The Kat Came Back

(c) Kat Morgan

Chapter 1: The Arrival

Stepping out of the airport terminal in Orlando, Kat was rocked back by a wave of heat. It had been hot in Toronto this summer - temperatures high in the thirties - but this was intense.

"It’s just because it's inland," she reassured herself. "It’ll be better once I get to the ocean."

She gripped her Pullman case firmly, trying not to think about the squelchy feeling of sweaty palms on the plastic handle and headed to the car rental bus.

The car was a subcompact - a Geo - a nice turquoise colour that was just shiny enough to reflect the sun's glare straight into her eyes. Still, driving it gave her a sense of freedom that she had not felt in a while. Since giving up on owning a car, and relying on Toronto’s subway and streetcar system Kat has missed the rush that having a car, any car, at her disposal gave her. She rolled down the window, happy to get a breeze going, but just then a semi-trailer went by spewing a noxious trail of black smoke. Coughing, Kat pulled into a nearby convenience store.

Shaking her t-shirt loose from her sweaty back she entered the store, sighing happily at the wave of air-conditioned coolness that swept over her. She grabbed two big bottles of water from the cooler, one for now and one for the car ride, a box of her favorite Keebler™ cookies, a kind she couldn’t find in Toronto, and headed to the counter. She grabbed a map of Florida, and on a whim, a street map of Orlando.

Once in the car she put one bottle behind the seat, and pulled the cookies out of the bag. Both maps came with it and she frowned as she looked at the street map. "AC must have gotten to me. What am I going to do with that?"

Fortunately, it did have a basic map of the city in the front, and she used that to try and figure out the quickest route out of town, and hit the road.

The heat continued to beat down on her and the quickly drunken bottle of water seemed to have no effect. As she approached the outskirts of town she as a large park, complete with swings, a slide, a picnic area and small woods. Decisively, she pulled into the parking lot, determined to sit and acclimate to the Florida heat and to make some decisions about where she was heading. She pulled her baseball cap down low to ward off the sun’s glare, grabbed her second water bottle and her map before heading to a picnic table.

She had been sitting for only a few minutes before a couple of young teens, in their 13’s or 14s at most, cycled by. One, wearing an Offspring T-shirt, glanced at her and said loudly to his buddy, "man, do you smell that bacon frying? I wonder why the smell is so strong over there," indicating her with his chin. They both laughed cruelly before cycling off.

Kat blinked back tears. She knew she had put on a few pounds recently and was trying to get it off, but between her sedentary office job, general unhappiness about her life and normal metabolic changes brought about by, well, getting older every year, it wasn’t slipping off her the way it had in her early 20s. Then, all she seemed to need to do was think about it and the weight disappeared. No longer. It didn’t hurt most days. It had been a gradual thing and she’d adjusted to it. She only hated it first thing in the morning when she looked at herself in the mirror or when she tried to get into clothes she hadn’t worn in a while. But the unthinking, uncaring occasional comments by idiots like those boys still cut. "The average American woman wears a size 14," she whispered under her breath, but, like always, it didn’t help.

She heard a rustling in the woods to her right. "Just great. Back for more," she thought angrily.

The rustling continued.

"Just go away," she shouted angrily and was surprised when her call was answered not by another cruel juvenile laugh but by a low mournful howl of an animal in distress. She looked around, wondering if this was just a joke. "Hello?’ she called. Another softer howl came from the bushes.

Cautiously she moved into the woods, calling occasionally trying to pinpoint the howl. In the late afternoon half-light it was hard to see, but eventually she found the animal. It was a small chihuahua, still on its leash, that had gotten tangled in the underbrush. Judging from the gouges on the ground around it, it had been caught there for some time. Small cuts and scratches marked his chest, with the blood dried, to show how hard it had struggled to release the handle end of the leash from the small outcropping that it was caught on.

"Hello, little one. Are you in trouble?"

The chihuahua looked at her with its big, sad brown eyes and whimpered sadly. "Okay, let me help," Kat said reassuringly as she released the leash from where it was caught. She fully expected the dog to run off, but instead it came up to her licking her ankle quickly and looking up at her.

Chuckling softly, she bent, undid the leash, putting it around her neck, over her shoulders and picked up the dog. "Had enough for one day, have you? Okay bud, let’s get you out of here and see if we can find a way to get you home." She cleared the woods and returned to the table where her water and maps lay. Taking her baseball hat off she filled it with water, letting the dehydrated dog drink while she petted it softly and hummed a soothing, reassuring melody.

Once the dog had drunk almost three-quarters of the water, it sat back on the table and looked at her expectantly. She pulled his collar around until she could reach the tag. "Lil Tyke," she read. "1354 Walnut Crescent. Well, Mr. Tyke, what say you we get you home?" The chihuahua gave a short bark in agreement. Kat picked up the streetmap. "You do not know how lucky you are that I got this." The dog seemed to sense something and licked her hand. "You little charmer," Kat smiled, petting him appreciatively.

She looked through the book, eventually finding Walnut Crescent. "Hmmm, not too far from here. Did you run away from your master?" The dog barked a short series of small dog yips. "Okay, okay," she said raising her hands in a gesture of defeat. "Did you run away from your slave, then?’ The dog cocked his head at her -- clearly a gesture of agreement.

"Okay King Tyke, let’s get you back to your palace." She picked him up gently, trying not to hurt any of his scratches, and carried him to the car, his little tail beating a steady pulse on her stomach.

Finding Walnut Crescent on the map and finding it in real life were two different things. For one thing the number of one way streets made getting there directly a little difficult. Throughout the ride Kat kept a steady hum of soothing talk going to the little dog that had curled up on the passenger seat. He seemed exhausted by his ordeal and in the need of reassurance.

Finally she pulled up in front to f a large house whose numberplate matched the ones on Tyke’s collar. "Wow, quite a place your servants live in, mister mighty mutt. Shall we see if anyone is at home?" She carried Tyke up the driveway to the front door. She rang the doorbell and listened to it echo throughout he house. No one answered. She was looking down the side of the house for some lights when a deep voice behind her said, "Can I help you?" Kat spun around quickly, jostling the little dog who immediately started yipping in concern. She was looking into the deep green eyes of a tall, well-built man. "I...I was looking to see if anyone was here," she said only to be interrupted by his joyous cry of "Tyke!" when he saw what she had in her arms. Tyke jumped out of Kat’s grasp and ran over to the man who bent to pet him.

"Yours, I take it?" Kat smiled.

"No actually, my cousin’s. But we’ve been looking for him all afternoon."

"I found him at a park a few blocks from here. He was caught in the brush." She bent to show him the scratches on the chihuahua’s front. "I think he’d been there a while - see, he put up quite a struggle."

"Poor little guy."

"Yeah," she agreed. "His leash was caught. He was lucky I heard him."

Tyke was enjoying having two people fuss over him.

"You like dogs?" the man asked.

"Not really. Comes with the territory." She chuckled at the quizzical look on his face and held out her hand, "Hi, I’m Kat."

"Kevin." he smiled shaking her hand. "now it makes sense. So, no dogs for the Kat? Tyke was really lucky then."

"Not really, I can’t stand to have any animal in pain - even if it is canine," she grinned. "And I don’t hate dogs. Just not fond of most breeds. I’d have one if I could, but that would be cruel."

Kevin gave her another quizzical look. "My favorite dog is the Irish wolfhound. You know gray, shaggy things, about the size of a small horse. I’d love to have one, but my apartment is kind of small. Besides, " she smiled, "if I had enough room for a wolfhound, I’d have enough room for a horse, so I’d rather have one of those. Saves me from getting in trouble with a the SPCA for riding a dog."

Kevin laughed, crinkling his nose. It made the butterflies in her stomach flutter even harder.

"So have both then," he said.

"I’d love that. That would be my dream - a large spread on the ocean, with room for a few horses, the ‘hounds and lots and lots of cats. I do have to live up to my name naturally." Kevin smiled. "Yes," she said, eyes twinkling, "and with the rest of my lottery winnings I suppose I’d be able to solve world hunger, create world peace and still have time left over to win that Oscar."

"Ha ha," Kevin said. "Keep dreaming, it’ll happen." He paused to wrestle Tyke who was starting to gnaw on his shoes. "Why on the ocean?"

"Hmm?" Kat pulled herself back from gazing at his muscular body. "Oh, the ranch. I am a real sea-girl. Nothing makes me happier than the sound of waves and the smell of salt air. That’s why I am here."

She was about to say more but Tyke’s yipping raised them out of their conversation. Kevin released the dog’s collar and he went bounding off across the lawn to a medium-height blond-haired man who was walking up the driveway. The looks of joy on both the man’s and the dog’s face as they were reunited was a sight to see. A huge goofy grin shone on the man’s face as the chihuahua licked him all over the face.

"Hey, Brian, " Kevin called, "Kat here found your runaway." Kat shook hands with Brian who was still hugging the little dog.

"As I was telling Kevin, I found him in the park down the street. He’d been caught there a while. He’s got few cuts and scratches, but nothing too bad, I think. He’d been pulling on his leash so he may have strained his neck and he was very dehydrated."

"Thanks so much for bringing him home, Kat. We’ve been looking for him for hours. I’d just got him on his leash, ready for a walk when he took off."

"No worries," said Kat, "I am just glad I got Mighty Mutt home safely."

"Mighty Mutt, huh? Is that your new name? More like Mighty Pain-in-the-Butt." Brian looked at Tyke who started licking his face again. "Yes, I love you, too."

Kevin laughed, again crinkling his nose cutely.

"Did you want to come in?" offered Brain, hugging the dog close, but indicating the house with his head.

"No, thanks. Its okay. Its starting to get dark and I should hit the road."

"Where you headed, Kat?" Kevin asked.

"I have no idea," Kat smiled. "Somewhere with waves."

Brian glances curiously at his cousin who shrugged.

"Actually, maybe you can help," Kat continued. "Are you native Floridians?’

"No,' said Brian. "We are both from Kentucky, though we have lived here for several years, off and on."

"Well, what I am looking for is a nice seaside town - not too rowdy but not too boring either. Something with good beaches, good waves, good sights, and a good motel, preferably beachside, that won’t cost an arm and a leg."

"Tall order," said Kevin.

"Yeah, I usually head to North Carolina for my beaches, but I had a some more time this vacation, and figured I would combine that with rollercoasters and theme parks."

"Well, we’ve got those here," Kevin chuckled.

"Where are you from?" asked Brian.

"Toronto," Kat replied.

"Been there several times," said Kevin.

"Great city, great people, great golfing," said Brian."

"Why, thank you, kind sir," Kat made a little curtsy which had both men laughing, "Yeah. It is a great town, but everyone needs a change of scene."

"You might try Edgewater," suggested Kevin. "Its near Port Orange on the Atlantic coast. Cute little town, close to nightlife, but off the beaten path enough that it doesn’t get crazy. Good surfing and nice beach."

"Edgewater…" Kat mused, "I’ll give it a try. I better get going before I totally lose the light. Nice meeting you Kevin, Brian," she said shaking their hands. She then bend down to Tyke who was now chewing on Brian’s sneaker laces. "Now listen, buster. No more running away. I don’t want you to hurt your friends’ beautiful voices by making them raw with calling you. Understand?"

The dog looked at her, barked once, then returned to his chewing.

She rose to see a slightly shocked look on Kevin’s face. "So you know who we are?"

"Took me a little while, but yes. I love the Millennium album. You guys have really grown as a vocal group. I even sent you a video concept for one of the songs on the album, but I haven’t heard anything back yet. Of course you were on tour, and I am sure that whoever in your office who normally looks after that was really busy."

"Yeah, we usually like to answer those ourselves, but with a tour..." Brian trailed off.

Kat smiled. "No worries. It was great meeting you. I’ll see you."

"That’s it?" Kevin said sharply. "No requests for autographs or anything?"

"I’d love it, but I don’t want to intrude. You guys deserve your privacy. And I do have to hit the road."

"You don’t even want to pitch your video concept to us here in person?" Brian asked incredulously.

"No. Just keep an eye out for one from Kat. Its great stuff." Kat walked towards the car, then stopped and walked up to them. Kevin had a wary look in his eye, which told her that as much as they liked their fans not all of their encounters with them had been easy on them. She took the leash from around her neck and gave it to Brian. "Here, you probably want this."

Brian chuckled. "What, not going to keep it as souvenir?"

"No, Tyke clearly needs it much more than me." Kat turned to Kevin, "Kevin - our talk about horses - is there anywhere hereabouts where I can rent a horse for a few hours? I haven’t ridden for some time, so even if it is just trailwalking that would be great."

"You have two Backstreet Boys in front of you, all ready in debt to you for a dog rescue, and all you want is vacation advice?" Kevin laughed. "You are very strange."

"Thanks. I’ll put that on my résumé," she said wryly

"I didn’t mean..." Kevin started.

"Kevin, relax. Chill. I take it as a compliment. I’d rather be strange than boring," she reassured him.

"What about the place you have your horse stabled, Kev?" Brian’s question cut across the look that Kevin and Kat were exchanging.

"Starlight Stables. Good place - not too far from Edgewater, even," Kevin agreed. "Its off Route 1 road in ???? Just tell them I sent you."

"Thanks, I will." Kat turned and walked back to her car, strongly fighting the urge to look at Kevin on more time. She allowed herself one quick glance, and a good-bye wave, as she climbed into her car.

"Nice girl," said Brian. "A little heavier than your usual conquests."

Kevin punched him playfully in the arm. "It doesn’t seem to have slowed her down any. She doesn’t seem to care; why should I?"

"True. And Tyke likes her," Brian grinned.

Kevin laughed, " Oh yeah, that is a good sign."

"Come on," Brian turned towards the house, carrying the sleeping Tyke, who had fallen asleep in his arms, exhausted by his adventure.

Chapter 2: We meet again

The wave slowly rolled forward, tickling the bottom of Kat’s feet. Repressing a giggle, she thought, "Kevin was sure right about this place."

She still could not believe that she had met two Backstreet Boys. To be honest she was more surprised that she had met, had a decent conversation with them, and had not fainted or anything. Now, two days later, she had finally stopped pinching herself to make sure she wasn’t still lost in some dream. She was starting to bruise.

She sighed contentedly and burrowed her toes in the sand. The water was perfect and she had actually had a chance to try surfing again, thanks to a small surf shop just of the main street. She still hadn’t managed to stand up fully, but was getting much better. She’d found a small, cheap motel that was not directly on the beach. Fortunately her room, on the top floor, had a perfect view of the ocean, and in the evening the moon shone brightly making the wave crests glow.

The town was everything she had wanted and more. Slowly, the stress of work was starting to fade. Even the tight coil of unhappiness about where her life seemed to be headed, had started to loosen. She felt refreshed, and, as much as she hated to admit it, a little bored. "See, this is what a fast paced job gets you - limited attention span and an inability to let yourself fully relax," she thought.

She gathered up her things and headed back to the motel where she made some phone calls and changed in to jeans and a light sweater. After a quick lunch and a short drive, she arrived at Starlight Stables.

A paddock on the left held several quarterhorses and a palomino. The ranch itself was a low slung building. Several cars and trucks were parked in a small lot, and several people were walking their mounts, or giving them a brush down. Kat left the car and walked towards the main door.

"Can I help you?" an older, weather-beaten man asked.

"I hope so. I called earlier. My name's Kat."

"Oh yes, You wanted to take a short trek, and hadn't ridden for a while so nothing too strenuous."

"Right," said Kat, a little amazed - those were almost verbatim the words she had used on the phone.

The man chuckled, " I'm Jock - you talked to me when you called."

Kat smiled and followed him into the stable. They walked down the stalls and finally arrived at one that held a medium height roan.

"This is Ginger. She's a gentle ride. She's good for trekking, but can go a little faster if you feel up to it. I'll get Kelly to come up. She'll be your guide." He turned and was about to leave. "By the way. How did you hear about us?"

"Actually, I was supposed to say that -- Kevin Richardson sent me," Kat said, still somewhat surprised by the admission.

"He did, did he?" Jock smiled. "KEVIN!" he yelled.

"What?" a voice called from down the line of stalls.

"Did you send this lady here?"

"Which lady?" Kevin's head popped around the door. "Kat! Hey, you came down. That's great."

He was wearing a pair of tight, dusty, faded jeans and a white tank top covered by a plaid shirt. He had horse drool on his shoulder, a few stalks of hay in his hair and a dirt smudge on his right cheek. He was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. He smiled at her, his emerald eyes flashing and she felt a little lightheaded.

"Wow, what a surprise," she managed to say, hoping that it didn't sound like a squeak.

"How was Edgewater?"

"Great. Actually I am still there - just taking a break. I even got some surfing in."

"You surf?" he asked.

"Only in the broadest sense of the word," she replied wryly.

He laughed, "yeah, same here some days. I love it though. The feeling of riding on all that water - its like gliding on glass - and can be as dangerous if you fall. We should go together, if you have time."

The idea of Kevin wearing nothing but a Speedo made her mouth go dry so she just nodded.

"Jock, is it okay if I take Kat out on the trail? I promise to bring her back in one piece," Kevin asked.

Jock nodded. "Sure, go ahead. I'll tell Kelly."

He left the stall and walked back to the office. A tall blonde girl was sitting on the desk. "So where is this chick?" she asked.

"I set her up with Ginger, but Kevin's offered to take her on the ride."

"Kevin?" the girl asked angrily.

"Yeah. They're friends or something. Is that going to be a problem?" Jock was not pleased in her tone of voice. Ever since she and Kevin had started seeing each other she had grown more and more uppity.

"We'll see about this," she muttered under her breath and stormed down the aisle to Ginger's stall.

"Hello, Kev, honey," she purred sweetly.

"Kelly," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "This is Kat. Kat, Kel's my girlfriend. Kat's the one who rescued Tyke."

"Nice to meet you," Kat said politely, holding out her hand. Even though she had never really though she stood a chance with Kevin she still felt like she had been kicked in the stomach.

"Likewise," Kelly said, giving her hand a feeble shake.

"I'm going to take Kat out on the trail. We'll be back in a couple of hours and then I'll get cleaned up and we can go out, 'kay?" Kevin said to Kelly.

"Sure, hon. Take your time," Kelly replied.

"I'll just go get Lightning," Kevin told Kat. "I'll meet you at the front."

Once he had walked away Kelly turned and looked Kat up and down with a sneer. "I suppose I'll let this happen. You certainly don't look like much competition."

Kat was surprised by the sudden change in Kelly's behaviour. "Just keep your paws off him. He's mine and no fat skank is going to take him away from me. I don't care whose dog you fondled," Kelly continued.

Kat blinked back tear at the unexpected attack. "We are going horseback riding, not to an orgy," she replied softly.

"I am warning you anyway. I know you want him, so stay away." Then she turned and stalked away.

Kat exited the stables, leading Ginger by the reins, and calmed herself down by talking softly to the horse. She blew gently on its nose so that it could take her scent. This would make the horse calmer throughout the ride, something she was sure she needed as she fought the turmoil she felt.

"Neat trick," Kevin noted as he rode up behind her on a large black gelding. "Not many people know that one - you must have had a good teacher at one point."

"Two years of riding instruction when I was at school in England. Of course that means I am not really good with a Western saddle," she said eyeing it warily.

"Hop on. It's not the different. Just a higher horn."

Kat climbed on and settled into the saddle. "And a little broader in the seat. Then so am I," she laughed.

They set off at a comfortable pace down the lane.

"Are you okay? Your eyes look puffy," Kevin looked with concern. "Yeah, your girlfriend is a bitch and isn't afraid to show it," she thought, but only said, "Allergies. I'll be okay, I took an antihistamine; it just needs time to adjust."

She glanced quickly behind them to see Kelly leaning up against the stable door glaring at her. Then Kelly's face cleared and a brilliant smile took the glare's place. "Kevin must be looking," Kat thought, and indeed he was.

"Okay back there?"

"Yep. Just getting used to Ginger's rhythm."

"I hope you are ready, because we are about to pick up the pace," he said kicking Lightning into a trot, which Ginger quickly followed. Kat struggled for a few seconds before settling into regular trot position.

"Okay?" Kevin inquired.

"Sure. Just like riding a bike," she answered and Kevin chuckled as he led them off onto a side trail.

They rode for almost two hours - slowly moving from a walk to a canter, even getting in a few small jumps - which Kat hadn't done in several years and managed more adequately than she thought she would.

"You did pretty well for someone who hasn't ridden for a while," Kevin said as the stable buildings appeared on the horizon.

"I'm just trying to figure out why I ever stopped," Kat enthused. "This is great."

"Yeah. I don't get to do this nearly as much, what with all the touring."

"Hmm," Kat responded. "Maybe that's what happened to me, too. Too much work. Too much other stuff to do. Not enough time…" she trailed off.

"What do you do for a living, Kat?"

"Unlike some who just swan around the world, I work," she said with a Puck-ish grin.

Hey! That's Work too!" he laughed.

"I am so sure," she said with a tingle of sarcasm. "I am sure that the only part that is actual work is when you have to protect your ears from screams and shrieks or run away from the rabid fans."

"Well, I don't usually run too fast…"

Kat laughed. "But you didn't answer my question," he reminded her.

"I work for a small company that services the not-for-profit sector. Mostly writing and editing. Lots of design work and phone work. It's not a rich organization so we tend to do as much in-house as possible."

"Sounds interesting."

"It can be," Kat murmured. She didn't want to talk about work; she didn't even want to think about it right now. It hurt too much.

Sensing something, Kevin moved his horse alongside her so that their legs occasionally brushed each other. "But you don't like it?" he asked.

"I like it most days. I just, I don't know. It's not where I want to be. I feel like I am not going anywhere in my career. Only I don't know what I should be doing, or even how to get there," she sighed. "It just makes me feel empty."

"I do know that feeling, you know," Kevin remarked. "Yes, even Mister Big Music Superstar feels that way," he continued at her incredulous look. "More so at the beginning, when we weren't sure if the group would take off. But occasionally, when the schedule gets to be too much, and we don't get any time for us, you know? It just seems to go on and on. Same story, different city. Nothing original. And it is not like we can just turn it off and be by ourselves. It never really stops."

"Now I feel bad for complaining about my life," Kat said softly, shocked by his admission.

"I guess everyone feels like that." Kevin shook himself out of his reverie. "Still, I wanted success with this, and I got it. It's not bad."

"But it wears you down. Makes you think you aren't capable of more," Kat mused, thinking of her own situation. "All you do is the same stuff, the same routine. Never enough time for the things you want, and eventually you give up on those dreams too."

"Wow. We are getting really deep, here." Kevin smiled.

"Yeah, and kind of depressing too," Kat grinned.

"So what do YOU want, Kat?"

"I want that house I was telling you about…"

"With the horses and wolfhounds?" Kevin interrupted.

"Yep. I want to be able to really stand on a surfboard." Kevin chuckled. "But what I really want to do is write. I mean not the stuff I do for work; stuff for me. Mysteries, novels, screenplays. Things that I see and want others to." She smiled, "and naturally to be paid mega-bucks for it so I can feed the 'hounds."

"Sounds good. Will you write me a really good role in one of your screenplays? I have always wanted to star in a movie," Kevin asked.

The brush of his leg against hers was sending up flares of electricity, and the look of pleading on his face was tugging at her heartstrings. "Sure."

They smiled at each other, then a bird called from a nearby tree, unsettling the horses, and the moment was lost.

They walked towards the stable. "There's Kelly, waiting for us," said Kevin, indicating the tall blonde figure. Kat stiffened in her saddle. Kevin moved his horse in front of hers, blocking her path.

"Look, I don't think you had an allergy problem. Kelly said something to you, didn't she?" Kat nodded. "That girl," he swore under his breath. "You don't have to tell me. She has been acting more and more possessive lately. I mean I like her, but the reason I asked her out was because she seemed to be interested in ME, not in who I was."

"Maybe it is just hard for her to separate the two Kevins," Kat said, trying hard to console him, and not get herself in trouble with the envious Kelly.

"I suppose. It has been hard for my past girlfriends,' Kevin ruminated. "Still, she has no call to be rude to my friends."

The idea that Kevin Richardson was calling her his friend sent a thrill through Kat. "She is rude to the other Boys?" she asked.

"No, I mean to you," replied Kevin. Fortunately he was still looking towards the barn and didn't see the look of joy that suffused her face.

"Come on," he said, turning back to her. "We should unsaddle the horses and give them some feed." And he led the way back up the lane to the stables.

Chapter 3: The question

Kevin Richardson had called her his friend.

Kat tried to tell herself that he had lots of people he called that, but it rang hollow. Kat had only spent a few hours with him, but she had gotten the impression that he was a man who had thousands of acquaintances but only a few friends.

And he thought she was one.

Kat thought of her friend, Alexis. They had met at a dance club, both single women out, not to get laid but just to get out. A guy had come on to Alexis and Kat had sensed her discomfort. She had stepped in - pretending to be her friend and getting rid of the drunken lech. It had been one of those instinctual girl-helping-another-out situations. Within fifteen minutes they were chums. Within an hour, after spilling their guts out to each other, they were friends. Now, years later, they were, as Alexis put it, "platonic soulmates."

"Maybe that is what happened with him," Kat thought as she drove back to Edgewater. Not the soulmates bit, but the meeting someone and just knowing, instinctively, that they were a friend. She sighed, "Yep, just my luck - I meet one of the hottest men on the planet and he wants to be my friend." She chuckled, "who am I kidding? I’ll take that any day of the week!"

She turned off the highway into town. "Kevin Richardson wants to be my friend! Yippee!" she yelled loudly, then looked sheepishly around as the shout echoed through the car.

At the motel she stripped off her horse-smelling clothes and pulled on her swimsuit. A quick dip in the ocean refreshed her, though her attempt to calm her roiling mind by reading failed miserably.

She celebrated with dinner at a seafood place she had been eyeing earlier. She almost had a beer, but figured that she was "high" enough. A trip to the local movie theatre to see the latest romantic comedy was enjoyable, however Kat left feeling somewhat down. Sure, he had called her friend, but what good would that go her? She’d probably never see him, or Brian, or Tyke, again. It had been great while it lasted, but reality was setting in.

She walked down to the beach and sat watching the sun set. The feeling of confusion about the "Kevin" situation was now moving into other areas. She thought about work, her lack of a love life, but most of all about her feeling that she was missing "something." It was something she could almost taste, but was just out of reach. She knew that the "something" was direction. She just couldn’t figure out what her direction was.

The moon rose and she was still sitting there on the beach. She now regretted not "pitching" her video concept to Brian, but was ashamed about thinking that it was up to him to make her life better. She was also starting to regret this trip. She may have been better off banking the money and quitting her job. Or maybe she should have....

"You look like I feel," a voice said.

"Kevin? What are you doing here?"

"Looking for a friendly face," he sighed as he sat down beside her. "You said something about liking to stare at ocean, so I took a chance. Kelly and I broke up," he said dismally.

"Bad, huh?" she sympathised.

"Well, she wasn’t too pleased, if that’s what you mean."

"Hey, if a rich, gorgeous, sexy, internationally-renowned singer dumped your ass, would you be pleased," she said, trying to cheer him up.

"I guess," he muttered. "I am not rich, you know."

"You own Lightning?" He nodded, "That’s rich by my standards," Kat concluded.

Kevin started to laugh, and then laugh harder at the frown on her face.

"You have got to be the only person I know who equates horse ownership with being rich. Most people point to the house or the car or whatever. Never the horse," he chuckled.

"I’m a simple girl," she smirked. "Wait! You have a car?"

Kevin started to laugh again. Kat was glad to see he’d regained his humour. "And a house? You mean like a Barbie dream house or something, right? Not a real house house. And the car, its your mother’s really?"

"Stop it! Your making my sides hurt," Kevin said wiping tears from his eyes.

"Look, Kevin," she said seriously. "I’ve met a few famous people before, but never spent as much time with them as I’ve spent with you - but I just don’t know how to treat you as anything other than just people. I mean, after you get over the ‘golly, gee - you’re so and so’ stuff, what else can you do? Give them the Spanish Inquisition about their lifestyle?"

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition," Kevin said in his best Monty Python voice.

"Ha ha," she smiled. "But not true. You expect it. You’ve been expecting it from me ever since I told you I knew who you and Brian are. How’s Tyke, by the way? No, wait, don’t answer that yet. I’m not finished. I am sorry Kelly was such a bitch; what little I know about you makes me sure it is her big loss. I mean, there is more to you than a great voice, good dancer and a hot body."

"I am a hot body?" he asked teasingly.

"Maybe," she responded, also teasingly. "Do a turn for me, take off your shirt and flex."

Kevin pulled a muscle man pose.

"Okay, nice abs - check. Firm biceps - yep," Kat pretended to be filling in a list. "Firm butt - okay. Strong face, but those eyebrows..."

"Hey those are one of my best features!"

"Well, they are certainly one of your most noticeable features. So, listen pretty boy, stop sucking up for compliments, and be yourself. If a Kelly can’t appreciate it, someone else will - and that’s the person you want."

Kevin looked intently at her. "Why do I get the impression that this is all stuff that you should be saying to yourself?"

Kat raised her hands in a warding gesture, "good with advice for others - crappy at believing it for myself."

"Well, you should believe it."

They both gazed at the ocean, lost in their individual thoughts.

"Kat?"

"Hmm?"

"When are you going back to Toronto?"

"Next Tuesday."

"If I asked you out on a date, would you say yes?"

Kat sat there, stunned.

"Kat?"

"Yes? I mean no."

"No?"

She turned and looked him in the eyes. "I’d love to, Kevin, believe me. But you’re vulnerable now, after Kelly. And so am I after, well, life. And as much as I say I’d treat you as a guy, and not a Backstreet Boy, it would be really hard. I don’t know if I could do it. And I wouldn’t want to hurt either of us by trying and failing."

"Okay," he said miserably.

"Come on, Kev. Don’t look like that. I’m saying this because I care about you and I don’t want to hurt you. I am being honest with you."

He snorted.

"I mean it. I haven't been anything other than honest with you since we met, and I am not about to change now. I would never want to hurt you the way Kelly did. Saying no to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I’d REALLY like to say yes."

"Then do."

"It wouldn’t be right; we both know it."

"Yeah, I suppose." Kevin sighed. "So if I asked you out as a friend would you say yes?"

"In a heartbeat."

"Good," Kevin said, relaxing. He lay back and looked at the stars silently for a few minutes. "You’re right. I shouldn’t rush into something just because I’m lonely."

"Gee, thanks."

"Hey, you turned me down!" He chuckled. "I wish we’d met at another time, when it wasn’t so complicated."

"Yeah, then you wouldn’t be able to pry me off you with a forklift."

Kevin laughed. "Its better we are friends. I need friends. I don’t have many."

