Just Between Friends

By: Lara

“You all ready for tonight, Junior?” AJ asked with a playful grin as the guys piled into a limo outside their hotel in New York.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Nick said, rolling his eyes at the knowing gleam in his friend’s brown eyes. At midnight that night, he would be turning twenty-one…finally a legal adult.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” Brian said, almost frowning with disapproval. They all liked to drink, that was true, but he hated it when the guys got absolutely shitfaced. AJ seemed to enjoy doing it on a regular basis, and it worried him. “He’s been drinking for years…what difference does this all make?”

“Because he’ll be LEGAL, Rok,” AJ pointed out. He clapped Nick on the back. “Our Nicky will be a man tonight.”

“God, Aje, you make it sound like we’re taking him to a whorehouse or something,” Kevin said from his seat next to Howie.

“Now THERE’s an idea,” AJ mused, staring into space.

“Forget it, AJ. I can do just fine in that department all by myself,” Nick said quickly. He glanced at Brian, who was moodily staring out the window at the cold January afternoon. “You’re coming along, right, Bri?” He asked anxiously. It wouldn’t be a special birthday night if his best friend wasn’t along.

“Of course.” Brian turned his head and smiled quickly at his friend. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Nick told himself it was just another night of going out with his friends, but he still took special care to look good. His black pants made his legs look long and slender. The pants were a dark contrast to the white wifebeater and white dress shirt he wore on the top half of his torso. The hair was styled just enough to look sexily tousled. He stared at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed with excitement. He bit his red bottom lip uncertainly. He had this weird feeling about that night. Something was gonna happen and he wasn’t sure what.

A few doors down, Brian was taking just as much care to look good. LeighAnne was out of town, thank goodness…she had this annoying habit of picking out his clothes whether she was going out with him or not. He tugged the blue-grey shirt over his head, being extra careful not to disturb his short hair. He had finally gotten the unruly curls under control, and as he stared in the mirror he wondered if he shouldn’t go back to the very short haircut he had sported for so long. He brushed an imaginary fleck of lint off his khaki pants, and slipped on his loafers.

He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the clock. He still had fifteen minutes before he was supposed to meet the other guys; he was always early. Brian sighed deeply and studied his shoes. He was not at all interested in going out that night. AJ would more than likely try to get Nick rip-roaring drunk, and as much as he wanted his best friend to enjoy his birthday, he also wanted him to remember it. Twenty-one was a big deal. Nick was the last one to hit this landmark day, and he wanted the night to be special.

He frowned as he thought of the fact that Nick wouldn’t be spending his special day with a special girl. Nick and Amanda had broken up AGAIN the month before, much to the relief of AJ, Brian, Howie and Kevin. They didn’t like her much…didn’t like the way she treated their little brother. Brian still felt bad that Nick was stuck with his four bandmates on his birthday, though he knew Nick loved going out with them. AJ was right. Nick would be legal…and if he wanted to get dumbass drunk, it was none of Brian’s concern. He still worried though.

A pounding on the door made Brian jump. “Yo, B…let’s roll! Let’s get this party STARTED!” AJ screamed, following the scream with his trademark cackle. Brian couldn’t help but smile as he grabbed his winter coat.

“AJ, is it possible for you to look anywhere NEAR normal?” Howie asked as they once again piled into a limo. Howie was dressed all in black, as usual. AJ was sporting a pair of baggy black jeans, black wifebeater, and a black dress coat with the sleeves torn off. The lapels of the jacket were a leopard print, as was the bill of the baseball cap he wore backwards.

“If I looked normal, I wouldn’t be me. Right, Junior?” AJ said to Nick. AJ and Howie sat on one seat while the other three Backstreet Boys sat across from them.

“Will you stop calling me that?” Nick said, exasperated. “I’m gonna be twenty-one. You keep making such a big deal about it, and…”

“And you’ll always be my little Junior,” AJ said paternally. Nick sighed and stared out the window. He tapped his fingers on his knees.

Brian looked at Nick strangely. He seemed really nervous. Before he realized it, he had placed a hand over the younger man’s jumping fingers. “You okay, Frack?”

Nick grabbed Brian’s fingers and squeezed. Brian was his buddy and partner in crime, but he always looked out for him. “Fine,” Nick told him. “Excited. Nervous.”

“Okay,” Brian said, smiling. They locked their fingers for a brief moment then quickly pulled away.

The limo pulled up in front of one of the best clubs in New York, a club they frequented every time they were in the city. They pushed through the crowd at the door and made their way to the already-reserved private room in the back. A man was behind a small bar that was stocked with all their favorite liquors and then some.

“Okay, birthday boy…start making your list.” AJ grabbed Kevin’s hand and looked at his wrist. “It’s eleven-thirty. You have thirty minutes of youth left.”

“God, AJ, why do you keep making such a big deal about this?” Kevin snapped, yanking his arm back.

“It IS a big deal.” AJ grew serious. “Nicky’s always been Junior…you know…the baby…and now we can’t treat him like that anymore. He’s one of us now.”

The five men looked at each other. It was true. They had been together for about eight years and had watched each other grow up. Nick wasn’t even as old now as Kevin had been back then, but in a way, he was much older after all they had been through. Brian walked over to the bar and asked the bartender to pull them five Cokes. He quickly passed them around to his friends. He raised his glass. “To us. To AJ, to Howie, to Kevin, to Nick…and to me. I hope that tonight marks another eight years of being together…and that nothing ever changes.”

“To us…and being together,” Howie added.

“To us…and staying friends,” Kevin said in a low voice.

“To us…and living life to the fullest,” AJ put in.

“To us…and remembering this night forever,” Nick finished.

“AJ, I am SO gonna fucking kill you!” Brian snapped as he helped Nick out of the limo at three in the morning. Nick stood up slowly. When he drank he became quiet…quiet and incredibly clumsy.

“Why? Everyone had a good time, didn’t they?” AJ asked, far from sober himself.

“Yes, AJ,” Kevin answered obediently. He wondered if it was too late to call his wife back home in Kentucky.

“Yes, AJ,” Howie repeated. “I need my bed. Bed is good. Bed is my friend.” He and Kevin walked ahead of the other three.

“Come on, Junior…let’s go inside.” AJ put Nick’s other arm around his wiry shoulders and he and Brian helped Nick into the hotel. They made their way into an elevator and Nick leaned against the door as soon as the doors closed.

“Thank God there were no fans around…this is embarrassing,” Brian said, glaring at AJ.

“He’s a human being…it’s his birthday…he deserves a good time, fans or not,” AJ snapped back. “And any fan who was around here this late is hopefully adult enough to understand that.”

“Whatever,” Brian sighed, yawning big. He had had a few drinks, but nothing like AJ and Nick had consumed.

They reached AJ’s door first. “Did you have a good time, Junior? Seriously…” AJ asked him. Nick looked at him and grinned.

“Wonderful. Thanks, Aje.”

“No problem. See you guys tomorrow…late tomorrow.” AJ stumbled into his room and closed the door behind him.

The next door was Nick’s. “Where’s your key, Frack?” Brian asked.

Nick thought for a moment then grinned his silly grin. “In the room?”

“For God’s sake, Nick! Have you NO brain in that blond head of yours?” Brian almost yelled. Nick looked so offended that Brian immediately felt guilty. “I’m sorry, Frack. You can stay with me.”

“Cool.” Nick’s blue eyes grew somber for a moment. “I didn’t really wanna be alone anyway,” he said softly, and Brian looked deep into his eyes. It was a sober statement said in a sober tone.

“No problem, Nick…no problem at all. It’s just a few doors down.” Nick was able to walk on his own, and they made it down the hall to Brian’s room. Brian fumbled in his pocket for the key, and as soon as the door swung open, Nick wandered in and collapsed onto the sofa. His long legs hung over the side.

Brian tossed his key onto an end table and moved to turn on the lamp. “No…leave it off, please,” Nick asked.

“Sure, Nick,” Brian replied. He went over and opened the large drapes that hid the door out onto the balcony. The lights of New York twinkled in the darkness. Brian leaned his forehead on the cool glass and tried to figure out why in the world he was so bitchy about the whole drinking thing. They all drank…drank a lot, as a matter of fact. Why did this bother him so much?

“You mad at me, Frick?” Nick slowly lumbered over and leaned one shoulder on the glass door.

“No, Nick…of course not.”

“’Kay…I hate it when you’re mad at me.” Nick turned so his forehead leaned on the glass like his friend’s did. “It’s so beautiful out there…so peaceful, ya know?”

“Yeah,” Brian replied. He could sense that Nick needed to talk.

Nick just watched the city for a moment. “I’m not that drunk,” he said finally. “I mean, I drank too much tonight, but not that much. I kinda put on an act for AJ. I wanted him to think I had a really good time. HIS kind of good time.”

Brian looked at Nick skeptically. “Sure you aren’t, Nick. I watched you. You and Aje practically drank the place out of booze!”

“Hope they don’t look under the table where I spent most of the night. The carpet’s kinda wet there…and it will smell like Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and vodka,” Nick said with a grin. Brian gaped at him. “I’m not THAT drunk, Brian.”

“Bullshit, Nick. I…”

“I can even do a cartwheel.” Nick shoved two chairs out of the way and did a perfect cartwheel across the suite. Brian burst out laughing. Nick couldn’t do a cartwheel SOBER.

“Okay…okay…I believe you…” Brian gasped for breath. Nick came back to lean on the glass, giving Brian a triumphant smile. He leaned for another moment, then went into the bedroom. He came back with a heavy comforter. Brian looked at him strangely.

“I wanna sit outside. I wanna feel the air on my face.” Nick went out onto the balcony. Brian quickly followed him. Nick plopped down on the long loveseat-style bench and Brian sat next to him. Nick threw the cover over them both and Brian smiled. It reminded him of the early days, when they’d snuggle on the back of the bus and try to get some sleep. Nick was shorter than he was then…and now he had to look up to see the face of his closest friend. “Much better,” Nick said with a sigh.

“Why did you fake it? Being sloshed, I mean.”

Nick shrugged. “AJ thought I needed a good time…and a good time to AJ is getting drunk and/or laid. So I pretended to be drunk.” Nick gave a goofy smile. “Couldn’t fake laid, though.”

“The night is still young,” Brian said before he thought, and Nick laughed.

“True.” Nick looked out at the stars. “I didn’t wanna disappoint him. I like everyone to be happy.” Brian stared at him but said nothing. Nick leaned forward a bit to see over the edge of the balcony. “It’s so quiet down there…hard to believe that in a few short hours the streets will be filled with people. I like the peace and quiet right now.” Nick leaned back again. “That’s one of the reasons Amanda and I gave up this time…I wanted peace and quiet, and with her there never seemed to be any. It was always go here, go there…even when neither of us was working she had to be somewhere. I can handle it when it’s part of the job, but in my free time I wanna relax, ya know?”

