“Are you sure it’s possible?” Morgan chewed on her knuckle and waited anxiously for a response. She was making a huge leap, without much thought. Her mother had always told her to follow her gut instinct, and that is what she was trying to do. She glanced at the door for the hundredth time, it was risky making the call from Justin’s dressing room, but she had no choice, she had to do it before the woman on the other end of the phone left her office for the weekend.
“Miss Northrup, I assure that it is not only possible, all I have to do is sign off on the final paperwork. You are exactly the type of student our University is proud to have. All of the paperwork is in order, you just need to make a firm decision. It’s a difficult choice to make, transferring in your Senior year is a drastic move. You don’t have much time to prepare for the move. Are you sure you want to make a change this drastic?”
“Positive. I need to make a change.” She was surprised by the conviction in her own voice.
“Well then, let me be the first to welcome you to the University of New Hampshire’s class of 2002.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all of the help you’ve given me Mrs. Fegan.”
“It’s my pleasure. I look forward to meeting you face to face. You have just over a week, are you going to be ready? Would you like me to send you some information on housing options?”
“No thank you. I’ll be ready. I have housing all under control. Thanks again, I’ll see you the week after next.” Morgan closed her phone and smiled, “I have officially lost my mind.”
Standing up she crossed the room to look in the mirror. As the smile spread across her face she pushed her hair back and giggled, “What’s the worst that can happen? I’ll hate it, but it can’t be any longer than one year. What can happen in one year?”
“A lot can happen in one year. Take it from me, you can lose your job, get a job, sue the bad guys and fall in love with your best friend in less than one year.” Lyn’s voice startled Morgan.
With her hand over her heart, breathing heavily, Morgan turned to face her, “You scared the crap out of me. How long have you been standing there?”
“I walked in at ‘what can happen in one year?’. I had an answer, so I gave it to you. So what do you think can happen in one year? And did you know talking to yourself is one of the first signs of insanity?” Lyn winked.
“I would have to say I have more than one sign of insanity, I’m guessing I have most of them. I suppose the fact that I spent this summer traveling with this three ring circus could be used as proof. Oh....I guess you’ve done the same thing....I don’t think you’re insane...I think you’re very sane, one of the sanest people I know. Is sanest even a word? So yeah, truth be told, I’ve never really been completely sane.”
“Sweetie, we all have a touch of insanity, that’s what makes us so...special.” Lyn flopped down on the couch and gave Morgan a knowing look, “You didn’t answer my question. Impressive attempt at deflecting my attention though. You used a lot of words in a short amount of time.”
Chewing on her knuckle again, Morgan turned to face Lyn, “Can I trust you to keep this conversation in complete confidence?”
“That depends, are you sick or hurt?” Lyn studied her carefully.
“No. I’m fine. I swear.”
“Then you can trust me to keep my mouth shut.” Lyn nodded, “What’s going on?”
“I’m transferring to the University of New Hampshire.”
“Well congratulations! From what I’ve heard, New Hampshire is beautiful.” Lyn gave her an odd look.
Morgan cocked an eyebrow, “Congratulations? You didn’t ask why.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me to ask why.”
“No, it’s ok.” Morgan nodded.
Lyn smirked at the encouragement, “OK, so why are you transferring?”
Looking down at her hands, she began cautiously, “Things have gotten...confused lately. I guess it’s more accurate to say I’ve gotten confused lately. I’m doing this to get away for a while and hopefully clear my head. This is a way for me to be away for eight months, but not to commit to a major change without giving it enough thought. I can be in a new environment, finish my degree, and figure some stuff out. Does that sound crazy?”
“Not to me. You’re forgetting that I went to George Washington.” Lyn leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, “I went for a lot of the same reasons. If we’re being completely honest, I guess it was a little different too because I was running away from a lot.”
“Like what?” Morgan didn’t look up.
“Well, I was running away from life with my sisters. I had always been the ‘oldest McLachlan girl’. Not many people saw me as my own person. When you have three sisters, and you are all so close in age, people see you as a unit. I can’t imagine what it must be like for Cat and Dev. Anyway, Lisy wasn’t in the picture yet, so I felt like I had nothing to lose.”
Sighing heavily Lyn looked down at her hands, “And if we’re still being completely honest, I was running away from JC too.”
Mor’s head came up quickly, “What?”
