"Come in, it’s open!" I called out.
"Damn Hol!" Jordan exclaimed. "I’ll never get over you and J’s house. I love it. I think I'm gonna kick you and Justin out, and me and Lance will move in."
"Don’t think so," I replied. But when Justin finds out about Josh and kills me, you can take my place.
"Ok, so what are we gonna do all day while our boys are at work?" Hannah asked.
"Well, I rented a couple of movies for us to watch. Let’s see…" I picked up the stack of movies I had rented the night before. "We’ve got The Faculty, Coyote Ugly, Charlie’s Angel, Halloween H2O, and Save the Last Dance."
"Well, where do start?" Jordan asked.
"The Faculty!" Hannah exclaimed. We looked at her oddly. "What? I’ve never seen it before, and I wanna see it…I heard Josh Hartnett was pretty good in it."
Josh is good in anything. I thought, trying to keep the sly smile from showing on my face.
Hannah popped some popcorn, Jordan went through and turned out the lights, and we sat and watched every movie I had rented, starting with The Faculty.
We were curled up on the couch watching the credits of the last movie, Save the Last Dance, when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey Hol, is Jordan there?"
"Yeah, where’s she gonna go? You took her ride." Lance had dropped Hannah and Jordan off that morning.
"Ok, well tell her we’re done and I'm on my way to pick both of them up."
"Ok, will do. See ya later." I hung up the phone and tossed it on the coffee table. "Jordan, Hannah, Lance is on his way, he’s gonna pick up both of you."
"Ok…" Hannah replied, her eyes still glued to the TV as they rolled the credits and showed the actors dancing in a club.
"Hey Hol, do you have those shoes you borrowed from me the other day?" Jordan asked.
"Yeah they’re in my closet."
"Ok, well can I go get them?"
"Yeah, my room is the one at the end of the hall upstairs. Do you want me to go get them?"
"Nope, that’s ok. I’ll be right back." She dashed up the stairs.
After a minute, I suddenly remembered something. I had stored Josh’s letters and cards in a shoebox, which was in the closet next to Jordan’s shoes. I dashed up the stairs also.
"J, did ya find them?" I asked.
She jumped, obviously startled and closed the lid to the box she was holding. "Yeah, yeah, right here. Thanks again."
"Yeah, thanks for letting me borrow them." After a second of standing there, I heard Lance honk the horn. "You better go."
"Yeah, thanks for letting us come over."
"No problem, see ya later." She left the room, and as soon as I heard the front door close, I ran into the closet and found the box that the letters were in. I opened it and gasped. They were gone.
I sat on my bed for at least five minutes, wondering how I could have let this happen. I had been planning on breaking things off with Josh…or had it been Justin? I couldn’t even remember anymore.
I loved Justin…but I loved Josh, too. Josh made things fun and exciting. Justin was always gone, off to different places around the country and the world. At least I could keep some tabs on Josh. Even though he traveled, when he got somewhere, he stayed there for a while.
And Justin seemed too much like an older brother. Sure we made out a lot, but there was no longer that spark, those fireworks that were set off when we touched. It had started off as exciting, but maybe it was because there was that excitement of dating a pop star, someone who was desperately wanted throughout the world, but I was the one who had his heart.
Then again, if I wasn’t careful, I would be the one to break that heart that I held. I just couldn’t do that to him.
But Josh was new and exciting. There was a spark and tons of fireworks. He could still send a shiver down my spine when he touched me.
"Oh God, what am I gonna do?" I asked aloud, throwing myself back on the bed. I could feel the sting of tears burn my eyes, clouding my vision.
The front door slamming had me sitting upright. I began to get up, but the phone rang before I could make it two steps out of the room.
"I’ll get it, Hol!" Justin called up the stairs.
"No, no, let me get. You just sit down, I’ll be down in a sec," I called down, praying that it wasn’t Josh.
The phone rang once more before I answered it. "Hello?"
"Hey baby girl," Josh’s voice came through the phone.
"Look, right now is not a good time. I don’t have time to explain anything, I’ll just have to see you this weekend…" I swallowed thickly, "While Justin’s in New York."
"But Hol-"
"Bye," I murmured as I hung up the phone.
I dashed down the stairs and sat next to Justin before I had too much more time to think about what had happened in the last fifteen minutes.
"Hey baby, who was that?" Justin asked, casually slinging his arm around my shoulders.
"Just someone trying to sell me something," I said quickly…maybe too quickly.
"You ok?" Justin asked, turning to look at me. "You seem kinda tense."
"Yep, I'm fine, just kinda tired."
"Ok…" he said slowly, not completely convinced. "Well, are ya hungry? What do ya want for dinner?"
"Ya know, I'm not really hungry right now. Why don’t you just order some pizza, or something? I’m gonna go on up to bed."