“I know,” Brian repeated, and Nick looked at him.

“You DO know…don’t you? You and AJ and Howie and Kev are the only ones who can even try to understand…but you always understood me best.” Nick leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder, once again reminding Brian of the times on the bus. They had been inseparable. Brian thought of something and began to laugh. Nick didn’t move his head but asked, “What?”

“Do you remember the time we put black spray paint on the sides of AJ’s sunglasses right before he put them on so the sides of his head had little black lines on them?”

Nick began to giggle. “Yes…he looked so weird. Remember that time we added dish soap to Kevin’s hair gel so his hair got covered in that lather?”

“Yes…oh, God…I’d forgotten that,” Brian said, laughing so hard his sides hurt.

“I’ve missed this,” Nick said suddenly. “I mean, I know you have Leigh, and we’re all grown up now…whatever that means…but I miss my best friend.”

“I miss it, too, Nick,” Brian replied softly. Nick brought his head up to look at Brian.

“Girls are great…but they’re no substitute for a good friend.”

“No, they’re not,” Brian said. Nick’s eyes were so sad…so lonely…he could see this even in the dim light from the billboard across the street. “Are you okay, Nicky?”

“I will be…” Nick looked at Brian strangely. “You never call me Nicky.”

“Oh, God…yet another trait I’ve picked up from Howie. Soon I’ll be growing Prince hair and winking at everyone,” Brian tried to joke. Nick didn’t smile. “Sorry…it just slipped out.”

“I don’t mind…not when you say it.” Nick’s eyes were intense, and Brian’s face masked his intensity. The two men spoke at the same time.

“Nick, I…”

“Brian, I need to…”

They both stopped and laughed a bit. “Go ahead,” Brian said.

Nick pushed the cover down to run a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I feel like I need to tell you something, but I have no clue what it is. Weird, huh?”

“I feel the same way. There’s this weird vibe here. Plus you seem so down. I want to help you.”

“Nah…I’m fine. Just dealing with the whole “adult” thing, I guess.”

Brian grinned at Nick in a goofy way. He took his hand and tapped Nick’s left shoulder, then his right, then his left. “I now proclaim you an adult. Congratulations.”

“I’ve been ‘adulted’.” Nick looked proud. Brian kept his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“You ever need me, you call, understand?”

“Yes,” Nick said, nodding. Brian gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, but for some reason he couldn’t pull back. Nick looked him in the eye, licking his lips in the unconscious way he had.

Before he could control himself, Brian was leaning forward towards those pink lips. Before he knew what he was doing, Nick was kissing Brian back.

The two men fell into the kiss, and just as suddenly they both pulled back. Brian stood up and walked back into the suite. Nick followed, dragging the comforter behind him like a little boy with his security blanket. Brian flipped on a lamp, bathing the living room area in a bright haze. They both blinked against the harsh yellow light. Brian sat down hard on a chair, burying his face in his hands. Nick sat on the sofa, leaning towards Brian but not touching him. “Oh…God…Brian…I never should have done that…I’m so sorry.” His voice broke on the last word and Brian’s head popped up. “I just…you were being so nice…such a good friend…” he babbled. “I was just looking at you…and your hand was on my neck…I…damn, I’m sorry!” Nick jumped to his feet and began to pace. “God, now you think I’m some kind of queer or something…hitting on you…I just…I don’t know…I needed to do it…”

“Nick, calm down!” Brian was on his feet as well. He walked over to his friend and put a hand on his arm. “I kissed you…you just went along with it.”

“No. No way.” Nick shook his head. “I kissed you.”

“Nick, shut the hell up for five seconds!” Brian commanded, grabbing the arm his hand rested on. “Chill out and take a deep breath.”

“Okay,” Nick said, taking a few big breaths and closing his eyes for a moment.

Brian could only look at him. Nick’s cheeks were flushed and he was uncertainly biting down on his bottom lip. When his eyes were open, they had been wildly flashing around the room, not sure where to look. “It wasn’t just you…it takes two people to have a kiss like that.” A slow smile crossed Brian’s face as he realized something. “And that was one helluva kiss.”

Nick looked at him in shock. “You’re not mad?”

“Of course not.”

“I’m not gay, Brian. I just…I felt like I had to kiss you.”

“I felt it, too, Nick,” Brian whispered. “I’m not gay either. It was just…it was like it was the only thing I had to offer you…the only thing I could give to calm you down and give you the peace you were looking for.”

“It didn’t calm me down at ALL,” Nick said before he thought. He blushed a furious crimson. Brian turned red as well. “It was…whoa, Bri…you’re one good kisser.”

“Of course I am,” Brian said with mock ego, and Nick laughed. Brian glanced at the clock.

“You know, you still have a few hours before sunrise. You could go get that lay you talked about earlier.”

“Yeah, I could,” Nick said, yawning big. “Or I could go to bed.”

“Or you could go to bed,” Brian agreed. “Either way, please call down and get a spare key.”

“Will do,” Nick said, obediently going over to the phone.

Brian walked into the bathroom and turned on the cold water. He splashed his face until he was gasping for breath. He had NO clue what had happened, and what it was going to do to their friendship. He closed his eyes and saw Nick’s even white teeth uncertainly nibbling on that full red bottom lip, and his stomach did flip-flops. He glared at himself in the mirror. This was his best friend, he told himself. You don’t think this way about your MALE best friends. He heard Nick call his name. “Yes?” Brian called, clearing his throat quickly.

“They’re holding a key for me. I’ll see you later.”

Brian walked Nick to the door. He held out his hand. “Happy birthday, Nick.”

Nick hesitated before shaking his best friend’s hand. “Thanks, Bri. See you later.” Nick plodded down the hall. Brian watched the dejected shape of his buddy’s back walk towards the elevator. He sighed and closed the door, leaning against it. He suddenly felt incredibly guilty…and incredibly lonely.

Brian had just dozed off out on the balcony when he heard the doorbell. He had grabbed the comforter from the bed and snuggled out on the balcony to watch the sunrise. He knew there was no easy sleep for him that day. Too many thoughts were running through his mind. He slowly got up, easing the cramps from his muscles. He dragged the comforter behind him in the same manner Nick had. He looked through the peephole and opened the door. “Nick? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I couldn’t,” Nick said, smiling ruefully. He had changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a matching hooded sweatshirt. “Did I waken you?”

“Not really…I was just dozing out on the balcony. Come on in.” Brian moved aside to allow Nick entrance to the hotel suite. “I’m tired but I’m not, ya know?”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. He went to the kitchen and got a glass of water.

“Get laid?” Brian asked with an amused grin. Nick shook his head.

“Didn’t even try. I figured the only sex I’d get tonight was the kind I’d have to pay for. A half-drunk pop star is not that attractive…especially a half-drunk pop star who’s been up for like hours.”

“I don’t know…” Brian tilted his head to the side. “You do have a kinda wino charm about you.”

“Fuck off,” Nick said affectionately. “I just walked around, mainly. Did some thinking.”

Brian grew serious. “Nick, I…”

Nick held up a hand. “I know you. You’ve been sitting and running this through your head like nine hundred times a minutes since I left. You sat out on that balcony wondering what you did to me, and if I was upset. Am I right?”

Brian nodded slowly. “You always COULD see right through me.”

“Well, stop worrying. I’m fine. It’s over and done with.”

“Nick, since when…” Brian’s sentence was interrupted by a huge yawn. “…since when did you get so grown up?”

“I’m an adult now, remember? You adulted me a few hours ago,” Nick said with a smile. “You need sleep. I need sleep. Come on.” Nick pulled on Brian’s sleeve, then stopped. “God, Bri…you’re still wearing those clothes? You look like shit. Go shower and change. That’s an order. It’s my birthday today and you have to do what I say.”

“Yes, sir,” Brian said. A hot shower DID sound nice. He stumbled into the bathroom and quickly took off his clothes. He stood under the hot water and sighed. Steam filled the stall and he allowed it to wash away his worries. Nick was fine. He hadn’t corrupted him or anything. Nick was his best friend.

When Brian pulled on a pair of sweatpants and wandered out into the bedroom, Nick was already snuggled under the covers. His blond head was barely visible from under the top cover and he was lightly snoring. Brian smiled. Nick had always looked about ten years old when he was sleeping. There was only one bed in the room, and it suddenly looked very inviting. Brian slowly pulled the covers back and lay down beside Nick. He noticed that Nick was only wearing boxer shorts and wondered how in the world he could possibly stay warm. Nick NEVER wore much to sleep in, even in the coldest of temperatures. Brian burrowed down under the covers as well, sighing as sleep immediately threatened to take hold of him. Nick was right. He needed sleep.

Six hours later, Nick stretched as tall as he could. He rolled onto his side and looked at Brian. The covers were neatly tucked under his chiseled face and his sandy eyelashes were almost invisible. Nick couldn’t resist reaching out to trace the definite jawline he was so envious of. His fingertips lightly brushed Brian’s face, barely making contact with the skin. He smoothed the worry lines in Brian’s forehead until he looked more content and peaceful. He hated the thought of worrying his friend, and he knew Brian had been worried. At times they seemed like identical twins, but in reality Brian WAS five years older then he, and in a subtle way Brian had always taken care of him whether he needed it or not. Kevin was the big brother, and looked out for them all, but Brian had always been Nick’s guardian angel, protecting him from things…and even from himself.

Nick slowly pulled his hand back and was shocked when Brian’s hand reached out and caught his wrist. Brian’s blue eyes slowly fluttered open. “That felt really good,” Brian said quietly. “Don’t stop.” Nick silently leaned up on one elbow and reached over to Brian’s face once more. Brian’s eyes closed as Nick slowly began to massage his temples. Brian let out a quiet moan. “You were right…I needed sleep,” Brian said.

“Me, too,” Nick replied, swallowing deeply as Brian’s eyes opened once more.

“I thought long and hard while I was on the balcony,” Brian began. Nick sighed. “No, Nick…lemme finish. I was thinking about what happened and why…and what I thought about it.”

“What DID you think?” Nick asked fearfully.

“I thought, this is my best friend,” Brian said immediately. He could see the anxiety in Nick’s eyes…he thought he was losing his friend. “I thought, this is my best friend who I love like my little brother. I love Nick…and I love Leigh Anne, my wife.” Brian’s eyes were unreadable in their blueness. “I enjoyed that kiss, Nick. I realized that. That’s what threw me for the loop. It was weird and wrong and different but at the same time it was exciting and new and mysterious.” Brian reached a hand up to brush a lock of hair from Nick’s shocked blue eyes. “And now all I can think about is if there will be another kiss like that.”

Brian’s fingers continued to lightly stroke the edges of Nick’s face under the pretense of pushing hair away. “What do you think, Nick?”

