Dark Teas
Did you ever play 'tea' when you were younger? The play cups, dressing up in old furs from your grandmother's closet, and the whole nine yards? Maybe we never stopped playing, since I still love dressing up in an old fashioned way, and I still love tea.
When I came to the UK, I was finally initiated into the tea room experience. Old elegance, with marble tables, exquisite pastries, tea services and (thank the gods) mobile phones shut off - let one of these hellish devices ring in a tea room at your peril. It was great fun, though my hubby found it all rather fussy - heh, he's no fun.
Most of my friends no longer have the time or the energy to do the clubbing scene, but we still love doing our freaky thang; dressing up in our Gothic best and getting together to talk and listen to tunes and the like. Back in the day, we would haunt a coffee shop or a forgotten wine bar, but now, as such things have been discovered by the mainstream, we may find it harder and harder to go out in our dark best - a troupe of Goth people all taking at tea room by storm probably would get you turned away in the UK, so what is the alternative?
Hold your own Dark Teas.
I've always been a society queen; even though I've never really done much in the 'society circles'. I just can't take myself that seriously, and things should always have an element of tongue in cheek, of fun. When I moved out to the UK and met quite a few friends in the Goth Culture, we realized we just didn't have the time or the inclination to do much clubbing, but we still love getting together. And it seemed to me that nothing could be more fun than holding a Dark Tea for my friends.
I remember doing something quite similar in the past when I lived in an utter dive in Tacoma; I had NO money, lived in a roach hotel, and my friends never wanted to come around due to the utterly squallid conditions. I decided to hold my first tea, and my friends hesitantly accepted; the utter amazement and delight of my friends as they walked into my apartment was priceless. I had run over to the city courthouse and ask the landscapers (who fancied me a bit) to let me have the roses that they were clipping off the bushes. I strewed the petals all over my floor, had made some candles and had spread these about the house. Old fabric and laces from the nearby Salvation Army, and mismatched cups and saucers were obtained from there are well. I got the tea service for 20 bucks from a second hand store - it was for 50, but apparently the owner was in a good mood that day. My main table was actually a carboard box, but it was to prettily decorated that no-one could tell unless I showed them.
Now, if I could do that on public assistance, then anyone can hold a Dark Tea!
If you decide to hold your own Dark Tea, keep this firmly in mind - this should be FUN! If you find yourself stressing out because you can't remember whether it's pinky up or pinky down, whether you should put the sugar in before the tea, or after, or you burst into tears because the cookies got burnt, the tea is a total drag. This should be a little pompous, a little formal, but not too serious.
What makes a Dark Tea different from just a regular party? Well, for one, at a Dark Tea, there is no-one to impress; going out at night involves quite a bit of primping, preening and posing. Since a Dark Tea is held in your home, it is assumed that only good friends will attend - people who have seen you laugh, cry, look like utter shit, and have still been there for you. Also, there is something intimate about holding a tea; gathering in a room with a warm cuppa and talking about everything and anything - the good old 'tea and sympathy'. Tea is a comfort drink; and there's nothing like sharing a bit of comfort with friends. Lastly, it's rather like playing dress up, isn't it? There should always be a bit of make-believe at a Dark Tea; wear your best clothes, make it a real occasion, and enjoy yourself!
If you want to do a Dark Tea, try to make it as formal as you can without stressing yourself out; it's sort of like a costume ball, but you get to eat and sit down. First off, see if you can get some invitation cards for friends. You could do this by email, or by snail mail - in this electronic age, there is something specially charming about getting a lovely card, sealed with wax, in your letterbox. Plan in advance so that you aren't rushed for time, and so it will give your friends time to get themselves together and make plans. This way, you don't end up baking up a storm or ordering food and then discover that no-one is coming because there's a Legendary Pink Dots concert that night.
Set up a room as the 'tea parlor', either with a table and chairs which are covered in velvet or lace (or leather!), and where you can set up the tea service and the pastry tiers. Even in this day and age when more people spend more time eating out than dining in, I think every Diva should own some fine linen, tablecloths, silver and china. Before you stress out wondering where the hell you're going to buy that expensive stuff on your budget, try haunting some second-hand and antique stores. Tea cups don't have to match, and the silver doesn't have to either. How far you want to go with everything is entirely up to your own mood and sense of style. Personally, I find something rather zen-like and charming about having different types of cups and saucers, silverware and the like. Any excuse to haunt a thrift store for more silver :) Don't worry about having to constantly polish the stuff either; you can polish it once, and then seal all the silver up in Ziploc bags until it's needed again. If you live round a silver jewelry shop, try getting one of those polishing cloths and you'll cut out hours of scouring with nasty, smelly paste.
The setting of your tea parlour is entirely up to you. If you're doing your tea at night - which to me would be ideal for a Dark Tea - you may wish to fill bowls with water and flower petals and float some candles in them for a more mysterious look. Have a patio and it's a clear still night? Serve the tea outdoors - just make sure you've got something out to discourage bugs (in England, conservatories are a part of almost every house, and when hubby and I finally find one to buy, the conservatory will be the 'tea parlour' when needed). Convert your 'tea room' into something totally other, but in such a way that it is easy to convert it back; I prefer the candlelit method, with a fire burning in the hearth, and bouquets everywhere; it's easy, cheap and very Gothic. You may have something entirely different in mind: Turkish coffee and sweetmeats and cushions set up on the floor, with bowls of warm water and floating rose petals or grated sandalwood for your guests to rinse off their fingers - anything that gives you joy, go for it!
The menu is entirely dependent upon your preferences and those of your guests, however a tea is not a full meal - it's a snack, though I'm sure if you were so inclined you could fill yourself up on all the lovely little sweets and savouries and things. I would suggest having a dark tea and an herbal tea for those who aren't much into tea per se. The little nibbles that go along with the tea are also entirely up to you; be as traditional as you like (quiche, petit fours, scones) or do something more retro (how about jasmine tea and Dim Sum?). Just make sure that it's something that will be easy to eat and won't drip all over your guests' finest clothes. You could either bake this yourself, or save up a bit and go all out, ordering specially selected tidbits from a bakery (the bakeries in the UK are excellent, and tend to be much cheaper than making the stuff yourself, so I'll probably go this route). This is the one time when diets and calories should NOT be taken into account. Buy cream, really good sugar, and the best pastries and chocolate your budget will allow. If you're having a 'woman's night in', there's no men to impress with your birdlike appetite, so feel free to eat as you like! Just remember that tea takes up a lot of space in your stomach, so you don't want to gulp, but sip leisurely.
If you select music, I would go for something you don't have to yell over; keep the aggro music for louder parties. This is a soothing time, and the music should reflect it.
As for what to wear; well why not bring out all your velvet and lace? I would kill for a proper Victorian hat, and I've known a few friends that had them. Any excuse to pull that sort of thing out of the closet is a good excuse! You can go for something utterly pompous or, as I've known a few in the alternative circles to do, have everyone dressed to the hilt, and have to 'service boy or girl' dressed in nothing but a bow! (It's up to you where the bow would go of course heheh). Again, you're playing dress up, so have fun with it.
I'm not going to go into the 'proper tea etiquette' because again, that defeats the whole purpose of having a fun tea, unless you and your friends would like to go over the rules and regulations for a laugh. Just enjoy yourself and the company of your friends, and your Dark Tea will go without a hitch.
Enjoy!
LuCyFurr