A New Day

By: Michelle T

© 2000

 

PROLOGUE

 

For twenty minutes she had sat dazed inside the car waiting for someone, anyone, to drive by.  She finally snapped out of it and reached for her cell phone on the seat next to her.  She brought it up close to her face and groaned when she realized the battery had gone dead.  Slowly and painfully she pulled herself out of the car, fearing it may catch fire.  Once outside, she was soaked to the skin immediately, her long blonde hair plastered to her head.  She crossed her arms over her chest as she started to shiver and swore to herself for not having a sweatshirt or jacket to pull on.

 

As she stood beside the car, looking around at the deserted road, it dawned on her she had no idea what to do.  She walked a few steps and felt dizzy.  The rain was lashing down upon her as she sank to the wet ground and started sobbing her heart out, her back leaning against the bumper of her totaled vehicle.  Fear and anger raged through her body.  She didn't know these roads and she should have driven slower when the downpour began.  Her car had seemed to take on a mind of its own when it suddenly hydroplaned and spun completely around.  It finally came to rest on the wrong side of the road against a telephone pole. 

 

She groaned loudly from the throbbing pain coming from her right hand and wrist.  She pulled her arm away from her chest and looked through the rain at her hand.  "Damn it," she shouted, "What the hell am I going to do now?  I have to get back to Kim.  My God, she doesn't even know I left."  She turned slightly to her left and rested her head against the bumper and squeezed her eyes shut against the pain.  Within moments, blackness engulfed her.

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

"Christ, Kev, this is a hell of a way to start a long weekend," AJ grimaced while peering through the windshield of Kevin's truck.  "It's been pouring for two friggin' hours."

 

"Yeah, Bone, tell me about it!  It's not even 4:00 and the sky is almost pitch black.  We've got to be almost there, though,” Kevin replied while looking quickly at his speedometer and releasing the accelerator slightly.

 

"What the fuck?  Kev, stop the truck!" AJ twisted in his seat to the left and was staring out the back window, "There's a car off the road back there with it's lights still on." 

 

Kevin slammed on his brakes and the truck skidded towards the right of the road.  AJ threw his door open and ran behind the truck towards the red car across the road.  Kevin grabbed a flashlight from the glove box and a windbreaker from the back seat and flew out the door after him.  

 

When Kevin caught up to AJ, he found him kneeling at the back of the car.  He had his hand on the shoulder of a woman slumped against the bumper.  

 

"Oh Christ, is she alive?" Kevin asked with a shaky voice as he went around AJ and kneeled down in front of her. 

 

"Yeah, looks that way.  She's passed out though." AJ said as his left hand pushed her wet hair off her cheek.  He noticed her long lashes fluttering and he felt of pang of sorrow in his heart as he heard a groan escape from her lips.  "Sweetie, come on, wake up.  We're going to help you."

 

Upon feeling AJ's touch, she opened her eyes and turned her head torward them with another groan. 

 

She could see two men before her, but couldn't focus enough to make them out.  "Ohh god, where am I?" 

 

Kevin reached out to her right hand and gently placed his upon it.  

 

"Ow, my hand!" she gasped and bent forwards while trying to protect her right hand with her left.  Kevin jumped back upon hearing her and AJ grabbed her shoulders to stop her from falling over, pulling her back close to him.  "I think. . . I've. . . broken my hand." She whispered to them and moved her left hand onto her right protectively.  

 

Kevin came closer and carefully placed his hand on both of hers and said softly, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know.  Does anything else hurt?" He glanced at AJ and noticed that he was still holding her with a look on his face that Kevin hadn't seen there in a long time. 

 

"My left side hurts really bad and my leg aches.  But I don't think anything else is broken. I'm really cold though." She replied with a weak smile.  At that Kevin pulled off the windbreaker he had thrown on moments before and passed it to AJ.  "Who are you guys?"

 

"I'm Kevin and this is AJ.  AJ noticed your car off the road."

 

She turned her head to look at AJ.   She stared at his beautiful brown eyes filled with concern and said, "Thank you for noticing my car, AJ.  You'd think there would be more traffic on this road, considering where it leads to.  I feel like I've been here for hours."

 

"Your welcome," he said softly as he gently pushed her forwards and placed the jacket around her shoulders.  He looked at Kevin with concern and said, "We've got to get her some help, Kev." He looked back down at her, "What's your name, Sweetie?"

 

"Michelle."

 

"Michelle, we'll take care of you, ok?"  She squeezed her eyes shut again and nodded.

 

"Michelle," Kevin moved his hand to her left shoulder, "do you think you can stand?"

 

"I don't know, but my ass is soaking wet from sitting here and it doesn't feel too pleasant." She said slowly.  Kevin felt a smile tug at his lips at her attempt at humor.  She can’t be that bad off if she’s trying to make light of the situation, he thought.  He stood and went to her left side and placed his arm around her waist. "Watch her right arm, AJ."  AJ followed suit and stood up and they both gently pulled her upwards.  Michelle groaned from the aches to her left side and the pressure she was placing on her leg.  She felt dizzy and nauseous and lurched to the right.  Kevin's grip around her waist tightened and AJ placed his arm around her stomach to keep her from falling.

 

"Kev, bring your truck over here.  I think it would be easier on her than carrying her across the road." 

 

"Ok, you got her?"

 

AJ moved his arm around her waist and Kevin removed his.  "I’ve got her, hurry!" Kevin ran across the road and jumped into his truck.  AJ held her tightly, careful of her right arm.

 

"Michelle, are you still with me?" AJ pulled her closer to him, feeling her trembling.

 

"I'm sorry!" she said barely audible.

 

"Ssssh, you don't have to be sorry.  I'm just sorry that you're in this mess."  He bent his head to look at her and noticed the tears sliding from her eyes. He lifted her chin with his right hand and looked into her green eyes before she shut them again.  "Don't worry, Babe, you'll be okay soon." 

 

She lifted her eyes to him and felt a rush of gratitude towards him.  "God, what would I have done if you guys didn't come by?" At that she started crying harder.  She slid her good arm around AJ and clung tightly to him, letting her emotions control her. 

 

"AJ." Kevin was standing in front of them. "Let's get her in the truck out of this rain.  I've found a blanket in the back seat and I've put the heat on." 

 

They both guided her towards the truck.  Kevin ran around to the driver's side and jumped in.  He slid over the bench seat and helped AJ lift her in.  She cried out briefly as her arm hit the dash. 

 

"God, I'm sorry Babe." AJ looked at the pained expression on her face.

 

"AJ, be careful!" Kevin said roughly. 

 

"Don't. I'm okay.  Really.” Michelle said.

 

"I'm sorry, man.  I didn't mean to yell.  I'm just. . . I don't know. . . I hate to see her hurting." Kevin looked at AJ with sorry eyes.

 

"Don't sweat it, I would have yelled at you too." AJ replied with a smile.

 

"Ok, we've got to find a hospital." Kevin said.

 

"Wait! Christ, I've got to get back to the hotel," Michelle cried out.

 

"Babe, we'll. . . " AJ started while placing the blanket over her.

 

"No!" she said sharply.  "You don't understand. . . I left my daughter at the hotel while I ran out for some food and stuff.  She was sleeping when I left." The look on Michelle's face was full of horror.  "I left her a note, but I've been gone so long.  She must be having a shit fit."

 

"You have a daughter?" Kevin asked incredulously.  "And you left her there alone?"

 

"Yes. . . oh god. . . don't look at me like that.  She's almost eleven years old."

 

"You have an eleven year old kid?" AJ was shocked.  This woman next to him was in no way old enough for a child that age. 

 

"Yes, please just take me back to the hotel.  I have to make sure she's okay." The look in her eyes made AJ shudder. 

 

Kevin placed his hand on her head and pushed back her damp hair.  "I'm sorry, Michelle, I didn't mean to sound harsh.  You definitely don't look old enough to have a child that age.  I was picturing a toddler at best.  Please. . ."

 

She looked into his eyes and noticed how green and penetrating they were.  She raised her hand to his cheek and softly caressed it.  "It's okay. . . I'd yell at me too.  I shouldn't have left her no matter how old she is, but I knew how exhausted she was and I honestly didn't expect anything to delay me.  I was so stupid." She wanted to scream at herself, but took a deep breath instead.  "Oh man, that hurts."

 

"What hurts, Babe?" AJ asked.

 

"My left side when I breathe deeply.  I think I hit it on the door."

 

"OK, Kev, let's get going.  We'll swing by the hotel first and pick up. . .  what's your daughter's name, Michelle?"

 

"Kimberly."

 

"Ok, we'll pick up Kimberly and then take you to the hospital, ok?"

 

"Yes, thank you both.  I'm so sorry to involve you, but I'm so grateful you came along." Michelle looked at AJ and then Kevin. "I'm really thankful and I promise to make it up to you."

 

"Well, we can talk about that on the way.  Is there anything in your car you need, a bag or wallet?" Kevin asked. 

 

Michelle nodded her head and then leaned it against the back of the seat.  "I've got a few things on the front seat and my laptop and a backpack in the trunk."

 

"Ok, AJ stay with her, I'll grab her things.  What hotel are you staying at Hon?"

 

"The Wayfarer.  I thought the name was appropriate." She said with a slight smile while closing her eyes.

 

"I'll be right back." Kevin jumped out of the truck and ran over to the car and started gathering her belongings. 

 

"Why is the Wayfarer an appropriate name, Babe?" AJ asked as he pulled her right arm from under the blanket.  He gently held her elbow as he lightly ran his fingers over her wrist.  As he did, he noticed the scar on the inside of her arm.  "What's this?"

 

He looked back at her face and saw the tears glistening in her eyes.  "It's nothing, just an old scar." She responded weakly.  AJ stared at her, his mouth slightly ajar and he fell silent.

 

Several minutes later Kevin came back and placed all her bags in the back seat of the truck.  He climbed in and started to put the truck in gear when he noticed the look in AJ's eyes.  "What's wrong?" he asked.  AJ held her arm up a bit for Kevin to see.   Kevin looked at the scar and knew instantly what it represented.  Tears were immediately evident in his eyes as he looked back at AJ.  "Man, I didn't expect this," he said.

 

Michelle pulled her head up and looked at Kevin.  "What do you mean?" she asked quietly.  At that, Kevin pushed the sleeve of his right arm up and turned the inside of it towards her.  She looked down and saw a scar very similar to hers.   She gasped and looked back up at him.  "Did you. . . " she started. 

 

"Yeah, about a year and a half ago," he said quietly.  The tears started sliding down his cheeks as he looked at her face. 

 

"I'm sorry, you’re the first person I’ve actually met with. . . that," she said.  She lowered her eyes and pulled her arm from AJ's hand. "Please, can we just go?"

 

Kevin just sat there staring at her and wondering what her reasons were for trying to take her own life.  "Michelle, look at me."  When she didn't respond, he gently placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head to meet his eyes.  "Don't feel ashamed. I've been there and I know how it feels."

 

She once again raised her hand to his cheek and gently wiped away the tears from his right cheek and then from his left side.  She stared into his mesmerizing eyes and pulled his face towards her.  She placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I'd like to talk to you about this some time, but I've got to get to my baby." 

 

He nodded his head, righted himself in his seat and put the truck in gear.  She turned to her right and looked at AJ.  He had tears in his eyes as well.  He took back her arm and softly caressed the scar.  "Whatever or whoever made you do this isn't worth it," he whispered. 

 

She nodded her head and pulled him towards her with her left hand and kissed his cheek as well.  "Thank you." 

 

He leaned back in his seat and placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.  "Let's go, Kev.  She's soaking wet and we need to get her hand taken care of."

 

Kevin nodded and pulled out onto the road and headed back to town.   As they drove the rain came down harder and the wind picked up fiercely.  Driving was difficult with tree branches swaying into the road and other debris flying around.  "I think we are in for one hell of a storm." Kevin mumbled.  

 

After fifteen minutes of silence, Michelle pulled her head up from AJ’s shoulder and looked at him.  "Where were you guys heading to?" She asked with a shudder.  She was so cold, and even with the blanket covering her and the heat coming out full force, she couldn't seem to warm up. 

 

"We're staying at the Breakers in Key West for a few days." AJ responded.  "A few of our friends are waiting for us there."

 

"God, I'm so sorry I've delayed you." Michelle felt so awful.

 

"Damn Michelle, if you say sorry to us one more time, I'm gonna have to slap you upside the head," AJ pulled her closer to him and rested his chin on her head.

 

"Ha, I can't believe you just said that, AJ.  My sister and I used to say that and do that to each other." She looked lost in thought and smiled.  She hadn't had a happy thought about Patti in so long.

CHAPTER TWO

 

"We're here." Said Kevin.  "Which room are you in Michelle?"

 

"112, around the back."

 

Kevin drove into the parking lot of the hotel and drove around the back to an empty space in front of the door to her room.  "Ok, let's get you inside."

 

AJ opened his door and with Kevin’s help from the inside they gently got her out of the truck.  When she finally emerged she swayed again and AJ caught her in another embrace.  "We've got to stop meeting this way, Sweetie." He said with a chuckle. 

 

"Jeez, can I help it if I just keep falling for you, Sexy?" she replied with a little laugh. 

 

"Ah ha, I figured you'd notice how sexy I am sooner or later." He smirked as he guided her towards the door.  Kevin joined them and asked for her key. 

 

"Oh crap, it's in my right front pants pocket and I don't think I can get it out." She groaned. 

 

"No problem," Kevin said as he went behind her and with his left hand on her waist, he reached between Michelle and AJ and put his other hand into her pocket. 

 

"Oh god, that tickles." she giggled as his hand slid over her pelvic bone.

 

They broke out into laughter, which made Michelle groan again.  She went to put her left hand on her side and felt Kevin's there instead.  "Don't make me laugh or giggle or breathe anymore, please," she begged.   Kevin pulled his hand from her pocket with the key between his fingers.  He slipped the key into the lock and opened the door. 

 

"MOM!  Where have you been. . . Oh my god!  Oh my god!"  Kim jumped off the bed and ran to Michelle, but stopped a few feet before her.  "OH MY GOD!" 

 

"Kim!  Don't worry, I'm okay. . .  I had an accident in the car and these guys helped me out."  Michelle said slowly as Kevin pulled AJ and Michelle into the room and closed the door behind him. 

 

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Kim.

 

"Babe, I think you better chill out a bit, your mom isn't in that great of shape." AJ said to the young girl.  He looked at her shocked expression and knew instantly that she recognized them.  Her mouth was wide open, as were her eyes.  She was about 5 foot 1 inches and was slim with shoulder length golden brown hair, just a shade or two darker than her mother's.  He left Michelle in Kevin's arms and went towards her.  "Babe, you're gonna catch a lot of flies with your mouth open that much."  He put his hand under her chin and she closed her mouth.  Kim squealed again and threw herself into his arms. 

 

"What the hell is going on?" Michelle looked incredulously at her daughter's actions while leaning against Kevin for support.

 

AJ grabbed Kim up in a great big bear hug and turned both of them around to face Michelle and Kevin. 

 

"Kev? You think this wild girl in my arms recognizes us?" he said with a wide grin and sparkling eyes.

 

Kevin chuckled and led Michelle to one of the double beds in the room. "Seems so, Bone."  He gently pushed Michelle down onto the bed and sat next to her.  He took her left hand in both of his and said "Hon, I guess we should tell you who we are, since your overly excited daughter knows. "  Michelle looked at him with eyes full of questions.

 

"God, Mom, they are the Backstreet Boys!"  Kim untangled herself from AJ's grip, but clung to his arm as she walked towards her mother.

 

"What!" Michelle said looking at Kevin and then at AJ.

 

"You know them!  The concert you took me to last September?" 

 

"I know who the Backstreet Boys are Kim!  We've only listened to their CD's a million times."

 

"Well, this is AJ McLean and that guy holding your hand on your bed is “The” Kevin Richardson!"  Kim was shocked and had the biggest smile on her face.

 

Michelle looked back at Kevin and studied his face again.  He looked at her with a grin and nodded his head.  "She's right, Hon, we are them." 

 

"Christ, you think you could have told me that by now?  All this time and you two didn't say anything," Michelle was also shocked.

 

"Listen Babe, the thought never entered our minds to blurt out that we are part of that group.  We were and still are much more concerned about your well being." AJ replied while going to kneel before Michelle at the end of the bed.  He placed a hand on her knee and looked into her face.  "I don't care who we are at the moment, you need to get out of these wet clothes and dried off and get some medical attention and soon."  He was practically scolding her.

 

Kim suddenly realized that her mom was being supported by Kevin and finally really looked at her condition.  "Mom. . ." her lips and chin trembling, "What happened, mom?"  She inched closer to the bed and Kevin caught her hand in his.

 

"Don't worry Kim, she's going to be okay.  She had a car accident and we found her and we are going to help her and you.  Ok?"  He looked at Kim's face and knew she was about to cry.  "Don't cry baby, she's okay now."  Kim stared at Kevin and nodded her head.  Then she took another step closer and gathered both Kevin and Michelle into a hug, knocking AJ on his ass. 

 

Kevin threw his arm around Kim's back and pulled her close.  He could feel her sobs ready to erupt. 

 

AJ sat on his butt on the carpet and exclaimed, "Jeez, thanks a lot Kim! I thought I was your favorite and then you go and shove me aside for the tall gorgeous guy.  God!  Happens way too often if you ask me!"  He rolled his eyes and Kim started giggling and stood up and turned to AJ. 

 

She dropped herself onto his lap and hugged him.  "AJ, I'm sorry. . . but honestly, Nick is my absolute favorite!"

 

They all cracked up at that and once again Michelle groaned from the aches to her left side.  She let herself fall back onto the bed and laid there laughing, her eyes shut tight to hold back the tears of laughter and pain.  Kevin lay back next to her and gathered her into his arms.  He pushed the damp hair off her face and kissed her cheek while rubbing her back.  "Okay, missy, no more laughing for you."  He laid her back down and gently lifted her yellow T-shirt on her left side.

 

"Kevin! God, I've only known you for like an hour and my daughter is in the room!"  Michelle laughed even harder and pressed her hand to her side.  Kevin removed her hand and looked down.  Sure enough bruises ran from her ribs down to her waist and probably lower, but he couldn't see. 

 

"AJ, will you look in the phone book and see where the nearest hospital is?” Kevin looked over at AJ who was tickling the hell out of Kimberly.

 

"Yeah, sure, once I'm done torturing this kid."  He laughed and continued to torment her.  Kim's hoots and begs for mercy were ignored by him.

 

Kevin gently pulled Michelle up from the bed, held her steady when she started to sway and led her to the bathroom.  "Ok, you wait here and I'll have Kim to get you out some dry clothes."  He returned to the room to find AJ and Kim going through the phone book.  "Kim, can you get me some dry clothes for your mom?" 

 

"Ok.  Can you tell her I'm starving?  It's like 5:30 and we haven't eaten since 11:00." She asked while pulling clean clothes from her mother's bags.

 

"Kev, the phone lines are down," AJ looked at Kevin with concern in his eyes, holding the dead phone in his hand.  "What the hell else can go wrong?  We’ll go to the front office to find out where the hospital is and I'll get Kim some food." 

 

"Good idea," Kevin said while heading back to the bathroom.

 

"Let's go Sugar.  I'll get you fattened up so you quit flapping your trap."  AJ grabbed Kim's hand and then noticed a hooded sweatshirt on the dresser and pulled it over her head.  "Can't let you look like a drowned rat when you get to meet your fantasy boyfriend." he teased. 

 

"What?  I'm gonna meet Nick!"  Kim screamed.

 

"Well, if you keep screaming in my ear like that, then nooooo!"  He screamed back at her with a hearty laugh.   She giggled and grabbed his hand again and led him out the door. 


CHAPTER THREE

 

Kevin went back into the bathroom and found Michelle sitting on the side of the tub with her head on her knees.   He dropped down in front of her and noticed how badly she was shaking. 

 

“Michelle. . . oh baby, you are shivering like crazy!  We’ve got to get you out of these wet clothes before you catch pneumonia.”  Kevin stood up bringing Michelle with him.  Her head rolled to the side and he noticed the glazed look in them. 

 

“Kevin, I don’t feel so good.”  He pulled her tight against his side and pushed the shower curtain open, reaching in and turning the water on full blast.  He turned his body back towards her and she leaned in against him, not being able to stand on her own. 

 

“Sweetie, we have to take your wet clothes off, ok?”  She didn’t respond, just let out a low moan.  Kevin held her as best as he could as he started to undress her.  He managed to get her shirt over her head and off her left arm.  He pulled her to his right and tried to pull the shirt from her right arm as gently as he could.  She groaned loudly as he pulled the material away from her.  “I’m sorry, babe.” he said softly.  “Shit!” he thought, “This is a lot tougher than I expected”.  He turned her around so that her back was leaning against him and proceeded to undo the button, then the zipper of her jeans.  With one hand supporting her around her waist, he slowly pushed her jeans over her hips until they fell around her ankles.   He leaned her gently against the wall adjacent to the shower and bent down to remove her pants completely.  As he straightened up, he realized her underwear was soaking wet too.  Without a second thought he eased her panties down and off.  He placed his hand on her waist again and then reached between them and fumbled with the clasp on her bra with his free hand.  “Crap, I was never good at this with one hand.” He mumbled to himself as the clasp finally gave way. 

 

Michelle moaned again and pushed herself away from the wall.  “What are you doing?” she cried softly. 

 

“Michelle, you need to get in the shower and warm up and you can’t do that with soaking wet clothes on.” he replied hoarsely. 

 

“Oh god, I’m so embarrassed.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and let Kevin guide her into the hot water.  She immediately crossed her arms over her chest and leaned into the corner of the shower.  “I’m so dizzy.” she moaned. 

 

Kevin looked pained and felt a rush of sympathy towards her.  “Oh Christ, don’t be a wimp, Kevin.” he said to himself and then pulled his tee shirt off and quickly unzipped his own jeans. 

 

Within seconds he was standing there in his black boxers and climbed into the shower with her.  He pulled her towards him and said,  “Just keep your eyes closed and pretend you have a bathing suit on or something.  I swear I’m not checking out your gorgeous body.” 

 

“Really? Could have fooled me,” she said slowly with a slight smile.  He guided her directly under the stream of hot water and rubbed her left side with his hand. 

 

After a few moments, he said, “The hot water should make your bruises feel better too.” 

 

Michelle opened her eyes and looked down at her left side and groaned.  “Oh great, I look like I was kicked by a mule.” She then moved her eyes back to the right and noticed his muscular arm supporting her just below her breasts.  She brought her left hand up to his arm and caressed it lightly.  “Thank you, Kevin, for helping me, but I really and truly am so embarrassed.  No one has helped me in the shower in ages or seen me naked for that matter.” 

 

He turned her body to face his and wrapped his arms around her shoulders holding her close so that the water could warm up her backside.  Her arms automatically wound themselves around his waist.  “Please don’t be embarrassed, Michelle.  You have a beautiful body and should not be ashamed to let someone see it,” he replied huskily.  Stirrings of desire swelled in his groin.  “Oh Christ,” he thought, “what the hell am I thinking?  This poor girl has been through enough within the last few hours and doesn’t need me getting turned on by holding her.”  He gently eased her off from him and looked down at her face.  

 

She turned her head upwards and asked, “God, Kevin, how the hell tall are you?” 

 

He chuckled at the expression on her face and replied, “A hell of a lot taller than you, that’s for sure.  Are you sure your daughter is only ten years old?  She’s only a couple of inches shorter than you?” 

 

Michelle grinned slightly, “She’s very tall for her age.  Comes from her father’s side of the family.” 

 

At the mention of Kimberly’s father, Kevin froze and his face was covered in confusion and then realization.  “Michelle!  Jesus, it never occurred to me, but where the hell is your husband?”  Michelle groaned and leaned her head forwards onto Kevin’s stomach. 

 

“He’s history.  I don’t want to talk about him.  I’m really not feeling too good, Kevin.”  With that she collapsed against his body completely and he pulled her up tighter against him.  He reached behind her and shut the water off, then pulled the shower curtain open and carefully stepped out with Michelle in his arms.  He grabbed a clean towel off the vanity and spread it over her shoulders. 

 

Just then he heard AJ and Kimberly returning.  “AJ!  Can you come in here!” he shouted towards the closed door. 

 

AJ led Kim over to the bed and told her to get comfy and watch TV while she ate.  She looked at him like he was crazy and asked “AJ, what’s Kevin doing with my mom in the bathroom?” 

 

“Don’t worry so much, Sugar!  He’s just helping her with her arm.  I’ll be right back.”  AJ walked quickly to the bathroom door and eased it open.  “What’s up, Kev?”  He looked at Kevin’s wet back and noticed Michelle’s arms around his waist. 

 

“She’s passed out again and we need to get her dressed.” Kevin said. 

 

AJ closed the door behind him and went to stand behind Michelle.  “Kev? She’s naked under that towel, and why are you dripping wet?”  AJ had a look of anger in his eyes as he stared at Michelle’s long wet hair cascading down her back.  He unconsciously reached a hand out and stroked her hair. 

 

“AJ, please, you know me better than that. I’m not taking advantage of her here; I’m trying to keep her from getting any sicker than she already is.  She was shivering violently and couldn’t even stand on her own.   What was I gonna do, let her fall over in the tub and crack her head open?”  Kevin looked at AJ defiantly and waited for his response. 

 

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.  Ok, how are we gonna do this?” AJ asked.  

 

“Well, grab hold of her and I’ll dry her off and try to put her clothes on.” Kevin responded.  AJ wrapped his arms around Michelle’s upper body and pulled her back against him.  Kevin grabbed another towel and proceeded to dry her off as best as he could.  He tried averting his eyes from her crotch as he bent down to dry her legs, but found he couldn’t keep his eyes away. 

 

“Kevin!  For Christ sakes, man, just close your eyes and dry her off.” AJ whispered loudly.  He took a deep breath when he realized that he had his right arm wrapped around her ribcage and that her breasts were leaning against his tattooed arm.    He brought his hand from her shoulder up to the top of her head and placed a light kiss on her temple.  He hadn't felt concern for anyone in this way since Deanna had left his life. 

 

Kevin finished and they both dressed her in a sweatshirt and thin jogging pants as quickly and gently as possible.  AJ scooped her up into his arms and brought her back into the bedroom while Kevin dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist. Seconds later, Kevin ran into the bedroom and pulled the blankets down on the nearest bed and AJ placed her in it.  While AJ covered her up, Kevin noticed that Kim had fallen asleep on top of the other bed.  He strode over to her and removed the food wrappings lying next to her and then covered her with a spare blanket.   He sat down on the side of the bed facing AJ and Michelle and ran his fingers through his damp hair and said, “What did they say down at the office?”

 

AJ snapped his head up and looked at Kevin, “The hospital is about ten miles back up the road, but they’ve started closing off the bridges connecting the islands to each other.  We won’t be able to make it there.” 

 

AJ stood and walked to the sliding glass doors at the other end of the room and peered out into the rain.  He leaned his hands against the glass and stared out onto the courtyard and pool area.  Deck chairs and table umbrellas were being whipped around like toys.  The small palm trees surrounding the area were swaying uncontrollably.  “I don’t like this Kev, I don’t feel safe here.” 

 

Kevin joined him at the doors and watched the storm belting down around them.  “I agree, you think we should take them to our hotel, it is a lot bigger and should be safer?”  Kevin looked at AJ and saw his sad expression. “What’s going on, AJ?  You have something on your mind I can tell.” 


 

CHAPTER FOUR

 

AJ pushed himself away from the door, brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes.  “Seeing Michelle like that, when we found her, just made me have feelings that I haven’t had in a long time.  Not since Deanna!  I haven’t let myself care too much about anyone in so long, and all of a sudden, a stranger alongside the road brings back so many things.” 

 

Kevin leaned against the door and watched AJ.  “Bone, Michelle is not Deanna, and no other person on this earth could ever be.  I know seeing Michelle’s scar really shook you.  Hell, it did me too!  And I’m sorry that now you’re stuck in a room with two people who at one time tried to kill themselves.  I know how agonizing this must be for you.  I’m so sorry Deanna succeeding in killing herself and I know, if we had been home at the time, she may still be alive too,” he shook his head and continued, “because I know we, and the other guys, would have been there for her.  She was our really good friend but none of us knew the depth of her depression.“ 

 

AJ stared back at Kevin in astonishment and asked, “How did you know what I was thinking?” 

 

“Well, let’s just say, I’ve been having similar thoughts for the last couple of hours myself,” Kevin replied while turning to look at the two sleeping females.  “I think we should pack them up and take them to our hotel.  With the other guys there, Kim will be kept well occupied and Michelle can get lots of rest.  I don’t know what the hell we are going to do about her hand though.” 

 

AJ nodded and they proceeded to gather the girl’s personal belongings and pack them into the open bags lying on the floor.  Kevin went into the bathroom, quickly got dressed, collected their wet clothing and threw them into a plastic laundry bag.    While he was tossing toothbrushes, makeup and other toiletries into the cosmetic bag on the counter, Kim showed up at the door and watched him with interest. 

 

“Kevin, what are you doing?”  She rubbed an eye and pushed her hair behind her ear. 

 

“Kim, we think it will be safer if you and your mom come to our hotel with us.  It’s bigger and we’ll have more people to help out.  The storm is getting worse and we really should hurry.”  Kim nodded her head and went back into the bedroom to put her sneakers back on. 

 

AJ passed the bathroom door and said he had everything ready.  Together they loaded the truck and Kevin was grateful he’d thought to put the cab onto the back of it.  At least their luggage, and now Kim’s and Michelle’s, would stay dry. 

 

When they returned to the room, they found Kim sitting on the bed next to Michelle with silent tears running down her face.  AJ pulled her up into a hug and held her tight.  “Don’t worry Sugar, your mom will be okay.” 

 

Kim cried harder and choked out, “What if she dies? She almost died before and I. . . I don’t want her to ever die.  I love her so much!” 

 

AJ felt his chest tighten and held her tighter, “She’s not going to die, baby, she’s just got a broken hand and some bruises and is exhausted from the stress of it all.  I promise you, she won’t die, ok?”  AJ looked over at Kevin who was staring at Kim’s back with tears sliding down his face.  “Kevin, tell Kim I’m right!”

 

Kevin looked up at AJ and then moved up to Kim and ran his hand over her back. “He’s right Kimmie, your mom is okay and she’s not going to die.  Let’s go see Nick, Brian and Howie, ok?”  Kim nodded her head and released her grasp from AJ. 

 

“Ok, let’s go,” she said softly.

 

Kevin bent down and picked Michelle up into his arms and carried her to the door.  “Kev, wait a sec, I’ll get Kim into the back seat and then I’ll open the door for you.”  AJ pulled Kim to the truck and they both nearly slipped when they hit a large puddle.  The rain was still coming down in buckets and they were instantly soaked.   Once Kim was inside, Kevin and AJ got Michelle in and they headed out of the parking lot.

 

They drove slowly the five miles to their hotel, taking nearly a half-hour for a ride that should have taken minutes.  When they finally turned into their hotel, AJ jumped out of the truck and ran into the front office to confirm that the other guys had made it.  Kevin pulled the truck into the first level parking area and pulled up as close to the doors as possible. 

 

In the lobby, AJ spotted Howie at the counter and ran over to him.  “D, man, am I glad to see you.” He said while giving Howie a hug. 

 

“Where the hell have you been?  We tried calling you and got no answer.  We’ve been here a couple of hours and expected you to show up right after us!”  Howie was yelling at AJ, but was relieved to see his friend safe.  “Where’s Kevin?”

 

AJ threw his arm around Howie’s shoulders and guided him to the side entrance.  “I’m so glad you care so much, Dude.  Man, we’ve had one hell of an afternoon.”  AJ gave Howie the short and quick version of finding Michelle by her car and everything else they’d done in the last couple hours. 

 

“Wow, and you’ve brought them with you?” he looked at AJ with concern.

 

“Yeah, their hotel was too small and we didn’t think they’d be as safe there as they will be here and Michelle really needs some sort of medical attention,” AJ pushed open the door and saw Kevin’s truck.

 

Michelle had awakened and was looking at Kevin with a questionable look.  “Kevin, where are we? Where’s Kim?” 

 

Kim leaned forward from her seat and wrapped her arms around Michelle’s neck.  “I’m right here, Mom.  I was so scared driving over here.”  Michelle brought her left hand up and clung to Kim’s arms. 

 

Kevin watched them and his heart filled with compassion.   He brought his hand up to Michelle’s cheek and softly caressed it.  “We’re at our hotel.  It has better facilities and it's much larger.  We thought you two would be safer and more comfortable here.”  His eyes were piercing into hers and she couldn’t look away. 

 

“Kevin, thank you again for being here for us.”  She turned her head slightly and kissed his open palm. 

 

Kimberly noticed AJ and Howie coming towards the truck and opened her door.  AJ jogged over to her and helped her down.  She looked at Howie and smiled shyly. 

 

“Hi Howie,” she said quietly. 

 

Howie went over to her and gave her a hug.  “You must be Kimberly.  How are you?” 

 

She shrugged her shoulders and giggled, “Three times better than I was this morning!”

 

Howie looked down at her and asked, “What do you mean three times better?” 

 

Kim grinned and said “Well, I’ve now hugged three Backstreet Boys today and I know Nick and Brian are here somewhere.” Howie and AJ laughed at her happy face. 

 

“Okay, Kim, help me get the bags out of the truck,” AJ said as he pulled her towards the back of the truck.

 

Kevin continued staring at Michelle and she at him.  He wished he knew what she was thinking.  “Are you okay?  Feeling any better?” he asked softly.  She nodded her head and opened her mouth to say something further, when Howie pulled Kevin’s door open.  Kevin jumped, not expecting it and turned to Howie, “D, you scared the shit out of me!” 

 

“Sorry, Kev!” Howie wasn’t looking at Kevin; he was staring at Michelle and noticed her tired green eyes. 

 

“Howie, this is Michelle - you know, Michelle, I don’t even know your last name,” Kevin said thoughtfully, looking down at her. 

 

“Hi Howie, how are you?  And my last name is Wyman.” 

 

“Hi, let me help you out of the truck,” Howie said and ran around the front of the vehicle.  Kevin grabbed his keys and got out and went around back to help AJ with the bags.  Howie opened the passenger side door and held his hand out to Michelle. 

 

She turned her body to the right and gave him her left hand, “Sorry, Howie, but I think my right hand is busted.” She gazed into his face and thought how beautiful he was.  She loved his large brown eyes and wavy hair clasped tightly in a ponytail.  She’d always found long hair and earrings on men incredibly sensual.  His lips were full and his eyes lit up when he smiled.  Just perfect, she thought.

 

Kevin came up to them and told Howie to be careful of her hand.  “I know, she just told me.” 

 

Michelle started to climb out and Kevin stopped her, “Michelle, you have no shoes on.  I’ll carry you.”

 

“Kevin, please, I’ve been enough of a burden to you and AJ and I’m used to walking bare foot.” She replied with a slight frown.

 

“I don’t care, I’m carrying you anyway. And I know your leg aches, so you’ll just have to suffer in my arms.” Kevin leaned in and scooped her up. 

 

Howie closed the door after them with a chuckle.  “Guess I’ll help AJ with the bags then.”

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

When they finally reached their suite on the fifth floor, the door flung open from the inside and Nick stood there speechless to see his three friends, two of which were holding onto a strange woman. 

 

“Whoa, what’s this?” he asked backing into the room.  At the sound of his voice, Brian came from his room to see what the commotion was about. 

 

“Hey Guys, this is Kimberly,” AJ said indicating the young girl holding his hand, “And that’s Michelle.  Michelle was in a car accident earlier and we pretty much saved her sorry butt!” AJ was cracking himself up. 

 

Michelle flung out her right foot and caught AJ in his ass.  “Talk about sorry butts, you don’t even have one!” 

 

Brian and Nick doubled over into a fit of laughter and pulled Kim and AJ into the room.   Kevin followed them and headed towards the bedroom on the far right.  Howie pulled a couple of bags into the room and said, “Nick, since you do have one, why don’t you drag your fat butt over here and give me a hand with this stuff.” 

 

Kimberly giggled loudly while her eyes were glued to Nick, who had a shocked expression on his face at Howie’s comment and was tongue-tied. 

 

Brian threw his arm around Nick’s shoulder and said, “Come on, Buddy, I’ll help you.”

 

Nick shrugged him off and turned to Kimberly, “You know what happens to little girls who laugh at my butt?” he asked with a large smile, “They get TICKLED!”  Kimberly screamed and went to hide behind AJ, but Nick caught her hand and proceeded to tickle her sides ferociously.  The other guys laughed at them and brought the luggage in themselves. 

 

In the meantime, Kevin brought Michelle into the bedroom and gently placed her on the bed closest to them.  “There you go, M’Lady.”  He went over to the closet and pulled a spare blanket out and covered her with it. 

 

“God, you guys are totally spoiling me!  How am I going to live without you after today?” Michelle asked.   Then they heard the laughing and Kimberly’s screaming coming from the living room.  “What the hell is going on?” Michelle asked and started to get up.  

 

“Stay right there! I’ll go.” Kevin went to the door and looked out.  “Uh oh, Nick’s found someone new to tease.  He’s tickling the hell out of your daughter.”

 

“Really? She must be in seventh heaven.” Michelle was glad Kim was enjoying being with the guys.  She had been through so much misery in the last year and deserved some fun. “I’m happy for her.  My poor baby.”  She felt instantly guilty and saddened that she hadn’t been able to make her child laugh like that in so long. 

 

As a few tears slipped down her cheeks, Kevin came over and sat on the bed next to her.  He wiped away her tears and forced her to look at him.  “Don’t torture yourself, Michelle.  I don’t know your story yet, but I intend to find out very soon.” His eyes were boring into hers and he had a frown on his face. “I’m sure whatever has happened to you two, you never did anything to intentionally hurt her.” 

 

“Trying to kill myself wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt her?” Michelle asked sarcastically but softly.

 

“No, you were trying to hurt yourself and I’m sure you weren’t thinking of how it would affect her.” Kevin said forcefully.  “I know, Michelle, remember? I’ve been through it too and I know I never meant to hurt anyone, just myself.  For now, I’m going down to the lobby to try to see if they have an in-house nurse or something.  We’ll talk later and in the meantime, just relax and don’t think any bad thoughts.”  He leaned forward and kissed her cheek and then walked out of the room.

 

Michelle closed her eyes and leaned her head against the backboard of the bed and willed herself not to cry anymore.  “God, he can read me like a book!” she thought.

 

Nick had finally finished torturing Kimberly and they sat on the couch together to catch their breath.  Kimberly suddenly jumped up and ran over to Brian and threw her arms around him.  He was startled and almost fell backwards but caught himself.  “That’s number four!  Hi Brian, I’m happy to meet you finally,” she said happily. 

 

Brian wrapped his arms around her shoulders and said, “Well, Kimmie, it's nice to meet you too finally!”  He looked down at her and made a silly face.  She laughed and looked up at him adoringly. “But, what’s the number four all about?” he asked.  Howie came up to them and whispered in Brian’s ear.  Brian had an “I get it!” face on and then looked over at Nick.   “Well, well, Nicky, seems you are the lucky number five!” 

 

Nick looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, “What the heck are you three talking about?” 

 

Kim looked up at Howie and Brian and said, “Well, I guess now is my chance.”  They nodded and she turned to Nick and then flew onto his lap and gave him the biggest hug she could muster all the while screaming, “I LOVE YOU, NICK!!”  AJ, Howie and Brian were laughing uncontrollably.  Kevin had caught the scene and was pulled into the laughter. 

 

Nick was speechless and looked at Kevin.  Kevin indicated that he should hug her back and so he did.  “Jeez, Kim, you sure do got a tight grip there.  I almost can’t breathe!”

 

Kim released him and laughed.  Her face was flushed from excitement and a bit of embarrassment.  “Just wait ‘til I email my friends and tell them about this day!” she said breathlessly. 

 

Kevin explained he was going on the hunt for a doctor and headed out.  The rest of the guys sorted through the baggage on the floor and put it into the different rooms.  AJ threw his bags on one of the beds in a room with Howie and then turned to leave.  “Hey Bone, aren’t you even going to unpack?” Howie asked. 

 

“Nah, what for? I’ll just have to pack it all up in a few days anyway,” he replied.  Howie just shook his head and proceeded to unpack AJ’s bags.  “Thanks, D, I knew you couldn’t resist.”  AJ walked out of the room with a wide grin and headed to the room Michelle was in.

 

When he walked through the door he saw her staring off towards the wide window at the end of the room.  “Hey, Babe, how you doing?”  He walked over and climbed onto the right side of the bed next to her.  He stretched his legs out and put his arms around her and pulled her close.

 

“I’m better, AJ.  Just amazed at everything that’s happened in the last few hours.  You guys have been so wonderful to us and I feel like I’ve known you for a lot longer than a few hours.”  She looked up at his handsome face and smiled.  “What is it with you guys and your beautiful eyes?” she said half aloud.  He chuckled. 

 

“And aren’t you always suppose to be wearing sunglasses?” she asked. 

 

He thought for a moment and then said, “Yeah, well, what you read isn’t always what’s true.  I did have some on earlier though, but took them off on the drive down here.”

 

“Ah, I see,” she said while tracing a tattoo on his arm with her left fingers, “I love tattoos.”

 

“Then you should get one!  I’d suggest on your right hip bone,” he said pointing his finger at her hip.

 

“What makes you think I don’t already have one?” she asked him smiling.

 

“Oh Baby, I KNOW you don’t have one!”

 

“What the hell do you mean by that?” she asked starting to feel nervous.

 

“Babe, how do you think you got these dry clothes on?” his eyes were dancing with merriment.

 

“Oh my God! Oh my freaking God!” she was shocked and a blush was spreading quickly over her face.

 

AJ was laughing really hard and tightened his grip around her.  “Chill Babe, I enjoyed checking out your fabulous body!” 

 

Michelle moaned in embarrassment and closed her eyes.  I can’t believe this, she thought, two absolutely hot guys see me naked in one day and I was too out of it to even enjoy it.  Finally she looked back up at AJ and said, “Well what about the famous tattoo on your belly?  Is that for real?”

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know!” he laughed and winked at her. 

 

“I do want to know now!” she laughed with him. 

 

“Ok,” he said and jumped off the bed.  He pulled his shirt up and posed before her, displaying his work of art. 

 

“Wow, that’s really something, AJ.  Those muscles are quite enjoyable to look at too,” she said smiling and winking at him.  

 

He laughed heartily and fell back onto the bed.  “Michelle, you trying to flirt with me?”

 

“Who me? Noooooo.  Seriously, AJ, you just seem so easy to get along with.  I could have a lot of fun with you around,” she said. 

 

“Well let’s get you all healed up and I’ll really show you some fun!” He was enjoying this easy banter with her. 

 

“You got a deal, Sexy!  But, I’m afraid we’ll have to keep it platonic as I’m sure I’m way too old for you!” she said.

 

“What? No way, Sweetie, no woman I want is too old for me if I have anything to say about it.” He said cockily.  “How old are you anyway?”

 

“You expect me, a grown woman, to actually tell you my real age? Get real, babe.”

 

“Come on, I want to know, I need to know, so just tell me or I’ll just go ask your daughter,” AJ said and made a move as if he was going to leave.

 

“Wait! Ok, you brute, I’ll tell you, but no Old Granny comments.  Deal?” she asked holding out her left hand for a shake.

 

“Deal,” he said with a grin.

 

“28, almost 29!  Whew! I can’t believe I just said that out loud!” she said pretending to wipe the sweat off her brow.

 

“You gotta be shittin’ me!  You think that’s old?  Christ, the way you were carrying on, I thought you were gonna say at least 30!” he said laughing. 

 

She watched him laughing and enjoyed seeing his beautiful face so happy.  She reached for him with her left hand to pull his head towards her so she could kiss his cheek.  As she was just about there he turned his head so her kiss landed on his lips.  She was momentarily startled so she didn’t pull back right away.  “Oh AJ, you are such a flirt.  But a flirt with nice lips.” She smiled at him.