"Neither do I. Hey, NOT being famous is hard too!" she laughed.

"So, tomorrow night. You doing anything?"

"Yeah, I am going out with this new friend of mine."

"Good. So what are you two doing?" he smiled.

"Not sure. What do you think we should do?"

"I was thinking. Maybe, dinner. Then maybe out to a club."

"I am not a great dancer. I hope he’ll give me some pointers."

"I am sure he will." Then he stopped. "Oh shit. I forgot. I am supposed to go out with Howie and AJ tomorrow."

"Its okay," Kat said. "Some other time."

"No. I’ll call them. Maybe Howie can come to dinner with us."

"Not AJ?"

"Nah, he’ll be at his girlfriend’s. They don’t usually exit the bedroom until they need to," he chuckled.

"OOO. Got a quarter?" Kat said.

"Why?"

"I gotta call the National Enquirer about something."

"You are so funny," Kevin grimaced.

"Glad you got your sense of humour back," she noted.

"Thanks to you."

"I’ll bill you later."

He laughed and rose. He offered his hand, pulling her up. "Come on. I’ll walk you back to your hotel."

Chapter 4: The Confrontation

After Kevin saw her safely to her room, leaving after giving her a quick peck on the cheek, Kat spent a restless night. She had turned him down. What was she thinking?!

She packed her bags and headed back to Orlando, where she spent the day wandering around. She even visited Backstreet market, from which the Boys had gotten their name. "I wonder if anyone here knows I am going out with one tonight," she thought as she ambled through the market.

The afternoon wore on, and she returned to her room and got ready for her evening out. Most of this consisted of standing in front of the mirror, poking her stomach and feeling miserable. The memory of Kevin asking her out for a date almost made her feel like what she looked like didn’t matter. Almost.

"Oh well," she mused. "It is not going to disappear in the next five minutes."

She pulled on her purple sundress. Her deep tan worked well with the dress and she looked very presentable (though not unlike a grape, she thought dismally). She grabbed her lilac short-sleeved sweater and headed out before she talked herself out of going.

She entered the restaurant fifteen minutes late to see Kevin standing by the phone at the front.

"I thought you weren’t coming," he said kissing her cheek.

"I got lost," Kat lied. She had checked the route two times that day, but wasn’t about to admit that the reason she was late was because she had sat in the restaurant’s parking lot psyching herself up.

Kevin sensed something. "You okay?"

"Look I am not a beauty queen or anything and the idea of being seen in public with me might be embarrassing for you," she admitted.

"Never, " he said giving her a reassuring hug. "You look beautiful, and as for others, forget them." He squeezed her hand as she smiled tremulously. "Don’t give up on me now, Kat. What others think hasn’t bothered you so far, why should it now?" she said as he lead her into the dining room.

"Because there are more people around now," she muttered under her breath.

He led her to a corner table, where a handsome man with dark, loose curly hair sat. Kat’s heart did a huge flip as he stood at their approach. He was a little shorter than her, an inch or so, but with the most incredible deep brown eyes, and a smile that lit up the room.

"Hi, you must be Kat," he said in a soft vibrant voice. "I’m Howie D." She smiled and shook his hand. "So you are the mighty dog rescuer, huh?"

"That’s me. I think I am going to have to rescind every bad thing I ever said about dogs. Finding Tyke seems to have brought me a lot of luck."

Howie laughed and Kevin grinned. "Tyke’s nice and all, but he’s no wolfhound," he said conspiratorially. Howie got the impression that this was a private joke between Kevin and Kat, and was surprised by the surge of jealousy he felt.

"He’s no horse either," Kat returned.

Howie saw his chance and jumped in, "Another horse person? I would have thought you’d like felines not equines."

"Stop showing off, Howie," Kevin chided. "Howie’s been watching way to much Learning Channel recently."

"It never hurts to expand your mind," Kat said, turning to Howie. "Equines are fine, but they are hell on a litter box. I have a cat at home, who I miss like crazy, but she is old and not enamoured of airplanes."

"You should come over to my house. I have a beautiful cat. Her name is Missy, and she is the cutest cat in the world. Barring you, of course."

Kevin suddenly felt a little left out, "hey, I have a cat too. Quincy's my buddy."

"So why do you prefer to go by Kat rather than Katherine? I am assuming that is your full name?" Kat nodded at Howie’s question.

"Why do you prefer Howie to Howard?" she returned.

"Its more ‘fun.’ Its more me."

"Well, I like being called Kat because it is more me. I am mysterious, independent, like to lay in the sun, and," she turned to Kevin and winked provocatively, ‘purr when petted."

Kevin choked on the water he had been sipping and started to laugh, as did Howie. "I told you she was great," Kevin said, and Kat blushed.

"Yeah, but you also said she liked the ocean," teased Howie. "I don’t know about your cat, but mine hates water."

"That is part of my being "mysterious" bit," Kat chuckled.

The three spent a leisurely dinner talking about everything from food to politics to movies. They discovered that they had similar tastes in movies, though Kat knew more about international films than Howie or Kevin, which they put down to endless touring and not enough time in theatres. They were almost finished dessert when a young voice asked, "Excuse me. Aren’t you Kevin and Howie from the Backstreet Boys?"

A pair of young girls stood shyly by the table holding paper and pen. Howie smiled, "yes we are. Would you like autographs?" The two girls nodded, awe-struck, as he and Kevin asked their names and signed their names. One of the girls glanced suspiciously at Kat, which Kevin noticed. He turned to Kat and said, "I am surprised no one has recognized you yet."

"Dahling," Kat drawled haughtily. "We are in Orlando. Of course you would be noticed first." She tried hard not to laugh as the girls quickly thrust their pens at her, clearly having no idea who she was, but afraid to risk missing someone famous. Kat scrawled something illegible on their pages, and kicked Kevin under the table.

After the girls had left, Howie started laughing so hard that Kevin had to thump him on the back to help him catch his breath. "God is going to get you for that one Kev," he gasped.

"Not if I get him first," Kat threatened, shaking her fist at him.

"Yikes, I better get out of here," Kevin said as he rose from his chair. "I’ll be right back. I'll call AJ while I’m up and tell him to meet us at the club."

Howie nodded and then asked Kat a series of questions about the screenplays that she had admitted to working on. After eliciting a solemn promise from him that he wouldn’t tell anyone, she gave him an overview and the two talked deeply about various scenes and dialogue.

As he watched them from where he was phoning Kevin felt sad that he had appeared to have lost his chance with Kat. Whether the two realized it or not they were both smitten with each other. He hadn’t seen Howie so animated in a long time, and Kat positively glowed when she looked at Howie. Trying hard not to feel like a third wheel he returned to the table.

"He’s not there and Lisa’s not answering. Maybe they are all ready at the club," he said. "We came together in my car, but you’ve got your car, Kat. Do you want to leave it here?"

Before Kat could answer Howie piped in with, "I’ll ride over with Kat so she doesn’t get lost again."

Once they arrived at the club, Kat found Kevin waiting at a table at the back. "Waiting long?" Kat asked.

"No, just got here a sec ago. Parking is terrible this time of night. Where's Howie?"

"He saw about a hundred people he knew and went to talk to them," said Kat.

Kevin laughed, "that's Howie. Everyone wants a little Sweet D." He glanced at her, "Even you."

Kat blushed, "he's a great guy. No you, of course. But he suffers from the same disease you have."

"Disease?" Kevin was confused.

"Backstreet Boyitis," Kat grinned.

"Yeah," Kevin sighed. "There isn't a cure for that yet."

"Kevin, come on. I was joking," Kat placed her hand on his and gave it a squeeze. "Look, life is lonely. It is hard; it has its trials whether you are famous or not. Everyone spends their time wondering 'why is she or he interested in me?' or "what are they after?' You just have it a little stronger right now because you thought you had someone who liked you for you and they didn't."

"You like me for me."

"More than you know. That's why I won't commit to anything I think may end up hurting you."

"So if Howie…"

"If Howie what?" he said as he approached the table.

The last thing that Kat wanted to get into was an open discussion about what she and Kevin had been talking about. "If Howie isn't going to buy the first round of drinks, do I have to?" she covered smoothly. Kevin smiled his thanks. He may have told Howie that things were over between him and Kelly, but he didn't want to advertise the reasons. He knew Howie had been through similar things, and had been hurt by it too, but it was still raw.

"No way. Howie IS going to get the drinks," he said as he motioned the waitress over. The three ordered and continued the talk they had been having at the restaurant. Someone grabbed Howie and pulled him up on the dance floor, and Kevin and Kat soon followed. The DJ was playing a Latin mix, and Kevin showed her the steps to the merengue, which she mastered far quicker than she had expected to. Howie asked if he could cut in and, to her amusement, swept Kevin off in a quick circle, before returning and taking her hand. They returned to the table to find Kevin had ordered another round. Howie congratulated her on her dance finesse.

"I had a really good teacher," Kat smiled at Kevin.

"Come on, you've done that before, surely?" Kevin asked.

"Yes, but somehow it seemed harder when I was learning it in my high school gym class." She wiggled her eyebrow suggestively at him, "maybe if the teacher then had been you and not a huge, hairy woman who looked like she belonged on the East German shot-put team."

They talked more, occasionally being interrupted when Kevin or Howie was dragged on the floor by acquaintances. Howie had been gone for some time when Kevin turned to Kat and asked, "Do you think you could overcome your fear of Backstreet Boyitis?"

"Kevin, we went through all of this…"

"No, I mean for Howie. He really likes you."

Kat blushed a deep red. "I like him too. But I don't think I should. I mean, it still worries me. And it wouldn't be fair to you - saying no to you and then yes to him. No, I know you SAY you wouldn't mind, but you would. Be honest." Kevin looked a little sheepish. "Still," she continued teasingly, "he is not a popular a pin-up as you are. He doesn't have those eyebrows…."

"Okay," Kevin laughed in defeat. "Let's stop worrying about who should be dating who and have fun!" he said as he swung her out on the dance floor.

After a few songs Kat excused herself and went to the washroom. As she re-entered the room she had a feeling that someone was watching her and glanced around the room only to lock eyes with a very irate Kelly. She was glaring at Kat, and Kevin, from a far corner of the room, and turned and walked away once she saw that Kat had spotted her. Kat hurried back to the table.

"Kevin. I wanted to warn you. Kelly is here."

"Where?" asked Howie as Kevin scowled.

Kat looked around, finally locating her as she was talking animatedly with someone at the bar. "Over there, talking to that guy."

"That's no guy that's AJ," said Kevin. "I was wondering when he was going to show up."

"Well, he's coming over," remarked Kat.

As he approached Kat recognized him from the videos and posters of the Boys that she had seen. Hi was very distinctive with his tattoos and orange dyed hair. The slight wobble in his step was not something she recognized.

Clearly neither did the other two either, as Howie frowned in concern. "AJ! Bro! What's up?"

AJ sat down at the table and sighed. "Marcy kicked me out."

"Sorry, bro," said Kevin. "It's going around."

"Yeah, Kelly just told me you let her go. Why Kev? She was HOT!" said AJ.

"Sure, but not for me," said Kevin. "Why did Marcy dump you?"

"She said I was only interested in her for sex," AJ complained.

"Well," said Howie, "she isn't wrong there."

"She didn't have to say it though," muttered AJ before turning his attention to Kat. "So who are you?"

Kat smiled and offered him her hand," Kat. I just met Kevin the other day and Howie tonight. Pleased to meet you." He shook her hand loosely.

"Kat rescued Tyke," said Howie proudly.

"My big claim to fame," Kat laughed ruefully.

"Really? The way I hear it your claim to fame is busting up Kevin and Kelly," sniggered AJ.

Kat was unsurprised by the sudden attack; he had been talking to Kelly after all.

"That had nothing to do with Kat," said Kevin firmly, and Howie nodded. He could see why Kevin would prefer Kat to Kelly, but they were clearly friends and nothing more.

"Hey, don't mind me," AJ said defensively. "I've been 'celebrating' my new liberty. Which reminds me. I could use another drink." He waved the waitress over.

"I better go and talk to Kelly before she spreads more rumours," Kevin said. "You'll be okay?" he asked Kat. She nodded and he moved through the crowd. Howie, AJ and her talked for a few minutes before Howie was once again pulled up onto the dance floor. The waitress brought the drinks, and AJ immediately order a second one for himself. He sat there quietly for a moment before turning to Kat.

"So, which one are you banging?" he sneered.

"Excuse me?" Kat replied startled.

"Look, a fat chick like you can't be good for much, so you must be sleeping with one of them. Kevin? Howie? Both?"

"Neither," Kat replied shortly. AJ was Kevin and Howie's friend and he was obviously lashing out against the world right now. She wasn't going to make it worse by starting a fight.

"Oh, not yet?" He slurred as he gulped down more of his drink. "But you want to sleep with one of them, right?"

"Yes. I would. Kevin is a great guy and Howie is really sweet. That doesn't mean it is going to happen, though."

"Yeah, I don't think they want to fuck a grape," he giggled drunkenly. Kat was shocked that he had said something so close to what she had been thinking earlier in the evening.

"I really don't want to have this conversation, AJ."

"So you just going to fantasize about them" AJ persisted.

"No," she said firmly.

"No? You want to have sex with them but you don't masturbate while thinking about them? You're lying," AJ accused.

Kat had reached her breaking point. AJ had hit every one of her "pain" buttons and was coming back for more.

"No," she replied, going on the offensive. "I want to have sleep with…" she couldn't say it out loud; didn't want to admit it to herself, "but I wouldn't fantasize about him. I have this little rule… when you really like, respect and desire someone you don't use them as a masturbation tool. It belittles them, cheapens them, and I would never want to cheapen either Howie or Kevin that way."

"Yeah right," AJ sneered.

"You on the other hand," she said cruelly, mocking his tone of voice, "I could care less about you. Oh, and by the way, let me just say…even in my fantasies, you are a really lousy lay." She then got up and walked away.

"Bitch," AJ muttered angrily.

"No, she's not," a voice said. AJ looked up at the waitress who was standing beside the table. "You are a real SOB, you know. A drunk one, too. She and her friends were having a really good time before you came along."

"You don't know what…" AJ sputtered.

"You are right. I don't know. But I have been serving this table all night and they have been great - inviting me to join in the conversation whenever I had something to say, and generally having a great time. Then you come along with your 'I'm so hot' attitude and bust it up," she said, putting his drink down on the table.

"Listen..." he looked at her nametag, "Kimberley, do you know who I am?"

"A lousy drunk, and a crappy tipper," she said as she walked away.

AJ stared after her. "Yeah, I am," he thought. Kat and the guys had been really nice to him and he had been really rude, just because he was angry at Marcy and due to what Kelly had said. While he did think Kelly was hot-looking, he had realized that she was a bitch long before Kevin did. And Howie really liked Kat. Over the many years that AJ had known him, Howie had rarely been wrong about people. He was about to get up and look for Kat when Kevin returned.

"Where is eveyone?"

"They left. Look, Kevin, I said some mean things to Kat. I…" AJ broke off as Kat re-emerged from the crowd. She ignored AJ and turned directly to Kevin.

"Kevin, I am going to leave now. I am being accused of trying to catch that 'disease' we were talking about earlier, and now I definitely don't want it," she said stonily. She turned to AJ. "You said some things and I lashed out. I would apologize but I wouldn't mean it." Turning back to Kevin, who was standing there dumbfounded, "Please say goodbye to Howie. It was nice meeting him." Then she turned and walked briskly out of the club.

"Jesus! What did you say to her?" Kevin whirled angrily on AJ as Howie ambled up.

"Where's Kat?"

"Ask your buddy," Kevin snarled, before turning and going after Kat.

"AJ! Not again! What did you say this time?" Howie shook his head in frustration. AJ was never at his best after breaking up with one of his girlfriends.

"I know. I am an idiot. I was really nasty and I shouldn't have been. Even the waitress balled me out." AJ lamented.

Kevin came back, looking annoyed. "Where did you park, Howie? I can't find her."

"Just around the corner. Maybe she went back to her hotel?"

"That would help if I knew where she was staying," Kevin responded sarcastically, looking angrily at a shamefaced AJ.

"Kevin, chill. She told us at dinner, remember. She's at the LaQuinta Inn off International Drive. If you hurry you might catch her. I'll take care of this idiot," Howie smiled, always the peacemaker.

Kevin hurried off as Howie cleared the tab. AJ went to the waitress, Kimberley, and apologized to her, before letting Howie drive him home.

Chapter 5: The Realization

Kat was still spitting mad when she got back to the hotel. AJ's words had hurt so much, especially because she had so studiously avoided getting intimate with Kevin and Howie. If they were anything they were friends, and so had made it clear that that was all it would be. No matter what else she wanted.

"Damn him," she thought angrily. "I didn't ask for this. Maybe I should have just ignored Tyke. I didn't intend to get mixed up with Backstreet Boys. All I wanted was to get away and rest for a few days."

She nodded tersely at the desk clerk and headed up to her room, careful not to slam the door and disturb the other guests. She sat down on the corner of the bed and finally gave in to the tears that had been threatening since she left the club. She grabbed her pillow and sobbed into for a few minutes. It helped get rid of the initial pain, but only took the edge off. She needed to get out. She slipped off her dress and pulled on her shorts and t-shirt. Lacing up her running shoes, she reached inside her bag and pulled out her skipping rope.

"It’s a start," she thought, wishing that she had access to a full gym, with a heavy bag so she could really give it a good pounding. She had been boxing for about a year - aerobics just hadn't been doing it for her and on a whim she had stopped by a local club and signed up for classes. She would never make the Olympics or anything, but she found it to be one of the best ways of getting rid of tension that she had ever found. Of course when she had set out on this trip she had figured that doing just skipping and footwork would be enough to tide her over. "Little did I know," she grimaced.

The pool area was empty - it was after midnight, and so she found a good spot on the terrace and started skipping. Five minutes of knees high, five of side to side, then another five of high kicks. She threw in another five of one-foot hops (alternating between both feet) for good measure and was starting to feel human again. She dropped the rope and had been shadow boxing for only a few minutes when the shadow suddenly moved. She whirled around, almost socking Kevin in the head.

"Hey," he said jumping back. "Save that for AJ."

"What are you doing here? Can't you just leave me alone?" she said angrily.

"Come on, Kat, AJ was being an ass. He is really sorry for whatever it is he said," Kevin said. "And he's going to be even sorrier when I get him alone," he thought.

"That's nice. Go away, Kevin," Kat said stubbornly.

"Please don't be angry at me," he begged.

Kat sighed -- it was hard to stay angry when she looked into his green eyes, "Kevin, I didn't come down here to play head games with Backstreet Boys. I don't need this hassle. As I said at the club, it was nice meeting you, Howie, Brian and Tyke. But I would really like you to all go away now."

"Or you'll punch us?" he said trying to make her smile.

"I am serious, Kevin. I need a vacation, not to be sucked into a pop group's soap operas."

Kevin sat down on a pool chair. "You are right. Like I said the other day, we just met at a complicated time." He shook his head ruefully, "hell, they are always complicated times. God, why can't I have a normal life?'

"You've got the life you asked for," Kat said unsympathetically.

"And you don't?" he responded angrily, "You said you hated your life and wanted to be a writer but all I have seen you do is complain about. If you hate it so much do something about it."

"Don't start with me, Kevin. Not all of us have the ability to switch our lives on and off the way you can."

"Bullshit! I don't do that."

"Oh yeah? Girlfriend giving you grief; trade her in for a different model. Don't like your car; again, get a different model. Not happy here; hop a plane and go anywhere you want. Not happy with the group; do a solo album. You have options coming out your wazoo. I don't."

"Easy for you to say; you don't get mobbed wherever you go. You can make a mistake and not have it all over the internet the next day," he said crossly.

"Oh, drop the poor-little-pop-star crap. Its not working with me anymore," Kat said, retrieving her rope from the terrace and turning away from him.

Kevin grabbed her arms and swung her back so that she was looking directly into his face, "And your don't-come-near-me-I-am-such-a-loser act isn't working either. I don't know what AJ said or what you are hiding from Kat, but stop it. I don't walk away from friends just because they are being stupid."

"Go tell it to your loser buddy," she retorted, trying to extricate herself from his grip.

"Howie is busy doing that. He's got a slow burn, but when he loses his temper he can be quite scary. I have a feeling AJ is getting the full force of it right now. Howie was NOT impressed by his behaviour."

"Isn't being the father figure disciplanarian your job?"

"I was more concerned about you," he replied honestly, finally releasing her as she went still. "Howie has a better rapport with AJ than I do. His anger will have a bigger effect on him," he said dismissively.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he finished.

"Fine. Just fine. I'll be better once you leave."

"Man, you are not going to give me a break are you?" he said exasperatedly. "We were having a really good time tonight. Please don't throw it away."

Kat stood lost in thought. "I'm not…I mean…" She looked at him and he saw the glisten of tears in her eyes. "I didn't always look like this, you know," she said softly.

He gathered her in his arms, hugging her tightly. "Is that what he said? AJ's an idiot. You are so beautiful."

"No, I'm not. I am a fat slob who screws up every good thing that ever happens to her. You're right I never do anything about my life," she sobbed.

"Shh, its okay," he said holding her closer.

"I used to be thin. I used to be courageous. Nothing scared me. Now I cower at home alone in my apartment. I used to write great stories, now I just run them through my head and never get them out. I used to be attractive, now no one will touch me with a ten-foot pole. My life is over and I don't even know when it happened."

Kevin just held her, surprised at what she was saying. He'd only known her for a few days but she had seemed so, well, together. He remembered their conversation when they were riding and her comments about how she felt dissatisfied with her life. He had heard the gloom in her voice then, but hadn't realized how deep her despair ran. And then he, and AJ, had attacked her at all her weak points. "AJ was acting out, but there is no excuse for me," he thought.

Kat's tears started to dry up and she realized where she was standing and who was holding her. She knew she should step back but Kevin's clean soap smell was intoxicating.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked kissing her forehead lightly.

"Yeah. Sorry," she said moving out of his arms and looking at him. "I got your shirt all wet."

He chuckled softly, "small price to pay for the idiot I've been. I came here to comfort you and end up yelling at you."

He walked her back to the hotel door, then followed her into the elevator. She pushed the floor number, and turned to him. "Kevin, I didn't mean to react like that. I just have lot on my mind right now."

"Obviously. And all you've done since getting here is deal with our problems," he grimaced. "I really have been a self-centred little pop star."

She grabbed his hand giving it a squeeze," I didn't mean that. I was just…"

"Its okay: You were angry," he said pulling her into his arms again. Then he slowly lowered his head and kissed her lightly on the lips.

By the time Kat could think again they were pressed up against the inside of her hotel room door, still kissing. She had no recollection of how they had gotten from the elevator to the room. Kevin looked like he was in the same condition as he stepped back, startled to see the room. He looked back at her with a sensual smile, "I guess that got rid of your ten-foot-pole complaint."

She couldn't help it; the evening had been so full of emotional ups and downs. She started to laugh and couldn't stop. There was a slight hysterical edge to her laughter, which worried Kevin as he guided her to the bed, sitting her down and letting her go.

"I guess it did," Kat finally gasped, tears running down her face.

"I have come to the conclusion that we are both idiots," he smiled.

"Me too. I have been so wrapped up in my worries that all I did was plaster yours over them so I wouldn't have to deal."

"And I heard what you were saying about being unhappy, but I didn't HEAR it."

They smiled at each other sadly.

"So, are you willing to risk the Backstreet Boyitis and stay friends with me?"

"Yeah. Remind me to kick AJ's butt, though."

"You all ready did. I figured out what he said to you, but what did you say to him? He was positively shaking before Howie and I got to him."

She grinned a wicked grin. "I told him I thought he'd be really bad in bed."

Kevin erupted in laughter, "ouch, you hit him where he lives!"

"Yeah."

"Remind me never to get you mad at me," Kevin said, then remembered. "Again," he finished sheepishly.

"You can be pretty malicious too, Mr. Richardson," she said primly.

"And you can be pretty delicious," Kevin murmured as he moved in for another kiss. Kat closed her eyes as his mouth moved over hers, opening her mouth to give him greater access. He put his arms around her and leaned her back on the bed, stroking her hair and face. She ran her hands down his back and he groaned in her mouth. He moved his lips down her face, nibbling on her neck as she lightly tickled his ear with his fingertips. His lean, compact body rubbed against hers, crushing her in his need to hold her close. She felt like she was on fire as he moved his hands under her shirt caressing her skin and moving to her breasts. Finding them unencumbered he began to fondle them with strong, determined fingers. Kat wrapped her legs around his, feeling his bulge as it pressed against her, and slipped her hands over his firm butt before slipping under his belt and touching his skin.

"You are making it very hard to just stay friends," he whispered as he licked her neck.

"Not as hard as you are making it," she replied as she nibbled his earlobe before plunging her tongue in.

His moan told her that he was definitely an "ear" person and she continued to lick, stroke and nibble on one and then the other ear. The advantage of that was that he could concentrate on her neck and shoulders, an area that turned her on, and he did with alacrity.

Kevin leaned back on his elbow and looked at her, his eyes dilated with passion. Then he pulled her shirt over her head and began to stroke her stomach as he nibbled on her nipples. Kat moaned deeply and arched her back. She reached around and unbuckled his belt and top pants button in order to give her hands freer access to his rear end and upper back. She teasingly tickled the triangle of flesh at the very top of his butt crack and he groaned in response. When she didn't think she could take it any more, she flipped him over on his back and unbuttoned his shirt. She slid her tongue over his sleek chest finally moving to his nipples. She flicked her teeth lightly over the tips, then sucked gently on them. Kevin gave a low cry, then grabbed her under the arms and pulled her up his chest so that she was lying on top of him. He captured her mouth, plunging his tongue in deeply. She moaned and ran her tongue over his teeth, which only drove him wilder.

"God, you taste so sweet," he murmured. "Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?"

Kat was going to answer but his hands had found the top of her shorts and plunged in. His fingertips felt soft and rough at the same time as he stroke her clit and it was all she could do to keep from crying out. Her wetness was turning him on even more and his breath was coming in short pants.

"How…Kevin," she moaned as he drove his fingers deep into her. She tried to move; tried to get access to him, but he had her pinned down firmly and was unwilling to relinquish either of her lips. She could feel the orgasm building and reached up and grabbed his head, forcing his lips down harder on hers. She ran her finger over his right earlobe, trying to give him, in some small way, as much pleasure as he was giving her.

And then suddenly he wasn’t there.

Kat opened her eyes to see a panting, half naked Kevin leaning against the bureau. H’s face was flushed and he was holding onto the countertop as if he was trying hard to restrain himself from jumping back on her.

"I can’t do this," he puffed.

Kat closed her eyes, trying not to let him see the hurt in them. "I can’t either," she murmured.

Her admission made him relax somewhat, but he didn’t come near her until she pulled her shirt back on. He sat heavily on the far edge of the bed and looked sadly at her. "I want to…God, how I want to."

"Thank you for stopping. I don’t think I could have."

He let out a short, harsh laugh, "I almost didn’t." He took a deep breath. "But I just can’t."

"It’s the no sex before marriage thing?" Kat asked, "I read somewhere that you believed in that."

"Yeah, and failed miserably before in that department. No that’s not it." He turned and held her hand lightly. "Don’t get angry at me for this. But the wrong man is in this room."

He saw the look of confusion on her face. "You don’t realize it yet, but you are in love with Howie."

"What? That’s ridiculous! I just met him."

"And he is in love with you."

That stopped her. "But…"

"Kat, trust me on this. Its like you said about being able to give advice and not being able to take it. I may have a hard time figuring out when I am in love, but I know when others are. It was love at first sight for both of you."

"Kevin, get real. This isn’t some fairy tale. Even if love at first sight existed don’t you think I would have noticed it? I mean, wouldn’t I have known it somehow from even seeing his picture or something? No. Whenever I watched Backstreet videos or interviews it was always you I saw first," she said, and then blushed at the admission.

He smiled, "maybe. But that’s not reality. The moment you two met it was obvious. Even AJ saw it. He wouldn’t have gone after you like that if it was just about me. Subconsciously, he recognized that you were someone who could come between him and Howie. Believe me, I have lived with these guys for years. If there is one thing AJ is threatened by is anyone who might supplant him as the apple of Howie’s eye. Their friendship is purely platonic, but AJ still gets jealous."

"I still don’t get how this involves me, or us," Kat said indicating her and Kevin.

"I want you. Badly. But you were right when you said we were just friends. I may never meet someone who understands me as well as you do, but you are in love with Howie."

"You keep saying that. It’s not true," Kat leaned in and kissed Kevin, stroking his chest with her hands. It was like touching a statue; he sat so stiffly, not reacting at all.

"Whose name were you going to say a few minutes ago?’ he asked.

"When?"

"When we were… whose name?"

"Yours, of course," Kat tried hard to remember. "I said…" She sat stunned for a moment. She had said Kevin’s name, but had started out saying Howie’s. She couldn’t have about to say that, could she?

"Eureka," Kevin smiled sadly.

Kat gazed at him, but instead of Kevin’s green, the only things she could see were Howie’s chocolate brown eyes. Even Kevin’s lips were replaced by Howie’s wider sensual mouth. She shook her head, trying to clear the image. It couldn’t be true.

"That doesn’t make sense…. How could…?" she stuttered.

Kevin sat quietly as the realisation sunk in. He was both happy for Howie and Kat, but tortured by the knowledge.

"Kevin. I’m sorry. I didn’t know."

He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I am happy for the two of you." He rose, "I better go."

"No. Don’t. Please. Kevin, please stay with me tonight. Not like that; as a friend."

He shook his head. "I can’t. Not right now," he smiled regretfully. "I couldn’t promise to behave myself."

After he left, Kat pulled off her shirt and shorts and climbed into the shower. She thought she’d need a cold one after the heat that Kevin had started, but found herself shivering so hard she turned the hot water up. "Its not every day you find out you are in love with someone other than the one in your arms at the time," she thought. The knowledge caused her to start crying and she couldn’t stop.

Kevin stood outside the hotel door, listening to her sob, and trying hard to make himself leave. Once he heard the shower stop he waited a minute, then knocked on the door. Kat opened it, eyes puffy with crying.

"Okay, I’ll behave myself. If you need me to stay I will."

Chapter 6: Little runaway

When Kat woke up in Kevin’s arms, it was late morning, and the sunlight streaming in the room was bright.

Kevin was still asleep, his breath soft on the back of her neck. "Gods, he really is so beautiful,’ she thought as she slipped out of his embrace. She was strongly attracted to him, but she had to admit that the immediate spark she had felt when she met him was not the same as the one she had felt when she met Howie. Despite this, she had started down a path where she couldn’t conceive of a life with either of them in it. After only four days!

