that would irritate Nick enough to get up and turn it off, you think?” the nurse smiled as she was trying to make a light hearted joke.

“It probably would. I guess TV would be fine.” Jess smiled.

The nurse gave Jess a remote control for the television and turned it on. While they were talking, another nurse came in to draw blood since they were still keeping track of his hemoglobin levels. When the nurse put the needle into his arm, Nick made a soft moaning sound. Everyone in the room looked at each other and then at Nick.

“Nick can you hear me?” the nurse asked. There wasn’t any response from him.

“Is this a good sign?” Jess asked.

“It could be, I don’t know his full history, but any sound coming from a patient is an indicator that he could be waking up. I’ll have a resident come in and look at him.” The nurse left the room quickly.

Once again, Jess was in the room with Nick by herself. She pulled her chair up closer to him. Suddenly, Nick’s arms went up to his face in an almost defensive type of a position as if to shield his face from something. His eyes were still closed.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh,” Nick let out a hoarse yell.

Jess stood up and tried to pull his arms away from his head.

“Nick, it’s okay, it’s okay. Shhhh.” Jess tried to calm him down in a soothing voice. She managed to pull his arms down at his side. She looked at his face. His eyes looked wild with fear. They darted around the room quickly. Nick looked at Jess and it looked like he was looking past her.

“Nick, it’s okay, I’m here with you,” Jess tried again to calm him down. While she was talking to him she noticed that the heart monitor was beeping rapidly meaning that his blood pressure was soaring. She pushed the nurse call button.

Nick looked at her and around the room again, this time a little slower and he seemed to be focusing a little better. Nick turned and looked at Jess again. It looked as if he didn’t know her, it was a strange look on his face.

The nurse came into the room.

“He just woke up, but he seems to be very agitated.” Jess tried to fill the nurse in.

The nurse saw that the monitor was beating rapidly. “I’m calling his doctor.” Just as the nurse turned, the resident physician entered the room.

“The patient just woke, he seems to be lethargic and his pulse is rapid.” the nurse reported to the resident.

Nick stared at the medical staff as if they were creatures from another planet. His face showed fear. Jess tried to calm him down by holding his hand. She noticed that his skin felt cold and clammy and that his face and hair was soaked in sweat.

The resident rattled off some type of drug that needed to be administered stat. The nurse nodded and headed out the door. The resident checked the machines but didn’t touch Nick. After a few moments, the nurse appeared with a syringe. Nick still looked as if he had seen a terrifying scene when he looked at the doctor and the nurse. The nurse was preparing to inject the medication into Nick’s IV when he tried to push her away with his free arm. Jess stood up and tried to hold his arm back. It was pretty easy to do since Nick was weak from the injuries. Within a few seconds as the drug began to go into his bloodstream, Nick relaxed and his arm dropped.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was able to access Nick now that he was unconscious. The heart beats were normal again and Nick looked peaceful.

“What is wrong with Nick, why did he act that way?” Jess was scared and confused. The first thing that popped into her head was the mention of the brain injury and the chance of brain damage. This definitely was not Nick.

“Jess,” Dr. Gaynor spoke as he sat in a chair. “You remember that Nick has been through a lot with this accident?”

Jessica nodded her head in agreement.

“And you remember that he took a pretty good blow to his head when he hit the steering wheel and the door. I believe that Nick’s reactions right now can best be described as “shell shock”. In otherwords, when you have had a serious event happen to you, and your body, sometimes the system is so overwhelmed that mixed messages are sent and the responses are out of order.”

“The nurse said that he was lethargic, what does that mean?” Jess anxiously asked.

“When you are lethargic, that is when you have a head injury and you are not appropriately responding to outside stimuli. It can happen when you have a concussion, which would be one of Nick’s injuries. You appear to be here physically, but your brain is still asleep, it’s almost like sleepwalking. He could have been hallucinating. We have given Nick something to calm him down and rest, so that he can gradually wake up again. I was concerned that he would do more damage to the surgery he had or injure something else further.”

“How long do you think he’ll be asleep?” Jess wondered.

“I’m not sure, he may not wake up until tomorrow. I think it would be a good idea for you to go and take a break young lady, this would be a good time to do that since I can honestly tell you that he will not wake up again for hours.” Dr. Gaynor smiled and patted Jess on the hand.

Jess stood up and kissed Nick’s cheek. She decided to walk outside and get some fresh air to clear her head. Once she got off the elevator and walked out the front door, she saw the large group of Nick’s fans that were standing on the front lawn keeping a vigil. Jess was glad that she was still an “uncelebrity” and that no one knew that she was Nick Carter’s girlfriend.

She heard someone in the crowd talking, “Hey, I think that’s the girl I saw walking in with Brian Littrell. Do you think she’s Nick’s girlfriend?”

Jess kept walking as if she didn’t hear the girl. It would be only a matter of time before they would figure her out.

Jessica heard moaning coming from Nick which woke her from her sleep in the oversized chair in the ICU. She stood up and smoothed his hair back from his face. Nick’s eyes fluttered open and his eyes focused on her face. His eyebrows furrowed and she could tell he was confused.

“Hi sleepyhead. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Jess smiled at Nick.

Nick opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Where am I?” Nick’s voice was barely audible.

“You are at Tampa Bay Hospital, you were in a car accident.”

Jess looked into Nick’s eyes to see if anything was registering. Nick licked his dry lips and tried to speak again. “What happened?” His voice was still weak, it was hard to hear him.

“You went out for a drive, to clear your mind, like you usually do, except that you were going a little fast and a truck pulled out in front of you, he ran a red light and hit you on your side of the car.” Jess explained.

Nick opened his eyes slowly and turned his head gingerly and looked at the equipment that was by his bed. He turned and looked at Jessica. He appeared to look her over. He licked his lips again and then cleared his throat. “Was anyone with me?” he asked hoarsely.

“No, you were in the car alone.”

Nick closed his eyes again. Jess could tell his eyes were moving under the lids. “Are you thirsty?” Jess asked.

Nick managed to nod his head slightly. “I’ll press the nurse button and see what we can do for you. How are you feeling?” Jess was hoping he wasn’t in a lot of pain.

Nick didn’t answer right away. It seemed to be that he was accessing his body. His response was limited. “My head hurts and my side and stomach.”

The nurse came into the room. “Yes? Oh, I see we are awake now. How are you doing?”

Nick smiled weakly. It wasn’t even a smile. “K.” that was all he could manage to say.

“Could he have some ice chips or something? His mouth is dry.” Jess asked the nurse.

“I think we could do that for him. I’ll be right back.”

Nick closed his eyes. He was so tired, he had never felt this tired in his life. He drifted off to sleep. By the time the nurse came back with his ice, Nick was already sleeping. She put the cup on the bedstand and used the opportunity to check his vitals again and the IV’s. She smiled as she walked out of the room.

Jess decided to call Bob and Jane and Brian and let them know that Nick was out of the coma. She walked down the hall towards a lounge. She looked at the clock and saw that it was past 11:30 p.m. She hesitated on calling Nick’s parents because they would be sleeping. “I should call them and wake them up anyway, I would want to know that my child was getting better.” Jess thought to herself as she dialed their phone number.

“Hello,” it was Bob Carter that answered the phone. He did not sound as if he had been woken up.

“Hi, Bob, this is Jess.” Jess waiting for a response from him before she continued.

“Yes, Jess, Hi. How is Nick, any change?” Bob asked anxiously.

“Yes, that’s why I am calling. Nick finally woke up about an hour ago! It was good to see him awake. He is pretty weak, but he seems to be fine.” Jess excitedly told Nick’s father.

“Oh, that is good news. So there doesn’t seem to be any brain injuries?” Bob asked.

“No, he did have a problem the first time he woke up, he didn’t act like himself at all, but the doctor gave him something to put him back to sleep and when he woke up the next time, he was fine.”

“So he can move, I mean, his spine isn’t injured?” Nick’s dad was anxious for the news.

Jess stopped before she answered, that was the one thing that Nick didn’t mention and she didn’t ask. She tried to recall quickly whether she saw his legs move or not. She must have because she would have remembered if she didn’t.”

“I guess, we didn’t really talk about that and Nick didn’t say anything about his legs. He said his head, side and stomach hurt.” Jess hoped that this would satisfy Bob.

“Oh, that’s good news. I’m glad you called. Is there anything you need?” Nick’s dad asked.

“No, I’m fine. So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jess asked.

“Count on it, we will be there sometime after 9:00. Thanks again for the good news. Bye.”

“Goodnight.” Jess replied and then hung the phone up.

She pulled another thirty-five cents out of her pocket and dialed Brian’s number. His answering machine picked up the call. That was not unusual for the guys to do that, they were constantly getting calls from girls that discover their numbers. She listened to the dull message on his machine: “Hi, you have reached 497-6695, please leave your name and message at the tone, thanks.”

“Wildcat, are you there, this is Jess.” Jessica had to use the code word so that Brian would pick up his phone. All of the guys had code names when they were screening their calls. Nick’s was Gooch. What a stupid nickname, Jess thought to herself.

“Yeah,” Brian answered. He sounded like he was asleep.

“Hey, it’s me, Jess. I wanted to let you know how Nick was doing.” Jess waiting to see if Brian was more alert.

“Oh, hi. How is he?”

“Much better, he’s come out of the coma about an hour ago. I just called his parents to let them know. Oh, Brian, it was so good to talk to Nick again. I was so scared.” Jess poured her heart out to Brian. She repeated the same story to him that she shared with Nick’s parents.

“Can he move at all?” Brian asked.

Jessica was starting to get scared. That seemed to be the only question she could not answer. She couldn’t remember if he did move his legs. She knew that he was moving his arms.

“Yeah, I guess so. I was so happy to hear him talk, I didn’t really notice him moving his legs. He complained that his head, stomach and side hurt so he must be okay.” Jess answered with a worried tone in her voice.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he is okay, you know Nick...” Brian’s voice trailed off. “I plan on stopping in again tomorrow. Kev will be coming along with me. Is there anything you want me to bring along?” Brian offered.

“No, I’ll be okay.” Jess really needed a change of clothes, but she felt silly asking.

“You don’t sound too sure of yourself, what do you need?” Brian asked, “I told you anything you need, I can get you.”

“It’s silly, or I guess stupid, could you grab on of your tee shirts or something, I just need to change, I don’t know what I was thinking when I went home with you the other day.” Jess talked quickly, she was embarrassed.

“Not a problem, and you were thinking the same thing I was thinking, that Nick would be okay and coming home quickly. We will take care of you, remember, we’re family.” Brian reminded her what all the guys in the band say. They are a close knit group and watch out for one another.

“Thanks Brian.” Jess sighed.

“You’re welcome. Hey, give Nick a big squeeze on his foot and tell him it’s from me. I would tell you to give him a kiss, but well, I would rather do that in person. It’s more meaningful.” Brian laughed.

“Will do, Brian. Bye.” Jess laughed.

“C-ya later.” Brian hung the phone up.

Jessica walked back to Nick’s room after she stopped at the pantry on the floor to grab a cup of coffee. As she approached the door to Nick’s room, there were two girls dressing hospital garb talking to the security guard.

“But we’re from housekeeping and we need to go into that room.” Jess could tell right away that they did not work for the hospital, that they were fans.

“Where are your id badges then?” the guard asked impatiently.

“Uh, we forgot to put them on before we left home.” the girls said in unison.

“Sorry, no id, no entry. Have a nice night ladies and you better leave the hospital before I have you removed for trespassing.”

Jessica was walking towards the door and the girls were looking straight at her. Their mouths dropped open when Jess walked past them and opened the door to go in. Privately, Jess laughed inside. It was great to be able to do that.

Nick was still sleeping when she sat down and turned the television on. He started to stir as she sat down. Jess muted the volume on the TV thinking that was bothering Nick.

Nick softly moaned. She looked over at him to see if there was a problem. He opened his eyes slowly.

“Hey babe.” Jess softly spoke to him.

Nick turned his head slowly towards Jess. He could smell the coffee and that’s what woke him.

“Is the TV bothering you? I’ll turn it off if it is.” Jess offered.

Nick shook his head slowly. He swallowed and tried to form words to talk. “It’s k.” He spoke very quietly and you could tell how weak he was.

“Did you want some of your ice now?” Jess looked at the cup. It was filled with water, the ice had melted.

Nick nodded.

“I’ll go get you some fresh ice, be right back.” Jess got up quickly. She set her coffee cup on the bedstand. She hurried to get back to the room before he drifted off to sleep again.

Nick watched her walk out of the room. He was still having a hard time remembering what happened to him. The last thing he remembered was playing basketball with Brian. He could not remember the car accident. As he laid there, he checked out his body mentally. The first thing he did was run his tongue over his teeth, as if to do an inventory to see if they were still there. He noticed that his tongue hurt to use.

The next thing Nick did was move his arms and looked at the cuts and scrapes on them. He knew his side and stomach hurt, but he didn’t know why. He looked down at the foot of his bed. It was then that he noticed that he didn’t have any feelings in his legs. He tried to move his feet but there wasn’t any response at all. He took his hand and touched his thighs, he could feel them with his hand but his legs didn’t feel anything. “Oh my god, what is going on?” Nick thought to himself. “This is not real, I don’t understand this.”

“I’m back.” Jess announced when she came back. She looked at Nick and could see the worry on his face. “What’s wrong, Nicky?” Jess asked.

“How am I hurt?” Nick was barely able to get the words out. Jess had to strain to hear the words.

“Um, first, I want to take some ice,” Jess tried to use that time to think of how to explain his injuries. Nick opened his mouth to take some ice. All Jess could think of was a baby bird with it’s mouth open.

“When you were hit, your head hit the steering wheel and the car door, and you were in a coma for about a day and a half. The accident happened on Saturday afternoon, it is now Monday morning. The doctors were concerned that because of the swelling on the brain that there could be some brain damage.” Jess looked at Nick to see if he was understanding. Nick kept looking at her taking in all of the information. She continued, “You broke all of the ribs on your left side, which would account for the pain on your side and one of the ribs punctured your left lung. They had to put a tube into the lung to drain the fluids from it and to open it back up. Then they had to take you to surgery yesterday morning because you had some internal bleeding. You had some cuts on your liver that they fixed.” Jess did not want to offer any more information. She was hoping to skip the part about his spine hoping that there wasn’t a problem with that.

“What about my legs?’” Nick asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Jess knew what was coming and she was afraid of getting emotional, afraid of concerning Nick.

“I can’t feel them.” Nick look scared.

“You can’t? That um, that could be temporary. Dr. Gaynor said that you bruised your spine in the accident. It must still be swollen, I mean you can move your arms so it must be a matter of time before your legs will be working. You’ve been through so much Nick and it hasn’t been that long. I’m sure we’ll know more in the morning.” Jess tried desperately to soothe Nick. She kissed him on the cheek.

Nick closed his eyes. It looked like he accepted that idea for now. Jess was hoping that what she said was true. “It has to be true, Nick would not be the same if he couldn’t dance, perform.” Jess thought to herself.

The late news was on and Jess turned the volume up a little when a picture of Nick was on the TV. She listened intently to the newscaster:

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is in critical but stable condition following a two car fatal accident near his home in Florida Saturday afternoon. Witnesses say that a pickup truck driven by Wayne Henderson of Plant City ran a red light and slammed into the vehicle driven by Carter. The driver of the truck died at the scene. A hospital spokesperson stated that Carter had underwent surgery to stem internal bleeding and he remains in a coma.

Jessica knew that the information the television provided was old, Nick was out of the coma now and looked pretty good. Hopefully tomorrow will bring more good news for a change. She dialed up a few channels and stopped on MTV. They were playing the latest BSB music video. Jess’s heart skipped a beat watching Nicky dancing. He was so fun to watch. He practiced so hard on perfecting the moves to that video. He was having so much fun doing it.

When the video ended, the V-jay was updating Nick’s condition:

Nick Carter was injured in a fatal two-car accident near his home in Tampa, Florida. He was injured when a driver of a pickup truck ran a red light and hit Carter’s vehicle on the driver’s side. The driver of the truck was killed instantly. Carter was transported to Tampa Bay Hospital and was reported to be in a coma earlier, but a hospital spokesperson reports that he is coming out of the coma and is responding to questions. We will keep you updated on his condition as details unfold.

They showed a picture of the hospital with the crowd that had gathered and was keeping a vigil. Then there was a clip of Brian and Nick’s parents leaving the hospital.

Brian Littrell and Bob and Jane Carter left the hospital early Sunday afternoon. Littrell is a close friend of Nick Carter’s and was keeping vigil after the accident.

Jess could tell that Brian was nervous walking from the hospital. In the video clip she could hear fans screaming. She felt sickened to think that at a time like that girls were still stalking the guys.

Jess was startled by the noise of the door opening. A nurse was coming in with new IV’s and a syringe. “Do you know what time it is?” Jess asked the nurse quietly.

“It’s 7:15.” the nurse answered back quietly.

Nick started to wake up. He looked over at the nurse that was pushing medication through his IV. She smiled at Nick. She was looking at her watch while she was injecting the medication.

“How are you feeling, need anything?” she asked Nick.

Before Nick could answer, another nurse appeared in the doorway. She also had a syringe. “Jill, I’m here to take another draw,” the short blonde nurse announced. She was dressed in a smock that had the Barney the dinosaur prints on it.

“Hey Nick, look, it’s Barney.” Jess teased.

“Ha ha.” Nick answered back dryly. It was barely audible.

The nurses laughed along. It was hard to make small talk with their patient. They knew his celebrity status and felt a little intimidated by it.

As the nurse put the needle into Nick’s arm, he winced. “Oh, I’m sorry honey,” the nurse replied.

The IV nurse was finishing up and asked Nick if he needed anything for pain. Nick nodded. He felt worse since he woke up. His stomach was hurting.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. He was doing his usual morning rounds. “Good morning, I’m glad to hear we have someone back with us this morning.” Dr. Gaynor smiled at Nick.

“I’m Dr. Gaynor, I was on call when they brought you in Saturday.” The doctor rubbed Nick’s shoulder when he spoke. He set the chart on the bedstand. “I’ve been anxious to examine you once you were awake. You can tell me more this way then when you were unconscious.”

Dr. Gaynor started to do the vitals, listening to Nick’s chest, checking his eyes and ears. Then he started doing tests that he had not been able to do before. He took a pen light and held in front of Nick’s face.

“Follow the light with just your eyes.” Dr. Gaynor instructed.

Jess watched Nick’s eyes as they tracked the light perfectly.

“Okay, now can you drop your chin to your chest like this?” Dr. Gaynor demonstrated by lowering his chin to his chest in one motion.

Nick tried to copy the motion but could only get his head partway down.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about not getting it all the way down, that’s to be expected right now.” the doctor tried to reassure Nick and Jessica.

The doctor then pulled the blankets back. He asked Jessica to turn away for a moment while he checked Nick’s incision.

“OK, you can look back again. I just needed to look at the incision to make sure everything was doing well.”

The doctor then pulled the blankets all the way back exposing Nick’s legs. He pushed down on Nick’s right big toe.

“Nick, can you push back on my hand?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

Jess looked at Nick as he tried. His eyebrows were drawn and he struggled to move the hand. Dr. Gaynor tried the same thing with his left foot, without success.

“I would like to order some more tests to see what is going on and how his spine looks. There was quite a bit of swelling when he was admitted and we may have to change the dosage of the steroid we are using to reduce the swelling.” the doctor explained.

“Nick, it is a little too early to be concerned about your not being able to move your legs. Your body went through a traumatic injury and the body needs time to heal. The tests could reveal a few more things that we may have missed and I would like to look at them before I make any more decisions. Are there any questions you have for me?” Dr. Gaynor asked as he stood up.

Both Nick and Jess looked at each other. The doctor answered any question they would have when he talked about paralysis and the possibility that it may be temporary.

“I know you’re anxious to be one hundred percent better, but these things take time. When you are starting to feel better, we will want to start physical and occupational therapy.” the doctor stated.

“How long until then?” Jess asked.

“I would expect no earlier than the end of the week if things go okay.” Dr. Gaynor responded.

“How does Nick’s bloodwork look?” Jess was hoping that it was improving.

Dr. Gaynor took the chart from the bedstand and thumbed through it. “Well, the most recent draw shows his hemoglobin level at ten point eight, which is still low, but he is improving. I expect that the latest draw should come in the same or a few points higher.”

“Anything you need, Nick?” Dr. Gaynor asked before he was leaving.

“He asked the nurse for something for the pain and she hasn’t come back yet.” Jess answered.

“Where do you hurt, Nick?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

Nick tried to speak up. Nothing came out the first time. He swallowed and then managed to say, “My stomach.” Nick was very weak and the words barely came out.

“He is still so weak, is this normal?” Jess was concerned.

“It will take some time for Nick to get his strength back.” Dr. Gaynor responded. “I’ll see if that nurse is coming back with the medication.”

Dr. Gaynor left the room. Jess smoothed Nick’s hair off his forehead. “I’m sure the nurse will be in soon.”

Just as Jess finished, a nurse did return with a syringe. She injected the medication into the IV line.

“Would you like to get a fresh gown on and maybe get cleaned up a little?” the nurse asked Nick.

“Yeah.” Nick mumbled.

“I’ll bring the things in and Jessica can wash you up, unless you would rather someone else did it,” the nurse inquired.

Nick was shocked to think of some stranger giving him a sponge bath. “She can.” Nick smiled at Jess weakly.

“When can he get his hair washed?” Jess asked the nurse. His blonde hair was almost dark brown from the blood that had stained it.

“We could send someone in to do that for you. We have a kit that can be sent up. Would you like to have your hair washed?” the nurse asked Nick in an upbeat way.

Nick managed to nod his head slightly.

“Okay, I’ll put a call in for that and hopefully it will be here quickly. I’ll be back in a sec with the stuff for him to get cleaned up.”

“Would you like the TV on or listen to some music? Something to take your mind off being washed by yours truly?” Jess winked at Nick.

“TV is k.” Nick answered back.

Jess turned the TV on as the nurse came back with the supplies for his sponge bath. She told Jess that the basin to wash his hair was on the way and she would be back in to do that.

Jessica went over to the sink with the tub and filled it with warm water. The nurse supplied her with a washcloth and some baby bath and baby powder. She made a mental note to go down to the pharmacy later to get some toiletries for Nick. She came back and set the tub on the bedstand and started by gently washing Nick’s face.

“Let me know if I hurt you, I’m scared to do this.” Jess said as she washed where his face was scraped the worst.

“Feels good.” Nick whispered. He closed his eyes while she washed him and dried him off, a section at a time. She got done with his feet when there was a knock at the door. It opened slightly.

“Is it okay to come in with the basin?” the nurse asked from the other side of the door.

“Yup, I’m just finishing his feet.” Jess replied.

The nurse walked in. “Don’t you feel better, Nick?” she asked as she walked over to the sink.

Nick smiled. He did feel good, it was amazing how good he felt after something so simple.

The nurse set up the basin and did the tedious job of washing his hair. The water was brown from the blood that was being rinsed out of it. After she shampooed his hair and rinsed it twice she gently toweled it dry.

“I’ll bet that feels good. I can’t stand it when my hair isn’t washed everyday, bet you were going crazy.” the nurse was making idle conversation to put Nick at ease. “Now you’ll be up for your family to come and see you.”

Jess looked at Nick’s face. His cheeks had better color in them since the bath and his eyes seemed to look brighter. She could tell by looking at him that he did feel better.

The door opened slowly and Brian’s face peeked around it. “Is it okay to come in?” he asked sheepishly.

“Sure, come in.” Jessica stood up.

Brian walked in the room followed by Kevin. Nick was asleep. Brian hugged Jessica and then Kevin went to her and gave her a tight hug.

“How are you doing?” Kevin asked.

“Okay.” Jess looked up at him. He was so tall, but Nick was still taller.

Both boys walked over to Nick’s bed. Kevin looked at Nick’s bruised face. It was the first time he had seen Nick in over a week. They were on a mini vacation before they would leave on for their new album release.

“How long has he been sleeping?” Brian asked. He was anxious to talk to Nick. He didn’t want to wake him up.

“About an hour. His mom and dad were here a while ago and he fell asleep while they were here.” Jess spoke softly.

“Anything new in his condition?” Brian asked.

“The doctor wants to do some new tests to find out the extent of any permanent damage to his spine. He is hoping that maybe a new steroid will help with the swelling and that may be the whole problem with his legs.”

Nick coughed. He was starting to wake up. His eyes slowly opened and he looked at Kevin. He looked puzzled to see him standing there.

“Hey Chaos. How ya doin’?” Kevin smiled at Nick.

Nick managed a smile at Kevin. He slowly turned his head towards Brian and Jessica.

“Nicky, my boy.” Brian smiled. “I’ve been waiting to talk to you. You’ve had us pretty worried.”

Nick’s response was a smile back at Brian. He slowly closed his eyes and opened them again. The drugs that he was getting was making him very sleepy. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open and talk.

“Hey.” Nick finally was able to get the word out. Kevin touched his friend on the shoulder. He knew it was hard for Nick to talk right now. As he looked at Nick he had to fight back the tears that he could feel burning his eyes. It was hard for him to take this. Nick was too young to have anything like this happen.

“How are you feeling?” Kevin asked Nick.

“Road kill.” Nick joked. Everyone laughed. Nick was still cracking jokes even though he was feeling crappie. That was Nick, he hates to see anyone down.

“Seriously?” Brian asked.

“He should feel pretty damn good.” Jessica snapped back lightly. “I gave him a sponge bath this morning, he refused the chance of having a nurse give him one.”

The guys looked at Nick.

“Is this true, Nick? I can’t believe you passed the chance on a gorgeous nurse toweling your body down, you must of got hit in the head really hard,” Brian joked.

“Hey, wait a minute, I think I can be just a gorgeous as any damn nurse, and maybe better than any damn nurse. I give courteous professional service.” Jessica interjected.

“True, I guess Nick was afraid they would have sent in some 450 pound woman to attend to his needs.” Kevin replied.

They laughed at Nick’s expense. Nick smiled a half-hearted smile. There was so much he could say back, but he didn’t have the energy. Just as things died down in the room, an orderly came in.

“I need to take you down for some tests, can I see your wrist?” the orderly kept his head down and didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the room. He acted painfully shy.

“What tests?” Jessica asked.

“He needs to have an MRI, CT scan and few other tests with contrast or dye.” the orderly stated.

Nick’s nurse came into the room as the orderly was verifying the information on his chart with Nick’s hospital bracelet.

“Sorry, we have to steal Nick for a while. These things always seem to happen when you have company, never fails,” she apologized. “Jessica, I think it would be a good idea for you to take a breather, Nick will be gone for a few hours from his room and you can’t accompany him into the rooms for the tests, don’t you think so, Nick?” the nurse looked at Nick for approval.

“Go on.” Nick said softly, “I’ll be OK.”

“Yeah, Jess, you can come with Kev and me. We’ll take you somewhere to rest. Nick will be okay.” Brian pulled at Jessica’s arm.

“Are you sure you want me to go?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick nodded his head slowly. He closed his eyes. Jess touched his shoulder. Nick slowly opened his eyes and looked into her eyes. Jessica bent over and gave Nick a soft kiss on the lips.

“I love you, Nick. I’ll be back soon.” she whispered into his ear.

of Nick smiled faintly. “Love you too.” No one could hear what he said, but Jess could read his lips.

Brian, Jess and Kevin waited until they took Nick in his bed out of the room to the elevator.

“Are ye ready to go, miss?” Brian asked Jess in a corny Irish accent.

“Sure,” Jess replied.

“Ok, let’s hit the road.” Kevin opened the door for Brian and Jessica.

They got on the elevator and Kevin and Brian put their hats on and sunglasses. They were preparing to go out in public. Jessica couldn’t help but laugh. When she looked at them all she could see was Kevin and Brian.

“What’s so funny? “ Brian asked her with a puzzled look on his face.

“Nothing, it’s just that I know it’s you guys, you wouldn’t fool me one bit.” Jessica laughed.

“Hehehehe.” Kevin imitated her laugh. “Remember your smart remarks when we get to the car, funny girl.”

The elevator stopped on the lobby floor. All three of them walked out and through the crowd in the lobby. So far so good, Brian thought to himself as they got to the front door. As soon as they opened the door, the roar of the crowd on the front lawn hit them.

“Ohmygod, it’s Brian and Kevin,” some girls screamed in the crowd.

“Hold on tight Jess, we’ve gotta make a run for the car.” Brian shouted as they started to run. He knew from experience that the crowd was going to rush them. Sure enough, when they started to run, there were several girls chasing them screaming and crying.

They made it to Kevin’s car and no one wasted time arguing about who was going to drive, sit in front or whatever. They slid in and Kevin started the car and put it in reverse. He didn’t care about the people that were standing behind the car, he knew that they would move.

They sped out of the parking lot and onto the busy street. Kevin and Brian both glanced at each other and high-fived.

“Is this what you guys go through a lot lately?” Jess asked.

“Just recently,” Brian said. “The fans know that we would be at the hospital visiting Nick, so naturally, they are looking for us and scrutinize every body that walks past them. When you put a good looking guy like me, with an old man like Kevin, well, you do the math.”

“Hey, that’s uncalled for.” Kevin shot back.

Jessica laughed at them. They made her feel good. For a few moments she forgot about Nick being so sick.

“How about grabbing a bite to eat, Jess you up for it?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I guess I am a little hungry.” Jessica answered.

“Where do you wanna go?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t care, you’re the driver,” Jessica told Kevin.

“Awh, I hate making decisions like this. What are you hungry for? Jess, Brian?” Kevin tried to take the pressure off of himself.

“I don’t care.” Jess and Brian said. “Come-on, I want to know,” Kevin sounded irritated. “I hate deciding. Brian, you make up your mind, you always are the one that does when we’re on the road.”

“No I don’t, Howie does.” Brian answered back.

“Well, Howie isn’t in the car now, is he?” Kevin shot back sarcastically.

“Then I’ll call him.” Brian picked up his cellphone.

“You guys are both morons.” Jessica laughed as she watched Brian dial the phone.

“Damnit, he isn’t answering his phone. Must be in the shower or something.” Brian said when he shut his phone off.

“Well, we could drive around for a few hours to kill time and then we can run out of gas and starve to death, what’s it gonna be?” Kevin was pleading by now.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Jess snickered.

Kevin shot a look at her in his rearview mirror. “Don’t make me turn this car around and head back,” he teased.

“I’m hungry for a nice juicy steak,” Brian decided outloud.

As luck would have it, they were stopped at an intersection with an Outback Steakhouse located 500 feet away. Kevin wasted no time pulling in.

“Glad that’s decided.” Kevin said as they found a parking spot. The restaurant looked crowded.

They walked into the restaurant and were seated right away. There was a mixture of age groups in the restaurant. The older ones didn’t seem to notice Kevin and Brian, but the younger ones....

“Um, hi, could I get your autographs?” a girl who appeared to be around fourteen stood at the table holding onto a napkin and a pen.

Kevin and Brian looked at each other. Brian took the girl’s napkin and pen and signed his name quickly. Kevin did the same after Brian. As the girl was leaving, they saw a few more kids heading over to the table. “Man, this could go on all through dinner, Kev. Ya know we shouldn’t of signed her stuff.” Brian sighed.

Just as the girls were getting closer to their table, they were cut off by the manager of the restaurant. They could hear him tell the girls that they needed to sit down and leave us alone. The girls turned away and went back to their seats.

“Sorry about that,” the manager came over to their table and apologized for the intrusion.

“Thanks.” Kevin and Brian said together.

Their waitress came and took their orders. Brian told her that it was to be on one check and that Kevin was getting it. Kevin smiled at Brian with a look that said “I’ll get even with you later.” They spent the time waiting talking like Australians making jokes in an accent. Jessica forgot about how junior high school acting these guys can get to be.

“Eh, look over there, that lady, the one with the blue hair, it’s me mum.” Brian said in an Aussie accent.

Jessica rolled her eyes while she laughed at Brian. “You guys are too retarded.”

“Why thank ye mate.” Brian replied. When they got served their food and was part way into the meal, a man appeared and took several quick photos of the group.

“Hey, we’re eating, do you mind?” Kevin was visibly angry.

The photographer left the area quickly when the manager escorted him to the door.

“I hate when that happens, I know that we are going to be photographed, but not while we’re eating, for crying out loud.” Kevin was still peeved about the paparazzi.

When the meal was finished and they were leaving the restaurant, there was a group of photographers across the parking lot. Cameras simultaneously flashed. Kevin, Brian and Jess focused on getting to the car and getting out of there.

Jess, Kevin and Brian were relieved when they made it to the hospital elevator. The crowd had grown and there was a lot of screaming when they ran to the hospital doors. As long as Jess was with them when they got to Nick’s room, they wouldn’t have to stop by the security guard for entry.

When they got off on the fourth floor, they saw that there were five girls standing with the security guard trying to get into Nick’s room. The girls stared in disbelief as they watched Brian and Kevin walk past them with Jessica. Jess pointed to her badge around her neck in a discreet manner to clue the guard in on her privileges without having to stop.

They found Nick sleeping once inside the room. Brian and Kevin quietly found a chair and sat down on one side of the bed so that Jess could be with Nick on the other side.

Nick had the television on so at least they had something to do besides stare at Nick while he was sleeping. The station was on MTV and by coincidence, they were showing a Backstreet Boys video. Jess watched Nick on the TV dancing to their new song, I Want it That Way which had been released recently. She wondered how long it would be before Nick was able to perform again, or if he would be able to perform again.

“That was a lot of fun with the fans in the background.” Kevin said softly. “Nicky was so shy around them, I think he was kinda afraid that he would get sucked into the crowd even in a controlled environment where we were filming. Some bad memories take a long time to go away.”

Kevin was talking about the time they were on tour in Orlando. Some fans got over excited and Nick bent over on stage to take some stuff the girls had held up for him. When he reached out, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him into the audience. It didn’t take much time for the security to respond and grab Nick and pull him to safety and back onto the stage. Except for getting a good bruise on his butt, Nick was okay and a little shaken.

Nick moaned softly. He opened his eyes and looked at Brian and Kevin sitting beside him. He smiled.

“Hey Nick, how you feeling?” Kevin asked.

“Sore.” was all that Nick managed to say.

Jessica leaned over and gave Nick a kiss on the cheek. His skin felt hot. Jess looked at him closer and noticed his face was flushed.

“Are you warm, Nick?” Jess asked.

“No, cold.” Nick whispered.

Jessica pulled the covers up to get him warmer. This was the answer she was hoping Nick would have told her, he was shivering and she knew that he was chilled.

“I think I’m gonna call your nurse to come in and take a look at you, I think you may be running a temp.” Jessica prayed that her assumptions were wrong.

Jess pressed the call button and the nurse entered the room almost instantly. She was holding a syringe which meant that she was planning on coming in before Jess had hit the call button.

“ESP.” Brian commented.

“I was coming in to give Nick his IV meds, the doctor ordered a change in the steroids we were giving him.” the nurse stated as she was pushing the medication into the IV line. Was there something Nick needs?” she looked up at Nick briefly.

“I thought Nick looked a little flushed and he feels hot to me. Nick says he’s cold and he was shivering too. Am I being over-concerned or what?” Jess ran the words together because she was so nervous.

“Okay, when I’m done with his IV I’ll come back and check his temperature.” the nurse said as she was still pushing the IV. “Nick are you comfortable as far as pain?” she asked.

Nick made an attempt to shrug his shoulders. He didn’t know if he was comfortable or not, his chest hurt and his stomach. Nothing really changed as far as pain since he had been awake from his coma.

“Would you like something for the pain?” the nurse asked.

Nick nodded. He didn’t like getting pain medication because it made him so sleepy, but everything they had given him so far made him tired anyway.

The nurse left and was back with a thermometer and a syringe for pain medication. She took the thermometer and inserted it into Nick’s left ear. A beep went off almost instantly. She looked at the reading and reset it and tried it again. The beep went off quickly again.

“What it is?” Jess wondered.

“It’s one hundred four point two.” she replied.

Jessica could tell that she was concerned. Nick was burning up, the fever was much too high which could mean that he was fighting an infection of some type.

She gave Nick his pain medication through the IV line. No one talked in the room while she was working. When she finished, she left the room.

Nick stared at the television sleepily. The medication was starting to slowly work. Pretty soon he would be asleep again. He was trying to fight that part of the medicine but was losing the battle. His eyelids were getting heavy.

“That’s okay buddy,” Brian talked to Nick. “Go ahead and rest, you need it.”

Nick accepted Brian’s suggestion without question. As he drifted off to sleep he was startled awake by a stabbing pain in his arm. He opened his eyes to find a lab technician beside him drawing more blood.

“Ohgod.” Nick muttered. He was getting sick of all the tests that they were doing. It seemed like an endless cycle of x-rays and lab tests. When were they going to stop this shit. Nick thought to himself. He knew that they were only doing this for the good of his health, but enough was enough. If he could get up out of the bed, he would and walk away just to escape all of it.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” the tech asked Nick.

“No, I’m just tired.” Nick spoke up. Jessica was kind of startled at how much more clearer his voice was this time and it was more than two words.

“Why are they taking more blood, I thought they were happy with doing a blood draw once a day for his iron levels.” Jessica was trying to defend Nick since it seemed he was getting tired of the whole thing.

“The doctor ordered this test a little bit ago. I’ll have his nurse come in if you have any questions.” the tech replied as she took the vial of blood and shook it and then labeled it and put it back into her cart.

Just as the tech walked out of the room the door was opened wide and the portable x-ray machine came into the room. The x-ray technician was an overly friendly man who cheerfully announced that he needed to take a picture of Nick’s chest.

“Oh god not this again.” Nick hated having that x-ray taken because of how they had to position him and move him. His ribs were still healing but moving was painful. It hurt to take a deep breath when he would want to speak up.

“Sorry dude, doctors orders.” The tech smiled as he got the film and placed it behind Nick’s back.

“I need you people to step out into the hall, for your safety.”

Jessica, Brian and Kevin walked out into the hallway while the technician took the films.

For your safety, Nick thought to himself, what about my safety?

As he was enduring the x-rays, Jess, Kevin and Brian stood out in the hallway across from Nick’s room. Nick’s nurse walked over to them to tell them what was going on.

“I called his doctor after I saw that his temperature had gone up and he wanted some blood tests and x-rays to rule out a few things.”

“What does he suspect?” Brian asked.

“A rise in his temperature could indicate many things such as an infection, pneumonia, anything. He wants to look at the tests before he can determine what is going on.” she replied. “I will make sure you know as soon as we know.”

The x-ray tech wheeled the machine out of the room. Jess wished she could ask him what the films looked like but knew that he would not tell her. The group walked back into Nick’s room only to find him laying there with his face distorted in pain.

“Is there something I can get you?” Jess asked Nick.

All Nick could do was shake his head. It hurt to breathe. He was blaming it on the x-rays not knowing that something terrible was going on in his body. He coughed and moaned after he coughed.

Brian and Kevin decided that it would be best for them to leave so that Nick could get some rest. They each said goodbye to Nick either by grabbing his shoulder or messing his hair.

Jess got up and hugged Brian and then Kevin and thanked them for coming up and staying with them for awhile.

“Call us and let us know.” Kevin said as they were leaving.

“See you later.” Brian smiled at Jess and Nick.

Jessica had drifted off to sleep in the chair beside Nick’s bed. She woke up when she heard Nick coughing and the warning bell on the oxygen monitor. The level numbers had gone down to an 86 satuation level. Jess tried to wake Nick up so that he would quit coughing and take a few deep breaths.

Nick woke up still coughing and trying to catch his breath. It hurt with each gulp of air that he took. The air seemed to sear his lungs.

A nurse burst into the room and saw the oxygen levels and immediately turned up the oxygen that Nick was getting and hit the code blue button behind his bed. Within minutes a team of medical personnel were in Nick’s room and surrounded his bed.

Jessica stood back from the bed and watched from a corner in the room. She watched in disbelief as the medical personnel were working frantically on Nick. From where Jess was standing she could still see Nick’s face. She could tell that he was no longer conscious and that his lips were a bluish-gray. She put her hand to her mouth, “Oh my god, he isn’t gone, he can’t be gone.” Jess thought to herself as she looked at Nick. He looked to her as if he was dead.

The next thing she saw them do made her start to cry. They pulled Nick’s head back and inserted a breathing tube into his throat.

“Oh, please not this again, she thought. He’s supposed to be getting better, not worse.”

Once the device was in place and the machine started pumping oxygen into Nick’s lungs, the color returned to his face and mouth. Most of the medical personnel remained in the room checking the apparatus and Nick. His nurse came over the Jess to talk with her.

“Honey, he’s stable now,” the nurse said as she put her arm around Jessica.

“What’s happening to him?” Jess was shocked.

“We had to put another tube down into his throat to help him breathe. Nick has developed pneumonia and was unable to breathe and that’s what caused his attack. We needed to get oxygen to him quickly and tubing him was the only way to go other than going cutting his throat and putting a tube in there,” the nurse knew how important it was to avoid the throat and said something to the medical personnel when they were working on Nick.

“How long will this have to stay in?” Jess knew that Nick would freak when he awoke to find tubes in his mouth.

“Hopefully not too long, they will wait to see how Nick does when he wakes up and check his lungs. We are going to put a stronger antibiotic in his IV to try to push the pneumonia out. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Nick’s nurse excused herself as she walked out the door.

Jessica walked over to the bed and stroked Nick’s hair away from his forehead. She hated the hissing sound of the respirator. It almost was as if Nick was back to where he started and wouldn’t get better.

It had been several hours since Nick had been asleep. Jessica heard Nick moving in the bed and looked over to see him grab at his mouth at the tubes. His eyes were open and looked wild with fear. He looked at Jessica wanting to talk to her.

“I know, they had to do this because you were suffocating. Now that you’re awake, maybe they can take it out for you. Don’t try to fight the machine, let it work for you.” Jessica said as she hit the nurse call light.

Nick panicked when he woke up with the tubes in his throat. It was a terrible feeling not to be able to talk, swallow or breathe on your own. He was scared and wondered what was happening to him.

As the nurse entered the room, Jessica did not waste a second informing her that Nick was awake. The nurse did an about-face and left the room. She was back in a minute with a resident physician and they grabbed gloves and walked on either side of Nick’s bed. The nurse assisted the physician and told Nick to relax so they could take the tubes out. She put her hand on his forehead and moved it back so that his chin pointed upwards. The resident wasted no time in taking the tubing and gently pulling it out of Nick’s mouth.

Jessica watched Nick’s face as the tubes came out of his throat. Once the tubes were out, the nurse put the green oxygen tube back into Nick’s nose and then watched to see what the oxygen saturation levels peaked to. If they didn’t stay where they should be, they would have to put an oxygen tent around Nick.

His levels stayed at 94 percent, they weren’t the greatest, but they would do for now. The nurse was glad they wouldn’t have to do anything more to Nick at this point.

“Is there anything you need, honey?” the nurse asked Nick as she was preparing to leave the room.

Nick opened his mouth to speak, his throat felt weird after having the tubes in his throat. He tried to clear his throat, but was having difficulty in doing so. The nurse walked over to the sink and drew a glass of water for Nick and came back and had him take a sip.

“No thanks.” Nick replied hoarsely.

“I know you’re feeling pretty weak, Nick, but with your pneumonia, you should try to take deep breaths and you should try to talk more. I’m gonna check with Dr. Gaynor and see what he thinks about trying to get you to sit up today. I think you’ve been laying down too long.” The nurse left the room.

“Wow, wouldn’t that feel good to sit up?” Jessica asked Nick.

“Great.” Nick replied half-heartily. All he could think of was how much it would hurt and that how would he stay up if he can’t feel his legs yet.

Not too much time had gone by when the nurse cheerfully entered the room with another nurse.

“Good news Nick! We’re going to try to have you sit up a little bit.”

“How?” Nick was puzzled. He couldn’t imagine those two tiny women trying to move him around.

“We need you to help us, we don’t plan on doing all of the work now.” the nurse replied as she was slowly raising the back of Nick’s bed. “Let me know if you start to feel dizzy.”

“Whoa, stop.” Nick was already feeling woozy when the bed started to push him up.

“It’s okay we’ll go slow, you tell us when you’re ready.”

They waited and watched Nick’s face. He looked pale. He didn’t want to move anymore.

“Can we stop here for now?” Nick wanted this to stop, he was scared and didn’t feel comfortable with not being able to feel from the waist down. He didn’t know what to expect.

“Sure. Let’s leave your bed up like this for awhile and give your lungs a chance to open up somemore. How are you feeling?” Nick’s nurse asked.

“Okay, I guess,” Nick replied quietly. He wasn’t sure how he felt.

“Good, then we’ll leave you up for awhile and we’ll come back in a little bit, okay?” the nurse asked.

“Fine.” Nick answered. He looked around his room from his new vantage point. Everything looked different to him at the new angle. He looked at Jessica. She smiled at him.

“One step closer, eh?” Jess was trying to encourage Nick.

“Yeah, I guess.” Nick replied. His attention got distracted when a commercial blared loudly on the television. It was for MTV:

Backstreet Boys new album, Millennium which debuted last month has topped the charts. The boys will be kicking off their American tour in two weeks. Join us as we will be interviewing Nick, AJ, Howie, Brian and Kevin, Monday, June 26 at 8:00 p.m. eastern and central.

Jess looked at Nick. This was almost like a stab in the heart. Things had been scheduled months ago. How was the band going to deal with this? There was no way Nick would be well enough by next Monday or in two weeks.

“I guess this will give me something to shoot for.” Nick said quietly.

“Nick, you’re crazy, how could you possibly be ready to tour, let alone interview when you can’t even sit up by yourself yet?” Jessica tried to reason with him.

“Watch me.” Nick answered bluntly.

Nick woke up after an uneventful night and looked over at Jessica curled up in a chair trying to get comfortable. He wished he could get out of the bed and cover her up, she looked cold and so alone in that chair.

Nick stretched and yawned. He noticed something new going on with his body, there was a tingling feeling in his toes. It was like a pins and needles feeling, but nonetheless, it was a feeling.

“YES.” Nick cheered out loud.

Jessica woke up when she heard Nick. She looked over at his bed and found him grinning ear to ear. She hadn’t seen him that happy for quite a few days.

“What’s up, something good I suspect?” Jessica smiled.

“I can feel my toes! This is great, I can feel my toes!” Nick kept saying it over and over.

“Can you move your legs?” Jess asked.

“I dunno, I haven’t tried.” Nick’s face twisted in concentration as he tried to move one of his legs. The only response that he got was a spasmatic twitch of his left foot.

“I’m not sure if that’s what I intended to do, but hey, it’s starting to work.” Nick was proud that his feeling was returning.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room. “Good morning Nick, how are you feeling today?”

“I can feel my toes.” Nick responded.

“You can?” Dr. Gaynor went over to the foot of the bed and squeeze Nick’s foot. “Can you feel me squeezing your foot?”

“YES!” Nick was so happy.

“You must be feeling better, You are talking a lot more.” Dr. Gaynor observed.

“Well, the nurse said it would be better for me to try and talk a little more even when I don’t feel like it.” Nick sounded like he was apologizing for speaking.

“And she was right. Let’s see here.” Dr. Gaynor was flipping through Nick’s thick chart. “We are trying to push the pneumonia out of your lungs. The tests we did the other day indicated that your spinal cord was still swollen and we were trying different steroids to see if that would do the job. If you are feeling your toes, I think the steroids are doing the right job.” Dr. Gaynor smiled.

After doing his assessments on Nick he opened the chart and wrote something hastily on it.

“I am going to start physical therapy for you today. We had talked about Friday being the earliest for you to start, but I think you’re coming along well so the sooner the better. How’s that sound to you?” Dr. Gaynor asked Nick.

Nick was anxious to start getting his life back on track. “Suits me fine, doc.” He smiled as he responded.

“Are you feeling hungry?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

“I’m starving.” Nick replied.

“Good, we’ll start you on a gradual diet, can’t start you off on Big Macs and fries, you have to work your way up to it.” Dr. Gaynor wrote more things down on Nick’s chart. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wow, I can feel my toes and I can eat! SWEET.” Nick was happy that things were finally starting to go towards the positive instead of having all the bad things happening.

“Don’t get too excited about eating yet, you haven’t seen what they’re gonna bring in.” Jess replied from experience. “Do you like jello?”

“Babe, right now jello sounds like heaven.” Nick didn’t care what he was getting, he just knew that this meant that he was on the road to recovery and eating would help him get his strength back.

There was a faint knock on the door. “Come in.” Nick replied.

A tiny, shy food service worker came into the room with a tray. Jessica could tell by looking at her that she was probably a Backstreet Boys fan and was trembling to think that she would get this close to Nick Carter. She walked towards him with the tray and set it down on his bedstand. She smiled nervously.

“Thank you.” Nick smiled at her.

“You’re welcome.” the girl responded. She looked as if she would faint from being acknowledged.

“Oooh, look, green jello.” Nick was checking his tray over. The tray looked big and dwarfed the tiny items that he had been brought to eat. There was jello, clear chicken broth and hot tea.

“Yum, yum. I never knew you would grow to love those things, Nickolas Carter.” Jess laughed.

“I don’t care, I’m just pretending that this is pizza.” Nick said as he started eating.

Jess watched as he ate. It was so good to see him upbeat and alive. She prayed that he would get strong soon. Maybe seeing that commercial on MTV sparked something in Nick.

“Would you like to call Brian today and talk to him, or do you want him to come and see you?” Jess asked Nick while he was eating.

“I don’t care. What do you want?” Nick asked.

“I’m fine either way, but if you don’t want them over to visit, we should at least call him.” Jessica answered.

“I’ll think about it. We need to see what they plan on doing with me today.” Nick was excited to think that maybe he would be getting out of bed. He was tired of laying on his back.

“Hi Nick,” Nick’s nurse walked into his room. I’ve got good news for you.”

“Hi.” Nick replied as he was pulling his covers trying to smooth the blankets out.

“We are going to move you from ICU to a new room today. I don’t think that you will be needing all of this attention now that you are feeling better. This is one good step into recovery, but unfortunately, this means that I won’t be your nurse anymore. Don’t worry though, I will be keeping tabs on you.” The nurse winked at Nick and Jess.