 

He continued smiling at her and thinking how beautiful she looked with her dark blonde hair hanging around her face and a sparkle in her eyes.  “Michelle, I don’t know about you, but I really like you.  Will you be my friend forever?” AJ asked her with a puppy dog pout. 

 

She burst out laughing and nodded her head.  “Ok, but you have to sing for me in your sexy voice at least once a week.  Deal?” she asked.

 

“Deal!” he leaned over and kissed the top of her head and jumped off the bed. “I’m going to get some drinks and take a hot shower.  You want anything?”  She shook her head and smiled at him.  He strode out of the room as Kim and Nick came in.

 

CHAPTER SIX

 

“Hi Mom, how are you?” Kim asked with a concerned expression while climbing onto the bed and snuggling up to her mother.

 

“I’m okay, Sweetie.  Hi Nick, I’m Michelle, and thanks for befriending my kid here!” she said before bending her head to kiss Kimberly’s head. 

 

“Hey Michelle.  Sorry to hear about your accident.  It must have been pretty scary, huh?” he asked while sitting down at the foot of the bed.  Michelle nodded and held up her right hand.

 

“Yeah, I’ll admit I was very scared for a while, especially when no one seemed to be traveling on the roads.  I’m really lucky your friends were driving by and were kind enough to stop,” she answered while looking at her hand, ”Basically this is the worst of it, I think its broken and it hurts like hell, but not as much as earlier.”  As she said that Kim leaned over and lightly kissed her mother’s hand. 

 

“Mom, Nick said we could go find the arcade? Okay?”  Michelle looked at Nick to gauge whether or not he really wanted to go.  He nodded his head at her and said he’d love to hang around with Kim.  She smiled her thanks at him and they left. 

 

Michelle gingerly turned onto her left side and curled into a ball and closed her eyes.  She lay that way for about a while thinking how lucky she was to have met such nice people. 

 

Brian and Howie came to the door and thought she was sleeping.  "She's sleeping," said Brian softly. 

 

Michelle heard them and opened her eyes, "No, I'm not.  Come in please." Michelle looked back at them and smiled.  Brian went and sat on the left side of the bed and Howie sat behind her on the right.  Michelle tried to sit up a little straighter and groaned.  "Sorry about that, I'm kind of achy," she said.  Howie leaned towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders and helped her sit up.  "Thanks, Howie.  I'm sorry to intrude in your lives this way."

 

Brian patted her knee and said, "Hey, you're not intruding.  We're happy to have you here.  And Kim too.  She seems like a great kid."

 

Michelle nodded and smiled back at them.  "Why are you guys down here on this particular weekend.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving after all?”

 

Howie smiled and responded, "Well we just finished a four month tour last weekend and we felt the need to unwind for a few days."

 

"But, aren't you guys sick of being together after all that time? And what about your families and friends?" she asked looking at him.

 

Brian shifted on the bed and made himself more comfortable while responding, "You'd think we would hate each other by now, huh?  But, no, we’re so busy while on tour, that we hardly get to just chill out and enjoy each other’s company, without a hundred other people all over us.”

 

“Yeah,” said Howie, “and our families are pretty used to us being gone at inopportune times, so one more holiday didn’t really phase them.”

 

“Well, what about your girlfriends?  They must be missing you?” Michelle looked at Brian.  His eyes suddenly darkened and he hung his head down a bit.  Michelle knew she said something wrong and grabbed Brian’s hand that was on her knee. “Brian, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad.” 

 

He looked up at her and stared into her eyes, “It’s okay, it’s nothing.  Things are a little strained right now, that’s all.”

 

Michelle continued to watch his sad face for several moments, “Brian, call her!  Don’t sit here and dwell on whatever it was you fought about.  Just call her and talk!” 

 

Brian looked at Michelle with surprise.  “Hey, how’d you know?” he asked.

 

Michelle chuckled lightly, “Brian, it’s written all over your face.  You smile a lot but it’s not a real smile, because you’re eyes aren’t smiling too.”

 

Brian squeezed her hand, “Well, maybe I will, once the phones are back on.”  He thought for a moment and said, “No, you’re right.  I’m definitely calling her as soon as I can.  I love her and I’m going to make sure I tell her!”  He smiled, really smiled, this time and bent over and gave Michelle a hug.  “Thanks, Michelle, I think we’re going to end up being the lucky ones having you around.  Now, I’m going to find Nicky and Kimmie and drive them crazy!”  He jumped off the bed and ran from the room with a wave.

 

*****************

 

Kevin was downstairs in the lobby talking to the night manager about Michelle.  As he was explaining his need for someone with medical training, a tall blond man at the end of the counter looked over and walked towards Kevin. 

 

“Excuse me, I’m sorry, but I overheard you talking and, well, I’m Dr. Carey Ferguson.  Anything I can do to help?”

 

Kevin smiled broadly and shook the man’s hand, “Man, am I glad to meet you.  I’m Kevin Richardson and I’d really appreciate your help.” 

 

Carey smiled and indicated to the woman standing behind him, “Kevin, this is my bride, Karolyn, we’re on our honeymoon, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I deserted her for a short while.” 

 

He looked at Karolyn lovingly and she nodded her head.  “Hi, nice to meet you.  I don’t mind you stealing my man for a while, but not all night, ok?” she replied, smiling at Carey and Kevin.

 

“That’s excellent, thank you both so much.” Kevin said happily.

 

“Ok, let’s go get my bag and go see your friend.”  Carey said and led them over to the elevator. 

 

When the elevator doors opened, Brian and Nick came bounding out.  Nick was giving Kim a piggyback ride and all three were laughing hysterically.   They stopped short when they saw Kevin and all grinned sheepishly.

 

“Hey guys, having fun yet?” Kevin asked with a raised eyebrow and a grin.

 

“Kev, hey man, how’s it going?  We’re looking for some food!” Nick said while rubbing his tummy.  Kimberly giggled and started messing up Nick’s hair with her hands.  Nick screeched and started tickling the back of her knees, which made her scream.  Kevin threw up his hands and laughed.

 

“Guys, this is Dr. Carey Ferguson and his wife, Karolyn.  We’re going to get his medical bag and then he’s going to check Michelle out.  So, try to keep it down and stay out of sight for a while, ok?” 

 

Brian looked amazed at his cousin. “Leave it up to you, Kev, to actually find a doctor.  Man, you are good!” he said with awe. 

 

*******************

 

Michelle and Howie were laughing quietly at the thought of Brian.  Then Michelle looked at Howie and asked, “What about you, Howie?  Anyone special missing you right now?”

 

Howie smiled and said, “Nah, no one serious.  I’m having too much fun living the life I’ve got and I haven’t found that special someone.”

 

Michelle smiled at him and concentrated on his face for a few minutes.  Finally, Howie started to blush and asked, “What is it? My hair messy or something?”

 

Michelle laughed and said, “No, of course not, I was just picturing you in that video, A Night Out with the Backstreet Boys, and remembering how incredible you are when you perform.  Always smiling and winking and looking so damn adorable!” Michelle blushed a little too.

 

“Thanks Michelle, it’s nice to hear you say that,” and with that he gave her an exaggerated wink. 

 

She laughed and pulled him in for a hug.  “I think you are great, Howie!”

 

“I think you are great, Michelle!” he said, “What about you and Kim? Why are you here with no family?” 

 

Michelle looked at him, but not sadly. “Well, we’ve basically been on the road for a month now and this is kind of our last stop before heading up to Orlando to settle down.  I have a sister there and I want to see her and get back in her good graces, and I really miss her.  She’s my only real family left.” 

 

Howie concentrated on her face as she spoke.  He could see a lot of emotions passing through her eyes.  “Where did you start out from?” he asked.

 

“Boston area.  Actually, Kim and I saw you guys in concert in September at the Fleet Center.  It was really great!  After that, I thought long and hard about what direction to take in life and I decided a move was the best thing.  So within a couple weeks, we packed up, stored most of our stuff and headed out.” she smiled for a second and then said, “The hardest part was overcoming my fear of driving highways.  But, I told myself to stop being a chicken shit and just go.  And we did!” she looked at Howie and noticed him smiling.  “What?” she asked. 

 

“Nothing, well, actually, I’m thinking how incredibly gutsy you are.  It must have been difficult to overcome a fear like that. Good for you!” She smiled at his praise and they both settled into a comfortable silence.

 

“Howie, in my bags somewhere is my cell phone, the battery is dead, but I have a charger there too.  Will you find them and charge up the phone, so Brian can call his love?” she asked him quietly. 

 

He smiled broadly at her and kissed her cheek. “Absolutely, doll!”

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Kevin came in the room with Carey.  “Hey D, Michelle, this is Dr. Carey Ferguson.  He’s here on his honeymoon and overheard me downstairs and graciously offered his services.”

 

Howie walked over to Carey and shook his hand.  “Thanks Dr. Ferguson, we really appreciate your help,” he said.

 

Carey smiled and said, “First things first, call me Carey!  I am on vacation after all.” He had a nice smile. 

 

Howie left the room and Kevin turned to follow him.  “Kevin,’ Michelle cried out, “don’t go, please?”  Kevin turned back around and smiled at her as he went to sit where Howie had just been.  He placed his hand on her bad arm and rubbed it softly. 

 

Carey sat on Michelle’s left and made some small talk with her while checking her eyes and head.  “Did you hit your head at all, Michelle?” he asked. 

 

She shook her head and said, “No, I don’t think so.”

 

“Well, you have a tiny bruise here, but it doesn’t look serious.”  He gently touched near her temple.

 

“Really? It doesn’t hurt.” She replied.

 

He took her right arm from Kevin and lightly felt along her wrist.  Michelle let out a groan and Kevin looked at her with compassion.  Carey continued feeling around her arm and hand and Michelle had to close her eyes from the pain, as silent tears started to flow.  “I’m sorry, Michelle, I don’t like hurting you, but I need to see exactly what you’ve got here.”  She nodded and felt Kevin’s hand on your cheek.  She opened her eyes and looked into his. 

 

He smiled slightly and bent his head close to hers and said softly, “Just look at me, Babe, and imagine that you and me are in the middle of a huge dance floor, swaying in each other’s arms to your favorite slow song.”  She smiled and envisioned the picture he just described. 

 

They stayed that way for a long time while Carey put a splint on her hand and wrist and bandaged it up tightly.  “Ok, that’s all taken care of.  Your pinkie is broken and a few bones on the top of the hand are bruised, but your wrist only has a slight sprain.  Kevin, I’ll leave some extra ace bandage here and you should rewrap her hand tomorrow or if she gets it wet.  Either that or you can call me and I’ll do it.” Carey said looking up at Kevin, who was still looking at Michelle.  “Kevin!” his voice caused Kevin to look over at him.  “Did you hear me?” he asked with a chuckle. 

 

“Ah, yeah, Carey, sorry, I heard you though.” He grinned sheepishly.

 

“Okay, what else hurts, Michelle?” Carey asked. 

 

“My left side aches and is covered in bruises.” She replied.

 

“Well, let’s take a look,” he said as he felt along her ribs.  She grimaced as he touched her and he saw her expression.  He lifted her sweatshirt and saw the bruises on her two lower ribs.  “How bad does it hurt, Michelle? Does it feel like you’ll pass out when I press them like this?” he asked applying a little pressure. 

 

“No, it hurts but not bad enough to make me cry.” She said.

 

“Okay, then,” he said and gently lowered her jogging pants a little to see the bruises on her hip.  “What about here?” he asked applying the same amount of pressure to her pelvic bone and hip area. 

 

“Same as the ribs,” she said. 

 

“That’s good then.  You’ll be sore for a few days, I’m sure.  Get some rest, but do try to walk around.  Otherwise, you’ll feel worse and your leg will stiffen up, Ok?” he asked.

 

“Thanks Carey.”

 

“I’ll leave a prescription for pain should you need it, but don’t anyone even think of trying to fill it tonight.  That storm has turned into Tropical Storm Mallory and I don’t want anyone going out there,” he said looking at Kevin sternly.  He knew Kevin was considering running out right then and there.  “Ok, Kevin?  She can hold off until tomorrow, just give her regular Tylenol or something tonight.”

 

“Ok, Carey, thanks so much.  I’ll walk you out.”  Carey said good-bye to Michelle and wished her luck then told her his room number should she need him.  

 

When Kevin returned he sat on the left side of the bed and faced Michelle.  He grabbed her bandaged hand in his lightly and rubbed his fingers over her exposed fingers. 

 

Michelle watched him caress her hand and smiled.  “Kevin, thank you so much! I know I keep saying that, but you keep being more and more wonderful to me,” she looked up at him and was captured by his eyes once again.  They stared at each other for a few moments and then both leaned towards each other and their lips met in a light, sweet kiss.  The kiss was brief, but neither pulled back.  They sat leaning their foreheads together for several moments staring into each other’s eyes.  

 

Finally, Kevin spoke softly, “Michelle, I feel a strong connection with you.  Something or someone has brought us together and I don’t want to let go yet.” He brought his hands up to her head and pulled her back towards him with a deeper more passionate kiss.  His lips enveloped hers and he felt her starting to respond as her lips gently opened.  He slowly traced her lower lip with his tongue before gently pushing it inside of her.  She moaned gently and met his tongue with her own.  She wrapped her arms around his back and unconsciously stroked his lean body. 

 

After a couple minutes, they both pulled away, breathlessly.  She stared at his gorgeous face and said, “Kevin, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this moment, but I’ll treasure it always.”  She brought her hands up to his face and stroked his strong cheekbones with her thumbs and then brought him back to her for another kiss. 

 

Kevin finally broke the kiss after another minute and stood up next to the bed.  With a bright smile he said, “Well, I better leave now so you can rest, ok?”  She nodded her head, as she looked up at him with a smile of her own. 

 

Once he was gone from the room, she gently turned on the bed towards the window and snuggled under the blankets and closed her eyes.  Her thoughts were jumbled, but she knew what she just experienced with Kevin was mind-blowing.  She hadn’t felt like that, in someone’s arms, in over a year.  She thought back over the happenings of the day and didn’t know if she wanted to cry out of sadness or happiness.  Eventually the tears slid down her checks as she decided it was a mixture of both.  Within minutes, she had cried herself to sleep.

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

Later on, Kevin, AJ and Howie were relaxing in the living room and talking about Michelle.  They told each other of the different conversations they’d had with her and they all agreed that she and Kim should stay with them for the rest of the weekend.  

 

Suddenly, the door flew open and Nick, Brian and Kim came in laughing and dripping wet.  Howie jumped up from his chair and ran over to Michelle’s bedroom and quietly closed the door.  “Guys, not too loud, she’s finally sleeping.” he said.

 

They stopped laughing and turned serious.  Kim asked Kevin what the doctor said and he explained everything to her.  She nodded her head and looked down in sadness.  Howie went over to her and put his arm around her shoulder.  “What’s wrong, Sweetie?” he asked tenderly. 

 

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.  “My mom is hurt and sad and I’m having so much fun that I didn’t even stop to think about how bad she may be feeling.” she said somberly.  All the guys jumped up and surrounded her.

 

“Kim, don’t feel bad.  She’s happy that you are having a good time.  She told me so!” Kevin said. 

 

Brian went to her other side and said, “Yeah, Kim! And who would Nick and I have tried to drown if you were just sitting in there with her being all pouty face?”

 

“Yeah, and who would have given me this awesome new hairdo, if you weren’t here? “ Nick asked, rolling his eyes.  They all looked up at his head and noticed a couple of tiny braids and hair clips in his hair. 

 

Everyone started laughing and AJ pulled her from Howie’s embrace and hugged her tightly.  "You knuckle head, you are with the famous, the fabulous, the outrageous BSB dudes and tears are just not allowed.  Got it?” he asked her while squeezing her. 

 

“Ahhh, AJ, you’re squeezing too hard!” she laughed then and everyone felt the tension leave the air.  

 

“Ok, Kim, go get changed and then meet me in the kitchen and we’ll find some junk food for you.” Kevin said smiling.  The others looked at him in surprise.  Kevin never offered junk food.

 

Within ten minutes, Kim joined Kevin in the kitchen and hopped up on a stool.  He grabbed a couple of Dr. Pepper’s out of the fridge and handed them to her and sat adjacent to her.  Then he started rummaging through the bags on the counter.  “Um, we’ve got chips, candy bars, cookies, fruit. . . what do you like?” he asked.  She said cookies and he passed them over to her.  They chatted for a while about different things and soon she was giggling like crazy when she saw his expression while she was explaining Pokemon techniques to him.  He had no clue what she was talking about.  Eventually, their laughter brought everyone else into the room.   Howie and AJ grabbed stools across the island from Kim, while Brian and Nick sat on the counters behind her.  They all started questioning Kim on her favorite things and told her funny stories about each other. 

 

Eventually, when things started to lull, Kevin asked softly, “Kim, where’s your Dad?”  She shot her head up to look at him with a pained expression on her face.  He instantly regretted asking her and felt awful. 

 

“He’s gone,” she said. 

 

Howie reached across the counter and took her hand in his.  “Where did he go, Kim?” he asked quietly. 

 

She looked at him and fixed her eyes on his eyes.  “He died last May, in a car crash,” she released a sob.  Brian jumped off the counter behind her and wrapped his arms around her.  All of them were stunned into silence.  AJ lowered his head into his hands and groaned.  Kevin stared at Kim with fresh tears in his eyes and Nick kept his head down and didn’t say anything. 

 

Howie squeezed her hand tighter, “I’m so sorry, Kim, we had no idea,” he whispered.  She continued to stare at him and nodded her head. 

 

“That’s why I was so scared earlier when I thought my mom was going to die,” she said looking at Kevin.  He nodded his head and wiped her tears with his thumb. 

 

Brian kept hugging her and bent down to kiss her cheek.  “Hey Kim? Are you ok?” 

 

She nodded her head and said, “I’m starting to get used to it.  He didn’t live with us anymore before that.  My parents separated right after my mom got out of the hospital a year ago.” 

 

AJ raised his head and asked, “Your folks were split up?” 

 

She nodded and continued, “My mom was really sad for so long and she tried to commit suicide.  My Dad came home real late one night from playing cards with his friends.  He was drunk, but he found her and called an ambulance.  The sirens woke me up and I started freaking out.  My dad was on his knees on the floor near her, crying and begging her to wake up.  He kept saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ to her.  They took her away and wouldn’t let me go with her,” she took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks, “The police called my grandmother and she came over and got me.  My dad wouldn’t go anywhere, he just stayed on the floor crying.” 

 

Everyone had tears sliding down their faces.  Nick choked back a sob as he tried to catch his breath.  AJ looked over at him and watched his shoulders shaking up and down as he cried silently.  Howie kept hold of Kim’s right hand and Kevin reached for her left.

 

“Kimmie, I’m so sorry we brought this up.  Please forgive me?” Kevin begged her. 

 

She looked back at him and shrugged her shoulders lightly.  “It’s okay, my Mom told me I needed to talk to someone about this, but I hadn’t been able to yet.  I don’t know why I just told all of you, it just felt right.” 

 

AJ reached over and tilted her chin to look at him, “Kim, thanks for trusting us to talk about this.  I promise we’ll all do anything possible to make you feel better, ok?  We want to see you happy and if you want to talk more, we're all here, ok?” He released her chin and looked down at his hands. 

 

A couple minutes of silence passed when Nick suddenly kicked Brian in the ass, which made Brian push Kim against the counter. 

 

“What the hell was that for, Dumbass?”  Brian turned to Nick with a glare.  Kim starting laughing and looked up at Howie.  He smiled back at her and raised her hand to kiss it. 

 

Nick jumped off the counter and said, “I kicked you B-Rok, because I couldn’t resist it, with your little butt just standing there in front of my big foot, begging it to kick you.”  Nick smiled and cuffed Brian off the head. 

 

Brian got a sly look on his face and said, “You just wait, Carter, I’m so going to get you back!” 

 

Kevin looked up at Nick gratefully; glad he had somehow found a way to release the tension.  “Guys, why don’t you let Kim kick your butts at that Nintendo thing?” he asked Nick and Brian. 

 

Kim brightened up at the idea and said, “Yeah, like I could ever beat the Nintendo freak!” she said looking up at Nick with a grin. 

 

“Hey, you never know unless you try, right?” asked Nick. 

 

Kim got off her stool and stood next to Brian.  She slowly put her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.  “Thanks, Brian.”  Then she went over to Nick and wrapped her arms around his waist and thanked him too.  They both didn’t know what to say, so they remained silent.  Then Kim went over the Kevin and wrapped her arms around him; he immediately engulfed her in a hug too.  “Thanks, Kevin.” She said.  She released him and walked over to Howie.  They reached for each other at the same time and hugged fiercely.  Howie leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “I love you, Kim.”  She tightened her embrace and whispered it back to him.  Kim looked at AJ and saw the love in his eyes, before throwing her arms around him and said, “Thanks, AJ, I love you too.”  He felt choked up and didn’t trust his voice to speak, so he just nodded and hugged her tight.  He felt her being pulled off him and looked up to see Nick dragging her from the room towards their bedroom.  Brian followed closely and was attempting to kick both their butts all the way there. 

 

Kevin, AJ and Howie just sat there and looked at each other.  “Holy Shit!” said AJ. 


CHAPTER NINE

 

Kevin nodded and stood up, “I’m going to check on Michelle,” He walked slowly out of the kitchen and into the bedroom on the right.  Howie and AJ collected the empty soda bottles and attempted to straighten up the mess, but neither really cared; they were just trying to find something to do with themselves.

 

Kevin had so many thoughts swimming around in his head.  He never expected to hear that Kim’s dad was actually dead.  He just assumed that he and Michelle had gone their separate ways.  He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck as he entered the bedroom.  The room was rather dark, just a small lamp on in the corner by the windows.  He walked over between the two double beds, pulling a chair behind him.  He sat down wearily and watched Michelle sleep.  God, he thought, I care so much about her already and it’s only been one day.  Hell, it’s only been about six hours since he’d met her!  How can he be having these feelings?  He started stroking her right arm that was flung out on the bed near him.  He lightly traced the edge of her scar that was not covered by bandage.  This must be it, he thought, our connection.  He brought his gaze back up to her face and watched her eyes moving behind her eyelids.  She must be dreaming, he thought. 

 

Suddenly, she let out a small whimper and cried, “No!” while moving her head back and forth. 

 

Kevin was startled and jumped up to sit next to her.  He lightly laid his hand on her shoulder and nudged her, “Michelle, wake up, honey,” 

 

Her eyes slowly came open and she drew in a deep breath.  “Oh god, I was dreaming I was driving down the road and my car went out of control and I kept spinning around and around.” she said hoarsely.  She tried to sit up and Kevin reached over to help her.  She pushed the hair away from her face, rubbed her eyes and then focused on him.  “Kevin! You been here long?” she asked getting her voice back.

 

“No, just a few minutes.  How are you feeling?” 

 

“Better, now, I guess.  What time is it?” she asked.

 

He looked at his watch and said, “Almost 10:30.  Are you hungry or thirsty?” 

 

She shook her head slowly and gave him a small smile.  “What’s been going on while I’ve been sleeping?”

 

“Well, we’ve just been hanging around.  Kim went swimming with Nick and Brian and now they’re playing Nintendo in the other room.”  He brushed some of the hair off her check that had fallen back down.

 

“Kevin, you look beat!  And if I’m correct, you are still wearing the same clothes you had on earlier when you and AJ found me in the pouring rain.  Why don’t you go take a nice hot shower and relax?  I’m fine, I promise!” she nudged him off the bed with her right knee. 

 

“Ok, you’re right, that sounds mighty good actually.  Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” he asked sweetly.

 

“If you have any Tylenol or aspirin, that would be good,” she said.

 

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do,” He got up and went towards the door as AJ and Howie appeared. 

 

“Kev, how’s she doing, man?” AJ asked quietly.

 

“Good, Howie you got any pain relievers in your stuff?” Kevin asked.

 

“Most likely, I’ll go check,” Howie said and left the room. 

 

Kevin watched him go and said to AJ, “I’m going to take a shower.  Ok, if I use your room?”  AJ nodded and walked over to Michelle.

 

“Hey, Gorgeous,” he said as he sat on the left side of the bed facing her.  He reached over for her hand and brought it up to his lips for a soft kiss.

 

“Hey, Sexy? What have you been up to?” she asked him smiling.

 

“Just chillin’ with my pals!  I’d rather climb in there with you and heat you all up though,” he said with a sly grin.  Michelle laughed out loud and thought once again how much fun he was. 

 

Howie came jogging back into the room with a bottle of water and some Tylenol.  He went around and sat on the other side of Michelle.  He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  “Hey Sweets, how are you?” he asked.

 

“Good and how is my beautiful Sweet D?” she asked with a wink.

 

AJ threw his hands up and said, “What’s this? You flirting with my pal too?  Here, I thought you only had eyes for me!” 

 

All three laughed and Howie handed her the pills.  “Thanks, Howie.”

 

They chatted about inconsequential things for a long while and then Michelle sighed and said, “God, where were you wonderful guys a year ago?” 

 

AJ’s face froze and his eyes turned mournful.  Michelle caught his look and was confused, “AJ?”

 

He stood up and started walking out of the room.  Michelle quickly looked over at Howie who was watching AJ with a sad look.

 

“AJ!  AJ!” she yelled and he turned around surprised at her tone, “Please, come back? Please. I’m sorry, I’m not sure what I said, but please come back,” she held out her hand to him.  He hesitated for a few seconds and then walked back to her, grabbed her hand and sank down onto the bed by her legs.  She sat looking at him and thought he seemed rather defeated.

 

“What’s wrong, Sexy? What did I say?” she asked him softly. 

 

He looked up at her and then over at Howie.  Howie looked back with tears glistening in his eyes and nodded his head.  AJ nodded too and turned back to Michelle.

 

“Six months ago, my best friend, one of our very best friends, Deanna, killed herself while we were out of town on a short promotion.  We weren’t there for her either.” he said disgustedly staring into her eyes and then looked down. 

 

Michelle tensed up and squeezed his hand.  “Oh, man, I’m so sorry, oh, god, I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come into your life and make you dredge up your feelings.  Christ, how I wish you never saw me now!” she whispered as tears rolled down her face.  

 

Kevin happened to walk into the room just as she was saying that.  He leaned against the doorjamb and watched the scene in front of him.  Howie reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, “Michelle, please don’t say that.  We care about you.”

 

AJ snapped up his head and looked at her harshly, “Michelle when you said that, about where we were a year ago?  That’s when you attempted suicide right?  And. . . oh god, how I wish I knew you then and could have been there!  I wish I was there when Kevin tried it, I wish I was there when Deanna succeeded!  But I wasn’t!!  I let everyone down!  What the hell is wrong with all you people?  What the fuck were you thinking?”  AJ was shaking and stood up.  His hands balled into fists and he spun around to leave. 

 

Kevin walked towards him and grabbed him into a hug.  AJ fought him off at first, but Kevin was stronger and held onto him tighter. 

 

“Jesus, AJ, I’m so sorry!  I’m so incredibly sorry I did this to you.” AJ stopped fighting and clung onto Kevin, letting his sobs overcome him.  Michelle grabbed Howie’s hand and he pulled her into a hug as they watched Kevin and AJ, both with tears pouring down their faces.

 

AJ cried hard, letting all his anger out and Kevin clutched him and cried just as hard.  “I’m sorry AJ, I was so stupid!  I wasn’t thinking right.  I was so caught up in my own misery and let my demons overcome me and I wasn’t thinking of how much I’d be hurting you or Howie or anyone else.  I just wanted to be free from my misery.  Please, AJ, please, don’t hate me!”  Kevin cried. 

 

Michelle and Howie were both crying wholeheartedly by now.  Howie got off the bed and walked over to his two friends.  He wrapped his arms around both of them.  They included him in their embrace and stood that way for several minutes.  Michelle closed her eyes and cried behind her hands.  She did this, she thought; this is all my fault.  She turned her head away from them and continued crying into her pillow.  She completely understood what Kevin had just said. 

 

Several minutes later she felt a hand on her left shoulder pulling her backwards.  She looked up into AJ’s teary eyes and he pulled her up into his arms.  “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.  Please don’t cry.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to shout at you.  Please. . . look at me,” he begged.  Kevin sat down next to AJ, by Michelle’s legs.  He placed a hand on each of them and closed his eyes.  Howie came back over to her other side and climbed on the bed as close to her as possible.  Michelle opened her eyes and looked at all three of them. 

 

“Michelle, you okay?” whispered AJ. 

 

She nodded, “AJ, I’m sorry. . . I wish I could fully explain why I did what I did, but what Kevin said pretty much sums it up for me too.  I wasn’t thinking of anyone else but myself.  I was being selfish, but I couldn’t help it.” She looked at him and felt a rush of love.  “AJ, you can’t blame yourself for what happened to Kevin or Deanna.  If they could have, I’m sure they would have asked you for help.  I know I couldn’t bring myself to let anyone know the extent of my thoughts and feelings.  I felt no one would understand me.” She hugged him tighter and laid her head on his chest.  “I’m sorry, baby.” She whispered. 

 

AJ struggled with his thoughts.  He looked up at Howie and extended his hand to him.  Howie grabbed it and squeezed it.  “D, you’re my best friend and if you ever, ever, get down, you better come to me and I mean right away!” AJ stated. 

 

Howie nodded his head and said, “Definitely, Bone!”  They all sat silently for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts.

CHAPTER TEN

 

“Michelle, why did you try to kill yourself?” Kevin asked softly. 

 

She pulled away from AJ a bit but still held on to him and looked over at Kevin.  “You sure you want to know?” she asked fearfully. 

 

He nodded and caressed her leg through the blanket.  “Please, tell us.”  

 

Michelle looked over to Howie, who nodded and squeezed her shoulder gently.  Then she looked up at AJ, who was staring at her with eyes full of emotion.  He wanted to know what could cause someone so young, just like Deanna, to want to end her life, but he was afraid of her reasons at the same time.  Finally, he closed his eyes briefly, sighed and then gave her a light squeeze of support and said, “We need to know.”

 

Michelle took a deep breath and wasn’t sure where to start.  She closed her eyes and finally said slowly, “I’m not sure when it all started to get to me, but I’ll tell you straight out that three of the people I loved dearly in my life were alcoholics.  My mom, my brother Matt and my husband, Rob.  My mom ended up getting very sick and she died because of it, about three years ago," she paused and opened her eyes, "Then about a year and a half after that, Matt and his friends were out partying.  Matt lived in Orlando and was having the time of his life.  He was 24, very good looking, had a great personality and a great job as an artist at Disney.  My mom’s death really affected him and he started drinking more and more.  One night, he and a couple of friends were killed when their car went off a bridge.” she took a moment to catch her breath, “Matt wasn’t driving, but all three of them were too drunk to think logically and they couldn’t get out and they all died. God, I was so freaked out by it.  I couldn’t even face coming down here to his funeral.  My baby sister, Patti, lived down here too and I made her go through the whole hellish scene alone.  We’ve barely spoken since.” Tears were rolling down her face as she thought of her sister. “My husband was always a heavy drinker.  I married him, knowing he drank too much, but we were so young and I was pregnant with Kimberly.  I did love him truly for many years; it just started eating me up inside as the years went on.  I had a pretty good job in a small law firm, but my boss was lazy and I ended up taking on all the responsibilities.  Eventually, I started questioning myself about why I felt everything was so out of control and convinced myself that I was just being weak.  I pushed myself harder to be a good daughter, a good mother, a good wife, and a good employee.  After my brother’s death, I sort of snapped.  He was so young and shouldn’t have died.  I became withdrawn and stopped being a good mother and a good wife and a good employee,” She took another deep breath and released it, “One night, last November, Rob was out as usual and Kimberly was being so good and hanging out in her room, listening to music and reading.  For some reason, I just felt it was time, so I went in the bathroom and slit my wrist.”  She looked up then and all three men were crying silently.  She lowered her eyes again and continued, “I woke up two days later in the hospital.  I felt defeated, dejected, disgusted.  The first thing I thought of after I woke up was, ‘What the hell did I just do to my daughter?’  I was so mad at myself!  Here I have a beautiful, smart, funny and perfect child and I wrecked her life.  God, she'd already been through enough with the deaths of my mom and brother and seeing Rob drunk so often.  I was so mad at myself for only thinking of escaping and not being stronger for her.  But, it turns out that was a good thing, getting mad.  It helped clear my head.  I met with several doctors and they encouraged my anger.  I spent a lot of time cursing my mom and my brother for dying.  And then, I spent a lot of time cursing my husband for heading in their direction, the only difference being; he was there physically for me to scream at.  In the long run, it didn’t help him.  He continued drinking and a few weeks after; I moved me and Kim out and filed for a divorce.  Rob was furious and didn’t understand.  I had spent so many years indulging and putting up with his drinking and now I was quitting on him.  He was rather bitter, but eventually we got to a place where we could meet and talk like civilized people.  Kim went through hell during all of this, of course.  That’s my biggest regret, letting her see my breakdown and then tearing apart her family.  It took a lot of appointments at the psychologists to help us both.  We both discovered humor as a great source of medicine.  We started being really goofy with each other.  We shopped a lot and bought loads of new music and went to concerts and carnivals and all those other fun things you are suppose to do with your children.  She brightened up considerably after a while.  But then, in May, her world came crashing down again.  Rob was at work, had a few beers during lunch with his drinking buddies and then he caused a major accident on the highway and died.” 

 

Michelle stopped and opened her eyes once again.  She reached over Howie for the water bottle on the table between the beds.  She drank some and sighed.  “That’s my story basically.  I'm ashamed of myself, but I survived and I’m back to being the real me.  I’m not totally out of control anymore.  I’m rarely ever depressed.  I have a lot of heartache to make up to Kimmie and that’s what I intend on doing.  Just making her happy!” she said forcefully.  After a minute, “God, I need a cigarette!” she added.

 

AJ pulled back from his embrace and said with a surprised expression, “You smoke?”

 

She laughed a little and said, “Occasionally, but after all that, that’s all you’ve got to say?” 

 

She looked over at Kevin and he was smiling at her.  “Michelle, thank you for telling us.  I know how hard it was for you to relive all that.  I’m proud of you.”  He reached over and took her bandaged hand in his and kissed her fingertips.  She smiled slightly with fresh tears rolling down her face.  But they were gentler tears, tears of release. 

 

Howie rubbed her back and bent over to kiss her cheek.  “Michelle, I’m proud of you too.  You are a very strong person and I’m honored to have gotten a chance to know you.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” said AJ kissing her forehead.  “Now, we can concentrate on knowing the full of life you and the fun you and the happy you!”

 

Michelle smiled widely and said, “I’d like that, Sexy! And you two, also,” she said looking at Kevin and then Howie, “I want to know the real you.  All of you have been so wonderful and as crazy as this may sound, I already love you guys.”  She pulled away from AJ’s embrace and wiped her face with her hands.  “Now, Kevin, I expect to hear your story later, but right now, I have to go to the bathroom and then check on my daughter.” 

 

Howie got off the bed and then helped her up.  She pulled him into a real hug and held him tightly.  He held her just as tightly and asked, “Are you hungry, babe?”  She nodded her head against his chest. He pulled her around the bed and gave her to Kevin.  “I’ll see if room service is still operating and get us all something.” He smiled at them and left the room. 

 

Kevin had wrapped his arms around her now and she held onto him tightly.  She felt so much comfort in his embrace.  He was so much bigger than she was and she felt safe in his arms.  They didn’t say anything, just hugged for several moments.  Finally, AJ got up and pulled her good arm towards him.  She released Kevin and felt AJ’s arms around her.  She held him a little tighter than the others and whispered, “Thank you, AJ.” She let go of him and walked towards the bathroom, “Thank you both for everything!” They turned towards the door and Kevin said he’d check on Kimberly for her. 

 

AJ headed to his room and returned a few moments later with something in his hand.  He went to the bathroom door and knocked gently.  “Michelle, you still decent?” he asked. 

 

She chuckled and said, “Yeah, I am.  It’s not too easy pulling your pants down with one hand, you know.” He opened the door, entered and closed it behind him.  He put the toilet seat down and made her sit on it, then he put a cigarette to his mouth, lit it and passed it to her. 

 

“Oh my god, AJ, you are fantastic,” she said happily, and then took a long drag.  “Thanks!” 

 

He chuckled and lit one for himself and then sat up on the counter.  “Michelle? I am sorry I freaked out earlier, but I think it was a good thing in the long run, I've held my emotions in for so long.  I still need to deal with it more, I know, but I guess this was a start.” AJ said softly. 

 

“AJ, don’t feel bad, I'm sorry too.”  She stood up and went to stand between his legs and looked up into his eyes.  “Now, hurry up and finish your cigarette, or I’m going to pee my pants!”

 

He grinned slyly and pulled on his cigarette, then pushed her back gently and jumped off the counter.  He flipped the toilet seat up, placed his cigarette between his lips and then quickly pulled her pants and panties down and pushed her onto the toilet.

 

“Holy shit, AJ! I can’t believe you!”  She started laughing hysterically and bent forwards in modesty.  “Oh my god, that was a first!” 

 

He was holding his side from laughing so hard.  He spun around and turned the water faucets on full force and then said, “Ok, I’ll turn my back and cover my ears and you can pee to your heart’s content.”  He spun around and leaned against the door.  Michelle was laughing so hard and just peed. 

 

When she was done, she sat there and continued smoking her cigarette.  “Okay, Mr. Smarty, how do you propose I finish this up?” she asked with a playful grin. 

 

AJ dragged on his cigarette and then tossed it into the sink.  “Well, I guess I’ll just have to wipe you off and pull up your pants?” he said winking at her. 

 

She hooted and said, “I don’t think so! Just hand me some tissue and turn around again.”  He did that but after a minute he turned his head slightly and watched her through the mirror, struggling to pull up her pants.  He cracked up laughing again and turned around and yanked her pants up.  Then he grabbed her good arm and pulled her over to the sink.  He took her cigarette from her fingers and held it to her mouth for one last drag, then dropped it into the sink.  He pumped some soft soap on her hand and rubbed if vigorously and rinsed it off.  Michelle was still laughing as AJ bent behind her and flushed the toilet. 

 

“Oh my god, AJ, I owe you big time.  Next time I have to pee, I know whom I’m calling.  Perhaps we should make a secret pee code?” 

 

He laughed and ruffled up her hair.  “Babe, you are great!”  He slung his arm over her shoulder and opened the bathroom door. 

 

As they were walking out, Kevin walked into the room and looked at them with a quizzical face and a smirk.  “Partners in crime, eh? And you were smoking in my bathroom? Gross!” he walked passed them and grabbed some air freshener from the bathroom and proceeded to spray it all around, just a bit exaggerating.  When he was done, he came behind them and pushed them both towards the living room. “Let’s go and eat.”

 

The four of them sat companionably around the living room eating burgers and fries and making small talk.  When she was a little more than half-way through, Michelle groaned and said, "God, I'm stuffed!"  AJ reached over and grabbed the rest of her meal and proceeded to wolf it down.  They all laughed and Michelle stood up slowly and said, "I've got to check on Kim."  She looked at Kevin and he indicated which room with his head.  The door was partially open and she pushed it a little more and looked in. 

 

The guys heard her saying, "oh, how sweet," and Howie got up and went over to stand behind her.  He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder.  Her arms automatically covered his and they stood that way watching the three sleeping babies before them.  Kevin and AJ came over and pushed the door all the way open to see.  There on the bed was Nick, Kim and Brian, all sound asleep.   Kim was lying on her stomach in the middle with her head at the foot of the bed.  Brian was to her left, closest to the windows, curled onto his right side.  Kim's foot was pressed against his neck.  Nick was on the other side on his back, propped up by a couple of pillows.  In his hand, which was lying on his stomach, was a Nintendo controller.  The television screen at the end of the bed was black with red letters blinking on and off. 

 

"I wish I had a camera right now," whispered Michelle. 


"I've got one," AJ said and ran off to his room next door.  When he returned he had a camera in one hand and a video camera in the other.  He handed the camera to Kevin who proceeded to snap a picture of the three of them.  He entered the room quietly and took three more pictures, one of each of their sleeping faces.  He turned around quickly and snapped a picture of Michelle, Howie and AJ as well.

 

Howie chuckled and released Michelle.  "We should move at least one of them, or someone will end up on the floor".

 

"Wait a sec," said AJ as he brought the video camera up to his face and started filming.      

 

AJ draped his arm over Michelle's shoulders and proceeded to record the scene before them.  Howie went over and removed the controller from Nick's hands and placed it by the television.  He then looked at the camera with a sly grin and moved to Nick's feet.  He slowly drew the white socks off his feet and turned back to the camera, pretended to sniff them and made a grotesque face.  He then turned back to Nick and placed the offensive items under his nose.  Nick unconsciously waved them away and mumbled something incoherent.  Kevin leaned against the dresser and laughed quietly.  Howie continued to rub the socks against Nick's face and tried to push them into his mouth.  Nick bolted upright and swung his arm wildly, hitting Howie in the shoulder.  He stumbled backwards and grabbed the bedside table to break his fall, laughing hysterically. 

 

Nick looked at him wild-eyed and said, "What the fuck?" 

 

Kevin chuckled and pushed himself away from the dresser and walked over to Nick, bending down to grab his arm.  "Come on, buddy, get in the other bed."  He pulled Nick up and Howie clutched his other arm.  They guided him to the bed and he fell onto it, rolling over onto his stomach and quickly falling back asleep.  AJ and Michelle were laughing uncontrollably at the door. 

 

AJ then swung the camera back to the other bed and filmed Howie as he pulled the covers down from the spot Nick had vacated.  He flipped the pillows over and then leaned on the bed to scoop Kimberly into his arms.  He turned and placed her in Kevin's arms who took her and put her in the bed properly and covered her up.  Howie went over to the closet and grabbed a spare blanket and then brought it over to Brian and covered him.  He noticed something gripped in Brian's hand and gently removed it.  It was a picture of Lauren, Brian's true love.   On his way back around the bed he switched the television off and headed out of the room.  AJ and Michelle moved out of his way and Howie leaned forward and kissed Michelle's cheek as he passed.  "Goodnight, all."

 

AJ shut off the video camera and said he was beat too and going to bed. 

 

Michelle entered the room and went over to the bed where Kimberly lay.  She sat gently next to her and watched her daughter's face, peaceful and innocent in her sleep.  She leaned over and kissed her temple lightly while brushing her hair from her face.  Michelle felt overwhelmed with emotions and shed silent tears while she watched her daughter sleep.  She tucked her bad hand behind Kimberly's back and drew them together in a tight embrace.  She wasn't aware of how long or how tightly she held her when she felt Kevin's hand on her back. 

 

He whispered, "Michelle, you'll wake her."  He gently pulled her left arm and she released her hold on Kimberly.  He guided her from the room and closed the door behind him.

 

Kevin led Michelle to their bedroom and she climbed in her bed gratefully.  She was overcome with exhaustion.  She curled up on her left side and pulled her blankets virtually over her head. 

 

Kevin bent down and planted a soft kiss on her head and wished her sweet dreams.  He left the room and went about turning off the lights and making sure the main door to the suite was locked.  He strolled, thoughtfully, to the sliding glass doors at the opposite end of the living room and looked out into the dark night.  He could barely make out the trees swaying dangerously in the wind.  The rain beat down onto the patio and flooded the flowerpots in the corners.  His mind was flooded with thoughts of Michelle and Kimberly.  He cared for them both so much already and wanted to protect them and make them feel safe.  He thought of the little girl who had poured her heart out to him and the others earlier and felt his heart breaking over her anguish.  Too many bad memories for such a short life.  He thought of his own parents and said a silent thank you to them and God for giving him a happy and peaceful start on life.   He pictured Michelle lying against the car earlier looking so fragile and alone.  Then he saw her in the shower with her hands trying to cover her body from him and felt another tug at his heart.  She was beautiful with her long hair hanging around her face.  He felt a surge of desire when he thought of her body.  She wasn't perfect or pencil thin.  She had just the right amount of curves to make her so desirable, but not enough to lead him to think she was overweight.  In his estimation he guessed she was around a size ten.  People always assumed someone like him and the others only gravitated to women who resembled models.  True, they had a public image to uphold, but they were all tired of the cliches and comments about anyone they happened to be seen with.  Kevin's mind drifted to AJ and felt a surge of guilt for not thinking sooner of how he had affected his good friend.  "I have a lot of making up to do," he sighed, "to everyone!" 