“Oh yeah! I was running as far away from JC Chasez as possible. I didn’t realize it at the time, but in retrospect, I’ve always known in my heart that I was in love with JC, and that frightened me to death. I had so many questions about him. What if he would never love me? What if I said something about my feelings and he laughed? What if he did love me? What would that do to us?” Lyn laughed, “But, as my current relationship proves, you can’t run away from the truth.”
“When did you finally figure it all out? Like when did it dawn on you that you were actually running away from all that stuff?”
“Truth be told, I guess I knew it all along. I just ignored and denied my real reasons. I was able to quote average test results, the academic merits of GW, the advantages of the quality education I was about to receive, the perks of going to school in Washington DC. I talked a great game, I was even able to convince myself that I was going for the experience for a while.”
“So what happened? To make you realize what you knew all along?”
Lyn shrugged, “I don’t know. A lot off stuff. My mom got pregnant with Lisy. I missed every one of JC’s visits home from Europe. I missed my friends. I missed my family. I stuck it out all four years, because I felt like I had to, I wasn’t about to admit I’d made a rash decision.”
“You didn’t want to be there?”
Lyn leaned back and stared thoughtfully at Mor, “I don’t know, I suppose I did. I guess it’s easy to see the big picture now, but at the time everything was so foggy. I honestly did get a great education. It was amazing living in DC. But at the same time, I wanted to be independent. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to stand on my own. I wanted to be with JC.” Smiling softly she shook her head, “So much of my life has revolved around that man. Your best friend plays the biggest role in you life for the most part...but you know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Justin knows more about me than anyone. He is going to hate me for doing this.”
“Why?”
“He’s going to think I’m running away from him.”
“Why on earth would he think that?”
Mor’s cheeks flushed, “I don’t know. That’s just how he is. Everything is about him.”
Lyn smirked, “Everything that isn’t about you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you are actually more important to him than his own ego.”
“Hardly.” Mor rolled her eyes.
Lyn laughed as she stood up and made her way to the door, “Trust me on this.”
Mor laughed, “Whatever!”
“Can I give you a word of advice?”
“Please.”
“Running away isn’t going to fix the problem, whatever it is. If you have a problem, which I’m sensing you do, I would suggest that you figure it out before you make a major life changing decision. You know me. Which is why you chose to tell me and not someone who was going to pressure you into talking, or staying. You know I’m going to keep your secret, and I’m not going to push you into telling me what is really going on here. But that isn’t going to last long. I’m worried about you, and this isn’t the last conversation we’re going to have. Mor, you’re running and that frightens me, because I’ve run away before. Promise me that if finally get to a point where you can talk about whatever is going on and you need to talk you’ll keep me in mind, because I want to help and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
Lyn jumped as the door she was leaning against flew open, “We’re going home!” Justin slammed into Lyn, “Oof! Sorry LS, I didn’t expect you to be leaning on my door.”
“I’m sure I’ll live. What do you mean we’re going home?”
“We’re heading back to Orlando for a few days because a hurricane hit Alabama, the show’s going to have to be rescheduled.”
Mor smiled, “It’s like you’re all walking me home. I was going going back to get ready for school anyway, so now we’ll all get to hang out for a few days.”
Hoisting herself out of the pool, Morgan approached her friends as they began to dig into several pizzas. She clapped, “FOOD!”
She wrapped her towel around her waist and shook the water out of her ear. Justin held out a plate with a slice of pizza. He grinned at her, “I snagged a veggie slice for you before Joey eats everything in sight.” He leaned in closer and whispered, “Nice suit. Not the same one you were wearing in Newport is it?”
“Thanks....um...no...I just bought it.” She took the plate and grinned, “Could you also grab a beer from Chris before those disappear too?”
“Gladly.” He snatched the bottle from Chris’s hand right before he took a sip.
“Hey!” Chris pouted as Morgan took a large swig.
“You cannot blame me for doing that.” Justin smirked.
“You suck.” Chris opened another beer, which Dani promptly stole, “Babe!”
“I’m thirsty.”
“You’re lucky you’re hot, because if you weren’t hot, I would take that back.” He reached for a third bottle.
Dani grinned at Mor, “Have you seen the new line? We brought pictures.”
“No I haven’t! Do I get to pick out stuff I want to order?” She sat down next to Dani.
Angela ran over, “Is this the new stuff?”
Dani looked up proudly, “Yep. Just let me know what you guys like and I’ll get it for you.”