Her rational side decided that this was an unnatural dependence. She needed to remove herself from this situation. It was distracting her from the real things she needed to work out. Quietly she gathered her things, and once done, sat down and drew a sheet of paper out of the hotel desk. She wrote swiftly, glancing at Kevin occasionally to ensure that he still slept. She left the note on the pillow next to him and slipped silently from the room.

When Kevin woke he was somewhat disoriented to find himself somewhere other than his familiar bedroom. He was also disappointed, once he remembered where he was, to find the room deserted. He listened intently for a moment, thinking Kat may just be in washroom, but the silence was deafening.

"Damn," he muttered as he sat up. Then seeing the note, he opened it quickly.

"Kevin:

Last night was … confusing. I am not sure if what you say is true. I mean about Howie. But what you said about me "running away" is, unfortunately, about to be true.

Kev, let’s face it. I am not what either you or Howie need. As I was saying last night, I am not even sure who I am right now. That’s what I need to find out.

So I am taking off (again) to spend some time trying to get my head together. Kevin, please don’t come after me this time. Please respect my privacy. (Remember I know where you live and I can have it all over the internet quickly… just kidding).

I do mean it though. DON’T come after me. I really need this time alone. I promise I’ll call before I go home – just to let you know I am okay.

As for Howie. Maybe we are meant for each other. Maybe not. Whatever, it will have to wait. It is a risk I need to take.

Do me a favour though. Kick AJ in the butt for me. Then forgive him. He was hurting last night and lashed out at an easy target. So he’s human.

Kat"

He had just finished reading it when there was a brusque knock on the door.

"Yes?" he called out; hoping that Kat had changed her mind and come back.

"Housekeeping."

He sighed. "Just a sec." He got up, trying to straighten his wrinkled clothes. "Shouldn’t have slept in them," he thought. Then remembered watching Kat after she had fallen asleep, and decided he had made the right decision…the temptation had been too great. He opened the door, admitting the maid.

‘Thanks. I was just leaving."

The seaside restaurant was starting to fill up, or at least the patio was. Kat noticed it almost subconsciously and finished her sandwich. She should be heading out soon.

The last few days had been good. She had finally stopped looking over her shoulder, afraid she’d see Kevin there. She had started to relax, though not forget.

So she had concentrated, as much as she could on other things. Her surfing had improved. She still couldn’t balance standing up, but had developed good control over the board when lying on it or even kneeling. She had even gotten in some snorkelling. And reading, lots of reading. She loved to read – mostly mysteries and science fiction – as they said, "reality is for those who have no imagination." She had discovered a great second-hand bookshop that had several of her favourite authors.

She had also done a lot of thinking. Her job wasn’t working out. She loved her co-workers and even the work itself. Most days. But it wasn’t satisfying her. So she decided to look for other opportunities – actually look not just say she would. And to guard her free time more jealously. No more endless weekends at the office. She was going to write! Write anything – short stories, plays, even one of those silly romance thingies, like the one she was reading right now. It wasn’t supposed to be – the jacket had called it a "terse tale of intergalactic tension." Yeah right.

"Is this seat taken?" a voice said beside her.

Kat didn’t even raise her head, just waved a hand indicating that it was okay to take it away. But instead of taking it away to another table, as had happened to the other chairs at her table, the man sat down across from her.

She looked across at him quizzically, then realized that under the dark sunglasses and the baseball hat was…

"Howie?"

"Shh. Not so loud. I don’t want to be mobbed,’ he replied.

"What are you…"

"Actually I was looking for you."

Kat bristled, "look, I asked you guys not to bother me."

"No, you asked KEVIN not to bother. I am not Kevin."

"Yeah, I noticed," Kat muttered. She was sure that he could hear the beating of her heart, even across the table. Lord knows it was echoing in her ears.

"Good. You finished?" he said gesturing to her plate. "Then we are out of here," he said as he threw some money on the table, grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the restaurant.

"Hey," Kat protested, trying to regain control.

"Nope. You and I and going to talk and I want to do it in private." He pulled her along the path, then onto the beach. Finding a spot he liked, he dropped down on the sand, pulling her down with him.

Kat pulled her hand from his and moved a little bit away. "So what did you want to talk about?" she asked nervously.

"First: AJ was a jerk and he’s sorry."

"I know."

"You told Kevin to forgive him so I figured you had."

Kat remembered saying that in the note she had left – and what else she had said. "Kevin showed you my note?"

"No. Said it was private," Howie replied, once again biting back the surge of jealousy he felt. "But he did read me that part."

"Oh."

"You should call him. He’s really worried."

"I told him I’d call before I left."

Howie cocked his head and looked at her. "Not good enough."

"Howie…"

"Look, I know Kev can be a worrywart, and that you two just met, but I have never seen him open up to a person as quickly as he did to you. I know you had other things to work out and didn’t want, what did he call it Backstreet Boy-illness…"

"Itis," Kat corrected him, smiling softly.

"Right. So maybe it is because the guys and I have practically lived out of each other’s pockets for years, but we always solve problems together. You could have asked for his advice."

"These are my problems, not his."

"Friends help friends. And you helped him with Kelly. He really wants to return the favour."

Kat sighed, "I am used to doing things on my own. I live alone, tend to do solitary things. Hell, I even like to go to movies alone. I just usually work out my problems by myself."

"You don’t talk to a friend. I mean when you are at home?" Howie asked incredulously.

Kat turned away sadly. "I don’t have any."

He looked shocked.

"Look, I moved to a new city a few years ago. I only know people from work. All my hobbies are solitary, and even the ones that aren’t, I just seem to make acquaintances. I had a best friend, but we grew apart a few months ago. I’ve become the type of person I was always afraid I’d be. Someone who would die and no one would notice." Kat bit back tears, then laughed, trying to make the mood light, "except my cat of course."

"I didn’t realize…"

"Dammit," Kat said getting up. "What is it about Backstreet Boys that I end up spilling all these things."

He grabbed her hand before she could turn away, and removed his glasses, looking up into her eyes. "Are ‘these things’ the truth?" he asked softly.

Kat wanted to pull away. This conversation had gotten way too deep way too fast, But she just looked into his deep brown, guileless eyes and nodded yes.

"That’s probably why. We like the truth." He patted the sand next to him, and Kat sat down. He put his arm around her and gave her a quick hug.

"Okay. Here’s how it is going to be," he said decisively. "Kevin is your new best friend, and that is that. You can still go to movies alone, but no more thinking you wouldn’t be missed. And no more running away. Got a problem let us help. Get that?"

Kat laughed, "okay."

They sat there in companionable silence for a few minutes before Kat finally got the courage to ask, "Howie?"

"Hmm?"

"If Kev’s my best friend…what are you?’

"Umm. Second best friend? Official stand-in? Designated alternate? Second banana?"

Kat laughed.

"Sidekick? Understudy?" he kept going, then turned and looked at her," But I’d really like to be more."

Kat’s mouth went dry and she buried her hands in the sand to keep them from shaking. ‘Howie…"

"Remember? Honesty," he said, gulping back his own nervousness.

"Fine. I’d really like that," Kat said quickly, then barrelled on, "but I go home the day after tomorrow and I am not a holiday fling kind of person."

She was afraid he would be disappointed, but instead he wrapped his arms and whispered in her ear, "good. Then I can spend a bit of time getting to know you now, and lots of time later. I’m not in a hurry and I think you are worth it."

Kat felt tears pricking in her eyes again. "Thank you," she said, kissing his cheek.

"No, thank you for giving me a chance." He hugged her again. "Okay, so here’s the deal. You can spend the rest of the afternoon finishing that book you were so interested in. But as of 6 p.m. you are having dinner with me, and then you are going to have to suffer through seeing a movie with someone one. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," Kat chuckled, giving him a mock salute.

"That’s the way it should be. I am finally getting some respect," he laughed. "Then, tomorrow, your are coming to a barbecue with me as my date."

"Umm…" Kat started to feel nervous again.

"No backing out. It is at Brian’s and you are coming," he said sternly

‘Let’s just see if we survive tonight first," she suggested.

"All right," he relented. "But it will be so good you won’t want to leave me alone."

Kat laughed, certain that he was right.

Chapter 7: Dinner time

They pulled up in Brian’s driveway, and Kat tried hard to calm her uneasiness. Howie noticed and squeezed her hand supportively. She couldn’t figure out what she had done to deserve him. The night before had been magical. Dinner was exquisite and the movie a lot of fun.

Howie had decided that the only reason she went to movies alone was so that she didn’t have to share her popcorn, or so he said as he grandly presented her with her own small bag. Kat laughed and pelted him with a few corns, which naturally degenerated into a small food fight that continued through the previews. They settled down and enjoyed the movie, Howie’s arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder.

Afterwards they went for coffee and dissected the film, analyzing its pros and cons and discussing other films like it. They ended up closing the place down, talking into the wee hours. He then escorted her back to her hotel, leaving her with a chaste kiss on the cheek and instructions for the meeting him the next day.

Then they had been in their own private world. Now…

"They won’t bite," he said, breaking into her reverie. ‘Besides AJ says you have sharp claws."

"Gods, AJ. He’ll be there won’t he?" Kat took a step backwards.

"He’ll behave, don’t worry. And if this is going to work out you two have to patch things up." He looked deep into her eyes again, "and I want this to work."

It would take a stronger person than she to resist him, and Kat allowed him to lead her up the path.

Tyke was the first to notice them. He came barreling out of the house, yipping excitedly.

"I think he remembers you," Howie grinned.

"Me too," she said, picking up the little dog and letting him lick her face.

She had just put the Chihuahua down when Kevin grabbed her in a big bear hug.

‘Girl, where have you been? I’ve been worried," he kissed her cheek and then pulled a face. ‘Yuck, dog spit."

Kat laughed and hugged him back.

He held her at arms-length, looking at her face. "You are okay, right? You worked your stuff out?’

"Yeah. Thanks Kevin. Now all I need to do is put the plan into action."

"And you and Howie?" he said glancing over his shoulder to where Howie was talking to Nick. "I didn’t tell him where you were; hell, I didn’t know where you were. I just answered his questions about what you said you wanted to do while you were here."

"Its okay. Yes, he found me, and its okay," she reassured him.

He wiggled his eyebrow at her mischievously, "just okay?"

‘We’re taking it very slowly. If it turns out into something, that’s great. We’ll see."

"Good," Kevin said as he kissed her cheek again. Same cheek. Same spot.

"Damn! Brian! Come and get your little monster before he kisses all the pretty girls and leaves none for us." He escorted Kat up to the house, tyke nipping at their heels and returned her to Howie’s side.

Brian came over to see what Tyke was fussing over and was happy to see her. They discussed Tyke’s "recovery." He had indeed strained his neck, and had a few deep cuts on his front legs, which Brian had only found after he had cleaned him up. Other than that, the dog had rarely left his side for days. In fact, Brian noted, the only time Tyke had left him was for her. Kat laughed and hugged the little dog closer. They were both glad to see, after she had let him go, that Tyke wandered around the party happily. "Almost his old self," Brian said.

He pulled her over and introduced her to his girlfriend Faith, who he called Bubble. She had long chestnut hair, blue eyes and very fair skin. Then finding out she hadn’t met Nick, introduced her to him and his girlfriend, Jordan.

Kat couldn’t help but notice AJ. He was with a tall beautiful woman with café a crème complexion. She looked vaguely familiar to Kat, but she couldn’t place her. AJ kept glancing at Kat, but trying to avoid her gaze.

No so the girl. When she saw Kat she turned to AJ and talked rapidly to him. He pulled back and shook his head sadly, before she turned from him with a grunt of exasperation and walked over to Kat.

"Hi? Remember me? Kimberley. I was your waitress at the club the other night."

"Right," Kat smiled. "You’re a friend of AJ’s?"

"The ass. I heard what you said to him that night and seconded it. Now he won’t stop asking me out," she laughed, then leaned in conspiratorially, "its kind of fun keeping him off centre."

Kat laughed, liking her immediately, "good. Keep him guessing."

"Maybe I will. He really is a nice guy when he’s not drinking."

The two chatted amiably, discovering that they were both from Toronto and gabbing about various haunts that they’d frequented there. After a little while AJ came over.

He cleared his throat, " umm. Kat?"

Kat winked quickly at Kimberley, and then pulled a serious face. "Mr. McLean."

"Ah," he said nervously. ‘I wanted to apologize for the other night. I was a jerk…"

"Too right," Kimberley said sternly.

He shot her a frightened glance then turned back to Kat. "I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean any of it," he finished.

"This guy bothering you?" Howie asked as he came over and offered Kat a drink.

"Gee, Howie. You spoilt it. I almost had him groveling," Kat replied playfully. AJ’s face cleared as he realized he was in the clear. "Its okay, AJ. We all have bad days. Don’t do it again, though."

AJ heaved a sigh of relief and held out his hand, "hi. AJ McLean…occasional idiot."

"Hi. Kat. Occasional grape," AJ flushed, "but with sharp claws."

"And how," he muttered.

"Lighten up, AJ. I was teasing. It is nice to meet you," Kat shook his hand and gave him a warm smile, which he returned. Kimberley rolled her eyes and led him off.

"Poor AJ," Howie mused. "He’s got a handful there with Kim."

"Good," Kat said, with a tinge of maliciousness. "Sorry. Throwback response. I think she really does like him – just likes to keep him guessing."

"Yeah," Howie laughed. "He’s getting a taste of his own medicine.’

He led her over to a darkened alcove on the patio.

"So you are leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"And I suppose it would be unfair to ask you to stay a little longer?"

Kat wanted to. She wanted to spend lots more time getting to know this intelligent, kind, okay and sexy man; but she shook her head.

"I told you I couldn’t."

He sighed, "I know. I’ll just miss you and I haven’t even had a chance to get to talk you."

"We can still talk. I just won’t be here," Kat said, knowing the likelihood would be small. The Boys had finished one world tour but they still had albums to sell and promo tours, which both Kevin and Howie had told her about, each from their own point of view, sounded hectic.

"So I can call everyday?’ he asked, holding her close.

"What? Not twice a day?" she asked.

"How about three times as day?" he said, kissing her hair. "Four?" he kissed her neck. "Maybe five?" he kissed her lightly on the lips.

The butterflies in Kat’s stomach started dancing a wild dervish. "He has the softest lips I have ever felt," she thought as she leaned in for another kiss. He ran his tongue smoothly across her top lip, causing her to her mouth in response. Her tongue flicked out, caressing his lightly as he deepened the kiss. She could feel his hand on her ace, holding her close, but could concentrate on nothing more than the touch of his wide, sensual mouth and the feel of his tongue. She bit down softly on his bottom lip, causing him to moan softly, and wound her fingers through her thick, curly hair.

Then they finally broke apart both were breathless. They gazed at each other, somewhat shocked by the intensity of the kiss.

"Now I really don’t want you to go," he said as he leaned in and planted a trail of butterfly kisses on her neck.

She shivered at the occasional flick of his eyelashes on her cheek. "Now I know why they call you Sweet D," Kat responded, trying to control the rapid beating of her heart.

"Not too sweet, I hope?"

"I may go into insulin shock later, but I’m okay now," she teased lightly, stroking his cheek.

He laughed and captured his mouth again. How long they stayed like that neither knew, nor cared. All that mattered was lips, and tongues, and…

"Ahem."

Kevin stood over them with a smirk on his face. "Food’s ready."

Kat flushed, but Howie growled at him, "go away, Train." Then he took Kat’s hand and led her to the main table, where they sat together, with Faith on Kat’s left and Nick on Howie’s right. Kevin kept throwing her glances throughout the dinner, which she tried hard not to notice.

After the meal, Howie said, "you better go talk to your new best friend," and set her off in Kevin’s direction.

Kevin looked up as she approach and said, "so? Was I wrong?"

"As Howie so eloquently put it, ‘behave yourself, Train.’"

Kevin laughed and corrected her, "that’s not what he said." He drew her over to the couch in the den. They talked about the last few days, and Kat told him about the decisions she’d made, and a little bit about the situations which had been troubling her. He was apologetic for interfering and had several good suggestions about how to handle things.

"Howie was right. I should have asked for your advice earlier," Kat noted.

"Yeah, about that," Kevin glanced nervously at Howie as he talked to AJ. "Are you going to tell him – about the other night?"

"I don’t need to. Kevin, I know what you said and I really do feel something for him, but Howie and I aren’t there yet. You know, at that point where what happened would matter."

"You seemed there a little while ago."

Kat blushed, "yeah, well, first kiss."

Kevin laughed. "Hell of a first one. And you still don’t think you are in love with him?"

"We are taking it slow. Maybe I am." Kat looked at Kevin. ‘But I wanted YOU that night."

He turned away embarrassed, "and I wanted you. Badly. But I want your friendship more."

"Howie has declared you my new best friend. On account of me not having one."

"Good. I’ll take it. And you’ll be mine?’

"Always." Kat kissed him on the cheek.

Chapter 8: Time together?

"When Howie says he is going to call he means it," Kat thought as she put down the phone after another of their hour-long calls. If they weren’t on the phone they were chatting online, and her office was abuzz about the elaborate flower arrangements that showed up "just because," according to Howie. She hadn’t told anyone whom they were from – just someone she met on her vacation.

When she wasn’t talking to Howie, she was talking to Kevin, who was taking his best friend role seriously. Actually he said he found to relaxing to talk to someone about stuff other than the music business, or to complain about it with someone who wasn’t as close to it as the other guys were. He was doing well. Kelly had stalked him for a little while, which he found upsetting, but she soon found another guy to foist her attentions on. Kevin was, he admitted, a little lonely. Brian’s relationship with Faith had deepened –he had even taken her to Kentucky with him to meet the folks. Nick and Jordan were inseparable. Even AJ and Kimberley were a hot item.

Kat knew that all ready. Kim had kept in touch, and AJ, at Howie’s insistence, had become one of Kat’s more frequent online chat mates. He has a wicked sense of humour and their original awkwardness had long ago disappeared. Kim still tried to keep him guessing but they were clearly nuts about each other.

The Kevin situation quickly resolved itself, though. A month or so after Kat left Florida, he and Howie had come up to Toronto on a promo trip. Kat had finally told someone, Alexis, the truth about her trip and her new friends. Alexis was stunned, surprised and amazed. She also admitted a love for the Backstreet Boys’ music, something she had never mentioned before.

So when Howie and Kevin arrived at Pearson airport, Alexis was with Kat. After the introductions had been made, Kat stepped back and couldn’t help but laugh.

"What’s so funny?" Kevin asked.

"You," Kat grinned. "Now I know what you meant about not knowing for yourself, but recognizing it in others."

Kevin flushed as he remembered what he had said about Howie and her, then glanced at Alexis. She was talking with Howie, but also looked over often at Kevin.

Kat reached up and gave Kevin a hug, then went on her tiptoes and whispered in her ear, "Go for it."

By the end of the short trip he and Alexis were well on their way.

Having Howie around for a few days also deepened his and Kat’s relationship. They hadn’t made love yet, but they had become intimate with each other in almost every other way. She loved the feel of his soft skin on hers, his strong hands ranging everywhere. And the way his mouth worked on her nether regions was incredible. She loved the tasted of him, and the way he moaned her name when he came in her mouth was the sweetest sound she had ever heard. It hurt like hell to say good bye to him at the end of the trip and Kat had cried herself to sleep for days afterwards.

Now he was finally coming back. The group had agreed to perform at MuchMusic’s annual awards show. While they would, once again, only be in town for a few days, Kat had decided that now, finally, she and Howie were going to consummate their love for each other. Even if she had to seduce him.

She was going to meet them at the airport but Kevin warned her away, telling her it was going to be madhouse. "If it is anything like this," Kat thought as she battled her way through the crowds of fans at the hotel, "I am glad I didn’t go."

This was the first time she as really going to see the Backstreet phenomenon up close. The last time Kevin and Howie had just slipped discreetly in and out of town with limited fuss. This time the music television station was promoting the hell out of the upcoming appearance. It seemed like everyone in Toronto was there, and all the Boys were going to do was walk into the hotel!

As the guard checked her name against his list, she could hear the chorus of wails and screams rise behind her as the limos arrived. She turned, and was about to head towards the noise, when the guard tapped her on the shoulder and told her she would be better of heading up to the suite. Nick had emerged from one of the limos; she could see his white-blond hair from her, and the screams became almost deafening. She nodded her thanks to the man and headed up the elevators to the penthouse.

The room was about half full with people from the record company and the television station. They were giving Kat strange "and what are you doing here, girl?" looks, but she ignored them. She spotted Alexis at the window, also looking a little uncomfortable and walked over to her.

"I don’t know how they can stand it," Alexis said, looking up and Kat then back at the crowds in front of the hotel.

"I suppose after all this time it is second nature," Kat mused. She shook her head, "I think we are going to have to get used to it too."

Alexis shivered, "I don’t know if I can." She continued when she saw Kat frown, "don’t get me wrong. I adore Kevin. I just wish he were around more! I never get to see him, except on TV, and now that he is here…" she gestured at the crowds, "do you really think we are going to be able to spend some time alone together?"

"Hello? Who do you think you are talking to?" Kat tried to joke, and was rewarded with a small chuckle from the other girl. "The fans I can handle... I hope… it’s these others I am not sure about," Kat said nodded at the others in the room.

Alexis looked them over. "Yep. Makes me think of an aquarium."

"What?"

"Piranhas, sharks, eels…"

The two burst into laughter, which garnered them some condescending looks from the other side of the room. The two were soon forgotten by the group as AJ and Nick entered the room. Alexis’ shark analogy was proven accurate, as assorted groupies, made a beeline for the Boys. Nick looked, as usual, a little awkward when confronted with the microphones and cameras, but AJ was in his element. He saw Kat and waved before doing his best to charm one of the VJ’s. Nick saw the wave and made his escape, joining Kat and Alexis over by the window.

"Damn, it was even worse than usual," he said, giving Kat a hug. "Who’s your pretty friend?"

Kat laughed and introduced a blushing Alexis to him, warning him that he better behave with her or Kevin would hunt him down. Nick took a step back in mock terror, and begged humble forgiveness, which Alexis, naturally, gave. Kat asked if Jordan came with them, and Nick’s face clouded.

"We are sort of not seeing each other anymore," he said sadly.

Kat hugged him, concerned, "you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now. Later, okay?" he smiled. "Besides I figure you are going to be busy once Sweet D gets up here."

It was Kat’s turn to blush, and he laughed at her reaction.

Brian had entered the room, and also been pounced on by the media circus. Faith was with him and she disengaged from him quickly, letting him do his thing. She joined the small group by the window, hugging Kat and shaking hands with Alexis. She wiggled her finger at Nick sternly, and he laughed, saying "okay, okay… I’ll go be a good Boy," and went over to give Brian and AJ support.

Kevin walked in, still signing autographs. He stopped and looked around the room, smiling widely when he saw Kat. But it was on seeing Alexis that his face truly glowed. It was matched by the glow on Alexis’ face.

"You two keep this up, I am going to need sunglasses," Kat chuckled.

"Nice to see you too, Kat," Kevin said, giving her one of his patented hugs. He then moved over to Alexis, and said, almost shyly, "hi."

"Hi."

"Damn I missed you," he said, sweeping her into his arms.

Kat was starting to get nervous. The record folk were starting to depart and there was still no sign of Howie. She wanted to ask Kevin where he was, but he and Alexis were deep in conversation. Even Faith had deserted her to return to Brian’s side. She didn’t know where Nick was, but she was sure that it was somewhere that he could hook up his game controller. AJ was still flirting with the VJ, and showed no signs of stopping. She wandered over to table and nibbled absently on a cracker from the cheese tray. She must have been even more distracted that she realized, because she was very surprised when she felt something stroke along her neck. She turned quickly to see a rose being held in front of her.

"I couldn’t see my girl without getting her some flowers," Howie smiled.

"I think your girl would prefer to see you rather than any flowers," Kat replied.

"Oh, sorry, love, did I take too long to get here?" he asked worriedly. "Can I make it up to you?"

"D, would you just kiss the girl," AJ said, coming up behind them.

"For once you have the right idea, Bone," Howie said, and then his lips were on hers.

"Does time really stop when he does this?" Kat thought, then gave herself over to the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he pulled her closer, intensifying the kiss. She could feel his hands stroking her back, and ran her fingertips over the back of his neck and earlobes.

"D! Kat! You better stop! There are children present," AJ laughed.

"Hey!" Nick said.

Howie and Kat broke apart and turned around to see AJ trying to cover Nick’s eyes.

"Leave him alone, AJ," Kat said. "You’re still a child too, remember?"

"Oh babe, you are so going to get it for that!" AJ threatened.

"You forget. I have claws. I’ve used them before, I’ll use them again."

"Yikes," AJ said as he hid behind Nick. "Save me Frack."

Nick laughed, "Man, I am on her side!"

Chapter 9: Jealous

"I hate this concert!" Kat said as she kicked a pillow across the room. "He is here, just down the street, and I can’t even spend time with him!"

"Welcome to my private hell," sympathized Faith. "If Brian is not on the road, he is in the studio. If I hadn’t found time to come on this trip I don’t think I would have had a chance to see him again for another month!"

"Geez, and you live in the same city!"

"Yeah, well, it doesn’t always make it easier."

Kat picked up the pillow and returned it to the couch. "What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?" Before when she thought that it was a good thing. Something she was happy about. Now… She had barely had five minutes alone with Howie since they arrived. Okay, so that was not true. They were sleeping together. But sleeping was all they were doing. Howie came back to the hotel exhausted, and all Kat could do to try and make him feel better was massage his back until he fell asleep. Which was usually immediately. Then she would spend a restless night tossing and turning and when she finally woke he would have all ready left.

It didn’t help to see Brian and Faith always together, or Kevin and Alexis constantly with their arms around each other. Kat wanted to be like that in public with Howie, but she knew she didn’t look like the skinny supermodel type that pop stars were supposed to hang out with. She had lost a lot of weight since they had first met, but it was never enough, was it? I mean if you think you are fat and awkward-looking, you always thought of yourself that way.

The people she was spending the most time with was Nick and AJ. And both were pouting. AJ and Kimberley had hit a snag in their relationship for, surprise, the same reasons that Kat and Howie were having trouble. Nick wouldn’t say what was wrong with Jordan. He just retreated to his room and played video game after video game.

In fact he had just come in. He nodded at Kat and Faith, then went into his room and slammed the door.

Faith sighed. "This has got to stop. He won’t even tell B-Rok what is wrong."

"Fine. Enough is enough. That damn Nintendo is keeping me awake anyway," Kat said and she rose from her seat and went over to Nick’s door. She knocked lightly.

"What?" he yelled brusquely.

"Frack, I want to talk to you."

"I’m busy," he replied, and Kat could hear the sound of a game beginning.

She opened the door, walked over and unplugged the game from the television.

"Hey!"

"No more, Nick. That damn thing is giving me a headache. We are going to talk."

"You’re in a mood. Howie not giving you good lovin’?" he taunted

"Shut up," she said as she shut the door and sat on the bed next to him. "What is going on, Nick? You won’t talk to anyone, and we are all concerned."

"I thought you told me to shut up," he mumbled as he turned away.

"That’s not what I mean and you know it."

He sat in silence. Kat waited him out. Finally he turned and sighed. "I am not stupid, am I?"

She was stunned. "Stupid? No, that’s ridiculous."

"I mean everyone makes fun of me because I didn’t know the capital of Holland."

"Nick, I can’t remember the capital of Holland! And geography was my best subject in school. Most people don’t know the capitals of their provinces, or states," she said quickly, amending it for his American background. "It doesn’t mean they are stupid. There are just other things to know."

"Jordan said I was an idiot because I never went to college," he said sadly. "It’s not my fault. I was touring."

"I can’t believe she said that."

"Thanks. You don’t believe me," he said turning away.

"No, Nick, that is not what I meant," she said, pulling him around to face her. "I am just surprised. I mean that girl is crazy for you."

"Ever since she went to college she’s been like this. ‘She can’t come over because she has to study.’ ‘I can’t help her because it is too hard.’ She is just making excuses because she doesn’t think I am smart enough."

"Maybe she is just concentrating on school. College is hard work. Its like," Kat thought for a moment, "making an album. How much time do you put in at the studio?"

"Sometimes we are there night and day."

"And once that is over it’s making the videos, and doing the promo circuit, and then it’s learning the dance moves, and then it’s the touring. It’s your passion, Nick. This is hers. She is trying to take school as seriously as you do your work."

"But I want to help…"

"And you let her produce a track on the last album?’

"No, of course not."

"So why do you want to do her work for her?"

"It’s not the same!"

"Maybe its not, but perhaps Jordan sees it the same way. Have you asked her? Have you told her you feel left out?’’

He frowned, "no…"

"Phone’s over there," Kat smiled.

He hugged her. "Thanks Kat. I’ll try."

She was about to leave the room when he called after her, "Amsterdam."

"What?"

"Amsterdam is the capital of Holland. The Hague is the seat of government. See? Not so stupid."

"I never thought you were, Nicky," Kat laughed.

"All right, what were you doing with Nick?" Howie sat, with a slight jealous tone, as he got up from the sofa.

"You’re here!" Kat said, surprised. "I thought you’d be gone all afternoon."

"You thought wrong. Nick?" he reminded her.

She was surprised by his reaction. "Talking about Jordan. You can go check if you want; he’s probably talking to her right now," she said defensively.

"And the door? Why was the door closed?"

"Howie? You’ve seen the way he’s been acting. I thought he’d talk to me if we were in private."

"And that is all?"

Nick suddenly erupted from his room, grabbed Kat and danced around with her, singing, "you were right! She doesn’t think I’m stupid. She was just getting ready for midterms!"

Kat smiled tautly, still concerned about Howie’s behaviour. He took in Nick’s antics and then looked chagrined.

"Umm, Nick. I have to talk to Kat," Howie drew her into his room, and shut the door.

"Are you sure you want to close the door? I mean what would people think?" she said waspishly.

"Hopefully that I am in here making love to my girl, the way I want to. Look, Kat, I am sorry. I just wanted to spend all my time with you and I can’t. I see you spending time with AJ and Nick and everyone else, and I never get to do that."

"Howie, you are never here. I get to see more of you asleep than awake. I talk to them because they don’t seem to be as busy as you," she said, trying hard not to show the hurt that caused her. "And I was only talking to Nick now because if he played that N64 one more time I was going to break it over his head."

"I know the feeling."

"Look, Howie. If I am underfoot, just say. I have work I could be doing. I only took these days off so I could spend them with you, and it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. I’ll be out of here, and you won’t get jealous of the guys."

"I’m not jealous. Okay, I am. I just miss you so much, and you are here and I can’t even touch you," he sighed.

"Who said you couldn’t touch me?" she said, touching his face softly.

