No answer.
I knocked again, and the front door open soon after.
"Holly?" Justin asked, worry forcing him to furrow his brow and his normally bright blue eyes to become dark. "Sweetie, what are you doing here?"
"Just, can I stay here tonight? I don’t mean to intrude, so if you and Lor have other plans, I’ll just go get a hotel room or something, I just-"
"Of course you can stay here. Come in." He led me to the couch and sat me down, his arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders. "Lor and the girls went to the beach for the rest of the weekend. I told them it was probably best that they didn’t call and invite you."
"Thanks."
"So, what happened? Did he hurt you?"
"Justin!"
"Sorry. Just had to make sure. Tyler, please tell me what happened," he said gently and sincerely.
"Well, we talked. I told him I felt like he thought I wasn't good enough for him, and that I knew in my heart that I’m not good enough for him-"
"That’s not true!"
"Justin, please. And I told him that I thought we were drifting apart. He said I was right about the drifting, and I asked him what we should do. He read my mind and suggested we take a break from each other – Justin, it really is for the best," I explained when his jaw dropped. "We didn’t break up or anything, but we’re on a trial separation period. He’s moving back to Minnesota for a while. I miss him already…"
"But like you said, it’s for the best. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?"
"What if he meets someone else, and doesn’t come back?" The thought made me cry.
"He’ll come back, if he knows what’s good for him," Justin said, almost to himself.
"Timberlake…"
"Sorry. Just needed to get that out. Jesus, I can’t believe that little shit, hurting you like this."
"We hurt each other, J. Don’t make it one-sided."
"How did you hurt him?"
"Well, for starters, not being able to carry his child!"
"Not your fault," Justin reminded me.
"Then, I started changing into ‘some kind of slut,’ as he put it."
"Asshole," Justin muttered.
"You have to admit, I have been a little provocative lately. And, I didn’t accept his proposal-"
"I still don’t understand why."
"I didn’t think we were ready for marriage-"
"But you were ready for a child?"
"It’s not like we planned that! It didn’t feel right; I felt like he was proposing simply because we were going to have a baby, not because he loved me."
"But he does love you!"
"I know that, but I wanted his love for me to be the reason he proposed. And who knows, maybe it was, but it was the wrong time, because it made me feel as though he wanted to marry because of the child."
"Alright, fair enough."
"Yeah, well…" I sniffled. "Enough about that, ‘kay?"
"You look tired. Time to get some sleep. How’s about you take my room? I’ve got some things to do in the studio, then I’ll just sleep in the guest room."
"J?" He looked over at me, and my face turned bright red. "I don’t mean to sound stupid-"
"Never."
"But, would you mind laying with me until I fall asleep?" My face turned even redder.
"Not at all," he said with a smile. He took my hand and we walked upstairs together in silence.
"Mommy! Mommy, wake up!" Danny yelled, running into my room and jumping on the bed.
"Ugh, Daniel!" I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. 7:30 am. "It’s 7:30, hunny! What are you doing-"
"Morning sleepyhead!" Justin interrupted, walking into the room still in his pajamas, his hair a mess.
Luckily the house was so big; everyone had decided that Christmas at my house was the best idea ever. I was now playing hostess to Justin, Laura, Jayce, Hannah, Chris, Lance, Jordan, Joey, Kelly, and Bri. Ten people had taken over my house. Bri and Joey had no doubt woken my son up and sent him on a house-wide rampage.
"Hey Justin," I mumbled, still facing away from the door, trying to go back to sleep. I felt Justin sit next to me, so I rolled over. "How may I help you?"
"Sweetie, you can’t keep your son waiting. It’s time to get up. Wash your face, grab a blanket, and come downstairs." I guess I still had mascara down my face from crying myself to sleep. "Everyone’s waiting!" he called from the hallway. "C’mon Little Buddy!" Danny left the room.
I gave in and dragged myself to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and threw my hair up in a ponytail on the top of my head. I grabbed a blanket off the bed and headed downstairs.