“How are they gonna move him?” Jess wondered outloud.

“Well, by wheelchair, of course.” The nurse replied.

Jess and Nick looked at each other.

“Wow, I get to go for a ride.” Nick didn’t look too certain about that. He could feel his toes, but still couldn’t really move his legs.

“You don’t sound too sure about that. Don’t worry, I have moved people worse off than you, haven’t lost one yet.”

“Do you know what room he’ll be in yet?” Jessica wanted to know so they could let Nick’s parents and the guys know where he would be.

“It said on his chart room 6265, so he’ll be on the sixth floor. He will have a private room, of course, and the security will go up to that room now.”

“Security?” Nick asked.

“Of course, once word leaked out where you were, there was all sorts of commotion and people trying to come in here and see you. I thought you knew.” The nurse told Nick. She was kind of shocked herself to think that Nick wouldn’t realize the type of hysteria he could cause, but then she thought that showed how down to earth and an uncelebrity Nick could be.

“Oh, Nick, you should see the front lawn to the hospital, there are so many people out there. It’s gotten pretty hairy for Brian and Kevin. They had a hard time coming and going the last time they came to see you.” Jessica explained.

“Wow.” Nick said outloud as he was taking in what Jessica was saying. He couldn’t believe that this was happening for him. He tried to keep his thoughts even and not let it go to his head.

An orderly appeared with a wheelchair. “Are you ready to move?” He asked Nick.

“He hasn’t been out of bed by himself yet, I think we’re gonna need help.” Jess suggested to the muscular orderly.

“His nurse was supposed to be here behind me. Let’s get the chair set and ready to go. She should be here in a minute.”

The orderly put the chair next to the bed as close as he could get it. The nurse entered the room.

“Okay Nick, we’re going to do this slowly. I want you to raise the back of your bed to a sitting position.”

Nick slowly raised the bed.

“If you feel funny, stop, though.” The nurse watched Nick’s face as he was moving the bed.

“So far so good.” Nick replied.

“Okay, now Matt and I are going to take care of you. I’m going to put my hand on your back as you scooch your butt over to the side of the bed. This will keep you from falling back. Don’t worry, nothing will happen.”

Nick leaned forward and tried to turn himself by his butt. He slowly but successfully managed as the orderly was holding onto Nick’s upper arm.

“Okay, now here’s the tricky part,” the nurse thought outloud. “Dangle your feet over the side of the bed.”

Nick complied to the command. They had him sit there for a few moments while the orderly held onto Nicks arm. The nurse scurried around to the other side of the bed and unplugged Nick’s IV and moved it to the side of the bed that he was facing.

“Do you think you’re ready to go to the chair?” the nurse asked Nick.

“I guess so.” Nick was scared that he was going to fall.

“Okay, no surprises, on the count of three we’re gonna lift you from the bed and move you to the chair, okay?” the nurse asked before they continued.

Nick nodded yes and took a breath in.

“Okay, one, two, three.” They slid Nick off the bed and into the wheelchair in one sweeping motion. The Nurse and the orderly placed Nick’s feet on the footrests on the chair and she then took the oxygen tubing off of his face.

“How are you feeling?” She looked her patient over, she could see his legs were shaky.

“Weak,” was all that Nick could manage. He felt hot and then cold. His legs were shaking and he couldn’t stop them.

The nurse grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Nick’s legs.

“I’m gonna have you sit here a few minutes before we move you.” The nurse made sure that they had all of the equipment in place before they started to move Nick.

As they pushed Nick out into the hallway, he looked at the surroundings. He had not been out of his room for a few days and that was on a stretcher, so things looked different to him. Nick noticed the tall security guard standing by the door in the hall.

“Isn’t it nice to be able to sit up?” Jessica smiled at Nick.

Nick responded with a smile back at her. The elevator ride to his room was slow as they got stopped at each floor to let other hospital employees on and off. When they finally got off on the sixth floor, the orderly pushed the wheel chair to the end of the hall to the last door on the left. A security guard was already standing outside of the doorway.

Once they entered the room, Nick couldn’t believe all of the flowers, balloons and beanie babies that were surrounding the entire room.

“These have been waiting for you for quite awhile, you can’t have anything in ICU so they had been holding them for you up until now. Isn’t it neat?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick sat in the chair staring at all of the stuff in the room. He didn’t know what to think or say, he just sat there with his mouth hanging open.

“Well, aren’t you gonna say anything?” Jess asked.

“Wow.” was all Nick could managed. He was overwhelmed to think that there were so many people out there that cared about him.

The orderly pushed the wheelchair close to the bed and put down the safety levers to prevent the wheels from moving.

“Are you comfortable right now or would you like to lay down?” he asked Nick.

“Is it okay to sit up for a little longer?” Nick asked. He was hurting, but the thought of laying back down in the bed at this point didn’t appeal to him.

“I suppose it won’t hurt to sit up for a little bit. I’ll be back in about 10 minutes or so.” with that, the orderly left Nick and Jessica alone.

Jessica walked around the room looking at the cards on the flowers. A lot of the flowers had been sent by fans. There were a few that were from close friends and relatives of Nick’s.

“Hey, you’re not allergic to pollen or anything, are you?” Jess asked Nick.

“I don’t think so.” Nick wasn’t sure. “I guess we’ll find out if I am.”

They heard talking out in the hall. Nick looked at Jess and motioned his head towards the door for her to see if she could see who it was. She jumped up off the bed and walked over to the doorway. It was AJ., Brian, Kevin and Howie. Jessica stood in the door and told the guard that they were okay to come into the room. As the guard thanked her, the boys walked into the room.

“Holy shit, look at all of this stuff!” AJ. said outloud.

“Hey Nicky, how’s it going?” Howie walked up to Nick and patted him on the head.

“Hey, you’re looking a lot better than when I left you the last time, dude.” Brian gave Nick a hug. “It’s good to see yah sitting up for a change, bet it feels good too.” Brian winked at Nick.

“Yeah, it feels different.” Nick replied. He was starting to hurt more and could feel his legs starting to shake. He was hoping that no one could see it under the blankets.

AJ and Kevin were touring Nick’s room checking out all of the stuff that had arrived in his room. It was twice the stuff that they had ever gotten while they were on stage. They felt like there were in a gift shop.

“I’ve never seen so many flowers at one time. Boy Nick, you must be pretty popular with the FTD guy right now.” Kevin joked.

Nick managed a half-hearted smile. He looked over at Jess hoping that he could make some type of eye contact with her to let her know he needed help. She was looking at beanie babies with Howie.

“Hey buddy, is something wrong?” Brian picked up on the pain in Nick’s face. He had a knack for reading what was on people’s minds without having to hear them speak.

“Um, I think I need to lay down.” Nick said softly.

Everyone in the room turned around and looked at Nick when he was talking. Jess noticed that his color was drained from his face and his lips were almost chalky looking.

“Push the call nurse button. Nick, do you feel faint?” Jess asked.

“Yeah.” Nick mumbled the words. The room was starting to get dark and hazy. He had fainted before so he knew what was coming. He started to feel sick to his stomach and dizzy.

Brian reached out just as Nick started to fall forward. He caught him and prevented him from falling out of the chair and hurting himself. An orderly appeared in the door just as Nick slumped in the chair.

“Whoa, I guess he wasn’t ready to sit up this long.” the orderly stated as he brushed past Kevin and AJ. He walked over to Nick and literally picked him up out of the chair and placed him into the bed. He put a blood pressure cuff on Nick’s arm and started the machine to check his pressure.

The color started coming back into Nick’s face as he was waking up.

“Nick, are you okay?” Jessica asked him.

Nick opened and closed his eyes slowly. His face was soaked in sweat. It was taking him a few minutes to register where he was and what had happened.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just hurt.” Nick replied.

“I’ll have your nurse come in and see you.” the orderly said as he was leaving the room.

All of the guys in the room kept glancing over at Nick to see how he was doing. He looked like he had been running the quarter-mile race and lost. As the nurse walked into the room the guys moved off to the side to keep out of the way.

“Hi, Nick, I’m your nurse, Andrea. How are you feeling?” the nurse was wearing dark purple scrubs and white tennis shoes.

“Not great.” Nick replied.

“I want you to rate your pain level on a scale of zero to ten with zero being no pain at all and ten as get me to the emergency room right now, I can’t stand it.” the nurse asked Nick softly.

“Nine.” Nick said.

“Where are you hurting?” the nurse asked.

Nick pointed to his stomach and his left side. The nurse pulled his gown off his left shoulder while she was telling him that she wanted to check the bandages.

A bandage on his stomach had a small spot of bright red blood on it.

“I’ll be back with some pain meds and I’ll need to change that bandage and take a closer look at the incision.”

The nurse left the room and the guys watched her leave. AJ was the first one to comment about Nick’s nurse.

“Not bad, dude.” AJ said slyly.

Nick didn’t reply back, he attempted to stick his tongue out at AJ.

“Oooh, that hurt!” AJ teased.

The guys laughed at Nick’s attempt to make a joke. As the nurse returned to the room, Brian pulled Jess aside to talk to her.

“How have you been doing?” He looked directly into her eyes.

“Oh, I’m okay.” Jess replied.

“I’ll bet you haven’t eaten since yesterday when Kev and me took you out, have you?”

“No, but I’m okay.” Jessica answered. She had been so preoccupied with Nick that food was the last thing on her mind. She was entirely devoted to watching Nick thrive and getting better.

“No, you’re not okay, you need to eat or you’ll be in a bed beside Nick. Once the nurse is through here, I’m taking you someplace. I’m sure one of the guys will stay here so that Nick’s not alone.” Brian insisted.

“No, really, I’m okay. I’ll get something later.” Jess promised.

“Liar, I know you better than that. I am going to make sure you eat even if I have to force feed you, do you understand?” Brian asked her quietly.

Jess resigned herself to the proposition. She had no other choice and she knew that Brian wouldn’t let it rest until she did what he wanted her to do.

After the nurse changed Nick’s bandage and gave him his medication through the IV tube, she left the room.

“Hey, Nick, would it be okay if I took Jess to go get something to eat, she hasn’t eaten since early yesterday and I want to make sure she eats.” Brian asked Nick.

Nick looked at Jess. “Oh, god, I didn’t know, I guess I wasn’t thinking about you---”

“Don’t apologize, I’m fine Nick and you shouldn’t be worrying about me.” Jessica cut him off.

“I want you to go with Brian, he’ll make sure you do what you’re supposed to do.” Nick knew that Brian would take good care of Jess. It upset him to think that she wasn’t taking care of herself.

“I’ll stay here with Nick,” Kevin offered. “You guys go ahead and go with them.”

Just as the group was preparing to leave, Nick’s family came into the room. After they talked with them for a few minutes, Kevin decided that he would go with the rest of the group so that Nick’s family could have some time with him.

It was a challenge this time as they left the hospital grounds. There was no way that these guys could slip out incognito this time, especially with AJ and his tattoos walking out the front door. They had all decided on the elevator to stick together and make a run for Howie’s car, wherever that was.

“I hope you remember where you left it.” Jessica joked.

They were doing silly things to each other on the elevator and Jess still couldn’t help but think of her years in junior high and high school. These guys acted as if they still were in school - the actions, the way they talked at times - it was hard to believe that these guys were superstars and could have the world at their fingertips.

They literally ran out the front door and to Howie’s car which was parked halfway into the parking lot. There was a lot of screaming going on from the front lawn. Once safely inside the vehicle, Jessica said that sometime when Nick was ready, she was going to take him to a window so he could see this crowd that had gathered to keep a vigil at the hospital.

Howie already knew where Brian wanted to go for lunch, so there wasn’t any arguments about where they were heading. Jessica sat in the back seat between Brian and AJ. They were talking amongst themselves about different things with the business.

Jessica decided to bring up a question for them, “What’s going to happen with the tour since Nick is too sick to go on it?”

Brian patted Jessica’s leg. “It has been postponed darling, I thought you’d known that, it would be impossible to tour without Nicky.”

“Nick saw on MTV the other night that you guys were scheduled to do an interview with them premoting your new album. You’re still planning on doing the interview, aren’t you? I mean it would be stupid for you guys to abandon everything while Nick is sick.”

“I guess we hadn’t thought much about that stuff, we probably shouldn’t cancel it.” Howie said.

“I wonder if Nick would feel up to being in the interview?” Brian thought outloud.

“I don’t know about that Brian.” Kevin interjected. “I mean, he’s still a bit banged up and he’s not walking yet.”

“Well, if he felt up to doing the interview, we could have the crew come to the hospital. All I have to do is call our agent and he can make the arrangements.” Brian responded.

“You remember that the interview is live. What if Nick starts to feel faint or sick or something?” Kevin was always the sensible one in the group and always pointed out all of the possible things that could go wrong.

“You remember that this interview isn’t until Monday, that is four whole days away, I’m sure Nick will be a lot better by then, right Jess?” Brian winked at Jess.

“Oh, yeah, right.” Jessica wasn’t sure if it would be true or not, she was praying that it would be so.

Howie pulled the vehicle into a restaurant parking lot. It wasn’t a familiar name to Jess, but the guys all knew the place. They piled out of the car and walked in to eat.

A hostess greeted the men as they entered the door.

“Good afternoon, guys, your usual table is ready just as you requested.” the petite blonde smiled at the boys.

“You come here often?” Jess looked around at the scenery puzzled. “I’ve never heard of this place.”

“I don’t think Nick has ever been here. He doesn’t go out to too many places with us, the minor that he is.” AJ replied in a dark voice.

Brian laughed sarcastically, but didn’t smile.

Jess said back in the booth with the guys filling in on either side of her. She spent the entire dinner listening to them make comments about the waitresses and other females that walked past their booth. She felt like she was back in highschool. It was fun, but she rolled her eyes more than she laughed.

Nick was scared, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to physical therapy. There were so many things that he didn’t know how his body would respond, or if it would respond. He couldn’t ignore the therapist that was standing in his room next to his bed with the orderly.

“Are you having second thoughts, Nick?” the therapist named Linda replied cheerfully.

She’s a little too perky for me, Nick thought to himself as he attempted to move to the edge of the bed. He still didn’t have all of the feeling in his legs back yet, they felt numb and tingly so he was still unable to stand up yet and they didn’t move when he wanted them to move. Dr. Gaynor felt that in time, with the physical therapy, his legs would start to regain normal feeling again.

“Now, Nick, I want you to try to get yourself into the chair, I know that the orderlies and the nurses have been helping you up to this point, but I think you’re able to do this on your own.” Linda ordered.

Nick looked at her and put on a fake smile. He hated being so helpless and he just knew that he would fall to the floor, he didn’t trust himself one bit.

“Awh, comeon Nick, I know you can do it, think positively.” Jess was standing off in the corner of the room.

Nick looked over at her and gave her a fake smile too. Jess had to laugh when she looked at him, he looked like he had been in a rough football game. The bruises on his face were fading, but he still had two dark black rings underneath both eyes.

Nick licked his lips and set his jaw as he used his arms to try to lower himself into the chair. He was going very slowly and his arms were starting to shake as they were supporting his weight. Finally, in what seemed like minutes, Nick was in the chair.

“I knew you could do it, great!” Linda exclaimed like a kindergarten teacher. “Now, we’ll take it from here,” she told the orderly. “We’re going to go to the PT room and start you on some upper body strengthening exercises.”

The therapist pushed Nick down the hall to the elevator. Jess walked behind them and noticed that at the end of the hall near the elevators was a small group of girls staring at Nick coming towards them. They stayed where they were at with their mouths open and a few of them oohed and awed quietly as if to pity the way Nick looked. Thankfully, none of them approached Nick. Nick just kept his head lowered and didn’t look up.

The elevator didn’t come quick enough, in Jessica’s and Nick’s opinion. He felt like he was on display waiting for the elevator. They rode it up to the eighth floor and Linda wasted no time pushing him into the physical therapy room.

“Lets see, Nick, I think we should start you off with some arm weights,” she said as she wheeled him over to a wall with pulleys. After showing Nick how she wanted him to do it, she handed the weights over to him.

Nick looked at her questionably as if to say, “Are you kidding?” He was thinking how easy this was going to be. After about three pulls, he realized how weak he was. His face was already soaked in sweat.

“Nick, I need you to try to do at least five on each arm, if you can. Push yourself, the more you do, the better you’ll get, you need to do this, okay?” The therapist tried to encourage Nick to keep going.

Nick nodded and struggled with each pull. Towards the end he was gritting his teeth and biting his lower lip as if that would give him the strength he needed to finish.

“Great! I knew you had it in you!” she praised Nick.

“I feel like a dog getting praised.” Nick remarked to Jess as he rolled his eyes.

Jess winked at Nick and laughed. “Just part of the game, honey.”

The therapist took Nick to another piece of arm strengthening equipment. Each time she gave Nick a new set of exercises to do, Nick started off thinking he was going to be able to do without any problems. Each time he was disappointed.

After therapy was over, Nick couldn’t wait to get back to his room and into his bed. He never thought that he would want to lay down but he couldn’t believe how tired he was from “working out” for thirty minutes.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow, get some rest.” Linda said as she brought Nick back into his room.

“Thanks.” Nick replied quietly.

“Do you want to clean up before you lie down?” Jess suggested.

Nick pondered the question. “It probably would be a good idea, what time is it anyway?”

“Umm, it’s a little after 4:00, why do you have some place you’re going?” Jess tried to joke with Nick.

“Hah-hah.” Nick replied sarcastically. “I was just wondering what time dinner would be, I’m actually looking forward to jello again.”

“Yummy. Well, did you want me to see if the nurse can bring some stuff in for you to get cleaned up with?”

“Please.” Nick said quietly.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Jess left the room.

Nick sat in the room waiting for her to return and started to think about what had been going on with him this past week. Reality started to set in, something he was trying to avoid up until this point.

“Who am I trying to fool?” Nick asked himself bitterly. “I can’t do anything by myself anymore and I’m just a worthless piece of garbage, just in the way. I can’t walk, I can’t hardly move my arms, why the hell am I trying?” The tears burned his eyes as they started to flow down his cheeks. He kept slamming his fists down on the arms of the chair.

As Jessica entered the room, Nick tried to wipe his eyes quickly. He looked off over towards the window.

“Hey, great news, the nurse said that you can try doing a shower, if you want to try.”

Nick looked at her, “How the hell could I do a shower when I can’t stand up?”

“Whoa, don’t bite my head off, what’s wrong?” Jess looked at Nick and could see his eyes were red.

“I’m sorry, nothing.” Nick lied to her. He didn’t want sympathy from anyone right now.

“The shower is equipped with a seat into the wall, kind of molded in and there is a hand held shower head that you can control. Is is something you want to try or not?”

Nick thought the question over, he was sick of having someone wash him off, the thought of a little independence sounded good to him, but he was wondering if he would be able to pull it off by himself.

“I dunno, how can I do this?” Nick wondered outloud.

Just as Jess was about to answer, Brian came in.

“Oh, thank god, I could use you right now!” Jess announced excited.

“Wow, I like your greeting.” Brian exclaimed as he gave Jess a hug. He looked over at Nick while he was hugging Jess and he pointed at her behind her back. “This is great!”

Nick looked at Brian “Yeah, yeah, knock it off.”

“I need you to help Nick in the shower since you guys have the same stuff and all.” Jess stated.

“Hey, no kidding, a shower?” Brian tried to get Nick to smile.

“Yeah, doesn’t that sound exciting?” Nick answered back sarcastically.

“Hey, you’ve never showered with me before, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” Brian replied.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Nick said.

“I think I’m gonna leave you guys for an hour. This is really starting to depress me.” Jess said as she kissed Nick goodbye. “Is there anything you would want me to get while I’m gone, books, magazines, Nintendo?”

“Whatever you think that would sound good, oh, I know, how about pizza?” Nick was dying for pizza.

“I don’t think you could do that yet, it would kill you, you haven’t graduated from jello yet. Take good care of him Brian.” Jess said as she gave Brian a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

Jess was standing in the bathroom in Nick’s room when she heard a noise, ”pop....pop.....pop......pop.” As she turned to go out into the room to see what was making that noise, she heard scuffling and a man’s voice yelling, ”I shot him, I shot him.”

Jess hurried out into the room to find a man on the floor with the security guard pinning him down and trying to put handcuffs on him. Brian was off to one side of the room, his face was pale, he looked shocked. When Jess turned her focus over to Nick’s bed, her heart nearly stopped.

Nick had his hand clutching his chest, blood was pouring out between his fingers. He looked over at Jess his eyes were wide with fear and pain. As she ran over towards him, he collapsed. She reached up above his bed and pulled the code blue switch. A team of nurses and resident physicians poured into the room. They didn’t waste anytime putting Nick’s bed flat and starting CPR.

Jess backed away from Nick’s bed and stood with Brian. They held one another while they watched the medical team work frantically on Nick. A nurse came over to Jess and Brian and asked them to come with her out into the hall. Jess didn’t want to leave.

“It would be better for you to wait out in the hall. You don’t need to see this.” The dark eyed nurse looked at Jess sadly.

She walked with Jess and Brian and went into the hall. As they stood there, people were rushing in and out of the room. It seemed to Jess that they were working on Nick for hours when it actually was only minutes. Finally, a doctor appeared in the doorway and walked over towards Jessica and Brian.

“I’m sorry, we did everything we could for him, but we lost him. He took too many gunshots to the chest.” The doctors words didn’t make sense to Jess.

“No, no, no....” Jessica started to scream. Brian held her tight. She wanted to run back into the room and find Nick sitting in his bed playing Nintendo. After a few minutes, Jess asked the nurse if it would be possible for her to go and see Nick.

The nurse led Brian and Jess back into the room. She quietly told the people that remained in the room to give them some time with him to themselves.

Jessica walked up to the bed and looked down at Nick’s face. He looked as if he was sleeping. She touched the side of his cheek and noticed that his skin was starting to get cold. Brushing the hair from his forehead, she bent over and kissed his cheek. Blood had soaked the sheets and had spilled onto the floor.

Jess cried when she thought about how Nick was trying so hard to get better. “This isn’t fair, how could this have happened?” Jess stammered through her tears.

Brian didn’t speak, he just held her tight. Tears were streaming down his face as he sobbed.

“Hey, goofball, wake up.” Jess was puzzled, why would Nick talk to her like that. He was still laying still in the bed. “I said are you gonna stay asleep all day?”

Jessica jumped. She opened her eyes and realized that she was sitting in a chair in a lobby near the elevators. Howie was standing over her.

“Ohmygod, Howie, you scared me.” Jess still wasn’t sure if this was a dream she had had or not.
Howie laughed at Jessica’s reaction to him. He hadn’t been back to see Nick in a few days mainly because it was difficult for them to come to the hospital without being recognized and mobbed.

“Shall we go in and see how Nick is doing?” Howie asked Jess as he held his hand out to pull her up from the chair.

The MTV live interview was going to air tonight and one by one, the boys had come to the hospital to prepare for this. While Brian was helping Nick get cleaned up, Jess had decided to escape and took a quick nap. That was why Howie had found her asleep in the lobby.

When they walked into Nick’s room, they found Nick sitting in his wheelchair dressed in jeans and a Miami Dolphins football jersey and white tennis shoes. Jess was happy to see Nick out of a hospital gown.

“Boy, you look good Nick. You clean up well.” Jess teased as she kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks.” Nick smiled. He was glad to wear something normal for a change. He was getting stronger with the physical therapy so getting in and out of the wheelchair was no longer a challenge for him. The dressing required a little help and he was glad Brian was there for him.

“The crews have come already and are starting to set up in the conference room on the first floor.” Howie said. “Hey, Nick, when Kev and AJ come, do you feel up to practicing a song for the interview?” Howie was hoping that Nick would feel up to it. He knew that MTV would want them to possibly sing a song during the interview.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Nick was excited about the interview, but he didn’t know how his voice would be. He was afraid that it had been affected when he had the tubes in his throat. He had not tried to sing.

Kevin and AJ entered the room. AJ looked like he had been running.

“Man, it’s getting worse out there, I can’t believe it. That crowd can be scary.” AJ stated as he slumped into a chair. “Holy shit, Nick, did you get more stuff again?” AJ said as he looked around the room.

“Yup, I am loved.” Nick simply replied.

“What song do you think we should do for the interview?” Howie asked.

Everyone seemed to look at Nick when the question was posed. They didn’t know if Nick would be ready to sing.

“Let’s try “I want it that way.” Nick replied. He figured this was the best time to try as any.

The guys pulled chairs around by Nick and they did a silent count to start. When the song came around to Nick’s portion, his voice was shaky. Embarrassed, Nick cleared his throat and asked if they could try again from the top.

“I guess I’m outta practice.” Nick apologized.

“Hey buddy, don’t worry, it takes time.” Brian stuck up for Nick. “We’ve got plenty of time to practice, nobody says we have to sing anyway, if you’re not ready, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks Bri.” Nick was trying to feel comfortable about the lack of response from his body. He wasn’t used to not being able to sing when he wanted to sing. He was mentally going over the lists of songs that they sing thinking if there were one that wouldn’t be too noticeable if he didn’t participate. All of the songs they did he either had a major part in it or a major vocal.

After they practiced the song for an hour, they decided that Nick was doing the best that he could. They tried to encourage him to sing tonight and reassured him that his voice sounded great. They noticed a little weakness in it, but were sure that it would be nothing the fans would notice.

They watched TV while they waited for the time to arrive for them to go down to the conference room. MTV ran the music video of “I want it that way.” The guys sang their parts along with the video except for Nick. He was watching himself intently wondering if he would be able to walk across a room again, or even dance. He was starting to feel let down.

Jess put her arm around Nick and kissed him. “You’re gonna be okay.” She knew that he was starting to feel uncomfortable.

There was a knock on the door. Jessica got up and opened it up and stuck her face out. She was the one that always answered the door since her face was the one that would be unfamiliar to fans.

“Guys, they want you downstairs now to set up.” Jess said as she closed the door.

Kevin pushed Nick and the rest of the group walked around him like they were protecting him. Nick had asked earlier if Jess could put something on his face to conceal the bruised eyes and face but both Jess and the guys agreed that it would make things look too noticeable. People were going to be looking at him closely and if he were to have something on like that, they would think he was in worse shape than he truly was.

As Nick entered the conference room, he saw the table set up with five chairs. Off to the left, there were five microphones in front of five bar stools. Nick looked up at Jess.

“I could see sitting in a chair at the conference table, but I don’t think I can sit by myself in a bar stool and not fall over.” Nick whispered.

“I’ll talk to Kevin and see if he can change that arrangement.” Jess whispered back.

Just as they were getting towards the table, they were greeting by a tall red headed woman with a deep voice.

“Hi, I’m Anne from MTV, we put cards on the table so you know where we want you to sit. If you have any questions or need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.” She talked fast as if she didn’t want to be bothered with any questions.

“Um, I think we need to change the bar stool thing.” Kevin stated. “Could you put chairs in there instead?”

Jessica hadn’t had the chance to talk to Kevin about Nick’s concerns, he had brought this up himself. She smiled when she thought about how these guys really did look out for one another like a family.

“Why, what’s wrong with the stools? You guys always use stools.” Anne seemed puzzled. She didn’t look as if she would compensate Kevin’s request.

“It wouldn’t be too comfortable for Nick to sit like that without back support.” Kevin partially lied to her. True, he needed back support, but the main part was he would have to be lifted up to the chair to even sit there in the first place.

“Oh, well, I guess we could put folding chairs there or something.” Anne replied.

“Thanks, that would be great.” Kevin smiled at Anne.

Brian had taken Nick up to the conference table and pulled the chairs around his aside. They had Nick sitting in the center of the table with Brian on his right and AJ on his left. Nick didn’t hesitate to move his body from the wheelchair to his seat. He was getting better with his upper body strength and was able to move himself around with more ease.

Jessica found a chair by the cameras out of the way. She always enjoyed watching these guys do an interview. It was fun being behind the scenes and seeing the things that go on during commercial breaks.

Carson Daly from MTV entered the conference room and Jess knew by the look on Nick’s face that he must have seen her mouth drop open. She always thought that Carson was hot and Nick always seemed to be annoyed when she would say anything about Carson being so damn hot. She smiled weakly at Nick and winked and mouthed I love you. Nick smiled back.

Jess watched the guys tense up as they counted the seconds down to the live airing. Each of them had funny little quirks before they performed and Jess knew every one of them.

“Hi, Carson Daly here for a live special interview with The Backstreet Boys on their Millennium tour. We are live at Tampa Bay Hospital in Florida where Nick Carter has been recovering following a car accident that happened a week ago last Saturday. Hi guys.”

“Hi Carson.” They responded in unison.

Jess could tell that Nick was nervous. He was usually tense during interviews but tonight he was especially tense because he knew there would be a lot of attention focused on him.

“Alright, I know the first thoughts on the fans minds is how is Nick Carter? Nick?” Carson directed the question to Nick.

Nick smiled faintly, “Pretty good, I guess.”

Brian could tell that Nick felt funny talking about himself. He made a side comment to Nick and poked him in the side.

“Nick, what were the extent of your injuries?” Carson asked.

Nick kind of rolled his eyes and really didn’t want to go through the list. Brian took over for Nick.

“He was banged up pretty good, but he is doing better now.” Brian replied. He figured less was more and it was no one’s business what was going on with Nick.

“Which one of you would you guys say has been the driving force that has kept Nick upbeat and positive?” Carson asked.

“Jess.” The guys responded in unison.

“No doubt about it, it’s Jess.” Brian replied.

“Who’s Jess?” Carson asked.

“Nicky’s girlfriend.” The guys replied in a teasing voice. They all looked over at her and jeered.

Jess felt like she wanted to crawl under a chair and die from embarrassment.

“She’s here?” Carson asked.

“Yeah, over there.” Brian said as all of them pointed in the direction where Jess was sitting.

The camera panned over to where she was and the red light went on meaning that she was on live TV.

“Hi Jess.” The guys laughed and waved at her when they said her name.

“Hi guys.” Jess smiled back at them and waved back. She gave them a funny look as if to tell them that she would be getting back with them later.

“Ooh, she does not like to be in the spotlight, eh Nick?” Carson smiled at Nick.

“No, not really, she’s kinda shy that way.” Nick answered and winked at Jessica.

“Okay, your new album Millennium debuted over six weeks ago and have three singles that have reached the top ten from this album. When do you start your European Tour and where?” Carson asked the group, not directing his question to any specific person.

“Well, um, that’s been postphoned right now indefinately.” Brian spoke up. “We were to start touring the first of July in Amsterdam, but Nick would not be able to tour right now, so we’ll have to wait until he gets better.”

Nick kept his head down looking at the table while Brian talked. He felt bad that he was keeping his friends from doing what they wanted to do.

“The tour would be too much of strain on Nick?” Carson asked.

Nick really felt funny now, here they were talking about him as if he weren’t in the room. He sat still in the chair. He knew that the camera was on him.

“Well, the accident was only a little over a week ago and we’re lucky that Nick is here with us right now.” Brian spoke out in Nick’s defense. “By the grace of God, he will be stronger and be able to resume our schedule soon.”

Jess felt her heart fall when she looked at Nick. She knew how embarrassed he was that they were talking about him as if he weren’t in the room. She wanted to run up to him and hold him.

After a few minutes of talking about the group and some of the songs on the album, Carson told the viewers that the Backstreet Boys would sing a song from the Millenium cd when they returned.

They had approximately four minutes to have Nick go over to the chairs that were set up for their song. The guys cleared the way and Anne from MTV brought Nick’s wheelchair over to him. Nick quickly moved himself into the wheelchair. Jess thought she saw a flash of light while he was moving into the chair. At first she thought it was a camera flash, but then she dismissed it thinking that the crew would be more professional than that.

Everyone got into their seat in front of the microphone. They had less than thirty seconds before they were back on the air. Nick was getting more nervous thinking about singing. He hoped that his voice would be more stronger, he prayed that his voice would be clear.

“Welcome back, I’m here in Tampa Bay, Florida, with the Backstreet Boys. They are going to sing I Want it That Way from the Millennium cd. Here’s the Backstreet Boys.”

Carson stepped out of the way and the background cd was cued up for them to start. Brian started his part flawlessly. When Nick’s part came up, he hesitated, but it wasn’t enough for anyone to notice besides the group.

Nick looked over where Jess was and decided to sing to Jess instead of the camera, it made him feel more comfortable. He didn’t try to sing anything fancy especially the parts he was usually pumped up for while he sang. It was simple, almost like he was in church. The guys sang a little louder to cover for Nick’s voice being so shakey. Nick felt like he was getting winded singing a three minute song. He was suprised how much it took out of him.

Carson took calls from fans, most of them told Nick how sorry they were about his accident and that they were praying for him. One girl asked Nick if he was still hurt and one had the nerve to ask if there would be any lasting effects from the accident.

The show was getting ready to end and Carson asked the group while they were having a commercial break if they would sing another song.

“Nick, are you feeling up to it?” Brian asked. All of the songs the group sang involved Nick in one way or another.

“I dunno, I guess I could try.” Nick wasn’t too sure of himself. He knew the last song was a real struggle for him to get through. “I guess we could do Larger Than Life.”

“Are you sure? That is a heavy song.” Kevin asked.

“No, I think I can get through it. You’ll carry me if I can’t sing my part, won’t you?” Nick asked the guys quietly.

“Sure we would.” All of the guys agreed.

The cameras went on and Carson walked over to Nick. “I want to thank you for allowing us to come here and do this live interview. I know that the fans appreciate being able to see that you are okay. Good luck and keep in touch.”

“Thanks.” Nick and the guys thanked Carson.

“As we close, we’ll hear another cut from their new album, Millenium. Here’s the Backstreet Boys singing “Larger Than Life.”

The cd was cued up again and Nick started his part out flawlessly. Towards the end of the song, it was becoming more difficult for him to sing his parts and the guys knew and carried him. With the song being so new fans wouldn’t really know which parts were Nick anyway.

Jess had left the hospital to take a break and get a few things for herself and for Nick. As she was standing in the checkout lane at the store, her eyes scanned the magazines. She stopped abruptly when she saw The National Enquirer. Pasted on the front cover, actually it was the front cover, was a picture of Nick as he was lowering himself into the wheelchair. Under the picture was the captioning: Nick Carter, Backstreet Boys, will they be able to handle it without him?

Jess grabbed the magazine and decided to buy the copy. She was angry when she looked at that picture and was trying to figure out when it was taken. As she looked closer at the picture, she saw that Nick was wearing his Miami Dolphins jersey and realized that this was when they did the MTV interview. Someone had taken that picture during a commercial break. The media was allowed in that room but someone took the privledge one step further and intruded on his privacy.

As the cashier was scanning the magazine, she made an idle comment to Jessica, “Isn’t that a shame about that boy?”

Jess simply smiled at the cashier. She didn’t feel the need to respond. She paid her and left the store. When Jess got into her car, she pulled the magazine out of the bag and thumbed through it until she got to the article about Nick. While she read it, she was shocked to find all of the lies that were laced through it:

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was critically injured in a car accident early in June. The other driver was killed when he ran a stop light and struck Carter. Nick was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma for more than a week. Once he awoke from his coma, doctors determined that he had irreversible brain damage. His career with the Backstreet Boys has been shattered since the accident has left Nick paralyzed from the chest down.

Jess felt sickened reading the article. It had so many lies in it. There were pictures of Nick in the article of him laying in the hospital bed with the tubes in his mouth, “How did they get that?” Jess wondered. It bothered her to think that people at the hospital would do anything for the glory of money. They had pictures of Nick with the group and more pictures of Nick at the interview and it looked like they enhanced the bruises on his eyes. “I hope Nick doesn’t see this.” Jess thought to herself.

She decided to drive over to Brian’s and see what he was up to. It felt good to be away from the hospital for a while. Nick insisted that she go out and take a break while he went to physical therapy. It looked like such a nice day outside, it didn’t take much to convince her to do so.

Back at the hospital, Nick was finished with his physical therapy for the day. It was an especially difficult session for Nick. The occupational therapist was teaching him how to do normal day to day tasks in a hospital room that was set up like a house. The one task he had to try to do that hit him hard was practice getting himself in and out of a car. They had a “car” on the therapy floor and Nick had to practice moving himself from the chair to a car seat and then back again. It upset him to think that he would have to learn how to do something like that. He was planning on walking out of the hospital.

“Oh, by the way, Nick, you will be getting your chair delivered to your room today, maybe it will be here by the time we get back.” The therapist sounded a little too happy about the chair.

Nick tried to figure out what she was talking about. He didn’t order anything special, he decided to just blow off what she was talking about, he figured that she was just rambling on about nothing.

“Ah, here we are, room 6265.” The female orderly said as they walked past the security guard. “My, you sure do have a lot of nice flowers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many in a room at one time.”

“Yup.” Nick didn’t feel like being sociable.

“Are you okay here or did you want help back into----”

“I’m fine.” Nick cut her off. He was getting irritated about being helped to do this and that.

“Okay, have a nice day.” As she turned her back to Nick, he wagged his hand back and forth as if to help her out the door. He sat in the chair for a moment and looked around the room. His eyes fell on the unfamiliar sight of the new chair the therapist had talked about. It was a modified wheelchair, it didn’t have armrests so it was more accessible to use your arms to move the wheels.

“Well, isn’t that just special.” Nick sputtered. He decided to lay down. He started to let his mind wander.

Well, um that’s been postphoned right now indefinately. We were to start touring the first of July in Amsterdam, but Nick would not be able to tour right now, so we’ll have to wait until he gets better.......The tour would be too much of a strain on Nick?..........Oh, by the way Nick, you’ll be getting your new chair today.......This is the way you need to scooch yourself to get from the chair into the car....

The tears were flowing down his cheeks and stinging his eyes. “I am holding my friends back, what am I thinking? I’m never going to get better. I’m never going to dance or sing again. I’m nothing.”

Nick turned the television on hoping that it would clear his thoughts. The newsprogram American Journal was on and ironically, it was showing The Backstreet Boys on stage. Nick turned the volume up:

The Backstreet Boys have been riding high on the charts and have recently released their new album, Millenium. Tragically, on June 19, Nick Carter was involved in a car accident that claimed the life of another driver. Nick has been hospitalized since the accident, but yesterday was with the group when they were interviewed by MTV.

As the woman was talking, they were showing pictures of the group, the accident scene and the MTV interview with Nick and the guys. The next picture they showed stunned Nick while he listened to the announcer:

No one is sure when or if Carter will ever be able to tour with the group again. The accident has left him paralyzed and unable to use his legs.

The picture that was on the screen was Nick during a break on the MTV interview moving from the wheelchair and into the chairs they had set up for the song.

His voice shaking while he sang with the group, Carter was visibly nervous. We will keep you updated when we find out more about this Backstreet Boy.

Nick shut the television off. He pressed his nurse call button and waited for her to come into the room.

“Can I help you?” It was Tiffany, his afternoon nurse.

“Can I get something for pain?” Nick asked.

“How bad is it?” The nurse asked as she approached his bedside.

“I want a shot, no pills, I waited too long to ask for something and now it hurts bad.” Nick lied to her. He wasn’t hurting that badly, he just wanted the shot.

“Okay, I’ll check your chart and be back in a second.” She left the room.

Nick reached over to his bedstand and grabbed his glass of icewater. Slowly he opened the drawer to the table and pulled out a tissue that was wadded up into a ball. He unwrapped the tissue and exposed a handful of twelve pain pills he had stashed aside. Without hesitation, he put them in his mouth and swallowed them with a mouthful of water. Just as he set the cup down, Tiffany came back into the room with a syringe.

“You haven’t had an injection in a few days, this may make you a little sleepy.” Tiffany said as she inserted the needle into Nick’s thigh.

“That’s what I’m hoping for.” Nick smiled at her. Tiffany, unknowing what he had done smiled back at him.

Dr. Gaynor was making rounds late today. He usually had been finished in the morning, but there had been a bus accident last night that had kept him busy in the trauma room. As he approached Nick’s room, he was stopped by a fellow doctor that needed his advice regarding another case he was working on. Dr. Gaynor glanced at Nick’s chart and felt that he didn’t really need to go in and see him so he handed the chart back to the nurse when they walked by the station.

“Good, the orderlies are here for shift change and doing vitals, I’m taking a break.” Tiffany sighed. It had been a busy afternoon and she had been on her feet for most of her shift. “Janis, could you do the vitals in room 625?” Tiffany asked the older orderly because she knew she wouldn’t know Nick Carter’s celebrity.

“Sure,” the orderly replied when she grabbed Nick’s chart.

As Tiffany settled back into her chair in the nurse’s lounge another nurse burst through the door.

“Tiff, you need to come and help NOW.”

Tiffany jumped up quickly, she could tell by the urgency in the nurses voice that it was serious.

“It’s your patient in 625, he’s overdosed.”

“Overdosed, that’s impossible.” Tiffany’s mind went over what she did with Nick that afternoon. There wasn’t anything she did that would do that. Then she remembered the injection she gave him earlier. Her mind was running through what she had done, could she had given him too much? Did she forget to chart it and someone else gave him more?

They rushed into Nick’s room. He was pale and his lips were blue. A resident was ontop of him doing CPR. He was barking out orders while he was keeping count. A crash cart came in and the resident jumped off the bed and put the paddles to Nick’s chest. His body arched in response to the jolt that was sent through him.

Everyone in the room looked at the monitor, it jumped, hesitated and drew a flat line. The resident hit Nick with the paddles again. Once again, Nick’s body arched with the surge that went through him. This time, the monitor responded with the familiar beating rhythm.

Dr. Gaynor rushed into the room. “How the hell did this happen?” He was angry and everyone backed off. He took Nick’s chart and looked at the nurses notes.

“Has the blood draw come back yet?” He yelled.

A nurse came through the door with a yellow slip in her hand. “Here it is doctor, just came in.”

Dr. Gaynor reviewed the results. The drug level in Nick’s bloodstream jumped out of the paper. The levels were almost skyrocketed.

“How the hell did he get this combination of drugs?” Dr. Gaynor demanded.

“I gave him 25ml injection of darvodan when he asked for some pain meds this afternoon.” Tiffany answered.

“Where the hell did he get the percocet?” Dr. Gaynor shouted.

No one answered. No one was sure, did Nick try to kill himself or was this accidental.

“You better hope to hell he comes through this, I’m sure with a high profile case on our hands, the media will be having a hellofa time with this one. Dr. Gaynor knew the next step that had to be taken. Anytime there is a suicide attempt, the authorities have to be notified.

“Goddamn you people.” Dr. Gaynor stormed out of the room.

The technicians prepared to move Nick back to ICU. They would keep this room open for him when he got well enough to go back up here.

“Brian, I really want to thank you for helping me out these past few days like you have. I can’t begin to tell you how much it has meant to me.” Jessica said as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

“Jess, you know I wouldn’t be anywhere but here for you and Nick.” Brian gave Jess a squeeze. They sat in the parking space for a few minutes.

Looking out at the front lawn, Brian saw the huge mass of fans.

“Let’s be wild and walk through the middle of them, do you think that would kill ‘em?” Brian asked Jess wickedly.

“I’m game if you are, dude.” Jess smiled.

“Let’s do it.” Brian was ready for a challenge.

As they got out of the car, Brian had put on his Kentucky Wildcats baseball cap and sunglasses. Jess put on her own Wildcats hat and sunglasses also. Brian suggested that they go around to the back of the crowd instead of the front. She giggled as they went to the back of the fans. So far, no one noticed them standing there.

“Have you seen anyone yet?” Jess asked a girl standing next to her.


“How do you know what side of the hospital he’s on?” Jess wondered.

“He’s in room 62625 which means he’s on this side of the building and the second last window to the north.” The girl had the hospital mapped out.

Jess glanced at Brian when the girl knew which room Nick was in.

“Have you tried to get in?” Jess asked.

“Oh, god no, they have guards everywhere, the only one they let in is that girl that we have seen with the rest of the Backstreet Boys. She sure is one lucky girl.”

“Oh, who do you think she is?” Jess was curious to see what the girl would say.

“I’ve heard that she is either a sister of one of the guys or possibly a girlfriend of Nick’s. I really don’t think she’s a girlfriend though, I heard that he is freed up at the moment.”

Brian laughed, he couldn’t resist. It seemed that as soon as he laughed, someone in the crowd recognized him.

“Ohmygod, are you Brian Littrell?” a girl standing next to Brian asked.

Brian gave Jess the look to leave. She grabbed his arm and held on tight. They made their way through the crowd grabbing at him. Jess had someone pull her hair at one point. Brian didn’t slow his pace down, he was afraid to stop. The crowd was moving them along the way.

They made it into the hospital and onto an elevator. As Brian pressed the number six button, Jess laughed at him. “That had to be one of your dumbest ideas yet. I can’t wait to tell Nick just to see the look on his face.”

Brian smiled as if he was pleased with himself. He enjoyed doing some of the regular things that his fame has limited him in doing so.

They got off the elevator and walked down the hall towards Nick’s room. Brian and Jess both slowed their steps when they saw that there wasn’t a guard standing outside of his room. They glanced at each other both thinking that maybe Nick was in therapy again or having a test or something and that was why the guard was not at his post.

As they walked into his room, they did not see anything unusual to indicate that Nick was not there. Jess asked Brian if she should check at the nurses station to see where Nick was. Brian told her to wait a few minutes and see if he comes back. After about ten minutes had passed, Brian said he would go and check what was keeping Nick.

Brian came back into the room, his face ashen.

“Jess, come with me.”

“What’s wrong?” Jess was scared by the way Brian was acting.

Brian didn’t say anything to her until they got on the elevator and he pressed number four. He turned to Jessica to tell her.

“Nick tried to kill himself this afternoon.” Brian’s voice was thick with emotion.

“What! No, not Nick. Why would he do such a thing, how could he do such a thing?” Jess asked.

“I dunno, we’ll have to wait to talk with the doctor or nurse where he’s at.” Brian replied.

They got off the elevator and stopped at the nurses station in ICU.

“Nick Carter’s room.” Brian asked the nurse.

The nurse looked at them suspiciously. Jessica still had her green badge around her neck for visitation clearance. She lifted it up for the nurse to see.

“He’s in room 4014, down this hall.”

“Thank you.” Brian smiled at the nurse as they turned to go to the room.

When they entered the room, they found Nick again surrounded by IV lines, machines and devices. He was unconscious.

“What happened?” Jess asked the nurse in the room. “How did he do this, how is he?”

“He tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose of percocet.” The nurse did not elaborate any more than she had to.

“How did he get the percocet?” Jess demanded.

“As best as we can tell, he didn’t take it when they would give it to him, he would stash it. We estimate that he had taken approximately fourteen tablets. He also requested an injection of pain medication and had that given to him around the same time he had taken the pills. If the orderly had not come into his room to take his vitals, he would not have been around too much longer.”

“Will he be okay?” Jess was afraid to ask.

“Time will tell.” The nurse did not give them anything to go on with his condition. “You’ll have to wait to talk to his doctor.”

Jess went over to the bed and put her hand on Nick’s. His skin was cold and clammy, his face was pale and his lips were blue. “Thank god he isn’t on a respirator again Brian.”

Brian nodded. He was silently praying for his friend.

Dr. Gaynor entered the room and greeted Brian with a handshake. “Nick is a pretty lucky man to be alive right now. It was fortunate that the orderly went into his room when she did, if it were even ten minutes more, he would be gone.”

“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Jess asked with a shakey voice.

“I have to wait until he wakes up, I don’t know how long his heart had stopped.” Dr. Gaynor replied.

“His heart stopped?” Jessica asked in shock. She looked down at Nick. “Is that why his lips are so blue and he’s so cold?”

“His lips are probably discolored because of the heart stopping but also because of the toxins in his body. As you can see all of the IV’s that are being pushed into his system, we are trying to flush the remainder out of his system. Like I said, we will know more about Nick when Nick wakes up.” Dr. Gaynor told Jess as he patted her shoulder.

After several hours with Brian sitting with her as they kept vigil waiting for Nick to wake up, Jess started feeling angry towards Nick.

“You know what bugs me the most?” Jessica started out. “I have put my life on hold because of this stupid accident, been here and practically lived here and what does Nick do? He tries to take a cowards way out because he doesn’t want to face reality. It would take a lot of time and effort on his part and he didn’t want to cope with it. Everything Nick has done in his life came easy for him up to now. He can’t handle any challenges. I’m sick of this whole damn thing.” Jess stood up as if to leave.

Brian sat listening to Jessica spout off. He knew she was getting stressed by the situation and was hurt that Nick didn’t talk to anyone about how he was feeling.

“You know Brian, he was feeling sorry for himself a couple of days ago before the interview. He never said anything to me but I could see it in his eyes, his face. It’s my fault that I didn’t do something back then.”

“Okay, hold it, now you’re getting stupid. Listen to yourself, no one knows what’s going on in Nick’s head but Nick. After he wakes up, I’m sure there will be a few people that will be helping Nick deal with whatever problems he is having. Don’t beat yourself up on this.” Brian replied.

Nick moaned quietly. Brian and Jess looked over at the bed. His eyes fluttered open and then he looked around the room and at the IV’s hanging from the pole. Nick didn’t say anything he closed his eyes again.

“Nick?” Jess wanted to see if he was alert and awake.

“What?” Nick answered quietly.

“What the hell is going on? What were you thinking about? Don’t you realize how much you’ve hurt me and the other people that love you?” Jessica was firing the questions off to Nick. Brian grabbed her arm to quiet her.

“Just leave me alone.” Nick responded.

“No, I won’t leave you alone. I want you to think about what you did. Damnit Nick, you hurt me.” Jess could feel the tears burning her eyes.

“Get the fuck out of here.” Nick yelled at her. He looked at Brian, “You too, I don’t need anyone in here.”

“Fine, be by yourself, that’s what you want.” Jess angrily took off her hospital ID badge and threw it at Nick. “I won’t be needing this anymore either.” She stormed out the door.

Brian got up and looked at his friend laying in the bed.

“What the hell are you looking at? I told you to leave.” Nick muttered.

