A) Mulligan's Laws of Golf
1. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
2. The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can't learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it. 3. since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. 4. the only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole. 5. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot put when you lie 10. 6. Whenever there is money riding on a hole, someone will appear riding on a mower. 7. It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the first one. 8. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. 9. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as John Daly does, simply play to lay up just short of a water hazard. 10. If you leave your 2-iron at home, then your 3-iron will become impossible to hit; if you leave your 2- and 3- irons at home, your 4-iron will become impossible to hit. 11. When you select a club for a shot to the green, there are three possible outcomes: (1) It's the right club, but you change your mind. (2) It's the right club, but in the middle of your backswing you decide it's the wrong club so you hit it too hard or too easy. (3) It's the wrong club. 12. You really only need four clubs to hit every bad shot in golf. 13. The only time your ball ever bites is when it lands 30 feet short. 14. A ball hit to the wrong green will always land two feet from the hole. 15. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint. 16. No matter how early your tee time, there will always be a foursome in the middle of the first fairway.B) The Basic Universal Laws Of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 2-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent-or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three) LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker." LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.