Morgan and Angela flipped through the photos pointing and commenting. Mor beamed up at Dani, “I’m going to be the best dressed girl at school.”
“I’ll get this stuff to you as soon as possible.” Dani winked, “I’ve still got a list of your sizes.”
Angela pointed at a t-shirt, “This one is so cute. Mor, this would look adorable with that floral skirt you wore the other day.”
“You heard the woman Dani, I need the t-shirt.”
“Done.”
Stasia walked over and handed each of the women a beer, “Seems Justin feels we should all stay here tonight. He’s not going to let anyone drive, so we might as well settle in.”
“I’m always in for the long haul.” Mor sipped the new beer.
Justin walked over and put his hands on Morgan’s shoulders, “So are you guys staying?”
Morgan rolled her eyes dramatically, “Do we have a choice?”
“Nope.”
“So I suppose we’re staying.”
Mor watched as JC and Lyn whispered quietly, with their faces close together. She turned just as Lance walked by Stasia. He kissed her neck on his way by. Chris and Dani were teasing one another, with their fingers laced together. Joey had walked over and perched himself on the arm of Angela’s chair. Looking from one couple to the next, she drained her new beer and stood up, “I’ve had it with the beer. I’m going to check out your new bar.”
Justin smirked, “I’ll go with you. I’m in the mood for something a little stronger.”
Morgan tied her hair up quickly to keep from dripping through the house and then followed Justin through the kitchen into his den. He slipped behind the bar and looked at her, “So, what’ll it be?”
“Do you actually know how to mix anything?”
“Sure. You name it, I’ll make it.”
“OK Mr. Big Shot, how about sex on the beach?”
“Let me go grab my keys.”
Morgan’s eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped, “Jesus Justin!”
He grinned evilly, “Mind in the gutter much? Liquor cabinet Mor. I have little brothers remember? I keep the liquor locked up so Steven and Jon don’t get into it accidentally.”
She flushed deeply, “Yeah. I knew that.”
“You did not.” He leaned his elbows on the bar, “Would it really have been that horrible if I’d been talking about my car keys?”
Her eyes got even wider, “I...um....Justin....see....”
“Now I’m kidding. You have no sense of humor lately.” He walked into the kitchen and returned a few seconds later with a small key, “So what was it you wanted?”
“Rum and Coke.”
“I could have sworn it was something else....”
Rum and Coke Justin, just pour.”
“Did you get sunburned?”
“No. Why?”
“You’re bright red.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
She sighed, “No I don’t.”
“They should match. You know, like how the guys’ do.” Angela giggled.
Stasia hiccuped, “You know what would be cool?”
“I want this daisy.” Morgan pointed to a picture.
“Daisies are way to common Mor.” Dani giggled.
“We should get NSYNC.” Stasia smiled.
“OK, let’s get a little cheesier. The five of us are gonna wander around for the rest of our lives with NSYNC written on out butts or something? Yeah, I don’t think so.” Morgan snorted and put her hand down to steady herself.
“No, no, no...I mean we should each get one letter. And I’m sure as hell not gonna get it on my butt.”
“Who gets what?” Lyn wandered over, her steps weren’t exactly steady.
“I’m getting a daisy.” Morgan pointed at the picture again.
“Lyn, you get a ‘C’ and Angela gets a ‘Y’ and Dani gets an ‘S’ and I get an ‘N’.”
Lyn cocked her head, “That’s just ‘sync’.”
“Mor gets an ‘N’ too.”
Mor shook her head, “Mor does not, get an ‘N’, Mor gets a daisy.”
Lyn threw her arm around Morgan’s shoulders, “Come on Mor, this is going to be the cutest thing ever. We are going to all be completely bonded for life and it’s just a little ‘N’. You can tell people it’s for Northrup if you want.”
Dani sat down suddenly, “The room is spinning. Let’s make up our minds.”
“We could vote.” Stasia grinned, “Who wants to do this?” Four hands went up, “I guess that settles that. Where should we get them?”
“Guys. I want this daisy.”
Lyn hugged Morgan, “Low on the small of our backs. Please Mor? For me?”
Stasia’s head popped over her shoulder, “And me?”
“Me too!” Dani hugged the group.
“Count me in!” Angela threw her arms around them.
Morgan laughed, “Well now I can’t say no. OK, I’m in. I suppose we should get flames too, they all got ‘em.”