 

He turned away from the doors and headed to the room he was going to share with Michelle.  He looked down at her before climbing into his own bed, glad to see hear her breathing steadily.

 

 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

 

Several hours later, Michelle was thrashing around in her bed and finally forced herself awake.  She was having the same nightmare as earlier.  She sat up and let her eyes become accustomed to the darkness.  She pushed her covers off and stood up slowly.  She noticed a body lying peacefully in the bed next to hers and smiled while thinking how wonderful he was.  She quietly padded around the bed and into the bathroom.  She closed the door before flicking on the light switch.  She grimaced when she saw her reflection in the mirror.  She pulled a clean washcloth from the towel rack and ran it under cold water.  She applied the welcome coolness to her face and held it there for several seconds.  She dropped the cloth on the side and noticed the two cigarette butts lying around the drain.  She shut off the water, grabbed a tissue and removed the disgusting objects and threw them in the toilet.  "God, good thing Kevin didn't see those lying there," she thought with a small smile.  She turned back to the mirror and saw the shadows beneath her tired eyes.  She ran her good hand across her forehead, sweeping her hair back and off her shoulders.  She noticed her cosmetic bag on the counter, with her toothbrush lying neatly next to it.  "Someone certainly knows how to take care of a girl," she murmured to herself.  She used the side of her bandaged hand to press the top of the Mentadent container to squeeze some toothpaste onto her brush.  She groaned slightly and placed her toothbrush carefully on the side of the sink so that she could turn the water back on.  She found it difficult to brush her teeth with her left hand, something she never considered doing before.  Finally, she felt better and left the room, after neatly putting everything back in its place.    

 

She walked quietly over to the windows on the other side of Kevin's bed.  She looked out briefly and shivered at the rain still coming down.  The wind had lessened and she felt some comfort for that.  She stood lost in her thoughts for several long moments when she heard Kevin turning in the bed.

 

"Hey," he said softly.  She turned and looked over at him.  He was so gorgeous, she thought.  His eyes were barely open and he had a beautiful smile on his face.  "Come here."

 

She went over and sat on the bed next to him.  His right arm was flung out and she automatically traced his scar with her bad hand.  Her touch was so light, but it sent a shiver down his spine.

"You okay, hon?" he asked.

 

She nodded and replied, "Just had that dream again.  But I'm okay."  She looked into his eyes and smiled.

 

He drew his blankets back and said, "Come in here with me."

 

Without hesitation she turned and snuggled next to him.  He drew the blankets back up covering her shoulders.  She rested her bandaged hand between them and snuggled deeper against his throat and chest as his arm wound around her waist. 

 

"You're nice and warm," she said as she drew her knees up slightly.  She hit one of his legs and said, "I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be," he said sweetly into her hair. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

 

"It was the same as before, except this time as my car kept spinning and spinning, I kept seeing images of you and AJ and Howie and Kim and Nick and Brian.  It was weird.  As each face flew by everyone was smiling and then the next time they were crying.  The last time you were all being pulled away from me by something I couldn't see, like you were being pulled off into the dark sky." She shivered slightly.

 

Kevin pulled her a little tighter to him and slowly started rubbing her back.  Her sweatshirt had pulled up slightly and he felt his hand on her smooth bare back.  He continued to move his hand in small circles at the base of her spine sending another shiver through her.  "That feels nice," she whispered. 

 

They laid that way for a while and Kevin could feel her warm breath against his throat. She moved her bandage hand up and over his bare chest.  Her fingers traced small imaginary patterns as she softly caressed him.   He pulled away slightly so that he could look into her face.  Her eyes met his and he leaned down and kissed her nose.  God, did she feel good in my arms, he thought.  He moved his lips to beneath her eye and placed a small kiss there.  He felt her intake of a small breath as he moved his lips over to her other eye.  She automatically closed her eyes and he continued to kiss her eyelids.  His right arm curled around her shoulder bringing her face closer to his.  She tilted her head slightly and felt his warm lips against her own.  She moaned lightly and kissed him back with longing. 

 

His hand moved from her back to her stomach and he continued massaging her warm skin until reaching beneath her breasts.  His thumb moved upward and gently stroked her hardening nipple.  This caused another moan to escape from her lips and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue between them.  He drew in a breath when he felt her suck lightly on it.  He entered her mouth further and explored her passionately.  She in turn forced her tongue into his mouth, pushing his and she felt him draw her further in.  His hand found her other breast and gave it as much pleasure as the first one.  Both of her hands were on his chest now, running across his nipples and then down over his muscular abdomen.  His solid, beautiful, hard body entranced her. 

 

He pushed her gently so that she rolled onto her back.  He broke the kiss and moved his lips to her chin and then over her jaw and down to her slender neck.  He sucked on her skin lightly and ran his tongue down and along her collarbone.  His hands pushed her shirt upward to expose her breasts.  He gazed lovingly at them and kissed and tongued his way to her nipples.  Her hands gently explored his back and waist. 

 

She let out a rush of breath as he sucked her harder.  His hand roamed back down her stomach and abdomen inching its way to where she wanted him to touch.  He ran his hand over her pelvic bone and let his fingers stray over to where her leg met her body. 

 

"Oh Kevin!" she moaned and untangled her arms from beneath his and wrapped them around his neck.  She forced his head back up and pulled his mouth down to hers.  She kissed him passionately.  She felt his hand caress her mound and he massaged her so seductively.  She pushed her crotch towards him, silently begging for more. 

 

He pulled himself up and onto his knees.  Grabbing the bottom of her shirt, he pulled it over her head, removing it as gently as possible and then flung it to the floor.  He gazed at her with desire and brought his lips down onto hers again with a groan while his hands roamed her chest and abdomen.  She pushed his shirt upwards and he quickly whipped it off before falling onto her again.  Her hands roamed his back and then moved lower to his backside.  He moaned when he felt her fingers caressing and squeezing his cheeks. 

 

He pulled away from her once again and moved down the bed slightly and began pulling her pants and panties off her hips.  As he drew them down he planted soft wet kisses all over her belly and thighs.  She eased her butt off the bed to assist him in removing the cumbersome items.  He drew them off all the way and flung them aside.  His hands roamed up and down her legs gently pushing them apart as he bent his head to kiss the insides of her thighs. 

 

She reached forward and stroked his hardened member beneath his boxers.  He drew in a sharp breath and moved to her treasure, inhaling her sweet scent.  He ran his tongue along one side and then the other.  He found her bud and lapped at it hungrily, before plunging his tongue into her.

 

She groaned loudly and pushed her hand into his shorts.  She tugged at his waistband frantically, wanting to see his beautiful hard cock.  She managed to get them down to his upper thighs and then forgot about them as she encircled his meat, sliding her hand up and down seductively.  He groaned just as loudly, and heard her say, "Kevin, please. . . " 

 

He brought himself upwards and kissed her mouth possessively as he kicked off his shorts and moved between her legs.  "Michelle, I want you so bad," he cried.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him forwards.  He entered her quickly and they both gasped.  She thrust her pelvis up to him and wrapped her legs around his.  He cupped her heaving breasts as he continued to devour her mouth hungrily. 

 

He plunged into her harder and faster.  "Kevin, oh god, fuck me baby!" she cried.  He wrapped her in his arms and continued to invade her depths over and over.  He felt her walls tightening around his cock and knew she was on the verge of orgasm.  He pulled her still tighter and thrust into her as far and as hard as he could.  She moaned his name over and over as her hands clutched and clawed at his back.  He finally exploded within her and with ragged breath cried, "Oh god, Michelle!" 

 

They lay silently for several moments, both catching their breath.  Kevin pulled his head up from her chest and softly kissed her mouth, sucking on her lower lip and running his tongue along the inside.  She responded by grabbing him tighter and kissing back.  Finally, he broke the kiss and slid off her to lie on his side.  He pulled her close so that her back was to him.  He held her tight against him and curled his legs into hers.  She wrapped her arm over his and snuggled against him.  Within moments, both were sleeping soundly.

 

CHAPTER TWELVE

 

Michelle awoke in a cloudy haze and felt a chill wash over her.  She was alone.  The arms that had held her so securely all night were gone.  She opened her eyes and looked towards the windows at the gray morning.  At least the storm is over, she thought.  She lay there breathing slowly and not daring to move.  She was stiff, lonely and filled with shame.  Someone entered the room quietly and she held her breath. 

 

Howie moved silently across the room with a tray in his hands.  He placed it on a low table before the windows and then turned towards Michelle.  He saw her eyes open and moved toward her.

 

"Oh god, Howie, what have I done?" she whispered with fear, her eyes laden with guilt. 

 

He took in her bare shoulders and wild hair spread around her and across the pillow.  He sat down gently beside her and reached for her hand.  He held it tightly in his and smoothed back her hair with his other.  He watched a tear slide down her cheek and he brushed it away. "Sssh, don't cry, sweetie." He bent down and kissed her cheek before leaving her side. 

 

He walked across the room to the closet and opened it.  After a few seconds he pulled a long satin robe from a hangar and brought it back to her.  She slowly sat up clutching the sheet to her bare chest.  He helped her slide the robe onto first her left arm, around her back and then over her right. 

 

He got up and turned around, heading back to the small table.  "Come, have some tea with me," he said quietly.  She gathered the robe around her and climbed out of bed.  He pushed the table closer to the window and brought the two chairs together, side by side.  He turned and held his hand out for hers.  She took it and let him pull her over to a chair.  He gently pushed her down onto it and proceeded to pour her a cup of tea.  "Milk and sugar?" he asked kindly. 

 

"Just sugar, please." She replied softly.  He prepared her drink and held it out to her.  She took the cup from him gratefully and brought it up to her lips.  "Thank you."

 

He fixed his own tea and sat next to her, "Talk to me, sweetie."  His stare was filled with kindness and concern.  She looked up at him, expecting to see disgust in his eyes, and was momentarily taken aback to see none of that.  He reached over and gathered her bandaged hand into his, rubbing her covered palm and then her fingertips. 

 

"Howie, I don't know what to say.  I. . . I think I used Kevin last night.  Oh god, he's been so comforting and good to me and this is the way I respond?" she replied as fresh tears threatened to spill from her eyes.  She was so confused and shook her head slightly. "Howie, I'm not a slut.  I’ve never ever slept with someone the day I’ve met them.   God, I haven't even had sex in over a year and I haven't thought of men in that way for just as long." The tears slid down her face.

 

Howie gently caressed her fingers and said, "Michelle, none of us would ever even consider thinking of you as anything but a warm, caring, loving person.  I know in my heart you wouldn't just sleep with anybody unless there was something there.  I understand why you slept with him, believe it or not.  Yesterday was an incredibly emotional day.  We all felt and went through things that have shaken us up, more so than we've been affected since Deanna.  You and Kevin sharing last night together was a culmination of all the emotions we exposed yesterday." His voice was smooth and his tone so incredibly comforting.

 

Michelle looked up at him in amazement.  "God, Howie, how do you do it?  How do you just keep on being more and more precious to me? But the fact remains; I mistook Kevin's feelings and turned them into my own desires.  God, I haven't even looked at another man in so long and in one day I find three gloriously beautiful men and am attracted to each and every one of them.  What does that say about me?"  She lowered her eyes and fixed her gaze onto her teacup.  "I'm so confused.  I love Kevin, but I'm not in love with him.  He makes me feel safe and special. He was so tender with me yesterday and he kept me from falling apart several times.  How could I repay him like this?"

 

"Michelle, please, I know Kevin inside and out.  He wouldn’t have allowed you to use him.  I guaranty he wanted you and needed you just as much as you did him.  You have a connection and he saw a lot of himself in you yesterday.  You have been given to us for a reason.  We all need you.  Look at how your presence finally got AJ to respond to Deanna's death.  Kevin found a soul mate in you.  Brian got over his self-pitying and you gave him the courage to call Lauren.  You should see his smiling face today," he said smiling at her.  "Nick has a new best friend and someone he can look over and care for.  You wouldn't think a twenty-year-old would need that, but he did.  He's been the youngest for so long and now he feels needed taking care of your baby."

 

Michelle looked at him gratefully and smiled warmly, "How do you need me, D?"

 

Howie sat silently gazing at her, "I. . . I'm not sure, but I know in my heart that you are giving me something that I've been missing for so long.  My heart beats stronger when I look at you or think of you.  I'm drawn to you inexplicably." 

 

Michelle felt her heart skip a beat or two and pulled Howie's hand to her lips and kissed his open palm.  "God, Howie, you are so amazing.  I love you!"

 

He took her cup from her hands, stood up and pulled her up to him.  He gathered her against him and held her tightly as she started to sob.  He clung to her, whispering soothing words in her ear.

 

*******************

 

Kevin had been in the hotel gym working out very aggressively for well over an hour.  AJ had joined him, but had been moving at a much slower pace.  Kevin laid back on the bench press and placed his hands on the barbell over his head.  He gripped the cold steal and groaned.  AJ looked up from his position on the floor where he'd been doing pushups.  He got up and stood over Kevin. 

 

"What's going on, Train?  You've been pushing yourself over the limit for the last hour and I know something is troubling you.  Don't start holding back from me again!" AJ stared fiercely at Kevin.

Kevin groaned again and sat up, placing his head in his hands.

 

"I've fucked up royally, AJ.  I totally took advantage of Michelle last night."  His voice caught in his throat and he looked up at AJ.  AJ was glaring at him. 

 

"What did you do!" he said in a deathly low voice.  His hands clenched at his sides.

 

"I took advantage of her vulnerability and slept with her.  Go ahead, hit me. I can tell that's what you want and I deserve it."

 

"You're damn right," AJ said and swung his fist at Kevin's face.  Kevin expected it but didn't block the punch as it knocked him off the bench.  He sat on the floor with his hands by his side, hanging his head. 

 

After a few moments, AJ walked over to him and held out his hand.  Kevin's head shot up expecting another blow and was surprised to see AJ's offer of assistance.  He grabbed his hand and got up.  AJ gathered him into a hug.

 

"Kevin, we both know that if I was in that room instead of you last night, I would have done the same thing, or at least made my best attempt." AJ said gruffly.  They parted and headed over to the water cooler. 

 

"AJ, then why the hell did you hit me?" Kevin looked at him pissed.

 

"Because it was you instead of me.  I've wanted her ever since we found her.  I can't explain it, something about her makes me want to love her and keep her in my arms forever.  God, she's wonderful.  She's brought out all those feelings we talked about yesterday, but she's also made me really care for someone other than myself finally.   I'm extremely attracted to her.  She's not like all the fake whores who throw themselves at us day after day.  She's real and she's good."  AJ stopped and shook his head.  "God, Kevin what are we doing?"

 

"I don't know, Bone.  I love her too, but I've got Telly.  I'm in love with Telly, for Christ sakes.  And what does this say about my love for Telly when I slept with another woman last night.  God, I barely even thought of her all day yesterday.  Michelle has been the constant one in my mind.  I've probably hurt her so badly and when, or if, I tell Telly, I'll be hurting her too." Kevin took a long drink of the cool water and then poured some over his sweaty head.

 

"Kevin, I understand, but we've got to stop and remember that you weren't the only one in that bed last night.  Was she responding?  Did she want you?" AJ asked cautiously.

 

"Well, yeah. . . but AJ her emotions were all out of whack yesterday.  Christ, you heard all of the shit she's been through in the last few years.  She needed someone to love her in that way, and I should have stepped back and controlled myself and let her find someone when she was ready and in control."  Kevin walked towards the door of the gym.  "I've got to talk to her." 

 

AJ followed him and said, "We've got to talk to her."

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

Michelle finally pulled herself from Howie's embrace.  "Thank you, Howie.  What the hell would I have done without you this morning?  I can't believe how wonderful you are.  Actually, you are everything I've imagined you to be and so much more."

 

Howie winked at her and said, "So you've thought about me before, eh?" he chuckled softly.

 

Michelle smiled back at him and said, "Oh yes, I may not have thought of any men in reality, but in my dreams were you, AJ and Kevin, to be honest.  I'm sorry.  Kim made me love you.  I feel like a damn teeny bopper." She looked up at him shyly.

 

"Michelle, thank you, you flatter me. I'm honored that I was one of the men in your dreams."  He pulled her back into another hug and kissed her cheek.

 

"Where is everyone?" she asked.

 

"Brian, Nick and Kim went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast and have probably gone out to check the damage from the storm.  Kevin and AJ went to the gym.  I'm sure they'll be back soon."

 

"I've got to talk to Kevin and apologize." She said.  "I better get dressed.  Who unpacked me anyway?" she asked looking in the corner at her empty luggage. 

 

"Kevin did this morning." He answered.

 

'He did? Do you think that means he wants me to stay?" She asked with trepidation.

 

"We all want you to stay, Michelle.  In fact, there is no way we are letting you leave!"

 

"You are not going anywhere, Michelle!"

 

Howie and Michelle both turned quickly to the door to see AJ walking towards them.  He walked up to them and said, "Good morning, D, sleep well?"

 

Howie looked at him confused, "AJ, we already saw each other this morning."

 

"Right! Sorry."  AJ turned to Michelle and threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly.  "Don't even think of deserting us now, babe." He said in a husky voice.  "Not when you have just come into our lives.  That would be just too mean."

 

"Oh AJ, I love you!" she whispered in response.

 

Kevin walked in the room warily.  He caught Michelle's eye and said, "We need to talk."

 

Howie moved as if to leave the room when Michelle grabbed his arm and said, "No, no one leaves this room." She moved away from both AJ and Howie and walked over to Kevin.  Without saying anything she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly.  He was surprised, not expecting her action.  After a moment he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

 

"I'm sorry!"

 

"I'm sorry!"

 

They pulled away from each other with questioning eyes.

 

"Kevin, I'm sorry about last night.  It was wrong of me to mix your concern with my desire and needs."

 

"No, I'm the one who took advantage of the situation and your vulnerability." He said.  They stared at each other with confusion. 

 

"Kevin, this is not your fault!"

 

"Hon, it is totally my fault!  God, you don't even realize how much I've done wrong, here.  Michelle, I have a girlfriend, whom I'm in love with."  Kevin watched her face for her reaction.  He didn't see what he expected.

 

"Kevin, I would be highly surprised if you didn't have someone you were in love with.  God, you are amazing and any woman would be so incredibly fortunate to have you as her own.  I'm sorry, I've compromised your relationship now." She lowered her head and stared at his glistening chest. "Kevin, I wish last night never happened, but on the other hand, I'll never ever forget it.  You were incredible and made me feel desirable and loved.  I haven't felt that way in so long."  She looked back up at him to gauge his reaction.

 

He returned her look with a small smile.  "Michelle, I'll work it out with Telly.  And as for you, I was having regrets this morning too, but I must admit last night was fantastic.  I crave you even now, but I cherish you and want you in my life as my dear friend, my soul mate, and I'm not going to act on my cravings, for fear of losing you."  Michelle's eyes grew misty again and she inched forward and hugged him once more.  She didn't care that his beautiful body was sweaty.  She inhaled his musky scent and sighed deeply.  "I love you, Kevin.  I don't want to lose you either."


He held her tighter and buried his face in her hair.  "I love you."  They stood in their embrace for several moments.

 

"Well, I have cravings too, you know!" AJ said with a wide grin on his face.

 

"Oh yeah? What about me, I crave her too." Howie stood defiantly and looked at AJ.  All four burst out laughing and ended up in a group hug.

 

 

"Happy Thanksgiving!" shouted Kimberly as she walked through the bedroom door, followed by Nick and Brian.  "What's this?"


The group broke apart with guilty smiles on their faces.

 

"I'm just being thankful!" said Michelle and gathered Kimberly in her arms.  "I love you, baby!"

 

"I love you.  You're feeling better, huh?" Kim questioned her with a smile on her face.

 

"Yes, I am.  Now, I better get dressed."

 

"Heck, I like what you're wearing!" blushed Nick.  Everyone looked at him sharply and then laughed.

 

"Oh, Nick, please don't even go there!" said Michelle as she reached for him and gave him a brief hug.

 

Brian stepped forward and with a flourish drew a bouquet of flowers from behind his back and presented them to Michelle with a bow.  "Sweet Lady, for you!"  Michelle looked at him with surprise.

 

"Brian, thank you, they are beautiful!"

 

"It's my way of saying thank you, for encouraging me to call Lauren.  We've spoken twice today already.  I can't wait until she returns from England." Brian beamed.

 

"I'm so happy for you, Brian."  She hugged him too and then turned towards the bathroom.  "Okay, everyone leave so I can get showered."

 

They all started out and Michelle hesitated, then turned back, "Kevin, please stay?" she looked at him hopefully.

 

He nodded, closed the door and turned to her with questioning eyes.  Michelle walked over to him and grabbed his hand.

 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

"I need to know if we are really okay?" she looked up at him.  He led her over to bed and they both sat down. 

 

"Michelle, I'm still not feeling great about last night.  Like I said, I'm full of guilt, but, again, I can't deny I didn't enjoy it." He said slowly.

 

"Me too, Kev.  But. . . I don't know where this is coming from, but I need you.  Not sexually, but I need you in my life as my friend too.  You're the first person I've connected with since I got out of the hospital.  You and AJ were the first people to actually care about me without knowing me or judging me first.  You could have just driven on by or left me at my hotel, but you didn't.  You stayed with me, a complete stranger, and you took care of me, and of my baby." Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You've comforted me, you've listened to me, and you made me feel loved last night."  Kevin wrapped his arms around her tightly.

 

"God, Michelle, I'll never leave you, I promise.  I need you too, you know? For eighteen months I've lived with the guilt of my suicide attempt.  Like you, I've been getting help from therapists, but there's been something missing.  They can all sit there and nod their heads at me while I try to explain my actions, they can give me solutions to ensure I don't slip backwards, but they can't give me what I think, what I know, you can give me.  And that's a soul mate, someone who understands totally and can bring me peace." he closed his eyes tightly and hugged her fiercely.

 

They were both silent for several moments, just taking comfort from being in each other's arms.

 

Michelle started singly very softly:

 

I'll be the one... I guess you were lost when I met you

Still there were tears in your eyes

So out of trust and I knew No more than mysteries and lies

 

Kevin took over, just as softly:

 

There you were, wild and free

Reachin' out like you needed me

A helping hand to make it right

I am holding you all through the night

 

She joined him again:

 

I'll be the one Who will make all your sorrows undone

I'll be the light When you feel like there's nowhere to run

I'll be the one...

 

Michelle stopped and listened to Kevin's beautiful voice, as he continued.

 

To hold you and make sure that you'll be all right

'Cause my faith is gone And I want to take you from darkness to light

There you were, wild and free

Reachin' out like you needed me

A helping hand to make it right

I am holding you all through the night

You need me like I need you

We can share our dreams comin' true

I can show you what true love means

Just take my hand, baby please

I'll be the one I'll be the light

Where you can run To make it alright

I'll be the one I'll be the light

Where you can run

I'll be the one I'll be the light

Where you can run

To make it alright

I'll be the one I'll be the light

Where you can run To make it all right

I'll be the one To hold you And make sure that you'll be alright

I'll be the one

 

Michelle gave Kevin one last squeeze and pulled away.

 

"God, I'm sorry Kevin, I just ruined an absolutely beautiful song with my caterwauling."

 

Kevin laughed at her and said, "That's our song from now on.  Just keep it in mind.  We'll get out of here tomorrow and take a walk or something and talk more, ok?"

 

Michelle nodded her head. "Ok," she drew in a deep breath and stood up before him. "but, God, Kevin, you really need a shower.  What the hell have you been doing?  And what the hell is that on your cheek bone!" she gently touched his slightly swollen cheek. 

 

He winced slightly and smiled, "Our good buddy, AJ, popped me one in the gym this morning when I told him about last night." 

 

"Oh my god," whispered Michelle and then she cracked up laughing.

 

"Hey, I don't think its funny!" Kevin said trying to look serious, but he started laughing too.

 

"Kevin, just go. I'm about to pass out from your stinkiness."

 

 

It took Michelle well over an hour to shower, shampoo and get dressed. The worse part was trying to clasp a bra using her left hand and the fingertips of her right hand. She gave up on trying to do anything with her hair, except blow drying it and leaving it loose.  She decided to dress better than her normal jeans and shorts, after all it was Thanksgiving and she needed to brighten her mood, so she chose a long thin white skirt covered with thousands of tiny dark blue flowers, with a matching blue scooped-necked, sleeveless top. 

 

When she finally emerged from the bedroom, she noticed how quiet the suite was.   As she stood looking around she heard someone in the kitchenette and went in.  Howie was sitting at the counter reading some paperwork.

 

"Hi, Howie," she said with a beautiful smile.

 

"Wow, look at you!"  He jumped off his stool and went over to her.  He put his arms on her shoulders and said, "You look gorgeous!"

 

She laughed and said "And you, Sweet D, look even more gorgeous than usual."  She looked him over thinking how any man could be any more beautiful.  He had on tailored black slacks, a crisp white shirt and a burgundy tie.  "What's the occasion?”

 

“Well, it is a holiday.  We’ve made reservations for the seven of us for dinner downstairs, for one o’clock.   Where’s the bandage on your hand?” he asked.

 

“Oh, well, try as I did, I couldn’t keep it from getting wet in the shower, so I just took it off.  I was going to ask if Kevin could rewrap it.  Where is everybody, again?” she said as he guided her out of the kitchen.

 

“Kevin and AJ went to check out your car and make sure it was taken care of.  Kimberly begged to go with them and, I think, Brian went with them.  Nick went back to bed.” Howie drew on his suit jacket and said, “We can run down to Carey’s room and see if he’ll redo your hand, ok?”

 

“Ok,” She walked back into her room and scooped up a small handbag.

 

Half hour later, Howie and Michelle were thanking Carey for his assistance and urging him and his wife to join their group for dinner.  Carey and Karolyn begged off and said they had already made plans for a quiet celebration just for the two of them. 

 

When they got to the lobby, Michelle went into the gift shop, while Howie went to check on their reservations.  Michelle bought a pack of menthol cigarettes and rejoined Howie.

 

“D, I’m going outside for a bit, to smell the fresh air and feel the sun on my face, ok?  I’ll be back soon.”

 

“Do you want company?” Howie asked concerned.

 

“No, thanks for offering though.  Ok, truth is I’m going out for a cigarette and I don’t want to see any disapproval from you,” she said, slightly blushing.

 

“Michelle, how could I disapprove of anything you do?” he replied sincerely.

 

She was silent for a moment, thinking wildly.  “Please Howie, you’re pushing the Sweet D act a little too far here.  You don’t know how easily I could make you disapprove of me.  From what I’ve read and heard about you, I’m sure a few of my beliefs and ideas would not be to your liking.”  Her tone had gotten louder and harsh.  She stopped herself, wondering what brought this on.  She looked over at Howie and saw the hurt look in his eyes. “Howie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”  She turned and walked quickly out of the hotel.

 

He stared after her, shaking his head in confusion.  Brian appeared at his side and said, “What’s wrong, D?”

 

Howie shrugged his shoulders and looked at Brian, “I have no idea.  She suddenly got pissed at me and left.”

 

“Well, man, don’t even think about it.  She’s had a rough couple of days and probably just needed to spout off to someone.  Come on, let’s have a drink at the bar before dinner.”  Brian pulled Howie off into the lounge.

 

 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 

By 1:15 everyone had finally arrived at the restaurant.  Michelle wouldn’t look at Howie when she arrived and seated herself between Kevin and Nick at the round table.  Kimberly was between Nick and Howie and AJ sat to the left of them, Brian on Kevin’s right.  It was evident to all that something wasn’t right between Michelle and Howie as they didn’t look or speak to the other.  They both tried to appear animated at times when they caught bits and pieces of other’s conversations. 

 

When the meal was virtually over Kevin leaned over and whispered to Michelle, “What’s going on with you and Howie?”

 

Michelle shrugged briefly and replied, “Nothing.”

 

“Don’t nothing me.  Come on.” He guided her out of her chair and out of the restaurant telling the others they’d be right back.  Michelle struggled to release her arm from Kevin’s grasp as they walked towards the lobby couches.

 

“Kevin, this isn’t necessary!  Let go!” Michelle said with clenched teeth.

 

“What did we say to each other this morning?  That we’d be there for each other, didn’t we? So, what is the problem?”  Kevin sat them down and looked at her sternly.

 

She said nothing for a few moments and finally returned his stare.  “I’m not sure. . . I got mad at him for being too nice to me.  I don’t deserve it, especially from him.  We are two worlds apart.  I don’t want. . . I don’t know.”

 

She turned her head and stared out the windows across from them.  “Michelle, I don’t get it.  What are you trying to say?” Kevin turned her head back to look at him.

 

“I don’t want to fall in love with him, because I know I can so easily, and then have him get to know the real me and not want me.” Michelle swallowed and shut her eyes.  “Fuck!” she swore under her breath, “You guys have been so good to me and you don’t even know anything about me except for what I’ve told you.”

 

“I know a lot of things,” said a voice softly behind them.

 

Michelle and Kevin turned around in surprise.  Nick walked towards them hesitantly with a shy smile and then sat on the table in front of the couch.

 

“Kimberly and I have talked a lot, early this morning mostly.  She told me lots of things, good things, about you.  She told me how you always made sure she kept up on her school work, even while you’ve been traveling.  How you made sure she joined dance classes when she expressed a desire.  How you signed her up for music lessons and then went right out and bought her a bigger and better keyboard because the one she already had wasn’t adequate.  How you’ve decorated her room, several times, to exactly the way she wanted.  How anytime she got upset over her dad being drunk, you’d take her into another room and keep her mind occupied with other things or you’d take her out somewhere.  She told me how you worked really hard at your job and how you’d go visit your mom in the hospital every day for a month.  How you quit your job after her dad died and you just held her and cried with her.”  He looked up at Michelle, blushing slightly.  “She said you are the best mom in the whole world.”

 

Michelle stared at his bright blue eyes and the wisp of hair falling over his right brow.  She was speechless. 

 

“Michelle, I’m sure everything Nick has just said is the real you and I don’t see how Howie could hate any of that.” Kevin said softly as he held onto her hand.

 

Michelle shook her head and whispered, “Kimberly doesn’t know everything.”  She looked back at Nick, and took a deep breath.  “Did she tell you I’m an atheist?  Did she tell you I had an abortion when I was a teenager? Did she tell you how I’ve abandoned my only sister, when she needed me the most?  Did she tell you how often I said I hated Rob when he was drinking?  No!  Because I didn’t tell her those things.  And those are the types of things that Howie would hate, aren’t they?” she turned to Kevin with questioning eyes, then she groaned, “God, Nick, I’m sorry!”  Nick got up and sat on the other side of her and wrapped her into a hug. 

 

“Michelle, no one is going to judge you on things you’ve done in the past.  Or at least, we won’t.  We’ve all made decisions others wouldn’t like.  We’ve all made mistakes, especially us.  We have the world at our feet practically and you don’t think we’ve taken advantage of that now and then.  You don’t think we’ve done things that we cringe about now?  How do you know how Howie will feel until you talk to him?” Nick asked softly.  Kevin looked over at Nick, not believing this was coming from him.  He felt a surge of pride towards the younger man.

 

“Thank you, Nick.  I’m sorry I just blurted out those horrible things to you.  I don’t know what’s going on.  Everything is just happening too fast these last couple of days.  I haven’t talked about myself this much with the same few people in so long.   God, I’m sick of hearing my own voice!” she said looking from one man to the other.  “This is suppose to be your get-away, and I’ve come barging in and wrecking havoc all over the place. . . I think Kim and I will go back to our hotel this afternoon after all.” She stood up to leave but was unable to as both tall men stood up around her.

 

“Don’t do this, Michelle, please.  Think of Kim.  She’s so happy here with us.  We’re happy having her here.  Both of you have brought the real life back into our hearts.  You’ve brought us back down to earth a little.  Please, don’t go.” Nick said passionately.

 

“Please, babe, you know I need you.  You can’t just walk out on me, or us, now.  You promised me this morning you’d be here for me too.  I’m not going to let you come into my life and then try to run out of it just as fast because you feel bad.”  Kevin had his hand gripping her upper arm and the anguish in his eyes made Michelle cry for him, “We’ve only just opened the flood gates, there is a lot of work ahead of us and I know you are not a quitter anymore!”  He pulled her into a hug so fiercely she caught her breath.  She held him tightly and felt his tears sliding down her face. 

 

“I’ll stay. . . ” She said barely above a whisper.  She felt Nick’s hand on her shoulder for a brief moment before he left the room.  “Kevin, I’m sorry.  I swear I’ll be here for you too.  It’s a little lopsided right now, but I promise I’m here for you.”  She turned her head up and kissed him hard on the lips.  “And I don’t care if you do have a girlfriend, I’m not going to stop kissing you or hugging you, ever!  And I don’t mean that in a sexual way, so don’t get nervous.”

 

She felt Kevin start to shake slightly and realized he was chuckling.  They pulled away from each other and smiled.  They wiped their eyes and walked back into the restaurant hand in hand, happily this time.

 

When they reached the table, Michelle stood behind AJ and placed her hand on his shoulder and gave a squeeze.  Then she said, staring directly at Howie, “I’m sorry everyone.  I’ve been extremely self-absorbed since I’ve gotten here and I promise to end it now.  You’ve all be so helpful and wonderful.  I’ve been blessed to meet such caring people and for that I’m more than grateful, to you all.”  She watched Howie’s brown eyes change from hurt to love in a matter of seconds.  He pushed back his chair and came around to her and hugged her tightly.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered to him.  He answered by leaning down and kissing her tenderly on the lips before pulling away and giving her a gorgeous smile. 

 

“Gross!” said Kimberly under her breath causing Nick, Brian and AJ to start laughing.  The mood was lightened and they returned to their seats to finish their Thanksgiving meal.   

 

Afterwards, Nick bugged Kimberly and Brian to go shoot some hoops outside.  After much groaning, Kimberly finally agreed and they took off running.   AJ, Kevin, Michelle and Howie went into the hotel lounge and relaxed on comfortable couches around a low table, listening to the soothing music playing in the background and chatting amiably.   After a couple of drinks apiece, Michelle finally talked Kevin into playing the piano for them.  He played several beautiful songs, including Michelle’s favorite, <I>Back to Your Heart</I>, which AJ and Howie sang along to.   When he finished, Michelle pulled AJ and Howie up for a standing ovation.  Kevin looked over in embarrassment and got a little redder when the other few patrons in the lounge did the same.

 

“I’ll get you for that, Ms. Wyman!” he growled at her but smiled anyway while he sank back into his seat.

 

“This is nice, but my body is just dying to get on a dance floor and shake itself silly.” exclaimed AJ, “who’s coming with me?” he asked looking at each of them.

 

“No way!  I don’t dance!” said Michelle.

 

“What?  You’ve got to be kidding me, everyone dances!” AJ was shocked at her proclamation. 

 

“I’m serious, only slow dancing occasionally, and maybe, if I was buzzed enough, I could do the dirty dancing thing from that movie.  But that’s it,” laughed Michelle.

 

“Well, I’ll have to add that to my list of ‘Fun Things To Do With Michelle’, eh”, he smiled brightly at her.  She laughed and nodded her head.

 

Kevin had been watching them silently and thought this would be a good opportunity for Michelle and Howie to spend some time alone and, hopefully, talk.   “I’m up for it, AJ.  Let’s get Nick and Brian and Kim, too.”

 

“Kim? You can’t take a ten year old dancing at a club!” Michelle was shocked at his suggestion.

 

“Babe, we’re in a party town, they have dance clubs all over the place and since its not even 4:00, we can so take her in a couple places.  Don’t worry.” Kevin replied with a firm voice.

 

“Yeah, we’ll keep her under control, make sure she doesn’t dance too suggestively or anything,” AJ added.

 

“You guys are awful!” Michelle said laughing.

 

“D? You coming?” asked AJ, itching to be on his way.

 

“Nah, I’ll stay here with Michelle.”

 

Kevin got up and leaned over to Howie and whispered, "Go easy on her."  He stood up and Howie was about to question him when Kevin walked away.

 

“Okay then, catch y'all later.”  AJ and Kevin left to find the others.

 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 

Howie and Michelle sat in silence for a few minutes after they left.  Michelle was trying to find the best approach to explain to Howie about her earlier tantrum.  Howie was watching her and wondering what Kevin had meant.  Michelle seemed nervous and was picking at the soft cast on her hand.  He eased himself out of his chair and moved towards her.  Her head shot up and she watched him slowly come closer.  "God, I'm falling for him fast." She said to herself. 

 

He stopped next to her and then leaned down and picked up their empty glasses.  "I'll be right back," he said smoothly.  Michelle watched his retreating body, admiring the ease with which he carried himself.   She kept her eyes trained on him as he leaned against the bar, chatting easily with the older woman behind it as she made fresh drinks.  She saw him laugh out loud and thought again how incredible he was.  So easy going, friendly and beautiful.  He came back to her, put his drink down on the table and sat next to her, handing her a drink.

 

"What's this?" she asked.

 

"Sombrero, try it," he said.

 

She lifted the glass to her lips and took a small drink.  He leaned over as soon as she pulled the drink away and kissed her cool lips softly.

 

"Mmm, good," he said.  Michelle's hand started to shake so he took the glass from her and placed it back on the table.  He eased back and put his arm around her shoulders and turned her face up to his.  He leaned in again and brought his lips down towards her again.  Before letting his lips touch hers he whispered, "I've been waiting to do this for hours." He kissed her slowly, savoring the softness and fullness of her mouth.  First kissing both lips and then moving ever so gracefully to concentrate on first her top lip and then her bottom lip, before pulling her closer and deepening the kiss.  She moaned slightly and shivered.  He pulled back and ran his thumb over her mouth. 

 

She stared into his eyes, "Oh Howie. . . " She said breathlessly.

 

He kissed her again, running his tongue lightly across her lips.  She wanted him to continue so much, but finally gently pushed him back. 

 

"Howie, please, I need to talk. . . "

 

He interrupted her. "I love this song, dance with me." He pulled her up from the couch and led her to the small dance floor.  He held onto her hand and brought it close to his chest as he moved his other hand to the small of her back.  Her bandaged hand automatically went to his upper arm and she marveled inwardly at the firmness of his body.  He leaned his head against hers and sang softly:

 

 Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady, you know who I am,
You know I can't let you slide through my hands

 

Wild Horses, Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, Couldn't drag me away...

 

I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines,
Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

 

Wild Horses, Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, Couldn't drag me away...

 

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried,
Let's do some living after we die

 

Wild Horses, Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, We'll ride them someday

Wild Horses, Couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, We'll ride them someday

(Wild Horses, Rolling Stones)

 

Although the song had ended, neither wanted to let go, they stood there on the empty dance floor holding each other.  Finally, Howie led them back to their seat, their arms wrapped around each other.  They sank as one onto the sofa and sat with their foreheads touching.

 

"Howie, you can't do this to me," Michelle said ever so quietly, "there are things I need to tell you."

 

"Sssh, not now, babe, we have plenty of time to talk.  Right now I just want to hold you in my arms and feel my love grow." He empathized his comment by squeezing her to him gently.

 

"Howie, I don't deserve you!  I've done things, in the past, that would make you hate me." She tried to pull away, but he held his grip on her firm.

 

"Michelle, what's in the past is over and done with, and no matter how horrible you may think they are, I'll never hate you.  I love you." he found her lips and kissed her passionately. 

 

She couldn't hold back, she grabbed the back of his neck and pushed her mouth against his, just as passionately.  "Howie, I've loved you since the moment I saw you yesterday.  I've never felt so much love for someone so instantly."

 

They stayed that way for a long time, relishing in and absorbing their new feelings.  Alternately kissing each others lips, cheeks, eyes and neck.

 

 

***********************

 

At the club, Kimberly was doubled over from laughing so hard.  She'd never danced so much in her life.  She had no idea what she was doing, but with AJ and Nick constantly dragging her back onto the dance floor and teaching her moves, she was having a blast.   Brian and Kevin shared a table off to the side, drinking sodas in honor of Kim.

 

"Kevin, what's happened the last two days?  Everyone is more relaxed, despite the emotions flying left, right and center.  I haven't seen Nick having so much fun in ages.  You've got a glint back in your eyes.  I've got my heart feeling whole again."  Brian was watching Kevin watch the dance floor with a smile.

 

"It's her and her mother," he said pointing to Kimberly.  "They've brought something back into our lives.  Kimmie has brought her youth and her giggles and her sadness.  We see little kids, with their big smiles and screams, all the time, but we never really know them.  We don't know what's behind those smiles.  We don't know what heart break they've endured.  We don't listen to their voices when they talk animatedly about something they love."  He paused and took a sip of his drink and turned to Brian, "We've all felt her pain and her joy lately.  Look how much fun we had this morning with her.  Shit, even I couldn't stop laughing when she was mimicing her friends and how they gush over Nick.   We see kids doing that all the time, but not on a personal level like this."

 

Brian nodded his head and watched Kimberly trying to copy AJ's swinging hip moves. "I know what you mean, Train."

 

"And Michelle, well, despite her heartaches, she's kept a positive attitude.  Sure, she's feeling loads of guilt and gratitude right now, but I can see the person she really is.  She's loving and caring and strong.  I've just got to help her see all that in herself more.  She's good for me.  I've felt the same sort of anguish she has, for different reasons of course, but we've shared the same thoughts and feelings.  There are things none of you could ever understand, but she could." He broke off and shook his head.  "Anyway, let's get up there and show Kimberly the right way to do that move, before AJ ruins her for life."

 

*******************

 

When the dancing fools returned around 8:00, they found Michelle and Howie cuddled in a corner of one of the sofas, watching television.  They’d taken a walk around the grounds of the hotel and had discussed their plans for the next few weeks.  Michelle needed to find a new car, an apartment, a school for Kimberly, a job and most, importantly, a way to make up to her sister.  Howie told her of a few promotions they were doing locally, the plans for their next video, his desire to have a few relaxing weeks and his hopes for their next tour.  They walked hand in hand, comfortable in each other’s presence.

 

“Hey, Mom!  Don’t you look comfy?” Kimberly said with a wide grin.

 

“Hush you!” replied Michelle laughing, “Did you have a good time?” She could tell just by the sparkle in Kim’s eyes and the huge smile she couldn’t get rid of.

 

“Babe, you have got the makings of another Britney Spears here.  This chick can move.” Said AJ pulling Kim into a dance spin. 

 

Brian came over and flopped into a chair beside them.  “God, I’m beat!”

 

Kevin walked around the couch and bent to kiss Michelle on the top of her head.  “Everything okay?” he whispered.  She nodded and gave him a big smile.  He smiled back and threw himself onto the other couch. 

 

AJ looked at his buddies and then exclaimed, “I can’t believe you guys, I did all the dancing and you two lumps are acting like you’re ready to die!”  He pulled Kim towards his room, “Come on Kim, this party ain’t over.  Nick, you coming?” 

 

Nick ran after them. “Count me in!”

 

An hour later, Kim emerged from AJ’s room quietly.  Kevin heard the door and looked up from his position on the couch and bolted upright.  He stared at Kimberly in shock and shook his head.  Kim purposely walked behind the couch to address her mother.  “Mom, you awake?”

 

Michelle nodded and was about to turn her head when she noticed Kevin. 

 

“Kevin, what’s wrong!” she was about to jump up to go over to him, when he held up his hand to stop her.

 

“Kimberly, come over here, please.” he said slowly.

 

Kim groaned slightly and walked between the adjacent couches and stood before Kevin.  He stood up and turned her to face Michelle. 

 

“Oh my god!  AJ MCLEAN, YOU ARE SO DEAD!” shouted Michelle.  She stood up quickly and almost fell over Howie’s foot.  He grabbed her and prevented her from falling. 

 

He stood up and looked around in confusion.  “What’s going on?  Oh man!”  He looked at Kimberly and started chuckling.  Her light brown hair was covered in purple streaks, compliments of none other than AJ.  Brian woke up and started laughing quietly.

