Graphic
by Frank Howell ~Winter Cloud
Three Poems on
Alcoholism from three different life perspectives.
Poem written
bydiana - I had an Ex-husband who didn't drink everyday but when he did he became mean and
physically abusive. For example a loaded gun was put to my head in one of my Husbands
drunken irrational rages. My words of encouragement and pride for Clyde.
Poem written by
Clyde - Clyde is a recovered Alcoholic and his words of the past.
Poem written by
Bob - A friend looking in on the pain from the outside and the pain he feels. Bob was the
force behind bringing all three of our works together.
Standing
with Pride
Let
me stand beside you,
Let
me give a hand to help guide you.
Lets
Shatter any desire you have,
For
lost days with your old gold filled cup ways.
You've
no need for drunken nights,
Now
that your standing with me.
Feel
the beauty of knowing you live life truly,
No
drugs to fill you,
No
drunken memories to shame you,
Just
real emotions with all their splendor,
Can
now shine your lifetime through.
You
come home every evening,
Bringing
with you a fresh new feeling.
No
more Children confused,
By
a constant alcohol personality change.
No
wife cries each night,
In
desperation, humiliation and sheer pain
How
do I say "How proud I am of you"?
Do
I take letters and spell it?
Raise
up my voice and yell it?
Create
a shrine built just for you?
Let
me just quietly stand as a friend with pride at your side.
No
need for drugs to numb you,
No
need to push family off to the side,
No
need to hate what your doing,
You
took a stand against those old ties.
Now
my new Friend,
You
have nothing to hide.
written
for Clyde [C]bydiana2000 permission required to use this Poem
The Man I never knew......
I have become the man I never knew,
Many years ago he left his home.
He was in search work and all alone.
No one knew when he left that day,
That years later he would return,
To be buried on a hot summer day.
When leaving home years ago in the past,
He had a dream to succeed and to leave his past.
He wound up in Texas and phoned his wife
Back home, asking her to join him
Because he was all alone.
In my mind I can see him crying
As she refused to join him that day.
He hung to the phone,
She was so far away.
He wanted his family to be by his side,
But she said no and he lost his pride.
Sure he made money and had plenty to spare,
But with all hope now gone
He gave up he just didn't care.
He became a salesman and continued to roam,
But deep in his heart he wished he were home.
The hurt from deep inside followed him everywhere.
So he finally gave up, he just didn't care.
He could have made a fortune with money and fame,
However, he just gave up and all he had was his name.
Soon he would travel the world searching for peace from within,
Never knowing he would never see his family again.
Though he tried hard as he may, he finally gave up
And wanted to pray; tears rolled down his cheeks for so many days
But as hard as he tried he had no one to give him praise.
Now he was all alone with his hat in is hand
His shoulders badly bent,
He looked so sadly at his wedding band.
Had he not tried to find a better way?
A new life for everyone
But the hurt was so bad inside and
It wouldn't go away.
He was a good man who went to church all his life.
In fact that's where he met his wife.
Soon they were married and had a small baby boy.
He was one of confidence, loved life, and shared his joy.
As he talked to God and gave thanks for his family,
Not knowing what lay ahead nor his destiny.
One day it seemed he felt like a king,
But many years later all he had left was his wedding ring.
With his shoulders in a slump,
He removed his band of gold
Moreover, he knew he was to be alone
His body ached as if he were cold.
He had tried with all his might,
However, it was round 15 so he gave up the fight.
The rain fell down as he slid the ring from his hand,
This was all that was left just this gold wedding band.
He tossed the last thing he owned in the garbage that rainy night,
And walked away into the cold.
His life turned bitter and his wife to him didn't care,
Therefore, to hell with it all, he began to wander
Seems he went everywhere.
He held to a bottle, and began to drink
Hoping to numb his mind
Therefore he would not take time to think.
In a few years as he continued to grieve
He found a new woman in his life,
However, the hurt never seemed to leave.
No one knew how much hurt he carried inside
So now he drank heavy so the pain would subside.
As the years rolled by, and his hair turned to gray,
He often wondered of his son, so many miles away.
In a drunken stupor he reached for the phone,
God please help me I just want to go home.
He was at one time a very proud man
But all he thought about was his family
And that old wedding band.
If only my son knew why I left home,
The guilt could leave,
But he just continued to drift
And chose to remain all alone.
His father had left him all alone and he wondered
As the years passed his son grew to be a man.
The son hurt too for his father,
Was this part of a plan?