Justin sat on the bed and pulled Morgan backward until he could get a clear view of her back. She leaned forward a little and shook her head slowly, “I don’t know what to say. Please don’t get the wrong idea.”
Lyn quickly said, “B.B., I talked her into it. It wouldn’t have worked without her...unless Dani got ‘NS’ or I got ‘NC’ and if one of us got two letters, it wouldn’t have made sense with Ang’s ‘Y’ or Stasia’s ‘N’...ok, none of this is making any sense right now, but in the middle of the night, after A LOT of tequila...it made perfect sense. She wanted a daisy and I talked her into the ‘N’. It was peer pressure!”
“We helped talk her into it. The whole ‘NSYNC’ thing was MY stupid idea.” Stasia nodded.
“And the WHOLE thing was MY stupid idea. I said, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if we got matching tattoos?’ and it was late, after A LOT of tequila, and we are stupid. Have we mentioned there was A LOT of tequila?” Angela rubbed her forehead.
“OK, all of you, stop freaking out. I think it’s cool. Hell, the ‘N’ could be for the last letter of Morgan or for Northrup.” Justin laughed.
“I can just hear my mom now, ‘Morgan Ann Northrup, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”
“Mor, Do you want me to go out right this minute and get an ‘N’ somewhere?” Justin poked her in the side.
“Yes.” She whimpered.
Justin stood up and grabbed her hand, “So, LET’S GO!”
“I was kidding.”
“Yeah well, I’m serious. I’m not going to get a girlie ‘N’ like your’s, but I’ll get one too. Then mine can be for the ‘N’ in Morgan. The only person who has put up with me for my entire life.”
“We were ten when you moved here.”
“You know what I mean Morgan.”
“I don’t think you need to do this. This was my screw up, there is no need for you to do something stupid just because I did.”
“Nope, I don’t need to, but I’m going to. You can stay here or come with me. But I’m going.”
“This is STUPID JUSTIN!”
“NO IT’S NOT MORGAN!” He was completely mocking her and she hated it.
They all watched as Justin dragged her out of the room, in her pajamas. They could hear the two of them arguing all the way down the stairs until the door slammed.
“Damn it Justin! I’m in my pajamas!”
“That doesn’t matter to me at all and I’m sure the guy at the tattoo shop will not give a damn about your bunny jammies.” He shoved her into his car and ran around to climb in behind the wheel. He couldn’t help but smirk when he looked over at her. Her white pajama bottoms were covered with pink bunnies, pink tank top and pink bunny slippers were not her normal look.
“This is insane. You really don’t have to do this. I think they have lasers now...I can just have it zapped away.”
“No you can’t, because then the ‘n’ I’m about to get would make no sense, and I’d get pissed at you for making me get the stupid thing.” He glanced over at her, “OK Woman, where did you get it done?”
She turned to him with wide eyes, “I have no clue.”
“You had someone tattoo you and you don’t know who did it?”
“I was hammered! We took a cab, how was I supposed to know?”
Justin slowed down at a stop sign, “OK, even wasted Stasia wouldn’t go into some nasty place and she knows Lance got one of his tattoos at Ink Blot. Were there big black splotches all over the front window?”
Morgan pinched the bridge of her nose, “It was all really white inside, like a hospital. Not at all like I’d pictured it.”
“Woman, think big black blobs, all over the front of the store.”
“Yeah, I think so. I guess I just assumed I was so drunk I was seeing spots.”
He turned onto the highway and headed toward downtown. Morgan let her head fall back against the seat, “I don’t have to get another one do I? This hurts like hell!”
“Nope. It’s my turn. Where do you want me to get it? I’m not getting it on the small of my back.”
“I don’t care, just work it into the thing on your leg.” She shrugged.
“OK. I’ll add it to my leg...somewhere.”
Morgan glanced out the window as he slowed down, “This is it!”
“I figured.” He pulled into a parking space and walked around to open her door, “Let’s go.”
“Why do I need to be here?”
“Two reasons really. First, we’re bonding. Second, I need your back to show the guy what to do.”
“We could bond over a bottle of aspirin or maybe a nap.”
“Nope. I don’t want you to regret your tattoo. I love all of mine, and if you and I have the same one, it’ll be even cooler. I love the first one, because I got it with the guys. And the one on my arm means a lot to me for obvious reasons. Now this one will probably be my favorite.”
“If you keep going at this rate, you’re going to be ready for a circus sideshow soon.”