 

“Howie, it’s not funny!” cried Michelle.  She heard giggling behind her and flew around to find AJ and Nick, both with purple streaks as well, doubling over in laughter.

 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 

Michelle walked towards AJ with fury on her face.  She pulled Nick out of the doorframe and pushed AJ into the room, slamming the door behind her.

 

“Whoa, chill, babe, it’s not permanent.  It’ll be gone by next week.”  He said with a wild grin, while backing into the room further as she advanced.  He hit the bed and fell back onto it.

 

“A week!  She has to walk around like that for a week?  AJ, you are nuts!  I have to sign her up for school and find somewhere to live next week and now I have to do it with purple hair! God, I don’t believe you!”

 

AJ pushed himself into a sitting position and grabbed the back of her legs pulling her towards him.  He rested his head on her abdomen and ran his hands up and down the back of her thighs.

“Please, baby, don’t yell at me.”

 

Michelle struggled to push him away from her, but he wrapped his arms around her ass to prevent her from moving.  He let one hand loose and scooped up the back of her skirt so he could run his hands over her bare legs.

 

“Listen, Mr. Hot Shot, if you think you’re going to get back in my good graces by trying to feel me up, then you’ve got another think coming.”  Her anger quickly faded away.

 

“Oh baby, you are so hot!” he said while pushing her shirt up with his nose and then kissing her belly. 

 

“AJ” Michelle couldn’t help laughing, “Come on, this has been fun, but stop.  Enough is enough.”

 

“Mmm, never enough” he mumbled and licked around her belly button. 

 

“AJ, stop, that tickles and. . . ” she gasped.

 

“Baby, I know this is turning you on and you want me!” he said seductively into her belly, while running his hands all over her thighs and ass.  He slid one hand under her panties and trailed his fingers down to her wet pussy.  She grabbed hold of his shoulders, moaning.  He slid a finger into her and brushed his thumb over her clit.

 

“Feel what you do to me, baby,” he said hoarsely as he pulled her good hand down to his crotch.  He was rock hard and groaned when he pressed her palm onto his bulge.

 

“AJ,” she moaned.  With all her strength, she pulled her hand from him and pushed herself away from his grasp, “God, AJ, I’d like nothing better than to climb onto your lap and let you fuck the hell out of me,” she said breathlessly, “but I can’t. . . I can’t do that to you, or me, or Howie!”

 

“Howie, what’s he have to do with this?” he asked trying to pull her back to him.

 

“Please, AJ, I love him. . . ” She looked into his eyes and saw his confusion.  “You are incredibly sexy and you really turn me on, and I love being with you.  You make me laugh, but I can’t just have sex with you.” She felt a good cry coming on.  “You make me feel so sexy, AJ.  I wish things were different, but I don’t think either one of us wants to ruin our new friendship with this.”  She bent down and kissed the side of his face and pulled him in tight against her chest.  “Please, don’t be mad at me.  I couldn’t stand that.  I love you, but not like I love Howie.”

 

AJ wrapped his arms around her waist and stood up.  He tilted her chin to look up at him.  “I’m sorry, babe.  As much as I want you, I know it’s not right.  I love you too, and I’m just really horny and I almost used you to quench my lust.  God, I’m sorry, forgive me?”  He looked down at her with his beautiful brown eyes full of affection, silently begging her for forgiveness.


“AJ, I doubt I could ever stay mad at you,” she said smiling and reached up to kiss his cheek again. “Let’s just be friends that flirt outrageously with each other and never act upon it, ok?  Like I said, you make me feel so sexy and I like that!” God, I’m sick, she thought.

 

“My buddy D, is one lucky man.  Once you let him get down and funky with you, you’ll forget all about me anyway.” He said with a wicked grin.  Michelle started blushing.  “God, you blush at me just mentioning that, you must have it bad for him!”  She laughed and turned towards the door.

 

“Oh and AJ, good job on your hair, but I’m still pissed at you for Kimberly’s.” she said with a huge smile and left the room.

 

She returned to the living room, only to find it empty. She walked over to Nick and Brian’s room and poked her head in.  They were having a fierce game on Nintendo.  “Where’s Kim?” she asked softly. 

 

Neither one would take their eyes off the screen.  “Check your room, Shelley.” Said Nick, whooping as he kicked Brian’s butt.  Michelle shook her head, wondering why he called her that.  She smiled and walked towards her room. 

 

She heard grumbling coming from the bathroom and walked to the partially closed door, quietly poking her head in.  Kim was leaning over the sink between Howie and Kevin.  They both had their hands in her hair trying to shampoo out the purple streaks. 

 

The young girl wasn’t happy and was hollering at them, “Ouch, you don’t have to pull so hard! What’s wrong with purple hair anyway.  I like it and I want to keep it!”

 

“Yeah, but your mom don’t like it and I don’t like it,” replied Kevin with a grin.  Michelle leaned against the doorjamb and caught his eye.  She smiled at him and he winked at her.

 

“Ok, Kev, let’s see if this is any better.” Howie said as he squirted more water over the squirming child’s head.  Michelle reached out her hand and gently caressed his back.  He turned his head and flashed her a gorgeous smile.

 

“Just wait until I tell my mom how mean you two are being!” Kim shouted into the sink.  Michelle raised her eyebrows and hid a laugh behind her hand.  Kevin chuckled and threw a towel over Kim’s head. 

 

“Ok, Squirt, let’s hope that did the trick.” He said laughing.  Kimberly pulled herself upright and caught her mother’s eyes in the mirror. 

 

“Mom, it’s not funny!” she wrapped the towel around her head and pushed her way past Howie to stand before her mother.  She had tears in her eyes.  Michelle felt a rush of sympathy for her and hugged her.

 

“Kimmie, please, it’s okay for Halloween or a party, but not for a whole week.  I’m sorry you’re mad at us, but I’m not letting you walk around like that.  Despite how mature you may think you are, you’re still my little girl.”  Michelle looked up at Howie and Kevin and they saw the anguish in her eyes.  She hated hurting her.

 

Kimberly pulled herself away and looked at her mother.  She instantly felt bad for her behavior.  “Fine, but on the weekends, I’m getting some hair mascara and I’m coloring my hair!  And it will be a lot funkier than what AJ does!” she said grinning.  Michelle nodded and kissed her towel-covered head.  Kim rushed out of the bathroom, yelling, “AJ, look what they made me do!”

 

The three of them burst out into laughter and straightened up the bathroom together.  When they were done, Kevin decided he was going to bed and shut the bedroom door behind them.

 

He walked over and sat on the end of his bed while removing his shoes and chuckled to himself.  He really liked having Kimberly around and couldn’t wait to have a child of his own some day.

 

Howie and Michelle went back into the living room and collapsed on the couch laughing.  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and she wrapped hers around his waist, reveling in the warmth of each other. 

 

“Michelle, I never realized all the things that come along with being a parent.  You do a good job,” he said.

 

“Thanks, Howie.  It’s nice to hear that.  And thank you for learning quickly.”

 

“Did you kill AJ in there?  He’s awfully quiet?” Howie asked.  Michelle felt a moment of guilt and then decided to be straight with him.

 

“He’s okay, and no I didn’t kill him.  I’d never be able to hurt him.  He’s special to me too, Howie.  I hope that doesn’t bother you.  I can’t help reacting to his flirting and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but I enjoy it too.  He’s so much fun, but I promise I’ll never let it get out of hand.” She said looking into his eyes.  He smiled and hugged her close.

 

“Michelle, he’s my best friend and I do trust him, but if he didn’t at least try to get you in his bed, I’d think he was turning gay or something,” he replied laughing.

 

“Oh Howie, you are just too incredible!” she said.  They laid in each other’s arms for another hour watching television, but not really watching it.  Finally, at 10:30, Michelle got up and said she had to go to bed.  Howie walked her to her bedroom door and kissed her sweetly. 

 

“Sleep well, my love.  I’ll make sure Kimmie is all set and I’ll be dreaming about you.” He kissed her more passionately and then pushed her into the room, closing the door behind her.

 

Michelle let her eyes become accustomed to the darkness.  Kevin had left the bathroom light on, with the door opened just slightly.  She gathered some pajamas from the dresser and quietly went to change.  When she emerged, she turned the bathroom light off and walked around her bed to Kevin’s bed.  She leaned over and heard his even breathing.  She ran her hand along his head and bent to kiss him, whispering, “I love you.”  She climbed into her own bed and fell asleep with a smile on her face.  

 

Around 1:00 Michelle was awakened by a noise.  She lay still in her bed trying to decipher what it was.  Finally, she turned her head towards Kevin’s bed and realized it was him, whimpering.

She eased out of her bed and knelt behind him.  She touched his shoulder and felt him shudder.  She ran her hand along his cheekbone to his forehead.  He felt clammy.  She couldn’t understand his words as he started to mumble.  She eased herself against the headboard and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close.  She continuously ran her hand through his hair and over his forehead, trying to offer him comfort.  She reached down and pulled the covers up high over both of them and leaned her head against his.  She softly whispered comforting words to him over and over until she felt him settle down and sleep peacefully.  After making sure he was fine, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - DAY THREE

 

“Michelle, get up sleepy head!” she groaned and fought off a hand that was shaking her.  “Come on, Sunshine, its a brand new day, the sun is beaming down and we’re going out!”

 

She opened her eyes slightly to see Kevin leaning over her, pulling the blankets off.  “Kevin, go away. . . ” she moaned.  She felt his hands pulling her feet from the covers and heard him swear.

 

“Damn, Michelle, don’t you own any socks?”

 

“What?. . . .What the hell are you talking about, Kevin?” she whined in her dazed stated. 

 

“Socks, I can’t find any in your stuff.  Don’t you have any? Oh, never mind, I’ll be right back,” he ran from the room.  Michelle curled onto her side pulling her legs up to her chest and fell back asleep.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” he was back and she groaned.   He pulled her legs back straight and sat down at the end of the bed.  He pulled some white socks onto her feet and then stood up.  “Come on, lazy ass!” he said laughing.  He pulled her into a sitting position and grabbed her tank top and pulled it off over her head.

 

“Kevin, what the fuck are you doing?” Michelle’s eyes snapped open and her arms went to cover her bare chest.  She looked up at him fiercely to see him coming towards her with a strapless bra.

 

“Relax, babe, it’s not like I haven’t seen them before,” he said with an exaggerated wink.  He pulled the bra over her and then pulled a pink top over her as well.  He stood up and grabbed her arms and pulled her into a standing position.

 

“Just what do you think you are doing?” she looked at him wildly still not comprehending what was going on.

 

He just laughed some more as he pulled her shorts down and flung them aside.  He pushed her back onto the bed and quickly pulled panties and white shorts over her legs.  He pulled her back up and pulled the clothing up and into place.  While he was zipping up her shorts he looked at her with a wide grin.  “This is called pay back, baby!  You and me are going out to enjoy this beautiful morning.”  He grabbed her sneakers and quickly put them on her feet and tied them up.

 

“Kevin, please I’m so tired.  Can’t we go out later,” she whined some more. 

 

He dragged her towards the bathroom.  On the counter was her toothbrush with toothpaste on it all ready for her.  “Okay, you have as long as it takes me to piss to brush your teeth and then we are outta here!”  He turned his back to her and started relieving himself. 

 

Michelle picked up the toothbrush and brought it towards her mouth.  She looked up into the mirror and laughed.  “Oh like I can’t see you!” she said. 

 

Kevin turned his head towards her and grinned wickedly.  He finished up and flushed the toilet.  He bumped her aside with his hip and washed his hands.  He took the toothbrush from her mouth and rinsed it off.  “Let’s go!” he caught her hand and dragged her from the bathroom.

 

“Kevin, please, you’re going too fast.” She whined yet again.  He groaned and told her to stop being a baby.  When they entered the living room, Kevin ran over to the phone table and scribbled a quick note.  He then grabbed his wallet, room key and sweatshirts off the end of the couch and pulled her from the suite.

 

They entered the elevator in silence, with Michelle throwing mean glances his way.  She walked over to him and grabbed his left arm and fixed her gaze on his watch.

 

“Christ, Kevin, its only 6:00 a.m.!  Have you lost your mind?”

 

He laughed and pulled her towards him, with her back to him and held her in place.  He bent and leaned his head on top of hers.  “This is my way of thanking you for last night.” He said softly.  Michelle was quiet and nodded her head. 

 

When the elevator reached the lobby they walked hand in hand out of the hotel.

 

“Okay, boss, where are we going?” she turned to him with a smile.  He looked down at her with a smile and then remembered something.

 

“Almost forgot.” He pulled a hair band from his front pocket and held it before her eyes.

 

“Oh God, I’m out in public and never even brushed my hair!” she looked up at him and laughed.  He went behind her and raked his fingers through her golden hair and gathered it into a ponytail and then slipped the band into place. 

 

“There, you’d never know.” He bent and kissed her cheek and pulled her off down the street.

 

They stopped at the only store open and got coffees to go, then they continued strolling down the street until they were standing at the dock looking up at a huge cruise ship.  

 

“God, its so big.” Michelle said.  Then smiling slyly, she turned and craned her head up to Kevin and said, “not as big as you though,” and she burst out laughing.  He grabbed her and started tickling her right side.  He lifted her into his arms and ran to the edge of the dock, threatening to throw her overboard.  She laughed uncontrollably and begged him to spare her. 

 

They walked arm in arm for a half hour chatting about the sites around them and anything else that came to mind.  They finally found themselves along a beach and Michelle pulled Kevin towards it.  The removed their shoes half way through the sand and left them there with their sweatshirts.  They started to race down to the water, but Michelle complained her leg was still aching and the race was unfair.  Kevin ran back to her and made her climb onto his back and he ran them both down to the ocean.  She held his neck tight and wrapped her feet around his stomach and was laughing like crazy.  She couldn’t remember feeling this free or enjoying herself to this extent in so long.  She cocked her head to the side and planted a big wet kiss on his cheek.  He swung her around so she was now facing him and teased her that she was going in the water with a splash. 

 

“No, it’s freezing!” she screamed. 

 

“How do you know, you haven’t even felt it yet!” he said and moved as if to throw her in.  She screeched and clung to him tighter.  He just laughed and walked further into the water with her and then threw them both sideways into a wave.    They broke apart when they hit the water and Michelle came up sputtering and laughing so hard that she started choking.  Kevin grabbed her and slapped her back gently, laughing.  When she was okay, she stood up and pretended to walk away, only to run back and push him backwards into the water.  He managed to grab her shirt just as he lost his balance and he pulled her under with him.  They played in the ocean for a while longer and then finally dragged each other out and went and sat on their sweatshirts.

 

“God, Kevin, I haven’t had fun like that in so long.  Thank you.” She was trying to wring the water out of her wet shirt.  He laughed and lay back on the sand and sighed happily.   She fell back next to him and they both laid there absorbing the sun.  “Now, I’ve got my cast all wet again.” She commented bringing her arm up to look at it.  He reached out his arm and caught hers and pulled it toward him, making her roll to her left.  She propped her head up on her elbow and watched him.  He gently stroked her fingers. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked him smiling. He turned his head towards her and smiled, his bright green eyes sparkling.

 

“Ah, I was just thinking about how much I enjoy your company,” he replied slowly.  “When I first woke up this morning, I almost died when I realized you were in my bed and we had our arms around each other.  For a moment I thought we did it again.  But then I remembered feeling these soft warm hands on me and hearing an angel whispering soothingly to me.”  He leaned towards her and kissed her gently on the lips, “Thank you, babe.”

 

Michelle lost her smile and was concentrating on his face. She could tell something was bothering him and he was having a hard time finding the right words.  She pulled her hand from him and brushed her fingertips along his cheek.  “What aren’t you telling me, Kevin?”

 

He looked out to the ocean and sighed.  “I’m okay, really.  I know it’s my turn to talk openly to you about my past problems, but somehow, it’s hard to put everything into words.”

 

“Just say whatever comes to your mind, and I’ll sort it all out eventually,” she suggested, “or if you don’t feel like talking about it now, I’ll understand, and I can wait”.

 

He turned his gaze back to her and smiled slowly, “Now that’s what I like to hear.  Everybody always expected answers right away and couldn’t comprehend it if I was willing to talk one moment and silent the next.  They, mostly my mom, felt they needed to know absolutely every little detail of my downward spiral, as if to justify to themselves not noticing how deeply troubled I'd gotten.”

 

“Do you really feel you’ve gotten most things under control? Do you still have some demons who just won’t go away?” Michelle asked.

 

“Yeah, to both questions, actually.  I do feel and know I’m in control most of the time, but in the back of my mind, there is this nagging feeling that every now and then I’m not in control as much as I think I am and I get afraid it’s all going to come crashing down again.” He replied.

 

“Kevin, no one is ever totally in control.  There are things going on constantly that shake up our lives and make us question our decisions or sanity.  God, more so in your situation.  Look at you! Famous world wide, you have the demands of so many people to deal with.  You are constantly under pressure to perform perfectly and look perfectly. . . and if you happen to be in a bad mood, everyone starts to look at you with pity and fear, thinking you’ll snap again.” She stopped when she felt his hand on her face.  She looked down at him and saw the tears in his eyes.  He sat up and grabbed her tightly. 

 

“See, this is what I knew, that you would understand without me having to go on and on and on about everything.  Thank you.” He said, smiling now.

 

“What about last night? You want to talk about it?” Michelle asked.

 

“I don’t really remember everything to tell you the truth.  Something about missing a flight and having to walk to our next gig - stupid,” Kevin shrugged his shoulders.

 

“That’s not stupid, that’s your subconscious at work.  You care so much about your career and your fans, and whoever else relies on you for their livelihood, that you would do whatever you had to do to make it to the next place.  I think that’s admirable.” Michelle said.

 

“How’d you get so smart, huh?” Kevin stood up and pulled her up after him.

 

“I’m not that smart, I just try to think a little more logically these days.” She said brushing the sand off her legs.  “Now, since you forced me out of my. . . I mean, your warm bed this morning, you have to buy me breakfast, cause I’m starving!” She picked up their damp sweatshirts.  “No place fancy though!” she laughed and brush at her damp sandy clothing.

 

They walked back into town and found an outdoor café to breakfast at.  While they ate Kevin told Michelle all about Telly and how they met six months ago when Brian dragged him into the pet shop she owned.

 

“Doesn’t she mind having you gone so often?” she asked.

 

“Well, sure, but she knew who I was when I met her and she knows it can’t be a normal relationship right now.  She is great though, but refuses to join me when we’re on tour.  Says she can’t leave her business and that she doesn’t want to suffer at the hands of our fans.”

 

“What?” Michelle asked wide-eyed, “What does that mean?”

 

Kevin chuckled and said, “That’s right, you haven’t experienced any of that yet.  Down here, it’s so peaceful and not busy right now, so you haven’t seen what happens when we get recognized.  Sometimes the fans get a little jealous and treat our friends and girlfriends pretty bad.  They’re just trying to show their love for us, but unfortunately it hurts sometimes.”

 

“Wow, that’s rough.  I keep forgetting how popular you are.” She said with a smile.

 

“Anyway, I’ll see her Monday when we go home and introduce you to her.  I think you’ll like her, she’s sweet and caring,” he said.

 

“I look forward to the woman who has captured the heart of Mr. Kevin Richardson.” She said standing up.  “Let’s go, these wet shorts are starting to bug me.”

 

CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

By the time Michelle and Kevin got back, Michelle had been grumbling over and over for fifteen minutes about her aching leg and soggy panties.  Kevin sympathized about the leg and laughed about the panties.  He reminded her that he was just as uncomfortable.  When they entered the suite at 9:00, Brian was just strolling out of his room, looking half-asleep.

 

“Hey, what happened to you two?” he asked looking at their damp clothes. 

 

“Went swimming!  I’m going to shower and change.” Michelle said walking towards the bedroom.

 

“No way, I’m going first!” Kevin declared and ran past her. 

 

“Oh god!” Michelle rolled her eyes and went to sit on the edge of the couch with Brian.  “How’s everything going, Bri?”

 

“Good, I just got woken up by Lauren.  She keeps forgetting the time difference.” He said rubbing his face with his hands.

 

“Why is she in England, if you don’t mind my asking?”

 

“Her sister is getting married this weekend.  That’s sort of what we fought about.  She was mad I wouldn’t go with her.” He said, “I just couldn’t make her understand how tired I am of flying all over the place, especially since we just finished the tour.  But, we talked it out yesterday, and we’re cool.” He said smiling at her.

 

“That’s great.  Do you know where everyone else is?” asked Michelle, wondering where and who her daughter went off with this time.

 

“Nah, I didn’t hear anyone leave.  Well, I’m off to the shower too, see you soon.” He said and went into his room. 

 

Michelle went into her room and grabbed a cigarette from her handbag and went back out to the balcony off the living room.

 

She stood on the balcony, leaning against the railing watching the town come to life before her, thinking of how she had to rent a car and make reservations at a hotel in Orlando for Monday.  She and Kim had planned on hitting a park or two next week and then spending the rest of the week looking for an apartment.  She sighed wondering what was taking Kevin so long in the shower, when she felt a pair of warm, muscular arms come around her waist.  She smiled and leaned back against the warm body.  "Mmm, you feel so good," she sighed happily.

 

"Good morning, Beauty, how'd you sleep?" he said softly.  She wrapped her arms around his and stroked her fingers along his smooth tanned skin.

 

"Excellent, and you?" she asked turning in his arms to face him.  She let out a small gasp when she saw the gorgeous sight before her.  She pushed him back gently and with a wide smile she eyed him up and down.  He wore only a pair of small black shorts and this was the first time she'd had the opportunity to see his beautiful body up close.  "God, D, can you be any more perfect?" she murmured as she looked up into his eyes and placed her hands on his chest.

 

He grinned and leaned down to give her a quick kiss.  "Believe me, I'm not perfect," he replied with a chuckle.

 

"Oh, from what I'm seeing, yes you are," she reached up for another kiss, sliding her hands down to his sides and then around to his back.  He responded fervently and the kiss deepened.  She parted her lips slightly and teased him with her tongue.  He matched her actions and groaned as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer, plunging his tongue into her mouth.  Several moments later, she pulled back and smiled.

 

"So, why are you practically naked?" she asked.

 

He pulled her back and nuzzled her neck, "Mmm, you taste salty.  I was working out and then went for a quick swim.  Why are you salty and damp?"

 

"Kevin dragged me out at 6:00 this morning and then threw me in the ocean," she said laughing. "I've been waiting to take a shower, but he's been in there forever."

 

"Come, you can use my shower," he said pulling her back into the suite. 

 

They walked with their arms around each other to his bedroom.  He closed the door behind them and nudged her towards the bathroom.

 

"No, I don't want to leave your arms just yet," she said shyly.

 

He moaned slightly, and pulled her back up against his chest, kissing her more passionately than before.  She responded likewise and ran her hands all over his strong back.  He jumped slightly and released an embarrassed giggle.  "That was my tickle spot," he said while kissing her neck.

 

"You have a tickle spot?" she laughed and ran her fingers back over the same area.  He broke away laughing.

 

"Oh, you are nasty!"

 

"Nasty? I think not!  Get back here." She reached for him and he tried to hold her off with his hands.

 

"No fair, you're stronger than me," she laughed and ducked under his arms and got him again.  He laughed harder and tried tickling her. 

 

They ended up falling on the end of his bed and proceeded to tickle each other gently.  Michelle wound up on top of him and scooted up higher on the bed to straddle his stomach while leaning her head against his shoulder, trying to tickle his ribcage.

 

Breathlessly he said, "You know what's not fair? You have more clothes on than me."  He pushed her up and grabbed the bottom of her top and pulled it over her head.  He gasped when he saw her full breasts almost spilling from the strapless bra.  "Wow!" he said and ran his hands over the top of her chest.

 

"Mmm, Howie, you have magical hands," she said closing her eyes and enjoying his touch.  He pulled her back down to him and captured her in another passionate kiss.  Michelle rolled to the side so she was lying next to him on the bed, their arms wrapped around each other, legs entangled and they continued kissing deeply until the bedroom door flung open.

 

"Well, well, kids, what do we have here?" asked AJ as he stared down at them, grinning wickedly.

 

"Good timing, AJ," mumbled Howie sarcastically.  Michelle pulled her head up and looked over at AJ.

 

"Go away, AJ," she said sticking her tongue out at him.

 

He laughed, "No way!" and sat himself on the end of the bed, reaching out to tickle her feet.

 

"AJ, STOP!" she screamed laughing and trying to kick his hands away, still holding on tightly to Howie. 

 

Kevin showed up at the door and smirked while raising his eyebrows.  "What do we got here?" he asked.

 

"God, what is this, Family Affair?" Michelle asked while releasing Howie and getting off the bed. "How embarrassing!" she mumbled.

 

All three laughed and Michelle said, "It's your fault, Kevin, for taking forever in the shower!" She picked her shirt up off the floor and caught AJ's leer.  "Keep your eyes in your head, AJ." She said with a laugh and walked out of the room.

 

**********

 

When Michelle emerged from a long, hot, much-needed shower, she found Kimberly lying across her bed reading a book.


“Hi Sweets, where have you been?” Michelle asked while stretching out on the bed alongside Kim and giving her a kiss and hug.

 

“Nick and I went to the Marina.  He’s rented a boat big enough for all of us for today.  He’s going to teach me to water ski.” She looked at her mother with a huge smile.

 

“Really? I don’t like little boats on big oceans.” She said with a shudder.

 

“Don’t be a scaredy cat, Mom.  It’ll be a blast!  Put your bathing suit on and let’s go.  Everyone else is waiting for us.”  Kim jumped off the bed and threw her book in a bag that already contained her towel, discman and at least fifteen cds. 

 

“You bringing enough cds?” Michelle asked while getting up and grabbing her backpack and adding some sun block, sunglasses, cds and her own cd player.  “I hope you aren’t bringing any rap crap.”

 

”Oh please, Mom.  I suppose you’re going to bring some stupid old Rolling Stones or Monkees.” Kim said rolling her eyes.

 

Michelle laughed at her while pulling on her swimsuit.  She grabbed a t-shirt to go over it.  “Well, maybe I will, maybe I won’t.  Maybe I’ll bring that crappy Backstreet Boys cd?” She teased while pulling on a new pair of tan shorts and slipping some sandals on her feet. 

 

“Kevin! My mom said you guys were crappy!” Kim shouted into the living room after opening the door.  Michelle lunged for her and they both fell to the floor with a thud. 

 

Kevin came over and helped them both up with a grin.  “You think we’re crappy?” he asked, “In that case, we’ll have to prove you wrong.” He said with a glint in his eye.  “Ok, everybody. . . ”

 

“Rock you body!” shouted Nick

 

“Rock your body, right!” screamed Brian, wiggling his hips.

 

“Oh god, help me!” Michelle cringed and walked out of the suite, hands covering her ears. 

 

Howie came up behind her, pulled her hands away from her ears and whispered to her, “You are my fire, my one desire.”

 

Michelle moaned slightly and replied, “Oooh, keep that up, babe, and I’ll be your biggest fan.”

 

CHAPTER TWENTY

 

They walked the block and a half to the marina in high spirits.  Brian, Nick and Kim lagging slightly behind the others, engrossed in a low conversation.  Michelle looked back at them with a questionable expression.  “Something’s not right with that picture.” She said to AJ, who was walking with her, his arm thrown around her shoulders.  Kevin and Howie were walking a few feet ahead talking quietly.

 

“Trust me, babe, they are conspiring against us.  Brian and Nick wouldn’t miss a perfect opportunity like this to pull something.  You just got to be ready for them.” AJ replied with a grin and pulled her sunglasses off, putting them on his own face.

 

“Hey, I don’t want to look like a freak with purple shades,” she said laughing. “But, I do like this hat.” She pulled his hat off his head before he could pull away and put it on her own. 

 

He put her pink sunglasses on and batted his eyelashes, “How do I look, Dahling!” 

 

“Scrumptious!”

 

“Scrumptious enough to eat?” he asked licking his lips.

 

“Oooh, baby, pass me a fork!” she shrugged his arm off her shoulders and grabbed his hand instead, pulling him towards Kevin and Howie.  “Do either of you have a fork?” she asked them, giggling.

 

They turned and looked at the two of them laughing their asses off.  Howie smiled broadly and grabbed her backpack from her shoulder.  Kevin shook his head and was about to turn forward again when he shouted, “Look out!” 

 

Before AJ and Michelle could react, they were hit with water balloons from the back.  Michelle squealed at the coldness of the water and ran behind Howie to hide.  AJ screamed out, dropped his bag and flew around to face the culprits.  Nick, Brian and Kimberly were armed with fresh balloons and threw them again, mischievous grins adorning their faces.  Nick’s hit AJ in his forehead and water streamed down the shocked man’s face.  Brian’s aim caught Kevin in his chest and Kim’s hit Howie just above his crotch. 

 

“You are so dead, Nick!” shouted AJ while lunging for him. 

 

“Brian, you ass!” shouted Kevin and ran towards him.

 

“Kimberly Wyman! I’ll get you!” shouted Howie and tried to go after her, but Michelle was clutching his sides so tightly to keep herself falling to the ground from laughing so hard.  He gave up and turned towards her with a huge smile and wrapped her up in his arms. 

 

AJ nearly tripped over the backpacks strewn on the ground, but finally caught Nick by the back of his shorts and tackled him to the ground.  Kimberly ran over to them with a couple of balloons in her hands, ready to saturate AJ.   While AJ sat on top of Nick he pulled her towards him and grabbed the balloons from her hands.  She screamed and tried to pull free, but he managed to get her down on top of Nick with him.  He held a balloon over her head and squeezed it until it broke, covering her with cold water.  He released her and she took off running.  AJ then turned his attention back to Nick who was trying to throw him off his back.  AJ cackled and brought the other balloon down on Nick’s butt, bursting it all over his ass.

 

Kevin grabbed Brian who didn’t even try to run because he was laughing so hard.  Kevin reached behind Brian and grabbed the waistband of his underwear and yanked them up really hard and fast.  Brian’s laughter turned to screeching as he pushed Kevin away.  Kevin laughed so hard he fell backwards onto the ground clutching his stomach.  He looked back up at Brian and watched him try to unpick his shorts, causing him to laugh even harder. 

 

Five minutes later everyone was sitting or lying on the ground gasping for breath from laughing so much.  Nick was grumbling about his wet ass.  Brian was rambling on in a high falsetto voice, cracking himself up even more.  Kimberly was trying to glare at AJ for soaking her hair, but ended up crawling over to him and shaking her wet head in his face.  He grabbed her under her arms and tickled her ferociously.  Kevin was lying on his back, clutching his sides and trying to compose himself.  Michelle and Howie were lying on the grass along the sidewalk, wrapped in each others arms and trying to catch their breath, in between giving each other light kisses.

 

“Ok, guys, we better move.  People are starting to gather.  We don’t need to see this scene in tomorrow’s paper.” Nick said as he got up and rubbed his hands across his butt to clean off the dirt.  “Shit. AJ, this isn’t over!”

 

Everyone got up and began picking up their bags when the guys were suddenly surrounded by nearly twenty fans, varying in ages from six to sixty.  Michelle and Kimberly went back to sit on the grass and watched in amazement as the guys took it all in good stride, signed autographs and charmed and chatted with the folks.  A couple of teenagers were eyeing them and whispering to each other.  They finally came over to Michelle and Kim and looked at them with a combination of curiosity and jealousy.

 

“Who are you two?” asked a tall skinny brunette.  Her eyes were boring into Michelle’s and Michelle felt her animosity.

 

“Friends of theirs,” she said nodding to the guys.  “And you are?” she asked forcing a polite smile on her face.

 

“Someone who would be a lot better suited for Howie than you!  I saw you trying to get your claws into him.  He deserves someone a lot hotter and younger than you!” she said looking at her disgustedly, hands on her hips.

 

Michelle looked quickly over at Kimberly and saw her look of shock and anger.   Kevin had heard the girls talking to Michelle and turned towards them.   Before he could speak, Michelle got up, bringing Kimberly with her.  “Let’s go, babe.”  She started moving away, but stopped and turned back to the brunette, “If you think you are so much better for him than me, then please go right ahead and introduce yourself and ask him out.  Have a nice day!” Michelle saw Kevin looking at her with concern and she indicated that she and Kim would meet them at the marina.  He saw and felt the hurt in her eyes. 

 

As Michelle and Kim started walking down the street, the brunette stared at her and shouted, “Bitch!”  Kevin saw Michelle’s shoulders flinch, but she kept continued walking with her hand in Kimberly’s.

 

Kevin strode over to the girls, “Ladies, please, that’s no way to treat someone you don’t even know.”

 

“Who cares about her!  Can I have your autograph, Kevin?” asked the girl with a huge smile on her face.

 

“Sorry, but we’re late for an appointment and have to get going.  Maybe some other time?” he smiled politely and walked away.  The brunette stared at his back in shock, then shrugged her shoulders and walked over to Howie.  Howie had seen the confrontation, but hadn’t heard what was said.  By Michelle and Kim’s reactions, he knew it hadn’t been pleasant.  As the brunette neared him, he looked her straight in the eyes and shook his head, then walked over to pick up his stuff and jogged over to walk beside Kevin.  

 

“What happened, Kev?” he asked him with concern.

 

“The usual, being nasty to anyone who happens to be with us.  Michelle handled it pretty good though, but I know she’s upset."  He grabbed Howie’s bag and said, “Go talk to her.”

 

Howie nodded and took off.  Brian, Nick and AJ caught up to Kevin and they continued to the marina.  When Howie reached Michelle, he heard her talking softly to Kim.

 

“Kim, please don’t be upset.  We can’t take that sort of thing personally.  Those girls were just being jealous because we happened to be with some very famous people.  I keep forgetting how famous and sought after they are.  If you want to be their friend, you’ll need to learn to live with crap like that, ok?”  Michelle squeezed Kim’s hand.  She was really thrown by the girl’s reaction, but for Kim’s sake shrugged it off.

 

Howie came closer and put his arms around both of them.  “Sorry about that, girls.”

 

“Don’t be sorry, Howie.  I found it fascinating having all those people recognize you guys and swoon over you,” she replied smiling at him.  “Wasn’t it neat, Kim?”

 

Kim nodded, “I don’t like the way that girl was being so mean to you, Mom.  You didn’t do anything to her!”

 

“Kim, some fans just get a little too jealous, but trust me, most of them aren’t like that.  They’re really great and treat us so well,” Howie leaned down and kissed her cheek.  “Let’s go boating!”

 

After everyone was aboard, Nick put the boat in gear and eased it smoothly over the ocean.  Kim sat at the end of the boat with Brian and AJ, absolutely loving the ride and yelling for Nick to go faster and faster.  Michelle, on the other hand, was sitting on the bottom of the boat right behind Nick’s captain seat and clutching tightly to Howie’s leg as he sat on a side seat.  She hated the ride and was petrified someone would fall overboard.  Everyone was laughing and teasing her, but she just groaned and kept her head on her knees.  Finally Nick slowed the boat after half an hour, announcing that this looked like a great place to swim and snorkel.  He had selected a small cove area near Torch Key.

 

Michelle finally got up and stretched her legs.  She didn’t mind being in the boat when it was so close to land.  She sat on the bench seat next to Howie as he was removing his sneakers. 

 

“So, you think I’m a big baby?” she asked with a smile.  He chuckled and pulled her sandals off her feet for her. 

 

“Depends. You coming in the water with me?” he asked pulling his white tank top off to reveal his tanned torso. 

 

“I really don’t want to, but, how can I resist you?” she laughed and removed her t-shirt and shorts.  Howie let out a low whistle and winked at her.  She was wearing a black strapless one-piece with tiny gold stars and moons on it.  “Yummy!” he said as he reached for her.  She backed away from him shaking her head.

 

“Nope, not when the children are around, dear.” She backed up again and fell onto Kevin’s lap.  

 

“Oops, sorry about that, Kev,” she said starting to get up, but he scooped her up in his arms and turned to Kim and Nick.  “Who wants me to throw her in?” he asked with a devilish grin. 

 

“Yeah! Throw her overboard!” Nick yelled as he jumped in the water.

 

“Wet that woman!” urged AJ as he picked up Kimberly quickly and threw her in the water near Nick.  She resurfaced coughing and screaming at him and Nick grabbed her to keep her afloat.

 

“KEVIN! Put me down now!  No way are you throwing me in the ocean twice in one day,” she screeched while struggling to get down.  “Howie, please, save me!” she looked at him imploringly.   He was laughing at them and shook his head as he climbed up onto the seat and neatly dove into the water.  “Brian!  Save me!” she asked seeing him at the end of the boat.

 

“Are you kidding?  There is no way I will suffer the wrath of Kevin Richardson any further today.” He replied and jumped in the water pulling AJ as he went.

 

“Ok, babe, just you and me left.  Now, what shall I do?” asked Kevin as he walked to the end of the boat. 

 

“If you throw me in, I swear I’ll make you pay!” she said trying to sound evil.  He laughed and jumped into the water with her in his arms.  When she surfaced, she said, “You are all evil and you will suffer!” 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

 

Michelle swam over to Howie and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “Sweet D, I can’t believe you didn’t help me.”  She looked up at him while batting her eyelashes.  He laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist while nuzzling her neck.  She returned his playful kisses and moved one hand tantalizingly down along his chest and abdomen.  He moaned at her touch and let his hands roam across her back and buttocks.  She snuggled closer to him and starting lightly kissing his neck and shoulders.  She looked up at him playfully when she started lowering her kisses to his upper chest, then she held onto his sides and slipped under the water kissing and licking his chest and down to his belly.  She knew she surprised him and laughed inwardly.  Within seconds she brought her hands to the waistband of his shorts and swiftly yanked them down to his ankles, catching a quick glimpse of his prized package as she pushed herself away. 

 

She resurfaced several feet away laughing uncontrollably as she watched him struggle to pull his shorts back up.   She ducked back under the water and swam over to the end of the boat to hide and resurface for some air.  She spotted Kevin several feet to the right swatting a beach ball back and forth with Brian.  She silently slipped beneath the water and swam quickly towards him.  As she neared him, she stretched out her arms and swiftly pulled his shorts down as well.   She could hear his yell from beneath the water.  She was laughing to herself so hard she accidentally opened her mouth and swallowed some water.  She came back up coughing and sputtering.

 

Suddenly two sets of hands were grabbing at her.  She turned her head and screamed as both Kevin and Howie were clawing at her, attempting to yank her suit down.   She kicked out at both of them and swam quickly around the boat to the other side.   She waded there, catching her breath, when Kevin suddenly surfaced in front of her and Howie behind her.  She started to scream again as both grabbed the top of her suit and yanked it down.  She was laughing so hard while trying to get her suit back up and smacking their hands away.  Kevin laughed and swam back around the boat, gloating in his achievement.  Howie was laughing like crazy as he swam around her and pulled her tight against him, preventing her from getting her suit all the way back on.

 

He leaned his face towards hers and captured her lips in a salty wet kiss.  She grabbed onto a handle on the side of the boat to help keep afloat and fleetingly thought how glad she was that Kim and the others were all playing in the water on the other side and couldn't see them.  She wrapped her other arm around Howie's shoulders and her legs around his waist.

 

"Mmm, are we even now?" asked Howie breaking away from her lips.  His beautiful brown eyes were sparkling as brightly as the sun reflecting off the crystal blue water.  She gazed lovingly into his eyes as her fingers gently stroked the side of his neck.  Instead of answering him verbally, she lowered her gaze to his full pink lips and leaned in to kiss him again.  She tightened her legs around him as the kiss deepened and their tongues entwined.  His hands slid upwards from her waist to her ribs and around to her stomach.  She broke the kiss and moved her lips over his jaw and then to his ear and started nibbling on it.  He lowered his head to her neck and sucked on it softly, moving across her shoulder slowly.

 

"God, Howie, it feels so good to be in your arms," she said while licking and sucking on his neck.  He brought his hands up to her bare breasts and cupped them.  He ran his thumbs back and forth from her breastbone to her hardened nipples.  He pulled back slightly and lowered his head to her left nipple, sucking gently and twirling his tongue around it in a circle.  Her leg hold on his waist prevented him from slipping away and she could feel his hardened cock pressing against her butt.  His hands moved down and around to her ass while he gyrated his hips slowly sending chills through her body. 

 

"Michelle, I want you so bad," he said while making his way back up to her lips.  She responded by pushing her pelvis against him and moaning into his mouth. 

 

"I want you. . . " She whispered, loosening her hold on him slightly and bringing her hand down between them to massage his cock.  He groaned and brought one of his hands to her crotch and rubbed his fingers back and forth.  She slipped her hand into his shorts and pulled up on his cock while using her heals to push his shorts down to his thighs.  He untangled her legs from around him and pulled her swimsuit off completely, passing it up to her to hold.  He drew her legs back up around his hips and then reached for the boat handle to support himself as he encircled her waist and entered her slowly.  She groaned loudly and found his mouth again.  As they passionately kissed, he pumped in and out of her in a steady rhythm.    She clutched his shoulder more tightly and moaned seductively into his ear, whispering words of passion and lust.  She used her legs around his waist to assist him in increasing his speed.  She felt her muscles tightening and reached for his lips again as she exploded.  He moaned deeply in response and pushed into her faster and harder, finally emptying his desires into her. 

 

They clung to each other afterwards, alternately kissing and talking softly.

 

"Oh God, D, you are so amazing." She said while stroking his ponytail.

 

"Aaaaah, Michelle, that's certainly not how I pictured our first time together." He grinned and kissed her again.

 

"Oh yeah? And what did you have in mind?" she said softly.

 

"I think I'll just keep you guessing for now," his kissed her again and then released himself from her hold to pull up his shorts.  He reached up and pulled her suit from her hand holding the boat handle and skillfully put it back on her. 

 

"Now, I won't be able to think of anything else," she smiled broadly at him and gave him one more kiss before leading him to the end of the boat.

 

They both climbed aboard and turned their heads in the direction of the other's voices.  "Hmm, they didn't seem to miss us." She smiled as she handed Howie a towel. 

 

"Lucky for us," he took the towel and wrapped it around both of them, holding her close and nibbling on her ear.

 

"HOWIE!" he turned his head and saw Kim wildly waving her arms. "You have to come and play chicken with us!  You and me against Brian and Kevin." 

 

He smiled over at her and nodded his head, but groaned lowly and whispered, "I don't want to play with anyone but you."

 

She giggled as his tongue stroked her neck.  "You are insatiable."

 

He grinned, kissed her quickly and jumped back into the water.  Michelle watched him swim quickly over to Kim and disappear under the water.  When he came up he had Kimberly straddling his shoulders.  She was whooping with joy and proceeded to tackle with Brian, who was on Kevin's shoulders just as quickly.  Michelle chuckled and grabbed her backpack and made her way to the front of the boat.  She climbed up and stretched out her towel before sitting down on it.  She pulled her discman from her bag and selected Bob Marley, recalling how much she loved his music and always pictured a hot paradise while listening to it.  Now she was in it. 

 

She watched the chicken game for a while and then turned her attention to Nick who was snorkeling along some rocks.  She smiled when she saw the purple streaks glistening in his hair.  She reached back into her bag and pulled out a cigarette.  After lighting it, she laid back, closed her eyes and enjoyed the smoke and "Is This Love".

 

Within moments her peace was disturbed when she felt cold water falling onto her.  She turned her head and opened her eyes to see AJ standing over her.  "Hey, what are you listening to?" he asked, reaching down and removing the headphones from her.  He held them up to his ears and smiled.  "This is too good to keep to yourself."  He threw the headphones back to her and ran to the back of the boat.  He pulled a larger cd player from inside a bench and brought it forwards.  He removed the cd from her player and put it into his and cranked up the volume.  "No Woman No Cry" blared out and he stood up and started slowly gyrating his body to the beat, mouthing the words. 

 

Michelle laughed up at him and sat up.  AJ reached down and grabbed her cigarette.  "Hey!" she said and jumped up to grab it back.  He pulled her into his arms and swayed to the music with her.  She laughed and put her hand around his shoulders while stealing the cigarette from him and putting it to her lips, inhaling deeply.   He grabbed it back and took another drag before flinging it into the sea.  He put both hands on her waist and started a slow dirty dance with her.  She laughed and followed along. 