Brian knew all of Nick’s moods, but this was a new one to him. Nick was rarely a yeller and treated people with respect, he had never seen his friend act so mean and irrational.

“You got a lot of thinking to do, boy, you just ruined something good.” Brian said as he turned and left. As he was walking out the door Nick started yelling.

“I don’t need anything from anyone. I will be fine, do you hear me?”

Brian found Jessica sitting on the floor against the wall outside of the room. She was crying so hard her body was shaking.

“What is happening to him, to us?” Jess looked up at Brian.

Brian sat down on the floor beside her. “I don’t know what to say Jess. I think he realized what he had done and failed and was now embarrassed to think that he couldn’t even do that right. I think he knows he hurt people, but he is afraid to reach out. We will have to pray for him to get the strength and grace from God that he needs.”

As they sat in the hallway, a nurse walked past them and into Nick’s room. They were both wondering how Nick would treat her. When the nurse walked out of the room after a few minutes they stopped her and asked her.

“I’m sorry, I don’t discuss patients with people other than family,” the nurse replied as she walked away.

“She must of thought we were fans or something.” Brian stated. “I’m suprized she don’t call security to have us removed.

“Don’t look now then.” Jess told Brian as she saw a tall man in a police uniform approach them.

“You are going to have to move.” the officer said to Brian and Jess.

“It’s okay, we can be here.” Jess told the man.

“How do you figure that?” The officer questioned.

“We’re on the list to enter his room.” Brian stated.

“Well then, you are either going to have to enter the room or go to the lobby, let me see your identification.” The officer demanded.

Jess was going to show the officer the green badge around her neck but as she was reaching for it remembered that she threw it at Nick. She also did not have her driver’s license on her as it was in her purse which was still in Nick’s room.

“Um, I’m on the list, but my ID is in Nick’s room in my purse.” Jess said to the officer.

“Yeah, sure.” The officer didn’t believe her.

Brian gave the officer his driver’s license. The man looked over his identification and then checked the list.

“Is this true what this girl is saying?” The officer asked Brian as he handed the license back to him.

Brian had a mischevious smile play across his face.

“Brian, tell him.” Jess pleaded, she knew what he was thinking.

“Yes she is cleared to be in there.” Brian replied.

“Okay, but you either need to go back into the room or go to the lobby, we can’t have people sitting in the hall.” The officer turned away.

“Brian, do you think it would be okay for you to go and get my purse out of the room?” Jess asked.

“Are you scared of Nick? I don’t think he can hurt you.” Brian asked.

“Physically, no, but mentally yes. I don’t want to get him riled up again.” Jess said.

“Oh, just go back in and get your purse, you don’t need to say anything to him, I’m sure he’s sleeping again anyway.” Brian replied.

“Will you go in with me?” Jess asked.

“Will you quit being such a wuss and go and get your purse? I’ll be out here if you need me.” Brian winked at Jess. “It will be okay, trust me.”

Jessica swallowed hard as she pushed the door open. She slid through the opening quietly and walked softly over to the chair where she left her purse sitting. She glanced over at Nick out of the corner of her eye and noticed that the top of his hand was bloody. There was blood on the sheets as well. Nick had ripped his IV lines out of his hand!

“Nickolas Gene Carter, what the hell are you doing?” Jessica was so mad at him for avoiding all of the help people were trying to give him.

Nick jerked when she yelled. He turned and looked at her. The look on his face scared her. She had never seen him look at her and then through her at the same time.

“I thought I told you to get the hell out of here. Leave me alone! I don’t need anyone, anywhere. Just leave me alone and let me die.” Nick yelled at the top of his lungs. It was enough to bring Brian into the room and the security guard as well.

Brian saw the blood and left the room to get the nurse.

“Go, see Brian is smart enough to take the hint, LEAVE!!” Nick yelled at Jessica again.

“I was just getting my purse, I’m going.” Jess snapped back, hurt.

The nurse appeared in the room with a syringe. Nick looked at her and started yelling, “You’re not touching me with that thing, get away from me.” He tried to push the nurse away.

The nurse left the room for a moment but then reappeared with three men in hospital scrubs. Jess wasn’t sure if they were doctors, orderlies or what. The men held Nick down as she administered the shot in the first available arm or leg she could get at. Within thirty seconds, Nick’s body started to relax and then went limp.

“Thanks guys.” The nurse told the men as they left the room.

“What did you give him?” Jessica asked.

“Just a little valium to relax him and get him to rest,” the nurse responded.

“He’s so agitated, he’s not himself.” Jessica was growing concerned about Nick’s change in personality.

“There is an order for the psych doctor to come and see him later today. I know he would want to talk with family before he talks to Nick. Are you going to be around for awhile?” The nurse asked Jess.

“I will not leave if I am needed. I want to do whatever I can to help Nick.” Jess replied.

Brian walked into Nick’s room and found Nick sitting up in bed with a tray of food sitting on the stand in front of him. As of yet, he hadn’t touched his plate.

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Brian asked Nick cheerfully.

Nick barely glanced up at Brian, he didn’t smile and seemed to be off in thought someplace else. “Okay, I guess.” Nick mumbled.

Brian looked up at the television to see what Nick was watching. As usual, MTV was on. “Don’t let me stop you from eating.” Brian suggested.

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry anyway.” Nick said as his shoved the tray back.

“Nick, if you don’t eat, you’ll never leave this place.” Brian commented.

“Does it look like I would be going anyplace anyway?” Nick answered back sarcastically.

“Comeon, Nick. Why are you doing this to yourself? You’ve already pushed Jess out of the way, are you going for each of us one by one? We want to help you but we can’t if you don’t let us.” Brian tried to reach to Nick.

Tears started to well up in Nick’s eyes. “Why should I try, Brian? I can’t do a damn thing on my own, I can’t get up and walk across the room to the door, I can’t put my clothes on by stepping into them, I have to squirm like some damn animal. I am sick of this shit.”

“Nick, it takes time.” Brian said.

“Yeah, we’ll I’m running out of time.” Nick snapped back.

Brian had an thought that would possible reinforce the fact that Nick’s fans didn’t care if he was walking or not, they cared about him.

“Come on, I want to show you something.” Brian motioned for Nick to get into the wheelchair.

Nick got out of bed and into the chair in almost a quick sweeping motion. Brian was going to comment on how well his friend was doing in that aspect, but decided against it.

Nick rolled the chair himself, he already hated it when someone would push the chair for him. He felt more like an invalid when they did that. He went out open door that Brian held for him.

As they approached a small lobby that was encased in windows on one side, Brian walked over to the windows and looked down on the hospital grounds. He saw the large mass of about 150 people standing on the ground holding up signs every so often conveying greetings to Nick.

“Nick, I want you to come over here and look out. There is something you need to see.” Brian pointed to the window.

When Nick looked out the window, he was shocked to see the number of people standing on the lawn.

“Nick, they’ve been here since the accident. There has always been a crowd of people. They care about you Nick. I’m sure that they don’t care that you can’t walk right now or if you had lost an eye or an arm. They care about you and that you are alive. They want you to come back. Nick, we don’t need you to run onstage. You don’t have to dance, just sing. They love you for your voice. They love you for you. You helped others forget about their problems when they listen to you sing. If you never sing again, you would take that away from them.”

Nick listened to Brian as he looked out the window. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Nick quickly wiped them away.

“Yeah, but Bri, don’t you think it would look stupid for me to be onstage? What would I do for an encore, pop wheelies?” Nick asked bitterly.

“Nick, you’re not listening to me. I said it doesn’t matter to the fans, they want to see you.” Brian said.

He looked down at the lawn and noticed that some of the people on the lawn were pointing up towards the window. The group started going wild and the signs were popping up. The only words that could be made out on some of the signs was Nick’s name and we miss you.

“Hey, they’ve spotted you, why don’t you waive to the crowd?” Brian asked.

“Because I would feel like a dork.” Nick replied.

“Comeon Nick, let them know you know they’re there.” Brian encouraged.

Nick lifted his arm and gave a half-hearted waive. The crowd below started to waive back and go wild.

“See pal, you still have it even from the sixth floor.” Brian commented.

Brian had an idea. “How would you feel about seeing a few fans?”

“Where? Here?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, just a few. I think it would be a good idea.” Brian suggested.

“Oh, I don’t know...” Nick’s voice trailed off.

“Let me ask your doctor and see what he says.” Brian said.

“The psych doc?” Nick asked in a sarcastic tone.

“Hey, don’t snap at me, you’re the one who was selfish and tried to kill yourself, not me. You brought this doctor on yourself.” Brian snapped back.

“I’m going back to my room, if it’s alright with you.” Nick turned his chair around.

“Hey, Nick, if you don’t get your attitude in better form, they’ll keep you here even longer. Try to work with us, will you?” Brian called out to his friend. Nick’s response was a waive. He never turned back.

Brian walked down to the nurses station and asked about Nick’s psychologist. The nurse gave Brian the phone number to his office. Brian took the number she had written on the pink slip of paper and thanked her. Brian was wondering if he even needed to consult with Nick’s doctor about having some fans come in and see him. He decided against having the doctor involved in it since he probably would say yes and then charge Nick a $90 fee for consultation.

“I think I’ll have to have Jessica’s help for this.” Brian thought to himself. There would be no way that he could go to the crowd and select a few fans to accompany him to Nick’s room.

Brian decided to drive over to Jess’ house and see if she would help. He managed to escape the crowd by walking out the door with a group of people and he kept farther away from the drive where the crowd would see him. He knew that it would be impossible for him to approach the group to ask them anything.

Brian found Jessica at home reading. She greeted him with a hug. “How’s Nicky doing?” Jess asked anxiously. She had not been back at the hospital since the day Nick was taken to ICU for the suicide attempt. She stayed away because she didn’t want to aggrivate him any further. He was having so many violent outbursts that it scared her.

“A little better, he’s still so depressed.” Brian replied.

“Oh. They’re still working with him though, aren’t they?” Jess wondered.

“Yeah. They’ve got him on a few things now. I hope that doesn’t go on for long though.” Brian hated the thought of anyone having to be on mind enhancing drugs. They put Nick on prozac and vallium. It seemed to even out his temper a little, but he was still quite moody but not so violent.

“I had an idea this morning when I was at the hospital and I was wondering if you could help me on this one?” Brian asked.

“Sure, anything.” Jess sounded excited. She wanted so desperately to help Nick.

“Okay, Nick has been down about the use of his legs. He feels worthless and that no one would want him the way he is.”

“Yes, still?” Jess was hoping Nick would get out of that feeling.

“Yes, but I have a thought. I tried to convince Nick that the fans don’t care if he is dancing or not. They love him for him and his singing. It wouldn’t matter if he was in a wheelchair or not.” Brian continued.

“Go, on.” Jess waited for him to finish.

“Well, you know all of the fans on the front lawn at the hospital, I was wondering if we got maybe ten or twelve of them and had them come up to Nick’s room for pictures and autographs...”

“Wait, what did Nick say about this?” Jess asked.

“He didn’t say much of anything. He got mad when I said I would talk to his doctor first. I think it would be a good thing for Nick.” Brian was psyched. He was hoping that Jess would agree.

“Ten or twelve fans? How would we go about finding some calm girls?” Jess was still considering the idea. “I would hate to have some psycho come into his room and hurt him. Don’t you think this could be dangerous?”

“Aww, I think it would be safe. We would have to devise a plan to pick out some girls that would be okay.” Brian said.

“Oh yeah, that’s gonna be easy, Hey anyone want to see Nick Carter, follow me, but I can only take about ten of you. I can see the mayhem unfold already. Jess said uneasily.

“Quit being so negative. Comeon, we’ll think of a plan on our way back.” Brian said as he turned towards the door.

“Wait a minute, I need to get cleaned up before I go. I don’t have any make up on and my hair looks like crap.” Jess pleaded with Brian.

“You look fine to me.” Brian answered. “Ha, ha, you can sit down and wait a few minutes. Nick is depressed right now, I don’t want to depress him any further.” Jess pushed Brian by the shoulders back into his seat on the couch. “Watch some tv or something, entertain yourself, I won’t be that long.” Jess hollered back at Brian as she ran back to her room.

Brian reluctantly sat back and turned the television on.

While Jess showered, she tried to devise a plan on how to get a group of fans to come with them to Nick’s room. She had an idea, and knew if they or rather she approached the crowd in the right way, they would get only a few people.

Brian scanned the stations and stopped on MTV. They were counting down the top ten videos of the week. The one that was on was not his particular favorite. It was Britney Spears, “Sometimes I Run.” He rolled his eyes while he watched her attempt to dance.

“Awh, man this is so lame.” Brian said outloud. Most groups didn’t get on his nerves, but this girl was so competetive that once when the groups were at Disney, she whined because she was going onstage last.

“Jess, I hope you’re almost done, I can’t take much more of this.” Brian yelled towards the bathroom. He starting singing along with the video in a high pitched voice, mocking Britney.

MTV news in brief came on after the video. Brian turned the volume up:

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is still in Tampa Bay Hospital recovering after an alledged sucide attempt on Wednesday. He has remained hospitalized since a car accident in Florida on June 20th.

“I am so glad that they share everything with everybody. Poor Nick, now he has this thing hanging over his head.” Brian thought outloud.

Jess came out into the living room and sat on the couch as she towel dried her hair. The music video that was starting was the newest Backstreet Boys. Jess watched Nick intently through the video.

“Brian, I hope this nightmare ends soon and things get back to normal.” Jess sighed.

“Me too, Jess, me too.” Brian agreed.

Brian and Jess separated in the parking lot. She told Brian her plan was to approach the crowd and tell her she was a reporter and wanted to interview some of Nick Carter’s fans and what they are feeling at the moment. Brian thought that would be a great idea and while she was gathering fans, he would wait in the lounge on the sixth floor. Jess could bring them there before she took them in Nick’s room.

Jess walked up to the front of the crowd. She cleared her throat hoping that she had the voice to be able to be heard when she talked above the music and the talking.

“Excuse me.” Jess paused for effect to see if she got their attention. “Excuse me, but I am a reporter and I would like to interview about ten or twelve fans of Nick Carter’s. Would anyone be interested in coming with me for about an hour or so?”

Jess looked into the crowd. Quite a few girls ranging in age from twelve to eighteen came forward.

“I can only take twelve of you at the most. I guess I’ll have to pick you guys out.” Jess touched certian ones on the should and told them to stand aside. Once she got her group, she asked them to follow her to the hospital.

“I have the equipment set up inside a room.” She lied to the girls.

They followed her to the elevator. None of them seemed to act like obsessed fans, which Jess was hoping that would carry through when they realized where they were heading.

Before they got to the sixth floor, Jess decided to mention what they were going to do.

“I think it would be a good idea for you to know that I have one of the Backstreet Boys that will be joining us in the interview.” Jessica’s eyes scanned the elevator for the reaction from the girls.

“Who is it?” A few voices piped up.

“I could only get Brian Littrell.” Jess responded and tried to sound appologetic.

“Oh, god, is he really here?” One of the girls from the back asked. “I’ll die if he is.”

“Please, you guys have to promise to be quiet, remember, we are on a hospital floor and they will kick us out and end this interview in a hurry.” Jess asked the group.

They remained quiet when they got off the elevator. Jess walked down the hallway to the lounge where Brian would be waiting. He was feeling as nervous as Jessica was about this. As they entered the room, the girls spotted Brian sitting in the corner wearing a Kentucky Wildcats baseball cap. As he stood up to greet the group, the girls rushed him and knocked him over.

“Ladies, please, what did I say about control?” Jess pleaded with the girls. “If you don’t control yourselves, we will have to go back out. Brian is doing us a favor and he doesn’t need you people to mob him.”

Jess looked at Brian while the girls backed off. She pulled him off to the side. “I’m starting to wonder if this would be a good idea after all.”

“Let’s see, we’ll gradually tell them about seeing Nick and see how they are.” Brian whispered back to Jess.

“Okay ladies, just take a seat and we’ll get started.” Jess directed the group. Brian sat back down in the corner where he was.

After Jess asked them about how they feel about Nick and being hurt, the girls had calmed down. Taking a deep breath, she decided to let them in on why they were on the sixth floor.

“As you probably know from standing outside, Nick is on this floor.” Jess scanned the group for reactions. A couple of the girls put their hands to their mouths. Brian wasn’t helping in the corner, he put his hand to his mouth mocking the girls. Jess shot a dirty look back at Brian which made the whole group turn and look at him.

“Anyway, as I was saying, Nick is on this floor. You have probably heard that he is feeling down right now. He is recovering, but it isn’t as fast as he would want it.”

“Poor Nick, we love him so much we hate to see him hurting. We heard about what he tried to do to himself, that is so sad. We love him no matter what he can do.” One of the girls in the group took it upon herself to be a spokesperson.

“Exactly. I was wondering how you guys would be if you were able to go into Nick’s room to cheer him up?” Jess asked.

The girls started getting excited again, bouncing in their seats.

“I could see if we can do that, but you would have to promise to be calm and act like adults, could you do that?” Jess asked the group.

“Oh yeah, we would behave.” The girls responded in unison.

“Brian, could you go and see if Nick would be up to some visitors?” Jess asked.

Brian nodded and got up and walked out of the room. The girls watched him walk away, their mouths were dropped open in shock. They couldn’t believe that they were so close to Brian.

Brian walked into Nick’s room and found him in bed watching tv and playing with his gameboy.

“Hey buddy, how ya doing?” Brian asked.

“Fine.” Nick replied and didn’t take his eyes off the game he was playing.

“Do you feel up to company?” Brian asked.

“Huh?” Nick replied still not looking up from his game.

“Jess is out in the lobby and----”

“She’s here, oh I want to see her and tell her I am so sorry.” Nick finally looked up at Brian.

“Well, she’s not alone right now, so you would have to wait a bit to talk directly to her.” Brian continued.

“Waddya mean?” Nick was suspicious.

“Well, we took it upon ourselves to gather a small group of your devoted fans and we thought it would be a good idea for them to come in and see you. Nick, I think it would be good for you to see some of them. I never talked to your doctor about this, I’m going out on a limb here, pal. Please say yes.” Brian looked pleadingly at his friend.

“I hate the thought of anyone coming in to see me like this.” Nick said quietly.

“That’s the beauty of it Nick. They don’t care how you look, they just care.” Brian replied.

“Hospital gown and all?” Nick looked at his chest.

“Did you want to put on the clothes you wore in the interview on MTV?” Brian offered.

“No, it would take too long to do that. This will be fine, I am sick afterall. Go ahead and bring them in, I guess.” Nick sighed and turned off the gameboy and laid it on his bedstand.

Brian went back into the lobby area where the twelve girls were standing with Jess.

“Is everything ok with Nick?” Jess asked Brian.

The girls could hardly contain themselves when Jess said Nick’s name.

“Now, girls,” Brian said to the crowd, “If you can’t control yourselves, we’ll call this whole thing off. Nick agreed to have you guys come in, but when I say we leave, we leave. Don’t rush up to his bed or do anything that could hurt him. Are there any questions?”

“He’s, like, not still in a coma or something is he?” A girl from the back of the room asked timidly.

Brian and Jess exchanged glances. Jess rolled her eyes.

“No, he’s awake.” Brian looked puzzled as he answered the stupid question. “Anyway, follow me quietly.” Brian turned and gestured with his hand for the group to come along. They got to Nick’s door and Brian softly knocked on it.

“It’s open.” Nick said from the other side.

The girls gasped when they heard Nick’s voice. A couple of girls kept whispering oh my god over and over.

Jess was at the back of the crowd. Nick saw the girls enter the room and he tried his best to smile. He felt silly laying in bed greeting a bunch of girls. Nick looked past the group of girls when he saw Jess come into the room. His heart skipped a beat. He wanted desperately to talk to her, to tell her how sorry he was for what he had said to her. If he could only take that day back.

Jess looked at Nick. He was starting to look much better, stronger. The black circles under his eyes were almost faded and the color of his face looked healthy again. She smiled at Nick and winked to let him know that everything was okay.

When Nick saw Jessica smile and wink at him, he knew they would talk after this was done. He turned his attention to the group that had surrounded his bed.

The girls stayed for twenty minutes asking Nick questions and wanted pictures or autographs. One of the girls did happen to have a camera with her and asked Nick if she could take a picture of him. Nick didn’t look too thrilled about the prospect of a picture.

Jess thought Nick looked really sweet, his hair was messy and he just had a boyish quality to him at that moment. “Go ahead, Brian will take the picture for you.”

Brian took the camera and the girl stood next to Nick’s bed to pose. Nick decided it would be okay for her to sit on the bed and lean back so that they would be closer together for the picture.

“Comeon, it’s okay, jump up here and sit back.” Nick coaxed her.

Brian snapped two pictures for the girl. When she got off the bed, Brian told them it was time for them to leave. All of the girls gave a sigh saying they wanted to stay longer.

“Nick needs to rest, this has been the most excitement he’s had lately and I’m sure it killed him, eh buddy?” Brian winked at Nick.

Nick gave Brian a weak smile which meant that he was embarrassed and would get back at him later.

“OKAY. Well, follow me ladies.” Brian opened the door and gestured for the girls to go out.

“Brian, I’ll take them back out, you can stay here with Nick, okay? I’ll come back in a few minutes.” Jessica said to Brian.

“Thanks.” Brian held the door for the girls and watched them leave. Most of the girls said thank you to Brian as they walked by him.

Jessica couldn’t get them back out to the front lawn quick enough. She wanted to hurry and go back and talk to Nick. She happened to meet Dr. Gaynor on her way back to the sixth floor.

“Hi Jessica, how are you today?” The Doctor smiled.

“Fine, and you?” Jess asked.

“Good. Have you been in to see Nick yet?” Dr. Gaynor questioned.

“Yup, just took twelve girls to his room. Brian and I thought it would boost Nick’s morale to have some fans come in and see him. I’m sure he’s getting tired of being cooped up.” Jess replied.

“That was a good idea. I was thinking about letting Nick go out for awhile, not be discharged, but be allowed to go out for a ride, go to a park, something along that way. I think it would be an excellent idea for him to get some Florida sun.” Dr. Gaynor was getting ready to get off on the fourth floor and held the door as he was talking to Jessica.

“Oh, that would be wonderful. Are you coming up to see him soon?” Jess asked.

“I’ll be there in awhile.”

With that, Dr. Gaynor stepped away from the elevator and let the doors close. Jess was excited for Nick to think that he could go out for awhile. Her mind raced to think of places he would want to go to. She couldn’t wait to tell him.

Jess walked into Nick’s room to find Brian and Nick watching tv. Brian stood up when Jess entered the room. “I think I’ll go down to the cafeteria for a little bit and give you two some time alone.”

Jess didn’t wait for Brian to leave. She went up to Nick’s bed and kissed Nick. Nick gave her a tight squeeze and kept whispering in her ear that he was sorry.

“It’s overwith, let’s never bring this up again.” Jess looked into Nick’s eyes to reassure him that she was putting that incident in the past.

“Come up and sit with me.” Nick smiled as he patted the empty space in his bed. He wanted Jess to be as close to him as possible.

“How are you doing?” Jess asked Nick as she settled down next to him.

“Same. Physical theraphy sucks. I feel like I am not going anywhere with it. My legs still feel the same, and they don’t seem to be working on it at all, they just want me to do arm and upper body exercises and practice going from the chair to another chair and to a car and to a shower. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook on this but it is getting hard. I know that everything takes time.” Nick sighed.

Jess touched Nick’s hair and smoothed it away from his face. She kissed him on the cheek. “I wish there was something I could do for you, babe.”



“I know you do. It really tears me up when I see you and especially when I see my mom. You know how emotional she can be. I just feel like I don’t have much to offer being in the shape I am right now.” Nick appologized.

“Shhh. Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s just take everything minute by minute.” Jess said as she squeezed his arm.

Nick was excited as he was getting dressed to go and spend a few hours away from the hospital. He was happy when Dr. Gaynor told him he could go. There were so many things that Nick wanted to do, wanted to see. He completely forgot about his limitations at the moment.

Jess was trying to think of places that Nick would want to go to. Everything she thought of would be impossible since he was in a wheelchair and she didn’t have the physical strength to help him. She was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. She was afraid that after this trip he would become even more depressed. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open to Nick’s room.

“I’m ready to go.” Nick was sitting in his chair, dressed. The smile on his face was something that Jess hadn’t seen in weeks.

“Do you know where you want to go?” Jess asked.

“I don’t care where I go, I just want to get the hell away from this place. I am so sick of it.” Nick replied.

“Okay, I guess I’ll have to lead the way since you won’t know where you’re going.” Jess turned and opened the door for Nick.

As they were in the elevator, Jess kept thinking about all of the obsticals that Nick would encounter and wondered if he was up to it. The first hurdle would be him getting into her car that was parked out front. Jess hoped that there wouldn’t be a crowd outside watching the comings and goings at the hospital. She didn’t know how Nick will be getting himself into a car.

“I parked the Cherokee out front.” Jess told Nick as they got off the elevator and walked through the lobby.

So far so good. Jess was thinking to herself. She was silently praying that things would go okay.

The warm Florida air felt good on his face. Nick took a deep breath in. The fresh air felt like nothing he had ever experienced before in his life. He never thought he would appreciate it, but after weeks of breathing the stale hospital air, this was like a new awakening. He wheeled the chair over to Jess’s vehicle and quickly surveyed the situation. It was higher than what he was used to moving himself in and out of. The hospital model was a bit lower. Nick knew that he would have to really use his upper body to successfully get in.

Jess scanned the area and was upset to see a flock of photographers standing on the lawn. One of them had seen Nick and was using a telephoto lense and was taking pictures already. She hoped that Nick didn’t see the guy.

“Okay, I’m gonna try this.” Nick said quietly. His desperation to leave was overcoming his fear of falling flat on his back.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jess offered.

“NO.” Nick snapped back at her.

Jess took a step back but was still behind Nick as if she would be able to protect him from hurting himself. She watched as Nick successfully pulled himself out of the chair and slid into the passenger seat. As he was adjusting himself and buckeling in, she folded his chair and put it into the backseat.

Nick could feel the sweat on his forehead. He was happy that he accomplished his mission on getting into the car without looking foolish. As he turned to watch Jess get into the car, he noticed the paparazzi on the front lawn.

“Damn them bastards. Why can’t they leave me alone?” Nick said outloud. “Jess, will you be able to outrun these jerks?”

“I dunno, I will give it my best shot, Nick.” Jess sighed.

As she sped away, she looked in the rearview mirror to see if any cars had followed them out of the parking lot. She was relieved to see that it appeared that they were alone as far as fans go.

Nick settled back into his seat and looked out the window as Jess steered the car onto the highway. For the first time in weeks, Nick felt free. He was anxious to be released from the hospital permanently. He was tired of tests, theraphy, drugs, the whole thing. He stopped taking his prozac this morning because he was feeling better. Nick didn’t like taking stuff and this pill seemed to him to be something that clouded his thoughts. He didn’t want to take a pill that would make him happy.

“I bet cha you’re hungry for McDonald’s, am I right?” Jess was trying to think of stuff that Nick would like to do.

“God, that does sound good.” Nick replied.

Jess took the next exit that showed a billboard of McDonald’s. She knew that was something she could get without having to leave the car. As they pulled into the parking lot, she asked Nick what he wanted.

“My usual. I would eat the paper right now, this is gonna be better than that crap I get at the hospital.” Nick said.

A cheerful voice greeted Jess as she stopped at the speaker to order. Nick liked going to McDonald’s when Jess was driving. He liked going to McDonald’s when he was driving. No one ever suspects Nick Carter ordering food at a drive thru.

“Do you wanna eat in the parking lot?” Jess asked.

“Hey, anything is fine with me.” Nick replied.

“What do you want to do after we eat?” Jess asked.

“Do you have your cell phone on ya?” Nick asked.

“Yes, why, do you want to use it?” Jess asked Nick as she handed the girl in the drive thru the money for their order.

Nick nodded. Jess handed the drinks one at a time to Nick and then the bag with the food. After she pulled into a parking spot in the shade, she pulled the cell phone out of her purse.

Nick took the phone and placed it on the dashboard. “I’ll make a call after we’re done eating.”

As they were eating, Jess noticed that Nick kept rubbing his left thigh.

“Is something bothering you?” she asked.

“No, I’m okay, why?” Nick replied.

Jess decided to drop it. “Nothing, I guess I’m not use to seeing you verticle.” Jess tried to make a small joke with Nick. He looked out the corner of his eye at her.

Nick laughed and then stopped laughing abruptly. That was their way of saying to each other “funny, not.”

For a second, Jess thought that they had been discovered by some fans. She saw a car full of teens park a car and get out. One of the girls looked over at the car and pointed discreetly. Jess heard the other girl say no way and they walked into the restaurant.

“Wow, that was a close one. I guess no one would expect you to be out and about right now. Must be MTV hasn’t gotten wind of this.” Jess sighed. She glanced over at Nick and saw that he was rubbing his leg again. “Nick, what is wrong?”

“Huh?”

“Nickolas Carter, I know you better than that, something is wrong.” Jess demanded an answer from him.

“I’m feeling something like pin pricks in this thigh. It’s real dull, but it’s there and it doesn’t really hurt or anything, it just bugs me.” Nick replied quietly.

“How long has this been going on?” Jess asked.

“A day or so. It’s been on and off, nothing constant. It just gets annoying that’s all.” Nick looked out the window as he spoke. He reached for the cell phone and started dialing.
“Hey, how ya doin? I was wondering if me and Jess could come up and see you. No, I’m out for a few hours. McDonald’s. Yeah. Okay, just a sec.” Nick handed the phone over to Jess. “Talk.”

“Hello?” Jess wasn’t sure who Nick had called.

“Hey.” the voice had a slight southern drawl.

“Brian?” Jess asked.

“How are things going?” Brian asked Jess.

“Okay. So what am I doing?” Jess asked Brian while she looked at Nick.

“I guess you’re coming over to my place.” Brian replied.

“Nick, you know you will have to go back to the hospital soon.” Jess said.

“Screw that, I’m out, I don’t ever want to go back.” Nick replied.

“Maybe it would be a good idea to come over. We’ll see you in a few.” Jess closed the cover on the cell phone and put it back on the dashboard. She was thinking to herself that if Nick gave her any problems about going back Brian would be there to back her up. Maybe Kev or Howie would be there too.

The drive over to the apartment took over twenty minutes. They hit every possible light on the street. As Jess pulled into a parking space, she looked at the steps leading to the front door of the condo that Brian lived in. Nick was looking at the steps at the same time.

“I guess we forgot about those.” Jess said quietly.

“There’s gotta be any easy way to do this.” Nick tried to figure a plan out.

“Nick, I’m gonna have to call Brian and ask for help. We will have to take you in backwards up the steps and I can’t do that very well, I’m sure of that.” Jess apologized.

Brian and Kevin came out the door after Jess called. Kevin walked up to Nick’s side of the car.

“Hey, glad to see you out and about, buddy.” Kevin smiled as he patted Nick on the shoulder.

Jess got out of the car and walked around to get Nick’s chair out of the backseat. Kevin reached in and pulled the chair out of the backseat before Jess could. He opened it and then Jess took it and positioned it for Nick by the side of the car. No one said anything as they watched Nick scooch himself from the car to the wheelchair. Everyone looked uncomfortable about it.

Kevin took ahold of the handles on the wheelchair once Nick got to the first step. He turned it so Nick was facing backwards and started pulling him up the six steps. Once they got inside the condo, there was another five carpeted steps Kevin had to pull him up.

Nick felt a little embarrassed about having to be helped. No one said a word while this was going on. They all felt the pain that Nick had to be feeling deep inside.

“Nick, we just made some pizza, do you guys want a slice?” Brian asked.

“Oh, no thanks, we just ate.” Jess replied.

“I’ll take one.” Nick said.

Jess looked at him. “You just ate a quarter pounder, supersize fries and a supersize coke and you’re still hungry?”

“Yes.” Nick smiled. Eating was one of his favorite hobbies. Nick always had a ravenous appetite. Jess was hoping that he would learn to curb it since he wouldn’t be as active as he was, but for right now it was good to see him eat since he had lost about twenty pounds since the accident.

“Jess, you want some coke or ice tea or something?” Kevin asked as he gave Nick his slice of pizza.

“Anything is fine.” Jess answered.

Kevin looked at her and raised his eyebrows. He looked at her and waited for another answer.

“Whatever you are getting yourself will be okay with me.” Jess answered again.

“Okay.” Kevin said with a smile and returned with a beer.

“I guess I should rephrase that. I’ll have a soda.” Jess said.

Kevin again looked at her and raised his eyebrows. He waited for another answer.

“Just get me any damn pop, dammit.” Jess laughed.

The guys laughed. Jess was always an easy target to tease. As they visited for about an hour, Jess noticed that Nick was rubbing his leg even more than before. He was doing it slowly and appeared to be trying to hide doing it.

As Nick and Jess were getting ready to leave, Jess looked over at Nick and into his eyes. They looked teary to her. His face looked like he was in pain.

“Nicky, are you okay?” Brian noticed Nick was having problems at the same time Jess was.

“No.” Nick’s answer was barely audible.

“What’s wrong?” Jess asked. “Is it your leg again?”

Nick nodded. He hurt so much he didn’t want to speak.

“We’ll try to get you back to the hospital as soon as I can.” Jess was worried.

“How about I take you guys back, you can leave your car here and one of us will take it to your house or something later.” Kevin offered.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Brian agreed. “I’ll go along too.”

“Let’s go down to the garage then.” Kevin said as he pushed Nick through the kitchen over to the stairs that would take them to the garage.

The ride down the stairs to the garage made Nick a little nervous. Instead of being pulled backwards up the stairs, they were pushing him one step at a time forward and Nick almost felt like he could fall out of the chair. He was in a lot of pain so that didn’t help his disposition either.

Kevin’s car was a large luxury car. It reminded Jess of something that someone would drive in a funeral procession. Kev also had a truck. He was the oldest in the group and probably looked more at practicality rather than good looks and attention grabbers like Nick’s Prowler.

The drive back to the hospital seemed to go slow to Nick. He was breathing shallow and hard. Jess could tell he was in a lot of pain. His face was flushed and sweaty. Finally, Nick couldn’t stand the pain anymore, he let out a scream that was almost blood curdling.

Jess could see the worry in Kevin’s face as he stomped on the gas to get the car going faster. Brian and Jess were sitting in the backseat.

Brian took Jessica’s hand to try to calm her down. As they approached the hospital, Kevin said,”Where do we go? Which way?”

He was upset and he talked loud and fast.

“Calm down, just pull up to the front.” Brian was calmer. Nick was quiet and kept gulping air and moaning.

Kevin stopped the car in front of the hospital. Jess and Brian flew out of the backseat as Kevin popped the trunk open. Brian grabbed the wheelchair and pulled it hastily over to the passenger door. Kevin flung the door open and Brian grabbed Nick under the arms and slid him to the chair. He hastily put Nick’s feet on the stands and then he pushed the chair into the hospital. Kevin didn’t follow Jess and Brian. He was going to go park the car, but changed his mind and slipped off his ignition key and gave it to the valet parking boy and quickly got his receipt.

Kevin ran in and caught the elevator before the doors closed.

“Brian, you take Nick to his room and I’ll stop at the nurses station and let them know that something is wrong.” Jess tried to take a handle on the situation.

Nick was grabbing his legs and moaning. No one knew what was wrong and what Nick was feeling. Nick wasn’t talking to anyone. His eyes were closed and he was rocking his body back in forth.

As they got into Nick’s room, a nurse rushed in right behind them. She didn’t waste anytime putting a blood pressure cuff on Nick’s right arm and starting the machine.

“Nick, where does it hurt?” The nurse asked.

“My legs,OH GOD.” Nick yelled when the pain sharply rose again.

“Can you describe it?” the nurse questioned again.

Nick had his eyes closed and his head was tilted back. First he shook his head no. “It just goddamn hurts. Knife stabbing, hot. It just hurts. Awwwwwww.”

Kev, Brian and Jess looked at each other. Was this something good or was this a bad thing. How long would this last?

The nurse left the room.

“Nick, do you want to lay down? Maybe if you stretch out it may help your legs.” Kevin offered.

Nick nodded. It sounded like a good idea, he was willing to try to do anything to take the pain away.

Kevin pushed the chair over to the bed. “Let me move you.”

Nick normally didn’t want anyone to touch him, he wanted to be independent, but was glad that Kevin offered to put him into the bed. It hurt so much that he didn’t think he would be able to move himself.

Kevin picked his friend up under the arms and placed him into the bed. Nick moaned while he was being moved.

The nurse came back into the room with an IV pole and a syringe.

“Oh god, not another IV.” Nick cried out.

“I’m not hooking you up to it yet, Dr. Gaynor told me to wait until he checks you out. I do have some morph for the pain,” the nurse said as she lowered Nick’s waistband on his blue jeans. She exposed his hip and swabbed it with rubbing alcohol. Nick flinched as she injected the morphine into his body.

Suddenly, Nick felt warm. The pain was slowly going away. He also felt very, very sleepy. He tried to fight the sleepiness but finally drifted off.

“There, that should help him rest,” the nurse stated as she saw Nick go to sleep. Without skipping a beat, she picked up his left hand and strapped a band on his upper arm and looked for a vein on the top of his hand. She prepped it and started up an IV.

“I thought you told Nick you were waiting for Dr. Gaynor before you did another IV?” Jess asked her.

“Yes, I did, but that was only because I knew that the patient would be out once he got the morphine and I could tell he was agitated about the IV and distressed and I decided to wait until he was out before I set this up. It would be so much easier and I knew he would be resistant.”

“What is he getting?” Jess asked.

“Dr. Gaynor wanted him to get more steroid for his spine. The pain was an indicator that the nerves are starting to respond again and IV steroids work more quickly than when they’re injected.

“So you’re saying that there is still a chance that Nick could walk again?” Brian was excited.

“Can’t say, but things are looking better today than what they did yesterday.” The nurse responded as she was leaving the room.

Brian and Jess hugged. They both felt as if their prayers had been answered. Jess hugged Kevin. “I hope that this pain is temporary and that Nick will be able to use his legs again. I can’t bear to see him in agony. It hurts me to see him this way.” Jess said outloud.

When Nick finally woke up, the searing pain that had been in his legs were replaced with pins and needles type of pain. It was the same type a pain you felt when your foot falls asleep.

He was glad to see that he was in his room alone. He looked down at his feet and concentraited on moving a foot. He was shocked when he thought he saw his foot moving under the covers.

“Naw, I must be seeing things that aren’t here.” Nick brushed it off.

Still he was thinking that maybe he did see something move. He concentraited again and tried to move his left foot. Nothing, just as I thought. Then he decided to try and move his right foot. Very slowly, the blankets wrinkled where his foot was. Nick was moving his foot! He was so excited that he let out a a quiet yell.

“YEAH!” Nick’s mind was racing thinking of all of the stuff he would be able to do. He glanced over at the wheelchair that was next to the bed almost mocking his achievements. I will be so glad to get rid of that thing. Nick thought to himself.

Jessica, Brian and Kevin came back into the room.

“Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling, Nicky?” Jess went up to Nick and kissed him.

“Great. I mean, it still kinda hurts but wait until you see this!” Nick couldn’t wait to show them how he could move his right foot. He pulled the covers back to expose his feet. He wanted to make sure that they saw his foot move.

Brian, Jess and Kevin stood around the bed and looked at Nick’s feet. Nick concentraited and was able to move his right foot very slightly.

“Oh, god, Nick that is so good to see.” Jess was happy for Nick. The movement was slightly noticible, but it was movement.

Brian slapped Nick on the back. “I’m so glad to see this. Maybe you’ll get out of here sooner.

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that! Hey, maybe you’re right. That would be so cool.” Nick started thinking about being able to go home and sleep in his own bed, being in his own house.

“Hey, one thing at a time.” Kevin said. Leave it to Kev, he was always the one in the group that usually brought things down to the proper perspective.

“I know, but it’s so hard not to get psyched about this.” Nick couldn’t control his happiness. Last week he was looking at a lifetime of paralysis and now it looked like he would be able to walk again.

Nick’s physical therapist, Tanya came into the room. She looked shocked to see Brian and Kevin in the room with Nick. She had been excited when she was told that she would have the Nick Carter case. She liked the Backstreet Boys but tried to play it down so that she would be assigned to Nick. She tried to cover her nervousness.

“Hi Nick, how are you doing today?” Tanya looked down at his chart as she walked towards Nick.

“Pretty damn good.” Nick was still high on being able to move his right foot. It was such a big deal to him.

“You look pretty happy, why is that?” Tanya asked.

“I just found out I can do something I haven’t been able to do for a few weeks.” Nick said proudly.

“And what would that be?” The therapist asked as she looked over at Jess.

“I can move my right foot. Look.” Nick looked at his foot as he moved it.

“Hey, that’s great! I see they have you hooked back up to an IV again.” Tanya was excited for Nick being able to move his foot.

“Yeah, the nurse sneaked it in when I was sleeping after they gave me some stuff. Why did they do that?” Nick looked at Jess.

“Um, the nurse told me that with the pain in your legs that Dr. Gaynor wanted you to get IV steroids, they would work on you a lot faster than being injected every four hours or so.” Jess answered.

“Well, Nick, I think we can go up to PT and do a few things this afternoon, what do you think?” Tanya tried to sound encouraging.

“I guess I’d be willing today.” Nick replied. “Do you guys want to come along?”

“If it’s okay with her, we will.” Kevin looked at the therapist. She looked up at Kevin and felt her knees buckle. She was embarrassed when she went off balance and fell against Nick’s bed.

“Whoops, sorry about that Nick.” Tanya tried to regain her composure and cover up the fact that she nearly fainted when she looked into Kevin’s eyes. “I guess that would be okay with me if it’s ok with Nick. Nick, go ahead and get into the chair.” Tanya moved the wheelchair closer to the bed.

Nick started to move out of the bed but was stopped quickly when he felt a tug on his hand reminding him that his IV pole was on the opposite side of where he was getting out of. He glanced over at the pole and then looked at Brian who was standing next to it. No words were exchanged and Brian dutifully moved the pole over by the wheelchair. Once that was in place, Nick moved quickly into the chair.

With the IV in his hand, Nick did not object to having someone push the chair to the elevator. As they were leaving the room, there was five young girls standing outside of the door with the security guard. Nick lowered his head and didn’t look at the girls.

“Awwwh. Oh gosh, look.”

The group heard the girls whispering back and forth to one another about Nick and Brian and Kevin. The guard kept them from following the group. Jess glanced back before they got on the elevator. The girls had brought some flowers and presents to give to Nick. She always felt sorry for the girls that were turned away at the door. She heard the guard tell the girls they had to go or be escorted from the building. He also told them that they could leave their gifts at the nurses station.

After three weeks in the hospital, the day finally came when the doctor discharged Nick. He would be going back to the hospital every day for physical therapy and was to continue to see the doctor that had been helping him since his suicide attempt. Nick didn’t care that he had to keep coming back for therapy, he was getting out and finally becoming more independent.

Nick was able to take a few steps, they were almost baby steps but at least they were steps. His left leg dragged a little behind him, but the doctor assured Nick that with time, it would get better. Nick couldn’t walk alone though, he needed a walker just to take the three steps. His wheelchair was still his constant companion.

“Are you sure you’re ready to leave this place?” Jess teased Nick.

“In more ways than you could ever imagine.” Nick answered.

Jess looked at the empty room. Brian’s friend Pete had brought his van up to the hospital last night when they found out that Nick would be going home and loaded all of the presents up to take over to the house.

“I guess we’re ready then, I have the car waiting for you.” Jess smiled.

Nick sat on the side of the bed. He was so pale, the bruises from the accident had faded all that remained were a few scrape marks and some bright scars where he had been scratched so deeply on the side of his neck and arm. The clothes he was wearing looked like they hung on him.

“Okay, anytime you’re ready.” Jessica waited until Nick wanted to leave.

“Did you want to walk to the chair or what?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick waved off the walker. It would be quicker to just get into the chair. As he slid off the bed to stand, Jess grabbed his elbow to support him.

“I’ll carry the walker then.” Jess folded it up and walked to open the door. Nick followed her moving the wheelchair like a pro.

Just what they both were dreading was waiting for them outside by the car. It was mass hysteria, the press, fans, photographers, the whole works.

“I knew this would be happening.” Jess sighed. “Are you ready for this?”

“Got no choice. Let’s just do it.” Nick winked at Jess. He was wearing his favorite white Nike hat backwards as usual and he looked like a highschool kid to Jess.

Both Jess and Nick tried to ignore the cameras and the people yelling and screaming at him. It was difficult to concentrait let alone manage Nick getting into the car.

Nick waited until Jess had the rear door open and put the walker into the backseat.

As Nick slowly stood up, cheers and applause errupted from the crowd. Nick smiled in spite of himself. He was thrilled with that accomplishment and was proud to be able to do that. Jess had the car door positioned in a way that Nick could hold onto the door and ease his way into the car without her assistance, which made him look better than what he actually was. Nick glanced at Jess, winked and softly said “Thanks, I love you.”

Jess repeated the phrase to Nick and quickly folded the wheelchair up and put it into the backseat after she closed Nick’s door. She hurried around to the driver’s side trying to push her way through the photographers that had gathered in front of the car. They were taking pictures of Nick through the windshield of the car. Nick kept his head down looking at his lap.

“Okay, I really hate doing this stuff.” Jess said as she started the car. She got nervous driving when there was a crowd gathered. She was always afraid that some obesessed fan would jump in front of the vehicle and she would hit them. Nick had more of a flair for driving through crowds.

“Just put it in drive and hammer it.” Nick suggested.

“Oh, yeah, that always works.” Jess always tried to be a little more cautious than Nick would be.

“Just a suggestion.” Nick laughed.

The whole time Jess and Nick were talking, Nick never once raised his head or looked over at Jessica. He kept looking down at his lap. He did not want to look up because he knew the photographers were waiting for that one good picture that they could sell and make money off of. He hated knowing that people could make profit off of him.

Jess got out of the parking lot without any incident. Nick was ready to go home and she couldn’t drive fast enough for him. They had talked about her staying with him at his house for awhile. He was still not able to be alone yet, and he did not want to hire a nurse to be there for him. Jess was the best answer. She was more than happy to be there for Nick.

“God, the house looks so good to me.” Nick sighed as they pulled into the driveway.

“I thought it would. How are you feeling?” Jess asked as she stopped the car.

“Tired, I can’t believe that a little thing like a car ride can wear me out.” Nick replied.

Jess walked around the car and got the wheelchair out of the backseat. As she was setting the chair up, she couldn’t help but notice that the street was busier than usual. God, now they are coming over here and stalking Nick. Good thing his dad put a fence around the house or we would be having weird people coming up to the door, Jess thought to herself.

“Okay, here you go.” Jess said as she opened the car door and moved the chair towards the seat.

Nick lowered himself out of the carseat and stood up slowly. He turned slowly and almost fell because of his balance being offset. He quickly regained his stance and sat slowly down into the wheelchair. Jess and he decided that the best way for him to enter the house would be through the garage, there would be less steps to go up and Jess could manage the two that were there.

“I don’t plan on being in this thing too much longer, but I never realized how many places have steps. I guess you never think about it until you are in this situation.” Nick said as he wheeled himself into the garage.

Once they got into the house, Jess walked into the livingroom and saw the flowers, baskets of fruit, stuffed animals and balloons that surrounded the area. It looked like a gift shop.

“Wow, Nick, you gotta take a look at all of this stuff!” Jess couldn’t believe the outpouring of get well wishes from fans.

When Nick came into the livingroom, he was astounded. It touched him to think that people cared that much about him.

“This is great. What am I gonna do with all of this stuff, though. I can’t keep all of this. I wonder if there is anyway I can get a message out to the fans and ask that the best gift they could give me would be a donation to some type of charity. That would make me feel one hundred percent better.”

“You could call your publicist. They can get the word out to places like MTV and stuff. You would have to have a charity already in mind before you call though.” Jess responded.

“What would a good charity be?” Nick wondered outloud.

“How about something to do with children? That’s always a good charity.” Jess offered.

“What children’s charity though.” Nick asked.

“St. Jude Children’s Research Center, they deal with all types of things with children.” Jess suggested.

After that was settled, Nick decided to go through the stuff that had been delivered and keep certain things and have the rest be delivered to nursing homes and hospitals. It was way too much for him to keep and he felt kind of selfish having the stuff around. Before the truck came to take the stuff away, Jess suggested that she take a picture of Nick with all the things and send copies of the picture to fan magazines and people magazine. Nick usually hated having his picture go out like that, but he thought that this would be a good idea and a nice way to thank the fans and tell them to send stuff to the charity instead.

“I’m glad you thought of that, that makes it so much more easier.” Nick said to Jess.

“Thanks, it was the least I could do.” Jess replied.

It didn’t take long once Nick got home for his phone to start ringing off the hook. Jess didn’t mind answering the first few calls, but it started getting crazy so they let the answering machine pick them up.

“Nick, did you want to lay down and get some rest, you look tired.” Jess asked.

“Yeah, I guess I am a little sleepy.” Nick replied as he yawned.

“Did you want to try and use the walker to go to your room, or did you want to lay down on the couch?” Jess asked.

“Bed sounds good to me, but I don’t know if I can walk that far yet.” Nick answered. He thought about how far away the bedroom was from where the livingroom was. It seemed like miles.

“Why don’t you try to walk as far as you can, I’ll be right beside you. If you start to feel like you can’t go on, I’ll bring the chair right to you, in fact, let me put the chair partway down the hall. Try to walk to that point at least. I know you don’t like to do this, but the more you do this, the better you’ll be.” Jess said as she moved the wheelchair down the hallway after Nick got up and sat on the couch.

“I forgot to bring the walker in, I’ll be back in a sec.” Jess said as she hurried past the livingroom and then out the front door. Once outside, she could hear noises coming from a crowd across the street. She could barely see them through the front gate. Ignoring them, she pulled the walker out of the backseat and dashed back into the house.