He looked into her eyes, then groaned and captured her lips. She rubbed her hands over his firm, well-muscled back, pulling him down on top of her. He ran a hand down her front, stroking her breasts and stomach, then pulling at her shirt, She shifted, allowing him to draw it over her head and tried feverishly to unbutton his silk shirt. His mouth was already on her breast when she finally got the shirt unbuttoned and fondled his firm, sinewy chest. She licked a finger then swirled its wet tip over his dark brown nipple, moaning in his mouth as he caressed her belly. He moved down, leaving a trail of fire down her body with his tongue, before moving his hands under her skirt and pushing it up on her waist. He nipped delicately on her inner thigh before moving up and breathing heavily on her panties. The feel of his hot breath set her aflame and she arched her back as she ran her fingers through his hair.

He moved the cloth of her underwear aside and plunged his tongue into her. He followed that with first one finger then two, then his tongue, then fingers again. Kat writhed in desire, then pushed him off of her. She grabbed his pants, pulling them down, then licked the precum on his tip and drew his erect cock into her mouth. He slid around, positioning himself back at her thigh and continued the tongue dance that he had started as she sucked on him. It didn’t take long; the two had been holding back for so long, and they both climaxed; Howie first and Kat only seconds behind.

They lay side by side, luxuriating in the afterglow. Howie was kissing her neck and Kat was reclined there enjoying it.

"What was that?" he said.

"Hmm?"

"You just purred."

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did, you purred!" he said laughing. "You really are a cat."

She stretched languorously, "meow."

His eyes burned across her body as she stretched, taking it all in. "Yep," he said, diving in for another kiss, "I am going to make my little Kat purr."

She rolled him over on his back and slid her body over him, slipping lightly over the sweat they had all ready created, using her nipples to make little circles on his chest. He groaned, and she moved forward licking and nibbling his shoulders, then moving down his arm to his hand and suckling on his fingers. He wound other hand through her hair, pulling her down to his mouth where he kissed her fiercely. She slowly moved her body over his, so that she was lying completely on him, her legs wrapped around his. Her pussy lips rubbed their wetness over the head of his penis, and she felt it start to enter her.

"No!" Howie suddenly threw her off of him, pushing her away.

"Damn you," she wailed, at the same time as Brian knocked on the door.

"Howie? We have to go. We are going to be late for the performance."

Chapter 10: Trouble in Paradise

"You can’t not come to the concert!" Alexis protested.

"Why not?" Kat replied belligerently.

"They expect you to be there. HOWIE wants you to be there."

"HOWIE," Kat retorted, mocking her tone, "doesn’t know what he wants and I have had enough of it. Screw the concert and screw him. I am not going."

Alexis looked frantically at Faith who shrugged her shoulders. She wasn’t sure what was going on. When Howie and Brian had returned to the hotel, Kat was still in talking to Nick. She could tell Kat was getting somewhere because of the lack of sound from the game controller, but she didn’t stick around to find out the outcome…she had some time to snuggle with Brian and she was going to take it. All she knew is that before he and Howie had left for the venue, Howie was frantic and distracted, and Kat had locked herself in the bathroom, refusing to come out until they left.

Once she was assured by Faith, and Alexis, who had arrived at the suite so that the three women could go together, that Howie was not there, Kat had emerged, face tearstained, and started throwing her clothes and other personal things in her bag. Then made her announcement about that evening.

"Where are you going to go?" Alexis asked.

"Home. I want to sleep in my own bed, eat my own food, and snuggle with my own cat. I want out of this plastic, bogus place and away from that self-centred prick."

"You can’t…" Faith tried again.

"Oh yeah? Watch me." Kat said as she stormed out of the suite.

It only took the taxi a few minutes to get across town to her apartment. It smelled a little musty after a few days away, and her cat informed her noiselessly of its displeasure about being left alone for a few days. "Oh stop complaining. I checked on you yesterday and you were fine then," Kat said irritably as she refilled the food and water bowls.

She threw her bag on the bed and walked back in the kitchen where she grabbed rubber gloves, some cleaner and sponges and proceeded to scrub the room, and the bathroom, until it sparkled. She vacuumed the living room and bedroom, even remade the bed – Howie had been over a few days ago, and she was NOT going to sleep on sheets that might smell of him. She even changed the litterbox (the least popular job a cat owner has to deal with). The place finally looked clean, shiny, and more importantly, smelled of bleach and detergent, not a certain Backstreet Boy.

She ate a bowl of cereal…as much as she wanted to eat her own food she didn’t have any groceries in the house. Besides, she needed the sugar fix, the comfort food. Now if only she had some ice cream, or chocolate, maybe some cookie dough. She scribbled a quick grocery list, then read it over again and threw it away. Nobody was worth that much fat and sugar.

She stank of anger, frustration and cleaning solution and decided to take a shower. That was her downfall. The beating pulse of the water reminded her of him and she slid down to the floor of the bathtub sobbing uncontrollably. Why was he doing this? If he didn’t want her why didn’t he just say so? Let her get on with her life? Why continue to tease her? Why make her want him so much it hurt?

She had been crying for so long, the water started to turn cold as her hot water tank became depleted. She didn’t mind. The cold water helped wake her up. She finished her washing quickly and went to the bedroom. The cat was waiting on her bed, hoping for a chance for some cuddles, which Kat was happy to do. She turned on the television; MuchMusic was announcing that the Awards event was about to start and that all performers were backstage getting ready to "come to you live." She clicked the converter and stared at the blank screen, absently rubbing the cat’s stomach.

Nick was bouncing around the dressing room, getting under foot and driving everyone crazy.

"Frack! I am glad you are happy. Now shut up and sit still," Kevin said.

"No way, Train. I get to see my Jordan in a few days, and she is waiting for me."

AJ threw a dirty sock at Nick, which he ducked. Unfortunately, it hit Howie who was brooding in the corner. "Will you two children please shut up or get the hell of here," he yelled, stunning the others with his fury.

"Ahh…D? You okay?" AJ asked carefully.

"Oh yeah, just peachy," Howie snapped.

The dressing room door opened and Faith and Alexis walked in. Howie looked behind them hopefully, but his face fell when they let the door swing shut.

"Hey, you two," Brian smiled, glad of the distraction. "Where’s Kat?"

Faith shook her head, and looked at Alexis awkwardly. "She’s not coming."

"Not at all?" Howie asked plaintively.

"She, ah, said she wasn’t feeling well, and went home," Alexis finished weakly.

Howie stared at his feet for a long moment. "I’m going to get a drink. I’ll see you before we go on," he said as he slipped quickly from the room. He could hear the questions flying through the shut door, and moved away as hastily as he could. There had to be a phone here somewhere. He finally found one on the next floor down and called Kat’s number. And stood there listening to the ringing over and over again.

Kat just ignored the phone. She knew it was Howie, or maybe even Kevin, no, definitely Howie. And she wasn’t going to talk to him. She pulled a pillow over her ears when the jangling of the chime got on her nerves, but studiously avoided even looking at the phone. Finally the ringing stopped and she jumped up, turned the ringer off, turned her answering machine on, and turned the volume down low.

Turning the television on again, the voice of the VJ came through loudly… "And now we are going to check on some of our other performers here tonight, here are the Backstreet Boys, live here at Much." The camera peeked in the dressing room and AJ waved as the others smiled in greeting. They were all wearing white suits, similar to those on the cover of the Millennium album. Alexis was sitting on Kevin’s lap, his arm around her loosely. Faith was talking to Nick who laughed.

"We’re here with AJ Mclean. So AJ, were you guys ready for the show tonight?"

"Yeah, we are just really missing one member of our gang."

The VJ glanced quickly around the room, "Howie D’s not here yet?"

AJ looked directly into the camera, "no, he’s here somewhere. I was talking about someone else."

"Really subtle, Bone," Kat muttered.

The VJ looked confused, but recovered quickly, "so do you have anything to say to all your fans out there?"

"Yeah, we love you guys! You are all Larger than Life."

The VJ took over again; "well that was AJ from the Backstreet Boys. Now over to..."

Kat flicked the set off again. She looked for the cat, but it had deserted her for the damp towel she had used after her shower.

"Et tu, felix?" she said as she rose and went to the closet. She was not doing this for Howie. She wasn’t sure whom she was doing it for, but it was positively not for him. She pulled on a pair of black jeans and a black shirt with purple Celtic symbols on the sleeves. She rustled through her bag, looking for her ticket and backstage pass, which she slid into a tiny purse along with some lips and cash. She applied her makeup quickly. She rarely wore more than lipstick and mascara, but tonight she felt like she needed to put a "face" on. It wouldn’t be her face, and wouldn’t fool anyone who knew her, but it would look like a "happy" Backstreet girlfriend looking her best for her man. Yeah, right.

Queen Street West, in front of the MuchMusic building was packed, and Kat jumped out of her cab a couple of blocks early and walked the rest of the way. She flashed her backstage pass, but instead of going to the dressing room, she short-circuited through the building in order to get to her seat.

She had only been there for a few minutes before the lights dimmed and the show began. It was rather fun, being front and centre for an awards show, even more enjoyable when Faith and Alexis joined her.

"You came! I am so glad," Alexis said as she hugged her. "Why didn’t you come backstage?" then "Oww!" as Faith kicked her.

Faith ignored her. "You feeling better?"

"A bit," Kat replied tightly. "Look, can we just forget about. Let’s just have fun."

"Excuse me," Alexis said, pretending to hail a waiter. "Table for three screaming music fans. In front, please."

Faith fluttered her eyelashes and said "Omigod! Like, I hear there are going to be, like, Red Hot Chili Peppers. That’s so totally awesome."

Kat laughed, "you two are nuts."

The enjoyed the show, booing when they didn’t like an award nominee, and cheering for their favorites. Whenever the Boys name was mentioned Kat was quiet, but that didn’t really matter; she wouldn’t have been heard above the cheering of the crowd anyway.

"And the award for best video goes to…" the presenter ripped the envelope open. "Backstreet Boys!"

The guys entered from offstage. Kevin striding forward purposefully, AJ jumping around like some sort of sexual Eveready bunny, Nick with a smile that lit up the room, and Brian with his patent elven grin. Howie pulled up the rear with a smile pasted on his face, waving to the fans. He didn’t see her sitting there, until Brian elbowed him as they were giving their thank you speech. He smiled apprehensively at her, but she was still hurt, and looked away. His addition to the speech was a quick, "thank you all," then they exited stage left.

"You aren’t going to forgive him are you?" Alexis asked softly. "What happened?"

"I don’t want to talk about it."

"It must have been something. I’ve known you for almost a year now and I have never seen you this angry."

"Drop it, Alexis. Please. I just want to get through this evening, pretending to be the dutiful, attentive Backstreet girlfriend. It is hard enough without talking about it right now."

"’Kay. Just remember I am here if you want to talk," she said. "Or I can send Kevin over. I have connections, you know," she finished with a grin.

"Omigod," Kat smiled, using the same tone Faith had used earlier, "you, like, know Kevin Richardson? He is such a major hottie."

"Tell me about it!"

"Hey," Faith interrupted, "will you two stop chattering about Kevin. Brian is the true leader of the group. He’s the cutest, and the dearest, and the…."

"Boo! No way!" Alexis shouted, and Kat laughed. "I detect a hint of bias, don’t you?"

"Yeah, well shut up, because my baby is about to sing," Faith replied, pointing to the stage.

The shriek level in the room hit about 2000 decibels as Brian stepped up to the mike. She knew they were singing, but for the life of her Kat couldn’t hear a thing. She couldn’t take her eyes off Howie. And he seemed to be suffering from the same problem. He never stopped watching her, even through the complicated dance steps. She didn’t know what to think. Why had he pushed her away? Was it because he didn’t care for her? Then what had he been doing with her for all these months? Is it because he didn’t find her attractive? Possible, but he was always telling her how beautiful he thought she was. She supposed it could all have been an act, but surely no one can keep pretending like that for so long? Maybe he wanted out, and didn’t know how to do it because she was so friendly with the other guys. Maybe this was his way trying to get her to dump him.

They were almost at the end of their performance, and out of nowhere each Boy was holding a rose. They finished and threw the flower into the crowd. Howie took special care, even coming to the edge of the stage, to make sure that his landed in her lap. She blinked back tears and turned away so she wouldn’t have to see him walk off the stage. It took her a moment to compose herself, hiding her face behind Alexis’s shoulder, struggling hard not to cry.

"I think he’s trying to say sorry," Faith said sympathetically.

"I know. He just hurt me a lot. I don’t know if I can forgive him yet."

"Maybe you should take a leaf from Kim’s page."

Kat looked her quizzically.

"Remember how she used to keep AJ off balance? Treat Howie to a little of that."

"Who is Kim, and why do I like her all ready?" Alexis inquired.

Kat and Faith filled her in Kim and AJ’s relationship, particularly at the beginning when Kimberley keep him off centre. Alexis was laughing hysterically at her antics. "She sounds just like AJ only with breasts."

The event ended, and Faith and Alexis convinced her to come backstage if only to talk to Howie. She agreed reluctantly and stood. Alexis started chuckling.

"What?"

"You are well on your way to Kimberley behaviour."

"What are you talking about?"

She pointed at Kat’s shoes. "You are wearing heels. You never wear heels around Howie. He’s shorter than you."

Faith grinned, "Oh good, Kat. Make him pay."

Kat rolled her eyes, but had to agree that she felt better about having the "upper hand."

"Not upper hand…the height advantage," Faith corrected.

"No, now you can look down on him," Alexis chimed in.

"No tall tales for Howie," "Kat can look down from a lofty perch." "No, how about an elevated position?" "She can be superior." The two were off, punning away, and Kat just smiled, trying to stifle her anxiety.

Kevin walked up and hugged her, then pointed her in the direction of their dressing room. "He’s in there, and alone."

She looked around. The others were getting drinks or something to eat, and pretending, unsuccessfully, not to see her approach the door. She knocked.

"I said I didn’t want anything, AJ," Howie yelled.

"I’m not AJ and don’t yell at me. I’ve had enough of it for one day."

"I thought I’d lost you," he said, a tear trickling down his face. "When you turned away when I gave you the rose…"

"You gave me a rose when you first arrived. You actually stopped and got me a rose. I thought that meant something, Howie. Now, I don’t know what to think," she said honestly.

"I wasn’t trying to push you away."

"Sure felt like it."

"I don’t mean like that. We’ve been together for a while, and it has always been special. I want the first time we make love to be special. Not just some quickie before I go on stage. Can’t you understand that?"

"Howie, any time with you would be special. I could care less about you hopping on stage. I’m not a groupie. Stop treating me like one."

"I didn’t think I was."

"Then why are you only here when it’s a Backstreet thing? How come I never get to spend anytime with just Howie? I talk to you on the phone or online for hours, but get you in the same room and all we ever do is make out. Then once it gets serious you push me away. Figure it out, Howie. If you just want someone to talk to, fine, say so. If you just want someone to go down on you from time to time, leave me alone," she said turning away.

"That is not what I want. I want you. I want just Kat and just Howie."

"Then act like it, Howie, because if you hurt me like that again, it’ll be just Howie."

Chapter 11: Making his case

"Can 'just Howie' give you a hug?"

"He better."

"Come here," he said holding her arms out and she slid onto his lap. He held her so tight. She could smell his cologne, mingled with the sweat he has built up with the dance routine. It was a heady scent.

"You smell so good," he said, echoing her thoughts.

There was a knock on the door. "You two decent?" AJ called before he burst in. "Damn, you are."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are sadly lacking in tact, AJ?" Kat asked

"Tact?" AJ pretended to look confused. "What’s tact? Never heard of it."

"I noticed," Howie muttered.

"Are you two gonna come? We are going to this club near the hotel. Gonna dance the night away," AJ did a little dance wiggle.

"Do you want to?" Howie asked her.

"Sure."

"Give us five, Bone. We’ll meet you outside," Howie directed, and AJ actually did as he asked.

"Are you sure? It will be loud and noisy and..."

"Fun and relaxing and probably with enough darkened corners that I can spend some time with those," Kat said as she traced his lips with her finger.

"Then I am definitely gonna go," Howie chuckled. Kat got up off of his lap, and he stood up. Then looked her up and down. "Now I am really sorry I upset you."

"What?"

"It is going to be really hard to slow dance with you wearing those heels."

Kat laughed. "Consider them your punishment. If you are nice to me, I might even take them off."

The club was crowded and loud, as expected, but they managed to find a spot in the back corner. Brian and Faith immediately hit the dance floor, followed quickly by Kevin and Alexis. AJ and Nick hadn’t even made it to the table. They went straight in the front door and onto the dance floor, and showed no signs of coming back.

"I guess we are table monitors," said Howie as he sat back on the comfortable chair, and pulled her into his arms.

"We could go dance..."

"Nah, I figure I should try and get back into your good books," he said as he started to kiss her neck, face and finally lips. The snuggled there together for a while, interrupted by the arrival of the group’s drinks, but just enjoying the time to be together, just holding each other and talking.

Nick bounded up, followed by a young woman, clearly smitten with Nick, and a tall blond man, almost his look-alike, except the man had brown eyes, was a little shorter and a little heavier set. "Look, he’s just like me!" Nick giggled, clearly high on life, and more than a few beers.

They drank, danced and goofed around for hours finally leaving the club at around one in the morning, and heading back to the hotel. The two other couples disappeared almost immediately, leaving Kat, Howie, AJ, Nick, the girl Leslie, and the look-alike, David. AJ was trying to teach Kat and David some complicated dance moves, and Howie was egging them on. Nick and Leslie had watched for a while, before she suggested that they play Nintendo and she and Nick disappeared into his room. Kat eventually gave up, and even David left to join Nick and Leslie. He emerged from the room a few minutes later, with Nick draped around him, laughing drunkenly.

"Hey guys," Nick laughed as he pushed David forward. "What do you think?"

Nick had outfitted him with the same suit that he had worn onstage earlier that evening. It seemed to emphasize the similarity between the two men. Nick was so impressed by his "creation" that he insisted David keep the clothes. David left soon after, and Nick returned to his room, Leslie in tow. AJ went to take a shower, and Howie and Kat were, finally, left alone.

"Are you gonna stay here with me tonight?"

Kat thought about it, then shook her head. "I don’t think so. Its probably better I don’t."

He sighed heavily, "yeah, you are probably right. This trip hasn’t turned out very well for us, has it? Maybe a night apart will help. I’m exhausted anyway; I’d just fall asleep on you again."

She smiled softly, "I don’t think I’d like that after the day we’ve had." Then cocking her head and listening, she told him to hold on a second, and went over to Nick’s room. Leslie was trying really hard to seduce an almost passed out Nick. Kat grabbed her, and pulled her off. Nick protested a little, then promptly fell asleep. Leslie protested even more, especially as Kat escorted her out of the hotel suite, locking the door after her. AJ had come out of his room, in shorts and a t-shirt trying to find out what all the fuss was about.

"Looking after Nick again, hunh Kat?" Howie said, again with an irritated tinge to his voice. The same tone as earlier in the day.

"Someone’s got to. You guys obviously don’t care," she rejoined.

"Hey, you two. No fighting. Once is enough for one day." AJ said.

"Yeah, it obviously is. What is your problem, Howie? That is twice today, and both because I try to help Nick."

"He doesn’t need looking after. He’s supposed to be an adult."

"He’s an adult who has been miserable for days. That fight with Jordan really upset him."

"You’re MY girlfriend. Don’t worry about him, worry about me."

"Oh, bro. That is cold," AJ said.

"I really hope that you are just saying that because you are tired and have been drinking, Howie," Kat said evenly. "But I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe you’ll be better in the morning." She gathered her purse and headed for the door.

"You’re just going to let her go?" AJ asked Howie who sighed heavily and said, "Yeah. I can’t seem to say anything right tonight. Its probably better."

AJ walked after Kat, grabbing his jacket. He caught up to her at the elevators. "I’m coming with you."

"What on earth for?" Kat replied stiffly.

"He’s being a jerk, and I want to make sure you get home okay."

"I do live here, AJ. I think I can get home on my own."

"Humour me."

The cab ride was silent. Kat was annoyed at Howie. Not as angry as she was earlier, but still not happy.

"Hey, guys get PMS too, you know." AJ said as he followed her into the kitchen. She laughed.

"Okay, seriously, he’s exhausted. He only really acts so dense when he is worn out."

Kat gave him a beer from the fridge and they sat on the couch, AJ regaling her with tales of Howie’s, and the other’s, stupid antics and mistakes on the road.

"And you never do anything like that, right?"

"Nope. I’m perfect."

"And oh, so modest."

"So are you going to give me a tour or am I only allowed to see the kitchen and the bathroom?"

Kat showed him around the apartment. It was actually fairly large for a one-bedroom, and she was quite proud of it. Especially now that it was clean. He pounced on her stack of videos once they hit her room.

"You keep the TV in the bedroom. I was beginning to think you didn’t have one. What a good idea. You can watch movies all night long and be comfortable. I love it. Hey, this is a good movie. What else you got?"

Kat smiled and pulled open the drawer in the bureau. Instead of shirts and other clothes, as one might expect, the drawer, and the one under it were filled with videos.

"Man, you must have hundreds," AJ said as he dove through the pile.

"Yeah, I am a real movie nut," Kat replied as she watched him stack videos in piles; that one of movies he liked, that one of ones he didn’t, that one of ones he hadn’t seen.

"Hey what’s this?" he said pulling one from the bottom of the drawer. "Gimme that!" Kat shrieked as she recognized it and tried to get it from him, but he held her off. "It’s a porno flick. I am shocked!"

"No, you’re not. You want to borrow it."

"Can I? Thanks." He put it aside and grabbed a movie out of the pile. "Is it okay if we watch this?"

"Only if you don’t tell about the other one."

He drew his finger in a cross motion over his heart. "Promise. Though I am dying to find out why you have it."

"Hey, I had a life before you all came along. One of my ex’s was into that sort of stuff. When we broke up, I ‘confiscated’ his supply. I thought I’d gotten rid of them all," she shrugged.

"Hmm. I suppose that is okay."

"Oh, shut up Mr. I-am-so-Virtuous and put in the tape."

They sat on the bed, joined by her cat who wanted to find out who was invading her territory. After she had been assured that all was okay, and that AJ did actually know how to scratch her on the ear the right way, she retreated to her place on the couch in the other room.

Kat was drowsing lightly when AJ lay back beside her. "Hey, wake up. This is a good scene."

"I have seen this movie, you know. I’m going to the bathroom, want anything while I’m up?"

He waved his empty beer bottle, still focussed on the movie.

When she returned he was sprawled on the bed on an angle, taking up all the room. She elbowed him out of the way. "Ouch. Is that what you did to Howie?"

Kat was not expecting the question. "What?"

"To make him so pissed off."

"Did it ever occur to you that he was the one causing the trouble?"

"So what did he do?"

"None of your business."

"Come on," he insisted.

"AJ, no."

"Please. Tell me."

"Fine. He won’t sleep with me."

"WHAT?!" AJ turned so quickly he spilled his beer on her.

"Dammit." Kat tried to shake the beer off, but it soaked through her shirt. She jumped up, pulled a t-shirt out of the closet and quickly changed shirts. When she turned back, AJ was looking at her strangely. "What?"

"He’s crazy. I’d sleep with you now if I could."

"Who said you couldn’t," she teased, not realizing how serious he was until his lips touched hers. His mouth was much different from Howie’s. More slender and well-muscled. He twisted his lips wickedly, forcing his tongue into her mouth.

She pushed him away. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"What Howie won’t," AJ said as he pushed her shirt up and licked her breast.

"Get off me," she said, pushing him away again.

"Forget it. I’ve had something to prove to you," his voice was muffled as he continued to move his mouth over her chest.

"What?"

"Remember? When first met you said you thought I’d be a bad lay. I’m going to prove you wrong."

"Jesus, AJ, that was because you pissed me off. Now lay off."

"No way." He unbuttoned her jeans and moved them down her hips.

Kat’s frustration, and the far too many drinks that she had consumed that evening got the better of her. "Fine. Prove it."

It wasn’t making love, it wasn’t even sex: it was a battle of wills. Each trying to best the other, to prove their dominance. If AJ sucked on her breast, Kat would bite down, not always gently, on his ear. If he grasped her hands and pinned them above her head, trying for greater leverage, she would hold his hands and pull her arms down to her side, breaking his stride. If he thrust deeply into her, she would tighten her vaginal muscles and try to force him out. He would try to put his hand behind her and caress her anus; she would twist him over, putting herself on top. If he moved his hand down her, attempting to rub her clit as he continued to thrust into her, she’d plunge her finger deeply into his asshole.

The whole thing had become a competition to see you could make the other groan or gasp more. Pulling her legs together, tightening, forcing AJ to assume the y-shaped position elicited a deep moan. 2 points. The not so gentle trail of nibbles that he laid across her neck and shoulder equaled a loud gasp. 2 points to him. The bed creaked as the two ranged all across it, a litany of "like that?’s" and "ha, got you there’s", "not so bad a lay now’s" , "boring’s", and "can you do any better’s."

They had been at it for a while, the score tied, when Kat’s orgasm suddenly swept through her. She hadn’t even felt it building so intent was she on trying to best AJ. His hit him at the same time, and the look of surprise on his face showed that he hadn’t been expecting it either. She turned her head, and bit down on the pillow, trying to repress her response, but as he exploded within her she couldn’t hold back, and dug her fingers into his back as she screamed, "Alex!" He was gasping "Kat" over and over as the wave of pleasure washed over him. Then there was silence, broken only by the ragged sounds of their breathing.

Kat came back to reality first. "Oh gods," she whispered as she realized what they had just done. She was still shaken by the intensity of her orgasm, body still lethargic with its workout. He looked up, startled by her whisper, and looked around. "Oh shit. Oh Kat, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean..."

"AJ, I didn’t stop you," she admitted.

"You tried, and I just..."

"I gave to you as good as you gave to me," she said sadly. "It wasn’t just you."

"I don’t know why. I just had to prove to you..."

"I’ll never doubt you again," Kat tried, oh so desperately to lighten the mood," Yep, that McLean guy - good in bed."

"Jesus," he groaned in despair. "What the hell was I thinking? What was I doing? You’re..." Kat stopped his mouth with her hand. She couldn’t hear the sound of his name. Not now. Not here.

"Shh. Please," she begged, a tear beginning to slowly glide down her cheek.

AJ rolled over onto his chest and raised his head to look at her. He saw the tear and leaned over and gently licked it away. "Please don’t cry, Kat, please don’t," he kept saying as he kissed the next one away too. The touch of his soft lips on her face started a sweet fire in her belly. She closed her eyes and delighting in the feeling. He stroked her cheek with his hand, trying to comfort her, not understanding her response. She opened her eyes, looking deep into his, then leaned forward and kissed him. Aside from their initial kiss, the one that had started it all, their lips had never touched each other throughout. Now they clung together feverishly. AJ deepened the kiss and Kat threaded her fingers through his hair, drawing him closer

"What did you call me earlier?" he asked as he flicked his tongue over her nipple, teasing the other with his fingertips.

"Alex," Kat moaned, as she drew her hands down his back, cupping his ass.

"Say it again," he commanded, gasping as her legs twisted around his.

"Alex."

"Oh God, Kat, I want you so badly," he said as he slid down her, mouth busy on her chest, then stomach, then lower. He slipped his tongue gently over her now soaked pussy, then darted in. Kat twisted slightly and moaned as he lapped at her, spreading her legs farther apart to give him better access. As he concentrating on giving her pleasure he could hear her saying "Alex," over and over again, which only turned him on more. Her body began to jerk spasmodically as the orgasm built and he sucked on her roughly, then softly, roughly, then softly, urging her on. She through her head back, mouth open, eyes dilated as she came, unable to speak, unable even to breath as the joy burnt through her. AJ swallowed her juices as they flowed in a torrent.

The waves of pleasure were still singing through her body as she quickly pushed him over on his back, and traced the tattoo on his belly with her tongue. Then, moving lower, she pulled his erection into her mouth. "Kat, you don’t have to..." he began, then moaned as her tongue swept over the tip of his member. Now it was his turn to lie back and take it. She sucked, nibbled and caressed, cupping his balls in her hand, stroking the delicate skin around his hole. He gasped as he wound his hands through her hair, gliding his palm across the back of her neck. His head twisted from side to side as he came in powerful bursts, ramming himself deeply in her throat. She swallowed again and again, still teasing him with her tongue tip, pulling more out of him, reveling in the harsh, desperate way he gasped her name.

They lay still for a moment, satiated, and then AJ hooked his hands under her arms, and pulled her up to him. The feel of her skin gliding over him started his passion rising again and he could feel himself start to stiffen. He kissed her, tasting himself, and wanting her more for it. She moaned his name again, in his mouth, and he knew he couldn’t hold back.

"I want to be inside of you. I want to be so deep inside of you," he said.

Kat pulled her head back and looked him in the eyes. She touched his face lightly and whispered, "Alex."

It was all the permission he needed and he entered her slowly, gently, taking pleasure from in the feel of her walls surrounding him. Kat arched her back as he inched his way inside of her. He stopped for a moment, letting her feel his entire length, before slowly rocking forward and back. Her hands stroked his body, then drew his hand up to her mouth where she sucked on each finger, little by little, matching the same pace he had set with his body. His tongue was doing spirals on her neck, then, once he found that particularly sensitive hollow at the base of neck, the spot which sent shivers down her spine and small shuddering motions through her body, he concentrated on that.

This time there was no battle, no contest, just slow, sweet, deep tenderness, both trying to give the other as much pleasure as they could without anything more than light strokes, touches and caresses. Again, they came at the same time, but this time it was expected as the tight spiral of ecstasy had grown in them, together. Both crying out each other’s name in pleasure, both bursting in a flow of rapture. Both lying together in the afterglow, then falling asleep entwined in each other’s arms.

Chapter 12: Morning after

The jangling of the cordless phone on the bedside table woke Kat the next morning. She reached over, still asleep and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi beautiful."

"Howie?" She bolted upright, knocking AJ’s arm off her shoulder. He groaned and rolled over.

"Did I wake you?"

Kat grabbed a shirt from beside the bed and pulled it over her head. She slipped from the bed and walked to the door, trying hard to keep the panic out of her voice. "Yeah, sorry. Not awake yet."

"I wanted to apologize. You’re right, I’m a jerk."

"Yeah?"

"I don’t know why I was acting that way. You were just always spending time with Nick. It hurt."

"Howie, he’s like my little brother. He was hurting. And I wasn’t just spending time with him."

"Yeah, but AJ always flirts with beautiful women," he chuckled, and Kat paled.

"That’s not what I meant. I..."

"I just want to be with you. I don’t want anyone else to be with you when I can."

