Branded By Ambition

By:  Lara

But I’m only human…branded by my ambitions…but I’m going to make it…

                “I don’t know about this.”  JC looked at the sheet music and frowned.  “We’ve never done anything like this before.”

“I think it’s cool,” Chris volunteered, tossing his music onto the table and taking a gulp of his Coke. “I think we should totally do it.”

“They’re gonna put it on some movie soundtrack or something,” Lance told JC. “Half the world will probably never hear it.”

“And that sucks,” Joey offered. Everyone turned to look at him.  He was so easygoing, and it was rare that he had a negative opinion about something.  “This is an amazing song. I think it could be one of the best things we’ve ever done.  What do you think, Justin?”

Everyone looked at the teenaged leader of their group, who was dribbling his basketball from hand to hand.  Justin shrugged. “Sure.  As long as my part is good, I don’t care.”

 

“That was kinda rude,” Chris said later to Justin. He loved pointing out any of Justin’s faults.  “Saying what you did about your part being good.  You always get the good parts and you know it.”

“You’re just being bitchy,” Justin said, climbing behind the wheel of his car.  Everyone else had left as soon as the parts had been handed out.

“I’m not being bitchy. This song rules.  We all get solos…even Lance and Joey.  You just need to not take your voice for granted,” Chris said in a paternal tone. “You are not the end all be all of NSYNC, Justin.”

“I know, Chris,” Justin muttered, picking at his steering wheel. “I didn’t ask to get the magazine shoots, I didn’t ask for the way my voice can do leads well. It just happened, okay? And it’s what’s gonna make me secure for life.  It’s gonna get my mom a house, and eventually a Harley Davidson and anything else she could want.  I can’t help it if I’m a bit selfish that way.”

“That makes more sense,” Chris said, relieved. “You sounded like what YOUR voice did was all that mattered.”

“I don’t believe that, not really,” Justin promised, though he was slightly fibbing. Everyone could sing, that he agreed with, but he felt that only JC had a voice close to his in quality.

 

“Okay…Chris…that was good.  Joey, behind the mike, please,” the recording engineer ordered.

“I’m gonna run for snacks…anyone want anything?” Justin asked, standing up. His part was already finished and he was itching to get up and walk around.

“I’ll go,” JC said, holding out his hand. Lance dropped money into his palm and asked for a soda.  Justin asked for water, and Chris declined.  Justin fell back into his chair, pouting. He wanted OUT.

“Okay, Joe.  Go for it.” The engineer pushed the button for the playback and Joey started to sing.

Justin stared at Joey.  Justin sat up in his chair, and eventually stood.  He leaned on the control panel, his eyes never leaving Joey’s face as he sang.  Joey made a mistake and laughed out loud, his laughter so contagious that even the engineer had to grin as he stopped the tape and rewound it.  “Here.”  JC thrust the water at Justin.  “Justin. Water.  Dude.”

“Yeah.”  Justin grabbed the water, not even looking at JC.  He turned to the engineer.  “When this is done,” he said in a low voice.  “Can I have a copy of his part?  I wanna sing against it at home.”

“Sure thing, kid,” the engineer said. “Okay, Joey…try it again.”

 

Justin lay on his bed, eyes closed and Walkman on. He kept rewinding the tape and listening again.  Why hadn’t he noticed this before?  Joey had the voice of a freaking angel.  An angelic voice hidden behind the boy with the angelic face: Justin.  Suddenly his part of the song was nothing.  Joey was everything.  The voice was incredible.  Why hadn’t he ever looked at Joey in this light before?  The voice shook him down to his soul.

“Justin.”  Someone shook his ankle and he sat up quickly, ripping the headphones from his head.  It was Joey. “Dinner’s ready.  JC didn’t burn it this time.”  JC, Joey and Justin all shared a house when they were in town.

“I’m, uh, not hungry,” Justin said, embarrassed to even look Joey in the eye.

“You okay? Something happen today at the studio I don’t know about?”  Joey sat on the edge of the bed, concerned.

“No…everything was fine.  You…” Justin took a breath.  “Damn, Joe.  You sounded incredible.  I’ve heard you sing a zillion times, but…damn.”