Nick stood up slowly and grabbed the walker that Jess sat in front of him. His footsteps were slow and caluclated. It was painful to watch Nick have to struggle so much just to talk a few steps. His left leg dragged slightly behind him with each step. Jess noticed that the farther he walked, the more pronounced his leg dragged. It took Nick almost 5 minutes to accomplish a walk that would take less than 30 seconds. He was drenched in sweat by the time he got to the wheelchair.

“I’ve got your bed opened up for you to crawl into. Is there anything else I can get for you?” Jess asked Nick as he pushed himself down the hall.

“Nope, I’m fine now.” Nick waived her off.

Jess walked out into the kitchen. She glanced over at the accumulated messages on the answering machine. The phone had been constantly ringing since they came home. She pressed the review button to see if there were any calls from people Nick would want to hear from. Most of the calls were from friends and some fans. One call caught Jessica’s attention, it was a call from Nick’s agent. Jess wrote the number down and planned on giving it to Nick later.

“Alright, I know that you’re beat, Nick, but if you want to get this right, we have to keep doing this over and over.” Kevin sighed as Nick slumped back into his seat.

Nick had decided that he was ready to rehearse for the tour. He could at least keep his voice in practice. Nick knew that the dancing would be out of the question for a long time. The guys reassured Nick that they would try to accomodate his inability to walk, let alone stand for long periods of time into the act. They all said that the fans would understand and that there wouldn’t be any question about them not doing the usual routines.

“Kev, I really have had enough.” Nick pleaded with Kevin. His voice was starting to sound hoarse. Kevin was such a perfectionist that he didn’t understand the meaning of quit.

“Let’s take 10, dude.” Brian smacked Kevin on the back. He tried to come to Nick’s rescue.

As Kevin walked away, Brian sat down next to Nick. “He’ll get over it.” Brian said to Nick.

“No I won’t.” Kevin yelled back from the other side of the room.

Brian winced when Kevin responded. “I didn’t mean for him to have heard that.” Brian smiled at Nick.

Nick couldn’t believe how tired he was and how winded he got from rehearsing. He sat back and tried to catch his breath.

“Do you want me to get you something?” Brian was concerned. He could tell his friend was feeling down.

“Nope. I think I’ll stand for a few minutes, I feel kinda funny, must be my foot fell asleep sitting here this long.” Nick said as he attempted to stand.

Brian grabbed the walker that had been placed behind Nick’s chair.

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Brian asked as he placed the walker in front of Nick.

“Yeah, lets.” Nick slowly took a few faltering steps. Brian put his hand on Nick’s back as he started to fall backwards.

“Whoa, easy there, buddy.” Brian said as he prevented Nick from falling back into the chair.

They got halfway across the room and Brian noticed that Nick’s steps were slowing and becoming more difficult. He looked at Nick’s face to see what he was thinking or if he was aware of anything going wrong. Nick looked like he was concentraiting intently. As each step went on, his left leg was dragging more and more. Suddenly, without warning, the leg gave out and Nick fell.

“Nick, are you okay?” Brian tried to help Nick up.

Nick laid there shocked. He tried to do quick inventory to see if everything was okay. It was then when he noticed the sickening pins and needles pain in both of his legs. They felt numb.

“My legs feel funny.” Nick said outloud. Brian saw the confused look on Nick’s face. “I can’t move them. What the hell is going on now?” Nick yelled.

“Easy there, you just fell, give it a few minutes.” Brian was worried but he tried to get Nick to calm down.

Kevin heard the yelling and came rushing in with AJ and Howie. He was shocked to see Nick laying on the floor in the middle of the reshearsal studio.

“Nick fell.” Brian stated simply.

“Okay, okay, I’m gonna try and get up.” Nick felt embarrassed about falling. When he tried to sit up, he knew instantly that something was not right. He was still laying on the floor. He had told his body that he was going to sit up, but nothing happened. He put his right hand down on the floor to use as a lever, but when he was going to put his left hand down, that was when he realized he was in deep trouble. His left arm failed to obey the command that his brain was telling it to do. Nick was shocked, he was slowly losing the feeling in his right arm.
Br> “Nick, is there something you want me to do to help you?” Brian asked his friend. He could see that Nick was scared about something.

“Yeah, call an ambulance, I can’t feel anything from my chest down.” Nick answered calmly, but he was scared to death.

Nick was silently praying that the paralysis was not spreading upwards, he was trying to keep himself calm but was feeling like the walls were closing in on him. It was getting harder for him to breathe.

Kevin jumped up and ran to the phone to call 911. AJ paced the floor while Howie and Brian stayed beside Nick and talked to him. They wanted to ask Nick how he was doing but opted for the hang in there buddy speech.

Nick felt unusually calm as he laid there. When he heard the ambulance pulling up outside of the studio, he closed his eyes. Kevin had gone off to call Jess and tell her to meet them at the hospital.

Brian met the paramedics at the door. He led them to where Nick was laying. The paramedics wasted no time in setting their equipment down beside Nick and knelt beside him.

“Hi, I’m Katie from Tampa Bay EMT’s, Nick, what seems to be the problem?” The EMT knew of Nick Carter so she didn’t have to ask anyone what his name was.

Nick opened his eyes and looked at Katie. “I can’t feel anything from my chest down.” Nick replied quietly.

“Did you do this when you fell?” Katie asked Nick.

“No, I was walking and my left leg went numb. After I fell, my right leg started going numb and then it moved up.” Nick could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He was scared.

“Okay, we’re going to have to put a collar on your neck, just as a precaution, you might have hurt something when you fell.” The technician said as she pulled a neck stabelizer out of the kit. The other EMT was busy taking Nick’s vital signs. Once the EMT snapped the collar in place, she pulled out a mask and put it over Nick’s face.

“I just want you to have a little extra O2. Now, Nick, we are going to roll you, just let us do the work, okay?”

Nick didn’t reply. It would be easy for them to move him without his help, as he wasn’t able to provide any.

The EMT’s placed Nick on a three count onto the stretcher and after they covered him up with blankets, they pulled the stretcher up to push him out to the ambulance.

Brian watched the entire scene unfold in disbelief. “How could this be happening to Nick. I can’t believe that this is going on.” Brian thought to himself as he watched Nick being loaded into the ambulance.

“Can I go with you?” Brian wanted to be with Nick so he wouldn’t be alone and scared.

“Normally we don’t let people accompany patients, but I guess it would be okay this time.” Katie replied.

Brian called back to Howie, “See you at the hospital, okay?”

“Yeah.” Howie yelled back.

Brian sat on the bench in the back of the ambulance next to Nick. The female EMT was on the phone making contact with the hospital. Brian’s eyes met Nick’s. He could tell by looking into Nick’s eyes how frightened he was.

Nick tried to blink back the tears that were in his eyes. He kept thinking over and over how the shouldn’t be happening. It’s taken him so long to get where he is at right now.

The ride to the hospital was fast. Brian helped Nick out with giving the EMT the medical information she would need to relay to the physician once they arrived at the hospital. As they brought Nick into the room, technicians and nurses were busily rushing around Nick doing blood draws, setting up an IV, hooking him up to equipment. All Nick could do was lay there and watch. He didn’t feel anything that was going on when they touched him. It was scaring him and it felt like the numbness had reached the base of his neck. Each breath that he took in seemed to be very little, if any.

Brian stood out in the lobby to wait for Jess and the guys. Where he was standing, he could see the people going in and out of Nick’s room.

“Hi Nick.” Dr. Gaynor came into the room and walked over to Nick. Nick looked at the doctor when he heard his voice. Finally, he let the fear overtake him and started to cry.

“Nick, we’ll take care of you, don’t worry.” Dr. Gaynor tried to reassure him.

He picked up the chart and read the information that Brian had provided. Dr. Gaynor bent over close to Nick. “When did this come on?”

Nick tried to answer, but couldn’t. He was growing weaker by the minute. Dr. Gaynor glanced over at the oxygen saturation levels, they were at 92%.

“Are you finding it hard to breathe?” Dr. Gaynor asked Nick.

Again, Nick tried to answer, but couldn’t.

Dr. Gaynor watched Nick’s oxygen levels dip below 90%. Suddenly the warning bell went off on the machine, his level had fallen to 85%. Dr. Gaynor barked out a medication to be injected into the IV line stat.

Nick felt himself struggle to breathe. He was aware of what was going on around him but couldn’t communicate. The numbness had started to climb again into his throat.

The nurse injected the medication into the IV line. As soon as Nick was sedated, Dr. Gaynor took a scalpel and made an incision into Nick’s throat. He prayed while he was working on Nick, fearing that he would nick a vocal cord and ruin his voice. Dr. Gaynor didn’t want to go through the throat but in Nick’s condition at the moment, he had no other alternative. The paralysis had overtaken the central nervous system and was paralyzing the muscles that helped Nick to breathe. Putting tubing down his throat would not help him this time.

Dr. Gaynor watched the oxygen monitor levels raise to 97 percent. Satisfied with the results, he took the gloves off and grabbing Nick’s chart he asked if anyone had accompanied Nick to the hospital. He wanted to find out details of how Nick had gotten to this point.

A nurse approached Brian out in the lobby. “Dr. Gaynor wants to speak with you. Follow me please.” The nurse took Brian by the arm and led him towards the room where Nick lay.

As Brian entered the room, his eyes swept the surroundings. Dr. Gaynor stepped in front of Brian’s view of Nick.

“Hi, I need to talk to you about Nick. I need to know what happened up to this point. Nick wasn’t able to talk to me and I need to fill in the gaps before I order tests.” Dr. Gaynor said.

Brian was getting confused when the doctor said that Nick wasn’t able to talk to the doctor. He glanced over at the gurney that Nick was on. He couldn’t see anything but people surrounding the bed.

“Well, we had been rehearsing this morning, and Nick started to complain that he was tired and so we decided to take a ten minute break. Nick said that he wanted to stand up saying something about his foot feeling like it had fallen asleep or something. I asked if he wanted to take a walk and he said that sounded good to him. We only walked about twenty feet or so and I noticed that he was having a harder time walking, his left leg was dragging more than usual. Before I said anything to Nick, his leg gave out from under him and he fell. He didn’t say he was hurt, he just laid on the floor. After a few minutes, he said that he was going to try to get up, but then he realized he couldn’t and asked one of us to call an ambulance because he couldn’t feel anything. That is all I really know about what went on.” Brian talked fast, he was scared for Nick and nervous also.

Dr. Gaynor listened intently to Brian trying to think of what would have caused something like this to come on so suddenly. “Had Nick complained about anything prior to today?” Dr. Gaynor asked.

“No, other than it was hard for him to walk very far and we noticed that his left leg was dragging more when he got tired.” Brian tried to read into the doctor’s expression on his face. He couldn’t tell what the doctor was thinking of.

“Thanks.” Dr. Gaynor scribbled notes down in Nick’s chart and left the room.

For the first time, Brian was able to see his friend laying on the bed. As Brian walked closer to Nick’s side, his heart fell when he saw the trache tube in Nick’s throat. This was not a good sign, he remembered what Jess had told him the first time Nick was in the hospital and how dangerous it was to cut into his throat.

Silently, Brian prayed for his best friend. This did not seem fair that Nick had to go through something like this. As Brian looked at Nick, memories of the things that they did together flooded his mind. Nick loved to do practical jokes, he hated to see anyone sad, was a typical comedian, always trying to make people laugh. Brian was having a hard time understanding why this was going on now during the best time of Nick’s life. This was surely going to set Nick back physically not to mention emotionally.

A nurse touched Brian on the shoulder. “We need you to go back out into the lobby and wait. The patient is going to be taken for some tests that Dr. Gaynor ordered. We will keep you informed.”

Reluctantly, Brian left Nick’s room. The last image of Nick in his mind was the trache tube. Brian found a chair in the corner of the lobby where he could quietly reflect and pray and wait.

Jess and the guys rushed into the hospital. They had gotten ahold of her on her cell phone and went and picked her up. The only thing Kevin had told her was that Nick had fallen. He did not want to go into details that would upset Jess. He was hoping that the paralysis was a flukey temporary thing and that once Nick got to the hospital, he would be okay.

Howie saw Brian sitting in the corner and instantly started walking towards him. Brian stood up when he saw the group coming into the crowded lobby. A few people that were sitting there stared in disbelief when they saw the guys standing before them.

Brian hugged Jessica. “Brian, how is Nick?”

Brian just held Jessica tighter. He did not want to have to tell her about the trache tube or that Nick was under sedation.

“I’m not sure.” Brian avoided looking into her eyes. He wasn’t a very good liar and he knew Jess would figure out he was hiding something if she saw his eyes.

Someone was either pacing the floor or sitting flipping through magazines not reading while they waited for some type of word on Nick. Finally, after a few hours had passed, a nurse approached Brian and told him that Dr. Gaynor wanted to speak with him. Jess stood up and followed Brian towards a conference room.

Dr. Gaynor walked into the room from another door at the same time they entered. “We did an MRI and CT scans of Nick’s spine. He didn’t break anything when he fell down, however, the tests brought up something that I don’t see too often. I will have to order more tests to be certain and have a neurologist consult with me, but it appears that Nick has either blood clots on the spine or bleeding on the spine. I’m not sure why and that’s why I would have to have a neuro surgeon take a look at these results.”

Jess grabbed Brian’s arm as Dr. Gaynor spoke. Brian and Jess sat there listening to Dr. Gaynor, both in shock.

“Is this what is causing the paralysis?” Brian finally asked the question that both he and Jess didn’t want to ask.

“Yes, it is. There is alot of clotting and blood and it is causing havoc with the central nervous system and could start to cause things to shut down on him. The sooner the neuro doc sees Nick, the better.”

“How could you fix or can you fix something like this?” Brian asked.

“Let’s just wait until I have a chance to talk with the neurosurgeon, okay? I’ll make sure you know when I know.” Dr. Gaynor stood up and shook Brian’s hand and then left the room.

“Why, Brian?” Jess looked at Brian. The tears slipped down her face as she was trying to understand what was wrong with Nick. All Brian could do was look back at Jess and wipe the tears from his eyes.

“Did you want to go see him?” Brian asked.

“Oh, yes, do you think it will be okay?” Jess started to stand up.

“Let’s just go.” Brian replied.

Brian led Jess down the hallway to Nick’s room in the emergency department. He happened to be in the same trauma room that he was in the first time he was at the hospital. Jess grabbed Brian’s arm as they walked into the room. She quickly focused on Nick and saw that he had a trache tube in his neck. Jessica’s knees buckled.

“Oh my god, no!” Jess cried out.

Brian put him arm around Jess and tried to calm her down.

“No, Brian, this isn’t supposed to be this way, you remember what the doctor said, they wouldn’t do that to Nick.” Jess cried.

“Jess, he didn’t have a choice, they were losing him and they needed to do something fast. He was suffocating.” Brian whispered into her ear.

“Oh, but Brian, if Nick can never sing again, if it changes his voice, oh, god, I can’t even think about it.” Jess put her hand to her mouth and choked back sobs.

“Then we won’t think about it. This won’t happen, Nick will be one of the lucky ones, he’s been okay so far, hasn’t he?” Brian tried to reassure Jessica.

Jess walked up to Nick. She hated the sound of the respirator, she hated everything that was hooked up to him. He looked peaceful. She smoothed the blond hair away from his forehead. “Oh, Nicky, I’m so sorry.” Jessica whispered as she touched his cheek.

Jess and the guys were literally camped out in the lobby at the hospital. They anxiously awaited any news about Nick. It was hours ago when Dr. Gaynor talked to Brian and Jess. Kevin had left a message for Nick’s mom and dad to call on his cell phone, but so far they hadn’t returned the call.

Finally, a nurse approached Brian and said that Dr. Takagheshi would like to speak with him. Jess stood up and walked with Brian to a conference room off the lobby. They sat in the small room waiting for this doctor to come in and talk to them about Nick.

A tall thin man wearing a white lab coat entered the room. The name Dr. Takagheshi was embroidered over the left front pocket.

Holding his hand out, he introduced himself to Brian and Jess.

“I am Dr. Takagheshi, cheif of neurosurgery. Dr. Gaynor requested I look in on Nick.” As the doctor sat down, he sighed. “I looked over the results of the MRI, CT scans that Dr. Gaynor had ordered on Nick. He has had what appears to be clots for quite sometime, quite possibly before the trauma of the car accident. I’m not sure what would have caused it, more than likely he had a blow to his back at one time or another within the last few months.”

Jess tried to think of when that would have happend. Brian was doing the same and he suddenly recalled when that could have happened.

“He fell offstage about three months ago and landed on his back. He said he was fine.” Brian said.

“That could have done it. Anyway, what I will have to do now is operate on Nick to remove the blood clots and try to stem the bleeding that is still going on. The clots are causing the paralysis because it is blocking the signals from his central nervous system. We will do the surgery and will have to keep Nick suspended in a drug like coma for two to three days afterward to keep his body still so that he can recover. We will know if we have prevented premanent damage once he is out of the coma. I won’t lie to you, time is against Nick right now, the longer we wait, the worse he could be, these clots are pressing on nerves and could permanentally damage them. Nick will be prepped for surgery within the hour. Are there any questions?”

“How long will the surgery take?” Jess asked quietly.

“Anywhere from five to ten hours, I’m not sure. This is something that can’t be rushed into. Anytime you are dealing with the spinal cord, you have to be extremely cautious and delicate. I would guess if Nick is done within eight hours, we would be doing great. I’ll see you in awhile.” Dr. Takaghesi stood up, shook Brian’s hand and patted Jess on the shoulder.

After the doctor walked out of the room, Jess burst into tears. Brian hugged her to comfort her. They walked slowly out of the room and into the lobby to tell the guys what was going on. AJ’s reaction to the news was more of a violent one, as he slammed his fist down on the table. Howie and Kevin appeared to be as shocked as Brian and Jess.

“This isn’t goddamn fair.” AJ spoke bitterly. AJ usually didn’t swear like that in front of Brian but he was so upset that he wasn’t thinking about anything but the unfairness of the whole situation.

Jess put her arm around AJ. AJ slowly started to relax. Kevin and Howie just looked shocked. They felt like everything was starting to fall apart around them and they didn’t have any control over the situation.

The group decided to go to the cafeteria for coffee while they waited. They knew that this was going to be a long day for them, not to mention Nick. Each of them were secretly praying for Nick but on the same hand also praying that the news of this would not spread out to the media again.

As they walked down the hallway towards the cafeteria past people, there were quite of few strangers that recognized them. The guys just kept walking and talking like there was nothing amiss. Jess was in the center of the group and just walked along with them, not speaking.

They found a booth in the back of the cafeteria and sat down. Some people were intentionally walking towards the back of the room to look at them sitting there. It didn’t take too long before they were approached by two teenaged girls holding pieces of paper and a pen.

“Um, could we get your autographs, please?” The girl that appeared to be older than the other one spoke nervously.

The guys looked at each other. Brian had a sly smile play across his face.

“Sure, Jess, you sign first.” Brian said as he took the piece of paper and the pen.

“Me? Why me? They don’t want my autograph.” Jess looked at Brian like he had brain damage.

“Oh, we don’t mind, I mean, after all, she is with you guys so she must be someone important, right?” The older girl spoke up, again nervous.

“Yeah, she is important.” Brian smiled.

“Who are you, are you a girlfriend or something?” The younger girl asked.

“Yes she is.” Brian, AJ, Kevin and Howie said together.

“Comeon guys, stop it.” Jess was started to get embarrassed.

As Jess signed her name on the piece of paper a girl put it together who she was.

“Ohmygod, you’re Nick Carter’s girlfriend, aren’t you?” The older teen spoke out, almost too loudly.

The guys instantly hushed her to be quiet, they didn’t want a crowd to come over.

“If you’re here, where’s Nick?” The younger girl demanded.

“He’s busy right now.” Kevin answered.

The guys passed the paper around quickly to get the girls away from the table. They didn’t want to answer anymore questions.

“He’s not back here is he? Oh, god, I hope not.” The older girl asked.

“Thanks ladies.” Brian handed the paper and pen back to the girls.

“Is Nick here?” The girl persisted.

“I said thanks.” Brian did not want to answer the question.

“He is, isn’t he?” They kept waiting for an answer from the group.

“Hey, we signed the paper, isn’t that enough?” AJ was getting annoyed.

The girls turned and left. AJ can be intimidating when he wanted to be.

It wasn’t ten minutes when a another cluster of girls appeared at the booth. This group was accompanied by an adult.

“We don’t mean to bother you, but could you give these girls an autograph, please?” The man asked polietly.

AJ held his hand out. He didn’t say a word to them, he was starting to get stressed and was afraid if he spoke he would say something he would regret later. The guys didn’t say anything to the group of girls, they just wrote their names very quickly and passed the paper onto the next person.

“Where’s Nick?” A girl asked in the group. “I thought he was out of the hospital.”

The adult came to the rescue before anyone in the group had a chance to respond. “If he isn’t here with them, then he must be here someplace else. I’m sure he’s okay and it’s none of our business where he is so just leave it at that girls.”

The guys smiled at the adult and said thank you to him. The girls were obviously disappointed that they didn’t find out where Nick was, but were thrilled to have autographs.

Kevin leaned close to the table. “Man, do you think we could find a place where we won’t be bugged so much?”

“I don’t know, we’ve been here for about ten minutes and have been interrupted twice. I don’t like that.” AJ replied. “You know that the media will be finding out about this soon.”

“Let’s hope not.” Jess said quietly back. “That will mean security guarding the door and the whole bit.”

“Let’s see, Nick has been in surgery only an hour and a half, he could be there for another three and a half or more, there aren’t too many places to be at right now.” Brian said.

A nurse approached the table. “Hi, my name is Lynnette and I’m work on the pediatrics floor. I couldn’t help but notice you guys, aren’t you the Backstreet Boys?”

“Yeah.” AJ replied quickly.

“Would you ever been interested in coming up to the pediatrics floor and visiting with some patients some time? It would really brighten their day, especially the kids that are sick with cancer.” The nurse asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure sometime maybe.” AJ answered.

“Thanks, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bother you.” The nurse turned away and left.

“AJ, I think you came across kinda short to her.” Jess put her arm around AJ. “Soften up.”

“I’m sorry, but I hate getting bugged at a time like this. Everybody wants something all the time, we get no privacy anytime.” AJ appologized.

“Yeah, but AJ, if people stopped bugging you guys, you would be out of a job because they wouldn’t be listening to you anymore, would they?” Jess pointed out. “We’ve got over three hours to kill before Nick is even possibly out of surgery, don’t you think it would be nice to do something like this for the kids?”

The guys looked at one another. They seemed to be hesitant about doing it.

“Comeon, guys, it’s for the kids.” Jess insisted.

“Alright, I guess it would be fun to do it.” AJ answered, much to the shock of the rest of them.

“Great, then I will go over to that nurse and tell her for you guys, okay?” Jess asked.

The guys nodded and watched Jess walk across the room to the nurse that had spoken to them.

“Hi, Lynnette? I’m Jess and I’m sorry that AJ seemed to be short with you, but he has alot on his mind right now and he can be a little intense.”

“Oh, that’s okay, I understand, I guess.” Lynette smiled at Jess. The other nurses kept eating while Jess stood there.

“Anyway, I talked to them and they agreed to come up to the pediatrics floor and visit the kids if you would still want them to. We are going to be here for a little while and I told them it would be a great thing to do.”

“Oh, that would be great. When can they come up?” Lynette asked.

“When you’re done with your lunch, I guess.” Jess answered.

“Okay, then I’ll come over to your table when I’m ready and then I can take you there.” The nurse smiled.

“Okay.” Jess said and turned to go back to sit down with the guys.

“The nurse will come over here when she’s done with lunch.” Jess informed the guys as she sat down.

As Jess was talking, Kevin pulled up his pager and looked at the message. “Nick’s parents must have finally got my message, excuse me, I gotta find a phone to call them.” Kevin started to slide over and Brian stood up to let him out.

“I wonder if his mom and dad will come back from California with the kids when they find out what’s happened. Aaron is starting his touring and they decided it would be a fun summer vacation to go as family.” Jess wondered outloud.

“I don’t know what they’ll do.” Howie spoke quietly.

Kevin was gone for a few minutes and came back into the cafeteria. He was hard not to notice and there were a few heads that turned to see where he was going.

“I talked to Bob and told him what had happened. They are in San Diego right now. I told him to wait until Nick comes out of surgery before they decide what to do.” Kevin said as he sat down next to Brian.

The nurse again approached the booth, but this time she had some of her friends with her.

“Are you ready to come with me?” She asked.

Brian and AJ lifted their cups and finished off their coffee. They all moved out of the booth and followed the nurse out of the cafeteria.

The guys knew that this was an important thing to do for the kids, but they were nervous about doing something like this. They got on a staff elevator with the nurses and, of course, the elevator stopped at every floor to let hospital staff and some patients on and off.

The time on the pediatrics floor went by quickly. The kids were suprized and happy to see the Backstreet Boys. A few of the kids asked where Nick was. Jess thought it would be a good idea to tell them that he was sick and the doctors were taking care of him.

Brian finally suggested to the group that they should be going. It was getting close for the time that Nick should be out of surgery.

The nurses asked them if they could take a picture of the guys with some of the patients with them to put on the wall in the hallway. Kids and nurses gathered with the guys and Jess agreed to take the picture.

“Thank you, you guys have made their day.” All of the nurses spoke to them in unison.

The guys replied by saying thanks and waiving. Jess walked out with them to the elevator.

“See, now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jess asked.

“It was okay, I guess, a little sad though.” Brian said.

“Yeah, but you made someone’s day and that is something that no one could ever take away from them.” Jess reminded them.

Nick ended up being in surgery for over eight hours. Dr. Takaghishi told them that he thought the surgery was successful and felt that Nick will be on his way towards a full recovery and should be back to his old self within six months. He seemed to have been very confident that the paralysis would be only temporary and that the blood clots did not cause any permanent damage.

Jess and Brian went into the neuro ICU room that Nick was in. He laid there with all the equipment surrounding him and looked so small. Jess reached over and smoothed Nick’s hair away from his forehead. The respirator kept it’s steady hissing sound as it was pumping oxygen into Nick’s lungs. The doctor told them that he would have to be on it until after he was out of the suspended coma that they were keeping Nick in for two more days. Once he awoke and they knew that he had regained feeling, they would be able to take him off the respirator.

“Nick has never done anything in his life very easily, has he?” Jess asked Brian.

“I don’t know about that, but lately he’s proven that he takes the hard road on everything.” Brian quietly spoke back.

“I want him to wake up so bad and to know that he’s okay.” Jess spoke with her voice breaking.

Brian put his arm around her. “He’ll be fine, you heard the doc.”

“Yeah, I heard him, but I’m still worried about his voice with this tubing stuff. I pray to God that everything will be okay.”

“Jess, he’ll be okay, don’t think about anything else like that. You know the doctor was very cautious when he did that. Besides, if he didn’t do that, we would be at a funeral home instead of a hospital right now.” Brian replied.

“I guess I didn’t really think about that that way.” Jess touched Nick on the cheek.

“I’m gonna go back out so one of the guys can come in and see Nick.” Brian touched Nick on the shoulder before he turned to leave.

AJ walked into the room and stood next to Jess. He didn’t say anything but looked at the respirator and listened to it’s sickly rhythmn. Jess glanced over at AJ and could see tears in his eyes.

AJ finally touched Nick’s arm and rubbed it. “Kid, you’re putting us through hell right now. I’ve got a few things to say to you when you wake up.”

AJ hugged Jess and left the room. She could tell how broken up and upset he was about the whole thing. Jess was sure that he was just as concerned as she was about the tubing in Nick’s throat and how it could effect his voice forever.

Kevin came into the room and hugged Jessica. He too didn’t speak at first, he spent the time absorbing the surroundings with the machines and all the tubes going in and out of Nick. Kevin hated the noise of the respirator. He hated everything it stood for.

“Hey Nicky, you keep fighting this and get better.” Kevin took ahold of Nick’s hand and squeezed it.

Kevin hugged Jess and left the room so Howie could come in. When Howie came in, Jess could sense how nervous he was. He looked at Nick and turned away.

“I’m sorry, I’m not good at this.” Howie walked quickly out of the room. He was upset when he saw Nick on the respirator and he didn’t want Jess to see him lose composure.

Brian came back into the room again.

“Jess, let us give you a ride home. Nick will be out of it and he doesn’t know you’re here. You should come with me and we’ll come back later today or early tomorrow. Nick’s dad is flying in sometime this afternoon so we will probably be back here in awhile anyway.”

“Brian, you know how I hate to leave Nicky alone.” Jess stroked Nick’s hair.

“Yeah, but Nick is out of it at the moment and he won’t be awake for a few days. He would be mad if he knew you were hanging around here.” Brian tried to reason with Jess.

“Well, what if his dad comes here and no one is around, wouldn’t that look like we don’t care?” Jess asked.

“No, I’m sure that Nick’s dad knows that you have been constantly taking the best care that you can for Nick. He would understand why you aren’t there and would call you, now comeon.” Brian urged Jess to say goodbye to Nick and leave.

“Um, I guess. Nick, I’ll be back later.” Jess kissed Nick on the forehead.

Jess hurried to the hospital. The doctors had told her last night that they were weaning Nick off of the medication that was keeping him sedated. She was anxious to find out how the surgery took and wanted to be there when Nick woke up since he would be scared having the tube in his throat and not being able to talk.

Jess was relieved when she walked into Nick’s room to find that he was still sleeping and hadn’t woke up yet. The respirator was still keeping it’s noisy vigil making the hissing noise as it filled Nick’s lungs with oxygen. A heart monitor made pinging noises with every heartbeat. Jessica took a chair beside the bed and took Nick’s hand and held it.

After sitting next to him for about an hour, she felt him move his fingers. She looked at his face and saw his eyelids flutter open. His eyes had fear in them as he looked wildly about the room.

“Nick, it’s okay, I’m here.” Jess stood up so that Nick would see her face.

Nick grabbed at the tubing in his throat. Jess took his hands away from it.

“Let me call the doctor, don’t do anything with that tube, you could hurt yourself.” Jess tried to calm him down. She pushed the call button and within seconds a nurse appeared in the room. She saw that Nick was awake and did an about face and came back in with a resident physician.

“Okay, take it easy there, Nick. Don’t fight the tube please.” The resident physician talked in a soothing voice to try to calm Nick down.

Nick looked scared. He couldn’t remember how he got here or what had happened to him. He tried to think of what had happened but was drawing a blank.

“Nick, I need to know if you can move your arms. Can you do that for me?” The doctor asked Nick.

Nick thought the question was sort of odd, but he did what the doctor had asked and raised both arms up in front of him.

The doctor, satisfied with Nick moving his arms asked the nurse for a medication to be injected into the IV. The nurse left and returned quickly with a syringe.

“Okay Nick, just relax.” The doctor said as the nurse injected the medication into the IV. As soon as she started, Nick’s body went limp as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

“We needed to sedate him before we took the trache out. We will have to suture the wound closed.” The doctor told Jess as he slipped on gloves.

Jess stayed away from the bed as the doctor and nurse worked on Nick to remove the trache and sew the hole shut. Once they were done, the nurse told Jess that he should be coming out of the sedation anytime soon. He’d be a little groggy but otherwise would be fine.

Jess sat down next to the bed and looked over at Nick. He appeared to be resting comfortablly. His throat had a large white bandage covering where the tube had been inserted. It was good not to hear the hissing of the respirator. When they took the tube out of Nick’s throat, she heard him make a gasping sound, which she thought was normal because the doctor and nurse didn’t react to it.

It took about a half an hour before Nick started to wake up. His eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jess asked Nick quietly.

Nick looked over at Jess. His eyes darted back and forth as if they were searching for something.

“You’re back at Tampa Hospital. You had to have emergency surgery, you don’t remember what happened?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick’s only response was a puzzled look on his face and he frowned.

“You had fallen and then couldn’t move and they did some tests and found that you had some blood clots on your spine. They figured it may have come from a fall that you had before the car accident. Brian said that a couple of months ago you had fallen off stage and landed on your back. They think that’s what caused the clots. They had to do surgery to remove the clots. You have been out of it for about three days.” Jess quietly and slowly recapped what had happened to Nick. He listened intently.

Nick opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He tried again, still nothing.

“Nick, it may take a little while before you should try to talk, they had to do a trache on you and it was just taken out less than an hour ago.” Jess tried not to look worried.

Nick, on the other hand, was scared to death. He knew what it meant when they do traches and how it could damage a person’s voice by altering it completely. All he could think about was that he would be finished as a singer, he would never be able to sing again.

“Nick, Dr. Gaynor didn’t have a choice, he had to do it. If he hadn’t of, you would not be here right now. You were suffocating and he had to help you immediately. You were paralyzed from the base of your neck down. The muscles you use to breathe were not functioning.” Jess tried to explain why this had happened, but Nick did not seem to care, if he couldn’t sing what would be the point of living.

Brian walked into the room with a smile on his face. “Hey Nicky, buddy, good to see you awake. How ya doing?” Brian patted Nick on the head. Nick always hated when Brian did that.

Nick smiled weakly at Brian and rolled his eyes.

“They just took the tubing out of his throat about an hour ago.” Jess explained.

“Oh, I see, that’s good.” Brian wanted to ask if there was any indication as to whether or not the surgery was a success, but didn’t know if it was a good thing to bring up.

Dr. Takaghishi walked in with Nick’s chart in his hands.

“Good morning, I heard that you were awake. I have been waiting.” The doctor spoke as he was looking over Nick’s chart. He set the chart on the bedstand and walked over to Nick. He checked Nick’s eyes, listened to his chest and then started to ask Nick questions that Jess and Brian were waiting for.

“Nick, I want you to squeeze my hands.” The doctor ordered Nick. Nick responded to the doctor’s satisfaction. “Now I want you to wiggle your right foot.” The doctor made that request after he pulled the blankets off of Nick’s legs. Nick frowned as he tried to move his foot. After what seemed like minutes but was only a few moments, his right foot moved back and forth.

“Great, now do the same thing with your left foot.”

Jess and Brian held their breath when the doctor asked Nick to move his left foot. That was the leg that had been giving him so many problems after the accident.

Nick concentraited very hard on moving this foot. It wasn’t responding as quickly as his right foot and it moved ever so slightly. If you hadn’t been looking for it, you wouldn’t have noticed it.

“Very good.” The doctor did not like seeing that Nick had limited movement in his left foot. He asked Nick to hold out his left arm palmside up. When Nick complied, the doctor put his hand on Nick’s arm and asked him to push up against it.

Nick struggled to move the doctor’s arm without success. His arm didn’t have the strength to move the doctor’s arm at all. Nick was suprised when nothing happened.

Jess and Brian both felt their hearts sink. This did not look good at all. They both hoped that this was only temporary and waited for the doctor to say something after he finished writing in Nick’s chart.

“You’re doing good, Nick. There seems to be a little weakness in your left side right now, but that was the side that was affected before the surgery. I wouldn’t worry over it just yet.” The doctor said.

“What about the trache, when we he be able to speak?” Jess decided to go ahead and ask, she was sure that Nick was thinking the same question.

“That too will take some time, again, I wouldn’t worry over that just yet either.” The doctor smiled.

It wasn’t what they wanted to hear, they wanted time, a date, sometype of guideline to go by to know when he wasn’t meeting the medical goals.

“I’m sorry, it’s the best I can tell you right now. Just get some rest Nick, this is what it will take, time and rest.”

The doctor left the room. Nick wanted so desperately to talk, he was frustrated that he couldn’t communicate with anyone yet.

“I know, buddy, I know.” Brian tried to reassure Nick.

Nick couldn’t help but let the tears that were building in his eyes slip down his cheeks.

“Aw, Nick.” Jess wiped the tears away. “It’s got to get better, it has to get better, don’t think of anything else but that.”

“Yeah, Jess is right Nick. It’s easy to say from our standpoint, but it really will get better.” Brian said.

Nick closed his eyes out of frustration. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t walk, he wanted to be left alone.

“Nick, would you like the radio on or television?” Jess was hoping that this would take his mind off his problems.

Nick opened his eyes. Jess had to repeat the options so Nick could nod his head yes or no. He settled for the radio. As Brian turned it on for him, he chuckled when Britney Spears came on.

“Ya still want it on, Nick?” Brian smiled.

Nick gave a half smile back at Brian. He was getting tired and could of really cared less at the moment if it was Britney Spears, Cher or Madonna.

“Okay, we’ll go away for a little bit and let you rest.” Jess kissed Nick goodbye.

After Brian and Jess left the room, Nick closed his eyes and let his thoughts wander. He thought about what had happened in the past few months. He remembered when he was onstage at Orlando Arena and misstepped and fell backwards and landed on his back. The pain when he fell shot down to both feet. He told the guys he was okay after he laid there in shock for a few moments, but things never really did feel quite right. He remembered for the first time since the accident, the fight he and Jess had and him getting into his corvette to just go out and be away from everyone. He remembered seeing a blue pickup truck go through a red light and the squeal of his breaks when he literally stood up on them.

All of the things that had happened in the last six weeks were not good things. It would seem as if the bad stuff should be ending anytime soon. Nick’s thoughts switched when he heard the song Backstreet’s Back being played on the radio. The lyrics being sung almost laughed back at him. Nick never really listened to himself sing before, now the voice was haunting him.

Nick opened his eyes. Maybe if I concentrait hard enough, I can say something. Nick wanted this all to be a dream. He opened his mouth and tried to speak. The only sound that came out was a gasping garbling sound. It was very faint. It hurt his throat when he made that noise. Nick decided maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to try to speak, he was afraid if he did get his voice back he could run the risk of damaging the vocal cords by straining them.

Nick closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep. It was safer in his dreams, there was no accident and their wasn’t any injuries.

Nick woke up when he heard Dr. Takaghishi enter the room. It had been almost two days since he had been out of the coma and had the trache removed from his neck. Still, Nick was afraid to try to talk, so he still didn’t know if he could.

“Good morning, Nick. How are your feeling today?” The doctor smiled at Nick waiting for a reply.

Nick smiled back at the doctor. He didn’t make a sound or even make an attempt to reply.

“Nick, have you tried to talk yet?” The doctor asked.

Nick shook his head no. He had a pencil and paper on his nightstand and quickly wrote down the words “scared to.”

“I can understand why you’d be afraid, but you can try so we know if everything is okay. You won’t hurt anything if you talk now. It was good that you didn’t try to a few days ago, but everything should be healed up by now. Try saying the word hi.” The doctor instisted that Nick speak.

Nick opened his mouth to speak. At first air just came out. Nick cleared his throat and tried again. “Hi.” The word came out sounding like he had a severe sore throat. The clarity wasn’t there either. If you didn’t know the word he was saying, you would never know.

“Good. I think we can have a speech therapist come in today and work with you. Just keep trying to talk, it’s only going to get better, the muscles are still tight from you not talking for a few days.” Dr. Takaghishi wrote something down in Nick’s chart. “And I’m going to have you taken off of the IV today too. I’ll see you again tomorrow.”

Nick smiled. The doctor stopped at the door and turned back towards Nick.

“I said I’ll see you tomorrow.” He was waiting for Nick to say something back.

“Bye.” Nick replied, it was again faint and hoarse.

“Remember to talk.” The doctor left the room.

Nick hated the sound of his voice right now. It was hoarse, like after you have a bad cold or a sore throat. The thoughts that ran through his mind was what if this was the way he would sound for the rest of his life. It scared him to think of not being able to sing. It scared him even more to think that he could be left with a voice that would make people cringe when he spoke. Nick could start to feel the gloomy depression he was fighting slowly taking over again.

Nick looked around his hospital room in ICU. He was sick of the stale air, the machines, the tests. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever be the same again. He was tired of being dependent upon people to do things.

“Hi Nick, I’m Stacie and this is Nick from P.T. We are here to get you out of that bed and sitting in a chair today. I know you haven’t been out of the bed yet, have you?” The therapist was a petite girl with waist length blonde hair that was pulled back in a pony tail.

Nick shook his head no. He knew he was supposed to try to talk but he wasn’t happy with his voice at the moment.

“Okay, Nick, lets put your bed up so that you are sitting up more. We’ll go slow, let me know if you start to feel woozy, okay?” The male therapist talked to Nick as he started to raise the head of the bed up.

Nick raised his hand up to get them to stop. He was feeling dizzy.

“Are you okay?” Stacie asked.

Nick wanted to say wait a few minutes but opted to just shrug his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Stacie asked.

Nick wished she’d ask yes or no type questions. He shrugged his shoulders again.

“Are you ready to try again?” Stacie asked cheerfully.

Finally, Nick thought, a yes or no question. Nick nodded his head in agreement.

As they were moving the bed up again, Nick’s nurse came into the room.

“I’m going to borrow his left hand for a sec, we get to take the IV out,” she stated as she was shutting off the IV pump.

“Good, eh Nick, one less thing to deal with.” Stacie said happily.

Nick just smiled.

After the nurse finished pulling the IV out and putting a band-aid on his hand, she asked Nick what his pain level was.

Nick shook his head no. He was a little sore and could have used something, but he didn’t want to speak.

“What’s with this?” The nurse imitated Nick’s shaking his head. “I asked you a question and you’re supposed to answer. Has he spoke to you guys yet? The nurse asked the therapists as if Nick wasn’t in the room.

“No, not a word.” Stacie replied.

“He is to be talking, doctors orders. Now, how about the pain level, Nick.” The nurse waited for an answer.

Nick tried to say the word six but just hoarseness came out. He tried to clear his throat and say it again. This time it came out very faintly.

“Would you like something then?” The nurse asked, “and answer, don’t nod.”

God, how I hate this woman right now, Nick was thinking. “Ea” was all of the word yeah that Nick was able to say. What came out didn’t sound as clearly as it should have.

“Okay, I’ll be back. Remember to talk.”

Nick watched his nurse leave. He really hated her insistance on him talking.

“Alright Nick, let’s have you try and sit on the edge of the bed. Use the rails if you need to help yourself move.” Stacie said.

Nick struggled to move his legs over to the side of the bed. They felt so heavy. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, he was sitting up with his legs hanging over the side of the bed. He started to feel faint.

“Here, take a sip of your water.” Stacie ordered him.

Nick took a sip from the straw. The nurse came back into the room with Nick’s pain pills.

“Doesn’t it feel good to sit up Nick?” the nurse asked.

Nick cleared his throat. He hoped she would accept that as an attempt to answer her. It wasn’t.

“Well, isn’t it?” She waited for an answer.

Nick wanted to shout, God I hate you Mary to his nurse but managed to say a quiet “yes.”

“How are you feeling?” Stacie asked Nick after Mary left the room.

Nick tried to answer saying “okay” but what came out wasn’t anything the therapist understood.

“I’m sorry, did you say alright?” She was guessing.

Nick nodded, it was close enough for him.

“Okay, do you think you’re ready to stand? I’ll have Nick put the walker in front of you. Now remember to use your legs and the bed for balance and not the walker, okay?” Stacie wanted to make sure Nick understood.

Nick nodded. He waited until a therapist was on either side of him. Nick remembered the routine from the last time he was in the hospital.

As he slowly stood up, he noticed how his legs were shakey. Both therapists had grabbed one of his arms to keep him from falling.

“Easy there. Are you still doing okay?” Stacie turned to face Nick when she asked the question.

Again, as Nick answered, the word didn’t sound right.

Evidentally, Stacie thought Nick said no.

“Okay, we’ll have you sit back down then. We’ll try to have you take a few steps later today.” Stacie stayed by Nick as he was sitting back in bed. Before he could turn and get himself into position to lay down, an orderly appeared in the room with a wheelchair.

“I’m here to take you to speech therapy.”

Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to go there. He was scared that his voice would never get better.

The orderly brought the wheelchair over to the bed.

Stacie asked Nick if he would want help transferring from the bed to the chair.

This is one thing I know I can do, Nick thought to himself.

Nick used his upper body to get off the bed and into the chair.

“That was pretty good Nick, but remember next time to try and use your legs.” Stacie observed. “I’ll be back in the afternoon to have you take a few steps. See you then.”

Nick was thankful that Stacie didn’t wait for a reply from him.

“Okay, are you ready to go?” The orderly asked Nick.

Nick nodded. He did not want to go but he knew that he had no other choice. He was scared. His whole life was his voice, without that he would be nobody, he let his thoughts drift towards all of the negative things that would be if his singing was taken away from him.

“When you are done with speech, you will be going to a regular room instead of ICU. I don’t know if they told you that.” The orderly made small talk while they were in the elevator.

Nick kept his eyes focused on the floor. He did not want to make small talk with anyone. The elevator seemed to take forever to get to the sixth floor. Worse yet, when they got to the therapy room, the orderly parked the wheelchair and told him it would be a few minutes before the therapist would be over to see him.

“Great, here I sit with everyone walking by me and staring at me,” Nick thought to himself. He prayed that no one would come up and talk to him. His worse fears were realized when a young girl in her teens boldly approached him.

“Excuse me, are you Nick Carter?” She looked down at Nick when she asked him.

Nick wouldn’t and couldn’t talk to this girl. He shook his head no and put his hand up to his throat.

“What, you can’t talk? Oh my god, no, please tell me it isn’t true.” The girl looked upset. This was not what Nick had in mind, he was hoping she would think he meant no. Desperately, he tried to think of a way out of the situation. He motioned that he needed something to write on and a pencil.

The girl had a piece of paper and a pen. Nick hastily scribbled on the paper: No, sorry, you must have me confused with someone else.

As Nick handed the paper back to the girl to read, the speech therapist picked the worst time possible to come to Nick.

“Hi Nick, are you ready to get started?”

The girl’s mouth dropped open. “You are Nick Carter. Oh my god, what happened?”

Nick couldn’t speak on his behalf, he shrugged his shoulders. Thankfully, the therapist turned the wheelchair to take Nick to the room.

“What happened?” The girl still was waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry, but it is a policy not to discuss patient’s records with strangers.” The therapist finally stepped in and responded to the girl.

Nick prayed that this was the farthest this would carry. All he needed was for this to get out to the media. They would have a field day with that.

“Okay, Nick, I want to see what range your voice is left with right now. Can you say the letter a?”

Nick looked at the woman’s hospital identification tag. Her name was Jane. It instantly made him think of his mother.

Nick tried to say “aye” but all that would come out was something that sounded like it came from an animal. It was low and gutteral.

“Can you clear your throat?” Jane asked him.

Nick nodded and cleared his throat, even that didn’t sound normal or natural.

“Try saying the letter a again but this time, try saying it softly, almost a whisper.” Jane encouraged.

“Aye.” Nick almost couldn’t hear himself, but he thought what he heard was what he wanted to say.

“Very good, Nick. Now say the letter b.” Jane wrote something down in the chart. “Do it softly again as before.”

Nick licked his lips as if he was attempting to climb a mountain. “Bee.” Again, it was very soft, but it was clear.

After spending thirty minutes with Jane working on his speech, Nick found that he could say short sentences as long as he spoke just barely whispering.

“Okay, Nick, I want you to keep talking like we are practicing, your range will improve once your muscles get stronger. It’s just best to talk the way you are right now, your voice has had a trauma and it will take time to heal.” Jane tried to encourage Nick.

“Okay, thanks.” Nick replied. It was very soft, almost too soft, but at least he could say something back for a change.

“We’ll try something new tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay.” Nick smiled. He was praying that tomorrow he would be able to speak up louder and clearer.

Nick was surprised when he was taken to his new room to find Jess and Brian sitting in the room waiting for him. Jess didn’t waste a second going up to Nick and giving him a bear hug and a kiss.

“I missed you.” Jess said in his ear.

Nick whispered back to Jess in her ear, “I missed you too.”

Jess pulled back quickly from their embrace. “Oh, Nick, you can talk!” She was so happy she couldn’t hide her excitement.

Nick smiled at her. He was afraid to say anything else, she would know then that all he could do was whisper.

“Hey pal, that’s great.” Brian smacked Nick on the shoulder.

Both Brian and Jess stood there and looked at Nick. They waited for him to initiate the conversation.

Nick sat in the wheelchair and stared at Brian and Jess. He wasn’t going to utter a word unless he had to.

“You know, this staredown can last for quite awhile. Don’t you have anything you would like to share?” Brian commented.

Nick shook his head no. Jess and Brian glanced at each other.

“What’s wrong Nick?” Jess knew immediately that Nick was hiding something from them.

Nick finally decided to speak again. He cleared his throat and spoke softly, “I can’t talk any higher than this.” It was barely audible.

“For how long? This is only temporary isn’t it?” Jess asked. She was hoping he would say yes, it was temporary.

“I don’t know, they won’t say.” Nick whispered back. His eyes started to sting with the tears that were filling up in them.

“Awh, Nick, don’t get yourself all worried yet, you just started talking today, didn’t you?” Jess said as she put her arms around him.

“Yes.” Nick whispered quietly.

“And you just started speech therapy today also, didn’t you?” Brian asked.

“Yes.” Nick again whispered quietly.

Brian looked his friend in the eyes. “It’s gonna take some time, don’t get yourself all upset about this.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Nick whispered, “I don’t know what I will be left with a month from now.”

Nick let the tears slip down his cheeks. He was so sick of not having his body respond the way he wanted it to. He was beginning to feel as if he would never be the same again. He was trying to fight the feelings of being helpless and useless. He did not want to let Brian and Jess know how he was feeling.

“Nick, are you okay?” Brian always picked up on Nick’s moods.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nick lied.

“Hey, I know there’s something bothering you, don’t lie to me, I want to help you.” Brian rubbed Nick’s shoulder. “Comeon, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” Nick was starting to get annoyed.

Brian wasn’t convinced, but he decided to let it go for the moment. He knew Nick all too well and knew that he was hiding something. He was afraid that Nick was going into a depression again, but hopefully it wouldn’t be as bad as the last time.

Nick decided he wanted to lay down in bed. He moved the wheelchair over to the side of the bed and grabbing the armrests on the chair, he pushed himself up to a standing position. Once he was standing, he soon realized that it was a stupid decision on his behalf to try to do that without anyone standing near him.

Brian rushed up and caught Nick as he was starting to fall forward. “Whoa, I got you.”

“Guess that wasn’t a good idea.” Nick said softly.

