Lover’s Cross

By: Lara

Guess that it was bound to happen/Was just a matter of time/But now I’ve come to my decision/And it’s one of the painful kind/’Cause now it seems that you wanted a martyr/Just a regular guy wouldn’t do/But baby I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you…

“Okay…yeah…no, Justin, no BLACK balloons. That’s just rude,” Lara said, twirling the phone cord around her finger. She heard a door slam. “I gotta go. He’s home. Yeah. Okay. Yes, I SWEAR. Bye.” Lara quickly hung up and turned around. “Hi, baby.”

“Hey.” Lance wearily put his briefcase on the counter, loosened his tie, and kissed her cheek. “Fuck, but I hate board meetings.”

“It should be a rule. No board meetings on your birthday,” she said sweetly, massaging his tense shoulders. “Why don’t you go up and relax in a hot shower? I have some errands to run.”

“You couldn’t have done them while I was at the meeting?” Lance snapped, then sighed. “I’m sorry, Lara.”

“It’s okay, honey. I know you’re wiped. I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours. Don’t forget…dinner at Justin’s house tonight, right? For your birthday.”

“It’s just another day,” Lance grumbled.

“It’s your special day. And you deserve to be made much of.” She kissed his cheek and grabbed her car keys. “I’ll have the cell if you need me. I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, bye,” Lance said, giving a half-hearted wave as he dug through the refrigerator for a beer. He listened to the front door close and closed his eyes. An errand. Whatever.

You really got to hand it to ya/’Cause girl you really tried/But for every time that we spent laughin’/There were two times that I cried/And you were tryin’ to make me your martyr/And that’s one thing that I couldn’t do/’Cause baby I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you…

Lance allowed the hot water of the shower to sting his face as he turned his chin up to face the spray. He was so tired. It wasn’t just the business, either. Though they were on “vacation” from NSYNC, and though the space thing had fallen through, he was always working. Working for FreeLance…and working for his heart. He and Lara had been together for almost six months, and for the first four, it had been wonderful. She had been totally accepting of the fact that his work dominated his life, and she was grateful for any time she could get from him. But lately she had been distant…reserved with her affection. And Lara was way too affectionate for that to be normal.

Lance knew that Justin was throwing him a surprise party that night. It was too obvious. Justin was terrible at hiding things. And it was very likely that Lara’s errands were indeed just that…errands for the party. But Lance had the terrible feeling that another man was the main focus of her errand. Not him or his birthday.

Lance leaned against he wall of the shower, angrily wiping at his eyes. He deserved better. Sure, it was hard to find a “normal” relationship in a life like his, but it was even harder letting his heart get broken little by little.

‘Cause tables are meant for turnin’/And people are bound to change/And bridges are meant for burnin’/When the people and memories they join aren’t the same…

“This is great, you guys. Thanks.” Lance pasted on a smile as he looked around the crowded living room of Justin’s huge house.

“Happy birthday, Lancey.” Britney Spears gave Lance a big hug. Even though she and Justin had broken up, she and Lance were still good friends.

“Hey, Brit. Glad you could make it.” Lance hugged her, then turned to Lara. “Thanks, Lara.”

“Are you really surprised?” She asked.

“Well…” Lance looked at Justin.

“I didn’t say anything! I swear!” Justin protested.

“You’re too easy to read,” Lance said, hugging his friend.

He mingled through the crowd, greeting people and talking to friends he hadn’t seen for far too long. Justin had even flown out a few close friends from Mississippi. When Lance looked for Lara an hour after they had arrived at the party, he couldn’t find her. He excused himself from the conversation he was in and headed for the restroom.

“You need to tell him,” he heard a familiar voice say from Justin’s den, and he froze in the hallway.

“Josh, I know, okay? Do you think I like this?” Lara sighed. Lance leaned against the wall.

“You need to make your decision, Lara. You can’t have us both,” JC said gently.

“I know. And I know what my decision is. But it’s so hard…”

“I love Lance, Lara, and I hate knowing I’m hurting him like this.”

“I love him, too…but what I feel for you is so different.”

The door was ajar, and Lance slowly pushed it open. Lara and JC looked towards the door, gasping simultaneously. “So…this is what it’s been?” Lance asked quietly.

“Lance,” Lara said. “Just listen, okay?”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. I’m outta here.”

“But it’s your birthday party!” Lara exclaimed.

“I’ll let you do the explaining. It’s the least you can do to start to make this up to me.” Lance looked at JC. “Man…you’re like my brother.”

“I’m sorry, Lance.”

“Whatever.” Lance turned on one heel. He left the den, and left the house.

Still I hope that you can find/Another who can take what I could not/He’ll have to be a super guy/Or maybe a super god/’Cause I never was much of a martyr before/And I ain’t about to start nothin’ new/And baby I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you…

Lance drove for almost two hours before he realized that he had no clue where he was going. He saw a sign for a roadside diner and pulled into the parking lot. Out of habit, he shoved a baseball cap over his blond spikes, and pushed a pair of sunglasses up onto his nose. “Nice car!” A teenage boy yelled, pointing to his black BMW. Lance nodded and gave a wave.

“Can I help you?” A redheaded waitress walked up to him as he walked in the door.

“Table for one,” Lance said, realizing how sad that sounded.

“Over here.” She slapped a menu down on the table. Lance sat and looked up at her. Her nametag read “Cindy.”

“Cindy, can I have a cup of coffee and whatever you think is good for dinner?”

She smirked. “You trust a complete stranger that much?”

“Cindy, if you knew what I have been through tonight, you’d know that trusting strangers is easier than trusting the people close to me,” Lance said. She shrugged.

“If you say so.” She went off to place his order.

Lance played with the salt and pepper shakers until she brought his coffee and a glass of water. “Wife treating you bad?” Cindy asked sympathetically.

“I’m not married,” he said. “But the girlfriend…well…we won’t go there.”

“She’s crazy to let you go, mister, you make sure and remember that,” Cindy said, leaning one palm on the table. “I saw the car you drove up in, and I see that your clothes are expensive. Obviously you’re good at whatever you do. And you were polite to me from the get-go. That immediately tells me you got manners. You deserve better than someone who’s gonna break your heart, honey.” Her green eyes smiled at him. “And I can see in your eyes that your heart was broken.”

“Yeah.” Lance looked down at his coffee.

“Chin up, mister. Don’t give yourself up for NOBODY.” She went off to check on her other tables.

Lance thought for a moment, then realized she was right. Running away was only giving them the opportunity to run him down more. And he wasn’t going to give his pride up for anyone. He grabbed a napkin and scribbled a note on it. He threw a fifty dollar bill down and left the restaurant.

Cindy came over to the table to refill the young man’s coffee and noticed the money on the table. She looked out the window and watched the BMW squeal back onto the road, and she read the note. “Thank you for making this birthday better than it should have been. And thanks for the coffee. Lance Bass.”

The End

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