"Jason!" I screeched when he came into view. I put Chance and Larissa on the floor and jumped into Jason’s open arms.
He held me close. "Hey Shorty!"
He let me go and I looked around. "Hi Lucy," I said when I noticed her standing nervously by the door. "Come in, sit down."
Josh scooped up Larissa while I grabbed Chance. "So, what are you guys doing here?" Josh asked, sitting down in an armchair, Larissa in his lap. I planted myself on the arm of the chair, putting Chance in Josh’s lap, next to his sister.
"Well, I promised Shorty, here, that I’d come down here soon," Jason explained. "When Hannah called a few months ago to tell me…what happened, I couldn’t get off work…not till now. So, surprise! Here we are!"
I simply smiled at his "surprise." Josh glanced at me and I glanced back down the hall.
"Is this a bad time?"
Lucy didn’t wait for an answer. "I told you we should've called first," she spat angrily at her husband.
"Oh, no, you don’t have to call! You’re family, and you’re always welcome here!" I paused for a second. I glimpsed at Josh, who took his eyes away from the children long enough to wink at me, letting me know this was really happening. "But Josh and I are leaving tomorrow, for Colorado."
"Oh, going on vacation, huh? Well, you deserve-"
"No, not vacation. We’re going to Fort Collins ‘cause I called the adoption agency-to let them know I’d moved-and the told me Mr. Spencer, Daniel’s adoptive father called, and he wanted to arrange a meeting. He’s considering giving Daniel up for adoption."
"Wow Holly! That’s so great!" I smiled gratefully at his enthusiasm. "Well, I guess Lucy and me, we’ll take the kids on a little vacation, so you and Josh-"
"Will you go with us?" I asked quickly. Jason didn’t answer, he just looked at me quizzically. I took a deep, shaky breath and blinked my eyes a few times, feeling a lump start to form in my throat; I really didn’t want to cry. "It’s just…you were there with me when he was born, you were there when they took him away, and I’d like for you to be with me when I see him again," I explained in one breath.
"Well, are you sure?" I nodded vigorously. "I guess, then, it’s really up to you," he said, turning to Lucy. "Are you up to going; up to taking the kids?"
"Umm, yeah, sure…" she hesitantly replied.
"Oh, thank you so much! Ok, there’s a guestroom down the hall-first door to the right. You can stay there tonight. Josh, can you call and get them plane tickets and a room at the hotel?" I glanced at my watch; 4:45. I was going out to dinner at 7:30. "I need to go finish packing. Guys, make yourselves at home."
I walked back to my room, leaving them to their own vices. An hour later, just as I was finishing my packing, Josh walked in.
"Ok, everything’s set." He closed the door quietly behind him and sat down next to where I lay collapsed on the bed. I squiggled around a bit until my head was in his lap. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, stroking my hair gently.
I shrugged, got up, and started rummaging through drawers, trying to find something to wear. "Yes and no. What if the Spencer’s decide to keep him? What if I’m not able to adopt him-"
"What if, what if, what if!-"
"Josh! I’d be a single parent, which makes adoption hard enough. Let’s see, I’ve got mental problems-in case you’ve forgotten I tried to kill myself recently!" Josh tried to interrupt, but I wouldn’t let him. "I don’t have a steady job, which means no money to support him-"
"Talk to Justin," he said when he finally cut me off. "He can talk to Johnny; between the two of them, they can find you something. Or you could be a designer for Chris, ‘cause he’s got that clothes line-"
"None of them know, ‘cept JC." I pulled a dress out of the back of the closet; a black cocktail dress with the price tag still on it. I changed as I continued to talk. "He’s gonna tell them tonight. I’m meeting Justin for dinner tonight, though, so I can tell him myself."
"You never told Justin?!"
I sighed and slowly sat down next to Josh. "Nope; never seemed like the right time." Josh gave me a look that told me I was going to get a lecture, but I cut him off. "Look, it’s almost 6:30, I better go. I’m meeting j at 7:30 and I still gotta fight traffic." I kissed him lightly on the cheek, then got up to leave the room.
"C’mere," he said, but I didn’t turn around. "Holly! Come here!"
I gave in. "Can I help you?" He pulled me to him and kissed me hard. "Oh, I like that," I giggled.
"I love you."