"That doesn’t sound healthy," she smiled sadly.

"No, I guess it isn’t. But the more time I spend with you the more I want to spend."

Kat blinked back tears. "I feel the same about you."

"Damn, I wish I was there right now. Look, I’m actually calling for another reason. We can’t find AJ."

"AJ?" she said stupidly.

"We are supposed to be doing an interview in twenty minutes and he’s not here. He was going to see you home last night. Is he there?"

Kat squeezed her eyes shut. "He was sacked out on the couch last time I checked. Give me a sec." She covered the phone with her hand and let out a little sob. She took a deep breath and uncovered the phone. "AJ," she called. "AJ!"

"What?" he groaned, still not opening his eyes.

"Don’t you have an interview this morning?"

"Shit!" he sat up quickly. Kat shook her head furiously, willing him not to say anything more.

"Howie," she said, putting particular emphasis on his name, warning AJ as best she could. "You better send a car. And probably a change of clothes. I’ll throw him in a shower and pour some coffee down his throat."

"Okay. Do you want to come with us?’

"No. I better not. Just send the car, okay? Bye." She turned the phone off and slid down the door, tears streaming down her face.

"Oh shit, what did I do?" AJ said, jumping out the bed and going over to her.

"Don’t touch me," she weeped.

"Kat, please," he pleaded. "I..."

She shook him off and stood up, trying hard to compose herself. "You better get ready. He’s sending a car."

She walked into the kitchen and poured water in the coffee machine. AJ came in, clothes on, and turned her around. "I didn’t mean for this to happen."

"You know what the funny thing is?" she said tonelessly, not even looking at him. "I knew how much I cared about him, but I didn’t know, until just now, how much. His was the first voice I heard this morning and I just realized how much I want his to be the only voice I ever hear first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Kind of funny, isn’t it?"

"It’s my fault. I’ll tell him it was all my..."

"Don’t you dare say anything to him about this," she screamed, focussing on AJ for the first time, eyes wild. "Not now, not ever!"

"Okay, okay. I won’t." He was starting to get scared by her behaviour, "calm down."

She shook him off. "AJ, I just can’t handle this right now. You better get ready."

He retreated to the shower and when he came out he could hear Kat talking in the kitchen. He walked in and was surprised to see Howie standing there, arms around her lightly. He hesitated, then locked eyes with Kat who looked at him, terrified. He shook his head, trying to tell her that he wouldn’t say anything.

"There he is," Howie said turning to AJ. "I brought some clothes; you better hurry."

AJ nodded, grabbed the pile that Howie offered him and retreated to the bathroom to get dressed. Kat and Howie were still in the kitchen when he emerged, Kat sipping on a cup of tea, which she held defensively in front of her.

"Ready?"

"Actually, Howie, we’ve got a problem."

"What?"

AJ glanced at Kat, who looked scared stiff, before smiling, "these sunglasses just doesn’t go with this outfit, bro."

Howie laughed, then kissed Kat quickly, "you are sure I can’t change your mind?"

"No. I’ll see you later, okay?"

She walked them to the door, then kissed Howie goodbye and shut the door. And sank to the floor sobbing violently.

The two men got into the limo and settled back.

"You okay?’

"Yeah, D. Just tired," AJ turned away, afraid to look Howie in the eye.

"Did Kat seem distracted to you this morning?"

"She’s probably tired too."

"You sure? She’s not still angry with me? What I did last night..."

"Was nothing compared to what I did," AJ thought. "She was pretty upset," he agreed.

They sat in silence, but as the car pulled up to the station, and AJ could see Kevin, Brian and Nick standing there, signing autographs and waiting for them, he had to say something. "D? Look, what ever happens between you too, treat her right, okay? I mean, we all make mistakes, just don’t hurt her, don’t be angry with her."

Howie looked at him curiously as AJ climbed out of the car.

The interview and photo session went quickly, and Howie tried several times to call Kat, but couldn’t get any answer at the apartment. He was about to give up and head over when his cell phone rang.

"Howie? I was trying to reach you," Kat said.

"Yeah, I was trying to get you. Where are you?"

"At the office. They called me in, this big emergency with the magazine. Anyway, I am going to be here for a while. I just wanted you to know because I am not sure when, or if, I am going to get out of here."

"So I’m not going to be see you tonight?"

"Sorry."

"This trip really has been a disaster, hasn’t it?" he chuckled ruefully. "First I’m too busy, now you are. Are you going to be able to come to the airport and see me off tomorrow?"

"I’ll try. I want to, I just have to get this stuff done. You understand?"

He sighed, "I have to, don’t I? It wouldn’t be fair after you put up with me and my work."

"Thanks."

"But I’ll be thinking about you."

"I’ll be thinking about you too, Howie."

He hung up the call, and walked back to the other guys. "Kat can’t come over; she has to work. Anyone up for a movie?"

Chapter 13: Lost Connection

Nick bounded off the plane and into the terminal, sweeping Jordan up in his arms. She laughed as he swung her around, then put her down and kissed her soundly.

"Aw, isn’t that cute," Brian teased, but Nick ignored him. He was back with his sweetheart and no one was going to make him feel bad. "How were your exams?’

"Over, thank goodness. Now I have a few days to rest, and I was thinking; who better to rest with than you?"

He kissed her again, "actually I was thinking more along the lines of getting no rest," he whispered in her ear, and she shivered happily. "That would be even better," she murmured back. And then shrieked as he picked her up again and swung her around.

"Can you two keep it down?" AJ was nursing a very bad hangover, and the dark sunglasses he was wearing were not keeping the Florida sunlight at bay. He slunk over to the baggage carousel and grabbed his bags and headed out of the terminal. He climbed into his car and sped off, leave the other four guys, Faith and Jordan staring after him in surprise.

"What’s up with him?" Kevin asked.

"Don’t look at me," Howie replied. "He put away a lot of booze last night and even more on the flight. Maybe he is just afraid to face Kimberley."

"She can be kind of rough on him," Brian agreed. "And he was flirting quite heavily with everything that moved in Toronto. Maybe he is feeling a little guilty."

"Probably. Look, can we get a move on? I want to call Kat and let her know we got back okay." Howie was a little disappointed. She had arrived at the airport only a few minutes before they had to leave. They’d been able to say goodbye, but that was about it. She looked exhausted, and said she had been at work all night. He just wanted to hold her and make all her troubles go away, but knew that she was very dedicated to her job. On her return from her trip to Florida, where they had met, she had set down some ground rules with her co-workers and then performed so well she was named division head. Not all of her concerns went away, but the boost in responsibility had meant a lot to her. She was taking charge of her career, and he couldn’t very well say, hey, pack it all in and come traipse around the world with me. As much as he wanted to.

He got home, to an apartment that seemed even emptier than usual and called her at home. No answer. He tried her work number but got her answering service immediately; a sign that she was on the phone. He sighed, and headed to the bedroom to rest a while. He’d call her again later.

The plans for recording a Christmas single progressed even faster than anyone had anticipated. They were in the studio two weeks after their return and the sessions were going well, but slowly. Kevin was distracted because he had asked Alexis to move down to Florida and live with him, and she had said yes. Nick would disappear with Jordan every chance he got, and no one knew what the hell was wrong with AJ. He was always late for meetings, never took his glasses off (even worse than usual), and flinched whenever Howie talked to him. Howie hadn’t really noticed it yet; he was too busy trying to talk to Kat, but she was always working.

It was almost two and a half weeks after he left before he finally got her on the phone for more than two minutes.

"I am so sorry, Howie. It is not usually this crazy. It been nuts, and with this promotion I am the one who has to look after it all."

"I understand. I don’t like it; but I understand."

"I was hoping you would. I miss you."

"Not as much as I miss you. We still haven’t straightened out our fight. But more importantly we haven’t had a chance to make up," he said seductively.

Kat hesitated a moment. "Yeah, and it is going to be even harder to do that over the phone."

"We’ll find a way. How about this; imagine my hands running down the side of your body."

"Hmm. I think I feel them."

"And now I am kissing your neck. That little place at the bottom that you love so much."

"Howie..."

"Shh. You can’t say anything now, because I am kissing you. My tongue is stroking yours. And you are doing that little moan you do."

"Howie, please..."

"Yeah, that is what you are saying as my hands stroke your breasts, hardening those dark pink nipples of yours..."

"Howie! Stop it." Kat shouted into the phone.

"What?" he was startled by her reaction.

"I’m sorry. I just can’t do this right now. Its too hard."

"Not yet, but it is getting there."

"Don’t!"

"Okay," she could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"I just want... Howie, I have to tell you something. And it is very difficult for me," she took a deep breath.

"You are starting to worry me."

"I just need to tell you..."

"You can tell me anything, Kat. You know that. What is it?"

"I love you."

"What?"

"I said, I love you."

"Oh Kat, you can’t do this to me. You can’t tell me you love me over the phone. I want to be there with you. I want to tell you, and show you, how much I love you too."

"You do?" she sounded so uncertain.

"More than anything in the world. I love you, Kat. I miss you and I love you and I want you to be here with me. God, if you only knew how much I have wanted to say that. For so long. I love you, Kat."

"Oh Howie." He could hear her crying on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, you are not supposed to cry. It’s supposed to be a good thing."

"I know. I just... I love you so much. I never want to hurt you."

"You never could. Please say you’ll come down here. Please, I want to be with you. I want to hold you."

"I’ll try," she weeped. "I’ll be there when I can. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I have to go, I’m so sorry." The phone cut out.

"She loves me. She really loves me," he yelled joyously, then listened to his voice echo through the house.

Brian sat at the console, listening to the mixes, trying to figure out which sounded better. Kevin and Nick were discussed the previous night’s basketball game.

AJ sat on the piano bench listening to them, throwing in his two cents every once and a while. He was finally started to relax around Howie. How could he have done that? He knew he cared about Kat; had done so ever since he had gotten to know her better. He found her fun to be with, and even more beautiful with each passing day. He couldn’t even remember why he had disliked her at the beginning, other than feeling a strong threat to his friendship with Howie. Only she had never done anything to push them apart. And then he had to go and... He missed her terribly. He missed their long chats online, he missed the way her hair fell across her face when she laughed. He missed the way she had twisted slowly beneath him and whispered his name so passionately.

She was Howie’s girlfriend and he has slept with her. And he wanted her again. He wanted her to look at him the way she had at Howie. Even at the airport when they left she had avoided him, and had clung to Howie. He wanted to say something, anything, to make her look his way. To acknowledge him. To want him as badly as he wanted her.

"D! It’s about time you showed up," Nick smiled. But Howie walked right past him, grabbed AJ and threw him up against the wall of the studio.

"What did you do to her?"

"Howie! Man, what are you talking about?" AJ said defensively.

"Kat. What did you do to Kat, AJ?"

"D, calm down. What’s wrong with Kat?" Kevin said as he came up behind Howie.

Howie spun around. "Have you spoken to her? I bet you haven’t."

"Sure, we talked..." Kevin stopped. "It’s been almost three weeks," he realized.

"I’ll bet you two haven’t spoken since we got back." Kevin nodded his head, agreeing with Howie’s assertion. "It’s been the same for me. We talked three days ago. She told me she loved me, and then she wouldn’t answer the phone. I haven’t been able to get her online, at home or at work. I tried again last night, but her screen names have been deleted and her email account closed. The florist called to say that the flowers I sent her had been turned back. I called her office this morning. They said she doesn’t work there anymore; that she had quit. So I called Alexis and asked her to go over to Kat’s apartment and find out what was wrong. Her landlord said she had just moved out. Had left two days ago."

"Where is she?" Nick asked worriedly.

Howie turned back to AJ, pushing him up against the wall. "That’s what I want to know. What did you say to her, AJ? You were the last one to spend any time with her. What happened?"

"Hey, I wasn’t the one fighting with her."

"We fixed that up, or I thought we had. She wouldn’t have told me that she loved me if she was still mad at me. But something else was wrong. She’s been acting funny ever since that night. And so have you. Why did she keep saying she didn’t want to hurt me, AJ? What did you do?"

AJ cringed at Howie’s tone. "I promised her..."

Howie slammed him against the wall again, "you promised her what AJ? What did you do?"

"I can’t..."

"AJ, what happened?" Kevin was starting to lose his temper, and stalked towards him.

"AJ?" Howie pleaded with him.

AJ wanted to say that they had made love, and they had – the second time. But he had said that he would take the blame for it if he needed to, and he owed her that much. "I... I fucked her, okay. She didn’t want to, but I fucked her."

AJ didn’t duck the punch Howie threw at him, or the next one. "I deserve it," he thought as the blows rained down on him. "I forced her into this, and I’d do it again. I’d do anything to have her again."

Kevin finally got a good grip on Howie and pulled him off AJ, though the look on his face said he wished that he had been the one throwing punches. AJ sunk to the ground, lip bleeding, broken glasses hanging loosely from his face. Nick stood over him, swearing at him angrily, and Brian tried to push Nick away and help Kevin with a stricken Howie, who was wracked with sobs.

"Ahem," a deep voice interrupted them, and all heads turned to see a tall man standing there, flanking by two police officers. "Is there a problem here?"

"No, sir," Brian stepped forward. "Just a little disagreement. What can we help you with?"

"I am looking for a Nickolas Gene Carter."

Nick looked up curiously and stepped forward. "That’s me?"

"Mr. Carter. You are under arrest You have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right..." The man continued to read Nick his rights as one of the officers stepped forward and slipped handcuffs on his hands.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Kevin asked. "What is he under arrest for?"

"Sexual assault," the officer said sarcastically. "Your buddy here "allegedly" raped one of your fans."

Chapter 14: The Kat came back

Kat stared down at the leftover egg congealing on her plate. She was bored out of her skull, but unsure about what to do about it. She had to leave town, but wasn’t sure where to go or what to do. Since turning her back on her life in Toronto she had just drifted along. It was time to make some decisions, to get on with a life and stop running away. She’d done that for almost three months now, and it was time to stop.

She took another sip of her coffee, making a face at the bitter rancid taste, and glad that she had order it and not her usual tea. If the coffee tasted like it had been made out of an old running shoe, she hated to think what the diner would have used to make tea. Old lawn clippings? One of those bags from the dollar store? "A million bags in one box…only $1!" She didn’t ever want to find out what those tasted like.

She gazed out the window of the diner, looking at the gray skies and light snow falling. Her least favourite kind of weather. What had possessed her to come here? Why hadn’t she stayed where she was? At least there had been sun and warm weather. Not this crappy Canadian winter stuff. It was not helping her mood.

Maybe she should go back to Toronto. She was not cut out for life here in a small town. It was too quiet. Too provincial. A good place to hide, to avoid life, but did she need to do that anymore? Maybe it was time to poke her head out of the tortoise shell she had surrounded herself with. It had been fun at first, sort of like a secret agent’s life. No roots. But she was tired of her crappy pre-furnished one bedroom apartment. She didn’t even have a telephone. Just the cell-phone that she had gotten on her return. No connections, no commitments. No way to get hurt or hurt others.

No, she was not going to think about that.

She pushed her breakfast plate away and took another sip of coffee. It was lethal stuff, but at least it would keep her awake. She hadn’t been sleeping well recently. Too many dreams. If they didn’t hurt so much she would call them good ones. But she still couldn’t deal with the memories, and her subconscious’ continuous channeling of them wasn’t helping.

"Excuse me. Can I ask you a question?"

Kat looked up to see a girl, about 16, looking intently at her. "Can I help you?"

"Is your name Kat?"

It was a totally unexpected question. Kat had met few people since her arrival her in Kingston. No one seemed to worry about that really. It was a university town and most of the population was transient. She had slid herself into the anonymous flow of people who populated the town and other than the occasional meal, had little contact with others.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you look like her. The Kat they are looking for?" she said, turning her statement into a question.

"Who’s looking for?"

"The Backstreet Boys."

Kat was surprised how still and calm she managed to remain. Other than a quick shake of her hand, which she covered swiftly by putting her cup down, she gave no sign of the whorl of emotions those three words caused in her.

"Aren’t they a band or something?" she said, playing dumb.

The girl’s eyes shone, "they are the best. They are such good singers. And so gorgeous"

"And they are looking for someone?"

"Yeah, they have this picture of this girl on their website. It looks really like you, so I was wondering…"

"So why would they be looking for this girl? I mean aren’t they famous or something? I doubt they have any trouble finding girls," Kat responded fishing for information.

"I think it’s about that rape thing."

This time Kat couldn’t hide her reaction. "Rape thing?"

"You know, Nick Carter being charged with raping that girl."

"Nick Carter wouldn’t rape someone if his life depended on it," Kat exclaimed. "What are you talking about."

The girl’s eyes went wide; "you are her, aren’t you?"

"Tell me," Kat ordered.

"Nick was arrested for raping some girl at their concert in Toronto. He says he didn’t do it, and they are still fighting the charge, but they have been looking for you," she looked at Kat, surprised. "It’s been all over the news for months; how could you not know?"

"I have been out of the country," Kat said dismissively. "What is happening?"

"It’s all on the website…I could show you. I just live across the street."

"Let’s go." Kat threw some money down on the table and got up quickly. The girl had to run after her to catch up, and kept giving her strange looks as they walked across to her house. They entered the side door, and the girl walked up the back stairs to her room. The room was covered with pictures of the Boys, mostly of Nick and Brian. There were even pictures on the ceiling. The girl sat down at her computer and flicked it on.

"What’s your name?" Kat asked.

"Lindsay."

"A big fan?"

"Yeah. Here is the site," she got out of he chair and let Kat sit down. She heard the familiar strains of Larger than Life play and watched fixedly, like a drowning man would an approaching boat, as the five faces flickered across the screen.

She clicked the mouse, and scrolled down the page. Sure enough there was a picture of her. One taken on their first trip to Toronto after she had met them. She remembered when Alexis had taken it. Howie was on one side of her and Kevin on the other. The weren’t there now; just her face and a headline that read "Have you seen this woman?"

"Umm. Kat?"

"What?" she was trying to read the short story next to the picture, to soak in as much information as she could.

"He didn’t do it, did he?"

Kat turned and focussed on the distraught girl. She took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. "No, Lindsay, he didn’t. Nick wouldn’t do anything like that. He didn’t do it," she said gently.

"And you’ll help him, right? You can make sure he doesn’t go to jail?"

"I’ll do my best. I swear."

"Good," she was silent for a minute. "I am glad I decided to talk to you."

Kat smiled, "me too."

"How do you know them?" Lindsay’s curiosity was killing her. "What’s he really like?"

"Who? Nick?" Kat had turned back to the screen and was finished her reading. "He is a great guy. Very sweet. Loves to sing. A good person. Can you pass me my bag?"

Lindsay complied, looking adoringly at the posters of Nick on the wall. "I knew he didn’t do it," she murmured.

Kat grabbed her bag and rustled through, trying to find her cell phone. She finally located it and pounded a number on it, muttering "please still work" under her breath. It rang. Then again. And again. After five rings she was about to give up when there was a click and an answering machine picked up. She swallowed back her tears as she listened to the deep voice on the other end. Gods, how she had missed him. The machine finally beeped.

"Kevin? Are you there? Pick up. Kevin, come on. Please be there. Pick up the phone, Kevin. It’s Kat. Please be there. Kevin, I just found out about Nick. What is going on? This is ridiculous. He couldn’t have done it. Kevin, please! Pick up the phone."

"Kat?"

"Thank gods. You’re there," she sighed.

"Where are you? Where have you been? Are you okay?" he asked hastily. "We’ve been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay? AJ told us…"

"I don’t want to talk about that."

"He said he forced you…"

"I said I won’t talk about that, Kevin. I mean it. I won’t talk about it."

"Kat, you’ve got to…"

"No, Kevin," she said harshly. "I am calling about Nick. I only want to talk about Nick."

Kevin sighed. "Its bad. He’s practically under house arrest. It’s been a zoo. We’ve managed to keep him here; he doesn’t have to go back to Canada until the trial date."

"But what happened?"

"That girl he met at the club that night after the concert, when you…" Kevin realized what he had been about to say and amended his statement, afraid that she would hang up. "She says that after she left the first time, she came back to get her purse and he grabbed her."

"He was dead to the world! He was so drunk that night, he couldn’t have gotten out of bed if he tried."

"That’s the problem. He can’t remember. And she didn’t file charges until a few weeks later so there was little physical evidence left," Kevin sighed, his frustration with the situation coming through the phone line.

"It should never have got this far…"

"We know that. It’s just her word against his. But its big news and they won’t let it go. I am afraid they’ll try and make an example of him or something."

"What can I do?"

"You’ll help?" he said with relief. "I didn’t think you’d ever want to have anything to do with us again."

"I am not going to let this happened to Nick, no matter what else… Just tell me what to do, Kevin."

He told her the name of the law firm that was handling the case and she wrote down contact numbers. Lindsay was practically fainting with the knowledge that she was actually in a room with someone who was actually talking to a Backstreet Boy.

"I think you have someone here who wants to talk to you, Kevin," Kat said, noticing the girl’s excitement. "Whose idea was the website, anyway?"

"Brian’s. That’s what worked? He figured we could get extra help that way."

"Good one. Here. Her name is Lindsay," Kat handed the phone over to the girl.

"Hello?" the girl’s voice trembled.

"Hi, Lindsay. So you found her for us. Thank you so much. You’ve done a great thing for the group."

Lindsay’s face shone, and Kat knew Kevin was working his usual charm.

"Okay. Tired, I think. Kingston. About three hours from Toronto."

Lindsay’s comments shook Kat out of her reverie, as she realized that Kevin was trying to find out where she was. She signaled Lindsay to give her back the phone, which the girl did reluctantly.

"That’s not fair, Kevin."

He knew what she meant immediately. "I’m worried about you. I need to see you. To make sure you are okay."

"No, Kevin. Here’s the deal. I’ll go see your lawyer. I will do whatever I can to help Nick. But if I see any Backstreet Boys then I’m out of there."

"But…"

"Please Kevin. You knew why, obviously. It’s the only way I can do this."

He sighed heavily. "Fine. But go right away, please. This is killing Nick. And I don’t know how long I can keep your call quiet."

"I’ll call right away. I promise."

"Thanks."

"Kevin?" she hesitated, trying to find the words to ask…

"He misses you terribly," Kevin replied, knowing exactly what she was trying to ask. "He looks like shit; I don’t think he’s slept properly in months. You have to call him."

Tears were streaming down Kat’s face. "I can’t. Not yet. I don’t know what to say."

"Say anything. Just let him know you’re alive. It’s killing him not knowing where you are."

"And…"

Again Kevin was one step ahead of her. "He just about killed AJ. AJ said it was all his fault; that you hadn’t… In a way this Nick thing is all that saved them. They are starting to talk again. But he’ll never get over it unless you call him."

"I will. Soon. Just let me clear this mess up. I have to go; I have to call this lawyer."

"I miss you, Kat."

She choked back a sob, unsuccessfully, "I miss you too, Kev." She hung up the phone and stared out the window, wiping the tears off her face. When she composed herself, she turned back to Lindsay, who was watching the scene in front of her avidly.

"So, do you want to come to Toronto with me tomorrow? You’ll get to meet a Backstreet Boy."

"Really?" the girl’s voice squeaked with excitement. "But you told him not to come."

Kat laughed bleakly. "Kevin Richardson never listened to me before when I told him to stay out of things. He is not going to now. He’ll be there. You can be my early warning system. Just give me a little notice when he shows up. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Chapter 15: Giving testimony

Nick glanced at Brian, and was once again overwhelmed with a feeling of joy that he had such friends. They never doubted him for a minute. None of them had even for an instance believed that he could have raped that girl. He wished he felt the same way. He wished he could remember. He didn’t think he could do something like that; even the thought of it sickened him. God, if something like that happened to anyone he knew, he loved.... If anyone touched any of his sisters that way he would rip them from limb to limb and damn the consequences. If only he hadn’t drunk so much that night. If only he could remember...

"Hey Kev! Where you at?" Brian’s shout echoed through the house.

They entered the kitchen where Nick pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. "It doesn’t sound like he’s here, B."

"Well where is he? He was supposed to meet us an hour ago. And where is Alexis?"

"Right behind you, loudmouth." Alexis walked into the kitchen, wiping sleep out of her eyes. She had moved to Orlando to be with Kevin a few months ago. Was being his rock through the whole mess. She didn’t believe Nick was guilty either.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"Gee Brian, you’re so bright," Nick laughed, then ducked as Brian’s arms swung out in a playful swat.

"So where is my cuz?"

Alexis was surprised. "I thought you’d know."

"Hunh?"

"He was on the phone most of the afternoon, then tore out of here with his overnight bag. I figured he was off on group business. You mean you don’t know where he went?" she asked.

"No clue. He didn’t say anything?"

"Just that dinner tonight was off and he’d be back in a few days."

"If he went back to Kentucky, I’d know by now," Brian mused. "Maybe I’ll just call home and see if everything is okay. Where’s the phone?"

She pointed to the side table.

"You know you go a message waiting?" Nick said, pointing to the flashing red light.

Alexis frowned. "I don’t recall the phone ringing. Hit it Nick, maybe it’s Kev," Alexis said as she sprawled tiredly in a chair.

Nick hit the button and the tape rewound. "Kevin? Are you there? Pick up. Kevin, come on..."

Alexis bolted upright. "That’s Kat!"

"Are you sure," Brian asked excitedly.

"...Pick up the phone, Kevin. It's Kat...."

"Very sure," said Alexis.

The three stood stunned, listening to the tape play.

"I just found out about Nick. What is going on? This is ridiculous. He couldn't have done it. Kevin, please! Pick up the phone."

"Kat?"

Kevin’s voice seemed to echo through the room, before the tape cut out.

"Nick, call Howie. Have him meet me at the airport," Brian said, taking charge.

"I’m going with you," Nick asserted, but Brian shook his head.

"You can’t. You can’t leave the States. If this doesn’t work they could arrest you and hold you until the trial."

"But..."

"Nick, just call Howie. NOW!"

"You’re sure he’s gone to Toronto?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"I’m coming too." She rose to go and grab some clothes.

"No."

Brian and Alexis looked at Nick, surprised by his outburst. "No. I don’t think so. Kevin didn’t tell anyone where he was going. What if Kat only agreed to come forward if he kept quiet about it. She hasn’t got any reason to trust us. I am surprised she still trusted Kevin enough to call him. You shouldn’t go either Brian."

"But Howie..." Brian started.

"Howie goes. No question. But this may be my only chance to get this thing thrown out. If I stay, you stay." He turned his attention back to the phone.

"D? Sorry to wake you, but..."

Kat had arranged to meet with the lawyers first thing in the morning. 9 am. Which meant a frantic drive early. She swung around and picked up Lindsay at 6 a.m. The girl was disgustingly perky despite the early start and Kat tried hard not to hate her. Lindsay’s dreams were coming true, while Kat’s were shattering.

She knew Kevin would be there, and trusted him enough to believe that he would come alone. But he was still going to be there, and he was still going to demand an explanation. She didn’t know what AJ had said, but he’d obviously done as he had said he would and taken the blame for the whole thing. She hadn’t expected that. She figured that he would be so pissed by her disappearing and leaving him in the lurch that he’d tell the truth about that night. Besides, she had assumed, AJ had always been so dedicated to Howie; he wouldn’t risk losing that friendship by casting himself as the villain. But he had. Why?

As much as she hated to admit it to herself she had enjoyed being with him. The memory of their lovemaking was one of her more recurrent "bad" dreams. She knew she didn’t love him in any way other than as a friend. But gods, she had wanted him that night! She still did.

That was what had caused her to run, and to keep running. She loved Howie. Wanted him. Needed him. But whenever she thought of the two of them together in bed, it was AJ’s body she saw. It was what they had done to each other that she wanted. She told herself it was just because she had slept with AJ and not with Howie. She just wasn’t sure that was all it was.

The morning traffic was lighter than she had expected and they arrived at the lawyer’s office early. It was a huge office; several floors of a huge downtown Bay street building. The reception was filled with clients and lawyers. Kat felt very out of place.

"If he doesn’t come can we go shopping after?" Lindsay whispered, sounding even more nervous about where they were than Kat was. The two were sitting in the foyer, waiting to be escorted back to the conference room.

"I am positive he’ll be here. But if I am wrong, you’re on. It's the least I could do for dragging you along."

"You are the party here to see Mr. Bondon?" a sleek woman asked as she stood over them.

Kat rose, and Lindsay hopped up hurriedly. The woman escorted them to a large room. Several obviously junior lawyers hovered in small group to the left of the doorway. On the right were two expensively dressed men.

"You must be Kat," the sandy blond man said. "Paul Bondon. I am representing Nickolas Carter. This is Michael Turner, the prosecutor. I asked him here today in hopes that your testimony will provide enough evidence to have this case thrown out of court."

The dark haired man smiled quickly at Kat and then cautioned the other man. "Let’s wait and make a judgement call on that after we have heard what this lady has to say." He turned to Kat. "We will have a transcriber in here, taking notes. Right now we’d just like to go over that night as best you can remember it."

"That is what I am here for."

"Good," Bondon said smoothly. "Now I have a small group of people who are working with me on this case. They are just going to sit over there, behind you. Just ignore them as best you can."

"Just making sure that Nick gets his money worth, huh?" Kat didn’t think much of this man. He struck her as everything that was a typical stereotype of the legal profession. "Fine. Let them stay."

"Did you want anything to drink? Coffee? Water? How about your little friend? Does she need anything? Should she even be in here? This is a confidential matter."

"Lindsay stays until I say she goes," Kat responded.

"I really must insist…" the lawyer then trailed off as he saw the look on Kat's face.

"Could we please get started?" Turner chimed in. "If you’ll just take a seat there?"

Kat sat in the chair, in front of a microphone as the two lawyers assumed there positions, one on either side of the big table.

"Now..." Turner began, only to be interrupted by the opening of the door. Kat didn’t turn. She didn’t need to. the look of relief on Bondon’s face, and the sharp squeal that Lindsay uttered told her who had walked in. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, willing herself strength before she turned and was enveloped in Kevin’s arms.

"What took you so long, Kev? We were about to start."

He held her at arms length. "You knew I was coming?"

"Sorry to tell you, but you are very predictable," she chuckled lightly, wiping away a tear. "I missed you, Train," she said, hugging him close.

"Kat, you had us all scared to death," he said, squeezing her tightly in his arms and kissing her forehead. He stroked her hair back and looked at her. "Are you okay? You look terrible."

"I love you too, Kevin. I’m fine. Just had a little trouble sleeping last night."

"Excuse me," Turner interrupted. "It is a pleasure to see you again Mr. Richardson, but I really think we should get started."

"Just a sec." Kat turned to Lindsay. "See I was right. But I think Mr. Bondon is also right. Lindsay, maybe you should sit outside. Is that okay?"

