Sick Non Golf Jokes
A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees.
He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out.
He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around.
He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player.
He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around.
He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player.
He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts.
He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies "I'm fucking nuts,
I'm never getting out of here!"
John receives a phone call.
"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan.
We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home.
On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I
was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How have you been?"
Susan: "Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
--------------------------------------------
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
--------------------------------------------
Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill.
He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three
exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager
looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who
gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!"
The man replies "Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar.
One looks at the other and says...
"You wanna go in and get shit faced?"
An 85 year old man is at the doc's having his annual checkup.
The doctor
asks him how he's feeling.
"Never better!" he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's
pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell
you
a story... I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses
a season.
But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally
grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods
near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush
in front
of
him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the
beaver and squeezes
the handle. *BAM* The beaver drops dead in
front of
him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief,
"Someone else
must
have shot that beaver."
Exactly says the Doctor!!
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