“I thought you liked them.”
“I did, until I got sucked into the whole stupid mess. Now I’m in pain and I have a hangover and I’m walking around in public in my pajamas.”
“And bunny slippers, don’t forget the bunny slippers, because I really think they make the outfit.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“No I don’t.”
He pulled her through the door and into the shop. The woman behind the counter smirked, “Nice to see you back again.”
Morgan looked at Justin, “Which one did you get here?”
“None. She was talking to you.”
Mor blushed and sighed, “Sorry...I’m a little out of it.”
“Is there something wrong with your new ink?”
“I’m sorry?”
Justin rolled his eyes, “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s not fully awake yet. There isn’t anything wrong with it. As a matter of fact, I was wanting to get the same one.”
“Sure. Mike just got here, so it can be identical. I just need you to fill out this paperwork.” She pushed a form to Justin and then looked at his ID, “We are going to end up as a stop on the pop star tours soon.” She winked at him.
“I’d be happy to mention you in public if you’d like.” Justin smiled.
“I’m not sure a shop this small could handle all of the new business if you said something.” She looked over the form, “This looks fine, you can follow me back.”
They followed the woman to the back and Morgan suddenly recognized her surroundings, she pointed at the wall, “That is the daisy I wanted.”
Justin stopped and inspected it, “Cute. Still want it? My treat.”
“Hell no! I’m in way too much pain as is.”
The woman laughed quietly, “It’ll stop hurting pretty quick. The only reason it’s so painful is because it’s tough to sit and not have your back touch the chair.”
She showed them to a room and they sat down to wait for Mike. Justin rolled up his pant leg and took a look at his calf, “I’m not sure where I should put it.” He pointed, “Here?”
“Just floating in the middle of nowhere?” Mor rubbed here forehead.
“Good point.” He turned his leg a little, “Here?”
“That makes more sense.” She nodded.
“OK.”
They both looked up as a very large, very tattooed man walked in, pulling a pair of latex gloves out of the package, “Hello again.” He smiled at Mor.
“Hi.” She blushed.
“I didn’t expect to see any of you ladies this soon.”
“I didn’t think I’d be here today either.” She smiled.
“So, what can I do for you today?”
Justin pushed Mor a little and then pulled up the back of her shirt, “I want you to put this, here.” He pointed at her back and then his leg.
Mike smirked, “You’re the boss.” He snapped his gloves into place.
She couldn’t remember ever having a longer day, and it wasn’t even noon. She had spent the morning power shopping. She had already packed most of her purchases into a box and shipped the box to New Hampshire. South knew it was coming and was planning on picking it up and taking it to their new apartment.
Turning her car up into Justin’s driveway, she was shocked to see Lyn’s car in front of the house. She grabbed four shopping bags and climbed out of the car. Crashing into the living room she smiled, “HELLO! I brought presents!”
Justin didn’t even lift his head, “Presents for who?”
“For you! Who else?” She could immediately tell something was horribly wrong. She looked from Justin to Lyn who gave her a very strange look, “What’s wrong? Are Jonathon and Steven OK?”
“They’re fine.”
“So what’s wrong?” Mor dumped the bags on the floor and walked over to Justin, sitting on his lap.
“What’s wrong?” He laughed.
“That’s what I asked. What’s wrong?”
“New Hampshire.”
Lyn watched the happy look fall from Morgan’s face, “New Hampshire?” Morgan’s voice was shaky.
“Yeah Mor, New Hampshire.”
“How did you find out?”
“I accidentally called your parents house, I thought I hit Mor1 and I hit Mor2...and your mom said as far as she knew, you were out shopping for school...for New Hampshire.”
“Oh.”
“When are you leaving Morgan?”
“Tomorrow morning.” She was getting pale.
“Were you even going to tell me? Or was I going to come home in three weeks, call you and have you just not there?”
“I was going to tell you.” She tried to stand up and he held her on his lap.
“When Mor?”
“A hundred different times, this morning, today, now. I don’t know.” She shrugged.
Lyn stood up and grabbed her keys, “I’m going to go finish packing. I’ll see you later Justin. Are you going to see us off Mor? Or should I say good-bye now?”
“No, I’ll be at Jive when you leave tonight.”
“Ok, I’ll see you both there.” She watched as Lyn left, knowing that the other woman had not betrayed her trust.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to go to New Hampshire Morgan?” Justin starred at her, his gaze never wavering.