As I started back up the stairs, I heard him mumble, "But it’s…only 8:30…"
I sighed and continued upstairs. Once there, I quickly changed, and collapsed in the bed, curling into a ball underneath the blankets. I tried hard to hold back my tears; tears of guilt, and hurt…tears that were unstoppable.
Thursday had been a pretty much uneventful day. I had calmed down somewhat, thanking God that none of the guys had come by to ask about the letters.
I knew for sure, however, that Jordan would without a doubt tell Lance, and he, in turn, would eventually come by and yell at me, or tell Justin. I just prayed that it didn’t happen until I had a chance to explain everything.
No such luck.
Around 5:15 that afternoon, Justin and I were hanging out in the pool with his little brother Jonathan. I heard the doorbell ring through the open back sliding glass door. Justin tried to get out, but I pushed him back down and lifted myself out of the pool quickly.
I dried off on the way to the door, calling out, "Hang on," a couple of times when the person at the door banged on it.
I opened the door and saw Lance standing there, anger burning in his green eyes. His face was red from the anger. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides.
I could feel the color drain from my face, tears come to my eyes. I sneaked a glance back at Justin, who was swinging Jonathan around in the water and laughing as Jonathan squealed.
"Please don’t, Lance," I said when I turned back around and saw that he was trying to make his way inside.
"God Holly, how could you-"
"Shh, the back door’s open. Please Lance, just don’t say anything to him. Let me talk to him."
"And break his heart? I don’t think so. Do you think he’s going to forgive you for cheating on him?"
"I…uh…no." I hung my head. "I don’t even know how I got into this situation. I don’t know what to do."
"Do the right thing. End this…thing with Josh-"
"I can’t do that!" By this time, we had made our way outside and stood arguing on the front porch.
"So you’re gonna break up with Justin?! Are you out to ruin him completely Hol? Now if you just tell him the truth, he may be able to forgive you because he loves you. But if you break up with him, it’ll tear him up. You obviously don’t know what you mean to him, or else you never would have done this."
"And you don’t know what it’s like to not have romance anymore. I fell in love with a different Justin. One who did things spontaneously, one who wouldn’t just come home, give me a quick kiss on the cheek and go off to find dinner. We don’t even go to bed together anymore. If he even comes to bed, it’s not until 2 or 3 in the morning, then he leaves again at 5. So, Lance, don’t talk to me about not knowing, because I know what I’m doing."
I was breathing heavily when I was done. Anger was going through me and I felt like I could punch Lance out into the street.
Lance just stood there. "Damn, what the hell do you want?!" I exclaimed.
"Don’t hurt him, Hol. Please don’t hurt him-"
The door swung open and Justin walked out onto the front porch. "Hey man, what's going on? What are you doing here?"
I stared hard at Lance, who let the anger drain from his face. He looked Justin in the eye and lied to him. "I was just coming by to pick up something Jordan left over here."
"And you have, so you can go now. Tell J I said hi."
"Umm, ok? Bye Lance, see ya later man," Justin said, completely confused.
"Yeah, bye Justin."
Lance walked away and Justin stared at me. I could feel him searching my eyes, looking for an explanation.
"Nothing’s wrong," I answered before he could ask the question. "Go get Jonathan dried off, he’s been in the pool long enough."
Justin nodded and walked away. Once he was gone, I went back inside, closed the door, and leaned against it. I’ll think about it this weekend. I know there’s gotta be a good way to do this, I tried to convince myself.
Friday was a little better. Around 9:30 that morning, I took Jonathan and Justin to the airport. Justin was on his way to New York, and would take Jonathan home during his plane change in Memphis.
Once they were gone, I got back in the car and drove home. I sat on the couch, my knees pulled up to my chest, the phone in my hand as I waited for Josh to call.
He finally did, too. After waiting there, trying not to cry, for an hour, the phone rang. I tried to calm myself down before I answered it.
"Hello?" I finally answered.
"Hol?" Josh asked, concern in his voice. "Holly, are you ok?" he demanded again, when I didn’t answer.
"Do you think I'm ok?" I snapped.
"No, I don’t. Did you try to break it off with Justin?"
"Is that all you care about?! Having me all to yourself?"
"You know that’s not all I care about."
"No I didn’t try to break up with him. He left this morning, but if I don’t tell him soon, Lance will. Jordan found your letters and took them to him. Lance came over here and tried to tell Justin, but I stopped him. I promised him I would tell Justin soon."
"Holly, why don’t we go out? I’ve missed you."
"What if Justin calls?"
"He’ll get the machine, and call your cell. Then you’ll explain that you’re out shopping with a friend." He stayed quiet, waiting for me to answer. "Come on baby girl," he coaxed when I never did.
"Fine, but I can’t stay the night. If Justin calls late at night, or early in the morning and I'm not here, he’ll know something’s up."