Brian stayed by Nick while he turned himself and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Have you stood up yet, Nick?” Brian questioned his friend.

“Yeah, earlier with the therapists. Only once.” Nick said quietly. “I shouldn’t of tried to do this on my own but I thought I could.” Nick hated this. He was so upset, he wanted to be left alone.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you have been sick for so long that you are anxious to do stuff for yourself.” Jess tried to reason with Nick.

Nick didn’t respond, he just pushed himself back into the bed and laid down. He picked up his game boy and turned it on and proceeded to play a game. He was hoping that they would go away, he didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

“Nick, I am starting to get worried about you again.” Jess was getting annoyed that he was trying to ignore her and Brian.

Nick stopped what he was doing and looked up at Jessica. He raised his voice above the whisper level and was trying to say “Can’t you guys just accept that fact that I can’t do a goddamn thing right now?”, but the only thing that came out was not understandable. Frustrated, Nick threw his gameboy on the nightstand. It hit the table and then it slid off onto the floor and popped open.

“Nickolas Carter, take a breath and count to ten. You need to calm down.” Jessica was mad. She hated when Nick’s temper flared up. He had a tendency to throw stuff around and do a lot of yelling. It was easier about the yelling stuff this time since he couldn’t yell.

“Now that you broke your gameboy, you have to talk to us.” Brian stated.

Nick glanced at Brian and had a dark look on his face. He picked up the remote for his television and turned it on. He surfed through the channels and stopped at MTV.

“Well, we can sit with you and watch tv.” Jessica said as she sat down. Brian pulled a chair up next to her and sat with her.

Nick glared at them. “Alright, I can see that you won’t go away.” Nick whispered with an angry tone in his voice.

“Nope, we’re not going away.” Brian answered. “Not when we know your in this type of mood.”

Nick resigned himself that he was going to have company whether he liked it or not. He knew that they were picking up on his frustrations, but it was so hard not to be that way.

They picked up on the MTV 30 second news update. Everyone felt a sickened feeling in their stomachs when they listened:

Backstreet Boy Nick Carter is back in the hospital. Apparently he had to have emergency surgery to remove blood clots in his spine. The doctors determined that the clots were caused when Carter fell and not from the automobile accident in June.

It appears that the surgery was a success and he is not permanently paralyzed, however, the doctors had to preform an emergency tracheomotry because of the temporary paralysis. Carter’s voice, unfortunately has been affected by this surgery. Hospital officals are declining comment at this time.

Jess and Brian were both afraid to look at Nick. They sat there with their mouths open in shock.

Finally, Jess spoke up, “I can’t believe that nothing is ever private. How the hell did they find this stuff out?”

“Not only that, do you know that they will have to have a guard outside your door again?” Brian shook his head. This was the hardest part about being famous.

MTV showed a video that caught everyone’s attention after the 30 second news update. It was the long version of Backstreet’s Back video.

Nick remembered how much fun he had doing that video. It took them over sixteen hours to film it but they had so much fun doing it that it didn’t seem that long.

Jessica was captivated listening to Nick’s voice in the beginning of the video talking. Once the music started and the dancing and singing, Jess couldn’t help but watch Nick out of the corner of her eye to see what he was doing while it was on.

Nick watched the video intently. He never realized how well he could dance, something he had always taken for granted. Now that he was not able to stand up on his own, let alone take any steps, he was looking at the video with envy. It was making him angry as each momement went on. It was almost as if MTV was ridiculing him and mocking him. Nick started to feel as if the world was against him and laughing at him.

Brian could see Nick’s body tense as the video continued. He was beginning to realize that this was a terrible mistake watching television. It was Nick that turned the set on so they did not have any control over what had been selected.

There was a faint knock on the door. The door wasn’t closed and when they looked in the direction of the doorway, a girl was standing there with a food tray.

“Come in.” Brian said to the girl.

She walked into the room quickly and set the tray down on the stand in front of Nick without making eye contact with anyone. She left the room as quickly as she had entered it.

“Oh, doesn’t that look good?” Brian remarked as he looked over the tray.

Nick’s response was shoving the tray away. He didn’t want to eat, he was too upset to eat.

“Nick, you gotta eat, man.” Brian tried to reason with him.

Nick sank back into the bed, his eyes were in a fixed glaze. He looked sullen, dark.

“Dude, you can’t be doing this to yourself, you need to eat to get better.” Brian looked Nick in the eyes and tried to get him to at least look back at him.

Nick seemed to look through him. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t care to eat, and he felt he didn’t need to eat. He would just assume starve himself than to let this stuff continue. He knew he would never be the same again. He felt that he would always be a burden to someone. He plain just didn’t care anymore.

“Would you eat if we went away and left you alone for awhile?” Jessica suggested.

Nick pondered the idea. He was thinking to himself that if they left him alone he would be able to send the tray back untouched. No questions asked, no witnesses.

“Yeah, why don’t you go for awhile.” Nick whispered quietly.

Reluctantly Jessica gave Nick a kiss and turned to leave.

“We’ll be back later on this afternoon then. Try to eat, please and get some rest, okay?”

Nick didn’t answer Jess he just forced a smile and waved at her and Brian as they were leaving.

After Brian and Jess left, Nick’s nurse, Mary came into the room. She took a look underneath the lids covering the food on the tray.

“Something wrong with the food, you haven’t touched it.”

“Nope, not hungry,” Nick whispered.

“I will be back in an hour and I expect to see your plate clean.” Mary said as she walked out.

Nick watched her leave and envisioned her coming to a quick and painful death. He seized the opportunity and moved himself out of bed and into his wheelchair. Grabbing the tray of food, Nick wheeled himself into the bathroom and took each plate, bowl and cup and dumped it’s contents into the toilet. He flushed the evidence away and returned the tray with empty dishes back onto his bedstand and then got himself back into bed before anyone saw him.

Dr. Takaghishi came in to check Nick. He was baffeled by his weakened state. Three days ago Nick was starting physical therapy, speech therapy and everything was looking good. Everything on Nick’s chart indicated that he should be getting better but instead Nick was taking a complete turn for the worse.

Dr. Takaghishi found Nick laying in bed sleeping, he didn’t appear to notice anyone had entered the room.

The doctor thumbed through Nick’s chart. All of the recent labwork that had been done came back clean. The only think that had popped up abnormal was an electrolyte imbalance which could be fixed with an IV.

From the nurses notes, Nick had been eating and drinking all of his meals. The doctor decided to keep track of imput/output readings.

“Nick, it’s Doctor T, how are you feeling?”

Nick’s eyes barely opened. Dr. T decided to have a central IV line done and have some IV feedings done to ensure that Nick would build up his strength. He also wanted Nick to be moved back to the intensive care unit.

Nick didn’t answer Dr. Takaghishi, he felt too tired to respond. He closed his eyes hoping that the doctor would just go away and leave him alone.

“Nick, we’re going to move you back into ICU and get a central line put in.” Dr. T. looked at Nick to see if he was understanding what was being spoken. Nick was in a deep sleep and didn’t answer or even aknowledge that he had heard him.

Dr. T. was completely baffeled at how Nick was slowly slipping away. He had consulted Dr. Gaynor to come back and take a look at Nick. He figured that Dr. Gaynor may be able to provide some type of answer to this situation since he had been with Nick from the beginning of his injuries from the car accident.

Jess, Brian and Kevin entered Nick’s room as they were preparing to move him up into the intensive care unit. None of them realized that Nick was progressively getting weaker, he managed to cover it pretty well. They were shocked when they learned that he was being moved to ICU.

Dr. Gaynor was in the room when they came in. He spoke to them in a quiet tone.

“Nick has been getting weaker instead of stronger. The bloodwork came back clean, and to be quite honest with you, I think Nick had stopped eating and drinking fluids about four days ago. To put it quite simply, he is trying to starve himself.”

Jess couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she thought he had gotten over the bout of depression he had been suffering from earlier. He never really indicated that he was slipping into that again. She knew he was unhappy about his voice, but she thought he understood that his voice would improve with time and with the therapy.

“What happens now?” Kevin asked Dr. Gaynor.

“We have put a central line into Nick which we will more or less be force feeding him. We will start him up on several IV’s and we will be monitoring his mental status as well as his physical improvements. I will have the psych doctor come in once Nick is better and start to work with him again. I thought he was keeping up on his prozac.”

“He took himself off that several weeks ago, when they gave it to him here, he would spit it out once the nurse left. He said he didn’t need it.” Jessica told the doctor.

“He really is one that needs to be monitored continuously when it comes to medications. I will make sure that he is watched while he is here.” Dr. Gaynor wrote notes down in the chart.

Jessica was starting to feel more like a stool pidgeon instead of a friend. She felt like she had betrayed Nick in some way.

Brian, as usual, had sensed that Jess was feeling upset about the whole situation and he put his arm around her to comfort her.

“Jess, you are doing what’s right for him, you know, don’t you?” Kevin spoke softly.

“I guess so, I just feel so awful. This isn’t fair, why can’t he just let himself get better, he keeps doing things that are creating more harm than good and it just keeps working against him. He’s been lucky up to this point, what if one of these times he were successful? I couldn’t think of life without Nick.” Jess sobbed.

Brian took Jessica’s chin in his hand. “Jess, it’s not gonna happen. We are all going to make sure of that.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks.

They all followed Nick’s bed as they moved him into the intensive care unit. Nick never opened his eyes during the whole trip. Once they had everything in place around Nick in his new room, Jess moved up to the side of the bed and looked down at Nick sleeping. He was laying on his side almost curled up into a ball. It almost looked as if he were in a fetal position. Jess smoothed his hair back.

“Nick, I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself, there are so many people that love you. We don’t care if you’re a singer or a truck driver, we want you here with us. Please, you have to fight to survive. I love you and I want you to come back to me, please.” Jess softly pleaded with Nick hoping that he would hear her.

“That’s right, buddy. We all love you. You should know that, you do know that. You have to fight this, you are making a lot of people upset when you do this kind of stuff. How am I going to explain this to your fans?” Brian was choking on the words, he was almost too upset to speak. He knew how bad suicide was, and he felt so sorry that he couldn’t help his friend.

“Nick, you have to pull through this. I am getting tired of coming to this god forsaken place as much as you are getting tired of being here. You have a lot of people that love and need you. Don’t be checking out on us yet, you have a lot more to accomplish in this lifetime.” Kevin was trying to reason with Nick and was hoping that he could hear him.

Reluctantly, the three of them left the room without ever having Nick aknowledging that they were ever there.

The crowd was roaring so loudly, that Jessica’s ears popped. She instinctively put her hands to her ears to try and protect her hearing. She couldn’t believe the volume that was coming all the way to the back stage.

The house lights went down and the strobe lights were cued up. The crowd again went wild. Jess even felt a little excited herself. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment.

The Star Wars was starting. Jess watched the back of the autditorium. The guys appeared from nowhere on boards and were literally soaring above the crowd. Girls were screaming and jumping up and down with excitement. Some of the girls were crying. Jess smiled to herself. She knew these guys so well that it was funny seeing girls crying when they saw them.

They landed on the stage with perfection. Nick glanced over in the direction where Jess was standing offstage and he smiled and winked at her. Jess gave him a “thumbs up” sign and smiled back.

It had taken Nick several months to get to where he was finally at now. This was the comeback concert and was Nick’s first concert since the car accident. This was a special concert for him. He had been working faithfully with his speech therapist for several months. He still was having some weakness and difficulty with his speech when he got tired, but Nick insisted that they go ahead with the concert. They cut the time down from one and a half hours to one hour. The guys told Nick if he was getting too tired to devise some type of signal that would let them know. They also were going to carry Nick if his voice was failing him. Nick would just mouth the words while they sang.

The first song went on smoothly. When it was finished, the guys introduced themselves to the crowd. Some fans listened quietly while others were still screaming. Nick was the last one to introduce himself.

“Hi, I’m Nick Carter,” Nick started quietly, screams went up. At this point, Nick would usually raise his voice to be heard, but he knew that was something that he couldn’t do.

Howie, Kevin, Brian and AJ made motions to get the crowd to quiet down. It worked, the crowd was almost too quiet and it made Nick nervous.

“Um, I want to say I have been looking forward to coming back to Orlando,” Nick spoke softly and nervously.

A group of girls screamed out, “We love you Nick.”

Nick laughed into the headset, “I love you too. I want to thank someone very special to me for helping me through this,” Nick looked off to the stage where Jess was standing. He motioned for her to come out onto the stage. Jess looked at him in horror and shook her head no. “Comeon, I want you to come out here,” Nick was persistant.

Brian walked over towards Jess, there was no way to escape. Brian grabbed her arm and put his arm around her waist. The crowd started screaming again. “This is Jessica. She has been by my side through this whole thing.” Nick turned towards her. “I love you, Jess.” He gave her a very long and passionate kiss which made the crowd go crazy. Jess stood there blushing with her mouth dropped open. Her knees felt like rubber. Nick smiled and then laughed. “Hey, Brian, I’ll be right back.” Nick put his arm around Jess and walked her back offstage. He grabbed her around the waist and gave her another kiss. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Jess nodded, she couldn’t say a word to him. She stood back and watched the show. It had taken Nick a long time to get where he was with his voice. There were many months of practice of trying to perfect his voice again so that the words would come out perfect. Once he got his pronounciation down pat, Nick had to work with bringing his voice out so that he could be heard without whispering. His voice still had a tendancy to become light when he was tired, but that was coming along with time.

Jess was still concerned that Nick was taking up more than he was ready for. His left leg still had some slight weakness and the doctors said that there had been some permanent nerve damage to the leg, they weren’t sure if the damage was from the car accident or from the clots caused from the fall he had taken. Sometimes Nick became off balanced and would almost fall. She watched nervously as the guys performed the dance routine to “Everybody Backstreet’s Back.” That was a very physical session. As the song was ending, Nick was drenched in sweat. His hair was soaked. Jess could see how tired he was becoming. Although his voice was starting to grow shakey, Nick was still able to give it his best shot. The fans were still screaming through the entire show, they didn’t seem to notice that anything was amiss with Nick’s voice getting weaker.

Jess quickly backed out of the way as the guys ran past her to change hasitly for the next session. As Nick ran by her, he intentionally smacked her shoulder with his hand. Nick was still being the playful soul, as he always was.

Jessica looked at her watch to see how much longer the concert would be. She could tell that Nick was starting to get more fatigued and she wasn’t sure if he would be able to hold on much longer. She was starting to worry when she found that they had over another thirty minutes before it would end, provided that they didn’t do an encore song.

After they were ready for the next session, they stood by her waiting for everyone to regroup. Nick was the last one out and walked towards them this time instead of running. He was still sweaty and his face looked flushed.

Brian looked at Nick, “You gonna be okay, dude?”

Nick nodded at Brian. He didn’t want to disappoint the fans if he didn’t come back out. Nick knew he only had to make it for 30 more minutes. As the band was starting the intro to the next song, the guys put their headsets back on and prepared to run out onto the stage. Unfortunately for Nick, the song was one that he had all the primary parts. Jess could see the worried look on his face as he ran past her. The band started playing “Quit Playing Games.” Nick took a deep breath as he ran out to the cheering audience. He was hoping that they would scream loud enough that they wouldn’t hear the inconsistencies in his voice.

Jess held her breath when Nick started singing. She knew that he was worried about how he was starting to sound. By the audience reaction to the song, she could tell that they didn’t notice any difference to Nick’s voice. He could have talked his way through the song and they wouldn’t of cared at all.

The guys were watching Nick a little more closely when they did the final song, I Want it That Way. They could see that Nick was exhausted and was getting weak singing his part, it was barely audible. They skipped doing anytype of dance moves and had told Nick before hand that they wouldn’t because they knew he would be beat by the end of the hour.

Thankfully, the song ended without anything happening. Nick and the guys bowed, and where they would usually run off the stage, Brian and AJ walked on either side of Nick to support him. Jess made sure she stayed out of the way and followed them to their dressing room. The fans that had backstage passes had to be honored with their tickets so the show wasn’t actually over yet. Jess forgot about the backstage passes.

Brian and AJ led Nick to a couch so he could sit back and relax. Jess looked at Nick’s face and could see how exhausted he was. His face was red from the heat. Nick motioned for her to sit next to him. Jess complied without any hesitation. She handed a water bottle to him as she sat down. Nick looked as if he had a hard time uncapping the bottle. After he finally got it opened, he drank nearly 3/4 of the bottle without stopping. Jess got up and grabbed another bottle before Nick would have to ask for one.

“How ya doing, buddy?” AJ asked Nick as he walked past the couch.

Nick didn’t respond, he just smiled. The fans that had the passes were starting to file into the room. Jess leaned close to Nick.

“Are you up to this?” She whispered in his ear.

“Got no choice, have to be.” Nick whispered back.

Some of the girls flocked around the couch where Brian had sat down next to Jess. Brian sat back and guzzled his bottle of water, he was hot and sweaty like Nick.

The girls stood in awe of Nick and Brian, they did not say a word but appeared to be taking in every move the guys made, every word they spoke. Jess always thought the backstage stuff was weird, the guys pretty much carried on as if no one different was in the room. If the fans asked them questions or wanted pictures taken or autographs signed, they complied without any questions.

Finally a girl directed a question to Jess. “Are you Brian’s girlfriend, Leighanne?”

Brian chuckled. Jess elbowed him in the side.

“And what would be so funny about that?” She asked Brian.

Brian wasn’t expecting her to elbow him while he was drinking his water and some of the ice cold water spilled out onto his chest.

“Um, nothing, sorry?” Brian looked at Jess and then decided to wink to seal the appology.

“No, sorry, wrong girl.” Jess answered.

“She belongs to Nick.” Brian offered the answer to the girls. Jess hated the way that sounded, it made her feel like a clothing item.

Nick didn’t say a word, he was still busy drinking his water. Jess glanced over at him. He seemed to be okay but she could tell how tired he was. Jess silently prayed that this would be finished soon so she could take him home to rest.

As the fans milled about the room, all of the guys carried on conversations amoungst themselves. AJ and Howie were talking about going golfing tomorrow and Kevin said that sounded good to him and that they should call him before they decide to leave.

Nick was trying very hard to keep awake. It was getting more and more difficult with each passing minute. Jess leaned over and whispered into his ear, “Is there anyway we can just leave?”

Nick shook his head no. As much as he wanted to say yes, he knew he couldn’t do it.

Jess decided to ask Brian if he could do something about the lingering fans. She leaned over to Brian and whispered into his ear, “Brian, Nick is getting so tired and I am getting worried, is there anything you can do to hurry the fans along?”

Brian listened to Jess as he was drinking his water. “Yeah, I can talk to Steve.” Brian got up off the couch and walked over to one of their body guards. After Brian sat down, the body guard clapped his hands several times and announced that it was time for the fans to leave.

All of the girls seemed to sound down and didn’t want to leave. They had been backstage with the guys for over an hour and felt that they were entitled to more time with them.

After the last girl left the room, Nick threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know how or if he would be able to get up off the couch.

“Nick, are you alright?” Jess asked with a concerned tone in her voice.

Nick didn’t answer, he just kept looking up at the ceiling.

“Hey dude, I’m talking to you!” Jess spoke up.

Nick finally looked over to Jess. He still didn’t answer. Jess looked at his droopy eyelids.

“Nick old boy, are you ready to go home?” Brian asked.

Nick smiled faintly. He really would have preferred to sleep where he was.

“Comeon, we’ll help you out to the car.” Brian suggested to Nick.

Nick reluctantly pulled himself up off the couch. When he stood up he took a couple of off balanced steps to the side. If no one knew better he looked like he had been drinking the way he stood. Brian quickly came to the rescue and stood on one side of Nick and AJ came over to the other side.

“Nick, put your arms around our shoulders,” AJ directed.

Nick complied without hesitation. Jess followed them walking towards the garage where their vehicles were parked. She noticed that Nick’s left leg was dragging behind him almost as bad as before he had his surgery. The concerts had always physically drained Nick in the past, but with him just recovering from all that had gone on with him that summer, she knew it was too much for him to handle.

Jess recalled that Nick hadn’t spoke in quite awhile. That was starting to concern her as well. “I’ll just wait until we get in the car,” Jess thought to herself.

The walk to the car seemed to take forever. Thankfully, it was a secured garage so there weren’t any paparrazzi waiting to ambush the group.

Brian and AJ walked Nick over to the passenger side of the green durango. Jess clicked the car alarm on her key ring to unlock the doors. Nick sat in the seat and had to pick his left leg up and put it into the vehicle before he could turn and face the front.

“Thanks guys.” Jess said as she prepared to close Nick’s door.

“Jess, are you driving straight home or what?” Howie asked.

“What do you want to do Nick?” Jess didn’t know if he felt up to the almost two hour ride home or not.

Nick hadn’t even thought about it. They had reservations to spend the night in Orlando at the Disney Resort, the trip home would be long and he could still be in pretty rough shape and need help getting into the house.

“Hey, it’s your call, what do you want to do?” Brian asked.

Nick looked at Brian and then at Jess. He licked his lips to speak outloud. His voice was very hoarse, “Stay.” He didn’t have to try and say it again because Jess automatically told Brian she would follow him to the hotel.

As Jess followed the car out of the garage, she asked Nick how he was feeling. Nick had the seat tilted back and his baseball cap was pulled down over his eyes. He didn’t answer her but put his hand on her leg and patted it as if to reassure her.

“I hope you feel better in the morning, this doesn’t look good.”

Nick managed to whisper back to Jessica faintly, “Me too.”

Jessica woke up early, she couldn’t sleep and laid in bed listening to Nick’s breathing rhythm. Her mind raced over the events from the previous night. Nick was able to pull off the concert, but the bad thing was that he had another concert again tonight.

Nick started to stir in bed. He slowly opened his eyes. He turned his head and looked at Jess.

“Morning, how ya feeling?” Jess smiled at Nick.

Nick felt groggy and cleared his throat to speak, “Morning, pretty good.” His voice was weak sounding but a lot better than what it was last night after the concert.

Nick slowly sat up in bed. He reached for the television remote control on the bedstand and turned the tv on to the Today Show.

Jess watched Nick get up and walk across the motel room towards the bathroom. He had a very noticable limp on his left side when he walked. Nick didn’t appear to look as if he noticed he was limping.

“Hey Nick, I’m gonna call Brian and see if he’s up yet.” Jessica called out.

“Okay.” Nick replied hoarsely.

Jess picked up the phone and dialed the front desk. “Ah, yes, could I please have Mike Hart’s room?” Jess asked for the alias that Brian always registered under.

“Yeah?” Brian sounded like he had been woke up.

“Hi Brian, this is Jess, did I wake you up?”

Brian shifted up onto his left side, clearing his throat. “No I was thinking about getting up.”

“Hey, do you want to meet for breakfast?”

“That sounds good to me, AJ, Kev, and Howie are already out golfing, I assume. I’ll be ready in about an hour, Jess. What room are you guys in?” Brian asked as he looked at his watch.

“Um, 4763,” Jess answered as she looked at the room number on the telephone.

“Okay, I’ll come over when I am ready, bye.” Brian hung the phone up.

“Brian said he’ll be down here in about an hour.” Jess said loud enough for Nick to hear.

“What time is it?” Nick quietly asked. The bathroom door was open and Jess walked to the doorway and leaned against it as she watched Nick shave his face.

“It’s 7:34.”

As Nick finished up he looked at Jess in the mirror, “I’m gonna shower first, okay?” he said quietly barely above a whisper.

“Okay with me,” Jess turned and walked over to her bed and sat down to watch tv.

When Jess got finished getting ready, she walked out of the bathroom and found Nick sitting in a chair in the corner of the room watching television. Nick was wearing blue jean shorts, a white polo shirt and his traditional trademark white baseball cap on backwards. Jess couldn’t help but think of how cute he looked and walked over to him and kissed him. As they kissed, a loud knock from the door shook them back into reality. Nick and Jess opened their eyes and looked at each other when they heard the knock.

“I’ll go see who it is.” Jess said reluctantly as she walked over to the door. She looked out the peephole. “It’s Brian.” Jess said as she unlocked the door and opened it.

Brian stepped into the room. He saw Nick sitting in the corner.

“Hey Nick, how ya feeling?” Brian walked over to where Nick was sitting and sat on the edge of the bed facing the table.

“Fine.” Nick answered back quietly.

“Um, are we ready to go to eat breakfast?” Jess desperately tried to change the subject.

“Where should we go?” Brian asked as he stood up.

Jess and Brian looked at Nick.

“How about the hotel restaurant?” Nick quietly suggested.

“Sounds alright.” Brian and Jess said together.

They walked out of the room and followed Nick down the hall to the elevator. Brian noticed Nick’s slow pace as well as the pronounced limp on his left leg. He glanced over towards Jess. Jess just shrugged her shoulders.

No one said anything until they got seated at the restaurant. When the boys stayed at Disney they always got first class treatment and were rarely bothered by fans.

They made small talk as they looked over the menus. After the waitress took the order, Brian leaned across the table and looked at Nick.

“Do you think we should cancel tonight Nick?”

Nick had a puzzled look on his face. “No, why?” He asked quietly.

“Because I can see that you’re exhausted.” Brian answered.

Nick chuckled, “I’m fine don’t worry.” Again his answer was barely audible.

“Nick, you can barely speak, let alone walk.” Jess tried to reason with him.

Nick threw an angry look at Jessica. Jess knew from the past that this look indicated that she should drop the subject immediately.

Brian and Jess sat in the booth quietly, they weren’t sure what to say. Nick seemed content not to speak and drank his coffee and kept his eyes down at the table.

Finally Brian thought about something to say. “Hey, Nick, did you see that group of girls by the stage last night and how they kept jumping everytime you looked at them? That was funny wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, that was funny.” Nick answered softly. He smiled while he thought about it.

“Hey, after breakfast, what do you want to do?” Brian asked Jess and Nick.

“Wanna hang out at the park?” Nick asked softly.

Brian and Jessica’s eyes met. They were both floored to think Nick would even suggest something like that.

“Oh, I dunno, do you really want to fight the crowds?” Jess was trying to put suggestions in his mind. “And besides, you guys have rehearsal this afternoon at 2:00.”

“It’s 9:45 am right now, that’ll give us a few hours to play.” Nick quietly offered.

Before Jess & Brian could add to it, the waitress came with their order. They ate in silence. Once they finished and the waitress put the bill on the table Jess spoke up.

“You were really kidding, weren’t you Nick?” Jess looked at Nick as he reached for the check.

“No, I was serious, why?” Nick didn’t look at her, he was looking at the check.

“I just thought with the concert tonight and how whipped you were after last night’s show, you’d want to conserve your energy.” Jess stated quietly.

Brian tossed money on the table for the tip. Nick spoke as he watched Brian. “I don’t want to sit all day in the hotel room, let’s go get our passes and go. If we get tired, we can always go back.”

Jess didn’t say anymore. Both her and Brian were bother thinking what a huge mistake this was, but they both knew there was nothing either one could say that would change Nick’s mind.

They met each other at the elevator with their passes. Nick put Jessica’s on around her neck and he put his on too.

“Which park?” Nick asked.

Brian and Jess tried to think of the park that would be the quietest and less tiring for Nick. All they could think of was the first park. They got on the monorail in the hotel lobby and sat down. There were a few people already in the car they got in at. Thankfully, they were older people who had no idea who Brian and Nick were.

Brian enjoyed the peacefullness of being in public and not being bugged for a change. He knew it would end at the next stop when the monorail would be letting more people on.

Sure enough, the next stop yielded six teenage girls that got on into their car. They were busy organizing their packages and it wasn’t until the ride started up again when one of the girls noticed Brian and Nick. She nudged her friends and pointed at Jess, Nick and Brian sitting across from her.

“Ohmygod, we’re going to your concert tonight, I’m gonna die.” A small dark haired girl said almost too loudly.

“Gosh, don’t die, that wouldn’t be good.” Brian answered back and laughed.

The girl looked like she was going to faint from the excitement of having Brian aknowlege her.

Nick didn’t say anything, he just smiled and looked out the window. The monorail finally stopped where they wanted to get off. Nick slowly exited the monorail car with Jess and Brian following. His limping was still quite noticable to the point that one of the girls asked Nick if he hurt his leg. Nick acted as if he didn’t hear the girl and just kept walking.

Brian, Jess and Nick spent about three hours at the park. Nick was visibally exhausted. His leg really dragged as they walked into the hotel room. Nick dropped onto the bed and just laid there, his eyes open and staring at the ceiling.

“Was that too much?” Jess was almost afraid to ask.

“Yeah, I’m beat, what time is it?”

“It’s almost 1:30, you have rehearsal in 30 minutes. Do you wanna cancel?” Jess asked timidly.

Nick closed his eyes, “Nope, I’ll be fine, just let me lay here for about ten minutes, okay?”

“Sure.” Jess wanted to go talk to Brian about Nick. “Hey, I’ll be right back, I want to check out the pool and stuff.” Jess lied to Nick. She grabbed the room key and walked down to Brian’s room. She softly knocked on the door. It took a minute before the door opened and AJ was on the other side.

“Hey Jess.” AJ said as he let her in.

“Hey Alex.” Jess replied and snickered. She entered the room and found Brian, Kevin and Howie sitting on the beds.

“Where’s Nick?” Kevin asked with a concerned tone in his voice.

“Back in our room, he wanted ten minutes to rest.”

“He’s not doing too good is he?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t think so, but you know how stupid and stubborn Nick is, he said he’s fine.” Jess said with a sigh.

“That stupid ass.” AJ said as he paced the floor.

“Well, maybe the rehearsal will make him realize he can’t go on tonight.” Brian hated anything to go wrong with Nick but he knew this was going to be very strenuous on him.

“Oh, shit, I better go down to the room, Nick wanted me to wake him up after ten minutes.” Jess said as she looked at her watch.

“Do you think he’d be pissed if we let him sleep?” AJ asked Jess and the guys.

“Probably, but he should sleep.” Jess said. “What should I do?”

“WE should walk down to your room and try to reason with the stubborn sonofabitch.” AJ said.

“Sounds like a good plan.” Kevin said quietly praying that they could get through to Nick. When they entered the room they found Nick sound asleep on the bed where Jess had left him.

Jess motioned at Nick as if to say “who wants the honors of waking him up?” All of the guys pointed back at her. Jess gave them a dirty look back and bent over Nick and gently pushed on his shoulder.

“Nick, time to get up.”

Nick softly moaned and rolled over onto his side.

“Nick, do you want to skip rehearsal?” Jess quietly suggested and hoped he would say yes.

Nick rolled back over onto his back and opened his eyes. He look suprized to see the guys standing in the room.

“I’m up, lets go, gimme a sec.” Nick said sleepily as he got off the bed and and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb his hair.

AJ noticed for the first time Nick’s slow walk and limp. He pointed at the closed bathroom door and whispered, “There is no way in hell he’ll be able to dance, what is he thinking?”

Everyone shrugged their shoulders.

“I guess Nick will have to find that out himself.” Brian sighed.

“Ready to go?” Nick asked as he entered the room.

Everyone followed Nick out the door and to the elevator. Brian tried to joke around with Nick, jabbing him in the ribs, Nick, getting annoyed with Brian hitting him turned and nailed him in the shoulder with his balled up fist.

“Ouch, what the heck was that for?” Brian asked as he rubbed his shoulder.

“You know I hate that.” Nick said hoarsely with his voice cracking.

Everyone was quiet for the rest of the elevator ride and didn’t utter a word as they walked through the hotel lobby. A white limosene for the guys was parked out front with the driver leaning on the side of it. As the guys walked out he stood up and opened the back door.

The ride to the auditorium was quick, which everyone was thankful for. Once inside the auditorium, they were met by their manager and director.

“Hi, how you guys doing this afternoon? Great show last night by the way.”

The guys stepped onto the stage and put the head mikes on and stood in their usual places.

“Okay, lets have you guys practice All I have to Give.”

Jess cringed when she heard the director request that song. Nick had a lot of vocals in it and it was a very strenuous choreographed dance. She looked at Nick as the band started the song.

Nick slowly licked his lips as if he were deeply concentraiting to the beat of the song. Jessica closed her eyes as Nick started to sing his part. His voice seemed very weak to her and it sounded almost a husly hoarseness.

The dance steps weren’t any better, Nick seemed to falter several times during the song. Jess could tell by the look on the other guy’s faces that they picked up on Nick’s problems. Everyone in the room seemed to notice except for Nick.

“Ah, Nick, what the hell are you doing? I hope you’re just screwing around.” The manager asked over the innercom.

By the time the rehearsal had finished, Nick had basically stumbled through 3/4 of the dances and his voice broke during most of the songs they had practiced. Nick was also soaked in sweat.

“Okay guys, see you back here at 7:00.” The manager said over the intercom. “And Nick, make sure you get some sleep too.”

Nick waived his hand in response. Jess walked over to him. The sweat was pouring down his face. Nick sat back on a stool. Brian came over with a bottle of water and gave it to Nick.

“Here buddy, drink this.”

Nick took the bottle. It seemed to take all of his energy to twist the cap off.

“I dunno what is going on with me, I’m just so tired.” Nick said in a hoarse whisper.

“It’s not too late to cancel your appearance, Nick. The fans would just have to accept the fact you are unable to go on.” Jess pleaded.

“No, I can’t do that and you know that Jess.” Nick softly responded.

Everyone was quiet on the ride back to the hotel. Nick leaned his head against the car door and closed his eyes. Jess was hoping he would be sleeping.

Once they arrived at the hotel, Nick seemed to have difficulty getting out of the car. AJ & Brian put Nick’s arm around their shoulder and walked him into the hotel. As Jess followed them she could see Nick’s left leg start to drag behind him with each step.

Nick was glad to be in his room. AJ and Brian took Nick over to his bed.

“Here you go, lay down, buddy.” Brian said as they laid Nick back slowly.

Jess looked at her watch, it was 2:45 p.m. Nick had four hours that he could rest.

“Nick, I’m gonna close the drapes and turn on the radio, you go ahead and rest, okay?” Jess said as she started to walk towards the windows, but Kevin closed the drapes before she got there.

Nick closed his eyes. Jess shooed the guys out into the hall. As the door closed behind her, she realized she was locked out of the room.

“Oh, dammit, I’m locked out!” Jess said.

“That’s alright Jess, just come down to my room and wait for a few hours.” Brian suggested.

“Yeah, let’s all hang out in Brian’s room.” AJ said mischeviously.

Howie and AJ laughed a put-on sinister laugh as they walked down the hall.

“Do you wanna order room service or go down to eat?” Brian asked the group.

“Let’s go down, I don’t wanna stay cooped up in a room.” AJ spoke up for the group.

“How about Hard Rock Cafe?” Howie suggested.

“Sounds good to me, let me call and see if we can get in.” Kevin replied.

Jess could only think about Nick. She was hoping the nap he was taking was doing him some good.

“Jess, what are you thinking about?” Brian asked.

Jess shrugged her shoulders.

“Comeon, what are you thinking?” Brian insisted.

“oh, I was just thinking about Nick is all.” Jess replied sheepishly.

“Hey, don’t worry, he’ll be fine. “ Brian tried to reassure Jess.

“Guys, let’s go they have a table for us.” Kevin said as he hung the phone up. “I’ll drive, okay?”

They walked out into the hallway and got onto the elevator. Jess was thinking about what to bring Nick back from the restaurant.

chair in a corner with his head bowed down. Jess was certain he was trying to conserve his energy.

AJ and Brian were clowning around and Howie and Kevin were doing last minute preparations as usual.

Jess wanted so baldy to ask Nick if he was feeling okay but she knew that would only get him angry.

Their manager stepped into the room and clapped his hands, “Are you guys ready? We need you onstage in five.”

The guys put their headsets on and did final adjustments on their mike packs. The opening numbers were always spectacular and everything always had to be adjusted correctly so no one would get hurt.

Jess hugged Nick and gave him a kiss before he left. She whispered good luck in his ear. Nick said thanks softly back. Jess could feel the tension in his body when she hugged him. Nick was always nervous before going onstage. Tonight he acted a little more nervous. She knew that Nick knew about his weakness in his leg and how his voice had been effected when he was tired. The four hour nap gave Nick a complete turnaround but Jess worried it would only last for a short time.

The first song was spectacular. The crowd went wild and Nick was energized. His voice sounded strong and his dancing was perfect. Nick was catching the excitement from the crowd.

As the show was only fifteen minutes into it, Jess could see that Nick was starting to struggle with the dance moves, half of the moves he did half-heartidly or missed entirely. His face was red and his hair was soaked wet with sweat. Suddenly during the middle of a dance sequence, Nick collapsed onto the floor. It took the band a few beats before they realized something was wrong and that Nick wasn’t playing around. Jess ran out onto the stage and knelt beside Nick. The crowd grew quiet except for a few worried screams.

“Jesus Christ I knew he was too sick to be out here,” AJ mumbled.

The medical staff at the concert hall ran onto the stage to assist Nick. They broke open a smelling salt capsule and put it near Nick’s nose. Nick started to wake up and was coughing. His eyelids fluttered open and he looked around.

“Nick, do you know where you are?” the emt asked.

Nick’s eyes shifted back and forth looking around to see where he was. He realized he was laying on a stage in front of an audience.

“At a concert?” Nick said quietly.

“Okay, where is the concert at?” The EMT shouted, the crowd was starting to get noisy.

“Um, England?” Nick guessed quietly.

The guys looked at each other.

“No, buddy, we’re in Orlando.” Brian said.

“Oh, that’s right, now I remember.” Nick lied.

After a few minutes, the EMT’s had Nick sit up. The crowd was still quiet, several girls screamed, WE LOVE YOU, NICK. Nick didn’t seem to be paying attention to what was going on around him.

“Okay, Nick, we’re gonna have you walk offstage with us. Put your arms around each of our shoulders, okay?”

Nick nodded.

“Okay, ready, one, two, three.”

As Nick stood up, the crowd cheered wildly and continued until he got offstage. His walk was very slow and calculated. Jess noticed his limp and leg dragging again.

The EMT’s walked Nick towards a stretcher. Nick seemed to hesitate.

“Now, Nick, you need to go to get checked out.” Jess tried to coax him onto the stretcher.

Reluctantly, Nick accepted laying down and being taken by ambulance to Orlando Hospital.

“Nick, we are going to have you checked out there, okay?” The EMT told Nick as she covered him up with a blanket.

Back on stage, Brian had walked off to see what was going on with Nick. When Jess told him they were taking him to the hospital as a precaution to check him out, Brian asked where and then told her he would be there after the show.

Brian walked back on stage. Fans were curious as to what was going on.

“um, Nick wanted me to let y’all know that he is fine. He is being checked out by the docs to make sure everything is okay. He wanted me to say he’s sorry that he won’t be back but he wants everyone to enjoy the show and not to worry.” Brian said to the crowd. The audience immediately cheered when Brian said he was fine but awhed when he said that Nick wouldn’t be back.

The guys got into a huddle and decided that they would try to sing Nick’s solos together. No one really knew all of the right words so they figured if they were all singing, each would cover the other.

Nick arrived at the emergency room and was quickly ordered blood tests and other assessments were done.

The emergency room doctor pulled Jess aside and discussed his findings on Nick’s tests and what they would be doing.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Davidson. Going over Nick’s recent health history and the events leading up to his collapse on stage and the test results, it appears that Nick is suffering from dehydration and exhaustion. We will get him started with an IV and we would like to have him admitted for a few days at the least to have him rest. I will prescribe something to relax him and help him rest.”

“Okay.” Was all that Jess could say. She accompanied him to Nick’s bedside so he could tell Nick what was going on.

“Hi, Mr. Carter, I’m Dr. Davidson. We are going to admit you to the hospital for a few days.” As the doctor spoke, Nick appeared distressed to think he was staying in the hospital again. “You are suffering from severe exhaustion and dehydration and you need to rest. We will be giving you IV’s to help with the dehydration and I will prescribe something to help you relax and rest.”

Nick just sighed and closed his eyes.

“Nick, it’ll be okay, you need to rest and get better.” Jess tried to make him understand that he was sick.

Back at the Orlando concert, Brian was hoping that the concert would end quickly. The guys attempted to carry the parts that Nick would normally solo on, but really were messing it up because they knew half or none of the words. Brian suddenly realized during part of a song that they still had to contend with the fans that had backstage passes. It was going to be at least another hour before they would be leaving the auditorium.

When the guys finished the last song, they ran off the stage and started grabbing gear as if they were preparing to leave. Brian had to remind the guys that there were still a few obligations that needed to be fulfilled.

“Whoa, hey, guys, don’t forget that we still have the fans with the backstage passes.”

“Shit.” AJ said as he threw his bag back down on the floor. AJ always had the flair for putting things into words what others were thinking.

The backstage fans started filing in. Brian, Howie and AJ sat back on the couch and drank their bottles of water. Kevin was on his cellphone with a friend. Each of them were secretly praying that the fans would just go away. They really didn’t have the time for something like this tonight.

The fans that were backstage seemed to be especially annoying to the guys tonight. A group of girls gathered around the couch and started asking the guys how Nick was and what was wrong with him. AJ was starting to answer the girls when Brian cut him off, Brian knew that anything that was about to come out of AJ’s mouth would not be pleasant or needed to be heard by young girls.

“We know just about as much as you guys do right now. Once we are finished here, we can go to the hospital and check on him.” Brian wished that everyone would leave. It was hard to be polite when you are so worried about someone.

Brian didn’t hardly talk to the girls that had gathered around the couch. He was too deep in thought about Nick worrying about what was wrong with him this time. Brian was hoping that it was only that Nick had been pushing himself too much and not something more serious. Nick was wanting so desperately wanting to be normal again that Brian was convinced that Nick had finally pushed himself too far.

Thankfully, after over an hour, the stage manager clapped his hands together and told the people that it was time for them to leave the guys.

The words were barely out of the manager’s mouth when AJ jumped off the couch and grabbed his gear and was beating tracks to the back door to leave. All of the guys had driven themselves to the auditorium so they would be leaving separately. Brian asked Howie if he would be going to the hospital.

“Of course I am, do you want to ride with me or something?” Howie asked Brian.

“No, I think I will drive myself that way if I want to stay longer I can and also give Jess a ride back to get Nick’s car.” Brian replied.

“Yeah, that does make sense to me. See ya there.” Howie said as he was walking towards the door. He flung his jacket over his shoulder.

“Okay, you know where he is, don’t you?” Brian called out to Howie.

Howie just waived back at Brian without turning.

Jessica managed to meet the guys in the main lobby of the hospital before they tried to go to Nick’s room. Each one of them hugged Jess hello when they came in.

Once all of the guys were present, Jess gathered them in a corner of the waiting room.

“Nick is doing okay. I’m sure you’ve already guessed that he finally pushed himself to the edge and he suffering from exhaustion. The doctor admitted him for strict bedrest so that means absolutely no visitors and no distractions whatsoever.”

“How long are they keeping him?” Brian asked Jess.

“He told me at least three maybe four days. They were gonna keep him on some IV’s for dehydration and I guess he was gonna have to be on some stuff to relax him and help him to sleep so it sounds to me like he will be out of it for awhile.” Jess told them.

No one spoke as they let the news soak in. Each were thinking about Nick and if this will be the thing that will cure him once and for all.

“Jess, do you want me to take you back to get Nick’s car?” AJ asked quietly.

“Yeah, if you can I would appreciate it, thanks AJ.” Jess replied. She wanted to desperately to go and see Nick, but visitors of any type were strictly forbidden. She would be treated like a fan that tried to get into his room.

In his room, Nick laid back into the pillows and looked wearily at his surroundings of the private room. He sighed deeply. A nurse was in the room preparing to administer a medication the doctor prescribed to help Nick relax and sleep. Nick didn’t want anything and tried to refuse it.

“You know that if you don’t take the help you are supposed to be getting, this will only extend your hospital stay, do you want that?” the nurse said as she looked directly into Nick’s eyes.

“Oh, go ahead and get it overwith then.” Nick said reluctantly. His voice cracked as he spoke.

The nurse injected the medication directly into the IV line. Nick started to feel a warm burning sensation go down into his arm where the IV started. Suddenly, his eyes felt droopy and he could not keep them open. Nick drifted off to sleep.

Jess and AJ got to the parking lot in the Orlando arena in record time. Jess knew that AJ had a reputation for being a speed deamon, but now she found out for herself first hand.

“Um, thanks for the lift, AJ.” Jess said as she opened the car door.

“You’re welcome. Are you gonna be alright Jess? I mean, do you need anything, anything at all?” AJ looked at Jess over the top of his sunglasses.

“No, I think it’ll be okay. I’ll take Nick’s car back to his place and park it in the garage and go home.” Jess really hated the sound of just going home and not seeing Nick at all. It was tearing her up inside. She felt as if he was gone forever.

“Ya know, Jess, you really don’t sound convincing to me. Just for the hell of it, I am gonna follow you to Nick’s, okay?” AJ took a deep long look at Jess waiting for her answer.

“Suit yourself.” Jess said as she closed the car door. Walking over to the forest green Durango, Jess hit the car alarm button and jumped even though she knew the beep of the alarm being disconnected was going to happen.

She opened the car door and threw her jacket into the passenger seat. It was weird, she thought to herself, the car smelled so much like Nick, she never noticed that before. It was a warm pleasant feeling that enveloped her as she started the car up. It made her miss Nick even more.

Jess absently turned the radio up and listened to the songs that played. Most of the songs on the radio stirred memories of times that Nick and she shared when a particular song was on.

The two hour drive back to Tampa was going to seem to take forever in the night. Jess could see AJ’s headlights in the distance, for a brief moment, it appeared that the lights were swerving towards the middle lane and then to the shoulder of the road. Jess could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand out. There was a rest area up ahead and she did not hesitate to put her directional lights on and exited. Thankfully, AJ followed her move and pulled into the rest area right behind her. As Jess parked the vehicle, she sat and waited for AJ to pull in the spot beside her.

Jess rolled her window down, “Hey, sleepyhead, are you gonna be able to stay awake?”

“Believe me, I am really awake now.” AJ replied.

“You fell asleep didn’t you?” Jess asked.

“Yup.” was AJ’s brief reply.

“Are you gonna be alright, or shall we rest for a bit so I don’t lose you too?” Jess was concerned.

“Naw, I’ll be okay.” AJ insisted.

“Let’s go for a walk and get a soda, my treat, okay?” Jess got out of the durango and tried to encourage AJ to get out and stretch his legs.

AJ got out of the car reluctantly. He wanted to go home and go to bed, bad part of it was that he lived in Orlando, not Tampa. Jess had already told AJ that he could either stay at Nick’s or come to her place. AJ still hadn’t told her of his plans yet.

“It’s a nice night out, isn’t it?” Jess asked as they walked on the sidewalk towards the building.

“Yeah, pretty nice for um, 4 am.” AJ said as he looked at his watch.

“Man, you sure are a grumpy bastard late at night, has anyone ever told you that?” Jess said.

“Ah, yeah, I’ve been told that I am an asshole if I don’t have a beer in my hand and I am up at this hour of the night, but what the hell.” AJ smiled as he replied.

Jess and AJ took in the beautiful Florida night sky. It was even nicer because they were out in public and there wasn’t a soul around that was bothering AJ.

“I guess it don’t get better than this.” AJ said as he settled back onto a bench.

“I’m gonna grab a couple of sodas, I will be back in a sec.” Jess called back over her shoulder.

“Make sure mine is leaded.” AJ called out to her.

Jess waived back as she walked towards the vending machine. She usually preferred pepsi, but she knew that coke would have the stronger of the two with the caffeine so she bought two cokes.

AJ laid back and looked up at the stars while Jess walked to the vending machine. He was deep in thought when she handed the pop over to him.

“Here, you really need this.” Jess said as she held the bottle out to him.

Taking the bottle of coke, AJ thanked Jess. He drank almost half of it before he stopped for air.

“Man, you were thirsty!” Jess remarked to him.

AJ smiled as he looked at the half full bottle.

“Naw, I just get so dehydrated after we do a concert, and caffeine is the worst thing to drink when you are dehydrated, but I am really beat.” AJ replied.

“I understand fully,” Jess said.

As AJ finished off his bottle, he stood up. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna splash some cold water in my eyes.”

“Please do, I don’t want to scrape your ass off the side of the road.” Jess laughed as she watched AJ walk into the bathrooms.

Sitting by herself on the bench, Jess let her mind wander to how Nick was. She was hoping that this would be the thing that would cure Nick from his exhaustion. He was always trying to please others and put himself in last before his own needs. It finally cost him when he collapsed on stage during the concert. Jess couldn’t begin to imagine the rumors that would soon begin to circulate from this. She was almost afraid of what was going to leaked into the press. As a car pulled into the parking lot, Jess felt a little uneasy and looked warily towards the building hoping that AJ would be walking out.

An older couple got out of the car, and Jessica relaxed back onto the bench. It was so late at night she felt uncomfortable about sitting outside a rest area by herself. She laughed to herself as she saw AJ nearly run into the old man that was walking into the bathrooms. AJ kind of did a slight nod as to appologize and did a half run towards the bench where Jess was sitting.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jess asked as AJ sat down next to her.

“Yeah, I’m ready to run the quarter mile, ha.” AJ replied dryly.

“Yeah, right.” Jess rolled her eyes when she looked at him. “Did you want a coke for the road, something cold and wet to drink in case you start getting sleepy again?” Jess asked.

AJ thought about the idea for a moment. “Yeah, that does sound good, did you want me to grab one for you too?”

“Nope, I still have almost a full bottle, I can’t drink coke as fast as you.” Jess said as she looked at her bottle.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” AJ got up off the bench and was reaching for his wallet as he walked towards the vending machines.

Jess couldn’t help but think about how lucky Nick was to have such good friends that will help out with all of the problems he has had lately. AJ was a hard person to get to know right at first, but now Jess felt comfortable with him as she did with the rest of the guys in the group.

Nick looked around the hospital room. He was still pretty drowsy from the meds he had been taking for the last few days, but it was a feeling he had been used to for most of the summer anyway. He was hoping that the doctor would come in this morning and tell him that he was okay to go home. He was getting so sick of hospitals and being cooped up in a room it was starting to make him feel crazy. It also didn’t help that they had kept him so sedated that the only time he got out of bed was to use the bathroom.

