"Please, Josh, just say something," I whispered, trying to back up more. "Let him say something, let him say anything," I whispered, my face skyward.
"You’re pregnant?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard me.
"Yes, Joshua, pregnant," I said loudly, finally finding my voice.
"Am I-"
"Please tell me you weren't gonna say, ‘Am I the father?’! ‘Cause if that’s what you were going to say I might just slap you now."
"No…I was gonna ask, am I…" he sighed in defeat. "Ok, fine, that’s what I was going to ask. I didn’t mean anything by it…it was just a quest-"
"Just a question? Just a normal question for a guy who knows his girlfriend hasn’t been with anyone else since him?! And only one guy before him! Josh, you remember how hard it was for me to sleep with you, to do anything with you! And now you have the nerve to think that maybe I got with someone else?! Josh, I'm not excited about this either-"
"I didn’t say I wasn't excited about it, it just shocked me! So, we’re working a little fast…oh well!"
"Oh well?! What are my parents going to say? The second child I’ve had without being married to someone? If I thought the first time was bad, I'm not looking forward to telling them now!"
"You’re not excited; not even the slightest bit happy?"
"Well…sure I'm happy, but I'm scared, too. I was afraid of how you were going to react, I'm afraid of telling my parents…and don’t even get me started on the media-"
"They don’t need to know!"
"How do you plan on hiding it, Josh? People are already questioning why you keep making trips to Orlando. Sooner or later – probably sooner – they’ll catch us together, and what are you going to do then? What are you gonna do when we’re caught out together somewhere and I'm showing? Or if we get caught at the doctor’s office together. God only knows what kind of assumptions they’ll make then!"
"Calm down!" I hung my head and allowed him, finally, to move closer to me. Josh held me close while I cried on his shoulder. "It’s going to be ok. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I nodded and wiped my eyes, sniffling. "We’ll just take this one step at a time. You need to, like, call your doctor or something, right?"
"Already done. I have to go in tomorrow so they can run all their tests and what not. I’ve got an appointment next Friday at 2:15 so they can tell me the results." I jumped up suddenly and rummaged through drawers for some sweat pants and a tank top.
"What are you doing?" Josh asked, quickly moving to my side.
"Changing. We have to finish Danny’s room! He’s gonna be here next week and I just started yesterday!"
"What did you do with the stuff that was in here?" he asked walking into the now-empty room. "How did you get it out? Someone helped you, right?"
"Yes, I had six helpers, in fact. Hannah and the guys came over. We used Joey’s truck and took the stuff to storage."
"Ok…well what about his bed and stuff?"
"They delivered it a couple of days ago and Justin let me keep it in his garage for a while. But look, we gotta paint!" I pulled the paint out of the closet, opened it, and brushed some onto the wall.
"Hol!"
"What?" I asked, continuing to paint.
"That’s an annoying color!"
"It’s his favorite color!" I stared at the almost neon green color on the wall. "And I think it’s kind of cool. It’s all bright and what-not."
"Alright…"
We spent the day together, painting and laughing. Josh had to get on the ladder and reach the high parts of the walls for me. The room looked perfect (except that it was missing furniture) by the end of the day.
"Josh…" I called quietly, running my hands over his chest. "Joshy, wake up…" I leaned over and kissed him lightly and he stirred a bit. "Baby-"
"What?" he groaned, his eyes remaining closed.
"Baby, ya gotta wake up." I kissed him again, but he rolled over and faced the window that looked out over his dad’s backyard. We had flown to Minnesota the previous night on my request.
"Says who?" he asked grumpily.
"Says me."
He gave in and rolled back over to face me. I leaned over slowly, my hair brushing against his bare chest, tickling him a little, and kissed him forcefully.
"What was that for?"
"Happy birthday!" I said and kissed him again.
He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly. "Huh. I guess it is my birthday. I guess I forgot with everything that’s been going on."
"I figured you might have, that’s why I suggested we come up here."
"Thank you Holly." He got up and pulled on a shirt and jeans. "Is anyone else awake?"
"Uh, yeah, but everyone went out for a little while, I think…I think your parents went to the store, Jake and Joe went somewhere with some of their friends, and Jessica went up to the mall."
"Well geez, I can certainly tell my family loves me!" he said sarcastically.
"They’ll be back soon. And some of your friends are coming over pretty soon, I think. But for now, we’ve got the place to ourselves."
"Baby, we’re in my dad’s house! We’re in my brother’s room-"
"You know you just love the idea! Anyway, who said anything about what I know you’re thinking? I certainly didn’t. I was just thinking that we get a chance to just sit and talk, or just sit and be close to each other, and have nothing else to do."
"Talk, huh? We really haven't had much time for that lately, have we?" I followed him downstairs and into the kitchen, where we got us some cereal. "So, what do ya wanna talk about?"
"Whatever you feel like. Just say what’s on your mind."
