Mary: Well, once again something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crapfest."
Mary: "This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth!"
Dick: "Just act normal."
Mary: "I'd ask you to do the same, but I'm afraid
that ship has sailed."
Dick Solomon: Not in the car, not in the bar, not in the house, not up your blouse, I cannot touch you here or there, I cannot touch you anywhere!
Dick Solomon: Guns don't kill people, physics kills people.
Dick Solomon: Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance?
Dick Solomon: What about scratching?
Harry Solomon: Outside the pants: manly.
Dick Solomon: What about inside the pants?
Harry Solomon: ...too manly.
Harry Solomon: You know, Dick, when life gives you lemon, just shut up and eat the damn lemons.
Dick Solomon: Women, you can't live with 'em and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.
Harry Solomon: Women. You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere.
Harry Solomon: So, when can I touch your breasts?
Sally Solomon: Right before you die!
Harry Solomon: Hey world, I'm alive. And these pants are washable.
Dick Solomon: Oh, I miss those days with Mary. Breakfast in bed, lunch in bed. Cleaning the sheets... cause there's food in the bed.
Dick Solomon: I want ceaseless joy and never-ending
passion like Romeo and Juliet.
Mary Albright: They both wound up dead.
Dick Solomon: Antony and Cleopatra.
Mary Albright: Dead.
Dick Solomon: That couple from Wuthering Heights.
Mary Albright: Insane and dead.
Dick Solomon: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda.
Mary Albright: Drunk, insane, and dead.
Dick Solomon: Tristan and Isolde.
Mary Albright: Abgeschossen.
Dick Solomon: Aha, Siegfried and Roy.
Mary Albright: Okay, one.
Dick Solomon: Oh, Mary! I've had one of those
terrible dreams again! We were getting married!
Mary Albright: Oh.
Dick Solomon: No, that's the good part. Then,
my family showed up.
Mary Albright: Oh, and they objected?
Dick Solomon: Well... They had issues.
Mary Albright: Don't worry. I wrote a speech
in case that happens. Well, it's just two words. One of them's "off".