"I love you, too, but I gotta go. Are you staying here tonight?" When he nodded, I continued. "Ok, well I guess, just order some pizza for y’all or something. I’m not sure how late I’ll be, so don’t wait up! If I come home and catch you asleep on the couch, Joshua-" He held his hands up in surrender. "Good. "Kay, make sure everyone goes to sleep early, ‘cause we hafta be at the airport at 6:45 at the very latest. Ok, one more kiss." I kissed him lightly. "I love you, bye."
I arrived right on time at the fancy Italian restaurant Justin directed me to. A hostess was waiting to take me to a small table in a corner with a window on each side.
"Hello Justin," I whispered formally as I sat across from him.
"Holly," he returned, then nodded thanks to the hostess and she disappeared. "So…you look great!" I blushed at his compliment. "You really do. Well, how have you been?"
"Umm…I’ve been…ok," I stammered, not wanting to rush in the subject I’d come to discuss. "I'm all moved in, finally used to being on my own. Josh came down for the week." He flinched at Josh’s name.
Justin took a deep breath. "How are things with you two?"
"Good," I said simply. "I know it’s none of my business, but-"
"Good evening," a man said as he sat two glasses of water down in front of us. "What can I get for you two tonight?" Justin and I quickly ordered and the waiter left once again.
"Anyway, you were saying?" Justin asked once we were alone again.
"Well, I know it’s none of my business, but have you…uh…met anyone; gone back out in the dating world?" I asked quietly. JC had casually mentioned Justin taking a girl out to dinner, but hadn't gone into details.
Justin suddenly became very nervous. "Do you…do you want some win, or-" He reached frantically for a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket next to the table.
"Yeah, sure." While he poured us both some wine, I begged for information. "Justin? Justy-Wusty? What’s her name?" He ignored me. "C’mon…Ugh, fine. Don’t tell me! I’ll just ask the guys later. I know they’ll-"
"Laura, ok? Laura Baggs…that’s her name. Her dad and my dad are old friends. We met three years ago. I saw her again two weeks ago and we’ve gone out a few times."
The waiter appeared once again, this time carrying our food. We ate in silence.
"Do you like her?" I finally spoke up, my voice barely above a whisper.
He looked up at me, his head tilted ever-so-slightly to the right, no expression on his face. He locked his baby blue eyes with mine for what seemed like a long time.
A small smile slowly crept across his face. "Yeah…yea, I really like her," he said, his voice just as quiet as mine had been.
I reached across the table and took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I’m really happy for you."
His smile grew a little. "Thanks."
He let my hands go and we became very quiet. Justin looked positively nervous and was fidgeting with everything within reach.
"Are you ok?" I asked gently.
He nodded, then said, "I'm not sure."
"About what?"
"Anything…everything…I mean, I just don’t think I can do this." He got quiet.
"Can’t do what, Justin?"
"I…I’m…" He sighed and I smiled gently, letting him know he could talk to me about whatever was on his mind. "I’m scared, Hol. I feel in love with out so hard and so fast. So, when things ended, I didn’t think I’d ever love someone as much as you. But after spending mere hours with Laura at my mom’s house one afternoon, I realized I could easily fall in love with her, if I let myself."
"That’s great-"
"But it’s not! That’s just it; that’s my point!" A questioning look came over my face. "I think if I let it keep going, I'm going to move too fast. Plus, it feels too soon-"
"Ok, Justin, listen. I can’t even come close to feeling the pain you felt when everything happened. But you’re strong; you’re one of the strongest people I know. And I know you can move on. You deserve to be able to move on and become the happiest man on Earth. And if Laura makes you happy, then you can’t let you’re being scared get in the way. Now, I don’t know what kind of closure you’re looking for, but-"
"I just got it." I smiled at him. "But we didn’t come here to talk about me. You said you had something to tell me?"
I took a deep breath and nodded my head. "Ok, there’s no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it. Justin, I have a son." The expression on his face made me stop talking.
"Excuse me?! You and Josh-"
"Wait just a minute! I didn’t say anything about Josh. Did I ever look pregnant while we were together? Ask Jayce, I told him everything-"
"But you never told me?" he asked loudly. "We were together, how long? And you never once mentioned it?!" He tried to stand up, but I grabbed his shirtsleeve and wouldn’t let go, forcing him to sit back down.
"I was scared. I didn’t want to scare you off."
"You wouldn’t have scared me off. Holly, I loved you, why would I leave over something like that?"
"I was afraid you would think…"
"That you were some kind of slut or something? Holly, you really are crazy, ya know that?"