The girl nodded her head, unable to tear her eyes away from Kevin. He did have that effect on people.

They took their seats, Kevin dragging a chair over to Kat’s and sitting there holding her hand for support.

"Let the record show that this deposition began at, umm, 9:27 am." Bondon started. "Could you please recount your memories of the night in question."

Kat slowly retold her memories of the night. She left out any mention of Howie or their relationship. Just admitting to being with the guys that night, and recalling what she could about what had happened until the time she had left the hotel. This was followed by endless questions, "just for clarification." She was feeling as tired as the rest of the room as this was going on. She could hear the chorus of junior lawyers shifting around in their seats, leaving and entering the room. It was hard to ignore them, but she did.

After about an hour, Bondon called a halt.

"Actually, I think I have several questions that I would like answered before this is over," Turner said, leaning forward. "You said that you were there that night, however, you obviously cut off ties with the group immediately after that night…"

"That had nothing to do with this matter." Kat said firmly

"I think I should be the one who decides the relevance of that."

The moving about of the lawyers shifting around behind her was really starting to get on here nerves. Someone walked into the room and she was tempted to turn and glare at them. But she was determined to fight off this question.

"That had nothing to do with this matter." Kat repeated.

"I think you should answer the question," he insisted.

Her anxiety split over and she answered angrily, "why? Are you looking for a bit of titillation? Something you can sell to the tabloids? I grew apart from the Boys for other reasons. There was nothing that Nick did that caused it. Next question."

"I must insist…"

Kevin glared at Bondon, shaking his head slightly. The lawyer cleared his throat, "She has answered the question, Mike. Let's move on."

"Fine. You said that you knew nothing about these charges against Mr. Carter. How can that be? It has been headline news for months now."

"I was out of the country. I only returned two weeks ago."

He laughed derisively, "and where were you? On the moon? This news has been everywhere."

"Not in Cuba."

"What?"

"I was in Cuba for two and a half months. Funnily enough it is one of the few places on the globe where the Backstreet Boys are not big news. Or at least they weren't where I was."

"May I ask what you were doing in Cuba," the lawyer asked sharply.

"May I remind you that I am a Canadian citizen and we are not stopped by the US embargo? I had an opportunity to go to Cuba for a Spanish language study course. And I took it."

"That must have been an expensive excursion." Turner was still fishing. For what she couldn't figure out.

"I had enough money. I sold a few books before I left."

"You would have had to have sold a library! How do I know that you are not being paid to supply this testimony?"

"So that was where he was going with this," she thought. "I just sold two books, actually." She paused. "I am a writer, Mr. Turner. I have been writing for some time now. I had written two romance-type books. Not great literature by any stretch of the imagination, but lucrative."

"You did it?" Kevin was stunned. "You actually finished the books you said you would? You sold them?"

She nodded, "they should be on the stands in the supermarket at the end of the month."

He hugged her. "I am so happy for you. That was what you wanted."

"I wanted to be a 'functioning' writer. They are not what I want to be writing forever, but they bought me some freedom for now," she agreed.

"Romance, hunh?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she laughed. "Oh shut up, Kevin."

"Could we please get back to this matter?" Turner broke in. "You were in Cuba for two and a half months. That is a long time."

"Yes."

"You must have had a reason to stay away for that long…"

"If you are going to try and reintroduce your earlier question about why I lost touch with Kevin and the others, I still refuse to go into that. I stayed in Cuba because I had an opportunity to attend an extended language course. Had I realized that this was going on I would have come back sooner. I was not aware of it until yesterday. As soon as I found out I called Kevin. And I am here now."

"And all you did while you were away was this course?"

She laughed, "of course not. I also swam, snorkeled, surfed, took some scuba lessons, and had fun. It you would like to know my full itinerary I am sure that I can find it."

"So can you stand yet?" Kevin asked, interrupting the older man.

She grinned widely. "Can now. Hang ten, baby."

He laughed. "Sun and sea. You are so predictable," he said mocking her earlier comment about him.

"I didn't just hang out on a beach, you know. I also met people and did sightseeing."

"Danced the night away?" he teased.

"Hey, maybe I was after a little Latin Lover, too," she teased back. Then stopped, blanching as she remembered that was one of Howie's nicknames. She turned away as tears began to fall. She removed her glasses and wiped her eyes. Then put them back on and took a deep breath.

"Kevin? Look, I really appreciate you being here. But if you and I keep stopping to catch up this will drag on all day."

"Hear, hear," Turner muttered, then pretended to look out the window as he caught Kat's glare.

"Why don't you go outside? Keep Lindsay company. And take the chorus with you." She turned around to indicate the rows of spectators. Her gaze locked with a pair of deep chocolate brown eyes. They were somewhat bloodshot, tired-looking, but still as gentle and tender as always. How could she have not known he was there? Gods, he was so beautiful.

She struggled to find her voice. "And take Howie with you."

Chapter 16: Case dismissed

Kevin made polite conversation with the starstruck Lindsay as he watched a restless Howie pace the floor. How had he gotten here? Kevin hadn’t told a soul, and then made doubly sure -- once he confirmed with Bondon what time Kat was going to be there -- by taking the last flight out of Orlando. He’d even made sure there was nothing leaving Tampa for Toronto at a later time. And the earliest flight out of either airport didn’t leave until 8:30 a.m. There was no way he could have...

"Lindsay, let me just talk to Howie for a sec, okay?" The girl nodded. She didn’t know what was going on but it had something to do with Howie. She was dying of curiosity, but if Kat was going to help her hero Nick, she was willing to stay out of it.

Kevin rose and grabbed Howie’s arm, stopping from yet another turn on the carpet, and pulled him over to a quiet corner.

"How did you get here?"

"Nick called. There was a message on your machine. He was there with Brian and they called me. I couldn’t find a flight, so I chartered a plane."

"Why didn’t you call me, Kev?" Howie asked softly. "Why didn’t you tell me she was okay?"

The pleading tone in Howie’s voice almost broke Kevin. "She asked me not too."

"Yeah, she made AJ promise not to, too," Howie said bitterly.

"Come on D, it’s not the same. She was doing this for Nick. I figured I could come here and convince her to come back with me. Clear all that up."

"You though she would?"

Kevin had to be honest. ‘I don’t know. She was...she wouldn’t talk about it on the phone. But I thought, face to face. It’d take some time but I could convince her."

Howie stared out the window. "I told her I loved here, and that didn’t convince her to stay before."

"But you came."

"Yeah," Howie said desolately.

Kevin was silent for a moment. "She did ask about you."

"She did?"

"And she didn’t react too well in there," he said gesturing to the closed door. "No matter what, she still cares deeply about you."

"Thanks, man." Kevin squeezed his shoulder, giving him support, then sat down, stretched his long legs and waited.

It was almost an hour later that the door opened. The prosecutor Turner walked out briskly, a scowl on his face. Kat emerged cautiously -- looking for the man she loved so much it hurt. She saw Lindsay, who was dozing quietly in her chair, and Kevin who stood expectantly. No Howie. Had she imagined him there? Wanted to see him so badly that she had conjured him up? She was about to asked Kevin when Bondon hustled out.

"I must say, that was wonderful I think we can wrap this up quickly. Thank you so much for coming forward." He turned to Kevin, "quite a help, this lady." Then bustled hurriedly down the hall, followed by a train of sub-lawyers.

"I think that’s that," Kat smiled.

"He’s in the clear?" Kevin asked anxiously.

"Not yet. But I think I destroyed the case against him."

"How?" Kevin was stunned.

"Remember Dave?" Kevin frowned. "The guy who looked like Nick?"

His face cleared, "what about him?"

Howie was here. She could feel him. She may not have recognized it in the conference room, but now. She took as step, sideways, turning to her left, so that she could see him rather than having him continue to stand behind her.

"He was one the last to leave that night. You and Alexis had all ready left." Kat continued, "that was their big piece of evidence. Why they wouldn’t drop the case. They had a jacket, with bloodstains and semen on it. The jacket Nick wore that night at the concert."

Kevin looked blankly at her.

"Nick was drunk, and he thought having a look alike there was really funny. He dressed Dave up in his clothes than let him keep them."

Howie nodded, his face deep in thought as he remembered the incident.

"So Nick didn’t..." Kevin said.

Kat let a flash of anger cross her face. "Did you ever think he had?"

"But she was raped?"

"I don’t know. She was with Dave when Nick showed up. It could have been a set-up or an actual assault." Kat shrugged her shoulders. "That is for them to clear up. All Nick has to do is agree to take a blood test to confirm its not his...stuff...on the jacket. But seeing as they found the jacket in the stairwell, its pretty obvious," she finished.

"That damn blood test," Kevin muttered and Kat looked at him curiously. "They asked Nick to take a blood test a month ago but wouldn’t say why. He can’t remember that night clearly; he’s the only one of us who actually thought he might have done it, so he was scared of taking the test. Bondon counseled against it, and has been blocking their attempts to get it since then," he said, filling her in.

"It would have cleared this up then," Kat pointed out.

"Yeah. If they’d told us why they wanted it. I gotta call Nick," Kevin said.

"Fine. I have to take Lindsay home." She walked over and shook the sleeping girl. "Hey, wake up." Lindsay looked blankly at her and Kat smiled tightly. "Come on, we’re going home. And by the way, as an early warning system... you’re fired."

The two walked towards the elevator, Kat hitting the down button.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked.

"I told you. I am taking Lindsay home."

"I...WE’re coming with you," he said, walking towards her, Howie following.

"Kevin.." Kat said, warning in her tone, but he ignored her.

"Don’t fight us on this one, Kat. Where are you parked? Want me to drive?’

They entered the elevator. Howie stationed himself at the back, behind her. She could feel his eyes boring into her. He still hadn’t said a word. She hit the button for the parking garage; then, noticing the way her hand was shaking, clasped her hands together quickly, hoping no one else had noticed. She was having a hard time concentrating with him in the elevator. How was she going to survive a two and a half-hour drive?

"Keys?" Kevin’s voice drew her out of her reverie. They were standing in front of her car. She shook her head, and drew her key’s out, opening the driver’s side door.

"This is where it ends. I can’t handle this. I’m sorry, it’s too much. I am taking Lindsay back. Alone. Lindsay, get in."

"Forget it, Kat. We are not letting you run away this time," Kevin replied rigidly.

Kat was about to argue when Lindsay opened the front passenger door and hit the switch that unlocked all the car doors. She knew se was betraying Kat in some way, but was sure she was doing the right thing. Kevin flashed her a brilliant smile, and he and Howie climbed into the back seat.

Kat just stared at Lindsay as the girl started to climb into the car. "Damn you," she said coldly, and was rewarded by having the girl flush.

Lindsay tried to make polite conversation on the long drive. Kat had to hand it to the younger woman; she was trying her best to break the tension. The girl was more perceptive than Kat had realized. She had gotten herself stuck in a drama that she had no understanding of. It wasn’t her fault that Kat never joined in the conversation except when asked a direct question. Howie had still not said a word.

Kat pulled up in front of Lindsay’s house. Kevin, by this time, had elicited a promise from the girl that she wouldn’t tell anyone about the day’s events. None of them really believed that she would be able to sit on the news for very long, though. She drove home, parked and walked up the stairs to her apartment, shadowed closely by the two men.

Kevin glanced around the apartment quickly, then said, politely, "nice place."

Kat saw her hideaway through another’s eyes. Threadbare sofa and Salvation Army furniture. She had been there two weeks and there was nothing of her in the place. It was as sterile and emotionless as the day she had moved in.

"Shut up, Kevin. It’s a hole and I know it."

He looked away, surprised by the vehemence in her voice. "I’m going to call Nick," he said. "Where’s the phone?"

Kay chucked him the cell phone from her purse. He looked at it, shocked, realizing for the first time the extent to which she had gone to cut ties with the past. To disconnect from all ties, especially those that would bring her back into contact with the group. And what it had taken for her to come forward, without a second thought, to help them. He dialed quickly, walking into the hall, leaving Kat and Howie alone in the living room.

Kat walked over to the window and looked out at the early evening gray sky. It had started to snow again, the flakes dusting the streets. She couldn’t stand it anymore. He just stood there, watching her, so much emotion playing through those beautiful eyes of his. She could feel them on her back. She didn’t turn, couldn’t face him, just took a deep breath, trying to calm her emotions, and asked softly, "how are you, Howie?"

He opened his mouth, about to answer, but Kevin walked in, holding out the phone. "He wants to talk to you."

Kat sighed and took the phone from him. "Hello?"

"It’s finally over?" Kat felt tears pricking as Nick’s voice broke.

"Almost, Nicky," she said gently. "They just need one more thing from you and then it will all go away."

"I was so scared. I couldn’t remember… I wasn’t sure…" he was crying.

"I was, Nicky. Nobody who knows you believed it. It just took a little while to let others see it," she consoled him, listening to him weep. "It’s okay, Nick. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t have fixed this earlier."

Nick pulled himself together, wiping tears that she couldn’t see away. "Howie’s there?"

Kat glanced quickly at the man. "Yeah, he’s here."

"I sent him," Nick said. "I wanted to go myself but Brian wouldn’t let me. I was afraid you’d leave if he came, but I sent him anyway."

"How did you…"

"You left a message on Kevin’s machine. Don’t blame him; I don’t think he realized it was still there. Alexis didn’t know where Kevin went and when I saw the message on the machine…"

Kat smiled slightly. She’d been the one who had caught her. Kevin hadn’t ratted her out, but she knew that much all ready – from seeing his reaction to seeing Howie there. It did clear up the mystery, though.

"So she did move down there, hunh?"

Nick was glad of the change of subject. "Yeah. They are always together. They are really happy. It’s disgusting."

Kat laughed.

"It is good to hear your voice."

"Yours too. So everyone knows?"

"Just us four. I don’t think anyone’s told AJ."

"Tell him. He’s your friend, Nick. He’ll want to know you are going to be okay," Kat said, knowing it was right, but also knowing that now she’d have to face the things that she had run away from.

"If you are sure." She could hear the question in his tone.

"Yeah. And Nick?’

"What?"

"Smile."

"You’ve finally given me something to smile about," he said, severing the connection."

Chapter 17: Hidden secrets

Kat didn’t think she could sleep, what will all that had gone on that day, but as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out like a light.

Kevin looked at her, as she lay curled on her side, one arm thrown over her head, almost defensively.

"Are you going to say anything to her?" he asked Howie. "You haven’t said a word all day."

"I don’t know what to say."

"God, say anything! Having you here, watching her but not speaking is killing her."

Howie felt a surge of anger. "She left me. She slept with my best friend and then walked out. THAT killed me."

"And she’s been running away from it ever since."

"Whose side are you on, Kev?"

"Both. Neither.’ He sighed, "I am supposed to be her best friend, remember?"

Howie smiled quickly. "Yeah. I’m the one who decided that. But she walked away from you too, Kev," he reminded him.

"I know. But I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until she is ready to talk."

Howie laughed tensely, "she could have done that months ago."

Kevin swung his arms around, gesturing wildly, trying hard not to let the anger he felt spill over. "Do you see this? Do you see one ounce of Kat in here? There are no pictures. Where are her stuffed animals? The dragon collection she is so proud of? You walked into her old apartment and it felt like a home. This place: I’ve seen more life in a funeral parlour."

"So?"

"Look, we don’t know what happened between her and AJ. Just what he said, and that wasn’t good." He sighed, "it’s like it broke something in her."

"She’s run away before."

"But never anywhere we couldn’t find her. Okay, once she asked us to give her some time alone, but you found her anyway. And that was at the beginning. Since then she’s always stood her ground. Retreated a few times, but always been willing to work things out together."

"We could have worked this out," Howie said stubbornly.

"Yeah, sure." Kevin mimicked Kat’s softer voice, "Oh Howie, I know we’ve been fighting a lot recently, but I just wanted you to know AJ fucked me." He snorted, "yeah, that would have worked."

"Fine. So she’s been in the country for two weeks. She could have called."

Kevin gestured around the room again. "Hello? Are you seeing this? D, think about it. She may not have been ready to face us yet, but the instance she finds out one of us is in trouble she dives on the phone offering her help."

"For NICK."

"And she would have done the same for you or me or Brian. Probably even AJ, despite everything. She knew I’d be there – even if she did try and use that girl as a shield – and she didn’t back out."

"Hey, that girl got us here."

"For all the thanks you gave her. Lindsay is probably telling everyone she knows what a jerk you are. You can kiss that "sweet" D image goodbye," Kevin said derisively.

"Why are you yelling at me? None of this is my fault."

"Its not all hers either. Dammit, Howie. She’s a good friend and she has been hurting badly for months. All my friends have been. It makes me feel helpless."

Howie knew how much the big man hated feeling powerless. "So what do I do?"

"Talk to her. Yell at her. Scream at her. I don’t care – just do something. If its over between you two, fine, just don’t let it end with this whimper."

"’This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.’"

"Hunh?"

"T.S. Eliot. Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. It’s a poem."

Kevin was silent for a moment, then suddenly announced, "I’m going home."

"What?"

"I’m going home. Nick is going to need support and I am not needed here. You are. You stay. You talk to her."

"I don’t know what to say."

"What do you want to say?"

Howie looked out the window at the darkened street. "I love you."

"I love you too, D," Kevin said with a cheeky smirk on his face, trying to keep his joy at Howie’s statement in.

Howie threw him a dark look. "I love you, KAT. But how could you leave me? Why couldn’t you talk to me?"

Kevin nodded, indicating that he should go on.

"And did he feel good inside you?"

"Not a good place to start the conversation." Kevin leaned forward, "that’s what you are most afraid of, isn’t it? That she wants AJ more than you?"

Howie didn’t answer.

"It’s a question you’ll have to ask her. It’s a question you’ll need answered so you can get closure. Just don’t ask it right away. And don’t hate her for whatever her answer is." Kevin rose. "I’m out of here. It’s a long drive back to Toronto."

Howie shut the door after him and went back into Kat’s bedroom. She was still asleep; one arm stretched out the other clenched under her head. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep, drinking her in. Her hair was longer than he remembered, still dark auburn, but with a few sun streaks. Her skin was sallow, tan starting to fade. The gray winter half-light did nothing for her, but he still had to hold himself back from touching her.

He looked around the room, seeing again what Kevin had seen. Plain, utilitarian dresser. Nothing on top. Even her clothes were put away neatly; something that had never happened at her old place. She hadn’t been messy then, the clothes had always been organized in piles, but piles nonetheless. Even the closet was sparsely populated. The clothes all new, plain, the colours muted blacks, browns and grays. None of the blues, purples, and jewel tones she used to wear. The suitcase at the bottom of her closet contained some of her summer clothes; obviously things she’d worn in Cuba, but even those were plain.

The compulsion to snoop was on him now and he headed for the kitchen first. The plates, cutlery and pots and pans had obviously come with the place. The food in the fridge and cupboards was basic. The only things that said, ‘hey, Kat was here’ was the jar of wildflower honey, the bottle of the hot sauce she loved, and a box of her favourite tea.

The living room was even sparser. A few books, all from second hand stores and most of them apparently unread. There were a couple of romance novels beside the laptop on the table. They were marked up, with little sticky notes on them; clearly research for her next book. The laptop was password protected and he couldn’t get into it.

It was in the bathroom that he found it. Tucked in the back of the cupboard under the sink, behind the pipes, was a thick white binder. He almost missed it, only just noticing it because of the way the light bounced off it. He pulled it out carefully.

It was all there. A matchcase from the restaurant where they had gone on their first date. Even the ticket stub from the movie. Cards, letters, anything that showed the progression of their relationship. Flowers pressed, even a printout of some of their online chats. All the Backstreet Boys cd’s including one of the shaped cd’s – of him. Copies of all the articles that had been released after the promo tour, his first visit to her place. Backstage passes and concert tickets. Photos of the group, he and she together, of him. Even one she had taken as he slept – he hadn’t even woken, didn’t even know she had taken it.

There was even the backstage pass from the MuchMusic show that fateful night. The rose he’d dropped in her lap from the stage pressed beside it. And a napkin from the club that they had gone to that night. It was wrinkled, tearstained, and he realized that she had put those things in after the group had flown back to Orlando, as she was making her decision to leave.

There was nothing of her in the apartment. Nothing of the life she’d turned away from three months earlier, but she still couldn’t bear to part with this. He crept back into the bedroom, tears streaming down his face. She still slept, but was now twisting restlessly, lost in a bad dream.

"No," she murmured as she tossed, her hand unclenching. A small object fell out and Howie picked it up. It was the small pewter dragon figurine that he had given her, knowing her love for the mythical beasts. Out of her entire collection this was the one she had chosen to keep with her.

He put the figurine back in her hand and closed her fingers around it. He stroked the hair away from her face, pushing it behind her ear. She stopped thrashing around almost immediately, as if unconsciously realizing that he was there, that she was safe.

He walked briskly into the living room and grabbed the armchair, dragging it back to the bedroom. Then settled into it, determined to watch over her for as long as she slept.

Chapter 18: Breaking the News

AJ walked up to Nick’s house that evening, surprised to see so many cars in the driveway. Nick had been keeping a low profile the last few months, and whatever was going on now it was out of character. He could see Jordan through the front window. She had stood by Nick through this mess; their relationship deepening. He could also hear the excited yipping of Tyke. So Brian, and probably Faith, was there too. What was going on?

He opened the door, and was dumbfounded by the celebratory atmosphere. He walked past various friends, band members and family, trying to find someone who would tell him what is going on. He found Nick in the kitchen with Brian.

"What’s going on?"

The two blond heads looked up at him. "Hey Bone," Brian said apprehensively, glancing at Nick who rose from his chair.

"Glad you could make it, AJ. Can we talk in private for a moment?"

"Only if someone will tell me what is going on here!"

Faith came in, carrying Tyke. "AJ, you’re here. Did you hear? They are going to drop the case!" she said excitedly.

AJ turned back to Nick and Brian. "What? How did that happen? I thought they were going to stick it out until the end?"

"Well, Kat…" Faith started, then stopped as Brian gestured to her to shut up.

AJ turned and pulled a beer out of the fridge, hiding his reaction. Kat. She was back. "That’s great, Nick. Maybe you could tell me about it."

Nick nodded quickly, and drew AJ into the back den. He shut the door, and prayed that no one came looking for him. "Kat called Kevin yesterday."

"Where is she?"

"Toronto, I think. She didn’t say when I talked to her earlier."

AJ took a long pull on his beer. "And you are just telling me this now?’

"Bone, come on. I was a little more concerned about the case than who knew what."

"And now they are dropping the case?"

"Yeah. Kat found out what their big piece of evidence against me was and then demolished their case. Kevin said the prosecutor was very pissed."

"He’s with her?"

"He flew up last night. He didn’t tell anyone about her call. I found out by accident."

AJ looked out the window at the ocean. "Where’s Howie?"

Nick was silent for a moment. "Where do you think he is?"

"So you find out Kat is back and you call Howie, but not me?" AJ stated.

"It made the most sense to me."

AJ swallowed another gulp of beer. "Where is she, Nick?"

"I told you I don’t know."

"Has he spoken to her? Has she said anything?"

Nick shook his head, "Kevin said that they aren’t speaking to each other yet. All she’d say is that she’d been out of the country and only got back a few weeks ago. She knew nothing about this, and as soon as she did she called him offering help."

"So you are off the hook."

"Yeah."

AJ finished his beer in another gulp. Then putting his bottle down he turned and grabbed Nick by the shirt, backing the bigger man up against the wall. "Where is she, Nick?"

"Dammit, Bone. I don’t know!"

"You must know something. What did Kevin say? He must have given you some clue."

"He just apologized for not calling immediately after the deposition, that Kat had tried to leave and that the drive was longer than he expected."

"Does he have his cell phone with him?"

"AJ, could you let me go please."

"I have to talk to her, Nick. Before she talks to Howie."

"Why, AJ? What do you need to say to her?"

"Does Kevin have his cell phone with him?"

"No, he doesn’t." Nick sagged a little as AJ finally let him go and stepped back. "She wasn’t just a "fuck" to you, was she? You’re in love with her and you don’t want Howie to get her back."

AJ was silent.

"You and Howie were starting to fix your friendship, but only because of me and my situation. Put Kat into the equation, and you’d gladly walk all over him to get to her."

"Aw, little Nickers is growing up," AJ said mockingly. "Those are pretty big assumptions for a young guy like you."

"And I have a feeling that I am right on the mark."

"Get real, Nick. I have Kimberley."

"Do you? She says you’ve been distant for months. And you haven’t slept with her since you got back from Toronto."

"Talking to my girlfriend behind my back? That’s not a nice thing to do."

"Jesus, AJ. I’ve been worried about you. You took Kat’s disappearance as badly as Howie did. And that was the first time I’ve ever seen you not fight back when someone is trying to beat the crap out of you. You’ve been hitting the booze pretty hard this last while. You may think that you’ve fooled Brian into thinking it’s because of the case, but you don’t fool me."

AJ looked down at the empty beer bottle and wished he’d brought another along with him.

"What really happened, Bone?" Nick said gently, trying to draw his friend out.

"I told you. I forced her." He laughed sarcastically. "You may not have raped that girl, but I practically did Kat."

"Whether she consented or not, for you it was making love."

AJ’s mind played the scene over and over again. The way her skin had felt against his, the small moans, the play of her lips on his, the way her fingers had driven into his back, the scent of her, the way her body had caressed him inside and out, the way she had cried his name. He remembered it all. And unless he did something quickly Howie would be getting all of that.

"Does she have a phone number I can call?" he asked softly.

"AJ…"

"Please, Nick. I need to speak to her," he begged.

"She loves Howie."

"You don’t know that."

"She told him she did before she disappeared. I don’t think that’s changed."

"She’s been gone for months, Nick. How would you know?"

"Kevin said she didn’t react too well to seeing Howie. That she started crying at any mention of him."

"That could be a good sign."

"I talked to her. She loves him. I could hear it in her voice."

"Help me find her, Nick."

Nick shook his head, blue eyes sad, "even if I could, there is no way you could get to her before Howie. He’s there. He’s with her now. No matter what they are going to talk. Soon."

AJ was about to respond when there was a knock on the door. Brian walked in. "I just talked to Kev. He’s on his way back."

"And Howie?" AJ asked urgently.

Brian shook his head, "no. He’s staying with Kat. To work things out."

AJ swore, then brushed past Brian, walking swiftly toward the front door.

"Not good," Brian said, looking at Nick, who nodded. "Not good at all."

Chapter 19: Time to talk

It was still dark when Kat finally woke. She glanced at the alarm clock. 4 am. She'd been out for hours. She was about to get up when she noticed the armchair pulled up in the corner, and the man asleep in it. He was so peaceful. She gazed at his strong face, sensual lips and long eyelashes. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but little wisps of hair were escaping from it now. He had obviously been tossing and turning. She slipped off of the bed and covered him with the blanket, smoothly his hair back gently. He stirred, then his eyes opened and focussed on her.

She wanted to say something, but couldn't get her voice to work. She was drowning in his dark eyes, lost on the waves of emotion there that mirrored the ones that she felt.

"You promised you'd never run away again," he said softly.

She sat back on the bed and hung her head down sadly. "I had to leave before I did anything else to hurt you."

"That hurt me."

"I'm so sorry."

"I thought we agreed to work things out together."

She laughed sharply. "Not this. I betrayed you in the worst possible way. That is unforgivable."

"You didn't even give me that option. You just left. Without a word."

"I said goodbye. I called before I left. I told you I was sorry."

"But you never said what for. How was I supposed to understand that you were saying goodbye when I didn't know…"

"I'm not good enough for you, Howie."

"I'll be the judge of that."

She turned back to him and looked him straight in the eyes. Gods, it was hard. "No. You won't. I'm not good enough for you. End of discussion. You should go home now." She rose, trying to leave the room, but he grabbed her arm.

"You are doing it again; running away from me."

"I've gotten used to it over the past while," she returned.

"It stops now. Talk to me, Kat."

"What do you want me to say, Howie? I slept with AJ. I was in love with you and I had sex with him. Not much to talk about there," she laughed harshly.

"Are you still in love with me?" he still held her arm, tried to get her to turn back, to look at him. "Kat? Are you?"

She swallowed a sob. "I can't answer that question. I won't."

"Fine. Then are you in love with AJ?"

"No!" she said, surprised by the question.

The fervor of her answer gave him hope for the first time in days. He released her arm. "Well, that's a good place to start," he said with a sigh of relief.

"How do you do it, Howie? How do you sit there so calmly and ask me these questions?"

"What do you want me to do? Yell at you? Hit you?"

"It'd be a start. It'd be what I deserve," she replied angrily, guiltily.

"I love you, Kat. Nothing else matters but that," he said simply.

She sat heavily, tears rolling down her cheeks, sobs wracking her body. He moved to comfort her, to hold her and she pushed him away. "No. You can't love me. I won't let you."

"It's not something you can stop," he joked.

"No. You can't. There is nothing in me to love."

"There is everything in you to love."

She moved away from him, not wanting him so close to her, so close she could smell his masculine scent. She wiped tears away from her face. Then looked at him and said, with a cruel twist to her voice, "don't you want to know about AJ? Want me to tell you how good it felt to have him inside me?"

Howie sat back, stunned.

"Yep, quite a good lay that friend of yours. And the things he can do with his tongue. Magic, I tell you."

"I don't want to hear this."

"Why, Howie? Didn't you want me to tell you everything? Here it is. The whole truth. Just like you asked for."

He looked away.

"We were at it for hours. Some stamina he's got. The moves he makes. And the way he said my name."

"Stop it."

"Orgasms galore, I tell you. Haven’t felt like that, well, ever."

"Stop it."

"Hey, did I tell you I almost slept with Kevin once, too? Keep going like this I'll have the complete set."

"Stop it!" he yelled, standing up, moving towards her, grabbing her arms.

"Are you going to hit me, Howie?" she taunted. "Come on, hit me." She stared into his rigid visage, then her face crumpled, tears spilling and she slumped down the wall. "Please…"she begged as she fell.

Howie just held her. He realized what she had been trying to do -- to make him so angry that he would be the one to leave. But he had stood his ground for longer than she had been able to keep up the act.

He held her close, rocking her body as she sobbed violently. He didn't even stop the tears that started to roll down his face. He just let them flow.

It was several minutes before Kat could calm herself down enough to comprehend that he was still there, that he was still holding on to her. She looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes, stunned that he could even touch her after what she had said. Then he did more than just hold her. He stroked the hair away from her face and leaned in and kissed her lightly, delicately, on the mouth. She gasped in surprise, not just at the fact that he had done it, but also at how good it felt. It felt like a butterfly's touch, like an angel dancing on her lips. When he leaned back, separating from her, she was bereft, and could not restrain a slight sound of disappointment.

