I knew Danny probably didn’t understand what I was talking about, but I just needed to talk. Danny knew Josh had gone away for a while, but he didn’t know why. Even when he had called a few days before, Josh only told Danny that he was on vacation and would be back before he knew it.
Danny nodded his head in response to me, kicking his feet up in the air. "Vacation!"
"Yeah, he’s on vacation." I started the car and drove toward Justin’s house. "You ready to spend the whole week with JJ?"
"Yeah! We race and beat Lor at baseball all the time!"
"Really? That sounds like fun, for you and JJ at least."
"For Lor, too!"
"Lor likes being beat?"
"Yep," he said matter-of-factly.
A while later, I pulled up in front of Justin’s house and Danny jumped out of the car and ran toward the front door. Justin opened it before Danny got to it.
"Little Buddy!" Justin exclaimed.
"JJ!" Danny replied, running faster, and attaching himself to Justin’s leg.
"Why don’t you go inside and find Lor, she’s making some popcorn before we start playing games. She’s waiting for you." Danny took off for the kitchen.
I walked straight into Justin’s open arms.
"Hey Babe, how’s it goin’?"
"Ok," I said into his shoulder. "This whole separation thing is hard to get used to, though."
"It’ll be over soon enough."
"I hope so. C’mon, come help me get Danny’s things out of the car." We unloaded Danny’s suitcase, pillow, teddy bear, and other random toys, and walked them into the foyer.
"Where are you gonna be, again?"
"A Marriott in St. Paul…fun. Well, J…thanks again for watching him for the week."
"No problem, we love having him here. And I’ll see you on Sunday?"
"Yep. I’ll have Johnny send you photos of the finished wardrobe, ‘k?"
"Awesome. Bye Babe, love ya."
"Love you, too J." I jumped in the car and sped off to the airport.
I sat down at a table by the window of the small coffee shop in downtown St. Paul. I sipped on my steaming hot coffee while browsing through my briefcase for the sketches I had yet to finish.
There was a tap on the window, and I looked up curiously.
"Caleb?" I asked myself. He disappeared, but I spotted him walking into the coffee shop and toward my table.
"Hey Holly!" he exclaimed, coming over and giving me a big hug. "Wow, you look so different. I like the new look!"
"…Thanks, Caleb…Uh, sit down." He sat down across from me. "So, how’ve you been?"
"I’ve been better, but you know how that is…"
"Yeah…" I replied, trying not to be rude, while concentrating on my sketches.
I could feel him staring at me for a second, before he spoke. "I heard about you and Josh."
I jerked my head up and stared at him. "He told you, huh?"
"Didn’t have to."
"What do you mean?" I asked. What was he doing, moping around with that sad, puppy dog face on?
"He’s been going crazy lately-" I smiled. "Yeah, he’s been hitting every club in town like all weekend, every weekend. It’s nuts!"
I was speechless for a minute. "I…I bet…"
"So, anyway! What brings you to lovely St. Paul?"
"Business." I returned to my sketches, suddenly inspired for something Justin could wear for (And She Said) Take Me Now.
"What kinda business?"
"Wardrobe design."
"For who?"
"Lots of people."
"But who are those sketches for?" he asked, trying to get a peek at my sketch, which I was trying to cover with my hand.
"Justin Timberlake."
"Nice-"
"Caleb! Is there any particular reason you stopped by to see me?"
"Touchy!" I glared at him over the top of my new designer glasses. "No, there is no particular reason for me stopping by…except…nevermind-"
"What? Please, just tell me."
"Well…I, uh…I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together and hang out later, maybe tonight or something?" He stared at the table.
"Wouldn’t that be kind of awkward? Besides, don’t you have plans to hang out with Josh or something."
"Him and Emily are gonna hang out tonight." Now he was looking me in the eye.
Ouch. Already over us and going back to the one person I was afraid of losing his love over. I took a deep breath. "Alright Caleb, what do you suggest we do tonight?"
"Oh, I dunno. Whatever. Maybe a movie?"