 

"And you said you didn't dance." He grinned wickedly.

 

"Must be the sea air intoxicating me."  They danced until the song ended, breaking apart laughing.

 

He leaned down and switched the track to "One Love/People Get Ready" and proceeded to dance around the whole boat.  Michelle laughed and marveled at his ease in moving his lithe body.  Nick climbed up the back of the boat, grinned widely and copied AJ.  Michelle sat back down and watched them with fascination.  Within moments everyone else had climbed aboard and started a dancing frenzy, singing in high voices along with the opening of "I Shot The Sheriff". 

 

Kevin danced his way over to Michelle and offered her his hand.  She shook her head smiling.  He shrugged and went to sit next to her, shaking his wet hair at her and laughing.  "Damn, I'm beat!" he said.

 

"Well, maybe if someone wasn't up with the birds this morning, then that someone wouldn't be so tired," she teased. 

 

He laughed and put his arm around her shoulders, "Someone seems to be smiling a lot more," he grinned at her. 

 

She laughed in response and swatted his leg.  Her gaze drew over to Howie as he was sexily moving his body to the music.  He grabbed Kimberly's hand and twirled her slowly a couple of times.  Michelle laughed out loud, thinking this day had been so perfect.  "God, Kevin, can life get any better than this?" she asked looking back at him.

 

His eyes twinkled as he smiled at her, "We'll just have to keep making sure it stays that way." He replied as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

 

"Oh yeah? 'cause You Want It That Way?" she asked laughing.  He groaned at her lame joke and pulled her up and back down into the boat.  Everyone was collapsing on the seats and benches, exhausted from their fun.  Michelle went over to Kimberly and hugged her, whispering that she loved her dancing.  Kim blushed slightly and hugged her back.  Nick opened a cooler and handed everyone cold drinks.  They spent the next half hour lounging in the sun and laughing and talking.

 

Finally, Kimberly begged Nick enough to get going and teach her to water ski.  Everyone packed up their belongings and AJ drove the boat away from the cove while Nick gave Kim some important pointers on water skiing.  He decided to show her how it was done first and he slipped into the water and performed perfectly.  Howie and Kevin each took turns afterwards and both did equally as well.  When it was finally Kimberly’s turn, Michelle was a nervous wreck and went to sit beside AJ, refusing to look backwards for fear her daughter would get seriously injured.  She felt foolish for her reactions, but she never could stand watching her daughter in potential danger.  After three attempts, Kim finally got up on the skis and lasted for about thirty seconds before plunging into the water.  The guys all cheered her on and she swam back to the boat smiling and tired.  They decided to head back to Key West after a fun-filled and exhausting outing.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

 

When they returned to their suite, everyone headed off to their respective rooms to shower and change.  Kimberly went with Michelle and Kevin and used their bathroom.  While she was in there, Michelle flopped onto her bed, groaning how tired she was.  Kevin laughed and teased her about the varied events of the day.  Finally, he got serious and stretched out next to her on her bed.

 

“So, you and Howie?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

 

Michelle turned her head towards him smiling and asked, “Me and Howie, what?”

 

He tickled her stomach affectionately and replied, “You did it, huh? I want dirty details.”

 

“Kevin! You sure are nosy.  But, what makes you think that anyway?” she asked trying to remain nonchalant.

 

“Well, aside from the fact that you’ve had a huge smile on your face all damn day, you two couldn’t take your eyes off each other, nor keep your hands to yourself.” He was starting to make her squirm.

 

“I’d rather not talk about it,” she said and turned over so that her back was to him.

 

“What’s up? I’m happy for you.  Why are you reacting like this?” He leaned over her to peer into her eyes.

 

“Kevin, I’ve slept with two men in the last three days.  While both were incredibly enjoyable, I do feel somewhat dirty about it,” she said slowly avoiding his eyes.

 

He sat up and looked out towards the window. “I’m sorry about that, it’s my fault.”

 

“No, it isn’t, it’s mine and it’s my conscience that is suffering.” So much for the big smile on my face, she thought.

 

“Cut it out, Michelle.  Just let it go.  You can’t do this to yourself.  Neither Howie nor I think badly of what’s happened between us and you.  You and I weren’t planned, it was just one of those things.  If it bothered Howie, he would have said so or he wouldn’t have begun a relationship with you.  You and I have already talked about us and I thought we were okay with it.”  He had a disturbed look on his face.

 

“Kevin, you don’t understand.” She said turning back to him. “I know what you and I talked about and I know what we said about staying just friends, but there were times when I looked at you today, I thought about us making love and how good it feels to be in your arms, and I like those thoughts.  And then every time I look at Howie, I want him just as much and my heart beats faster thinking of being in his arms too.”  She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, “This is just too confusing.”

 

Kevin laid aside her remaining quiet.  He couldn’t believe she just vocalized the same feelings he’d had throughout the day, about her.  He felt just as badly as she did, he realized.  Here he was in love with Telly, but entranced with Michelle.  He didn't want to lose her, he wanted her to be in his life, even if it meant living with guilt.

 

"Michelle," he said turning back onto his side and turning her head to look at him.  Before continuing he leaned over and kissed her lips lightly.  "I'm in love with Telly and you are in love with Howie.  And that is good.  They are both very special people and they deserve the best we can give them.  Neither one of us knows yet how much we can give them, but for now that is our best.    Howie really does deserve you.  He is kind, caring, loyal and perfect for you in every way.  You two both come to life a little more when you are around each other.  Telly is also incredibly good to me and for me.  She's sweet, supportive, trusting and makes me feel so loved." He gently brushed away the tears that were silently sliding down her cheek.  "But then there is you and me.  We have a strong need for each other, not just sexually, but emotionally.  We are alike, inside, in so many ways.  We've shared the same fears, have felt our lives slipping away from us and now we both live with more than our share of guilt, inner turmoil and the need to regain control and make everything right again.  We cannot let go of each other now.  We've only just found each other and if we happen to be sexually attracted to each other too, then I say we just consider that another blessing and not another failure.  All of our feelings and emotions are so new and fresh.  We need time, lots of time, to sort out our true feelings and we need to do it together.  We need to keep an open line of communication.  We need to be able to trust each other enough to just say or do what we are feeling.  If you and I end up making love again, we can't let ourselves believe that we are really betraying them or ourselves.  Totally unconventional way of thinking, I know, but we need each other…  Any time you need me, I promise with my whole heart and soul that I will be there.  Do you understand?"

 

Kimberly had emerged from the bathroom in time to hear Kevin's promise.  She stood frozen by the bathroom door clutching her wet towel and swimsuit.

 

Michelle wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, hugging him fiercely.  "Kevin, how do you always know what to say?" she asked quietly against his ear.  God, she did need him!  She loved him more than she thought she was capable of loving.  It was a totally different love than what she felt for Kimberly, or Howie, or Patti.  This was a new kind of love for her and she was overwhelmed with the magnitude of it.  "And I promise with my whole heart and soul that I will be there for you too, any time, any place.  You ever need me and I'll come running, I swear!" she said passionately and sobbed in his arms more so than she'd done in years, releasing all her anger, shame, guilt.  She felt his shoulders shaking as he cried against her too.  He was so right.  They needed to help each other and no one else on this earth could take each other's place.

 

Upon hearing her mother's anguish, Kimberly sank to the floor and placed her head on her knees and cried along with them, her sobs gone unheard for several moments. 

 

Michelle suddenly jumped up and climbed over Kevin, startling him.  She cried out when she saw her little girl and dropped to her knees before her, pulling her against her and hugging her with all her might. 

 

"Oh baby, oh god, I'm so sorry.  I love you so much.  I'm so sorry."  She kept saying those words over and over and over.  Kevin flew off the bed and pulled them both up, into his arms.  He backed them up towards the bed and sat down, pulling Kimberly onto his lap, holding her against him tightly and rocking her back and forth.  He pulled Michelle against him with his right arm and she clasped Kimberly's hand. 

 

"Please don't cry, sweetie, please.  We're going to be okay now.  We're going to be okay."  She leaned her head down onto Kimberly's hand and silently begged her for forgiveness, while she continued to cry until she felt Kimberly start to calm down.  She looked up into her blue eyes and saw hope.

 

"Kevin," Kimberly said softly looking up at him, "do you mean it? Do you really promise to help my mom?"

 

Kevin softened his hold on her and pushed her back slightly to look her straight in the eyes, "I absolutely promise, and not just your mom, but you too.  If you ever need a friend, a big brother, an uncle or anything, you can come to me, too!  Ok?"

 

She nodded her head and smiled slightly before turning to her mother.  "Mommy, I'm sorry.  I promise to be a better kid and. . . "

 

"NO! Don't ever say that!  You have been the best daughter a mother could have ever asked for.  You are not to blame for anything! Do you understand?  None of this is your fault! You saved me, Kimmie!  I love you so much, baby and you saved me!  I let myself get into this mess and I promise you, until the day I die - old and gray, that I will be here for you!  I love you and you are the one that saved me!" Michelle swore as she pulled her daughter to her.  "Don't even think you ever did anything to make me try to kill myself.  It was never you.  Never you!"

 

Kimberly clung to her mother while Kevin stroked her back softly.  "Kim," he said softly, "I tried to kill myself a long time ago, too." Kimberly looked at him shocked.  "Your mom is not the only one who has ever gotten so sad like that.  She and I know what each other felt when we wanted to die. We are going to help each other deal with things.  And if you let me, I want to help you to, help you have a new and happy life in Florida.  Heck, I can even introduce you to those N'Sync guys, if you want." He ended rolling his eyes.

 

Both Michelle and Kimberly laughed a little at him.  He hugged them both and gently pushed the young girl off his lap and stood up.  "Now, I'm going to shower, that's if you left me any hot water."  He ruffled her hair and went into the bathroom.

 

"He's really nice." Kim said staring after him.

 

"Yes, he is.  He's a good friend and now you've got Nick and the others as good friends too.  We are going to have a happy life from now on.  No more misery, if I can help it.  And we are going to find Auntie Patti in Orlando and tell her we love her and get her back into our life too.  Ok?" Michelle looked deeply into her child's eyes, "Are you okay, sweetie?"

 

Kim nodded her head and stood up, bending back down to give her mother one more hug, "I love you, Mom. Thank you for coming back for me."  She smiled and kissed her cheek, then she picked up her towel and swimsuit and walked out of the room.

 

Michelle sat for a few moments, feeling drained, yet renewed.  She got up slowly, dried her eyes and walked into the living room.  She could hear Nick and Brian arguing in their room and Kimberly laughing at them.  She smiled slightly and walked towards Howie's closed door.  She tapped lightly leaning against the doorframe. 

 

AJ pulled the door open quickly, surprising her.  He laughed quickly and then stopped when he saw her faint smile.  He pulled her into the room and hugged her tightly.  "You okay?" he asked with his voice filled with concern.  He noticed her puffy red eyes.

 

"Yeah, sexy, I'm okay.  I need to see Howie," she said softly while hugging him back.  He nodded his head and walked her over to the bathroom.  "Hey D!  Open up."

 

Howie opened the door and was surprised to see AJ pushing Michelle towards him, "Someone needs to see ya."  AJ said softly as he turned and grabbed his sunglasses and hat off his bed and left the room.

 

Howie looked at Michelle as she closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around his waist.   His arms automatically enveloped her and he gently kissed her head.

 

"I just want to tell you that I love you," she said pulling back to look into his eyes, "You don't have to love me back the same way, but I need you to know how I feel."

 

He pulled her back against him and hugged her tightly.  "I do love you too."

 

"Will you come out with me tonight, just the two of us?" she asked against his chest.

 

"Definitely!  I have to go out now and take care of a few things.  I'll find a nice restaurant and make us reservations, ok?"  He bent down and kissed her again.

 

"Great!  I have to lie down for a while, but I'll be ready when you are." She said smiling at him.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

 

They walked arm in arm out to the living room, as AJ was walking out of the kitchenette with a bottled water. 

 

"D! You ready, man?" he asked exasperated. "Bri and Nick have already left.  Kevin, who knows? And Kimberly is still doing her hair! Women!"

 

Michelle laughed at his expression and walked towards Kim's room, as she came running out.  "I'm ready!"  Kevin came out of his room at the same time, "Me too."

 

"Where are y'all going?" Michelle asked.

 

"Y'all!  Oh, man, she's been hanging around the Southerners too long!" laughed AJ.  "We're going shopping, of course!"

 

"Shopping? Figures." Said Michelle turning to Kim, "Do you have any money left?”

 

Kim grinned and shook her head.  Michelle laughed and pulled her towards her own room.

 

"We've got money and. . . "  said Kevin.

 

"Nope!" Michelle interrupted and led Kim into her room.  She pulled a couple of twenties from her bag and handed it to her.

 

"Wow, thanks Mom!" Kim kissed her cheek and flew out of the room.

 

Michelle chuckled as she closed her bag and stood up, noticing Kevin staring at her.  "What?"

 

"Michelle, we can get her anything she needs," he said sincerely, leaning against the door.

 

"Oh, Kevin, thank you," she said walking over to him and putting her hand on his arm, "but, first off, she doesn't actually NEED anything.  And secondly, I've got some money.  I sold our house last summer and had a little savings and, then, there was Rob's insurance money.  We're okay.  Do I look like someone who's concerned about not having worked in the last six months?" she asked grinning at him.

 

"Well, I just want to make sure you're both okay," He replied quietly.

 

"We are.  I plan on getting a job once we get settled in Orlando and a small house and a new car.  I've got enough. Don't worry" she said and hugged him quickly.

 

"Okay, but if you ever need anything, please tell me."

 

"Thank you, babe, but you've already given me so much.  You don't realize how much I appreciate everything these last few days.  Now, go!  And don't let my wild daughter blow all her money in the first store." She said laughing and pushing him out the door.

 

"Well, at least let me change your bandages.  I don't know why you can't keep your hands out of water." He said laughing. 

 

She pinched his butt and laughed back, "Later, I have to shower anyway."   She gave everyone a hug good bye and went back into her room.  She climbed between the cool sheets of her bed and snuggled her pillow.

 

An hour later she awoke feeling less tired.  She climbed out of bed and took another shower.  She pulled the soggy bandages off her right hand.  She flexed her wrist and was glad it didn't hurt as much anymore.  Her pinkie was still swollen and wouldn't bend.  The back of her hand was bruised, but no longer throbbing.  She called Carey's room and asked him if he had a smaller splint and could he rewrap it.  He agreed and was at her door within fifteen minutes.

 

"Hi, Carey, thank you so much for coming right down.  I hope I didn't interrupt anything." Michelle said as she led him to the kitchenette.

 

"Nope, Karolyn and I were just relaxing, planning our evening.  How does it feel?" He asked indicating to her hand.

 

"Much better, I can't seem to keep it out of water though." She laughed and told him about her two dunks in the ocean that day.  He noticed the huge smile on her face as she spoke.

 

"I'm glad to see you are doing so much better.  What about your ribs and hip, they okay?" he asked as he splinted and wrapped her hand in much smaller bandages.

 

"They're better too, still pretty ugly to look at, but much better.  I think the company I've kept has been great medicine." She said still smiling.

 

They chatted for ten more minutes and then he left, promising to join them for lunch tomorrow.

 

Michelle returned to her room and pulled her laptop from the closet.  She placed it on Kevin's neatly made bed and laid down on her stomach as she turned it on.  Half hour later she was just finishing reserving a Jeep Cherokee from an Orlando dealer, as Howie and Kevin came in.

 

"Hey, guys, how was your shopping trip?" she asked sitting up and brushing the hair from her face.

 

Howie sat next to her and pulled her in for a hug and a kiss.  "Excellent!  How are you?"

 

"Great!  I just bought a Jeep.  Aren't computers awesome?" she asked with a grin.  Kevin came over to the other side of the bed and looked at the screen. 

 

"Black.  Why a black jeep?" he asked scrolling down the page.

 

"It's my favorite color and I've always wanted a Jeep.  I can pick it up Wednesday, but I'll need to rent something in the meantime." She replied kissing Howie again lightly.  "You smell nice."

 

He chuckled and said, "Your daughter insisted I try some new cologne.  Hey, your hand looks better." Howie said holding her hand and inspecting it.

 

"It is - Carey came down.  I asked them to meet us tomorrow for lunch, ok?" 

 

"You don't have to rent anything," said Kevin looking over at them and smirking, "I have a car at home I rarely use and you can use it as long as you need."

 

"Oh, Kevin, I can't," she replied looking at him adoringly.

 

"Michelle, don't start or I'll. . . Just let me loan you my car, ok?" he said slowly changing his tone from harshness to tenderness.  Michelle searched his face, seeing the frustration.  She moved her hand over to his chin and stroked his goatee with her thumb.

 

"Ok, thank you, babe." She said quietly.

 

"Good, that's settled," Howie said, getting off the bed and holding his hand out to her.  "You need to get ready, Beauty.  We have reservations in an hour."

 

"Wait! I just have to make a quick reservation at one of the Disney Hotels for Monday.  What is the name of the one with the luau's?" she asked looking from one to the other.  When she looked over at Kevin, she saw his angry face, "What's the matter now, Kev?"

 

Kevin snapped her laptop shut and pulled it forcefully into his hands and placed it on the table by the window.  "You are not staying at some hotel!  You, and Kimberly, are coming home with me!"

He loomed over her causing her to shrink back just a little.

 

"What? Kevin, you have a girlfriend, whom you said you couldn't wait to see on Monday!  I am not going to invade her territory," she replied getting off the bed near Howie, and glaring at Kevin.  She strode around the bed and stood defiantly before him with her hands on her hips looking up at him.

 

"Her territory?  It is not her territory, nor am I!  It's my house, and Brian's, and you are coming home with me!" he leaned towards her and placed his hands on her upper arms.

 

Howie sat down on the edge of the bed and watched them with amusement.  "Sweetie, you don't want to see Kevin get any angrier, it's not a pretty sight."

 

Michelle turned her head to look at him, seeing his bemused smile.  "What? You agree with him?" He nodded and smiled.  "Stop it, both of you," she turned back to Kevin and put her hand on his cheek, "Please, Kevin, listen to reason.  What if she suddenly took in some guy she'd just met a few days before, wouldn't that piss you off?"

 

"NO! I trust her, as she does me.  I've already told her about you and Kim.  I called her earlier and explained what's been going on.  She’s looking forward to meeting you," he said, watching her eyes grow larger.

 

"You told her everything?" she asked softly.

 

"No, not everything," he said looking over at Howie.  Howie just stared back with no animosity.  "I'm not going to tell her about the other night.  I've decided that's between the three of us and I'm not going to hurt her with that knowledge."

 

She backed up and sat on the end of the bed.  "Oh Kevin," she said slowly, looking down at her feet.

 

“Michelle, don’t worry about it.  I agree with Kevin, why jeopardize his relationship with Telly? We all know you and Kevin share a bond and Telly will eventually see that too, but for now, telling her everything is not necessary.” Howie said as he crawled over to her, putting his arms around her shoulders and kissing her ear.

 

“Howie, what do you really feel knowing Kevin and I slept together?” Michelle asked him, taking a deep breath and not believing she had the nerve to finally ask.  She looked over at Kevin as he sat down next to her, putting his hand on her leg for support.

 

Howie didn’t respond right away.  Michelle turned to him and tried looking into his eyes, but he had them cast downwards, trying to formulate this thoughts.  “Howie?”

 

He took in a deep breath and them looked up at both of them, “Michelle, I love you, I really really do.  And I love Kevin.  I’m not going to stand in the way of you two and your relationship.  I actually support it, you both need each other to deal with the past.”

 

“You aren’t answering my question,” she said softly.

 

“Something tells me I can’t have you one hundred percent right now and I’m accepting that.  If I have to share you with Kevin, I will.”  He said looking at her directly.  The shock on her face was almost laughable.

 

“Holy Christ, D, do you realize what you just said?” Kevin asked. 

 

“Absolutely!  I know what I want and I know what we’re getting into.  If Michelle needs you, Kevin, or if you need her, then you should have each other,” he replied evenly, looking back down at Michelle.  “Michelle, I love you and as I said the other day, something about you has me captured.  I want to know everything about you.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want you, period.  As long as I know that you love me and want me, I’ll support anything you may do, with Kevin.”

 

Michelle closed her eyes to prevent the tears from falling.  Her eyelashes glistened.  She sucked in her breath slowly, not believing this wonderful, beautiful man was telling her he wanted her, forever, and, holy christ, giving his permission for her to sleep with one of this best friends.   She finally opened her eyes and turned her body to him fully.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him forcefully and fully on the mouth. 

 

“Howie Dorough, I love you so much.  I can’t believe you are real!  What did I ever do to deserve you? Why me? I don’t deserve this, I really don’t.” she asked trying to absorb everything. 

 

“You do deserve everything good in life and we are going to make sure you have it from now on,” said Kevin as he caressed her hair hanging down her back.

 

“He’s right.  Now, no more questions.  You’ll stay with Kevin and Brian for a few days, then we’ll take you to Disney and stay at that hotel with the luau’s if that’s what you want.  And next weekend, I’ll help you find a house or an apartment, and we’ll all start to live our lives happily ever after.  Got it?” Howie said with avowed authority.

 

Michelle choked back her sobs and kissed him again.  He pulled away and got up.  “Now, get your ass dressed or we’ll be late!” He walked towards the door and blew her a kiss.  She smiled after him and blew one back.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

 

She and Kevin sat there, in shock, silently for several minutes, not looking at each other.

 

“I have to get dressed.” She said and walked over to the closet.

 

“Hey,” he said following her slowly, “Let’s not dwell on this.  Just because he said what he said, doesn’t mean we are going to jump in bed and fuck each other silly just for the hell of it and I think you know that.”

 

She turned and looked at him, “I know.” She said quietly.

 

“Ok, I’ve got to go, AJ and I are going out for a few drinks.  Brian and Nick are keeping Kim and taking her for pizza, so don’t worry about her, ok?” he said hugging her from the back.

 

“Thanks, Kev and thanks for wanting me to stay with you.  I still don’t feel good about it, but I’m not going to argue with you anymore.  I appreciate your offer.” She said turning and hugging him back.

 

“I know you do.  I love you, you know?  We’re all going to be fine.  We’ll work everything out, I promise, ok?” he bent down and kissed her cheek.

 

“Ok.  Go, have fun!” she said pushing him away, “I love you too.”

 

After Kevin left, Michelle sighed deeply and turned her attention back to the closet.  She pulled a black linen suit from the hangar and warily eyed a silver halter she’d bought in Miami last week.  She’d never worn anything like it before.  She never had the figure to wear something so revealing, but after losing thirty pounds in the last year and a half, she had decided to buy it after the saleswoman insisted she looked great in it.  She went over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of black panties and headed to the bathroom.

 

When she was dressed in the slacks and halter, she eyed herself in the mirror critically.  Her long hair fell a few inches above her waist, hiding most of the nakedness of her back.  The wide strings of the halter fell an inch or two below her hair.   She felt nice, but was nervous, thankful the short jacket would hide the bareness.  She moved back out into the bedroom and stood before the large mirror over the dresser, deciding how to do up her hair.  As she clumsily held the brush in her right hand, the door opened.  AJ stood there with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

 

“Holy Shit!  You look awesome!” his eyes raked her from head to toe.  He slowly walked over to her and noticed the bare back.  He gently lifted her hair and whistled softly.

 

“AJ, please, you're embarrassing me!” A warm blush creeping over her cheeks.

 

“My god, Howie is one lucky mother fucker!” he said watching her in the mirror.  “Need help with that?” he asked indicating the brush.

 

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled back at him.  “I told you, you were good for my ego!” she replied handing him the brush.

 

“Now, what shall we do with this mop?” he asked, holding her hair in his hands, sighing and rolling his eyes.

 

“AJ,” she said laughing, “You are a riot! I thought I’d just clip up the sides.” She handed him two hair clips.

 

“You trust me to do this right?” he asked surprised.

 

“Of course, silly.  Now hurry up before I’m late.” She watched as he gently brushed her hair back into place.  “I thought you were going out with Kevin?”

 

“I am, I’m just late as usual.  He’s hanging with Howie in my room anyway,” Michelle looked up quickly at that.  AJ caught her look.  “What’s that for?”

 

“Nothing, it’s complicated.  You do a good job, maybe when your voice is old and weak, you should consider opening a salon,” she teased.

 

“Yeah, okay, and you can be my shampoo girl, but I’ll be the only one allowed to do the dye jobs, got it?” He put the brush down and surveyed his work, “Excellent, if I may say so!”

 

“Thank you, sexy!” she said, turning and picking up her jacket and sliding it on.  As she reached past him for her small handbag, she caught his look.  “What now?”

 

“You totally don’t need that jacket.  Take it off and be proud of what you’ve got!”

 

“No way, I’ve never worn anything like this before and I’m extremely self-conscience.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why haven’t you worn anything like that before and why are you self-conscience?”

 

“Oh, AJ, please, where was I going to wear something as beautiful as this before.  To the local barroom with Rob?  To my boring little office?  By the time I quit there, I’d been wearing jeans and sweatshirts almost daily.  And, besides, I haven’t been this size just before I got pregnant for Kim. After giving birth to her, I never lost the weight until recently.  One of the benefits of being depressed.” She said looking back at him, catching his concerned expression, “AJ, I was kidding about that one, there is no benefit to being depressed. I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh, Michelle, will you ever cease to amaze me?”

 

“Uhh, let’s hope not, eh? I’ve got to go.  Thanks for your compliments and your help.” She said, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

 

 An hour later, Michelle and Howie were seated adjacent to each other in a small, beautifully decorated restaurant.  They had a corner table and were grateful for the privacy.  They each had a glass of white wine and a trio of white candles burned slowly near them, casting flickering reflections on their glasses.


“D, this is so beautiful, thank you.” She said softly looking at him.  The candlelight cast a warm glow on his face, making him look more angelic than ever.  "I can't believe I'm sitting here with you, loving you, and feeling the happiest I've ever felt in my whole life.  I keep expecting to wake up and find that this has all been a dream."

 

He smiled and leaned closer to her, taking her hand in his, "Michelle, I love you, I've never felt this strongly about anyone, ever."  He brushed his lips lightly across hers, "I want it to last forever."

 

"Oh Howie, what if next week or next month, when all the newness has gone and you're back into your regular crazy life. . . what if you wake up one morning and wonder what the hell you've been doing or thinking about me?  I'm afraid. . . " The fear on her face made him clench her hand tighter.

 

"Please, babe, don't even think like that.  I know what my heart wants. I'm 27 years old, I've been in love before and I know this is real.  In another month, I'll wake up one morning and wonder how is it possible to love someone more and more each day.  And when we're separated because of my schedule, I'll suffer greatly when you're not by my side. Please don't worry."

 

"Babe, I can't help but worry.  So much has happened so fast.  I was married at 18 and had to learn to be a wife and mother so fast.  For the last ten years, I've lived such a completely different life than you.  I've been sheltered in a small town, going about my daily life, never expecting anything to change.  Within the last three years my life had completely fallen apart.  Within the last three months, I've finally started picking up the pieces and putting them back in different, better places and coming alive again.  I've never felt so much love and care as I have from you guys lately.  It's scary and I keep expecting it all to come crashing down."  Howie pulled his chair closer to her and pulled her into his arms.

 

"My life hasn't always been like this either.  I've never felt so much love and care as I have from millions of people around the world since we’ve gotten well known.  I, too, expect it all to come crashing down at any time or to wake up one day and realize it had all been a dream.  So, you never know what life will bring.  Cherish what you have at the moment and treat each day as a new day full of promises, hope and happiness and take it from there.”  He finished by pulling away and handing her a glass of wine.  “Now, let’s finish up and take a walk and discuss our future, one new day at a time.”  She smiled widely at him and finished her wine.

 

PART TWO

 

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

 

Six Months Later

 

Michelle woke up on Saturday morning with a huge smile.  <I>One more day and he'll be back!</I>  The guys had been on a short promotional tour for their new album for the last week and a half. 

 

Michelle and Kimberly had settled down happily into a fabulous townhouse Howie had found for them.  Kimberly was back in a real school, not having suffered from her two-month absence.  Howie had charmed Michelle into working for his real estate development company on a part time basis.  Her past experience as a paralegal in the real estate field proved that she was totally suited for the job and she became a great asset to Howie and his partner.  She chose to work only part-time to keep the stress level down and to spend more time with Kimberly, as well as the guys. 

 

Kevin and Michelle kept their promises to each other and grew closer in their relationship, keeping each other in control and spending hours and hours discussing their fears, thoughts and lives.  Kevin introduced her to his therapist and she took to him immediately, seeing him every couple of weeks at Kevin's insistence.  Kevin and Michelle even went to sessions together several times and found it beneficial and comforting.  They had only gone beyond a platonic relationship once more after Key West, well actually six times over a twenty-four hour period.  Kevin had broken down over Christmas and Michelle had finally found him, with Howie's help, all alone on December 26th in a small inn near Fort Walton Beach.  She comforted him.  Howie had stayed with Kimberly and then graciously welcomed them home with open arms.  Telly was inhibited by their closeness at first, sensing their strong affection with each other, but over time she and Michelle warmed to each other and became great friends. 

 

Brian was still totally in love with Lauren, and had proposed to her on April first.  Lauren took to Kimberly immediately and took her under her wing as a little sister.  The three of them were often found planning some outrageous high jinks on everyone.

 

Nick was totally amazing and spent most of his free time at their house, entertaining both Kimberly and Michelle.  He reminded Michelle of her younger brother and she couldn't have loved him more. 

He was still Kim's favorite and he took her everywhere he could think of, especially the ocean.

 

AJ and Michelle still flirted outrageously with each other, but had developed a deep friendship.  They spent a lot of time together and AJ helped Michelle renew her relationship with her sister Patti.  Things were still a little strained between the women at times, but as every week past they felt their sisterhood returning to the way it used to be, mainly due to AJ.  AJ was totally infatuated with Patti.  She was young, intelligent and totally independent after having been on her own for five years.  She played hard to get for a couple of months and then finally gave in to his charm and they've been inseparable ever since. 

 

Howie. . . Howie was perfect.  He and Michelle had mutually agreed to slow things down after their dinner in Key West and taken each day as it came.  They spent every free minute together falling more deeply in love and finally fell back into bed with each other in mid-January.  Neither had ever been happier in their entire lives.  This last separation due to his schedule had been the hardest and he had asked her last night to move in with him, which she readily agreed to with tears of happiness pouring down her face.

 

Michelle climbed out of bed and began her day by putting every Backstreet Boy cd they had in the player and blared it outrageously.  Kimberly awoke with the same giddy feeling and soon joined her mother in dancing all over the house as they dressed and cleaned.  The day proved to be a long one with much anticipation.  They met Telly, Patti and Lauren for lunch at the House of Blues and between the five of them, the noise level in the restaurant was unbelievable.  Numerous fans came over to them and begged for autographs and promises to let their favorite boy know they loved them.  The rest of the day was spent shopping, with everyone buying new clothes and silly gifts for their men.  Kimberly was hilarious in her imitations of her mother and "aunts" being so extremely excited and goofy.  They finally split up at six that evening with promises to meet in the morning at Kevin's house to plan a great welcome home party.

 

The telephone rang at 8:30 that night.  Michelle grabbed it excitedly, expecting Howie's call.  Her happy expression immediately slipped away as she listened to AJ.  She ended the call quickly and drove as fast as she could to Telly's house to drop off Kimberly, giving her only the briefest excuse that she had to take care of something.

 

*******************

 

Michelle used Howie’s key to unlock the back door.  The whole house was in darkness, but she could hear music playing softly from somewhere within.  She closed the door behind her and placed her coat and bag on the kitchen counter.

 

“AJ? Where are you?” She felt fear crawling up her back.  She walked through the darkened kitchen to the hall.  She stood and listened carefully, trying to determine where the music was coming from.  She ventured a few feet to the left and felt along the wall for a light switch.  Finding none, she continued down the hall, the music becoming slightly louder.

 

“AJ? I’m here.  What’s wrong, sexy?” she called out into the dark.  She continued down the hall and noticed a slice of light coming from beneath the door leading to the studio.  She quickened her step.  Her heart was beating wildly, intuitively knowing something was wrong. 

 

She quietly opened the door and stepped in.  AJ was at the piano, his head resting against the top as his hands hovered above the keys; a half empty bottle of booze lie by his side.  She stood momentarily frozen, watching his shoulders heaving up and down, assuming he was crying.  He had the cd they had all made during the small private engagement party they had for Brian and Lauren playing in the background.  She could hear her own voice singing "I Need You Tonight" with Howie   She rushed over to him and wound her arms around his neck.

 

“Oh baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” she clung tightly to him absorbing his movements.

 

His head shot up and he grabbed her right hand pulling her to his side.  She stumbled and landed on the bench next to him.  The grip on her hand scared her.  Her eyes flew to his face.  His eyes were full of anger, rage and hate.


CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

 

He glared at her and sneered, “Well, well, if it isn’t the one and only Michelle.”  He licked his lips as he stared at her.  He swung his legs to the left, never letting go of her hand.  He walked slowly to stand right before her.  She stared back at him confused.  Was it only a half hour ago, he had called her crying, saying he needed her right away?  Now he was drunk, belligerent and mad as hell at her.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you, AJ!” she shouted while attempting to stand up.  He pushed her chest causing her to fall back onto the bench.  He clutched the neckline of her shirt and pulled her towards him.

 

“Don’t act all innocent with me, babe!  You know damn well what’s wrong.” He moved closer to her and grabbed her chin, forcing her to tilt her head up to meet his eyes.  “You’ve been fucking with me ever since we met and I think it’s time we did things my way.”

 

“AJ, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I haven’t done anything to you.  I love you, you know that!  I’d never do anything to hurt you.” she tried pushing his hand off her face. She’d never seen him like this and it scared the shit out of her.  Hell, she’d never even seen him get really mad. 

 

He stepped back and pulled her up roughly, yanking her against his body and holding there with his arms.  He pushed his face against hers, licking her cheek with his tongue and fighting her struggles.  “Knock it off, whore!  You know you want me and I’ve decided you shall have me.”  He brought his lips down onto hers, mashing them against her and trying to pry them open.

 

She pushed against him wildly and cried out in panic.  He shoved his tongue into her mouth forcefully.  Sensing she may bite, he withdrew it and pulled his head back, cackling at her.

 

“You see, Michelle, I can do anything I want and you can’t stop me,” He pulled her several feet over to the sofa and pushed her down onto it.

 

“AJ, stop!  Please, stop!  What the fuck has gotten into you.  God damn it!” she screamed while kicking out at him.  He grabbed her feet and flung her clogs off her.  He twisted her legs to the left, causing her to turn her whole body towards the edge of the couch.  He brought his hand down hard onto her ass, twice.   “AJ, stop!” she cried out and proceeded to cry wholeheartedly.     

 

AJ froze and sank slowly to his knees next to her, his hand still on her ass, and stared at her.  He heard her sobs, realizing what he was doing to her. 

 

“FUCK!” His scream startled her and she looked up at him scared.   He bent over and leaned his head against her hip.  He was deathly quiet.  She couldn’t even hear his breathing.

 

“AJ?” she said timidly.  He didn’t respond.  She started shaking lightly and her mind was in a turmoil.  She wanted to get up, but was afraid of his reaction.  She wanted to scream and kick him, yet she wanted to take him into her arms and comfort him.  She wanted to get the hell out of there, but she wanted to stay and find out what was wrong.  <I>Something horrible has happened to make him act like this.  God, he’s never even uttered a single hurtful word to me, and now this?  Oh god, have I been leading him on all this time? We've had a natural flirtatious relationship. I'd made it clear to him back in the Keys that it would go no further.  What the hell went wrong?</I> 

 

She tried to think of anything that she may have done or said to him in the last few weeks to enrage him.  He’d seemed so happy before they went on the promo tour.  He’d only been gone ten days.  She’d spoken to him every morning since, except this morning, and he never hinted anything was wrong.  She closed her eyes and laid quietly listening to her own breathing. 

 

AJ was horrified at how he’d just acted.   He kept his head down, leaning on her hip.  <I>What the fuck am I doing?  Why am I doing this to her? Of all people, she’s the last I’d wanted to hurt.  What the fuck is wrong with me?</I> 

 

He could hear her.  He knew she was terrified and hurt.  He couldn’t look at her.  He felt her warm body beneath his forehead and hand.  He slowly moved his fingers over her, not moving his hand.  <I>How could I have hit her?  How could I have been so brutal to her?</I>  He felt the tears sliding down his face.  <I>She has trusted me completely.  God, she trusted me from the first few moments we'd met.  And this is how I repay her?  Berating her, almost raping her, hitting her?</I> 

 

His breath caught in his throat and he gasped wildly.  Without realizing it, his hand started softly and smoothly caressing the area he had slapped.  He started sobbing and whispering over and over, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’.

 

Michelle froze the moment she heard him, holding her own breath.  <I>Oh god, what have I done to him?</I>  She sensed immediately that he was sorry.  She listened to him for several minutes, the tears sliding down her cheeks.  She felt his hand soothing her ass.  She felt his shaking against her body. 

 

Drawing in a quiet breath, she gently pulled herself up towards the end of the couch.  His hands fell off her.  She looked at him carefully and sensed he wasn't going to stop her.  She pulled her legs up slowly and crouched at the end of the sofa.  His head was in his hands, sobbing continuously.  She slowly got off the couch and stood at the end, hesitating briefly.  Her head was telling her to run, her heart won out. 

 

She slowly sank to her knees beside him and wrapped her arms around his chest and shoulders.  She leaned her head against him and cried with him.

 

AJ felt her pulling away from him slowly.  In his mind he was screaming and begging her to stay.  Once she was out of his touch, he felt the greatest loss imaginable in his heart.  <I>Oh, god, I’ve lost her forever.  Why did I do this?  Why did I hurt her?  I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at Deanna.  God damn it all!  What?? She’s not going?  Oh god, I don’t deserve her.  Oh god, she’s holding me, crying for me.</I>

 

Michelle forced AJ’s body to turn towards her and she tucked her arms under his and held him for dear life.  He automatically wrapped his arms around her and clung to her just as tightly.  Her face was buried against his neck.  She could smell a mixture of cologne, sweat and alcohol.  His goatee rested against her ear, causing a small tickle as his sobs raked his body, causing him to move slightly back and forth.  She pressed her lips against his skin and murmured soothing words to him over and over.  She pulled her left arm from his side and brought it up and over his shoulder to hold him tighter.  Her upper body was pressed tightly against his.  She ran her fingers lightly along the back of his neck, hopefully soothing him with her touch.  She absentmindedly ran her right hand over his back in small circles. 

 

She felt his sobs decrease and his body shook less violently.  She continued kissing his neck and throat, telling him everything was okay and that she loved him.  She moved her body slightly and placed her left leg over his bent knees, so that she sat directly in front of and against him.  His arms pulled her tighter once again.  She felt one of his hands move to the back of her head and he started stroking her hair.  They stayed that way for twenty minutes, crying against each other.

 

Michelle pulled her head away from his throat and slowly turned his face towards her.  The anger, rage and hate were gone from his eyes. Only sorrow and disbelief were evident.  She ran her fingers gently across his hairline, and then down to his eyes, which shut automatically as she leaned forwards and kissed each one.  She pulled back and watched his eyes open, staring at her with shock, amazement and guilt.  She moved her eyes to his cheeks and nose and softly caressed them as well.  She ran her thumbs across his swollen lips and along his jaw line.  She looked him straight in the eye and brought her lips to his, kissing them ever so lightly.

 

She pulled back and whispered, “I love you , AJ, and no matter what you do, I will continue to love you, because I know the real you.  And this isn't you.  I know you’re sorry and I know you didn’t mean any of it.  I'm sorry for making you this way.”

 

New tears came rushing from his eyes.  He gently grabbed her face in his hands and leaned his forehead against hers.  “Oh god, babe,” he gasped, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,”  They both cried again, clinging to each other. 

 

When their tears slowed, their mouths joined together as if magnetized.  The kiss was incredibly passionate, almost as if they couldn’t get enough of each other.  AJ’s hands spread across her back, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss.  His tongue searched wildly inside her hot mouth.  Hers was equally as frantic.  She moved her hands to his shoulders and clutched at him pulling him closer still.  When they finally broke apart, both were totally breathless. 

 

Michelle moved her hands between them and grabbed the bottom of AJ’s shirt, and pulled it upwards and off, never tearing her eyes from his.  Taking her lead, he quickly removed her shirt and threw it aside.  She lowered her mouth to his chest and licked and suckled his damp skin, while moving her hands to his belt buckle and struggled to release it. 

 

AJ’s hands entangled themselves in her hair as she sucked at his nipple, causing him to groan loudly.  He moved his hands down and over her shoulders until he reached her bra, quickly unclasping it and drawing it away from her, pushing her away from him to remove it completely.  His hands engulfed her chest, kneading and stroking and lightly pinching.  He found her mouth again and she eagerly clamped her lips to his. 

 

Her hands continued their struggle to unzip his jeans.  She groaned in frustration and he pulled back and unzipped them himself.  He pushed her up so that she sat on the edge of the couch, while he quickly stood and shed the rest of his clothing.  He dropped to his knees again and reached for her zipper, carefully pulling it down swiftly.  He pushed the fabric apart and leaned his head down to kiss her lower abdomen.  She moaned and entwined her fingers in his hair.  Never taking his lips off her, he quickly pulled her jeans over her hips and legs and threw them aside.  His hands grabbed the back of her thighs, pulling her crotch higher as he lowered his kisses.  He breathed in deeply, enthralled with her feminine scent.  He ripped her panties off and shoved his tongue deep into her, squeezing her ass with his fingers.  She moaned loudly and ground herself against his mouth.  He groaned as well and pulled her down onto his lap, impaling her.  They frantically rode each other, as tears continued to cascade down their faces.

 

When they were exhausted, they fell against each other.  AJ lifted her briefly to slide out of her.  They clung together sobbing for several brief moments.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

 

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"  Michelle and AJ both jumped at the harsh voice and fell off each other.  Kevin strode into the room, deathly calm, and picked up AJ's jeans and threw them at him.

 

"Get dressed!" He stared at him venomously.  He turned slightly and picked up her jeans, shirt and bra.  He eyed her ripped panties and then scooped them up and shoved them in his pocket.

 

AJ and Michelle were frozen in shock.  Kevin leaned over and pulled Michelle up by her arm and led her over to the half-bathroom behind the piano.  He turned to AJ again when he reached the door.

 

"I said get dressed, NOW!" AJ jumped at the sound of his voice and pulled his jeans on.  Kevin pushed Michelle into the bathroom and handed her clothes to her.  He watched her carefully as she stood there avoiding his eyes and clutching her things before her.  "Michelle, get dressed," he said softly, then closed the door and turned back to AJ.

 

AJ was sitting on the edge of the couch, shirtless, with his head in his hands, moaning and mumbling.  Kevin walked over to him and yanked him upwards.

 

"What the fuck did you just do?"  The anger in his eyes made AJ cringe, he turned his head away.

 

"Christ Kevin, I hurt her!" Another sob wrenched from his mouth, "I took all my anger over Deanna out on her!  Oh, God, what have I done?"

 

"What the fuck are you talking about?  I saw you two.  She was willingly participating!"  Kevin turned away from AJ and began pacing back and forth, his hands clenched into fists.  Suddenly he stopped and rushed back over to AJ, grabbing him by the arm once again.  "You better start making sense, Bone, or I swear I'll kill you!"

 

Michelle stood trembling in the bathroom for several moments before absentmindedly pulling on her clothes.  She leaned against the bathroom door and sank to the floor, mentally kicking herself over and over.  <I>Oh God, Howie!  Oh god, I've betrayed him so bad.  And Patti, my own sister!  I'm nothing but a whore, AJ's right.  This is all my doing!  I don't deserve to live…</I>

 

"Let go, damn it!" AJ shouted at Kevin.  He yanked his arm away and fell back onto the couch, covering his face with his hands. 

 

"You reek!  What the fuck have you been doing?  Drinking all day? And why did you take off last night?"

