Erin Gamble: man or myth? In this, the unauthorized biography of Djibouti's cruelest tyrant, we find out that she is, in fact, man. Born to deadly assassin Herb Alpert and a gel-like lump of concentrated hatred name Snugglepuss McGruff, Erin was always evil.
By the age of five, she was considered by all to be "the most likely to succed in moving to a far away, third-world country under the false pretenses of providing economic support to the under-priviliged of that nation but to only turn around and overthrow
the weak but well-meaning king to become the cruelest dictator the world has seen since Ghandi." Two years later, "Odius Erin" (as her people would soon call her) graduated with honors from "Silly Sadam's Schoolitorium of Dictating." These next few years were trying ones for the
"Great Gamol-ini." She applied to domestically tumultuous 3rd world nation after domestically tumultuous 3rd world nation for a dictatorship of her own, but to no avail. A couple of times, she got close, but was always edged out by her rival who graduated one position ahead of her. She always hated
Slobadon. Following her failures, she decided to take a more personal approach. "The Erinator" flew to Djibouti and spoke to the Secretary of Deciding Who Will Be Next to Rule the Land with an Iron Fist in person. "But Mr. Secretaaarrrryyyyy," Erin asserted, "can I pretty please dictate your nation with
a cherry on top?"
"N--" the Secretary of DWWBNRLIF started.
"EXCELLENT!" bellowed Gamble, before he could answer. With that, it was done. Erin even did one of those thingies where you jump and click your heels together to show people you're REALLY happy... and you know it.
Meanwhile, her archrival, Slobadon, was dictating up a storm in his new country. "Jes, jes, blow up this, disembowel that, and, uh, send him a kitty." Slob (as his friends called him) ordered. "Phew, all t his work is heck on my bladder," he confided. "I'll be in the little dictator's room, excuse me." Just as he
left, Erin, the newly appointed Djiboutinese ruler, called to say "hi."
"Sorry, Slob can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the shriek of the malnutritioned citizen. Thanks, bye," his answering machine said.
"Hmph! I'll show him not to take my calls!" Erin said, hanging up the phone and remembering how she got him Caller ID last Kwanzaa. "Odious Erin" then blew up his country. When the UN noticed that a whole third-world nation was missing, they immediately took action. They put her on trial for the war crime of
obliterating a dictator mid-tinkle. Gamble was convicted and sentenced to life in the most God-forsaken high school in the world. Although she is down, she's now out. Rumor has it that she got involved in a school play in hopes of working her way up from there into ruling the school and from there... the world. Beware of
"the Gambolini," GlenOak. Beware.
Written by Joseph Earl Linnell. Approved by Erin Gamble.