Nick decided that he wanted to sit in the chair next to the bed. He was so tired of laying down that his back was feeling sore. As he stood up, his legs started to shake a little. Nick ignored it and sat down in the chair and turned the television on. He got about two minutes into the program when he felt his eyelids growing heavy again. Nick couldn’t fight off the sleepiness and nodded off.

Jess woke up when her phone rang. It was the hospital telling her that Nick had been approved to receive some close family and friends for visits. It was the best news she had heard in five days. She thanked the nurse and wasted no time in dialing up Brian’s number. As usual, his answering machine was on again.

Jess drummed her fingers on the bedstand as she listened to Brian’s dull answering machine message: “Hi, you have reached 497-6695, please leave your name and message at the tone, thanks.”

Once again, Brian must be screening his phone calls, Jess thought. It was not unusual for them to do so, “Hey, wildcat, are you listening? This is Jess.” Jess waited to see if Brian was there. There wasn’t an answer so she quickly finished her message, “Nick can start having visitors. Call me at 497-3381 if you get this. Bye.” Jess then hung the phone up.

Jess jumped out of bed and went to grab a quick shower. She left the bathroom door open in case Brian called back. Just as she had applied shampoo, the phone rang.

“Damn it.” Jess said as she let the answering machine pick up the phone. She strained to listen to the caller’s message. As she had suspected, Brian was calling her back. She decided to call him after she got her hair rinsed off.

Jess got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She dailed Brian’s number and once again listened to his boring answering machine message. Once she asked Brian to answer the phone, he was on instantly.

“Hi Bri, I got great news!” Jess told him excitedly.

“And what would that be?” Brian asked.

“Nick is allowed visitors today!” Jess spoke quickly, she was so excited it was hard not to shout it.

“That’s excellent!” Brian sounded truly happy.

“Yeah, I’m getting ready to go, do you want to meet there or do you want me to stop by and get you?” Jess asked.

“Naw, that’s okay, I’ll see you when you get to the hospital, it’s closer to me so I imagine I’ll see you there in about three hours?” Brian asked.

“Well, I gotta finish my hair and getting dressed and---”

“Okay, I’ll see you in five hours then!” Brian interrupted.

“Hey! It won’t take me that long.” Jess laughed. “I’ll see you there in a couple of hours, okay?”

“See you then. Bye.” Brian hung the phone up.

Jess walked nervously down the hospital corridors towards Nick’s room. She hadn’t seen him in six days and was anxious to see him and see how he was feeling. As Jess neared his room, she saw a security guard sitting outside of the door. When he saw Jess walking towards him, he stood up.

“I need to see some identification before I can let you go in, ma'am.” The large man stated.

Jess fumbled in her purse and found her billfold and pulled out her driver’s license. The guard took it and looked at the picture and then looked at Jess and then he looked at the list of names on his clipboard. As he handed the drivers license back to her, he thanked her.

Jess sighed as she knocked on the door.

“It’s open.” Nick said from the other side of the door.

Taking a breath, Jess pushed the door open. She felt her heart skip a beat when she was Nick sitting up in his bed reading a magazine.

Nick looked up and was happy to see Jess enter the room. He set his magazine down and started to get out of the bed.

“No, don’t stay where you are.” Jess asked Nick to stay in bed.

“Hey, I can get up, it’s okay.” Nick offered.

“No, it’s easier for me to kiss you when you are sitting, Nick.” Jess laughed as she spoke.

When she got to the bed they first hugged and then kissed. Jess took everything about Nick in when she looked at him. She felt like it had been years instead of days that she had seen him. She felt like crying because she was so happy to see him again.

“I missed you so much, Nick.” Jess said with tears in her eyes.

“Hey, I missed you too, darling, and please don’t start crying on me, please.” Nick said back to Jess softly.

“I won’t, it’s just that I was beside myself this past week worrying about you.” Jess sighed.

“Yeah, I guess I pretty much had the easy part of this whole thing, this is the first day I have been actually awake. They kept me pretty much sleeping the whole time I have been here. I was awake only long enough to eat and then within an hours time, they had me out again.” Nick told her.

“So how are you feeling?” Jess asked.

“Um, tired, but it’s a good tired it’s not that exhaustion crap.” Nick replied.

“That is good. Has Brian been up to see you yet? I called him as soon as I found out this morning.” Jess asked.

“Nope, he hasn’t been here yet.” Nick said.

“He was so happy when I told him you could see people. He has really had a hard time with not being able to come and see you.” Jess said. “Have they mentioned when they are gonna spring you outta here yet?” Jess asked while she sat down in the chair next to the bed.

“Nope, not a word. I am getting so sick of being in here too. Don’t get me wrong, they have been great here, it’s just I want my life to be normal again, you know?” Nick looked out the window from his bed as he spoke.

“Yeah, I understand, babe.” Jess said as she took Nick’s hand.

As Jess looked at Nick, she could tell he was fighting the urge to fall asleep.

“Go ahead, put your head back Nick. Just sitting here with you is plenty for me. I want you to get better.”

“Awh, I am so tired of sleeping though. They stopped giving me stuff every four hours. I think they cut it back to twice a day now.” Nick answered sleepily.

“Shh, just close your eyes.” Jess reached up and smoothed his hair back.

Nick closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly. Jess moved the magazine and the remote control that was laying on his stomach. She sat back in the chair and looked at Nick while he slept. Jess couldn’t help but think about what things were like before the accident. She remembered all of the energy and life that Nick was full of. Now that was replaced with depression and tiredness. Nick looked so peaceful resting that for a second it seemed to Jess that he was okay, he was only resting.

A lot that had happened to Nick since June. He had gone through the accident, losing the usse of his legs, regaining the use of his legs, total paralysis and losing his voice and then after getting it back and reaching his goal to be onstage again, he was only held back by collapsing onstage. It didn’t seem fair to Jess to have Nick suffer so much. It wasn’t like he was some horrible person that needed to suffer, he was such a good person, always willing to help others.

Just as Jess was feeling tears fill her eyes, she heard a soft knock on the door. She stood up and walked over to the door and opened it a crack. She saw Brian’s smiling face on the other side.

“Hey, glad to see you.” Jess whispered to Brian.

“Same here.” Brian whispered back as he quietly entered the room. He looked over at the bed and saw Nick sleeping.

“He just fell asleep, he was fighting it but he finally gave in.” Jess spoke quietly to Brian so that she would not wake Nick up.

Brian nodded his reply. He was just as happy as Jess was just to see him again.

“He looks like he’s feeling better.” Brian remarked quietly.

Jess nodded. She didn’t want to talk for fear of waking Nick up. She gestured towards a chair that was in the corner of the room. Brian walked softly over towards the chair and picked it up and carried it over to the same side that Jess was sitting on. When he sat the chair down, Brian accidentally bumped the bed. Both Jess and Brian held their breath as they looked at Nick.

Nick’s eyes fluttered open and it seemed to take a second for them to focus on Brian’s face.

“Hey buddy, how are you?” Brian smiled and touched Nick’s shoulder.

Nick smiled at Brian. “Hey, glad to see ya.”

“How are you feeling?” Brian asked.

“Pretty good, better.” Nick answered. He was getting sick of people asking him that question, but he realized they were asking out of concern.

“That’s great, you look good.” Brian rubbed Nick’s head and messed his hair up. That was always a sure fire way to annoy him. Brian didn’t get too many chances to do that to Nick when he was standing because of the difference in height.

“Hey, comeon, quit that.” Nick protested hoarsely.

Brian just laughed. He liked getting a reaction out of him.

“Hey, you would do that too if you could move fast enough!”

“Ha, ha, very funny, you are so full of it.” Nick answered back as he was trying to sit up in bed.

“So when are they letting you out of here?” Brian asked.

“Don’t know, no one wants to tell me, I guess.” Nick replied softly.

“You’ll get out as soon as they think you are ready and not before, we don’t need to have you back in here again.” Jess answered.

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed. He was getting so sick and tired of being sick and tired. He was beginning to feel as if he would never be normal again. He wasn’t sure what normal felt like anymore.

“Hey, don’t you be rolling your eyes at me, mister.” Jess laughed.

Nick rolled his eyes back at her again, this time more slowly for emphasis.

“Ohh, big man,” Jess laughed.

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You’re welcome, it was my pleasure.” Jess replied.

“Okay you two, quit it, this is getting on my nerves.” Brian interjected.

Nick settled back into the bed and sighed. “This is really driving me crazy, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, we know.” Both Brian and Jess spoke at the same time.

A nurse appeared into the room. “I’m sorry, but you will have to leave now, the patient needs his rest.”

“But, we’ve only been here for not even thirty minutes,” Jessica protested.

“Come on, why can’t they stay?” Nick looked upset to think that Brian and Jess would have to go.

“Sorry, doctor’s orders.” The nurse tried to look appologetic and failed miserably.

Before Nick could say anything more, Jess stood up and whispered in his ear, “Just relax, we will be back in awhile, okay, you need to rest to get better.”

Nick just looked at Jess and then Brian. “I can’t believe this shit.”

“Hey, relax, we will be back to see you again, I promise.” Brian touched his friend on the shoulder.

The nurse held out a cup with medication in it and a cup of icewater. Nick just looked at the items and then looked at the nurse. Everyone that was in the room knew it was obvious that he had no intention of taking the meds.

“Nick, you have to take that. If you don’t take it, Brian and I will not come back to see you.” Jess tried to plea bargin with him.

“Jess, if I take that, I won’t know whether or not you came back to see me.” Nick said angrily.

“What is it?” Jess asked.

“Tranquilzers.” Nick replied flatly. He was getting so sick of taking mood enhancers and things to relax him, he was beginning to wonder if he would know how to fall asleep on his own.

“Well, I guess you have to take them Nick. The doctor wouldn’t prescribe them if you didn’t need them you know.” Brian tried to encourage Nick to take the drugs.

“I honestly don’t see where I need to take this stuff anymore.” Nick was trying to get the nurse to leave with the medications.

“Nick, you still need to take it, they wouldn’t give it to you if you didn’t need it. Now, please!” Jess begged him to take his medication.

Nick reluctantly held his hand out for the cup of pills. Taking the cup he tossed the pills into his mouth and then took the glass of icewater from the nurse. After he swallowed the water he put on a fake closed mouth smile for the nurse.

The nurse asked him to open his mouth. Nick shrugged his shoulders and opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out and lifted it up to show her that the pills were gone.

Once the nurse was convinced he had swallowed his pills, she reminded Jess and Brian that they needed to leave.

“Can we stay until he falls asleep?” Jess asked.

The nurse knew that Nick would be asleep in less than five minutes after taking the pills.

“I guess that would be fine, but I will be checking back here in ten minutes.” The nurse turned and left the room.

“Witch.” Nick said quietly after she left the room.

“Hey, now she was doing this for your own good, don’t take it out on her.” Brian softly reprimanded Nick.

The pills were already starting to effect Nick. His eyelids appeared to grow heavier each time he blinked.

“Where are you guys gonna go while I sleep?” Nick asked. His speech was slurred to the point where it sounded like he was drunk.

“Probably out to eat or something.” Brian replied.

Nick’s head started to drop and then he jerked it back up again fighting the sleepiness that was starting to overtake him.

“That’s okay, Nick, let it go, go to sleep.” Jess talked softly trying to soothe Nick into sleep.

Nick couldn’t fight it any longer. His head dropped and stayed down. Jess pulled the covers up to his chest and kissed him gently on the forehead. She turned to Brian and pointed at the door. They walked quietly out of the room.

Jess let the door close softly. Nick’s nurse was walking towards the room as they turned toward the elevators. Once she saw Brian and Jessica, the nurse turned around and walked back to the nurse’s station.

“Man, did you see that? She was actually coming back to see if we had left.” Jess said to Brian in a shocked tone.

“Well, she is doing it for Nick’s own good.” Brian reminded her.

“I’m just wondering how much longer he needs to stay and how much longer they are going to be giving him meds, I hate to see him strung out on stuff like a junkie or something, you know that tranquilzers can be addictive.” Jess said worriedly as she pressed the down button on the elevator.

“Oh, don’t worry so much, Nick is in good hands and I am sure they wouldn’t keep giving him something until he is dependant upon it.” Brian insisted.

“Let’s hope you’re right on that, I mean, look at some of those rock stars that are always doped up.” Jess pointed out.

Brian just laughed at her. “I cannot believe how paranoid you can be. Relax, Nick hates taking pills, that would be the furthest thing from his mind to constantly take stuff all the time. So, where did you want to go and eat at?”

“I don’t care, you decide.” Jess said quietly.

“Okay, let’s just get out of here first, if you don’t mind?” Brian asked Jess as they got on the elevator.

“Any place but here is fine by me.” Jess said as she watched Brian push the button to the lobby.

Neither one of them spoke while the elevator stopped on every floor to either let people on or off. They eventually ended standing towards the back when the elevator finally reached the lobby. Jess and Brian had to move through the people that were standing towards the front.

Jess looked out towards the lobby when they got off the elevator. She was surprised to see a television camera with a reporter standing in the lobby doing a broadcast. Brian tugged his hat down lower and stood next to Jessica’s left side to be obscured by the camera just in case they were there reporting about Nick. Jess and Brian both strained to hear what the reporter was talking about as they walked past her.

Their suspicions were confirmed when they heard the reporter mention Nick’s name. Jess and Brian automatically stepped up their pace towards the front doors and tried to be inconspicious as they walked past the televsion camera. One of the television crew members caught Brian and approached them and literally stepped in front of Jess and Brian.

“Excuse us, please.” Brian asked the man politely. The man still stood in front of them, as Jess and Brian tried to step to the left, the man also stepped to the left. The same happened when they moved to the right. Brian was starting to get agitated. “I said, excuse us, please.” Jess could detect anger rising in Brian’s voice.

The reporter came rushing over with her television camera rolling.

“Hi, Brian, I am Angie from WSTB channel 4 in Tampa. We are taping live and we would like to ask you a few questions regarding Nick Carter.” The tall blonde girl asked Brian as the cameras were rolling and she stuck her microphone in his face. Jess could see how annoyed Brian was becoming. She had her hand on his back and rubbed it up and down in an attempt to soothe Brian, she could feel the tension growing.

“Ah, this really isn’t a good time for this right now.” Brian tried to be polite.

“We just have a few questions that concerned fans are wondering about. Could you tell me why Nick is here?” The reporter smiled as she stuck the microphone back in Brian’s face.

Brian just stared at her in disbelief. He couldn’t believe the audacity of the reporter to ambush him like that in the lobby. He was also wondering how a hospital would allow a reporter in the lobby to begin with.

“I really feel that is between Nick and his physician.” Brian answered quietly.

“Good answer, Brian.” Jess thought to herself quietly.

“Well, the fans are truely concerned about Nick. He has been very ill since the last part of June. We were wondering if this had anything to do with his collapse onstage last week?” The reporter was persistant.

“Could be, it’s really between Nick and his physician.” Brian answered again.

“Well, what is wrong with Nick?” The reporter asked and this time put the microphone in front of Jess’ face.

That evidentally was enough for Brian. He put his hand over the microphone. He pushed the mike down away from Jess’s face.

“I would appreciate it if you would leave us alone, I have already told you anything that I would want to share with you and I do not appreciate being ambushed on live tv by you. If and when we do an interview, I would appreciate you contacting my agent and then I may consider doing one, but I do not do interviews about my friend while I have just left him. That is not fair to me and it is certainly not fair to Nick, understand me?” Brian was visibly upset and tried to keep his composure.

The reporter appeared as if she was not going to give up even after Brian had begged her to leave them alone. Brian turned to walk away and the cameraman stepped in front of him filming him as he was attempting to walk away. Brian just put his head down and kept walking and grabbed Jess by the arm as he walked away. Jess had no choice but to follow Brian. The cameraman kept up his pace along with Brian and followed them through the parking lot. Jess couldn’t believe that they insisted on following them out to the car. Brian opened the drivers side door and motioned for Jess to get in and slide over. She quickly did as Brian instructed and Brian was right behind her.

Brian didn’t say a word as he put the keys in the ignition and started the car up. Jess had never seen Brian this upset and angry before in his life. She didn’t think he really had the capacity to be that way. He was always such a easy going person.

“This really sets the mood for an enjoyable lunch now, don’t it?” Brian said as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

“Um, yeah.” Jess didn’t know what to say or do to make Brian relax and forget about the reporters.

“I really cannot believe how people could be so intrusive, I mean, here poor Nick is trying to get on with his life and then you have these idiots trying to magnify anything and everything that has been going on with him since June. How could anyone ever start to recover with that kind of shit going on?” Brian just started rambling on as he drove. He needed to get it off of his chest, it had been building for such a long time. He usually didn’t mind reporters and television cameras, he knew that they were trying to make a living too, but this time, there was something there that struck a raw nerve with him.

Jess sat in the passenger seat and quietly listened to Brian. She knew that she was a better friend just listening to him and not saying or offering anything to him unless he asked her.

Suddenly, Brian realized that he was talking and not paying much attention to Jess. “Oh, God, I am so sorry Jess, let’s change the subject, this has really got me shook up for some damn reason.”

“Don’t worry about it Brian, I’m here to listen, you need to let it out.” Jess said quietly.

“Nope, where shall we go?” Brian asked as he scanned the buildings along the busy road. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Nothing.” Jess replied.

“Comeon, why am I always the one to make these decisions? Where would Nick go right now?” Brian decided to try and turn the tables on Jess.

Jess thought about it for a second, an image of Nick popped into her head. “Um, I guess he would go for a big juicy cheeseburger and fries.”

“Sounds fine to me. Now, lets see where a good place that has the best burgers would be at.” Brian looked down the street. The only restaurants that were along the strip that they were on were all fast food joints.

Jess spied a bar coming up. “Hey, let’s go to that place, it looks kind of interesting to me.”

“A bar? Are you sure about this?” Brian asked her.

“Hey, it’s not like I’m gonna sit back and drink beer for an hour. Bars are always notorious for good greasy cheeseburgers. Let’s try it, hey it may end up being the best place for food and I discovered it.” Jess tried to coax Brian into her decision.

“Alright, but if this place bites, you’re paying, right?” Brian teased.

“Sure, we’ll use Nick’s credit card, okay?” Jess laughed.

“Sounds like a deal to me.” Brian said as he pulled the car into the parking lot.

Nick took a deep breath in and sighed loudly. Jess looked up at him, worried.

“What’s wrong now?” She asked.

“Nothing, I guess I am just a little antzy, that’s all. It’s been a long two weeks and I hate having to wait for the damn doc so I can be discharged.” Nick replied.

“I know, but, you know how doctor’s schedules are. He’ll be in here soon, trust me, it’s not like you are gonna be stuck in here forever, is it?” Jess rubbed his back as she spoke.

“I’m just afraid that he’ll come in here and change his mind. I think I have done a good job at acting well rested and shit.” Nick stated.

“Acting? Nick, you are supposed to be honest about this stuff, how in the world would you ever get better if you play games all the time?” Jess questioned him.

Nick laughed, “I was just teasing you, sorry.”

“Hey, that is one thing I never want to hear come from you is teasing about your health, do you understand me?” Jess was looking visibly annoyed.

“Easy there, hey, I am really sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Nick tried to smooth things over with Jess.

“Just please, don’t ever make fun of stuff like that, I mean, geeze, Nick sometimes you can be so stupid about shit.” Jess said quietly.

Nick walked over to the window and looked at the street. Jess is right, Nick thought, I really shouldn’t make fun of my health, afterall, she has been with me through the worst of it. There was an awkward silence in the room. Neither wished to speak at the moment, both thinking about the events that had happened in their lives up to this moment.

Thankfully, the silence was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Door’s open, come in.” Nick said.

Dr. Davidson appeared through the doorway. He had Nick’s chart in his hands. “Hi, Nick, how are you feeling today?” The doctor asked as he walked towards Nick.

“Pretty good, thanks.” Nick was getting so sick of that question.

“Well, it looks like you are fit to go home, what do you think?” Dr. Davidson asked as he thumbed through Nick’s chart.

“I’ve been ready for the past week.” Nick responded.

“Well, we wanted to make sure that you were ready to go home before we released you, I would hate to see you coming in again, I have seen that you have a tendancy to push yourself a wee bit too far.” The doctor stated.

“Yeah, I guess, I’m just a little anxious to get better and get on with my life.” Nick sounded like a child that had been scolded as he appologised to the doctor.

“Well, don’t appologize to me, I think this has been a pretty valuable lesson to you, don’t you think? You must remember to take it a little more easier. For every time you put yourself back in here, you take almost 5 steps back in your recovery. You were involved in a very serious car accident in June and the body takes almost a year to completely heal from the type of injuries you sustained. To put it quite simply, you are very lucky to be alive.” Dr. Davidson said.

The final statement stung like someone had stabbed Nick in the heart. He never at one time ever felt as if he could have or would have died throughout his recovery. He thought that the doctor was just being arrogant.

“It’s true, Nick, everything that the doctor is telling you is the truth, that is why we want you to slow down and take everything one day at a time. We could have lost you.” Jess could see the look in Nick’s eyes when the doctor told him that he was very lucky to be alive. She felt that it was necessary to let him know that this was true. Nick was being such a risk taker lately and seemed to not car about his actions lately by pushing himself to do more than what he was able to deal with.

“If you promise me that you will rest, and absolutely no concerts for the next four months, and absolutely no rigorous scheduling, I will allow you to be discharged right now, but if you fail to keep these orders, Nick, you will be finding yourself right back here again and again and again. Your body has been stressed from the accident and you are not giving yourself a chance to recover. I am serious when I tell you that if you try and pick up doing another concert before at least waiting for three months, you will be back here again.” Dr. Davidson looked Nick directly into the eyes when he talked.

Nick’s mind was racing, how could he make the guys wait for four months before they resumed the tour. They were just starting out to tour for the Millenium album and that had been postphoned since June. If they were to postphone this thing again after trying to restart the tour, the sales would never be there and they might as well not even bother singing ever again. Nick was trying to think of a way out of this one.

“Ah, yeah, I understand you completely.” Nick lied to the doctor, he wanted to be discharged and have the matter never brought up again.

“Good. I will leave some instructions as well as some prescriptions that you should have filled too.” Dr. Davidson turned and left the room.

Jess put her hands on Nick’s shoulders. “There, now you can go home and relax in your own bed.”

“Thanks, but that wasn’t what I was hoping to hear.” Nick replied.

“Hey, you heard what the doctor told you, you are to be taking it easy for another three to four months. Didn’t you listen to a word he said?”

“Yeah, I heard him.” Nick replied. He was sure that he would do what he wanted to do and no one could tell him what he could do. It was unreasonable to think otherwise.

Jess could tell by looking at Nick that he was planning on doing something he shouldn’t be. She couldn’t monitor every single thing that he wanted to do. Her thoughts were distracted when the door suddenly opened and Nick’s nurse entered.

“Okay, I have three scrips that doctor would like you to have filled and make sure that you take these as directed.” She held them out for Nick to take.

Nick took the papers and looked at each one. A puzzled look came over his face.

“What the heck are these things for? He’s got Prozac, Vallium and Restoril. I would think I wouldn’t need these anymore once I was discharged.” Nick asked the nurse.

“Well, you have been on these since you were admitted, and we don’t want to stop this suddenly. This would be a shock to your system.” The nurse explained to Nick.

“We will get them filled, and it will be okay.” Jess answered for Nick.

Nick didn’t look particularly pleased with Jess at the present moment. He was not planning on taking anything once he was discharged.

“Well, that’s all we need. I will call the front desk and get a wheelchair sent up so you can go.” The nurse stated.

“Hey, can we cut the wheelchair bit, I mean it is kinda embarrassing, and I am sure that there will be some type of media hanging around out there.” Nick pleaded with the nurse.

“Nope, hospital rules, that is how all patients are discharged. I will have someone here in a second, okay?” The nurse turned and left without waiting for a response.

Nick looked at Jess. “This is insane, what the hell are we waiting for anyway? Let’s just get out of here.”

Jess nodded and followed Nick out of the room. They had to figure out how they could walk past the nurses station without anyone noticing Nick walking by. They turned around and went into his room again. Nick grabbed a basket of flowers that had been sent to him. He figured if he held it up by his face they would not notice him walking by. He decided to give it a shot.

“Are you ready?” Nick smiled a sheepish grin.

“You lead, I will follow.” Jess replied.

With that, Nick picked up the plant and walked out the door. He picked up the pace when they walked past the nurses station. They were busy answering calls from other patients and talking to a group of girls on the other side of the station. Nick knew that the girls were trying to see him. He got a little nervous for a second when he and Jess filed past them. Thankfully, they got to the elevators. Jess pushed the down button and didn’t speak a word to Nick while they waited for the elevator. They both seemed to be holding their breath waiting for the elevator to come up.

Once they got on the elevator, they both started to laugh, like they had gotten away with the best plot ever invented.

“That was fun!” Nick laughed as he held the flowers up to still hide his face.

“Yeah it was, wasn’t it?” Jess laughed.

There were a man and a woman on the elevator and they looked at Jess and Nick, neither one of the people knew who he was.

As the elevator stopped on the lobby floor, Jess looked at Nick.

“Are you ready for the next step in this?” Jess asked Nick.

“I will never be ready for this, but we have to anyway.” Nick still hung on to the flower basket as if it were protecting him from harm.

As they walked out into the lobby, Jess noticed instantly that the reporter that had been there when she and Brian had left that one day was there. She grabbed Nick’s arm and pulled him close.

“Hey, watch out for this, she is scoping the whole damn area.” Jess whispered quietly.

“Okay.” Nick replied as he kept his head down hoping to elude this woman. He was wearing a ball cap and a tee shirt and blue jeans, he was hoping that would be enough to have them look the other way.

Jess happened to notice the gold chains hanging outside of Nick’s tee shirt. Those were always a dead giveaway.

“Nick, slip those inside your shirt, quick.” Jess whispered.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Nick asked back.

Jess reached up and took the necklaces and slid them inside his shirt. She was hoping that no one noticed the action. Nick’s necklaces were so big and one of a kind that it would be easily spotted by someone that was looking for him.

The reporter was watching the crowds come and go, she was scrutinizing everybody that entered and left the building. Nick felt for sure that they would be discovered in a matter of seconds.

They made it to the front entrance, and Jess couldn’t walk fast enough to elude the reporter in the lobby. As they walked out the front door, however, they were met with a group of paparazzi and reporters who immediately saw Nick and started up with the cameras and shouting questions at him. The reporter in the lobby saw the commotion and hurried out the door after them.

The reporters were shouting out questions at Nick from all sides. Nick couldn’t distinguish one voice from another and the questions seemed to mingle together and not make sense. He really didn’t want to take the time out and answer any questions anyway, so that worked out well.

Nick and Jess tried to force their way through the crowd of reporters. The more Nick and Jess pushed, the more the reporters seemed to push back and try to keep them from leaving. Jess could feel the panic rise in her body.

“Hey, Nick, what were you in here for and most importantly, how do you feel now?” A reporter yelled out from the crowd.

Nick tried to avoid the question entirely. As they tried to push past the crowd, they found that they could not move away from them. Nick decided that they had no choice but to stay and answer questions until they were rescued by hospital security.

“I am feeling fine now, thanks for asking.” Nick replied to no particular reporter.

“Is it true that you were admitted for a drug overdose?” A reporter yelled from the back of the crowd.

Nick looked at Jess and chuckled. “Ah, no, no drug overdose, sorry, that is a new one to me.”

“So what exactly were you admitted for then?” Another reporter shouted.

“Um, I was hospitalized for exhaustion. I was pushing myself too hard to go on tour.” Nick quietly stated. The words outloud hit him hard, he was feeling like he had let his friends down. He was making a mental note not to allow his health to jepordize their careers any longer.

“So you are okay now?” A female reporter asked.

“Yeah, I am 100 percent better.” Nick lied to the crowd. At least he thought he was telling the truth, but not the whole truth. He didn’t think there was anything more wrong with him and that he could lead his regular normal lifestyle.

Thankfully, the security guards came to the rescue before any more questions were asked. Nick and Jess were escorted over to the durango that sat in the circular drive near the entrance. Nick didn’t hesitate to climb into the driver’s side. Jess went ahead and sat in the passenger seat. Pictures of them were being taken from all sides. It was a sea of blinding flashes.

You will have to take it easy, and I mean no concerts, nothing for the next three to four months, and I am serious about this, if you don’t take my advice, you will be in the hospital again and again. Your body needs time to rest and heal and you are pushing it too hard.

Nick had the doctor’s words go through his mind over and over for the last two weeks. He felt fine, he didn’t feel as if he was tired more than usual. He felt as if Jessica was watching him a little too closely, but other than that, he felt alright.

Nick picked up the remote control on the coffee table and clicked on the television. After scanning through the stations, he stopped on MTV. He set the remote down and got out of the chair to go into the kitchen for a glass of icewater. Nick stopped short of getting into the kitchen when he heard a reporter on MTV:

Sources have reported that Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter was being seen in an outpatient facility for his prescription drug addition. Carter was seriously injured in an automobile accident in June of this year and had been under a doctors care since that time for numerous surgeries and a suicide attempt. Carter is allegedly abusing vallium and restoril. The group was to have finished their Millenium tour by this date, but due to Carter’s collapse onstage at their November 2nd concert in Orlando, the tour has never been able to get off the ground. It appears that because of Carter’s illnesses, that the group is breaking up and the other members are doing their own projects. We will keep you updated as the details are released.

Nick couldn’t believe what he had heard. They are all lies, how could anyone start these types of rumors? Nick thought angrily. His mind was racing. He desperately needed to do something or the group would be through and it would be his fault. Nick’s mind started racing thinking of what he should do. He picked up the phone and called the first person he could think of.

Nick hastily dialed Brian’s phone number. It seemed to take forever before Brian actually answered the phone.

“Hello?” Brian was quiet when he answered. He had forgot to turn his answering machine back on and was always leary about answering the telephone because he got too many calls from fans that would figure out his phone number.

“Hey, Brian, it’s Nick.” Nick waited for Brian’s answer.

“Hey Nick, how are ya doing?” Brian replied happily.

“Did you see MTV a few minutes ago?” Nick just jumped into the question, he didn’t want to make small talk.

“No, I didn’t have the tv on, why, something wrong?” Brian could sense the tension in Nick’s voice.

“Yeah, they said we were breaking up.” Nick said, his voice was thick with emotion.

“Who’s breaking up? You and Jess?” Brian was confused.

“No, not me and Jess, they were talking about us. They said you guys decided to disband the group because of me. Oh, Bri, they were saying that I was a junkie, strung out on prescription drugs and that I was hurting the group and that you guys were going to do your own projects.” Nick was getting upset. The tears were stinging his eyes.

Brian was starting to feel his temper flare. It irritated him to think that they would do such careless reporting. “Easy there, Nick, you know that isn’t true.”

“Well, I know it, you and the guys know it, but what about the fans, other people, they are gonna think that I just held you guys back and that I am a suicidal junkie.” Nick replied bitterly.

“Now, Nick, you can’t let this stuff get to you. Let me call Nikki and see if she can get this stuff straightened out.” Brian was hoping that by calling their publicist it would make Nick feel a little more comfortable.

“Oh, yeah, like Nikki could convince them that this insn’t true.” Nick was certain that this was the one rumor that would damage any chances for the group. “Nick, don’t be so negative, let’s try this and see what happens. I will call you back in a few minutes, okay?” Brian waited for Nick’s reply.

“Yeah, okay.” Nick hung the phone up. He started thinking over the rumors and how could he ever get rid of them, they were plaguing him and he seemed to get the feeling he was looking over his shoulder constantly when he was going anywhere, including a doctor’s office.

As Nick sat the phone down, he noticed how much his hands were shaking. He was so upset that he was shaking. Without thinking, he grabbed the bottle of vallium and took two of them. It was an automatic reaction. He was taking it when he needed to calm down, it was no big deal to Nick, just a natural reflex.

Nick decided to surf the internet while he waited for Brian’s call back. He went into a Backstreet Boys chatroom to see what the fans were talking about. Nick never went online with his own name, he always came up with odd names.

After a few minutes in the room, Nick was beginning to see what a terrible mistake he had made going in there. The fans were talking about how much Nick Carter was destroying the group with his problems, and then they started making remarks about his looks saying he was fat and he was going to drag the group down if he got any heavier.

Upset, Nick got offline quickly. Ge walked into the kitchen and got a beer out of the refridgerator. He opened the beer and sat down on the couch. This definately was not his day.

The cold beer tasted good to Nick. Without a second thought, Nick grabbed another beer and drank that down quickly. Nick rarely drank, but he was upset with the television report and the comments in the chatroom didn’t help matters much more.

When the phone rang, Nick reached out to grab it and knocked it off the coffee table. The combination of the vallium and beer had hit him hard. By the fifth ring, Nick finally answered the phone.

“Yeah.” Was all that he could manage.

“Nick?” Brian wasn’t sure if he had dialed the right number.

“Yeah.” Nick’s voice was loud.

“Ah, I got a hold of Nikki and told her what was going on. She thinks she can persuade the press to release an official statement. Does that sound okay to you?” Brian waited for Nick’s answer.

“Yeah.” Nick didn’t want to say anymore, he knew he couldn’t.

“Hey, buddy, are you okay?” Brian was starting to worry.

“Yeah.” Nick replied.

“Alright, something’s up with you. Tell me what’s going on.” Brian was beyond worry, he was now panicking.

“I’m fine,” Nick’s speech was slurred, almost to the point of being incoherrent. He sounded very tired to Brian.

“Hey buddy, what are you on?” Brian tried not to let the worry show in his voice.

“Huh?” Nick was growing tired. The mixture of the vallium and beer was taking a hold on his system. His head started to drop and the phone fell to the floor.

Brian wasn’t sure what to do. He was two hours away from Nick’s house. He waited to see if Nick would pick the phone up. Brian wasn’t sure what was wrong with Nick. He would hate to call the paramedics if he were simply drunk, but would also hate to not call if it was something seriously wrong with Nick.

Brian started to yell into the phone, “NICK ARE YOU THERE. PICK UP THE PHONE.”

There wasn’t any response from Nick. Brian picked up his cell phone and dialed Jess’s phone number. It seemed to take forever before Jess answered the phone.

“Hello?” Jess was out of breath after running up the basement stairs.

“Hey, Jess, it’s me, Brian, I need you to do something for me right now, okay? Brian’s voice was loud and he spoke very quickly.

“Whoa, wait, what’s wrong?” Jess tried to get Brian to calm down.

“Jess, I need you to go to Nick’s, I think there is a problem, I’m not sure what it is.” Brian ran the words together again.

“Oh, no, I’ll go right now.” Jess grabbed her keys and ran out the door. The drive to Nick’s house would take about twenty minutes. She desperately wanted to drive faster, but the traffic wouldn’t allow it.

After Jess hung up the phone, Brian listened back onto the phone to see if he could hear Nick. The only sounds were background noises of the television set.

“NICK, WAKE UP BUDDY, ANSWER ME, PLEASE.” Brian pleaded into the phone, he was hoping to get some type of reply from Nick.

Brian kept his end of the conversation up while he waited to hear Jessica walk into the house. Nick was not reponding to Brian at all and he was worried.

Brian finally heard sounds of a door opening and Jess calling out Nick’s name.

Jess walked into the living room and found Nick laying face down on the couch. His arm was draped over the side and the telephone was laying on the floor beside his hand. She struggled to turn Nick over as he was dead weight and was having a hard time turning him.

After she got him onto his side, Nick gasped for air. The noise startled Jess and she started to shake. She picked up the phone.

“Brian, I am here. Nick looks like he was passed out on the couch. I don’t know what to do.” Jess was scared, she never dealt with anything like this before.

“Shit, I’m not sure either, shake him and see if you can wake him up.” Brian suggested.

Jess grabbed a hold of both of Nick’s shoulders and started to push them vigorously. “NICK, WAKE UP.” Jess yelled at him.

Nick’s only response was a soft moan. “Nothing Brian, he just moaned really quiet and that was it. What now?” Jess was panicky.

“Try slapping his face, go ahead, slap him hard.” Brian wasn’t sure if Jess would do it.

“I don’t know if I can.” Jess was scared to.

“You have to, just do it.” Brian almost yelled at Jess out of frustration.

Jess slapped his face hard on both cheeks. While she slapped him, she yelled Nick’s name over and over again.

Finally, Nick started to respond to the hitting. He put his arms up to the sides of his head. His eyes were still closed.

“NICK YOU SON OF A BITCH, WAKE UP, ANSWER ME NOW.” Jess was getting angrier by the minute. How could Nick possibly have done something to himself again, he knew how everyone felt the last time he was stupid and did something desperate.

Nick’s eyes opened. He looked at Jess and it appeared that he was looking through her. He looked around the room. His eyes looked wild.

“What are you on? What did you take?” Jess asked him, hoping he would say.

Nick just stared at her blankly. He could not remember what he did before Jess started hitting him.

Jess picked up the phone again to talk to Brian. “He is not talking to me yet, he looks like he doesn’t know where he is right now. What should I do now?” Jess was still worried.

“Have him drink some coffee for you, or do you think you can get him to get up and walk with you?” Brian asked.

Jess looked at Nick laying on the couch. There was no way she would be able to move him herself, she would have to have Nick help her.

“Um, Nick, I need you to get up and take a walk with me, can you?” Jess asked him.

Nick just stared at Jess.

“Hey, I need you to do this for me, you have to do this. Come on, help me.” Jess pleaded with Nick.

Jess pulled at Nick. Nick was not very cooperative he made it harder for her to pull him up off of the couch. She dropped his arm and talked to Brian on the phone again.

“He is not helping me at all, it’s as if he can’t move.” Jess was growing more worried by the minute.

“Won’t or can’t?” Brian asked her.

“I don’t know, he doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with me at all. What else can I do, I am not that strong. I wish there were someone that could come in here and help me move him.” Jess was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Nick was not helping her at all.

“Make him some coffee and see if he will take that from you.” Brian suggested.

“You realize, by the time I do all of this, you could have been down here by now?” Jess remarked as she walked with the phone into the kitchen. “I do see some empty beer cans, but there are only two of them, and that is hardly enough to do anything to someone like the way Nick is acting, I wonder if he took something without thinking about the beer, but what did he take?” Jess was wondering outloud as she got the coffee started.

“What kind of stuff does Nick have around the house that he would take? Look on the counters and in the livingroom.” Brian suggested to Jess.

Jess walked around the kitchen, the countertops did not have any particular item that was out of place. She walked into the livingroom and looked at every endtable and didn’t see anything sitting out ontop of it.

“There’s nothing laying out here, Brian, I don’t know what he took.” Jess sighed.

“Hey, check his pockets, maybe he put it in his pockets.” Brian was trying to think of where Nick would have put something.

Jess felt Nick’s shirt pockets and they were empty. When she reached into his left front pants pocket, she felt a bottle in it. Pulling the bottle out, it was a prescription bottle. She was almost too afraid to look and see what was in the vial.

“Um, I found it, it looks like he took vallium. I can’t imagine why though, he hates taking pills and he was totally disgusted in the hospital when they made him take the stuff.” Jess said as she was reading the bottle.

She walked into the kitchen and taking out a coffee mug from the cupboard, she filled the mug up with strong coffee and took it into the livingroom for Nick to drink.

“Here, drink this.” She held the mug out for Nick to take it. He looked at Jess, but his eyes did not focus on her, it looked as if he was looking through her.

Just as she was about ready to give up, there was a knock on the front door. Setting the cup down on the table, Jess went to answer the door, she still had the phone with her.

She was relieved to see AJ standing on the front porch.

“Oh, thank god, someone I could use right now.” Jess was so happy to see AJ, that she hugged him.

“Hey, I should come over here more often.” AJ laughed.

“I’ve got a problem with Nick and I need you to help me with him. I think he took some vallium and he was drinking too, AJ he is really out of it. I can’t do anything with him.” Jess barely got the words I’ve got a problem with Nick out and AJ rushed past her into the livingroom towards Nick.

AJ wasted no time in grabbing Nick by the arms and pulling him up. Nick’s head dropped backwards and then in bobbed to the front. AJ pulled Nick up off the couch, “Jess, go on the other side of him and put his arm around your shoulder, I need to try and get him to walk.”

Jess ran over to the other side of Nick. She put his arm around her and it just hung over her shoulder.

As AJ attempted to get him to walk, Nick’s legs dragged behind him. There was no walking with Nick, he was lifeless and did not respond to any commands.

“Let’s get him into the shower.” AJ told Jess as they dragged Nick towards the bathroom. AJ pulled Nick into the shower and turned the cold water on. They stood there fully clothed with the water beating down on Nick. AJ then started to slap Nick’s face and yell. “COME ON NICK, SNAP OUT OF IT, DAMMIT, DON’T PULL THIS ON ME. COME ON, WAKE UP NICK.” As AJ repeated the phrase over and over he kept slapping Nick’s face.

Finally, what seemed to take forever, Nick started to come around. Nick stood in the shower and started crying loud, almost painful sobs.

“Hey, it’s okay, Nick, we’re here.” AJ tried to comfort Nick. He knew he was scared about what was going on as well as being confused.

“Nick, it’s gonna be alright, okay” Jess talked to him in a soothing voice.

Nick’s only response was looking at them while he continued to cry. His legs gave out on him twice, and AJ was there to hold him back up so he wouldn’t fall down to the shower floor.

“Nick, what did you take?” AJ asked with his face in Nick’s face.

Crying, Nick stammered, “I, um, I..I..dddon’t rremembber.”

“Come on, you have to remember, what was it?” AJ tried to persue the issue.

Nick’s teeth were chattering from the cold water. Jessica noticed that his lips were turning blue.

“Vvvallium.” Nick replied. It was barely audible.

“Yeah, how much?” AJ demanded.

“I, um, I, I, think two.” Nick said.

“Two? Are you sure about that? I can’t imagine two would do this to you!” AJ was in Nick’s face again.

“It was two! I swear!” Nick yelled back at AJ, he was starting to get agitated.

“Come on, I know that two of them wouldn’t get you messed up like you are, what did you have with it?” AJ yelled back at Nick.

“I drank some beer, not much, I know, I was dumb.” Nick finally admitted what he had with the tranquilizers.

“You’re damn right that was dumb, it was stupid.” AJ said as he turned the water off.

Both Nick and AJ were dripping wet. Jessica grabbed a couple of towels and handed them to AJ and Nick.

“AJ, I’m gonna give you a pair of Nick’s sweats to put on, I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer.” Jess called back over her shoulder as she went into Nick’s room.

“Thanks.” AJ replied as he was toweling off and looked at Nick. “Just what the hell were you doing there, Nick?” AJ appeared upset with Nick.

“I forgot I had taken the vallium, I was getting mad at the report on the tv and I decided to have a beer. The first one I drank tasted good, so I went ahead and got another one. I had called Brian before I drank the beer and I guess my mind slipped.” Nick ran his sentenances together without a pause.

“Yeah, your mind slipped alright. Why did you take the vallium in the first place?” AJ asked.

“I was upset with the tv report and when I got off the phone with Brian, my hands were shaking. I usually will take them to calm down. I have in the past, no big deal.” Nick tried to shrug it off. “No big deal? Boy, you sure take stupid things lightly. Do you realize what could have happened to you? Tranquilzers are not things to play around with, do you understand?” AJ was in Nick’s face again. “I’m sorry, okay? Just leave it at that.” Nick was starting to get annoyed at AJ, he was becoming too demanding.

“Just remember what I said Nick, alright?” AJ was hoping he was getting through to him.

“Yeah, I’ll never forget.” Nick barely said the words to AJ. He was getting sick and tired of people trying to run his life for him.

“You better not, do you understand?” AJ was persistant.

“I said yes!” Nick was cold and wanted to get out of the shower.

“Jess, I don’t care what the doctors said, I gotta do something and I have to do it fast, we are slowly slipping away and we are losing popularity by the thousands, besides look at me? I look like complete shit.” Nick was desperately trying to make Jessica understand that he needed to go out and perform again.

“Nick, would you quit being so hard on yourself, you look fine, besides think of all of the stuff you have been through since June, that would take a toll on anyone, you are not superhuman.”

“Well, my mind is made up and I am going to do it. I can’t keep laying around doing nothing.” Nick stated to Jess in a flat, even tone.

“Then just remember when you are back in the hospital, this is one person that won’t drop everything and run up there to see you. If you are going to destroy yourself like that, I won’t have any part in it.” Jess snapped back at Nick.

“Fine.” Nick snapped at her.

“Fine.” Jess replied as she walked away from Nick and into the kitchen. She started picking up dishes and slamming them around into the dishwasher.

Nick glared at Jess when he picked up the phone. He reached for his address cards and looked up the number to his agent. When he dialed the phone number, he pressed the keys hard.

Jess slammed dishes down even harder and glared at Nick more. She could only pick up his half of the conversation and she did not like one bit of what she was hearing.

“Hi, Jack, this is Nick. I am ready to go back on tour with the guys........Yeah......okay......9:00, sure.....okay, goodbye.” Nick pressed the hang up button on the phone and slammed the phone down on the coffee table. He stood up glared at Jess and walked into the bedroom.

“Nick you are so damn stupid for doing this, I swear, you are gonna be sorry for doing this, mark my words.” Jess called out towards the bedroom, but Nick didn’t answer her. She wiped her hands on a towel and walked down the hall towards the bedroom.

“Nick, I’m sorry, but you really need to listen to me, I think you’re making a big mistake. This is not going with doctors orders on this one and I know down the road it is gonna hurt you, do you understand where I am going with this?” Jess walked into the bedroom and found Nick putting on a clean shirt.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Nick was annoyed with her interferring with his life. He needed to get back to work, he was hating the fact that his life had been put on hold since the end of June and it was starting to get to him.

“Please, Nick, listen to me.” Jess tried to plead with Nick.

“My mind is made up, plain and simple, there is no changing it, do you understand?” Nick replied looking at Jess quickly.

“There’s absolutely no way I can change your mind?” Jess asked Nick.

Nick grabbed his car keys and wallet. “Nope, I got an appointment to talk to Jack in a half an hour. See you later.” Nick kissed Jess quickly on the cheek as be brushed past her.

Jess watched Nick go out the front door, get into his vehicle and back out of the driveway. He was so stubborn and would not listen to her advice. She was hoping that his agent would set him straight when he met with Nick and not just look at the dollar signs.

Nick settled down into the car as he drove onto the highway. He turned the radio on and partially listened to the advertisements that were going on the radio. He was thinking about what he would say to Jack to convince him that he was ready to go back on tour.

He glanced into the rearview mirror and quickly looked away from the reflection. He did not like what he saw in the mirror. All Nick could see was the negative things in his face, how the ten pounds he had added since he was off seemed to him more like one hundred and ten. He felt horrible about himself and he felt like he was losing control of his body. He was thinking if he spent one more month off, he would never be able to go onstage again, his self confidence would be destroyed.

Nick pulled into the parking lot where his agent’s office was. It was a tall white brick building that was an office complex that housed many businesses. As Nick approached the building, two girls were walking out of the building down the sidewalk. They immediately recognized Nick.

“Hey, you’re Nick Carter!” One of the girls squealed excitedly.

Nick smiled at them as he kept walking towards the building.

“Hey, hold up, can we get your autograph?” The girl called out to Nick.

Nick stopped and turned around and walked towards the girls. “Sure.”

They fumbled in their purses looking for a piece of paper and a pen. One of them produced an old grocery store receipt and a pen. “This is all I have, sorry.” She seemed embarrassed to have Nick sign a piece of scrap paper.

“Don’t worry about it, paper is paper afterall.” Nick smiled back at the girls.

“When are you guys going back on tour, I mean, you are alright now, aren’t you, I mean, I heard the news about your problems that you were having------”

Nick cut the girl off. “Those reports were lies, all of them.” He was very angry about that topic being brought up.

“Oh, the suicide thing and the drugs were lies?” The girl asked while she watched Nick sign his name. She didn’t sound as if she were totally convinced.

Nick literally shoved the paper and pen back at her. He didn’t acknowledge her question. After she took the paper from him, he turned and continued to walk towards the office building. The girl started calling out after him.

“Nick, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. Don’t go away mad, please.” The girl called out to him only to watch Nick disappear into the darkness behind the shaded doors.

Nick was glad to escape the comments from the two autograph seekers. His manager’s office was on the fourth floor and Nick impatiently waited for the elevator. As he got on, the elevator stopped on each floor, only to find that there was no one waiting for the elevator. Finally, the elevator arrived to the fourth floor.

The manager’s office was the last office at the end of the hall. Nick walked in to find the secretary typing at the front desk. She briefly looked up at Nick, smiled and told him that Jack would be out in a moment.

Nick sat down on the couch and looked at the entertainment magazines that littered the coffee table. He smiled to himself when he saw pictures of the current bands on a magazine. His eyes caught the headlines on one magazine in particular. Nick picked the magazine up. He quickly thumbed through the magazine to find the article.

ARE THE BACKSTREET BOYS LOSING THEIR FANS?

The recent reports on the rumors of an alleged prescription drug abuse involving Nick Carter has caused problems within the band as well as outside of the band.

Carter had been hospitalized on June 19, 1999 following a two car accident in which he was critically injured. Nick’s recovery this summer was filled with ups and downs in his condition which included paralysis, loss of his voice, a coma, suicide attempt and now the prescription drug abuse of vallium and restoril.

Fans initially had stood behind the band since June, but all interest is starting to wane and has all but disappeared completely. The group had started a new Millenium tour in Orlando in November, only to have Carter collapse onstage the second night of their tour. He was hospitalized for two weeks suffering from exhaustion. Doctors have now stated that he has recovered but his condition is still guarded.

Management for the group has declined comment, and calls to Nick Carter have not been returned.

The secretary told Nick that the manager was ready to see him. Nick took the magazine and walked into the office.

Jack stood up and put his hand out to Nick as Nick entered the room. “Hey, Nick, good to see you. How are you doing?”