She looked around his living room and sighed, “I need to do this.”
“What does that mean? Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” She pushed herself up off of his lap and began to pace slowly around the room.
“Why didn’t you tell me how things were going to be when you became the Justin Timberlake?” Her voice was quiet and smaller than he had ever heard it.
“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. I’ve always been Justin Timberlake, the day I was born I was Justin Timberlake.” He shook his head.
“But you weren’t the Justin Timberlake. You’ve always just been Justin, to me. But now, now you belong to everyone else, and I just don’t know anymore...I don’t know where I fit anymore.”
“So now that I’m successful you don’t want to be my best friend? Where is this coming from Morgan? What does any of this have to do with you going to school in New Hampshire?”
She knelt on the floor in front of him, taking his hands in hers, “Justin, I decided to stay here to go to school, for you. So that on the rare occasions you were able to be home, I could see you...you, just Justin. So you knew I was here for you. So you had something, or someone solid in your life. And the thing I’ve just begun to realize is that when you aren’t here, you’re still my best friend. You being on the road doesn’t change that, and me being in New Hampshire isn’t going to change that either. You’ve made friends, you’ve been reaching out and growing, I haven’t. Besides, the Justin Timberlake is taking up more of your time now, just Justin and I will find time, we always have been.” She sighed.
“What about the fact that you didn’t tell me about this? Is that going to change the way that we’re best friends? The fact that you didn’t think you could tell me how you felt, how is that supposed to make me feel? I never want you to miss out on anything because of me. I didn’t ask you to stay here. I never once have asked you to stop being yourself for me. damn it Morgan! I am one person! What is this crap? the Justin Timberlake and just Justin, what is that all about? I’ve never been anything but me!” He was fighting hard to keep the anger out of his voice, but was having trouble seeing straight, let alone maintaining any sense of calm.
“The demands on you are getting more and more, and you can see me less and less. I guess that’s just part of growing up. I realized that I wasn’t growing up, because I was standing still and waiting while you were moving forward, at lightening speed. Everything we are together, I am holding you down, because I haven’t grown on my own. I can’t be a good friend to you, if I have no clue who I am. I am going to graduate next May, and then what? I have nothing! You can’t take care of me forever. You take care of everything for me. For God’s sake Justin, you pay my rent! I have to learn how to support myself, and I can’t do that here. What happens when you meet a girl and she asks you why you are supporting me?”
“If I meet a girl, she has to understand you too. Any girl that wants to be with me in that way has to know that you are the most important person in my life. Besides Mor, there isn’t going to be a girl. I’m not looking for a girl. I don’t want one.”
Morgan placed her hands on his cheeks, “Justin, as hard as this is going to be for you to believe, this isn’t about you. This is all about me trying to stand on my own two feet for the first time in my life. I’m still going to go to your shows, and I’m still going to be your date when you can’t find a real one. I’m still going to be at your Momma’s house on Thanksgiving and I’m still going to sneak out on Christmas Eve to go to your house to exchange gifts. Do you realize how often we’re in the same place? Not very often. We were really lucky this summer, we were together most of the time, but it’s never been like that before. Nothing is going to change, except that I’m going to figure out who I want to be.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this, or any of it?”
“Look at yourself. I know you better than you do. I knew this is how you would react and I don’t want you doing this to yourself. You feel so sorry for yourself right now, and I didn’t want to deal with it. We had such a great summer and I didn’t want to screw that up. Now, you go out for the end of the tour, I leave for school and then you head to Europe. We are going to see each other in November at the latest! Actually you’re taking me to Dev and Ryan’s wedding, so I’ll see you in September...Justin that’s four weeks!”
“Is this about what happened?” His voice was barely above a whisper as he looked at his hands, “Is this about you and I.....”
“That has nothing to do with this. I told you the next morning, we made a mistake. No big deal.” She had to glance away, because she knew he’d see the lie in her eyes.
“It was a big deal.”
“It was a mistake.” She stood up and walked to the window, “We weren’t thinking....obviously.”
“Bull shit.” She squeezed her eyes shut when his words hit her, “Bull shit Morgan! You can try to lie all you want, but I know better.”
“Justin, please don’t....”
“NO! You said what you wanted to say when we were there, now it’s my turn.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what Morgan? Tell the truth? I’m sorry but I can’t avoid it any more. Let’s lay it all out there, shall we?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” She walked toward the door, but he grabbed her arm.