Nick opened his mouth and closed it. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, didn’t want to just blurt something out. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through his muddled brain that he couldn’t find words. He was well-known for saying the stupid thing…for being the one that cracked everyone else up with his dumbass remarks. This was NOT the time to make that kind of mistake. “I feel the same way,” he said finally, his blue eyes dark and intense. “I liked that kiss. It felt so right at the same time it was feeling so wrong. It felt totally natural…but totally odd.”

“Exactly,” Brian whispered, feeling a bit better. He was afraid he had scared the younger man.

Nick gave Brian a small smile. “It IS my twenty-first birthday…and I think this is the most adult situation I have ever had to deal with.”

Brian chuckled. “Yes, I can see that.”

The two friends stared at each other for a long moment. The tension in the room was complicated. There was the strain of not knowing how to explain feelings, as well as the physical tension. It was as if the two men were holding back from just pushing forward into this strange land of new emotions. “I think you should just do it,” Nick finally said, his voice sounding strange in his ears. “It’s my birthday and…”

“…I have to do what you say,” Brian finished in a voice just as hoarse. He slipped a hand around to caress the back of Nick’s neck. He couldn’t help but moan as he felt the warm soft skin under Nick’s hair. He leaned forward with a bit of hesitation, but at the same time Nick did the same thing. Their lips met, clumsy and messy. They jumped and pulled back.

Nick couldn’t help but give Brian a goofy grin. “Ya know, we’ve been kissing girls for years. Why is this suddenly like the first time?”

Brian smiled back. “You’re right. One more time?”

“Definitely,” Nick whispered, serious once more. This time he slid HIS hand around Brian’s neck, gently guiding his friend’s mouth to his. Their kiss was tentative and slow, as if they were exploring the entire situation with their lips. Brian seemed to feel more comfortable letting Nick kiss him, so Nick took the initiative. His hand slid up through Brian’s light curls as his lips softly pressed against Brian’s again and again. Nick felt bold. He lightly drew Brian’s bottom lip between his teeth and ever so gently sucked on it. When Brian gasped in some air, Nick allowed his tongue to flicker in between Brian’s pink lips.

When Brian felt Nick’s tongue slip into his mouth, he let out his breath in a huge sigh. He groaned and felt his body melt down into the mattress. Without knowing it, his hand had fisted in Nick’s hair, drawing some of the silky strands between his fingers. He applied pressure slightly, pressing Nick’s head closer to his. He swore he felt Nick smile against him as he allowed his own tongue to flicker out. The supposed smile disappeared as Nick let out a groan that matched his own. When they pulled back a moment later, they were both panting for breath.

Brian studied Nick’s face. His cheeks were red, and his full lips looked more inviting than ever. “No wonder you never wanted for a girlfriend,” Brian finally said. “Do you kiss everyone like that?”

“Just the special ones,” Nick said with the Carter smirk, then rolled his eyes to show he was kidding. “And you’re definitely one of the most special people in my life.”

“Nick, I…”

“No, I mean it.” Nick sat up. “When we first started…I was so scared…just a kid…and Kevin seemed to always be on my shit. Your friendship was the only thing that kept me going. You kinda adopted me, made me feel part of something. We were inseparable, and the closeness I felt with you almost made up for the fact that I was away from home. I mean, I was like fourteen and fifteen, and you were nineteen and twenty, but it made no difference.” Nick blushed slightly. “I tell myself that you’re my guardian angel...I always have.”

“Whoa…Nick…” Brian was speechless. He had always felt a special closeness to Nick, one he hadn’t even felt with his own flesh and blood, Kevin, but he had never realized that Nick had felt the same about him. Brian loved Leigh Anne, she was practically his reason for living, but he had never been able to totally share himself with her the way he always could with Nick. With Nick he could be one hundred percent Brian Thomas Littrell and not have to keep up any kind of front. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You’re embarrassed, right?” Nick wanted to kick himself. “I’ve sat here and sat here and tried to find things to say that weren’t dumb…but I went ahead and screwed up anyway.”

“No…Nick…God, no.” Brian’s hand was once again on Nick’s neck, turning his face so he HAD to look him in the eye as he sat up as well. “That was the most wonderful thing anyone has ever told me…and you didn’t have to. You were just being honest with your feelings…and…I guess I never took a step back and realized what our friendship means. I married Leigh, and you and I were pulled apart slightly, but I guess I always knew you’d be there for me.” Brian looked slightly embarrassed. “I just never knew how much MY friendship meant to YOU.”

“We’re still best friends, right?” Nick looked at him uncertainly.

“Of course!” Brian looked at him strangely.

“I…I…” Nick played with the sheet that covered him now from the waist down. “I wanna kiss you again, Brian. That kiss fucking floored me.” The words were flowing like a river. “I wanna kiss you and I don’t wanna stop…no matter what happens. I hope you don’t hate me and I hope it’s not wrong…but it’s what I want. You can yell at me and tell me to walk my ass out that door and I will. I don’t want to do anything to our friendship, Bri, but…”

Brian silenced Nick’s babbling with a passionate kiss, shocking the younger man. “Quiet. No more. No more apologizing. You will not “walk your ass” out the door unless you totally want to. I’m not telling you to leave…I’m telling you to kiss me…and to keep kissing me…and whatever happens, happens. You don’t stop until you feel it’s too wrong to continue.”

Nick’s mouth fell open and hung there for a moment. These were the last words he had expected to hear. “This could get…intense…” he finally was able to say. Brian nodded.

“I know.” His eyes ran up and down Nick’s bare chest before he could stop them. This was weird. This was the friend he had shared a bed with dozens of times in the past. They had all showered together in different places, and he had seen Nick naked many times in the past. It scared him how much he wanted to see him that way again…now…now that things were different. Brian felt himself getting hard and his cheeks turned red. This was embarrassing. He felt about sixteen years old.

“You know, Bri, maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore,” Nick said almost shyly. “It seems like the words are just getting in the way and making things more confusing.”

“Well, how…what…um…” Brian stuttered, not knowing what to say or do.

Nick slid down so he was under the covers once more. Brian followed his lead, and they were soon staring at each other as they lay on their pillows. Nick reached a hand towards Brian’s face, and Brian noticed his friend’s fingers slightly trembling. Brian caught the hand before it made contact with his skin. He turned it so the palm was up, and he lightly pressed his lips to the tender skin below Nick’s long fingers. Nick gasped in a breath, once more biting down on his bottom lip. “Oh…my…” he moaned in a whisper.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop biting on your lip like that. It just makes me want to kiss you,” Brian told him. No more holding back. Pure honesty was the key here.

“Well, then…” Nick bit down once more, lightly running his tongue across the lip. His eyes were smiling. “I guess you’ll just…”

Brian silenced him with a kiss. Not a tender, sweet searching kiss…a bold passionate kiss. Both hands reached up to pull Nick’s head to his, and Nick felt himself falling onto Brian’s small body. He rolled over until Brian was on top of him, kind of half laying across his chest. Their tongues clashed as Nick’s hands gently pulled at Brian’s hair, and they both let out an unconscious sigh as their bare chests rubbed together. Nick decided to make the first real move. As he continued to kiss Brian, he slid his hands down to the base of Brian’s neck. He slowly tilted Brian’s head to the side and began to gently kiss a trail from Brian’s ear to his shoulder. He ran his tongue along the line of his collarbone, then planted sweet soft kisses down his chest. “Oh…God…Nick…” Brian seemed to be gasping for air. One of Nick’s hands continued to sit on Brian’s shoulder as his lips met Brian’s nipple. Brian arched his back off the bed. He blindly grabbed at the sheets, needing contact with something. He slid a shaking hand up to the hand that sat on his shoulder and brought it to his mouth.

Nick bit down as Brian began to suck on his fingers, rolling them around on his tongue as if they were another part of his anatomy. Brian hissed in a breath but didn’t pull away. As Nick lay across Brian, kissing and sucking on his chest, he could feel Brian’s erection through his sweatpants. It rubbed against his chest, hard and thick. Suddenly a lust and need Nick had never felt rushed through his whole body. It took over every rational thought, every moral part of his consciousness. He needed Brian…all of him…no matter what.

When Nick slid back up to kiss Brian, Brian reached up to yank at Nick’s hair, pulling his head to the side. He ferociously bit down on the soft skin below Nick’s ear, and he was pleased to hear Nick moan his name. He was afraid it wasn’t affecting Nick the way it was affecting him, that Nick didn’t feel what he was feeling. “Nick…I…God…” Brian’s mouth found Nick’s once more. “I just…I don’t know what I want…just…”

“Just that you want it all, right?” Nick said, his thumbs stroking Brian’s cheeks. Brian’s eyes met Nick’s and he nodded. “Oh, fuck…Bri…me too…I want it all and then I want more.”

“More,” Brian repeated, looking into Nick’s eyes. He saw only passion and longing there…not the disgust he still feared. Nick wanted what HE wanted…and he wanted it from HIM, Brian. Brian reached up and tentatively touched Nick’s chest. Nick bit down on that bottom lip again as Brian ran his hands up and down his friend’s smooth skin. Nick pulled on Brian’s shoulders, moving him up so they were face to face. He took Brian’s face in his hands, pulling him close for a passionate kiss. Nick’s hands slid down Brian’s back to his backside, pushing so their bodies were pressed together tightly. Brian whimpered against Nick’s mouth as his cock pressed against Nick’s body through the sweatpants and boxers. He sighed as he felt Nick pressing against him, just as hard and thick.

Nick moved to nibble at Brian’s neck as he slowly slid his hands down into Brian’s sweatpants, grabbing his ass firmly in his hands. “I want you so bad, Bri,” Nick whispered in his ear. “I don’t understand it, and I’m afraid of it, but I just want it.”

“Oh…God…Nick…” Brian moaned. “I want it, too.” Nick surprised Brian by jumping out from under the covers. He stood by the side of the bed looking down at Brian with an amused smile on his face. “What?” Brian asked anxiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…you just look…funny. Your hair is all messed up and your cheeks are bright red.” Nick’s blue eyes ran down Brian’s body. “And you seem to be having a…problem…” His eyes focused on Brian’s midsection, where a tent was definitely forming under his sweatpants.

Brian raised an eyebrow. “I’d say you’re suffering from the same problem, Frack.” He looked pointedly at the front of Nick’s boxers.

“A problem I plan to take care of quickly,” Nick said softly. Brian swallowed deeply as Nick slid the boxers down and kicked them off. Nick blushed all over as Brian stared at him. Nick’s cock was long and VERY hard, standing straight out of the light brown hair that surrounded it. “Okay, why am I suddenly VERY uncomfortable?” Nick tried to say in a teasing tone. “You’ve seen me butt naked a million times.”

“This is different,” Brian said hoarsely. “And if you’re uncomfortable…”

“No,” Nick interrupted. “I don’t want to leave.”