Ironically, we sat eating our breakfast in silence. We made our way to the couch in the living room in silence. We even laid on the couch in silence for at least five minutes.
"What are we gonna do?" I asked suddenly.
"About what?"
I leaned back into his chest and sighed. "Everything. What if I am pregnant?"
"We’re not gonna start this again. I love you, and if we have a family together, it’ll be completely perfect. We’ll be a perfect family, and it’ll all be great."
"Alright…I’m trusting you."
"Good. You should."
"Yeah, yeah."
He kissed the top of my head. "We’re gonna have to tell my family."
"Really? I was thinking we should wait, considering we don’t even know for sure!"
"We should still tell them, get them prepared. They’re not gonna be mad, they’ll be completely ecstatic. Jess will have a heart attack, she loves babies."
"Ah, I love you so much, I think I might go crazy!" I turned over and kissed him again and again, through his laughter.
"Aww, look at the little lovebirds!" a voice said. I jumped to the other side of the couch.
"Fuck off Caleb!" Josh said without a single glance to the doorway.
"That’s no way to talk to a friend you haven't seen in months." Josh had no comeback.
I looked to the doorway for the first time and saw five people standing there.
Caleb was in front. He was fairly tall, though not as tall as Josh, but much more muscular. He had red hair (not natural red, but real red) that was spiked up all over the place.
There were three other guys there, introduced to me as Gabe, Spencer, and Zeke.
The fifth person was a girl, whom Josh didn’t see until she finally spoke up. "Not even gonna say hi?" she asked, stepping forward.
"Emily?" Josh asked.
Emily was gorgeous. She had long blonde hair that went all the way down her back, with this natural wave to it. She had the deepest blue eyes, the longest legs, the smallest waist, and the brightest smile I had ever seen. The clothes she was wearing accentuated all of her features: tight jeans with pink stitching and a pink halter-top, with her belly button ring exposed.
"Yeah. How ya been Joshy?"
"Uh…good…You?" he stammered.
She thought about it for a second. "Lonely," she stated simply, giving him a strange look.
Caleb caught my eye and cleared his throat loudly. "Uh, so…yeah. Em, this is Holly. Holly, this is Emily."
Emily and I gave each other a half smile. "Hi," she said, semi-sarcastically. She turned her attention back to Josh. "So, birthday boy, what are we doing today?"
"I…uh…I haven't really thought about it."
I felt so out of the loop. Why had I suggested we come up here? I didn’t know any of his friends, they didn’t know me, so everything was bound to be weird.
The front door opened and Josh’s dad and step mom, walked through the living room, towards the kitchen.
"Hi everyone – Emily?" his step mom stopped dead in her tracks. "It’s…good to see you again."
"You too," Emily said, bubbly.
"Josh," his dad interrupted, "your brothers and sister were right behind us, so when they get here, we’re going to your grandmother’s house."
"Alright." Josh turned back to Emily and the others. "Guys, I’ll just call you later, and we’ll do something tonight, ok?"
"Alright, man, see ya later," Caleb said and walked towards the door with Spencer, Gabe, and Zeke behind him.
But Emily didn’t walk away, she walked toward Josh. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "Good to see ya again."
He swallowed thickly. "You too…" She walked away, swinging her hips, knowing his eyes were glued to her butt.
The front door slammed, and Josh finally realized I was staring at him. He licked his lips. "So, where were we…" He crawled over to me, but I rolled out from under him.
"I’m gonna go take a shower."
"Shall I join you?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"No, I think I can manage, thanks," I said and walked upstairs.
"It’s not gonna be like this all day, is it?" he asked, outing his lower lip.
"No, but I just thought I’d punish you for a while."
"I deserved that," he said, hanging his head.
"Yeah…yeah ya did."
"Are you gonna tell them?" I whispered to Josh as we sat at his grandmother’s table eating the cake that she had baked him.
"Uh…" He glanced around the room, searching for who knows what. "Yeah…yeah, I guess we should." Josh stood up slowly, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. "Everyone, we have an announcement to make." I stood up next to Josh and took his hand. "We – Holly and I…that is…Holly-"
"I’m pregnant. Josh and I are going to have a baby," I finished for him.
Everyone’s mouths dropped to the floor. Josh squeezed my hand as my heart began to race. They hated me; they had to.
Suddenly, Jessica smiled bigger than I had ever seen anyone smile. His brothers jumped up and clapped him on the back, telling him things under their breaths that made him laugh and glance in my direction, making sure I hadn't heard them. His step mom hugged me and began telling me things, but I didn’t hear her.
I was concentrating on Josh and his dad, who were having a quiet conversation. Josh stuck out his hand to shake his dad’s, but his dad embraced him. I watched as a single tear fell down his dad’s cheek as he embraced his son.
"A club?" Josh asked. "Yeah, that’d be cool…Yeah, we’ll just meet ya there…Ok, see ya then, bye." Josh hung up the phone and turned to me. "We’re gonna go to a club, is that cool?"