“Fine.” Nick replied as he sat in the leather chair that was facing the desk.

“So, you’re ready to go back on tour with the guys, huh? Did your doctor say you’re fine and ready to go?” Jack asked Nick as he sat in his chair.

“Um, yeah, I am ready to go back on tour.” Nick was hoping to avoid answering the question about the doctor.

“And your doctor has given you a clean bill of health? Jack asked Nick.

Nick winced when he hear Jack ask him about the doctor again. “Well, I guess I could get a permission slip if that’s what you need.” Nick responded sarcastically.

“Well, actually, Nick, I do need something in writing, for legality reasons that shows you are in good health. I just have to cover my ass, if you know what I mean.” As Jack talked, he flipped through a folder on his desk.

“I suppose I could get something, but we need to get a tour started up asap, here look at this article.” Nick shoved the magazine in the manager’s face.

Jack glanced that the magazine. “Yeah, I have heard about that.”

“And?” Nick was waiting to hear something positive from Jack.

“Well, we could get something started while I was waiting on your papers.” Jack said as he picked up his roledex of telephone numbers.

Nick watched as Jack stopped on a card and wrote something on a piece of paper and went onto another card.

“But, Nick, remember, this all hinges on you. If you don’t produce the paperwork that I need, it will be done in a blink of an eye. It can be called off just like that.” Jack snapped his fingers for emphasis.

“Okay, I will get the papers as soon as possible. You will call when stuff gets set up, right?” Nick asked as his stood up.

“You bet, I will be calling you probably this afternoon, okay?” Jack stood up and reached his hand out again for Nick to shake it.

“Sounds good, thanks Jack.” Nick turned and walked out of the office.

Nick’s mind was running through what he could say to his doctor that would allow him to return on tour. He picked up his cellphone and dialed information for his doctor. As he dialed the phone number, Nick kept thinking over and over what he was going to say to him.

Nick listed to the phone ring while he drove down the road. A young woman’s voice answered the phone, “Doctor’s office, this is Marci, how may I help you?”

“Um, yeah, I need to get a slip from the doctor to return back to work, do I need to set up an appointment for that?” Nick asked.

“I need to have your file pulled, what’s the name?” The receptionist asked.

“Nickolas Carter.” Nick hated saying his name to anyone, he always braced himself for a comment.

“Okay, hold for a moment please, I’ll pull the file.” The receptionist didn’t wait for Nick to answer, she placed him on hold and Nick ended up being a captive audience to opera music.

Within a few moments, the recepionist was back on the phone. “I need you to speak with the nurse, just a moment please.”

Nick heard the sound of the call being transferred to another area. A woman answered the phone. “This is Julie, may I help you?”

“Yeah, I need a doctor’s permission slip to return back to work. I was wondering if I had to see the doctor or if he would just fill out a slip so I can pick it up. It is very important that I get it as soon as possible.” Nick ran his sentances together, he was nervous that he would be denied his request.

“Your name was again, I’m sorry.” The nurse wanted to verify Nick’s name.

“Um, Nickolas Carter.” Again, Nick hated to tell her his name.

“Oh, okay, I have the file right in front of me. Mmmm, let’s see here, ah, yes, you would have to see doctor before he would give you a work release slip.”

“I need this asap, is there anyway I can get in to see him this morning?” Nick was hopeful.

“If you can get over here right away, I can slide you in before doctor’s regular scheduled appointments.” The nurse replied.

“I am on my way right now, in fact I am pulling into the parking lot.” Nick responded.

“Okay, I will have your chart ready, thank you.” The nurse hung the phone up.

Nick pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of the durango. The doctor’s office was a busy place and the parking lot was full of people. Nick lowered his ballcap over his eyes as he headed towards the building, looking down at his feet as he walked. Nick was leary of making eye contact with anyone this morning, especially after those two girls at the agent’s office.

Walking up to the front desk, Nick wrote his name on the sign in sheet at the counter. The waiting room in the doctor’s office was packed. Nick found a chair in the far corner of the room. As he sat down, he grabbed a magazine that was on the table next to the chair. It wasn’t one of his particular favorite magazines to read, but he just wanted to keep himself occupied.

Nick could hear the whispers from the girls that were sitting near him. He slouched deeper into his chair and held the magazine up higher. He winced when a medical assistant opened the door and cheerfully announced to the room: “Nickolas Carter?”

Nick immediately stood up and walked towards the woman. He could feel the eyes staring at him from the back.

“Hi, Nickolas, how are you today?” The assistant was making small talk with Nick as she led him down a hallway towards the doctor’s private office.

“Fine, thanks.” Nick was not in the mood for small talk.

The assistant set his chart on the desk and gestured towards a chair for Nick to sit in. “The doctor will be in to see you in a few minutes.” The assistant softly closed the door behind her.

Nick hated going to the doctor’s office, this was his family physician, not the doctor he had seen when he was in Orlando. Nick had been going to this doctor ever since he lived in Tampa. He was hoping that this doctor would write a return to work slip without any questions.

Nick could feel the tension as he heard the doctor outside of the door. He was talking about tests on a patient and obviously had his hand on the doorknob. Nick stiffened up in his seat as the door swung open.

“Good morning, Nick.” Dr. Parnello smiled as he entered his office.

“Good morning.” Nick tried to sound upbeat and cheerful.

The doctor took a seat behind his desk. “What can I do for you today, Nick?”

“Um, I need a return to work slip.” Nick stated quietly.

“A return to work slip? Why didn’t you go to the doctor that took you off work?” Dr. Parnello leaned closer towards Nick.

“Um, well, he was just the attending physcian at Orlando Hospital, and I don’t want to drive up there to get a slip from him. He just saw me when I was at the hospital there.” Nick fumbled and searched for the right words to sound good to the doctor.

“Oh, I see, what were you hospitalized for? Could you fill me in on this?” Dr. Parnello asked.

“Geeze, I know you’re busy doc, all I need is a slip from you so I can give it to my agent, you don’t need to hear this story.” Nick was trying to plead his way out of the situation.

“Sorry, Nick, but I won’t give you a slip until you explain what had happened.” Dr. Parnello tried to sound sympathetic.

“Alright, it’s a long story though.” Nick was hoping he would tell him to forget it.

“That’s okay, I’m a good listener.” The doctor smiled as he sat back in his chair.

“Well, we tried to start our Millenium Tour on November 2 in Orlando. I did one concert that night. The next night we started the concert and everything was fine and then about a half hour into the performance, I collapsed onstage. They took me to the hospital and I was admitted for two weeks for exhaustion and dehydration. I’m fine now, but my agent told me he needed a return to work permit for legal reasons so that’s why I am here.” Nick rushed through the statement, he was hoping the doctor would agree that he was fine to go back to work.

“Oh, I see. What was the name of the doctor at the hospital?” Dr. Parnello asked.

Nick tensed up, he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Gee, I don’t really recall.” He lied to Dr. Parnello hoping that he would just let it go.

“That’s okay.” Dr. Parnello started leafing through Nick’s thick file. “Ah, here it is, Dr. Davidson.” Dr. Parnello picked up the phone and started dialing a number from a paper in Nick’s chart.

Nick started wondering if he should just get up and leave now, he knew the doctor would talk to this Davidson person and then his plans would be blown out of the water.

“Yes, could I speak with Dr. Dan Davidson, this is Dr. John Parnello.” Dr. Parnello was playing with the pen on his desk while he waited for Dr. Davidson to answer the call.

Nick just sat in the chair listening to the doctor’s end of the conversation.

“Yeah, Dan...this is Jack, how are you?....yes, it was a good game....the reason I was calling you was a patient of mine that you admitted back in November for exhaustion and dehydration.......yes, that’s the one.....well, he is in my office seeing about getting a return to work permit.......I see........no he didn’t......no, that was fine......so what was the reason now?.......okay, well thanks for filling me in on it....tell Darla I said hi......thanks....goodbye.” Dr. Parnello hung the phone up and sat back in his seat. “Well, Nick, Dr. Davidson tells me that you are supposed to be off work for another three months, are you aware of this?” Dr. Parnello waited for Nick’s response.

“Um, yeah, I guess.” Nick was hoping that Dr. Parnello would ignore what Dr. Davidson told him.

“Nick, it’s only been two weeks since you were discharged, you are pushing things way too fast.” The doctor sat back in his chair.

“I realize that, but I need to go back, we are slowly losing our fans and this is hurting the group. It all falls on me, my shoulders, if I don’t do something now, we will lose it all and it will be my fault.” Nick’s hands were shaking as he spoke. He held them down, hoping the doctor would see it.

“Nick, if you don’t rest and take this recooperation seriously, you won’t be able to ever resume you career, ever! I’m sorry, but I can’t, with a clear conscious, give you the return to work slip you wanted. If you come back in March, then I would reconsider giving you the slip.” Dr. Parnello waited for Nick’s response.

Nick swallowed hard. He was upset to think that the doctor denied what he wanted. Tears were burning his eyes, he couldn’t look up at Dr. Parnello, he kept his eyes lowered. “Um, okay, thanks.” Nick got up quickly and left the office.

Stopping in the hallway, Nick pulled out a vial of his vallium. His hands were shaking so much that he had trouble opening the top. He managed to finally get it opened and put two pills on his tongue and drank water from the drinking fountain.

As Nick walked across the parking lot towards his car, his mind was running through the options of what to do now to obtain a return to work permit. He knew that there were 24 hour clinics almost in every city. He decided to give one of those a try. He figured if he tried hard enough, he could find a doctor that could be persuaded to write a slip if the price were right.

Nick drove around town looking for a phone booth that would actually have a phone book still in it. After a few minutes of driving he located one and stopped at it. He pulled the book out and immediately went to the yellow pages and tried to find a physician that would help him get the slip he so desperately needed.

He located a name in the book of an office that was on the west end of town. Nick decided it was worth a try and drove to the location.

As he pulled into the small parking lot, he was wondering if this was such a good idea after all. He sat in his car for a few minutes debating if this was the way he wanted to go with this.

Walking into the small, cramped office, Nick could smell the rubbing alcohol that was in the air. The small lobby was full of people. Nick could feel the eyes on his back. He leaned close to the receptionist’s window.

“Um,” Nick tried to get the receptionist’s attention.

She took a clipboard that had a sheet of paper on it and pushed it toward Nick. “Just fill this out and here’s a number, we will call you when it’s your turn.” The receptionist never looked up.

Nick took the clipboard and saw an empty chair in the corner of the room. He walked through the people and sat down and started to fill out the sheet. He skipped over the phone number portion and put in the fan club address for his home address. While he waited, he slid down in the chair and read and re-read what he had written.

Finally, the number was called and Nick wasted no time in following the medical assistant towards the exam room.

As Nick handed the clipboard to her, she realized her suspicions were confirmed. The medical assistant tried to keep her composure.

“Ah, um, what is the nature of your visit?” Her voice was shaking as she spoke.

“I’d like to talk to the doctor about a medical issue.” Nick was trying to avoid telling her what he needed.
br> “I’m sorry, but I really have to know so that the doctor can be prepared.” The assistant’s voice was still shakey.

Nick sighed. “Ah, I need to see about a return to work slip.

“Oh, yeah.” The assistant accidentally spoke her thoughts outloud. Trying to cover her mistake she said, “I see, yes, the doctor should be in to help you in a moment. The assistant closed the door behind her.

Nick sat in the chair and looked around the room. The walls had posters about the different parts of the human body. Just as Nick was getting into reading about the “Amazing Shoulder,” the doctore entered the room with the clipboard in his hand.

“Hello, Mr. Carter, I am Dr. Sanchez. I see you want a return to work permit. What do you do for a living?” Dr. Sanchez barely looked up from the clipboard.

Nick was starting to think to himself this was gonna be a piece of cake, the doctor doesn’t know who I am.

“I’m a singer.” Nick didn’t elaborate, he fiugred less was more.

“I see, and why would you want a return to work permit to sing?” Dr. Sanchez questioned.

“Well, my talent agent does, I was off because I was sick this summer and he just wants all of the legal bases covered, I guess.” Nick was trying to skirt the issue.

“And how are you feeling now?” Dr. Sanchez asked.

“I feel great.” Nick replied. He watched as Dr. Sanchez pulled out a prescription pad and started to write a note on it.

Nick could barely contain his excitement as the doctor handed him the white slip of paper.

“Thank you,” Nick made sure he didn’t say anymore.

“Stop and see the receptionist on your way out.” Dr. Sanchez said as he walked out the door.

Nick stopped at the receptionist desk and was more than happy to pay the $75 fee. Grasping the slip of paper, he walked out the door and jumped into his car and sped out of the parking lot. He couldn’t wait to see his manager and hand him the work release permit.

Nick picked up his cell phone and dialed the number to his manager.

“Jack here.” The agent picked the phone up after two rings.

“Hey, Jack, it’s me, Nick, I got the slip you wanted me to have.” Nick announced happily.

“You do?” Jack sounded shocked. He was running the improbability of Nick getting a permission slip through his mind, there was no way Nick’s doctor would have gave him a slip, he was not capable of working just yet.

“Yeah, I got the slip in my hand, right here, signed and sealed, just have to deliver this puppy.” Nick right fron and rear tire drove off the shoulder of the road when he looked at the paper. “Whoa, that was bad.” Nick thought outloud as he eased the vehicle back onto the road.

“Got a problem, Nick?” The agent heard the commotion that was going on.

“Ah, no, I got this under control now, don’t worry about it.” Nick said quickly. He didn’t admit to Jack that it had scared him when he went off the road.

Nick was already pulling into the parking lot and he was still on the cellphone with Jack.

“Hey, Jack, I’m coming in. Be right there.” Nick hung the phone up.” He got out of the car and ran up the stairs to the office buildings.

Nick got on the elevator and took it to the office on the fourth floor. He walked into the office and the secretary smiled at Nick.

“I need to see Jack and he knows I am coming here, I just hung up with him two minutes ago.” Nick explained.

The receptionist picked her phone up and buzzed Jacks office. “Hi, Nick Carter is here to see you. Oh, okay, I’ll tell him.” The receptionist hung the phone up.

“Jack will be out in a few minutes to get you. Have a seat while you are waiting, okay?” The receptionist smiled at Nick.

Nick reluctantly sat down on the couch and looked down at the magazines on the coffee table. It was littered with Variety and Entertainment and People magazines. He decided not to even pick up a magazine to read, he was afraid of what he would find inside them.

Jack opened the outer door to his office. “Hi, Nick, come on in.”

Nick pulled himself up off the low couch and follwed Jack into the room.

“So you got a medical release slip?” Jack didn’t waste anytime asking any questions.

“Yup, have it right here.” Nick said as he pulled the folded form out of his pocket.

Jack opened it up and looked at it. “Is this from your family physician?”

Nick started to worry, here now Jack was starting to scrutinize the slip. “Um, yeah.”

“Nick, your family physician?” Jack had already detected a descrepancy with the name on the note.

“Well, I am switching doctors.” Nick lied to Jack, but he was so desperate he didn’t care.

“Oh, so now your family physician is Urgent Medical Care Complex?” Jack knew right away that this was just a 24 walk in clinc.

“Yes it is.” Nick defended the paper.

“Um, what does Dr. Parnello think about all of this?” Jack asked Nick as he leaned back into his chair.

“I don’t care what....hey, you asked for a return to work slip, I gave you one, now, are we gonna start up again or what?” Nick was getting angry.

Jack leaned forward. “I called Dr. Parnello this morning and he told me he saw you and told you no way in hell were you going back on tour until sometime this spring. He said you would be foolish to do otherwise. This doctor Sanchez had no clue about you and your medical history, he just wrote this out and accepted the fees. No, Nick, I can’t with a clear conscious allow you to go ontour.”

Nick couldn’t believe what he was hearing from Jack. He started to grow angrier by the minute. He grabbed the slip out of Jack’s hands. When Nick stood up, the chair he was sitting in toppled onto the floor backwards.

“Okay, fine, but you want to know something else Jack? You are so fired, I am quitting you. I am through with you.” Nick stared him down in the eyes when he spoke.

“Nick, you signed a contract with me, you can’t fire me.” Jack countered.

“Well, sue me then, I am done with your ass.” Nick strode out the room and out of the office.

Nick worked very hard to practice the dance moves and keep up with the rest of the guys. It was hard, but he had to keep up with them, Nick had convinced himself that he was in perfect health despite what Dr. Parnello had told him and he was just not going to let any negative comments get him down.

Jess was not very pleased that Nick had thrown out all of his doctor’s advice to him and went ahead and signed to do the new tour. The rest of the guys did not know that Nick’s health was in jeopardy, and Jess, as much as she wanted to, could not tell any of them what was going on with Nick. She remained ever watchful of him though and she knew she was almost being too overprotective of him, but she could not help it.

She watched how Nick struggled to do dance steps that were much easier for him to do this past spring. With his being sick all summer long and the stuff that went on this fall, he had put on a little weight and it was difficult for him to do some of the moves that were physical. He forced himself to do them and Jess could see that his face was beet red and his hair was soaked with sweat. When it came time for Nick to sing his part, his voice was winded. She knew that Nick was not pleased with his performance, but she also knew that Nick was going to keep going no matter what it involved.

“Wait, wait, hold on a sec.” AJ waived his hands in the air. He was getting annoyed listening to Nick attempt singing.

“Nicky, did you need to stop here? You, well, you sound awful.” AJ looked Nick directly in the eyes.

“No, I am fine.” Nick was still huffing and puffing after they stopped.

AJ picked up a towel and threw it at Nick, which he caught as it hit him squarely in the chest. Nick wiped his face off immediately.

“Let’s go again, I don’t need to stop.” Nick protested.

AJ shrugged his shoulders and motioned to the band to start up again by gesturing with his hand doing a slight circular motion.

Nick was trying his best not to get so winded, it was something he mentally told himself he would have to work on, do something with it. He was so shocked at how quickly he was out of breath though. Maybe if I took some vallium at break, I would be more relaxed and then I could do these steps with more ease. Nick touched his front pocket where he had put his prescription bottle. He was glad that he had brought them along with him. He was desperate to try anything at this point.

Nick stopped in mid dance step which threw the entire group off. “I am ready to stop for a five minute break.” He annouced.

AJ brushed past Nick without saying a word. Jess could tell he was annoyed with Nick. Brian, Howie and Kevin also walked past Nick each making conversation, with only Brian smacking Nick in the shoulder as he walked past him.

Nick excused himself to Jess and walked towards the restrooms. He figured he could take the pills now and they would kick in by the time the break was over. When Nick got into the restroom, he pulled the vallium out of his pocket and opened the bottle and poured out a handful of the white pills but only taking two and shoving the rest of them back into the bottle. With that done, he cupped the pills in his hand and walked out towards the table that had bottles of water on them. Nick’s eyes darted right and left as he quickly slipped the pills into his mouth. He uncapped the bottle of water and took a generous drink before he capped it up again.

“Nicky, my boy, I am so glad to see you trying to make a go of this again. It’s great to have you back on the stage.” Brian said as he tried to hug Nick.

Nick’s response was spilling water on the front of his grey tee shirt. “Oh, shit. I hate when I do this.”

Brian laughed at Nick’s expense. “Take it easy there, boy, it’s typical anyway, and besides you’re so full of sweat anyway, it kind of blends in.”

“Oh, yeah.” Nick smiled sheepishly.

“Hey, Nick, don’t worry, the dancing will get easier and you know it, it’s just been awhile since you have done this. Don’t let yourself get down on this, okay?” Brian tried to encourage Nick.

“I know that Brian, the extra weight didn’t help me much either. But I will be fine.” Nick tried to think with a positive outlook.

“Thats the spirit.” Brian winked at Nick as he uncapped his water and took a huge gulp from it.

Nick was definately starting to feel relaxed. He knew this was the effect he was looking for, he figured if he was limber enough the dancing would just come more easier for him. Nick walked towards Jess. He came up from behind and encircled her waist with his hands. He bent down and kissed her gently on the side of her neck.

Jess reached back with her hand and touched the side of Nick’s face. “Hey, you must be feeling better, I see.”

“Yes I am, I could dance all night.” Nick whispered quietly to Jess.

“Good thing cause it looks like they are going to start up again.” Jess observed.

“Dammit.” Nick chuckled as he gave Jess another quick kiss and then turned and walked back to where he should be standing for the next song they were going to sing.

Jess walked to the side of the stage and down stairs to a door that led to the audiorium seats. She went a few rows back in the center aisle and sat down to watch the guys practice. She only got to see them from offstage so this was fun to watch.

Jess was suprised when she saw the change in Nick’s performance compared to what it was like before break. “This must have been what he needed, a little rest.” Jess thought to herself. Nick was performing at the same intensity that he had before the accident.

Even the guys noticed the improvement in Nick and they complimented him on the good job he was doing. Nick was happy that the pills helped him to achieved the energy he needed to continue to perform.

After a few hours of practice, they decided that they had had enough. Nick stopped by the water table and grabbed another bottle of water. He was extremely thirsty after dancing nonstop for two hours.

“Are you tired?” Jess asked Nick, she was concerned because he was so sweatty and red faced.

Nick gulped his water. He was tired, but he did not want to admit it to Jess. “Naw, this is great! This is what I have been waiting to do since June, I am pumped up for this.”

“Oh, you just look like you’re exhausted.” Jess observed.

Nick slammed his water bottle down on the table which caused a chain reaction causing six bottles to topple over. “I said I was fine, can you just leave it at that?” Nick was becoming very angry with Jess and he stormed off towards the bathrooms.

Jess watched Nick walk off. She could tell by the way he walked that he was upset with her. She decided to sit down on the couch and wait for him to come back. Jess glanced over at Brian to see if he caught Nick’s outburst. Brian was putting clothes and a towel into his duffle bag.

“Bri, I guess I will never learn my lesson not to push Nick too far, huh?” Jess sighed.

Brian smiled at Jess and shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t really know what to say to Jessica, she would have to learn Nick’s moods all on her own, like the rest of them had.

Once in the bathroom, Nick still felt tense and uptight about Jessica’s remark. He needed to calm down, he could feel his blood pressure rising. As he threw his hands to his sides, he felt the prescription bottle in his right hand pocket. Nick reached into the pocket and pulled the tiny brown bottle out that had his vallium in it. His mind searched to remember how many hours ago it was that he had taken the last dose. The instructions on the bottle said one to two every 6 hours as needed. It had only been 3 hours since he had taken the other two. Nick reasoned that two more at this time would not hurt him one bit. He spilled the contents of the bottle into his hand and picked two pills out of the pile and scooped the rest back into the bottle.

Jess watched Nick come out of the bathroom. He still looked quite upset to her, but she certainly wasn’t going to bring that up with him for fear it would cause another outburst. He walked over to the water table and picked up the bottle of water he had been drinking out of. He put the vallium into his mouth and took a gulp of water to wash it down.

“What cha taking?” Jess was curious when she saw Nick put his hand to his mouth before he took a drink of water.

“Asprin, I have got a wicked headache.” Nick lied to her.

“Oh, I hope you’ll feel better soon, then.” Jess smiled at Nick.

Nick felt awful about lying to Jess now, but he managed a weak smile to her.

“I’ll be fine, and Jess, I’m really sorry for blowing up at you a little while ago.” Nick fiddled with the bottle cap as he appologized to Jessica.

“Hey, forget it, I have.” Jess said as she watched Nick play with the cap.

“See you tomorrow, Nick?” Brian said as he picked his bag up and pulled his car keys out of his pocket.

“Yeah, sure thing, at 10 again, right?” Nick was confirming the time of the rehearsal.

“Yup, 10 a.m. See you guys later.” Brian smiled and walked out the door.

Nick started to feel sleepy. “Jess, could you drive back to the house, I am feeling really tired right now.”

“Sure, honey.” Jess helped Nick pack up his clothes and towel. Nick grabbed another bottle of water before they walked out of the studio.

Once they got out into the parking lot, Jess hit the button to unlock all of the doors on the durango. Nick got into the passenger side and adjusted his seat so it leaned as far back as possible. He took his hat and put it over his face.

“Boy, you are beat, huh?” Jess said as she got into the car and looked over at Nick.

Nick just groaned, he didn’t have the energy to talk. He drifted off to sleep before Jess had even pulled out of the driveway.

Jessica pulled into the driveway at Nick’s house. She told him last night that she would be over there by 9:30 to go with him to the rehearsal studio. The house looked quiet to her and she used her housekeys to enter into the door off the garage. Once inside, Jess could hear Nick’s radio and alarm blaring from the bedroom. Putting her purse on the counter, she knew that she would have to wake Nick up so that he could get ready quickly.

Walking into the bedroom, she found Nick sprawled out ontop of the waterbed, face down, arms spread out to the side. She walked over to the alarm and turned it off. “Nick, time to get up, you’re running late again.” Jess said as she went to open the drapes. She looked over at Nick after she opened the drapes up and saw that he had not moved or attempted to move. She leaned over and pushed his back. “Come on, get up! Brian is gonna kill you!” Jess spoke a little louder to try and stimulate Nick into waking up.

There was still no response from Nick. Jess was starting to panic. She pushed on Nick’s body harder and rolled him over in the bed. He laid there with his mouth open. Jess had no other choice but to slap Nick’s face. “Nick! Wake up!” Nick still did not wake up for her, his only response was a loud snore.

“Think, Jess, think, what can I do here?” Jess was searching her mind to think of ways to stimulate Nick into waking up for her. He was so tall and big and she was so slight, it was hard to do anything for him. She went into the bathroom and got a glass of ice cold water and walked into the bedroom towards the bed. She poured the water onto Nick’s face.

Nick coughed and sputtered when the cold water hit his face. Blinking, he started to grasp his surroundings and then realizing that someone had poured icewater onto his face, he instantly became angry.

“What the hell did you do that for?” Nick angrily asked Jessica.

“I did that because I couldn’t wake you up for some damn reason, you tell me what the hell else I was supposed to do for you. It’s 9:45 and you are supposed to be walking into rehearsal in 15 minutes.” Jess defended her actions to Nick.

Upon hearing that it was already 9:45, Nick swore and got out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and hurriedly got dressed. He quickly brushed his teeth and raked a comb through his blond hair. He didn’t have time to shave or grab a bite to eat.

“Come on, lets go, I’ll call Brian on the way in and let him know that we are on our way.” Nick said as he ran past Jess grabbing his wallet and ballcap and car keys.

Jess followed Nick out the garage door and got into the durango and was barely buckled in when he roared out of the driveway.

“Hey, slow it down, you are already late, it’s not gonna make any difference, and besides you are more valuable to them alive than dead.” Jess snapped at Nick. “By the way, why did I have such a hard time getting you awake this morning?” Jess asked hoping Nick would answer her question.

“I dunno, I was really beat last night, I guess I was out of it this morning for some reason.” Nick lied to Jess. He was not about to admit to her that he had taken some sleeping pills last night to help himself relax. He made a mental note to be a little more cautious the next time he took them. “Do me a favor, call Brian and let him know we will be there in about 10 minutes.” Nick concentraited on his driving, he was trying to avoid anymore questions from Jess.

“Okay.” Jess answered as she picked up the cell phone and started to dail Brian’s number.

After she talked to Brian, Jess settled back into the seat and looked out the window. She did not want to make eye contact with Nick, as he seemed to be a little edgy this morning. She did not want a repeat of what had happened yesterday at the rehearsal.

As Nick pulled into the parking lot, Jess noticed that he was definately late. He parked the vehicle and jumped out grabbing his duffle bag. Jess was barely out of the vehicle when Nick hit the door lock and the auto alarm buttons.

“Hey, could you at least wait for me to get out before you lock it up?” Jess sounded a little annoyed when she snapped at Nick.

“Geeze, sorry!” Nick replied as he did a half walk/run towards the door. He knew he was late and didn’t want to listen to Brian’s comments when he walked in.

Jess walked slowly behind Nick, she didn’t think it was necessary for her to hurry into the building.

Nick threw his gear down and walked onto the stage where the rest of the guys had already gathered and were getting ready to start rehearsing.

“Way to go, Nick.” AJ called out sarcastically.

Nick threw an angry glance over towards AJ. He hated the way he was always riding on him for one thing or another.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I overslept, I called Brian, geeze.” Nick was starting to feel his face get hot from his blood pressure rising. He was getting angry and he knew he had to try and keep his emotions in check.

“Come on, lets quit the bickering and get started.” Kevin suggested quietly. He was always anxious to get down to business.

“Okay, could you just wait for one more minute, I need to get a drink of water before we start.” Nick said as he sprinted towards the barrel that was filled with water bottles on ice. As Nick grabbed a waterbottle, he slipped his hand into his front pocket and pulled the vial that contained the vallium and pulled two out of the pile that fell into his hand. Nick decided to take a third one, figuring that it would further enhance his performance. He quickly put the pills in his mouth and swallowed them before Jessica could see him do anything.

“There,” Nick thought to himself, “once these kick in, I will be fine.” Nick walked back to the stage and took his place in the line. AJ was glaring at his every move. He seemed very annoyed with Nick for some reason this morning.

Nick returned a nasty look towards AJ. “What the heck is your problem today?”

“Nothing.” AJ looked away. He was not prepared to confront Nick, at least just yet anyway. AJ was starting to suspect something wasn’t quite right with Nick, but he was actually sure of what it was.

“Come on, can we please just start the rehearsals?” Kevin begged.

Without saying a word, Nick bowed forward and got into the position for the beginning of the song there were to practice. Soon, the rest of them followed Nick’s lead.

Jess ran down to the seats so she could get the point of view that the fans would during a performance. The music was cued up and the guys started dancing.

Nick felt as if he was floating on air, his moves seemed effortless. “Man, this is the best I’ve felt in a long time.” Nick thought to himself.

Jess noticed that Nick was dancing better than ever. His moves were so smooth, he made dancing look as easy as walking.

When it came time for a spin, Nick, became dizzy and fell off balance.

“Nick, quit shitting around, I am getting tired of stopping for you.” AJ sputtered.

Nick shot back angrily, “Geesh, I’m sorry, god AJ, quit riding me, okay? Just back off.”

AJ threw his hands up in the air and walked offstage. The rest of them decided it was a good time to break.

As they sat down to rest, their promotional manager approached them with a clip board.

“Okay, guys, few items we need to clear up here. You need to be here tomorrow night no later than 6:00 p.m. for the concert. We need to take care of people with the backstage passes before the show, we are trying something new here. Nick, you need to give me confirmation on your new management situation here. Any questions about tomorrow?”

All the guys shook their heads no. “Do you think you are ready for this Nick?” The manager asked.

“Of course I am.” Nick stated defensively.

“Okay, I was just checking. Okay, if any of you guys need wardrobe alterations, please check with Missy and she will take care of it. See you all tomorrow night at 6 then.”

“Well, Nick, you are getting what you were wishing for, I just hope that everything will be okay.” Jess stated as she watched Nick brush his hair and adjust his clothes for the concert.

Nick glanced over at Jess in the mirror. “You worry too much, don’t be so silly.”

“I can’t help it, I was there when the doctor told you absolutely no concerts until next March, and here is it, only December and you are going to go out there again. I just can’t believe it.” Jess didn’t try to conceal her worry in her voice.

Nick turned and put his hands on her shoulders, “Don’t worry, okay, I will be fine, trust me.”

“I do Nick, but this is something you really don’t have any control over at all. I am scared.” Jess sighed.

Nick threw the hair brush down onto the table. “Oh, come on Jess, don’t do this to me. I gotta go, we are supposed to be in place in about three minutes and I am not out there.” Nick kissed Jessica quickly on the cheek and walked out the door.

Once out in the hallway, Nick felt a wave a dizziness overcome him. He put his hand to his head and took a faltering step backwards. He shook his head and bent over to bring the blood back up to his brain. As Nick slowly stood up, he looked right and left to make sure no one saw him do that.

“There you are, where the hell have you been?” AJ greeted Nick with a slap on the back.

Nick smiled. “Jess held me up, sorry.”

“So are you ready, now?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, just a sec, I need to get a drink of water.” Nick turned and darted towards the barrel with the water bottles. He had managed to take his valium about 30 minutes ago, but he still felt tense. Nick took an extra two pills out of his pocket and slipped them into his mouth and washed them down quickly with a gulp of water.

Nick ran back quickly to his place behind the stage and waited with the rest of the guys for the opening song to cue up.

“Man, Nick, you sure make me nervous sometimes,” Howie remarked quietly.

“Sorry, it’s just a weird habit, I need to drink when my throat is dry.” Nick shot back sarcastically.

“Guys!” Kevin growled.

Nick immediately stiffened up into postition and the machines started billowing out the smoke and the special effects were cued up.

One by one, each of the guys took their turns jumping out of the smoke onto the stage. Nick was fine when he jumped out, only to notice that his headset wasn’t working properly and the music he was to be hearing was not playing in his ear at all. In fact, he noticed right away that he missed his first cue for his part in a song.

Brian gave Nick a funny look when he noticed that Nick hadn’t started to sing when he was supposed to. Nick pointed at his ear and yelled the words “not working, can’t hear anything.” The words he was yelling were only appearing to be mouthed because of the screaming from the crowd.

Nick threw his hands up in the air to stop the band. AJ and Howie were dancing and weren’t paying attention to Nick not singing. The band stopped playing, but not at the same time, which finally stopped into an eerie beat.

Brian spoke into his headset. “Nick is having technical difficulties with his mike.” Nick had already started walking towards the side of the stage where the sound technician was at.

“Hey, there is no sound in my ear here.” Nick said to him as he pulled the defective headset off.

“Are you feeling okay, Nick? You look a little redfaced.” The tech replied as he took the headset from Nick.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s probably just hot under the lights.” Nick brushed the remark off.

The tech handed Nick a new headset. “Try to go easy on this one, okay?”

“Yeah, sure thing.” Nick put it on and walked towards the center stage again. “Hey! Can you guys hear me okay?” Nick asked as he was walking towards Brian. The response was a thunder of cheering. “That’s cool.” Nick turned towards the band. “Hit a few notes, please.” The band complied with a few bars of a song. “Alright! lets take it from the top!”

The band started playing Larger Than Life again and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. The guys picked back up and started the choreography to the song. Nick felt a little dizzy during some of the steps but managed to conceal it.

Once the song was finished, the band immediately broke into playing Quit Playing Games. Nick was starting to feel a little tired and was shocked to think he felt that way and it was only the second set in the concert. He felt like he could lay down and go to sleep.

After the song ended, it was time for each of the guys to introduce themselves to the audience. Nick, as usual, was last and by the time they got to him, he was breathing quite heavily.

“Hi, I’m Nick,” he paused to catch his breath. He usually went on talking about where they were or made some small joke, but he felt he couldn’t do it.

Brian gave Nick an odd look. He leaned over to him and covering his mike, whispered, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, okay?” Nick growled back, he didn’t bother covering his microphone.

“You look like you’re gonna get sick, that’s all.” Brian still had his hand cupped over his microphone.

Nick said the line that was usually meant for AJ after they were done with their complimentary introductions.

“Are you guys ready to rock Tampa?” Nick shouted into his mike.

The crowd responded with a thunderous ovation. The band started up the next set with Everybody. It was going to be a very strenuous number and Nick took a deep breath because he knew what he would be up against with the physical moves.

Brian kept watching Nick out the corner of his eye. He could tell that something was off with him as his face was beet red and he was sweating like he had been running a race for his life and normally Nick didn’t look that bad.

A couple of times, Nick turned and appeared to Brian to be way off balance. He thought he would fall at any time. Nick seemed to keep up the dancing pace along with the rest of the group. But there was just something about Nick that wasn’t right and Brian was going to try his best to figure out what it was.

Finally after a series of fast songs, Howie’s solo was coming on and the rest of the guys got to go backstage and take a quick rest before going on. Nick practically collapsed onto the couch in the backstage area.

“I don’t feel right,” Nick said breathlessly as he held his chest.

Unfortunately, with all of the screaming going on and the music blasting away, none of the guys heard Nick’s complaint.

“Hey, Nicky, you gotta go and change for the next set, what the hell are you doing?” AJ hissed at him.

Nick rolled off the couch onto the floor and dragged himself up using the couch. It seemed like his room was hours away instead of a few quick footsteps away.

“Nick?” Brian called out to him. Nick kept going into his dressing room and closed the door behind him. “Is it just me, or does Nick look sick?” Brian asked AJ.

“Well, he don’t look like he feels very well, his face is as red as I have ever seen it. I think he knew he bit off more than he could chew doing this concert and he is not gonna say anything to anyone of us. I’ll keep an eye on him too while we’re out there.” AJ replied.

“Well, he better hurry up, he should be doing his solo in about 10 more minutes.” Brian said as he left to go out to do his solo and brushed past Howie coming in offstage.

In his dressing room, Nick caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. His face was bright red and his hair was drenched in sweat. Nick grabbed a towel and soaked it in cold water. He put the towel to his face and sat back in his seat. Nick felt his heart racing, it almost felt like it would explode out of his chest. He was gasping every breath he took in and it was feeling like he wasn’t getting enough oxygen with the air he was breathing. Nick threw the towel over the back of his head and neck. He bent over in the chair hoping this would help him breathe better and get rid of the dizziness he was feeling.

A knock on the dressing room door told Nick he was to be ready to go out for his solo in two minutes. He hadn’t even changed his wardrobe yet. Nick slowly got out of his chair and decided he was going to go out there dressed the way he was, he didn’t feel like he could change his clothes if he wanted to.

Nick slowly opened the door and walked out of the room. AJ was watching Nick from across the room and was puzzled when it looked to him as if Nick was staggering like he was drunk. Before AJ could get to Nick, he was already out onstage.

“Shit! Something’s definately not right with the boy!” AJ yelled exasperated.

Nick laughed into his headset. The band was playing I Need You Tonight and Nick had missed his cue twice. “S-s-sorry a-b-bout that.” Nick stammered. His speech was sounding slurred. Nick bent over as if to catch his breath. He was getting scared at how weird he was starting to feel. He was dangerously close to the edge of the stage. Fans were reaching out to Nick for him to touch their hands.

Nick looked off to the side of the stage and saw AJ and Brian rushing up towards him with a look of worry on their faces. Nick blacked out and fell off the stage onto the floor.

Suddenly there was complete silence in the auditorium. Panicked fans were crowding Nick. AJ and Brian’s presence didn’t make the matters any better. Brian started yelling at the fans to stand back so Nick could get some air. There was a press of the excited fans, that it shoved Brian and AJ into the side of the stage. Brian couldn’t catch his breath because of the crowd surge. The security was trying to contain the crowd. People were stepping on Nick and pushing AJ and Brian harder and harder. Brian suddenly slumped to the floor as he became unconscious.

As the panic was starting to intensify, Howie, Kevin and Jessica could only stand offstage watching in horror. They were helpless in the situation and were praying that this would end. Jess couldn’t stand there anymore, she ran to the side of the stage where Nick had fallen and was hoping to help by dragging one of the guys onto the stage out of harms way. Kevin and Howie realized what Jess was trying to do and they ran to her side.

A muscular security guard pulled Brian’s lifeless body up out of the sea of fans and Kev and Howie grabbed him and pulled him onto the stage. Next, the guard got ahold of AJ and he was hurt, but conscious. The guard hoisted AJ up towards Kevin, and Kevin dragged AJ to safety.

The guard was frantically looking for Nick. He was starting to push girls back hard and some of them fell down onto the floor. People were stepping on Nick, he was getting trampled.

Jess was so worried about Nick, she didn’t notice that the paramedics were attending to Brian by performing CPR on him. Finally, what seemed to take forever, a guard grabbed Nick by his arms and pulled on him and took his limp body and placed him onto the stage. Another group of paramedics started immediate attention to Nick.

It was then that Jess realized that Brian was in critical condition also. She cupped her hand over her mouth to supress the scream she could feel rising in her throat.

Brian’s lips were blue and his eyes were open and staring straight at the ceiling. Nick didn’t appear any better. He was cut and bleeding from the fall and bruised from all of the people stepping on him. The paramedics had ripped his shirt open and were placing heart devices to his chest. When they turned the machine on, Jessica could feel her heart sink when the bumpy rythmn that should be on the monitor was nothing but a flat green line.

“They have to have this thing not hooked up right.” Jess thought to herself. She watched in horror as they pulled shock paddles out of a box and hooked them up to a power charger. As they placed them onto Nick’s chest, and zapped him with the voltage, his body arched in reflex from the shock. The crowd screamed as they witnessed the drama unfold. Jess looked at the monitor anticipating Nick’s heart to respond to the shock. She was disappointed when it was still a flat line.

“Dammit, Nick, don’t do this to me.” Jess yelled at him.

The paramedics tried to start his heart a second time, with the same results as the first. Finally, on the third try, Nick’s heart jumped to life. They had tubes already placed down his throat and were manually giving him oxygen.

Jess looked over towards where Brian laid. They had an oxygen mask on him, but they were no longer performing cpr. They had an IV going and Brian was still unconscious but appeared to be alive.

Jess looked at AJ. He was being attended to by two paramedics and it looked as if his arm was in a splint.

The crowd was silent. You could hear people crying and some where screaming, “No, no.”

The paramedics came back with a stretcher and Nick was the first one to leave the auditorium. Jessica was told that she could ride along with Nick in the ambulance.

The ambulance ride seem to take forever to get there. Nick was the first one to leave the auditorium followed by Brian’s ambulance. Jess felt sick to her stomach as she looked over at Nick. He had all of the medical aparatus hooked up to him, the monitors, they were manually giving him oxygen, forcing air into his lungs.

A paramedic lifted one of Nick’s eyelids and shone a penlight into the eye. The stare of his eye was as if no one was inside, it was like Nick was already gone. Jess folded her arms tightly across her chest as if to protect her from anything that would be bad that would happen to Nick.

In the other ambulance, a female paramedic was keeping close watch over Brian’s vital signs. Jess could hear the radio communication from the ambulance that Brian was in.

“Tampa, I have a 25 year old male, involved in a crowd panic situation, he was crushed against a wall. BP is 90/50, pulse is thready and 56, respirations are shallow and 16. It appears that the patient had prior heart surgery. We have him on 100ml ox, Ringers Lactate 25ml and will stand by for further instructions, our ETA is 3 minutes, over.”

“10/4 Bravomary out.”

Jess could feel chills go up her spine listening to Brian’s vital signs. The voice that was communicating sounded panicked to her for some reason. She dismissed the thoughts thinking that she was just looking for something that wasn’t really happening.

Nick’s paramedic picked up a dispatch phone.

“Tampa Bay General this is Bravofour.”

“Go ahead Bravofour.”

“Tampa, I have a male approximately 19, appears to have lost consciousness and fell 8 feet and was stepped on during a crowd panic situation. BP is 148/92, pulse is is 85, respirations are labored and 45. We have him intubated and ox 100ml, Ringers 25ml and will stand by for futher instructions, our ETA is 1 minute, over.

“10/4 Bravomary out.”

Jess was looking for some sign from the paramedic as to Nick’s condition, but got nothing. He just kept working on Nick as the ambulance pulled into the bay and the sirens made an eerie echo.

The doors to the ambulance burst open and a hospital crew was there to help pull the stretcher out. Jess still couldn’t grasp the idea that this was happening now.

As Jess was behind the stretcher trying to follow Nick into the emergency room a nurse cut her off and took her by the arm.

“I need you to help me with the patient’s registration and history information. Do you know the other patient as well?” The nurse asked Jessica quietly.

“Yes.” Jess didn’t take her eyes off of Nick’s stretcher. Brian’s was pushed past her next. She looked at him and saw that he was still unconscious as well.

“Follow me, I need you to help me with this, then, please.” The nurse led Jessica to a room and softly closed the door.

Kevin and Howie arrived at the hospital only to be directed to a small private lounge off from the emergency department. AJ was brought in last and was taken to a room in the emergency department.

Howie paced back and forth in the small waiting room. “God, how I hate this waiting. I wish we could find out something, anything.”

“Calm down, Howie, this is not going to help matters any with you getting upset over this.” Kevin said quietly.

Both Nick and Brian were each in a Trauma Room being worked on by a team of doctors and nurses.

When Jess was finished with the registration for both Brian and Nick, she was taken to the room where Kevin and Howie were waiting. Jess hugged both of them and then started crying.

“Jess, they will be okay, think positively.” Kevin said as he held her tighter.

“What next, now Brian is laying there hurt too.” Jess sobbed.

“They will be getting the best possible care. We will be finding out about their conditions soon, I hope.” Kevin said in a calm voice.

A young doctor appeared in the doorway. “Are you family of Mr. Littrell’s?”

Kevin and Howie both stood up. Kevin answered the doctor stating they were family.

The doctor entered the room and closed the door behind him. As he was sitting down, he started to speak.

“Brian has some injuries that happened when he was crushed against the stage. He has a concussion, three fractured ribs and tests indicate that he has some internal bleeding which is from a ruptured spleen. He is being prepped for surgery right now.”

Jess gasped when she heard the word internal bleeding. She knew how serious the situation was.

“Can we see him, and how is Nick?” Jess asked.

“I am not on Nick’s case, so I’m sorry I can’t answer any questions regarding his condition. You can go in and see Brian, but only for a few minutes,” the doctor said as he stood up.

Kevin, Howie and Jess followed the doctor into Trauma room 4. As they walked past the other trauma room where Nick was, Jess strained to see if she could see anything at all. All she could see was hospital staff working around Nick and she could hear all of the equipment beeping and buzzing.

When they reached Brian’s room, Jess felt her knees lock. She was afraid to take another step. She didn’t want to see Brian laying on a hospital stretcher. Kevin took her by the arm and guided her into the room. Jess scanned the trauma room before her eyes fell upon Brian’s face. He was hooked up to a heart monitor, which kept a steady rythmn and he had oxygen tubing and an assortment of IV’s hung on a pole next to his bed. Brian looked like he was sleeping and other than the color of his face being so pale, Jess would have never guessed anything that serious was wrong with him.

Jess reached out to touch Brian’s free hand. She put her hand ontop of his and leaned near his face. “Brian, we are praying for you, please get better, we need you.” Jess’s voice broke as she spoke. Tears slipped off her cheeks and fell onto Brian’s. As Jess wiped the tear off of his cheek, she appologized to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t have to shower you.”

Kevin and Howie didn’t speak to Brian at all. They just approached his bed and touched his shoulder. Jess looked up at Kevin. Kevin nodded slowly, he knew that Jess couldn’t take seeing Brian this way and wanted to leave the room. They walked back into the private room to wait and find out about Nick’s condition.

The minutes seemed to take forever.

“God, what is taking them so long with Nick, I am getting scared.” Jess sighed. She paced the floor in the tiny waiting room.

Just as Kevin was about to answer Jess, a young woman appeared in the doorway.

“I am Doctor Maddenly, are you family of Mr. Carter’s?” The woman waited for a reply before she continued.

“Yes, we are his family.” Jess said softly.

The doctor entered the room and closed the door behind her. “I am one of the trauma doctors assigned to his case. I know that he has been in and out of the hospital since June, is this correct?” Dr. Maddenly asked as she sat down.

“Yes, Nick was in a car accident in June.” Jess wasn’t sure where the doctor was going with this.

“And he has been under a doctor’s care since that time?” The doctor continued.

“Yes.” Jessica answered. She was starting to wonder where all of these questions were leading up to.

“What was Nick taking valium for?” The doctor asked.

“Valium? It was prescribed for him after he collapsed onstage in November, I guess it was for him to relax, why?” Jess was starting to feel nervous about that question.

“Well, Nick’s bloodwork showed elevated levels of valium. He evidentally took more than what his system could handle which would explain him blacking out before he fell. Now, we are working on pushing the drug out of his system. The amount of valium Nick took caused his heart to stop. He is in a coma from the overdose right now.”

Jess put her hand over her mouth when she heard the word coma come out of the doctor’s mouth. Her mind was racing thinking back to June when Nick was in a coma after the car accident.

“He will be okay, he will come out of this, right?” Jess panicked.

“It’s too early to tell, we have to wait.” The doctor replied.

Jess looked towards Kevin. She burst into sobs. “Kev, this can’t be really happening, no!”

Kevin put his arm around Jess to comfort her. “Can we see Nick?”

“Yes, talk to Nick, maybe this will help him come out of this. I am sorry there isn’t more I can tell you about him.” The doctor spoke as she stood up to leave the room. Howie, Kevin and Jess followed her out of the room.

Jess couldn’t believe that she was going through the same steps like she did last June. Nick was laying so still on the hospital bed, machines and IV’s surrounding his bed. Jess bent down and kissed Nick’s forehead. There wasn’t a response from him. The monitor kept it’s steady pace.

“Nick, why do you do this to me? I can’t keep going on like this.” Jess tearfully spoke.

She looked at his face for some type of acknowledgement. His forehead had a bandage covering the cut that he got when he fell. His left cheek looked bruised also. Nick just laid there, appearing to be asleep. Jess stroked his blond hair back. “Nick, just get better, please?”

Jess had to walk out of the room, she was so upset at looking at Nick she didn’t want to start to cry, she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to stop.

Once out in the hallway, Jess looked across and noticed that she was standing outside of AJ’s room. AJ was laying back on the stretcher. Jess walked up to the door and softly knocked.

“AJ? It’s me, Jess, can I come in?” Jess asked quietly.

“Yeah.” AJ answered quietly, he had his good arm laying across his face.

“How are you doing?” Jess asked as she got closer to his bed.

“Crappy, this sucks, man.” AJ’s voice was quiet. Jess could tell he was in pain.

“How’s the arm?” Jess was afraid to ask.

“Broke in two places. They are consulting with a bone doc to see if they need to fix it. God, I hope to hell not. I hate knives.” AJ sighed.

“AJ, they will do what is best for you, just calm down.” Jess said as she touched his shoulder.

“How’s Brian and Nick?” AJ asked.

Jess wanted to avoid that question entirely. “Um, I don’t know yet.”

AJ turned his head and looked at Jess directly into her eyes. “You do too know, tell me, please!”

“Oh, AJ....” Jess’s voice trailed off. “Brian is in having surgery right now and Nick, Nick is in a coma.”

“Shit, how the hell did this happen? All this just from Nicky falling offstage? Why is Brian having surgery?” AJ was visibly growing upset.