“It has been more than a month since we kissed. Jesus Morgan, we more than kissed. We held each other, we touched each other and we both wanted it. I wanted to kiss you and I could tell you wanted me to kiss you. You’ve been distant in private, and overly happy around everyone else. You’ve been pushing me away and refusing to hear what I’ve had to say. You didn’t give me a chance to tell you how I felt about that whole thing. It wasn’t a mistake.”
“It never should have happened. I shouldn’t have let it happen. We were both feeling lonely. It didn’t matter that it was me. It would have happened no matter who was there with you.”
“BULL SHIT! That is not true. It happened because it was you.”
Tears began rolling down her cheeks, “We are friends. Best friends. It was so stupid of us to do that. Why can’t you just forget it happened? Why can’t you just leave it alone and go back to the way things were before?”
“Because it did happen, and no matter how much you want to ignore that, it’s a fact. No matter how much you want things to be like they were before, it can’t happen, because I know how your lips feel. I know how your skin feels. I know how you arch your back when you like something. I know how it feels to have you clutch at me and pull me towards you. I don’t want to forget it happened.”
“Stop it.” Her tears were rolling in steady streams down her cheeks, “Please stop.”
“Why? Because you wanted to believe I would use you? You of all people? You want me to be the bad guy? Well guess what, I’m not. I’m not going to apologize and I’m not going to forget. I’m not going to let it go. Morgan, it was right. You have to know it was right. Why are you doing this? What are you afraid of?”
Her shoulders began to shake and her lip was quivering, “I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of losing you.”
“That isn’t going to happen.” His eyes searched her face, the pain in them was enough to make her heart break.
“It’s not? How can you promise that? Justin, this isn’t going to happen. You and I aren’t going to happen. You and I are going to be nothing more than friends, with one night in our past. You can remember all you want, but that doesn’t mean I’m ever going to let anything more happen. I want you to find a sweet girl. One who can love you and support you and not constantly be worried about why nothing in her head makes sense. You need to be with someone who will hold your hand and be there for you. Someone who you don’t have to take care of, someone who isn’t a big pile of needy, hurting mess. You have to try to find her. You have to look for her. I’m not going to be around much, so you find someone who will be. I’ll find myself a nice, stable stockbroker or lawyer and we’ll all have dinner together.”
“You don’t want that.”
“You can’t tell me what I want. I want my friend back and I want to end this conversation. This is the last time we’re going to see one another until Dev and Ryan’s wedding, let’s move on and enjoy this. You have to go soon.”
“This is not the end of this conversation.”
“Yes Justin, it is.” She pushed back her shoulders, wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and pointed at the bags she had carried in with her, “Don’t you want to see your present?”
“Whatever.” He shrugged.
“Don’t be angry.”
“I’m not angry Morgan. I’m hurt. Guess I was confused. Guess I misread everything for the past six months or whatever.”
“Justin....”
“Hey, it happens. What are you gonna do about it?” He ran both hands over his head, “So...New Hampshire?”
“Yeah. It all happened really fast. I’ll be living with South. I was talking to her and we were saying we always promised to visit and stuff and we never had the time. We were talking about being Seniors and graduating and how much fun it would have been to go to the same school and live together and whatever....so one thing led to another and on a whim, we decided to do it.”
“You’re going to live with Laura?”
“Yep. We found a two bedroom apartment. It’s cute and she’s already all moved in.”
“Am I going to be able to call there?”
“Of course. You can call whenever you want. She isn’t going to hang up on you or anything. Plus, I always have my cell with me.”
“Oh. Make sure you keep it charged.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets.
“I will.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? All of it?”
“Yes.”
“Your options are always going to be open. Don’t forget that.”
She nodded slowly, “I won’t.”
He glanced at the clock, “I have to go.”
“I know.” She walked over and hugged him, “Have a safe trip. Call me.”
“I will.” He squeezed her tighter, “I thought you were going with me, to say good-bye.”
“I can’t. Not like this. There will be too many questions. Explain for me.” She didn’t want to let go of him, she wanted to stay wrapped in his arms. “Justin, don’t wait for me.”
“Don’t ask me not to, I can’t make that promise.”
Morgan kissed his cheek, “I love you.” Pulling out of his arms, she pointed at the bags she had brought in with her, “Open all of those later.” With that, she left.