Brian slowly got up on the other side of the bed. His eyes never left Nick’s face as he carefully slid the sweatpants down to the floor and stepped out of them. It was his turn to blush as Nick looked him over from head to toe and then back up again. They stood that way for a moment, looking at each other uncertainly from opposite sides of the bed. “You know,” Brian said finally, “We’re not getting anywhere just standing here.”

“I know,” Nick agreed. “But I’m not sure what to do next.”

“Me either,” Brian admitted. They looked at each other and smiled.

“This is crazy,” Nick decided. “If you were a girl, or if I was a girl, would we be standing here staring like asses? No, we’d be jumping into bed and getting our grooves on.”

Brian laughed at Nick’s choice of words. “I guess you’re right.”

They looked at each other for a second, then made a scramble for the bed at exactly the same moment. The ice was broken, and for a minute they were just Frick and Frack once more. Once their bodies touched, however, the situation was immediately intensified. Brian gasped as he felt Nick’s bare skin touch him, and Nick moaned as Brian’s hand accidentally bumped against his throbbing cock. They both froze and looked into each other’s eyes. Nick started to speak but Brian silenced him with a kiss. This was not the time for speaking. Speaking would ruin it. Speaking was for later, when they would both sit back and take a long hard look at the situation and try to figure out what had happened.

Nick once more let his lips wander down Brian’s face to the tender skin of his neck. He didn’t waste time there; it was simply on the way to his final destination. Nick gently kissed Brian’s chest, then lay his face on it, rubbing his cheek against the softness. He slid a hand down Brian’s stomach and smiled as he saw the muscles contract. He hesitated only briefly before slowly running one finger up and down Brian’s cock. He heard Brian hiss in a breath, and saw Brian’s hand clench at the sheets. Nick closed his eyes for a moment. He realized how easy this really was. Brian’s body worked exactly the way HIS worked. What he liked, Brian probably liked. This wasn’t a big mystery the way learning a woman’s body was.

Nick closed his hand around Brian, slowly moving his palm up and down Brian’s length. He concentrated on the warm smoothness of Brian’s skin, imagining that it was Brian’s hand on him. What would he like? How would he like to be touched? Nick kept his head on Brian’s chest and watched his hand move up and down over Brian’s sensitive skin. He could hear Brian moaning quietly behind his head. “Don’t,” he said, loud enough for Brian to hear him. “Don’t hold back. You never have to hide anything from me.”

“But…oh…GOD…Nick…that feels…so good…” Brian gasped. Nick scooted down further on the bed until his head was level with his hand. He allowed his tongue to flicker out and lightly touch the head of Brian’s cock. Brian almost screamed with pleasure. Nick rolled the taste of precum around on his tongue. Not the BEST thing he had tasted, but not all that awful. He flicked his tongue out again…and again…until he was torturing Brian with the constant motion that was barely there. “Oh, Nick…PLEASE…don’t fucking tease me like that,” Brian pleaded.

Nick took a deep breath before slowly allowing all of Brian to enter his mouth. He felt Brian’s hand on his head, not forcing, just guiding. Nick knew what it felt like, having the most sensitive part of your body buried in a place so warm and hot that the pleasure was painful. He took Brian in as best he could; Brian wasn’t as long as he was but he was thick, and Nick felt clumsy as he sucked him slow and hard. His hand continued to stroke; he knew how good it felt to have the conflicting sensations moving over your skin.

“Oh…shit…Nick…if you don’t stop…I’m gonna…” Brian mumbled, pulling at Nick’s hair unconsciously. Nick didn’t answer…he didn’t stop, either. He prepared himself as best he could, but it was still a surprise when Brian held his head in place, pushing his cock into Nick’s mouth as far as he could. “Holy FUCK!” Brian screamed, panting for breath as he slowly released Nick’s hair.

Nick gagged and sat up, spitting wildly before he knew what he was doing. He knew it was probably rude, hell, he knew HE liked when the girl swallowed, but the taste was so foreign he could hardly handle having it on his tongue. “Sorry,” he sputtered.

“It’s less then flattering, but it’s okay,” Brian said with a weak smile. “Holy hell, Nick…that was incredible.”

“Yes, it was,” Nick said softly. He moved up to lay next to Brian. They didn’t hold each other; that was what they did with a woman. Instead, Nick lay back on the pillow and Brian lay his head next to him so that they were leaning against each other.

Brian’s eyes fluttered open and he glanced at the clock. One in the afternoon. He looked over at Nick. Only problem was, Nick was no longer there. He was alone in his bed.

Brian sat up straight, wondering if it had all been some kind of perverted dream. One look under the covers at his naked torso answered that question for him. He hadn’t dreamt it. He fell back onto the mattress with a sigh, pounding his fists on the bed. This was wrong…but it had felt so right. What had he done? Why had he done it? What would this mean to his friendship with Nick? Had he corrupted his best friend? Had Nick snuck out because he was angry with Brian?

Brian pulled himself out of bed and went into the bathroom. As he stood at the toilet, something on the mirror caught his eye. A message…written in toothpaste. Brian couldn’t help but smile.

“I knew you’d be in here as soon as you got up. No, I’m not mad. I just needed to think about things. No, I don’t hate you. See you at dinner.”

Brian stepped into the shower and turned the water on. Hot. Hot enough to hopefully clear his brain.

When Nick had opened his eyes, Brian was still sleeping peacefully beside him. He touched Brian’s face just once, then got out of bed. It was twelve-thirty. He carefully pulled on his clothes and crept out of Brian’s room. He made it down to his suite without running into anyone, closing the door behind him with a sigh. He took a long hot shower then flopped down onto the bed to nap.

Sleep wouldn’t come. Too many things were running through his brain. What the hell had happened? This was his twenty-first birthday; they had started celebrating at midnight. He had wanted this to be a birthday to remember, but he had NEVER counted on something like this. He went out and sat on the balcony. His stomach grumbled but he was too tired to call for room service. He stared at the bustling city below. Even on a Sunday afternoon, New York was busy. That’s how his brain felt.

Nick made himself settle down on one thought at a time. Brian. His best friend. His guardian angel. Brian was everything that Nick wanted to be. Spontaneous yet responsible, crazy yet totally reliable if you needed him. Nick had NEVER thought he would feel any kind of physical attraction for ANY man…especially not the man who was like his brother. When he thought about it, though, it was all the redeeming qualities wrapped up in Brian Littrell that would possibly make him want him that way. It was all so confusing.

The group…the guys…Nick thought about them next. They could NEVER admit this. God…AJ would have a field day teasing them. They wouldn’t understand, though they would never hate them or anything. Too many things had happened to them all for any of them to judge one another.

Leigh Anne. Nick shivered at the thought. He liked her well enough. The only reason he really DIDN’T like her was because she owned a part of Brian that Nick could never take away. It was jealousy, really…Nick was no longer the other half of Brian. Leigh Anne had taken that place.

He sat up suddenly. Was that why this had happened? Had he wanted to possess a part of Brian that only his wife had possessed before? Nick let out a huge sigh and closed his eyes. Too much thinking…and yet he could do nothing else. He felt guilty…but not because of what had happened. He felt guilty because he wanted it to happen again…and he wanted it to go further.

“Maybe I was trying to control him,” Brian said out loud as he paced back and forth through the living room. “I was trying to make him do something…just like AJ always tries to make him do things.”

Brian had tried to sleep but it was impossible. He had tried to watch TV, tried to read a sports magazine. It was no use. His mind kept wandering back to Nick. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging it in frustration.

“I was trying to make his birthday special. AJ was trying to make it special by getting him wasted…I was trying to make it special by…oh GOD…fucking him?” Brian picked up a sofa cushion and threw it. “I’m a happily married man. A STRAIGHT man. Oh, no.” Brian stared into space. “Leigh. I cheated on her. Well…not really…I didn’t have sex with a woman…just almost with another man. SHIT!” Brian screamed into the silent room.

He fell onto the sofa, beating himself with a pillow. “I have everything I could want. Money, fame, good friends, a wonderful wife.” Brian froze in mid-swing. “Only problem is…what I want now is what happened today…I want it again…and I want more.”

Nick wandered down to the private dining room around five-thirty. He had finally dozed off for about an hour around three o’clock, but he didn’t feel any better. He poked his head into the room and saw Kevin and AJ already seated. He walked over.

“Happy birthday, Junior!” AJ yelled with his mouth full of mashed potatoes. Kevin gave him an evil look, then shoved out the chair next to him.

“Sit here, Nick. Happy birthday for real, man.”

“Thanks, Kev. I’ll sit there after I hit the buffet.” Nick slowly walked over to the long table. Nothing really appealed to him, but he put some salad and vegetables on his plate, along with a small helping of potatoes and a roll. He picked up a glass of iced tea and took the seat Kevin had offered.

“You okay, Nick?” AJ asked, looking at Nick’s bare plate.

“Yeah…not real hungry. Too much drinking last night, I guess.” Nick tried to sound convincing.

“Hey, guys. Happy birthday, Nicky.” Howie sat down next to AJ. “Any idea when we get out of this town?”

“Day after tomorrow. More meetings tomorrow,” Kevin told him. Howie groaned.

“I wanna get back to my club.” His face brightened. “Hey, Nicky, you’re legal to get in there now!”

“Cool…I didn’t think about that.” Nick had been in Howie’s club, of course, but Howie was still worried about the fact that Nick had been underage.

“Where’s Rok?” Howie wanted to know.

“Last time I saw him, he was helping Junior here down to his room,” AJ said. Three pair of eyes turned to Nick.

“Well, last I saw him was when I went back to my room. We talked for a while last night,” Nick said with a shrug. “Not my night to watch him.”

“There he is,” Kevin said, motioning towards the door.

Brian briefly froze in the doorway as he saw Nick and the other guys already seated at a table. He took a deep breath. Things had to look normal. He waved in their direction, then wandered over to the buffet. He wasn’t hungry, but he filled his plate anyway. He had always been good at pushing food around and making it look half-eaten. As he approached the table, he hesitated. He ALWAYS sat next to Nick at meals, but he wasn’t sure if he could handle the closeness of him…handle the light scent that would be Nick after a shower…handle sitting next to him and knowing that Nick had brought him the most intense pleasure he had felt in ages. He took a deep breath and made a beeline for the seat next to Nick. He was an adult, dammit.

Nick saw Brian stop for a second as he walked towards the table. Then he squared his shoulders and headed for the seat next to him. Nick couldn’t help but smile on the inside. Seeing him was having the same effect on Brian that the sight of Brian was having on him. That made things a little bit better.

“Hey,” he said to Brian as Brian sat down. “Get any sleep?”

“Like about an hour or so,” Brian replied quietly. “You?”

“About the same.” Nick returned to his salad.

“Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Nick said nothing more, and Brian began to join into the conversation of Howie, AJ and Kevin.