“His doctor said he has a ruptured spleen and some internal bleeding.” Jess replied.

“Dammit. He is gonna be okay right?” AJ asked.

Jess noticed AJ’s heart rate rising on the montior they had him hooked up to. “Calm down AJ! They seemed to be optimistic.”

“Yeah, well what about Nick, how come he is in a coma?” AJ pressed for more answers.

“Well, they said his blood tests show that he had a significant amount of valium in his blood. Almost too much and that is what caused him to black out in the first place and fall off the stage.”

“That son of a bitch, I knew he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to, I just knew it. I caught him sneeking something the other day at rehearsal and then he was really relaxed after break. I should have confronted him then.” AJ was growing more adjitated.

“AJ, there was nothing that would have clued you into this type of thing happening. Don’t go beating yourself up over this now.” Jessica rubbed his shoulder as she spoke.

A doctor appeared in the doorway.

“Hi, Mr. McLean, I am Dr. Swans, the orthopaedic surgeon on call. I have looked over the films of your fracture on your humerous and the radius and I’m afraid we will have to do surgery to repair the break.” The doctor was looking over AJ’s chart as he spoke.

“Shit.” AJ didn’t say another word after that.

“Plates in his arm?” Jess asked the doctor.

“Yes, plates and screws, it is the only way to repair the arm and minimize the damage.”

“Shit.”

“AJ, it will be okay, quit saying that.” Jess tried to calm him down.

“I will admit you to the hospital tonight, and have you scheduled for surgery first thing in the morning. You will have to stay inpatient for twenty-four to forty-eight hour following surgery.” Dr. Swans told AJ.

AJ closed his eyes and sighed deeply letting the information the doctor just told him, sink in. He hated hospitals and was scared to death of knives. AJ hated to admit it, but even with all of the tattoos he had, he was a baby when it came to needles and pain.

“AJ, it will be okay, you are in good hands.” Jessica tried to help him relax.

“I know, it’s just that I’m really scared of having something like this done, I mean, surgery and shit like that scares the hell out of me.” AJ tried to put his panic on hold.

Jess simply touched his shoulder, trying to calm him down. Her eyes wandered off towards the room where Nick laid, unconscious.

Jess sat and stared at the television, not really paying attention to anything that was on. She looked up briefly to see Kevin pacing the floor and over at Howie sitting in the corner thumbing through a magazine. Each of them were preoccupied with their own thoughts about their friends.

A surgeon entered the small waiting room. “Are you family of Mr. McLean’s?”

Kevin turned and answered the doctor. “Yes, is he okay? How did the surgery go?”

“He is out of surgery, and it appears that everything went well. We had a difficult time aligning the bones in place, but the plates and screws are doing their job.” The surgeon stated with confidence.

“How long will AJ be staying?” Howie asked.

“I would assume that he will be hospitalized for 48 hours, provided that everything is okay postoperative.” The surgeon looked at his watch as he spoke.

“When can we see him?” Jessica asked anxiously.

“He is still in the recovery room and will be moved to the floor in another hour or so. I will have them notify you when he is moved.” The surgeon turned and walked out of the room.

“God, that’s good news to hear. At least AJ is out of the woods. I am worrying about Brian though, with him in ICU, and Nick too, I am scared.” Jess spoke quietly.

“They will be fine, Jess, quit making yourself get upset over this,” Kevin said as he put his arm around her.

“I want to go see Nicky. I wonder if that nurse is gone now.” Jess was upset about the nurse that was on duty earlier. She refused to let her in to see Nick because she was not immediate family. Jess had to resign herself to standing in the hallway and barely getting a glimpse of Nick from there.

“Would you like me to check and see if that nurse is still there? I will go and see if I can get you in to see Nick.” Howie said as he left the room.

Jess glanced down at the table and looked briefly at the magazines that laid on it. Her eyes briefly stopped at a picture of the group. It struck her as funny that she would always come across a picture of Nick or the group when she was at the hospital.

After a few minutes, Howie came back into the room, he was smiling. “Good news, the nurse is gone. I spoke with the head nurse in ICU and explained the situation to her and she agreed that you should be able to come and go to Nick as you pleased. You don’t have to worry about that nurse telling you no ever again.”

“Oh, god, that is good! I want to go see Nick now.” Jess said as she stood up and hugged Howie.

“Would you like me to take you up there?” Howie asked.

“Oh, thanks, I would like that.” Jess replied.

Kevin and Howie walked with Jessica towards the elevators and quietly waited for the elevator to arrive. The lobby was busy and people started to gather by the elevator with them. There were a few young girls in the group of people and they immediately recognized Howie and Kevin. Both men were relieved when the girls only whispered quietly to one another and didn’t ask them for an autograph.

When the elevator finally arrived, they waited as it stopped on each floor until it finally stopped on the fourth floor for them to get off.

Jessica took a deep breath outside of Nick’s room before she entered. She felt her stomach tighten in knots as she walked into the room. There were numerous IV’s hanging from a pole next to Nick’s bed. A heart monitor kept it’s steady rhythm and an oxgen monitor kept a pulse. Nick laid quietly in the bed, his face was pale. Jess softly touched his cheek, hoping that he would open his eyes in response. His skin felt cool to the touch and Jess could feel the tears well up in her eyes as she looked at Nick.

“Hi babe, how are you this morning?” Jess asked Nick as if he would be responding to her question. “AJ’s surgery went fine and they said he will be in the hospital for another couple of days. I have been praying for you to get better. I wish you would wake up and tell me that you are fine. Please, Nick, can you wake up?” Jess’s voice trailed off as it was filling with emotion. She felt Howie’s hand on her shoulder.

Jessica turned to Howie and started to cry. Howie held her tightly and kept whispering “Shh.” It made Jess cry even more.

“This just isn’t fair. Why does this stuff have to happen to Nick?” Jess cried out. “I can’t accept this any longer.”

“Jess, Nick will be fine, he is just resting now. We have to believe that everything will be alright.” Kevin reasoned.

“No, no he’s not alright, he’s in a coma for christsake. I want him to talk to me, I want him to wake up and get angry.

“Jess, these things take time. They are working on getting the meds washed out of his system. The doctor said it would be a few days before Nick would wake up and it’s only been one day, you have to just wait it out.” Kevin said as he put a hand on her shoulder.

Jessica sighed as she looked at Nick laying so still. “God, how I want this whole nightmarish year to be overwith.” Jess thought to herself.

Jess pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. She told Kevin and Howie that she was going to sit with Nick for awhile and then would go to Brian’s room later.

Howie took the hint that Jess wanted to be alone with Nick and grabbed Kevin’s arm and told him they should go across the hall and check in on Brian.

As the guys walked into Brian’s room, they found Brian awake watching his nurse push medications through his IV lines. He turned when they walked into the room and managed a faint smile.

“Hey, Brian, how are you feeling this morning?” Kevin asked.

“Good.” Brian answered softly. They could tell his strength was gone from his body. He looked very pale and tired. Brian licked his lips and had a puzzled look cross his face, he managed to speak one word, “How?”

Kevin realized that Brian could not remember what happened that landed him in the hospital.

“Oh, god, Brian, you don’t remember, do you?” Howie asked.

Brian shook his head no. He looked at both Kevin and Howie to see if their faces could reveal if it was bad news, all Brian could think of was a car accident and he realized Nick was not in the room or Jessica.

“Do you remember being onstage in Tampa last night?” Kevin asked Brian.

Brian thought for a few minutes and then again shook his head no.

“Well, we were starting our tour again and I guess Nick wasn’t as ready as he thought he should have been. He blacked out and fell offstage. You ran out and jumped into the crowd to help him because he was being stepped on and you got mixed up in the surge of the crowd and you were slammed up against the stage. It knocked you out cold and stopped your heart. They ended up having to do surgery to fix your spleen, and they are hoping it can be saved, otherwise they will have to go back in and take it.”

Brian listened to Kevin and tried to comprehend what he was telling him. He slowly spoke up, “Nick?”

Kevin was hoping he wouldn’t ask him that question since Nick was still in a coma from the narcotics he had accidentally taken too much of.

“Um, well, Nick is um---” Kevin was trying to find the right words.

Brian reached out and touched Kevin’s arm that cause him to stop in mid sentance.

“Just tell me.” Brian said quietly.

Kevin swallowed. “Nick is in a coma.” He looked at Brian’s face to see if it registered.

Brian slowly closed his eyes. Tears slipped down his cheeks.

“But the doctors are optimistic that he will come out of it in the next couple of days.” Howie added quickly.

“Jess?” Brian slowly spoke.

“Jess is fine. She waited by the stage when this happened. She’s pretty upset, but she’s okay. She is with Nick across the hall.” Kevin said softly.

Howie stood up. “I’m going to go get her, she would want to see you, Brian.”

Brian watched Howie leave the room. Brian closed his eyes, the pain was starting to make him feel sick to his stomach.

“Brian, are you okay?” Kevin asked. He noticed that Brian was still pretty pale, his color didn’t look good at all.

“My stomach hurts.” Brian replied, it was barely audible.

Jessica rushed into the room. She immediately went up to the bed and kissed Brian. “God, Brian, I am so glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?” Jess said as she looked at his pale face. His eyes looked almost drained of color, empty.

“Ok.” Brian said quietly.

Jessica knew that Brian was lying, but she didn’t bother to correct him. She could see the pain in his eyes.

“Aww, I wish I could help you feel better, Bri.” Jess tried to be sympathetic. She watched a lab technician enter the room with her cart.

“Hi, my name is Melissa and I need to draw some more lab work from you, can I see your ID bracelet?” The girl was young, and very nervous. Jess and Kevin looked at one another for a moment. They both knew that the girl knew of Brian’s celebrity and was intimidated by it.

Brian held his left arm out for her to read the name tag and verify the numbers on the chart and vials. Once she was finished, she placed a rubber strap around Brian’s upper arm.

Kevin and Jessica decided to make small talk with Brian so that the tech wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with them in the room.

“So, um, Brian, I found one of those books you were looking for the other day.” Kevin stumbled with the words.

“Did you get it?” Brian asked without any enthusiasm in his voice.

They all were watching the girl wash the site where the blood was going to be drawn from.

“Yeah, I picked up a copy for me too, it looked pretty interesting, so I thought, what the hell.” Kevin replied. Just as he finished, the girl stuck Brian with the needle. Brian took a quick breath in and winced.

“Oh, my god, I am so sorry, did I hurt you?” Melissa asked, almost too loudly from being nervous.

“It’s okay.” Brian said nervously.

The girl was starting to grow more nervous as she saw that no blood was flowing into the tube like it should have. She undid the rubber strap and there was still no blood flowing out.

“Brian, they drained you dry, dude.” Kevin observed.

Brian rolled his eyes at Kevin. He was too tired to make a response.

“I’m sorry, I think your vein rolled. I have to try again, I’m really sorry.” The girl apologized as she wrapped the band around Brian’s arm again.

Just as she was starting to insert the needle into Brian’s arm, an alarm sounded off from across the hall from Nick’s room.

“Code Blue, ICU nine, code blue ICU nine.”

Jessica and Kevin jumped up and ran across the hall leaving Brian lay and worry about what was happening.

Jessica and Kevin stopped short in the doorway. Howie was standing off to the corner in Nick’s room, his eyes brimming with tears. A resident doctor was straddled across Nick’s body doing CPR. Kevin and Jess were pushed out into the hall by the doctors and nurses that were running in and out of Nick’s room. A crash cart was pulled to the side of Nick’s bed and the paddles were charged up. The resident jumped off the bed and a doctor yelled clear and then applied the paddles to Nick’s chest. Nick’s body arched up in response to the shock and all eyes in the room focused on the the monitor that had been showing a flat line. Nick’s heart responded with unnatural wavy lines. The doctor took the paddles to Nick’s chest again. This time the rhythm went back into the proper position.

Once Nick’s heart was back into fibrillation, the team of doctors and nurses walked out of the room leaving only Nick’s nurse checking his IV lines and monitors.

Howie approached Kevin and Jess. “I was just sitting next to Nick, kind of talking to him and all of a sudden, alarms on his machines went off. The next thing I knew, a whole bunch of doctors and nurses came running into the room. They said he was gone. I got scared. They said he was flat lined. Why is this happening?” Howie was still shaken by the experience.

Jess put her arms around Howie and held him in a tight hug. Taking a deep breath, Jessica walked towards Nick and put her hand on his hand. She pulled it back when she felt the coolness of his skin. She then reached up and smoothed back his blond hair. Jess stroked his hair, “Nick, you have to try and wake up, we need you baby. Please, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Jess tried to choke back sobs as she spoke. She felt Kevin’s hand touch her shoulder.

“God, Kev, he’s getting worse, not better! This isn’t supposed to be happening to him, not Nick, not Brian. Oh my god, Brian!” Jess looked out the door towards Brian’s room. “He doesn’t know what’s gone on.” As Jess turned to leave the room to tell Brian, Kevin put his hand on her shoulder.

“Whoa, calm down Jess.” Kevin told her softly.

Jess looked up at Kevin and then continued to walk out of Nick’s room to Brian’s room. Howie and Kevin walked into Brian’s room with her. When they entered his room, they found Brian looking at them with a worried expression on his face.

“Nick was flat lining.” Howie stated simply.

Brian’s mouth dropped open. He fully understood the terms concerning Nick’s heart.

“They got him back, he’s okay.” Kevin quickly offered.

“My god, there’s more wrong with Nick than what you’re telling me.” Brian said with an angry tone in his voice. “Tell me, NOW!”

“Um, Nick accidentally overdosed on his valium, Brian. It caused his heart to stop. They are trying to push it out of his system, I guess it’s still in there and that’s why it stopped again, I guess.” Kevin said.

“Accidentally overdosed? How did that happen?” Brian was insisting he be answered.

“Only Nick can answer that question, Brian.” Kevin replied quietly. “The doctors feel that Nick should be out of it for a few more days. Until then, we will just have to wait.”

“There you go, Brian, you are doing great.” Brian’s nurse cheered him on with each step he was taking.

Brian managed to smile. He was weak and his legs felt shaky. It was the first time he was out of his bed since the accident. He wanted desperately to walk across the floor into Nick’s room to see him.

“Do you think there’s a chance I could walk across the room to see Nick?” Brian asked the nurse.

“Walk? No, I really don’t want you to push yourself that far, Brian. How about I take you in the wheelchair, how does that sound to you?”

“That sounds fine by me.” Brian was relieved that the nurse agreed for him to go to Nick’s room. He hadn’t seen Nick at all, and it had been over a week since the accident.

The last report Howie and Kevin had given him was that Nick was drifting in and out of consciousness.

Brian was nervous as his nurse pushed him across the floor into Nick’s room. He wasn’t sure what he would be seeing and he was afraid of what he would be seeing.

The room was dark except for the lights that surrounded Nick’s bed. It cast an eerie light onto his body. As they got closer, Brian noticed all of the equipment surrounding the bed and all of the IV’s hanging from the pole. Except for the green oxygen tubing in Nick’s nose, Nick appeared to be peacefully asleep.

“Do you think you would be okay for about 10 minutes? I can leave you here if you want to be with him.” The nurse asked Brian as she locked the wheels into place on the chair.

“Could you? That would be great.” Brian replied softly.

“Sure thing. Here’s Nick’s call button. Just hit it when you’re ready to go back to your room.” The nurse turned and left Brian alone with Nick.

Brian looked at Nick laying on the bed, motionless. Brian recalled how they had figured Nick would be out of the coma within a few days, and now, here it was a week and all Nick has managed to do was come in and out of the coma, nothing permanent.

Brian reached up and touched Nick’s hand that was laying ontop of the blankets. Resting his head ontop of Nick’s hand, Brian started to cry. He was afraid for Nick. With each day that passed, the prognosis would be worse and that Nick may never fully emerge from the coma.

Brian suddenly felt a hand touch his head. For a brief moment, he was thinking it was Nick, but was jerked back into reality when he heard Jessica’s voice.

“Brian, it’s gonna be okay.” Jess said quietly.

As Brian sat back and wiped his eyes quickly, Jess rested her hands on his shoulders.

Nick softly moaned. Brian looked at Nick and then at Jess.

“That’s all he has done, Brian.” Jess hated to take the hope away from Brian.

Brian looked at his friend laying on the bed. Nick’s eyes opened and stared at the ceiling.

“Hey, Nicky!” Brian called out.

Nick’s response was blinking slowly.

“Come on, Nick, I know you’re in there.” Brian tried to stimulate a reaction out of him. He leaned towards Nick and clapped his hands loudly. Nick jumped.

“Oh, my god, he jumped! Did you see that? Nick jumped!” Jessica said excitedly.

“Nick snap out of it, come on, you have to try.” Brian insisted.

Nick continued to stare at the ceiling. Kevin and Howie entered the room. When Kevin spoke, Nick took his eyes off the ceiling and looked straight at Kevin.

“Kev, Nick is looking at you.” Howie noticed.

“Kev, move around and see if Nick follows you.” Brian suggested.

Kevin walked to the left of the room. Nick’s eyes followed Kevin in the room. Jessica walked over to Kevin and stood next to him. She walked in the opposite direction to see if Nick would track her. Just as she had hoped, Nick’s eyes followed her around the room.

“Hey.” Nick said quietly.

All attention turned to Nick.

“Nick? Did you say something?” Jess asked in disbelief. She thought her mind was playing games on her.

Nick continued to stare at Jessica. They all were quiet hoping that Nick would say something again. After a few minutes passed, they were disappointed when Nick drifted back to sleep.

“God, at least he did more this time, I think he’s starting to come out of it.” Kevin said.

“It’s the most he’s done so far. I’ll go get his nurse.” Jessica said as she walked out of the room.

When Jess left the room, Kevin spoke up. “I hate to say it, but this absolutely does not look good at all for Nick. The longer he is out of it, the worse off he will be.”

Brian looked at Kevin in disbelief.

“But Nick looks fine to me, and he just woke up a few minutes ago, he’s got to be ok.” Brian argued with Kevin.

“He needs something to stimulate him more, I think.” Howie suggested.

Brian rubbed Nick’s shoulder. He desperately wanted him to wake up.

“God, Nick, you have to come out of this. You can’t just do this to us, to me, to Jess. Please!” Brian starting crying again.

Kevin and Howie looked at each other. They both drew the same conclusion that this was more than what Brian could handle. Kevin put his hand on Brian’s shoulder.

“Brian, let me take you back to your room, okay.” Kevin said quietly.

Brian pushed Kevin’s hand off his shoulder.

“NO! I’m staying here until Nick wakes up again. I am not leaving him.” Brian stated through his sobs.

Jessica got off the elevator and headed down the familiar hallway to Nick’s ICU room. She stopped in the doorway when she found the bed stripped, all the machines gone and Nick no where in site.

She turned around quickly and half way ran to the nurses station. Jess tried to calm the panic she was feeling rise in her body. “Please! I need to know where Nick Carter was taken to.”

A nurse looked up and mumbled “Yeah, you and 10,000 other hormonal girls.” Speaking clearer she added, “Miss, you are not allowed on this floor, only family of ICU patients.”

‘Oh god, she thinks I’m a fan,’ Jess thought to herself. “No, you don’t understand, I’m family---” Jess’s voice trailed off when she could see that the nurse wasn’t listening to her. “Oh god, please! You have to believe me.”

“Miss, if you don’t leave right now, I will have to call hospital security,” the nurse abruptly stated.

Blinking away the tears that were filling her eyes, Jess decided it would be best if she left the nurses station and went down to the next floor to Brian’s room.

Jess felt relieved when the elevator stopped on the fifth floor. She walked quickly past the nurses station desk, trying to avoid contact with any of them in case they were called from the ICU desk to be on the look out for her.

When Jess walked into Brian’s room, she was greeted with one of the biggest smiles she had ever seen on his face. Her eyes followed the direction of his gesture to see Nick laying in a bed next to his, asleep.

“Oh my god, Nick!” Jess blurted out, rushing towards his bedside. As she grabbed his hand, she spoke softly to Brian.

“I was so scared, I went to his room in ICU and he was gone. The nurse wouldn’t tell me where he was and, oh god, Brian thought the worst, I thought I lost him forever,” Jess cried.

“They just moved him into my room only an hour ago. I thought you’d know,” Brian replied. “I guess they figured if Nick were around someone he knew and hearing my voice, it would possible trigger something and jolt him out of this coma.”

Jess ran her fingers through Nick’s hair. “We can only hope and pray, Brian.”

She took a good look at Nick. He still had tubes going in and out of him and he still appeared to be in a deep, restful sleep. There were no changes in him at all. Glancing over towards Brian, she noticed that the smile on his face was gone, replaced with a look of worry and his color had paled.

“Brian, are you alright?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re lying, something’s wrong, tell me what’s wrong,” Jessica demanded.

“It’s my stomach, I’ll be fine.” Brian tried to lessen Jess’s worry about him. He was worried about himself as well as about Nick, but he dismissed the pains in his stomach as nerves, never bothering to say anything to his nurse.

Nick softly moaned which diverted the attention away from Brian for the moment. Jess held her breath, hoping this would be the one time that Nick wakes up, but was disappointed when nothing else happened.

“Brian, when is Nick going to wake up? I’m getting so scared. This has gone on longer than when he was in the car accident,” Jess broke down and started to cry.

“I wish I knew honey,” Brian looked at her, suddenly feeling helpless.

Jess sat reading a book while Brian was away in physical therapy. They both decided to play CD’s out of Nick’s personal collection to stimulate him into waking up. A smile played across Jessica’s lips when she thought of how much Nick hated hearing any song by n’sync or Britney Spears.

Quietly setting the book down, Jess went over to the CD player and put in n’sync’s latest CD, No Strings Attached. She purposly laid the headphones near Nick’s right ear.

Turning the volume up, Jess giggled in spite of herself and sat back down into the hard plastic seat and picked up her book.

“If this don’t do it, nothing ever will,” Jess sighed as she stole a glance over at Nick.

Brian was wheeled back into the room sooner than Jessica expected from physical therapy. He looked exhausted, but not tired enough to notice the music coming from the CD player.

“You trying to kill him or something?” Brian asked with a smirk on his face. He knew how much Nick loathed any music from n’sync.

“Nope, just trying to piss him off,” Jess replied as she wet her index finger and flipped a page on the paperback novel she was evidentally engrossed in. Brian nodded his head in Nick’s direction. “I think it’s working, look.”

Jess stood up and looked at Nick’s face. Instead of seeing a peaceful look, his eyebrows were knotted together and he literally looked mad about something. Jess smiled and looked at Brian.

“I knew it! I knew we would get a rise out of him!” She rushed over and caught Brian up in a big bear hug. “Now if he would only complain!”

Before Brian could reply, Nick started off into a loud moaning, turning his head from side to side.

“N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.”

It was barely understandable, but Jess and Brian understood it, it was music to their ears.

“What did you say, Nicky?” Brian asked.

Nick’s eyes popped open. He still was moving his head from side to side. “N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.”

Approaching the side of the bed, Jess looked directly at Nick’s face. “You want this off?”

Nick’s head became still. He laid there, just blinking his eyes. He looked like he was concetraiting on something to say.

After waiting for a few moments for a response, Jess turned the music back on. This started Nick moving his head side to side and moaning, “N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.”

Brian gestured to Jessica to turn the CD player off, it was clearly agitating Nick. Once the music stopped, Nick was quiet again. Jess walked over to his bed and lovingly straightened his blankets up and fluffed the pillows.

Nick laid in bed quietly, watching Jess, not showing any emotion except exhaustion.

“Nick, I wish you’d snap out of this,” Jess sighed.

“Do you think we should call Nick’s nurse, I think this is something like progress for him, maybe they can do something more for Nick since he reacted to the music,” Brian said as he stared at Nick.

“Couldn’t hurt,” Jessica replied. “I’ll go down to the nurse’s station and tell Melanie, be back in a second.”

Brian wheeled himself up to the side of Nick’s bed. He took Nick’s hand and squeezed it. To his amazement, Nick lightly squeezed it back.

“Nick, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again,” Brian commanded.

It took a second, then suddenly there was a slight squeeze placed on Brian’s hand. Tears welled up in Brian’s eyes.

“Nick! You’re coming out of this, aren’t you? You’re gonna come back to us!” Brian could hardly contain his excitement.

“Do you want to hear n’sync again, Nick?”

Nick responded by shaking his head “no.”

Brian patted him on the arm, “Yeah, I guess you’re right, God knows you’ve suffered enough trauma for one day.”

A restless Nick tossed the foam basketball up and down catching it while he laid in his hospital bed. Brian was in the shower, getting ready for the doctors rounds.

When Brian came out of the shower, it distracted Nick and he dropped the ball and watched it roll under Brian’s bed.

“Oh, way to go, ace!” Brian groaned as he bent over and fished the ball out from under his bed. He tossed the ball back to Nick, hitting him in the chest.

“Thanks,” Nick replied.

“What’s wrong? Why are you acting so down?” Brian asked as he settled back into his bed, pulling the covers up to his chest.

“I know damn well they’re gonna let you go home today and I’m gonna be stuck in here all by myself. I feel fine, but I know they won’t let me leave,” Nick sputtered.

“Nick, now, come on. You’ve only been technically here with us for only four days, they want to make sure everything is okay with you, I hate to see you go home only to have something pop up that neither you or Jess can’t handle,” Brian replied.

Nick just shook his head. He didn’t want to listen to reason, he knew deep down what Brian was saying was making sense, but he only wanted to hear him agree that keeping him in the hospital another day would be extremely stupid.

“Hey, there is a question I’ve been dying to ask you, Nick,” Brian said, turning the volume down on the TV.

“Shoot,” Nick replied.

“Why were you taking that valium in the first place, I mean it was an accidental overdose, wasn’t it? You know, the night of the concert?” As Brian asked, he looked Nick’s face over to see if he could detect what was going on with him.

“Um...well...how do I explain this?” Nick fished for the right words. “Well, when we started up practicing again, I realized how out of shape I was and how hard it was to keep up with you guys and not get so tired. I found out that the pills loosened me up and things flowed so easy. I started taking two pills at a time and I found that it worked out pretty good. I guess my mistake was the night of the show. I honestly can’t remember if I took a couple of extra to ensure that I would do okay onstage or if I just forgot, but evidentially what I took was too much.”

“Nick, it almost took your life,” Brian replied solemnly.

“I’m so sorry for all of this,” Nick replied, feeling the tears stinging his eyes. “I wasn’t thinking, I swear I’ll never do anything that stupid ever again.”

“It’s okay, Nick, don’t beat yourself up over this,” Brian responded.

Seeing the tears in Nick’s eyes, Brian got out of his bed and went over to Nick and gave him a brotherly hug. It was the one of many that had been exchanged over the past few days. Brian was so happy to have Nick back.

“Oh, boy, leave you two alone for a night and look what happens!” AJ snickered as he entered the room.

Brian stood up quickly.

“Ha, ha, funny AJ,” Nick said and whipped the basketball at AJ, hitting him squarely in the side of the head, knocking off his baseball hat.

“Hey now! It’s just a joke!” AJ replied as he grabbed the ball and fired it back at Nick, hitting his IV bag on the pole, nearly knocking it over.

“Oh, good one!” Nick snorted.

“Guys! Come on now,” Brian intervened.

“Yeah Nick, take heart here, I only have one good arm,” AJ sputtered, pointing to the deep teal colored cast that ran from his hand to just below his under arm.

“Wuss,” Nick remarked.

Brian narrowed his eyes at Nick. “I said enough!”

Nick folded his arms across his chest. “God, you’d think we were on the tour bus or something.”

Before anyone could add to Nick’s remark, Brian’s doctor knocked on the outside of the open door.

“Hi Brian, how are you feeling this morning?” Dr. Singer asked, clipboard in his hand.

“He feels lousy, he needs to stay here for at least another week, maybe two,” Nick spoke up for Brian.

Brian narrowed his eyes at Nick. “I feel great, Dr. Singer.”

Dr. Singer approached Brian’s bed and set the clipboard down on the bedstand. He started pulling the covers back. “I’d like to check and see how that area where the spleen was is healing up.”

As he started to press down on the area, Brian took a painful breath in.

“Hurts when I do that?” Dr. Singer asked.

All Brian could manage to do at that point was nod yes. It hurt so much it literally took his breath away.

The doctor started writing some notes in Brian’s chart. “I’m going to order some labs and an ultrasound, you haven’t had anything to eat or drink this morning yet, have you?”

“No,” Brian answered quietly.

“What do you think’s going on now, Dr. Singer?” Nick asked.

“I’m not sure, but I would like to run a few tests before I make any decisions,” the doctor answered. He patted Brian on the shoulder and told him not to worry.

“Shoot, Bri, looks like you’re gonna be here for another day anyway,” Nick tried to sound consoling.

Brian sighed. “Yeah, I guess you got your wish, Nick.”

“Hey now, I never wished for that, man,” Nick defended.

“I know Nick, I know,” Brian sadly responded.

Within ten minutes of the doctor leaving, a girl from the lab came into the room.

“Hi, I’m here to draw some blood from you,” an obviously nervous young girl stated.

Brian just nodded. He was getting so tired of having needle pokes done, he just wanted it done and overwith. He watched AJ pace around the room looking at the flowers on the table while the girl set about doing her work. Once she was done a male orderly entered the room with a wheel chair.

“Which one of you guys is Mr. Littrell?”

Nick snickered and gestured at Brian. “He is.”

“I’m here to take you down to radiology for your ultrasound, you ready to go?”

“As ready as I can be, I guess,” Brian said as he stood up and slipped his robe on before setting down into the wheel chair.

“See you in a few, Bri,” AJ and Nick said in unison.

Brian immediately settled back into his bed when the orderly brought him back from the ultrasound. No sooner had the orderly walked out the door, a lab tech entered the room with her cart full of vials.

Both Nick and Brian immediately thought the girl was there for the opposite person. Nick was slightly relieved when she announced to Brian that she needed to get some blood from him.

“Hey, you guys just did that a few hours ago, what gives now?” Brian ask as he laid his arm out for the girl.

“Doctor wants it,” she replied as she plunged the needle into his arm.

Just as she finished up, Dr. Singer entered the room. He was holding Brian’s chart.

“Brian, I just review the results of the abdominal ultrasound. Everything looks good but it appears there is a small hematoma near your stomach. There’s nothing we can really do from a surgical standpoint, but I’m afraid you can’t be discharged for another two to three days,” Dr. Singer stated.

Brian nodded slowly in reply. He wanted out of the hospital and to just be home in his own bed, not being poked and prodded.

“As for you, Nick, I heard your doctor is filling out the discharge papers at this very minute,” the older doctor remarked.

Nick smiled back at the doctor. The thought of going home appealed to him. Suddenly, his smile faded and he looked over at Brian, laying in his bed, his skin coloring blending in with the sheets.

“Bri, I feel awful about leaving before you. It was all my fault this happened. It’s not right,” Nick apologized.

“Nick!” Brian quietly scolded. “It’s okay and it’s not your fault. Things always happen for a reason. I will be fine.”

Although Brian felt awful physically and emotionally, he managed to paste a smile on his face.

“Hey guys! How the hell are you?” AJ announced as he entered the room. Nick rolled his eyes at AJ but then he perked up when he saw Jess walking in the door behind AJ.

“Jess! Hi!”

Jess walked up to Nick’s bed and kissed him quickly on the lips. “How are you feeling this morning, babe?”

Nick smiled slightly. “I’m feeling good, the doc is gonna let me go home today!”

Jess hugged Nick. “That’s great.”

Nick nodded slowly. Jess immediately sensed something was bothering him.

“What’s wrong? You’re not as excited as you should be,” Jess asked as she sat on the edge of the bed next to Nick.

“Brian has to stay a few more days, he has something by his stomach and the doctor wants him to stay,” Nick replied quietly.

Jess looked over at Brian, laying in his bed. “Oh god, Brian, I’m so sorry.”

Brian picked up the remote control and turned the television set on. “Thanks Jess, but really, it’s gonna be alright, I just need a little more time to heal up I guess.”

Brian didn’t let on to them how heartbroken he was that he couldn’t go home. His throat was getting sore from holding back the tears he wanted to desperately release from frustration.

"Seriously, Jess, we've got a little over three weeks before I have to start doing rehearsals again. You better make your mind up now where you want to go!" Nick asked as he laid the travel brochures down on the glass coffee table.

Jess glanced at all the brochures Nick had selected. "Busch Gardens? Honestly Nick!"

Nick smiled. "Hey now! I was getting desperate here."

He sat down on the white leather couch next to Jess. "Any place you want to go, I'll go there, just ask."

"Nick, you've been all over the world, certainly there's a place you like the best," Jess argued.

"But I want it to be your choice, not mine," Nick insisted.

"Tell me your most favorite place in the world that you've been to," Jess asked.

Nick leaned back into the couch and thought for a moment. There were so many different places he had seen, each were special in some sort of way. "I guess London, England was pretty sweet."

"Then we'll go there, you know the sites so it will be easier to plan this out," Jess replied as she tossed a brochure of England at Nick.

Just as Jessica placed her hand on the phone to call the travel agent, it began to ring. Nick was starting to tell her to let the machine pick it up, but Jess already picked the receiver up.

"Hello?.....oh, hi Howie!.....what?.......oh my god....no, this can't be true......we're on our way....bye."

Nick could instantly tell it was bad news that Jess had just received from Howie. Her face had gone pale and her voice was trembling after she started talking to Howie. She quietly turned and faced Nick.

"That was Howie," Jess started out. She paused and swallowed hard. Nick searched her face for some type of clue as to the news she was about to deliver. "It's Brian, we need to go to Orlando immediately.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked as he followed Jess out the door into the garage.

Jess stopped and turned to face Nick. "They think he had a stroke."

A stoke.

The words cut through Nick like a knife. "How?"

"Nick, I don't know, we'll find out more when we get there, okay? You want me to drive or are you okay to drive?"

Taking the keys out of her hand, Nick simply stated, "I'm fine."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The anguished face of Kevin’s pretty much assured Nick that the situation was not looking very good for Brian. Howie and AJ were sitting in the private waiting room as well, AJ pacing back and forth and Howie looking completely lost.

“How is he?” Jess managed to ask Kevin as she hugged him.

The tears slipped down Kevin’s cheeks and all he could manage was shake his head no.

“Don’t you know anything yet?” Nick yelled out of frustration.

“Nick, calm down, this won’t change matters,” Howie softly spoke, trying to soothe Nick.

“But why? How?” Nick questioned.

“All we know is that Leighanne found Brian on the floor in the kitchen this morning, unconscious. They’re not coming back and telling us anything yet. Leighanne is in with Brian and his parents have been called in,” Howie stated quietly.

“When are they going to come and tell us something?” Nick persisted.

“Nick we’re not family, so I doubt they will talk to us,” Howie replied.

“Yes we are, Brian’s my brother,” Nick argued.

“Not a relative,” AJ snapped.

As Nick was preparing to respond to AJ, a short, blonde haired nurse entered the waiting room.

“Normal hospital policies state only two visitors at a time to a patient’s room, but because of the circumstances, you are all permitted to go to Mr. Littrell’s room. Please follow me,” the nurse stated.

The group followed the nurse down the long, white-tiled hallway. She stood in the doorway to NICU room number 12 and gestured for them to enter.

Nick scanned the room as he walked in. His heart sank when he saw Brian. He laid in the bed, hooked up to machines and had tubes going into his mouth. Leighanne was holding the only hand that didn’t have an IV in it, tears running down her cheeks. When she looked up and their eyes met, Nick immediately started asking questions.

“How did this happen? What’s wrong with him?”

Leighanne took in a deep breath before she answered Nick’s questions.

“Brian had a stroke,” Leighanne replied.

“I know that, but how?” Nick persisted.

“They think it’s from that large clot Brian had from when he had that surgery after the accident. They think part of it broke off and went to his brain,” as Lee answered, her voice was shaking.

“But he’s gonna be okay, right?” Nick hopefully asked.

Leighanne broke down into sobs.

“Lee, he’s gonna be okay, right?” Nick repeated.

Leighanne looked at each of their faces and then at Brian. “Brian’s gone.”

Nick looked at her in disbelief. He could hear the heart monitor keeping a steady beat of Brian’s heart.

“No, he’s not, what are you talking about?” Nick demanded.

“Brian’s brain dead,” Lee replied, no emotion in her voice.

“He can’t be, you’re wrong!” Nick shouted at her.

“They’re waiting for his parents to come so Brian can be taken off of life support,” Leighanne stated, her voice shaky and uneven toned.

“NO!”

Nick suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to run out of that room. He wanted to find someone that could help Brian, someone that wouldn’t give up on him. He opted to stay where he was, staring at Brian’s lifeless body in that bed.

Nick looked at everyone in the room. “So that’s it? You’re giving up just like that? His heart is still beating, he is alive dammit!”

Jess softly touched Nick’s arm. “That was the strongest part of Brian, Nick. His heart was what made Brian Brian. It would never give up, it just hasn’t been told to quit.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian’s parents arrived at the hospital a few hours later. They had signed the necessary paperwork to have Brian removed from life support. They had decided to allow each of the guys a few minutes to be alone with Brian before the life support was terminated.

Nick was the last of them to go into the room. He walked in slowly, looking at the machines, especially the one that kept track of Brian’s heartbeat.

At first, all Nick did was stare at Brian’s face. It appeared to be peaceful. If it weren’t for the tubes in his mouth, Nick could have sworn that Brian had just laid down to take a nap.

Then the memories started to flood Nick’s mind. The first time they met.......all the concert tours they played at.....the practical jokes Brian played on him and the jokes he played on Brian......the basketball games and how often he accused Brian of cheating....Brian’s laugh.....his smile......how he was always there for Nick.

Nick took Brian’s hand into his. Taking a deep breath, Nick finally spoke to him, pouring his heart out.

“Brian,” Nick started, his voice choked with emotion. “I know you’re still here somewhere in this room and you can hear me. You’ve been like a brother to me. You always took my side and defended me from day one. Hell, if you hadn’t done that stupid stunt in trying to save my damn life that night, you would be okay and not laying in this bed waiting to check out. You’ve given your life for me and you will still be giving your life through everything that you will be donating.” Nick chocked back a sob.

“God, Brian, you were so damn perfect. You always said that God only takes the best, but I’m selfish and I want him to leave you here with us, we still need you.”

Nick broke down into heart breaking sobs. He put his head on Brian’s chest and cried. After several minutes had passed, Nick reached out and tried to hug Brian the best he could and kissed his cheek.

“I love you, buddy, I always have. I’m going to miss you.”

Nick stood there for the longest time, ignoring the cold breeze stinging his face. He thrust his hands into his front pockets, staring down at the flowers that covered the freshly dug dirt.

“Nick?”

Jessica gently touched the sleeve on Nick’s coat. She looked up at his face. Although he was wearing sunglassed, it still didn’t conceal the tears and and the hurt look that Nick’s eyes contained.

“Nick, we’re gonna be late for our flight, we have to get to the airport,” Jess softly spoke.

Nick still refused to move. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to Jessica, Nick sighed.

“He told me he was always going to be here for me. Brian promised me!” Nick’s voice broke as he spoke.

Jess rubbed his arm, attempting to comfort him. “I know babe, I know. But in a way he’s still here he----”

“Don’t start off with that bullshit that he’s around us,” Nick threw his hands up in the air for emphasis. “He’s not, he’s dead.....gone. Ain’t nothing gonna change that either. It’s all my fault. I was the stupid idiot that thought he could handle the tour. You told me not to, but I never listened. I am such an ass for thinking I had this under control!”

The words cut through Jess as she listened. She didn’t know what she could say that would ease the hurt Nick was feeling. She could tell he was in a lot of emotional pain and she was afraid anything she said at this point could put him into a deeper rage.

This was something that Brian would be able to fix, but now it was up to Jess to try and figure out how to fix it.

“Nick, it’s not your fault, it was Brian’s time to go,” Jess quietly stated.

Nick let out a sarcastic laugh at Jessica’s statement.

“Time to go? How do you figure that?”

“It was in God’s plans. It was time for Brian to go home to Heaven,” Jess replied.

Nick rolled his eyes and laughed. “God’s plans? There is no god!”

Jess’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“That’s right, you heard me. Let’s examine this, okay? Brian was always and forever praying and reading his little Bible at night. Where did that get him? Six feet under. What type of god would take a guy in the prime of his life, the world at his feet and kill him? I can’t imagine a god doing something that sick,” Nick spat out angrily.

Jessica burst into tears. “Please Nick, listen to what you’re saying! You are taking everything that Brian lived for and believed in and you are turning it against him and against yourself.”

Nick finally broke down into heart wrenching sobs. “I don’t know what to believe in anymore. A part of me is here,” Nick pointed at the grave. “How can I leave?”

Jess reached and pulled a sweetheart yellow rose from one of the arrangements that laid on the grave.

“This was one of Brian’s favorite flowers,” she said as she held it out for Nick to take. “it’s not much, but it’s something to hold onto until you can come back to Kentucky to the grave.”

Nick took the rose from Jess and wrapped his arms around her and broke down and let everything he was feeling go. His cries sounded as if they came from the center of his soul.

“How much longer?” Nick asked anxiously. “This waiting around is driving me insane!” He paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital.

Just as Nick was losing his patience, a young nurse entered the room.

“It’s okay now, she’s settled in, you may go back.”

Nick rushed past the nurse nearly knocking her over. He bolted into the room to find Jess laying peacefully in the bed. He quickly walked up the side of the bed, taking her hands in his and kissed her forehead.

“It’s okay now, I’m here,” Nick softly spoke.

Jess giggled a little. “Nick, you worry too much. Honestly, I’m okay.”

After she uttered her last sentance, her face knotted in pain, she tightened the grip on Nick’s hands until the pain passed.

“They’re getting closer, aren’t they?” Nick asked.

Jess shook her head yes. “Closer and stronger now,” she stated quietly.

Nick placed his hand on her swollen stomach. He looked at Jess and smiled. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening! I mean, all the shit that’s happened to us over the past two years with the accident and all I’m still in shock to think we’re gonna have a baby!” Nick stated excitedly.

“Well, that’s what happens when you fool around, Nick,” Jess joked. She spotted the worried look that crossed over Nick’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I dunno, I just hope I’m a good father, you know?” Nick mumbled.

Jess took his chin in her hand. “Nick, you will be the best father ever put on this earth!”

As Nick kissed Jess on the forehead, a doctor and a nurse entered the room. The nurse quickly set about tearing down part of the bed Jess was on and attached poles on either side of the bed.

The doctor looked at Jess and Nick and smiled. “Let’s have a baby.”

Nick panicked. “It’s time already?”

The nurse put her hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Are you going to be okay, Mr. Carter? If you don’t think you can take this, you will have to go and wait out in the lobby with the family because I don’t need you fainting on us during this and I’m sure Jessica doesn’t need that either,” the nurse asked.

Nick swallowed hard and nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

Fine? Oh god I feel awful, I’ve never been this scared in my life. Hell, standing out onstage with total equipment failure sounds like a hell of a better idea to me right now than this! Nick rushed the thoughts in his brain. He looked at Jess who was showing concern in her eyes.

“Mr. Carter, just stand up here by her shoulders, okay, you can coach her through this and you’ll be fine,” the nurse ordered as she patted Jess on the shoulder while she spoke.

“Okay, Jess, I want you to wait to push until I tell you it’s time,” Dr. Johnson instructed.

Jess licked her lips and nodded quickly. She fought the intense urge to push while the doctor was doing something to her that she didn’t really appreciate.

“Alright, Jess, PUSH NOW!” Dr. Johnson ordered.

Nick fought off the wave of nausea he felt at that moment and time. His knees felt like rubber. “Push Jess, comeon!” Nick was shocked at how shakey his voice sounded, obviously his nervousness was beginning to surface.

After nearly two hours of Nick coaching Jess, she was starting to tire and wanted to give up. She burst into tears and it was up to Nick to set her back on the path again. He rested his forehead on hers.

“Honey, just a little bit more and you’ll be done,” Nick softly spoke.

“I can’t anymore, I’m too tired!” Jess weakly exclaimed.

“I know, but I promise, if you give us six more pushes, it will be overwith and you can rest then.”

Jessica’s eyes shifted back and forth, trying to grasp what Nick had just told her.

“SIX MORE!”

“Okay, okay, how about three really big ones?” Nick tried to compromise.

“Three big ones?” Jess whispered.

“Three and that’s it, okay?” Nick smiled.

Jess nodded and pulled herself up to a half laying, half sitting position. She took in a deep breath and grabbed the poles and pushed with all she had in her.

“Okay Jess, hold on a second, let me suction the baby’s mouth and nose,” Dr. Johnson requested as he held the head that was halfway out.

Nick was afraid to look down over the sheets at the baby just yet, but the nurse pointed to the mirror that had been set up at the foot of the bed behind the doctor so that Jessica could watch the delivery.

“See the baby, guys?”

“Okay, Jessica, one more big push and you’ll be done,” the doctor excitedly exclaimed.

Jess did as he ordered and the baby slipped out into his hands and immediately began to cry. The emotions in the room ran high and both Nick and Jessica were crying.

“You have a beautiful daughter! Congratulations!”

Nick kissed Jessica tenderly on the lips. “You did good, she’s beautiful.”

The nurse wrapped the baby up in a pink blanket once she was cleaned up. She handed the baby carefully to Nick and it appeared that the infant was lost in his arms. Nick held the baby gently, but seemed pretty comfortable with her.

Jess looked at the two of them together, Nick beaming with joy.

“So?” She questioned.

“Huh?” Nick looked up at Jess, dazed.

“Names? What are we going to name her?”

“I dunno, what do you like?”

Jess sighed and laughed. “Nick, we talked about this for months, you don’t know now?”

“Abigail Jane Carter, Abbey for short,” Nick questioned.

Jess smiled. “Abbey it is.”

“Nick, hey buddy come on are you gonna sleep all day?”

Nick rolled away from the voice and pulled the covers up over his head. He ignored the laugh he heard coming from behind him.

“Typical teenager!” The voice with a distinctive southern drawl laughed.

Nick opened his eyes and stared at the wall for a moment. It took a full minute for him to get his bearings and realize that he was on the bus.

“Where are we?” Nick asked without turning away from the wall.

“Toronto Canada, you’ve been sleeping since Indianapolis,” the voice replied.

“Is Jess up yet?”

“Jess?” The voice starting laughing. “Nick! Wake up, would ya?”

Nick rolled over quickly and came face to face with deep blue eyes.

Nick blinked a few times and then rubbed his eyes. “Brian?” Nick immediately jumped out of the bunk and wrapped his arms around Brian and squeezed him tightly, causing Brian to cough.

“Hey, how come you’re so glad to see me?”

“You were dead!”

“Huh?”

“Oh, man, I had the wildest dream, we were at this concert and I fell off the stage and you went to rescue me and then you fell off the stage and AJ and then you died,” Nick recalled the events quickly.

“Wow, some dream. You were sick when we left Indiana, gosh, you must have really been sick,” Brian replied and put his hand on Nick’s forehead. “I think you’re running a temp.”

“Probably,” Nick replied, then his face grew serious. “There was this girl in my dreams though. God, Brian she was the most amazing girl.”

Nick told Brian about the dream he had up to the point where he was woken up. Brian just smiled as he listened to Nick.

“Sounds like you have found the ideal girl, too bad she’s only in your dreams Nick,” Brian chuckled.

“Ha, oh really funny!” Nick sputtered.

“Get dressed we have sound check in an hour,” Brian called out over his shoulder as he walked away.

Nick got dressed as his thoughts were still on the dream he had just had. He was relieved that it was a dream, that Brian didn’t die, but in the same instance, Nick was disappointed it was a dream because Jessica seemed so real to him and was so perfect for him.

Grabbing his duffel bag, Nick followed AJ and Kevin towards the auditorium for sound check. After waiting a few minutes for the band to warm up, Nick decided to go check out the auditorium and stood up.

“Where you going?” AJ questioned.

“For a walk,” Nick replied.

Brian looked at Nick, concerned. “Don’t go off too far, you still look a little pale to me.”

“Okay Dad,” Nick smiled.

Nick walked towards the back of the stage, checking out all of the props that were being stored against walls, making the hallway a narrow path. Coming upon a swinging door, Nick pushed it lightly and found there was some resistance on the other side. He gave it a hard shove and heard a female’s voice cry out and then a thud.

This time Nick slowly pushed the door open and found a girl sitting on the floor, papers strewn about her.

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, are you alright?” Nick asked as he bent down to help gather the papers.

The girl kept picking the papers up, not stopping to look at Nick. “Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just gonna be late for my appointment.”

“I’m really sorry, I guess I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing,” Nick replied.

The girl stood up and then finally looked at Nick as she took the last of the papers from his hands.

Nick’s heart immediately started pounding and his mouth dropped open.

“Is something wrong?” she asked when she looked at Nick.

“Um, have we met before?” Nick asked hesitantly.

The girl laughed. “No.”

“Are you sure? You look familiar,” Nick asked again.

“Postive. I think I would remember if I met Nick Carter before.”

Nick took a deep breath in, and plunged into his next question. “I’m sorry, what is your name?”

“It’s Jessica, but I prefer Jess,” Jess replied, smiling and held her hand out for Nick to shake.

“Oh my god,” Nick thought to himself, “it’s her, she’s the one I was dreaming about.” He decided he had to get to know her at any all all costs.

“Could I make it up to you for knocking you down?”

Jess laughed. “I said I was fine, don’t worry about it. I really have to go, I’m gonna be late!”

As she turned to leave, Nick followed her.

“Can we have coffee?” Nick asked.

“I’m really late!” Jess replied without stopping her steady pace down the hall.

“Please?” Nick pleaded.

Jess stopped and turned to look at Nick. “This must really mean a lot to you for some reason,” Jess replied. She glanced at her watch. “Okay, there’s a cafe across the street, I suppose I could take my lunch now.”

Nick smiled. “Thanks, you won’t regret this, in fact, this may change the course of your life!”

Jess looked at Nick as if he had completely lost his mind.

“Ah, okay, if you say so.”

“Trust me,” Nick replied, grinning.

The End

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