"Well, you better hope it is, ‘cause you already told them we’re going," I replied, my hands on my hips.
"Alright, c’mon, let’s not start this, please. Could we not fight?"
"I’m sorry. I’m ruining your birthday; I’m so horrible-" I began to cry quietly.
"You’re not horrible." He hugged me and kissed my nose. "I just don’t like fighting with you. Now go fix your makeup and get dressed so we can go, ok?"
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "Ok, gimme ten minutes." I quickly curled my hair, fixed my mascara and eye shadow, and changed into a short black skirt and a baby blue halter-top.
We drove to the club in silence. I had things to say, but I knew they would upset him. I decided that instead of pissing him off again, I would just let it go.
Or so I thought.
We got to the club and Josh’s friends were already there. Emily dashed over to Josh and dragged him out onto the dance floor. I stood by the bar and Caleb sauntered over to me.
"They were together, ya know? God, they were so happy. Three years they were together, and then…I don’t even know what happened, he just broke up with her about a year ago. He hasn't seen her since, not till now," Caleb explained, watching Emily and Josh dance.
"Hmm," was all I could say.
"So, uh…ya wanna dance?" he asked, holding his hand out to me.
"What? Oh, sure," I stammered, not quite knowing what to do anymore.
Caleb led me onto the floor, right as a slow song came over the speakers. He held me semi-close and I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching Josh carefully.
Emily stood on her tiptoes and whispered something in Josh’s ear. He smiled and laughed as she rested her head on his shoulder.
I sighed as I continued to watch them. I watched the way she fit perfectly in his arms, the way she made him laugh, the way his eyes would sparkle with everything she whispered in his ear.
Sure, he glanced over at me sometimes, but I looked away before we could make eye contact.
What am I doing here? I asked myself. I should’ve just let him come up here by himself, or at least let him hang out with his friends alone. He doesn’t need me tagging along. Plus, it looks like he’s pretty well taken care of, I thought, watching Emily squish herself closer to Josh.
What was going on here? How could this one day, this one incident, this one person make me feel so scared and alone?
I stormed through the front door of my apartment, all the way to my room, and flopped down on my bed, my face buried in my pillow. I was desperate to get away from Josh. We fought practically the whole flight home, were silent in the car, and now, I just needed to cry.
"Holly! Don’t run away from me!" Josh yelled, slamming my front door behind him.
"Why not?!" I yelled back. "I just want to cry; can’t you just let me cry in peace?"
He walked into my room. I rolled over so I was no longer facing him. He carefully sat next to me, running his fingers gently up and down my side.
"Please talk to me. Tell me why you’re so upset over this Em thing?"
"Please, Josh."
"’Please, Josh,’ what? What did I do?"
"Josh, I'm just not so sure she’s such an old flame-"
"How’d you know?"
"Well, while you were busy being wrapped around her finger, Caleb and I had a nice conversation. He told me everything that happened. He made you two seem so happy, and then all of a sudden, you break up with her?" I flipped over to face him. "And a year ago, too? What a coincidence! That’s right around the time you and I met. I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here, Joshua, but-"
"Wait a sec! I broke up with her before you and I met. We had a falling out, we weren't getting along anymore, she wasn't as serious about the relationship as I was, and I couldn’t take that. And she is and old flame, a very old flame."
"I saw the way you looked at her." A few tears fell down my cheek. "You had this look in your eyes that you never have when you look at me, not anymore. You had this sparkle in your eyes, and you laughed, and-" He put a finger to my lips.
"I don’t know who you were looking at, because that wasn't me. You had to have been imagining things. Now, I’ll admit, when I first saw her, I couldn’t take my eyes off her…she looked good, she’s an attractive woman, I can’t deny that. But when we were dancing, all I could think of was how much I wished that were you. I didn’t want to spend my birthday with Emily, someone who, the last time I’d seen her, the only things we’d said to each other were mean, horrible things. And I hated seeing you dancing with Caleb. That made me soo mad. So, we’re even."
"It’s not about being even, Josh, don’t you get it?"
"Is it trust? ‘Cause you can trust-"
"It’s not even really a trust issue, it’s a fear issue. Do you know, the only thing I could think of while you two were dancing was how alone I felt? All I could think was that this ‘old flame’ was going to turn out to be the one for you."
"You’re the one for me. No one else."
"You promise you don’t feel anything for her?"
"I swear." He laid down next to me and ran his hand down my cheek, wiping away the few remaining tears. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I rolled onto my back, and he laid his head on my stomach.
"How’s my little boy doing?"
"Boy?! I don’t think so, Baby. Daddy’s little girl is doing great, though. Aren’t you Amelia?" I cooed, placing my hand on Josh’s and rubbing circles on my stomach with his hand.
"Amelia, huh? Well, Amelia, your mommy is a stubborn one, isn't she? Yeah…but we love her anyway."