"Ok great! I got it all planned out," he exclaimed. "I'm gonna take you to the beach, and we’re gonna have a picnic out there. And we’re gonna watch the sun set. I’m coming over right now to pick you up. Be ready." He hung, obviously very excited.
I hung up to and threw the phone onto the couch. Slowly, I pulled myself up and got ready. I wore a yellow bikini and a pair of denim shorts. I was going to go with only my bikini top, but then, feeling a little bit uncomfortable, I put on a pink halter-top.
I had just enough time to throw a towel into my purple bag I had gotten at Old Navy, then get downstairs to wait for Josh. He showed up right as I was coming down the stairs. I could see his rental, a midnight blue Mustang Convertible, through the large bay window in the living room.
He came up to the door and pushed it open, not bothering to knock.
"Hey gorgeous," he said before literally sweeping me off my feet and placing a forceful kiss on my lips.
"Mmm," I murmured, still pressed against him. I pulled away, so as not to get too into the kiss. "We better go, what if someone sees us?" He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me back into him. "Ugh, come on." I pulled him out the door and pushed him towards the car.
He got in the car and eventually started it, taking off towards Cocoa Beach. "God, I’ve missed you Holly," he murmured, leaning over and kissing my cheek.
"I’ve missed you, too, Josh. Believe me, I’ve missed you. It’s been a rough week." I returned the kiss and put my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. "But Josh, I gotta tell you, since people found out about us, like Lance and Jordan, I’ve been thinking about things. I was thinking that maybe we should cool it for a while. Maybe not see each other as much. You know I…" I still couldn’t say the words, so I improvised. "I wanna be with you, but I can’t until-"
"Until you’ve told Justin, I know." He led my hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently. "It’s gonna be hard, but I understand. We can still enjoy this weekend, right?"
I shifted in the seat and leaned my head down on his shoulder. "Of course we can."
We spent the night at the beach…We got to Josh’s hotel room at around 4 in the morning. I ended up staying the weekend. Justin called once, but when he did, I simply explained I was out with Hannah, then continued my cuddling with Josh.
Justin was supposed to be home Tuesday, his flight was landing at 6:15. He told me he’d be home by 7:00 and we’d do something special.
Since I spent all weekend with Josh, I decided to stay home on Tuesday and try to calm myself down. I even tried to curl up with a book, but I couldn’t get into it. I knew that this was the night I was going to break up with Justin, and I was dreading it.
At 7:30, I was surprised to hear a knock on the door. I got up to answer it, and was even more surprised to see Josh standing there.
"What are you doing here?" I practically screamed. "Justin’s going to be home soon, and if-"
"I love you Holly. Just tell me you love me, too," he begged.
"Josh, now is most definitely NOT the time to do this!"
"Just say it. I mean, I love you so much, and I just want to make sure you feel the same way about me."
"Josh, you really should go…now! We can talk about this later, I promise."
"Holly, do you love me or not?!"
I sighed and looked into his pleading brown eyes. "I do love you, Josh."
His eyes lit up and he leaped forwards, hugging me tight. He leaned in and kissed me, making me dizzy and completely oblivious to everything around me.
"What the hell is going on?!" Justin yelled.
My eyes grew wide and I pushed Josh away from me. "Justin!" was all I could say.
"What do you think you’re doing?"
"We weren’t…doing anything," I stammered.
"Ok, so what? Did you trip and his lips broke your fall? Don’t lie to me. I know you, Hol; I can tell your lying."
"Oh, you know me, do you? You’re not around enough to know anything about me."
"I have a career!"
"One where you can’t have a personal life? That's ridiculous, Just, and you know it!" I saw the completely hurt look in his eyes, but continued anyway. "Look, you brought this on yourself. You’re the one who left me at home all the time. Hannah, Kelly, and Jordan always went out clubbin’ with y’all, they went on tour, but I got stuck at home! God, I hated it…I hated you for the way you treated me! I’ve been trying to break up with you for months!" I backed up, out of Justin’s face, and took Josh’s hand.
Justin stared at me, speechless. His eyes darted back and forth between Josh, me, and our joined hands. "Get. Out," he said simply, once he found his voice. "Get away from me, get out of my house, and get out of my life."
I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down before I stormed out of the house, Josh in tow. Justin followed, and once we were outside, he slammed the door shut. Josh started to say something, but I cut him off. "I cannot believe you!"
"Me?!" he asked, completely shocked that I had turned it all around on him.
"Yes you! You are so fucking selfish! I was gonna break up with him tonight, and I was gonna let him down as gently as possible. But no! You had to just waltz back in, knowing he would be home soon, and ruin everything! God, just get away from me!" I screamed and ran to my car in tears. I drove off in a fit of rage, leaving Josh standing on Justin’s front porch.