 

"Yes! Jesus Christ, I couldn't deal with it!  All I could think of was that one year ago today, Deanna was lost and alone and killed herself!  God, Kevin, didn't you realize what date it was?"  AJ looked wide-eyed and frantic at Kevin.

 

"Yes, I did, AJ." He replied quietly.

 

"So I came here, full of rage for not being there for her.  Hating myself, hating you, hating Michelle!  I called her, not intending to hurt her, and she came rushing over!  God, she doesn't even know what day it is!" AJ pulled at his hair and slammed a fist down onto the couch.  "Jesus, Kevin, she came here out of concern for me and I treated her like shit!  I called her names, I forced myself on her, I hit her and thank god I stopped when I did, or. . . I don't know what I would have done!"

 

Kevin stared at him wide-eyed.  He sank down onto the coffee table and put his head in his hands.  "What I saw was not you attacking her."

 

"It wasn't.  She forgave me and then gave herself to me.  Fuck!  She has to think this is all her fault.  God, what is she a fucking saint or just totally deranged?  How could she have forgiven me? How could I have done this to her!" he screamed.

 

Michelle heard his screams and cried harder.  She stood up quickly and started wildly kicking the door, screaming incoherently and throwing anything in her sight against the mirror.  It shattered down upon the counter, bits flying out at her.  She grabbed a piece of the glass and stared at it.

 

AJ and Kevin jumped up and rushed to the bathroom.  Kevin flung the door open, grabbed her and pulled her out, slapping the glass out of her hands.  AJ stared hopelessly at her.  <I>Oh God, look what I've done!</I>

 

Michelle screamed and struggled against Kevin, pounding her fists against him.

 

"Let me go!  Let me go!  I'm a fucking whore and I don't deserve to live.  Let me gooooo! Oh god, I've betrayed Howie.  Oh god, Howieeeeeeee!"  Her legs buckled and Kevin drew her down onto the floor, not releasing his hold on her.  AJ sank to his knees next to them, tears cascading down his face.

 

"Ssshh, stop babe.  Stop, this isn't your fault.  Howie loves you.  We all love you.  Stop, baby!" Kevin said softly over and over.

 

AJ reached out his hand to touch her, but pulled it back quickly. <I> I don't deserve to touch her, ever again.  I've done this to her!</I>  He lowered his head and stared at his hands.

 

Michelle collapsed against Kevin out of exhaustion, but continued to cry and gasp.  "Kevin?  Oh Kevin, promise me. . . promise me you'll take care of Kimberly.  She loves you like a father. Please, please take care of my baby!"

 

AJ's head flew up at her words.  "Michelle. . . please don't.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean any of this. Please, baby, I'm sorry."  He laid his hand on her back this time.  She flinched briefly and he pulled away.

 

"Michelle, don't talk like this. Kimberly has you, a wonderful mother. . . “  Kevin said, suddenly extremely scared.

 

"NO!  I don't deserve anything.  I just want to die!  I'm not worth shit and I'm going to die!  Let me go!"  She struggled against him again and tried to stand.

 

AJ grabbed her from the back and held onto her, along with Kevin.  His wild sobs against her back made her stop struggling and she listened to him for a moment before pulling her face away from Kevin's chest.  She turned towards AJ and stared at him incredulously.  <I>Why is he crying like that? This is all my fault..</I>

 

"No, no, no!  God, Michelle, I didn't mean it.  This is not your fault.  I'm the one who attacked you.  I said horrible things to you - I didn't mean them.  I forced myself on you.  GOD! I hit you!"  He screamed.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

 

"YOU HIT HER?" Nick and Brian had run into the room, hearing the screaming upon entering the house.  Nick rushed over to AJ and pulled him up swiftly.  He glared at him with rage.  "You hit her?"  Getting no verbal response from AJ, he swung his fist wildly and caught AJ in the stomach.  AJ fell to his knees and Nick pushed him away from him.  Brian ran over and grabbed Nick and pulled him backwards.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked looking frantically at the four of them.

 

"Brian! Help, AJ!"  Kevin shouted.  Brian ran over to AJ and helped him onto the couch.  Michelle stared in disbelief at Nick.

 

"What the fuck are you doing, Nick!  I'm the fucking whore who has led him on for months and I deserve everything, EVERYTHING!"  Michelle struggled against Kevin again, catching him off guard.  He fell backwards and she jumped up swiftly and ran for the door.

 

"STOP HER!"  He screamed scrambling to his feet.  Nick stood frozen looking at AJ and then Kevin. 

 

Kevin pushed past him and ran after Michelle.

 

AJ looked up at Nick and saw the confusion in his eyes.  "Don't listen to her, this is not her fault!  All she did was comfort me and I took out all my anger and rage on her.  Oh god!" he moaned into his hands again and Brian wrapped his arms around him.  Nick walked slowly over towards them and sat on the coffee table. 

 

"Tell us, AJ, what happened." He said quietly.

 

**********************

 

Kevin ran through the hall frantically.  "Michelle!"  He heard the back door bang open and ran towards the kitchen.  He flew to the door and saw her running towards her Jeep.  "Stop!"

 

She reached the jeep and was fumbling with her keys, trying to make one fit, blinded by her tears.  She felt Kevin’s arms wrap around her again.  “Don’t touch me, I’m scum!” she said hoarsely, but quietly.

 

“No.  I’ll never let go.  I’ve promised you that and I won’t stop now.  I love you and no matter what happens, I will always love you.” He spoke slowly turning her towards him.  The anguish, fear and guilt in her eyes tore him up.  “Please listen to me.  You are wonderful, caring and very loyal to Howie.  None of us think you are a whore or scum.  What you did for AJ was incredible.” 

 

She pushed against him and cried, “NO! Don’t you see?  I made him get like that.  I went too far.  I flirted with him too much.  I’m a fucking tease and a whore.  I want to get out of here, please!  I don’t deserve to live anymore.”

 

“STOP IT!  I won’t let you talk that way!  Jesus fucking Christ, this is not your fault!  It’s not you!  AJ is consumed with guilt and rage today because this is the day, one year ago, that Deanna killed herself.  It’s not about you!”  The tears were streaming down his face and landing on her head.

 

She was silent, trying to and failing to absorb what he’d just said.  She suddenly felt incredibly tired.  He sensed her exhaustion and picked her up into his arms.  She kept her eyes closed, head turned towards his chest and cried softly to herself.  He turned towards the kitchen door to see Howie standing there, scared and confused.

 

“Kevin, what’s happened? What’s wrong with Michelle?”  The fear in Howie’s voice tore through Kevin.

 

“D, let’s get her upstairs and I’ll tell you everything, ok?  I promise.” Kevin walked past him and through the kitchen to the stairs.  Howie hesitated briefly and then followed him quietly.  Kevin brought her into Howie’s bedroom and laid her gently on the bed.  She curled into a tight ball and kept her eyes closed.  He drew a blanket over her and backed up towards the door.  Howie just stood there staring at her in shock.

 

Kevin leaned against the doorjamb and watched him.  He slowly started explaining to Howie. 

 

“D, AJ snapped today over Deanna.  Michelle came to comfort him.  AJ freaked out and basically attacked her verbally and physically.  I don’t know exactly how it all happened, but when I walked in, they were locked together, naked and crying uncontrollably.  He says he didn’t rape her, but that she forgave him for his assault and thinking it was all her fault for flirting with him all these months, she gave herself to him, sexually.  Now, they are both tearing themselves up over everything.  AJ is wrecking himself over his guilt of abusing her and Michelle wants to kill herself for betraying you.”  Kevin stared at Howie, not being able to read his thoughts.  A tear slid from each of his brown eyes, but that’s all Kevin could see.

 

“Howie, say something.”

 

Howie continued staring at Michelle, his jumbled thoughts flying around his head fiercely.  <I>How do I deal with this? What do I say to her? God, I love her so much.  I know she loves me.  I can’t let her go.  AJ?  What the fuck do I do about him? God, he’s my best friend.  I love him.  Why didn’t I see his suffering? Why did he take it out on Michelle?  Fuck!</I>

 

Howie felt Kevin shake him.  He swung his eyes over to him and slowly made his way to Michelle.  He sat down gently on the side and placed his hand on her arm.

 

“Michelle?” he spoke gently and calmly.

 

Michelle’s eyes flew open at the sound of his voice.  <I>Oh God!  I love him, why did I betray him? Why isn’t he yelling at me?</I>  Her eyes searched his, not sure of what his said.

 

“Howie, I’m sorry.  I honestly love you so much and I’m sorry.  You have been so good to me and I’ve destroyed everything.  Kevin is going to keep Kimberly for me and if you can stand to look at her, after what I’ve done, I want you to promise to help take care of her too.  She loves you so much.  I’m so sorry, I’ll never hurt anyone again!” 

 

Howie’s eyes turned angry.  He jumped off the bed backing away slightly.  He stared down at her, not believing what he was hearing. 

 

Finally, he inched back towards her, his finger pointing at her and said, in an extremely low and angry voice, “You listen to me. . . I refuse to let you walk away from me now.  You are going to cut this shit out now and don’t even think about killing yourself.  You hear me? You are not leaving me now!  I’ve waited my whole fucking life for you and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you go!”  His voice rose, stronger and more passionate with every sentence.  He choked out a sob and fell onto the bed beside her, pulling her into his arms and crushing her.  “Don’t leave me, Beauty, I need you, I love you.  I’m not mad at you or AJ, I love you and I’ll never stop.”

 

Michelle was paralyzed against him.  She couldn’t think straight.  She gasped for each breath, not knowing what to say.  <I>He still loves mer? How could he? I fucked his best friend. How could he not hate me?</I>

 

He gave her one more squeeze and then released her, pushing her back gently onto the pillows.  “I have to speak to AJ, but I’ll be back.  Please believe me that I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”  He bent down and kissed her lips lightly.  “Please stay here with Kevin and promise me you won’t do anything rash.”

 

She nodded mutely and watched him walk to the door, incredulous over his lack of hatred.  Kevin hugged him briefly before closing the door behind him.

 

Howie walked slowly to the stairs and started down them.  Half way he stopped, took in a deep breath and raised his eyes to the ceiling, “God, help me on this. Help me understand. Help me deal with this the right way.”

 

CHAPTER THIRTY

 

Nick and Brian sat with AJ and listened mutely as he told them every little detail.  He kept stopping to take deep breaths or to slam his fist against his leg.  Brian had released him soon after he started talking and now sat facing him on the end of the couch.  Nick was bent over resting his head in his hands, sitting still on the coffee table.  He looked up at AJ from time to time, but the anguish in his eyes hurt him too badly and he had to look away.

 

“AJ, why didn’t you tell us how bad this was affecting you?  We all loved Deanna too, we could have helped you through this,” Brian asked softly.

 

“None of you seemed affected by it, none of you even mentioned her name this week.”  AJ looked up confused.

 

“We were and still are affected.  We just decided not to mention it to you, out of respect for your feelings.”

 

“God, AJ, I’m sorry, we didn’t see this happening,” said Nick softly, confused by his concern for AJ’s sanity, but still furious with him for his actions.

 

“Guys, can I talk to AJ alone?” Howie stood quietly at the door and spoke in a remarkably calm tone.

 

Brian and Nick exchanged looks and turned to AJ.  He nodded his head and they got up and left the room.  AJ stood up from the couch and walked around the table towards Howie.  Howie put up his hand to stop him from coming any further.

 

“D! I’m so sorry!  Please believe me.” AJ started towards him again and fell to his knees before him.

 

“AJ, don’t do this, get up!” Howie pulled on AJ’s arm and led him over to the couch.

 

They sat silently for several moments.  Finally AJ stood up and faced Howie.

 

“Christ, D, just get it over with!”

 

“Get what over with?” asked Howie looking up at AJ questionably.

 

“Get up and beat the shit out of me!  I deserve it.  You’d have every right! I abused and fucked your girlfriend!  Come on, man, hit me!”  AJ was shaking with fury.

 

Howie stood up and locked eyes with AJ.  His fists were clenched at his side and he took a slow, deep breath.

 

“AJ, I’m not going to hit you. Sit down.”

 

AJ stared at him in disbelief and allowed Howie to guide him back down onto the couch.

 

Howie ran his hands through his hair and turned to AJ.  “Bone, I’m not going to freak out over this.  It’s evident to all of us that you need help in dealing with Deanna.  I’m sorry none of us knew how badly this has been getting to you.  Promise me, that tomorrow, you’ll call someone and go talk to them about this and everything else.  If you don’t, then we’ll be in even deeper shit.”

 

AJ continued to stare at him, shaking his head slowly.  “D, how can you sit there and look at me?  Do you know what I did to Michelle?” Howie nodded slowly, “I freakin’ hurt her like crazy, I called her names, I took all my anger out on her, because she cared, because she reminded me of Deanna, I hit her for Christ sakes!  How can you not hate me?  What is wrong with you?”

 

Howie closed his eyes and let out a slight sob.  “Fuck, AJ, keep it up and I will fucking deck you right here and now.  I am trying my best to stay in control and not flip out.  The last thing we need here is me ranting and raving at you or Michelle over this.  I love her deeply and I know she didn’t fuck you because she was in love with you or because she wanted to hurt me.  From what I’ve heard she thought all this was her fault.  Do you realize she’s up there planning on killing herself, because she thought she led you to this?”  He stared at AJ and watched his friend fall apart.

 

AJ gave up and slumped sideways onto the couch, covering his head with his hands and cried again.  Howie watched him for several moments, with tears running down his face.  He wiped them off and stood up.  He looked around, not sure what to do.  He walked over to the bar and poured himself a small glass of whiskey.  He gulped it down rapidly and wiped his arm across his mouth.  He grabbed another glass and refilled both.  He brought it over to AJ and knelt down before him.

 

“AJ.  AJ, stop.  Here, drink this,” AJ sat up and took the glass from Howie.  He stared at him briefly before downing it.  Howie drank his slowly, watching AJ.  AJ just stared at the empty glass, turning it over and over in his hand. 

 

*********************

 

Nick and Brian were in the living room, pacing around, not sure of what to do with themselves.

Brian strode over to the front window and leaned against it.  “Where the hell is Kim?” he spoke out loud thoughtfully.  He pulled his cell phone from his coat pocket and punched in Lauren’s number.   He spoke to her briefly and turned to Nick.  “She’s not with Lauren.”

 

Nick walked towards him, his face ashen, his hands shoved deeply into his pockets.  “Try Telly’s.”

 

Brian dialed Telly and held his breath.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Tel, it’s Brian.  Is Kimberly with you?”

 

“Brian? Yeah, Michelle dropped her off a couple of hours ago, what’s wrong?” Telly heard something strange in Brian’s voice.

 

“Tel, just keep her there, please.  Something’s going down over here with AJ and Howie and Michelle.  This is the anniversary of Deanna’s death and it’s not going well.  Please don’t let Kim know anything is wrong, ok?”

 

“Sure, Brian.  Don’t worry about her.  I’ll make sure she’s oblivious to everything.  Where’s Kevin?” Telly was shaking slightly; sensing something terribly wrong was going on.

 

“He’s here, upstairs with Michelle right now.  I’ll have him call you a little later to explain everything, ok?”

 

“Ok, and Brian? I’m sorry for whatever is going on.  I wish I could do something to help.”

 

“Telly, you are, just by taking care of Kim.  I don’t know when Michelle will be able to get her.  If things don’t change, it may be a while, ok?”  Brian was scared of what he had seen in Michelle’s eyes.  He knew she was in deep trouble emotionally.

 

“Ok, I’ll call Lauren in the morning and we’ll take her to shopping or something, ok? Keep me informed, please.”

 

“I will Tel, thanks, bye.”  Brian hung up the phone and joined Nick on the couch.  The house was deathly silent.

 

*************************

 

Michelle got off the bed slowly and walked towards the bathroom. 

 

“Where are you going?” Kevin rushed over to her, frightened for her.

 

“I’ve just got to go to the bathroom,” she said quietly looking at the floor.


“No, you don’t, not alone at least.”  He took her hand and led her into the bathroom.

 

“Kevin, I’m not a baby, I don’t need you in here,” She looked up at him with defiance.  Her eyes were so puffy and rimmed with red.

 

He pulled her against him and hugged her fiercely.  “Please don’t do anything, Michelle.  I love you so much and can’t stand seeing you like this.  Please don’t go backwards, you have me to help you through anything, remember?  Howie and AJ both love you too, you know that.  AJ didn’t mean to hurt you.  He needed us to deal with Deanna and we didn’t realize it.  Howie will never hate you.  I’ve never seen him so happy as he has been since you’ve gotten together.  Please believe everything I’m saying.” God, how was he going to get through to her?

 

“Kevin, I’m so tired.  I just need to pee and I swear I won’t do anything else. Ok?  You can even leave the door half way open,” she said pulling away from him.  He nodded and stepped out of the bathroom, keeping his hand on the doorknob, just in case.

 

She walked out after a few minutes and headed back to Howie’s bed.  She looked down at it, sighed and climbed in, pulling the blanket up over her head.  Kevin lowered the lights and sat at her feet, and kept a watchful eye on her.

 

CHAPTER THIRTY- ONE

 

Howie stood up and turned to AJ.  “You should go to bed or something.  Don’t just sit here and keep drinking, it won’t help.”

 

AJ looked up at him and replied softly, “I won’t, I swear.  I need to talk to Michelle, if she’ll let me.  I need to fix this.”

 

“Stay here. I’ll see what’s going on upstairs.  Ok?”  Howie sighed deeply and walked towards the door.  AJ leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.  The cd they had made was still playing, he had it set for continuous play.  He heard Kim and Nick’s voices as they belted out their rendition of Baby One More Time.  He smiled slightly and then groaned realizing that he alone has destroyed all the happiness they’ve all shared for the last six months. 

 

**************************

 

Howie walked down the hall and into the living room.  He saw Brian and Nick sitting on the couches, staring off into space.  They both jumped when they realized he was in the room.  He looked at them and sat on the couch with Nick.


“D? You okay?” Nick asked tentatively.

 

“I don’t know, I’m numb,” he replied quietly.  They sat in uncomfortable silence for a while.

 

Brian watched Howie just sit there and stare at the wall.  <I>I wish I knew what to say.</I>  He finally got up and went into the kitchen.  He grabbed a few sodas and brought them back into the living room.  He handed them out, without speaking, and sat back down. 

 

Nick shifted uncomfortably on the other couch and sighed a few times.  “Where’s AJ?” he finally asked looking at Howie.

 

“In the studio,” Howie answered not looking at him, “I guess someone should stay with him.”

 

Nick looked at Brian and shook his head.  Brian understood and said he’d go.  He walked down to the studio and hesitated before entering.  AJ was leaning against the sound booth, listening to the cd playing.  He turned when he sensed someone was behind him.  Brian saw the anguish on his face and felt his heart go out to him.  <I>No matter what, he’s my brother.</I>  Brian walked over to AJ and put an arm around his shoulder.

 

“Bone, you okay?”

 

“Not really, Bri.  I’ve fucked up so bad and no matter what I do or say, I can’t take any of it back.  I don’t know what to do,” he said lifelessly.

 

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I wish I knew what to say too.  This is all so unreal.” Brian sighed deeply and put his hands in his jeans pockets.

 

******************************

 

Michelle didn’t sleep, how could she?  She had a hundred things going through her head and couldn’t organize her thoughts.  One second she was condemning herself, the next she was furious at AJ. <I> How could this have happened? I need to talk to everyone and get this straightened out.  What do I do?  I can’t bail out on Kimberly again, but how do I survive this? How does this just go away? How do I make it up to Howie? What does Kevin think?  Will AJ and I ever get past this? Fuck!</I>-

 

Kevin stood at the window, alternately staring outwards and then watching Michelle.  She hadn’t moved in almost an hour.  He knew she wasn’t sleeping; her breathing was irregular. <I> How do I help her?  How do I help AJ?  Christ, what Howie must be going through.  He’s gonna break eventually.  He can’t keep calm like this. I’ve got to call Telly.  Where the hell is Kim?</I>

 

“Michelle!” he startled her and she sat up quickly searching for him, “Where’s Kimberly?”

 

Michelle saw him leaning against the window. <I>God, he looks awful.</I>  “She’s with Telly. Oh god, I better call her!”

 

She climbed out of bed and ran into the hall, momentarily disoriented.  Kevin followed her quickly and guided her down the stairs.  They walked into the living room silently and Michelle froze at the sight of Howie and Nick sitting there.  They both turned as they heard her small, sharp intake of breath.  Her eyes darted quickly back and forth between the two. <I>Oh God, what do I do?</I>-

 

Howie jumped up and went over to her.  He searched her eyes to gauge her state of mind.  She stared back confused and unsure of herself.

 

He pulled her gently towards him and hugged her fiercely.  “Oh Babe, you had me so scared.”

She clung to him, afraid to say anything, and cried quietly.  Kevin said he’d call Telly to see how Kim was doing and walked into the kitchen.  Nick got up quietly and followed him.

 

Howie led her over to the sofa and they sat down together.  Michelle kept her head down, staring at Howie’s hand clasped between both of hers.  After a few moments, Howie gently lifted her head to look at him, “Talk to me,” he said quietly.

 

Michelle shook lightly from head to toe, her chin and lips trembling.  Howie bent over and kissed her cheek softly.  “It’s okay, just tell me what happened.”

 

*************************

 

Brian led AJ from the studio towards the kitchen, having finally convinced him that staying in there was unhealthy and that he needed some coffee or food.   As they passed the entrance to the living room, AJ stopped suddenly and stared at Howie and Michelle sitting on the couch, their backs to him.  He let out a tiny groan and clutched his stomach, feeling instantly nauseous.  Brian reached out, caught his arm and pulled him into the kitchen.  Nick sat at the round table, a newspaper opened before him, but not reading.

 

Brian guided AJ to the table and he fell into the seat next to Nick, instantly putting his head in his hands.  Kevin watched them cautiously while ending his phone conversation with Telly, promising to call her in the morning.  Brian set about making a pot of coffee.  Nick looked over at AJ and felt sympathy and remorse for punching him.  He placed his hand on AJ’s back and patted it softly.  No one knew what to say. 

 

AJ got up and walked towards the kitchen door.  Kevin started to go after him, but stopped when he saw AJ lean against the door dejectedly, just looking into the living room.

 

**************************

 

Michelle didn't know what to say.  She just looked at Howie for several minutes, with quiet tears streaming down her face.  In her mind she couldn't get over the fact that he was sitting here, next to her, holding her hand and not throwing her out of his house.

 

"Howie," she said finally, "don't blame any of this on AJ.  He's been your friend for so long and this isn't his fault."   AJ took a step forward, but Kevin rushed over and held him back.  AJ looked at him with imploring eyes, but Kevin shook his head and held him firmly in place.

 

"I don't deserve you, Howie.  For god's sakes, I slept with Kevin the first night meeting him, I slept with you on the third day I knew you, and all along I've flirted outrageously with AJ.  I didn't think I was doing any harm at the time.  I just enjoyed his company and he's never been anything but sweet and kind and loving.  I pushed him to his limit."  She dropped her eyes, "I don't know exactly what I did lately to cause him to break, but. . . "

 

AJ made a strangled cry and Michelle and Howie whipped around at the sound.  Michelle nearly fell off the couch but Howie caught her in time.  She stood up quickly facing AJ.

 

"AJ, oh god, I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to do this to you!"

 

AJ stumbled forwards, pulling Kevin along.  Kevin released his hold and AJ went to the back of the couch and held out his hands.

 

"Michelle, please, you didn't do anything!  It's all me!  Christ, I'm so sorry!" The ravaged look on his face caused Michelle to fall back onto the couch on her knees and she grabbed him quickly around his waist and held on to him. 

 

"Don't!  You didn't do anything wrong, I did!”

 

“STOP IT!  It’s not you.  I swear!  It’s because of Deanna!  God, I’ve been killing myself for the last few days, because I wasn’t there for her.  I’m sorry I took out all my anger on you.” AJ croaked out his words hoarsely, “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“Deanna?  What are you talking about?” Michelle pulled back and looked at him strangely.  “What does Deanna have to do with me?”

 

“God, Michelle, I don’t know what I was thinking.  I was so enraged that she just killed herself and didn’t care enough about me to consider how I’d feel when she was gone.  I’m so mad at her even now.  I wasn’t thinking rationally earlier.  I didn’t call you to hurt you.  When you showed up, I was. . . I don’t know, I was just so furious.  I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” he looked down at her, seeing her confusion.

 

“AJ, you said I was a whore and you’re right.  You said I’ve fucked with you since the day we met and you’re right.  You didn’t do anything I didn’t deserve!  You know that!  I told you earlier it was okay.  I tried to show you that everything you said and did was the truth!”  Michelle’s voice rose higher as she spoke, “You’re so right, AJ!” she quickly got off the couch and backed away from him.  She looked over at Howie and cringed at his tears.   She looked past AJ to see Kevin right behind him and Nick and Brian at the doorway, all with tears in their eyes.  “Howie, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.  I’ve never loved anyone the way I’ve loved you, but this can’t go on.  I can’t stand here and watch the people I love most in the world destroy their lives because of me.” She slowly backed away from them all.  “God, next thing you know I’ll probably be fucking Brian or Nick!  I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  I swear I’ll never ever bother any of you again!” She turned quickly to run towards the door, blinded by tears and not seeing the entertainment center right behind her.  Her head smashed against the hard surface and her eyes glazed over as she fell to the floor.

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

 

With strangled cries, Howie and AJ bolted at the same time, falling to their knees on either side of her.  Howie gently pulled her head onto his lap, smoothing her hair off her face.  His hand froze when he saw the blood on his fingers and trickling down from over her eye.

 

He screamed, “NO! God, no!  Please be all right, baby, please.  Oh, God, someone help!”  He looked up wildly and saw AJ sitting across him with a dazed expression covering his face.

 

“YOU!  You did this!  You fucking asshole, you did this!” Howie clawed and clutched at Michelle’s shoulders, “Please wake up.  Please, baby, wake up.  I love you so much.   Oh God!”

 

Kevin threw the phone to Brian and ordered him to call an ambulance.  He dropped to his knees beside Howie and forcefully pulled Howie’s hands off Michelle.  “Stop it, D! Let me see how bad it is.”  Howie wouldn’t move away.  “AJ, get him out of here!”  Kevin screamed looking at AJ.

 

AJ jumped up quickly and ran behind Howie, pulling him backwards away from Michelle.  Howie flew around to him and with fury in his eyes pushed AJ backwards, “You stay the fuck away from me!  You stay the fuck away from her!” he shouted pointing at Michelle and then turning back quickly and forcefully punching AJ on the side of his face.   AJ stared at him briefly before flying out of the room.

 

“Nick! Go with him!  Brian?”  Kevin was frantic watching Howie put his hands over his ears and screaming incoherently.  God, this is it, he’s reached his limit, thought Kevin.

 

Brian joined Kevin on the floor beside Michelle and spoke quickly into the phone.  The ambulance was on its way.  Kevin jumped up to go to Howie as Howie turned quickly and slammed his fist through the front window.  Kevin caught his arm as he was preparing to swing again.  Howie swung wildly with his other arm and caught Kevin’s chin, forcing his head backwards.  Kevin quickly righted himself and overpowered Howie pulling him away from the window and over to the couch. 

“Please, D, stop!  Don’t crack, I need you.  Michelle needs you.  Please D!”  Kevin didn’t know what to do and was feeling the weight of the world upon his shoulders.  He held Howie in his arms and heard his ravaging sobs as he released all his emotions.

 

Within moments an ambulance came quickly to a halt before the house, it's sirens off per Brian’s instructions.   Brian ran to the door and threw it open before rushing back to Michelle.  The paramedics came in and looked inquiringly at everyone.  Brian yelled at them to help Michelle and they fell about checking out her injuries.  Within ten minutes they had her in the ambulance.  Brian yelled at Kevin that he was going with her and that he’d call him as soon as they were there.

 

Kevin continued to hold onto Howie until his sobs subsided.  Howie pulled himself up and wiped his face.  “Oh fuck, Kevin, I didn’t mean to do that.”

 

Kevin looked at him with compassion.  “Christ, D, I’m surprised you stayed calm for so long,”

 

Howie smiled slightly.  Kevin smiled slightly back.

 

“We’ve got to get to the hospital,” Howie said jumping off the couch. 

 

“NO!  She’ll be in good hands.  First thing we need to do is resolve this, right here, right now.”  Kevin pulled Howie towards the studio.  AJ and Nick were leaning against the glass doors to the back yard.  AJ remaining silent while Nick was speaking softly to him.

 

“AJ, please, you know Howie didn’t mean it, just like you didn’t mean anything with Michelle.  God, it's just all the frustration and emotions flying around.  Everybody’s sorry, but nobody knows how to make it better.  Michelle will eventually realize none of this is her fault.  Kevin will help her I’m sure. And I guarantee he’ll call Dr. Towers to go see her tonight.  Oh, AJ, this isn’t all your fault.  Yeah you freaked out, but it wasn’t really you!  Please don’t keep berating yourself.  We’ll all get through this.”  Nick hung is head, not sure if he was helping, not sure what to do.

 

Howie and Kevin heard Nick’s words and walked towards them.  Howie went up to AJ and turned him around slowly.  AJ was shocked to see him and backed up slightly.

 

“AJ, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it.  I’m so freaked out right now and I guess I just did what you did to Michelle earlier.  I know that you really didn’t intend to hurt her.  I’m begging you for your forgiveness, now.” Howie held out his hand to AJ.

 

AJ stared in amazement at Howie, before pulling him into a hug.  “D! I’m sorry, man!”

 

“I know, its okay.  We all need to calm down and think rationally.  We’ve got to get Michelle some help.  Kevin, can you call Towers and call Carey too?  He knows her and maybe there’s something he can do.”  Howie regained his control and pulled away from AJ, looking at Kevin.  Kevin grabbed both men on the shoulders and squeezed gently, then left the room to make the calls.

 

Howie turned to Nick and smiled gratefully at him.  “Thanks, Nick, for being here!”  Nick nodded slightly, not sure what good he’d done.

 

“Guys, I think we need to clean this place up.  All this glass lying around is scaring the shit out of me.  D, your hand is bleeding and AJ, your cheek is bleeding.”  Nick moved towards the half bath and surveyed the mess in there.  He mumbled something about getting a broom and left the room.

 

AJ and Howie walked up the stairs to their respective rooms to clean up, agreeing to meet back downstairs in fifteen minutes. 

 

***********************

 

Michelle regained consciousness just as the ambulance reached the hospital.  She looked around the ambulance with confusion.  Her eyes finally settling on Brian who was holding her hand and watching her.

 

"Bri, why am I here?  What did I do?" A scared look came over her face as she probed his eyes.

 

"Shell, you didn't do anything.  You whacked your head pretty good and passed out. Don't worry, though.  They said it wasn't serious."  Brian patted her hand affectionately.

 

"Then I want to go home."  She started to sit up and the paramedic sitting near her head gently held her down.

 

"Please, miss, just relax and let the doctors inside check you out properly."

 

Michelle groaned and cursed lowly.

 

*************************

 

Thirty minutes later, Kevin finished his conversation with Carey after assuring him that everyone else was as well as could be expected.  Carey had become a great confidant in the last six months and Kevin didn't hold anything back.  He sighed deeply and dialed Brian's cell phone.

 

"B, what's happening?"

 

"Nothing serious, Kev.  She's fine physically, but. . . "

 

"What!" Kevin was tired and anxious.

 

"Well, she's gotten really mad at everything.  When she first came to, she was pretty disoriented and I think she thought she had tried to kill herself at first.  Then when I explained what happened, she just kind of started getting angry.  She's been cursing the doctors and nurses like crazy.  She's with Dr. Towers now and I don't think she's being very cooperative."  Brian sat in the empty waiting room outside of an office Dr. Towers had taken her into.

 

"Ok, we're on our way down.  Thanks, Bri."

 

"How's everybody there?"

 

"Better.  Howie calmed down considerably and he and AJ have talked. I think D scared him into sobriety.  We'll be there soon though and can talk more then."  Kevin hung up and helped Nick finish boarding up the front window.  When they were done, Kevin went up the stairs to find AJ and Howie sitting side by side at the top step talking quietly.  They both looked beat, but calm.

 

"Let's go guys, Brian said Michelle's okay physically.  She's talking to Towers now, I guess."

 

 

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

 

"Michelle, just sit down and relax," Dr. Jack Towers had been at a dinner party with his wife and several close friends when Kevin reached him on his cell phone.  After listening to Kevin's voice trying to explain what had happened, he'd rushed the twenty miles to the hospital to find Michelle in a rage.  He signed her out after talking to the doctor on duty and had led her and Brian to a vacant office on the second floor.

 

"RELAX! How the fuck am I suppose to relax, Jack?" Michelle stopped her pacing and turned to him with her hands on her hips, "I want to get the fuck out of here and forget this fucking day ever happened!"

 

Jack chuckled lightly, causing her to stare at him with fury.  "Christ, Jack, this isn't a laughing matter!"

 

"Well, this certainly isn't the Michelle Wyman that Kevin was describing to me earlier.  From what he said, you were on the verge of suicide and, well, you can rant and rave all you want, because it's a lot healthier having you in this state."  He got up and guided her to a seat next to his.  "Let's just sit down, you're making me tired watching you stalk back and forth across the room.  I've had a long day!"

 

"Tell me about it!  Well you can forget worrying about the suicide shit.  When I came to earlier, I was freaked thinking I'd done it again.  I had promised Kimberly I was past that crap."  Michelle slouched in her chair and groaned.  "Jack, I just want to go home!"

 

"You can…later.  Now, why are you so mad?"  Jack watched her twisting her hair and staring stormily out the window.

 

"I'm mad, Jack, because I've fucked everything up!  Howie has been the best thing to ever happen to me and I've totally screwed that up!  I'm mad because AJ was hurting and he didn't let me know.  I thought we were close!"

 

"Michelle, listen to yourself.  How many people did you hide from when you were hurting?"  Jack looked at her pointedly.

 

Michelle swung her head towards him and gave him a baleful look.  "What the fuck are you talking about Jack? I didn't even know any of them back then?"

 

"I'm not talking about AJ, Kevin, Howie or the others.  I'm talking about the people who loved and cared for you.  Your husband, your friends, Patti.  Did you turn to any of them?  Did you come out and let them know how depressed you were?  Did you ever stop to think that maybe any one of them could help you?"

 

Michelle stared at him open mouthed.  "Oh, like Rob could help me!  He was part of the problem, remember?  Anyway, I get your point!  Ok then, why the hell didn't any of them tell me this was the anniversary of Deanna's death?  For christ sake's, she's the one who pretty much cemented my relationship with AJ.  Her death devastated him and, according to him, my presence helped him deal with it!"  Michelle got up and strode over to the windows, shoving her hair behind her ears.  "I guess not enough though," she said softly.

 

"Who's the only one he called today?" Jack asked her quietly.

 

Michelle turned and sat on the credenza.  "Why did he treat me like that?"

 

"Only he can answer that.  And I understand he's already tried.  You just wouldn't listen to him.  You took all the blame onto yourself."

 

"I am at fault.  We've had an incredibly flirtatious relationship from the beginning.  I didn't realize I'd gone overboard." Michelle looked down at her feet and found them hypnotizing.

 

"I know you didn't!  Michelle, I've know you for five months now and they way you and AJ interact is just a reflection of his flirty attitude.  It's contagious.  You've enjoyed each other's company and have become great friends.  You haven't done anything wrong.  You yourself told me thats not all to your relationship anyway.  You've described some very intense and serious discussions with him."

 

"I know, but, oh Jack, why do I feel so dirty? Why did I have sex with him, really? It's probably because I am just a whore.  I probably just gave into my sick, whoring ways.  I've always been like that." Jack stood up and quickly walked over to her.  He pulled her head up gently and looked deeply into her eyes.

 

"Michelle, you've told me that before you met the guys, you'd only slept with two people in your life.  Your husband and Brad.  You know, Michelle, you've sat before me several times and have always asserted that you never regretted having that abortion.  Well, you do and you've held it inside all these years.  Just accept the fact that it was a wise decision at the time and face reality that you are not a whore.  You've made yourself believe that because of the abortion.  You were young, innocent, and just discovering a whole new world.  So you made a mistake.  Everyone does.  And then with Rob, you did what you felt was right and had the baby.  Do you regret that?"

 

"NO!  God, no!  How can you even ask that?  I love Kimberly more than anyone.  I'd do anything for her."  Michelle looked up at him incredulously.

 

"I know that.  Just checking." He chuckled softly, again.

 

"How the hell did you ever get your license?  You're not supposed to be like this.  You're suppose to be stern and quiet and just nod your head and make little notes about how screwed up I am."  Michelle smiled slightly at him.

 

"If I was that way, would you still see me?"

 

"NO!  God, I'm sorry, Jack.  You are awesome and I'm glad Kevin introduced us.  You make me feel better, you know?  Anyway, back to AJ and Howie.  What do I do?"  Michelle jumped off the credenza and started pacing again.

 

Jack smiled inwardly, glad to see she was calming down.  "You need to talk it out.  You all do.  You need to sit down and not place blame on yourselves or each other.  You need to listen to each other. AJ needs to confront his feelings about Deanna and his guilt for not being there for her.  You need to explain to them why you felt it was all your fault. By the way, I take it you still haven't told Howie about the abortion?"

 

Michelle swung back to look at him with fear in her eyes, "No, only Kevin and Nick know still.  How can I tell D that now? I tried in the beginning, but he kept saying the past was past and he loved me for who I am today.  He won't love me anymore."  She sighed and sank into a chair.

 

"We'll need to discuss your guilt further.  But, until you face your biggest secret and share it with him, you won't be able to forgive yourself."

 

Michelle sat silently for several moments before rising again slowly.

 

She and Jack talked for ten more minutes.

 

********************

 

Brian had sat in the waiting room for ages.  He was so relieved to see Kevin and AJ walk in that he jumped up and ran towards them.  "What the heck took so damn long?  Where's Nick and Howie?"

 

"Howie's getting a couple stitches in his hand.  Nick's with him." replied AJ while absentmindedly rubbing his jaw.

 

"What's up with Michelle and Jack?" asked Kevin looking towards the door of the office.

 

"They've been in there forever.  No screaming or crashing sounds though." Brian tried to smile, but only half succeeded.

 

Just then Jack opened the door.  "Kev? Hey good to see you." He said shaking his hand and looking at Brian and AJ inquiringly.

 

"Jack, thanks for taking the time for us. We really didn't know what else to do besides calling you.   This is my cousin, Brian and this is AJ.  Guys, this is Dr. Jack Towers, my psychologist, and Michelle's.  Our savior!" Kevin grinned fondly at Jack.

 

"I wouldn't go that far, Kevin.  But, thanks.  Brian, AJ, nice to meet you.  AJ? You feel like talking?" Jack Towers was kind.  He noticed the tired, ravaged, guilt ridden face of AJ.

 

AJ shrugged his shoulders lightly, then nodded his head.

 

"Good, come on in." Jack reached out and guided AJ towards the door.

 

"Michelle in there?" AJ asked frightened, pulling back slightly.

 

"Yes, and she wants to see you and talk to you.  Come on, she's past the biting stage."  Jack grinned and tugged AJ into the room.

 

Kevin sighed in relief, glad that Jack was so comforting.  He collapsed onto one the sofas, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

 

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

 

Carey finished stitching Howie's hand and told him where to find the others.  He helped him off the table and held his jacket out to him.

 

"D? You sure you're okay?  You look exhausted and. . . "

 

"Yeah, Carey, I'm, ah, alright.  Incredibly tired though.  I'm just really worried about Michelle and her state of mind.  She just doesn't seem to get it that I really do love her.  Hell, if I didn't, would I even be here?" Howie was hurting.  He told himself he could get past the thing with AJ and Michelle but didn't understand why she couldn't comprehend how much he loved her.

 

"Howie, you just keep telling her that if that's what you really feel.  She's scared, confused and hating herself.  How can you feel love if you hate yourself?"  Carey walked him out of the examination room and towards Nick, who was waiting patiently in the hall.

 

Howie looked over to Carey and smiled slightly, "Maybe you should change your specialty, Carey, and get into psychotherapy?"  Carey chuckled and directed them to the elevators.  "Call me tomorrow and let me know how it's going, ok?"

 

"Yeah, thanks Carey.  You're a good friend."  Howie slapped his back affectionately and indicated to Nick to join him.

 

*************************

 

Michelle stood nervously by the window, biting her thumbnail. <I>Oh god, what do I say to him?</I>

 

Jack led AJ into the dim office and cleared his throat.  Michelle turned at the sound and let out a small gasp, before rushing towards AJ.

 

"Oh, AJ, I'm so sorry!" She threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly.  AJ wasn't expecting her reaction and stood stunned.  Tears slid down his face as he stood there immobilized.  Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her. <I>Oh thank god! She doesn't hate me!</I>

 

"I'm sorry, Michelle.  God, I didn't mean it.  I love you so much.  I'm so sorry."  They stayed in each other's arms for several minutes, crying softly and holding each other for dear life.

 

Jack sat on the credenza and watched them silently.<I>This is going to be easier than I expected.</I>

 

AJ and Michelle broke apart, unwillingly, upon feeling Jack's hands on their shoulders.  "Let's sit, shall we?"

 

They both nodded and walked the few feet to the chairs, holding hands.

 

"Ok, let's get this over with.  AJ, what happened to you today?"  Carey leaned back against the credenza and lit a cigarette.

 

"Can I have one of those?" AJ asked.

 

"Me too."

 

"Sure," he handed them each a cigarette with a slight chuckle and held a match out to them.

 

"Thanks, Dr. Towers." 

 

"AJ, call me Jack.  I hate that stuffy doctor crap," Jack said with a smile.  They all sat in silence for a few minutes, smoking and thinking.

 

AJ looked at him gratefully and then took a deep breath.  "You know? If I'm going to do this, I'd rather the guys hear it too," AJ said softly, looking questionably at Michelle.  She nodded in agreement and squeezed his hand before putting her cigarette out.

 

Jack nodded his head and strode over to the door.  As he stepped out, Nick and Howie were entering the waiting area.  Jack looked at Howie and smiled comfortingly.

 

"Hi, you must be Howie.  Michelle's described you so often, I'd know you anywhere." He said shaking his hand.

 

Howie looked surprised, then smiled widely.  "Nice to meet you."  Kevin introduced Jack to Nick and then Jack asked them all to come in. 

 

A few eyebrows were raised and Jack explained, "AJ wants to explain, not just to Michelle, but to all of you.  I think it’s a wise decision.  This day has been hell enough without having him, or her, go through it over and over.  Come on in, it's okay."

 

They all entered slowly and with trepidation.  Michelle and AJ turned in their seats and stood up cautiously.  Kevin was the first to move towards them.  He engulfed Michelle in a hug and then looked down at her, running his fingers lightly over the small bandage on her forehead.

 

"You okay?" he asked softly.

 

She nodded and pulled him back against her.  "I'm so sorry, Kevin.  I didn't mean to cause so much grief," she whispered. 

 

He squeezed her lightly and said, "I love you and everything is going to be okay."  He let go and moved over to hug AJ.  "You okay, Bone?"  AJ returned his hug hesitantly, nodded and gave him a slight smile. 

 

Howie went to Michelle next, tears filling his eyes as he hugged her.  She clung to him and cried.  Jack came towards them and guided them to the sofa along the left wall.  They stood before it, in each other's arms for several moments, oblivious to their friends in the room. 

 

Jack walked back to Brian and Nick who were hesitating by the door.  He pulled them in gently and closed the door behind them.  Kevin sat in the chair Michelle had vacated, next to AJ.  Nick and Brian leaned against the right wall. 

 

Michelle and Howie finally broke apart and sat gingerly on the sofa.  Howie grabbed her left hand and gave her a slight smile, before turning his head towards AJ.  He looked at him momentarily, feeling AJ's remorse.  Howie nodded slightly to him and said, "Ok, Bone, talk to us."