He stood, leading the way, and sat her down in the armchair, then pulled it close to him as he sat on the corner of the bed, their legs touching. "Now, are you going to talk rationally?" he asked.

She nodded her head, unable to speak.

"Okay. First. Why do you think you are not good enough for me?"

"I betrayed you. Twice."

"What with Kevin?" he shook his head dismissively, "I knew about that. He told me after we first met."

"No, not Kevin. That was even before I knew you, and it just wasn't right. No. With AJ."

"AJ says he forced you."

"He's lying. I don't know why, but he is lying. He didn't have to force me to do anything."

"So…"

"The first time we were drunk. It was like a dare."

He swallowed the knot of fear he felt. "And the second?"

She looked away. "The second time we both knew what we were doing."

He was silent for a moment. "Why, Kat?"

She shrugged. "He wanted me. He was there and he wanted me. You didn't. You'd made that quite clear."

"God!" he exploded. "I wanted you."

"You pushed me away, Howie," she said, remembering afresh his actions before the concert.

"I did that because… " He stopped, exasperated. "I wanted you so badly that I wanted it to be the most perfect thing that had ever happened. I want to make love to you, not just have sex with you."

She couldn't answer that. She had wanted the same thing, but knew in her heart that any time they were to be together would have been making love for her.

"Hey, look at me," he took her head in his hands, rubbing her face delicately. "I love you Kat. I did then, I do now. And I know you love me. Please just say it."

She tried to turn away, but his hands wouldn't let her. "Yes," she whispered.

"What?"

"Yes, I love you, Howie. Yes, I still love you. Yes, I'll always love you."

He looked at her, eyes shining. "That's all I needed to hear." He swept her into his arms, and laid his soft, supple lips on hers.

Kat moaned, opening her mouth to his, and he intensified the kiss. All the fear, rage and passion that the two had been holding back for so long surged forth. The kiss became fierce, almost violent, as they fought to release the strong feelings that they had repressed. She pulled his head closer, forcing his teeth along her lips, mixing pain in with the pleasure he was giving her. He gripped her hair tightly, pulling it down, exposing her neck to him, and bit down on the sensitive flesh, savoring the taste of her sweet skin, taking note of the deep moan that he had elicited. Her fingers grasped him, her short nails biting into his back.

He leaned back, pulling her out of the chair and across his body. He slid his hand under her shirt and up her back. She groaned with pleasure, arching her body. Her movement threw them momentarily off balance, and they rolled to the side, he now on top of her, still clinging together. He drew away from her for an instance and she whimpered in denial, then sighed as he pushed her shirt up and ran his tongue along her stomach. She unbound his hair, and ran her fingers through his dark curls, pushing his face, his tongue, deeper into her. He bit her lightly and she loosened her hold, and concentrated on stroking his back.

Howie leaned back, sitting up. He reached forward and unbuttoned every clasp on her shirt, slowly, carefully, lightly stroking her skin as he pushed the material aside. His eyes never left hers. She reached up and unfastened his shirt with the same tenderness. Her hands glided over his firm physique, grazing his nipples, and he noted the flushed look on her face as she touched him. As if the mere feel of his flesh was enough to push her over the edge.

"Howie," she murmured, almost as if she didn't believe he was there, that she was touching him. He moaned and lunged on her, hands and mouth touching as much of her as he could. She cried out with pleasure, her own lips and hands busy on his body. She licked his chest, sucked on his nipples, stroking the strong muscles on his abdomen. She felt like she was drowning in him, the scent, the taste so overpowering. She had been starving and he was her feast. She raked her fingers down his spine, thrilled by the way he arched, thrust his body at her, in reaction.

Howie was overwhelmed by his ardor for her. Her skin was like silk over his steel, and he wanted to crush her body under his, to free the fever she built in him. His hands went to her panties, her soaked panties, and he stroked roughly, causing her to cry out. He slipped his fingers in her soft folds, delighting in the feel of her warmth. He grazed his thumb over her swollen lump and she exploded in orgasm, clutching him anxiously, frightened by the swiftness of her eruption. Tears rolled down her face as she gasped, again and again.

He rolled away from her, removing his pants, and pulling her underwear away. His erection sprang forth, harder and higher than it had ever been before. His hand stroked her body, lower, feeling for her. He was about to enter her when she put a hand on his chest, stopping him.

"Not if isn’t right." she said, trying to let him know that she was willing to wait until he was ready, whenever he was ready.

"It's never been more right. It could never not be right if its with you," he replied and surged forward.

Chapter 20: Truths

She felt light as a feather. Floating. Hanging in mid air. She had never felt so complete in her life.

The whorl back down to reality was dizzying. She could hear someone screaming with ecstasy, and realized it was herself. Another voice joined hers, a deeper one. One that she had longed for so much, so hard, that she almost couldn't believe that she was really hearing it. Could those really be his hands on her? Really be his lips on hers? She opened her eyes, but the teardrops clouded her vision, and she had to wait for them to seep down the side of her cheek before she could focus on the face of her beloved.

She lifted her hand, tenderly wiping a fingertip down the track of tears that also stained his face. "You are truly here. You are here in my arms," she whispered incredulously.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not ever," he promised, holding her close. "I am never leaving you alone again."

She delighted in his closeness, could still feel him inside her. He wasn't as stiff as he had been earlier, but he was still there and she could feel the beat of his heart through the vein in his member. It throbbed, echoing the racing of her own heart. She planted a trail of soft kisses across his face, tasting the salt from their sweat, the sweet tang of his skin. He groaned, and she could feel him harden within her.

"You're gong to kill me if we keep this up," he chuckled softly in her ear as he nibbled on the lobe.

"Oh? Are you too tired?" she said as her drew her palm up the small of his back. He thrust forward and she gasped with enjoyment, her loins welcoming the movement.

"Never." He twisted around, so that she was on her stomach, never leaving her body. He began to plunge forward, his mouth keeping time as he nipped, sucked and bit into the supple flesh on the back of her neck. His strong hands stroked her sensitive back. She struggled for breath, mind numbed by the incredible bliss he was giving her inside and out. Her hands clutched convulsively at the sheets, animalistic moans issuing from the back of her throat.

"That's it. That's what I want," he growled in her ear. "Purr for me, Kat."

Instead she screamed, glorying in yet another earth-shattering explosion, fingers tearing the sheets as she seized them frantically. "Howie! Oh god! HOWIE!"

His orgasm swept across him at the same time and he pounded into her flesh, deeper and deeper, crying out his joy; crying out her name.

AJ paced the floor in his living room anxiously. He had to get to her. Had to find her. She and Howie were probably speaking each other by now. AJ had convinced himself that he knew his friend well enough to believe that Howie wouldn't forgive her actions. Sex had always been a touchy subject with Howie, and AJ doubted that the other man could forgive that kind of unfaithfulness easily. If anything they would argue for days before either gave way. If they ever did. Kat had always been stubborn; AJ admired that about her. If she was determined not to let Howie back into her life because of her…what? Guilt? No, it had to be because of her love for him, for AJ. That would be why she wouldn't take Howie back, or let him try and take her back.

He just had to let her know he felt the same way; that Howie didn't matter. He'd get over it eventually once he saw how much AJ and Kat loved each other. How much better suited they were for each other. Howie was his friend; he'd understand.

Nick and Brian wouldn't tell him where she was, and he doubted Kevin would either. The older man would be determined to stand in AJ's way on this one. Was convinced that it was Howie that Kat should be with. Wouldn't he be surprised. There had to be some way…

He flipped through his address book, then picked up the phone. He dialed the number and waited for an answer.

"Mr. Bondon, please. Its AJ McLean."

"Where's your cat?" Howie asked as they sat on the bed, eating the pizza that Kat had ordered. She really didn't have much food in the house; hadn't felt hungry for days. But her appetite was coming back now. Perhaps all the exercise…

"She died."

"What? When?"

"Two days after you went back to Orlando. I couldn't cope. I was so upset about… I woke up one morning and she had passed away in her sleep. She was an old cat; I should have expected it," she said sadly. "It still hurt so much. Like I'd lost everyone I loved in the world."

He leaned across the pizza carton and kissed her, licking a drop of sauce from her lips. "You hadn't lost me. You just didn't know it."

Kat leaned into his kiss. "If you keep this up, you'll never walk again," she said impishly.

He laughed. "I'd like to think that five times is enough for one day."

She raised her eyebrow quizzically. "Is that really what you think?"

He pushed the carton aside and drew her into his arms. "What do you think?' he said as he kissed her deeply.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, finally emerging, breathless, from the kiss. "I think I'm the one who's not going to be able to walk."

"Anything to keep you trapped here in bed."

She brushed his hair back. "Do you have any idea how much I love you, Howard Dorough?"

"Oh, say that again."

"I love you, Howard Dorough."

"I thought that was what I heard," he chuckled, stroking her face. "It's a shame though."

She stiffened, scared that now, after everything that he was going to reject her for the mistakes that she had made. "A shame?"

"Yeah. Because as much as you love me, it is nothing compared to how much I love you, Katherine Morgan," he said, kissing away the fear he had seen flash across her eyes.

"You do?" A lump formed in her throat. "After everything I've done to hurt you?"

"Yes. Unquestionably. I love you. We've all made mistakes in our lives, and these ones hurt you more than they did me. I love you, and only you."

She settled into his arms, swallowing back her tears. "I could never love anyone other than you. You complete me, Howie. You fill the void in me I didn't even know I had."

He kissed the top of her head, hugging her even closer. "Glad we got that squared away."

Kat laughed.

"Now, my lady. Can I be a real spoilsport and sleep for a while?"

"Of course. Just…Howie? Can I tell you something? About that night?"

He never wanted to even think about that night again, never wanted to think about her with AJ. God, what was going to happen when they saw AJ again? He gulped down his discomfort. "What?"

"That was how I knew…"

"Knew what?"

"How much I loved you. When you called that morning, and I heard your voice. It was the first time that your voice was the first thing I heard in the morning. And I realized. That was the only sound I ever wanted to hear. Each and every morning…"

He twisted around so that he was facing her. "Then it is the only sound you will hear…" he whispered as he began kissing her deeply.

"I thought you were tired…" she giggled, feeling his interest against her thigh.

"Sleep later. Love you now," he growled.

It was hours later that Howie woke to a buzzing sound. It just wouldn't stop. He couldn't figure out what it was. The alarm clock was off. He tried to sit up without rousing Kat, but she raised her head from his chest when he moved, hair wild, a sleepy look on her face. "What?"

"Hello, beautiful," he said. "Sorry to wake you. I just couldn't figure out what that noise was."

She cocked her head, listening. "It's my cell phone. Who would be calling me at," she glanced at the clock, "8 a.m?" Then she turned back to him with a devilish grin. "My, my Mr. Dorough, we've been at this for more than 24 hours. You are a naughty boy."

He laughed. "So go answer the phone so we can get back to it."

She climbed out of bed, pulling her shirt around her and padded into the living room. "Hello?"

"Kat?" a male voice asked. It was familiar but she couldn't place it.

"This is she."

"Its AJ."

She almost dropped the phone.

"Kat? Are you still there?"

"How did you get my number? Did Nick or Kevin…?"

"No, I called Bondon." He laughed shortly, "he's a BSB lawyer so he couldn't refuse one of us."

"What do you want, AJ?" she asked bluntly.

"How are you? Are you okay? I missed you."

"Why?"

He was getting irritated. "So that's it. Blame me for everything."

She sighed. "I don't blame you. I thought it was my fault. You were the one who tried to take responsibility. Why did you do that, AJ? Why did you lie?"

"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell them everything. I was trying to protect you."

"AJ, that is why I left. I did something stupid and I knew it could destroy your friendship with Howie. I left because I couldn't let that happen."

"Stupid? Making love to me was stupid?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't. That night was important to me. I felt something, and you just think it was stupid?" he said angrily.

"AJ…"

"You called me Alex that night," he reminded her.

"Please, I don't want to talk about this."

"But you are talking to Howie, aren't you? I know he's there with you now," he accused.

She turned, seeing Howie leaning against the doorway. Their eyes met, hers with trepidation, his with concern. "Yes, he is here, AJ." Howie stood up straight, surprised to hear who she was speaking to. "And yes we are talking."

"What is he saying? Is he telling you that he forgives you? Don't believe him. Howie has Catholic sensibilities, and that kind of betrayal he doesn't like," AJ said cruelly.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered nervously.

"Please don't listen to him, Kat," he begged. "Please listen to me first. I have to tell you…"

"Tell me what, AJ?"

"I love you, Kat. I want you. I need you. I love you. Please come here, come to ME."

Kat paled so much that Howie stepped forward, there to catch her if she fainted. He grabbed the phone from her hand, "Kat are you okay? Dammit, what did you say to her, AJ?"

AJ sighed heavily. "The truth, D. I told her the truth."

Chapter 21: Discussing truths

"How do you want your eggs?"

Howie sat and watched her as she busied herself in the small kitchen. "Kat, would you just talk to me! Please."

"I was just going to do scrambled, with a little cheese in them. Do you want some coffee? Or tea? I'm going to make some tea."

He sighed. "Why do I get the impression that you are here, but you've run away from me again."

Kat put down the kettle and stared forward at the kitchen wall. "I am still here. I just don't know what to say."

"What did he say to you, Kat?"

"Howie…" She shrugged, trying again to change the subject, "are you sure you don't want some tea?"

"Jesus!" He exploded out of the chair and turned her around so she faced him. "AJ said something to upset you and I want to know what it is!"

"He…"

"Kat, please. You are scaring me."

Kat looked into his eyes, seeing the touch of fear and concern. She reached up and stroked his face, loving the touch of his soft skin under her hand. Finally, she swallowed back the confusion that she felt. "AJ says he is in love with me."

"WHAT?!"

"He said he was in love with me, and asked me to come down there to be with him."

Howie was shocked. "You must have been some dynamo in bed with him, " he said brutally, wanting to lash out.

Kat was astounded by his attack. "Here it is," she thought. "Here's where he shows how he really feels. Here is where I lose him forever."

"I… I'm sorry, Howie," she said softly.

"Sorry? You're sorry? Damn it, Kat." He stalked around the small room trying to burn off the anger. "So I suppose you're going to go running to him?"

"No!" Kat hadn't even considered the possibility. It was Howie or no one. "I love you, not him. I mean I care about him; he's a friend, but… No."

"Pretty close friend, hunh?" Howie sneered, letting his jealousy get the better of him. "You like that with all your friends?"

He was rocked back as she slapped him hard across the face. "Get out," she said tensely.

"Kat…"

"Get out of my house. Get out of my life. Stay the fuck away from me, Howie."

She walked down the hall into the bedroom. He was about to follow her in when his shirt hit him. She threw his pants at him, too. And he only just managed to duck the shoes. "I want you out of here. I want all of you out of here. I never want to see you, hear from you, or your gang of jerks, again."

"You don't…" he started, but she cut him off. "I do mean it, Howie. I am tired of this, and I am tired of running. I love you. I don't know why AJ is saying those things. But I am not going to let myself sit in the middle of this anymore."

"So that's it? We are over?"

"Damn it, you had every reason before to be angry. I betrayed you. But you said you forgive me and that we could move on." She looked him straight in the eyes, "Now this comes along, and you fly into a rage."

"How am I supposed to feel? My best friend not only slept with the woman I love, but now he is in love with her?"

"Did I ever say that I was in love with him? No. Look, Howie, I told you what happened that night; and I do care about AJ. As a friend. Nothing more."

"Really?"

Kat thought about it for a second. Yes, she had still wanted AJ, but that was before she and Howie had reconciled. She would always have good sexual memories of that night, but Howie made her whole. Gods, he barely had to touch her and she was in ecstasy. She searched her mind, her heart, for any twinge of desire for AJ. There was none.

"Truly."

"So why is he…"

"I don't know. Maybe there was more going on in his head at the time that I realized. He's always been a private person, despite his out-there personality. You know him better than I do, you tell me why he is doing this."

Howie sighed, jealousy receding. He though over AJ's behaviour for the past few months. He had been acting strangely, and Howie had just put it down to guilt. "He had been fighting with Kimberley…"

"Maybe that's it. I mean Nick was hurting so much over Jordan. We all knew that; he was having a tough time hiding his feelings. But AJ is such a flirt. He was carrying on with everyone, same as usual. Maybe he was hiding something."

She thought for a second. "Maybe it is about something Kevin once said to me."

"What was that?"

"That first night, when I met you? AJ and I got into that fight at the club. Kevin said that AJ was jealous of anyone who came near you, anyone who might come between your friendship. I mean, two to have been best friends forever, he looks up to you."

"So you think he confused his feelings for me with those for you?"

"Maybe."

"So what do we do about it?"

"That is for you to decide." Kat continued, "Howie, I left once before because I was afraid that my sleeping with him would destroy your friendship. I still feel that way. I love you, and it would kill me not to see you anymore, but you and AJ…the Backstreet Boys. I'm sorry, but that is more important than how I feel about you."

"What about how I feel about you? I promised you this morning that I would never leave your side again and I meant it."

Kat was starting to lose strength. She was trying so hard to be tough, to let him go if he needed to. He better do it soon, because she couldn't stand to be this selfless for much longer. "You meant it, yes. At the time."

"You are saying that we are over because AJ is confused?" Howie asked in disbelief.

"I'd rather let you go like this, than any other way."

He stared at her. "Fine."

He reached down and started to put his clothes on. Kat blinked back tears, heart shattering inside her. He really was leaving. It really was over.

He pulled his shirt on, buttoned it quickly. "Well? Are you coming?"

"What?"

"I want some breakfast."

"Howie…"

"You really thought that I would walk out on you? No way, Kat. Whatever AJ's problems are we can work them out later. Together. You and I are in it for the long haul."

The tears she had held back slid rapidly down her face as she flung herself into his arms. He smiled as he absorbed the impact of her body, holding her closely. "I love you, Kat," he whispered in her ear, then held her even tighter as a fresh bout of sobs wracked her frame.

"I thought you were…" she choked out.

He kissed her tears away, stroking her back. "Never." Then captured her mouth with his, moaning as he drunk in her sweetness. She moaned, aroused by his touch.

"Gods, don't ever do this to me again," she whispered. "Don't ever break down every wall I have around me and then kiss me like that."

He chuckled into her throat and he nibbled on her flesh, "so you have no defenses against me, then?"

His hands were stroking her breasts through the thin fabric of her shirt. "None."

"Good. It makes storming your castle so much easier," he said as he pushed her back on the bed.

"Why, Sir Howard, are you trying to get me to let down my drawbridge?" she murmured sensually as she ran her tongue along his chest.

He groaned as her hands slipped beneath his pants, fondling his rear end. "Yes, baby."

"I prefer my Knights without the shining armour," she chuckled.

And he hurriedly complied.

Chapter 22: Surprise Landings

"I am NEVER going shopping with you again," Kat laughed as she put the huge pile of bags in the truck of the car.

"What? I needed clothes. I didn't bring any with me. I was in too much of a hurry to get to you," Howie said as he put his arms around her and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Well… if you put it that way."

He chuckled. "Besides, I had to get you out of that "refugee on the run" wardrobe you had."

She smiled sadly. That as exactly what it had been. Dull colours designed to make her fade into the background.

"Hey. No sad eyes, okay, love?" She looked into his anxious brown eyes, and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Never again. I promise."

"Come on. I want to get back to the hotel and pack all this stuff up. The flight leaves in three hours."

Howie had insisted that she leave her shabby apartment in Kingston. To come with him to Orlando. To forget the past heartbreaking three months and be with him. She didn't need much convincing. She didn't have much to pack. He hated everything that would remind either of them of their time apart, and decreed that they needed to go shopping for new clothes before they left. Never argue with this man on the subject of shopping; he had very interesting ways to convince you that he was right.

He also had excellent taste. The clothes he insisted she try on were glorious. A riot of colours, each one seeming to set off her features perfectly. The only disagreement that had was over a brilliant white silk dress that she refused to consider.

"It'll make me look like a whale. White is not flattering to fat people."

"You are not fat. You are perfect."

"No, Howie."

"Come on. Look at it. That neckline will emphasize your beautiful breasts and the waist will glide over your skin. That dress was made for you."

"It will make me look pasty."

"It will make you look tasty," he mimicked as he hugged her. "Please? For me?"

"You are not playing fair," she whispered into his ear before nipping it lightly. He groaned.

"Now who is not being fair," he said pulling her closer.

"I am. And I am going to win this one. Not that dress, Howie," she said as she arched her body against his, feeling his interest, then slipping out of his arms and walking down the aisle.

"Cheat!" he accused her when he caught up to her. "Okay, this one then…" he held up a royal blue shirt. That she could agree on and slipped into the change room.

Buying clothes for him was even worse. Howie wasn't vain… okay, so maybe a little…but he knew what he wanted and was quite insistent on it. Shirts, ties, suits, the pile got bigger and bigger, and she just shook her head in wonder.

"Howie? Why do you need all this stuff if we are going home?"

"I like the sound of that."

"What?"

"'Us' and 'home'. That is something I could get used to."

The knock on the door was brusque, and AJ opened it quickly, blinking at the bright sunlight. Kevin stood there, a serious expression on his face.

"So I suppose she sent you over to talk to me?" he said, words slurred a little.

"You're drunk," Kevin stated.

"Give this man a prize." AJ turned away. "Go away, Train."

"No. We need to talk. You heard that Kat is back?"

"Yeah. I talked to her."

Kevin looked at him in confusion, "she called you?"

"No, I called her. Didn't Howie send you over to tell me to keep away?" AJ had thought that was why he was there.

"No. I just got back. I came straight from the airport. How did you find out where she was?' Kevin asked, curious.

AJ ignored the question, countering with one of his own. "Want a drink?"

"No," Kevin said and took the bottle out of AJ's hand. "And you don't want anymore, either. I need to talk to you and I want some straight answers."

AJ grunted and turned away.

"AJ. Look at me," Kevin turned the slighter man around. "Kat said you lied about that night. I want to know what really happened."

"She didn't tell you?"

Kevin shook his head. "She wouldn't talk about it other than that. I left soon after."

"And you left Howie there." AJ grabbed the bottle of scotch, unscrewed the top quickly and raised the bottle in a mock salute. "Well congratulations, Kevin. Now he's going to get her back and I am screwed," he said before taking a big gulp of the strong alcohol.

Kevin was stunned. "What do you mean 'you're screwed'?"

"You guys never gave me a chance did you?" AJ said rhetorically. "It was all 'call Howie.' No one even thought to let me know. To let me have a chance."

Comprehension finally dawned. "You didn't just sleep with her, did you? You made love to her. You're in love with Kat."

"Give this man another prize! We have a winner," AJ said sarcastically as he took another swig, then collapsed in the chair. "If you had just giving me a few minutes to talk to her. I could have convinced her…" He trailed off, a tear falling down his face.

Kevin sighed. This was getting worse by the minute.

Kat raised her head from Howie's shoulder sleepily. "Where are we?"

"At the airport, sleepyhead."

"Which terminal?" she asked, not recognizing where the car had pulled up.

"I forgot. I told Kev but not you. When I found out where you were I came as soon as I could, but there were no more flights to Toronto. So I chartered a plane."

Kat eyes shone with tears, "you did that to find me?"

He kissed softly. "Anything to get to you."

"I'm going to cry."

"Too late," he chuckled as he kissed her tears away.

"Gods, do you know how much I love you, Howie?"

"I think I have some inkling. And I'd really like to stay here and find out, but we do have a plane to catch," he smiled as he kissed her nose.

She wrinkled and wiped it quickly. "You keep doing that. Stop it. It's annoying."

"You are such a grouch when you haven't gotten enough sleep."

"Who's fault is that, studmuffin?" she smirked as she got out of the car and took her bags from the driver, smiling her thanks.

Howie walked over to the pilot who stood waiting and talked to him briefly. The man nodded and climbed into the cockpit, starting up the engines as Howie and Kat put the bags in the hold and the climbed into the jet.

"Wow! This is nice." Kat said as she looked around at the cabin.

"No, this is nice, "Howie said as he buckled her into the seat next to him and then pulled her head down on his shoulder. "Go back to sleep, baby. I'll wake you when we get there."

Kat snuggled into him. "Howie?"

"Hmm?"

"I love falling asleep in your arms," she murmured drowsily.

"I love it, too" he said, looking down at her slumbering face.

The sound of the engines slowing woke Kat. She had slept the whole flight. She raised her head, then noticed that Howie was dozing as well. The beam from the overhead light hit his face at such an angle that he looked like an angel; a god with halo intact. How did I get so lucky? Kat thought as she watched his still visage. Then he moved slightly and his eyes opened, their powerful gaze sweeping across her. She felt her mouth go dry as she looked into them. He smiled and her heart quickened. He leaned in and kissed her, soft lips caressing hers. She couldn't repress a small moan, and flicked her tongue along his bottom lip.

"How do you feel about the Mile High Club?" she whispered.

He smiled. "Is that an invitation to join?"

"We could join together," she said huskily, the double meaning clear in her voice.

"God," he groaned as he captured her mouth again. "You know just what to say. Unfortunately I don't think we are Mile High anymore. I think we are landing."

Kat looked out the window. It was still dark, but the neon lights were vibrant. She frowned. "I don't think we are in Orlando."

"No, we're not," he said.

"Where are we?"

"Las Vegas."

She was surprised and confused. "Las Vegas? Why are we here? Is there a concert here or something?"

"No."

"Howie, what is going on?"

"We are here for a reason. There's something we need to do before we can go back to Florida."

"You are starting to worry me. What are you talking about? What do we need to do?"

"We need to get married."

Chapter 23: Reasons

"Forget it," Kat said stubbornly. She had fought with him about this the entire trip from the airport to the hotel. Now she refused to leave the room, afraid he would trick her once again.

"You don't love me?"

"Gods!" she exploded. "I love you so much it hurts. It is killing me to see that wounded look on your face and to know I caused it. But I can't marry you, Howie."

"Why? You haven't given me a good reason."

"I can't be trusted."

He sighed, exasperated. "You are not going to start this again are you? Yes; you slept with AJ. That is in the past. It's over, let's move on. I love you, and I promised you I would never leave your side again. I mean it, and I want you to be my wife."

"Its not just AJ. It's… I haven't told you the whole truth about me," she said turning away.

He looked at her silently, waiting for her to continue.

"There are a lot of reasons why we can't get married."

"Like what?"

"I'm older than you."

"I know how old you are, Kat."

"No, you don't. I told you I was 30. I'm older than that. I'm…"

"34."

She gaped at him. "You knew?"

"You gave me your passport to hold when you were checking into the hotel in Orlando, before Brian's barbecue, remember? I peeked."

"And you never said anything?"

He shrugged his shoulders; "it never mattered. Doesn't now."

Kat could tell that one excuse wasn't going to work and so she moved on to her next one. "I'm not Catholic. I'm hardly even Christian."

He laughed, "You always say 'gods.' It’s a dead giveaway. Not news to me."

"But Howie, you are Catholic. And it does matter. You even want a big Catholic wedding. A quickie Las Vegas one isn't going to cut it."

"I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want to have children with you, to grow old with you. I could care less about the ceremony, just as long as that happens," he said, pulling her into his arms, trying to reassure him, but she pushed him back and walked away. He could see how pale she looked suddenly and was about to go over to here, but she held her hand up, signaling him to stay put.

"Then here is where I dash any of your hopes," she said dully. "I can't marry you because I had an abortion when I was 18. It was a little complicated and I don't think I can have children."

That stopped him. "What…?"

"It was an accident, obviously." She laughed humorlessly, "My first lover. He made a lot of promises about how nothing would happen, and when it did he couldn't leave fast enough. My parents helped me through, but I can never forget the disappointment in their eyes. When the bleeding started afterwards…"

"Oh, Kat," he held onto her so tightly. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"It was hardly fit dinner conversation. And I really never thought it would come up."

"Even after all I said, you never believed I would stay, did you?"

She had started down on this path of absolute honesty; she had to finish it. "No. I thought, if anything, we would have a happy affair for a few years. But that would be all."

He turned her around, facing him and brushed back her hair with his strong hands, cupping her face. "I love you. And I want you to be by my side for the rest of my, our, life. None of this matters. Just that you say yes."

Kat was crying in earnest now. "I can’t, Howie. I've broken every law that you believe in. I'm not worthy of you. I'm sorry, I can't."

"Please, Kat," he begged.

"I know why you are doing this. You are doing this just because of AJ. You are doing this because he says he's in love with me, and you want to beat him at this. I am not a game, Howie. And I am not marrying you," she said angrily and fled to the bathroom before he could stop her.

He watched her go. Unable to stop her. Aware that some of what she said was true. He didn’t want AJ to get anywhere near her. Was afraid of what would happen. The other things hurt too. He did want a big wedding, with his family and friends there to celebrate the love he had found. And the idea of not having children with Kat's twinkling eyes and her intelligence. That was unthinkable.

He walked over to the phone. "Kevin? Hi, it's Howie. How's Nick?"

"And the charges are being dropped? That's good."

"No, its not going so well," he sighed. "I thought it was but we've hit a snag."

"Yeah, he called."

"He told her."

"I don't know why. I can't blame him; I love her, too. There is so much there to love."

"No, it isn't helping."

"We should be there tomorrow or the day after. We need a little time."

"Okay. I'll call later."

He walked over to his suitcase and opened it. He pulled out a long, specially wrapped bundle and opened it to reveal the white dress that he had so admired. He placed it flat on the bed and then pulled the small jewel case from his pocket. He opened it, gazing at the lustrous diamond, then sighed and put it down on the bed beside the dress.

"Canadian officials confirm that all charges against Nickolas Carter of the Backstreet Boys have been dropped. Another suspect is in custody on the charge of sexual assault. A spokesperson for the pop group expressed sadness that a crime had been committed, but relief that Mr. Carter had been cleared of all allegations."

Kat pushed another button on the remote, changing channels.

"Insiders report that an unnamed witness is responsible for the dismissal of the charges against the youngest member of the group, Backstreet Boys. A spokesperson confirms that some last minute evidence was brought to light, however, none of the band members themselves have commented…"

"So, now they know," Howie said as he moved closer to her.

"I'm happy for Nick. He can really relax now," she said, as she slipped down under the covers, cuddling up against his warm, firm, muscular body.

"We'll have to go tomorrow. That's probably why they haven't said anything; they're waiting for you."

"Oh great. I'm going to be in the middle of media circus," she groaned.

"Sorry about that. I'll be there to pull you through."

"You will?" she said, as she nibbled on his earlobe. "You'll pull me through?"

"More like pull you on," he responded huskily, kissing her neck.

"Oh, I'd like that…" she whispered as she covered his body with hers, kissing his throat and flicking her tongue over his chest. He hand slipped down under the covers, stroking his growing erection. "Is that what I am going to be pulled onto?"