"Look, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you. It was a big mistake, but I can’t change that." He nodded his head in semi-acceptance. "I got pregnant by my boyfriend-at-the-time, Jake, when I was almost 18. Jake left me. I was a disgrace to my family, so I gave Daniel up for adoption. But, umm…well, the family who adopted him want to put him back up for adoption, and I'm gonna try to get him back."
"That’s great, Holly, it really is! I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me in the first place, but I guess I’ll just get over that." I giggled and nodded. "Hey, but what about Josh; does he know?"
"Mm-hmm. In fact, he’s going with me to meet Daniel. We’re leaving tomorrow morning for Colorado. My cousin, Jason, and his family are going with us."
"Well, good luck with everything." He picked up the check and threw some money on the table. "Don’t worry ‘bout it, I gotcha covered. But listen, I better get going-" He got up to leave, but I grabbed his arm.
"Justin, wait! I gotta ask you something." He sat back down. "Look, I don’t have the steadiest job in the world, so I was wondering if you maybe know of anything? Or maybe you could talk to Johnny or the guys and see if they could find me something?"
"Of course I will!"
"Thank you so much," I said as we got up and walked to the door. "For everything, I mean."
"You’re welcome. And if you need anything at all, just gimme a call, ‘kay?"
"’Course." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and hugged him close. "Love ya, Just."
"Love ya, babe," he whispered in my ear. He released me and we went our separate ways.
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying," I whispered continually. Josh instinctively threw his arm around me, as if trying to protect me.
"There’s nothing you can do about it," Jason said from my other side. "She’s not gonna shut up until we’re on the ground." He looked at me and handed a book to me. "That’s why you brought this. Read."
I sent him a sarcastically grateful look, snatched the book out of his hand, and opened it. But I didn’t read. I was too preoccupied to concentrate on anything other than the fact that I was going to see my son for the first time in almost three years.
"Are we almost there?" I complained loudly. Lucy chuckled as she bounced Larissa on her knee.
"No!" Jason exclaimed. "We’ve still got two more hours! Now read!"
"No!" I shook my head vigorously and threw the book at Jason.
"Calm down, baby," Josh whispered soothingly in my ear. I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. "It’s gonna be ok." He kissed the top of my head right before I fell into a light sleep.
"Wake up, Holly," Josh whispered, gently shaking me. I opened my eyes and looked around. "We’re landing soon."
"Are you in a better mood now?" Jason asked.
"No thanks to you, ya jerk, now shut the hell up before-"
"Hey! Holly, calm down! Both of you, just stop!" Josh said through gritted teeth. "What is wrong with you two? You never fight," he said, matter-of-factly.
"Yes we do!" Jason and I said together.
"We fight all the time," I explained.
"We just choose when and where to fight," Jason finished.
"Great," Josh muttered. "Well, could ya choose not to fight here?"
"Yes sir!" I mumbled to Jason, and he burst into a fit of laughter. Josh rolled his eyes and I leaned into him. "Sorry baby, you know I love you." I blew him a kiss, then joined Jason in his laughter.
We had landed at the Denver Airport before Jason finally stopped laughing. We were the last ones off the plane.
I was no longer laughing. This was it. By this time tomorrow, I would be with my son. This was no time for laughing.
We quickly got our bags and rented a car big enough for the four of us plus two car seats and took off for Fort Collins. We made it to our hotel in two hours flat, thanks to the Denver traffic and the many mountain roads we had to travel.
"Hi, reservations for Tyler," I said to the good-looking man behind the front desk at the Holiday Inn.
He smiled at me. "First name?"
"Holly."
"Ah, yes. Two rooms?" I nodded and he continued. "Smoking or non?"
"Non-smoking, please." I was so proud. Josh had finally broken his smoking habit.
The man typed for a second, turned around to grab a couple of keys, then handed them to me. "Rooms 324 and 326, Mrs. Tyler."
"Ms. Tyler," I corrected him. "Thank you very much."
"Enjoy your stay, Ms. Tyler." I smiled once more, then returned to Josh.
"You were flirting with him," Josh accused me as we walked back to the car to get our bags.
"It’s cold out here," I said instead of answering, as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms on which goose bumps had formed once we stepped outside.
"Holly!"
"I was not flirting, Josh! If I was gonna flirt, I wouldn’t do it with you standing ten feet away! I thought you knew me better than that." He stopped dead in his tracks. I threw my head back and my hands up into the air. "Joshua! Get over here!" He slowly walked towards me, dragging his feet along the ground. "Tell me you didn’t believe a word I just said, except the part where I said I was not flirting!"