 

AJ took a deep breath and started talking, directly to Howie, "It started a few days ago.  I couldn't get Deanna out of my head." He paused and shook his head, "I kept picturing her being all alone, struggling with her thoughts and. . .  I looked out into the sea of faces at the show last night and watched the fans freaking out, happy and having a great time.  As I danced and sang all I kept thinking was that the same time last year, my best friend was killing herself while I jumped around on a stage before thousands of happy people," he gasped out a small sob and turned his eyes to the ceiling, "I flew out of the venue the second the show was done and jumped into a cab.  I couldn't think straight.  I just knew I had to get away from all that.  After a couple of hours of just driving around, I finally had the cab driver bring me all the way here from Miami.  I got in about four this morning, I think." He paused, crushed out his cigarette and took another deep breath. "I just sat and looked at pictures and home videos of her from the past three years.  I cried like a freakin’ baby for hours.  I'd been drinking the whole time and must have passed out.  When I woke up about six tonight, I was so numb.  I went into the studio and played some old songs Deanna loved.  I called Michelle, hoping she'd come over to cry with me and make me feel better.  She was always able to talk me out of my sorrows," he turned to Michelle and looked at her with love and gratitude, then guilt, "I swear Michelle, when I called you, I had no bad intentions, I just wanted you with me." He reached over, grabbed her hand and looked at her with tears sliding down his face.  Michelle stared back at him, tears spilling from her eyes and nodded slightly.

 

Nick's eyes were cast down to the floor, his arms folded over his chest, his blonde hair hanging over his face, remembering Deanna.  Brian had sunk down along the wall, his hands holding his knees tight against him, looking up at the ceiling, aching for AJ.   Kevin lifted his head from his hands, turned to AJ and placed an arm around his shoulders for support.   Howie moved slowly to the edge of the couch and firmly placed his hand over AJ's and Michelle's.

 

"Bone, we know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose, least of all Michelle."  AJ shot him a grateful look, "What next?" Howie asked.

 

AJ pulled his hand away from them, stood up, walked a few steps towards Jack and then turned back around to his friends.  With his hands covering his eyes, he continued.

 

"The cd we all made with Kimberly and Michelle a while ago must have been in the player, because it suddenly came on and kind of threw me for a loop.  I listened to it for a while and about half way through, I got really pissed off, remembering how much fun we had that day.  I remember thinking that Deanna would never have fun like that again, but Michelle still could, cause she was saved.  I got so damn mad thinking about Kevin and Michelle and them trying to kill themselves.  I flew into a rage and started kicking and hitting everything I could.  When I finally tired out, I sat at the piano and cried.  That's when Michelle came in, I guess."  He stopped and looked up at everyone.  They all were staring at him with tears rolling down their faces.   Kevin jumped up and grabbed him fiercely, hugging him so tight.  "Jesus, AJ, why didn't I insist you talk to Jack sooner.  Fucking christ, I should have known!" 

 

Jack moved over to them and drew them apart.  "Don't start blaming yourself, Kevin.  You can't force someone to seek help if they aren't ready."

 

Kevin nodded and Jack eased them back into their seats.  "Go on, AJ."

 

Bent over, with his head in his hands, AJ continued, "When I felt Michelle's arms go around me, I just snapped and said so many horrible things."  He looked up and turned to her. "I swear I didn't mean them.  I was just confused.  Deanna and I never had a sexual relationship.  She had said that she loved our friendship too much to complicate it and potentially ruin it.  I was hurt by that, but never told her.  Memories of when we first met you flew into my head and all I could think of was that I had wanted you from the very beginning and you had said the same thing to me.  That you didn't want to ruin our friendship with sex.  Well, I got so mad because you'd slept with Kevin and Howie. . . "

 

"KEVIN?"  Both Nick and Brian looked over at him in shock, then looked at Kevin sharply.  Kevin shot them a dark look and shook his head. 

 

AJ continued, "I had thought that maybe if Deanna and I had been more intimate, I'd have known she needed my help.  I confused those thoughts with you and something inside of me decided that I wasn't going to let you get away with the just friends crap." He dropped out of his seat and kneeled before Howie and Michelle.  "I'm sorry, I really am.  I swear I haven't even thought of you in that way since Key West.  I respect you and Howie and your relationship totally.  I never ever wanted to come between you."  He finished by whispering, "I'm sorry!"

 

Everyone was deathly quiet, watching AJ and Michelle.  Michelle leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around AJ's shoulders and cradled him against her.

 

"It's okay, AJ, I know you're sorry and I know you didn't mean it.  It's okay,"

 

Howie looked down at his friend and grabbed his shoulder, "Bone, I'm sorry too.  I wish I was there for you."

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

 

After a couple minutes of nothing but slight sniffles and short gasps for breath from everyone, Jack stood up and walked towards them.

 

"Michelle," he said quietly causing her to pull away from AJ and look up at him. "Ready? You need to explain your reactions."  Michelle stared at him wide eyed. 

 

AJ was watching her and felt his heart tighten.  "NO!  God, she's been through enough!  Just leave her alone.  She doesn't need to explain anything, she was just being a great friend to me."  He stood up and pulled her up with him.  "She's had enough!" 

 

Jack moved towards them, but Michelle stopped him.  She looked at AJ thankfully and smiled slightly.  Then she looked down towards Howie, who had tears and questions in his eyes.  She let out a small sob while turning back to AJ and placing her hands on his chest. 

 

"AJ, I need to.  I need Howie to know why I did it."  She pushed him back gently and sat down facing Howie.  "Howie, after I tell you this, I don't expect you to love me anymore and I won't blame you.  I've never meant to hurt you or hide anything from you." She paused and closed her eyes.

 

Howie watched her, holding his breath, fearful of what she was going to say.

 

"When I was sixteen I had my first real boyfriend and lost my virginity to him.  I was naďve, young, feeling unloved.  We had unprotected sex numerous times out of stupidity and I eventually got pregnant." She spoke softly, afraid to continue, "It was pure hell.  My mother found out and took me to a clinic.  At first I planned on keeping the baby.  I really did!  I thought I was in love with Brad - that was his name.  But, after a few weeks the stress got unbearable.  Everyone was so uptight.  Brad and I barely spoke to each other and when we did it was hateful and hurtful.  One day my mother and I finally clashed and threw out all our frustrations at each other; and I just decided to get rid of the baby on the spur of the moment.  We felt a great deal of tension and hatred leave ourselves.  I aborted it." She slowly opened her eyes to look at him.  

 

Howie listened to her, his heart breaking even more for her. <I>Why does she think this will make me hate her?  God, it was over twelve years ago.  I love her so much!  Doesn't she realize it?  Why can’t she see how much I love her?</I>

 

Michelle closed her eyes again, the pain in Howie's eyes making her realize she was right. <I>He does hate me now!</I>

 

Drawing on all the strength she could muster, she continued, "A year later I met Rob.  I went a lot slower with him, but ended up getting pregnant again.  I was so stupid.  You'd think I'd have learned my lesson the first time around.  The only good thing was that Rob married me and promised me that we'd have a wonderful happy family life together.  I believed him. . .   And then, last fall I met you guys and the very first night I slept with Kevin.  Two days later I slept with you.  I've never regretted any of them, except for Brad of course.  Oh, Howie, I've loved AJ since the first day I met him.  Not in love with him, but I still love him like crazy.  When he was shouting at me earlier, saying those things to me, I believed him." She looked up at Howie briefly, but the tears streaming down his face wrenched her heart and she had to look away.  "Based on my past and the fact that he knew how quickly I slept with you and Kevin, I figured he had every right to say what he did and that I owed him.  I'm sorry. . . "  She couldn't go on, full of shame and remorse.

 

Everyone remained silent, crying inwardly for AJ, Michelle and now Howie.   Howie continued to stare at her, but not out of hate. <I>If anything I love her even more.  Why didn't I let her tell me all this in the beginning.  What a fucking idiot I am.  God, maybe I could have saved her from all this pain!</I> He jumped up quickly and ran from the room.

 

Michelle flinched at his sudden departure and dissolved into heart wrenching sobs on the couch.  Kevin ran over to her, shouting at the others to go after Howie.  He pulled Michelle into his arms and comforted her the best he could.

 

"I knew it! I knew he'd hate me!  Oh God!" Michelle wailed.  Jack moved to the door and stared out pensively, slightly taken aback at Howie's reaction.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Brian returned and spoke quietly to Jack. "He's outside with Nick and AJ.  He's sort of calm but, I don't know. . .  Said he just needs to think about things and to tell Michelle he does love her." Brian shrugged helplessly.  Jack looked at him with compassion as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

"Thanks, Brian.  Why don't you guys take him home?  Do me a favor though?" Brian nodded, "Stay with them."

 

Brian left and Jack walked over to Kevin who was cradling Michelle against his chest.  Michelle had cried herself to sleep.  He relayed what Brian had said and then, "Take her home, Kevin.  I seriously doubt any of you can handle any more of this tonight.  Here's a few tranquilizers.  Give her one if you feel it necessary - should help her sleep."  Kevin picked up Michelle and then walked side by side with Jack to the elevator.

 

"Call me in the morning and we'll schedule appointments for Monday.  But if you need me at all before then, I'll come over, ok?" Jack said while hitting the elevator button.

 

It was almost 1:30 a.m. by the time Kevin got Michelle back to his house.  He couldn't take her to Howie's, he didn't know if Howie wanted her there right now.  He couldn't take her to her house, what if Kimberly came home?   After he got her settled into bed in one of the guest rooms, he called AJ and Howie’s house.

 

“Nick? Hey man, what’s going on over there?  What’s up with Howie?  How’s AJ?” Kevin asked quickly, while dropping onto a chair.

 

“Kevin, slow down.  Howie has said nothing since the hospital.  He came home and went right up to his room.  He won’t talk to any of us.  AJ is basically camped out by his door waiting for him.  Damn, Kev, this is a freaking mess!” Nick paced back and forth through the kitchen as he spoke, nervously running a hand through his hair.

 

“I know, Nick.  Ah, listen, I know we’ve got some explaining to do to you and Brian, but we’ll leave it for another day.  Please don't say anything to the girls about that, ok?   I’m so freakin’ beat and I don’t want to leave her alone, so I’ll talk to you in the morning.  And, ah, Telly mentioned that the girls were all planning on coming here first thing tomorrow to plan a welcome home thing for us.  Do me a favor and call Patti and Lauren and tell them not to come over.  I don’t know what AJ wants Patti to know, so I guess you should talk to him first, ok?”  Kevin locked up the house and shut lights off as he talked to Nick.

 

“Ok, I’ll do whatever I can.  But, what do we do in the meantime?  I mean, AJ can’t sit outside of Howie’s room all night and Howie needs to get things off his mind, you know?”

 

“Fuck, Nick, I don’t know anymore.  Just you and Brian keep an eye on them and try to get AJ into his own room.  If Howie does come out, tell him to call me.”  Kevin ended the conversation and went back to the guest room.

 

Michelle was lying in the bed, awake, but not moving.  She heard Kevin enter and watched him walk slowly towards her.

 

“You’re up?” he asked quietly.

 

“Yeah - Kevin?” she shifted on the bed so she was facing him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Would you mind just holding me?” she said it so softly he almost didn’t make it out.  He shed his pants and shirt and climbed on the bed, lying down beside her and pulling her into his arms.  She rested her head against his chest and listened to his heart beating for several minutes before speaking.

 

“I want you to know that I really appreciate you being here for me, but I think this time you ought to be with Howie.  He’s one of your best friends and I’m sure he needs you now.”  She kept her gaze down at his chest as he held her.

 

“You know Howie, babe.  He needs to think things over, alone, before he’s ready to talk to anyone.  Nick, Brian and AJ are with him now and he won’t even talk to them.”  He softly kissed the top of her head and gently rubbed her back.

 

“Why did all this have to happen?  Did you know he asked me and Kim to move in with him and AJ  last night?  God, this day started out so perfectly.  The sun was shining gloriously, everyone was in ecstatic moods.  All I kept thinking about all day long was that in less than twenty-four hours I’d be in his arms again, telling him how much I loved him.  Now look, it’s all ruined.” She was remarkably calm, “I told you and Nick months ago that he would hate me for my past.”

 

He pulled away to look into her eyes, “Babe, he doesn’t hate you.  At the hospital he told Brian to tell you he still loved you.  Just give him a little time to absorb everything that happened tonight.  It’s been one hell of a day.  All of us were worried sick Friday night when AJ took off and we spent all day today worrying about him, calling him and rearranging things so we could get back here.  Howie was almost out of his mind that his best friend was gone and he didn’t know where.  We all knew why, but by then it was too late.”  Kevin’s voice broke slightly and he turned his face towards the pillow.  She lightly kissed his neck and hugged him tighter.  They both fell asleep soon thereafter without speaking again.

 

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

 

Howie heard the others banging against his door and pleading with him to open up.  He heard AJ begging him to let him in and talk to him.  Instead, he remained in the easy chair for hours, by the windows, in the darkened room, staring out until the sun slowly made its first appearance. 

 

****************************

 

Michelle awoke at 5:00 a.m. and quietly slipped out of the bed being careful not to wake up Kevin.   She stood watching him sleep for several moments before leaving the room.

 

<I>Dear Kevin,

I’m sorry to have caused so much grief for everyone. I need to get away from all this and figure out where to go from here.  Please don’t hate me for leaving Kimberly with you.  I know you’ll take good care of her.  I love her so much, but I can’t let her see me like this.  I promised her I’d always be there for her, but I just can’t right now.  I beg you to tell her that I’m not going off to kill myself, because I’m not.  I have to grieve over my loss of Howie and you on my own.  Don’t worry. Tell everyone I will always love them.

I love you so much,

Michelle</I>

 

*******************************

 

Kevin woke up with a start and bolted out of the bed, looking around frantically. <I>Where is she?  Oh God, help me.</I>

  

*****************************

 

AJ slowly pulled himself up from the floor outside Howie’s bedroom door.  He looked at the white wood morosely and placed his palms against it.  “Please?” he pushed himself away and walked slowly to his own room.

 

******************************

 

Michelle put the pen down slowly and then burst into tears. <I> I can’t do this.  I can’t run away from them.  God, how can I even think of abandoning Kimberly?  Oh, my sweet Howie, how the hell do I go on without him?  I lose Howie, I lose Kevin too.</I>-

 

****************************

 

Howie eased himself out his chair and smiled slightly while stretching.  He walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on full force.  He removed his clothing slowly, folding each article neatly and placing them on the vanity.  He climbed into the shower and moved under the steady stream of hot water while gently reaching for the razor.

 

*****************************

 

Michelle eased herself off the chair and stared down at her note.  She ran her hands over her face removing the wetness left from her tears and heaved a great sigh.  The note was suddenly pulled off the table and she flew around to face Kevin.

 

“What’s this?” he asked harshly.

 

“Nothing, I was just about to throw it away,” she said watching his eyes darken.  “Relax, Kevin, I’m not going.  I can’t.  I don’t know what to do, but I can’t leave Kimberly, even with you.  I've got to deal with this calmly somehow and set things right again.”  She walked around him to the kitchen sink and turned the cold water on.  “Do you really think Howie still loves me or did he just say that out of habit?”  She grabbed the kettle off the stove and filled it half way, before turning to Kevin.

 

He was leaning against the counter, reading her note over and over.  “Why’d you write this?  You were gonna just leave without even telling me?”

 

“I was.  But once the words were out, I realized I couldn’t.  Kevin, come on, I wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t have second thoughts about it.  Yes, my first reaction was to run, yours would be too, I’m sure.  But I won’t do that to Kimberly again.”

 

“That’s just great!  What about me? Or Howie?  Are we not even part of your decision?  Do you not care about how I’d feel if you were gone?”  He looked at her evenly as he tore the envelope in two and flung it to the floor.

 

****************************

 

AJ walked out of his bathroom and straight into the closet.  He pulled on the first pair of jeans he saw.   As he reached back over for a shirt, his eye caught sight of Howie standing at the doorway, causing him to jump backwards.

 

“D? You scared the shit out of me!” he rasped.

 

Howie laughed at his friend’s expression, “Bone, I need you to do me a favor.”

 

****************************

 

Kimberly awoke early and crawled out of bed, slightly confused about where she was.  She crept from the guest room and peeked her head into Telly’s bedroom.  Seeing she was still sound asleep, she quietly shut the door and went into the living room.  With a wide yawn, she turned the television on and flicked the channels until she landed on MTV.  She listened attentively and then grabbed the phone next to the couch.

 

“Hello? Nick? What’s going on? Why are you at Howie’s house? I just saw MTV and they said your last concert was canceled and that someone was sick?”  Kim sat rigidly on the couch, nervously chewing on her thumbnail, sensing something bad had happened.

 

“Um, hi kiddo, hang on a sec?” A groggy Nick placed her on hold and stumbled towards the stairs.  Howie and AJ were just descending and stopped when they saw Nick’s face.

 

“Nicky, what’s the matter with you?” asked a smiling Howie.

 

“D? Ah, Kim’s on the phone and she knows we didn’t do the last show.  Heard it on MTV.  What are we suppose to tell her?”  Nick held out the phone to them, silently begging one of them to take it.

 

“Does she know Michelle came here for AJ last night?” asked Howie uncertainly.

 

“I don’t know, possibly.  I’m sure Michelle must have said something to her when she took her to Telly’s,” replied Nick.

 

“Just tell her I had a case of food poisoning or something and came home early.  Don’t get into details though,” said AJ taking the phone from Nick and passing it to Howie.

 

“Me? Just great!  Ok.”  Howie took the phone, clicked the hold button and said, “Hey, sweetie? How are you?”

 

“Howie?  What’s wrong?  Who’s sick? And isn’t my mom there?” Kim was walking towards Telly’s room to wake her up.

 

“Ah, no big deal really.  AJ came down with severe stomach aches from something he ate, so we sent him home early and the rest of us decided we wanted to come home too.  Don’t worry though, everything’s fine.  Um, your mom is still sleeping.  She was up late taking care of him.” Howie was hoping Kim didn’t hear the uncertainty in his voice.

 

“Oh, okay, then.  I was scared for a minute there.  But, if AJ was so sick, why didn’t he call Auntie Patti?” She turned back around and flopped onto the couch, flicking to the Disney channel instead.

 

“Patti? Well, she wasn’t home when he called, so I guess he couldn’t ask her.  Anyway, how’s everything with you?  I've missed you, Silly Goose.  We know you guys were hoping to plan something today to welcome us home, but we’ll do something tonight instead, ok?”  Howie looked at AJ and Nick and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Ok, Howie.  I’ll see you later, and I’ve really missed you guys!” Kim hung up the phone happily.

 

“That was close!  We better call Kevin and get all our stories straight.” Nick said as he headed back to a spare room.  “I need more sleep!  And Howie, call Kevin!”

 

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

.

“Oh, Kevin, of course I care about your feelings!  How can you even say that?  I love you guys more than you know and I never want to lose you.  I’m just scared that if Howie and I are over, then I will lose you too and I can’t fathom that.” She walked towards him and placed a hand on his arm, “I'm scared my wonderful life, that you have helped create, is falling apart.  I owe virtually all of my happiness to you and Howie and the others.  Please don't be mad at me, I can't take that." She pulled him over to the table and into a chair.   She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  "Don't you realize, that it's you that has given me the strength to stay?  All these months you've been my rock, the person I share my thoughts and feelings with.  The one who has helped me overcome so much heartache and guilt and fear.  If not for you…" Her last words were barely audible as an overwhelming sob escaped from her throat.

 

Kevin closed his eyes and absorbed her words slowly.  Turning in his seat, he pulled her down onto his lap and forced her eyes to meet his.  "I'm sorry. . .  don't cry.  I'm scared too, that's why I snapped at you.  You've been my rock too and I can't help but fear how life would be without you in it anymore.  No one understands me the way you do.  I'll always be here for you, Howie or no Howie." He crushed her against him, as the kettle began its slow whining cry.  "Now, turn that fucking thing off and let's go back to bed.  It's inhumane to be up this early."

 

***********************

 

A couple hours later AJ hung up the phone slowly.  He pensively walked out to the back patio towards Howie.

 

"How'd it go?" Howie asked pushing a cup towards AJ.

 

"Well, I'm not totally sure.  She's concerned and confused naturally.  Do you think I did the right thing telling her everything except. . . you know?"  AJ sat in the chair across from him and took a large sip.  "Christ, this isn't coffee!  What are you trying to do D, punish me?" He grimaced at the tea and put the cup back on the table.

 

Howie chuckled at him. "Don't be so dramatic, Bone.  Tea is very soothing.  And as for your question, yes.  We already discussed this, AJ.  We agreed that if Patti ever finds out it will only be because Michelle tells her.  We can't be the ones to destroy their relationship, especially you.  You're the one that got them back together." Howie looked at AJ authoritatively.

 

AJ blanched at Howie's look.  "Ok, I just needed reassurance. You talk to Kevin?"

 

Howie nodded, "It's all set.  He's taking Michelle to her house in a couple of hours, so she can change her clothes.  Telly and Lauren are keeping Kim occupied for most of the day.  Brian and Nick will stay here and make sure everything is ready for later." Howie turned his gaze to the shimmering water of the pool and took a deep breath.  "This better work though!"

 

************************

 

Patti carefully replaced the phone into its receiver while climbing out of her huge bed slowly, and then stumbled towards the bathroom.  As soon as she pushed open the door, the nausea overwhelmed her and she dropped to her knees, retching violently.  After several moments, she stood up carefully and flushed the toilet.  She mindlessly reached for a washcloth and ran it under the cold water while staring at her white face in the mirror.  "Ohhh, God, not now!"

 

************************

 

Michelle unlocked her front door and gently pushed it open, pausing at the thresh hold.  Kevin nudged her forwards sensing her hesitation.  "What is it?"

 

She looked over her shoulder at him and forced a small smile.  "Yesterday, this house was filled with happiness.  Today. . . I feel. . .  nothing." She turned her head away from him and walked down the hall, her eyes filling with tears once again.  She entered the living room and carelessly dropped her handbag on the floor before crumbling onto the couch.  Kevin closed the door behind him and walked towards her.  The sight of her curled up on the couch, with her head buried in her hands, sent a shiver through him.  He wanted to tell her that Howie was on his way, but had been sworn to secrecy.  He walked over to her and pulled her up into a sitting position.

 

"Kevin, please, leave me be.  I just want to sleep all day and not think." She tried to pull back but his large hands held firmly to her shoulders. 

 

"NO!  Come on!" He pulled her up and led her upstairs to her bedroom at the back.  She walked in begrudgingly and headed towards her bed.  Kevin stopped her and turned her in the direction of her bathroom.  "Go!" She groaned loudly at him and shot him at mad look.

 

"What the hell? Why are you being so freaking pushy?" She stopped at the door and turned back to look at him.  The grin on his face caught her by surprise and she looked at him shrewdly.  "What are you grinning at?"

 

He laughed out loud and turned her back around, pushing her into the bathroom.  "Just get your ass in the shower and stop being a miserable mope.  I've got things under control."

 

She looked at him puzzled.  "What do you mean you have things under control?  What the hell are you talking about?"

 

He laughed harder at her expression.  "Go now!  Get yourself all prettied up and I'll be back in half an hour.  We've got things to do."  With that he pulled the door closed on her and headed back out to the living room, pulling his cell phone from his pocket and punching in a number.  "D! All set at this end."

 

Michelle stared at the closed door for a few seconds before flipping the light switch on and grimacing at her appearance in the mirror. <I>God, I look like shit.  Now I understand why he forced me in here.</I>

 

***********************

 

AJ pulled his car into the driveway behind Kevin's truck, pulling the trunk latch before hopping out.  Howie climbed out of the passenger seat with a mixture of excitement, anticipation and fear.  They met at the back of the car and proceeded to pull out several bags.

 

The front door was pulled open and Kevin strolled towards them.  "Hey guys!  Glad to see you."  He embraced each of them briefly; a feeling of relief overwhelming him.

 

"Kevin, thanks for all your help yesterday.  I'm sorry again for taking off last night, I just needed to gather my thoughts," Howie said shyly.  Kevin grinned at him and took one of the bags into his hand before leading them into the house. 

 

Quietly they set about unloading the bags and putting the contents in their proper places.  AJ strolled into the living room and selected a variety of CD's.  He brought them back to Howie and said, "These should do the job."  Howie looked at the selection and smiled broadly. 

 

Kevin finished in the kitchen and walked towards them pointing at his watch.  "Bone, we better get out of here."  AJ nodded his head and turned back to Howie with a look of hope.

 

"No matter what happens today Howie, I want you to know you've been the best friend I ever could have asked for.  I'm really sorry I've put you in this situation and I'd give up everything right now to make it all go away."

 

Howie watched him with compassion.  "AJ, you don't realize what you've done for me.  You've given me the push in the right direction, you know? You've made me realize I can't lose her."  He pulled AJ towards him and hugged him tightly.  "Thanks. . .  and thanks for pulling all this together for me this morning."

 

AJ nodded with tears in his eyes and walked out the door.  Howie turned to Kevin and clasped his shoulder.  "Ok, Train, this is it.  Wish me luck."

 

Kevin smiled broadly at him and covered his hand with his own, "You don't need it, D.  You've had it for the last six months.  We'll see you in eight hours."  He released him and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

 

CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

 

Michelle finished blow drying her hair and added a touch more eye liner before tightening the sash of her short black satin robe and pulling open the bathroom door. 

 

Her eyes grew large in surprise when she saw him leaning against the closed bedroom door, with a single red rose held loosely in his hand. 

 

He smiled tentatively at her as he slowly closed the distance between them. 

 

"Howie?" she whispered overcome with emotion. <I>He's here!  Oh god, he's so beautiful.</I>

 

********************

 

AJ swung his car into the parking garage and removed his sunglasses automatically, while searching for a vacant spot.  He found one near the elevators and smoothly slid the vehicle into place.  Once in the elevator he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the shiny gold plating of the doors.  He adjusted his backwards cap and slid his glasses back on, while inhaling the fragrant scent of the dozen tulips in his hand. <I>Please don't let her turn me away.</I>

 

Upon reaching the tenth floor, the doors slid quietly apart and he took a deep breath before exiting and walking to her apartment.  He unlocked the door and quietly entered.  The room was dim, the blinds still closed.  He looked around cautiously and headed to the bedroom door.

 

"Babe? You in here?" he asked quietly.  Hearing no response he entered the room briskly and peered around while removing his glasses once again, catching sight of her sitting at the end of the bed.  "Patti? What's wrong, baby?  You're still in bed?"

 

He sat next to her and caught her hands in his.  They were cold.  She looked up at him then, shimmering tears glazing her blue eyes.  "AJ? I. . . I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in."  She eased off the bed and headed towards the bathroom once again.  "I'll be right out." Her tone was hushed and subdued. 

 

He laid the bouquet of tulips on the bed and followed her; concern covering his face.  "Babe, is this because of what I did yesterday?"  He touched her shoulder and felt the clamminess through her thin shirt.  "Patti? Are you sick?"  He turned her towards him and looked at her pale features.

 

She shrugged her thin shoulders slightly and looked up to his eyes.  His beautiful brown eyes, flanked by his long black lashes caught her breath. <I>How can I do this to him?</I>   

 

"AJ, I'm sorry, but I've decided we need to move on. . . I can't see you anymore." Her voice was soft, on the verge of breaking.

 

"NO!  Patti, please!  I explained everything to you this morning.  We're getting through this.  Howie has forgiven me for my actions.  Michelle did too. . . I thought you understood this?" The agony on his face caused her heart to tighten.

 

"AJ, it's not about last night, it's about me.  I. . . I can't tie you down.  You have too much ahead of you.  You are an extremely talented man and you'll become even more famous as time goes on.  I can't hold you back." The confusion on his face made her sigh, "AJ, I'm pregnant!"

 

**********************

 

His eyes locked with hers as he stood before her, holding the flower out to her.  She looked at it longingly and slowly reached for it.   Her fingers graced his ever so lightly, but the shiver that ran through her took her breath away.  Her eyes flew back to his begging him to say something.

 

"I didn't run off last night because I hated you. I ran because I loved you so much and I couldn't watch you in such pain anymore.  I'm sorry I didn't let you tell me everything you wanted to in the beginning.  If I had, I could have spared you so much pain and guilt." He sank to his knees before her and gently grasped her left hand, "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, Michelle.  I don't want to ever love anyone but you.  I don't want to live my life without you in it." The tears were streaming down her face as she listened to him incredulously.  "Marry me!"

 

She released a sob, the rose falling from her hand as she sank down before him, pulling his hand up to her lips.  "Oh, Howie. . . I love you so much!" She threw her arms around his shoulders and clung to him desperately.  He gathered her in his arms, running his hands through her hair and over her back. 

 

"Is that a yes?" he asked holding his breath.

 

"Yessssssss!" she replied laughing and crying at the same time.

 

**********************

 

AJ stared incredulously at Patti and then pulled her against his chest.  “God, Patti, are you sure?”

 

She nodded her head and sniffled.  “I’m sorry.”

 

AJ wrapped her firmly in his arms and groaned hoarsely.  “Oh, baby, don’t be sorry!  I love you!”

 

Patti pulled her head away from his chest to look into his eyes.  He looked down at her and brought his hands up to cup her face, lightly rubbing his thumbs beneath her eyes.

 

“I know we haven’t been together all that long, but I do love you!  I want this child.  I want to love you and our baby forever!  Please Patti!  Say you’ll let me stay, promise me I can have you for all eternity!” 

 

She released a small sob and pulled his head down towards hers.  “AJ, oh god, I never expected this!  I love you too, but I never expected you to want me, or a baby.  You’re still so young and have so much ahead of you.  I don’t want to stand in your way of making all your dreams come true.”

 

“I’ve been an incredibly lucky man, all my dreams have come true so far!” he replied hoarsely as he brought his lips down onto hers.  She gasped and pushed her mouth against his passionately,  reeling from the force of his kiss.  She raised her hands to his chest and clung to his shirt as she plunged her velvety tongue into his hot mouth.   “Oh, baby!” she moaned moving her hands to his waist.

 

He responded by wrapping her tight in his arms and leading her over to the bed.  He sank onto it and spread his legs, pulling her between them and grasping her hands.  “I love you."

 

He looked up into her smoldering blue eyes, and softly began singing to her:

 

Wise men say

 only fools rush in

but I can't help

falling in love with you

 

Shall I stay

would it be a sin

If I can't help

falling in love with you

 

Like a river flows

surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

some things are meant to be

 

Take my hand,

take my whole life too

for I can't help

falling in love with you

 

for I can't help falling in love with you

for I can't help falling in love with you

 

(Can't Help Falling in Love - (words & music by George Weiss - Hugo Peretti - Luigi Creatore)

 

 

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

 

Howie released a small cry of relief as his lips frantically sought hers.  He crushed her to him and kissed her with all his heart and soul.  She moaned huskily against his mouth, her body suddenly warm and tingling all over.  She fervently returned his kiss, digging her fingers into the back of his neck.

 

"Oh Howie, I love you so much!" she cried as his lips moved down to her neck.  He responded by lavishly sucking and licking her neck.  He pulled away quickly, breathing heavily and snatched the fallen rose from the carpet.  "Come with me," he murmured pulling her up and leading her over to the bed.

 

He gently pushed her down onto her back and straddled her hips while tantalizingly running the delicate rose lightly over the base of her throat.  Her hands automatically reached for his face.  He obliged her and fell easily across her and found her succulent lips once again.  She slowly trailed her hands down to his chest but the weight of him on top of her prevented her from going any further.  She gently pushed him back and her fingers flew to the buttons of his shirt.  Within seconds she had his broad tanned chest exposed and moaned deeply.  "Oh baby, I need you inside me so bad!"

 

He flung the rose aside and allowed his hands to roam across her chest, causing her nipples to harden and poke through the thin fabric.  He bent down and caught one between his lips and sucked hungrily.  She moaned louder and arched her back slightly wanting more.  His left hand covered her other breast and squeezed it gently before sliding closer to the middle and parting her robe.  He raised his mouth only long enough to push the fabric aside.  His lips latched onto her nipple once again and he drew his tongue around her light brown bud.

 

Her warm hands stroked his sides and lowered themselves to his waist.  He pulled up quickly and moved back slightly, allowing her to release the snap of his jeans.  His hands grabbed her shoulders and he kissed her deeply while she lowered his zipper and plunged her hand into his shorts.  She encircled his rock hard rod and squeezed gently. 

 

He fell to the right side of her, never breaking his kiss, as his hands quickly undid the sash of her robe, lightly grazing across her abdomen.  She pushed his pants down quickly as far as she could and cried out of desire.  He kicked them off urgently and then peeled his shirt off with just as much expediency.  He drew the robe away from her body so that it lay beneath her, out of his way.

 

Her hands flew to his exposed member, cupping his testicles and stroking his length.  He groaned deeply as he moved himself higher on the bed, allowing her better access.  He closed his eyes, kneading her breast and drew in his breath sharply as she squeezed and tugged him.  She shifted her position quickly so that her face was but a breath away from his beautiful prize.  She flicked her tongue softly over the head and rubbed her thumb lightly along his throbbing vein.  His hands entangled themselves in her hair, pushing her on.  She drew the head of his cock into her mouth and clamped her lips around it tightly, sucking and nibbling.  She released him and drew her wet lips and tongue up and down along the underside, applying pressure as she neared the head each time. 

 

He cried out hungrily as he twisted his body and stretched out next to her, running his mouth down along her hips towards her triangle.  He leaned over her as she continued to lavish extreme pleasure on his pulsating member.  His tongue teasingly lapped through her light pubic hair as his hands moved beneath her buttocks.  She pushed her pelvis closer to him, yearning for his touch.  He spread her legs and proceeded to blow lightly on her swelling clit, causing her to moan and take more of his engorged cock into her mouth. 

 

His hands kneaded her ass possessively as he sank his tongue into her glistening canal.  She in turn sensually slid her hands over his sensitive ass as she continued to run her tongue down and around his hardened balls.  Within moments both were panting heavily.  Howie slid his thumb smoothly into her and skillfully applied pressure to her most erotic zone.  She cried out lustfully and released her juices into his mouth.

 

“Howie, NOW!  Oh, please, baby, take me now!” she cried while pushing his ass downwards.  He quickly flipped his body and scooted between her legs on his knees.  He pulled her ass up onto his thighs and plunged deeply into her wet pussy.  Her fingers encircled his wrists as he held her hips, while he fucked her hard and fast. 

 

“Oh, baby, I can’t wait, I need to explode in you NOW!” screamed Howie while grasping her hands beneath his and filling her with his hot seed.

 

****************************

 

Kevin walked around the side of Telly’s house and let himself in through the back door.  Kimberly was sitting at the counter, eating cereal and singing along to a Steps song on the radio.   He walked quietly up behind her and grabbed her around her waist while tickling her neck with his goatee.

 

She jumped a mile and her spoon flew out of her hands, landing on the floor.  “Kevin!  Why do you always do that!” she asked loudly while grinning at him.

 

“Cause you always react the same way,” he laughed back at her and grabbed her hand, “I missed you, Squirt!  You been good?”

 

Kimberly rolled her eyes at him, “Aren’t I always?  I have no chance of being anything else with all of you guys always around!” 


Kevin laughed again while bending down to pick up the spoon and then sponging up the droplets of milk.  “Poor baby!  Where’s my woman?”

 

She giggled as she got off her stool and placed her bowl in the sink. “She’s in her room.  Nick is coming over in a minute.  Brian and Lauren too.  They said we all have something important to do today,” she turned to him and looked at him questioningly, “Do you know what it is?”

 

He nodded and smiled at her, “I swear you've grown another inch in the last two weeks.  We have something extremely important to do today. . .  We are planning a wedding!”

 

Kim looked at him sideways, then shrugged her shoulders, “Oh, you mean Brian and Lauren? Well that’s nothing new.  They’ve been talking about it so much for the last seven weeks. . .  ”

 

“Not Brian and Lauren,” he replied softly, guiding her to the living room.

 

****************************

 

AJ gathered Patti in his arms after they made slow passionate love with each other.  “Will you marry me, Patti?” he asked softly.

 

She remained silent for several moments before meeting his eyes and stroking his face gently.  “Maybe some day, AJ, but not now, not because of this.”

 

AJ closed his eyes briefly to hide his pain.  She ran her thumb over his brow, “Please, baby, I do love you, but I don’t want to get married right now.  Can’t we just see if this will work out first?  We’re both still so young and don’t need to make a mistake like Michelle and Rob did.”

 

He looked back at her smiling slowly, “I understand. . . and you’re right.  I just want you to know that you won’t be going through this alone.  I do love you and I’ll be here every step of the way.”

 

She smiled happily at him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  “I know you will.”

 

CHAPTER FORTY

 

Howie and Michelle collapsed in each other’s arms, breathing heavily.  She placed soft warm kisses all over his shoulder and neck, while he ran his hands lovingly across her back.

 

“Oh, Howie, you are so incredible!”

 

“You are!”

 

“No, you are!” she said laughing and kissing his face all over.  “How ever did I manage to get so lucky with you?”

 

He responded by groaning deeply and rolling back on top of her.  “I’m the lucky one, you goof.  Now shut up so I can get lucky some more!” 

 

His knee parted her legs gently as she captured his lips and gasped when she felt his cock plunge into her again.  “Oh god, you are amazing!” she said before succumbing to the passion boiling inside.

 

*******************************

 

Kimberly looked inquiringly at Kevin and began to question him when the doorbell rang.

 

“Saved by the bell,” Kevin said grinning as he opened the door, “Hey Nick, how’s it going?”

 

Nick entered quickly and ran over to Kimberly.  She smiled broadly at her best friend and flung her arms around his shoulders as he picked her up and spun her around.  They both collapsed on the couch laughing and tickling each other. 

 

Telly entered the room and stood smiling at them, before casting a desirable look at Kevin.  She walked slowly towards him into his open arms, “Hey baby, I’ve missed you!” she said huskily before he crushed his lips down onto hers.

 

“Not as much as I missed you,” he finally responded holding her tight.

 

“Ah, look at all the lovebirds!” Brian said coming through the front door with Lauren on his back.

 

Lauren pinched his cheek and slid off him.  “You’re such a little boy, Brian!”

 

"That's not what you were saying an hour ago!" he whispered in her ear. 

 

He cracked up at her blush and pulled Kimberly off the couch and into his arms. “Hey you!  Miss me?”

 

Kim nodded her head before kissing his cheek and hugging him tightly.  “Of course, I missed you.  It’s been sooooo boring here without you guys!”

 

“Hey! Are you saying we’re boring?” asked Telly as she tucked her arm into Lauren’s and drew her towards the kitchen.

 

“Well, ah, no, but. . . ” Kim was blushing slightly.

 

“It’s okay, I was just kidding!  Who wants iced tea?”

 

**************************

 

“Come on, baby, we’ve got to get going.  We have a lot of things to take care of today and now we need to add baby clothes and junk to this list.”

 

“AJ! You goon.  We’ve got seven months to take care of that stuff.  Today, we concentrate on Michelle and Howie.  You driving or am I?”  Patti pulled several items from her closet and eyed AJ questionably.

 

“No, the other one.” He said pointing to a short red dress, “And, I’ll do the driving.  You’re a maniac behind the wheel!”

 

She laughed and ran over to him knocking him onto the bed, “Maniac, eh?  I’ll show you how much of a maniac I am!”  She straddled his lap and ran her hands through his spiky hair. 

 

He looked at her hungrily and slid his hands over her breasts before diving into her mouth and groaning deeply.  “You insatiable little minx!”

 

*****************************

 

Michelle exited the bathroom and was surprised to find Howie gone.  She drew her robe tightly around her and walked into the hall, “Howie?”

 

“Down here, Beauty!  Come on.” 

 

She smiled happily and ran down the stairs lightly.  “Oh, my god, D!  What did you do?” she looked around her living room with wide eyes!  Red and white roses covered every available surface.  The stereo was quietly playing Otis Redding.  The shades were drawn against the bright Florida morning.  The coffee table had been cleared and now was flanked by a dozen white candles, two china plates and crystal goblets.

 

She absorbed the entire scene with a shocked expression before turning to him.  The smile on his face was priceless.  She couldn’t hold back and burst into tears.  She walked slowly towards him and let him draw her into his embrace.

 

“Oh baby, I love you.  No one has ever treated me as wonderfully as you do.  I love you so much and I swear I will never hurt you again!”  She clung to him and reeled inwardly from the force of her feelings.  “I promise you, Howie, I’ll never make you regret loving me again.”

 

He buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply before pushing her back a bit.  He tilted her chin and kissed her lips lightly.  “I have never regretted loving you and I never will.   And I swear I’ll never hurt you either.”  He empathized his vow with another loving kiss and embrace.  “Now, let’s eat!  I’m starving and honestly can’t remember the last time I did eat!”

 

She laughed lightly at him, “How did you do all this?” she asked as he pushed her gently back into the living room.

 

“Sit.  AJ and I were busy this morning and then Kevin helped us when we got here.”

 

“AJ was here?” she asked with concerned eyes before sitting down on the couch, “Is he okay?  Did he seem okay?”

 

Howie sat gently next to her and held her hand while brushing her hair away from her eyes, “Michelle, he’s okay.  We’ve spent the last four hours together and while he is still feeling really bad, he’s better.  Don’t look so scared, sweetie.  You can see him later and talk to him, okay?”

 

She closed her eyes quickly to blink away the tears.  “Okay, I really think we need to help him with Deanna.”

 

Howie nodded and kissed her forehead before standing up, “I’ll be right back and we’ll talk about it some more.”  He returned moments later with a platter of food.  Michelle looked at it incredulously.  “Howie, when did you cook all this?”

 

He laughed heartily as he served her, “I didn’t, silly.  It’s called ‘catering’.  Kevin just unpacked it all for us and left it warming in the oven.  Now, eat!”

 

They ate slowly, feeding each other bits of food and kissing the crumbs away.  Howie poured more champagne into each of their glasses before turning to her and grasping her hands. “Michelle Jade Wyman, I love you more than life itself.  I promise to honor, protect, cherish and love you for the rest of my days.” He brought her hands up to his lips and kissed them gently while staring into her green eyes.  She smiled beautifully at him and felt her heart skipping a beat as he suddenly slid a ring onto her finger.  She gasped at the beauty of the sapphire and diamonds.  Her eyes flew back up to his and she was overcome with the love pouring from him.

 

“Howie, I promise to honor, protect, cherish and love you for the rest of my days!  I love you more than words can say.” She leaned towards him and kissed his soft lips gently.  He smiled and kissed her back.

 

“I’m glad you said that, cause we have a wedding to go to today,” he said softly against her ear.

 

Michelle blinked her eyes and pulled back from him, confusion written all over her face, “Huh, who’s getting married today?”

 

“We are. . . I can’t wait, Beauty.” He grinned shyly at her, “I can’t let another day go by without you realizing how deep my love really is.  I don’t want you ever to question my love again.  Please, let me do this my way.  Let me marry you today.”

 

Michelle stared back at him in shock, “Oh Howie, I don’t know what to say. . . there is so much to say!  First, thank you.  Thank you for loving me and for forgiving me.  I do so want to marry you, but we can’t do it this way!  Aside from the fact that you need blood tests and a license, I know that you’d want a big church wedding.  I can’t ruin that for you. . . ”

 

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

 

Telly and Lauren returned to the living room and passed out drinks before taking seats next to each other on a couch.  Kevin looked from Nick to Brian and indicated to Nick to break the news to Kimberly.

 

Nick turned to Kim, who was seated between him and Brian, and ruffled her hair.  “Kim, we’re gathered here today. . . ” 

 

Brian reached over and punched him lightly on the shoulder, causing Nick to laugh uproariously. 

 

“NICK!” Kevin looked at him with fierce eyes, “If you can’t do it, then I will.”

 

Nick composed himself and shook his head, “Don’t worry, Kev, I’m in control.”  He faced Kimberly again and looked into her confused eyes.

 

“Kim, Howie is asking your mom to marry him this morning and if she says yes, then we are having a wedding tonight!” He beamed at her briefly before noticing her eyes.  She looked at him incredulously and then shook her head.