“Yeah, it was okay,” Joey said with that smile.  “The song brings it out, you know?  We all sound great on that song. I think it’s my favorite.”

“Mine too,” Justin replied immediately.

“We’ll save you something,” Joey promised, patting Justin’s leg before standing up.  Justin looked down, his skin seeming to burn where Joey had touched it.

 

Here and now…is the way I live…unafraid of what life gives…respect things I don’t understand…

 

 

“Justin!  Chris is on the phone for you!” JC yelled.  Justin groaned. He was in the living room watching TV with Joey. Actually, he was watching Joey watching TV. Suddenly everything Joey did fascinated him.  Justin wondered if there was something else about Joey he had missed, besides the amazing voice.

“Yeah?”  Justin said into the phone that JC handed to him.

“Let’s shoot baskets,” Chris said.

“I’m busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Hanging out with Joey.”

“Bring him along.  JC, too. We can play two on two.”

“Maybe Joey wants to just hang with me,” Justin said.

“Huh?” Joey looked up.

“Wanna shoot hoops with Chris and maybe JC?”

“Sure. I need the exercise.”  Joey stretched, and Justin’s eyes never left the long torso. 

“We’ll be right over.”

 

“Ooh…I like this song.” Joey turned up the radio and started to sing along.  Justin was grateful he was in the backseat of Joey’s car and that JC was riding shotgun, because he was suddenly thinking thoughts about Joey that shouldn’t be thought about Joey, at least in his mind. 

“Damn,” he muttered, adjusting his shorts.  This was too odd.

 

“What’s up with you?” Chris yelled angrily after Justin missed yet another easy lay-up.  “That was a cake shot!”

“Shut up, Chris,” Justin muttered. “Maybe we should switch teams.”

“Yeah…that’s good.” Joey came over and threw an arm around Justin’s shoulders.  Justin shivered.  “I’ll take the kid here.”

“I’m not a kid,” Justin mumbled, but he didn’t push Joey away.  He didn’t play much better with Joey as a teammate, and JC and Chris ran all over them.

“Wanna get something to eat?”  Chris asked as they flopped onto the grass next to the court.

“Nah…I need a shower,” Joey said.

“Me either,” Justin said immediately, looking at Joey. 

“I’ll go,” JC volunteered, and Justin could have kissed him.  JC climbed into Chris’ little car and Justin followed Joey.  As Joey started the engine, Justin dug a tape out of his bag.

“Music?” He asked, and Joey nodded.  He slipped the tape into the stereo of Joey’s car and turned it up.  “It’s Here and Now.”

“Cool!”  Joey said, turning it up louder.  He blinked as his own voice boomed from the speakers.

“Oh, shit!”  Justin said frantically, ejecting the tape.  “Wrong tape!”

“What was that?”

“Oh, I grabbed the wrong tape, that’s all.”  Justin quickly inserted the correct tape and pushed play.  “There we go,” he said as the violins filtered through the speakers.  Joey turned the car off.

“Was that just me on that tape?”

“Um, yeah,” Justin said, his blue eyes shining with adoration. “You sound amazing on that.”

“Why do you have a tape of just me, Justin?”

“I…well…” Justin squirmed and Joey grinned.  “You sounded incredible and I couldn’t listen to it enough and…”

“Is there something you’re trying to tell me, Justin?”  Suddenly Joey’s twenty-two year old eyes looked very wise as he turned them on Justin.

“I don’t know,” Justin whispered.  “I don’t really understand…”

“Okay, just checking.”  Joey started the engine.  “If you ever figure it out…tell me.”  He smiled his same old smile, but the way he squeezed Justin’s thigh was new.  Justin looked down at the hand on his leg and slowly wrapped his fingers around it, pulling it off his leg but settling it on the seat between them.  His fingers intertwined with Joey’s.  Justin reached up with his free hand and slightly turned up the volume.  Joey smiled and started to sing.  Justin sighed, looking out the window.

 

So many intentions in life I could have followed…but one of those paths must lead to your heart

 

The End

 

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