He groaned as her fingers expertly worked their magic. "Yeah. Is it off any interest?"

She straddled his waist, then impaled herself on him, bearing down hard. He moaned loudly as her slick walls closed around him tightly, gripping her thighs and shifting his hips. She rode him hard, fast, deeply, bringing them both to orgasm fast, then collapsing on him with one last wild cry of joy.

He flipped her onto her back, and licked the sweat off of her breasts, sucking on her nipples, making them, and him, hard again. She was making the soft purring noises that he loved so much, and he buried his face into her stomach, biting and nibbling as he worked his way down to her thighs. He lifted one leg up, running his firm tongue along the sensitive skin on the back of her thigh. He moved his attention to her other leg, then slid a finger inside her, delighting in her wetness. He slid another finger in, then moved his mouth onto her. She was writhing now, and he was forced to hold her down as he licked, sucked and nibbled on her swollen clit. He slid a damp finger down her, caressing her anus lightly. She shrieked with pleasure and he slowly slid the tip of his finger in, as his tongue plunged into her. He could feel her orgasm build, but pulled away when she was getting too close.

She looked at him with passion enflamed eyes, and pulled his mouth down on hers, whispering in his mouth, "fuck me, Howie. Fuck me, hard."

He needed no further invitation and penetrated her quickly, brutally. He lifted one leg up, over his shoulder as he thrust deeper and deeper into her. She was gasping for breath, forcing her hips up to meet his. "Faster, harder," she begged as she slammed herself forward, pulling him in more and more.

This time it was she who moved her finger around him, plunging it deep into his asshole. It was unexpected and he jerked harshly in her, crying out his pleasure.

The bed shook ominously as he pounded into her willing flesh. Her fingernails dug into his back, arousing him further. They had never been like this before; so violent, so fierce. He wanted to overpower her, to be mastered himself. "You like this, Kat? You want it harder?" he panted.

"Gods, yes! Fuck me, Howie. Just keep on fucking me," she moaned, then arched her back sharply as her orgasm swept closer and closer.

"You are mine. Only mine. Say it, Kat."

"I'm yours, Howie. Oh! Oh! Howie!" she screamed as she came in a wild burst, his orgasm roaring through him at the same time. "Kat! My Kat! Oh God!"

Chapter 24: Back to BSB-Land

He rolled over, one arm falling across the empty sheets. It took a second for his sleep-hazed brain to realize that something was missing, then sat up quickly. Kat was sitting in a chair by the window, wrapped in a blanket, watching the sunrise. He could tell by the expression on her face that something was troubling her.

"Hey," he said softly.

She turned to him, eyes haunted.

"What’s wrong?"

She just shook her head.

"Come back to bed."

She shook her head again, this time more vehemently.

"Kat talk to me," he pleaded as he edged to the foot of the bed.

"What was that, Howie?"

"What?"

"That, that. Last night. That wasn’t me, that wasn’t you, in the bed last night."

He thought back to their lovemaking session, and realized that she was right. There had been little or no "love" the second time. Just sex. Raw sex.

"I…"

"That was just sex, Howie," she said bitterly, articulating his thoughts. "Is that the way it’s going to be from now on?"

"No! It…I don’t know…"

"He’s always going to be there, between us, isn’t he? No matter what we do?"

He knew whom she was talking about. He’d been the one who had passed on those "techniques" one late night on the tour bus.

"Guys talk, Kat," trying to explain, knowing it wasn’t adequate.

"Yeah, well, I don’t want to be a practice session for locker room conversation." She turned back to the window, looking out at the orange sky. "I don’t want to be sleeping with AJ."

"I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was seeing his face on that news report last night. I just..."

"I have apologized for that as much as I can. I have tried to show you how much you mean to me and how much I regret that night. If you are going to punish me for it for the rest of our lives… I can’t handle that, Howie."

"Please, I’m sorry. It won’t ever happen again. Please come back to bed, Kat."

"No"

"Please."

"I am not getting into that bed again," she spat

He looked at her, realizing the depths of her animosity and apprehension. Silently he rose, grabbed the pillows from the bed, and cushions from the sofa. He made a small nest for them on the floor, away from the offending mattress.

Kat watching him, the play of muscles in his back as he organized the pile of pillows, his firm naked buttocks. He was like a Michelangelo statue come to life, so perfect in form. She had to swallow back tears as she realized what he was doing, trying to build a retreat for them, away from the actions of last night.

"Come to this bed, Kat?" He asked, holding his hand out to her, and she threw herself in his arms.

The plane that Howie had chartered had been sent back soon after their arrival in Las Vegas. So the only way back to Orlando was a commercial flight. It wasn’t so bad, except that with the Boys’ faces being flashed on television screens across the country in the aftermath of Nick’s release, it was hard to go anywhere without a storm of whispers following them.

Arriving in Orlando was worse. The group still hadn’t made a public statement, were cloistered from the press. The only people not yet in seclusion were Howie and Kat, so it was open season on them. Howie had called ahead, letting Brian know when they were arriving and the other man had arranged for a limo to pick them up. The only problem was getting through the mob to the car.

Kat got as many questions thrown at her as Howie did. Some of the reporters had done their homework and recognized her from the picture on the Boys’ official site. She ducked her head, clinging to Howie, and ran with him to the waiting car.

"Okay, that was a mess," Howie said as they settled back in the plush seats.

‘Why haven’t they said anything? A public statement would calm things down," Kat complained.

He shrugged. "I told you. Nick wants you to be there when they finally speak. You’re going to be famous."

"Great," Kat groaned.

"Hey, I’m used to this. I’ll help you through. We’ll just make the announcement and then things will move on to some other scandal. It’ll be old news by the end of the week."

"It better," she muttered. She was a little grumpy from lack of sleep, and Howie’s desire to show her that he was "back to normal" this morning had worn her out. It was a very, very happy worn out, but she was exhausted nonetheless.

"Did you ever see the movie No Way Out?" he asked as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her head.

"Yeah? Oh no, Howie…not the limousine scene," she giggled. "You are going to be the death of me."

"What a way to go," he whispered huskily in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

She snuggled closer to him, smelling the light fragrance of his cologne, feeling her strong arms wrap tighter around her. "I like this."

"Hmm?"

"Just being in your arms."

"Good. Because you are going to be stuck like this for a very long time."

Kat dozed lightly, safe in his embrace, until they pulled in front of the studio. "Here? Why here?" she asked as she looked around.

"There’ s a huge meeting room at the front. That’s where they are going to hold the press conference. Come on."

He led her in the back entrance, towards the room where the others waited. She was uneasy, afraid to see them all again for the first time in so long.

"Howie, just a sec. I’m going to the washroom. Wait for me?"

He nodded and she slipped into the room, splashing water over her tired face and putting on a little makeup. "Not great, but it’ll do," she thought.

Howie was down the hall, talking to someone. He recognized Brian’s dark blond tresses and walked forward. Howie saw her approach and smiled, Brian, turning also, in greeting. She had almost reached them when a door behind her opened and two arms grabbed her quickly, pulling her into the room. She shrieked a little in surprise before focussing on whom had captured her. The room was dark, and she heard the click of the door being locked and then the flick of the light switch.

"AJ."

"Kat," he breathed softly, then kissed her.

She could feel the velvety softness of his lips, but didn’t return the kiss. Behind her she could hear Howie pounding on the door, calling her name. She pushed AJ away, and tried to open the door, but his hand held onto the handle.

"Howie. I’m okay. I just need to talk to AJ," she called, hoping her heard her through the heavy door, and turned back to the man in front of her.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you. I love you and I want to have a chance."

"It’s not going to work, AJ. I love Howie."

"That night meant something to you too, Kat. I know it did," he insisted, stroking her arms lightly.

Howie was still hammering on the door when Brian pulled him back.

"D! They are in the sound booth. We can see them if we go down the hall."

"If he hurts her…" Howie muttered as he and the other three men walked down the hallway. Kevin and Nick had come running out once they heard the ruckus. They glanced worriedly at each other and followed Howie and Brian into the control room. They could see Kat and AJ through the glass, arguing. Kevin had to physically restrain him when he saw AJ kiss Kat, but calmed down when she pushed him away.

"Where’s the sound button?" he asked, looking at the control panel.

"No." Brian said firmly, covering the knob with his hand.

"B-rok…"

"No, Howie. They have to talk. We know she’s okay. Just let them get it over with."

Howie looked at the others, searching for support, but it was plain that Nick and Kevin agreed with Brian.

"Howie, Kat is a part of your life, and so is AJ. We have to let them straighten this out," Nick said sympathetically.

"But…"

"Do you really think that she’d give up on you now?" Kevin asked softly.

Howie looked back at the scene being played on the other side of the glass. Kat continued to push AJ away and was arguing quite forcefully with him. "No. She wouldn’t. I just…"

"You’re worried about her. Don’t be. She can hold her own," Kevin replied.

"Can she, Train? She left before because of this," he asked, scared of the possibility.

"That was different. In the last few days she has stood up to a lot of trials. Has she backed down?" Howie shook his head. "She’s not afraid anymore. She loves you and knows you love her. You do love her, don’t you?"

"Of course!"

"Then trust her. Let her deal with AJ. Just be there for her if it hurts."

"Hurts? Why should I hurt?" Howie was anxious again.

Nick piped in; "D. Whatever else happened Kat and AJ have been friends. She jumped to my rescue pretty damn fast; I doubt she likes having to wound another friend. And she is going to." He nodded to the window where they could see Kat trying to explain something to an AJ who was shaking his head.

"I can’t believe you just took him back. Not even talking to me about it first," AJ raged.

"AJ, he was my boyfriend. I betrayed him. I am damn lucky he even wanted to see me. Why would I check with you first?"

"That night…"

"That night was incredible, and I will always remember it. You gave me affection when I needed it. But that was all it was, AJ. Two people reaching out for each other."

"It was more than that for me."

"I didn’t know that AJ. I am sorry, but it wasn’t for me."

He was lost in memory; "I’d been falling harder and harder for you for ages. You always made me laugh, stood up to me when I was being a jerk, stood by me when I was upset."

"That’s what friends do."

He looked at her with hurt eyes. "And you’re saying that is all we are? Friends?"

"Yes."

"No, I don’t believe it. Tell Howie that you need some time. Be with me for a while. I’ll prove to you that this is more than just friends."

Kat sighed. She really didn’t want to have to do this, but the younger man wouldn’t see sense.

"Howie and I didn’t come straight here from Toronto."

He was confused by the sudden change in conversation. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"We stopped in Las Vegas. He asked me to marry him."

"What?"

"He’s my husband, AJ. We got married last night."

Chapter 25: Meet the Press

"How could he be used to this?" Kat wondered as she sat listening to the constant shouts and flashing of camera bulbs. The heat from the television lights was started to get to her and she shifted nervously in her seat. Howie put his arm protectively around her waist, and whispered, "I’m right here. It’ll be over soon."

She smiled at him, and shook her head. "No, it won’t. It’s only just started."

He sat back, knowing it was true. He had lived with this life, being in the spotlight, for years. But Kat had always avoided the limelight, even when the world knew they were dating. Having her face run across the internet didn’t help, well, except for helping him find her again. Being the person who helped to clear up Nick’s dilemma had put her firmly in a place she didn’t want to be. He looked at Kevin, on the other side of Kat and flashed him a look of concern.

Kevin caught the look, and glanced worriedly at Kat. She’d been through a lot in the last few days, hell in the last hour. He, like Howie, longed to take her away from this, and just talk to her. His friend. The one who had disappeared and he hadn’t had a chance to speak to. He knew that her dialogue with Howie had to come before any with him, and then the one with AJ. That had been an unanticipated conversation, but one he also had to let go ahead of him.

He reached over to her, squeezing his hand, trying to give her strength. Kat nodded, acknowledging the attempt, but still couldn’t look up. She had just done the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She loved AJ and hated hurting him. But he had to understand, that as much as she loved him it was as a friend, not more. They had had a rocky friendship, and that night hadn’t helped any. Gods, it had been good. She never thought he could be so tender, so considerate. There was still a part of her that wanted him. Wanted the way he’d been that night.

But all Howie had to do was look at her and thoughts of every other man on the planet disappeared. She never thought she’d ever love anyone that deeply. It warmed her and terrified her all at once. But she’d never run away from it again. It had hurt too much. She’d be with him for as long as he wanted her, forever if need be. Despite it all she still couldn’t totally believe that he wanted her. She was a nobody, just a woman, and not a great looking one at that. Her nose was still crooked, her chin chubby, her head given to the occasional gray hair. And he said he loved her. He….

"Miss Morgan? What was it that you said to convince the authorities in Canada?"

A direct question to her. Ye gods! She took a deep breath, hoping her voice didn’t crack. "I just told them what I remembered. It confirmed what Nick and the others had told them."

"But there must have been more?" the reporter said, trying to lead her on.

"There was some evidence that I was able to shed some more light on. I am afraid that I can’t say more because the investigation is ongoing. Nick is, however, cleared of all charges and that is what is important."

"Miss Morgan, you were dating one of the Backstreet Boys at the time…"

"Yes," she replied, glancing at Howie who grinned.

"How can we be sure that your testimony wasn’t faked?"

She was starting to get annoyed. "If the Prosecutor’s office in Toronto verified it and judged it true who are you to call me a liar."

"Come on, Miss Morgan. This case has dragged on for months, then you suddenly appear and poof, it all goes away," the journalist insisted.

"As soon as I heard about the charges I came forward. The authorities knew where I had been in that time, and confirmed my testimony."

"This has been world-wide news. Where were you? In a loony bin or something?" chimed in another reporter.

"Let me guess. You’re from the National Enquirer or something?"

The man flushed, and Kat knew she had gotten him.

"Tell me. Mr. Tabloid. How do you know that aliens didn’t abduct me? Maybe I was with Elvis? Maybe I was on an eat nothing but radishes diet and couldn’t move?" Kat leaned in, "I realize that you are looking for some sort of titillating secret tale of woe, but the truth is I was out of the country on an extended study program. When I returned I found out about this incident and came forward. Nick was exonerated. There’s your story. Now go write something real for a change," she finished dismissively.

"Bravo," Kevin said.

"Right on, Kat" Brian concurred.

Nick laughed, and shot her an admiring glance and then turned back to the media circus in front of him. He tried to make light of the situation. "I think that pretty much sums it up. Thank you very much for coming."

"Wait!" AJ said. "I have to agree with the gentleman," he indicated the tabloid reporter. "There is more to this story."

"Oh gods. He wouldn’t!" Kat turned frantically to Howie, who was looking at his friend in shock. AJ had elected to sit as far away from the couple as possible, and had said as little as he could. He couldn’t leave; they needed a united front. But he was not going down without a fight.

"Kat and Howie were dating at the time, and though she’s been away, I think they have something to say," AJ looked down at the nervous couple, eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.

"What do you mean, Bone?" Howie asked lightly.

"Don’t you two have an announcement to make?" AJ insisted. He was positive that Kat had lied, that she was willing to say anything to keep him at arms length. Sure Howie may have proposed, but the rest, no way.

Howie glanced quickly at Kat, she gave him an apologetic look. "I had to. He wouldn’t listen," she explained quietly.

Howie knew how stubborn the other man could be when he wanted to and nodded. "Yes, actually, AJ. Thank you for reminding me."

All attention had turned to their end of the long table.

"Kat and I are engaged."

"Omigod!" Kevin jumped out of his seat and gave Kat a huge hug. Nick and Brian were not far behind, both shaking Howie’s hand. AJ was the only one left sitting.

The man from the National Enquirer looked at him curiously, sensing there was more to this.

"Howie? You and Kat took a long time to get here from Toronto. Kevin was back two days ago, just before the news broke. What took you so long to get here?" he asked bluntly.

"Weren’t you listening? They were getting engaged," Brian said.

"Your flight didn’t even come in from Toronto. I came in from," he looked at his notes. "Las Vegas."

"We had trouble getting a flight out of Canada," Kat said smoothly, hoping that this would be the end of it.

"But..."

Kat locked gazes with Kevin, as Howie had with Nick, signaling that they weren’t going to say anything more in public. The two men firmly stated that the press conference is over and hustled the group out of the room.

"Okay, what’s going on?" Brian said, as soon as they were in private.

"AJ, how could you?" Kat said angrily, turning on him.

"I told you. I don’t believe you. I love you and you’ll just say anything to try and keep me away."

Kat looked nervously around the room. "We knew," Brian said silently.

She looked at Howie, then back at the other man. "AJ. You are my friend and I care a great deal about you. You were there when I needed someone."

"Kat…" Howie started, but she put up her hand stopping him.

"I appreciate it, AJ. I do. But, for me, there wasn’t anything more to it than two friends helping each other."

"It was more than that," he insisted.

"No, AJ. It wasn’t." she said firmly.

He stood silent.

"AJ you say you love me, but then you go and betray my confidence in you. Publicly. I’m sorry that doesn’t cut it. I offered you my friendship again and then you do this," she shook her head. "I want to rebuild, AJ. But I love Howie. There is no room for anyone else in my life."

Howie came up behind her and hugged her, kissing her neck. "I guess we better come clean," he said.

He turned to the others. "Kat and I aren’t engaged. We just said that because we wanted to make plans and everything with our family and friends. We got married last night."

"And you didn’t say anything?" Nick squeaked as he flung his arms around the two.

"Didn’t have a chance, Frack," he smiled as the blond man landed on him.

"Mrs. Dorough?" Kevin asked with a huge grin on his face.

"Yes, Mr. Richardson?" Kat smiled.

"Sounds good, hunh?"

Kat looked at Howie, all the love she felt for him shining on her face. "Yeah."

Brian laughed and pointed, "look, she glows!"

"Shut up B-rok or I’ll sic that dog of yours on you. Tyke and I have a special understanding; he’d do it."

"So, Mrs. Dorough? Want to go home?" Howie whispered in her ear.

She turned and gazed into his deep brown eyes, falling in love with him all over again. She reached over and ran her fingertip along his firm jawline, "yes, Mr. Dorough."

She glanced around the room. AJ had left. Brian noticed her look. "He’ll come around. It’s okay. Just give him a little time."

"I hope, B," she sighed. "Whatever else, he’s a good friend. And I don’t want to lose that. Howie doesn’t either."

"We’ll talk to him, we’ll get through," Howie assured her, kissing her cheek.

Chapter 26: Wedding Plans

A short, strawberry blonde-haired girl opened the door. "Can I help you?"

"I hope so. I'm looking for Kimberley?"

"Oh, yeah. She's up in her room. Come on." She stomped up the stairs, yelling Kim's name loudly.

"What?" Kim's husky voice responded.

"Someone to see you," the other girl called.

Kim emerged from a room to the left of the hallway. She hadn't changed much. Still statuesque and beautiful. The kind of girl who reminded you of that like from Ricky Martin's Living La Vida Loca: "her skin the colour mocha." She looked at me, surprised.

"Hi, Kim? Remember me? Kat. I'm a friend of Howie's?"

"More than a friend if what I heard the other day is true," she replied, and though Kat tried hard to stop it, it was a reflex action now, she grinned happily.

"Yeah, that's me. Can we talk about..."

Kim cut her off. "Come in here. It'll be quieter." She led Kat into her bedroom. "Sorry. It's just Lexie is a new room mate, only two months now, and I don't want to talk about who I think you are here to talk about with her."

"So you know why I'm here?"

"Why else would Howie's fiancé show up on my door?"

"Kim, I thought I was more than just that. I though we were friends," Kat said, trying hard to re-establish the rapport that they had had months ago.

"What do you want to say, Kat?" Kim asked bluntly.

"I have a story to tell you, and then a question to ask. Will you listen?"

"It's about AJ, though?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "If you want me to get back together with him you are talking to the wrong person. He dumped me. Weeks ago."

"Please listen to me, Kim?"

"Fine."

"Kim, you are also going to need to promise to listen to all I have to say. Some of it will be hard. But, please promise."

Kim looked at her curiously, then nodded her assent.

Kat sat down on the bed, indicating that Kim should do likewise. She took a deep breath and began.

"A little over three months ago, the guys came to Toronto for an appearance. You didn't accompany AJ."

"I had to work."

"I know. But things between the two of you were rocky at the time. No, he didn't say anything, and I don't know what was going on. I don't want to know; that's your business. But AJ was hurting a lot, and none of us realized how much at the time."

"I…he…"

"Kim, I said that's your business. What I have to tell you is different from that."

Kim hung her head and signaled Kat to continue.

"As I was saying, AJ was hurting about something, and none of us knew what. He covers it well; always bouncing around and flirting. But it was what happened later that…"

Kat stopped, taking another deep breath. "Howie and I were also fighting. About something ridiculous, but it seemed important at the time. AJ was there for me."

Kim looked at her, shocked.

"AJ and I slept together." Kat said plainly.

"Jesus! Why are you telling me this?" Kim exploded off the bed.

"I have to, Kim. You promised you'd listen."

"I made that promise before…"

"But you made it, Kim. Listen. Please. There is more and it gets worse."

"You slept with my boyfriend! How does that get worse?"

"AJ thinks he's in love with me."

"Get out!"

"Kim, please…"

"Just get out! I don't want to hear anymore."

Kat stood her ground. "Tough. You are going to. AJ thinks he's in love m, but he's not. And I am not in love with him. What happened was a mistake."

"How can you not feel anything for him?" she said incredulously.

"Did I say that? No. I care about AJ a great deal. He was there for me when I needed someone. And the sex…"

"I don't want to hear that either!"

But Kat continued ruthlessly, " The sex was great." Then quietly, "but that was all it was."

"Does Howie…"

"Howie knows. That was part of why I left. Disappeared. I couldn't handle what I had done. I left and hid from it for months. If I hadn't found out about Nick's rape charge I would probably still be hiding now."

Kim sat heavily on the bed. "I don't believe this."

"Kim? I love Howie. Always have. Always will. Kevin says it was love at first sight, and I think he's right. That's not the issue. What is an issue it the way AJ is acting. He is not in love with me, no matter what he says." She laughed wryly. "I'm not that good in bed."

Kim laughed dully.

"I think AJ is saying this because of something else. Something that happened even before he arrived in Toronto. I think you know what it is."

Kim turned away. "I thought you said you weren't going to ask."

"And I am not asking now. What I wanted you to know is what has been going on with him for the past while. He slept with his best friend's girlfriend, had his lights knocked out by that same best friend once he found out, had one of his closest buddy be accused of a horrible act, and the person he needed to talk to about all this run away because she was ashamed. He reached for a tiny point of light in all of that and blew it out of proportion. Now it is getting away from him. He needs help, and I can't give it to him."

"And I can?"

"I think so, Kim. Look, I talked to both of you, separately, before all of this stuff went down and you two were crazy about each other. Neither of you would shut up about the other." She smiled and held Kim's hand, squeezing it lightly. "It was kind of sickening… so goopy and sugary."

Kim chuckled weakly.

"Then all this crap happened. I think you still care deeply about him, and he about you. Please call him. Speak to him. Try and get through. I think you are one of the few people who can."

"If he thinks he is in love with you, why don't you…"

Kat shook her head. "I've tried. And frankly, I am afraid to try any harder. Howie's tried. We've all tried."

Kim was silent. Kat just watched her, giving the other girl time to think.

"Is that all you came to ask?" Kim said finally.

"No, actually." Kat smiled. "I was wondering what you were doing four weeks from now."

Kim frowned. "Nothing that I can think of."

"Be one of my bridesmaids?"

"Oh my god! Are you serious?!" Kim was stunned.

"Yeah. I don’t have many friends down here, and you did stick up for me from day one. Besides, I want you there. I need a fellow Canuck to help support me against all these pesky Americans."

"Yes! I'd love to. Thank you so much for asking."

"Good. That's settled. Now I just have to find a dress. I can't wear the one I wore the first time," Kat mused.

"Hunh?"

Kat blushed a fiery red. "Ummm. Howie and I are all ready married. This is just for friends and family."

"What the hell? Tell me everything! Now!" Kim was more excited than Kat was. Of course she'd had a few weeks to get used to waking up in Howie's arms. Gods, how could you ever get used to waking up with the most beautiful, intelligent, sexy man on the planet? Okay, 'used to" wasn't the right phrase. More like incredibly grateful for her profound luck.

"I found out about Nick and called Kevin..."

"I talked to Nick a while back. Told him I thought it was bullshit, and not to worry."

"Yeah, he told me. That's why I thought I could tell you the truth."

Kim flushed. She was still thinking about what to do about AJ. "Go on."

"Howie found out I was back and came to find me. They had been looking for me for the entire time I was away." She laughed, "Only a couple hundred miles from here. Anyway, he wouldn't leave me alone until I finally spoke to him, and once we started talking, well…"

"You started talking…" Kim said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Could Kat blush any deeper? "Yeah. Sort of. Then he proposed. Only he proposed when he had arranged for us to end up in Las Vegas, without telling me. And then once I had agreed, marched me down to the nearest wedding chapel and that was that."

"That is so romantic," Kim sighed.

"Wasn't at the time. I was rather upset at him for tricking me. But he made it up to me." She grinned. "Okay, that's it! Enough double entendres!"

Kim laughed.

"So anyway, he is all ready my husband, but we want a ceremony that isn't so rushed this time. Something we can share with the people we care about."

"Thank you, Kat. I am honoured. I'd love to be there."

"Good!" Kat sighed happily. "I've never had to organize a wedding before. I always ran and hid from my friends when they were organizing theirs. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. But at least this is squared away."

Kat gave the other girl a hug. "I better go. I have to find a cake and… oh, I don't know. All sorts of other stuff. Mama D is helping. She knows what to do."

"Kat?"

She turned back to where Kim sat on the bed. The girl looked lost, forlorn.

"Kim, what is it?" Kat was worried now.

"You were honest with me. Brutally honest. I want to tell you…"

"Kim, you don't have to," Kat said as she stroked the other girl's back, trying to comfort her. "It's all right, you don't need to tell me."

"I want to. I have to tell someone."

Kat just held her hand until Kim was ready to talk.

Kim took a deep breath. "The reason AJ and I were… I had a miscarriage."

Kat gasped.

"We didn't even know I was pregnant. It just happened. And I was so upset. I pushed him away. I told him to get out and to leave me alone. I lost his baby, so I made sure he lost me too."

Chapter 27: Happy Endings?

Kat walked around the side of the house and walked through the open verandah door. She sat down in front of him before he even realized that she was there.

"You always walk into other people’s house uninvited?"

"Just yours," she said calmly.

"Go away, Mrs. Dorough," he said tauntingly.

"Come on AJ, that’s not the way to talk to the woman you claim to be in love with."

"You have made your feelings very clear on that," he said unhappily.

"No. I haven’t."

He looked at her, and Kat got to see his face full on.

"Gods, he looks terrible. Why didn’t I see all of this before?" she thought.

She sighed. "AJ, I do love you. Can’t say I always have, but I do love you. You are falling to bits and I know that part of it is my fault. It’s killing me. I hate hurting you."

"Kat? You mean..." he moved forward, taking her hands in his.

"That I’ll leave Howie? No. That I’ll be with you? In a manner of speaking."

"What? I’m confused."

"You need a friend, a shoulder to cry on more than anything and that is what I am here for."

"Shit!" he threw her hands away. "That is not what I need."

She looked at him silently for a moment. "I spoke to Kim."

He turned away, "what does that have to do with anything."

"I know, AJ."

Now it was his turn to be silent.

"So I think I am starting to figure out why you reacted the way you did. To us."

"Oh great, here comes some psychoanalysis," he said petulantly, trying hard to cover his reaction to her knowledge of his loss.

"Yep. So sit back and live through it. You and Kim had a horrific thing happen to both of you, and neither of you reacted well to it. That’s understandable. Instead of it bringing you together to were both hurting so much you pushed each other away. And while you tried to get on with your life, you were still an open wound."

She sighed. "You never told anyone, did you? You tried to handle it yourself. So when you got to Toronto you were so busy pretending to be happy-go-lucky AJ that when I… When I needed you… well, something got through and instead of dealing with your situation you latched on to me."

"That’s it? That’s your great analysis?" he snorted. "Heard better on talk radio."

"When I left," Kat continued, "you had all these unresolved things going around in your head. And it seemed better to latch on to the mystery that is me," she said with a quick grin, "rather than the situation with Kim. But you can’t do that anymore, AJ."

"So you are saying that I was never in love with you? I know how I feel, Kat. Don’t dictate to me."

"Fine." Kat leaned across and kissed him. He was surprised and she used that to deepen the kiss. She ran her fingers across his chin and stroked his neck before finally disengaging.

He was looking at her with an astonished look on his face.

"Feel anything?"

He cleared his throat. "Of course."

"No, you didn’t, AJ. That was a good kiss, you have a wicked mouth, but you weren’t there. Not even as much as you were at the studio the other day."

"You caught me by surprise!" he protested, then he kissed her. It started a small fire in her belly; she doubted that would ever change, no matter what their relationship. Not as strong as the one that Howie’s kisses started, but pleasant.

"Damn," he said, when they broke apart.

She smiled sadly. "I think I’ve made my point. AJ, the only person you are in love with is the one you have been running from for even more months than I ran from Howie. She misses the hell out of you. Will you please go see her?"

"I can’t…"

"You have to. Besides, it’ll make seeing her at the wedding easier."

"What?"

"I asked Kim to be a bridesmaid. And despite everything, I know Howie will ask you to be a groomsman." She smirked, "best man even, if you play your cards right."

He was still sitting there stunned by the turn of events. Then he looked at her. "How do you…"

"It is really hard, I mean having TWO Backstreet Boys professing their love. Heady stuff. But it’s been Howie for me from the beginning and that is that. You and I both know that. I couldn’t bear to think about life without him. Believe me, I tried once. It hurt too much."

"He’s a lucky man."

"I’m the lucky one and you know it. Now, get up. Have a shower and shave for gods sake; I don’t know how I am going to explain these whisker burns." She smiled, pushing him towards the staircase,"then get your butt over to Kim’s house. Talk to her. I can’t promise miracles, AJ. But sitting on opposite sides of the city wallowing in sorrow is not healthy, and it is not helping either of you."

Kat smiled as she left AJ’s house and headed back to her new home. The Dorough residence. Mr. and Mrs. Howard Dorough lived there. Oh gods, who said wishes can’t come true?

"You’re in a good mood," Howie said as he put aside his guitar.

"Yep." She sat in front of him, and bent forward to kiss him. "Wow!" she sighed.

"What?" he said as he continued to kiss her neck, not willing to stop what she had started.

"I get goosebumps and little electric shocks whenever we do that. Amazing feeling."

"Wanna feel more?" he said sexily.

"Forever!"

The End!

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