"Merry Christmas, Holly!" Jayce said when he spotted me coming down the stairs.
"Merry Christmas, everyone!" I said, then yawned.
"Here, we saved you a spot right here," Justin said, patting the empty seat next to him on the couch. "Right in front of the Christmas tree!" I tried to smile at him and sat next to him, putting my head on his shoulder. "Morning," he whispered.
"Morning."
"How ya doin’?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders.
I tried so hard to enjoy the day, but it was difficult, considering just one year before, I had found myself falling in love with Josh. Now I was left alone. Yeah, I had all my friends and my son around me, but Josh wasn't there. Neither was my baby.
I felt so alone! I felt like the walls were closing in around me, and there was no way out, no way anyone could save me. But I had to be strong, not for myself, but for Danny. I couldn’t fall apart; he needed me to be strong.
"Here ya go, Hol," Jayce said, handing me a package.
Hannah glanced over and freaked. "No-"
Too late. I had already unwrapped it and found a gorgeous photo album with a picture of Josh, Danny and I in the front cover photo slot.
Danny walked over and took the album out of my hands. "Josh!" he squealed.
"Yeah…go finish opening your presents. I think there’s a few from Josh under the tree, go find them!" I shooed him away.
I put my head on Justin’s shoulder once more and began going through the photos. The entire album was filled with pictures; there wasn't one empty spot. I couldn’t help but smile at all the pictures that Hannah had found.
"Haven't seen that in a while," Justin said.
"What?"
"Your smile." The smile quickly disappeared from my face.
"I think I’m gonna be sick," I whispered, suddenly hit by a wave of loneliness. I wanna just die! I thought, keeping that part to myself.
"No, you’re not," Justin said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He grabbed the album. "Here, just give-"
"No!" I said, pulling at it, trying to keep him from getting it.
"Holly, just let me put it over here. You don’t need to be upset on Christmas Day!"
"I’m really sorry, Sweetie," Hannah said, coming over to me and kneeling in front of me. She wiped away a few tears. "I’ve been working on this for a long time, and I wrapped it up and put it away, and when Jayce grabbed all the presents, he must’ve accidentally grabbed it, even though I told him to leave it at home," Hannah explained, glaring at JC.
"I’m really sorry, Hol," JC said, casting his eyes downward.
"It’s fine, really." I wiped away my remaining tears. "Don’t you worry about me. Don’t let me ruin your Christmas."
There was a noise from the foyer. I got up and saw Chris walking in with a little present. He put a finger up to his mouth, telling me to be quiet. I smiled and walked back into the living room and sat next to Justin again.
"What was that?" Justin leaned over and asked.
"You’ll see!" I whispered.
"Oh, Danny!" Chris called, making his way into the room.
Danny looked up in time to see Chris carrying in a brand new, baby Golden Retriever. He squealed with delight and ran over to take the puppy from Chris.
The phone rang and I made my way to the kitchen, knowing that was where I had left the cordless. "Hello?"
"Hi…" Josh said quietly.
"Josh? Is that you?"
"Who else would it be? Everyone else is there!"
"Oh…well, merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas…Is Danny there?"
"He’s a little preoccupied with a special present Chris gave him." The puppy barked loudly.
"A dog, huh?" Josh asked.
"Yeah…Anyway, I’ll tell him you called, and we’ll call you-"
"Can’t we talk a little longer?"
"I’m sorry, I’d rather not be a bad hostess to all my guests."
"Christmas is family time-"
"Yeah! Exactly! So, why aren't you here?"
"I wasn't invited."
"It’s your house!" I practically yelled.
"Whatever, I need to get back to my family." The way he said ‘family’ made me cringe. "Just thought I’d tell you merry Christmas."
"Well thanks for your consideration," I replied sarcastically.
He sighed heavily. "Tell everyone merry Christmas for me."
"I’m sure they’ll be so excited to hear from you." More sarcasm.
"Bye." He hung up.
Well that certainly went well.