Nick was off somewhere in his own little world about ten minutes later when Brian nudged him. “Nick. AJ asked you something.”

“Sorry. What?”

“Kevin has an Internet date with the little woman, but me and Howie and Rok were gonna go to a movie…or TRY to. Interested?”

Nick glanced at Brian. His face was expressionless. “Sure. What were you gonna see?”

Howie shrugged. “Dunno. Blair Witch Two? Meet the Parents?”

“Blair Witch,” Nick and Brian answered together. AJ and Howie stared at them.

“It just sounds good. I liked the first one,” Nick said quickly. Brian nodded. They didn’t have to look at each other to know what the other was thinking. A horror movie would be MUCH more distracting than a comedy.

“Okay…I’ll call for times after we’re done here,” Howie said.

“I’m gonna go up and shower,” Nick said, stacking his plates neatly. “Call me when you know the time. Later.” He turned to Kevin. “Tell Lisa I say hi, okay?”

“Sure thing. You okay, Nick?” Kevin looked concerned. Nick smiled.

“Fine. Hungover, but fine.”

“I knew it!” AJ yelled triumphantly. “I knew you had a kickass time last night.”

“More than you could ever know, Aje,” Nick said. He gave Brian a quick meaningful look before turning away from the table. “Later, guys.”

“I don’t BELIEVE this!” Howie whispered for the sixth time, wincing as blood once more filled the screen. “The first one was NOTHING like this.”

“It’s a sequel, Howie. They had to do something different. Only problem is, instead if just making you guess like the first one, they show it all…euww.” AJ wrinkled his nose as he watched the movie.

“SHHH!” A lady behind them snapped.

The four men looked at each other and snickered. No one had recognized them. It was such a nice feeling. Nick wore one of AJ’s “thug” hats, hiding his trademark blond locks. Brian wore a fisherman’s hat, and AJ wore a normal New York Yankees baseball cap. Only Howie refused to wear any kind of hat. He was too proud of his now-straight hair.

“Poor Howie…gonna have nightmares tonight, D? Need someone to sleep with you?” Brian whispered. Howie threw popcorn at him.

“Nah…that’s Nicky. He’s the big baby, remember? Maybe you should stay with him tonight, Rok…make sure he sleeps okay,” AJ teased.

Brian stiffened and he could feel Nick do the same. They were sitting next to each other, between AJ and Howie. “Nick’s twenty-one now, remember? He’s a big boy now,” Brian replied lightly.

“If you don’t shut up, I’m getting the manager!” The woman behind them snarled.

“Sorry,” Brian said quickly over his shoulder.

The friends quieted down to watch the movie. Nick couldn’t keep his leg still. He continued to tap his foot, then moved to lightly bounce his fingers on his knee. The fact that Brian was so close was totally driving him crazy, and kept him from enjoying the movie in any way, shape or form. Was Brian feeling the same way? Did he hate him?

Brian watched Nick’s nervous twitches and felt calm for the first time in hours. He wasn’t the only one feeling out of sorts. He had tried to call Leigh before the movie, but as soon as he heard her voice he had hung up. He felt wrong talking to her…as if something was holding him back from being his normal self.

Nick couldn’t take it anymore. “I need to go pee.” Nick stood and walked in front of Brian and Howie and quickly strode up the aisle.

“Told him he shouldn’t have gotten an extra large Coke,” AJ mumbled, grabbing for some of Brian’s popcorn. Brian slapped his hand.

Nick returned shortly, politely excusing himself as he passed in front of Howie and Brian once more. Brian kept his eyes on the movie, not even looking down as he reached for more popcorn. His hand his something strange and he glanced down into the cardboard container. A piece of paper, folded into a tiny square. He looked at Nick, who was intently concentrating on the screen. “Be back in a sec,” he said, standing up quickly. He deposited his popcorn in AJ’s lap before going up the aisle.

“Damn…you two spring a leak or something?” He heard AJ whisper.

Brian waited until he hit the bathroom before eagerly unfolding the note. “Meet me in my suite exactly thirty minutes after we’re back at the hotel. We need to talk. Frack.” Brian smiled at the childish scrawl before tucking the note safely in his jeans pocket.

“Man, what a waste of money!” AJ said in disgust as they walked the five blocks to their hotel.

“You make it sound like you only have ten bucks to your name or something,” Howie teased.

“Yeah, well, it’s like if I buy a pair of shoes and they don’t fit right or something. I just get disappointed when I don’t get my money’s worth,” AJ explained.

“You guys wanna get something to eat?” Howie asked.

“Nah,” Nick replied at the same time Brian shook his head. “I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Me either. Another time,” Brian said.

“I’m starving. I’ll go with you, D,” AJ offered. Brian stared at him.

“You ate your popcorn, half of mine and half of Howie’s nachos and you’re hungry?”

“I’m a growing boy,” AJ said, shrugging.

When they reached the hotel, AJ and Howie continued on while Brian and Nick went inside. They didn’t speak as they waited for the elevator. They didn’t speak on the elevator. They didn’t speak in the hallway, or as they walked into Nick’s suite. Nick once more grabbed a comforter, and they headed out onto the balcony in their uncomfortable silence.

They sat next to each other, with about six inches of space between them. They stared out at the city, their breath making little clouds in the air. It was colder than the night before had been, and Brian shivered slightly. “You okay?” Nick asked.

“Just cold.”

“We can go in.”

“No. I like it out here. Peaceful, like you said.”

Nick was silent for a moment. “I haven’t had a peaceful moment since I got up and left this morning.”

“I’m sorry, Nick. I…”

Nick held up a hand. “No, Bri. Lemme finish. My mind has been racing, yes, but then I realized that it was all my fault. I was jealous. Of Leigh Anne. I was jealous that she took my place in your life…and maybe I was trying to take HER place.”

“Oh, no, Nick!” Brian protested. “I was jealous because AJ always gets you to do what he wants and makes himself center of attention. I was just trying to be the center of your attention for once!”

The friends looked at each other for a moment, then laughed together. “Hell…we sound like Dr. Ruths or something,” Nick realized.

“You’re right, we do,” Brian agreed.

“Bri, the most peaceful I have been in a long time was when I was sleeping next to you,” Nick confided. “It was safe and quiet and…peaceful.”

“I’m glad I could do that for you, Nick.” Brian looked at his friend in the dim light of the billboard. “Last night was incredible, Nick.” He saw Nick swallow deeply. “The most amazing sensations I’ve felt since…damn…since ever. It was unreal. You knew just what I liked and where I liked it done. All day long, whenever I close my eyes, I see…I feel…I…”

“Me too!” Nick’s words came out in a rush. “And I felt so guilty for feeling that way…for wanting you…for wanting more…” He realized what had slipped out and he blushed. Brian’s mouth fell open.

“More?”

“Yes,” Nick said, looking down at his lap. “You mad?”

“NO! Oh, God, no!” Brian grabbed Nick’s face in both hands and made him look up. “That’s all I could think about, too. Then I started thinking wrong vs. right and it became a nightmare.”

“Really?” Nick whispered.

“Yes, Nick, really.” Brian looked at the man whose face he firmly held in his hands. “I want more.” Brian leaned forward and Nick eagerly met his mouth with a welcoming kiss.

This territory was all too familiar. There was no hesitation, no guilty feelings. Just a sense of relief, as if they were finally where they were supposed to be. Nick sighed against Brian’s mouth as Brian lightly nibbled on Nick’s tongue. The comforter fell to the balcony floor and they shivered.

Nick was first to pull away. “Come on. Let’s go inside.” He picked up the blanket and went into the suite, heading immediately for the bedroom. Brian followed like a puppy at his heels. There was no need to talk about it, no need to wonder what would happen next. They both knew, and they were both as scared as they were anxious. Nick tossed the blanket onto the bedroom floor and turned to look at Brian.

Brian’s blue eyes never left Nick’s face as he slowly began to unbutton the black shirt her wore. As his shaking fingers felt for the buttons, Nick pulled his own Tampa sweatshirt over his head. Brian had to look down at his jeans to make sure he could find the button; he felt as if this was the first time he had undressed himself, his hands were shaking so. He looked up just in time to see Nick pull off his own jeans, and he grew rock hard as he saw that Nick had nothing under the jeans but Nick. If he would have known that at the movies, it would have killed him.

Nick watched Brian slide his jeans and boxers down, and smiled as Brian tugged at his socks, trying to get them off without falling over. In a few short moments they were both completely naked, both fully erect, and both shaking like leaves. Nick allowed his eyes to roam over Brian’s hard body. Brian was small in stature but by no means weak. He could see the faint scar on his chest, and it brought back all kinds of memories. “I was so scared,” Nick said finally. “I was scared that I would lose you. I couldn’t have gone on without you, Bri. No one believed in me the way you did, except maybe Aaron, and he was really too young to be much support to me if I would have needed it.”

“I was scared, too,” Brian said, sitting on the edge of the bed. It was still painful to remember sometimes. “Then I woke up, and I saw Leigh, and you guys were all so great, being there whenever I needed you.”

“You deserved it,” Nick said softly, sitting down next to his friend. Brian picked up a pillow and played with it. He had more to say and Nick waited expectantly. It was no big deal to them that they were sitting around naked. A few things had to be said if the situation was to move further.

“I love Leigh,” Brian said finally. “I’m a married man.”

Nick’s mouth fell open. “Brian, I know that. I told you before, I’m not gay. This whole thing is freaking me the hell out. I know guys don’t this…experiment, I mean…girls do sometimes, but guys normally don’t. It’s just something I suddenly wanted after we kissed, and then after last night I wanted more. I’m not out to hook up with you, or break up your marriage, or anything like that.” Nick looked a bit insulted. “I thought we got past all that yesterday.”

“We did,” Brian said apologetically. “I’m sorry. I guess maybe I was trying to work through my own confusion saying that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I know you’re not gay, and you’re not “after me” or anything like that. This just scares me. I hate thinking about it.”

“It scares me, too,” Nick said softly. “I don’t want to think about what it may do to our friendship. Maybe we shouldn’t think anymore…not right now.”

Brian looked at Nick. His friend’s eyes were big and blue, full of passion, fear, lust, apprehension, and many other emotions Brian couldn’t read. He put down the pillow he was holding and slowly pushed Nick back until he was completely flat on the bed. He leaned over Nick, kissing his neck until goosebumps appeared all over Nick’s body. He kissed down Nick’s chest, moaning as Nick ran his fingers through his hair. Brian dipped his tongue in Nick’s belly button before continuing down. He heard Nick hiss as he lightly touched the head of his cock with his tongue. It was an odd taste; precum was already beginning to lightly drip out the top. He remembered how Nick’s mouth felt around him and wondered what that must have felt like for Nick. He slowly let Nick slide into his mouth and he heard Nick moan.