The young lad as he grew older,
Soon began to hate his dad
Why did he do this to me, was I the reason,
Had I been so bad?
The young man grew older and went off to war,
I’ll. find the old bastard,
someday he swore.
The old man so far away wondered of his son,
And would remember him some times when he would pray.
God let my son know I never meant to leave him.
But the years had passed,
And his memory grew dim,
Lord just let him know,
That I still love him.
The son came home from the cold war
With one thought in mind.
I'll search every town and phone book,
In addition, him I will find.
Will I love or hate,
Can I have peace of mind.
Can I forgive him, he asked?
Moreover, let go of the past.
Is he really worth it,
Or will I carry this scar from the past?
He loved his dad and hated him too.
Nevertheless, when I find him what will I do?
Can I forget the past?
And leave it all alone,
Hold dad close to my breast,
and we both go home..
The old man now was growing old
Nevertheless, he never forgot
His sacred ring of gold.
His whiskers were now white from
The wasted life he once had,
In addition, he remembered all he ever wanted,
Were his family, and his son to call him dad?
.
One-day years later the young man sat at the bar,
And drank double bourbon,
He was weary and had come far.
The bartender said young man
You remind me of an old man I once knew,
Yak, moreover, he looked a lot like you.
I saw him toss his band of gold in the trash one day,
But he never knew that after he left
I got it from the can and put it away.
I saw him cry, and shiver from the cold that night,
and I saw him in the darkness, standing under the light.
The young man asked, did he look like me?
Do you know where he might be?
Yeah, he lives in a dump not far from here,
All he talked about was his son he loved so dear.
How can I find this old man, was his next reply?
His heart began to beat fast
Where is this old man, as he started to cry?
Could this be my dad, I've got to know
How can I find him, where did he go?
The bartender opened up the palm of his hand,
And there it lay, the old wedding band.
when you see him, will you let me know I only ask.
Son take this ring before you go,
With the ring in his had, the young lad opened his eyes,
and his heart raced mighty fast,
Cause the man he stared at echoed from the past.
Maybe it's him have I found him at last?
Son, said the bartender look at this picture
Moreover, you may see an old man from the past,
However, how could it be?
Mister could you, know my father,
And is this picture he
Staring back at me have I found him?
At last, oh please let it be.
Son that old man, lives right up those stairs,
Second door on the right.
The lad now begin to weep,
could this be the answer to a hopeful prayer.
The young man left the chair and ran to the door,
and with hands that were shaking
He wondered was his search finally over.
He never knocked, but went right in,
They're sat the old man frail and thin.
Mister oh mister, could you be my dad?
You see sir, I never knew him,
Nevertheless, he's the only father, I ever had.
The old man as if a reflection from the mirror
He reached out and grabbed the young lad.
Yes, son, I'm the father you never had.
Young man I've been waiting for many a year
Praying for my son to find me, as he shed a tear.
You are my father I never had,
And all I want is for you to be my dad.
The old man's whiskers were white and
He had not shaved in a week or two.
All at once time seemed to fly.
The young man looked in the mirror and
then he began to cry...
Because there's no one here, but the mirror and I.
Now all seemed to return to normal,
and the young lad seemed frightened and blue.
And then he said to the mirror,
Oh God, have I become the man I never knew?
©
Author
Clyde a. McClellenJr.,
(c) Copyright
Bonded with a bottle...
My troubles were
surmounting me,
I needed a hiding place.
I found it in a bottle,
because everything was hard to face.
I tried praying to God,
but it took so very long.
Would he ever answer me,
I know what I was doing was wrong.
For years the bottle was the answer,
and I couldn't fight it off.
It was just like a sickness,
people saw me and would scoff.
They ran away and avoided me,
and said, "look at the drunk!"
I could not walk a straight line,
and my self esteem had shrunk.
I couldn't hold a job,
for more than a week.
They found I was an alcoholic,
I was fired and life was bleak.
Some fifteen years later,
I awoke on a train to nowhere.
I didn't know where I was going,
and didn't know if I'd ever get there.
I had lost all I had,
my family deserted me too.
I finally looked in the mirror,
and decided what I had to do.
I took my last fifty,
and bought some clothes.
I finally sobered up,
and that's how the story goes...
Now I am back with my family,
I've been sober for over twenty years.
God finally answered my prayers,
that's why I hold Him and my faith so near...
Dedicated to my friend and fellow poet Clyde. This may not be his story, but I wrote it
with him in mind....
BobEmaKK@aol.com (C)2000
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