"Sure."
"Great! I’ll pick you up. Where are you staying?"
"The Marriott downtown."
"Ok, meet me in the lobby at 6:30?"
"Sounds good."
"Ok, well, I better get going. I have some errands to run, so I’ll see you tonight. Bye!" He dashed out of the coffee shop, and my head dropped into my hands.
What was I getting myself into?
"Well…" I said nervously as Caleb and I walked into the lobby of the Marriott around 11 that night. "Uh, I had a good time."
"Me too," he said smiling. "Uh, can I walk you to your room?"
"…Sure…" We walked to the elevator in silence.
"Holly?" he asked quietly once the elevator doors had closed.
I looked over at him, but before I could say anything, he had me pressed against the wall, his tongue practically shoved down my throat.
It took me a minute but I finally pushed him away.
"Caleb!" I exclaimed.
"What?"
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. I walked out and started toward my room. I opened my door and walked in, but before my door could close, Caleb was inside.
"God, can’t you just-"
He kissed me again. I tried to fight it, but his hands started creeping up my sides and under my shirt, rubbing on my back. I gave in.
I started to kiss him back and unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. He pushed my long sleeve, white button down off my shoulders and pulled my pink tank top over my head.
He laid me down on the bed and tried to unbutton my white jeans, while kissing on my neck.
"Wait!" I yelled.
He didn’t stop.
"God, get off of me!" I pushed him away violently, as I suddenly realized what was going on.
"What’s your problem?" he asked, loudly.
"What the hell is your problem?!" I yelled back. "Jesus, Josh is your best friend! And me and him…we’re separated, but that doesn’t mean go sleep with someone else-"
"Sure it does!"
"No! Not in my book. Ugh, just leave, please."
He got up and grabbed his shirt off the floor. "Fine. Your fuckin’ loss." He slammed the door behind him.
I instantly began to cry. What was I thinking? Why was I doing this? I suddenly felt like I was drowning; I couldn’t breathe…didn’t want to.
I picked up the phone and dialed Justin’s number.
"J, I’m scared," I whispered.
"What happened? What’s wrong?"
"I couldn’t breathe-"
"Holly?" I barely heard him.
"I didn’t want to-"
"Holly!" He was frantic.
"Justin, I want to die!" I said loudly.
"What happened?" This time I heard him.
"I almost…I almost slept with Josh’s best friend!" I started crying harder. "It’s almost been two months…I don’t know how much longer I can do this!"
"You won’t have to do it much longer."
"Why didn’t we just sit down and talk everything out?!" I asked myself.
"Call him-"
"He’s out. With his ex-girlfriend."
"What?!"
"Yeah." I stopped crying. "She’s gorgeous. I don’t blame him. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him-"
"Stop it. Now!" Justin yelled. I got quiet. "Listen. He’s not good enough for you. He doesn’t deserve you. He’s lucky you love him so much."
"Justin-"
"No! You’re gonna listen to me for once. I don’t know what the hell he’s doing going out with his ex-girlfriend, but I know he loves you. He doesn’t think he deserves you, Holly. He thinks you’re too good for him."
"And how do you know that?"
"I have my ways. I hate seeing you like this! Now, the way I see it, you have two options. You can either mope around and wait for this to fix itself, or you can do something about it. I’d go for the latter of the two, simply because, if you just wait around, you’re going to kill yourself! Either physically or emotionally, but you won’t make it through this."
"Well maybe," I muttered, "I don’t want to make it through this!"
"Holly, if you ever say that again-"
"You’ll what?" I challenged him.
"You obviously want to feel sorry for yourself. I’m sorry that you wasted your time calling me. Just consider what I said, and consider that I might actually be smarter than I look. Call him." Justin hung up.
"Jerk," I grumbled and slammed the phone down. I wiped away the last of my tears and took a few deep breaths.
Work. I needed to work. That would get my mind off things. I grabbed my glasses and sketches, sat down at the desk and worked through the night.