Nick was smooth and hard, and it was odd how easily he slid in and out of Brian’s mouth, he thought. Brian flicked his tongue over Nick’s head and then back down, and he thought Nick was going to fly off the bed. “Oh…Bri…holy shit…don’t do…oh God…don’t STOP doing that…” Nick gasped, and Brian chuckled. Brian let Nick slide out of his mouth, and watched as he slid his hand up and down Nick’s hard length. Nick watched as well, his face red and his breath coming in short gasps.

Nick suddenly reached down and pulled Brian up to face him. He passionately kissed him, tasting a bit of himself on Brian’s lips. He sucked on Brian’s tongue, urging small moans from his friend. “Nick…I don’t…I want…” Brian stammered. “I…”

“Hold on.” Nick jumped out of bed and walked to the bathroom on shaking legs. He came back with a bottle of lotion. Brian looked at him questioningly. “I wasn’t about to go out and get…you know…stuff…I didn’t want to just assume this would happen.” Nick’s blue eyes were intense. “I just realized, however, that if it DOES happen, we…um…we’ll need something. This is the best I can do. It’s provided by the hotel.” Nick turned a bright red as he spoke and Brian couldn’t help but smile.

“And they say I’M the thoughtful and responsible one.”

“I’m full of surprises,” Nick replied with a grin.

Nick set the bottle on the nightstand and laid back down next to Brian. The kissing resumed, and hands soon began to wander. Brian began to stroke Nick’s cock, but Nick pushed his hand away. He took both of their cocks in his long hand and began to slowly move his fingers and palm over them.

“Holy shit,” Brian gasped, unable to keep his eyes from the sight of their hard members pressed close together.

Nick closed his eyes, moaning as he felt Brian’s cock rub against his. “Brian, I want you,” he said finally. “I want to…um…I want…” Nick still couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Brian said nothing, just reached over for the lotion. He squirted some into his hand, and began to lightly work it up and down Nick’s shaft. He didn’t rub it in, just let it become slightly moist on Nick’s skin. “I want you, too,” Brian said, looking Nick in the eye.

“I think…maybe…you should be on your hands and knees.” Nick tilted his head to the side. “Wouldn’t it be easier?”

“Probably,” Brian said, though at that moment he didn’t trust his hands and knees to hold him. Nick’s cock suddenly looked huge, and as much as Brian wanted him inside of him, he couldn’t help but think about the size of the cock versus the size of the opening it would be going in. As Nick kissed him, however, all fears left his mind. He wanted Nick and he wanted him now.

Brian got on his hands and knees, Nick kneeling behind him. He heard Nick squirt lotion onto his hands, and he began to massage Brian’s back to relax him. Brian quietly moaned as Nick’s strong hands worked the lotion in. “So tense,” Nick whispered with a teasing sound in his voice. He moved his hands lower, to the bottom of Brian’s back. He put more lotion into his hands.

Nick was just about to spread Brian, just about to slowly invade Brian’s most private place, when Brian said, “No. Wait, Nick.”

“What? What did I do? Are you okay?” Nick jumped back off the bed, his eyes full of anxiety. Brian almost smiled.

“Frack, calm down. Jeez…you didn’t even touch me yet, you goof.” Brian took a deep breath, glancing down at Nick’s cock, then up at his face. “I just…”

“Holy shit…you’re right.” Nick went over to dig through his bags. “I know I packed…they’re somewhere…HERE!” He pulled out a box of condoms triumphantly. “I always have these with me anyway…you know…I can’t believe I didn’t think of it earlier. I’m sorry.” He walked back to the bed, pulling a condom from the box. He twirled it in his fingers nervously. “And, I mean, they’re like lubricated, so that will help, right? I don’t want…”

Brian put his fingers over Nick’s red lips, forcing him to be quiet. He slowly took the condom from Nick, looked down at it, then up at Nick again. “I want to do this,” Brian told him.

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, confused.

“I want to do it. I want to do it…to you.” A surge of strange emotions rushed through Brian’s body suddenly, making him feel hot from head to toe. He grabbed Nick’s by the hair, biting down on his chest. “I want to fuck you, Nick. I want to…so bad…let me…please…”

Nick stared down at his friend in amazement. AJ and Nick were the hyper ones, the aggressive ones, the ones ruled by emotion and passion. Brian was like Kevin, laid back, relaxed, used to thinking things through instead of just acting on them. This was a Brian he hardly knew. Brian’s blue eyes were full of aggressive passion, and as he said the words, it was obvious to Nick that Brian wasn’t even really asking permission. He was just stating a fact. If anyone was going to do this, it was going to be Brian.

Nick only hesitated for a split second. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took the condom from Brian. He tore the wrapper with his teeth and set the condom on the head of Brian’s cock. He slowly slid it along Brian’s hardness, making sure to stroke him many times along the way. “Shit, Nick…you keep doing this there might not be anything more,” Brian hissed. Nick smiled up at him arrogantly. He knew exactly what he was doing. Brian growled and pushed Nick back on the bed. He ferociously kissed him, moaning as Nick grabbed his ass and pushed their bodies together. Their cocks rubbed together, and Brian realized that the condom was NOT dulling any of the sensations.

At the same time that Brian pulled back, Nick rolled over onto his stomach. Brian took the lotion and applied it to his sheathed cock generously. He then began to lightly caress Nick’s backside, ever so slowly working his fingers in between. He smiled as he remembered how fans always said Nick had the “ghetto booty.” He couldn’t believe that in a short moment, he would possess it. It was an odd thought at that time, but it rushed through Brian’s mind like a freight train. Brian made sure his first finger was covered with lotion before slowly sliding it inside of Nick.

“Oh…FUCK…” Nick gasped as Brian’s finger sank deep. The intruding finger slid past Nick’s prostate and back again, making pain turn to pleasure and back again. Brian slowly did this for a few more moments before adding another finger.

“Are you okay, Nick?” Brian asked in a whisper. Just the idea of what he was doing made him want to practically rape his friend, but at the same time the idea of hurting Nick buzzed in the back of his brain. He didn’t want to hurt him.

“Yes…Brian…keep going…” All thoughts of being inside Brian had fled from Nick’s brain. He could only concentrate on those fingers and what they were doing…and on the thought that something bigger and better was to come.

When Brian was satisfied that Nick was as stretched and ready as he could get him, he gently pulled on Nick’s hips to get him up on his hands and knees. He ran his hands from Nick’s hair to his waist, lightly scratching his nails down Nick’s soft back. He spread Nick with one hand, took his cock in the other, and ever so lightly pushed. “I’m sorry, Nick,” Brian murmured, knowing the pain Nick would feel. He could feel something pushing against him, an anatomical barrier of sorts, and knew it would hurt.

“Go ahead,” Nick said in an almost-whimper. He had done this before, with girls, so he knew what Brian was pushing against. He had just never felt this side of it before. “Oh, SHIT!” Nick almost screamed as Brian moved on. He bit down on his hand so hard he tasted blood. “Go…Bri…go…”

“Oh, God…Nick…” Brian’s words came out in a moan as he sank completely inside of Nick. No one moved. Nick was getting used to the feeling, and Brian was simply enjoying it. He was completely buried. Buried and sheathed and covered by Nick. Completely surrounded by this warm tightness like nothing he had ever experienced.

“Go ahead, Brian…go…” Nick gasped. “Please…”

Brian slowly slid out, then in again. He rubbed against Nick’s sensitive prostate once more, and Nick moaned. Brian was worried, but it didn’t sound like a very BAD moan. “Nick, I don’t want to…”

“Harder,” Nick snapped, and that rush of aggressive emotion flooded Brian once more. He grabbed Nick at the waist and began to slam into him at a steady pace. “Yes…like that…holy shit…”

“God…Nick…you’re so tight…this is SO good…” Brian cursed himself for never approaching his wife with this idea. It was incredible. He saw Nick reach up for his dripping cock. “No…Nick…” Brian slipped Nick’s hand away and reached around his friend’s body to slowly stroke him.

“Mmmmm…yes…” Nick panted, starting to move back and forth against Brian.

“Fuck…Nick…” Brian’s hand moved harder and faster over Nick’s cock. Nick hung his head and closed his eyes.

“Brian…I’m…oh shit…” Nick could barely get the words out before he came, shooting onto Brian’s hand, his own chest, and the sheets below them.

Brian put both hands on Nick’s hips, pulling him back against him a few more times. He could see the exhaustion in Nick’s body; the orgasm had pulled the strength right out of him. But he couldn’t stop…couldn’t stop…he needed to continue until he… “Oh…Nick…oh God…oh FUCK!” Brian could hardly keep from screaming the words as Nick’s ass seemed to pull the orgasm right out of him. He stayed inside a short moment longer before slowly pulling out of Nick and falling to the bed beside him.

The men panted for breath, trying to calm their racing hearts. “Holy fuck,” Nick said, his voice muffled by a pillow.

“You okay?” Brian asked finally. Nick barely nodded. Brian glanced at the sheets and saw blood. “Oh my God!” Brian sat up frantically. “Oh, God. I did hurt you. Oh shit, Nick…oh my GOD!”

“What? What is it?” Nick sat up as well. “Oh…that…no, Brian…no. It’s from my hand.” Nick held up the fingers he had bitten down on. “I did it. It’s okay.”

“Okay.” Relief hit Brian like a tidal wave. If he had harmed his friend in any way…Brian realized the seriousness of the situation and stared at Nick. Maybe he HAD harmed him, just not physically.

“Stop it,” Nick snapped. “I know that look all too well. Don’t…I’m fine. We BOTH wanted this…okay?”

Brian nodded, but his blue eyes remained huge. “I need…I need to go.”

“Bri, wait. We need to talk about this,” Nick said, reaching for his friend. Brian jumped up and began to grab his clothes. He pulled on his pants and carried the rest.

“I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Brian’s eyes were wild. “I’ll talk to you later.” He darted out of the bedroom before Nick could stop him. Nick fell back on the bed, pounding his face with a pillow.

Nick slept fitfully that night. He was burning to go down to Brian’s room, to knock on the door, to grab his best friend in a big bear hug and tell him that everything was all right, that nothing had changed. He knew, however, that if he did go and knock on Brian’s door, Brian would come up with some excuse not to talk to him…or just not answer at all. He finally got up around five-thirty, went out onto the balcony with his trusty comforter, and waited for the sun to come up.

Brian knew he shouldn’t have bailed the way he did. He told himself this repeatedly as he paced throughout the night. He should have sat with Nick and discussed it all, calmly and maturely. He couldn’t, though…not then. The feelings were too fresh…the sensations still too real. There was no way he could have sat and talked to Nick without feeling the yearnings and wanting everything to happen all over again. Brian had spent a good twenty minutes simply allowing himself to fantasize about what would have happened if he would have allowed Nick to continue. What did it feel like? Was it really so wonderful? From the way Nick had reacted, the answer was obviously yes. He desperately wanted to try…wanted to try the other way…wanted Nick to feel the heat and passion and incredible pleasure that Nick had given him. But he was afraid. What would it mean if it happened one more time? Brian had only planned on once. Just one time…but it was only fair. Brian had always joked that he was very symmetrical. If there was an A, there had to be a B. He’d had A…he wanted B.