 

“NO!  You’re a liar, Nick!  I don’t believe you!” She jumped up and walked quickly towards the hall.  Kevin caught her as she passed his chair.  “Let me go!  I’m not listening to this crap.  Let me go!”

 

Her outburst totally surprised everyone.  Nick jumped up and watched her struggling to remove Kevin’s hand from her arm.  Telly and Lauren glanced at each other quickly and saw the mutual concern. 

 

Brian stared open-mouthed at Kimberly.  “Kim!  What’s wrong with you? I don’t understand. . . ”

 

Kevin pulled her down onto the seat next to him and hugged her shaking body, “Oh, baby, it’s okay.  Why are you so upset?”  He looked up at everyone and was glad to see he wasn’t the only confused one.  “We thought you loved Howie.  He loves your mom so much and will make her very happy.”

 

Kimberly covered her ears with her hands, “NO!  Don’t talk to me about this!” She yelled before bursting into tears.

 

Kevin pulled her closer and stroked her light brown hair.  “Please. . . tell me what’s wrong.”  She didn’t respond so Nick came forward and knelt down before her. 

“Kim? Please tell us.” He asked gently pulling her hands away from her head.  She looked up at him and saw his eyes glistening with tears.

 

“If she marries him . . . then he’ll be like my new father and. . . when she divorces him. . . I’ll lose him, like I lost my real. . . dad.” She gasped rapidly trying to get the words out.

 

***************************

 

Howie placed his finger against her lips and looked deeply at her, “Nothing matters except you and me.  I realized last night that no matter what our differences may be, whether its religion, politics, morals, ethics or whatever, I love you for who you are as a whole person.  We may not believe in all the same things, but that doesn’t stop us from loving each other, does it?” She shook her head slowly, “We just continue to love and respect each other and compromise like we have for the last six months and we’ll be fine.” 

 

***************************

 

"Ok, I'm serious this time.  Let's go!" shouted AJ from the front door tossing his keys from one hand to the other.

 

"God, you are so impatient!" Patti said as she exited the bedroom with a dress bag and a shoulder bag.  "The least you could do is carry a pregnant woman's bags!"

 

AJ eyed her thoughtfully.  "Holy Shit! I'm going to be a father!  This is totally unreal!" He laughed then and grabbed her things.  "Come on, the best man and the maid of honor have lots to do."

 

They coasted along the highway, arguing over the radio station.  Patti wanted rap crap and AJ wanted classic rock.  They compromised by sliding in a homemade CD containing both. 

 

****************************

 

“Oh, Kimmie, no!  I swear that won’t happen.  Howie and your mom are so much in love.  She won’t divorce him just because she’s already been divorced once.  It doesn’t work that way.”  Nick watched Kimberly’s terrified face, “You can’t think like that about your mom.  She had her reasons for divorcing your dad and it’s not her fault he died.  I’ve told you that before, remember?”  Everyone looked up at Nick shocked.

 

“Nick,” hissed Kevin, “What are you talking about?”

 

Kimberly cast her eyes down to the floor and leaned heavily against Kevin while Nick quietly spoke, “Kim confided in me before, how she sometimes thinks it was her mother’s fault that her father died, that perhaps if she had stayed married to him, he would have quit drinking and they would have all lived happily ever after.”

 

Kevin felt his heart lurch for the young girl, “Oh Kim, I’m sorry, we didn’t know that’s how you felt.”

 

She pulled away from him and stood up quickly, “It’s not. . . well, not all the time, just sometimes.  I know deep inside it’s not her fault, but sometimes I can’t help thinking that way.” She sniffled and walked quickly down the hall to the back door.

 

************************

 

Michelle gazed upon him with wonderment.  "Howie, I understand what you're saying.  But, what about your family?  Your mother will be so disappointed. . . "

 

"Michelle, please, listen to me.  I want it to be today!  Just us, Kimberly, the guys and a few others.  We can always have a second ceremony with everyone else," he hugged her to him tightly, "Please. . . I'm begging you. . ." 

 

"Oh Howie," she ached deeply for him.  <I>How can I say no to him?  He's been so forgiving.  How can he be this good?  How can he love me this much?</I>

 

She pulled away and kissed him lightly, "Are you sure?" she asked quietly.  He nodded.  She nodded her acceptance.

 

"YES!" he pulled her up quickly and danced her around the room, laughing and crying.  She laughed and cried along with him.  Howie ran over to the phone and dialed quickly, “She said yes!  We’re on!”

 

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

 

Everyone looked at each other, at a loss for words.

 

"Oh no! Nick, why didn't you tell us she was feeling like this?" Kevin asked him while standing slowly, rubbing a hand through his hair.

 

Nick tore his eyes away from the hall and looked at them with frightened eyes.  "Kev, it was only once that we talked about it.  A few months ago.  Damn it, I thought she was over it," he watched Brian get up and walk down the hall, "Brian?"  Nick ran over to join him.  

 

They found Kim sitting outside with her back to the house, cradling Telly's Shepard, Hildy.

 

"Kimmie?" Brian asked softly while sitting down next to her, "You okay?"

 

She nodded her head, but when he turned her face to his, he saw the tears streaming down her pink cheeks.  He pulled her into his arms.

 

"Don't cry, sweetie.  You'll make me cry," he rubbed her arm and patted her back.

 

Nick sat on the other side of her and scratched the dog behind its ear.  "Kim, don't you want your mom to be happy?"

 

She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, "Yeah, I do, but. . ."

 

"But, what?"

 

She looked up at Nick with confused eyes, "Ok, I get it that it wasn’t her fault my dad died, but I do still miss him, you know?  And, I know she's Howie's girlfriend, but, I sort of thought Kevin would end up being the one, you know? I just don't get it."  She lovingly stroked Hildy and then sighed into Brian's chest.

 

Nick and Brian looked up quickly at each other, seeing the unanswered questions in each other's eyes.

 

"I do love Howie too.  I really do, I’m just confused and overwhelmed and. . .  I'm sure she'll be very happy," Kim said quietly after several moments.

 

Kimberly drew in a deep breath and looked up into Nick’s eyes.  “Nick?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You ready to let me kick your butt in Mario Cart?” she smiled quickly before lowering her eyes to her hands.  He laughed slightly and said yeah.

 

“Kim, does this mean you’re okay with the wedding?” asked Kevin moving from the doorframe towards her and kneeling before her.  His thoughts about what she said about him being the one spiraling furiously around inside his head.  “Cause, you have to be truthful and tell us now.  If you can’t accept it, then it’s very important we know now.  Understand?”

 

Kim nodded. “I’m fine.  At first I was just totally shocked.  Most people don’t get engaged and married in the same day, you know.  Besides, I know Howie makes my mother really happy.  And I do love him, just never expected a Backstreet Boy to become my step-father,” she answered looking at him shyly and thoughtfully.

 

He continued to gaze at her while she spoke, how he'd love to be her father, what it would be like to have Michelle in that way.  No, she was his best friend, Howie was one of his best friends, they belonged together.  He had Telly anyway, he loved Telly.  He could still be a father figure to the young girl even if she was going to become Howie's step-daughter, couldn't he?  He loved her like a daughter, hell, Brian did too he was sure.  He lightly ran his hand along her cheek, before giving her an encouraging smile and pulling her to her feet.

 

Everyone started talking at once, expressing their relief and finalizing the plans.  Nick and Kim played a few video games while Lauren and Telly ran to the mall for last minute wedding attire.  Brian and Kevin went back to AJ and Howie's house to meet the caterer and make a few last minute arrangements.

 

**********************

 

A couple of hours later, AJ and Patti pulled into Michelle's empty driveway.  Michelle walked to the window curiously.  "D? Where's your car? And AJ and Patti are here."

 

Howie came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.  "Mmm, I love your perfume."

 

Michelle giggled as his lips sucked on her ear.  "Howie!  Stop, they're coming in."

 

"Ooh, they're too early.  I drove over with AJ this morning.  Come on, let's go downstairs."

 

Michelle hesitated, "I'm scared, D.  How do I face her?" 

 

He sympathized with her and spoke quietly,  "She doesn't know about you and AJ.  I mean she knows most of what when on last night, but we decided not to tell her absolutely everything." He turned her face towards him, "She doesn't know that you slept together."

 

Michelle nodded, "It's my duty to tell her.  But how can I?  I lost her for so many years because I wasn't truthful.  Now, if I am truthful, I'll lose her again."  She sighed deeply and sat on the edge of the bed.  "Oh, Howie, I don't know what to do..."

 

Howie knelt down before her.  "Please, babe, don't. . . "

 

"No, Howie!  I have to tell her!  Oh god, I can't lose her again."  She grasped his hands between hers.

 

"Hey!  Can I come in?"  Michelle and Howie both turned to the door quickly, "I need to talk to you both," said AJ walking towards them.

 

"Where's Patti?" Howie asked as he got to his feet.

 

"She's in the bathroom.  I need to tell you something, Michelle, and I hope it will change your mind."

 

Michelle walked towards him and held her arms open, "AJ?"

 

He stepped into her embrace and hugged her tightly, "You okay, babe?"

 

She nodded and kissed him on the cheek.  "I'm okay.  You?"

 

"Yeah, I'm okay.  I really need to talk to you though."

 

Howie walked towards him and asked, "Bone? What's wrong?"

 

AJ released Michelle and turned towards the windows while running his hands through his hair, "Patti's pregnant."

 

Michelle gasped in surprise and looked at Howie who was watching AJ carefully.

 

"And what's going to happen with that?" Howie asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

AJ turned back to them with tears glistening in his eyes, "We're having a baby!" he smiled broadly at them.

 

Michelle released her breath and closed her eyes.  "AJ? You want this baby?  You want to stay with Patti? For real?"

 

He nodded before realizing her eyes were closed.  He walked towards her and touched her hand.  "Yes, I certainly do.  I love her, Michelle.  I even want to marry her, but she said not now.  That's okay, I'll wait."

 

Michelle looked back up at him with concern, "So, you're asking me not to tell her about us?"

 

He nodded with pleading eyes.  "I can't jeopardize my relationship with her. Not now. Telling her will do that.  Please, for me?  I know I don't deserve to ask any favors from you, but please.  Just this one time."

 

Howie walked towards the door, "I'll go check on her."

 

Michelle watched him leave and then turned back to AJ.  She pulled him over to the side of the bed and sat down with him.

 

"AJ, I want you to know that I harbor no hard feelings about yesterday.  Please believe me.  You are one of my very best friends, I love you and I'll always be here for you, no matter what."  She dropped her eyes down to their clasped hands, "I won't tell her if that's what you want. . ."

 

He released a small cry before hugging her fiercely.  "Thank you!"

 

"On one condition," she said into his shoulder.

 

He pulled back and looked at her hesitantly.

 

"We go to Deanna's grave and you say goodbye, properly.  Today.   Before your best friend marries me," She smiled at him, "okay?"

 

His eyes closed and he drew in a deep breath, "I don't know. . ."

 

"Please, AJ.  You need to do this for your own sake, for Patti's sake and the child's, for me?" she asked softly.

 

He pulled her left hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly, "Okay."

 

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

 

AJ and Michelle made their way downstairs arm in arm chatting quietly to find Howie and Patti in the kitchen laughing together while Patti hungrily munched on their leftovers.

 

“Hey you!  Congratulations.” Michelle hugged Patti tightly, “I can’t believe my baby sister is going to have a baby.  How do you feel?”

 

Patti grinned back and swallowed her mouthful, “I’m great!  Morning sickness sucks, but I’ve never been happier.” She cast her eyes towards AJ. “I’m very happy.”

 

He smiled back as Howie slapped him on the back.  “Damn, Bone.  Who’d have ever thought you’d be the first to have a kid and me be the first to get married?  We always figured it’d be Kevin and Brian!”

 

They all laughed and settled themselves around the kitchen table.  Howie pulled another bottle of champagne from the refrigerator.  “Patti, you drinking this?”

 

She rolled her eyes and groaned slightly.  “Damn, my timing is bad.  Just a tiny sip and then I’ll go alcohol free for the next ten years!”

 

“Howie, is this marriage going to be legal?” asked Michelle thoughtfully.

 

He grinned and handed her a glass, “Of course, Carey took care of the blood tests first thing this morning.”

 

“Carey? How?” she asked surprised.

 

“He snagged some blood samples from the hospital last night.  By the way, how’s your head?” he asked suddenly.

 

“Fine, I almost forgot about it.  How’s your hand?  Not that it was rendered useless at all today, that I noticed.” She said winking at him.

 

Patti slapped her lightly on the arm, while AJ threw Howie a high five.

 

“Anyway, Carey took care of the blood test and AJ charmed a friend of his into going into work at City Hall and getting us a license.”  Howie beamed at his friend.

 

“Wouldn’t my signature have to be on an application?” asked Michelle laughing.

 

“It is, don’t you remember going there this morning?” asked Patti laughing while she grabbed a pen and signed Michelle’s name on a piece of paper.

 

“Are you serious? You forged my name?  Holy Shit.  You guys are too much.” Michelle finished off her champagne and handed her glass back to Howie.  “I suppose AJ signed Howie’s name?”

 

“No! I got the application before he came over here.  His name is legal.  Don’t worry about it.” AJ replied while heading into the living room and returning just as quickly with two suit bags.  “And, here’s your duds.”

 

Howie pulled both bags from him and handed Michelle one.  “What do you mean?”

 

“Just look inside,” said Patti excitedly.

 

Michelle placed the bag on the counter and slowly unzipped it.  She gasped in shock as she slowly removed the dress from the bag.  “Oh my god, you guys got me a wedding dress?”  She turned to them incredulously.  “I can’t believe it.  How did you manage all this?”

 

She admired the ankle length white dress lovingly.  “Jesus Christ, this is a Vera Wang!” She ran over to Patti and hugged her fiercely from the back, then AJ.  “How did you get this?”

 

Patti and AJ were laughing and Howie was staring in amazement at them.  “Man, AJ, when I ask for a favor you sure do know how to fulfill!”

 

AJ downed the rest of Patti’s apple juice and stood up to put the glass in the sink.  “Let’s just say I have my sources!”

 

The four friends sat around for another hour before Michelle dragged Patti upstairs to help her with her hair.  AJ and Howie went out on the back patio and shared the remainder of the champagne.

 

“Bone, thanks again for all your help today.  I could never have pulled it off without you.” Howie held out his hand to him.  AJ clasped it firmly.

 

“D, anything for you!”  They sat silently for a short while lost in thought.  “So, does this mean I have to move out of my own house now?”

 

Howie laughed and choked on his drink, “Damn, Bone, you’re gonna kill me.  Of course you don’t move out.  You should have Patti move in actually.  It’s your house too and she should be with you.  That is unless you want to move out.”

 

AJ shook his head.  “Nah, it’s big enough for ten people, let alone five.  I think it would be good for Patti to have Michelle and Kimberly around more often, don’t you?”

 

Howie nodded, “It’s settled then.  You stay, Patti moves in.  At least, now we’ll have built-in baby sitters!”

 

It was AJ’s turn to swallow quickly.  “Get real, D!  What the hell do you think we keep Nick around for?”

 

“You guys are so mean to poor little Nick.” Michelle and Patti emerged from the kitchen in cut-off shorts and tank tops.

 

“I thought you two were getting dressed?” Asked Howie, eyeing them with laughter in his eyes.

 

“We are dressed!  I’m not putting that gorgeous gown on until the last minute.  I’d die if anything happened to it.” Michelle moved over behind AJ and wrapped her arms around his shoulders before whispering in his ear.  “You ready?”

 

He nodded and stood up.  “Where you going?” asked Patti.

 

“We’re going to the cemetery to say good bye to someone special.  Do you want to come?” AJ asked Patti softly.

 

She thought briefly before shaking her head, “No, babe, you guys go.  I’ll stay here and hold down the fort!”  She kissed him sweetly.

 

*******************************

 

It was almost six o’clock when the first guests arrived; Carey and Karolyn Ferguson.  Kevin and Telly showed them into the studio and handed them each some champagne.

 

“Well, Kevin, leave it up to one of you guys to invite us to a wedding at 6:00 in the morning and have everything together twelve hours later!” Karolyn smiled broadly at him.

 

“I don’t know what to say to that, Kar, we’ve never done anything like this before!  All, I know is that when I get married, I’m going to make sure we have at least twelve months to plan, not twelve hours!”  He said pulling Telly closer to him and smiling down at her. 

 

“We?” she asked with sparkling eyes.

 

“We!” he bent down and kissed her lovingly. 

 

Kimberly entered the studio with Howie’s mom wrapped around her, his dad following along, chatting happily with Nick.

 

“Oh Kevin, can you believe, I get a new daughter and a new granddaughter all in one day!” she said kissing him quickly.  “This is so wonderful!”

 

 

CHAPTER FORTY-F0UR

 

AJ, Howie and Michelle drove to the cemetery in companionable silence.  AJ parked and drew in a deep breath before walking somberly over to Deanna’s grave.  Michelle and Howie hung back, allowing him to have his private time with her first.

 

“Howie?” she spoke softly, “I hope this wasn’t a dumb idea.”

 

“It’s a good idea.  He never even went to her funeral, so he needs this.”  They watched AJ slowly sink to his knees and lovingly pass his hand over the gravestone.

 

“Deanna? It’s me, AJ.  I’m sorry I haven’t been here before now.  I just couldn’t. . . I wish you were standing here beside me.  You were my best friend and I miss you so much.  I’m still mad at you, though!” He gently plucked a few stray weeds from the grass. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that night, or even before.  I wish you’d had let me know that you were so sad.  I’d have done anything to help you, you know?  Damn, I wish I had seen the signs, but you always were a good actress.” He glanced behind him briefly to see Michelle and Howie leaning against the car.  “I’ve got a new friend now.  Her name is Michelle and she’s helped me deal with your death a lot.  More than I care to admit even.  I’ve been a jackass lately and I came here to say goodbye to you.  I need to move on with my life.  I’m going to be a father next year and I need to be free from you to move on.  I’ll never forget you.  I’ll never stop loving you. . . ”  The tears slid slowly down his face as he stared at her headstone.

 

Howie came over to him and helped him up, “You okay, buddy?”

 

AJ nodded his head and continued to stare at Deanna’s headstone.  “I don’t know, D.  This is so hard.”

 

Howie embraced him lightly, “I know it is, man.  You needed to do this though.  You can’t go on and make a new life with Patti and the baby if you don’t let go.”

 

AJ nodded again and slapped Howie on the back, “Thanks, man.”  They walked slowly back to the car.  Michelle pushed herself away from the car as they neared.

 

“AJ? You feel any better?” she asked grabbing his hand and bringing it up to her lips.  He smiled and removed his sunglasses.

 

“Thanks, babe, thanks for the push.”  He hugged her quickly and pulled the passenger door open, “Now, get in.  I don’t want to be the one responsible for making the bride and groom late for their own wedding.”

 

Howie and Michelle laughed nervously looking at each other.  “I don’t believe we’re going to do this, Howie.”

 

Howie smiled broadly and winked at her as he pushed her into the car and slid in next to her.  “Let’s go!”

 

They swung back to Michelle’s house and picked up Patti and their clothes.

 

It was 6:15 by the time they pulled into the driveway of AJ and Howie’s house.  There were already several cars lining the street.  “Who’s all these people?” asked Michelle in surprise.

 

AJ chuckled and helped Patti from the car.  “Well, that’s Carey’s and that’s Howie’s folks.  Then there’s Kevin’s, Nick’s, Brian’s, Telly’s.  Hey, that’s my mom’s car.  I didn’t expect her to make it.  Wait ‘til she finds out she’s gonna be a grandma.” He laughed merrily as he pulled Patti towards the door.

 

Michelle and Howie hung back at the car.  “D? Did you actually talk to your parents today?”

 

He pulled their bags from the trunk nodding his head, “I did.  I spoke to Mama first thing this morning and told her I couldn’t wait any longer and was planning to get married today.  Of course, she was speechless, so I did all the talking.  After twenty minutes of rambling on and on, she finally told me to shut up and that she gave us her blessing.  She loves you and Kimmie you know?”  His face just glowed from happiness.  She gazed at him with love spilling out of every pore of her body.

 

“Oh Howie, I do so love you!” she kissed him gently and they proceeded to the front door. 

 

As soon as they entered, they were quickly surrounded.  Kimberly wrangled her way through all the bodies and hugged her mother fiercely.

 

“Hey, Mom!  I’m really happy for you.”  Michelle shut her eyes tight to prevent any further tears from flowing as she hugged her daughter back twice as fiercely.

 

“Thank you, sweetie.  That means so much to me!”  Michelle pulled back and looked Kimberly up and down.  “Wow, you look great!  Where’d the dress come from?” Kimberly was wearing an ankle length dark blue Chinese silk.  “It is so gorgeous!”


Kimberly twirled slowly before her mother, laughing, “Telly and Lauren bought it for me.  I think it's cool.  I like it!”

 

Howie whistled lowly at her and she threw herself into his arms!  “Hey Howie! Or should I say, Father?” she giggled at him as he kissed her cheek.

 

His eyes grew large in surprise, “Baby, you can call me anything you’d like.”  He pulled her off to the side and spoke quietly to her, “Kim, I’d be honored if you’d think of me as your new dad.  I already love you as my own daughter.”  He hugged her to him.

 

She looked up at him with a flurry of emotions.  “Howie, I was kidding about calling you Father, but maybe I’ll call you Dad some day, just not right away, ok?”  He nodded, “I love you already like a dad, but when I say that word, I think of my real dad and. . . ” she stopped herself from saying anything about Kevin.  She may be only eleven, but she knew when to hold back, sometimes.

 

“I know, sweetie, I don’t want you ever to forget your real dad, okay?  But you have to promise to call Mama D, Grandma, or she’ll just about die!” 

 

Kimberly laughed out loud and replied, “I’ve been calling her that for the last twenty minutes!  She’s loving it!”

 

“Good girl!” he turned back towards the crowd gathered in the front hall, “Hey everybody, let’s move this inside where we have more room.”  He caught his mother’s eye and smiled sweetly at her, “Hey, Mama, you look beautiful.”  His mother embraced him and kissed his cheek, before hugging Michelle tightly.

 

“Howard, I expect a complete set of whatever photographs that are taken today, as I’ve forgotten my camera in all this rush!” she laughed heartily and kissed him again, “Congratulations, son.  You made an excellent choice!”  Howie beamed proudly at his mama and turned to his father who’d just come up to his side.

 

Michelle moved from person to person, extending her gratitude to everyone for making such wonderful wedding plans for her.  When she reached Nick, he stooped down and hugged her quickly.

 

“Shelly? I have a favor to ask?” She laughed up at him and brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes.

 

“Anything for you, Nick.”

 

“Well, since, you’re moving in here and all, I was wondering if I could take over your townhouse.  Ya know, I’m kinda sick of being tossed between this house and Kevin and Brian’s.  I need a local place of my own.”  Michelle nodded her head vigorously at him.

 

“Excellent idea, Nick. Of course you can have it, but you better get the landlord’s permission first.  You know how picky they are about their tenants.” She said teasingly while looking at Howie.  Howie caught her look and moved over to them.

 

“You talking about me?” he asked sliding his arm around her waist. 

“Well, Mr. Landlord, Nickolas Carter would like to take over my lease of your townhouse,” she smirked at him playfully.

 

“Is that a fact?  Well, Mr. Carter,” he said turning to Nick, “I can certainly take your application, however, as today is my wedding day, I shan’t be reviewing any applicants today.  Perhaps, you could call the office tomorrow?”  He burst out laughing as Nick punched him in the arm and shook his head.

 

“What the hell, D?  Don’t jerk me around, can I have it or not?” Nick laughed down at him.

 

“Damn, Nick, you’re no fun.  Of course you can have it, you dork.  Just don’t make me sorry by having too many loud parties.” 


CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

 

AJ moved through the living room to the kitchen and quietly advanced on his mother.

“Hey, Ma!  Glad you could make it.  I didn’t think you’d be able to get back from New York,” he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

 

She turned to him and smiled, “Would I miss one of my son’s wedding days? You’re looking good, despite that nice bruise you’re sporting on your cheek.” She said tenderly touching his face.

He winced slightly, “Yeah, well, long story.  I’m fine.” He pulled her over to the table and sat her down, “We just came from the cemetery.  I made my peace with Deanna.” He said quietly.

 

She locked her fingers with his, “I’m sorry, Honey.  Nick told me what happened last night. . ."

 

AJ’s head shot up and he looked at her in surprise, “Nick, what?”

 

“Don’t freak out, AJ.  I am your mother and I need to know what goes on with my wild son when I’m not around.  Nick didn’t just come out and blab everything.  Believe me, it took a lot of questions to get the full story out of him.”

 

“I don’t understand?” AJ said looking at her curiously.  “When did you have time to talk to Nick?”

 

“Sweetie, I’ve been here for hours,” she laughed, “You don’t think Nick and Brian cleaned this house and did all these decorations by themselves, do you?”  He shook his head and smiled slightly, before looking pensively again.

 

“How much did he tell you?”

 

“Baby, I know everything and I don’t want you to feel embarrassed or anything.  I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you either.  I guess we’ve all been saying that lately, eh?  But, most importantly, are you okay?”  Denise looked at her son pensively, her heart bursting with love for her precious son.

 

He nodded and looked her in the eye, “I can’t believe the last twenty-four hours.  So much has gone on.  I’m beat, but I’m feeling sort of peaceful for the first time in a long time.”  She nodded at him.  “Howie and Michelle have been so incredibly understanding too.  It just amazes me.”

 

“You’ve got some wonderful friends.”

 

“I know it and. . . ” he looked down at their joined hands, “Ma, I’ve got something else to tell you.”

 

Denise looked at him tenderly, “Tell me, baby.”

 

“Patti is having my child,” he looked up in time to see her startled expression, “I’m really happy about it, Mom.  I really am.”

 

Denise was rendered speechless for several moments, “Oh, AJ, don’t you think it’s a little soon?  You’ve only been with her a little more than three months.”

 

AJ looked her straight in the eye, “I know, but, I love her and I want this baby.  I really do.”

 

Denise thought quietly, being able to sense AJ’s need for something new in his life.  A new life, to replace the one he'd lost last year.  She looked back at him and decided to keep her thoughts to herself.  “AJ, I may be your mother, but I’m not your keeper.  If this is what you want, then I’ll stand behind you, and Patti. She's a lovely girl.”  She smiled sweetly at him and noticed the sparkle come back into his eyes.

 

“Thanks, Ma,” he leaned over and hugged her tightly, “I love you.  You’ve always been there for me and I really appreciate your acceptance of this too.”

 

Denise nodded her head and wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye.  “Well, let’s go find your lovely lady and let me congratulate her personally.”

 

************************

 

After a half hour of mingling, Kevin came over to Michelle and Howie.  “Hey, you guys, better start getting ready.  You’ve got a little more than an hour before the Justice of the Peace will be here.”

 

Michelle and Howie looked quickly at each other and burst out laughing.  “Oh god, I’m getting really nervous!” said Michelle clutching her stomach.

 

“Hey, don’t start that or you’ll make me get nervous,” Howie said pulling her hands away from herself and kissing them.  Michelle took a deep breath and nodded her head.

 

“Kevin? Can I talk to you?” she asked looking up at him inquiringly.  He breath caught in his throat, he nodded and guided her towards the den down the hall.

 

“How you doing?  Did you have a nice day?” he asked with a sly grin.  She shot him a dirty look before laughing.

 

“I had a nice day, Kevin, and you?” she led him over to the sofa after closing the door.

 

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders, “Well, considering I’ve been running my ass off all day organizing your wedding and not even getting ten minutes alone with my woman, I guess I’m having a nice day.”

 

She laughed back at him, “You’re just jealous.”

 

“Jealous? Who, me?  Now, why would I be jealous?” he asked raising his eyebrows, his heart suddenly beating faster.  <I> No, I'm not jealous, am I?  Stop it, Kevin!</I>

 

“Don’t play dumb with me, Train.  You know damn well, I’ve spent most of my day on my back!” she laughed heartily and fell back against the sofa at his expression.

 

“Oh, so you do kiss and tell.  I knew it!  Women are actually worse than men, you know.”

 

“Please!  Who’s idea was all the flower petals all over the place and the candles?”

 

“What? Not me, that was Howie I assure you!  I just arranged them.”  He said tickling her sides.

 

“Stop!  Oh man, Kevin, this is all so unreal.” The laughter died down and she looked at him seriously.  “Do you think this is the right thing to do?  I mean, Howie is just too good.  Not only does he forgive and forget, but he spends all night thinking about our relationship and then deciding and ensuring we get married immediately.  To be honest, I’m a little afraid.”

 

Kevin watched her quietly, thoughtfully. <I>She deserves Howie's love, they are so right for each other</I>  “It has been an incredible weekend.  Do you really and truly love him?”

 

“Of course I do, how can you even ask that question?” she looked at him with surprise.

 

“Then, stop worrying about everything and make him happy.  Marry him and make him the happiest man on earth.  I’ve known him a long time, Michelle, and if he’s gone to this extreme, then you know he really wants it.  He doesn’t do many things impulsively, you know.”

 

Michelle listened to him carefully, playing with the rings on his fingers.   She looked back up into his bright green eyes and studied his face.  She smiled slightly at him before leaning over and kissing his lips softly.

 

“Thank you, Kevin.  If you agree to all this, then I know it’s the right thing to do.  I value your opinion, you know?” he nodded his head and hugged her quickly.

 

“But, I have one more question for you?”

 

He looked surprised, “Anything.”

 

“Will you give me away?” she asked shyly.

 

He smiled broadly and squeezed her tighter.  “I’ll walk you down the aisle if you like, but I’ll never give you away.”

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

 

The excitement level rose as Michelle and Howie left their friends to go upstairs to get ready.  AJ ran quickly after them and guided a protesting Howie down the hall into his own room.

 

"D!  Let her get ready on her own.  Since this isn't your normal wedding, you could at least follow one tradition and not see her in her dress until she walks down the aisle."

 

"Yeah, but. . ." Howie looked back longingly at a smiling Michelle and grinned when she shot him a quick wave and shut the door quickly behind her.

 

Patti soon joined Michelle and swiftly changed into the red slinky dress AJ had picked out.  "Man, I just bought this dress and now I'll barely have any time to tease AJ in it before I get all fat."  She stood before the mirror on the back of the closet door and eyed her physique critically.

 

"You goose, you'll probably be able to get back into it right after the baby is born.  With your metabolism, I'm sure you'll lose the baby weight right away," Michelle perched on the edge of the bed and looked at her sister wistfully.  "Patti, I love you."

 

Patti caught her eye in the mirror and dropped her hands to her side before cocking her head slightly, "I love you too.  Are you okay?  You look funny.  And, I never heard you say those three little words more in the past six months than you have in my whole life and I'm not just talking about you saying them to me."

 

Michelle watched her turn and advance towards her and felt a horrible pang in her heart. <I>My little sister and I've hurt her again!  Except, she doesn't even know it.  Please don't let her find out about AJ and me, it's not right, but it's for the best.  She deserves some happiness after all these years of being without a family.  God, I hope AJ really does love her, I hope she knows what she's getting into.</I>

 

Michelle shook herself out of her inner thoughts and stood to gather Patti's hands in her own.

 

"Thank you."

 

"For what?" Patti asked confused.

 

"Just for being a great sister and a great friend.  I hope your life turns out as happy as mine has.  You deserve it and I just want to tell you again how sorry I am for abandoning you before."

 

"Stop.  That's all behind us now, isn't it?" Patti hugged her quickly and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.  "We've got to bury our ghosts too, just like AJ did.  We both had a few tough years and now we're going to push them way deep into the back of our minds."

 

Michelle nodded and hugged her again quickly, "Ok, excellent advise! And, yes, you are absolutely right.  I've been saying 'I love you' constantly, but how can I help it being surrounded by so many incredibly wonderful loving people? You look fabulous by the way.  AJ has definitely improved your sense of style, I see."

 

Patti laughed and looked down at herself and then twirled around, "Yes, he has.  He's so great.  I'm still overwhelmed that he wants me and this baby." She shook her head slightly, "I guess some things will just take you completely by surprise."

 

**************************

 

Kevin paced nervously around the patio, a glass of wine in his hand. 

 

"What's up with you, cuz?" Brian asked coming out from the sliding glass doors leading to the studio, "You've been pacing back and forth out here for the last fifteen minutes."

 

Kevin avoided his inquiring look and sat heavily on the stone bench flanking the pool, "Damn, I don't know Brian."

 

"It's what Kim said, isn't it?" Brian asked softly sitting next to him.  Kevin shrugged his shoulders resolutely.

 

"Kevin, why didn't you tell me sooner about you and Michelle in Key West?  I thought we shared everything," The slight hurtful tone in his voice caused Kevin to look at him.

 

"Rok, I'm sorry.  I don't know, I just couldn't.  It was the first night we met and we both had some regrets and guilt the next morning." He took a sip of the cool red liquid, "But good ole Howie was his usual peaceful, logical and wonderful self that he always is.  He accepted it and even made us okay with it."

 

Brian stared in amazement at him, absorbing Kevin's slow words, "What?"

 

"That's not all, either.  When I took off at Christmas, Howie tracked me down and sent her to me."

 

"Holy shit!  Kevin, I don't believe this.  Howie sent his own girlfriend to comfort you?"  Brian saw Kevin's eyes start to glisten as he nodded.

 

"He understood our connection, he encouraged it.  He knows how much we needed each other to deal with the past and our actions.  Damn it, now I can't help but wish it was me upstairs getting ready instead of him." He placed his glass on the ground and buried his head in his hands.

 

"Kevin, I thought you were in love with Telly?" 

 

"Me too. . . Fuck, why today?  Why is this shit coming into my head today?  For god's sakes it's their wedding day!" he choked out the words painfully.

 

"Listen, Kevin, calm down.  You can't do this.  I bet it's just because Kim said she thought it would end up being you that's thrown all these thoughts at you," Brian placed his arm around Kevin's shoulder supportively.  "You're just confused.  You won't lose Michelle as your friend just because she's marrying Howie.  Damn, if he's been so supportive of your relationship all this time, why would he stop now?"

 

Kevin looked at him, torn and confused, "I don't know.  We haven't been together since Christmas.  I haven't been jealous or envious all these months.  I've loved Telly, I told Michelle not a half hour ago to go for it and make Howie the happiest man in the world, what the hell is wrong with me?"

 

Brian didn't know how to respond.  After a few silent minutes, he sighed heavily, stood up and faced Kevin.  "Kev, no matter what you do, don't fuck this up for them today.  I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a prick, but think about them.  Despite what went on this weekend, they've been so happy together.  You know that!  Let them have their happiness for as long as they can."

 

Kevin clenched his hands together and blinked away the tears threatening to spill.  "And what do I do, Rok? Sit on the sidelines and watch them live happily ever after?  How the hell am I suppose to do that?"

 

"Think about Telly, Kevin!  You've been with her almost a year now!  Do you want to hurt her? A couple of hours ago you practically proposed to her.  Snap out of it for crying out loud!"

 

Kevin remained silent, lost in his thoughts, until he heard footsteps approaching, "Hey, guys, why the long faces?"

 

Telly.  She stood before them, in her icy blue dress, blonde tresses swept up into a French twist, smiling dazzlingly at them.

 

Kevin felt a half smile tug at his lips and forced it into a full blown one.  "Hey, babe, have I told you how beautiful you look today?" Brian watched him cautiously.

 

"Thank you, darling," she said softly as she reached over and hugged him, "Now, what were you two looking so sad about?  Today is a happy day, right?"


Brian sensed Kevin's hesitation, "It's a great day, Tel.  We're just set adrift on memory bliss.  It's not everyday one of our best friends gets married!"  He smiled brightly at her and nudged Kevin's foot with his own.

 

"Yeah, babe.  We're just acting like a couple of mothers, crying out of happiness." Kevin stood up and caught her hand, "Well, I guess we should get in there." He shot a baleful look over her head at Brian.  Brian nodded slightly and gave him a thumb's up.  <I>Oh man! What the hell do I do to help him?</I>

CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN

 

As soon as Brian, Telly and Kevin entered the house Kimberly ran over to them and pulled on Kevin's arm.  "Come on!  They're ready!" 

 

Kevin looked down into her shining eyes and smiled sadly.  <I> If she can adjust to this, then so must  I.</I>  He straightened his shoulders, gave Telly a quick peck on the check, affectionately slapped Brian on the shoulder and pulled Kimberly towards the hall.

 

"Ok, Squirt, this is it.  You're okay, right?"

 

"Yes, Kevin.  I'm fine, now go up there and get my mother."  She hugged him quickly and turned back into the studio with a huge smile.  Nick tenderly slung his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the chairs the caterers had set up.  Kevin headed towards the staircase, his heart heavy, his head down slightly, his hands clenching and unclenching unconsciously. 

 

"Hey Kev, damn, this is so exciting," AJ sprang down the last few steps to stand directly before him.  His dark hair freshly dyed with purple tips in honor of his friend, his beautiful brown eyes shining with new-found life, his black suit sculpted to his lean frame.  Kevin stared at him in wonder, in happiness, in relief. 

 

"Bone, you look good.  I can't tell you how happy I am to see you looking so full of life again." The smile on Kevin's face was finally genuine. 

 

"Well, I've decided to try D's philosophy on life and treat each day as a new day, full of promises, hope and happiness and take it from there.  Come on, D!  Move your ass!"  AJ bounded back up the stairs and pulled Howie away from Michelle's door just in time.  "No way, dude, I told you already, you ain't seeing her yet!"  Howie smiled guiltily at him and allowed his friend to lead him down the stairs, the stairs which would lead him down to his new life, to be shared with the one woman he loved like no other.

 

Kevin hugged him firmly when he reached him, "Howie, what can I say? Keep her happy."  He winced sharply at the pang in his heart.  "Good luck, man."

 

"Thanks, buddy!" replied Howie with a huge smile on his face. "You know I intend to."

 

Howie and AJ took off and Kevin turned slowly and sat on the stairs.  <I>Ok, Kevin, you can do this.  You're just over-reacting.  Michelle loves Howie, not you.  You love Telly.  Telly is wonderful, bright, beautiful, she's the one for you.  Get your act together, man!</I>

 

"Hey you!  Waiting for me?" he turned his body to the right and saw her slowly descending the stairs.  Her golden hair swept up with small tendrils escaping around her face, her body sheathed in the beautiful designer gown, her smile incredibly bright.  He watched her descend and smiled as he stood, holding his hand out to her.

 

"You look beautiful," he whispered.  She blushed slightly and from her position on the bottom step, threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely.

 

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek before pulling away.  "You look incredibly handsome as always," she said with a laugh, "Oh Kevin, you can't possibly imagine how happy I am right now!"

 

He couldn't help it, his eyes betrayed him pooled up, "Michelle, I. . . "  he drew in a deep breath and held her hands firmly between his, "I. . . need to tell you something."  She looked at him, really looked at him and noticed something in his eyes.  Something different, something sad, something unsure, something unsaid.

 

"Babe, what's wrong?" 

 

Before he could utter a single word Patti flew down the stairs, all apologies.  "God, sorry, to keep you waiting.  I just had to go one more time.  This is really gonna suck, you know.  Going to the bathroom every freakin’ fifteen minutes." She stopped aside her sister, panting slightly, and looked at her with a silly smile, "This what you had to endure?"

 

Michelle looked at her like she had two heads, then burst into laughter, "You are nuts!  And, yes, but wait, it gets even worse."  Her infectious laughter even had Kevin chuckling.  He released Michelle's hands and offered one to Patti as she stepped down the last stair.


"Patti, you look fabulous and congratulations." He bent down and hugged her affectionately.

 

"Thanks, Kev.  Well, we ready to do this?" she looked back and forth between the two and grabbed their hands and led them down the hallway.  Just before the door leading into the studio she released them and smoothed down her dress as she walked in slightly and waited.

 

Michelle turned to Kevin quickly, "I'm sorry, Kevin.  What did you want to say?"

 

He stared into the studio and was transfixed by the scene before him; so filled with gaiety, laughter, excitement.  The room beautifully decorated with massive amounts of colorful spring flowers provided the perfect setting to compliment the atmosphere .  Atop of the shiny black lacquered grand piano sat a lavish three-layer cake, waiting to be sliced and consumed.  The sofas had been removed temporarily - only to be replaced by rented white folding chairs and in those chairs were their friends and family.  Every one of them showing nothing less than happiness.  Brian and Lauren cuddled together with their heads just touching, talking animatedly about their own forthcoming wedding no doubt, while a young, overwhelmed Kimberly was being fawned over by both Karolyn and Mama D.   Ever so gracious was Telly with her arm linked comfortably through Howie's dad's, smiling sincerely at his unknown words.  Nick, looking so mature in his black suit, laughing merrily, and hugging Denise while his good friend Carey chuckled along with her and the Justice of the Peace.  Shaking Howie's brother's hand was Dr. Jack Towers, looking slightly tired, but nodding vigorously at John's enthusiasm. 

 

Kevin drew his eyes back to Howie, whom he had seen first but avoided taking in the sight of him until now.  Howie was standing by the piano talking to AJ and Pollyanna, while bobbing around slightly in anticipation.  His facial features spoke loudly, spilling his obvious mirth for all to see. 

 

Patti turned slightly and looked over her shoulder at him, "Kevin, ready?"

 

Kevin met her eyes and shook his head just the tiniest bit.  "Yes. . . "

 

"Kev?" Michelle watched him and squeezed his hand in hopes for a response to her question.

 

He looked down upon her and smiled for her benefit.  "The big question is, are you ready?"  He entwined his fingers through her own, "I just wanted to say that I'm happy that you are happy.  I'm sure Howie will be the perfect husband for you and I believe you deserve no less."  He bent down and kissed her cheek, kissed away his chance of stopping this wedding and hurting three people he loved dearly.

 

"Oh, Kevin, thank you.  You always say exactly what I need to hear, but truthfully, you look more nervous than I do," she gave a short laugh, "Are you ready?"

 

He nodded and drew her into the entrance and caught Howie's eye.  He nodded to him and hoped his smile conveyed what he wanted it to convey.  <I> I've never seen him happier.  They do belong together.  I could never stand in their way.</I>-

 

EPILOGUE


The ceremony was simple, sweet and brief.  Michelle and Howie barely heard the JP's words, so entranced in their love for each other they were.  They promised again to honor, protect, cherish and love each other for the rest of their lives.  After Howie had placed a golden band onto her finger, she in turn gently and lovingly threaded a small gold hoop through his ear with a mixture of apologies for not having a ring for him and promises to give him one at her first opportunity.

 

The small yet boisterous reception went long into the night.  Everyone was in high spirits, except for Kevin, but he hid it well.  His heart was aching, his mind numb with the knowledge that he really and truly did love her, not just love her, but was in love with her.  Why didn't he see it sooner?  There was nothing he could do now, but move on, try to come to terms that he'd never be the one for her.  Howie had captured her heart, body and soul.   Telly deserved so much more of his heart and he felt compelled to stretch it even further to allow himself to love her the way he should.  

 

When they weren't being smothered with hugs and kisses by the others, Michelle and Howie were constantly within each other's touch.  The mere thought of him leaving her side for just a moment caused her to shiver slightly inwardly.  She shivered in a different way even more so when his hands, arms, or lips found their way back to her.  Her fingers were found more than once slowly trailing through his wavy dark hair or along the back of his smooth neck.  Her breath caught numerous times when his eyes met hers.  She loved him more than words could say, more than she could ever possibly show him, yet, she resolved to herself while dancing in his arms to the last song, to strive towards her utmost ability to let him know, forever and ever.

 

The End

 

Tell Michelle what you thought of this story!

 

 

I'd just like to express my extreme gratitude to the following special people.

To Danielle, Tina and Kat - thank you for being my inspirations to write this story.  Your incredible creativity and writing abilities blew me away.

To Patti & Sue, my sisters - thank you for supporting me in this endeavor, for not judging me and for always being there to support and guide me in my life as a whole.  I love you guys!

To Nikki - my first "fan" -  your enthusiasm and praise kept me going and has inspired me to go on and write further, even a sequel to this one!  Thank you for inviting me to join our special group of friends, who have brought so many smiles and "WEG's"

 

Michelle T