"Ms. Tyler," he said in a high-pitched voice, followed by a loud giggle.
"I did not sound like that! Geez, if you’re gonna mock me, you could do a little better job."
We reached the car where Jason was already pulling bags out of the back, while Lucy cradled two sleeping children.
"Here Lucy, lemme help you," I said as I took Larissa in my arms. "Can you two get the bags?"
They didn’t answer, but as I walked away, I heard Josh say, "She was flirting with that guy in there…" But I didn’t stick around long enough to hear Jason’s reaction.
I helped Lucy get the kids settled into their playpen-turned-crib before I went into my room. I saw Josh get out of the elevator as I walked to our room, but I ignored him and shut the door in his face.
"Holly!" he called as he banged on the door. "Holly, open the door!" He kept yelling, so I finally walked over to the door, turned the knob so he could get in, but walked away, forcing him to carry everything inside.
Once he finally had everything piled up in the closet, I grabbed my pajamas and unmentionables and went to the bathroom.
"Where are you going?" Josh asked as he collapsed on the bed.
I didn’t answer, but slammed the door to the bathroom, locked it, and turned on the shower before he could come knock on the door.
When I came out of the bathroom, Josh was practically asleep on the bed nearest the door. So, I laid down on the bed nearest the window, rolled over so I wasn't facing him, and tried to go to sleep.
"Why are you over there?" Josh asked. I heard him get up and before I knew it, he was laying behind me.
"I got two beds for a reason Josh."
"Oh, and what’s that reason, Ms. Tyler?"
"One, because ‘nothing sexual’ was in our agreement, and two, because you’re in the doghouse, my friend." I moved away from him, closed my eyes, and tried to go to sleep again.
"It’s not like we’re having sex! And what do you mean, I’m in the doghouse?"
"You were mocking me! And, you didn’t believe me!"
"I didn’t say I didn’t believe you! Hol? Holly? Baby doll? Angel baby?"
I giggled at the sound of his pitiful voice. He kissed me neck repeatedly before I finally gave in. "Fine! You’re not in the doghouse, just stop, that drives me crazy."
"But in a good way, huh?"
"Hey, hey, hey! Down boy." I swatted at his hand as it traveled toward elastic of my neon green pajama pants.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear, trying to be sexy.
"You just wanna get with me…" I answered, but my voice was becoming harder to find as he continued to kiss and suck on my neck.
"Think we could be quiet?" he asked, rolling me over so I was facing him.
"Joshua! What about our agreement?" He kissed me passionately and lifted me on top of him. "Oh, screw the agreement!"
I didn’t fall asleep until at least 4:30 the next morning. I just laid there with my head on Josh’s bare chest for hours after he fell asleep, listening to the sound of his steady breathing, comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest.
I got a good two hours of solid sleep, followed by half an hour of tossing and turning. By 7 o’clock, no one was awake, so I got up and got dressed, picked up my previously discarded items of clothing from the floor, then went downstairs to the lobby to find some coffee.
I sat downstairs drinking coffee for half an hour before I decided to go back upstairs to check on everyone.
Josh was sitting on the bed in a pair of jeans, and two wide-awake babies were at the foot of the bed. They were all watching cartoons.
"Five years old again, huh sweetie?"
"Where were you? You scared me, I woke up and you were gone, and-"
"Josh, it’s not like we had a one night stand or something!" I whispered. "I went downstairs to get some coffee. I couldn’t sleep, I’m too nervous."
Jason appeared through the door of our conjoining rooms. "What time are you supposed to be there?"
"They said around noon. You’re going, too, right?" I asked frantically.
"Yeah. Lucy’s gonna stay here with the twins while we’re out." He disappeared back into his dark room.
"You better go take a shower, I wanna get some breakfast before we go." Josh saluted me and dashed into the bathroom.
"I’m not ready for this, I’m not ready for this," I whispered frantically. Josh held me close as Jason followed the directions Josh wrote down for him.
He came to a stop in front of a large, white stone house. "Here we are."
They both helped me out of the car. Josh had his arm around my waist as we walked up to the door.
I took a few deep, calming breaths before I raised my hand up and knocked slowly, lightly on the large oak door.
We stood there for a minute before footsteps could be heard inside. I held my breath as the door creaked open.