At seven-thirty Brian couldn’t take it anymore. He was ready to talk to Nick. He crept down the hallway, sure that the others were still sleeping but still afraid of running into someone. He knocked on Nick’s door. No answer. Knocked again. STILL no answer. Brian began to panic. What if all this had driven Nick to something desperate? There was a chance that Nick had gone out, but he knew that it was not likely. Brian turned and bounded down the hall, ignoring the elevator in favor of the steps.

He arrived at the front desk, panting for breath, not caring who saw him. “I need…a key…” he panted. “Forgot mine…”

“Okay,” the clerk said, staring at him. “What room?”

“Two-oh-six,” he said. The clerk started to hand him the key, then snatched his hand back.

“Your name?”

Brian quickly rattled off the alias Nick used and the clerk handed over the key. Brian dashed back to the stairwell. His heart was beating like a jackhammer when he got to Nick’s room. He opened the door with shaking hands and burst into the room. “Nick?” Brian almost screamed. He ran from the living room to the kitchen to the bedroom, poking his head into the bathroom as well. “Nicky?” No answer and no sign of Nick. Brian cursed himself repeatedly as he ran back to the living room. His fault. All his fault. He had probably hung himself from the… “Balcony,” Brian whispered. He stopped short at the door to the balcony, which was closed. A comforter bundle was curled up on a chair with some blond hair sticking out the door. Brian leaned his forehead on the cold glass and tried to catch his breath. He was furious and relieved and glad and pissed all at once. He threw the door open and Nick jerked awake.

“Bri? What are you doing here?” Nick stretched and groaned as he released himself from his cramped position.

“Do you have ANY idea how fucking freaked out I was?” Brian screamed. His voice echoed between the nearby buildings. Nick stared at him. “I knocked and knocked and you didn’t answer…I ran down and got a key and couldn’t find you…and here you are…asleep on the fucking BALCONY, for God’s sake, with the door closed. You could have gotten pneumonia or something, you blond dumb shit!” Brian stomped back into the suite and Nick followed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“God, Bri, I’m sorry. I dozed off. I didn’t want the rooms to get too cold, so I shut the door. I didn’t think…”

“Of course you didn’t think, Nick. When you DO think before you act it’s on a very RARE basis!” Brian snapped. Nick’s eyes filled with hurt.

“Is that what you think? You think I’m stupid?”

“When you do stuff like this, yes, I do.” Brian glared at him angrily. Nick seemed to shrink before his eyes. Brian was usually his savior, the one who stuck up for him when others made fun of him or teased him. This was cutting very deep.

“I’m sorry,” Nick said in a very small voice. “I’ll try to do better from now on. I’m gonna take a shower. You can leave now.” Nick headed for the bedroom without looking back.

“Oh, you dumb FUCK!” Brian muttered at himself. “Nick, wait. I’m sorry, man. The words just came out. I don’t think you’re dumb.”

“Obviously you do!” Nick shot back from the bedroom doorway. “Obviously this is something you’ve thought for a while. I’m surprised you could even bother to spend time with me.”

“No…Nick…” Brian followed Nick into the bedroom. “Listen, please. I came down to talk to you and you didn’t answer. I was afraid…I thought maybe…I thought you had done something REALLY stupid.”

Nick stared at him. “You think I would try to off myself just because of what happened? Don’t flatter yourself, Brian…you weren’t THAT good.”

It was Brian’s turn to look hurt. Nick could be a good dickhead when he chose to be, and it was obvious he chose to be now. “I…well…”

“Anything else?” Nick snapped. “Any other things I’ve done recently that were so stupid you could hardly stand to be around me?”

“Nick, I don’t think you’re stupid!” Brian shouted. “I was worried, okay? Worried SICK. Worried that maybe you WOULD try to kill yourself because I rammed my cock up your ass a few hours ago. I know I personally feel that way. I hate myself. I hate myself for taking advantage of you. I was busy hating myself when I realized the only way to make things right was to talk to you. And then I came down here and you didn’t answer. You didn’t answer and all I could think was that I made you do something awful and that I’d lost my best friend in the whole world. If what I’d done earlier hadn’t made me lose you, maybe this would. So I got pissed. I’m sorry.” Brian took a deep breath. “And I’m sorry if it wasn’t good. It was incredible for me. So incredible that I still want to see the other side. I hate to admit it but it’s true. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.” Brian gasped at the same time Nick did. He hadn’t planned on admitting that to Nick…not at all.

“Brian…oh, shit…” Nick looked very ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry for what I said. You just burst in here all pissy and it was the first thing that popped into my pea-sized brain. You’re right. I am stupid.” Nick sat on the edge of the bed while Brian remained in the doorway. “I should have left the door open or something. You were just being a concerned friend and I appreciate that.” Nick finally allowed his eyes to look up at Brian’s face. “I thought about it all night, too. I wondered what it would be like to just…take you…like you did to me. But I would be so afraid. I’m bigger than you and stronger and you know what it’s like when my emotions and feelings take over…I lose track of thinking. I had finally told myself that things were done…that they would blow over…I knew it would take you longer to work through this; you’re just like that. And then you came through the door all swearing and screaming…and I reacted with the first thought that came to mind.” Nick placed his hand on the bed, an invitation for Brian to sit. Brian sat. “God, Bri, I’m such a liar. That was incredible. YOU were incredible. And if it never happens again, I will never forget it.”

“Is it going to happen again?” Brian asked softly. He felt a tightening in his groin just talking about it. “If it is…it has to be now.”

“Are you sure?”

“I thought you didn’t think about things before you did them,” Brian said with a teasing grin.

“Maybe I’m trying to be more like you,” Nick said with a grin of his own.

“Thinking in this situation is wrong,” Brian realized softly.

“Don’t run away this time,” Nick said quietly. “It hurt that you wouldn’t stay.”

“I couldn’t,” Brian confided. “I wanted too much too soon.”

“I’m here now,” Nick told him. “I want to do what you’ve been thinking about.”

“Nick, are you sure? I mean…” Brian stammered, trying not to sound too excited. His erection was painfully pressing against his jeans.

“I’m sure.” Nick got up and closed the door. He wasn’t sure why but he felt the need to shut the world out of the room for a while.

“We have to be somewhere in like three and a half hours,” Brian reminded him, then kicked himself. Couldn’t he just let go for once?

“I have a feeling I won’t be lasting very long,” Nick said, standing in front of him. A queer darkness was filling Nick’s blue eyes and Brian shivered. “Stand up, Brian.”

Brian obeyed, noticing that Nick was already taking charge. This was exactly how he had imagined it. Nick was aggressive and emotional and passionate in everything he did…why should this be any different. He raised his arms and Nick pulled off his Kentucky Wildcats sweatshirt. Nick then removed his own sweatshirt, tossing it to the floor with Brian’s. Brian watched in awe as Nick slid down his sweats, revealing a rock hard cock. “Oh…” Brian whispered as he realized for the first time how big Nick really was. Nick fell to his knees, quickly unbuckling Brian’s jeans and yanking them down, taking Brian’s boxers with them. Brian’s cock slapped out and Nick’s lips were on it instantly. “Holy SHIT, Nick!” Brian yelled, his hands unconsciously reaching for Nick’s blond hair. Nick let out a moan which vibrated against Brian, and Brian felt his knees buckle.

Nick stopped his work and stood. Brian almost felt disappointed. There was a feeling of loss, but only for a moment. Nick pushed Brian back onto the bed, looking down at him. “No wasting time,” Nick said in a quiet low voice. “Number one, we don’t have time to waste. Number two…giving you time only lets you think. And I don’t want you to think, because then you get depressed and I feel bad. Got it?” Brian nodded. “There is one thing I wanted to try though…” Nick turned so his feet were by Brian’s head, and Brian let out a moan.

“Oh…God…Nick…yes…” he sighed as Nick’s mouth surrounded his cock once more. Brian scooted down slightly so Nick’s long cock could slide into his mouth. Nick let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a yell, and it once more vibrated against Brian.

Brian found this a lot easier then doing the same thing with a woman. Here he could just do exactly what he wanted Nick to do on him, and he knew it would drive Nick crazy. There was no problem with concentrating and finding the right spot the way he had to with a woman. Here all he had to do was imagine Nick’s mouth on him and mimic the wild thoughts going through his head.

“Bri…stop…please…if you don’t stop I’ll shoot right now!” Nick gasped, falling over to the side. Brian whimpered at the loss to his cock and mouth, but lay on the bed without moving. Nick regained his composure and lightly shoved Brian until he rolled onto his stomach. Nick hopped up off the bed to grab a condom and the hand lotion. He wasn’t about to let Brian sheathe him; he knew how good that would feel and it wouldn’t help his stamina any. He knelt between Brian’s slightly spread legs and began to massage his backside, ever so slowly letting fingers dip in near his final destination. “Feel good?” Brian grunted his assent, slowly relaxing. He tensed once more as Nick just let a fingertip run over Brian’s opening. “I know this feels good…I know what it’s like to be so filled…so complete…” Nick went on in a whisper. “I want this to be good for you, Bri. As good as you made it for me, as if that could be possible.”

As Nick continued to whisper, Brian felt one of his fingers slowly invade him. “Oh, sweet GOD!” Brian almost shouted into a pillow as Nick’s finger slid past his sensitive prostate. Nick added more lotion and a second finger and Brian tensed. It hurt slightly but the pleasure soon overcame the pain. It was such a foreign idea, so taboo, that it turned Brian on even more.

“I want to make you feel so good, Bri,” Nick whispered. “I want to do you so good.”

“Please…Nick…” Brian moaned, wriggling on the bed. “Fuck me, please!”

Nick sensed something very different…something not like the first time. That time it was all exploratory…all strange and new sensations. This was not like that. There was raw lust and passion involved now…and he was in control. He pulled at Brian’s waist until he was up on his knees and then he moved up behind him. “This will hurt, Bri…it will hurt like a bitch…but then…oh fuck is it good…” Nick promised. He took his cock in his hand and slowly began to guide it in. “Push back the tiniest bit, Bri…push back…that’s it…oh…FUCK ME!” Nick almost screamed as he was enveloped by Brian.

“Oh…GOD…that…” Brian bit down on the pillow until his teeth cut through the fabric of the pillowcase. It hurt so bad, but he didn’t want Nick to know how bad. Nick didn’t move. He wanted Brian to get used to the feeling.

“Okay…are you okay, Bri?”

“Yes,” Brian whispered in a hoarse voice. “You’re so…big…”

“I’m sorry if it hurts you…but oh fuck does it feel good…” Nick moaned, slowly moving out then in again. “You felt good inside of me but I don’t know how you held out with it feeling this good…”

“Mmm…yes…Nick…” Brian groaned as Nick grasped his hips and moved in and out. “Harder…”

“Are you sure?” Nick asked, concerned.

“I said, harder, dammit!” Brian snapped and Nick needed no second request. He held on tightly, slamming in and out of Brian as hard as he could. “Oh, yes…that’s it…oh…God…”

“Bri…you’re so tight…damn…” Nick threw back his head, trying to breathe. The feeling of Brian clamping around him was so incredible. He looked at the back of Brian’s head. The curls at Brian’s neck were soaked with sweat. “Wait…” he said suddenly, pulling out. Brian let out an obvious whimper. “Turn over.”

“What…” Brian did as Nick asked, questions in his blue eyes. Nick slipped a pillow under Brian’s midsection.

“I wanna see your face…I wanna watch your eyes when you cum…” Nick told him, placing Brian’s legs on either side of him. Before Brian knew it, Nick was back inside once more.

“Yes….oh, yes…” Brian mumbled, his eyes never leaving Nick’s as Nick pumped in and out of him. Sweat glistened on Nick’s smooth chest as he grasped Brian’s thighs, pulling himself in and out.

Nick’s gaze fell down to Brian’s cock. It was so hard it looked painful. Nick reached down and they both watched his hand slide up and down. “Bri…I’m close…so close…” Nick whimpered.

“Mmmm…Nick…don’t stop…don’t stop…” Brian gasped as Nick’s firm grip brought him near the edge as well. “Fuck YES!” Brian screamed, his cum shooting into the air. Nick released his cock and grabbed onto his legs, leaving finger marks on Brian’s skin. He could feel Brian’s ass clenching around him.

“Bri…you’re gonna…I…oh SHIT!” Nick screamed, releasing himself inside of Brian. The intensity of the orgasm made him fall forward and he quickly shifted his weight so he would fall beside Brian and not on top of him.

Nick peeled off the condom and tossed it in the wastebasket near the nightstand. The two men panted for breath, hardly daring to look at one another. “Incredible,” Brian whispered.

“You gonna run?”

“No…not going anywhere,” Brian promised. He curled onto his side to try and calm down. Nick mimicked his position but didn’t move closer. He simply put a hand on Brian’s bicep, a hand that Brian covered with his own.

A Few Weeks Later

To: B-Rok

From: Frack

Subject: Happy V Day

Hey, bro, what’s up? Not much here. Enjoying this break at home. Actually, I just got home. I was up in Pennsylvania, believe it or not. Lisa wanted me to meet one of her friends, a girl named Lara. She’s 28, dark brown hair, and these GREAT blue eyes. She was pretty cool. A fan and everything, but not a freaky scary fan. Lisa has obviously taught her the finer points of picking on me, because she had no problems jumping on my shit. Thing is, I think I liked it. How are things with you? You and Leigh have a nice Lovey Dovey Holiday?

To: Frack

From: B-Rok

Subject: Re: Happy V Day

Yes, we had a great Valentine’s Day. We went up to the cabin at the beginning of the week and vegged there for a few days. I was ready to get back though; Leigh doesn’t do well in the middle of nowhere…not that I didn’t try to distract her. LOL

Pretty cool? I think you like this chick, dude. I can tell by your words. You try not to sound like you like her, therefore you like her. Elementary School Psychology 101. LOL I’d like to meet her. Anyone that keeps your interest an actual week or so after YOU meet them must be special. I want to have you guys over for dinner on Wednesday. Just the guys. Be there at seven, okay?

Nick was nervous as he stood on Brian’s front step. He hadn’t seen Brian since New York. Once they had finished their business there it was time off for everyone. Kevin and Lisa had gone to Pennsylvania to visit her friend, and Nick had joined them. Brian was off with Leigh, and Howie and AJ had gone back to Florida.

Brian and Nick had emailed, and things had seemed normal, but he wasn’t sure. He knew they were best friends, always would be, but it was still strange. He needed to SEE Brian, see his eyes, see his face…then he would know for sure.

“Waiting for the door to open itself?” A voice said from behind him as someone jumped on his back.

“Hello, AJ,” Nick said with a sigh. He shoved the smaller man off as if he were a bug. “I missed you, too.”

“We’re hitting Howie’s club tomorrow. Interested?” AJ said as Howie and Kevin came up the walk as well.

“Maybe…dunno…” Nick hedged. Howie reached around them and rang the bell.

“Waiting for the door to open itself?” He asked, making AJ and Nick laugh.

“Hey, guys. How are you?” Brian opened the door with a smile. He hugged AJ and Kevin, then Howie, but avoided Nick. “Come on in.” The guys followed Brian down the hallway to the huge family room. “Usual drinks for everyone?” They all nodded. “Nick…help me?”

“Sure,” Nick said softly, following his best friend to the kitchen. Brian pulled the sliding doors closed and looked at him. Neither said a word for what seemed like an eternity. “You okay?” Nick said finally.

“Yes…I’ve been worried about you, though.”

“I’m fine, Bri, honest. I’m cool.”

Relief flashed across Brian’s small face. “Thank God. I was so worried you’d hate me.”

“Hate you? Of course not!” Nick almost squeaked. They were across the floor in two seconds, wrapped in a huge bear hug. “I’ve missed you, man.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Nick. We still emailed and all, but I was nervous.”

“Me too.” Neither of them released the hug. They were enjoying the feeling that only a good friend’s embrace can give. “Nothing could ever make me hate you, Bri.”

“I don’t know about that,” Brian said, actually wiping away a tear as he pulled back and went to the fridge. “I have some big news for you guys…which is why you’re here.” He pulled out beers for everyone as well as some chips and snacks. Nick grabbed two beers and a bag of Doritos.

“Everything okay, Bri?” Nick’s face was serious. “You’re not sick again, are you?”

“Hell, no! Not me!” Brian said with a cheerful smile. “Let’s go out there. I want you all to hear this at once.” He grabbed the rest of the food and headed out of the kitchen.

“Whoa, Bri…I thought we were having dinner,” Kevin said as he saw the snacks.

“We are, in a bit…this is just to tide us over,” Brian said. AJ immediately tore open the Cheetos and started munching down.

“Pig,” Howie scoffed, carefully picking out some Fritos.

“Priss,” AJ shot back, his mouth full of orange mush.

“Enough, kids,” Kevin said paternally.

“Bri…I’m dying here,” Nick said gently. “What’s going on?”

Kevin, AJ and Howie stared at the two men. Brian cleared his throat. “Well…I have some news, which is why you’re all here.”

“Are you okay? Is it your heart?” Kevin asked immediately. AJ and Howie froze in mid crunch.

“No, it’s not my heart,” Brian said with a sigh. “It’s Leigh. She’s three months pregnant.” Brian’s face was a bright sunbeam of joy. “I’m gonna be a dad, guys.”

No one spoke for a moment. No one quite knew what to say. This was a whole new plateau for them. The first Backstreet Baby. “Wow…a new cousin,” Kevin said, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Congrats, Cuz.” He hugged Brian hard.

“Thanks, Kev,” Brian said gratefully.

“A new kid for AJ to play with. Congratulations, Rok,” Howie said, hugging him as well.

“Shut up, D. Good job, Bri.” AJ hugged Brian as well. They all looked at Nick, who had a look of total loss in his eyes.

Nick didn’t know what to think. Brian? A dad? He knew this was incredibly selfish of him, but he had lost enough of him to Leigh already. Now he’d lose him all together. There would never be time for a Frick and Frack day. Frick would be too busy taking care of his baby…changing diapers…buying things…doing whatever babies needed done to them. He was happy, because Brian was happy, but this was like a lead weight dropped on the balloon of his life. “Nick?” Brian said quietly. Nick glanced at Brian, whose face was a mask of despair. If Nick couldn’t join in and congratulate him, Brian didn’t know what he’d do.

“Sorry…just surprised. That’s great, Bri. Wonderful news. I’m happy for you.” Nick enveloped Brian in a huge hug, then pulled back. “I’ll be back. Need a new beer.” Nick gulped down his beer in record time, then headed for the kitchen.

The other four stared at each other. “I’ll be right back,” Brian said, leaving the room.

“He’s being a child,” Kevin snapped as Brian walked out.

“No, Kev, he’s jealous. This is his best friend, remember?” Brian heard Howie say.

Nick was moodily staring at the magnets on the refrigerator when Brian walked in. “Find the beer?”

“Yeah,” Nick said without turning around.

“I know you’re shocked and upset. You knew this would happen someday, Nick. And I’m not gonna apologize for it. I love Leigh and I want her to have our baby. I know you and I have a special relationship,” Brian began, and Nick winced at the words. If only everyone knew HOW special. “But this is my life, too.”

“And there’s no more room for me in it, am I right?” Nick said, whirling around. He slapped his hands on the counter. “You don’t know why I’m upset? This is a baby, Bri…a twenty-four seven important part of your life. I hardly get free time with you now…after the baby’s born I might as well get a new best friend.”

“You don’t think we’ll be friends anymore?” Brian was thunderstruck.

“Not like now. This baby will be more important.” Nick heard the words, knew he sounded eight years old, but it was what he felt.

“Nick…don’t be like this.” Brian walked around to get in Nick’s face. “I need you more than ever now. I am scared shitless about this. I don’t know dick about babies…I want one and all but I’m so fucking scared.” Brian’s fingers curled into fists so tight his knuckles went white. “I need you, Nick. I need you to keep me grounded, to tell me when to calm the fuck down, to go out with me when Leigh is so bitchy and pregnant that I want to smack her. I need you to be there to get the first cigar. I need you to talk to me on the phone at three am when the baby is up crying. I need you to be there for him or her if anything should happen to me and Leigh.” Brian’s voice was hoarse with emotion. “I need you as my friend more than I ever ever did before.”

“You really trust me like that? I mean, if something would happen?” Nick’s voice sounded strange to him.

Brian nodded. “My parents or her parents would raise it…but I’ve already told her that Uncle Nick is like another guardian if it would come to this. I need someone fun and caring and goofy to help make this kid cool like us.” Brian gave him a goofy grin. “So don’t walk out on me now, Nick.” Brian grew serious once more.

“No…of course not…” Nick whispered. “I just thought you would be too busy for me…that this life didn’t have a place for me now.”

“Never,” Brian told him, hugging Nick fiercely. “Never.”

“I need another beer, dammit!” They heard AJ yell. “Junior, grab me one while you’re in there!”

The friends laughed and pulled apart. “Hey…don’t tell the guys all that I told you,” Brian asked Nick. “It’s just between us, okay?”

“Just between us,” Nick agreed. He grabbed a beer for AJ and one for himself, and he and Brian went back out to the living room.

The End

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